Different Drummer 2016-17

Different Different Drummer Drummer Literary Magazine Literary

Magazine 2016-17

“Why should we be in such desperate haste to succeed and in such desperate enterprises? If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.�

Henry David Thoreau

3 Different Drummer

Editors Judah Kalb Phoebe Kim Mary Schrader Li-Anne Wright Staff Michelle Martinez Catherine Trusky Advisor William Schrader Art Credits Front Cover by Mia Look Back Cover by Sarah Ferriter Inside Covers by Rahel Ware Inside Sketches by Li-Anne Wright Inside Photos by Anna Cobb

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Table of Contents

Work

Author

Page Number

The World

6

Adeline’s Goldfish

Ali Porterfield

7

The Daily Routine

Cole Fish

9

Packed

Noah Van Hook

10

Spill

Maddie Wiener

13

When They Wake Up

Gabriela Warner

16

(Binary Title)

Judah Kalb

20

30 mg

Delaney Tallett

24

Scarecrows

Jakob Ware

28

Utopia

Jerry Cai

33

The Escape

36

I Am For The Entertainable

Haze Nguyen

37

Night

Mary Schrader

42

Mr. Universe

Weston Barker

43

Colors

Ali Porterfield

47

The Tether

52

The Farmer, My Father

Li-Anne Wright

53

Boy Meets Evil

Anaies Gibson

54

Love Like Fire

Alexandra Barfield

56

We’re Waiting

Anonymous

66

Richard Gao

69

Ode to Mom’s Soup Dumplings 5 Different Drummer

The World

Art is an exploration of the horrors of reality...

6 Different Drummer

Ali Porterfield Adeline’s Goldfish

Adeline was a smoker. She smoked

gas station where she bought all of her

exactly one pack a day, every day, and

cigarettes and a small grocery were on the

she had done so for as long as she could

way to the Waffle House where she worked,

remember. The faded floral wallpaper in

and that was the only trip she made, back

her apartment was so saturated in cigarette

and forth, back and forth. The only time

smoke that the landowner, who never said

that she left the small town that she lived in

a word to anyone about anything, had told

was to go to some family event, and even

Adeline that she would need to buy new

then, she only went if it was incredibly

wallpaper when she moved out. After a

important. “Incredibly important” had

brief moment of paralyzing shock (which

only consisted of three things so far: her

was much like that of a person whose

sister’s wedding, her sister’s divorce party,

long-dead relative has appeared on their

and her sister’s wedding (again). The

doorstep), Adeline had promised to do so,

second wedding, which Adeline was sure

if only because she could think of nothing

was going to devolve to a divorce party

else to say. Upon his departure, Adeline

sometime soon, hadn’t been nearly as

decided that the only solution to this

bad as the first. Her sister sent her home

conundrum was to simply never find a new

with a little goldfish, who had been a table

apartment, since Adeline was a woman of

centerpiece. Adeline found it in herself to

her word (and a woman who didn’t have

stop at PetSmart, where she picked up the

the slightest clue as to where wallpaper

most generic, inexpensive fish food that

could be found).

she could find. She stationed the goldfish

and its plastic plant on her grimy side table

Adeline didn’t get out much. The

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Ali Porterfield

(after clearing it of unopened mail from the

whole world. It had its plastic plant and its

Mesozoic Era).

glass pebbles and sixteen pellets a day.

The goldfish became a part of

It was a soggy summer evening.

her routine. Eight fish pellets before her

Adeline sat at the cluttered table, rocking

leftover pizza breakfast and morning

gently back and forth on uneven chair legs.

smoke, eight fish pellets after her fresh

She pulled out her omnipresent lighter and

pizza dinner and evening smoke. Adeline

lit a cigarette, staring through her grimy

didn’t give the little fish a name, but it

window at the array of monotone cement

seemed plenty happy to her, and she rather

buildings. In the distance, she could spot

liked the little flash of gold, nibbling at

the yellow sign of the Waffle House where

the surface of the water every morning. It

she worked.

was a little glint of sunshine in her sky of

suffocating gray clouds.

goldfish. It swam in its loop. Adeline

shook her head and furrowed her brow.

Adeline was sorry for the poor

She turned her attention to her

thing, though; it had a tiny bowl, and all it

How miserable that poor fish must be,

did was swim lap after lap. Nothing in the

swimming laps in its never-changing

goldfish’s life ever changed. Sometimes it

world. Adeline sucked in a lungful of

got to sit in a plastic baggie for a while so

smoke, holding it for a moment before

that Adeline could change its water, but she

exhaling with a deep sigh. How miserable

remembered to do so sporadically (at best).

that life must be.

That little monogrammed centerpiece bowl from her sister’s wedding was the fish’s 8 Different Drummer

Cole Fish The Daily Routine I swim the same way everyday Going past my neighbors As they swim around their coral home Past the crab as he emerges from his shell I move past the snail as it crawls along Leaving his tracks over where his previous tracks were We all do the same old dance And are all afraid to take a chance I see the starfish on the same rock as always I keep swimming and see a whale I hide behind the rock of the starfish A routine the I am used to The whale goes by I greet the same plankton on his fin I always see I decide to swim to the surface I see the chaos of the world above water I see creature floating on something with strings coming off I see seagulls fighting over a fish on a rock I duck back down into my routine Before the seagulls can spot me I keep going and say hi to my turtle friends As they head for an area that they always go 9 Different Drummer

Cole Fish

I see a group of clown fish Then pause and listen to the same jokes they always tell I laugh though not amused to make them smile like normal Then I continue on my daily journey Then I spot a shark who I knew I would see I dash for a hole but he knew my route He swallows me up and I feel at peace I finally escape the daily routine

10 Different Drummer

Noah Van Hook Packed let me think on my own terms i know you did all you could for people who need much more than i but really just stop talking about it i get it okay but for me this matters even more than all else you can tell me about i dont care about the man that killed his wife and kids after a vision from god or that kids sleep without heat or that men in other countries hold people as slaves for sex and or labor all that matters for me now is what i experience myself is it too much for me to ask you for some sympathy when my own life is just a little worse than it usually is more stressful than it usually is when things dont go the way they are planned im sure the kids going dinnerless 11 Different Drummer

Noah Van Hook

are used to that life by now i am sure they arent as duressed as i am right now even if i am not in any sort of danger even still this sucks alright and i want you to at least listen to me when i vent to you you dont have to be such an asshole god

12 Different Drummer

Maddie Wiener Spill

Elliot was sitting in the alcove

pockets.

above his parents’ bedroom, a little corner

where he could look out the window at

the floor below. It was Sunday morning and

the street below. His brain felt tiny in his

they were getting ready to go to Sunday

head, like it was hiding in a cave. It felt

school. His parents were fighting again,

like the metal ball in one of those ball-in-

he was pretty sure. Sometimes they would

a-maze puzzles, and you have to tilt the

yell or hit something and the sound would

entire puzzle back and forth and all around

come up and he could feel it in the floor.

just to get the little ball where you want it

It didn’t feel good to hear them fighting

to go. And there was a lot of space, so it

but it felt good to know they were there.

could move around, but it was very lonely.

But also it didn’t feel like much at all if he

There was room for at least five other

tried really hard. He caught back up with

brains in there. It was a tiny little thing that

his eyes and looked down at the two girls

tumbled around all day, like when you put

playing on the street. They were kicking a

something in the dryer by itself so it will

soccer ball, they had blonde hair, and he

be done faster. He felt more like he was in

didn’t know them. They looked like they

his body than that he was his body. If you

were having fun but he felt very far away,

ever asked him how he felt he would tell

like he was watching a movie. And also his

you he felt like he was wearing his dad’s

parents were talking in the movie theater

suit jacket and the sleeves were too long for

so it was hard to focus on the girls. His

him, all the time, or he would say that if he

brain said goodbye to his eyes and walked

could find the words in those big deep suit

back over to his ears. It didn’t like what it

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He could hear noises coming from

Maddie Wiener

heard, so it walked over to an empty corner

the bucket in the middle of the table and

of his head and curled up there until they

started coloring in the picture of Jesus that

came to get him.

was the warm-up activity.

He woke up in the middle seat of

More of the Sunday school kids

the family minivan, his parents not talking

showed up and Ms. Monihan kept talking

and both getting out of the car. They were

and it started to get very loud. His brain

at Sunday school. His dad walked with

went to his eyes to focus on the drawing

him over all the dry crunchy leaves on

but the room was very bright from these

the ground and Elliot noticed how much

bright tube lights on the ceiling, so he

louder his dad’s footsteps were than his and

sat down in the corner of his head and

how many more leaves he could crunch at

watched himself draw. But the sounds still

one time. He tried to take bigger, stronger

came through his ears and they echoed

steps to make it even but it didn’t work.

around like if you were in a cave by the

When they got to the big red door he put

ocean.

his hand on his shoulder and Elliot knew

that meant to go inside.

with the little cups of grape juice and he

knew probably Ms. Monihan was trying

He sat down at his circle table

Oliver was standing next to him

with the plastic chairs. He didn’t know if

to tell him something. Somebody must be

they had assigned seats or not but everyone

yelling because he could feel it in the chair

sat in the same place everyday, even though

a little bit. His brain must have decided

he couldn’t remember if Ms. Monihan ever

something without him because now

told them to. He grabbed a red crayon from

Oliver had spilled the grape juice all over 14 Different Drummer

Maddie Wiener

Elliot’s shirt. It was too much. It made him feel itchy and fast and overwhelmed and like there was something gross stuck in his mouth. He took the red crayon and pushed it into Oliver’s hands and kept pushing and pushed him onto the ground and kept pushing the crayon like he was trying to push it through. As he was sitting on top of Oliver who he had pushed to the ground with a crayon, the sounds around him got less echoey and clearer and the noticed how bright the room was and how fast he was breathing.

His face was red and hot, his brain was swelling, like a flower blossoming or a bomb in slow motion, and for the first time his brain felt big enough to fill his head, like a bag of popcorn that just got finished in the microwave.

15 Different Drummer

Gabriela Warner When They Wake Up

The yelling. Mommy and Daddy

It started out quiet, like it always did, and

were always yelling. It kept me up at night

then it got louder. I heard Daddy’s voice

and I couldn’t sleep. I tried telling them

first. He was always the first to raise his.

once that I couldn’t sleep with them so

Mommy soon followed with just as much

loud. They told me to close my door. But

loudness. I wondered what they were

even with the door shut I could still hear.

arguing about now; maybe other adult

The yelling went on all night. It never

things. I always heard them yelling about

seemed to stop until the morning when

money. I tried to tune out their voices. It

they left the house. I stayed home, though.

never worked. When it didn’t work I always

Mommy said one day I could leave the

went into my closet. I had a pillow in there

house to go to school. But I was too young.

so I could sleep. It was quiet in there. But

also dark. I kept a flashlight with me in case

I asked Mommy once what they

were arguing about. She told me it was

I got scared. I would turn on the flashlight

grownup stuff. She told me I wouldn’t

and make hand animals. Daddy taught

understand. I thought maybe it had to do

me how to do some when I was littler. I

with Grandpa dying. I heard them yelling

wondered if they were arguing about hand

about him once. I always knew he was old.

animals. Maybe they couldn’t decide which

He probably didn’t have a lot of time left,

one was their favorite.

whatever that meant. Mommy said it had

something to do with his heart. I thought

usually quieter. Not gone all the way,

maybe he wasn’t getting enough love.

but gone enough to help me fall asleep.

Last night was different. I was still able

They were yelling again last night.

In the closet the voices were

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Gabriela Warner

to hear their loud voices. Even under the

Mommy called it. It was in a fancy glass

big blanket I kept for safekeeping. I heard

with an ice cube. The bottle it came from

stomping and the front door slamming

was almost empty. I never saw it so empty

shut. I wondered who it was. Maybe it was

before. Daddy must have been really

Mommy. I always knew she liked looking

thirsty.

up at the stars at night. Maybe she wanted

to look at the constellations. I heard the

He didn’t answer. I tried again; maybe he

door open again after that; probably Daddy

didn’t hear me. He looked at me when

wanting to see the stars too. I wanted to see

I said it the second time. His eyes were

the stars as well. I crawled out of the closet

red. He looked weird. I guess he didn’t

to look out the window. I saw Mommy

get enough sleep. He stood up and he

and Daddy talking to each other under

almost fell over. He was wobbling all over

the stars. They looked angry. How could

the place. He pushed past me and never

anyone be so angry under the sky? I saw

answered my question. I turned to watch

Mommy start to walk down the road. That

him wobble up the stairs and I heard his

was normal. Sometimes she went on walks

bedroom door slam. He just needed to

after the yelling. She told me it was a way to

sleep.

clear her head. I smiled as I watched Daddy

come back inside. I knew Mommy would

around the house after that. I couldn’t find

come back. She always did.

her anywhere. Maybe she took the long

The next morning Daddy was

way home on her walk. But usually she

drinking the big kid drink. That’s what

came back in the middle of the night. I

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I asked him where Mommy was.

I went looking for Mommy

Gabriela Warner

opened the front door to look in the yard.

Mommy was quiet again. Daddy looked

Sometimes when Mommy had too much

angry. He never looked happy. Mommy

of the big kid drink I found her sleeping in

used to say it was because he didn’t like his

the yard. Maybe she was drinking it with

life. Maybe they were fighting because of

Daddy.

his life.

Before I could go outside Mommy

“Richard, please,” Mommy said

came in through the door. She looked sad.

quietly. She looked at me. I saw tears in her

She usually looked sad after she came back

eyes. “Not in front of Jonathan.”

from walking. Like she was crying.

Mommy?” I asked her. I walked forward to

She stomped past me and called

I was confused. “What’s wrong,

Daddy by his name - I wasn’t allowed to say

reach for her hand. “Why are you crying?”

it, Daddy got mad at me if I did. She ran up

the stairs the same way Daddy did, wobbly

Daddy said. His words were slimy, like

and weird. I heard their yelling again.

they always were when he drank the big

It didn’t usually go on in the morning. I

kid drink. He pushed me from Mommy

followed Mommy’s footsteps to their room.

and pressed the thing against her head.

I wanted to see if they were okay.

Mommy started to cry. Why was she

crying? Why was Daddy holding that

Mommy stood in front of Daddy.

“Get out of the way, Jonathan,”

He was holding something in his hand; I

thing?

remembered what it was. It was the thing

Mommy said to never touch. She said it

Daddy said. I listened.

was dangerous. He was pointing it at her.

“Close your eyes for me, son,” There was a boom followed by a 18 Different Drummer

Gabriela Warner

thud. It made my ears ring. I didn’t think it would be that loud. I wondered if I could open my eyes. I wanted to. But then I heard another boom and thud. It scared me. I thought I would ask Daddy what the sound was. But when I opened my eyes they were both on the ground. There was blood coming from their head. Mommy once told me that’s what happens when someone has a boo-boo. I went to get some bandaids for their heads. I got my favorite ones with the Star Wars characters on it. I put one on their arms. That’s usually where Mommy put the bandaid on me.

They were both sleeping.

Something I hadn’t seen them do in a long time. I poked Mommy to see if she would move. Then Daddy. I was happy that they could both finally sleep. I sat down on the ground beside them. I laid against Daddy.

He never allowed me to unless he didn’t know. I would be there when they woke up.

19 Different Drummer

Like they always did.

Judah Kalb 01000001 01101110 01110011 01101100 01100101 01101001 01110011 I am nothing more than code, Ones and zeroes made manifest.

My coding was completed September 22nd, 1999 Or at least that’s when the alpha was released, To be updated over time.

You know how some programmers believe They code better when slightly drunk?

My coder was well past that point.

A few missed keystrokes “Whoops!

He’s autistic, But that has some emergent features so let’s stick with it.

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Judah Kalb

Oh geez, I spilled my drink, Now he’s on the brink, Of bipolar disorder.

But it’s ‘only’ type II,’ So I won’t do...”

Anything Everything Determined by my mind and body Without consulting me “Whoa I added asthma, (That’ll be the least of his worries) I could probably fix it, But I’m really in a hurry.

What’s this? Headmates?

Eh, he’ll probably be pretty lonely, Plus he won’t notice, ‘Placid island’, ‘infinite sea’, All that jazz.”

21 Different Drummer

Judah Kalb

My identity was forged Without my consent And now I resent...

Myself?

“I mean, I already made him autistic, Why not up the anxiety?

So he’ll feel solipsistic, Like it’s not his society.

I just gotta put this sucker in the compiler, Should I make the body his, theirs, or hers?

I already said he; it’s not like it matters, It’s not like this isn’t going to be a disaster.”

My hardware’s obsolete, My software’s incomplete, The charge will deplete, And I must admit defeat.

My identity was forged 22 Different Drummer

Judah Kalb

Without my consent And now I resent...

Myself?

Anything Everything Determined by my mind and body Without consulting me I am nothing more than code, Ones and zeroes made manifest.

23 Different Drummer

Delaney Tallett 30 mg Doc, Please I don’t need no more pills I’m fine now I’ve gone down a dosage Perfect week - no panic attacks So please Doc, No more pills I take one every morning with a cup of joe Haven’t skipped a day in three weeks I’m finding ways to deal with my anxiety But I need to do it without help You see, Those pills make me hungry Hungry for food Hungry for feelings

24 Different Drummer

Delaney Tallett

Those pills make me restless Tossing and turning as I try to sleep Trying and testing my limits constantly I can’t take those pills no more Don’t down the dosage again Don’t up it either Let me dump those happy pills down the drain I can’t stand to pop one more in my mouth Not one more is goin’ down my throat Its numbing my soul, Doc Don’t you see I don’t feel a thing I can’t I stood in the middle of the road for an hour hoping to feel fear as cars rushed by me

I told my mom about my secrets hoping to feel sad when I looked her in the eye 25 Different Drummer

Delaney Tallett

I held my hands above the burning flame hoping to feel warmth in my now frigid soul Pills down the drain or I’ll die trying to feel something Your pills have cauterized my soul into an emotionless void I’ll sit in the dark And wait to feel tired I’ll stare into utter nothingness And wait to be bored Doc, I can’t even be bored anymore I can’t feel anything So, Doc, Wait!

What are you doin’?

Stop writing on that little white notepad.

Don’t sign that.

Please, Doc

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Delaney Tallett

30 miligrams What?

I told you I don’t need no more pills Doc, Please No more pills No more frozen feelings No more numb nothingness I want to cry when I see my mom’s face I want to fear when I stand in the street I want to be so bored I watch kangaroos eat lettuce online Please Doc, I’m starvin’ here.

27 Different Drummer

Jakob Ware Scarecrows

A thinning line of black and

countrymen fell to the ground, unable to

brown moved across the snow covered

go on in the cold, and no one noticed when

ground. Booted feet, feet in shoes that

one of the riders on horseback stood over

had long since worn out and had begun

the downed scarecrow and give the fallen a

to come apart, crunched on the ground.

final ration of lead. They were used to this.

A few men groaned but most just stared,

Friends, family, neighbors….if they hadn’t

staring blankly at their feet or up at the sky.

died yet then they were slowly dying.

The men wore overcoats that had fallen

apart and been resewn far too many times,

dying scarecrows was Radnóti. Just like

coats that were a patchwork of other coats,

the rest of the haggard walking dead, his

coats that they’re coming apart at the edges.

cheeks were hollow and his clothes hung

The coats hung loosely over the thinning

from his frame. His eyelids drooped and

frames of the starving scarecrows who wore

his skin had taken a sickening straw-like

them, men who had labored for weeks in

palor. Unlike the rest however, his eyes still

the muds that came before the snow. None

glowed with a fierceness that showed that

of the men had been used to such labor,

the fire of life was still present within. He

most came from urban areas and, if only

raised his left arm to his chest as he walked,

war hadn’t broken out, would be working

slightly smiling as he was reassured by the

hard as grocers, editors, teachers, or, as

feeling of the bundle of paper scraps that

was in the case of the scarecrow who called

were inside his coat. Ever since he had been

himself Radnóti, as a poet.

taken away, away from his old life and away

from his wife and family, he had continued

No one took notice as their

In the center of the column of

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Jakob Ware

to write. The corners of his mouth turned

screeched the Lieutenant, spittle flying

slightly upward as he remembered some

from his sallow face.

of the letters he had written. Even though

Radnóti knew that he could never send the

the crack of a Luger firing.

letters away, he still felt that he was able to

communicate with Fanni.

and looked away. One scarecrow tried to

The words were punctuated with The scarecrows fell to the ground

run but was run down by the laughing Dearest Fanni!

Lieutenant who then fired the Luger twice

I hope you and your siblings are well.

more. Men in black, well kept woolen coats,

Though my condition and Lorsi’s hasn’t

descending upon the scarecrow, walking

improved we still--

among them and firing with their sidearms at random. Hardly anyone screamed, some

Radnóti’s mouth returned once

wept. Radnóti buried his head in his arms

more to a frown as he remembered.

and curled up, making himself as small of a

Lorsi.

target as he could. The man next to Radnóti

Lorsi!

did the same. Then there was a nearby

crack! and the man next to Radnóti gasped

Poor Miklos Lorsi! Lorsi the

violinist!

and reached down towards his leg, weakly He who was already taut, a string

drawing back his blood soaked hand. The

about to snap.

man began to whimper.

* * *

“Everyone down! Onto the ground!”,

are you hit Lorsi?”

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“Shh!”, hissed Radnóti, ”Where

Jakob Ware

“It went through! It went

and--”

through!” cried Lorsi softly, ”Through my

thigh!”

announced by the trotting of his horse.

“We’ll bandage it after but until

The Lieutenant’s arrival was

He stopped his horse next to two of the

then: shhhh!”

scarecrows, next to Lorsi and Radnóti.

* * *

The Lieutenant barked,”Stop!”

limper! That’s what we got here!”

The scarecrows stopped.

“Fifteen minute rest,” said the

He whispered sadly to Radnóti,”Oh God.”

“O-ho! What do we have here? A The light in Lorsi’s eyes went dim.

Lieutenant as he rode towards the back

of the column to talk with the other

and fired into Lorsi. With a chuckle he

horsemen.

holstered the weapon and trotted past on

his horse.

Radnóti sat on the ground with

The Lieutenant drew his Luger

several other of the scarecrows. He pulled

out a paper from his coat and began to

body all day if he could, he was only jolted

scribble, frequently losing hold of the

forth by one of the other scarecrows who

pencil in the cold.

grabbed him by the arm.

* * *

“Just keep going Lorsi. Only two more days

and we’ll see if we can return for him after

then we’ll be in Győr. We can try to sleep

Győr”.

away then.”

* * *

“I-I’ll try. We can try to find Janos

Radnóti would have stood by the

“Leave him! Recite the kaddish

A hand grabbed Radnóti by the 30 Different Drummer

Jakob Ware

back of his coat and lifted him up from the

Lieutenant kicked him in the stomach.

ground.

Radnóti dropped to the ground, gasping

“What….the f-fuck are you...d-d-

weakly as his chest heaved. The Lieutenant

doing?” stuttered the Lieutenant.

then punched him. And again. And again.

And again and again and again and again

The bitter odor of alcohol rolled

out of the Lieutenant’s face as he spoke.

and again until his fists were bloody and

His eye was wide and crazed. The eyepatch

Radnóti no longer moved. The Lieutenant

over his right eye had once been white but

reached for his belt, swore, and then

now it was black and brown with filth. He

stormed off.

had lost the eye in Yugoslavia, to a partisan.

That’s why the scarecrows had been taken

himself over to the crumpled up papers. As

to Yugoslavia, to dig fortifications to hold

his hands shook, he uncrumpled the paper.

Tito and his partisans at bay.

Reaching into his coat, the scarecrow

pulled out a wad of papers, one of many

“Writing, sir,” said Radnóti matter

Wheezing, Radnóti slowly pulled

of factly without a trace of fear even though

wads that were inside. He then gestured for

he knew very well in the depths of soul

another scarecrow, the same one who had

that the sentence would be among his last

told him to recite the kaddish. He lifted the

words.

papers up to the other scarecrow.

The Lieutenant wrenched the

“Take,” he wheezed, ”More...in my

wad of papers out of Radnóti’s hands,

coat. Come...back and---” he stopped as he

balled it up and threw it to the ground. As

began to cough.

Radnóti bent to pick the papers up, the

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The other scarecrow bobbed his

Jakob Ware

head in the wind, ”I will. And if I can’t, then others will for I will pass the word on.”

The Lieutenant stomped his way

back, pulling back the hammer of his Luger as he stomped. The other scarecrows scurried away from the downed scarecrow.

The fallen scarecrow swore that he suddenly heard a soft melody of a violin.

He remembered happier times and smiled.

The Lieutenant raised the Luger.

With thin cracked lips, Radnóti

smiled and shut his eyes.

32 Different Drummer

Jerry Cai Utopia Pristine houses, green lawns streets shine like linoleum, People not fighting over stuff like Middle East petroleum, Streets black, not red, because no one is patrolling them, And the cops cooperating with the people, the government is not controlling them Like a bigger brother to your siblings, not a wolf here for easy pickings Big Brother’s here to love you, he’s not here for disciplining.

Pure white in the heart, his views aren’t dissident, There’s no fight in this part, not a single Islamic militant But rather as an Islamic compliment as an element to our sentiment Instead of sending them out, let them back into our settlement Don’t exclude anyone out like we did to the Puritans, As this is an experiment that we’re all living in Denying others unlike us as illegitimate, We call this Utopia and paradise, not an imprisonment.

Utopia has no climate change or poverty, The only direction in Utopia is onward we go with the Flow like water in a stream, that is our liberty, No wars over blue gold, there isn’t any tragedy And flint becomes only known as stone that makes fire, Instead of the city with poisoned water that politicians, I mean liars Flood with folly policies, never fulfilled but only falsities.

33 Different Drummer

Jerry Cai

Turned the land of red, white and blue with the original colonies Into a board of Monopoly played like we’re an oligarchy.

The sight of anarchy overrides our idealistic Utopia A one where missiles of uranium and plutonium, Aren’t touched by reckless men standing on the podium A Utopia where teacher pay isn’t a meager spray of Our perfume bottle of a budget, but is allocated To provide people that spend their day in a class to educate A group of seedlings that one day will become immaculate.

And perpetuate our technology and study our philosophy And in Utopia, everyone succeeds and there’s no need For a system to weed out weak seedlings and nobody is without nourishment, No hunger is our encouragement.

For a new land emerging into a new day With happiness of the sun manifested in its rays.

People wake up to the sight of blue skies, Birds chirping as they make their nests in pine.

The green everyone sees is not that in fat stacks, But each green hand that is attached to another arm untouched by axes Protected from other human attacks, they’re at peace at last.

Those veins of blue that streak across the land 34 Different Drummer

Jerry Cai

Not bleeding red from humans, untouched by man’s hand, But feed into the lake of life, with glistening sand surrounding Like a gold lining around, 24 Carat.

Not a speck of pollution no matter how long you stare at.

But if you raise your head and glance around It’s a barren wasteland with plastic littered on the ground, Trees replaced by skyscrapers and towns Bird chirps replaced by the sound, of F-15s roaring across the blue sky, Gliding off to the horizon, they have a war to fight.

But looking back at the sea, there’s the putrid smell of a 3 year old’s body half alive, Washed up on the shore as the sand scrapes against his side, he has already died; Like the hope of a perfect Utopia in a world of imperfect humans, Left there before your eyes, no longer alive.

35 Different Drummer

The Escape

Art is an exploration of the horrors of reality... how to be brave in the face of them...

36 Different Drummer

Haze Nguyen I Am For The Entertainable What you see, me, my ability, my reach Goes beyond what you think me to be.

I am the parasite planted inside a light-up-screen host.

I crawl through the minds of the young and impressionable I am formidable, powerful, invisible.

I am brought to life by the hands of adults.

I am built like a Build-A-Bear.

To care, to control Created through thoughts, I am the one who consoles.

Fair game to me, I am the puppet strings attached to a new generation.

With electronical persistence, my presence, a permanent resident.

I latch onto the fresh juvenile minds, Defenseless to a new cruel world.

Like a snail without its shell desperate for protection They cling to anything that’ll let them

37 Different Drummer

Haze Nguyen

Like candy, sweet, but sticky, tricky With Mickey on TV I convince you A song, a tune, a rhyme, A thirty minute show from time to time.

I am the poison carried through your system From your iDevice, through the headphone jack, To the disappearing earbuds beneath your t-shirt hem, Lyrics soaking, your brain bathing In a sea of alternate facts I deliver, I am carried, I am received.

I am this muggle world’s Peeves, causing trouble, I get away with it, no Bloody Baron to scare me with.

I am the storyteller of the world today.

My voice an intangible whisper, sitting on the shoulders of the ignorant.

With the weight of an elephant, I am unremovable.

Getting rid of me, unachievable.

38 Different Drummer

Haze Nguyen

I am the bias that crawls through the news Reporting alliance after alliance.

I tell you who to trust I am your right hand man, a friend.

I reshape views In my hands they mold like Play-Doh, Malleable.

I am your moral compass coated in white Something no one knows they should fight.

I am the thoughts behind your every decision, I am the opinion in your voice when you speak.

Created with images, picture this: Bull’s eye target on mind of the weak, The entertainable, I convince the inconvincible.

39 Different Drummer

Haze Nguyen

I am water from the tap dripping, dripping, and I won’t stop flowing.

I am so small, but I collect.

My power is built from time.

I am a mere distraction plaguing the brains of the absent minded.

Your mouth teaming with lyrics without knowing the meaning it’s demeaning.

The punch I pack impacts those with access.

Those whose faces light up in the dark of night, your Instagram feed, like weed, you’re hooked.

I am the influence who you surrender to.

I reside in the body of youth, again with my untruths.

I direct incorrectly.

40 Different Drummer

Haze Nguyen

I defame your fresh, new walls with my graffiti I retrain you who to trust based on skin color, who to lust after.

I am the roots of a tree planted in this tech savvy industry a society of full dependency on me.

Ditch encyclopedia for Wikipedia because I am the modern day media.

41 Different Drummer

Mary Schrader Night The sky once dark now bright, With the stars celestial light.

And as the lofty moon drifts by the sleepy world below, She smiles most benevolently where’er she choose to go.

Thus in their perfect dance they keep, The glorious beauty while we sleep.

So the long slowly night drifts away, Into the rosy break of day.

42 Different Drummer

Weston Barker Mr. Universe

Time whistled as it flew, deafening

had studied Io extensively in school, and

the students’ ears to the lecture and instead

he could still remember poring over prose

directing their attention to the clock face

and lecture transcripts, squeezing every

at the back of the hall. The professor gazed

ounce of meaning out of the text like an

at it momentarily, his eyes adjusting to its

automaton reading its own manual.

pale blue surface amidst the stark lighting

of the lecture hall, and he used his finger

veneration for the man, and it was no

to draw a short line in his discussion

secret. He could only imagine how the

notes. The professor proceeded to dismiss

students perceived his sullen disposition,

the students, who filed out of the space

no doubt laughing to themselves whenever

automatically. When the doors slid shut

the telltale spark of Io lit up his eye,

after the last of the students had exited, the

cahooting with one another and conspiring

professor unconsciously pressed his finger

against him. The professor looked around,

against a small button on the podium and

realizing the growing darkness, and

retrieved his coat.

he attempted to clear his mind of such

insecurities, focusing instead on Io. Closing

The professor’s mind was too

The professor had a great

busy to observe the lights dimming around

his eyes slightly, the professor slowed his

him as he walked to the door. All he could

pace, recalling Io’s meaning of life. The

really think about was Io. Io. Io was one

professor chided himself, noting that one

of the professor’s favorites, a pioneer of

should not use possessive language when

the post-existentialist movement and the

referring to ideas. It was the meaning of

finder of the meaning of life. The professor

life, not Io’s meaning of life.’ However, the

43 Different Drummer

Weston Barker

argument had been crafted by Io, and just

reading some of the existentialists like

as a mathematician should be recognized

Sartre and Camus, although it had only

for a formula, a logician should be

been in short excerpts as he had never

recognized for a philosophical truth, even

really developed a taste for writing

if the act of producing a philosophical truth

published before the year 2100. From what

is simply exposing a pre-existing condition

he had read the professor could very well

of nature. The professor resigned.

understand the dilemma Io must have

been in, as the nihilistic and existential

According to Io, the meaning of

life was dependent upon the statement

schools of thought would have no doubt

that ‘existence precedes essence’. The

overwhelmed any attempt to create a

existentialists had coined the phrase, citing

solution for a matter which was already

that before anyone exists as a title or social

solved.

position, such as a waiter or a leader, they

exist as a human being. The phrase was

a novel idea would never be accepted, so

then used to support the notion that life

he found his answer in the existentialist

was meaningless, as it is extrapolated to

rhetoric, using their phrase against them.

mean that any and all meaning that can

He argued that if existence truly preceded

be given to life is given by society. Society

essence, then before you exist as a human

and its values are subject to the time and

being you exist as molecules, and before

prevailing culture in which they exist, so

you exist as molecules you exist as atoms,

then any meaning or ‘essence’ of life is also

and before you exist as atoms you exist as

subjective. The professor could remember

indiscriminate subatomic matter- matter

But Io was clever. He knew that

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Weston Barker

which is identical to everything and

there was no meaning, taking refuge in

anything around you. Because of that, Io

the cold but familiar area of nihilism. But

reasoned that everyone exists at the most

Io had persevered. He had initially stated

basic level as a projection of the universe,

that the ultimate meaning of the universe

and that giving a compilation of subatomic

was to exist, but when confronted with the

matter the title of human being is the same

answer’s nihilist implications, he found one

as giving a human being the title of waiter.

of the most peculiar solutions. Io said that,

Io had effectively made the question ‘what

in order to exist, the universe must create

is the meaning of life’ synonymous with

life to perceive it so it can exist to create life

‘what is the meaning of the universe’.

to perceive it and so on. It was a beautiful

The professor stopped, noticing that he was

paradox- an infinite regression of logic in

in almost complete darkness- illuminated

which life’s purpose was to perceive and

only by the soft blue light coming from

give validation to a universe which was

the clock at the opposite end of the room.

synonymous to the life itself. The professor

The professor began walking again towards

thought it was beautiful.

the door. He reasoned that Io must have

The meaning of life was to live.

experienced a great deal of trouble coming

The simplicity of the answer never

up with the next part of his argument. If

failed to excite a deep passion within the

the professor had been asked what was

professor, as if he had stared into the face of

the meaning of the universe, the meaning

God and seen his own reflection. Because

of everything, before having ever read Io

that was it. If one replaced the word

he would have probably concluded that

‘universe’ with ‘God’…

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Weston Barker

The door slid open in front of the

professor, and the light from the adjacent corridor washed over his face. He gazed at it momentarily, his eyes adjusting to its stark luminescence and he turned, half gazing out into the darkness of the lecture hall. In the spirit of Io, he whispered ‘I am God.’

No, the professor thought, that’s

not quite right.

‘I am the universe.’

The professor chuckled, and the

door slid shut behind him, leaving the clock to project its pale blue glow out into the darkness.

46 Different Drummer

Ali Porterfield Colors

Alejandro hated Texas. It wasn’t

to “get the hell over it” and to “come down

for any of the usual reasons; the accent, the

to visit for Christmas, or else!” Alejandro

people, the fact that they wanted to secede.

wasn’t intent on figuring out what the ‘“or

He hated it because all of the stupid traffic

else” was, and he had wrestled his young

lights were turned sideways - at least, where

son into the backseat, wrapped a few last-

his mother lived, they were. He didn’t really

minute presents, and taken off. Normally,

care if it was a statewide thing; all he cared

little Mateo would be yapping his head off

about was that his mother had chosen to

and eating potato chips with his mouth

live in some old, white neighborhood in

open, but he knew better than to do that

Texas where all of the traffic lights were

in Texas. He had learned that lesson when

tipped over when Alejandro couldn’t tell

he was very small, even smaller than he

the difference between green and red.

was now: being obnoxious in Texas was

not something that his dad was going to

His mother told him that she

wanted to be close to Mexico, for when

tolerate.

her brother finally made it over the border.

Alejandro knew that he wasn’t coming

ahead of him. He couldn’t tell at all whether

over anytime soon, but he didn’t have the

it was green or red. There were no other

heart to tell his poor mother that. He did,

cars in the intersection that he could see,

however, have the heart to tell her that all

though, so he decided that it was better to

of the tickets he was getting for running

go now than when a car showed up, and

red lights were going to make him go

he eased off the brake. The dented once-

broke. She told him, in her typical manner,

white car slipped through the intersection

47 Different Drummer

Alejandro stared at the traffic light

Ali Porterfield

and safely to the other side. Alejandro let

out of the crappy speakers. He reached out

out a rough sigh. If he remembered right,

and slapped the radio off. All he wanted for

that was the last traffic light before he got

Christmas were right-side-up traffic lights.

to his mother’s house. The ugly monotone

With a sigh, he took a final left turn into his

Christmas decorations, which Alejandro

mother’s neighborhood.

knew were meant to be red and green,

weren’t half as bad as the sideways lights.

drifted up from the backseat. Alejandro

nodded, guilty. It wasn’t Mateo’s fault that

Normally, Mateo would beg

“Can we talk now?” Mateo’s voice

his father to turn on the radio. Instead,

his father was colorblind. The little boy

in Texas, the car was unnaturally silent.

wasn’t, and his favorite color was the green

Alejandro had been too buried in his own

that Alejandro couldn’t see. He drew his

frustration to notice, the white noise of his

father picture after picture in forest green

internal monologue (which was something

crayon. Alejandro didn’t have the heart to

along the lines of “oh my god, what fucking

tell him that green wasn’t really green to

color is that”) buzzing in his ears at all

him, and he accepted the drawings with

times, but now that he could relax a little

bright smiles. The fridge back home was

bit the quiet was suffocating. He pressed

plastered with them; even Alejandro’s

the button to turn on the radio. Instead of

mother’s fridge was covered in green grass

the pop station that would have played at

and green trees and even one sheet of paper

home, Alejandro found himself assaulted

that Mateo had colored entirely green for

by some kind of country adaption of All

no apparent reason.

I Want For Christmas that echoed tinnily

“Yeah, buddy, we can talk. Are you 48 Different Drummer

Ali Porterfield

excited to see Nonna?”

before she was outside, the screen door

“Yeah, but what I really want is

It was only a couple of seconds

for it to be Christmas today! I can’t wait to

slamming into the wall from her dramatic

open all of my presents!” Mateo clapped in

entry. “Nonna!” Mateo wailed, and he

the backseat, and Alejandro didn’t have to

threw himself into her arms. She positively

glance at the rearview mirror to know that

beamed.

his son was bouncing up and down in his

seat. Christmas was his favorite holiday by

Nonna was tiny, and Mateo was a chubby

far; he liked the green and the presents. It

kid, but she spun him in a circle like he

was Alejandro’s least favorite, but Mateo’s

was as light as a feather. She smiled at

enthusiasm never failed to get him a little

Alejandro over Mateo’s shoulder. “Alé, baby,

more into the holiday spirit.

come on inside. I have a present for you.”

Alejandro laughed and pulled

“Aww, Mateo! You’re so big now!”

Nonna spun and walked into her

into his mother’s driveway. Almost

home, not bothering to check whether

before the car was fully stopped, Mateo

or not Alejandro was following. She

was unbuckled and out on the concrete,

chattered away with Mateo about how the

sprinting for the front door of the squat

second grade was going instead. Alejandro

yellow house. Alejandro couldn’t help but

dumped the presents and the luggage by

smile as he grabbed the luggage and the

the front door, slipping off his shoes to

presents from the trunk, slamming it shut

reveal the Christmas socks that Mateo

and following in his son’s footsteps towards

had picked out for him. Alejandro rather

his mother’s home.

hated them, but Mateo had insisted, and

49 Different Drummer

Ali Porterfield

Alejandro could never say no to his son’s

tomorrow.”

puppy eyes.

her hands like Mateo. “Open it! Come on,

Nonna led the way into the

“No, baby,” Nonna said, clapping

living room, where she had decorated

rip the paper off!”

a Christmas tree with ornaments and

ribbons and lights. Alejandro tried not to

as he tore the paper away. Underneath

cringe. It looked awful - at least, it did to

was an ambiguous brown cardboard box.

him. The whole thing was almost the same

He tore off the packing tape and reached

color, an ugly beige-like tone. Mateo liked

inside. From underneath the packing

it, though, and he clapped his hands from

peanuts, Alejandro unearthed a pair of

his place on Nonna’s hip. “Nonna, do I get a

square-rimmed glasses.

present too?”

didn’t have vision problems. He didn’t even

“No, baby, you’ll get to open yours

Alejandro couldn’t help but laugh

“What are these?” Alejandro

tomorrow on Christmas day. Your papá

wear reading glasses. Nonna ignored his

gets his early, because I just couldn’t wait!”

confusion.

Nonna leant down and picked up a present

“Come on, Alé, put them on!”

from under the tree with her free hand. It

Alejandro sighed, wondering how

was striped white and green, or white and

he always ended up being the one bossed

red - Alejandro couldn’t tell. He took the

around, and slipped the glasses onto his

present from his mother’s hand.

face.

“Are you sure you want me to

open this today? I can certainly wait until

He almost fell over. There was

a whole new world on the other side of 50 Different Drummer

Ali Porterfield

the glasses. The tree was two different

along with the green grass and the green

colors, two awe-inspiring different colors.

trees. There were drawings of Mateo and

Alejandro spun in a slow circle. Everything

Alejandro holding hands, and one of a

looked different. Gone was the monotone

green hippo. Alejandro felt his heart stutter

beige of all of the Christmas decorations;

in his chest. So this is what Mateo sees.

in its place were two colors that he couldn’t

even begin to describe. He stared down at

mean to upset you.” Alejandro turned

the socks Mateo had picked out for him.

to see Nonna with her hand on his arm,

They were wonderful. Mateo had been

looking worried. With a start, he realized

right.

that tears were dripping down his face.

All at once, Alejandro

“Alé, baby, are you alright? I didn’t

He shook his head back and forth at his

remembered the drawings that Mateo had

mother.

made that Nonna kept up on her fridge.

He stumbled into the kitchen. The hand

he meant it.

towels weren’t a yellowish beige anymore,

and neither were the skimpy Texan trees

now?” Mateo’s voice was small. He had

outside the window. Alejandro could pay

never seen his father cry before. Alejandro

little attention, though; all he could see

smiled down at him.

were his son’s drawings, in red and green,

all across the door of the fridge.

them.”

There was the sheet of paper that

had been colored in completely green, 51 Different Drummer

“It’s beautiful,” he whispered, and “Papá, can you see the colors

“Yes, Teo,” he said. “I can see

The Tether

Art is an exploration of the horrors of reality... how to be brave in the face of them... and why we bother to fight.

52 Different Drummer

Li-Anne Wright The Farmer, My Father Farmer hands, calluses rimmed like rice paddies, Grow me gently, pat the grass next to him (come sit), Press to the ground (come listen) To hear the plants stretch in the morning.

Farmer back, wide, whiter Than his hands.

Sweat drips off him like tears And rain.

He carries me on his shoulders.

Farmer arms, bullish, Wring me tight sometimes, unapologetically.

(When I was a kid, I looked past The faraway hills, and I fantasized about being over there.)

Here, the farmer smiles, wrinkles pulling up his jowls, Dried by the sun, And grows me gently.

53 Different Drummer

Anaies Gibson Boy Meets Evil My scene was not specifically this or that.

It consisted of heaven shaking hands with the devil.

A man is not to be cared for by such devil, living life in the midst of his devilish ways -But a man is to be hugged and kissed by a virgin woman.

My scene not specifically that but this: For the realms of day and night emerge to turn beauty into the devil.

And from devil to beauty.

My scene was specifically a woman-- her virgin hand shook hands with the devil in order to hug and kiss a man.

My scene is not a good one.

For my scene is a man who mistook the devil for a woman.

His inner realms, his day and night said to not hold her hand for love is the name of the devil.

My scene was not specifically this or that but then again that and this, for it finished in death in the name of the devil.

54 Different Drummer

Anaies Gibson

As I’ve told you my scene, would you mind if I had a glimpse of yours?

What are your inner realms?

What is your day and night?

What are you willing to sacrifice in order to hug and kiss a man?

Family? Others?

Yourself?

What are you willing to do in order swat the devil’s hand away?

I apologize, that is your scene not mine.

55 Different Drummer

Alexandra Barfield Love Like Fire I love you Damn…

I’ve never admitted that to myself I still can’t even say it out loud But writing it down is enough, right? That’s a healthy way to deal.

But I don’t want to deal I want to be with you…

The day we met, I remember it as clear as can be. You were sitting across from me, a fire between us. I could barely see your face but just hearing your voice and the stories you told I knew.

I knew we would be together someday. No. Someday Soon.

Two weeks later Just two weeks, you came over to my house, I had a few people over and you weren’t even supposed to come but N texted me, “Hey I have this really awesome friend, can he come with?”

I know he’s awesome I could already feel it.

“Sure.”

You were only there for an hour but I could feel the connection, the fire between us, just like before. I moved in closer, pulled your shirt. Just then, we were so close I could feel my 56 Different Drummer

Alexandra Barfield

skin burning. I looked into your eyes and down at your lips. In that exact moment, I was as rebellious as a little kid when their mom says “Don’t touch the stove, sweetie, it’ll burn you.”

I had to touch the stove. I had to feel the warmth against my skin, even if it would burn me. Even if you would burn me.

“I’m 17, is that going to be a problem?”

You were 18 Birthday coming up soon The look on your face, of defeat. Like, Damn, she’s young but I want to be with her badly.

I won. I felt the burning sensation against my lips. It was quick. At first. Then long and passionate. I knew there was about to be more. But how much more could I handle without falling too hard, without burning too badly?

We went to your house I didn’t have my phone or anything Bad idea?

Maybe No. Not a bad idea Even on that first night together, I felt so safe in your arms Good idea.

57 Different Drummer

Alexandra Barfield

“I definitely deserve to get your number now” Yes Hell yes He wants my number *types in a phone number* “Here you go” “Now let me take you home” *kiss goodnight* butterflies flying, wait, soaring in my stomach “I want to see you again” “Me too” We texted endlessly We snapped endlessly We laughed endlessly We were endless We still are It was a summer fling, but I know that it wasn’t. I still have a thing… We still talk and laugh and snap, we are still us.

God That word Us 58 Different Drummer

Alexandra Barfield

What does it even mean? Can we even be an us? I want us to be an us. But I don’t think we can be. I’m with him and you’re with her. You know I love him, but it’s just not enough with him. I know you care about her but I know you’re not satisfied.

What do we do about that?

You are 162 miles away from me I can do the distance I can do it Can you?

No… You can’t and you told me that Should I end things with him? Fuck. No. I love him I think.

Well… I love being with him?

How do you know that you love someone?

Oh right I know that I love you And I love him, but not in the same way. I love being with him, but there is no heat. There is safety and warmth but none of the fire that was created between us.

We aren’t as connected 59 Different Drummer

Alexandra Barfield

We aren’t as easy It’s easy, when I’m with you I mean.

The connection just flows I am comfortable I am me When I’m with you But you’re 162 miles away from me so I can never be with you Love me Please?

We talked about this all. You know I am into you. You even said you were into me. What the hell was I supposed to do with that information?

“We can’t do long distance.”

“I can. You are worth fighting for. I would drive thousands of miles if it meant I could be with you.”

“No.” I never thought you could hurt me the way you did when you said that one word.

No. No. No. No. 60 Different Drummer

Alexandra Barfield

No. No. It circled through my brain. Everything stopped. All I could hear was no.

That’s not enough.

We kept talking for hours, circling back to our feelings for each other with no resolution.

No conclusion and no solution. We were both just emotionally fucked over and there was nothing we could do about it.

Fuck.

I got in my car and left. The second I got home I got a text “Hey babe, come over. I want to see you.”

It was him. Fuck. I feel disgusting. I want to be with you, but I went to be with him.

What would happen if I ended it with him?

Would you feel like you could actually be with me? Would it make it more real?

I think I’d be lost without him But I’m lost without you, even when I don’t have you.

I’m just lost.

I don’t think I’d be loved without him, I would lose friends, I would lose him, I would lose.

Could you love me? Could you give me enough to be happy?

I guess it doesn’t matter because I’m not even happy now so what would I lose out on.

61 Different Drummer

Alexandra Barfield

Well you, I guess, but I don’t really have you.

The deed is done.

He came over We cried We broke up.

I texted you.

I love you All I want is to lay in your arms and feel the warmth of your skin against mine. I’m sad because I hate hurting people. Not because I am the one hurting.

I love yoI hate that about me I hate that I wasn’t hurting when I hurt him. That I couldn’t muster up the courage to give him the breakup he deserved. I couldn’t get the words out.

I hate that.

62 Different Drummer

Alexandra Barfield

I hate me.

I love yBut wait, I don’t.

I am strong. I can admit when I need to make a change and dammit, I make that change.

It hurt, but I am strong, I can handle anything no matter how hard and I did that. With him. And no it wasn’t for you. It was for me, so I could be happy and free.

And boy am I free Free to be me I love Free to be with you Free to be the person I want to become, make the changes in the world I want to make and help people the way I want to help them, without being binded and tied down by love, or the potential for love.

I love you But I love me more.

I love m-

63 Different Drummer

Alexandra Barfield

It’s a new day, as is everyday, but today feels different. It is the day after I broke up with him. I feel like it was the right decision, but also did I just do it for you? So we could be together?

Has this changed your mind?

All I can hear is when you told me that one word. That one crushing word that broke my spirits.

No. No. No. No. No. No. Was this all for nothing? Did I ruin something good for something better that isn’t even in existence?

No, it was the right decision for me. But a part of my heart is lingering on you.

I’m moving on.

Or at least I’m telling that to myself. The validity of it is still to be determined.

I love me I am looking to my future. I am looking to the future of me, taking on NYC with a new perspective and no ties to my home. I am ready to build a new home and to learn and 64 Different Drummer

Alexandra Barfield

become a new person. A person that can live without you or him. A person that doesn’t need a “him” to be happy, but can be happy alone or with a “him”.

Right now I’m still figuring that part out…

The part about being happy with someone and also keep true to who I am.

Right now I’m still figuring that part out…

The part about who I am. Because let’s be honest, who the fuck am I? What do I want?

What am I going to do with my life? Will I be happy? Will I survive this world and the reality that is my fate?

I can’t answer all of these questions, but I know that one day I will. One step at a time I’m becoming truer to who I am, whoever that may be. As long as I stick to what makes me happy and stay honest with myself I will survive this. No matter how many more shots are fired. No matter how many flames exist between us.

I love you me.

Damn…

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Anonymous We’re Waiting Who now waits?

Now it is said that if you like something you go for it and be with it We’ve now been waiting for 8 months Probably even longer Are we really waiting? Waiting for what?

For my parents approval? They let us go out, so aren’t we technically already together?

Many people know of us, all except for my parents We’re supposed to wait till May 28th, 2017 But we’ve been going out since December 28th, 2016 I like that date, The 28th, it is between our birthdays that is why I like it Not just because we share the same month of birth but because it adds something to the list of things we have in common Our new favorite number You told me you liked me on July 18th, 2016 I don’t forget, I remember I can pretty much recall all the memories and difficult times we’ve been through I don’t forget, I remember

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Anonymous

There are 365 days in a year and I have spent with you 205 days adding one day to that number every day that goes by Are we really waiting?

A million thoughts are about you each day That should mean something, right? That this thing we have is something serious A lifetime it seems like it now the time that we’ve been together I’ve said this before and written it too, pero tienes una sonrisa que parece las estrellas que alumbran la noche oscura Como es con solo unos tiempos de hablar llegaríamos aquí Are we really waiting?

Who were you? Where were you? What made you then decide you would be the one to be with me for this long? To have been through so many struggles and by the end of the day say, “Baby, I love you” We’re high on this cloud by the deep affection we have for one another You once said that I was your achilles heel that was a little cheesy But that is just how are relationship is we make one another laugh with the cheesiest thing 67 Different Drummer

Anonymous

we can come up with Are we really waiting?

Our love is the dancing sun in the sky Our love is the blooming flowers in May Our love is endless We lean in together on winter movie nights soaking up each other’s warmth Laughing silently in the movie theaters about funny jokes we tell throughout the movie We’re like that That odd couple that no one seems to get We question everyone by the things we do for one another You will go as far as five miles walking in the snow to have a snowball fight with me And I will go as far as driving for an hour and twenty minutes to drop you off your favorite summer snack We know now that we will do anything for another So are we really waiting?

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Richard Gao Ode to Mom’s Soup Dumplings Mom’s soup dumplings 一百分, 10/10 Coming out of the steamer looking 一百分, 10/10 Soft like a marshmallow, yet firm as a post.

A true masterpiece, enough to make any guild man swallow their pride, after all it’s 一百 分, 10/10 The tingly aroma explodes on my nose like dynamite 一百分, 10/10 Every little dragon, fierce and mighty, gazes at me, Readying their fiery breath to blast at me full of flavor.

It’s a call to arms, but no weapons shall be involved, This’ll just be hand to hand, just me and the dragon, nice…

The look of each is fiery enough to make fire feel burnt, If I had to compare this to a party, it would be so turnt, The feel of each is as smooth as a dragon’s scales, They all seem peaceful, but inside tells a more violent tale, With every bite, it bites back, sending fiery pain through my nerves, The only way to calm down such a beast is using mankind’s most powerful creation, Chopsticks.

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Richard Gao

Every gold slab is worth millions, But man, a sliver of these dumplings would be worth more than all the gold slabs combined, The depths of each hollow pocket, you couldn’t get to the bottom even if you mined, For eternity, because the treasure just keeps growing and growing, Like the width of a river, which starts out streaming but becomes raging And the taste, OOOOOooooo the taste! It’s a breath of fresh air Gets my blood pumping, like the fresh prince of Bel-air.

Here’s a good idea, sell it at the state fair, Customers, they’ll be rushing in, coming in from everywhere, Asking for the recipe, likes it’s the Krabby patty formula, Or the Coke recipe, as if it’s some crazy phenomena, BECAUSE IT IS! But every time someone asks for this recipe, And asks how to create this physical fantasy, My mom always says,”No, 这是一百分, 10/10 不可以.” pronunciations 一百分(Ee bai fen) 这是一百分(Zhe shi ee bai fen) 不可以(Bu ke yi)

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Colophon

The Chapel Hill High School literary magazine editorial staff compiled the 2016-2017 volume of Different Drummer with submissions from the school’s students. Writers receive feedback after their work is reviewed and remain anonymous upon the writer’s request, though anonymity is discouraged.

All spreads were designed using Adobe Indesign CC 2015 on Macintosh computers. The font used throughout is Minion Pro, size 18 for titles and 10 for body text.

This issue was printed in-house by Chapel Hill Graphic Design teacher Kevin Schoden.

Layout designer: Judah Kalb, assisted by Garrison Reid Magazine Advisor: William Schrader

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