What am I thinking, by Juno Z.

by juno zanotti

What am I thinking?

A mini guide for parents to deal with their teens.

by Juno Zanotti

MYP 4A, ISH - International School of Hellerup Community Project, School year 2023/24 Research, surveys, text and illustrations by Juno Zanotti Advisory teachers Laura Qvistgaard, Ramazan Dicle Proofreader Lena Tomaszewska Book template by BLUB, www.blurb.com adapted with Adobe InDesign plug-in.

Printed in Copenhagen, February 2024

Table of Contents

Introduction What is Manga?

4 4

Chapter 1: Social media Survey questions comparison

7 9

Chaper 2: Privacy Survey questions comparison

13 14

Chapter 3: Travel An illustrated story

18 20

Parenting styles A game: do we match?

Works cited Acknowledgments

22 26 28

3

Introduction This book was an idea that originated from a school assignment, called a community project.

This project is meant to give students an opportunity to help a community and to be more aware of groups or minorities that are in need.

When this project was announced in school, I was visiting Japan with my mom and some friends.

I figured that I should use this opportunity to use the knowledge I obtained by traveling to a different country and experiencing a completely different culture. However, I couldn’t think of any community that could use this knowledge, and trying to find a connection to Japan was even harder.

While my mom and I were arguing over something unimportant, I thought: “if only she knew what I was thinking, we could avoid so many arguments…” and then it gave me an idea.

I could create a manual or a book for parents from the perspective of teens.

I would talk about certain topics where, from my experience and others, parents and teens have different opinions on.

To connect my book to my trip, I decided to make it a Manga.

What is Manga?

A manga is a Japanese comic/graphic novel, which were originally made in smaller sizes and only in black and white to save money in publishing. They have specific fonts and a specific art style known as anime or manga. Because of the popularity and importance of manga and anime in Japan, I decided to either make my project a manga or add a few manga-inspired graphics in the book.

I knew it was important to add a chapter on traveling as in my international school I know a lot of kids and teens travel back home with their families (myself included and I was on a trip with my mom at the time).

4

WHAT AM I THINKING?

I know that the adolescent and teenage years are always said to be the worst for parents to manage, but why?

From my own experience, I realized it was because of how I didn’t express my emotions clearly, making my parents guess and assume what I was feeling, which caused big misunderstandings.

Of course, I couldn’t base the whole book on just my experiences and I knew that a lot of research would have to be involved, but I felt happy to be working on something that was also personal to me. My main goal was to make sure it was accessible to everyone, so this book will be online for anyone who would like to read it.

I want to share this book and the information I learned to maybe help you and your teen understand and learn more about each other together.

So I thank you in advance for reading this book, and I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed making it.

Juno Zanotti scan me!

Kyoto International Manga Museum

SOCIAL MEDIA

5

watching something

6

WHAT AM I THINKING?

texting thumbs move aggressively

listening to music *blank stare that could involve a wall **head nods

Chapter 1

SOCIAL MEDIA Teens tend to use social media mostly to communicate and talk with others. Social media is very popular, the most popular in Denmark being Snapchat, TikTok, Pinterest, Instagram and Whatsapp. All of these can and are mostly used to communicate with others, especially Snapchat and Whatsapp. The rest are more commonly used for scrolling and watching content.

The reason the scrolling apps are the most used is because of this loop that these videos give us. Tiktok, formerly known as Musically, became famous because people could post short 15, 30, or 60 second videos with music. The app started in China, and then moved on to the rest of the world. Tiktok was the first ever app to have these short videos, and so many people began creating different content that more and more people would enjoy.

Today, there are 1.5 billion people that are using Tiktok.

Notifications from these apps and scrolling through social media makes our brain release dopamine (the hormone that gives you the feeling of pleasure, satisfaction and motivation). This hormone makes us feel good, explaining why we keep watching and scrolling. These apps are designed to make us want to use them, and to keep us on them as long as possible.

Us teenagers are aware of the negative impacts, but because of the popularity of technology, having social media has become a standard. We were also born with social media already existing and being popular, meaning that unlike older generations we haven’t experienced a world without it.

SOCIAL MEDIA

7

teens!

!

s parent

I don’t really know.

I think it’s because my parents think I have way too high screen time

8

WHAT AM I THINKING?

Survey questions and comparison I sent out a survey to the whole MYP grade to take, and most people said that the most frequent discussions or arguments with parents had been social media/phone usage.

When I proceeded to ask why they think this topic comes up so often or is more talked about than the others, more than half of the students who put social media as their answer said that it was because they were on it too much, or their parents say that their screen time is too high.

One person who answered said that “I don’t really know, I think it’s because my parents think I have way too high screen time.”

I assumed these students didn’t want to answer or didn’t read the question right, but now that I reread these responses, I see how it could be genuine and how they are unaware why they keep arguing with their parents. One fifth said that they don't know why they argue on the topic chosen.

It is important to talk and know where both you and your child stand in arguments, because if your child doesn’t know why, the teen could be seen as scolding them for something unknown.

Misunderstandings like these worsen trust, can lower your teens self esteem, and make them feel unheard.

It is important that you and your teen talk about certain situations where you could have different perspectives because it avoids misunderstandings and helps strengthen trust in your relationship if your child knows that you care about their opinions and how they feel.

SOCIAL MEDIA

9

I have little screen time and it applies to me but not them.

They can have their phones in the room but not me.

IT'S HYPOCRITICAL.

Another question in the survey I asked had different opinions that I know different parents have on social media (varying from no social media allowed at all or only to contact parents to as many as your child wants with no checking or rules).

The students were asked to choose one, and then later explain if they feel they agree or disagree with their parents choices or not.

Most fortunately said they agreed with their parents' feelings towards social media, however the few ones that didn’t were those who didn’t have a choice and weren’t allowed to have any or were limited to only contacting their parents.

10

WHAT AM I THINKING?

Most of the ones that disagreed said that they understood the reasoning, they would just like to have at least one or two to talk with their friends. These students are examples on how yes, limiting social media to make them less addicted is beneficial, but also in this day and age limits your child's social interactions.

To my surprise, a lot of people actually said that by their own choice they don’t use social media.

This is a good example of how even if most of us are dependent on social media, some still don’t like it or don’t see the appeal.

An answer I found interesting was “yes, cause I have little screen time and it applies to me but not them. They can have their phones in the room but not me. IT'S HYPOCRITICAL.” This answer not only shocked me but reminded me of how my parents are the same.

Social media and it’s addiction affects everyone, and even if you are an adult which might mean you have more self control, some house rules should apply to everyone. We know that you are adults so it is your responsibility, but “because I’m an adult and you aren’t” isn’t a valuable enough reason for teens.

Teens want to know why the rules are set in place to understand them, and maybe to even find a compromise, but if they don’t know why the rules are even set in place or see how the rules only apply to them, it can lead to teens thinking the rule is unfair, and are more likely to rebel against it. Helping your teen understand why rules are important to you and why they are there can help to strengthen communication and trust.

SOCIAL MEDIA

11

teens!

!

s parent

12

WHAT AM I THINKING?

Chapter 2

privacy Privacy is a topic that varies to a lot of different aspects, and the one we will be focusing on is personal space, body, and belongings. These were chosen as in the survey, as 59.3% of the respondents said that those were the most important part of privacy according to them.

Personal space is mostly known as our rooms in the house; I know from my experience that me and my family have different views on how my personal space has to be managed. I asked a question about the “room” and what they think your opinion is on their room.

Survey questions and comparison The results showed that majority chose the middle option, which was: “Your room is part of the house I pay for, but it is your room. I will knock before I enter but I can enter if you aren't there. you can change it, but you need to ask for permission first.

You can have as much privacy as you want, but you can not lock your room, and it should be in order most of the time.”

Having a room is a very important part of growing up, as it is the first individual thing you “own”, a space where you can have privacy. The room itself is a reflection of our mind and feelings.

The next question in the survey was “do you agree with their opinion and why?” (regarding the prior question.)

This question was also aimed at different parenting styles; the first option is mostly seen in authoritative parenting, the second/ middle option was more as an authoritarian approach and the last one is known as a trait of permissive parenting. I wanted to see PRIVACY

13

14

WHAT AM I THINKING?

which one had more students which didn’t agree, so I turned it into Decimals: First option: 41% Second option: 3% Third option: 0% The relationship teens have with their rooms are different: because of Covid and quarantine, our room was used for sleeping, eating, entertainment, and school.

The problem with doing everything in one room is that all of your “life” is in one space.

The action of going to school and going home from school are important, because they let us either start the day and prepare to focus and be a student, or to let our body and brain know that the time to be a student is over and now you go home and do your own routine separated from school life.

Just how when parents come back from work and feel relieved to be home and to relax, us students feel the same.

We know there are things to do when we are at home, but when we get there, because it is the space we use to relax and sleep, our brain connects to the action and we tend to start relaxing before being done with our chores or anything else.

Having your own room is a privilege, but also a need.

Our body and privacy are some of the most important things in growing up, and because we are developing physically and mentally, we need to understand how to deal with certain things alone. It is very important that you let us have the privacy we need, because it is crucial to developing experiences and making mistakes, so we can learn and grow as people.

A teen's room is a reflection of our mindand feelings: if you notice that our rooms are different or dirtier (than how it usually is), it could be we are going through some stress and don't have the energy or time to clean or do the routine we usually do.

Keeping this in mind, it is still the house you own, and boundaries should be in place (for example, when guests visit your room should be clean, etc.) so we can learn how to live with PRIVACY

15

others, and be more aware of boundaries in living spaces.

It is important to have a balance between privacy and sharing a house, as it is still a shared space which everyone should enjoy being in. Having a place to go to when you are stressed or not feeling well that you feel comfortable in is very important for everyone living in the house. If you feel that some boundaries have been overstepped, then make sure to share with us.

Knowing that you are open to change allows us to also be more open. If you feel something is wrong (we know you have the parental instinct) ask, be open, and let us express our feelings, while also expressing your own emotions.

As a teen, I know we can interpret things as criticism or judgment very easily, and so find it easier to not express our emotions. But we have to break out of our comfort zone to grow, and I am not saying to pressure your child into telling you how they feel, but also just expressing your own feelings can help us feel more at ease when communicating our own.

16

WHAT AM I THINKING?

the room in question

how teens see it

how parents see it

PRIVACY

17

Chapter 3 WITH TEENS

a mini story

Good

g!!

MORNIn

ok so we need passport other docu.. deodorant

everything is

ready!

then we stop in the milldle to sleep

we go to germany with the ferry

HOME TOWN

and next morning we go through austria and finally reach italy

18

WHAT AM I THINKING?

DAY 1

should we stop in germany or keep going?

i thought we decided we were going to S NT stop?

WA CH ST JU REA TO LY ITA STER FA

stop always to trying e chang the plan !!!

THE FERRY.

OK SORRY

E WHY AR THEY SO LOUD

yeah.. but...

NINA! YES..

LET'S GO SHOP!

OK!

THE TAX

FREE SHOP!

did you find it?

are these perfect no keep

get four!

3x2 !!!

looking

family'S CREDIT CARD

how much did you spend?

TRAVEL

19

$

we spent $

it's christmas so what?! we only makes it eating be won't nse most se for a month them are how could you of for ot ts gif never we will rs and it's will he retire have to work nice to share we can the and for ake of t rest

dad exaggerating? is t? is ? why do igh nough pend t they dis mom r no hat ag y is ed e l l s t mu re i o tua ch e? wh orr ac ? e w w d confused di I'm so

R. BACK IN THE CA

so

REACHING HOTEL. ing

h everit

is fine?

NEXT MORNING.

this hotel was gross. i choose the next one.

ed

they stopp to eat

it's fine

do you like it?

yes

do you like it?

but you said -

20

WHAT AM I THINKING?

DAY 2.

Are we going straight home?

no i think we are stopping at nonni's* first

but...

*NONNI: ITALIAN TERM FOR GRANDPARENTS

nina... don't you think it's time to let go of the phone?

i

mom has been using the phone since we left and i know she's an adult but if when she 's bored she can use her phone and i can't ... it's so unfair!

ARRIVED.

but? we go to italy to see th em.. .. aren't you happy to see them?

no! i want to see them...

i just don't want to stink the first time we meet in some time

now they agree!

i think your dad is right

we are here!!

welcome back!

we m lun ade ch !

woof woof

woof

ARRIVED

🖤

woof

TRAVEL

21

A GAME: Parenting styles, do we match?

“Studies show that youngsters with less warmth, compliance, acceptance or a high level of rejection and criticism from parents develop a poor self-image and negative cognitive style” (Lanjekar et al).

This quote explains how children with parents that are more controlling and less supportive are more prone to having poor mental health, as having parents that give less help, are more discipline-oriented less accepting and have high standards for their children can lead to negative thinking, develop a poor self image and make it hard to accept rejection and criticism.

To make sure as a parent you aren’t being too controlling or not supportive enough for your child, it is important to create a relationship with them built on trust, to be able to understand what your child may need. This creates an environment where your child can feel they can thrive, and can prepare them for their future, and also to parent their future children. Therefore, being helpful and trying to understand your child is essential and needed for a good relationship with your children, which is beneficial to both of you.

22

WHAT AM I THINKING?

simple instructions! on how to do "the game"

- read the next page and find your parenting style - let your teen read and also selct... see if you match!

- you can the return here and leave a few thoughts as a reminder of the conversation!

s parent

TEENs

reply

reply

PARENTING STYLES

23

PARENTING STYLES

24

Characteristics

Authoritative

- high responsiveness, high demandingness - set boundaries but inspire children to be independent - listens to children - practice understanding and flexibility

Authoritarian

- low responsiveness, high demandingness, most discipline oriented - restrictive and punitive style, does not involve a child’s point of view in parenting, usually one way communication from parent to child

Permissive

- high responsiveness, less demandingness, involvement is passive - few boundaries, if a child is upset parents use things (childlike) to make them feel better even at their own expense

Uninvolved

- low responsiveness, low demandingness, - no boundaries, no involvement and less interactions between the child and the parents

WHAT AM I THINKING?

Advantages

Disadvantages

- learn to manage their own decisions, emotions and time - helps the child in communication and future problems and situations - advantages are long term

- doesn’t work in every household and different situations (it is said that authoritarian works better in certain environments)

- easier for kids to understand boundaries - benefits short term - helps the child stay safe as there are strong rules

- Doesn’t necessarily work long term (it has been shown that it lowers the child's self esteem) - more known to rebel against rules - can end up having problems with emotions regulation

- self assurance is more seen as they are more free to be themselves and grow more confident - more chances to experience new things as there is more freedom - more creativity comes with those who have more space for trial and error - better relationship with parents as there are less conflicts

- are more prone to enter risky and unsafe environments - forced to make their own decisions on themselves even if they don't have the skill or maturity - lack of boundaries and emotional development as parents always say yes - are more prone to depression and anxiety as they keep to themselves

- learn to be independent at a young age

Little to no relationship with child -Forces children to make their own decisions to survive Because children need to fend for themselves to survive they are more likely to develop trauma based disorders

PARENTING STYLES

25

works cited The surveys will be printed and publicly displayed during the exhibition on February 7th 2024 at ISH, International School of Hellerup, if you are interested in reading the details.

Bed Arena. “Why It Is Important to Separate Work Space from Your Bedroom.” Bedarena.co.uk, Bed Arena, 16 Apr. 2020, bedarena.co.uk/blog/advicetips/ why-it-is-important-to-separate-work-space-fromyour-bedroom#:~:text=%E2%80%9CKeeping%20 computers%2C%20TVs%2C%20and,one%20has%20 connected%20to%20it. Accessed 14 Jan. 2024.

Haynes, Trevor. “Dopamine, Smartphones and You: A Battle for Your Time.” Blog, Harvard University, 1 May 2018, sitn. hms.harvard.edu/flash/2018/dopamine-smartphones-battle-time/.

Accessed 30 Nov. 2023.

Hetherington, Chelsea. “Authoritative Parenting Style: Pros, Cons, Long-Term Effects.” Mom’s Corner, Familyeducation, 8 Sep. 2023, www.familyeducation.com/family-life/moms-corner/ authoritative-parenting-style-pros-cons-long-term-effects.

Accessed 27 Oct. 2023.

Jacobs, Emma. “The Secret History of the Teenager’s Bedroom.” Ft.com, Financial Times, 15 Sept. 2023, www. ft.com/content/48b145a4-ded4-4daa-bab6-2e644cf3e121.

Accessed 14 Jan. 2024.

Lanjekar, Purva D., et al. “The Effect of Parenting and the Parent-Child Relationship on a Child’s Cognitive Development: A Literature Review.” Cureus, 22 Oct. 2022, https://doi.org/10.7759/cureus.30574. Accessed 23 Oct. 2023.

Perry, Christin. “Authoritarian Parenting: The Pros and Cons, 26

WHAT AM I THINKING?

According to a Child Psychologist.” Edited by Wayne Fleisig.

Better Parenting, Parents, 17 Aug. 2023, www.parents.com/ parenting/better-parenting/style/authoritarian-parenting-the-prosand-cons-according-to-a-child-psychologist/#:~:text=The%20 risks%20of%20authoritarian%20parenting,hand%2C%20are%20short%2Dlived. Accessed 6 Nov. 2023.

“Permissive Parenting: The Pros and Cons, According to a Child Psychologist.” Parents.com, Parents, 25 Aug. 2023, www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/style/permissiveparenting-the-pros-and-cons-according-to-a-child-psychologist/.

Accessed 12 Nov. 2023.

Tramontano, Martina. “Genitori e figli adolescenti: 7 consigli per comunicare in maniera efficace.” Vivavoceinstitute.com, Vivavoce Centro Medico, 29 June 2020, vivavoceinstitute.com/ comunicazione-genitori-adolescenti/. Accessed 14 Jan. 2024.

Wellspring. “4 Types of Parenting Styles (+ Pros and Cons of Each).” Wellspring Prevention, Wellspring, 4 Oct. 2022, wellspringprevention.org/blog/pros-cons-parenting-styles/.

Accessed 12 Nov. 2023.

Zeltser, Francyne. “A Psychologist Shares the 4 Styles of Parenting and the Type That Researchers Say Is the Most Successful.” Raising Successful Kids, CNBC Make it, 29 June 2021, www.cnbc.com/2021/06/29/child-psychologist-explains-4types-of-parenting-and-how-to-tell-which-is-right-for-you.html.

Accessed 12 Nov. 2023.

WORKS CITED

27

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS Thank you to all the students and parents who participated in the survey. Thank you to my advisors: Laura Qvistgaard and Ramazan Dicle for helping me start and finish this book, and for counseling me through my work.

To my mom, who acted as my publishing agency and helped me to get back on track when I was overwhelmed, even if I was challenging.

Thank you to Lena Tomaszewska, for being my last minute editor that proofread my work, I could not finish without you.

28

WHAT AM I THINKING?

woof woof

woof

30

WHAT AM I THINKING?