6 minute read
missed calls | DESCENT Issue #2
BY SOPHIA PELAEZ
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september 21 at 1:35 p.m.
so today was my first day at work, and i transferred to a new location, so it’s technically not really my first-first day at work—it’s just my first day at a new location. technically my like, 200-and-something-th day of work, but, like, it doesn’t feel right at all? (don’t worry no one’s being mean to me or anything) like, everything is the same—i know what to do and how to do it and i do it fast and i know everything i’m supposed to say and what i shouldn’t say—but, i don’t know, it all feels so different? like, ok, so today, my whole body would be moving, i’m like in the moment of doing something that requires urgency—like getting this done is the only thing standing between me and this customer whose mask isn’t covering their nose and doesn’t know how to read a menu getting out of the store—but then i’ll just start thinking. i’ll be like, thinking, like, about just everyone at home. what are they doing? i wonder if they still laugh at the same jokes, listen to the same music, have the same coworkers, if they’re happier. i don’t know, this probably doesn’t make sense. i’m the one who moved miles away but it feels like i’m the one who got stuck and left behind. dramatic right?
september 30 at 4:47 p.m.
isn’t it so exciting how i’m in college now? my friend was talking about how in their international relations class they literally watch lord of the rings extended edition movies and i told them about how obsessed you are with lord of the rings. did you know we can see the actual sword frodo used—like it’s somewhere in spain? okay all of that made me want to go rewatch the two towers again—that one’s definitely my favorite. i don’t think i ever asked, which one is your favorite?
october 2, 11:08 a.m.
my week has been kind of rough, i hope yours is going okay though!
december 18 at 8:23 p.m.
today it’s my sister’s birthday!!! she’s literally so old it makes me upset like i’ll literally go up to her and be like “uhm there’s something wrong with you. why aren’t you three years old.” she’s almost ten now, isn’t that messed up? since the last time you’ve seen her, her head is even bigger—mom says her body caught up to her head but that literally isn’t true, it still isn’t proportional. also her legs are really long and she’s lost like all of her baby teeth. also she’s really into softball now and she did swim—she didn’t make the swim team but honestly i still want her to try out again—and she does piano but she wants to try drums…? also, it’s crazy, now she cuts her own nails and gets her own water and makes her own sandwiches—and she does it all like she’s done it a million times before. and she’ll do it all without me, sometimes it just feels like i’m a piece that doesn’t fit.
december 19 at 1:57 a.m.
you know she keeps wondering where you are?
january 8 at 12:02 p.m.
it’s been a minute—and i feel like, if we ever run into one another again, you might not know it’s me. SO, let me give you a brief overview: i am, contrary to popular belief, much taller than i was the last time we met—i am, in fact, uhm, an approximate three inches taller, also i no longer have braces—actually i can’t remember if you saw me when i had braces—but i no longer have them and i cut my hair really short— again, contrary to popular belief, i did not do it to look like my mom—and also uhmmm … wait no i think that’s it actually. i’m pretty sure you’d be able to spot me on the street … … ... … … i’m not sure if i can say the same, though, i’ll be honest. my memory isn’t the best, and, you know, pictures… pictures only do so much, you know? and it’s not like i look at them everyday— so maybe if you’re ever in the los angeles area— i live here now by the way— maybe just try walking a little slowly. according to my calculations that will increase the chance of our paths crossing.
february 9 at 9:33 a.m.
i’ve always hated going to mass, it’s something my attention span is not built for, and i’ve always had like a weird relationship with the capital C church— but, like, when it comes to praying, like, i’ll do it when i just don’t know what else to do. like when i guess i really feel like god hates me. sometimes i’ll pray like when there’s a wildfire a mile away from my house or when i just threw up so much chicken noodle soup i feel like i can’t breathe—wait that reminds me of how one time my sister told me she prayed for me after i told her i was always picked last in kickball, that still gets me every time.
but my sister she’s always praying and she does it every night because she goes to catholic school still and because my mom tells her to not forget her prayers before she goes to sleep. and like, my sister is so intentional about it like she’ll drink her milk and then she’ll clasp her hands together and put them on her forehead and she’ll squeeze her eyes shut— like just in case you thought she might have been peeking— and she’ll sometimes do it so hard her forehead has those like indents and she’ll mouth the words of whatever she’s praying about
… … … … … …
and you know what she’ll do? she’ll ask god if she can see you one more time. i don’t think she knows what you look like anymore. i don’t think she sees anything. i don’t think there’s anything she remembers about you that hasn’t been spoonfed to her i don’t think there’s anything she remembers about you that isn’t in a picture i don’t think there’s any point in talking to someone you’re not even sure is there and i don’t think she should bother even trying. but it seems like we all bother anyway
july 11 at 4:00 p.m.
do you remember the white bicycle on that corner by all the lemon trees? the one that they hung up on a chain link fence. they put it up for the kid who got killed in a hit and run while he was riding his bike. i can’t remember when they put it up. it used to have a bunch of colorful posters and pictures of his face. but now it’s just the bicycle, and if you drove past it without knowing the context, you’d just think it’s some weird abstract street art. it sits there everyday. it’s less lavish, and i wonder if it means anything to anyone else in the neighborhood these days. it’s just become part of the way things are. when i come back from the grocery store, when i back home from a good day at work, when i back home from a bad day at work— whenever i turn the corner onto telegraph, it’s there. and then i’m home.
