A FATHER IS NOT A PENIS STORY by Bruna Palmeiro
monster slapped her and threw cold water on her while I screamed in the crib, only nine months old. She ran away. They all did. The story repeated itself. Pedro, my ten year old brother, living now with his beautiful mother Andressa, talks to me shyly on the phone from time to time. I called him on his birthday. He said nice things like “I love you” and “I’m playing soccer with my friends”and “I never want to see our father again.” - Because he beat his mom till she bled in the bathroom. Because he destroyed his childhood. Because he made him unsure about life at such a young age. Just like me. It’s just the old story told again and again.
I have just started speaking to my biological father again. He called me his seed, but didn’t call me on the phone. He used proximity as a weapon of choice, perhaps to make me want to run away again. I feel like he doesn’t want to speak to me. It’s It is such a gift to be able to watch my faalright with me. We’ve never been close. ther speak in his demonized mind - that All the experiences I’ve had with him were mind he demonized himself throughout his related to money. “I’ll buy you sushi, but life. He did it all with his hands. His bloody don’t forget, I paid for every single month of hands. His violent hands. Beating, pulling, child support. All your mother tells you is a pushing, smashing violently what was lie. Everything that comes out of her mouth beautiful and pure. Yet unsuccessfully so. is only supposed to put me against you.”
He tells me now “If I was around, I would never have let you do the things you do today. But it’s alright, I don’t want you to It’s a blessing to be able to hear some change. I’m glad you had a man to help of his words, now that I understand why you growing up.” our system is broke and why the world with him. I’m glad Daniel’s heart, is falling apart. Ia agree heart full of love and music and art and
Perhaps it was, but not in an opinionated sort of way, just a realistic sort of way.
I understand the dynamics of luck and love. I understand the light of my life has been my stepfather ever since he showed up. I understand the first tears I shed while writing this declaration are when I talk about my step dad Daniel, because he is the one who loves me the most in this life. Of course, side by side with my gaia mother, my best friend Candice, the woman who chose to run away when the
generosity found me in the midst of untold, subconscious and mystical terror of abandonment and taught me about love and relationships and respect and mindfulness. I’m glad I had someone there, even when we cried together and screamed at each other. I know I didn’t have to talk to him so I could remember who made me who I am today - the beautiful artist Bruna, full of life, full of love. But it sure was a great reminder.