shannon

A big aspect of Laotian and Thai culture is family – something I struggled to embrace growing up. My family and I often didn’t get along due to language barriers or generational differences. Talking about our feelings or mental health was not normalized in our family. It was just brushed off as being lazy or making excuses. Instead of being able to express what was hurting us, we hurt each other instead because we didn’t know how to be vulnerable to one another.

Not loving my family for the longest time resulted in me not loving my culture. Cultural festivals meant going with the family, eating cultural food meant eating as a family, learning Lao or Thai meant speaking with family. As I learned to distance myself from them, I involuntarily distanced myself from my heritage. It wasn’t until I grew older that I saw other friends with good family relations who were also more involved in their culture than I was. It hit me how much I missed out, but it felt as if it was too late to make amends.

It wasn’t until my senior year of high school when I attempted to reconnect with my family. That year was the last time I’d ever get to live with them everyday, as I’d head off to college and live life on my own. Growing up, I wanted nothing but to turn 18 and leave them as soon as possible, but suddenly it terrified me to be without them. Although we had our differences, we were still family. Despite their unspoken words, they loved me and were proud of who I grew up to be. I learned more about my culture through conversations with my elders, and made attempts to participate in traditional celebrations together. Although our relationship still isn’t perfect, I learned to love my family, and as a result love my culture.