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VOL 17 + ISSUE 36

SEPTEMBER 9, 2015 - SEPTEMBER 16, 2015 EDITORIAL EDITOR Dan McCarthy NEWS, FEATURES + MEDIA FARM EDITOR Chris Faraone ASSOCIATE MUSIC EDITOR Nina Corcoran ASSOCIATE FILM EDITOR Jake Mulligan CONTRIBUTORS Nate Boroyan, Mitchell Dewar Christopher Ehlers, Renan Fontes, Bill Hayduke, Emily Hopkins, Micaela Kimball, Dave Wedge INTERNS Oliver Bok

DESIGN CREATIVE DIRECTOR Tak Toyoshima DESIGNER Brittany Grabowski COMICS Tim Chamberlain Pat Falco Patt Kelley Tak Toyoshima

ADVERTISING ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Nate Andrews Jesse Weiss FOR ADVERTISING INFORMATION sales@digpublishing.com

BUSINESS PUBLISHER Jeff Lawrence ASSOCIATE PUBLISHER Marc Shepard

DEAR READER Any regular reader of our paper will no doubt have seen the cover of this week’s issue and had two thundering questions: “Why is DigBoston emblazoned with a shameless Tom Brady- and organized corporate sport-related cover?” and “What does it have to do with this issue?” And they would be perfectly right in asking.

To answer that is simple. First, you’d have to have made a concerted effort to avoid all the hoopla surrounding last week’s legal decision to overturn all the Deflategate nonsense involving the Patriots and physics and wizards and shit demons and whoever else was named in the useless and tiresome legal case. And second, whether you know it or not, the Dig has a rich history of pumping out covers that, for good or ill, have nothing to do with the content of the issues they grace the front pages of.

So it was with that in mind that we decided to poke fun at Roger Goodell, sunken balls, Tom Brady acolytes, and whoever else lets their mind be consumed with the goings-on of the NFL, a massively powerful corporation that essentially owns a day of the week during regular season. If nothing else, it probably resulted in a few readers picking up this issue for the simple fact that it had the number 12 on the cover. To those that did just that, and are now about to lay your virgin eyes on the typical fantastic news, investigative journalism, music, arts, and theatre coverage DigBoston is the best media outlet in town for, I say to you: Welcome.

Just don’t expect to see a lot of sports-related pablum in these pages. Not really our thing.

DAN MCCARTHY - EDITOR, DIGBOSTON

OPERATIONS MANAGER John Loftus ADVISOR Joseph B. Darby III DigBoston, 242 East Berkeley St. 5th Floor Boston, MA 02118 Fax 617.849.5990 Phone 617.426.8942 digboston.com

ON THE COVER It’s time for some football! Tom Brady is free for now and Roger Goodell is lacking some inflation. Wish there was a good word for that.

©2015 DIGBOSTON IS PUBLISHED WEEKLY BY DIG PUBLISHING LLC. NO PART OF THIS PUBLICATION CAN BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT WRITTEN CONSENT. DIG PUBLISHING LLC CANNOT BE HELD LIABLE FOR ANY TYPOGRAPHICAL ERRORS. ONE COPY OF DIGBOSTON IS AVAILABLE FREE TO MASSACHUSETTS RESIDENTS AND VISITORS EACH WEEK. ANYONE REMOVING PAPERS IN BULK WILL BE PROSECUTED ON THEFT CHARGES TO THE FULLEST EXTENT OF THE LAW.

DIGTIONARY

WHATCHOOTALKINBOUTMILLIS?

colloquialism 1. The unfortunate new phrase people will say upon hearing any news from Millis, Mass, involving a police officer who has been fired upon, now that one of their own has shot up a cruiser, crashed it into the woods (where it caught fire), and then lied and blamed it all on a “white tanned male” boogeyman, resulting in closed schools and the mobilization of a heavily armed police force.

OH, CRUEL WORLD Dear “Fuck Cancer” Campaign, Yeah, we get it, cancer sucks. It’s the worst. It kills people in my family, and it kills people in your family.

It just got former President of the United States Jimmy Carter, and he seems like a decent guy considering that he used to be pres and all. All these things considered, why the whole “Fuck Cancer” thing? It’s embarrassingly lame, not to mention responsible for my eight-year-old niece asking me in public, “Aunt Sue, what’s cancer and how can I fuck it?”

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NEWS US

LICENSE TO CONNIVE NEWS TO US

Boston still tracks vehicles, lies about it, and leaves sensitive resident data exposed online Prior to two weeks ago, when this reporter alerted authorities that they had exposed critical data, anyone online was able to freely access a City of Boston automated license plate reader (ALPR) system and to download dozens of sensitive files, including hundreds of thousands of motor vehicle records dating back to 2012. If someone saw your shiny car and wanted to rob your equally nice house, for example, they could use your parking permit number to obtain your address. All they had to do was find the server’s URL. The open online server was a file share, primarily used for municipal parking enforcement to transfer and store vehicular permit information and nearly one million license plate numbers. This was all waiting to be discovered by anyone spelunking Google for terms

including “Genetec,” the name of a Canadian surveillance company that owns the popular AutoVu brand of license plate readers.

Boston was among the first cities to deploy ALPRs and began beta-testing such devices more than 10 years ago. AutoVu had just obtained multiple patents for the technology, and the Boston Transportation Department (BTD) outfitted vans with pairs of cylindrical cameras alongside bright sodium lights and with them commenced extremely conspicuous surveillance of parked cars. ALPRs were eventually noticed by watchdogs, and in 2004 spurred a public records request, which was denied by the BTD on the grounds that the database was privately owned and “on loan” from AutoVu. That was more than 10 years ago, and the pitfalls of

using third-party outfits for these kinds of operations appear to have become more treacherous. Back then, few people were talking about the liability of having private companies store privileged and potentially compromising metadata. But even though the vulnerability of these systems has since been noted by privacy rights groups, cities all around the world still trust businesses like Genetec. A global provider of state-of-the-art surveillance and security products, the company began its acquisition of AutoVu in 2005, and to this day still sells government spy gear under the legacy brand name.

While Xerox and Genetec executives contribute to several pols on Beacon Hill, including Gov Charlie Baker, most of their Massachusetts money is made at the municipal level. Boston, for one, has been a trusty LICENSE TO CONNIVE continued on pg. 6

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PHOTOS VIA ACLU, XEROX, RICHARD M SMITH

BY KENNETH LIPP @KENNETHLIPP

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LICENSE TO CONNIVE continued from pg. 4

For safety reasons, plate numbers are not personal information, but federal safeguards have for some reason not extended to Xerox, which sells “comprehensive name and address acquisition services” that toll and parking providers use to locate and ticket violators.

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public records news site Muckrock, reported in 2013, the Boston Police Department “inadvertently released to the [Boston Globe] the license plate numbers of more than 68,000 vehicles that had tripped alarms on automated license plate readers over a six-month period,” triggering “immediate doubts about whether the police could reliably protect the sensitive data.” Yet the coverup continues.

As members of the ACLU and others who track socalled smart surveillance in Boston recall, at a recent City Council hearing, BPD officials claimed that the police actually stopped using license plate readers because of concerns about privacy violations. (In 2013, the department announced that it was indefinitely suspending ALPR use.) Meanwhile, files in the BTD database that Xerox and the city left exposed logged several hundred daily emails to the BPD between early 2013 and last month, indicating that police are, as Crockford explains, “still engaged in the tracking of our license plates, albeit using data collected by the transportation department.”

In collecting data, the BTD patrols city blocks—in some cases, both literally and figuratively sweeping the street with ALPR-equipped sanitation trucks—and not exclusively in search of plates belonging to scofflaws.

Files obtained in our investigation reveal that as the BTD’s software searches databases, it alerts department operators if a plate is connected to a “convicted person on supervised release,” or to someone pegged to a “protection order.” Commonly called hotlists, these compendiums are created by fusing criminal intelligence from sources like the FBI’s National Crime Information Center and the AMBER Alert program, as well as from data furnished by banks, collection agencies, and the civil court system.

It’s not clear whether or how the public is any safer when authorities use massive watchlists. In Boston, a city of approximately 600,000 people, parking enforcement has one hotlist with 720,000 hits, each of which notes

a plate number, location info, and available make and model data. Among the targets listed in August: 19 license numbers classified as “immediate threats,” nearly 4,000 affiliated with “wanted persons,” 25 plates linked to bad checks, 75 tied to payment defaults, and 468,617 flagged for cancelled insurance. Also exposed were 2,500 hits on a “Gang/Terrorist Watch,” which Crockford says is “problematic from both public safety and civil liberties perspectives.”

Regardless of the claims made by officials, none of this prying is likely to end soon, as plate surveillance has become routine over time. The relationship between Boston and Xerox goes back decades, and a 2013 company case study even quotes former BTD Parking Clerk Director Gina Fiandaca praising the enterprise. “Xerox is always protective of the city, our data, and our integrity,” Fiandaca said. The same company research found that, through the convenience and accuracy of automated ticketing, Xerox helped create a “culture of compliance.”

If Boston’s deployment of ALPR, be it by the police, parking clerks, or Xerox as a proxy, seems reckless, it’s also not unique. Rather, it reflects a national law enforcement addiction to big data. The Electronic Frontier Foundation calls this warehousing of vehicle info a “public records act nightmare,” and warns that the risk of compromise or misuse grows as data is retained for long periods of time.

In any place where authorities hold records indefinitely, mislead the public and reporters about retention, and fail entirely to secure data, said nightmares are bound to get darker before there is significant sunshine. Fortunately for the people of Massachusetts, Big Brother let its guard down this time, and was exposed.

If not for incompetence, we’d have no transparency at all.

This article was produced in collaboration with the Boston Institute for Nonprofit Journalism. For more info on this and other projects, visit medium.com/@binj and follow on Twitter @BINJreports.

IMAGE VIA ACLU

Genetec customer—in 2013, the surveillance behemoth even furnished free “testing” software licenses, which are otherwise valued at thousands of dollars, for a facial recognition program carried out over the first two Boston Calling concerts. Unbeknownst to attendees, all concertgoers were recorded and categorized according to searchable info based on criteria ranging from their race and height to the time and place they were taped.

On the ALPR front, Genetec shirks all responsibility for the aforementioned open portal, even though a remote desktop client terminal, which was also left exposed, shows they had direct access. Reached by email for this story, the company’s Vice President of Marketing and Product Management Andrew Elvish wrote that the server in question was a “location used by a customer to transfer data to be used in a parking or law enforcement patrol car, equipped with a Genetec system.” The data, Elvish added, was “not gathered by a Genetec AutoVu ALPR system … [which is] automatically encrypted.”

Digging deeper, further investigation of the IP address where the ALPR system was located revealed that Affiliated Computer Services (ACS), a Xerox subsidiary, owns the server. This reporter contacted Xerox upon making this discovery, and within two hours, the portal was removed from public view.

The following week, a Xerox spokesperson responded to an inquiry about the Boston matter in an email, claiming that, after an initial review, the company determined that the contents of the server included “publicly available information used to enforce residential parking regulations such as license plate numbers.” In any case, a 1994 federal law, the Driver’s Privacy Protection Act, is supposed to prevent nongovernmental third parties from accessing a person’s name, home address, or telephone number through a motor vehicle database. For safety reasons, plate numbers are not personal information, but federal safeguards have for some reason not extended to Xerox, which sells “comprehensive name and address acquisition services” that toll and parking providers use to locate and ticket violators. “[This is] just the most recent problem with Boston’s license plate tracking program management,” says Kade Crockford, director of the ACLU of Massachusetts Technology for Liberty Project. A regional authority on privacy and a harsh critic of ALPRs, Crockford was shocked by the magnitude of this apparent user error.

Upon being alerted to the exposed data, one ACLU employee discovered his own plate number and address in the database, as did other Boston residents who park and drive around the city.

Presented with that information, Xerox referred additional questions to the Boston Transportation Department.

In turn, a BTD spokesperson wrote in an email that the agency is investigating the matter, and declined to offer any explanation for the server’s insecurity.

This is not the first time Hub authorities have been caught with their guard down on this matter.

As journalist Shawn Musgrave, working with the

New England’s Largest MMJ & Cannabis Industry Expo Series Returns to Boston Sept. 12th & 13 at The Castle @ Park Plaza

THIS WEEKEND!

SATURDAY SEPT.NOON-6PM 12TH SUNDAY SEPT: 11AM-5PM 13TH At the Castle @ Park Plaza, Downtown Boston Tickets now on sale at: www.necann.com $25 per day, or save $10 with a $40 2-day pass!

The New England Cannabis Convention will bring together over 60 vendors from every aspect

of the MMJ & Cannabis industries; Doctors, caregivers, counselors, soil, lighting, and growing specialists, consultants, investors, entrepreneurs, and advocates. And of course, a wide assortment of the latest and greatest smoking, vaping, and storage accessories will be available for purchase. Admission includes access to a full line-up of educational speakers, panels, and workshops!

Programming highlights include:

Hardship Cultivation Options | Growsite Construction Analysis & Testing Legislation & Legalization | MMJ Patient Services Cooking with Cannabis | Extract & Concentrates | Glassblowing Investing/Valuation | Packaging/Storage | Security

Presented by:

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BLUNT TRUTH

WHY NECC

There’s nothing we love shamelessly promoting more than our cannabis convention

BY DIGBOSTON @DIGBOSTON

Who thought Mass would ever see the day when its governor said out loud, as Charlie Baker did last week, that voters should decide whether the Bay State gets legal marijuana? We did, that’s who, and that’s why we’ve been pushing for an end to prohibition for more than a decade. Our belief in total liberation is also the reason that while other outlets took to hammering dispensaries attempting to open up in the Bay State, we got busy planning New England Cannabis Conventions (NECC), the third and most remarkable of which takes place this weekend at the Castle at Park Plaza.

It’s true. There’s a conspiracy. DigBoston is related to NECC, and we’re extremely proud of it. For one, as polls have shown, an overwhelming majority of people in this state (and a number of others) have grown tired of incarcerating folks for green. Furthermore, those of us who host as well as who attend NECC and events like it are at the vanguard of an overdue coming out party, and for once, we get to guide the narrative. With the state’s second medical marijuana dispensary, In Good Health in Brockton, getting up and running this month, it almost seems as if the handcuffs have been removed once and for all. Without further ado, here’s a snapshot of the entourage that will be joining us for what is bound to be a weekend that even the most hardcore stoners among us will remember.

Come for the vibes, but stay for the education. As always, we’re shooting for the workshops to be equally informative and entertaining. On Saturday, September 12 we’re focusing on the cannabis industry and related policies, while on Sunday, September 13 the speaker panels will zero in on specific products and practices.

There are far too many brilliant presenters to mention, but that doesn’t mean we can’t list a few. Take Dr. Uma Dhanabalan, MD, whose Uplifting Health & Wellness in Natick has taken a lead in assisting Mass patients with various ailments. Along with medical cannabis experts like former MassCann/NORML President Bill Downing of Yankee Care Givers, prospective patients can get any number of burning questions answered.

Finally, in addition to the slew of vendors—oh boy, will there be vendors—all you tech and science geeks will want to catch up with cell biologist C.J. Schwartz, as well as with the all-knowing Chris Hudalla of ProVerde Labs. While you’re at it, check for WeedShare CEO Scott Bettano, who has a way for heads to meet up with each other based on geographic location and/or strain preference.

Not like you’ll have to look very far if you’re at NECC this weekend.

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PHOTOS BY MICHAEL ZAIA

Let’s not forget the business side of things. Among the speakers will be Ben Holmes of the ground-breaking Centennial Seeds, Arnold Heckman of Cannaline Custom Packaging, and Daniel Fung of Theraplant and MedTab, which he describes as “a brand new homogenized, dosable form of dry MMJ Flowers.”

Certified Beer Sniffers 9 2 H A MP S HIR E S T, CA MB R ID G E, M A | 6 1 7-2 5 0 - 8 4 5 4 | L O R D H O B O.C O M

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MEDIA FARM

MINIMUM RAGE

The most labor-friendly outlet in Boston get denied credentials to Obama breakfast

BY MEDIA FARM @MEDIAFARM

Hello, Unfortunately, due to very limited space, we are unable to accommodate your request for a credential for this event. You can view the event at www.whitehouse.gov/live.

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9/26 Johnny Blazes & The Pretty Boys:

UPCOMING: 10/23 Masked Intruder

10/24 Kinski w/ Minibeast & New Pope

10/25 Here We Go Magic

Locavore Tacos Done Right, Every Monday Night 5-10pm in the Lounge

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So we were informed by White House Media Affairs, whose flacks also tried to tell us that the above snub is “off the record.”

We’re not sure if the problem is our ongoing commitment to push the minimum wage toward $15 an hour, or if the national Democrats take issue with our columnists and writers putting people before businesses, and exposing companies that call in cops to beat their striking workers. Or maybe we ran afoul of the establishment by catching the backs of fast food forces. Whatever the reason, DigBoston was denied credentials for President Barack Obama’s Labor Day soiree at the Park Plaza Hotel.

None of this should surprise you, and it sure as hell doesn’t surprise us. With political season in full swing though, we’d be negligent in fulfilling our duties as an alternative publication if we missed an opportunity to remind readers that Democrats, like Republicans, are business-friendly hardons who barely give a drop of piss for those who toil on the lower rung. Obama’s better than a lot of politicians, sure, but he also hobnobs with oppressive capitalist goons. No conspiracy theories needed; just scan his campaign finance records, and see what gods he prays to.

We use the term “neoliberal” quite a bit in these pages, and this seems like an appropriate time to further explain what that means to us. In this case, it means someone who appears to be progressive, particularly standing next to general GOP depravity, but who in reality fuels his or her campaigns with money earned on the backs of hard-working Americans. As Obama unveils his executive order for more paid sick leave for

federal employees in Boston today, the poorest of the poor who hustle outside of the government’s exclusive employment ranks remain neglected.

Of course this is a case of sour grapes. We really hoped to get inside the presser so that we could ask the POTUS something important, like why he won’t go out on a limb and back a significant hourly boost for minimum wagers. Instead, everybody from Republican Governor Charlie Baker to any number of organized reporters who nevertheless resent unions will get to rub elbows with Obama, while the latter posse exchanges embarrassing wet softballs for prescribed rhetorical embellishments about the administration’s love for the working class. In any case, Americans can feel safe knowing that mainstreamers like CNN are on the job. With labor coverage like theirs, we’ll all be digging holes for shrapnel any day now …

President Barack Obama on Wednesday called Walmart CEO Doug McMillion to applaud him for raising wages for his workers $1.75 above the federal minimum wage … by next February, their hourly wages will increase to $10.

In remarks to an AFL-CIO town hall in 2007, then-Sen. Obama said that he wouldn’t shop at Walmart stores, because, “as profitable as they are, there’s no reason they can’t afford to pay” higher wages to their workers.

But he’s since come around to Walmart, touting the store’s commitment to green energy practices and efforts to hire veterans in recent years, and a Wednesday statement from the White House lauded its salary move as an example for other companies to emulate.

FREE RADICAL

URBAN ROADS ARE MEANT FOR PEOPLE

BY EMILY HOPKINS @GENDERPIZZA I used to ride down Mass Ave between Harvard Square and Porter Square to get to work, but eventually I couldn’t take the stress anymore. The hellish winter had essentially transformed the pavement into rubble, and all the sharrows had worn off, so it wasn’t the most pleasant of rides.

Eventually, I started riding a different route which was by all means smoother, but that had me skirting Harvard’s campus and dodging pedestrians. What drove me off of Mass Ave, though, wasn’t the potholes or traffic; rather, it was the aggressive drivers who shouted and swerved at me.

I imagine that Boston Globe columnist Jeff Jacoby, whose recent op-ed says that cyclists should steer away from urban roads, is one of the innumerable motorists who has flipped me off. I want to write off his conservative clickbait as just that, but sadly, people who agree with him are galvanized by his column—even where he gets his facts wrong.

In noting the millions of people who drive to and from work, Jacoby cites US Census data. At the same time, he fails to mention that the same report actually lists Boston as being

among the top two cities with the largest declines in the rate of automobile commuting. In other words, Jacoby’s trolling comes as cycling in Boston has seen a sharp increase.

The columnist also laments how cyclists cause congestion when they take the lane as a safety measure, but fails to deride the actual cause of traffic: cars. He further asks if readers have ever seen a police officer ticket a cyclist for running a red light. On this point, I would ask Jacoby to do some elementary research, statistical or anecdotal, since anyone who commutes on Comm Ave during morning rush hour has likely seen several bikers ticketed around the BU Bridge.

Roads weren’t always made for cars, and just because these metal behemoths have taken over doesn’t mean that they will dominate forever. Boston and its environs are full of people looking for ways to take the car out of the urban equation, and on this point I am confident that cyclists are on the right side of history. I’m going to keep biking until I die, or until some idiot like Jacoby kills me.

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OUT OF AFRICA FEATURE

Q&A: Rory Young of Chengeta Wildlife on the real story behind Cecil the Lion, Africa’s poaching problem, and his upcoming safari in Boston

BY CHRIS FARAONE @FARA1

who have strong opinions about Cecil the Lion but lack significant knowledge about big game hunting and wildlife, there’s but a handful of experts like Rory Young.

A lifelong defender of African animals and ecosystems, Young is something of a cross between John Rambo, Crocodile Dundee, and Steve Irwin, just for starters.

His tales of training forest rangers in poor countries like Malawi and Zimbabwe are both harrowing and promising, the latter largely due to Young’s unending work with Chengeta Wildlife in turning around one park at a time. With his first ever stateside lectures on these issues coming this week during HubSpot’s INBOUND15 gathering (he will also speak on Friday at the Westin Boston Waterfront Hotel), we asked Young about everything from Cecil to the hysterical American media.

What do you typically wake up and do?

That’s what makes what I’m going to do in Boston so different, because my average day couldn’t be much more different. There’s no real technology, very little communication, and I spend my day teaching rangers and showing them how to chase down poachers.

How did this become your life’s work?

My work was specifically wildlife. That was my passion

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and my career—I’m a professional guide originally. My primary expertise was tracking. Partly because I did it as a very young child, and partly because I apprenticed under [the Zimbabwe Parks and Wildlife Management Authority] with some of the best trackers. Over the years I managed forests and parks, and worked in the safari industry as well, and I had been managing a couple of national parks in Zambia. I had, over the years, just assumed that on the ground, at the grassroots level, that the rangers and scouts were acquiring the same skills that we had acquired, and that they had some expertise.

But while I was spending years in management, I wasn’t actively involved on the ground anymore in anti-poaching efforts. It was more strategic, and I started discovering that even in areas where the competence of the rangers had been the highest, it was shockingly bad. They just didn’t have the skill sets to do the job.

Can you explain the art of tracking for those who may not be familiar?

We narrow down likely entry points and exit points [of poachers] into conservation areas, and the most likely routes through those areas. We’re talking vast, vast areas and parks that are the size of countries, that are bigger than Texas. It would be great to throw thousands of drones into these areas, but that’s just not practical, so we slowly narrow down, using landscape points of

origin—we know where [poachers] are likely to be coming from, and where they’re likely to be going to—then we use good old fashioned tracking skills. It’s probably the oldest science on earth, visual tracking, and we use our eyes and many, many lifetimes of experience, as well as some technical skills which have been developed through modern forensics to determine who is coming in and when they are coming in, what direction they go, and a lot of details such as what weapons they carry, and that we know from when they rest their rifle on the ground.

We also work out how much water they are carrying, what food they’re carrying, and if they’re wearing shoes.

In Malawi and Zambia, for example, it’s unusual to find a poacher wearing shoes; if he is, then he probably came from far away. These are just a few examples.

As you talk about the rangers lacking sophistication, how much more sophisticated on the whole are the poachers than the rangers?

It depends entirely on the area and the type of poachers, but on the whole, and we’re not talking about subsistence poachers who just want to feed themselves, if we’re talking about ivory and rhino poachers, they’re better equipped, better-funded, and in many places far better organized than the rangers. They’re also much better trained and have much better bush skills.

PHOTOS BY NIGEL KUHN

FOR EVERY 100 MILLION OR SO PEOPLE

When did you decide to switch onto the path that you’re on now as far as working to curb poaching?

About five years ago I started doing it voluntarily, because I was getting requests to train rangers and scouts. I thought the best thing was to start writing, so I was writing a lot about tracking and bush skills, but it wasn’t enough, so I started spending more time on the ground.

But that still wasn’t enough. The more I did it, the more demand grew, and the more I realized the extent of the problem the guys were facing. A lot of the poachers, a majority are experienced former soldiers and freedom fighters, and even conventional military and police, and the rangers are often given just a few weeks of training and are sent to take these guys on.

And a lot of them come from urban environments, while a lot of the poachers grew up surviving in the bush.

“Cecil was lured out of the park.

Zimbabwean law says if you are pursuing, or doing anything with the intent of killing an animal, then you are hunting it. When they baited him from the other side of the fence, in the park, they were hunting him, even though they were outside.”

Are the conflicts often bloody?

They are very often bloody. This is war. In large parts of central Africa and west Africa, the very same people who do the poaching are the the insurgents and rebels, and they fund their operations with conflict minerals, poaching, and banditry.

Are there waves in poaching? Does it only get worse and worse, or does it get better in some ways too as awareness spreads?

It’s pretty much universally bad news and getting exponentially worse. What’s unusual about my situation is I’m traveling all over the continent. Everywhere I go, in the last year I traveled and worked in 12 countries, and what’s striking is that it’s not just the poaching. It’s the universal destruction of ecosystems and biodiversity, habitat destruction, unbridled forestry, and various other things. I get a lot of people saying, “Why do you bother?

It’s doomed anyway.” But what I can do is go into a park and turn it around. I read in a study recently that as much as 90 percent of creatures are repulsive to man—think of spiders, and reptiles, and insects—but all of those are just as important as we are, and elephants are, and rhinos are in this planet turning successfully. We have to not just talk about saving animals from extinction, but we should be protecting thriving ecosystems and biodiversity.

If we’re talking about saving the “last ones,” then it’s too late. Look at the browning of the central African rainforest. These are the second largest forests on earth after the Amazon, the Congo Basin, and they’re browning.

And that is most likely due to the fact that forest elephants, 80 percent of them have been wiped out in 10 years. That adds to climate change; forest elephants are the gardeners of the forest. Twenty-five percent of the forest species of plants are dependant on the elephants.

What can you do about it?

I go into a park, and I teach them how to reset the mindset. We’re not just going in to arrest people—it goes far beyond that. We use the acronym RESET: R is rules, laws, regulations, and that’s the policing and catching; the E is education, since if people don’t know why they’re doing something wrong, they’re not going to stop doing it; the S is social pressures, because if key people say it’s wrong, then they set the trend for the better; the second

E is economic pressure and incentives, because if people are desperately poor and starving, you can’t tell them not to hunt, and that’s a huge problem in places like Malawi; and the last one, T, is technology and tools. All of those together work to change the situation.

How long does a campaign generally last?

I go into an area for 30 days.

OK, so you know I have to ask you about Cecil the Lion, and about the impact of this American media whirlwind.

You haven’t said much about big game hunting, so if you wouldn’t mind addressing that as well …

Of course. Let me touch on the American hunters first.

There are two models for conservation in Africa. One is called protection, and that is protecting with no consumptive usage, so areas are set aside for education, enjoyment, and the benefit of the public and for future generations. What happened in Zimbabwe is, you have those national parks, and until the 1960s, professional trophy hunting was banned. It was illegal. What I’m telling you here hasn’t got into any of the newspapers, because they don’t understand it. In the ‘60s, [the government] created what are called “safari areas,” so they took tracts of land and turned them into sustainable hunting areas.

We’re talking specifically about trophy hunting, so people would hire a hunter to come out and hunt a buffalo or a lion or whatever. He would be a licensed professional hunter—I am a licensed professional guide, and we have the same training.

In the ‘60s, they created an industry, then in the ‘80s and ‘90s they went into the rural farming areas, the traditional tribal areas where the animals had been wiped out by the government deliberately [for foot and mouth disease control, among other similar reasons].

In these traditional tribal lands, in the ‘80s, there was a complete change in attitude, and they said they could protect animals, and that the locals would benefit from consumptive tourism. You know, the animals are not going to be as numerous in those areas, and they’re going to be more skittish, but in the ‘80s a lot of farmers began doing away with all their crops, and they started turning it over to the game. There wasn’t enough photographic business to go around for safaris, so those wildlife areas were created for hunting. And this is where there is a problem …

Kenya did exactly the opposite—hunting was happening all over, and they turned around and stopped all the hunting. What’s interesting is that while [animal] populations in places like Zimbabwe have grown, they have been developed for hunting. I’m not saying whether the hunting was right or wrong; personally, I have no time for people wanting to kill elephants, or lions, or anything else. I’ve had to do it for my work, and it’s one of the

hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life. That said, I’ve nothing against anyone hunting for the pot; I eat meat, but I don’t get a thrill out of killing. But the problem [in Zimbabwe] is this—if you do away with all the hunting in those areas, it is almost certain all those areas will be turned over to agriculture. We will lose those wildlife areas. If people want to do away with trophy hunting, then somebody is going to have to pay to take care of those areas. These governments don’t have the money to protect the parks they do have, let alone all of those hunting areas.

What tends to come of a massive media spectacle like that which is currently surrounding the Cecil scandal?

It’s a whole mess, because the land where the American hunter shot Cecil, they say that it belongs to the Zimbabwean guy. He isn’t the owner of that land; that particular land was taken away from a white farmer in Robert Mugabe’s crazy land redistribution program and not paid for, and he doesn’t have title. Zimbabwean law says if an animal is on your land, you own it, and if the animal is not specially protected, it’s yours. In the case of Cecil, they were saying this guy owns this land, so you get into this whole mess resulting from the colonial days when we whites took away all of the land, and now Mugabe, who is a freedom fighter, is trying to reverse that 100 years later by redistributing commercial farms and crippling the economy of the country. Now you have Cecil, and they killed him on land that didn’t belong to them.

Cecil was lured out of the park. Zimbabwean law says if you are pursuing, or doing anything with the intent of killing an animal, then you are hunting it. When they baited him from the other side of the fence, in the park, they were hunting him, even though they were outside.

So technically they did poach him, they were poaching, there’s no question.

With regards to the publicity, yes, the publicity is great for poaching, we need that. However, we don’t need everyone to suddenly be about banning all hunting, because we would have vast areas that are set aside for pure protection suddenly with no income. You won’t have hunting, but you will have rampant poaching.

Assuming you can get past the Cecil questions, what will you be talking about in Boston?

The problem with poaching in Africa is that it touches everyone in the world, through funding terrorism, banditry, affecting economies of countries, and so on.

What’s not getting out is that it’s not a problem that can’t relatively easily be solved. It is not an insurmountable problem, but if the very basics are not done, if the men on the ground don’t have basic training, then it doesn’t matter how many announcements there are from President Obama or anything else.

>> YOUNG WILL SPEAK AT HUBSPOT’S INBOUND 15 GATHERING, AS WELL AS ON FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 11 AT 1PM IN THE WEBSTER ROOM OF THE WESTIN BOSTON WATERFRONT HOTEL. NEWS TO US

FEATURE

DEPT. OF COMMERCE

ARTS + ENTERTAINMENT

13

DEPT. COMMERCE DRINKS

ROOT DOWN

Doretta Taverna and Greek-inspired tree-sap libations to come

EATS

COMMON ROOM

Massive culinary incubator focuses on job creation, women, and minorities

BY DAN MCCARTHY @ACUTALPROOF Everyone these days seems to have that one friend or family member with an idea for a new start-up food business capitalizing on the recent DIY nature of the food truck, pop-up, and pushcart explosion in the Hub over recent years.

Some of those ideas come to fruition. Others don’t. And by and large, swaying the outcome one way or the other typically comes down to training, industry knowledge, and simply having a place to pull all the aspects together with the intent to not be a flash in the pan, but rather a functioning and sustainable business. And that’s where Jennifer Faigel comes in.

“How do we help people start and grow small businesses, especially started by minority women, immigrants, veterans, and low-income [families]?” says Faigel while talking about the problem that Commonwealth Kitchen has set out to solve.

“And create full-time, sustainable, permanent jobs in the community. Fundamentally, it was about thinking what we could do to be a job generator.”

The proof in the non-profit job-creation pudding is more than ample. As co-founder of Commonwealth Kitchen (previously named CropCircle Kitchen until a recent rebranding), Faigel oversees 14 food truck projects and more than 50 culinary businesses working between two kitchens in the sprawling 36,000-square-foot Dorchester warehouse, commissary kitchen, and storage and manufacturing facility that employs almost 150 full- and part-time people, all of which are around 80 percent local minority- or women-owned projects. But after graduating several businesses from different stages of development at the original incubator in Jamaica Plain (see: Roxy’s Grilled Cheese, Clover Food Lab) Faigel realized that the project had legs, and needed a bigger space.

So around 2011-2012, Faigel set eyes on the old Pearl hot dog factory in Dorchester, now home to Commonwealth Kitchen. Another business was vying for the 2-acre real estate space with plans to buy the building, tear it down, and turn it into affordable housing. Until, that is, neighbors cried out for much-needed jobs over housing. Seeing demand and need, and that the complex is essentially a big refrigerator with loading docks and floor drains (read: good bones), it came down to getting the funding for a costly upgrade and overhaul of the space to the tune of 15 million in investment from a variety of sources, including landing a large portion of it via the US Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) under the Menino administration.

“They saw a job creation thing,” says Faigel. “The job story is the piece that got it for us. Some of grants was all about creating permanent jobs for low-income people. There are nonprofits around [the] country that do incubators on food, but mostly they’re about taking your mom’s recipe or building confidence and selling yourself. Our model is much more about building real businesses and getting you to a scale to hire people, move out of here, graduate, and keep going.”

On average, new businesses come in for a three-to-five-year term (they’ve just graduated two businesses in last few months), and according to Faigel, in 2015 Commonwealth Kitchen will be a 1.3-million-dollar-a-year organization, while only two years ago they capped at about 350k. That jump is due in part to the new influx of businesses using the commissary side of things they opened a year ago.

At present, the commissary side supports product manufacturing and storage for local outfits like Nola’s Fresh Foods Salsa, Noodle Lab, and Red Apple Farms (both are part of the new Boston Public Market), and infused tea- and juicemakers Jubilee Juice. Additionally, Mei Mei Street Kitchen—which had no previous relationship with Commonwealth Kitchen—has approached the commissary side to help scale, bottle, and sell its salad dressings and marinades for retail.

But all this love for startups, mom-and-pop shops wanting to move on from pushcart empanadas cooked out of their home kitchens, and all the rest doesn’t mean it’s a free-for-all. There’s a vision here, and those entering the fray need to come ready and serious. And that’s a good thing.

“We won’t let just anyone in,” says Faigel. “We take it very seriously that once you’re in the kitchen, you are here. So [our application] process is about support and advice, but it also weeds people out that aren’t serious about this as a real job.”

She adds: “We don’t waste their time or ours. We want you to be a real business when you leave here.” >> COMMONWEALTH KITCHEN. 196 QUINCY ST., DORCHESTER. 617-522-7900. COMMONWEALTHKITCHEN.ORG 14

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Now that Via Matta, the 13-year-old Boston Italian dining staple at which Top Chef Masters alumnus Michael Schlow has for years plated food for celebrities and devoted locals alike, is set to close, it’s making way for some new blood. Greek blood.

And in a couple weeks when Doretta Taverna opens—his new Greek and Mediterranean cocktail bar and eatery inspired by his wife’s Greek roots—simple, clean Greek and Mediterranean flavors will be the song of the day. And for GM Megan Cormier, a 25-year local industry vet who cut her serious-cocktails teeth under the wing of Tom SchlesingerGuidelli and Jackson Cannon of Island Creek Oyster Bar, that meant assembling a brain trust with the knowledge to take the clean flavors of Schlow’s menu and work with not only classic Greek spirits, but the best versions of those.

“Obviously we’re going to have Ouzos and Metaxa,” she says. “But [for us] it’s about sourcing the best ones, not just the ones that have been around a long time. There are [Metaxas] where if I poured you a shot of it, it’s basically like a rum and a sherry: a really beautiful smell, aromatic and complex, dry and nutty on the palate like a sherry.”

Cormier says she and her team (made up of veteran bartenders from the Oak Room, Miracle of Science, and Barbara Lynch Gruppo) are experimenting and fine-tuning the list, and that they have already been locking in drinks that will expose Bostonians to Mastiha, an organic and natural root-based herbaceous sweet sap liquor, with usage dating back to Ancient Greece.

Their drinks list includes one called the Mastiha Sour, a silky and light libation with fresh egg whites, Mastiha root liquor, tequila, mint, and lemon. A Greek cocktail by way of Mexico, if you will. Which underscores Cormier’s perspective that it’s more about creating something new, rather than just going for traditional.

“If you go to Greece, not all cocktails are using all Greek ingredients,” she says. “But more importantly, the cocktails should reflect the place.

Here, we’re making fun, clean cocktails that will be reflective of [the vision of] Doretta.”

>> DORETTA TAVERNA. SLATED TO OPEN LATE SEPTEMBER. 79 PARK PLAZA, BOSTON. FACEBOOK.COM/DORETTABOSTON

PHOTOS BY DAN MCCARTHY

BY DAN MCCARTHY @ACUTALPROOF

NEWS TO US

FEATURE

DEPT. OF COMMERCE

ARTS + ENTERTAINMENT

15

HONEST PINT

OKTO-BOMB

Oktoberfest-y beers to look forward to at Oktoberfest Boston

BY DIG STAFF @DIGBOSTON

Is looking for

YOU

This fall semester.

Interns

hips fo r:

Design & Ill ustra

tion

CONTACT: tak@digpublishing.com and please include your school name, area of interest, and samples of/ links to your work.

16

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DIGBOSTON.COM

Yes yes yes, we know. It feels like it’s too early to talk about pumpkin ales, fall seasonals, and Oktoberfest beers. But here’s a sobering reminder: Seasons change. So deal with it. And as it pertains to your drinking life in town in the very near future, here’s a way to do just that.

Cast aside whatever fear and loathing you have for a repeat of last year’s cold season, which tends to intensify at the end of summer, and get ahead of it all by hitting up Oktoberfest Boston. Since we’re putting out the event, we figured now would be a good time to highlight a handful of the authentic Oktoberfest beers swooping in Sept 18 and 19 at the Park Plaza Castle for two days of beer-garden sudsy madness.

There will be unlimited sampling of over 40 different traditional German and American Oktoberfest beers (as well as half- and full-pint pours), the Boston Oktoberfest Girls adorned in traditional Bavarian dirndls, authentic Oompah music, a stein-holding contest held by Sam Adams, and, naturally, bratwurst.

Ah, the bratwurst. So get in the Munich-y mood with this snapshot of a couple Oktoberfests from the motherland as well as the US. It’s either that or download a lot of polka music.

Hacker-Pschorr Birthplace: Munich, Germany Bringing: Oktoberfest Taste snapshot: Clean, toasty, touch of malt with a slight hop bite on the finish.

Fun fact: They are one of the few breweries on tap at the actual Munich Oktoberfest.

Hofbrau Birthplace: Bavaria Bringing: Oktoberfest Taste snapshot: Bottom fermented, dry finish, floral hop notes.

Fun fact: There’s a famous song penned in 1935 celebrating them that translates to “In Munich there’s a Hofbrauhaus—one, two, and down the hatch!” that you should learn in German and sing at the event.

Peak Organic Birthplace: Portland, Maine Bringing: Hop Harvest Oktoberfest Taste snapshot: Somewhere between a German Oktoberfest and an IPA. Fun fact: They use a Maine farm to procure locally grown hops for their brews.

Spoetzl Brewery/Shiner Birthplace: Shiner, Texas Bringing: Shiner Oktoberfest Taste snapshot: Dry, moderate hops, almost a biscuit-y breadiness to it.

Fun fact: Shiner has only been available in the Hub for about a year. >> OKTOBERFEST BOSTON. SEPT 18-19. PARK PLAZA CASTLE. VISIT DIGBOSTON.COM/PRODUCT/OKTOBERFEST-BOSTON FOR TICKETS.

NEWS TO US

FEATURE

DEPT. OF COMMERCE

ARTS + ENTERTAINMENT

17

ARTS ENTERTAINMENT

18

THU 9.10

THU 9.10

FRI 9.11

SAT 9.12

SUN 9.13

SUN 9.13

Opening reception for SATURATE

Emerge Boston

Vintage Arcade Party at Night Shift Brewing

Laughing Liberally at the Riot Theater

Rare silent film screening with live soundtrack

Rock and Roll Yard Sale

Adam J O’Day—our very own impressionistic Monet here in Boston, with paintings showcasing expression, emotion, geometry, and saturated colors depicting everyday urban scenes from the Hub (some as viewed by aliens)—is a good reason to head to the Hynes on Thursday. The Lesley grad and Medford resident, who won last summer’s Portrait of a City contest, is back with this opening reception for his own show, which runs through January. Art, man.

With all the great arts events that have been taking place in City Hall Plaza, it’s almost easy to forget some form of governing goes on there.

Nevertheless, there are several visual art showcases, art vendors, several installations from celebrated local artists (see: Kenji Nakayama), live world music, dance, theatrical displays, and MassMouth storytelling performances with the one-day Emerge Boston party on Thursday.

Just tell your boss you have to leave early for a thing at City Hall.

Everyone’s favorite rabblerousing, nostalgic gaming nerd extravaganza —Boston Bit Fest—has returned.

This time, it’s bringing over 35 classic stand up arcade games, vintage console competitions, indie game developers, brand new joints, and plenty of vintage threads, vinyl, food trucks, and even 8-bit chiptune tunes, with Night Shift beer on hand and some spillover fun at nearby Short Path Distillery to boot. Kind of makes those “Netflix and chill” plans for Friday seem utterly lame, what?

Donald Trump. GOP control of the House and Senate. Sarah Palin giving progressive-bashing speeches to sycophants while high on a Skittles cornucopia of prescription pills. If any of the above causes extreme stress and discomfort, you may want to head to JP on Saturday for Laughing Liberally, featuring a crew of Boston’s top liberal and progressive standups who will be taking conservative gibberish and the Republican Muppet Show for the 2016 presidential race to task. File under: therapy.

Silent films. Like slap bracelets, Pepsi Clear, and dry humping, they long ago went the way of the Dodo. But that doesn’t change the fact that there are masterpieces of the form, and this Sunday at the Somerville Theatre you can catch a rare screening of 1916’s The Matrimaniac with Douglas Fairbanks, a swashbuckling hero of yesteryear (he was one of the original Robin Hoods), set to a live soundtrack by silent film sound-adder Jeff Rapsis.

For anyone that may have just gotten to town for college, or just has a thing for hanging out at massive yard sales, things are looking up. The Rock and Roll Yard Sale is going down on Sunday, with live local bands (Hot Molasses, Benjamin Cartel), DJ-spun tunes, and tons of local independent vintage, vinyl, and DIY goods vendors hawking their wares to anyone willing to spend an afternoon re-upping their vinyl and vintage collections. And you are willing.

Hynes Convention Center. 900 Boylston St., Boston. 6-8pm/all ages/ FREE. facebook.com/ adamodayfineart

Emerge Boston. Boston City Hall Plaza. 5-10:30pm/all ages/FREE. publicartboston. com/content/emergebostons-arts-festival-910

Night Shift Brewing.

87 Santilli Hwy., Everett. 4-11pm/21+/$5. bostonbitfest.com

The Riot Theatre. 146A South St., Jamaica Plain. 8pm/all ages/$8. laughingliberallyboston. tumblr.com

Somerville Theatre. 55 Davis Sq., Somerville 2pm/ all ages/$15. feitheatres. com/somerville-theatre/ silents-please

Union Square Somerville.

11am-5pm/all ages/FREE. facebook.com/SomervilleRockAndRollYardSale

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DIGBOSTON.COM

ARTWORK BY ADAM O’DAY

ADAM O’DAY’S SATURATE AT THE HYNES

NEWS TO US

FEATURE

DEPT. OF COMMERCE

ARTS + ENTERTAINMENT

19

MUSIC

NOW YOU SEE THEM

On unmasking the metal men of Ghost

BY DAVE WEDGE @DAVEWEDGE

MUSIC

NEW YEAR, NEW YOU dæphne reinvents itself for debut LP

BY NINA CORCORAN @NINA_CORCORAN See dæphne while you can. The four-piece bummer rock act—bassist Laura Brogan, guitarist Ryan Higgins, singer Alexa Johnson, and drummer Julian Berosh—isn’t sticking around Massachusetts much longer.

Brogan and the rest moved into her house in Medford to save up, buy cars, and drive out to California in a year or so. “Alexa is out there for some personal medical reasons,” says Brogan. “She’s probably not coming back, but we’re going to move out west, probably, and meet up to continue doing things out there.” With their sights now set on Oregon, the rest of the band is ready to swap coasts in order to keep the band alive.

Since Johnson packed her bags and left for the West Coast to take care of herself, dæphne was left scrambling to finish the LP. Johnson’s vocals, an obviously prominent part of the band’s sound, were literally recorded the day before she left. “She bought a plane ticket and told us she was leaving, so we had to coordinate really quickly with the engineer to hop in the studio and record,” laughs Brogan. “We did all of the vocals in one night. One night! It was crazy. Then the next day, Alexa was gone.”

At long last, the debut full-length, Full Circle, comes out in the fall, but the band is promoting it as a trio despite the recording being the four of them. Johnson can’t technically play dæphne shows this year. Gia, Johnson’s current stand-in vocalist, is pursuing academia too much to fill in full-time. Expect some more long song titles (“Sharpness Is the Game I Play,” “Jump Right Into My Nightmare, the Water’s Warm”) and fruit-based absurdities (“Peach,” “Plum”), but prepare to part ways with the ’90s Midwestern emo sound of the Family Vacation demo. Full Circle is a totally new direction.

“We’ve actually gone grunge now,” admits Brogan. “It’s still ’90s, but there’s shoegaze mixed in there with a Smashing Pumpkins vibe. It’s definitely a lot more hard-hitting than the demo, but it’s cool because Alexa’s vocals still work over it really well.” Since they all come from different musical backgrounds—emo, pop, punk—they’re able to mesh their partial favorites into a fresh variant of the rock genre.

Before expectations begin to crawl higher, let’s get something straight: dæphne isn’t trying to be an emo band.

“Everyone is hopping on this emo revival bandwagon, but we’re not,” says Higgins.

“We aren’t trying to fit this emo standard and drink emo cocktails and wear emo shirts and say emo things,” says Brogan. “The new circle is grunge-influenced, but we’re already writing new stuff for our future-future release, and that’s changing all the time. No matter what, don’t expect Full Circle to contribute to that emo-revival bandwagon.

Trust us. Emo is cool, but we’re not swimming in that pool.” >> DÆPHNE + ELIZABETH COLOUR WHEEL + BEEEF. WED 9/16. O’BRIEN’S PUB, 3 HARVARD AVE., ALLSTON. 8:30PM/18+/$8. OBRIENSPUBBOSTON.COM

MUSIC EVENTS THU 9.10

TRAP RAP GETS WHACK SPZRKT + DURKIN + THE TRAP MUSIC ORCHESTRA + YVNG PAVL

[The Sinclair, 52 Church St., Cambridge. 8pm/18+/$15. sinclaircambridge.com]

20

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THU 9.10

FELINE FINESSE AND FOLK CAT POWER + WILLY MASON

[Paradise Rock Club, 967 Comm Ave., Boston. 7pm/18+/$28. crossroadspresents.com]

DIGBOSTON.COM

FRI 9.11

NOISE POP FOR TWO ED SCHRADER’S MUSIC BEAT + BLACK BEACH + ZEBU + FUNERAL CONE

[Out of the Blue Too Art Gallery & More, 541 Mass. Ave., Cambridge.

8pm/all ages/ $10. outoftheblueartgallery.com]

SAT 9.12

SAD TEARS WITH SOUL THE ANTLERS + PORT ST. WILLOW

[The Sinclair, 52 Church St., Cambridge. 8pm/all ages/ $18. sinclaircambridge.com]

Should the “nameless ghouls” comprising Swedish metal band Ghost cross your paths while they rage in Boston, do them a favor: Don’t out them on social media.

“We’re never trying to be assholes to anyone.

The only thing we ask is please don’t take photos,” one of the nameless ghouls told Dig during a break in Sweden. “Don’t photograph us, don’t Tweet, Facebook, don’t Instagram. We’re always out on the tour bus and we’d love to talk to you. If you’re really, really nice, maybe we can take you to the bar.”

Like KISS before them, the five members of the mysterious group take great pains to protect their true identities. The ghoul we spoke to was only identified as one of the guitar players, although he shared a few vague personal details. He and the four other members hail from the Swedish city of Linkoping, and one is a native of Italy. They all played in Swedish rock and metal bands together, picking up Ghost as a side project, but they’ve exploded to playing 150-plus shows per year, especially with their recently released third album, Meliora, in tow.

“We’ve always had a bombastic idea of what we wanted to sound like,” the ghoul said. “For lack of a better word, an arena band. We are very influenced by the late ’60s and the sound of the ’70s, which is what we commonly refer to as big dinosaur arena rock—big choruses, as opposed to big garagey sort of sludge.”

The web is rife with speculation about who’s really in the band. Dave Grohl is said to have played on record and live with them, but they aren’t talking. “It’s meant to be theater,” the ghoul explained. “My favorite analogy is Leatherface. He just appeared out of nowhere. After the film, you don’t really know much about him. Same thing with KISS. When we were kids, we didn’t have any internet. We knew Paul Stanley, but you didn’t know much about him.

This is what we wanted this band to be like.”

“We thought we were going to be outed immediately,” he continued. “You cannot expect us to be what you want us to be. We are not breaking character just because we go to the movies on a day off. During these five past years, we’ve been coming to terms to what this is all about and what it means to be anonymous.” >> GHOST. MON 9.28. HOUSE OF BLUES, 15 LANSDOWNE ST., BOSTON. 7:30PM/ALL AGES/$25.

HOUSEOFBLUES.COM/BOSTON. VISIT DIGBOSTON.COM FOR THE EXTENDED INTERVIEW.

SUN 9.13

SING THE BLUES SANS DUES ZZ WARD + MARC SCIBILIA + THE YOUNG WILD

[Royale, 279 Tremont St., Boston. 6:30pm/18+/$22. royaleboston.com]

MON 9.14

STAY YOUNG, STAY EMO PETAL + CAPTAIN WE’RE SINKING + THE QUIET CITY SCREAMS [Middle East Upstairs, 480 Mass Ave., Cambridge.

7pm/all ages/$10. mideastoffers.com]

New England’s Largest MMJ & Cannabis Industry Expo Series Returns to Boston Sept. 12th & 13 at The Castle @ Park Plaza

THU 9/10

JUICE

KYLE THORNTON AND THE COMPANY

FRI 9/11

XMORTIS

(MOVED FROM TT THE BEARS)

SUN 9/13 - ALL AGES 7PM

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY MON 9/14 - ALL AGES 7PM

#NERDNIGHTOUT TOUR:

SATURDAY SEPT.NOON-6PM 12TH

SUNDAY SEPT: 11AM-5PM 13TH At the Castle @ Park Plaza, Downtown Boston

THE DOUBLECLICKS

JOSEPH SCRIMSHAW, MOLLY LEWIS WED 9/9

TOXIC HOLOCAUST

LORD DYING SUFFER ON ACID, UPHEAVEL THU 9/10 - LEEDZ PRESENTS:

BLACKBEAR FRI 9/11

BLACK MILK

Tickets now on sale at: www.necann.com $25 per day, or save $10 with a $40 2-day pass!

Programming highlights include:

Hardship Cultivation Options | Growsite Construction | Analysis & Testing Legislation & Legalization | MMJ Patient Services Cooking with Cannabis | Extract & Concentrates | Glassblowing | Investing/Valuation | Packaging/Storage | Security

(W/ LIVE BAND NAT TURNER) MOE POPE & RAIN,LATRELL JAMES SAT 9/12 - 7PM

LYRES LITTLE WAR TWINS, HUDSON K

Presented by:

SUN 9/13 - ALL AGES 1PM

BORN WITHOUT BONES HALF HEARTED HERO SUN 9/13

OBN III’S

ZIP-TIE HANDCUFFS

LADY BONES, FAR CORNERS WWW.NECANN.COM NEWS TO US

FEATURE

DEPT. OF COMMERCE

ARTS + ENTERTAINMENT

21

FILM

APOCALYPSE PROJECTED Repertory series at HFA focuses on films that turned bad

BY JAKE MULLIGAN @_JAKEMULLIGAN

THE SKY TREMBLES AND THE EARTH IS AFRAID AND THE TWO EYES ARE NOT BROTHERS It was Francis Ford Coppola in Hearts of Darkness: A Filmmaker’s Apocalypse who may have said it best: “‘Film director’ is one of the last dictatorial posts left.”

And in A Matter of Life and Death, or, The Filmmaker’s Nightmare—a repertory series at the Harvard Film Archive guided by filmmaker and Radcliffe fellow Ben Rivers in which Hearts of Darkness will play (Oct 16, 7pm)—we watch with ecstasy as dictatorships come crumbling down.

“We decided to make the program ‘films about films which turn bad,’” Rivers explains to us from a table at Harvard Square’s Tealuxe, while taking a brief break from another night’s work on—you guessed right—an upcoming film. “Things go wrong, often ending in death.”

Rivers is a 42-year-old artist, based in London, whose shorts and features— among them Two Years at Sea and A Spell to Ward Off the Darkness—have consistently played in theaters and galleries for more than 10 years. But since we’re profiling him as a programmer, it may be better to say that he’s a man who can explain to you why the pseudo-pornographic films of Jean Rollin can no longer be exhibited theatrically. He’s a man who’ll screen a shimmering Hollywood self-critique like Sunset Boulevard next to a film as ruthlessly shimmerless as Peeping Tom (both play this Saturday evening). In short, he’s a man who loves movies, and without prejudice.

But to be a film director—no matter how collaborative or self-aware one may be—is still to be a dictator. And in his latest feature-length single-screen film, The Sky Trembles and the Earth Is Afraid and the Two Eyes Are Not Brothers, (Oct. 9, 7pm) Rivers regards his throne from afar. Filmmaker Oliver Laxe features in the Moroccan-set daydream, which loosely adapts Paul Bowles’ “A Distant Episode” from the perspective of a filmmaker whose approach very closely resembles the methods employed by Rivers himself. If we were to grossly reduce the interests of Rivers’ feature films to a sound bite, it might be best to say that Rivers is fascinated by the effect of people on specific physical spaces and by the effect of specific physical spaces on people.

“To me, it’s all multilayered: The fiction elements are not quite fiction, and the supposedly documentary parts are fiction in places … there are things in the ‘documentary’ section [of The Sky Trembles] that are entirely [staged], and there

FILM EVENTS FRI 9.11

SAT 9.12

A LONG VOYAGE HOME

SUNSET BOULEVARD AND PEEPING TOM

UCLA FESTIVAL OF PRESERVATION PRESENTS JOHN FORD’S

SUNDAY AFTERNOON NOIR

[Museum of Fine Arts.

465 Huntington Ave., Boston. 7:30pm/NR/$9-11.

Also screens Sat 9.12 @ 1pm. 35mm.]

[Harvard Film Archive.

24 Quincy St., Harvard Sq., Cambridge. 7pm and 9pm, respectively/NR/$7-9 per film. Both on 35mm. hcl. harvard.edu/hfa]

[Harvard Film Archive.

24 Quincy St., Harvard Sq., Cambridge. 4:30pm/NR/ $7-9. 35mm. hcl.harvard. edu/hfa]

COOLIDGE AFTER MIDNIGHT PRESENTS

BOSTON LYRIC OPERA PRESENTS

BACK TO ...

[Somerville Theatre.

55 Davis Sq., Somerville.

7pm/PG/$10. 35mm. somervilletheatreonline. com/somerville-theatre]

[Coolidge Corner.

290 Harvard St., Brookline.

7pm/PG-13/$11.25. coolidge.org]

[Coolidge Corner.

290 Harvard St., Brookline.

Also screens Sat 9.12.

Midnight/R/$11.25. 35mm. coolidge.org]

09.09.15 - 09.16.15

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DIGBOSTON.COM

SUN 9.13

BEN RIVERS PRESENTS

DAVID LYNCH’SBLUE VELVET

22

APOCALYPSE PROJECTED continued on pg. 24

MOONSTRUCK

THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE

MON 9.14

SCHOOL OF ROCK

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APOCALYPSE PROJECTED continued from pg. 22 are things in the ‘fiction’ part that are improvised and observational.”

The 15 feature-length films in Filmmaker’s Nightmare cross lines like that: between genres, nations, and any other classifications you can think of, including and especially fiction or nonfiction. What connects the films are their surface interest in the nature of filmmaking and the effect that it has on the body and mind: As Rivers writes in the program notes accompanying the series, “There is something perversely compelling about seeing someone who is a mirror version of yourself being taken down a road of obsession and disaster, finding what at the end?” Three of the American films in the program—The Last Movie (Oct 24, 8:30pm), The Stunt Man (Oct 3, 9pm), and Mulholland Drive (Sept 19, 7pm)—are emblematic of that push-pull between intensely crazed artistic passion and the internal faults and flaws that such passion inevitably reveals. They deconstruct the sociopolitical horrors wrought by the industry, but they dance to opulent scores while they do it.

“Along with Cuadecuc Vampir, The Last Movie is the one that had the biggest influence on my new film. What [director Dennis Hopper] does to try and understand what it means for an American filmmaker to go to another country … that is very key and important to my film.

And that’s what Bowles is all about, in a way. Not quite ‘stranger in a strange place,’ but more specifically, ‘The rich westerner goes somewhere and feels like they have the world at their feet and that they have control of the situation, but then they realize that’s not the case, and the people around them are very intelligent, and they’re the ones who’re in control, and it’s too late to do anything about it.’”

Having kept Mr. Rivers from the editing bay long enough, we offer our last inquiry. It’s a cheap trick to throw an old quote at someone, but something Rivers once said conflicts with this series’ thematic through line in a manner that’s far too direct to ignore: “The utopia of the present is cinema.”

“I think it still can be,” he offers, with a longer pause than usual. “In my film, there is a doom that’s found, but there’s also a transformation. [Oliver] reaches some sort of freedom.

There’s a weird sort of hope that remains…”

Then Rivers stops, continuing to roll the ambiguities of filmmaking philosophy around— in his head, from his throne—before volunteering that he had no resolution to offer for this contradiction. Or, at least, he doesn’t have one yet. Maybe by the end of the last movie—if not by the end of The Last Movie—we’ll have figured it out.

Ben Rivers on Peeping Tom (director Michael Powell, 1960): “That’s a supremely upsetting film. I first saw it on TV, probably by accident, and certainly too young. And I found it more disturbing than all the horror films I was watching. Those horror films had a ridiculousness to them. They had humor. And Peeping Tom doesn’t have a sense of humor. It’s profoundly creepy—its almost sticky.” Sept 12, 9pm.

On Beware of a Holy Whore (director RW Fassbinder, 1971): “I watched it again just two weeks ago, and thought, ‘Shit, we really need to put this film in [the program].’ I don’t know if Fassbinder was as bad as the director depicted in this movie, but it really is hilarious, and incredible. For ages they’re all languid, not doing anything. Then there’s explosions of anger and emotion and crying. And there’s this shot in it: They’re all outside on the veranda, and Hanna Schygulla is dancing, then the director gets punched in the gut, but she keeps dancing, and everyone else is doing other stuff—it’s amazing.” Oct 30, 7pm.

On Cuadecuc, Vampir (director Pere Portabella, 1971): “A key film for this series. In a way, it’s also a starting point for my own films as well. Because it’s filming a real movie being made (Jesus Franco’s Count Dracula) but there’s no exposition. There’s no explaining what’s happening. And there’s no dialogue until the very end. It’s filming the [production of] Dracula, but you don’t see the apparatus: Portabella is shooting what Franco is shooting, but from a different angle. So you’re seeing the edges of the artifice. And it’s shot with this beautiful high-contrast black-and-white. Again: this idea of fiction and reality merging, inseparable. It’s the last film in the schedule, but Cuadecuc is the center of the program.” A Distant Episode, a new short film by Rivers, will precede the screening. Oct 31, 9pm.

>> A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH, OR, A FILMMAKER’S NIGHTMARE. FILMS SCREENING AT THE HARVARD FILM ARCHIVE THROUGH THE END OF OCTOBER. SEE HCL.HARVARD.EDU/HFA FOR ADDITIONAL SHOWTIMES AND OTHER DETAILS. 24

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FILM SHORTS BY JAKE MULLIGAN @_JAKEMULLIGAN THE DIARY OF A TEENAGE GIRL Sexually frank films about teenage female subjects tend to draw a specific response: “Nobody would bat an eye if this were about a boy.”

That’s certainly not true of Diary, wherein Minnie starts sleeping with her mother’s boyfriend (Kristen Wiig and Alexander Skarsgård, respectively) before branching out into one-night stands and pseudosex work—there’s no male equivalent for this. Wiig’s character alternates between feminist politics and fatshaming (we’re in San Francisco circa ’76) while Minnie tries to find her own place on those sexual and political spectrums. The incidental framing may scream “Sundance darling,” but the moves this movie makes between the sheets? They’re not in any playbook.

GRANDMA Lily Tomlin fills the unisex shoes of the title character: a bombtossing take-no-prisoners feminist poet who’s accompanying her granddaughter to the abortion clinic, because the teenage girl’s mother (Marcia Gay Harden) never leaves the treadmill desk at her office. So it’s three waves of feminism—the radical, the working woman, and the millennial—letting their beliefs fight a verbal battle royale within the confines of a day-on-the-town farce.

It’s extremely agreeable, especially when Sam Elliott shows up as a literal patriarch in need of an insult-laden tearing-down. But “agreeable” isn’t why we go to the movies: These aren’t actors playing people, but people playing symbols.

MISTRESS AMERICA Being a woman of Fitzgeraldian bombast, Brooke (Greta Gerwig, who co-writes alongside director Noah Baumbach) can’t simply ask her soon-to-be-stepsister Tracy if she has a boyfriend. Instead she phrases it the way Katherine Hepburn might have: “You got a honey?” The plot of this farce sees Tracy turning Brooke into the subject of a short story—the film’s second half leads the pair to a home filled with friends, crushes, exes, and neighbors, so the drama is easy to adapt—but the pleasure of it comes from watching those oddball turns-of-phrase spin themselves in circles. They end up earning the movie a designation rarely used since the Jazz Age: This is verbal slapstick.

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE —ROGUE NATION Nothing in Rogue Nation works except for Tom Cruise—but oh, how he works. There’s an opera house shootout where he’s rappelling through everything (across moving light fixtures, into back rooms and onto the sets of the stage), and what sells it is his sheer exasperation: He’s one of the only action stars whose facial expressions are calculated to

reveal that he can sweat, too. Cruise isn’t the sort of actor we believe can actually save the world. But in scenes like that, he provides a more moderate salvation: His charisma can still save otherwise forgettable action movies.

RICKI AND THE FLASH Meryl Streep’s eponymous would-be arena rocker—she never made it, and now covers Tom Petty for regulars at a San Fernando dive—gets called home to provide emotional support for the millennial daughter she left behind decades earlier. So the script is mining laughs from the faux pas traded between 20-somethings who care about going green and a child of the ’60s who’d rather be smoking it. It’s director Jonathan Demme, so adept with building character, who makes this into more than a grounded Freaky Friday: He hangs on to each scene for moments longer than necessary, and finds explanations for even the most unreasonable plot machinations. He cares, and it plays.

THE TRANSPORTER REFUELED Most revealing is a shot where a man’s face fills the right side of the frame, while a woman’s ass fills the equivalent space on the left. This reboot has a faux-feminist narrative straight outta Fury Road—an amoral hero is hired as a wheelman by vengeful females and eventually fights for them pro bono—but its eyes reveal that it’s just in this for the sake of leering. Some creative fight scenes (one in a file cabinet!) might get you into the exploitation-movie mood, but then you see the four heroines have their focus seduced away from them (producing more ass shots!) and you remember the sad side of those movies. Refueled, maybe. But matured? Certainly not.

STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON The first half of this N.W.A biopic is full of drug-fueled performances and orgies as sweaty as Eazy-E after a rough weekend—it revels in amorality. Then all the characters walk through arcs that absolve them of every sin we saw them commit, leaving them to be responsible family men who make nice headphones or star in inoffensive Hollywood comedies, and who’re now fine upstanding corporate employees who never do anything wrong, thank you very much. Putting it bluntly, that’s boring: We already knew these men went from “fuck tha police” to “buy some Beats.”

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THEATER

SOUTHERN DISCOMFORT

Speakeasy Stage opens season with a searing modern classic

BY CHRISTOPHER EHLERS @_CHRISEHLERS

THURS Sept. 10th 8PM

NIGHT

Fri 9/11 7PM MIKE PETERS PRESENTS:

THE ALARM

Comedians: Dan Boulger, Stephen Michael Hall, Kevin Doug Fitzgerald, Dylan Krasinski, Damien Burke, Mike Settlow, Neil Clayman, Sean Davis, Ethan Diamond, Lady Vain NO COVER | 21+

STRENGTH 30TH ANNIVERSARY TOUR (Rock)

FRIDAY Sept. 11th 9:30PM

(Celtic Rock)

PVRPLE

DJs: Esco (Future’s Official DJ), Knife, Texas Mike, Amadeezy + Joshua Carl upstairs Genres: Dirty South, Crunk, Trap, Trill, Chopped N Screwed, Dipset $10 | 21+

Wed 9/16 7:30PM

YOUNG DUBLINERS

RARE ACOUSTIC PERFORMANCE

+ THE GOBSHITES Tues 9/29

MELANIE with special guests

Beau Jarred and EVA (folk /singer -songwriter)

17 Holland St., Davis Sq. Somerville (617) 776-2004 Directly on T Red Line at Davis

SAT Sept. 12th 9:30PM

SWEET SHOP DJs: Crazy P Soundsystem (Live), C.S. McNeill | upstairs Genres: Techno, House + Hip Hop & Reggae $10 | 21+ MON Sept. 14th 9:30PM

MMMMAVEN GRADUATION PARTY

MMMMAVEN CLASS OF 2015 Genres: Open Format NO COVER TUES Sept. 15th 9:30PM

GAME NIGHT

NO COVER | Downstairs 18+ until 10pm

Thur 9/10 10PM

EMPEROR NORTON’S STATIONARY BAND (Brass Band) Fri 9/11 7PM MIKE PETERS Presents:

The Alarm - Strength 30th Anniversary Tour 2015 PLUS Kenny Chambers (of Moving Targets) and Jim Weeks (Rock) Sat 9/12 9:30PM

BEATLEJUICE (Beatles Cover Band) Wed 9/16 7:30PM

Young Dubliners RARE ACOUSTIC PERFORMANCE + The Gobshites (Celtic Rock) Thur 9/17 8PM

WorldMusic/Crasharts: RICARDO LEMVO & MAKINA LOCA (World Music) Fri 9/18 7PM

HONKY TONK MASQUERADE (Honky Tonk) Fri 9/18 10PM We Dig Free Friday: FREE

GHOST PEPPER + SOULPAX (Rock/Funk/Blues) Sat 9/19 7:30PM - World Music/Crasharts:

LULA PENA (World)

17 Holland St., Davis Sq. Somerville (617) 776-2004 Directly on T Red Line at Davis 26

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When it comes to American theater, we love a good blistering family drama. If American drama were a quilt, its squares would be comprised of tortured and beaten portraits of humanity’s ill-equipped exploration of memory, guilt, blame, lies, truth, and dreams. And speaking of quilts, Speakeasy Stage is about to show off a new and glorious patchwork called appropriate by Obie Award-winning playwright Branden Jacobs-Jenkins.

It is an intentional patchwork, mind you; Jacobs-Jenkins has sewn together bits of his favorite works by Tennessee Williams, Eugene O’Neill, Arthur Miller, Horton Foote, and Sam Shepard. Basically, it’s a theater lover’s dream; appropriate is brimming with themes that have haunted American drama for decades. The play is about a family that converges at the Arkansas plantation home of their late father in an attempt to divide the estate and settle his affairs. When they discover a photo album filled with pictures of dead black people who appear to have been lynched, all bets are off as the Lafayette family (each of whom has enough baggage to fill a streetcar named Desire) attempts to search for answers.

Melinda Lopez stars as Toni, the eldest and perhaps the most damaged of the Lafayette clan. Director M. Bevin O’Gara and Lopez are friends and have worked together before; “I think I was three pages into Toni’s first scene when I started to think of Melinda in this part,” said O’Gara.

When the role was offered to Lopez, she didn’t accept immediately. Her father had recently passed away and she was caring for her ailing mother. “I read it once and I had to put it down because the character of Toni has just been through that, and she’s so raw. I sat on it for a long time … I accepted the role not knowing if I would be able to do it,” Lopez said. Her mother passed away in May, and she says that losing both of her parents in the same year is the most difficult thing she’s ever been through. It was really Lopez’s relationship with O’Gara that made her feel comfortable enough to accept such a taxing role at such a fraught time in her life.

What sets Jacobs-Jenkins instantly apart from the aforementioned fathers of American drama is that he is black; all of the characters in the play, however, are white, which makes for a fascinating and layered examination of race in a way that is fresh and exciting.

“What the play is attempting to ask is, ‘Can race be invisible?’ As a black writer, there’s a constant pressure to write about race … What he was attempting to do with this by putting a play with all white characters on stage was to ask the question ‘Do you still think of it as a play about race?’ And I think the answer is very much ‘yes,’” says O’Gara.

The family’s inability to productively discuss matters of race also mirrors that of society today: There’s been an awful lot of discussion about race lately, but very little of it has been substantial.

“Because of all the rest of our issues, we’re unable to talk about it … I think the big question is, given all of this gunk, this junk, all of this personal crap that we all have, is there any way of talking about this or dealing with this history?” says O’Gara.

“We’ve all got our own shit. I can say that in the Dig, right?” >> APPROPRIATE. SEPT 12 THRU OCT 10 AT THE CALDERWOOD PAVILION AT THE BCA. 527 TREMONT ST., BOSTON. FOR TICKETS AND SHOWTIMES VISIT SPEAKEASYSTAGE.COM/APPROPRIATE

PHOTO BY JUSTIN SAGLIO

COMEDY

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ARTS

BY GEORGE!

Where you’ll be partying with Noam Chomsky this week

BY DAN MCCARTHY @ACUTALPROOF

LET’S PARTY East Boston-born public intellectual and Harvard alum George Scialabba, at age 67, is doing what few others would when retiring after 25 years spent in the daily grind of being scheduling assistant for Harvard’s Center for Government and International Studies: He’s becoming a full-time freelance writer.

Of course, to anyone familiar with Scialabba’s journalism, this is far less perilous a career move than your average retiree deciding to blog about lawncare maintenance in the winter of their professional life. He’s the author of several collections of political and literary criticism, for which he received the first Nona Balakian Citation for Excellence in Reviewing (one of the most prestigious awards for book criticism in the country), and a contributing editor for the Baffler; it’s safe to say Scialabba is going to hit the ground running.

The Baffler is throwing their man in the stands quite the retirement party this week; it will feature friends and speakers from the intelligentsia (Noam Chomsky, Barbara Ehrenreich, Thomas Frank), a tribute film, and live music. I spoke with Baffler editor John Summers about why it’s so important to have a unique and independent voice like Scialabba’s pumping full-time during what Summers calls “the age of Trumpism.”

What were the reactions of Chomsky, Ehrenreich, Frank, etc, when you approached them to be involved?

All along the lines of, “HELL YES.” Noam’s involvement in particular gives the idea a certain beauty. It was because of Noam that George began his freelance writing career. And now, after all these years, to see these two stalwarts on stage together, amid the ring of tenured pipsqueaks—well, it’s encouraging, at least. Finally, some culture in Harvard Square.

Personal favorites from Scialabba’s canon. Go. “The Endlessly Examined Life: A Most Chronic Depression”—in which George publishes a selection of his mental health records, and takes an unprecedented approach to creating empathy for his fellow depressed. Also, “The Assassin’s Fate”—in which George takes New Republic writer Paul Berman satisfyingly to school in assessing the legacy of radical journalist Alexander Cockburn.

Talk about his range for a moment, both as a reader and an editor of his work.

He writes about science and politics, morality and literature, and everything in between, including himself. He’s a generalist. Nothing is off-limits except what his modesty or conscience forbids.

How do you define “the age of Trumpism”?

Everything George is not: immodest, racist, stupefying.

What is George’s role going to be with the Baffler now?

You can be sure that we’ve already taken this opportunity to chain George to a basement desk in our new Harvard Square headquarters, where we have given him a quota—or else. >> THREE CHEERS FOR GEORGE SCIALABBA AT THE BRATTLE. 40 BRATTLE ST., CAMBRIDGE. THU 9.10/ALL AGES/$5-$35. FOR TICKETS AND INFO VISIT THEBAFFLER.COM/EVENTS/GEORGE-SCIALABBA 28

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PHOTO BY STU ROSNER

If there is some poor soul out there still virginal in their knowledge of who Scialabba is, what’s the first piece they should read?

Open any page of What Are Intellectuals Good For? or The Modern Predicament and start reading, because he’s writing for you—not for the experts. Once you realize that he’s not selling you a system, but offering you gifts, your mind can fall open and warm to them.

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NOTHING MATTRESS

BY BRIAN CONNOLLY @NOTHINGMATTRESS

THE STRANGERER

BY PAT FALCO ILLFALCO.COM

WHAT'S FOR BREAKFAST

BY PATT KELLEY WHATS4BREAKFAST.COM

OUR VALUED CUSTOMERS

BY TIM CHAMBERLAIN OURVC.NET

SAVAGE LOVE

GUYS

BY DAN SAVAGE @FAKEDANSAVAGE Penis puppetry came up on an episode of Difficult People. I don’t want to google it, but I am curious about how it works. I don’t want to see pictures. Could you explain it?

Delicately Interested Person I couldn’t tell you, DIP, but Billy Eichner, one of the stars of Difficult People, could. “Puppetry of the Penis is a show that tours all over the world, where men use their penis and testicles as puppets, twisting them into all kinds of shapes and characters,” said Eichner. “Not sure what about the name Puppetry of the Penis threw you off.”

I’m a straight man, age 33. I was in a mutually unsatisfying relationship with a woman in my 20s. I told her not long after we got together that I didn’t want to eat her pussy because I didn’t like her smell. I’d eaten other vulvas before and loved them. She wasn’t a week-between-showers kind of woman, and she was rightly hurt. Years later, I started listening to you and got religion. (And since she didn’t want to hear from me, I made my apologies by treating the women I date now better.)

Since then, I’ve loved the smell of every woman’s pussy I’ve been fortunate enough to stick my nose in. But the question haunts me: How could I have handled that situation instead?

How would I handle it again? I first thought of your advice for 30

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smelly dicks—tell him to take a shower—but for Americans, the smell of a vulva is tied up as much in hygiene as misogyny.

I’m not sure how to approach this.

Wondering How I Fill Females In Now Graciously Telling someone with a pussy that their genitals smell funky is more complicated and fraught, as you’re already aware, than telling the same thing to someone with a dick. The culture has been telling women—and, yes, that tiny percentage of men who have pussies—that their genitals are unclean and stinky since basically forever. But there are legitimate medical issues that can make someone’s junk smell funky (and just not pussystyle junk), WHIFFING, and sometimes we need the people who can actually get their noses into our crotches to give us a headsup. A bad vaginal odor can be a sign of bacterial vaginosis or even cancer.

Here’s how you approach it: You ask yourself if you’re the problem—think they smell bad? You’re the problem—and then you ask yourself if sexual chemistry is the problem. (Don’t like this person’s particular smell and taste? Keep your mouth shut about their smell and taste and end the relationship.) If you think it might actually be a medical issue, you say something like this: “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but your vagina and labia smell funky. That’s not an easy thing to hear, I know, and it’s not an easy thing to say. I know the misogynistic zap the culture puts on women’s heads about this—but I’m worried that it might be a medical issue, and I’d rather risk your anger than your health.”

Thelonious Monkfish

Stingray Body Art

John Harvard’s Brewery & Ale House

Brooklyn Boulders

Bella Luna Restaurant & Milkyway Lounge

I hate the greenline T-Shirt

Jacob Wirth Co.

Northeastern Institute of Cannabis

Cuisine En Locale Food Share

Kulturez

Patty Chen’s Dumpling Room

Skydive New England

Oktoberfest Boston Sunset Grill + Sunset Cantina + Patrons

Huntington Theatre Company

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