The Stooshie Issue 0 Published May 17 2014

17 may 2014 ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

the

As Ithers See Us

Stooshie How the world views Scotland

T h e b e st o f S c ottish m e d ia – n e w s

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opinion

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d e bat e

Referendum gets personal – Cameron comes north

Miley twerks the Hydro

Is misogyny making a comeback?

Cup final fever New kids on the block go for glory

Fred Said!

Scotland in days

A taxing week for our man MacAulay

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06

Trump plans “love fest” for Troon

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Banksy bonus for boys’ club

How the world sees Scotland

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Take to the stage: the best of Scottish theatre

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Editor’s Round-up: That was the week that was

Welcome to The Stooshie, Scotland’s week in a single magazine.

We’ve thumbed hundreds of pages, clicked through websites, read blogs, digested Tweets, goggled the box and worn out the wireless to bring you a smorgasbord of the very best that the Scottish media has to offer. We know news, views and reviews are your thing, but now we’ve made it our thing to give the best to you in one place. We have trawled, absorbed and crafted a digest of the highest quality journalism, without you having to spend your time doing the heavy lifting.

This week the UK’s biggest-ever Lottery winners have been suffering a bad case of indigestion after their financial support for independence put them in the political firing line.

Meanwhile, the stakes are rising for both David Cameron and Alex Salmond. Will one of them have to get out of the kitchen once the temperature reaches boiling point in September?

Broadcaster Kirsty Wark has put sexism back on the agenda thanks to her Blurred Lines documentary but with Miley Cyrus wowing the crowds in Glasgow, our Stooshie of the Week asks if sexism is now making a comeback.

And, of course, there is the small matter of the Scottish Cup final this weekend. We look at the two Tayside teams hungrily anticipating the climax to the football season.

Read, digest and enjoy!

SCOTTISH WORD OF THE WEEK

stooshie noun ❘ st ∫ı ❘ 1. A commotion, a rumpus, a row, a to-do.

2. A state of excitement or anxiety; a tizzy.

Usage: “There’s a stooshie brewing.”

“There was a bit of a stooshie at the pub.”

WE really like...

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Fred MacAulay chooses life in the fast lane

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Euromillions winners call for calm

46

■ Iain Green on the SNP and that lotto cash The Scotsman

Editor-in-chief: Richard Neville Editor: Steve Bargeton Deputy editor: Catriona MacInnes Art director: Aileen Wilkie Editorial: Rory Weller, Craig Smith, Stefan Morkis Contributors: Brian Donaldson, Robert McNeil, Lucy Penman, James Williamson, Graham Huband

Advertising & Commercial Opportunities: Bryn Piper: 0207 400 1050, bpiper@dcthomson.co.uk Circulation: Iain McKenzie: imckenzie@dcthomson.co.uk Subscription Sales & Customer Service: 0844 826 5009, thestooshie@dcthomson.co.uk 17 May 2014 ❘ the stooshie

4 l news

MAIN EVENTS

Weirs weigh up the price of speaking out UK’s biggest Euromillions winners donate millions to Yes campaign but call for calm as debate hots up ■ Colin and Chris Weir won a massive £161 million on the Euromillions in 2011.

Since then they have paid out vast sums to charities, using their good fortune to help others.

They have also been unafraid to nail their colours to the mast regarding the referendum.

Lifelong SNP supporters, they have donated more than £3 million to the Yes campaign over the past two years, 79% of the total money raised by the Yes camp.

But they have also called for

calm in an increasingly fractious debate, saying Scots will have to live together on September 19 and that they have been the victims of personal smears (see Letters p20).

Meanwhile, The Church of Scotland has invited leaders from both sides to a “reconciliation service” three days after the vote.

Incoming moderator Rev John Chalmers, who takes up office this week, said he fears the vote could set people against each other and urged the debate to be kept “respectful”.

EDITORIALS SAY

COMMENTATORS SAY

The Weirs have demonstrated “remarkable largesse” with their donations to the Yes campaign, the Scottish Daily Mail said.

And while the paper noted these payments were “rooted in their personal beliefs” it said it would be “remiss” not to question what impact such hefty sums could have on the future of the UK. Had their numbers not come up, the paper suggested, then the campaign could look very different.

But it said “no one of any political hue should face personal criticism because of their beliefs” and warned that much of the “so-called debate” has been “vulgar abuse”.

Politicians, the Mail said, must show that “threats, namecalling and abuse of a personal nature” have no place in the debate.

The Scottish Sun was equally critical of the abuse that has been heaped upon the Weirs, claiming they “have been under siege” for their “public proindependence stance”.

Meanwhile, The Courier said the Weirs’ donation may have been “small change” to them but is “lifeblood cash” for the Yes campaign.

However, the paper said it will be a “tall order” for Scotland to heal itself after the referendum given the “increasing level of bile that is enveloping the campaign”. In its experience, the paper said it is Yes supporters who are often “most vitriolic” in their attacks.

There may be more heat than light in the independence debate, but The Daily Telegraph’s Alan Cochrane wondered if the “online bile” is really representative of the discussions taking place on Scotland’s streets.

After attending a “referendum roadshow” in Alyth where he saw that supporters of both camps “rubbed shoulders with each other in apparent amity and where political differences appeared to be discussed reasonably affably”.

Cochrane said “it was something of a relief” to discover that in “small town Scotland things are being conducted on an altogether different plane”.

In The Scotsman, Lesley Riddoch agreed that too much is made of the behaviour of some campaigners.

She said there were, of course, “individual incidences of nastiness” but doubted whether there is a need to draw up “plans for national reconciliation” so far ahead of the September 18 vote.

In The Sunday Times, Allan Massie said there is room in the debate over Scotland’s future for “laughter and genial mockery” but the consequences of independence “can only be a matter of assessment, judgement and opinion”.

He said there are no “certainties” and, as such, the “decency” called for by the Weirs is “desirable” for us all.

Sickly Scots lose out on pensions New pensioners’ rights minister triggers row by claiming Scots are “shortchanged” by state pension because they die younger ■ As a former public health minister, Shona Robison (left) was concerned about the health of the nation.

Now, as pensioners’ rights minister, she is concerned about what we lose out on when we die.

She said Scotland should be exempt from a rise in the pension age because life expectancy is lower the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

in Scotland and so, on average, Scots lose out on around £11,000 in pension payments.

However, opposition politicians accused the SNP Scottish Government of an “appalling” lack of ambition.

They also claimed the SNP is trying to use the issue to boost support for independence.

EDITORIALS SAY Scottish Government claims that Scots are being shortchanged as they receive less in pension payments over their lifetime do not stack up, The Herald said.

Such a claim, the paper said, is “only valid if Westminster is to blame for the shorter lives of Scots”, evidence for which, The Herald said, is hardly “compelling”.

While it said the SNP are right to raise concerns about the widening gap between rich and poor in Scotland and across

MAIN EVENTS

Are our A&E departments buckling under pressure?

A rise in accident and emergency waiting times prompts call for NHS review ■ The number of patients who have to wait more than four hours to receive treatment in Scotland’s accident and emergency departments has nearly tripled in the space of just five years.

According to the Audit Scotland report, 104,000 people had to wait more than four hours for treatment in 2012-13 compared to just 36,000 in 2008-09.

Opposition leaders were quick to accuse the SNP Scottish Government of neglecting the NHS but First Minister Alex Salmond said steps are already being taken to improve standards.

These include a £50m emergency care action plan and more staff, both of which, he claimed, have been welcomed by medical staff.

Scotland has 31 A&E departments which are seeing a greater number of patients than ever before.

Labour is calling for a fullscale review to examine how the service can cope with the additional strains expected to be placed upon it.

the UK, it noted that health is devolved to Holyrood and the Scottish Government already “has the powers” to tackle health inequality.

The paper also questioned if delaying a rise in the pension age would truly be affordable post-independence.

Meanwhile, The Daily Telegraph did not need an editorial to say what it thought about Ms Robison’s statement.

“Die young to afford SNP pension plan”, its front page headline said, while the paper claimed the SNP’s plans for more generous pensions are based on the fact Scots die younger.

EDITORIALS SAY

COMMENTATORS SAY

That accident and emergency waiting times have increased so dramatically is a “poor performance by anyone’s reckoning,” said The Herald, which reckoned “lying for hours on trollies under the glare of neon” is the fate awaiting thousands of patients. It concluded that it is now time for an “honest debate” on NHS funding.

The Daily Record was equally scathing, saying Audit Scotland’s report was “devastating” for the Scottish Government. It also accused the SNP for focusing on the referendum at the expense of tackling Scotland’s social ills.

The Scottish Daily Express absolved staff of any blame but said if the NHS is not broken, then “it is most certainly creaking” and backed calls by Labour MSP Neil Findlay for a “top-to-bottom review” of the NHS. The Press and Journal said “cracks are appearing” in our hospitals.

There is always focus on hospital accident and emergency departments because they are, for many, a genuine matter “of life and death,” said The Scotsman’s Lyndsay Buckland.

She said “there is no doubt that something has to happen to speed people’s journeys through A&E” but doubted there is the money for the necessary staff and beds.

Brian Taylor, BBC Scotland’s political editor, wrote on his blog that rising waiting times gave Scottish Labour leader Johann Lamont a chance to put First Minister Alex Salmond on the spot at First Minister’s Questions. He said she “delivered an effective challenge” after noting an original waiting times target had “been missed, then tweaked to make it easier, then missed again”.

But he noted Mr Salmond “gave it back” by saying waiting figures had been worse under Labour.

COMMENTATORS SAY

children to become obese.

He bemoaned the fact that Labour leader Ed Miliband was accused of planning a “nanny state” when he mooted the idea of a “crackdown” on unhealthy foods and concluded there should be a “fat tax”.

In the same paper, Morag Arnot of the Winning Scotland Foundation said more needs to be done to “change the culture” around participation in sport. She said this would create a worthwhile legacy for the Commonwealth Games as physical exercise makes people “healthier, happier and more successful”.

Politicians are refusing to take action that would tackle one of the country’s biggest health issues, Hugh Reilly claimed in The Scotsman.

He said people who “choose to eat poor quality foodstuffs, they must live, or more correctly, die, with the consequences”.

He also said it was “illogical” that drug or alcohol addicts can have their children taken into care while “no action is taken” against parents whose poor diets allow their

news l 5 on the bright side ■ Scots are said to be optimistic that the forthcoming Commonwealth Games will be good for the country, according to new YouGov research.

Around 60% think the event will have a positive impact on Scotland, compared to just 3% who believe it will have a negative effect, while 62% say it will boost the Scottish economy – with more than three quarters of those surveyed thinking tourism will benefit most.

Two-thirds also felt more kids will take part in sport as a consequence of the Games.

■ Scotland has a track record of success in relation to the Turner Prize and this year is no different.

Duncan Campbell, Ciara Phillips and Tris Vonna-Michell – who all attended Glasgow School of Art – are on the shortlist for the £25,000 prize for contemporary art, along with London-based artist James Richards.

The Guardian’s Mark Brown said all four artists are “almost impossible to pigeonhole”.

■ Experts from the University of Edinburgh helped to examine the remains of a deadly long-snouted tyrannosaur, nicknamed Pinocchio Rex, near the city of Ganzhou in southern China.

Researchers believe the animal, which stalked the Earth more than 66 million years ago, was a fearsome carnivore – faster and stealthier than its T-Rex cousin – that lived in Asia during the late Cretaceous period.

The bones were discovered on a construction site over a year ago, and experts from the Chinese Academy of Geological Sciences joined forces with Scottish counterparts to study what was found.

17 May 2014 ❘ the stooshie

6 l news

POLITICS

Should they stay or should they go?

indy BRIEFS 1. A former economic advisor to Alex Salmond has warned there could be no formal currency union.

Professor John Kay said a sterling zone could not happen because the UK would demand control over Scottish fiscal policy.

2. Leading Scottish solicitor Rod MacLeod has said Scotland would have no “automatic right” to share institutions such as the Bank of England.

3. First Minister Alex Salmond has said independence would rebalance the British economy and aid the north of England.

be victory in the 2015 general election.

Needless to say, Ms McAlpine was delighted at the thought a Yes vote would force Referendum clash turns personal as speculation mounts Mr Cameron out of office, that defeat will end the careers of either First Minister Alex leaving a “decapitated” party Salmond or Prime Minister David Cameron. with no chance of winning ■ History may judge him as next year.

COMMENTATORS SAY the man who presided over The Daily Mail, however, the break-up of the United reminded readers that the Kingdom but Prime Minister Prime Minister David Cameron referendum is about Scotland, David Cameron has said he may be bullish about his future not the future of one politician will not quit if Scotland votes but not everyone agrees. who is up for re-election in 12 Yes. The Spectator’s Isabel months’ time anyway.

The Scottish Daily Mail’s Hardman said it “is not in the Its leader column warned an James Chapman reported Prime Minister’s gift to make independent Scotland would the Prime Minister has told that decision”. “face challenges which can friends he has “no intention of She said that while he may quitting” in the event of a Yes be determined to cling on there be barely imagined” and said vote on September 18. is every chance he would soon the SNP had “shamelessly downplayed” these risks.

But it seems unlikely he face a leadership challenge, Questions about the future would emerge unscathed from possibly from 1922 committee of the Conservative party, chairman Graham Brady. a defeat in the referendum However, she said Mr The Scottish Daily Mail also it concluded, are a mere Cameron had escaped quoted unnamed “senior “sideshow”. relatively unscathed Conservatives” who said Euan McColm in Scotland on from issues that many there would be “inevitable” Sunday said speculation over commentators expected to consequences for Cameron possible resignations after be damaging, such as the should he suffer defeat in the the referendum is doing more rejection of his motion on referendum. harm than good.

Syria.

And while First Minister Alex He said “there will be In the Daily Record, SNP Salmond may have delivered tensions, there will be anger” MSP Joan McAlpine said a No unimaginable electoral in Scotland after September vote would leave Mr Cameron successes for the SNP – and, 18 and that both leaders will “strutting like a peacock”. of course, a referendum on be required to pour oil on independence – there are now She said the Prime Minister would be “crowing” and would troubled waters, no matter murmurings that he could be “milk” the victory for all it was “how delicious the evisceration forced out of office should the worth which, she said, would Yes camp lose. of an opponent may seem”.

4. Virgin boss Sir Richard Branson said it “was not my place to intervene” when asked for his views on Scottish independence, but said he may make his views known closer to the vote.

5. SNP MP Angus MacNeil claimed the UK Government is “hushing up” a taxpayer-funded poll that shows support for Yes is soaring. the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

“All the nationalist elite can offer is a massive gamble that is not worth taking.”

“Life expectancy is improving but progress will take time, and we don’t want Scots to be disadvantaged in the meantime.”

Danny Alexander,

Shona Robison,

Treasury chief secretary

Pensioners’ rights minister

POLITICS Holyrood tax powers promised by Miliband

FM laughs off PM visit ■ First Minister Alex Salmond has welcomed David Cameron’s visit to Scotland, branding the Prime Minister a “liability to the No campaign”.

Mr Cameron announced plans to visit Scotland for two days this week but Mr Salmond could hardly contain his glee at news of the visit, saying it can only boost the campaign for Scottish independence.

And, in an interview with BBC Radio 4’s World at One, he accused the Prime Minister of personifying “everything that is wrong with politics in this country at the present moment”.

He said the fact that a “Tory with negligible support” could claim “political authority” over Scotland was a “key argument propelling” Scottish independence forward.

Mr Salmond added that the removal of Trident from Scotland if the country votes Yes is not up for negotiation after September 18.

He also said Mr Cameron had neither the “guts nor the gumption” to take part in a head-to-head debate over independence.

And he claimed Treasury advice ruling out a currency union was a “campaigning tactic”.

■ Labour leader Ed Miliband has promised more devolution for Scotland if Labour wins the next general election.

Speaking on a visit to Scotland, he told the Daily Record’s Torcuil Crichton he would transfer 40% of taxraising powers to Holyrood if he becomes Prime Minister and, of course, if Scotland remains in the UK. He also promised more powers on housing benefits and back-to-work

programmes, as well as taxation.

And he said introducing a new Scotland Act granting these powers would be one of his first priorities after entering Number 10.

The Daily Record’s editorial said Mr Miliband appeared to be “brimming with confidence” about both the referendum and his electoral chances next year.

But it said it will take “political hand-to-hand conflict not just lofty ideas” to win September’s referendum and that Mr Miliband must still convince voters he should be Prime Minister.

Playwright apologises

Darling sidelined claim

■ Scottish playwright and independence supporter Alan Bissett has apologised after posting a Tweet saying No supporters suffer from “Jockholme (sic) syndrome”.

The pun on Stockholm syndrome, where captives begin to sympathise with their captors, was accompanied by a picture of a gagged girl.

Critics claimed the Tweet was in poor taste, particularly when hundreds of girls have been kidnapped in Nigeria.

Bissett said it had been “inappropriate and insensitive”.

■ It may still hold a slender lead in the polls, but Alistair Darling is being sidelined by the Better Together campaign, the Scottish Daily Mail claimed.

The paper reported that a “host of Labour big-hitters are to be drafted in” to revitalise the Better Together campaign.

It said that although there will be “no formal announcement” shadow foreign secretary Douglas Alexander will “effectively take charge”. A Better Together spokesman said Mr Darling was simply bringing more people into his team.

“The CBI made an honest mistake and we admitted to that.”

“It’s always been the Scottish people who have decided whether I am in post or not.”

“We can build a more just and a more equal Scotland within the United Kingdom.”

John Cridland,

Alex Salmond,

Ed Miliband,

Director General of the CBI

First Minister

Labour leader

news l 7

indy BRIEFS 1. Fishing leaders have written to First Minister Alex Salmond demanding clarification over comments he made suggesting EU boats could be banned from Scottish waters.

2. Shadow foreign secretary Douglas Alexander has said scrutinising SNP plans for independence should not be regarded as “scaremongering”.

3. Investment firm Baillie Gifford has said it will remain “committed to Scotland” whatever the result of the referendum.

4. First Minister Alex Salmond has begun assembling his “Team Scotland” who will carry out independence negotiations after September 18 if Scotland votes Yes. 5. Rev John Ross, the former moderator of the Free Church of Scotland, has said Christians cannot vote for independence as it would lead to a “secular state”.

17 May 2014 ❘ the stooshie

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news l 9

SEVEN BY SEVEN

On the rails – but why were trams a ticket to farce?

SEVEN QUESTIONS YOU REALLY WANT TO ASK 1. Edinburgh’s trams start trundling on May 31. What’s taken them so long?

The original proposal dates to 2001. In 2004, the operating contract was awarded to French firm Transdev and, in 2006, Holyrood passed the requisite bills. In 2007, the SNP vowed to cancel the scheme, but was outvoted.

So work began in 2008, but infrastructure problems quickly became apparent and contractual disputes added to delays. The Transdev contract was cancelled to cut costs, and in 2010 project managers held crisis talks.

In 2011, Edinburgh City Council voted to continue with a reduced project. Now, at last, after six years of complaints from businesses, cyclists and residents, the work is done.

The Edinburgh Evening News reported that a time-lapse video of tracks being laid to the Benny Hill Show theme tune had become an online hit.

2. Why did they have to shorten the route?

Money. A third of the original planned route was cut due to a funding crisis, so the line will run from Edinburgh Airport to York Place in the city centre rather than continuing further north to Newhaven.

An ancillary line from Haymarket to Granton Square was postponed indefinitely in 2009, partly due to the credit crunch, The Daily Telegraph reported. Another line serving the Southside was supposed to be paid for by a congestion charge. But that idea was defeated in a local referendum.

3. Why trams now?

They’re supposed to provide an integrated transport system for Edinburgh’s growing population and a better airport link for visitors.

Also, trams look modern and vaguely Continental. Edinburgh, with its Parliamentenhanced status as a capital, is even more conscious than ever of the need to look good.

A major objection from residents, however, is that it already has a much admired bus system that serves the areas covered by the trams.

TRAMS IN NUMBERS

52

Ticket inspectors will root out fare dodgers.

32

Drivers will operate the trams.

7.5

Minutes is the time between each tram.

33

Minutes journey time from airport to city centre.

8.7

Miles between Edinburgh Airport and York Place.

16

Number of stations on the route.

42.8

Metres is the length of an Edinburgh tram.

4. How much did it cost in the end?

Total cost has been put at £776 million. The projection in 2003 was £375 million. At one point, in 2011, it was feared the cost would exceed £1 billion, including interest payments of nearly £230 million.

5. Any other problems?

Access for the disabled became an issue, after it was decided mobility scooters couldn’t be taken on board “because of space”, the Scottish Daily Mail reported.

Disability Scotland accused Edinburgh City Council of “discrimination” and highlighted the case of war veteran Tom Gilzean (92) who they said was effectively banned from the service.

Reckless pedestrians were encountered during initial tests. As The Herald reported, a safety campaign was launched on social media using the “careful now” catchphrase from TV comedy Father Ted. The Daily Record also reported a taxi driver holding up a tram for 10 minutes as she parked her car on the lines to grab a McDonald’s.

6. Who’s in charge?

Deep breath: the tramway is operated by Edinburgh Trams Limited, which is owned by Transport for Edinburgh, which was set up by City of Edinburgh Council and which replaced Transport Initiatives Edinburgh, a private, not-forprofit company owned by the council.

City transport leader Councillor Lesley Hinds told the Edinburgh Evening News she regarded the trams as “my baby”. There’s certainly been plenty of bawling.

7. But punters will grow to love them, won’t they?

Once the disruption to traffic and businesses is done, the capital will doubtless take to its trams – even at £8 for a return from city to airport. One Southside resident told The Guardian: “Anyone who has been anywhere that has recently had new trams knows how wonderful they can be.”

17 May 2014 ❘ the stooshie

10 l news

AROUND SCOTLAND

1 HIGHLANDS & ISLANDS Culloden intervention

The Scottish Government may rule on any future developments near Culloden.

Highland Council will have to notify the Scottish Government of any new plans after permission was given to build 16 new homes near the site, causing international fury.

Bloodsuckers feast on Scottish hillwalkers

A mild winter may have caused an explosion in the number of ticks in Scotland’s hills and mountains.

The Mountaineering Council of Scotland has said hillwalkers are encountering vast numbers of the parasitic creatures this year. Milder conditions on lower ground are thought to be responsible for the increase in numbers.

Ticks can spread Lyme Disease, an infection that can cause arthritis if it is left untreated.

Ticks are commonly found in vegetated areas of Scottish hills.

2 GLASGOW & WEST Trump promises “love fest”

US tycoon Donald Trump (below) has told told South Ayrshire to prepare for a “love fest” as he lavishes money on his newly acquired golf course, Turnberry.

Trump, who vowed not to invest in Scotland again after the Scottish Government approved plans for an offshore windfarm visible from his course at Menie in Aberdeenshire, has said he does not believe a similar project planned for the coast at Turnberry will be give the go-ahead.

Trump said he would not alter the course without approval from the R&A although he is considering changing its name to include his own.

Subway spend shocks SNP

SNP politicians are demanding an inquiry into how a seven-strong team from the Strathclyde Transport Partnership ran up a £38,000 bill on two fact-finding missions.

The group was visiting companies bidding for contracts to upgrade Glasgow’s subway system. They say the trips to Canada, Spain, Denmark, Switzerland, Austria and London will eventually save taxpayers millions of pounds.

But Susan Aitken, SNP group leader on Glasgow City Council, wants to know how the money was spent.

SPT has been dogged by controversies over expenses and travel bills in recent years.

1

5

Bands line up for bandstand Teenage Fanclub and Squeeze are among bands who will perform at the refurbished bandstand in Glasgow’s Kelvingrove Park this summer.

The 90-year-old bandstand was closed in 1999 after falling into disrepair but will host a summer music festival following a £2 million restoration programme.

2 3

3 SOUTH SCOTLAND Mobile cameras save lives The number of accidents on the roads of Dumfries and Galloway has been slashed since mobile speed cameras were introduced.

Since the Safety Camera Partnership was formed in 2003, the three-year average number of serious crashes has dropped the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

by 81% while the rate of minor accidents has fallen by an almost-as-impressive 69% since the two safety camera vans were introduced.

They have also reduced the number of accidents at the A701 at St Ann’s, which had been the area’s worst accident blackspot.

Fresh appeal for stolen gold medal Police have issued a fresh appeal after thieves stole two Olympic gold medals during an audacious raid on Dumfries museum.

They stole goods worth an estimated £34,000 including curling gold medals from the 1924 and 2002 Winter Olympics.

The 2002 medal belonged to Rhona Martin, who led the British team to victory in Salt Lake city.

news l 11

AROUND SCOTLAND 4 NORTH EAST, ORKNEY & SHETLAND

Swimming pool piracy?

Teenage car thieves playing catch with police

Thrill-seeking teenagers as young as 15-years-old are stealing cars – and then deliberately seeking out police so they are chased, it has been claimed.

Speaking at a public meeting, Aberdeen West End officer PC Dave Heaney said teenagers search for unlocked vehicles and then try to goad police into chasing them.

The admission came just a week after 16-year-old Keiran Gibbon received an 18-month suspension order and a 120-hour community payback order after he admitted stealing a Jaguar car from the city’s Garthdee Drive when he was just 15.

Earlier this year, police in Aberdeen said at least one car was stolen in the city every night. Police said a core of 50 individuals scour the streets for vehicles. But he said they were being stolen “for fun” rather than criminal profit.

Pastor’s Amazon ordeal

5 TAYSIDE & CENTRAL Parents anger an abuse enquiry findings

4

Aberdeen councillors are to investigate whether they can charge people who don’t live in the city more to use its new Olympic-sized swimming pool.

The move came after Aberdeenshire Council withdrew from an agreement to pay £134,000 annually towards the pool’s upkeep. Residents of nearby local authorities such as Aberdeenshire and Moray would not be given subsidised entry to the pool.

Parents of pupils who they believe were abused at a special needs school in Dundee say they are disappointed at the findings of an independent review into the school.

Alistair Marquis’ report into how Dundee City Council dealt with allegations of abuse at Kingspark School exonerated the local authority. It found the council had followed child protection procedures correctly and promptly.

Mr Marquis (left) made a series of recommendations, particularly about improving communication between the school and parents, but there are still calls for significant case review into the abuse allegations. Some parents have claimed inappropriate restraints were used on children.

An American pastor who worked undercover at Amazon’s Fife depot for two months has said “fear and intimidation” were used to motivate staff during the Christmas rush.

Tim McKinney also claimed staff were “treated like thieves” and were checked with metal detectors before and after each shift.

Mr McKinney also said temperatures in the Dunfermline building were too high and staff had to wear painfully uncomfortable safety shoes.

Amazon said they are committed to treating staff with “dignity and respect”.

6 EDINBURGH, FIFE & EAST 6

Fife refuge

Afghan interpreters who risked their lives by helping British forces could be given new homes in Fife.

Around 300 interpreters and their families will be resettled in the UK and between six and 10 of them could be housed in Fife.

The scheme would be paid for by the Home Office.

Head of housing Derek Muir said Glasgow City Council, which has more experience with refugees, would provide support to Scottish councils welcoming Afghans.

Mortonhall boss suspended after report

One of Edinburgh City Council’s leading officers has been suspended in the wake of the damning report into the Mortonhall Baby Ashes scandal.

The report, by former Lord Advocate Dame Eilish Angiolini, found that parents had been lied to for 44 years about whether remains were left when their babies were cremated.

Now Mark Turley, Edinburgh’s director of services for communities, has been suspended from his £123,000 a year role.

Council chief executive Sue Bryce told councillors “there were a number of matters requiring consideration”. Dame Eilish’s report said Turley was “unaware” practices at Mortonhall were different from those at other crematoria.

Collapsed wall to be rebuilt The modesty wall at Liberton High School in Edinburgh which collapsed and killed pupil Keane Wallis-Bennett (right) is to be rebuilt as part of the inquiry into her death.

Health and safety officers are reconstructing the wall piece-by-piece at an English laboratory in a bid to determine why it collapsed on top of the 12-year-old as she got ready for gym on the morning of April 1.

17 May 2014 ❘ the stooshie

12 l news

AROUND BRITAIN

1 NORTHERN IRELAND

2 NORTH ENGLAND

Huge bill for cyclists

Abortion ruling

Police “not racist”

Mountain fund-raising challenge

Staging part of the Giro d’Italia in Northern Ireland is costing the taxpayer more than £4 million.

Organisers say the event will eventually be worth more than £10 million to the economy.

The High Court in London has ruled that Northern Irish women are not entitled to free abortions in England.

In Northern Ireland, abortion is only allowed when there is danger to the mother’s life or a chance of physical or mental harm.

Around 1,000 women travel to the mainland UK each year for abortions.

Cleveland Police has denied it is institutionally racist.

An internal report listing a number of alleged incidents, including offers being racially abused by the colleagues, was leaked to the press. Chief Constable Jacqui Cheer denied the force was institutionally racist but admitted it had “some problems”.

Community groups are organising a campaign to raise the £1.75 million needed to buy a Lake District fell being sold by its owner.

The Earl of Lonsdale (right) has put Blencathra on the market to help settle his £9 million inheritance tax bill before 2016.

3 MIDLANDS & EAST Scottish artist paints town grey

1

Bill Drummond topped the charts with The KLF and burned a million pounds in the name of art on a remote Scottish island.

Drummond’s latest project has been to create 25 paintings in Birmingham. His most recent effort was to paint over a UKIP billboard with specially-commissioned grey paint in order to obscure the “morally offensive” advert.

2

4 WALES

Doctors call 999

Meow Meow “drug of choice” in Wales Swansea judge Peter Heywood said use of the former legal high mephedrone “has almost reached epidemic proportions” in Wales.

He was speaking as he handed down sentences totalling 30 years to a gang of seven men involved in conspiracies to traffic drugs including cocaine, cannabis and mephedrone.

An ambulance was called when a woman fainted at a Liverpool conference attended by dozens of doctors.

The woman collapsed at the Liverpool Health Partners event.

Doctors said it was necessary to call the ambulance as the woman was pregnant.

The ambulance service said paramedics should be called whenever someone loses consciousness.

3 4

Stabbed children released from hospital Two children found with stab wounds in a Newport house are recovering from their injuries.

The seven-year-old boy and 16-month-old girl were discovered in the house and treated at Royal Gwent Hospital.

A 27-year-old-woman, said to be their mother, has been arrested in connection with the incident. She also required treatment for stab wounds.

5 SOUTH WEST ENGLAND Banksy’s boys’ club gift A row over who owns an artwork by street artist Banksy has been settled.

Painted on the door of the Broad Plain Boys’ Club, Bristol City Council said it belonged to them as they own the building. However, a letter from Banksy said it belonged to the club, which intends selling it to raise funds. the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

5

6

6 LONDON & SOUTH EAST Caught on camera

Grab Underground gropers

Met Police officers are to begin wearing body cameras.

The trial will see 500 officers wear the cameras on their uniforms. It is hoped the move will help secure more convictions and also help restore confidence in police by making their actions more transparent.

The cameras were introduced after criticisms over the police shooting of Mark Duggan.

A new campaign has been launched urging women to report men who attempt to grope on the London Underground.

Project Guardian urged women to come forward if they believe they have been targeted by a pervert on the Tube.

Police say that extensive CCTV coverage means it is easier to prosecute offenders than many women believe.

PEOPLE

news l 13

Stockline service ■ Hundreds of people gathered to mark the 10th anniversary of the Stockline gas explosion which killed nine people.

A build-up of leaking gas from corroded underground pipes was to blame for the disaster at the Stockline plastics factory in Maryhill, which prompted a country-wide pipe replacement programme.

Thirty-three people were also badly injured in the blast.

Families and friends came together at the weekend to take part in a special service in Maryhill Community Central Halls, which is close to the former factory site.

Among the speakers was former Strathclyde fire chief Brian Sweeney, who said the people of Glasgow “stand shoulder to shoulder” with those touched by the tragedy.

Rockall revisited ■ Nick Hancock hopes to smash a world record by living solo for 60 days on Rockall – a volcanic rock 260 miles west of the Outer Hebrides.

Rough seas stopped him beating the existing 42-day benchmark last May.

This club’s not for the faint-Hearted Businesswoman Budge quick to make mark at Tynecastle

Wullie and Boab were worried about a fitness test at school but they did plenty of running after Boab’s ‘smashing’ misplaced kick!

■ Talk about putting your own stamp on the place.

Within hours of settling in as the new owner of Heart of Midlothian FC, Edinburgh businesswoman Ann Budge had dispensed with the services of former manager Gary Locke and his assistant Billy Brown, brought in former Scotland boss Craig Levein as director of football and Robbie Neilson as head coach, and told several players that they were deemed surplus to requirements.

“It was clear from my earliest visits to Tynecastle and my earliest meetings with senior staff that the company, Heart of Midlothian plc, was, in every sense of the word, ‘broken’,” she said.

“We must grasp this opportunity to start afresh; to put in place solid foundations that will ensure we never again risk our 140 years of history.”

Perhaps it was little wonder the hashtag #BudgementDay was trending on Twitter this week.

Cartoon capers for Sir Brian Stagecoach boss Souter delighted by creative surprise to celebrate his 60th birthday.

■ A cartoon version of Stagecoach boss Sir Brian Souter will feature in a new children’s book created to mark his 60th birthday, it has emerged.

The businessman has been immortalised in A Very Special Family Party, which will be sold to support children’s literacy.

The 16-page book also saw the Perth transport company’s well-known brands turned into children’s characters in a fun story set at a birthday party for Sir Brian.

He said: “It’s a great idea, which we hope

children will enjoy, and it reminds us that there’s a fun side to transport too.”

Along with Sir Brian, characters such as Bobby Bus, Stanley Supertram and Molly megabus.com have been immortalised in cartoon form.

The book, which was written

by Stagecoach employee Lindsay Reid, is priced at £4 for a paperback copy, with at least £1.50 from the sale of each book being donated to the National Literacy Trust.

It works to improve the reading, writing, speaking and listening skills in the UK’s most disadvantaged communities.

Sunrise for Sunset ■ Hollywood actress Agyness Deyn “donned drab period costume” as filming for Sunset Song got underway in Aberdeen, reported the Scottish Daily Mail.

The adaptation will also feature Peter Mullan.

Tribute for Oscar ■ Celtic fans paid tribute to young fan Oscar Knox, who lost his brave battle against cancer.

Thousands of supporters paid their respects to the five-year-old, who passed away after a two-and-ahalf year fight.

17 May 2014 ❘ the stooshie

14 l news

BEST OF SCOTTISH COMMENT

Lewinsky tries to take back control

A pig is a prize worth fighting for

Dani Garavelli

John Niven

Scotland on Sunday

Sunday Mail

■ Time magazine once voted Monica Lewinsky the eighth most famous mistress of all time.

It is a title the one-time White House intern is not proud to hold. She has in the past admitted she is wellknown for “something that isn’t great to be well-known for”.

Since the scandal broke, Lewinsky has tried to keep a low-profile but a new interview with Vanity Fair has returned her to the front pages.

In Scotland on Sunday, Dani Garavelli sympathised with Lewinksy’s plight: how she will never be able to escape her tryst with Bill Clinton in the Oval Office.

“Imagine the worst mistake you ever made...coming to define you,” Garavelli told readers.

She said Lewinsky is a prisoner of a youthful indiscretion that, for many, will be all she can “ever amount to”.

Garavelli added that although she did not initially understand why Lewinsky agreed to the interview, she now sees it was to reclaim her life and reputation from those who “shredded it” years ago.

■ Any author nominated for an award is obliged to say what an honour it is to even be considered for the prize.

But novelist John Niven is only able to keep up the pretence for a second before admitting he is desperate to win the Bollinger Everyman Wodehouse Prize for Comic Fiction for his novel Straight White Male.

While acknowledging he is up against some of Britain’s best authors, including Bridget Jones creator Helen Fielding and Sebastian Faulks, who has written his own Jeeves and Wooster novel, he confessed he really wants “to win the damn thing”.

Niven said he is particularly keen on one of the prizes on offer. Not only does the winner take home lashings of champagne, they also get a breed of pig named after them.

However, Niven acknowledged that it makes little sense to compare works of art to one another, particularly when they range across different genres.

It is little wonder, he said, that authors like Irvine Welsh and John Updike love sports so much – because there are “no grey areas”.

Politics and poverty behind kidnappings

receive little attention from Western media until they “force us to sit up and take notice”.

And he warned there is widespread failure in the West to understand the circumstances that give rise to such terrorists.

David Pratt He said that although Boko The Herald Haram means “Western education is forbidden”, it has ambitions beyond enforcing ■ Revulsion at the abduction strict Sharia law upon Nigeria. of more than 200 Nigerian He said it is a “tool” of schoolgirls by militant Islamic Muslim politicians in northern terrorist group Boko Haram Nigeria who are trying to has spread across the world. leverage a greater share of the The Herald’s foreign country’s oil revenues. correspondent David Pratt President Goodluck said the “international Jonathan, said Pratt, uses community appears to be similar groups to shore up his pulling out all the stops” support in the Nigerian delta. to rescue the girls now the Ultimately, he said, Boko story is dominating headlines Haram are engaged in a battle around the globe.

But he warns it is dangerous for control of Nigerian politics and the country’s abundant to oversimplify the causes natural resources. behind the kidnapping.

But he said it is widespread Although some have claimed poverty that allows them to the girls have been sold gain support. Money from oil off as “brides,” he said a has not trickled down to the better description would be vast majority of a population “prisoners of war”.

This is because, he claimed, left “frustrated, angry and disenfranchised”. groups like Boko Haram

HAUD YER WHEESHT! ■ Dog owners in Fife who let their pets foul in public are being tracked using sophisticated heat-seeking cameras.

The cameras, which detect the body heat of dogs and their owners, can be used to catch culprits from hundreds of yards away at night.

The technology is normally used to catch criminals and dangerous drivers, but the CCTV-style equipment will be deployed due to the severity of problems associated with dog fouling in Fife. the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

A recent street cleaning survey in the region showed that 88% of respondents rated fouling as a problem in their area, higher than any other street cleaning issue.

Environmental enforcement officers have also been given stab-proof vests amid concerns about violent confrontations with dog owners who refuse to clean up their act.

While Fife Council said it is not aware of any officers being attacked, there have been “many threats of physical violence” where police have been required.

16 l news Sleepwalking into catastrophe?

Simon Schama The Financial Times

■ The morning of September 19 could be a new dawn for Scotland but will instead be a moment of “incredulous sorrow at the loss of our common home”, said renowned historian Simon Schama.

Writing in The Financial Times, Schama said a Yes vote would create “a shrunken country” that would be “divided by borders, barriers and perhaps passports”.

He said one of the crowning glories of the United Kingdom is “that it does not correspond with some imagined romance of tribal singularity”. In fact, said Schama, while Robert the Bruce may be celebrated for his victory at Bannockburn that led to

BEST OF briTISH comment Scottish independence he was “also lord of the manor in Tottenham” while his grandfather was Henry III’s constable of Carlisle castle.

Schama said the UK is a “splendid mess” of nations and its possible break-up would be a “bitter irony” because Great Britain was “in the first instance, a Scottish enterprise”.

Schama looked towards Adam Smith who, according to the historian, believed just and prosperous societies were the result of “the capacity to enter into the experience of someone not necessarily like you”.

This empathy, said Schama, would put the Kirkcaldyborn economist at odds with “die-stamp patriots” like Alex Salmond, Nigel Farage and Vladimir Putin, “for whom similarity is identity”.

Instead, he said, both Smith and David Hume would be among those “who feel enriched by sharing a national home with people who do not necessarily look, sound or pray like themselves”.

Ultimately, he said, living through the break-up of the UK will be “unbearable”.

London breaking up Britain...

...But Glasgow is key to victory

Simon Jenkins

Kevin McKenna

The Guardian

The Observer

■ Cornwall was recently granted European minority status, giving the Cornish the same rights and protections as the Scottish, Welsh and Irish.

The Guardian’s Simon Jenkins wondered if other areas of England, such as Yorkshire, may follow Cornwall’s lead and take steps to preserve its own unique identity. In fact, Jenkins describes Yorkshire as a “diverse geographic entity of great cities” or, to put, it another way, a “country”.

Granting protected status, Jenkins argues, is the “raw material for a new European regionalism”.

He said efforts to convince Scotland to remain in the UK are failing. Reaching for his Dickens, Jenkins said Prime Minister David Cameron is treating Scots “with all the subtlety of Wackford Squeers at Dotheboys Hall”.

And Jenkins said it may not be long before independence movements spring up in places like Yorkshire. If they do, he said, “it will be entirely London’s fault” as power has been centralised to the capital and little effort made to resuscitate economies in the north of England.

■ The visit to Glasgow by a host of civic leaders from England emphasised the ties between Glasgow and cities like Manchester and Liverpool, Kevin McKenna said in The Observer.

Those bonds, he said, will not be broken after a Yes vote due to the “economic, historical and cultural narratives” the cities share.

One thing Glasgow is not like, McKenna argued, is the rest of Scotland. While the city may be booming in some respects – it has a far greater population than Edinburgh and a thriving night-time economy – he added poverty in the city “is of medieval proportions”.

Given the vast numbers of children living in poverty, he said it seems Glasgow sometimes has more in common with Kuala Lumpur than it does with Edinburgh.

And although a traditional Labour stronghold, McKenna said many now realise independence is their best chance of change, giving the SNP a huge opportunity.

According to the McKenna, to win in September, the SNP must leave “its east coast and rural backwaters” and win over Glasgow.

HAUD YER WHEESHT! ■ Scotland has been named the manliest country in the world – pipping Russia into second spot.

A new poll conducted by shaving brand The Bluebeards Revenge suggested Scotland has the most macho men, with 29% of respondents backing the Scottish male’s bravado.

Russia polled 19%, ahead of Australia with 12% and England in fourth on 9%.

Melanie Kruger, from The Bluebeards Revenge, said: “While the kilt might not the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

look like the manliest of attire, make no mistake, it takes a lot of guts to wear one in Scotland’s cold and hostile climate.”

The Scottish Daily Express’ Brian Swanson was topical as he highlighted Alex Salmond’s recent comments about his admiration of Vladimir Putin (left).

“Putin may ride a white stallion bare chested, while Salmond plays it safe with a sober business suit,” he noted.

“But there’s no doubt which man leads the world’s manliest nation.”

18 l news

everybody’s talking about...

Making plans for Nigel How the European elections became a one man show 1. The European elections?

That’s right. Voters will get the chance to choose their MEPs on May 22.

2. Fascinating. What are the issues of the day?

The EU is hugely important in the UK. We pay mind-boggling amounts to it, receive billions in subsidies and the diktats handed down from Brussels shape our daily lives.

Meanwhile, there is, of course, the small matter of Scotland and its relationship with the EU should we vote for independence.

3. I think you’ll find there is only one issue and his name is Nigel Farage.

Well, it might seem like that but that’s not really the case.

4. He’s everywhere just now.

True, UKIP are heading the polls – in England anyway – and are expected to win the most MEPs down south, comfortably beating both Labour and the Conservatives.

However, as The Herald pointed out, in Scotland the SNP

remains the most popular option, with 34% of the electorate expected to vote for them.

Of course, not everyone in England is a Farage fan. He was egged on a visit to Nottingham and his decision not to stand in the Newark by-election and snatch a seat in parliament may prove a missed opportunity in the long-run.

5. So what’s UKIP’s pitch?

That they don’t like Europe. Or they do, but only its wines and cheeses.

Farage wants to disband the EU but spends more time talking about the rather more emotive issue of immigration.

6. Does any of this matter in Scotland?

Well, yes. UKIP hasn’t had huge success up here but did beat the Lib Dems in the Cowdenbeath by-election. As Joyce McMillan said in The Scotsman: “UKIP’s effect on British politics has already been seismic”.

7. Surely everyone beats the Lib Dems these days?

Maybe. After all, UKIP’s candidate still polled less than five per cent of the vote and lost their deposit.

Perhaps more relevant is how the prospect of UKIP success in England will affect the referendum here. UKIP is demanding a referendum on membership of the EU. It’s a popular policy and the Tories are moving to the right to try to stop voters switching to UKIP. The repercussions of that could easily have an impact here come September.

8. There must be some UKIP supporters in Scotland?

Not many.

Nigel Farage was surrounded by a baying mob of protestors on a visit to Edinburgh last year (bottom right). His visit last week also attracted hundreds of protestors but otherwise passed off incident free.

Nevertheless UKIP has never gained much traction north of the border.

9. So, why don’t we like them?

It could be we are more pro-European.

Then again, it could be we would prefer not to vote for a party which has to admonish or expel a candidate because of the outrageously racist or sexist statements they have made on a seemingly daily basis.

But then some believe it’s because we already have a party that thumbs its nose at Westminster.

Some commentators have suggested the SNP and UKIP are similar: not in terms of policy but because they represent an alternative to the Westminster merry-goround that is off-putting to so many voters.

The Daily Telegraph’s Graeme Archer subscribes to this theory. He said they represent “two populist movements, stronger on emotion than they are on reason” and that “both men are defined by the entities they detest”.

Little wonder, he concluded, that they have both expressed admiration for Vladimir Putin. Chris Deerin in the Scottish Daily Mail agreed, saying the end justifies the means for all three leaders.

UKIP The rise, fall and rise of a party

13

Number of UKIP MEPS elected in 2009.

the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

7

Number of UKIP MEPS remaining after five years.

Six have either left the party or been kicked out.

news l 19

BOFFINS

Moray spaceport hope boosted Minister hints that ‘remote parts’ of country preferred for base Tickle time ■ Volunteers willing to have their noses tickled are being sought by Aberdeen University.

Researchers there are investigating if cells in airways behave differently in diseases such as asthma and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.

The testing technique is called “tickling noses” and, as the Evening Express reported, involves using a tiny bottle brush to remove cells. This method avoids the need to take samples from the lungs.

Dr Daniella Spiteri Cornish, of the Institute of Applied Health Sciences, said: “It is quicker, less invasive and a comfortable procedure for volunteers.”

■ Science Minister David Willetts has dropped a fresh hint that Moray could become home to the UK’s first spaceport, according to The Press and Journal.

The UK minister ruled out the south-east of England as a location, saying he wanted an area “where there is not much civil airspace, where it is not very busy”.

He added: “We’re starting to look at relatively remote parts of the country.”

Kinloss Barracks could fit the bill, said the paper, with its added advantages

of closeness to the coast and a relatively clear path north over the sea.

RAF Lossiemouth had previously been regarded as a preferred spaceport location and was seen

by Sir Richard Branson’s Virgin Galactic Company as a potential contender.

That became less likely after Lossiemouth was retained as an RAF base with Typhoon fast-jet squadrons moving in. However, nearby Kinloss has spare capacity and a ready-made infrastructure.

The robots with sensitive skin ■ The day of the touchy-feely robot could be dawning, if a Glasgow University scientist’s work bears fruit.

Dr Ravinder Dahiya is on the brink of creating ultra-flexible tactile skin that would enable a robot to lift an elderly person out of bed and sense whether their cup of tea was too hot to handle.

His technique involves incorporating electronics and sensors on bendable silicon-based nanostructures 50 micrometers thick – thinner than aluminium foil.

The work has been made possible by a £1.07 million grant from the Engineering and Physical Sciences Research Council.

“Robots need to be able to interact the way we do,” said Dr Dahiya.

■ Lycopene, the ingredient that makes tomatoes red, could also boost male fertility, the Scottish Daily Mail reported this week.

Research by the Cleveland Clinic in Ohio found the nutrient could increase sperm count by 70%.

The finding prompted Britain’s Infertility Network to investigate if a daily lycopene supplement could lead to more pregnancies.

Using “nanograined magnetic layers” Sony has smashed storage records with a tape that can hold

185

terabytes of data per cartridge.

The technology, created with the help of IBM, allows tapes to store the equivalent of 3,700 Blu-ray discs.

Could lightning spark life on other planets?

■ St Andrews University scientists are investigating the possibility of lightning sparking life on other planets, The Herald reported.

The researchers, from the university’s LEAP (Life Electricity Atmosphere Planets) group, have examined how lightning might behave on planets far from our solar system. And they hope to discover the part it may have played in creating the prebiotic molecules needed to create life.

Speaking at a conference in Vienna, lead researcher Dr Christiane Helling said lightning had been observed on Jupiter, Uranus and Neptune, as well as Earth, but was “very likely” to occur outside the solar system too.

By building a discharge model, her team has been able to study lightning’s properties in cloudforming atmospheres far from Earth and to calculate how much energy a strike could release.

17 May 2014 ❘ the stooshie

20 l

LETTERS TO THE EDITORS Use your loaf

best of the week

Lottery winners call for calm ■ As lifelong supporters of independence, it would be strange if we did not support the Yes campaign.

The people of Scotland are not gullible. They aren’t going to vote based on how much money we have given to a particular campaign – they will make their decision based on being wellinformed.

And on September 19, irrespective of the outcome, we all have to live together.

That will only be possible if both sides of the campaign, the politicians and the media take responsibility for their behaviour and language in the next few months.

It is time for all sides to stop the smears before a line is crossed and attitudes adopted cannot easily be healed.

No-one – on any side – should be vilified for the views they hold, lest our democracy become victims of the debate.

■ The SNP says we will be on a par with Norway if we vote Yes on September 18.

Not according to my Norwegian friends, for the cost of living there is far higher. For example, we get four litres (seven pints) of milk for what they pay for a pint, bread is the equivalent of £2.50 a loaf, eggs are £3 a dozen, potatoes are £2 a kilo, people in work pay £10 to consult their GP and a litre of petrol is nearly the same as ours, even though Norway is an oil-rich country.

Their wages are certainly higher but so are their taxes, and people have to contribute £250 a month to childcare.

And Norway banks a lot of oil revenue, where the SNP would need to use every penny and more to fund Alex Salmond’s wish list.

Fay MacLeod, Ardrossan, Ayrshire Scottish Daily Mail

Missed opportunity ■ Had Edinburgh proceeded with the plan devised by Edinburgh University’s internationally renowned Professor of Civil Engineering, Arnold Hendry, we would now have a world-class light rail network on dedicated lines serving

Chris and Colin Weir, c/o Maritime Street, Edinburgh The Herald the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

around 80% of the citzenry, instead of the overpriced onstreet toytown airport link we seem to have ended up with.

Moreover, since it envisaged the re-use of abandoned railway tunnels and culverts, including the south surburban railway line, Hendry’s scheme would have avoided the disruption that tore up our streets and drove many businesses into bankruptcy.

His proposal for a light rail network that Edinburgh failed to deliver should have been his memorial.

advice, and I’m assured that one day they will listen to it.

R M Crawford, Glasgow The Scotsman

Fair point over foul play ■ I note with interest the recent correspondence on dog fouling in farmland.

When I trudged the fields as a youth, without dog, I recall the sanitary arrangements for livestock as basic in the extreme.

Have things changed? Or have I just put my foot in it?

David J Black, St Giles Street, Edinburgh The Scotsman

R. Russell Smith, 96 Milton Road, Kilbirnie The Herald

Housing ladder helping hand

Send it homeward tae think again..?

■ Our children are in their 30s now and both of them are still renting while they save up for a deposit – and all the other costs associated with buying a home.

Their only friends of similar age who own homes are those whose parents helped with their deposit, or those who were prepared to live in the suburbs – far away from the “fun” that our offspring prioritised.

We would love to help them financially to get on the housing ladder but we simply don’t have the means.

We do, however, have

■ As a patriotic Scot I am delighted that people from Scottish sport are calling for an alternative national anthem to the anti-English dirge that is Flower of Scotland.

Surely someone from the Scottish literary scene could compose suitably uplifting words to such bright tunes as McCunn’s Land of the Mountain and the Flood, Highland Cathedral or Gerry Rafferty’s Shipyard Town?

Michael Kay, Callander, Perthshire The Times

that’s debatable ■ The white paper itself claims that there would be a “transition” to “full membership” (of the EU). An essential part of the meaning of “transition” is “movement” – in this case moving from the current position where Scotland is part of the UK and hence part of the EU to the position where Scotland would become a “full member” state.

The white paper also discusses the required “amendment” of the treaty.

So it is contradictory and simply untrue to claim that Scotland would continue to be a member state of the EU. I believe Scotland would not encounter excessive difficulties in becoming a full member. But there are question marks over the timescale and, most importantly, over the terms.

■ I may be able to clarify matters for Colin Hamilton, who called the assumption that Scots (post-independence) will remain European citizens a “fallacy”.

He appears not to understand that our present membership of the EU confers EU citizenship directly on us, as on all citizens of all member states.

So we now have dual citizenship which cannot (easily) be taken away. This is indeed unusual in international law, but nevertheless true.

So the idea that as individuals we will be EU citizens (and host to many non-Scottish EU citizens) but Scotland will not be a member state is not a serious or reasonable outcome and would present more difficulties than it would solve.

Colin Hamilton, Braid Hills Avenue, Edinburgh The Scotsman

Donald Reid, Dowanside Road, Glasgow The Scotsman Letters have been edited

l 21

THE WEE PAPERS Higher than planned

A taste of...

■ Councillors were due to visit the island of Westray to examine a wind turbine that was taller than originally agreed.

The turbine near Noltland Castle is 27-metres high, where planning permission had been for a maximum height of 20 metres. The council is now considering a retrospective application.

Welcome Discovery

SPORT Dram fine display ■ Orkney FC were left with a metaphorical hangover after a comprehensive defeat by Golspie Sutherland in the John Mackay Memorial Cup Final.

The Orcadian reported that, playing beside the whisky vats of Invergordon, a “mature” display by Golspie saw them run out 4-0 victors, despite a good start by Orkney.

Pool of tears ■ An Orkney pool player cried tears of joy after helping Scotland ladies win the European Cup in Bridlington.

Rachael Sutherland said the most memorable moment was the semi-final against England, when “the whole arena was booming with the sound of Flower of Scotland”. Rachael finished top scorer at the event.

■ The first of the season’s large cruise liners arrived at Kirkwall’s Hatston Pier. The 169-metre Discovery arrived in Orkney from Rosyth, before leaving for Tórshavn, in Faroe.

Passengers were greeted at the terminal with maps highlighting local attractions and a range of locally made arts, crafts and souvenirs for sale.

Prehistoric find ■ A local archaeologist has found evidence of a prehistoric settlement at the foot of Wideford Hill, off the main Kirkwall-Stromness road.

Christopher Gee told The Orcadian he’d noticed a “distinct mound”, 40 metres across, when driving past. He unearthed

scrapers, knives, pottery shards and what appears to be a stone bead.

New centre opened ■ Over 100 residents and visitors ignored the poor weather and turned out to greet the opening of Sanday’s new heritage centre.

The centre is based at the 120-year-old old Temperance Hall, in Lady Village, and will showcase the island’s natural and manmade treasures and its community history.

Chapel is 70 ■ A series of events marking the 70th anniversary of Orkney’s Italian Chapel will be held this summer.

The chapel, at Lambsholm, was built

by Italian POWs during the Second World War.

The big story U-turn on fish farm plan ■ Debate continued over a u-turn by Orkney Islands Council that saw approval given to a controversial fish farm development.

The application by Scottish Sea Farms Ltd for a 12-cage farm off the island of Wyre, was backed on a 6-3 vote by the planning committee.

Previously, in March, the committee had refused permission for the 100-metre circumference cages.

However, The Orcadian’s Craig Taylor reported, it transpired that the decision had been based partly on an outdated local plan relating to land-based fish farm developments.

Those against the development included Orkney Fisheries Association and Wyre Community Association. 27 letters of objection, and three of support, had been received.

OFA secretary Fiona Matheson described the decision as “a devastating setback” for the wild Orkney fishery. But Scottish Sea Farms managing director Jim Gallacher said the development would bring jobs to the local community.

EVENING ALL Edinburgh Evening News

Evening Express

Evening Times

Greenock Telegraph

The Evening Telegraph

■ City householders

■ Aberdeen was one of the top UK cities visited by overseas tourists in 2013, according to the Office of National Statistics.

The city attracted 241,000 visitors from abroad, up 33,000 on 2012, and was 15th in the UK rankings, excluding London. Overseas visitors spent £169 million in Aberdeen in 2013.

■ Council tax collection

■ William Wallace

are cashing in on their driveways by renting them out as parking spaces. Research by YourParkingSpace.co.uk revealed the move could generate incomes of just under £1,500 a year.

Highest demand was near shopping centres, sports stadiums and railway stations.

■ A teacher had to shut

rates in Glasgow have reached a record level.

In 2013-14, the city council received almost 94% of the payments due by householders, compared to only 86% in 2006-07. Non-domestic rates also reached their highest ever level, at 96.5%, compared to 93.7% in 2009-10.

enthusiasts are hoping experts can verify that a chunk of tree unearthed in Port Glasgow was part of the one their hero was chained to after his arrest by the English.

Duncan Fenton of the Society of William Wallace said: “There’s always a kernel of truth in legend.”

her classroom blinds to stop her pupils seeing a suspected drugs raid nearby.

One parent of a pupil at Gowriehill Primary, in Dundee’s Menzieshill area, said officers used battering rams to get into the property. He said: “It looked like quite a big raid.”

17 May 2014 ❘ the stooshie

22 l

VIEW POINTS: THE BEST OF THE REST

NEWS BLOGS Chinese and elderly trigger tourism boom

By Professor Joe Goldblatt ❘ The Conversation Experts are predicting a boom for Scotland’s tourism industry. Much has been made of events like the Commonwealth Games and Ryder Cup but Professor Goldblatt from Queen Margaret’s University said the “keys to this success are more complex”. And he said the industry must do more to attract Chinese tourists and to cater for the rising number of retirees who have the money to travel. But he warned the “number one” activity of travellers is shopping and that Scotland’s high streets simply do not pass muster.

■ The official Ryder Cup Harris Tweed range

was launched at Gleneagles by models Lucy Garvey and Brian Kearney. The Herald

■ Diver Tom Daley brought the Queen’s Baton back to Britain ahead of Glasgow 2014 after its tour of the Commonwealth. Press Association

www.theconversation.com

UKIP success would change politics

By Gerry Hassan ❘ Scottish Review If UKIP wins the largest share of the English and Welsh vote in the European elections then it will constitute “a political earthquake with huge Scottish consequences,” Gerry Hassan wrote on Scottish Review. He said if the success was not mirrored in Scotland, as it is unlikely to be, then the supposed differences between Scotland and the rest of the UK will “deliver a spike” for the independence campaign. But, Hassan said, this should not fool us into thinking UKIP’s polices are not attractive to some Scots.

■ Chris Rutterford’s mural marks 700 years since the Battle of Bannockburn The Scotsman

www.scottishreview.net

Lunatic fringe damaging Yes campaign

By Alex Massie ❘ The Spectator Blogs The SNP has divested itself of any trace of ethnic nationalism but, writing on The Spectator blogs, Alex Massie said “many senior nationalists gaze upon some of their followers with some measure of despair and even, occasionally, horror” due to their online behaviour. And while he said it is unfair to judge the Yes campaign on the behaviour of its “mankier, more idiotic followers” they may still deter many from voting Yes. www.blogs.spectator.co.uk

Danger of pyrrhic victory

By Robert Girvan ❘ The Garden Lobby Winning 51% of the referendum vote will not give either side a clear victory, Robert Girvan wrote on The Garden Lobby. He said a close result could “open up divisions” and that unless there is a clear margin of victory Scotland’s future will remain up for debate. www.thegardenlobby.com the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

■ A pipe band plays as personnel from RAF Leuchars exercise the Freedom of St Andrews for the very last time. The Courier

■ Ronnie Cathro snapped a woman using a window pane as an impromptu umbrella during a downpour in Dundee. The Courier

NEWS TWEETS #Glasgow2014 Now the Commonwealth Games is a PROPER British sporting event – it’s got its own ‘ticket fiasco’!

Ticketmaster, which ran ticketing for London 2012, also responsible for fiascohit #Glasgow2014

Yet another catastrophic #Glasgow2014 PR disaster. This time a ticket farce.

James Millar @politicalyeti

Inside The Games @insidethegames

Connor Gillies @connorgillies

l 23

VIEW POINTS: THE BEST OF THE REST good week Tribute to John Smith A new centre promoting public service is to be created at the University of Glasgow in memory of the late Labour leader John Smith (see also page 46).

The John Smith Centre for Public Service will mark 20 years since his death.

Scotland’s Dodo A bone from an extinct bird known as “Scotland’s dodo” was uncovered following an archaeological dig in East Lothian.

The upper arm bone found at North Berwick was from the Great Auk, a flightless bird last seen in British waters on St Kilda in 1840.

■ Our world cloud amalgamates all the week’s news from the Scottish papers, with greatest prominence given to the most frequently used words.

GOSSIP OF THE WEEK

bad week

Life in the single lane

Gerard can’t catch a break

Tube hits a bum note Visitors to London have criticised Tube chiefs after ticket machines refused Scottish notes, according to The Scotsman.

A spokeswoman said configuring the machines to accept notes from north of the border would be a “costly exercise”.

To pee or not pee?

Scottish swimmer Dan Wallace was in hot water for urinating on a police car in the US. Wallace (21) was suspended from the University of Florida team but will be hoping to retain his Team Scotland berth.

Actor cements his status Scots actor Alan Cumming cemented his legacy this week as he added his hand prints to a New York theatre’s mini Walk of Fame (above).

The Good Wife star, who also appeared in the likes of GoldenEye and X-Men, helped the city’s quirky Theatre 80 St Marks on St Marks Place celebrate its 50th anniversary.

Gerard Butler has dropped out of the remake of the 1991 hit film Point Break.

The 44-year-old Glaswegian had been cast in the role Patrick Swayze made famous along with Keanu Reeves, but the Scottish Daily Mail’s Heidi Parker revealed “creative differences and a scheduling conflict” has prompted his departure.

Binoche Edinburgh-bound Oscar-winning actress Juliette Binoche is set to perform at the Edinburgh International Festival, reported The Herald’s Phil Miller.

The French star, who won an Oscar for The English Patient in 1997, will appear in the new adaptation of Greek tragedy Antigone next year.

Former IndyCar champion Dario Franchitti told how he is adjusting to single life again after his divorce from Ashley Judd.

The Scots racer moved back from America to his £4 million mansion in Port of Menteith, near Stirling, after being forced to retire from racing through injury.

The 40-year-old has battled back after cheating death in a 200mph smash in Texas last October, but admitted being a bachelor again is a different challenge entirely.

“I tend to rattle about the house a little bit,” he said.

Will Lucy leave his hat on?

Former Hollyoaks star Gary Lucy is to give audiences more than they bargained for when he appears in The Full Monty at Aberdeen’s His Majesty’s Theatre next spring.

I’ve been trying for tickets for #Glasgow2014 and that’s an hour of being told it’s a wait of over 60 minutes.

I logged on at 9.30am for #Glasgow2014 Commonwealth tickets, got on at 5.30pm got 1 swimming ticket before it made me queue again #5hoursnow

#Glasgow2014 CEO David Grevemberg says ticket fiasco is ‘enormously frustrating and disappointing’.

To whichever agency is responsible for the #Glasgow2014 ticket website: you should be ashamed of yourselves. SO many bugs.

Hi guys! I will be running in the Commonwealth Games this year..!! See you in Glasgow..!!

Shabba....!!

John Beattie @BBCJohnBeattie

Chris Brown @chrisbrownsport

STV News @STVNews

Rowan Barnes @rowanbarnes

Mo Farah @Mo_Farah 17 May 2014 ❘ the stooshie

24 l

Stooshie of the week

aye or ay ❘ eye ❘ 1. means yes.

Usage: “Aye, I’ll be there.”

■ Nobody would ever confuse the singer Robin Thicke for a deep thinker nor a particularly talented artist.

But, last year, his song Blurred Lines certainly caught the zeitgeist. For much of the summer it was inescapable.

There was widespread unease about the lyrics, which suggested that women who dress in a certain manner are sexually available. It was, in the words of one critic, “a bit rapey”.

Now, Thicke is not the first person to take neanderthal attitudes into the pop charts and nor will he be the last but, as Kirsty Wark discussed last week, such rampant sexism has become normalised in recent years.

There is no single cause. The “laddism” of the mid-1990s arose in many respects as a response to the strict political correctness of the previous decade. Magazines like Loaded and FHM popularised an anything-goes attitude that persists to this day. Of course, the creators of these magazines will insist everything was done with a nod and a wink and that readers could separate their content from real life.

But the leeriness persists online and in the mainstream media. The Sun still has its page three girls while the

Daily Mail has become the most popular news website in the world on the back of its sidebar of shame. Every day celebrities, no matter how minor, are ridiculed or praised for how they look.

And, of course, the internet is also home to a vast array of pornography, much of it extremely violent towards women. The long-term effects on those who learn about sexual relationships from these videos is not yet known.

But perhaps most worrying is how the internet has a normalising effect on such offensive behaviour. One of Kirsty Wark’s examples was the disgraceful treatment meted out to academic Mary Beard when she appeared on Question Time. She was subjected to screeds of abuse, mostly about how she looks.

Now, no doubt many of these Tweeters were upbraided for their comments but men who post these comments and see other users doing the same rapidly come to believe their behaviour is acceptable. It is confirmation bias in its purest form and can easily spill over into real life. The Stirling University students caught singing sexist songs on camera may have considered it nothing more than bawdy humour. If only that were really the case.

Are we living in a new age of misogyny?

In her documentary Blurred Lines, Kirsty Wark put sexism back on the agenda by suggesting the internet has normalised certain attitudes – just in time for Miley Cyrus to twerk her way across the Hydro stage. Is there really a new battle of the sexes?

AS ITHERS SEE US!

O wad some Power the giftie gie us To see oursels as ithers see us!

To a Louse ❘ Robert Burns On that note, he argued “Will Scotland go the that Scotland has made way of Slovakia?” “splendid contributions to asked R. Emmett Tyrell in The American Spectator this week. philosophy, science, the arts, commerce, warfare – and Tyrell highlighted that forget not – drink”, particularly the Scots “may have been whisky which is “on a par with portrayed as a junior partner” Tennessee bourbon, maybe in the Union but stressed they even better”. have “held their own” over the So he questioned if Scotland years. the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

really wanted to “diminish” itself to the level of Slovakia, who split from Czechoslovakia in 1993 “goaded by visions of self-importance and an irrational urge for change”.

While the Czechs have flourished he suggested Slovakia became a “backwater”, and, while he

admitted Scotland will not suffer the same fate, “it will not be what it has been while united with England”.

With that in mind, he suggested Britain should follow the example of Toronto when Quebec took a notion for independence.

“The citizenry of England should make it very clear that they frankly ‘don’t give a damn’,” he concluded.

“It worked in Canada, and my guess is it will work in Great Britain.

“Faced with the complexities of conjuring up a new nation, the Scots will be glad to return to Great Britain.”

l 25

Stooshie of the week

naw

❘ naw ❘

1. means no or not.

Usage: “Naw, I can’t make it to the game.”

The New York Times’ Steven Erlanger and Katrin Bennhold looked at both sides of the Scottish independence debate, centred around a visit to see the play ‘Union’ at the Royal Lyceum Theatre in Edinburgh.

The paper claimed the Yes campaign are facing a “race against time” – with “every poll so far giving the pro-union camp a clear, though shrinking lead”.

“Evidence of the debate is everywhere, with signs on shop windows along the Royal Mile displaying the preference of the owners, and stickers

like “End London Rule!” plastered to sidewalks,” the paper noted.

The Chronicle, based in Queensland, highlighted Scotland’s Year of Homecoming and why Aussies should go and visit.

The paper noted the 130,000 Australian residents who were born in Scotland and another 1.8 million who claim Scottish ancestry, meaning Scots are the fourth largest group of immigrants to Australia.

“Now they want us back, albeit just for a visit,” it said.

“It should be a hoot.”

■ There are sexist attitudes out there which are wholly wrong, and yes, the exploitation of women who do not wish to be exploited simply cannot be condoned.

But to suggest the situation has worsened because of the internet? It almost sets feminism back a couple of decades.

All that’s happened is that sexist views have become easier to express.

At the same time, those opposed to misogyny have a greater platform from which to challenge it.

Moreover, The Independent’s story last week on research by the think-tank Demos at the Centre for the Analysis of Social Media at the University of Sussex shined a startling spotlight on how the internet is actually being used.

(Look away now if you are easily offended.)

It found that women are almost as likely as men to use the terms “slut” and “whore” on Twitter, while researchers also found that women were often seen directing abusive terms such as “slut” or “whore” at each other, both casually and offensively.

Indeed, one only need look at the venom and hatred directed towards Katie Price recently – regardless of how

much she may have courted publicity in the past – to prove that point.

So it seems to me that people are much more desensitised to misogynistic language these days rather than anything else.

Miley Cyrus was in Glasgow with her Bangerz tour on Monday and left little to the imagination, pushing the boundaries of what you can expect from a two-hour concert.

Transvestites, dwarves, a giant hairy ostrich and writhing about on a bed provocatively were all part of the show, but all the while Miley had her trademark tongue firmly-incheek.

A couple of nights prior she was at G.A.Y. in London straddling a giant blow-up penis. Each to their own.

And thanks to the internet, you are a couple of clicks away from seeing it yourself.

There is an argument to suggest Facebook and Twitter make objectifying women easy and guarantees you a wider audience. But you could apply that to almost any subject.

It’s not a new era, it’s just evolution of what’s always been.

Sexism is still sexism, exploitation is still exploitation.

Technology has just made it look different.

The Sunday Herald’s decision to become the first UK newspaper to openly support independence was highlighted by Spanish daily newspaper La Vanguardia.

The paper said the Sunday Herald had “broken the hegemony” and had decided to move away from the rest of the media which was “generally union-friendly or neutral” by carrying an editorial “favourable to secession”.

“The rest of the Scottish newspapers have not positioned themselves openly on the referendum, although many do so tacitly, while the

British national press tends to support the unity of the United Kingdom,” it suggested.

The paper also noted that the Yes campaign is expected to “advance positions” in the weeks prior to September 18.

17 May 2014 ❘ the stooshie

26 l

REVIEW & Preview

STAGE

The Libertine CITIZENS THEATRE, GLASGOW Until May 24 ■ John Wilmot, the second Earl of Rochester, was a poet, wit and all-round dandy of Charles II’s Restoration court.

Penned by Stephen Jeffreys and directed by Dominic Hill, The Libertine is a raucous and action-packed dissection of 17th century England and the eruption of liberty in its post-Puritan era.

Allan Radcliffe in The Times clearly had a ball: “What is disarming about the production is how successfully the director and his ensemble reconcile scenes of laugh-out-loud comedy with the darkness embodied in the protagonist.” Neil Cooper in The Herald believed the play crammed a lot into its stage time: “Life and art, artifice and truth, attention-seeking and self-loathing, and the addictive allure of all of these are at the heart of a work that gives its subject the immortality he craved at last.”

The Scotsman’s Joyce McMillan enjoyed much of the production values but had a beef with the underlying message: “Not all the glory of Hill’s production can save this play from its tedious bourgeois obsession with the centrality of male art and ego as embodied by a character who tells us at the outset how little we will care about his fate, and then spends a long three hours proving himself dead right.”

Wicked

was particularly glowing with her five-star rave about a show KING’S THEATRE, GLASGOW featuring two witches whose Until May 31 friendship becomes strained ■ The sort-of prequel to The by society’s prejudice and Wizard Of Oz has been a smash corruption: “Flying monkeys, in the West End and over on roaring dragons, bubbles and Broadway. There’s no sign of broomsticks are coupled with it being anything other than a so many in-jokes, you’ll be public triumph during its stay reaching for your copy of The in Scotland. Initial word from Wizard Of Oz before you can the critics is that other shows say ‘lions and tigers and bears: will be green with envy. oh my!’”

Marianne Gunn in The Herald Andrea Mullaney in The Scotsman was similarly blown away. “All the flash and thrills of a theatrical equivalent to a 3D superhero blockbuster movie,” she wrote.

Anna Burnside in The List wasn’t quite so swept off her feet, though, as she stated: “A couple of memorable songs, dry ice, costume changes and monkeys with wings are not enough to give this show the substance it wants to deliver.”

Pressure ROYAL LYCEUM THEATRE, EDINBURGH Until May 24 ■ Pressure is based on the true story of Scottish meteorologist James Stagg, who found himself summoned to General Dwight Eisenhower’s UK headquarters to advise on the weather forecast for D-Day.

EXHIBITIONS Toby Paterson KIRKCALDY GALLERIES Until June 22 ■ Launching one of the first projects of Generation: 25 Years of Contemporary Art in Scotland, Toby Paterson’s show is, for The Scotsman’s Moira Jeffrey, “a good start, a packed and coherent exhibition that along with the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

The play’s creator David Haig also takes the lead role as the stout weather man while Malcolm Sinclair is the general who would later be president.

Thom Dibdin’s review for The Stage hinted at the piece’s variable success: “Tempestuous and highly charged in its opening scenes, but lingering away into domestic affairs, Pressure has an unsettled structure, but thanks to John Dove’s direction, the slightly overlong diminuendo of this true story has its own enticing internal rhythms.” Joyce McMillan in The Scotsman, though, was breezily high in her praise: “The story itself is superb and for sheer technical skill in theatrical storytelling, you won’t see anything to surpass Pressure in Scottish theatre this year.” paintings and prints, uses Remnants, the series of sculptural elements he developed for a recent show at the Glasgow Print Studio gallery”.

Paterson’s installation is designed to make us think about changes to the modern urban landscape especially in his exploration of concrete aesthetics.

l 27

REVIEW & Preview FILM

Sabotage (15)

According to Alistair Harkness writing in The Scotsman: Starring: Arnold “It’s like watching that bit in Schwarzenegger, Olivia Terminator 2 when Edward Williams, Sam Worthington Furlong teaches Arnie’s ■ So, Arnie’s back, but as far reprogrammed cyborg to act as the critics are concerned more human: he understands he should have just stayed what he’s supposed to do, but put. The former Governor of can’t quite do it convincingly.”

California plays the head of Scotland on Sunday’s an elite law enforcement team trying to bust some drug cartels, Siobhan Synnot reckoned but trying to keep them all alive that “Sabotage boils down to a junky, hyperviolent Agatha seems to be his biggest job.

Christie, where Arnie’s team are bumped off at regular intervals, while detective Olivia Williams tries to find out whodunnit”.

The Herald’s Alison Rowat was equally scathing: “The ridiculous level of shoot-emup and bone crunching, plus a story that does not know when to quit, ultimately makes Sabotage as thick as Arnie’s neck.”

Frank (15)

Average rating 4/10

Starring: Michael Fassbender, Domhnall Gleeson, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Scoot McNairy and Carla Azar ■ The papier-mâché head may still be intact, but this musical biopic is only loosely based on Chris Sievey, the late Mancunian artist better known as Frank Sidebottom. Co-written by Jon Ronson, Lenny Abrahamson’s film is about an indie band (somewhat awkwardly titled the Soronprfbs) taking to the road and becoming a happy-ish little family, albeit one where the head of the clan never removes his fake head.

Alison Rowat in The Herald found that this “comedy-drama is Spinal Tap reimagined by early Adrian Mole, a gentle, funny and surprising picture” while in The Scotsman, Alistair Harkness was equally impressed by the movie and its ethos: “Jon Ronson has transformed his own brief tenure as keyboard player in Frank Sidebottom’s band into a wonderfully strange and deceptively poignant meditation on the nature of art and creativity in an industry that has historically sought to commodify and mythologise its eccentric outliers.”

Philip Concannon in The Skinny praised Michael Fassbender “who delivers a brilliantly deadpan performance that makes this oddball character a very funny but ultimately empathetic figure”.

And Emma Simmonds in The List concluded: “Like its titular showman, Frank is charmingly, even heroically unconventional: an absolute one-off.” You suspect that Chris Sievey (and maybe even Frank) would have approved.

The Wind Rises (12A) Voices: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Emily Blunt, Mae Whitman ■ Through films such as Spirited Away and Howl’s Moving Castle, Japan’s Studio Ghibli has set the pace for nonHollywood animated movies.

The company’s figurehead Hayao Miyazaki bows out with this true story of Jiro Horikoshi

Average rating: 8/10

Average rating 6/10

Rebecca Gouldson: Industrial Shift

ideas, stories and intimate glimpses into the past.”

EDINBURGH PRINTMAKERS

Navid Nuur: Renderender

Until May 24 ■ As Rachael Cloughton in The List noted, this exhibition of etched metal works leaves Edinburgh Printmakers steeped in history: “Two modest gallery rooms are almost overwhelmed with

who designs aeroplanes for the Japanese military. The film asks how a decent man can live with himself when he realises the pain and horror his creations have caused.

As Alistair Harkness in The Scotsman noted, it was “an intriguing premise for a grownup animation film, but Miyazaki identifies a little too much with Jiro’s childlike wonder, largely to the exclusion of interrogating the larger political and historical dimensions”.

The List’s Eddie Harrison was much more taken with the movie, dubbing it “an engaging, deeply moving and mature film that exudes intelligence and compassion”. The Herald’s Alison Rowat put it simply: “A wonder to behold.”

DUNDEE CONTEMPORARY ARTS Until June 15 ■ This Iranian-Dutch artist has 30 individual pieces at DCA for his entertaining and innovative show,

Renderender (pictured). As a simultaneously impressed and puzzled Moira Jeffrey in The Scotsman observed, Renderender is “playful and delightful in both its energy and representation of energy, but in the end it is a series of individual adventures rather than a coherent story, an attitude rather than a point of view”.

17 May 2014 ❘ the stooshie

28 l THIS WEEK

SCOTS on the box

REVIEW & preview

Worth catching…

Jack Bauer blazes his way through London while Dalmarnock prepares for the Commonwealth Games. We also meet Edinburgh’s supercommuters and France’s former First Lady.

TV: 24 – Live Another Day Sky 1 ❘ Wednesdays, 9pm

■ While the Bourne movies and Homeland may have helped viewers get their action-spy fix, the return of 24 is still being hailed by those who stuck with the show. This new season kicked off with Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland) popping up in London as the US President aims to seal a deal with the British PM, played by Stephen Fry. Damien Love in the Sunday Herald had reservations, but remained hooked: “There is an undeniable, brain-pummelling, security blanket aspect about just switching off and easing back into the sheer, daft, mindless, over-serious rhythm.”

In The List, Brian Donaldson felt it was all-too déjà vu: “If you’ve ever watched a single episode of 24, then all this will be familiar enough territory as Jack bravely/insanely fights his way through a gaggle of ham-fisted adversaries on rooftops or in dark rooms or through market stalls.”

Commonwealth City BBC One Scotland, Monday May 19, 10.35pm ■ For nearly five years, BBC Scotland has been following the people of Dalmarnock, the community that will become centre stage when Glasgow hosts the Commonwealth Games.

Narrated by Martin Compston, the threepart Commonwealth City looks at how the locals have coped with the changes and challenges of regeneration.

In the first episode, we meet Darren, an entrepreneur whose family have been residents of Dalmarnock for generations but who is set to benefit from compensation as his three shops are flattened. We also meet Margaret Jaconelli, who hit the headlines when she fought a rigorous legal battle for higher compensation when she was moved out of her flat to make room for the athletes’ village.

Then there’s Steven who dropped out of school but has found work as an engineering assistant at the Velodrome building, and Dalmarnock-born Councillor George Redmond talks about the changes in the area and his ambitions for its future.

RADIO: Rise Of The WILLIES

Bryan Burnett GET IT ON

Radio 4 Monday May 19, 11am ■ This curious acronym stands for people who Work In London but Live In Edinburgh. The Telegraph’s Alan Cochrane and coiner of that phrase, chats to some of these supercommuters who get on a train from Waverley every Monday and fly back from London on a Friday.

RADIO: Carla Bruni’s Postcards From Paris Radio 2 Wednesday May 21, 10pm ■ France’s former First Lady and a singer-songwriter of some repute presents the first of three programmes which cover her own musical development in Italy where she was brought up by a composer father and concert pianist mother, as well as taking a look at music from Paris.

the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

BBC Scotland’s request show picked classic pop songs that clocked in at the four-minute mark

Blondie

Cornershop

Heart Of Glass

Brimful Of Asha

The Velvet Underground

Heaven 17

Peter Gabriel

Sweet Jane

Come Live With Me

Shock The Monkey

Barbra Streisand

Franz Ferdinand

Huey Lewis And The News

The Way We Were

Take Me Out

Hip To Be Square

■ Get It On ❘ Weekdays at 6.10pm

Louise White morning call The following questions were asked on BBC Scotland’s weekday Morning Call programme ■ Are things genuinely better now for women?

■ Should cancer drugs be rationed for the elderly?

■ Are new fathers getting a raw deal?

■ Is it time to take tougher action on sugary drinks?

■ Would you allow your child to go to a Miley Cyrus concert?

■ Morning call ❘ Weekdays at 8.50am

l 29

REVIEW & preview

The best of this week’s books

SCOTTISH BESTSELLERS

The new novel by Irvine Welsh joins the Stooshie reading pile while there’s also news about Scottish crime writing success and a global library scavenger hunt.

HARD BACK 1. The Sex Lives Of Siamese Twins

RECOMMENDED

by Irvine Welsh

Daunderlust

2. Where Memories Go

by Peter Ross

by Sally Magnusson

■ Daunderlust is the debut collection of journalistic explorations from Glasgow-based writer Peter Ross via his columns in Scotland on Sunday. There, he delves deeply into the nooks and crannies of lesser-reported venues and activities across Scotland, uncovering some colourful characters along the way.

On the Scots Whay Hae website, Alistair Braidwood wrote that Ross is in possession of an “incisive eye, lightness of touch and a turn of phrase to die for”, while in The Big Issue in Scotland, Doug Johnstone commented that the book is “full of heart, delving into the farthest reaches of society and eking out what it means to be human in the process”. And in The Scotsman, David Robinson praised Ross’ writing for having “a range beyond anything in current Scottish journalism”.

3. Blue Thunder

by Jeff Holmes

4. The Legacy Of Elizabeth Pringle

by Kirsty Wark

5. The Great Tapestry Of Scotland

by Alistair Moffat and Andrew Crummy

6. Bannockburn

by Alistair Moffat

7. Asterix And The Picts

by Jean-Yves Ferri, Rene Goscinny, Albert Uderzo and Didier Conrad

8. Entry Island

by Peter May

The Sex Lives Of Siamese Twins

A Philosophy Of Walking

by Irvine Welsh

by Frédéric Gros

■ Unsurprisingly firing straight into the number one position in Scotland’s hardback list (see right), Welsh’s new America-set novel is about Lucy, a nononsense fitness trainer, and the less than healthy Lena who becomes Lucy’s pet project.

In Scotland on Sunday, Alastair McKay was left breathless if a little uncertain by the novel’s quality: “It’s not really a book. It’s fastfood fiction, or a bad film: like Tarantino remaking Bad Lieutenant from a discarded draft of Thelma And Louise.”

Caught

9. Hebrides

by Peter May and David Wilson

10. Waiting For The Magic

■ The great outdoors has become even more of an attraction to those dissatisfied by our sedentary culture. For French academic Gros, walking is an honourable pursuit and here he pulls together some deep thoughts on the activity from iconic thinkers.

In The Scotsman, Roger Cox wrote: “It selects nuggets of wisdom from Rousseau, Rimbaud, Kant, Nietzsche, Thoreau and others and stitches them together to make a sort of instruction manual for the enlightened walker.”

by Lisa Moore

■ Booker-nominated Moore has hit critical paydirt with her novel about a convicted drug smuggler whose prison escape makes him contemplate his dark past and an uncertain future. In The Herald, Barry Didcock praised Moore for her male characters who are “described in that quietly humane but forensically exacting way that is a particular strength of female writers”.

In The Skinny, Maria Whelan hailed Caught as “an elaborate cat and mouse chase, written with a haughty bite”.

LOOK OUT FOR...

■ Scots are well-represented on the longlist for the Theakstons Old Peculier Crime Novel Of The Year Award.

Denise Mina is aiming for a third win while Ian Rankin, Helen FitzGerald, Malcolm Mackay and Peter May are also among the 18-strong list. The winner is announced on July 17.

■ Coldplay have hidden song lyrics from their new album, Ghost Stories, in libraries across the world. Clues to help you find the locations are being left on the band’s @coldplay Twitter account and one envelope contains two tickets for their July 1 show at the Royal Albert Hall.

by Oscar Marzaroli, Jim Grassie and Robert Crawford

PAPER BACK 1. Hour Of Darkness

by Quintin Jardine

2. The Quarry

by Iain Banks

3. Saints Of The Shadow Bible

by Ian Rankin

4. Gone Are The Leaves

by Anne Donovan

5. The Bird That Did Not Sing

by Alex Gray

6. Making It Happen

by Iain Martin

7. The Blackhouse

by Peter May

8. The Hangman’s Song

by James Oswald

9. Breaking The Spell

by Lari Don and Cate James

10. There Was A Wee Lassie Who Swallowed A Midgie

by Rebecca Colby and Kate McLelland ■ Lists from Waterstones 17 May 2014 ❘ the stooshie

30 l CHEF’S CORNER

Mattia Camorani Head chef at Cucina, G&V Edinburgh (formerly known as Hotel Missoni)

“Food should be enjoyed using all your senses,” wrote Mattia Camorani in The Scotsman. “I spend many weekends in Italy just wandering around the rustic farmers’ markets, soaking up the aromas and atmosphere while letting my nose guide me to the freshest produce.”

The farmers’ markets in Scotland offer a great place to pick up your meat, vegetables, dairy and fish for the week ahead. “It’s the perfect way to discover new ingredients and recipe ideas – don’t be afraid to ask the suppliers for a taste of their wares, or advice on how to prepare their products.

They’re usually happy to help.”

tastiest FOOD & Drink Chefs in short supply ■ The Michelin star winning chef Nick Nairn has warned there are not enough chefs to go around the new restaurants opening up in Britain.

The number of top-class chefs is disproportionate to the number of new restaurants, reported Euan McLelland in The Sunday Post, who quoted the chef as saying: “It is becoming increasingly tough to find and retain good chefs.

“The number of people coming into the profession may have increased a bit, but not in line with the number of restaurants.

“Chefs are also less happy working the hours that a quality restaurant needs them to work.”

Nairn’s Aberdeen restaurant and cook school is currently three chefs short and the Sunday Post wrote: “The 53-year-old believes today’s TV paints a glamorous image of life in the kitchen but often ignores the hard slog behind the scenes.”

Nairn added: “It’s too hard a profession just to look at as a job. You’ve got to take away some craft and satisfaction doing it.”

Referendum tipple ■ A specially bottled whisky to mark the referendum was described as “well-balanced” with a “zingy spiciness” by the Scottish Daily Mail, while The Scotsman also

pictured the whisky’s launch with MSPs Patrick Harvie of the Scottish Green Party and Jackie Baillie of Labour.

Launched by the Glasgow-based Good Spirits Co, the 23-year-old blended Scotch has been launched to gauge the mood among voters, who can choose from bottles labelled Yes or No, priced at £69.

Crafty brew ■ The latest “trendy tipple” in the craft beer revival comes from Black Wolf Brewery, wrote Scotland on Sunday.

The Stirlingshire-based brewery is using branding based on the local legend of a black wolf which warned the townsfolk of Stirling that the Vikings were coming in the ninth century.

From Tundra wheat beer with elderflower to Gold Digger’s grapefruit and peach flavours, the ales are available in bottle, keg and cask.

Folksy food ■ The old Cornerstone cafe in Dundee will soon have a new lease of life as the Folk Cafe, the sister of the popular Parlour Cafe in the West Port area.

Caroline Lindsay in The Courier wrote “owned by food writer Gillian Veal, it will have seating for 60 and serve fresh, healthy food”.

WINE PICK OF THE WEEK Languedoc-Roussillon Region’s renaissance produces some of the best-value wines Once known for cheap table wine, the world’s largest wine region is undergoing a renaissance, wrote Rose Murray Brown in The Scotsman.

Her top picks from the region gave as the number one white Picpoul de Pinet 2013 Domaine de Haut-Bridan. This nippy white “has been transformed into a bracing citric delight” which is “very appealing as a summer aperitif”.

The number one red was St Chinian Les Truffieres 2010 Chateau Milhau-Lacugue.

“I love this unoaked blend of syrah and Grenache with its pungent, vivid, extracted bugle-blowing fruits,” she said.

The Scotsman the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

RECIPE of the week

Roast Rib of Black Isle Beef Anne Law of Eilean Dubh in the Daily Record Ingredients (serves 10-12) ■ Three to four roast fore rib of beef ■ One large onion ■ Three large carrots ■ Three sticks of celery ■ Four bay leaves ■ Two long sprigs fresh rosemary ■ 1-1.5 pints beef stock ■ 2.5kg non-waxy potatoes ■ Sea salt ■ Cracked black pepper ■ Half a bottle decent red wine Method 1. Heat the over to 210C 2. In a large oven tray with a little hot oil, sear all sides of beef joint.

3. Place diced vegetables in a baking tray with the meat on top, skin side up.

Season generously.

4. Pour in the wine, add stock, herbs and bay leaves and roast uncovered for 1.5hrs, depending on size.

5. Turn down to 180C and cook for a further 1.5-2hrs.

6. Prepare potatoes and par boil.

Set aside 8/9 halves. Put the rest in a hot oiled tray for the last 30 mins of cooking the beef. Test core temperature with a probe. Pink approximately 64-65C, medium 70-72C. 6. Remove from oven and rest for 20mins.

7. To make the gravy, remove all juices and deglaze tray with a little red wine and hot water, put the juices back in with the vegetable mix and add reserved potatoes. Boil mix for five mins and remove fat from the surface.

After cooking, run mix through food strainer.

Eilean Dubh has been shortlisted in the forthcoming Scotland Food & Drink Excellence Awards.

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THE BEST RESTAURANT REVIEWS Aizle St Leonard’s Street, Edinburgh EH8 9QY www.aizle.co.uk ■ Aizle is an old Scots word meaning hot ember or spark “and it rhymes with hazel”, but that is maybe the easiest bit to describe about this “challenging” dining experience.

The owners describe Aizle as a “neo-bistro” with their brand of gastronomy as “French bistronomie”, and Richard Bath in Scotland on Sunday explained this means “not having a menu, but instead giving each diner a list of ingredients that will almost certainly feature in the fourcourse culinary excursion that is to follow”.

The ingredients can be obscure, with the list on this visit including “flowering scurvy grass, sea lettuce and pink purslane”. The best way to respond is “to open your mind, embrace the experience and just try to enjoy the ride”.

The best starter was the ajoblanco, a cold almond soup popular in Spain. A perfectly-cooked fillet of wild bream was followed by a “stunningly rich chocolate delice”.

Score: 8/10 | Scotland on Sunday

Hotel du Vin

Ten Hill Place

Don Constanzo

The Crafters Barn

40 The Scores, St Andrews KY16 9AS www.hotelduvin.com

Hill Place, Edinburgh EH8 9DS www.tenhillplace.com

Woodside Crescent, Glasgow G3 7UL www.donconstanzo.com

North Bank Street, Edinburgh EH1 2LP www.crafters-barn.co.uk

This restaurant had been eagerly anticipated in the former St Andrews Golf Hotel and “with fabulous views over the West Sands”, the restaurant “is already onto a winner”, wrote The Courier.

The four-course fixed-price Sunday Brunch had a French market table as its centrepiece, a “deli delight of fresh seafood, charcuterie, salads, pates and breads”, from which guests could help themselves. The smoked haddock with mustard butter, hash brown and poached eggs “melted in the mouth”, while the steak frites main was “perfectly cooked”.

This “very agreeable lunch” was “good value for money”.

This restaurant is in a hotel owned by the Royal College of Surgeons and profits are invested back into the college.

Despite a “characterless” dining room, Joanna Blythman from the Sunday Herald was “pleasantly surprised” by the food and the hand-picked list of fine wines.

The Stranraer pork belly, slowly braised in Thistly Cross cider, was “a model for how this fatty cut should be cooked”. Fillet steak was “immaculately tender” and desserts were generous.

“Good value, honest, unfussy cooking” means the restaurant deserves to be busier.

The chef and his daughter “are straight from the great traditions of Scottish music hall” and Costanzo spends as much time out chatting to customers as he does in the kitchen “cooking up a storm”.

It is worthwhile putting your faith in the specials rather than relying on the menu, advised Gary Ralston in the Daily Record. A “sensational” speciality of vitello tonnato (cold roast veal in a tuna mayonnaise and paprika sauce) preceded a veal main which was “cooked to perfection” and a fillet con funghi was given the thumbs up, as was a poached pear and blue cheese dessert.

It was not clear to Gaby Soutar of The Scotsman whether the name of this restaurant referred to the “homespun artisanal” decor or the menu of Belgian craft beers.

The menu is divided into small plates, mussels, buffalo steaks and pizza. From five small plates, the favourite was blonde beer braised lamb shoulder. “Pair this with chips and it would be enough for a light lunch.”

The pan-fried octopus and Belgian fish stew were also standouts, but the green Thai chicken pizza from the pizza specialities was “a bit pedestrian”.

Score 39/50 | The Courier

Score: 8/10 | Sunday Herald

Score: 26/30 | Daily Record

Score: 14/20 | The Scotsman 17 May 2014 ❘ the stooshie

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PROPERTY

INSIDE OUT – our Pick of the Scottish Market

Glenaig, The Queen’s Crescent, Gleneagles Guide price: £2.5m Knight Frank ❘ www.knightfrank.com n The old adage ‘location, location, location’ may be over exposed in property circles but it is certainly the case here.

Glenaig is situated in one of the most sought after locations in Scotland amid exceptional scenery, yet benefits from truly high-

class services of the renowned Gleneagles Hotel.

The newly-built house is set in a peaceful, private, gated community and the flow of the house lends itself equally well to that of a family home.

And, with Gleneagles playing host to the Ryder Cup this year, the property would also provide an excellent rental proposition – with rents of a six-figure sum to be expected during this period.

BIG BUDGET

Balmule House, Dunfermline, Fife Offers over: £2.2m

The Manse, Elsrickle, Biggar, South Lanarkshire Offers over: £450,000

Pagan Osborne ❘ www.paganosborne.com

McEwan Fraser ❘ www.mcewanfraserlegal.co.uk

n Dating from the 15th century, Balmule House has been brought into the 21st century with a programme of renovation work that brings original features to their former glory against a backdrop of modern technology, high-quality finish and absolute comfort. the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

n Set behind a stone wall within two thirds of an acre of land, this peaceful setting is ideally placed for lazy days in the garden.

The manse has been sympathetically renovated, yet maintains many period features.

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PROPERTY

The White House Anstruther

Seabarn Berwickupon-Tweed

Knight Frank

Knight Frank

Offers over: £695,000

Offers over: £575,000

The White House is a beautiful 17th century house with superb sea views over the Firth of Forth.

A substantial, south-facing stone property converted from a cottage and barn, with spectacular coastal views.

❘ www.knightfrank.com

❘ www.knightfrank.com

COAST TO COAST – SEA VIEWS

Killantringan Lighthouse Portpatrick

The Lighthouse Keepers House Montrose

Knight Frank

Savills

Killantringan Light Keepers House and Lighthouse Cottage enjoy wonderful settings high on a cliff.

Offers over: £360,000 ❘ www.savills.com

❘ www.nightrank.com

Offers over: £485,000

Spectacular views to be had of the River South Esk, the Kincardineshire coast and the North Sea.

CLIMBING THE LADDER

3 Greenock Road, Wemyss Bay, Inverclyde Offers over : £120,000

Saltire Square, Edinburgh Offers over: £105,000

McEwan Fraser ❘ www.mcewanfraserlegal.co.uk

Coulters ❘ www.coultersproperty.co.uk

n This three bedroom villa is situated within the hugely popular and sought after location of Wemyss Bay and would be a super acquisition for a variety of purchasers looking for their ideal home.

n This contemporary one bedroom property benefits from a large terrace with oblique views of the Firth of Forth, secure bicycle storage and communal gardens. It is also close to local amenities and the Ocean Terminal shopping centre.

17 May 2014 ❘ the stooshie

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the best travel writing

EUROPE FROM SCOTLAND

Molly Antopol The Scotsman

Old and new in Vilnius, Lithuania

■ Visiting Lithuania’s capital as a writer taking part in the Summer Literary Seminars, Molly Antopol wrote in The Scotsman of her travels through the city with friends, one a Vilnius local.

They met her at her hotel in the Old Town, “one of the largest surviving medieval towns in Baltic Europe” and took her to a favourite cafe in a tiny house on Totoriu Street, which “seems to straddle both the past and the present”, with Soviet-era furniture but a “kitschy, almost playful vibe”.

This contrast between past and present continued with a visit to the Vilna Gaon State Jewish Museum, which

featured the young partisan fighters of Vilna, “teenagers who escaped the city’s ghettos through an underground sewer system” before setting up guerrilla camps to fight the Nazis.

They left the museum to go to the actual ghetto where “it’s such a strange, creepy feeling, watching people stroll hand in hand through this seemingly charming district, with remnants of that history still there”.

They then met up with more friends for dinner at Lokys, one of the city’s oldest restaurants, before heading to the “artsy, bohemian” neighbourhood of Uzupio for a craft beer bar in the ancient walls which “aptly sums up the old but new atmosphere of modern Vilnius”.

TRAVEL SCOTLAND

TRAVEL BRITAIN

TRAVEL THE WORLD

Skye

Belfast

Cleveland, Ohio

Lorne Gardner ❘ Scottish Daily Mail

Graham Brown ❘ The Courier

John Mackay ❘ The Herald

■ Guests of the “wonderful” Duisdale House Hotel with its “stunning views over the Sound of Sleat”, the highlight for Lorne was a trip on the hotel’s private yacht.

Skippered by hotel owner Ken Gunn, they sailed from Armadale towards Knoydart and dropped anchor at Inverie for a lunch prepared by the Duisdale kitchen. “If I live to be a hundred, I will never have a meal in a more stunning location.”

■ It was “rally related antics” for The Courier writer as he joined motorsport legend Paddy Hopkirk and a convoy of classic Minis through Belfast and along the Antrim coast to celebrate the driver’s 1964 triumph in the Monte Carlo Rally.

From Great Victoria Street’s Crown Bar with its elaborate mosaic tiling they drove north through Game of Thrones scenery and the Giant’s Causeway before a gala dinner in the “stunning” Titanic museum.

■ John found himself at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Museum and asked if you can really put something as wild as rawk into a glass case. The answer was a resounding yes. The museum is “classic all-American showboating pizzazz” and contains “a fascinating Aladdin’s Cave of the real, the bizarre, and the unexpected”, from John Lennon’s schoolboy swimming certificate to DJ DMC’s “freakin’ enormous” Adidas trainers.

TRAVEL NEWS Airline calls in the drones

Easyjet is to use pilot-less flying drones at Scottish airports to check aircraft for damage in an aviation first, reported Alastair Dalton in The Scotsman.

The drones will be able to scan the exterior of aircraft “far faster and potentially

more accurately than engineers”, therefore cutting delays to passengers. Writing in The Times, Philip Pank said the airline’s bosses hope the drones will have replaced humans within three years.

He wrote: “Four drones, programmed to hover about 2ft from the jet, will take an hour to complete a survey that now takes two days”.

the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

The cost of a jet being grounded was estimated at £15,000 each night.

Travel causes road rage

An international travel magazine has been branded “ill-informed and stupid” after saying tourists should avoid Fort William.

Travel magazine identified the Glasgow to Isle of Skye road as one of the greatest

drives in the world, alongside such famous routes as the road between Los Angeles and San Francisco.

However, the magazine also said tourists should only stop in Fort William if they “want to stock up on tartan, tablet and fluffy haggis toys”.

Fort William councillor Brian Murphy said the article was “badly wrong”.

THE BEST OF the great outdoors the garden experts Call for ban on sale of foreign pond species

Spinach alternative ■ Popeye might not agree, but sorrel makes a handy alternative to spinach, the Daily Record said.

It said gardeners looking “for something different” should plant sorrel, which can be cooked or used in salads. The paper said it is important to “remove flower spikes when plants try to bolt” so they keep producing leaves.

■ A ban on the sale of five invasive pond species introduced in England and Wales should be replicated north of the border.

From April 1 it became illegal for garden centres to sell floating pennywort, water fern, New Zealand pigmy-weed, parrot’s feather and water primrose. If they spread into the wild, the plants can harm the native environment and fauna. According to the UK Government, the cost of tackling problems caused by these invasive plants (left) costs £1.7 billion a year.

The Herald’s Dave Allan said similar legislation should be introduced in Scotland. “These species cause untold damage,” he told readers.

Allan added that gardeners should “remove and destroy” these plants if they already have them.

May signals start of summer ■ The month of May is when gardens “explode into life,” Jo Whittingham said in The Scotsman.

She said that “new foliage always looks so healthy” before it falls victim to the “inevitable” attacks of weather, insects and disease. The best protection, she said, is to get out in the garden regularly so issues can be dealt with as soon as they arise.

OOT AND ABOOT! Get physical at work ■ Studies have shown that many Britons spend more of their waking hours with work colleagues than they do with their own families.

Now fitness guru Jessie Pavelka wants to combat obesity by encouraging work colleagues to get hot and sweaty with one another.

He is creating a programme of exercises for people in sedentary jobs and told The Scotsman’s Camilla Davies that teaming

up with work colleagues makes it less likely people will find an excuse not to do any exercise.

“You can easily talk yourself out of exercise but if you have that person sitting next to you, you’re both more likely to do it,” he told Davies.

But he said people who want to lose weight need to commit to both exercise and an improved diet.

“Latching onto gimmicky diet plans just doesn’t work,” he said.

Exploring Hillfoot ■ A walk through Hillfoot towns and villages gives “excellent views” of the Ochil Hills, according to Roger Smith in The Herald.

He said the “moderate low-level walk” from Devonside to Pool of Muckhart takes in sights like the “impressive” Castle Campbell, an “atmospheric sunken lane” and the “attractive Muckhart Mill”.

The 6.5 mile hike should take no more than four hours.

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NATURE’S BEST ■ England should brace itself for a new Scottish invasion.

But it won’t be marauding warriors crossing the border, it is pine martens who are moving south as their population recovers.

There are now growing numbers of pine martens being spotted in the south of Scotland and they are predicted to keep moving south.

The Times’ Jeremy Watson reported this has prompted Scottish Natural Heritage to issue guidance on how homeowners can legally and safely remove pine martens from their homes as the animals like using attics as dens, with pregnant females particularly fond of crashing human homes.

Rob Raynor from Scottish Natural Heritage said if breeding populations do become established they will eventually spread south into parts of northern England.

The Herald’s Brian Donnelly said pine marten populations had “suffered one of the most dramatic declines” of any British mammal. He said woodland clearances, being trapped for fur and pest control and destroyed much of the pine marten population.

Weather Sunniest – Stornoway 14.5hrs

Wettest –

Dunstaffnage 26.8mm

Coldest – Cairngorm Mountains -3C (26.6F)

Warmest – Edinburgh 16.5C (61.7F)

That was the weather that was:

People wondering why cricket is not as big in Scotland as it is in some other parts of the world probably got their answer at the start of the week, according to BBC Scotland’s Andrew Thomson.

For all spectators got as they eagerly awaited the one-day international between Scotland and England at Aberdeen’s Mannofield was “rain, rain and more rain”.

Indeed, it lasted for much of the day and ended up cutting the action short, as the players were forced to carry out “squelch tests” to test the pitch when the rain did relent – “not the most scientific method, but nonetheless effective”.

Thankfully, the forecast for this weekend looks fairly promising, with a ridge of high pressure moving over the UK along with some warmer air.

Who knows? Cricket enthusiasts north of the border might even need to slap on some sunscreen.

17 May 2014 ❘ the stooshie

l 37

CONSUMER

Three of the best...healthy eating gadgets

product test

We all know we should be putting plenty of goodness in our meals, but reality often gets in our way. The Press and Journal highlighted gadgets to ease our efforts.

Honeyinspired

BEAUTY

Manuka Doctor’s ApiRefine Targeted Wrinkle Filler £14.99 Superdrug

Botox, buzz off. Manuka Doctor’s ApiRefine range combines Purified Bee Venom – known for its anti-wrinkle and regenerating properties – with moisturising manuka honey.

Breville Digital Steamer £29.00

Breville VFJ016 £115.39

Tefal Express Cube £119.00

The increasingly popular and nutrient-saving method of steam cooking food has seen a couple of dedicated steam machines arrive on the market, but this one adds a new twist – a herb infuser that kicks in during cooking to add all manner of flavours to your creations. It manages the process with a digital timer so every meal is no less than perfect (in theory, anyway).

The variety of fruit juicers on offer is staggering, and every shape, size, colour and accessory number you could possibly want is out there. This, though, has just the right combination of each category to ensure it gets well used, pays its keep over time, and looks the part out on the kitchen side. Load up with whole fruits, there’s no faffing about with slicing and peeling.

You don’t need multiple devices to prepare your vegetables or fruit, just one can do the job.

This selects the appropriate speed according to which of the five attachments is on-board, then will cube, stick, slice, grate or dice whatever you’ve loaded inside. Say goodbye to timeconsuming tasks, and get your ingredients ready to edge ever closer to that seven-a-day target.

www.currys.co.uk

www.argos.co.uk

www.woolworths.co.uk

Burt’s Bees’ Honey Collection £15.99 burtsbees.co.uk

The skin-softening set includes honey-based Lip Balm, Body Scrub, Hand Creme and mini Body Lotion.

Kim Kardashian Pure Honey £24.00 Debenhams

Even the A-listers are getting in on the bee act. Smell sweet with Kim Kardashian’s Pure Honey fragrance (above), an alluring blend of raw wild honey and voluptuous florals with an aphrodisiac quality.

DRIVE TIME

Hyundai i10 Price from £8,495

Clio Renaultsport 200 Price from £18,995

SsangYong Rexton W 2.0 EX Auto Price from £25,995

Alisdair Suttie ❘ Sunday Post

Jack McKeown ❘ The Courier

Ian Dooley ❘ The Scotsman

Those in the market for a “brilliant, lovable city car” will not be disappointed.

The Hyundai i10 has a “lovable honesty” about it that endears “from the moment you set eyes on it”, with “neat, modern, unfussy lines” making the car feel compact yet solid.

The three-cylinder 1.0-litre motor is most impressive, as the “feisty wee engine pulls hard with a crisp sound and the five-speed manual zips from one gear to the next with deft accuracy”.

Its “appetite for fun driving” gives the i10 an extra edge, and it “delivers excellent refinement, not just for a car in this class but for any car”.

While the old Clio Renaultsport had a ride that could be described as “bone rattling”, the new generation is “much more biddable”.

In terms of the ride, it grips “terrifically well”, while it is a “deuce more comfortable than any Renault hot hatch has been before”.

Five doors also make it practical for families, while the interior is “suitably sporty if unexceptional”.

A car capable of a “couple of hours’ run without too much fuss”, the new Renaultsport is “much more comfortable and economical on a long journey”, albeit “still as thrilling a hot hatch”.

The SsangYong Rexton W is a “major refresh” on its “workhorse” 4x4 – and that’s the way buyers like it.

All in all, buyers know they are getting a “genuine all-terrain experience”, with the added bonus of owning a Land Rover product without breaking the bank.

Its size can prove to be a plus point and it “delivers a measured and predictable driving experience”. Indeed, not many cars can “match the abilities of the Rexton for the asking price”.

“If you are a rural dweller seeking a tough but presentable workhorse that can double as a comfortable family wagon, the Rexton W is for you”.

17 May 2014 ❘ the stooshie

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BUSINESS & FINANCE Hired, Fired & RETIRED

Common sense required as Co-op continues to self-harm With no end in sight to the trauma being inflicted upon Scotland’s largest mutual, members appear unwilling or unable to grasp the seriousness of the group’s predicament.

■ Lord Myners pulled no punches as he published a hard-hitting report outlining the myriad of failings which have brought the Co-operative Group to its knees.

The former City Minister said problems at the debtladen mutual, which employs thousands in Scotland in its retail stores, pharmacies and funeral homes, were not only financial but cultural too.

Proposing a radical restructure to deal at a stroke with the “deplorable” corporate governance and “strong vested interests”, Lord Myners warned an unreformed Co-op could eventually be broken up.

His report came as the group announced it was selling down its stake in stricken Co-op Bank, which is struggling to cope with a £1.5 billion black hole in its balance sheet.

COMMENTATORS SAY

The economic recovery is spurring new growth plans for Scottish businesses.

Research by the Clydesdale Bank found

The Clydesdale report came as The Herald launched its SME SOS campaign demanding a better deal for small business.

Simon Bain questioned whether new procurement legislation enacted this week would ultimately deliver a fairer share of the £10 billion of public spending into small business hands.

The Herald’s leader column said the SME voice deserved to be heard and obstacles to the sector’s advancement removed.

86%

of SMEs were preparing to invest in order to drive growth.

BBC Business Editor Kamal Ahmed said it was obvious Lord Myners had decided that attack was the best form of defence as he described the culture at Co-op as “corrosive”.

However, he warned there was a danger that too much criticism of the group’s governance – Lord Myners report coming just days after Sir Christopher Kelly’s forensic examination of failings within the Co-op Bank – could lead to a backlash.

Mr Ahmed said the danger of pushing a reform agenda was that members “could feel they are being bullied into submission”.

The Daily Telegraph’s City Diary, edited by Harriet Dennys, said warnings over the

the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

Co-op’s future were nothing new, with a Co-operative Men’s Guild meeting from a century ago having heard from one speaker who suggested the group was losing momentum and needed to recruit the “best brains in business” to drive it forward.

The Guardian’s finance editor Nils Pratley agreed, reporting an “entertaining passage” from the Myners report relating to Hugh Gaitskell’s 1958 Independent Commission in which he urged the Co-op not to “defer and defer and defer” a corporate restructuring of the mutual in order to improve commercial performance.

Writing in The Scotsman, Martin Flanagan said Lord Myners had given it “both barrels” in his report.

Mr Flanagan said it was clear the Co-op, a part of the fabric of society, was in an “existential crisis” and parts of it were “blithely unaware of the cliff-edge”.

Mr Flanagan said a “chronic outbreak of common sense and selflessness” was required if the Co-op’s long-term future was to be secured.

■ The Scotsman’s Gareth Mackie reported that Lark Rise to Candleford producer Sarah Brown had agreed to join STV Productions as its new head of production.

Mr Mackie said the former Radio Clyde presenter and RSAMD graduate had spent six years working in New York before returning to the UK to take up an executive director role at the BBC. ■ Former Scottish Enterprise Grampian chief executive Jennifer Craw has become the first female chair of Robert Gordon University’s board.

■ Edinburgh-based drinks giant Diageo confirmed the appointment of Marks and Spencer chief financial officer Alan Stewart as a new non-executive director as of September 1.

■ Pharmaceuticals industry veteran Dr Campbell Wilson (pictured) has joined the board of Edinburgh early-stage tech investment firm Frontier IP. The chairman of the UK Pharmaceutical Licensing Group will be heavily involved in establishing a funding vehicle for the University of Dundee’s Drug Discovery Unit.

BUSINESS & finance WEEK IN NUMBERS

£2.3 billion

The total value of Scottish farmed salmon exports since the industry was granted protected status a decade ago.

Similar protections have helped boost sales of other premium products including Champagne.

104

The number of new Asda stores which are set to stock crisps from Perthshire manufacturer Mackie’s at Taypack.

The firm, which last year moved into a new enlarged factory at Errol Brickworks, said it expected Asda derived sales of its crisps to spike by 90% as a result of the new supply deal.

£100m

The size of the funding package The Scotsman business editor Terry Murden said was close to being agreed by investment bank Evans Randall for Edinburgh’s largest commercial and leisure scheme in a decade at Haymarket.

7

Household savings cost economy millions ■ Thrifty Scots agreeing cashin-hand deals for household repairs are costing the Treasury hundreds of millions.

Research by comparison website Confused.com found 52% of Scots saw no problem with paying tradesman cash up front for their handiwork.

More than one-in-six homeowners had engaged a

Direct flights and Disney’s Scottish cartoon romp Brave helped boost overseas tourists. Official figures showed visitor spend increased by

20%

to £1.68 billion.

VisitScotland said the Ryder Cup and Commonwealth Games would provide a further boost in 2014.

The age of Glasgow-based whisky producer Whyte and Mackay which was sold by USL of India for £430 million.

The iconic brand was put on the market earlier this year to alleviate UK competition concerns brought about as Diageo built up its stake in USL. Philippine based Emperador – the world’s second largest brandy producer – snapped up the historic Scotch brand.

contractor despite knowing tax would not be paid.

The survey found almost half of cash-in-hand payments were made to builders, plumbers, electricians and joiners.

Scottish Building Federation MD Vaughan Hart told The Courier a VAT cut on domestic repairs was needed in order to discourage cowboy tradesmen.

Cost cutting puts future North Sea production in spotlight ■ Energy services giant Wood Group PSN put the cat among the pigeons after moving to slash rates for oil and gas contractors.

The Press and Journal reported CEO Robin Watson had written to workers informing them of a 10% cut in their pay.

Deputy business editor Erikka Askeland said other firms were likely to follow suit.

The Herald’s Mark Williamson calculated pay packets would fall an average £11,000.

He quoted Dr Alix Thom of Oil and Gas UK who said the industry had to pull out “all the stops” to ensure the North Sea did not become too expensive for operators.

However, cost concerns did not prevent the third highest level of applications ever in this week’s 28th offshore licensing round.

The Courier reported MP Roger Gale’s concerns after he claimed a “viable” offer for the airport had been rejected.

The Perth-based duo rounded off a topsy turvy few days by being named by The Sunday Times as the newest Scottish entrants to the billionaires club.

The number of Scots to make the Sunday Times Super-Rich list for 2014 – a new record for 10-figure bank balances north of the border.

The paper reported the GrantGordon family, who own the Glenfiddich and Hendrick’s gin producer William Grant, had overtaken Highland Spring tycoon Mahdi al-Tajir at the top of the Scottish list.

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l 39

COMMENTATORS SAY Swings and roundabouts ■ It has been a mixed week for the Scottish tycoons behind transport giant Stagecoach.

There was the good for Sir Brian Souter, whose private investment vehicle secured a 75% stake in Finnish intercity coach operator Onni.

Then there was the bad for his sister Ann Gloag after it emerged the Kent airport she snapped up for just £1 last year was to close with the loss of 150 jobs.

Chris Britcher of kentnews. co.uk questioned who the publicity shy Ms Gloag was.

Mr Britcher concluded Ms Gloag had the credentials to turn around the ailing airport but said the reality was she may force it “into the grave”.

The Sunday Times SuperRich list painted a more positive picture saying the Stagecoach siblings’ “meteoric” rise in the business world had allowed the pair to donate £15m to charity in the past year alone.

talking heads “There is no doubt about it, the backdrop of the recovering economy is a tailwind for our business and that is helpful for us.”

Clydesdale chief executive David Thorburn speaking after his bank and its sister Yorkshire group saw underlying profits increase from £135m to £144m.

However, the picture was not all rosy as parent National Australia Bank was forced to set aside a further £115m to provides redress for missold loans.

“We had a business plan seven years ago that saw us delivering the project in three to four years at a cost of $50m - $60m. It’s taken seven to eight years and the best part of $100m but half a year from now we should be providing power from the world’s first commercial scale tidal array.”

Atlantis Resources CEO Tim Cornelius tells The Sunday Times’ Danny Forston of the long haul journey he has been on to get the MeyGen array in the Pentland Firth into production.

“We have enjoyed a very strong start to the year in terms of new awards, with more than $5.5bn of order intake in the year to date.”

CEO Ayman Asfari remains upbeat despite Petrofac’s second profits warning in six months. The firm’s shares plunged after its Greater Stella North Sea scheme was hit by delays.

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SPORT Murray seeking some momentum

European Tour accused of lack of respect after death of Scots caddie ■ Organisers of golf’s European Tour have come in for criticism after deciding to continue the Madeira Islands Open – despite the sudden death of caddie Iain McGregor.

The 53-year-old, who carried the bags for Scot Alastair Forsyth, collapsed at the ninth hole of the Portuguese island course after a suspected heart attack.

Play was temporarily halted but the event was eventually resumed – prompting accusations of insensitivity.

Among the outraged golfers included Sweden’s Joel Sjoholm, who Tweeted: “Can’t believe they are sending out players to finish the round when someone just died!”

Forsyth himself said he was “absolutely numb” but defended the decision to continue playing, suggesting it was “what Mac would have wanted”.

But that did not stop questions being asked in the aftermath.

The Courier’s Steve Scott noted the view that it would have been McGregor’s wish to play on but said it “still doesn’t make it right”.

That view was shared by the Daily Record’s Euan McLean, who said it was the “wrong call” and “disrespectful and insensitive”.

He also suggested Forsyth and his playing partners should not have been put in the position where they were asked to continue, calling it a “cynical attempt to justify a decision they (the Tour organisers) knew would spark outrage”.

And The Herald’s Nick Rodger said the image will be an “unsettling, harrowing vision seared on the conscience” of those who decided the show must go on.

■ Andy Murray is looking to build up some momentum with the French Open just over a week away.

But a prolonged run at Roland Garros seems unlikely, if his Madrid Open exit was anything to go by.

The Scotsman’s Alix Murray wrote how Murray, who has been in action in Italy this week, had “flapped about on the centre court, bullied and tormented” by Santiago Giraldo during his third round defeat, and had been “truly awful”.

The Scot admitted he was “possibly” lacking in direction after splitting with coach Ivan Lendl, but denied low morale has been a factor in his slump.

“I don’t feel like I’m low on confidence, which I’ve had periods of before in my career,” he said.

As BBC tennis correspondent Russell Fuller pointed out, Murray need “confidence and consistency very soon” – particularly with Wimbledon’s June 23 start date also looming.

OTHER NEWS Mo goes for gold in Glasgow Mo Farah gave Commonwealth Games organisers the news they were desperate to hear by confirming he will run at Glasgow 2014.

He has not yet confirmed whether he will run in the 1,500m, 5,000m or 10,000m, but his participation is a boost for Games organisers – who were forced to apologise after people experienced problems as they tried to snap up some of the extra 100,000 tickets which went on sale this week.

Success and missed cuts for Scots in Sawgrass Scotland’s Russell Knox finished the best of the Scots at The Players’ Championship at Sawgrass.

Knox ended up tied for 34th after finishing three under par, 10 strokes behind eventual winner Martin Kaymer.

However, Martin Laird and Stephen Gallacher both missed the halfway cut.

Bowled over with success Scotland’s bowlers enjoyed a clean sweep of titles at the Dutch International Open.

Derek Oliver, Anne Dunwoodie, Lynn Stein and Ronnie Duncan claimed the mixed fours title, before Dunwoodie and Stein linked up to defeat HK China 18-6 in the final of the pairs.

Duncan and Oliver then saw off the challenge of the host nation’s Michel Weerdenburg and Ralph de Rooij 15-10 to claim the men’s pairs trophy.

haud yer wheesht!

■ Former Celtic scout Helena Costa (right) has become the first female manager of a senior football club in Europe.

The Herald reported how the Portuguese coach scouted for Celtic in Spain and Portugal before later going on to take charge of the Iran and Qatar women’s football teams.

Now though, the 36-year-old has been thrust into an entirely different challenge after being appointed manager of French Second Division outfit Clermont Foot.

The paper noted Costa will replace former

Montpelier manager Regis Brouard after Clermont’s poor mid-table finish.

The Daily Record’s Gavin Berry carried an exclusive with SFA development chief Jim Fleeting, who pinpointed the “feisty” Costa for greatness as she studied her coaching badges.

But, as Michael Gannon noted, there is a fear “if she loses a bunch of matches the claim will be it’s because she’s a woman”.

“Which,” he added, “in 2014, is a bit of a scary attitude.”

17 May 2014 ❘ the stooshie

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SPORT Scottish Olympic team on the cards?

Home comforts

Can Glasgow hold off Munster challenge?

■ Glasgow Warriors head into this weekend’s Pro12 playoff semi-final against Munster with home advantage after a thumping success over Zebre.

And Warriors head coach Gregor Townsend reckons that could be a key factor as they aim to reach their first ever Pro12 final.

Warriors’ 54-0 win over Zebre a week ago secured a first home semi-final for a Scottish side and Townsend is hoping to see a massive crowd at Scotstoun to cheer his team on.

It is a game that prop Ryan Grant argued was three years

in the making, so needless to say Townsend has been planning his approach for some time.

“We’ve got to make sure we pick a side that puts us in the best position for winning that game, but I could pick any number of players, from 30 to 35 players,” he said.

“We’ll have a strong team no matter what.”

Warriors beat Munster 22-5 away from home last month, so they will be full of confidence at Scotstoun, which will not rise above its 10,000 capacity for the tie.

If Glasgow emerge victorious this weekend, Ibrox has been touted as a potential venue for the final – if Glasgow secure home advantage.

That would only happen if, of course, Glasgow beat Munster, and Ulster see off Leinster in Dublin.

As the Daily Record noted, tournament rules dictate that the showdown on May 31 “must be staged at a venue with a capacity of at least 18,000”, which means club chiefs would have to look into borrowing a football stadium for the occasion.

COMMENTATORS SAY ■ Gregor Townsend should be “spoiled for choices” ahead of this weekend’s semi-final with Munster, argued Alasdair Reid in The Herald.

He suggested there was a case to be made that Glasgow’s reserve team were “Scotland’s second best side” this term, not Edinburgh, and noted that Townsend “called on the services of a staggering 36 players”.

“In most clubs, to chop and change as he has would be a recipe for disaster, but it speaks volumes for the underlying tactical understanding and the togetherness of the squad that the toing and froing of so many players has done nothing to rock the winning boat,” he wrote. the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

However, he noted that while Munster were not exactly in great form, there could be “no doubting the pedigree or the rugby culture of a side that has reached the last four of the Heineken Cup 11 times”.

Still, The Scotsman’s David Barnes suggested Glasgow will go into this weekend “brimming with confidence” after winning eight successive matches.

The victory over Zebre was merely “the procession before the main event” for Glasgow, he said, and he noted that recent form and home advantage will make the Warriors much-fancied to go on and reach the final.

Having said that, he too felt Munster will be a tough nut to crack and said “anyone who

doesn’t believe that Munster will raise their game for this clash has not been paying attention during the last 10 to 15 years”.

The fans will no doubt play their part at Scotstoun and Barnes noted “it would be jolly good if Warriors supporters heavily outnumbered Munster’s famously passionate army”.

Indeed, The Courier’s Steve Scott said Warriors plan a “hostile environment” for Munster and added that new Scotland head coach Vern Cotter may also be there.

He also suggested that perhaps the most significant factor in Glasgow’s run longterm is that the “gloom over Scottish rugby has been at least partially lifted”.

■ A new report has suggested there would be “no obvious barriers” to stop a Scottish team competing in the 2016 Rio Olympics if the country votes for independence.

A group chaired by former Labour First Minister Henry McLeish found there were various practical measures which would have to be undertaken for Team Scotland to take part in the Olympics and Paralympics, but that they were “achievable”.

But Sir Craig Reedie, from the International Olympic Committee (IOC), said Scotland would probably need to gain membership of the United Nations first.

Quick FIRE ■ Newly-crowned English champions Manchester City will head to Scotland for a friendly against newly-promoted Dundee at Dens Park on July 13.

Evening Telegraph

■ Hong Kong’s Max Lee denied Scotland’s number one squash player Alan Clyne a place in the main draw at the British Open in the final qualifying round.

The Herald

■ Glasgow’s Andy Burns won gold in the under 90kg category at Judo’s British Open in Crawley.

Evening Telegraph

SPORT

good week

QUOTES

Malky Mackay

“If you could put a tax on stupidity...he would be a very poor man.”

The ex-Cardiff boss Scot Mackay dropped a legal claim against his former employers after reaching a settlement over his sacking.

The Scot was dismissed by Cardiff seven months after taking them up when they were hovering above the drop zone.

However, City slipped into the bottom three and eventually out of the Premier League.

Chris Martin

GORDON STRACHAN The Scotland boss picked Leigh Griffiths despite recent indiscretions

■ Scotland’s Vikki Laing finished fourth at the Turkish Open behind England’s Charley Hull and winner Valentine Derrey from France.

No, not him from Coldplay.

This particular Chris Martin has been selected for Gordon Strachan’s Scotland squad for the friendly against Nigeria in London on May 28.

Martin, who has scored 25 goals in 50 appearances for Derby, qualified for Strachan’s squad because his father was born north of the border.

BAD week

Greg Dyke

The FA chairman has found few fans of his idea to plonk a league of Premier League B teams in between League Two and the Conference.

“It makes no sense to me,” wrote The Scottish Sun’s Bill Leckie.

“Especially when, of the 18 English clubs in their top flight this season, 10 are foreign owned and 13 have nonEnglish managers.”

Crunch time for Burns ■ It is “make or break” time for Ricky Burns when he steps into the ring this summer – according to promoter Eddie Hearn.

The 31-year-old faces unbeaten Montenegrin Dejan Zlaticanin on June 27 at Braehead Arena in a WBC eliminator, and the Scot has a fair amount to prove.

It will be his first fight since losing his WBO lightweight title to Terence Crawford –

and that defeat came after two unconvincing defences.

So Hearn is adamant that the Coatbridge boxer needs to up his game in front of his own fans to get back into the title picture.

“Ricky is on the comeback trail to a world title shot, he’s got a new trainer, so this is all about putting what he’s learned into practice, getting his confidence back, and showing people he’s still there,” Hearn stressed.

“And he might not be.

“Maybe he goes out and struggles against this kid. He could quite easily lose to this kid because he can fight.

“If he’s still got it he’ll look good against this kid, who’ll come forward and forward and just think ‘what an opportunity’.

“Really Ricky Burns should take care of him, but if he doesn’t then it’s over.”

“I didn’t think it would be in my first season.” johnny russell Ex-Dundee United man reached Premier League play-off final with Derby

“When me and Des Lynam sat down initially to do Match of the Day, we decided we wouldn’t say the obvious.”

ALAN HANSEN Scots pundit bowed out from Match of the Day

“We were asking ‘How wet does it have to get?’”

Barry Ferguson

The ex-Rangers midfielder departed Blackpool’s caretaker manager position, despite keeping the club in the Championship.

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■ Cricket Scotland’s Calum MacLeod looks dejected after being bowled out en route to a 39-run defeat against England at Mannofield.

ALASTAIR COOK England’s cricket captain reckoned the conditions in Aberdeen for the match versus Scotland were “borderline” 17 May 2014 ❘ the stooshie

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SPORT

OFF

Saints v United: A fitting finale ■ The waiting is finally over for fans of St Johnstone and Dundee United as the sides prepare to do battle in this weekend’s Scottish Cup final.

Both teams go into the game on the back of defeats in their final league games – Saints losing 2-0 up at Inverness and United going down 3-1 at Celtic Park – but either could be forgiven for having had one eye on Saturday’s showpiece.

And with good reason, as both clubs seek to end their respective campaigns with some silverware.

United have gained plaudits for their free-flowing style of football, with that flair and easy-on-the-eye approach paying dividends more often than not this season.

They will probably start as favourites, given the fact they won the trophy in 2010 and will have a support far outnumbering their opponents from Perth.

However, their preparations were hit after they were forced to reject an approach from Blackpool to try and lure manager Jackie McNamara down south.

Meanwhile, Tommy Wright was – in many eyes – a serious contender for Manager of the Year and has guided St Johnstone to a first ever Scottish Cup final in the club’s 130-year history.

Saints have also beaten United in three out of the four league fixtures between the pair this season.

The final has certainly captured the imagination, and the Evening Telegraph said diehard supporters are trekking from as far afield as Australia, America and Finland to see the game.

COMMENTATORS SAY the autumn and Saints are ■ The Courier’s Eric Nicolson swept aside, McNamara will suggested all the pressure be lauded for his bravery and is on United boss Jackie being true to his values,” he McNamara, rather than his said. counterpart along the road at “But if they play like we’ve McDiarmid Park. seen them against Saints in Not because they are a the recent past, the team’s bigger club or because St autumn form is nowhere to Johnstone have already made be seen and it is United who history by just reaching the are swept aside, McNamara final, he argued, but because his “team selection and tactics will be criticised for a lack of pragmatism and adaptability.” will carry more significance”.

Billy Dodds played for He suggested there is a both clubs in his career and “fine line between sticking suggested both “deserve to your beliefs and adapting success” in their own ways. to the circumstances”, and Despite split loyalties questioned whether or not though, he did not sit on the McNamara will decide to go fence in his article for the with both John Souttar and Ryan Gauld in his starting Sunday Herald and suggested line-up. it may well be Saints’ year.

“If they play like we know “I don’t know why St they can, United get back Johnstone are going to win it,” to their untouchable form of he said. the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

“But I just think they will.”

The same paper’s Stewart Fisher also suggested the “patience and prudence” of the Perth club over the years could well be rewarded.

However, The Scotsman’s Moira Gordon suggested the stakes are also high for United at Celtic Park.

“At the moment it adds up to a season of plaudits, potential and more points than last term,” she wrote.

“But only if Dundee United win the Scottish Cup on Saturday can they turn that into something more tangible.”

Whatever happens, most pundits believe it will be a tight encounter.

“It will be close although substance might just triumph over style,” concluded Colin Duncan in the Daily Record.

THE BALL

■ BBC Scotland’s Stuart Cosgrove and Tam Cowan were joined by special guest, former Dundee midfielder and Blackpool boss Alex Rae. ■ Among the talking points this week were Hibs deciding to snub the TV cameras prior to their home game with Kilmarnock; Scottish tribute bands with better names than ‘Perth, Wind and Fire’ or the ‘Partick Monkeys’; and ‘What does Blackpool mean to you?’

■ The team of the week was the Barbers XI, featuring the likes of Alan Combe, Johnny Rep and of course Bobo Balde.

Scottish football’s ups and downs to be decided ■ Hamilton will do battle with Falkirk this weekend in the second leg of their Premiership play-off semifinal, with Hibs lying in wait for the winners.

Gary Holt (above) will be hoping his Bairns can reach the final after earning a 1-1 draw in the first leg, although Accies will be keen to make their home advantage count.

Elsewhere, Dunfermline host Cowdenbeath in the second leg of the Championship final, this after Cowden were forced to give up home advantage due to a date clash with a stockcar meeting, while East Fife are at home to Stirling in the League One play-off final second leg.

SPORT

good week

QUOTES “He was just a picture of pure relief...”

Kris Commons

The Celtic striker capped a wonderful season on the pitch by netting his 32nd goal of the season in the 3-1 victory over Dundee United at Parkhead.

Off the pitch though, his success continued at the weekend when he was crowned the Scottish Football Writers’ Association’s Player of the Year.

St Johnstone’s Stevie May was named SFWA Young Player of the Year.

Barry Nicholson The midfielder on boss Allan Johnston’s reaction after Killie stayed up

■ Celtic drew the curtain on the season with a 3-1 win over Dundee United before lifting a third successive league trophy.

Hearts

With the takeover of the Edinburgh club formally completed, new owner Ann Budge launched a long-term plan for the club.

Craig Levein was installed as the new director of football and Robbie Neilson head coach as the Jambos prepare for life in the Championship following their relegation from the Premiership.

HEADLINES

Gary Locke (et al...)

The now ex-Hearts boss was deemed surplus to requirements under the new regime at Tynecastle and was shown the door along with Billy Brown.

The players didn’t escape either, with Ryan Stevenson and Jamie Hamill among those also leaving.

“The club needs to sell season tickets and if I’d still been in charge they wouldn’t have sold many.”

KENNY SHIELS The now ex-Morton manager knew when he wasn’t wanted

FOOTBALL: Albion Rovers hope to have success with their ‘Pay What You Can’ season ticket deal.

Season books have been going for as little as £10 after the club trialled the scheme for a single match last term.

Hibs chief calls for calm

BAD week

l 45

■ Hibernian chairman Rod Petrie has pleaded for patience from fans as the Edinburgh club faces up to the prospect of a play-off to stay in the Premiership.

Last week’s 1-0 defeat to Kilmarnock means the Hibees will face either Hamilton or Falkirk over two legs to stay in the top flight, and Petrie admitted their league position has been a “dismal outcome”.

However, Petrie has urged fans to stick with the team to “take care of business on the field” and put the season behind them with a win.

HOCKEY: Scotland saw off Wales 5-1 in the second Test match at Glasgow’s National Hockey Centre.

Kenny Bain scored four of the goals.

SPEEDWAY: Glasgow Tigers saw their Premier League Knockout Cup clash with Rye House Rockets abandoned due to bad weather.

SHINTY: Kingussie avoided a stag do ‘hangover’ by seeing off Inveraray 3-2 in the Premiership.

Eight first-team players were absent due to Fraser Munro’s stag celebrations in Liverpool, but they still managed a win.

“It was a free-kick every day of the week.” derek mcinnes The Aberdeen boss was angry at Motherwell’s late winner after John Sutton ‘fouled’ Dons’ keeper Jamie Langfield in the build-up

“It’s swings and roundabouts for me.”

Stuart mCcALL Motherwell’s boss treated their late winner as karma, albeit the weekend’s goal handed ‘Well £240,000 for finishing second

Danny Lennon

It was confirmed the St Mirren boss would not see his contract renewed, following widespread speculation prior to the club’s announcement on Monday.

Tommy Craig replaced him.

■ Kylie McMullan became the first female assistant referee at a Scottish Premiership match during St Mirren v Hearts.

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COMMENT

FRED SAID Comedian, broadcaster and presenter

FRED MACAULAY

Forget about tax, pay pensions in cash...

You can take the man out of accountancy but you can never take accountancy out of the man.

Eh, Fred?

■ My reaction to hearing that it had been 20 years since John Smith had died was greeted with a “Surely not?”

This has even been the reaction to one or two wedding anniversaries, but as Mrs Fred and I celebrate our 30th later this week I’ll DEFINITELY remember this one. And if I don’t, well, I’ll have something interesting to write about next week!

I used to have a line about John Smith (who I never actually met, sadly) in my stand-up in the late eighties: “People often ask me as a comedian – knowing I was formerly an accountant – who my heroes are. Simple, I hugely admire The Shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer, John Smith and the brilliantly funny Ken Dodd. Unfortunately, I learned

Clarifications and corrections The Stooshie is committed to journalism of the highest standards and we aim to produce our magazine with accuracy, honesty and fairness. Our journalists adhere to the DC Thomson company values of integrity, respect, commitment and creativity. We abide by the Editors’ Code of Practice which is enforced by the Press Complaints Commission. It is our policy to publish clarifications and corrections when necessary and as quickly as possible. You can contact us by email at: editor@thestooshie.co.uk or by writing to: The Readers’ Editor, The Stooshie, 80 Kingsway East, Dundee DD4 8SL.

the stooshie ❘ www.thestooshie.co.uk

my comedy from John Smith, but on the plus side I learned all about tax from Ken Dodd!”

It’s 25 years since Ken Dodd was charged with tax evasion.

“Surely not?” It was alleged that Ken kept a great deal of undeclared cash under his bed.

Tax evasion is quite different from tax avoidance. The former is illegal, and the latter, if I correctly remember the Prime Minister’s reaction to Jimmy Carr’s tax avoidance, is only “morally wrong”.

Ken Dodd was acquitted and following the trial Ken performed for eight months from Easter to Christmas in The London Palladium. He only stopped because by December his mattress was so close to the ceiling that he couldn’t actually climb into bed.

A meteorological mystery for Fred ■ More financial news!

Should Scotland’s pensionable age be reduced since we don’t live as long up here as they do down south?

I don’t know the exact figures, but I read that there’s an area in East Dorset where the average male life expectancy is almost 20 years more than in some deprived areas of Scotland.

So, in the interest of accuracy (or to be more accurate, in the interest of comedy) I went to visit East Dorset.

It’s, how can I put this without causing offence, dull. It might just have been the bit I visited, but to be honest I’d rather have 60 years in a deprived area of Scotland than 80 years there. Even though the sun was out, it was DULL. I’ll need to ask Carol Kirkwood (that’s her down there), the brilliant weather forecaster, how that can happen.

I saw a couple of old blokes on a park bench down there and they were having a chat.

“Charles, can you tell me if we’ve actually died yet or not?”

“No, James, we’re still alive.”

“Oh dear... See you tomorrow again then.”

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