Culture Confronting the Monster in the Dark: A Dentist’s Survival Against Burnout

Dr. Eric Recker

YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

Words that hit like a perfectly placed punch to the gut. Words that were so much more painful than any sticks and stones. Words that left an invisible mark. Words that defined a trajectory.

These are the words I heard on the playground at recess in my small Iowa hometown in the early 1980s. They are words that I stuffed deep in my soul for almost 35 years. Then, just a few years ago, they regurgitated themselves unexpectedly. It all started making sense.

I hit the ground running on July 15, 2002. I had just graduated from the University of Iowa College of Dentistry, and I was ready to go. I returned to my hometown, where my father had purchased another dental practice from a retiring dentist. He merged our practices so that I would have a steady flow of patients from day one, an act of generosity for which I will be forever grateful. At that point in his career, he certainly did not need the sudden growth, but he knew what I needed, and he knew we could make it work. Thanks Dad!

I stared at my schedule the week before I started. My dad had been keeping both practices afloat and triaging emergencies until I could start. That schedule overwhelmed me. I was booked out for six weeks solid. Six weeks. That is a lot for a new grad to stomach. But we don’t know what we don’t know, right?

YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

Little did I know at the time, but those words, stuffed down and lurking deep inside of me, were human malware that had broken my personal operating system. I had successfully stuffed that playground experience into my subconscious. What I could not stuff was the effect it had on me.

Nothing was ever good enough in my life. I started running, which is remarkable because I absolutely hated running as I was growing up. I ran a 5k. It wasn’t enough. I ran a 10k, halfmarathon, and marathon. Still not enough. I pushed into the sport of triathlon. When a sprint distance wasn’t enough (500750m swim, 12-15-mile bike, 3.1-mile run), I upped the ante. When Ironman (2.4-mile swim, 112-mile bike, 26.2-mile run) still didn’t feel like enough, I should have recognized there was a monster within that needed to be tamed.

Trying to show others that I was enough became my identity! There was always a race on the calendar. There was always the next CE course planned, because I had to prove I was good enough as a dentist as well. The ghost of being good enough haunted every area of my life. It became an obsession.

I have learned that when you believe you are not good enough, you do everything you can to make people believe that you are. I tried to be everything to everyone in my dental practice. The word “No” rarely, if ever, crossed my lips when something was asked of me.

With my patients:

“You can’t come until 4:30? Come on in, I’ll make it work!”

“You need to get in before 7 AM? Not a problem. Come on in!”

“You want me to try to fix that non-restorable tooth? Sure!”

“How can I contort my schedule to make you happy? I sure as heck am not going to let you down!”

With my team:

“You want to work one less day of hygiene? Sure!”

“You don’t want to start until 9 and not see 8 AM patients? I certainly won’t say no.”

“You need next week off for something vague, and no one can cover? Go for it.”

“You don’t want to take impressions, or polish, or clean up cement on that temporary? I got you. No worries. I don’t blame you for not wanting to do it.”

Me to myself:

“I can’t let you down.”

“I can’t disappoint you.”

“You might leave and go elsewhere if you are upset with me.”

Echo from the playground:

“You are not good enough.”

Years of perpetually adding, never saying “No,” and piling on ever-increasing expectations led to a dangerous place of burnout that happened suddenly. I wasn’t expecting it. I might have seen it coming if I were paying attention.

I was building a new clinic. I was in the process of buying the practice from my father. I was training for not one, but two Ironman triathlons, I was coaching both of my kids’ soccer teams, and I was serving on five boards. The “you’re not good enough” malware had convinced my personal operating system that it could process an infinite amount of activity and achieve that vague and elusive pinnacle of being good enough. As I mentioned, I wasn’t good at saying “No.”

Here’s what my personal operating system was failing to compute: I was $2.5 million in debt. I was feeling hopeless about digging out. I was an exercise-obsessed mess who was only sleeping 4-6 hours a night, and I had completely checked out of my relationships, especially with my family members, whom I love dearly. Despite all of the “healthy” exercise, I was experiencing deteriorating health. Then there were the unwanted reality checks, like the conversation I had to have with my wife. It went something like this: “Hey, Love? If something happens to me in the next couple of years, it won’t be good for you. After we get this debt paid down a little, our life insurance will be adequate. Until then, not so much.”

I was literally that super-fit guy who drops dead during a race. I was experiencing chest pains, heart palpitations, tension headaches, and dreaded panic attacks. I knew I had to get my health under control. Nevertheless, a thought crept in: “Would it truly even matter if I wasn’t here anymore?” Why do dentists have such a high suicide rate among medical professionals? Because we get to this point and keep going.

The worst part of all of it is that I thought that this was just what it was like to own a business and be a dentist. Everyone goes through this, so buck up and deal with it. I kept it to myself. All of it. The secret was getting harder to keep.

YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

When we came back into the office after COVID, it was time to throw in the towel. I had experienced all I could take. There was only one option in my mind–I would sell the practice and escape from dentistry. I spoke with my associate, and he agreed to buy the practice. In retrospect, I can tell you that I had not thought this through anywhere near the amount that I needed to, but I was laser-focused on escaping from this career that had a chokehold on me.

Plans were made. Discussions were had. A glimmer of hope emerged. And then came Monday, January 18, 2021. My associate was not at our morning meeting. His assistant called him. No answer. We called his wife. “He left at the normal time. I have no idea.” Then I heard the sirens less than a mile away. A horrific accident. His life was spared. My world was shattered.

Good-bye hope. So long escape. A three-doc practice was instantly reduced to two. For the next several weeks, I existed on pure survival instinct and adrenaline. As time passed, my eyes were opened. All I had been doing was looking for an escape hatch. Nothing more. Dentistry wasn’t my problem. Burnout would follow me wherever I went. I needed to find an actual solution to the actual problem.

I went to work on rebuilding my life. First, like an addict at their first twelve-step meeting, I raised my hand and admitted my burnout. I sought help from my mentor and started being honest with him. I started making daily decisions to take better care of myself. I embraced the reality that I have one shot at living this life, and I was tired of not truly living it!

After a two-month search, I found a partner to buy half of the practice. Part of the agreement was that I would see patients three days a week so that I had space to share the lessons I had learned through my burnout journey. Today, I continue to see patients three days a week and work with dentists and dental teams the other two days to help with practice culture, avoiding/ recovering from burnout, and healthy communication around all of these issues.

Here are a few things I have learned from this burnout journey that might just apply to where you find yourself:

I am good enough. YOU are good enough. Look in the mirror and say it out loud! It is true. You have greatness inside of you. Let me know if you need some help unlocking it!

You are not too far gone. Raising your hand and admitting there is a problem is the first step. It may seem scary, but I found that it was surprisingly doable (with help) on the other side of it. This painful reality you’re living in is not as good as it gets. There is hope! Don’t ever give up.

It is okay to be burned out. It is not ok to stay there. Once you identify it, it is time to get some help. This life is amazing and full and exciting once we unlock the goodness that is just waiting for us.

Saying “No” is often the healthiest thing you can do for you and your loved ones. You don’t have to be everything to everyone. My belief that I wasn’t good enough made me think I needed to try to be good enough for everyone. I crushed myself trying to make a small number of people happy. They were never going to be happy, no matter how much I gave and sacrificed.

If you have words that were said to you that you stuffed deep into your soul, you need to deal with those words. Don’t let them corrupt your personal operating system with their poisonous malware. Reach out to a mental health professional and begin to purge your system from their grip.

I nearly sold my practice and walked away from dentistry. It would have been the biggest mistake of my life, and my burnout would have followed me wherever I would have ended up. That was the old me. The new me has discovered renewed purpose in chairside dentistry and in helping people overcome their burnout by designing a life from which they don’t need a vacation. Let me know if you want to talk!

I encourage you to take a bold step into the new possibilities in your life. Burnout doesn’t get the final say.

Dr Eric Recker is a dentist, husband, father, keynote speaker, Elite Success Coach, author, pilot, mountain climber, and recovering triathlete. In his second half of life, he is committed to helping people shorten the distance to becoming their best version and learning to #WINtheNOW. He accomplishes this through speaking and coaching dentists and their teams to create a plan, provide hope, and a belief that good days are ahead.

Website link- https://ericrecker.com/coaching/dental/