It Isn’t Just Business, It Should Be Personal: Resolving Conflict in Business Partnerships

Maggie Augustyn, FAAIP, FICOI

Conflict Intimacy

Five years into our marriage, almost nine years of being together, my husband and I almost divorced. We were living parallel lives, passing each other in the common areas of our condo because it was difficult to stay in the same room together. It got as bad as not being able to stand hearing the other talk or laugh. A therapist and a series of quite drastic life events saved us; and, as of today, we have been married for over 22 years, and together for 26. We have been grateful for those years. Yet, as life would have it, just because one difficulty has been overcome doesn’t mean that another challenge isn’t coming. And thus, over the last 18 months, the roles we held within our marriage and our home have been redefined. We both had difficulty in adjusting to them. In maneuvering away from the difficulty, we faced 16 years ago, Scott and I decided to get ahead of this. We knew therapy worked before and we sought it out once again.

We both sat on the very comfortable brown velvet couch in my husband’s long-time therapist’s office, Dr. William Corrado’s. Corrado, with his large square black-framed glasses and madscientist hair, embodies calm and deep spirituality. He is life’s greatest cheerleader. He believes all humans are born good. He emphatically outlines your strengths and guides you to live within your well-deserved celebrations. Corrado taught me, taught us, that in the moments of resentment, anger, difficulty, and fear to always come from a place of love. He taught Scott and me to always remember how much we love each other and let that be the baseline in whatever heated discussions arise. Within that often laborious practice, we have continued to keep our marriage strong. Yet, it wasn’t until a recent dental meeting I attended that I was able to consider how that very baseline of basic love and care for one another can equally translate into the workplace.

Empathy And Personal Responsibility

September happens to be my favorite month. I wrote this article in September 2023, and it has taken almost a year and a half for it to see the light of day. The end of Q3 2023 was even better than the rest for me. I was honored to attend the Productive Dentist Academy Workshop as a faculty member for the first time. Gaining that honor had been three-plus years in the making, three-plus years of changes and challenges. But despite my new distinction, though present for the workshop, I always receive more than I give. In the Investment Grade Practice (IGP) part of the program there was a panel of partners, associates, and business owners discussing challenges connected with said relationships.

Dr. Galen Detrik, partner at VIDA Dental Studio, and Dr. Devin Giron, founder of VIDA Dental Studio, were asked how the two of them managed hardships or miscommunication. His words were simple and full of conviction: ‘We put brotherhood first.’ Brotherhood wasn’t necessarily specified as a relationship between 2 men, but 2 humans. He defined it as kinship, as a love for the relationship, for one another on a deeply human level. It’s advice that is no different than that of Dr. Corrado but translated from a romantic admiration a marriage holds into that of a business relationship. It’s a lesson he said to have learned many years ago. It consists of an exercise that might not be easy to perform, yet Galen considered this application life-changing, as it afforded him the ability to consider another point of view, one alongside his. It not only helped find empathy and compassion. It afforded him humility. And it is this proverbial exercise of walking in another’s shoes that he’s held onto ever since. An exercise like this might also help us understand that we, too, will inevitably do some of our own mishandlings. An exercise like this might help us find self-compassion and forgiveness, knowing that we do the best we can with what we have. The approach isn’t novel, after all, we have heard the saying many different times, stated in many different ways. It is something, however, that Galen considers to be the bedrock of any relationship. The story he told at the IGP summit was one of incorporating what he had learned years ago into his current partnership. It was a story of him and Devin having grown apart and bringing that energy into the culture of the office.

The stain of the relationship was palpable and seeing its effect on the team and their patients, the two decided to sit down to talk things out. And this is where the idea of ‘brotherhood first’ was born. They looked at one another as two humans, as two brothers, facing the same circumstance, one which was bound by an eternal care of their profession, of their patients, of their teachers, and of each other. They looked at each other as partners who in full cooperation could and would find a solution. ‘I want to see you succeed, even if it takes a back seat to my own success. Pride will be put aside. I am committed to the resolution. I take responsibility for my own role in this. You are a person first, my brother, first.’ are the kinds of words that were exchanged. This conversation was difficult to have. It left each one of them exposed and vulnerable, in an air of doubt in whether the brotherly love expressed would be received, recognized, and reciprocated. But as one brother, saw the other, taking responsibility, and sharing freely, the other mirrored the interaction and walked the path beside him and in communion with their common goal. This conversation not only led to a strengthening of their relationship, of their purpose, it led to an awakening in the spirit of their team and improved patient outcomes.

Galen’s finding is also that many dentists stray from having the very conversation he and his partner had. People are conflictaverse avoiding controversy at all costs often leading to the dissolution and crumbing of some of our most important relationships. People are so averse to controversy that many times they’d be willing to take a reduced income than to present exposed and vulnerable like the two of them had. Think about that. That’s how deep this kind of pain and need goes. THRIVE, Galen’s online and in-person CE company, which Devin has now partnered with, began as an answer to this very thing. When it comes to patients and treatment acceptance, the same fear that grips people in relationships sabotages them in case presentation. Our practices grow the more we grow as individuals and leaders. The more confident we become in saying difficult truths to patients, our case acceptance goes up. People don’t just need the truth; they crave it, they want it. Despite what we might say, while the truth hurts, isolation and anger hurt more. That’s the bedrock of our brotherhood, with each other and with our patients. If we honor the truth, we will play this game with a servant’s heart.

BEWARE: IT’S JUST BUSINESS, NOTHING PERSONAL

My mistake for almost a decade was relying on the advice of a dentist who, despite his financial success, held very different core values, priorities, and purposes. His advice for much of that decade was to make decisions solely on what is necessary for the business, often advising me to let go of the very relationships that made the most difficult days at the office tolerable. I feel lucky to have others in my life counteracting that, giving me the foresight and fortitude to dismiss his advice. I returned to him preaching that there were things more important than money and business; my illusions to be dismissed and scoffed at. The things that I believed came before ‘business’ were humans, relationships, connection, humanity, humility, and compassion. They were understanding and service. Along the way, I had come to realize that putting business first is the easy way out because it is impersonal. It’s a way of reducing our liability, it’s a way of withdrawing help from a situation, suffocating problems only for them to arise again. It’s a way of dehumanizing our very own human lives. When I spoke of this with Galen, he agreed with me. He also believed that many business relationships fail on account of putting numbers ahead of people, of dismissing our own personal responsibility, of a missed connection, or lack of compassion. Perhaps as we bravely rebuild systems within our culture and our offices, systems that have led to the dehumanization of the workforce, the systems that led to the great resignation, we might consider an alternative to ‘it’s just business.’ Is it possible that we now have the message backward, “It isn’t just business and it should be personal.”

Do All Things With Love

At the heart of all our relationships—whether in marriage, friendship, business, or community—is the fundamental choice to approach others with love, empathy, and a willingness to grow together. Conflict, while often uncomfortable, is an invitation to deepen our understanding, reconnect to shared humanity, and forge a bond stronger than before. It challenges us to face vulnerability with courage and to set aside ego for the sake of connection. It asks us to tread the difficult road of responsibility and compassion, knowing that doing so fosters resilience and unity. When we choose to “do all things with love,” we create a ripple effect that transcends personal gain, leaving behind an enduring legacy marked by integrity, generosity, and care. This choice is the foundation of meaningful relationships and the blueprint for a life well-lived.

Dr. Bruce Baird, a cofounder of Productive Dentist Academy, has always preached one message: do good while doing good. Those words, spoken on his podcast, his webinars, seminars, and workshops are forever ingrained in my heart. It highlights the importance of actions, not just words—a play on a message first introduced by Benjamin Franklin 1. It’s also a message the Harvard Business Review is not blind to2. It’s the same no different than love being your baseline, the same as putting brotherhood first. If you do good by people, only good can come of it. But to that, you must be willing to understand others, meet them where they’re at, and give them grace. In each path you walk, in each difficulty you face, there is a chance for growth, an opportunity to learn, to deepen an understanding not just of yourself, but of the other person as well.

You must also, above all, take personal responsibility for your role in the conflict. You need to be a servant to your purpose never forgetting that another has a purpose as important as yours. Celebrations don’t come without a winding road to preface them. Choosing how we deal with the disharmony will mark you as the leader you are, as the person you present to the community, and as the legacy that will be remembered. And know that will not be remembered by the money you made, won’t be remembered for the car you drove, how many vacation homes you had, or the Rolex on your wrist. People will, however, remember how you made them feel.

Dr. Maggie Augustyn, FAAIP, FICOI is a practicing general dentist, owner of Happy Tooth, author, and inspirational keynote. Recognized as one of the top 250 leaders in dentistry, she captivates audiences with her ability to evoke emotion by giving attention to the things that we suppress in the hopes of making us feel less alone and more connected. Dr. Augustyn is the national spokesperson for the Academy of General Dentistry and faculty member for Productive Dentist Academy. www.maggieaugustyn.com www.myhappytooth.com

1 https://www.sep.benfranklin.org/news/well-good/

2 https://hbr.org/2012/06/a-brief-history-of-doing-well