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COVER: COMEDY

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BOWERY BOSTON WWW.BOWERYBOSTON.COM VOL 20 + ISSUE07

FEB 15, 2018 - FEB 22, 2018 BUSINESS PUBLISHER Marc Sneider ASSOCIATE PUBLISHERS Chris Faraone John Loftus Jason Pramas SALES MANAGER Marc Sneider FOR ADVERTISING INFORMATION sales@digboston.com BUSINESS MANAGER John Loftus

EDITORIAL EDITOR IN CHIEF Chris Faraone EXECUTIVE EDITOR Jason Pramas MANAGING EDITOR Mitchell Dewar ASSOCIATE MUSIC EDITOR Nina Corcoran ASSOCIATE FILM EDITOR Jake Mulligan ASSOCIATE ARTS EDITOR Christopher Ehlers STAFF WRITER Haley Hamilton CONTRIBUTORS G. Valentino Ball, Sarah Betancourt, Tim Bugbee, Patrick Cochran, Mike Crawford, Kori Feener, George Hassett, Zack Huffman, Marc Hurwitz, Marcus Johnson-Smith, Micaela Kimball, Derek Kouyoumjian, Dan McCarthy, Adam Sennott, Maya Shaffer, Citizen Strain, M.J. Tidwell, Tre Timbers, Baynard Woods INTERNS Kuresse Bolds, Olivia Falcigno

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ROYALE

279 Tremont St. Boston, MA royaleboston.com/concerts

ONE GATE CLOSES, ANOTHER OPENS Dear Reader, I was recently heartbroken once again over the same old shuttered bar while rolling down South Street in Jamaica Plain. It was between Forest Hills and Monument Square, steps away from the block where I lived in the late aughts during my formative years as a hungry young Boston reporter. Starving hearts and minds, of course, need to be fed, and the place I chose to warm up with a beer and burger more than any other was James’s Gate, a bar and restaurant ideally tucked away behind a parking lot and next to a bodega just in case you needed butts.

It’s hardly news that my old haunt on McBride Street is gone. The incomparably cozy James’s Gate, which served its first drink back in 1997, closed back in late 2015 and reopened last year as the stellar successor the Gate in Egleston Square (under the ownership of longtime Gatekeeper Paul Byrne). Still, the pain I felt when the old spot went under was minor compared to the jolt that I got this week upon seeing that the whole medieval structure had been razed. Not a trace left of the wooden beams, the fireplace, the mural, or the impossibly heavy front door.

Don’t worry, I’m not feeling bad for myself. This isn’t another one of my rants about gentrification either; from the new Gate to the Brendan Behan to Doyle’s, JP still has some of the best neighborhood joints in the country. I just had a special sad little moment is all, and got to thinking about how much history that spot had before I even showed up. Fortunately, I found some help in my search on that front from the Jamaica Plain Historical Society, which reports the following about the parcel: Bernard T. “Bonnie” Hester, a former bricklayer from Dalrymple Street, opened his tavern at 5 McBride Street in the mid-1930s and ran it until 1959 when it became McBride Lunch. Around 1967 it was called Joe Cunniff’s Bar. Cunniff was a long-time patron and former bartender. Thereafter it was Danny Harold’s, Dory Lounge, MacDonald’s, and 5 McBride Lunch again until James’s Gate purchased and renovated the property in 1997. … James’s Gate’s extensive renovations with antique building materials replicated an Irish pub alongside a contemporary dining room in a building inspired by the St. James’s Gate Brewery in Dublin, home of Guinness Stout since 1759.

Listen: No matter what, it sucks to see a place you love get bulldozed. In my case, James’s Gate was a hang where I chugged countless beers with friends and sources at a moment when I still had time to sit around and drunkenly discuss important things in less than serious ways. That doesn’t mean I have to trash the yuppie fuck whatever bullshit that will probably rise from its ashes, nor does it mean I have to like the idea that a place where I broke so much bread has crumbled. It’s just an observation I had driving down my old block, one that struck me hard enough to choke me up. I’m sure it won’t be the last time.

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NEWS+OPINION

POOR PEOPLE’S CAMPAIGN AT MASS STATE HOUSE. PHOTO BY ROB KATZ.

POOR PEOPLE’S CAMPAIGN COMES TO THE BAY STATE NEWS TO US

Launches new nationwide anti-poverty drive in Boston and 31 other US cities

BY ROB KATZ @ROBMKATZ Last week, more than 60 people from the Poor People’s Campaign (PPC), a national coalition of faith leaders and anti-poverty activists, held their first Mass press conference on the steps of the State House. Over the course of an hour, a series of speakers represented interests such as Fight for $15, the undocumented worker community, and local religious communities as the campaign launched its nationwide push to fight poverty and protect those affected by it.

“Today we are joining tens of thousand of folks across the country in state capitals and Washington, DC, to change these policies that promote systemic racism, poverty, the war economy, and environmental destruction that are threatening our democracy and became our national morality,” Massachusetts PPC (MAPCC) Trichair and Eastern Mass Coordinator Savina Martin opened. According to Martin, PCC press conferences were held simultaneously in 32 US cities.

Martin’s comments were piggybacked by MAPCC’s South Shore Trichair Bishop Filipe Teixeira, and Ann Withorn, head of MAPCC’s education committee, who stood in for Western Mass trichair Michaelann Bewsee, the executive director of Arise for Social Justice from

We’ll give you some broad directions [and feedback], and we’ll be back on your door if you don’t have some answers for us in two months.

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Springfield. Other speakers included Michael Prentice, a member of Reclaim Roxbury; Tray Johns, executive director of Fedfam4life, which helps to rehabilitate formerly incarcerated women; and Carlos Rojas, special project director of Youth on Board, which works to engage young people in political and social change.

A crowd stood behind them, holding signs decrying poverty, systemic racism, “the war economy,” and other national issues as immoral.

Rev. Darrell Hamilton II of the First Baptist Church in Jamaica Plain read aloud a letter that the group later delivered to the offices of Speaker of the House Robert DeLeo and Senate President Harriette Chandler, as well as to state congresses nationwide.

We, all of us here and all of us across this nation, demand a change in course. Our faith, traditions, and state and federal constitutions all testify to the immorality of an economy that leaves out the poor, yet our political discourse consistently ignores 140 million poor and lowincome people in America. … We are here today to demand that in communities and on the floors of these states’ legislative bodies, that you uphold the oath that you have taken to represent us on a moral agenda that lifts up the common good and the general welfare.

In the letter’s conclusion, PPC promised that if state legislators remain inactive, the group will respond with a nonviolent campaign of direct action and civil disobedience. The letter’s broad demands for legislation, Withorn noted, would be more productive than offering specific proposals for bills to be passed.

“You don’t want to decide to wait until you’ve figured out exactly what the formula is,” Withorn told DigBoston.

“You say [to legislators], ‘You’re the ones that make the decisions, you figure it out. We’ll give you some broad

directions [and feedback], and we’ll be back on your door if you don’t have some answers for us in two months.’”

Martin said that PCC would kick off 40 days of “direct action and civil disobedience” between May 13 and June 21, held simultaneously in locations across the country.

The 40 days will include marches, sit-ins, and protests in the interest of “advancing the common demands for transformative change.”

She added that localized units of the nationwide campaign would all focus on unified goals.

“Poverty does not differ in any other state across this country,” Martin said. “We are still locked out of equal access to good jobs, higher wages, we still have [issues having access to] decent enough and affordable housing.

Each region in each state may have different policies, the makeup may be different. However the fight is the same.

We are all under the same sky.”

Martin also emphasized the importance of incorporating faith and religion into their messaging.

“The Bible, as distorted as some people make it out to be in their own language, speaks about the poor. And it is not a sin to be poor. The sin is people’s actions against the poor, the immoral actions that continue to leave the poor out. We are not a religious organization; however, the faith leaders can bring that narrative to where it needs to be at in order to support us.”

On Feb 26, members of MAPCC will meet to discuss their next major event. Martin hopes that the resulting town hall summit will be a day-long event including speakers, voter registration drives, and other activities encouraging organization.

For more information on the Poor People’s Campaign, or to make a donation, check out its national website: poorpeoplescampaign.org. The Mass Poor People’s Campaign can be reached at facebook.com/emappc.

SURFACE OF POTENTIAL NEWS TO US

Shaun King speaks on racism, intersectionality and Trump at NEU

BY ARIELLE GRAY @BONITAFROBUM

PHOTOS BY SABRINA GABRIEL Hundreds packed Northeastern University’s Blackman Auditorium last Friday to see political writer Shaun King speak about activism and the importance of dialogue. Free and open to the public as part of the university’s Winter Gateway Series, the event brought out a melange of old and young, white and black—all there to hear what King had to say about the state of justice in the United States.

King has had a tumultuous ride to the peak of social visibility. As a justice writer for the New York Daily News, he became a fairly ubiquitous household name. His coverage of the 2014 shooting of Mike Brown on social media catapulted him into a realm with other top social justice voices, though controversy followed King after the abrupt 2015 dissolution of his anti-police brutality organization, Justice Together, as some former members questioned his mismanagement and lack of transparency.

That same year, former Breitbart troll Milo Yiannopoulos called into question King’s biracial identity, while King also went toe to toe with fellow well known activist, Deray Mckesson.

Despite those and other accusations, which included charges that he stole academic work from fellow black femme activists, King has remained one of the most recognizable faces in his field. At Northeastern, he didn’t speak on any of the aforementioned controversies but instead focused on what people expected to hear him riff on—race, police brutality, and moving forward in a Trump era.

“There are four ways we make change happen,” King told the audience. “We need people. … We must be highly organized, with a comprehensive strategic plan. And we need a lot of money.”

Speaking about cops and communities, King noted the the word “safe” is often used as code in the description of cities and towns.

“Safe does not mean more law enforcement,” he said. “Safety is built by communal access to things like education, jobs, and healthcare.” Asked to elaborate, he continued, “White people’s definition of ‘safety’ is very different for themselves than for other populations. Lack of safety comes from underdeveloped economic systems and isn’t remedied by more law enforcement.”

The audience also seemed particularly interested in faith, given King’s religious background. One of the writer’s first ventures was building and running a church in Atlanta, while Christianity is often a hot topic of debate in the Black community.

“Faith has been at the heart of what we do, but it can be oppressive,” King told listeners. Oftentimes, he said, faith is used as a cover for white supremacy.

Speaking of white supremacy, Donald Trump’s presidency, which King has repeatedly criticized in his speeches and writing, inevitably came up. King reminded the crowd that the Democratic party’s unwillingness to take on worker rights and wage issues gave Trump an advantage in certain parts of the country. And while his election further polarized society, King said that it also “caused us to organize in a way that’s more intentionally intersectional.”

Toward the end of the discussion, King was asked about his feelings on our country’s future. Searching for answers, he quoted one of his great inspirations.

“James Baldwin said, ‘To be black and conscious in America is to be in a constant state of rage,’” King said. “There’s a lot to be enraged about. … but I would be despondent if I thought we had tried everything and failed.”

Hope, King added, is the key to pushing forward and continuing the fight for social justice and inclusion.

“I think we’ve only just scratched the surface of our potential.”

“We need people. ...We must be highly organized, with a comprehensive strategic plan. And we need a lot of money.”

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CRISIS AVERTED APPARENT HORIZON

MBTA bus mechanics beat back privatization… at a cost

BY JASON PRAMAS @JASONPRAMAS Unionized bus mechanics represented by the International Association of Machinists Local 264 won an important victory last week when they agreed to a four-year contract with the MBTA—effectively ending a two-year effort by the transportation authority’s Fiscal and Management Control Board to privatize three bus garages, eliminate 150 good jobs according to IAM District 15 Assistant Directing Business Representative Mike Vartabedian, and crush the union.

The attack on the bus mechanics, and all unionized MBTA workers, actually began in 2015 when Gov. Charlie Baker (with plenty of help from his pals at his old stomping grounds, the right-wing libertarian Pioneer Institute) pushed a three-year suspension of the landmark anti-privatization Pacheco Law through the Mass legislature as part of the annual budget. The suspension applied only to the T. Shortly thereafter, Baker appointed the five-member FMCB—one of them, Steve Poftak, being a former Pioneer staffer like the governor— to get to work privatizing a public transit system serving much of eastern Massachusetts.

Because, you know, reasons. Most of them involving transferring as much public wealth into private hands as possible. And freedom. For the rich to get richer and the poor to starve.

The 1993 law, officially known as the Taxpayer Protection Act, protects unionized state workers and the people of Massachusetts from outsourcing and related corporate malfeasance in six ways that the Institute for Local Self-Reliance was thoughtful enough to summarize: 1. Agencies seeking to contract out a service must prove not only that the move would save money, but that it would save money even if state employees were to work in the “most cost-efficient manner.”

2. Firms cannot win business if they’ll pay less than the lowest amount the state pays its employees for similar services.

3. Every privatization contract must contain provisions requiring the contractor to offer positions to qualified regular employees of the agency whose state employment is terminated because of the privatization contract.

4. The contractor must add lost tax revenues to the cost of the bid if any work is to be performed outside Massachusetts.

5. Private bids must also include estimated costs of monitoring contractor performance.

6. Public employees have the opportunity to submit bids to keep the work in-house and “the agency shall provide adequate resources for the purpose of encouraging and assisting present agency employees to organize and submit a bid to provide the subject services.”

In suspending the law, the Baker administration meant to allow corporations free reign to eliminate huge numbers of good unionized public transit jobs and replace them with bad underpaid jobs with few or no benefits and little security. All in the service of reigning in costs at a quasi-independent transportation agency that is only having budget trouble because the state government—including the dominant Democratic legislative leadership that absolutely does not put its money where its collective mouth is—refuses to return to fully funding it based on its actual needs (see my

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2016 column “Squawk or Walk” for more background). undercutting the union should bus service expand.

Rather than hobbling the MBTA with insufficient annual Which it very well might—since the Boston Globe support and then dumping a huge amount of Big Dig reported that T capital expenditures have risen under the debt on it for good measure. Because that might involve Baker administration, even while it has done its level best finally raising taxes on corporations and the rich. And to ram through cuts in operating expenditures on the corporations and the rich don’t want that. Just ask Raise backs of workers. Like the 406 bus mechanics and fuelers Up Massachusetts—the folks pushing for the upcoming in Local 264’s MBTA bargaining unit, who are essentially referendum fight for the “Millionaires’ Tax” that would having $4.1 million a devote money to properly funding public transit, among year in concessions other worthy goals. forced on them in the The expected script happily got flipped by the service of a completely Machinists union and the labor-led INVEST NOW avoidable budget coalition, who fought hard for many months to deficit. demonstrate that privatizing the MBTA bus garages was Still, all in all, the a bad move. For everyone but the fat cats that stood to contract demonstrates make millions off the misery of T workers and T riders that fighting for justice alike. Since the already-overburdened, underfunded T in the workplace bus system would basically collapse without the skilled remains far better union mechanics keeping its bus fleet in good order for than not fighting. If short money. the union had been The union coalition and allies like Attorney defeated, many General Maura Healey scored major points when they workers would have lost their jobs and their families demonstrated that only one private transportation would have been immediately thrown into poverty. Their company, First Transit, had submitted a bid to run the T replacements would have been un-unionized and unable bus garages in question. The same company that paid to easily defend themselves against T management. a $7.3 million settlement to the Commonwealth in 2012 So, readers observing this fight should think twice after backing out of a contract to run the T’s The Ride, a before criticizing the bus mechanics, and think carefully door-to-door service for disabled commuters. about their own work situation. If your bosses decide Advocates and labor-friendly legislators—including to outsource your jobs to some fly-by-night company the author of the Pacheco Law, Sen. Marc Pacheco tomorrow, could you and your co-workers defend (D-Taunton), himself—testified to the Fiscal and yourselves? For nearly 90 percent of American workers Management Control Board that First Transit’s action who aren’t unionized, the answer remains “probably not.” resulted in a $66 million deficit for the state, according to The only thing that can change that sorry situation is State House News Service. for workers to stand their ground. Those of you interested Ultimately, the union’s grassroots campaign worked, in doing that should check out the website of the main and the FMCB, the governor, conservatives from both US labor federation, the AFL-CIO, for more information parties in the legislature, and the ideologues at the on how to form a union at your workplace: aflcio.org/ Pioneer Institute were forced to back off this latest formaunion. privatization push. But all battles exact a cost. So while It’s not easy to do, no lie. I lost a job for helping lead the T bus mechanics scored a solid win overall, their new a union drive not three years back. Fortunately, all the contract looks to be a mixed bag. On the upside, it keeps other workers in my former unit at that employer are all nine MBTA bus garages plus one support facility in now unionized. So it’s worth the risk. And it’s necessary.

Everett public and includes Taxpayer Protection Act And everyone who lives from paycheck to paycheck provisions that will help provide Local 264 members legal should consider it. cover against privatization until the law’s suspension Apparent Horizon is syndicated by the Boston Institute ends later this year. for Nonprofit Journalism. Jason Pramas is BINJ’s network On the downside, it forces the workers to accept low director, and executive editor and associate publisher cost-of-living raises over the contract term and allows the of DigBoston. Copyright 2018 Jason Pramas. Licensed for T to bring in new workers for worse money and benefits use by the Boston Institute for Nonprofit Journalism and than they would have started with previously, according media outlets in its network to the Patriot Ledger. And, like the Carmen’s Union contract that preceded it, the Machinists’ agreement allows the T to hire private contractors to perform work outside its 955bus core service. But only if they “maintain the same procedures and quality standards followed by the machinists,” according to Commonwealth magazine.

Since the devil is often in the details of such statements, it’s hard to tell if that will really stop MBTA WORKERS PROTEST PRIVATIZATION. IMAGE COURTESY OF INVEST NOW. T management from

the contract demonstrates that fighting for justice in the workplace remains far better than not fighting.

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WIN-WIN FOR WYNN OP-ED

The show will go on in Everett

BY DAVE WEDGE

The Steve Wynn sexual harassment scandal is for sure salacious. But all the anti-gaming haters should probably hit the brakes now on talk that it’s going to have an impact on Wynn’s under-construction gambling palace on the Mystic River.

The Massachusetts Gaming Commission is a lot of things. Bold isn’t one of them. The $2.4 billion Wynn Boston Harbor casino is already half-built. Don’t expect construction to halt. Those bright lights will be flashing and slots will be ringing in 2019 as planned, regardless of Steve Wynn’s personal scandals.

There may be some symbolic fist shaking toward the sky along the way as the scandal worsens—and make no mistake, it will.

Wynn stepped down as CEO last week amid reports that he paid $7.5 million to squash a sexual harassment claim that also included a paternity claim. The claims were made by a manicurist at the Wynn Las Vegas, but there has been no evidence that Wynn fathered a child with the woman. And then it was revealed that he formed a separate LLC to make the payoffs. And then it was reported that a Vegas paper had the story in 1998 but buried it. And on and on it has gone and will continue to go.

The Mass Gaming Commission spent millions on background checks on Wynn and his company and certainly missed many boats—especially the sexual harassment scandal—in its supposed deep dive. When it was revealed that Wynn’s longtime partner in Macau, Kazuo Okada, was at the center of a $5 million kickback scandal in the Philippines, it had zero impact on Wynn’s Massachusetts license. As you read this, Wynn is embroiled 8

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in a bitter international lawsuit with Okada over control of the company’s Asian gaming empire.

As part of the suit, Wynn was accused by Okada of making a questionable $135 million donation to the University of Macau Development Fund to curry favor with Macau officials. Wynn, in turn, has accused Okada of a series of financial breaches and improprieties, including bribing local officials with gifts. A trial is slated for April in the US District Court in Nevada, which isn’t exactly the press Wynn needs right now.

But in Massachusetts, the fix was in for Wynn from day one. Gaming commission chairman Stephen Crosby personally reached out to Wynn and asked him to submit a bid for the Boston license way back when the permitting process was just getting underway. Crosby later recused himself from the permitting process after it was reported that he had personal and prior business ties to one of the owners of the land Wynn ultimately bought for $35 million.

The original price was $75 million, but that was chiseled down after reports that a convicted felon was a silent partner in the land deal.

The truth is, Massachusetts is about 20 to 25 years too late on gaming. There are casinos in almost every state now. As a result, questionable deals, compromises, concessions, and many missteps have been made as the state scrambles to catch up and grab a piece of the global gaming gold rush.

In Springfield, the under-construction MGM casino has been reduced significantly from the original winning bid, including the elimination of housing and retail space, and the reduction of a proposed 25-story hotel to

a more modest six-story hotel. It’s also been delayed and the gaming commission has investigated claims about a top MGM official’s ties to Asian organized crime. Minor annoyances, apparently, as the state’s first full-service casino is set to open in September.

Since the state legalized gaming in 2011 and decided to allow three casinos and one slots parlor, only Plainridge Park has opened. Plainridge’s license was originally rejected by the Gaming Commission in 2013 after revelations that the track’s longtime boss, Gary Piontkowski, skimmed $1.4 million in cash from the money room. Nonetheless, the commission still gave Plainridge the license after the track’s investors booted Piontkowski and bought out his shares.

The Wynn situation will likely play out similarly. Steve Wynn himself may be blackballed from his own casino, but Wynn is a global corporation that is far bigger than him, with thousands of employees. The Wynn Macau is one of the top five grossing casinos in the world, and Wynn has said he expects his new palace overlooking Boston Harbor to be one of his most opulent and profitable properties.

The state is set to reap an estimated $260 million a year from the Wynn windfall.

With all the money and jobs at stake, coupled with the commission’s track record on turning a blind eye to shady dealings, it’s a safe bet that Wynn Boston Harbor will open as planned. Perhaps Wynn’s name will be stripped from the gleaming facade, but any thoughts that this scandal kills the Everett casino are pure fantasy.

You can bet on it.

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GEEK BOWL XII

Exalted Quizmaster John Dicker has all of the answers

BY DIG STAFF @DIGBOSTON After the disappointing Super Bowl loss this month, you’re probably tired of contact sports.

Just kidding. You live in Boston, where even simple shit like shoveling and parking often spirals into physical violence.

Of course, if you’re more of the brainy type but still have a competitive beer-drinking rogue side, then you’re probably already a Geeks Who Drink dedicant. With weekly pub trivia nights across Greater Boston—from the Rising, Hong Kong, Phoenix Landing, and the Asgard in Cambridge to the Jeanie Johnson in Jamaica Plain and YOTEL in the Seaport— their events are ideal for flexing one’s mental muscles while simultaneously numbing them with beer.

Such precedents aside, it’s likely that some regulars will drink slowly, at least for the first couple of rounds, at this Saturday’s enormous Geeks Who Drink fiesta at Agganis Arena. It’s not just another bar night, or even just another Geek Bowl—it’s the first one to be hosted anywhere on the East Coast, and it’s in Boston.

We asked Quizmaster-in-Chief John Dicker about what it’s like to prep for America’s “largest live trivia event,” both from his perspective and for those who will attend in teams of six to compete for $20,000 in prizes.

You are the quizmaster-in-chief. Is this a self-appointed position?

Absolutely not. I received the title after completing a rigorous program from Trump University. We’ve since settled out of court. While I can’t discuss the terms, I can say that I am able to retain the title.

Must a Quizmaster be a master of quizzes? Or is it like boxing, where a pipsqueak who has never thrown a punch in his life might end up training the heavyweight champion?

It is both. And neither. And more.

What is the life of a Quizmaster like between Geek Bowls? How many questions might you pose in an average week?

GWD produces six original quizzes a week, each quiz has 69 questions. That’s more than Jeopardy. As for our quizmasters’ lives: They are well-documented on the pages of publications aspiring to be the next US Weekly.

With Geek Bowl XII coming up, tell us what kind of note the last one ended on.

Any memorable moments worth mentioning? Questions that finished otherwise competitive participants?

Well, there was the Marty Walsh video trolling the city of Seattle [the site of last year’s Geek Bowl]. We also had a team of ringers, nominally from North Carolina but really all over the country, take first place. That inspired us to introduce an amateur prize for the highest-scoring team with no previous Geek Bowl winners on it, and no one who has won more than $10,000 on a game show. We also added a local prize for the highest-scoring team from New England.

How has the Geek Bowl evolved through the years?

At the first Geek Bowl, I didn’t even have sudden death questions prepared, and we had a tie so we had to … wing it. It was on a Sunday night and ran nearly five hours. As the event has grown, we’ve been able to rein in the runtime a bit and bring in musical acts that some people have actually heard of. The venue size has grown, the prizes have grown, but the challenge remains the same: creating an event wherein the team that comes in 147th place will feel like they got their money’s worth, or at least won’t feel the need to shellac my car with peanut butter.

Is the trivia-writing process any different for a Geek Bowl than it is on any given pub night? Especially considering the significant prizes in play?

Definitely. We prioritize a diversity of subject matter, every question goes through three separate fact checkers, and we hope for a wow factor with our audio and visual rounds.

Any tips on how one might prepare for these festivities?

Assemble a team with a diverse knowledge base. This may require some awkward conversations with friends who aren’t up to snuff. Cleanse your liver for the bout ahead.

We’re called Geeks Who Drink for a reason. Also, of note: We have four teams from Philadelphia coming this year hell-bent on taunting Patriot fans and reenacting the Super Bowl. Of note, the team Independence Hall & Oates has won Geek Bowl twice before, so this isn’t idle talk. The leading shit stirrer, one Johnny Goodtimes, will have a Boston diss video coming out either this weekend or Monday, stay tuned. >> GEEK BOWL XII FEATURING LETTERS TO CLEO. AGGANIS ARENA, BOSTON UNIVERSITY. SAT 2.17. MORE INFO ON TICKETS AND PARTICIPATION AT GEEKSWHODRINK.COM 10

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ARTS + ENTERTAINMENT

11

Nearly every comedy club offers classes to teach people how to be funny, or at least how to do stand-up. Most are taught by accomplished, seasoned industry veterans; still, there’s another whole side to the intersection of humor and pedagogy.

A lot of comedians, it turns out, are also teachers.

Like, real school teachers. With classes and stuff. You may wonder, like I did, if they’re moonlighting as comics, but really it just makes a lot of sense however you slice it. Both gigs require that a person stands in front of crowds of people, and if they do their job correctly, the audience is supposed to remember what they heard for a lifetime.

In speaking with these nine teacher-comedians, I myself learned quite bit, like that they’re all in some sense hoping for a gym instructor slot to open up. In the meantime, here are some of Boston’s most hilarious educators explaining what it’s like to be a student of comedy in their own classrooms.

SHAUN CONNOLLY

How long have you been/were you a teacher? (Why did you stop?)

I was a teacher for seven years in Worcester Public Schools. I started to get burnt out with long nights and early mornings.

Why did you get into teaching?

I needed a job after school because being a theater major wasn’t bringing home the bacon, so I started subbing, then got hired full time.

What subject did you teach?

English, theater, college preparation.

What subject would you have liked to have taught?

I lucked out and got to teach what I wanted.

What’s the worst thing a student ever said to you?

I got punched in the back of the head once to move me 12

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out of the way so he could punch the kid in front of me.

Was there ever a time a kid said something that was so funny to you, but you had to hold back from laughing in their face?

Yeah, everyday. One time I had a toothpaste stain on my tie and a kid came up to me and said, “Mister, you have cum on your tie.”

In 15 words or less, describe your feelings toward standardized testing.

Fuck. That. Noise.

What is the worst thing one of your fellow teachers got caught doing?

I didn’t witness it, but one teacher brought two kids out to the football field to fight.

What was your proudest moment as a teacher?

I have thank-you notes and letters from my students after plays, I still read them sometimes after I bomb onstage.

STIRLING SMITH

How long have you been/were you a teacher? (Why did you stop?)

I was a teacher for the Cambridge Public Schools for five years. I was at the Morse School for three and C-Port for two. Until I got fired for hitting a kid with a (hockey) stick.

Why did you get into teaching?

I got into teaching because I’d already been a personal trainer and aerobics instructor for a few years before I went back to school. I assumed if I could teach mostly white professional women how to move their bodies and be happy with the body they were given, now called body positivity, I could definitely work with kids.

What subject did you teach?

I taught PE, the best subject ever, after art. I taught when the majority of children could still run around without getting winded.

What’s the worst thing a student ever said to you?

“Miss Stirling, I don’t need to read. I’m going to be a professional basketball player and my lawyer will do all that shit.”

What’s the worst “…you can use that” you’ve gotten from another teacher in regard to jokes?

I wasn’t doing stand-up when I was teaching, but I always made the other teachers laugh whenever possible.

Their jobs were so much more tedious than mine. I didn’t have to administer those stupid tests every three months.

What was your proudest moment as a teacher?

When I had almost the entire school riding whatever had wheels around the Charles River past Harvard without anyone getting hurt. I didn’t check to see if I were allowed to have them off school grounds, no insurance, no nothing.

And it was fucking awesome!

Is there anything else about being a teacher and a comedian you would like to mention?

I love performing, being in front of an audience, whether it’s a room full of 5-year-olds or 15-year-olds.

UPCOMING DATES: I host a monthly stand-up and storytelling workshop at the Regent Underground Theater on Feb 25, March 25, and April 22, and I’m always looking for audience members.

DAN CROHN

How long have you been/were you a teacher? (Why did you stop?)

Twelve years full time, two years part time. Eventually quit to pursue stand-up.

Why did you get into teaching?

The classroom is a stage, and I was always good at working with kids. Easy job.

What subject did you teach?

I was a youth development mentor, which combined social work and after-school instruction.

What subject would you have liked to have taught?

I would have loved to teach gym.

What’s the worst thing a student ever said to you?

“This is your job?”

Was there ever a time a kid said something that was so funny to you, but you had to hold back from laughing in their face?

Often students would say something off the cuff and I’d have to go in the hallway to laugh uncontrollably.

If or when a student finds out that you do stand-up comedy, what’s the first thing that goes through your mind? How do the students react?

I had an old student who found my clips on YouTube and I had to have a talk with him. Basically about how I was following my dream to be a comedian and I hoped he understood what that meant so I could keep it private.

I assumed he told everyone, but he never did and I was appreciative.

Have any of your student’s parents come to see you do stand-up?

I frequently had parents at many shows when I was starting out.

What’s the worst “…you can use that” you’ve gotten from another teacher in regard to jokes?

“You should use this in your act” when a girl wiped dog doo on my pants after she stepped in it. I did.

UPCOMING DATES: April 14 at the Shubert Theatre.

ORLANDO BAXTER

How long have you been/were you a teacher? (Why did you stop?)

Twelve years, stopped to pursue comedy full time.

Why did you get into teaching?

I really enjoy summer vacations.

What subject did you teach?

TV production, math, and history. I was also an inschool suspension teacher.

What subject would you have liked to have taught?

Physical education.

What’s the worst thing a student ever said to you?

“You ain’t no real teacher!”

If or when a student finds out that you do stand-up comedy, what’s the first thing that goes through your mind? How do the students react?

I hope they don’t ask me to tell them a joke. “Mister, tell me a joke.”

Is there anything else about being a teacher and a comedian you would like to mention?

Stand-up comedy is hard but teaching is harder. They need to be paid more money.

CHRISSY JUDGE KELLEHER How long have you been/were you a teacher? (Why did you stop?)

I have been a teacher on and off since 1992. I have taught everything from first grade, to special ed, to high school English. I currently teach eighth-grade math. … mostly for the sympathy … and the summers off.

Why did you get into teaching?

I went into teaching because I didn’t like being in advertising right after college and wanted to do something “nice.” I came from a family of civil servants, so it was pretty natural although I originally resisted it—my siblings are firefighters, social workers, and teachers. I have the chance to positively impact the lives of 110 kids every day—and that’s pretty cool.

What subject would you have liked to have taught?

I would teach anything—except science.

What’s the worst thing a student ever said to you?

Kids swear a lot these days when they think you can’t hear them. But I have dog ears when it comes to swears.

Luckily it isn’t usually about or to me.

Was there ever a time a kid said something that was so funny to you, but you had to hold back from laughing in their face?

I am usually the one accidentally saying ridiculous things in class—and hoping that the kids don’t catch it.

I write jokes about it. True story: Once I tried to tell a kid

that I had already done my due diligence with detention duty, and accidentally said “dildo” and not once, but like 18 times in a Porky Pig nightmare: “I’ve already done my dildo, dill-do, dildo, dil-dammit,” and the kids just laughed and laughed. Do eighth-graders know what a dildo is? I just found out what one was last year. … best Yankee swap ever.

If or when a student finds out that you do stand-up comedy, what’s the first thing that goes through your mind? How do the students react?

I don’t tell the kids I do comedy, but they find out. I have some sets online that I didn’t put up, and I use that as an example of how dangerous and permanent the internet can be. Luckily I am just talking about adult topics, but no swears! Kids seem to like the idea that I do it—it’s novel for them if nothing else.

What was your proudest moment as a teacher?

Whenever I see a kid understand a concept or feel better about themselves as a student and gain confidence.

Once at a graduation ceremony a student came up to me, gave me a big hug and told me that I “had turned his math frown upside down.”

KRISTINE BLINN

How long have you been/were you a teacher? (Why did you stop?)

I’m still currently teaching. This is my eighth year, high school English.

Why did you get into teaching?

I wanted something more fulfilling than what I’d been doing. I’ve always enjoyed working with kids, and since I’m horrible at saving money, I figured having a pension would be smart.

What subject did you teach?

High school English.

What subject would you have liked to have taught?

PE! Those are the smartest people on the planet.

What’s the worst thing a student ever said to you?

A kid accusing me of telling him to jump out of the window and commit suicide.

Was there ever a time a kid said something that was so funny to you, but you had to hold back from laughing in their face?

Nah, they’re mostly not that funny.

If or when a student finds out that you do stand-up comedy, what’s the first thing that goes through your mind?

I tell my students all the time, and they ask if I talk about them. I say yes, because I do.

In 15 words or less, describe your feelings toward standardized testing.

It’s impossible to condense the essay I want to write about it into just 15 words, sorry. It is the fucking worst.

What was your proudest moment as a teacher?

Getting a girl on stage last year to do comedy—she did three different sets throughout the year.

Is there anything else about being a teacher and a comedian you would like to mention?

It blows having to keep my social media private. I’d definitely get fired.

JOSH FILIPOWSKI

How long have you been/were you a teacher? (Why did you stop?)

I started off teaching at my local library and then got hired by New York’s most popular language center—the one with all the “Learn English” ads on the buses and subway. From there I taught in San Jose, Costa Rica; Santa Monica, California; helped open and taught at a new center at Eastern Kentucky University; and most recently got a teaching gig to settle here in Boston.

Why did you get into teaching?

I was broke [as fuck] just outta college, furthering my debt with overpriced vodka sodas in New York city bars, nightclubs, and at countless open mics.

What subject do you teach?

I teach English to international students from all over the world who are mostly in their 20s and want to go to university in the States. I also lead stand-up comedy writing workshops for many hilarious and increasingly NEWS TO US

funny students.

What’s the worst thing a student ever said to you?

A student once told the class that she “had fun at the Holocaust.” She was from Brazil and pronounced her R’s like H’s. She meant that she had fun on the roller coaster.

Was there ever a time a kid said something that was so funny to you, but you had to hold back from laughing in their face?

One kid was fed up with phones going off in classes.

He said, “Why can’t everyone just make their phone a vibrator? Everyone should have a vibrator!” He did have a solid point! I suggested that he Google “vibrator” later.

If or when a student finds out that you do stand-up comedy, what’s the first thing that goes through your mind? How do the students react?

I first think, “Great!

More audience!” and then I think, “Nevermind … They don’t understand English. I gotta be a better teacher!” The students usually giggle a little, some are astounded, and some actually look me up on YouTube. Then at least if they don’t get me, I can blame it on language and culture!

In 15 words or less, describe your feelings toward standardized testing.

Standard.

What is the worst thing one of your fellow teachers got caught doing?

One teacher I used to work with copied the final exam and gave it to his students to practice before the test. He’s no longer at my company.

What was your proudest moment as a teacher?

I taught a course called “Global Citizen” with content created by the Peace Corps and afterwards two of my Japanese students planned a trip to volunteer at an orphanage in Uganda.

He did have a solid point!

I suggested that he Google “vibrator” later.

UPCOMING DATES: Now seeking sponsors for the 12th Annual Like2Laugh March Comedy Madness! Boston’s bracket of 16 is Friday, March 9 at Laugh Boston. Mission Hill’s Penguin Pizza Comedy Party is Saturday, Feb 24, and every Thursday at Headliners in the Square at John Harvard’s in Cambridge.

JIMMY BOWES

How long have you been/were you a teacher? (Why did you stop?)

I have been teaching for 21 years. If I quit by the time this goes to print, it means I’ve hit the lottery. Or I have been whisked away to China on a government mission due to my ability to say hi and order beer in Mandarin.

Why did you get into teaching?

Mostly because of my dad. He taught for 22 years.

When he retired, they just handed me his overhead projector and gave me a set of keys. All kidding aside, I started out coaching (which is teaching). … I had taught part time one year and I had liked it. So I got a job at a private school, St John’s in Shrewsbury. After a year a job opened up at my old high school (a year after my father retired). I have been slinging history and psychology ever since.

What subject would you have liked to have taught?

Physical Education. Hands down.

What’s the worst thing a student ever said to you?

“I know where you live.” That student never stepped foot in my class again.

Was there ever a time a kid said something that was so funny to you, but you had to hold back from laughing in their face?

Kids were talking about the movie American Pie, and a girl says, “You know what’s weird is that band camp is not actually very wild. You know what’s really crazy?” She adds, “Church camp!”

HOMEROOM HILARITY continued on pg. 14 FEATURE

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HOMEROOM HILARITY continued from pg. 13

Break the chains queer dance party presents

If or when a student finds out that you do stand-up comedy, what’s the first thing that goes through your mind? How do the students react?

Usual student reaction: Student: “Can you do some comedy for us?” Me: “If I haven’t made you laugh by the end of the year you can have your money back.”

What’s the worst “…you can use that” you’ve gotten from another teacher in regard to jokes?

“You could talk about our staff meetings, they are a comedy sketch right there.”

What is the worst thing one of your fellow teachers got caught doing?

I really love my job. People sometimes steal and people sometimes violate a trust that has been placed in them. These two things get people fired in every racket, but these are the two most heinous acts of which an educator can be guilty.

What was your proudest moment as a teacher?

When I see former students and learn what they have been doing. Especially the alumni who have returned as faculty.

Is there anything else about being a teacher and a comedian you would like to mention?

I feel lucky to work in two fields where I experience very satisfying moments. There are frustrating and disappointing moments in each for sure, but that only makes me appreciate the peak experiences all the more when they happen.

MIRAH (yes *that* mirah)

Secret drum

UPCOMING DATES: March 2 in Hyannis at the Elks; hosting at the Winner’s Circle in Salisbury on April 10 and 14; opening for Mike Donovan at an Easter Seals event in Merrimack, New Hampshire. You can also catch Jimmy as a frequent performer at the Comedy Scene at Patriot Place in Foxboro and at Nick’s Comedy Stop in Boston.

(members of !!!)

NICK ORTOLANI

EVAN GREER

How long have you been/were you a teacher? (Why did you stop?)

This is weird for me to answer. I’ve been working with kids/teaching consistently for about nine years, but I taught karate and music sporadically before that. If I had to guess, probably about 13 years in total.

Why did you get into teaching?

Honestly, childcare jobs were just available to me when I graduated college. I had started at summer camps, and it was just easy for me to continue on after summer. That and I seemed to have a knack for it.

What subject do you teach?

So I mainly work in after-school programs, which can be all over the map. But I also taught preschool and subbed in kindergarten. And, as I said above, karate and music. I’ve also taught stand-up to adults.

What’s the worst thing a student ever said to you?

They normally don’t say anything mean to me. If they do, they’re not trying to hurt me. Like, they’ll come up to me and say, “You got a big belly,” or, “Why don’t you buy a new car? Can’t you afford one?”

When I first started a new job in a tough city, one kid looked at me on the first day and said, “I give you three weeks.” I was there for three years and outlasted that kid. Also I’ve been punched in the face.

Was there ever a time a kid said something that was so funny to you, but you had to hold back from laughing in their face?

Literally every day. Like, every single day. The other day, a kid forgot the word uvula and said vulva instead. I have a bit about a particularly funny and poignant thing a kid said to me.

If or when a student finds out that you do stand-up comedy, what’s the first thing that goes through your mind? How do the students react?

My first thought is usually, “Please don’t Google my name.” Luckily they wouldn’t be able to find my stuff online.

What was your proudest moment as a teacher?

One kid, who was really difficult, became a straight-A honor student the year after I worked with her. A couple of kids I’ve worked with became staff members at my program, which is pretty cool. … One of the most emotionally affecting things I see on a regular basis: I work with a lot of kids who have experienced a lot of trauma. Almost all of my children live in perpetual poverty and are children of color and are affected by all of what comes with that. I’ve worked with special needs kids, homeless children, children who’ve been abused physically and/or sexually, and children who have parents that get incredibly sick or die or have been murdered. And one of the most impressive things I see is child resilience.

Is there anything else about being a teacher and a comedian you would like to mention?

I think teachers make good comedians for these following reasons: Teaching involves a delicate mixture of performance and empathy. You have to be able to feel the energy of the room, and conduct it to where you want it to go. Sometimes you bomb. People think that both teaching and comedy are about talking, but they’re equally about listening, and about responding to the emotions in the room.

(Will have a new album out!)

SATURDAY, APRIL 7 Tickets on sale now!

Also I’ve been punched in the face.

“The lost story behind a timeless album—a wandering Irish songwriter named Van Morrison, stuck in a strange town called Boston in 1968…There’s no rock and roll story quite like Astral Weeks.” —ROB SHEFFIELD

ON SALE 3/6

UPCOMING DATES: March 2 at Hideout, Durgin Park, Boston; March 2 at the Castle, Beverly.

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EATS: FIRST LOOK

CHILI SQUARE IN QUINCY

Spicy duck heads, chicken gizzards, and pig’s ears in chili oil, oh my!

BY MARC HURWITZ @HIDDENBOSTON

512 Mass. Ave. Central Sq. Cambridge, MA 617-576-6260 phoenixlandingbar.com

Boston’s Best Irish Pub

It is no secret that Quincy—and in particular, the area north of downtown that includes the North Quincy and Wollaston neighborhoods—continues to thrive as a “Chinatown South” of sorts, with Malden perhaps becoming a “Chinatown North” on the other side of Boston as well. And while the actual Chinatown in downtown Boston remains in some ways the best place to go for Chinese (and other Asian) food, both Quincy and Malden have the advantage of relatively easy parking while also being on subway and bus lines, so whether you have a car or not, it’s pretty easy to get to either one. North Quincy has actually been a hotspot for Asian dining for a while now, but lately, its neighbor just to the south has been giving it some pretty strong competition, with various restaurants opening in Wollaston over the past few years, including a ramen shop called Hakata, a sports bar called the China, and a tiny hole-in-the-wall called Chili Square that features some dishes typically found in the northwest and central parts of China that, until recently, were very tough to find in the Boston area. An initial visit to this last place indicates that it’s one that’s pretty much made for people who are fans of hidden gems, though that could change since the place is still relatively new.

Located on Hancock Street in the heart of Wollaston, Chili Square’s storefront is a lot like many other dining spots in that neighborhood and North Quincy, in that it is tiny and looks like more of a takeout place than anything. This is a dine-in restaurant, though, and one that has table service; however, only a few two-person tables are squeezed into the tight space, though they can be put together for groups of four if needed. The left wall has pictures of many of the food items offered here, which is a big help especially to those who aren’t familiar with dishes from the northwest and central parts of China and would like to try some of those items offered here. (The pictures tell what each one is in both English and Chinese.)

Some of the dishes offered at Chili Square aren’t exactly for the faint of heart; here you will find such items as spicy duck heads, duck necks, chicken gizzards, and pig’s ears in chili oil, so if you’re thinking chicken fingers, spare ribs, and teriyaki beef on a stick, you might want to move on to another place. There are definitely a number of options here for the less daring, however, with perhaps the signature item being one that’s not really daring at all—the biang biang noodles, which are also known as hand-pulled noodles and can be found here and there in the Boston area, including the wonderful Gene’s Chinese Flatbread Cafe in Boston, Woburn, and Westford. Chili Square’s version of these wide, flat, and slightly gummy noodles are different from Gene’s in that they are not nearly as heavy on the garlic; when you eat these noodles at Gene’s, it can take a day or two to clear the garlic out of your system, which might not be so bad for you but perhaps not great for those around you. The biang biang noodles at Chili Square can be ordered in a soup or as a basic dish, and meat options include chicken, beef, and lamb, with the latter having a nice kick from the cumin added—and there’s a non-meat noodle plate with spicy oil as well, which tends to sneak up on you as you continue to eat it. Another soup dish offered is the Lanzhou beef noodle soup, which comes with the more familiar round noodles, while a Wuhan hot dry noodle dish gets a real kick from sesame paste and chili oil. Looking at some of the non-noodle options, one highlight is the crispy Korean chicken wings, which have a slightly sweet marinade and a sprinkling of sesame seeds (you can also order them spicy), and some nicely browned scallion pancakes that aren’t overly greasy. Alcohol is not available at Chili Square, and keep in mind that the restaurant is cash-only.

Chili Square may not look like much from the outside, but that probably isn’t a big issue for serious food lovers along with those in the Asian communities in Wollaston and North Quincy who might be looking for authentic Chinese fare at reasonable prices. And based on an initial look at the place, this is one that might not remain completely off the radar for long, especially as more and more people discover the impressive food scene along this increasingly interesting stretch of Hancock Street between the Neponset River and Quincy Center. >> CHILI SQUARE. 666 HANCOCK ST., QUINCY.

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PARLIAMENT FUNKADELIC WHEEL OF TUNES

Legendary funk icon George Clinton talks Men in Black, bad drugs, and jaywalking violations

BY NINA CORCORAN @NINA_CORCORAN True to his album, the answers touch on the paranormal and unfiltered joy—skimming the surface of what he will bring with Parliament to the House of Blues this Saturday.

1. “P. Funk (Wants to Get Funked Up)” Which drug gave you such a bad trip that you decided to never take it again?

It’s hard to imagine where our world would be at today if the Parliament-Funkadelic collective hadn’t existed— though, to be fair, maybe it’s because they were never from this planet to begin with. The always-enigmatic singer, songwriter, and producer George Clinton became the ideal bandleader to make acts like Parliament, Funkadelic, and others successful, both on the charts and in pop culture.

Every artist he collaborated with along the way, be it Bootsy Collins or other members of James Brown’s backing band, brought a new zest to the sound.

Parliament’s most impactful record is Mothership Connection, the 1975 album that tackled the concept of P-Funk mythology, merged thick grooves with self-labeled “street talk,” and put black people in space the way entertainment outlets rarely did. The album’s influence is so massive that the Library of Congress added it to the National Recording Registry in 2011. According to Clinton, he still hasn’t checked it out there, but he has visited the British equivalent—because, of course, that album is heralded everywhere.

“By the time we got the best song, ‘Night of the Thumpasorus Peoples,’ we had pretty much figured out the album. Coming up with the alien community was the best part,” Clinton says over the phone. “We ended up with ‘dacca goo ga’ sound for the language that the Thumpasorus people would probably sound like. When you’re jamming like that and having a good time, the album continues the party. After that, we decided to keep that beam, that funky sound and the mothership, and bring it into a way of life. Even when we talk about other subject matters on other albums, it’s always that same theory of floating through space, whether it’s cloning, space dogs, or anything else.”

We zoned in on Mothership Connection and Clinton’s newest single, “I’m Gon Make U Sick O’Me,” when interviewing him for a round of Wheel of Tunes, a series where we ask bands questions inspired by their song titles.

Yeah, of course. Somebody gave me a joint with formaldehyde or something, and I was like, “Oh hell no.” I didn’t know what it was and couldn’t identify the smell.

There were a lot of joints laced with something else. Every time you accidentally did one, you decided to never take a joint from someone else again.

Honestly, that was never a problem until it became a commercial substance after Woodstock. You had to worry about what people put in it. A lot of it was bad trips. You didn’t even hear those words, “bad trip,” until it became commercialized.

2. “Mothership Connection (Star Child)” What’s your favorite memory of your mother?

This song reminds me of her and Louis Jordan, a bandleader from the ’40s or ’50s, which I was biting a lot of stuff off of.

She liked him. Everyone did! [With] those songs, how couldn’t you? [sings a melody of “Caldonia”].

It was party time when you heard “Caldonia,” “Saturday Night Fish Fry,” all those jams. It was the funky version of big bands like Duke Ellington.

You might think aliens look a certain way, but considering the possibilities of what the future could look like, what it virtually looks like, what it looks like in your mind, and what it looks like on drugs? There’s so many circumstances.

Too much variation! What aliens look like will be way different than we think. Just look at Men in Black! There were so many aliens in that, and that probably isn’t even a fraction.

4. “Supergroovalisticprosifunkstication” If you had to pick, what are two of the grooviest songs ever written?

Let me think. That’s a hard one! Whatever makes you move. You know how they mix songs together in hip-hop now, like mashups? I like when they combine old songs and new ones. There’s some real clever ones, too. Some people have good ears and others get it totally wrong, but they make it feel good anyway. [laughs] You begin to appreciate it. That I like.

5. “Handcuffs” Have you ever broken a trivial law, like trespassing or jaywalking, and been scolded for it?

Yeah, if you jaywalk in California, they show up out of nowhere. Really, cops crawl out of everywhere, they’re walking towards you all at once, and they make you feel like shit. They scold you, like, “You know better than that!”

It’s true: You do know better, but you take that chance.

They know that, so when you jaywalk, and they rub it in.

You look stupid when they reprimand you. At least I do.

6. “Give Up the Funk (Tear the Roof Off the Sucker)” Growing up, was your family the type of people to hang holiday decorations on the roof?

3. “Unfunky UFO” Do you believe in aliens? If so, what do you think they look like?

I have no idea! I believe in them, but who knows. I’ve seen too many Star Trek and Star Wars and Men in Black movies to form an opinion. The possibilities are endless.

Nah, none of that. Where I was growing up, there was nothing on the roof. We couldn’t get up there. Even when we lived in Jersey, we barely put stuff on the windows. It was one of those multiple-story apartments, so we only had a window or two. It was just projects living.

Then when I got married, I moved to my own place and we put lights in the woods and shit.

FIND THE REMAINING TRACKS FROM NINA’S PIECE AT DIGBOSTON.COM

>> GEORGE CLINTON AND PARLIAMENT FUNKADELIC. SAT 2.17. HOUSE OF BLUES, 15 LANSDOWNE ST., BOSTON. 7:30PM/ALL AGES/$29.50. HOUSEOFBLUES.COM

MUSIC EVENTS THU 02.15

PSYCH ROCK FROM WAY BACK WHEN MAJOR STARS + BLACK HELICOPTER + HENRY H. OWINGS [ONCE Somerville, 156 Highland Ave., Somerville. 8pm/18+/$10. oncesomerville.com]

16

02.15.18 - 02.22.18 |

THU 02.15

FRENCH LOVE SONGS FROM A SUPERMODEL CARLA BRUNI

[Berklee Performance Center, 136 Mass. Ave., Boston. 7:30pm/all ages/$37. berklee.edu]

DIGBOSTON.COM

FRI 02.16

MEET THE NEW MATH ROCK REVIVAL PALM + THE SPIRIT OF THE BEEHIVE + (NEW ENGLAND) PATRIOTS

[Great Scott, 1222 Comm.

Ave., Allston. 10pm/21+/$15. greatscottboston.com]

FRI 02.16

FIERY FURNACES AND IMPERFECT POP ELEANOR FRIEDBERGER

[Haymarket Lounge at City Winery, 80 Beverly St., Boston. 6pm/21+/$20. citywinery.com]

SAT 02.17

MON 02.19

[Royale, 279 Tremont St., Boston. 5pm/18+/$25. royaleboston.com]

[Brighton Music Hall, 158 Brighton Ave., Allston. 7pm/18+/$22.50. crossroadspresents.com]

THE DECIBEL MAGAZINE TOUR ENSLAVED + WOLVES IN THE THRONE ROOM + MYRKUR + KHEMMIS

TWO DRUMMER INDIE ROCK ROUSING POLICA + ANDREW BRODER

A POP-UP BREAK DOWN MUSIC

A guide to scoring the best deals at Great Scott’s local record store event

BY NINA CORCORAN @NINA_CORCORAN By mission, the Massachusetts-based Climate Resources When you catch local artists performing in your backyard, sometimes you forgot to grab a physical copy of their music. If you read DigBoston, you know our city is stacked with talent, but there are some equally hardworking people who hang behind the scenes. In order to press that music to wax, wind it up on cassette, or burn it to a CD, there are the diligent record labels who work to help catalogue and promote the best of Boston and beyond.

This Saturday, Great Scott will host its second record store pop-up. The event sees 10 different record labels and music distributors setting up booths inside the Allston venue to show patrons what’ve they got in stock. Consider it your chance to browse their digital racks in real life, be it Run For Cover Records, which frequently gets national press, or Wide Eyed Noise, a smaller label paying its dues.

Did we mention it’s free? We suggest you poke around the pop-up—and we’ve created a breakdown of who’s who at it to help make your local music shopping that much easier.

LABEL: Ancient Injury Records GIST: A newer Lowell-based DIY label focusing on emo, folk, hardcore, and screamo MUST BUY: The US pressing of We’re Drowning In Slowmotion by Sweden hardcore post-rock band Young Mountain SPECIAL SNAG: A copy of Flores, Carne by Spain-based screamo group Viva Belgrado LABEL: Artificial Distro GIST: Emo and punk store via digital spreadsheet whose prices beat out Discogs MUST BUY: A 2xLP of Strictly East Coast from legendary ’90s Boston shoegaze act Swirlies SPECIAL SNAG: The wrestling-themed powerviolence album Our Gimmick Is Wrestling from the Ultimate Warriors before members went on to be in Pissed Jeans

LABEL: Deathwish Inc. GIST: Punk, hardcore, and metal label founded by Jacob Bannon of Converge and Tre McCarthy MUST BUY: The classic of classics, Jane Doe by metalcore heros Converge, except the live version recorded in 2016 SPECIAL SNAG: Love Garfield but hate posers? rep the black long-sleeved “Garfeelme” shirt for post-hardcore emo act Self Defense Family LABEL: Disposable America GIST: “For true believers only since 2012” who love folk, indie rock, and slowcore gems MUST BUY: The long-awaited debut LP from Horse Jumper of Love, Boston’s slowcore trio with a massive volume SPECIAL SNAG: The catchy alt-rock of Boston trio Lilith on Apology Plant, off our Best Local EPs of 2017 list LABEL: Midnight Werewolf Records GIST: Boston-based label offering a wide range of local artists on vinyl and cassettes, usually with homemade covers MUST BUY: The massive, feedback-filled album You Are My Sunshine from Big Mess, featuring Kal Marks’ old drummer SPECIAL SNAG: The El Jefe / Nicholas Cage Match cassette from Flat Swamp, a notable, overlooked Allston fuzz pop act featuring members of Ovlov LABEL: Run for Cover Records GIST: Local punk and hardcore DIY label born from a New England dorm room in 2004 MUST BUY: The classic Tigers Jaw self-titled album on purple vinyl, because it’s never too late to yell along to mopey emo SPECIAL SNAG: The second full-length from Sweden noise pop group Makthaverskan, II, on silver vinyl LABEL: State Line Records GIST: Charlestown label that wants to explore new

territory ever since beginning in 2007 MUST BUY: Laughing at the Shape I’m In, the new EP from Worcester alt-country group Michael Kane & the Morning Afters SPECIAL SNAG: A copy of Demos by Dirty Water, a local band bringing that classic vintage sound to rock harmonies LABEL: Tor Johnson Records GIST: “We’re not looking to be the next big thing; we’re looking to put out sweet tunes from bands we love.”

MUST BUY: Murdock Street, the debut release from Boston D-beat hardcore group Ascend/Descend SPECIAL SNAG: A grab bag containing three CDs, two 7”s, and an LP, because you can’t go wrong with a collection as deep as Tor Johnson’s LABEL: Triple B Records GIST: “Too hardcore for smartphone punks. Too punk for clap mosh losers.”

MUST BUY: The second vinyl pressing of The Armageddon Blues Sessions by thrash metal band Power Trip, this time on yellow with a special etched B-side SPECIAL SNAG: The “GLORY” long-sleeved shirt, to rep BBB in the wintertime with white, purple, and green apparel LABEL: Wide Eyed Noise GIST: “An independent record label dedicated to promoting unity and inclusion within the hardcore and punk scene” MUST BUY: A custom-stamped Admission of Guilt, the debut full-length from New Hampshire hardcore act Infernal Diatribe SPECIAL SNAG: A cassette demo from Bark, a youth-crew inspired hardcore band from the bay area, hand-numbered out of 20

>> RECORD STORE POP UP #2. SAT 2.17. GREAT SCOTT, 1222 COMM. AVE., ALLSTON. 12PM/ALL AGES/FREE. GREATSCOTTBOSTON.COM NEWS TO US

FEATURE

DEPT. OF COMMERCE

ARTS + ENTERTAINMENT

17

BUGGIN’ OUT ALL OVER AGAIN FILM

The Bugs Bunny Film Festival begins its 23rd year at the Brattle Theatre

BY JAKE MULLIGAN @_JAKEMULLIGAN

Rarely does one go to a film festival in the hopes of watching something they’ve seen before. And yet that’s often the case with the Brattle Theatre’s Bugs Bunny Film Festival, an early-February hallmark that begins its 23rd annual iteration this week. For as long as I’ve been attending, the format has remained more or less the same: The Brattle usually exhibits three programs of shorts collected from the Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies series, all projected via 35mm prints—and while each program has a theme (like, say, “All Bugs Revue”), the particular shorts contained therein are not usually publicized.

As a result, during at least a few screenings that I can remember, the audience occasionally reacts to the title cards just as emphatically as they react to the gags—be it a murmur of recognition for a lesser-known favorite, or an outright pop upon the start of a canonized masterpiece.

For that reason and a few others, I won’t be naming most of the shorts playing in this year’s festival. But I can say that I expect the murmurs to continue unabated, for each of this year’s programs includes at least a couple of truly great films. And it makes one wonder about the experience of seeing these shorts back when they were first released, in front of old studio-produced theatrical features. How often were the Looney Tunes better received than the movies that followed them?

Speaking of those original releases: Looney Tunes and

Merrie Melodies shorts played in front of feature-length films for nearly four decades, but most of what’s playing at Bugs Fest ’18 is from a more specific point in Looney-history. With few exceptions, the shorts playing in the Brattle’s programs—“All Bugs Revue”, “Daffy Duck and Friends”, and “Looney Tunes Revue”—were made between the late 1940s and the late 1950s. And the Looney-films made in that era were directed, with comparably few exceptions, by a small group of men: primarily Charles M. “Chuck” Jones, Robert McKimson, Arthur Davis, and Isadore “Friz” Freleng. By the late 1940s, each of these directors had put in at least a handful of years working at the animation studio—which was then under the control of Warner Bros.—and so had the vast majority of their primary collaborators, who included legendary voice actor Mel Blanc, composer Carl Stalling, and story writer Michael Maltese. This Looney Tunes crew has often been positioned, in retrospect, as the anarchic, troublemaking problem child of the studio lot—a reputation that some of the aforementioned filmmakers, like Jones himself, were not opposed to mythologizing. But problem children or not, history can now see the Looney Tunes as being more like the ideal result of the old studio production system: A group of artists, united by contracts and stuck together for years on end, develop a formula toward perfection—and then bend that formula as far as their bosses and their contracts will allow it to go.

The shorts that bend the Looney Tunes formula beyond its typical setups represent some of the most celebrated works in the whole catalogue, and many of them are scheduled to play during the 2018 festival: “All Bugs Revue” will wrap up with one of Chuck Jones’ oft-celebrated opera-based shorts, and “Looney Tunes Revue” will include his borderline-surrealist, outright-absurdist Duck Amuck [1953], probably my favorite toon of them all.

But even those films are hardly unique objects: The working method of the Looney Tunes creative team was defined by the very concept of repetition. Specific bits of wordplay and physical comedy are liberally reused across films, musical cues and sound effects are replayed ad nauseam, and worthwhile narrative concepts are often recycled with other characters—even Duck Amuck, that

sterling example of originality, would soon receive a pseudo sequel (Rabbit Rampage [1955], which keeps the “animator vs. character” format but swaps out Daffy for Bugs). One of my other favorites playing in the 2018 festival is Freleng’s Show Biz Bugs [1957], which pits Daffy and Bugs against each other on the vaudeville stage (Daffy tries to win the crowd back from Bugs, and quite literally dies trying). Like all the best Looney Tunes shorts, it’s a mad rush of stripped-down sight gags, separated only by fadeouts, united by the common themes of competition and pursuit. And like so many other great Looney Tunes shorts, very little of it is demonstrably new: one of the “vaudeville routines” (involving an exploding piano) was seen before in Ballot Box Bunny [1951] (which played at the Brattle’s 2016 festival), and a number of others (including the suicidal finale) were taken from another vaudeville-adjacent Freleng-directed short, the Porky Pig-starring Curtain Razor [1949]. “Lesser artists borrow, great artists steal”—and perhaps the greatest steal from themselves.

Recycling gags and effects was one way the Looney Tunes crew would refashion the old into something new.

Another way was just to remake their own films outright.

Dough for the Do-Do [1949], which plays this year in “Daffy Duck and Friends,” is a proto-psychedelic full-color extravaganza, and certainly among the most visually expressive pieces in the Looney canon; it sees Porky Pig travel to “darkest Africa” in search of the last dodo bird, facing a gauntlet of multicolored shape-shifters on the way there and a series of Daliesque landscapes on the way back. It’s also a beat-for-beat remake of the black-andwhite Porky in Wackyland [1938] (dir. Bob Clampett), with the primary difference being the color palette—which, it should be noted, is used to defuse some of the uglier stereotypes present in the monochrome original. Skin tones of many “wackyland” characters are dark-hued in Clampett’s iteration, but they’re rendered vibrant and trippy in the remake, which represents something like a quarter-step toward untethering the piece from its original context (such racist caricatures are, of course, a regular presence in these cartoons, especially in those made prior to the mid-1940s—and the opportunity to wipe those stereotypes from the historical record was surely another reason that remakes became a regular occurence).

Earlier this week, I found myself watching both “dodo” films one after the other, and then all over again once more after that. With the Looney Tunes, it can sometimes feels like you’ve already seen a given short, even if you actually haven’t—maybe because you’re remembering a recycled gag from another film, or because you’ve seen a remade version of the one you’re watching. But for the converted viewer, the Looney Tunes can bear the weight of that familiarity. A short like Porky in Wackyland is worth remaking, just as a short like Dough for the Do-Do is worth repeat viewings. Which explains the pop.

>> BUGS BUNNY FILM FESTIVAL. FRI 2.16–SUN 2.25. THE BRATTLE THEATRE. “LOONEY TUNES REVUE” BEGINS ON 2.16 AND REPLAYS ON 2.18, 2.20, AND 2.22 . “DAFFY DUCK AND FRIENDS” BEGINS ON 2.17 AND REPLAYS ON 2.19 AND 2.21. “LOONEY TUNES REVUE” PLAYS 2.23–2.25. 35MM. $9-11 PER SHOW. SEE BRATTLEFILM.ORG FOR SHOWTIMES.

FILM EVENTS SAT 02.17

‘STANLEY KUBRICK DAY’ AT THE MFA BEGINS WITH A CLOCKWORK ORANGE [1971] [Museum of Fine Arts, 465 Huntington Ave., Boston. 1pm/NR/$11. For information on the other screenings see mfa.org]

18

02.15.18 - 02.22.18 |

SAT 02.17

SUN 02.18

[Coolidge Corner Theatre, 290 Harvard St., Brookline.

11:59pm/R/$12.25. 35mm. coolidge.org]

[Harvard Film Archive, 24 Quincy St., Harvard Sq., Cambridge. 6pm/NR/$7-9. hcl.harvard.edu/hfa]

COOLIDGE AFTER MIDNIGHT PRESENTS JENNIFER’S BODY [2009]

DIGBOSTON.COM

FREDERICK WISEMAN’S AT BERKELEY [2013]

SUN 02.18

THE BOSTON FESTIVAL OF FILMS FROM JAPAN PRESENTS TAKASHI MIIKE’S BLADE OF THE IMMORTAL [2017]

[Museum of Fine Arts, 465 Huntington Ave., Boston. 3pm/R/$11. For more information on this festival, see mfa.org]

MON 02.19

DIRECTOR THEO ANTHONY PRESENTS RAT FILM [2017]

[Harvard Film Archive, 24 Quincy St., Harvard Sq., Cambridge. 7pm/NR/$7-9. hcl.harvard.edu/hfa]

THU 02.22

NEW DIGITAL RESTORATION OF JEAN RENOIR’S THE CRIME OF MONSIEUR LANGE [1936]

[Museum of Fine Arts, 465 Huntington Ave., Boston.

8pm/NR/$11. Through 2.25 see mfa.org for times]

NEWS TO US

FEATURE

DEPT. OF COMMERCE

ARTS + ENTERTAINMENT

19

RICHARD III (STEVEN BARKHIMER) AND ELIZABETH (PAULA PLUM) BY NILE SCOTT SHOTS

THEATER REVIEW ARTS

BY CHRISTOPHER EHLERS @_CHRISEHLERS

A RIVETING RICHARD III AT ACTORS’ SHAKESPEARE PROJECT

Richard III is the third production of Actors’ Shakespeare Project’s current season, themed “The Downfall of Despots.”

It follows Exit the King, an absurdist comedy about an incompetent king who has run his country into the ground, and Julius Caesar, a look at the perils of rhetoric-loving, narcissistic politicians.

The parallels to the current political hellhole that we’re all dealing with right now are not hard to draw, and if there is anything at all to be grateful for in all of this, it’s that we’ve gotten some damn good theater as a result.

“Damn good,” though, doesn’t even come halfway close to describing how excellent Robert Walsh’s production of Richard III is, now playing at the Swedenborg Chapel in Harvard Square through March 11.

This is a no-frills production with the only bells and whistles being Shakespeare’s delectable dialogue and an arsenal of incredible performances, led by the excellent Steven Barkhimer as Richard, one of theater’s most

engrossing villains.

Richard lies and murders his way to the throne in a long series of calculated steps, each moving him one step closer to becoming king. It is a whirlwind adventure that charts his swift rise and brutal downfall that features some of Shakespeare’s most accessible prose, and it handily satisfies both Shakespeare aficionados and those who may feel a bit intimidated by the thought of sitting through a dense Shakespearean history play.

Director Robert Walsh has cleverly and effectively spliced down this five-act monster—it’s Shakespeare’s second-longest play after Hamlet—yet its 2.5-hour running time feels barely half that. This production flies by, though it never does so at the expense of clarity. Richard III also succeeds because Walsh does not shy away from the play’s inherent comedy and playfulness—the play is far more amusing than it seems on paper.

Walsh’s staging, too, is energetic and utilizes every corner of the gorgeous, 117-year-old Swedenborg Chapel.

The church’s stone altar—flanked by cold arches— effortlessly recalls a medieval castle, which adds a potent touch of authenticity. Deb Sullivan’s lighting goes a long way to enrich the natural atmosphere of the church,

yet some bolder choices could have transformed the space even further (her work on last season’s Hamlet was astonishing). Miranda Kau Giurleo’s costumes are serviceably nondescript, yet they degrade the production’s overall visual impression.

And this cast. Oh, this cast.

Five of the six cast members quadruple and quintuple up on roles, yet the individual characterizations of each remain distinct and impressive. In particular, Jennie Israel and Paula Plum are transfixing, though Michael Forden Walker—particularly as Clarence and Buckingham— seemed less invested than the others. And with his masterful performance as Richard, Steven Barkhimer reminds us why he is one of Boston’s best and most versatile actors.

Aside from the sheer entertainment of this Richard III, it remains especially memorable as a master class in acting that should not be missed by even the most casual theatergoer.

Now is this winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this riveting production at Actors’ Shakespeare Project.

>> RICHARD III. THROUGH 3.11 AT ACTORS’ SHAKESPEARE PROJECT AT THE SWEDENBORG CHAPEL, 50 QUINCY ST., CAMBRIDGE. ACTORSSHAKESPEAREPROJECT.ORG 20

02.15.18 - 02.22.18 |

DIGBOSTON.COM

BOOKS

BOSKONE 55

Dedicated sci-fi convention crew preps in Somerville clubhouse

BY M.J. TIDWELL @MJTIDWELL781

LIVE MUSIC • LOCAVORE MENU PRIVATE EVENTS 2/15

Black Helicopter, Major Stars, Henry Owings Hard Indie-Rock 2/16

The Shills, The Lights Out, Party Bois, Left Hand Does Rock pop-centric 2/18

Lee Dewyze, Frank Viele

Behind a nondescript wall of papered glass that once housed a Somerville dry cleaner, a barbershop, and a bookbinder, a team of science fiction lovers is working behind the scenes on the upcoming Boskone, New England’s longest-running science fiction and fantasy convention.

The door sticks slightly upon entering this “clubhouse” of the New England Science Fiction Association. Friendly faces soon come to the rescue, pushing it open to welcome in members, newcomers, and sometimes people off the street lured in by Mike Rasnick, who until recently served as the clubhouse committee chairperson. He often lassoes passersby to tell them all about the lending library, their media days, and the group’s volunteer newsletter.

The main part of the clubhouse is covered in media, with a lending library that loops around the circumference and disappears into a blue room off to the left. “We have every console gaming system except pong,” Rasnick says. He estimates that we’re surrounded by about 15,000 titles of sci-fi, fantasy and fiction, books and Blu-rays, DVDs and magazines, board games and anthologies. With all these distractions, it’s hard to imagine how the members find time to prepare for the weekend festivities.

This year’s annual NESFA convention, Boskone 55, promises a seriously eclectic mix.

There will be Star Wars Mad Libs. There will be a Regency-era dance class, with costumes encouraged. There will be panel discussions and readings by the likes of famed young adult fantasy fiction author Tamora Pierce, while astronaut Cady Coleman will be there to talk about what it feels like to be in space.

Founded in 1967, NESFA is a nonprofit entity, run entirely off membership dues and ticket sales from the annual Boskone and Arisia conventions. Volunteers create the NESFA newsletter, paint the clubhouse walls, screen-print large event posters, and donate their own sci-fi and fantasy collections for various purposes. Rasnick describes his role as “one part building manager, one part cat herder.”

“There’s not a single paid position,” he adds. “Everyone gives whatever they can.”

Rasnick holds up a thick paperback book, pointing out a shelf of advance review copies of new science fiction books. Members can just sit inside the clubhouse reading, munching on one or both kinds of available popcorn. He wraps up the tour down a short set of stairs in the back, where NESFA’s small publishing arm operates.

“We’re kind of an archivist press,” says Rasnick, who notes that they also work with “some authors who are alive and still kicking.”

A longtime NESFA member who has donated many of his own things, including his computer, to the club, Rasnick is moving to Tennessee, but he says he will continue his involvement in spite of the distance. Meanwhile, Erin Underwood, the head of program for Boskone, is planning this year’s convention with a simple idea in mind: to create events that she would want to attend. To that end, she’s organized some 200 participants, among them popular New England horror authors like Paul Tremblay. In a genre that is often lacking diversity, she says she’s especially excited to hear from the likes of Christine TaylorButler, Gerald Coleman, and Clarence Young aka Zig Zag Claybourne.

In a special addition to the program, Boskone 55 will feature a memorial for Ursula K. Le Guin, a groundbreaking sci-fi and fantasy author who passed away in January.

Underwood said that Boskone fans clamored for an acknowledgement of the writer’s life and work.

“It’s very much a community,” Underwood said. “The people really love each other, they love their authors, they love their stories … When a science fiction legend like Ursula K. Le Guin passes away, it’s something that touches everybody.”

In addition to creating a fulfilling experience for longtime sci-fi aficionados, the NESFA team is reaching out to new recruits as well. On Friday, Feb 16, they’ve arranged for all activities to be free and open to the public between 2 and 6 pm.

For Underwood, the hope is that they will attract the kind of “kids reading science fiction or fantasy stories [who] don’t even know [they’re] fans, but are fans” nonetheless.

“There’s just this wonderful quiet connection between everybody,” she says. >> BOSKONE 55. FRI 2.16–SUN 2.18. WESTIN WATERFRONT HOTEL, BOSTON. $65 FULL WEEKEND (COMES W/ YEAR-LONG MEMBERSHIP AND MORE).

DAY RATES AVAIL. BOSKONE.ORG

Singer-songwriter (American Idol winner) 2/20

Michael Barr, Apache Chief, Kid Fame Hip hop/R&B 2/21

The Moth - Secrets Spoken Word

156 Highland Ave • Somerville, MA 617-285-0167 oncesomerville.com   @oncesomerville /ONCEsomerville

Gregory Csikos, CPA csikoscpa.com TAXATION ACCOUNTING PLANNING I’m a Boston-based CPA here to provide a full spectrum of accounting and tax services to meet the needs of individuals, small businesses, start-ups, and non-profit organizations. My clients get more than an experienced and dedicated accountant, they get a problem solver. I thrive on breaking down complex issues into practical steps, allowing you to focus your energies on what matters most to you.

From helping you keep accurate books to the filing of your tax returns, I handle the numbers while you focus on handling your life. ​Call to find

out more at 857.636.1694 NEWS TO US

FEATURE

DEPT. OF COMMERCE

ARTS + ENTERTAINMENT

21

SAVAGE LOVE

FIGHTING WORDS

BY DAN SAVAGE @FAKEDANSAVAGE | MAIL@SAVAGELOVE.NET

I’m a 24-year-old nonbinary person living in Florida. I have two wonderful girlfriends. One I have been with for four years (we live together). The other I have been with for a year and a half. They’re both brilliant, interesting, and kind. Both relationships have their issues, but they are minor. They know each other but aren’t close. Neither is interested in people besides me right now, although my longer-term girlfriend identifies as poly. They have both said that they see a future with me, but something doesn’t feel right. I’ve been having fantasies about leaving them both. It’s not about wanting to find someone I like better—if I met someone I really liked, I could pursue it. I just feel like neither relationship can progress while both exist. My other friends are getting married. I don’t think I want to stay in this setup indefinitely. Even if my girlfriends liked each other, which they don’t, I don’t want sister wives or two families. But I also can’t imagine choosing between them. I feel like a scumbag for even thinking about it. I’ve talked to them, and they are both having reservations about the current situation. Neither of them wants some kind of three-person family structure, either. The only thing I can think to do (besides running away) is wait and see if one of these relationships fizzles out on its own. Are my fantasies of escape normal? Is wanting to be with “the one” just straight nonsense?

Engaged Now But Yearning “The one” is nonsense, ENBY, but it’s not straight nonsense—lots of queer people believe that “the one,” their perfect match, is out there somewhere. But despite the fact that there are no perfect matches, people are constantly ending loving relationships that could go the distance to run off in search of “the one” that doesn’t exist. As I’ve pointed out again and again, there are lots of .64s out there and, if you’re lucky, you might find a .73 lurking in the pile. When you find a serviceable .64 or (God willing) a spectacular .73, it’s your job to round that motherfucker up to “the one.”

(And don’t forget that they’re doing the same for you—just as there’s no “the one” for you, you’re no one’s “the one.”

Everyone is rounding up.)

Zooming in on your question, ENBY, you say what you have now—two girlfriends who can’t stand each other—is working. Are you sure about that? While fantasies of escape are normal—we all spend time thinking about the road we didn’t take, the door we didn’t try, the ass we didn’t eat—it’s odd to hear someone with two girlfriends wish for one or both to disappear. Perhaps it’s not who you’re doing that’s the problem, ENBY, but what you’re doing. The kind of polyamory you’re practicing—concurrent and equal romantic partnerships—may not be right for you. I’m not trying to YDIW you here (“You’re doing it wrong!), but if you’re envious of your friends who are settling down with just one partner, perhaps you’d be more comfortable in an open-not-poly relationship (sex with others okay, romance with others not okay) or a hierarchical poly relationship (your primary partner comes first, your secondary partner[s] come, well, second).

Finally, ENBY, it could be the stress of having two partners who don’t like each other that has you fantasizing about escape and/or one of your partners evaporating. Each of your girlfriends might make sense independently of each other, but if having to share you doesn’t work for them… it’s never going to work for you.

On the Lovecast, a scientific study on gay cuckolding: savagelovecast.com.

savagelovecast.com

22

02.15.18 - 02.22.18 |

DIGBOSTON.COM

COMEDY EVENTS THU 02.15

V-CARD STORIES: LET’S DO IT @ OBERON

Featuring: Ken Reid, Nick Chambers, Will Smalley, Jessica Cerretani, & Sara Faith Alterman.

2 ARROW ST., CAMBRIDGE | 7PM | $12 THU 02.15

COMEDY NIGHT @ ARTLOUNGE ARLINGTON

Featuring: Alex Giampapa, Austin McCloud, Barbara Louise Kirby, Caitlin Arcand, Kristin Carnes, Mark Gallagher, & Stirling Smith.

Hosted by Laura Burns

40 PROSPECT ST., CAMBRIDGE | 7PM | $5 THU 02.15 - SAT 02.17

MATTHEW BROUSSARD @ LAUGH BOSTON

He has appeared on ADAM DEVINE’S HOUSE PARTY, THE LEAGUE, and THE MINDY PROJECT. He was featured as a New Face at the 2015 Montreal Just For Laughs Comedy Festival where also was runner up to Jimmy Carr in the International Roastmasters Invitational.

Check out his site, mondaypunday.com, if you like puzzles or puns.

425 SUMMER ST., BOSTON | 8 & 10PM | $20-$25 FRI 02.16 - SAT 02.17

PETE COSTELLO @ NICK’S COMEDY STOP

Pete’s material appeals to both young and old and he associates humor with everyday occurrences. Whether it happens in his own life experience or that of others, Pete has a creative mind and the talent to create humor in any situation.

100 WARRENTON ST., BOSTON | 8PM | $20 FRI 02.16

HIDEOUT COMEDY @ THE HIDEOUT IN FANEUIL HALL Featuring: Corinne Fisher, James Myers, & Ramsey Badawi (8pm)/Adam Mamawala (10pm) Hosted by Dylan Krasinski & Sam Ike

4 S. MARKET ST., BOSTON | 8 & 10PM | $20 FRI 02.16

OLD SCHOOL GAME SHOW’S VALENTINE’S SPECIAL @ OBERON

Featuring: Comedian Sean Sullivan, Ginny Nightshade, The Cubic Zirconia Dancers, The Old School Game Show House Band & much more!

Hosted by Michael DeAngelo

2 ARROW ST., CAMBRIDGE | 8PM | $19 SAT 02.17

CHAMPIONS OF THE BOSTON COMEDY FESTIVAL @ THE ROCKWELL

Featuring: Dan Boulger, Dave McDonough, Peter Martin, & Andrew Mayer.

255 ELM ST., SOMERVILLE | 8PM | $15 SUN 02.18

LIQUID COURAGE COMEDY @ SLUMBREW

Adam Mamawala, Steve Halligan, Chris Post, Cathy Coleman, Josh Filipowski, & Ramsey Badawi.

Hosted by Paul Roseberry

15 WARD ST., SOMERVILLE | 8PM | $5 WED 02.21

ELLIOTT MORGAN @ LAUGH BOSTON

Elliott Morgan is one of the founding members of SourceFed, a comedy news YouTube channel. At SourceFed, Elliott created many shows, including Ultimate Pop Culture, an irreverent, Soup-like entertainment news show that amassed millions of views.

In late 2017, Elliott began performing his second hour, “Holy Sh*t,” a deeply personal stand-up comedy set that explores far heavier topics than its predecessor.

425 SUMMER ST., BOSTON | 8PM | $25

Lineup & shows to change without notice. For more shows & info visit BostonComedyShows.com

WHAT'S FOR BREAKFAST

BY PATT KELLEY PATTKELLEY.COM

HEADLINING THIS WEEK!

Matthew Broussard

Guy Code, Jeff Ross Presents: Roast Battle Thursday - Saturday

COMING SOON Elliott Morgan

YouTube’s SourceFed Special Engagement: Weds, Feb 21

Steve Trevino Netflix, Showtime Feb 22-23

THE WAY WE WEREN’T

BY PAT FALCO ILLFALCO.COM

Des Bishop

HBO, Just For Laughs, The Late Late Show Mar 1-3

Michael Yo

Chelsea Lately, E! News, Sirius XM Mar 8-10 OUR VALUED CUSTOMERS

BY TIM CHAMBERLAIN OURVC.NET

Luis Chataing

Special Engagement: Sun, Mar 11

617.72.LAUGH | laughboston.com 425 Summer Street at the Westin Hotel in Boston’s Seaport District NEWS TO US

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