Student Bible 2016

What's Inside EXPLORE Get to know your new home with our savvy guides to Scotland’s student cities

Student Bible 2

6 GLASGOW

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1

6

Letter From The Editor

10 EDINBURGH 1 3 STIRLING AND ST ANDREWS

WELCOME TO THE SECOND EDITION OF THE STUDENT BIBLE, 14 ABERDEEN

THE ULTIMATE READ FOR SCOTLAND’S FRESHERS!

17 DUNDEE You’re in for the best year of your life – and it all kicks off with freshers’ week, packed with messy nights out, getting to know each other and the politics of shared living. It’s going to be AMAZING.

LIFE 18 THE NIGHT BEFORE …

AND THE MORNING AFTER The dos and don’ts of freshers, staying safe and some tried and tested hangover cures for the next day – nights out are going to be a breeze this freshers’.

21 LOVE AND OTHER DRUG S

We’ve been there, done that and worn the T-shirt when it comes to freshers and experienced the many, many mistakes that come with it – so we thought we’d share some wisdom with you. As well as rounding up the places to see and be seen in Scotland’s major student cities, we’ve got heaps of advice and tips on getting through it all in as close to one piece as possible. From cringey tales of terrible flatmates to some top tips to help you navigate the dating landscape, we’ve got it all.

Let’s get it on! We talk the ins and outs (ooh er) of sex and relationships, from surviving the totally cringe moments to avoiding major crises.

So what are you waiting for? Dive in and get involved!

Lindsay

24 FLATMATES: THE GO OD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY If you’re off to stay in halls, thank your lucky stars you’re not living with this lot.

26 MAKE YOUR MONEY GO FURTHER

Lindsay Cochrane | Editor P U BL I S HER

E D ITO R IAL CO NTR IBUTO R

SALE S

Denise Connelly

Rachael Fulton

Stuart Elder

denise@dcpublishing.co.uk

editorial@dcpublishing.co.uk

stuart.elder@dcpublishing.co.uk

EDI TOR

D E SIGN/ PR O D UCTIO N

Scott Kyle

Avoid a financial flummox this year with our top money saving advice.

Lindsay Cochrane

Louise Clifford

scott.kyle@dcpublishing.co.uk

lindsay.cochrane@dcpublishing.co.uk

louise.clifford@dcpublishing.co.uk

28 WHAT I WISH I’D KNOWN

STA FF WRI TER

PR O D UCTIO N ASSISTANT

Kirsty McKenzie

Lisa McCabe

kirsty.mckenzie@dcpublishing.co.uk

lisa.mccabe@dcpublishing.co.uk

Marian Mathieson

Some retired freshers (aka oldies) share a few words of wisdom to help you get the most out of your uni experience.

30 CALLING ALL HEALTH NUTS! Just because you’re a fresher doesn’t mean you have to let yourself go…

marian.mathieson@dcpublishing.co.uk WWW. STUD E NT B I B LE .O RG.UK

DC PUBLISHING LTD | 200 BATH STREET, GLASGOW, G2 4HG | TEL: 0844 249 9007 | FAX: 0141 353 0435 ©DC Publishing Ltd 2016. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or used in any way without prior written permission from the publisher. The views expressed in this magazine are not necessarily those of DC Publishing Ltd. The publisher takes no responsibility for claims made by advertisers within the publication. Every effort has been made to ensure that information is accurate; while dates and prices are correct at the time of going to print, DC Publishing takes no responsibility for omissions and errors.

LIFE

C E L E B R I T Y G R A D U AT E

Bear Grylls HE’S A BIT OF A SURVIVAL EXPERT – SO WHO BETTER TO GIVE YOU SOME WORDS OF WISDOM TO GET THROUGH YOUR FIRST YEAR IN ONE PIECE? BEAR GRYLLS REFLECTS ON HIS STUDENT EXPERIENCE Bear Grylls is a world-famous adventurer, survivalist and TV personality. He’s conquered Everest, crossed the North Atlantic Sea in an inflatable boat and hollowed out a camel carcass to take shelter in the desert, to name just a handful of his epic survival missions.

But long before he was taking President Obama on camping trips and testing ordinary people’s survival skills on The Island, Bear survived a degree in Hispanic Studies at the University of London. Although his subject choice hasn’t been central to his career as a TV adventurer, Bear says his Spanish skills help him communicate while shooting TV programmes in Spanish-speaking countries. “It’s helped me out in a few filming locations,” says Bear. “My Spanish is suficiente para sobrevivir! I met some brilliant people at university, who are still friends to this day.”

Over the course of his televised adventures, Bear has hydrated himself with elephant dung, wrestled and killed alligators and eaten raw reindeer in the Arctic Circle. He might not have braved such conditions at uni, but he still believes his experience set him up well for his later adventures. “University teaches you how to be independent, something which is definitely necessary in the wild,” says Bear. “Survival is not just about knowledge and skills, it’s even more about positivity, resourcefulness, courage and determination, all of which came in handy during my time at uni!”

And what wisdom would this intrepid explorer pass on to new freshers? “Keep going and follow the path less travelled, even when it is scary to go solo. That’s always the more rewarding route.”

CATCH BEAR IN ACTION ON HIS LIVE ENDEAVOUR: YOUR ADVENTURE AWAITS TOUR AT GLASGOW’S SSE HYDRO ON OCTOBER 11. WATCH THE TOUR TRAILER AND BOOK TICKETS AT WWW.BEARGRYLLSLIVE.COM

P4 | THE STUDENT BIBLE

Win Tickets To

FLY Open Air Festival!

Festival season might be slowing down, but it ain’t over yet! This September, FLY Open Air Festival is heading to Edinburgh – and we’ve got a pair of tickets to give away!

Recently, exciting Scottish promoters FLY announced their first ever festival in the open-air surroundings of a world heritage site underneath the iconic Edinburgh Castle. The first names out of the bag for 24 September were the much loved Motor City Drum Ensemble, live act and dub house legend Mr G, Dutch house heroes Detroit Swindle and Sub Club’s iconic pair of Harri + Domenic. But now, Booka Shade have been added to the bill playing their famous live show to ensure this will be Scotland’s best event of the summer.

Check out the full lineup at www.flyclub.co TO WIN A PAIR OF TICKETS, EMAIL US YOUR NAME, AGE, ADDRESS AND DAYTIME TELEPHONE NUMBER TO COMP@SOURCEMAGAZINE.ORG.UK BY 14 SEPTEMBER. EASY! FOR FULL DETAILS, HEAD TO WWW.SOURCEMAGAZINE.ORG.UK/FLY-OPEN-AIR

EXPLORE

Glasgow WHILE EDINBURGH FAFFS AROUND WITH BAGPIPES, CASTLES AND PANDAS, SCOTLAND’S EDGIER SISTER IS THROWING A RAVE. CITIES DON’T GET MUCH COOLER THAN GLASVEGAS THANKS TO ITS GRITTY ENERGY, HIP(STER) BARS AND UNPARALLELED NIGHTLIFE. WHETHER YOU ARE STARTING OR ENDING YOUR DAY, HERE IS EXACTLY WHERE TO GO…

D AY ART I SA N ROAST

ART I SA N ROAST

15-17 GIBSON STREET

C ENTRE FOR C ONTEMPOR ARY ARTS

T HE GR EAT W EST ERN SANDW ICH CO

WWW.A RT ISAN ROAST . C O . U K

350 SAUCHIEHALL STREET

657 GREAT WESTERN ROAD

W W W.C CA- GLASG OW.COM

WWW.TH E GRE ATWE STE RN SANDWICH CO.COM

Hipsters unite! Pull on your vintage jumper and head here for a cosy afternoon. Curl up with your expertly hand roasted coffee in one of the welcoming corners – and don’t forget to order a brioche with jam.

You may not be an art student but you’re guaranteed arty credentials if you hang around here enough. This crafty space offers dynamic events in music, film and performance.

N AK E D SO U P

GAND O LFI’S CAFÉ

6 KER SLAND STREET

64 ALBION STREET

WWW.T WIT T ER .CO M / NA K E D _ S O U P

W W W.CA F E GA N D OLFI .COM

Drag your bleary-eyed self out of bed and come here to recover with a full fry up. A relaxing atmosphere and food as cheap as chips – not much more you can ask for.

KELVINGR OVE ART GALLERY ARGYLE STREET

Delicious deal where you can get a soup, sandwich, drink and fruit for a fiver. Pretty much an instant pick-me-up kit. Hand one to your poorly flatmate for extra brownie points.

When your parents come through to treat you – take them here. This welcoming wee place has a great atmosphere and an even better fish menu.

Order the Arbroath smokies with baked potato, cream and parmesan and thank us later.

TC H A I OV NA 42 OTAGO LANE WWW.TC H AIOVN A .CO M You’ll struggle to find anywhere in Glasgow more hippie than this place. Candles, cushions and lots of chai, this café is amazing.

This is the ultimate date spot. What better place to fall in love/lust than among the shadows of Picasso’s masterpieces or the luring figures of taxidermy? Plus, across the road, Orlando’s offers insanely good fish and chips – so at least you’re guaranteed to take something home.

TRAM WAY

IN N D E E P

TRAMWAY

44 5 GREAT WESTERN ROAD

2 5 ALBERT DRIVE

WWW.IN N D EEP.CO M

W W W.T R A MWAY.ORG

Until you sit in their sunny beer garden overlooking the murky waters of the River Kelvin with the owner’s dog licking your hand, you have not LIVED. The only place to go for pints when the sun is out.

This place is more than worth the trek to the Southside. Tramway is a treasure trove of arty delights, hosting dance shows, gigs and theatre all year round. It even presented the prestigious Turner Prize last year.

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WWW.GLASG OWLI FE .ORG.UK

K E LVI NGROVE ART GA LLERY

EXPLORE

NIGHT NI CE N S LEA ZY

DIM S U M

NIC E N SLEAZY

HILLHEAD BO OKCLU B

69 WEST NILE STREET

421 SAUCHIEHALL STREET

17 VINICOMBE STREET

WWW.D IM SU M G LASG OW.C O M

W W W. N I C ENSLE A Z Y.COM

WWW. H I LLH E A D B O OKCLUB.CO.UK

If you like your Chinese food high quality and budget-friendly, Dim Sum is the place to be.

With a big menu, some of the best dim sum in the city and student discounts available, you’d be mad to miss out.

If bearded men, great music and white Russians on tap are your thing, this is the place to be.

Home to lots of gigs from up-and-coming bands, and great for spotting local indie music types, Sleazy’s promises a great night out.

B LO C +

FLY ING DUCK

No list on Glasgow would be complete without this West End haunt. Ping-pong tables, dim lighting and overstuffed sofas make this a great place to go for brunch and then a nosy around their Sunday Vintage Fair. It’s just as great during the week – they offer affordable cocktails, delicious steak pies and classic tunes.

117 BATH STREET

142 RENFIELD STREET

WWW.B LO C.RU

W W W. FLY I NGD UCKCLUB.COM

Could there be anything better than a Soviet Union-themed bar? Open till 3? With its own orchestra? Take your best group of pals and stay here till the wee small hours. You’ll never have a bad time here, whether you’re looking for a quiet acoustic night spotting lead singers of local bands or a riotous evening with friends.

Placed opposite the cinema, this is the bestkept secret in Glasgow. This unpretentious hideout is all cheap pints, fairy lights and board games. Head here for a quick drink, vegan snacks and a game of Trivial Pursuit before heading across the road to Cineworld.

T HE STAND 3 3 3 WO ODLANDS ROAD

C H IQ U I TO THE FORT

HANOI BIKE SHOP 8 RUTHVEN LANE

Not only do legendary funnymen Frankie Boyle and Kevin Bridges regularly take to the stage here to test new material,, The Stand also offer a varied programme of contemporary stand-up, sketches and touring shows every single night of the week. Steal jokes from here and impress that flatmate you fancy.

W W W. H A N OI B I KE SH OP.CO.UK

OR AN MOR

WWW.C H IQ U ITO.CO.U K What kind of student would you be if you didn’t have a weakness for Mexican food and a 25% discount every day of the week? Cure those inevitable hangover blues — head to this fine establishment and drown your sorrows with a delicious churro (or four). They’ve also got restaurants at Braehead, The Quay and in Hamilton. Spoiled for choice.

WWW.TH E STA ND.CO.UK

Hands down, the best restaurant in Glasgow.

This little gem is hidden behind Byres Road and within the hustle and bustle of this Vietnamese joint is a menu so good you’ll want to order everything at once. Just don’t leave without trying the peanut butter dip. And the tofu.

Book to avoid disappointment (though there is now a takeaway menu, so there’s no excuse for missing out).

BYRES ROAD WWW.ORA N-MOR .CO.UK Last orders at one bar just means the start of the night at Oran Mor. It’s the only place in the West End open till 3am and hosts its fair share or gigs and minor celebrities – CHVRCHES and the Chewing the Fat cast have all been spotted here.

BLO C+

THE STUDENT BIBLE | P7

EXPLORE

NIGHT (CONTI NU E D)

STEREO

P US H I T @ ST E R EO

THE BER KELEY SUIT E

22-28 RENFIELD LANE

2 37 NORTH STREET

WWW.ST EREO CAF EBA R .C O M

W W W. B E RKE LE YSUI TE .COM

It might not look like it from the outside but this humble basement bar is actually one of Glasgow’s most killer venues. Cue quirky promoters, faces covered in glitter and one of the greatest club night ideas of all time. The latest residency Push It plays nothing but R ‘n’ B, hip-hop and pop by female artists. Previous nights have seen music lovers get down and dirty to the likes of Beyoncé and Britney – complete with music videos on the big screen.

A bit swankier than your typical Glasgow drinking hole, this Art Deco ballroom and bar has had more than its fair share of old school glamour (no wonder it’s rumoured to be Scarlett Johansson’s favourite place to drink when she’s in town). Even more famous than its clientele is its dancehall and reggae club night Walk N Skank, on every week.

S UB C LU B

Glasgow Facts •

We’ve always loved footie in this city: the first international football game was held in Partick.

•

Did you know... the phrase ‘Glasgow kiss’ is defined in the Oxford English Dictionary as ‘a headbutt’. How romantic!

•

Bookworms rejoice! The Mitchell Library is Europe’s largest public reference library – great for when the partying gets too much.

•

Oi, square eyes! The first ever TV images were broadcast in Glasgow. The perfect excuse to watch another box set then.

SWG 3 100 EASTVALE PLACE W W W.S WG3.TV

22 JAMAICA STREET WWW.S U B CLU B.CO.U K This place is the stuff of Glasgow legend and provides the kind of party that would make the cast of Skins blush. Expect G-town’s edgiest folk, A-list DJ residencies and a world-class sound system so loud they actually offer earplugs (yes, really).

Finnieston has come a long way from grubby docks and warehouses – this year it was voted the hippest place to live in the UK. Its crown jewel is SWG3 – a slick auditorium that brings the chic to the shabby. One to name drop during freshers’ to make you feel cooler than you really are – your flatmates will be instantly impressed.

SWG 3

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EXPLORE

Edinburgh

CULTURE, ART SHOWS AND BIG FRINGE TENTS ARE ALL WELL AND GOOD, BUT WHAT HAPPENS TO EDINBURGH WHEN THE TOURISTS GO ELSEWHERE? WELL THAT, MY FRIEND, IS WHEN THE CAPITAL REALLY COMES ALIVE. YOUR MUM AND GRAN ARE PROBABLY THRILLED THAT YOU’LL BE STUDYING IN SUCH A REPUTABLE CITY BUT THEY DON’T KNOW THE HALF OF IT. DESPITE ITS SHINY VENEER, EDINBURGH HAS MORE THAN ENOUGH NOOKS AND CRANNIES TO LEAD YOU ASTRAY. READ ON TO DISCOVER THE RIOT INSIDE AULD REEKIE

D AY E DI NBURG H FILMHOUS E

ED IN BU RG H F I L MHOU S E

HUL A JUICE BAR

88 LOTHIAN ROAD

10 3- 105 W BOW

WWW.FIL M H OU SEC INE M A .C O M

WWW. H ULA J UI CE BA R .CO.UK

Now here is where you come if you’re looking for some culture and class (and to pretend to your ‘rents that you’re actually behaving). It boasts a great selection of arthouse films, events and people-watching opportunities. The Art Deco-inspired café is great too.

This one’s for those of you with good intentions – yes, you with the yoga pants and the perky ponytail. Hula does everything your Gwyneth Paltrow heart desires — from detox drinks to light lunches and shakes.

Good enough to erase your Jägerbomb sins – almost.

T H E DA L M E N Y E STATE SOUTH QUEENSFERRY WWW.DAL M EN Y.CO.U K Just a 20-minute bike ride from the city centre sits the incredible Dalmeny Estate owned by the Earl of Rosebury, who is kind enough to open the grounds to the public. The sprawling 19th century gothic mansion will lead you right to foot of the Forth Road Bridge.

P ET E R ’S YA RD 27 SIMPSON LOAN WWW.PET ER SYARD.CO M Want to stare at exceptionally good-looking people and eat cakes so tasty they should be illegal? Then look no further than Peter’s Yard. Handily (or maybe dangerously) near the Edinburgh Uni library, these pricey pastries won’t do much for your savings account or your waistline, but the slick Scandi interiors and delicious coffee make it worth it.

UN IO N O F G E N I US 8 FORREST ROAD

HUL A J UICE BA R

UNDER T HE STAIR S 3A MERCHANT STREET WWW.UN D E RTH E STA I R S.ORG

WWW.U N IO N O F G EN IU S.C O M Re-heat your body (and your soul) after a night out in the world’s tastiest – and smallest – soup kitchen. They also have a takeaway van (pitched outside the Edinburgh Uni library) and their chorizo soup will become your best friend during those bleak revision sessions.

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Tucked under George IV Bridge, this unpretentious hideaway is the perfect place for a date. Mixing hipster cool with homely vibes, you’ll find yourself escaping here for a veggie burger and pint at least once a month.

It’s got everything you could ask for – low ceilings, cosy tables and more candles than a Grey’s Anatomy sex scene.

EXPLORE

NIGHT SNE AKY PETE ’S

R EN D E Z VO U S

99 HANOVER ST R EET BAR

10 QU EENSFERRY STREET

99 HANOVER STREET

WWW.ED IN B U RG H REN D E ZVO U S.C O.U K

WWW.99H A NOVE R STRE E T.COM

Hands down the best Chinese in the city (maybe in the country – we’ll get back to you on that). This family-run business has been around for 60 years and continues to serve some of the tastiest Chinese food in Auld Reekie. Order takeaways on nights you’re feeling groggy. Brave enough to venture outdoors? Go for the banquet and eat yourself into a world-class food coma.

Just off fancy-schmancy George Street at – you guessed it – 99 Hanover Street, you’ll find this decadent little gem. Think low lighting with just a whiff of Victorian-era decor amongst DJ sets and delicious cocktails.

The perfect place to start on pitchers and gin until you’re brave enough to venture out to George Street’s questionable rugby – sorry, clubbing – scene.

H IVE

NIGHT VISION

15- 17 NIDDRY STREET

WWW.TH I SI SOURVI SI ON .COM

WWW.C LU B H IVE .CO.U K Enter at your peril – this dirty little den has regret written all over it. The drinks are about as basic as the music (think cheesy pop, whiny emo hits and Red Stripes) but this place is an Edinburgh institution that holds a very special place in our scummy student hearts.

This one’s for the kids with the snapbacks and the backpacks. House and techno big dogs Musika and Xplicit teamed up to launch Nightvision, a series of specially curated electronic events across some of Edinburgh’s most loved venues like Cabaret Voltaire and Liquid Room. These nights are not to be missed. Trust us.

S N EA KY P E T E ’S

GAR IBALDIS

7 3 COWGATE

97A HANOVER STREET

WWW.SN EAKYP ET ES.C O.U K

WWW. FACE B O OK .COM/GA RI BA LD I S. E D I N B URGH .1

Who said size matters? Pete’s is a tiny cracker of a club that has a sound system and music selection that more than rivals clubs twice as big. Great for live music too, you’re guaranteed to see the next big thing here — and you can claim you loved them before they were all over Radio 1.

Sticky floors, stipper poles and enough free-poured tequila to bathe in. For some, this would be reason enough not to enter the legendary Mexican club – but not you freshers. You guys are made of stronger stuff.

Not stronger than their tequila though – that’s lethal.

THE STUDENT BIBLE | P11

EXPLORE

St. Andrews

Stirling

ST ANDREWS MAY BE SMALL BUT WE PROMISE THIS TITCHY TOWN PACKS A PUNCH. FROM BEACH DAYS TO WILD RAISIN NIGHTS, ST ANDYS IS WAY MORE THAN YOUR PARENTS’ FAVE GOLF RESORT

NOT ALL STUDENTS GO TO UNI JUST FOR AS AND A-CLASS PINTS. SOME OF YOU GUYS ARE A SPORTY WEE BUNCH TOO. BUT SWIMMING AND GYMING AT STIRLING UNI ASIDE, THERE’S PLENTY OF TROUBLE FOR YOU GUYS TO GET INTO

FOR GAN’S , ST AND R EWS

N ORT H P O I NT CAFÉ

T HE HIDEAWAY CAFÉ

24 NORTH STREET

FOUNTAIN MEW, FOUNTAIN ROAD BRID GE OF ALLAN

FACEB O OK .CO M / N ORT H P O I N TCA FE Appaz this is where Kate and Wills had their first coffee date. And you never know, this cosy joint may be where you meet your very own Prince(ss) Charming. If not, drown your love woes in syrup and order a plate of Scotland’s best fluffy pancakes.

FOR GA N ’S 110 MARKET STREET

With plates and bunting covering the walls, quirky tea cups and overstuffed sofas, this place is your official cure to homesickness.

Order the homemade ice cream if you’re feeling particularly woeful.

SMILING JACKS 17 BARNTON STREET WWW.SMI LI N G -JACKS.CO.UK

WWW.FO RGAN S STAN D R E W S.C O.U K Loved by students and tourists alike, this rustic ol’ place is a St Andrews institution! Housed in an old golf club factory and coated head to toe in fairy lights and lanterns, the restaurant focuses on providing delicious twists on British classics with everything from shepherd’s pie to haggis on the menu.

It’s not size that matters – it’s what you do with it. Turns out the tiny SJs can do a whole lot – from authentic Tex-Mex grub to crazily good Margaritas. Visit on Sundays or Tuesdays and you’ll get 20% off too.

CO OK’S OF ST IR LING 78 UPPER CRAIG S WWW.CO OKSOFSTI RLI N G.CO.UK

W H EY PAT 1 BRID GE STREET WWW.WH EYPAT-STAN D R E W S.C O.U K

This cosy little place will be your home away from home. Mainly because it has £5 fajitas, pies and burgers on tap and your dodgy flat doesn’t.

A neighbourhood favourite that specialises in darts, local music and beer. Plus they have the best nachos in town – try them with haggis and thank us later.

FUBAR

MA BE LLS

From Skint Tuesday to Tiki Thursday – no place will grab your heart (and wallet) quite like Fubar.

ST ANDREWS GOLF HOTEL , 4 0 THE SCORES

6 MAXWELL PLACE FUBA RCLUB. I N FO

WWW.HOT EL D U VIN .CO M

DUSK If you can handle a Jack Wills hoodie or seven then you might just enjoy Ma Bells. Yes, the poshos love it here but there’s also a knockout bar that serves deliciously good food and surprisingly cheap drinks.

Cocktail pitchers run at £7.50, and scoring a Ma Bells card will get you drink deals throughout the week. It doesn’t get much better than that.

Can I get a “Hell yah”?

DALGLEISH COURT WWW. D USKSTI RLI NG.CO.UK Coming in a close second to Fubar (OK, Stirling only have two clubs) is Dusk. Yes it was recently voted the 13th worst club in the UK but its sticky floors and dodgy lights have a certain charm. We’re feeling it.

THE STUDENT BIBLE | P13

EXPLORE

Aberdeen

IT’S GOT OIL (ISH), LOTS OF SEAGULLS AND NIGHTCLUBS OPEN EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK. IT’S OUR VERY OWN NORTH STAR – ABERDEEN! JUST BECAUSE IT IS COLD 99% OF THE YEAR AND IT’S NICKNAMED THE GRANITE CITY, DOESN’T MEAN IT’S ALL DOOM AND GLOOM. THE DEEN OFFERS RICH CULTURE, GREAT NIGHTLIFE AND WAS VOTED THE MOST CONTENTED CITY IN SCOTLAND. CHECK OUT OUR TOP PICKS THAT ARE SURE TO KEEP YOU CHEERFUL

D AY ANG US A ND A LE

TH E C LO SE T

CUP

JOPPS LANE

9 LITTLE BELMONT STREET

BR ID GE ST R EET SO CI A L CLUB

WWW.T H EC LOSET VIN TAGE .C O.U K

W W W.C U P CA FE .CO.UK

18 BRID GE STREET

Pretend you were always cool and into vintage (after you destroy all proof of your Abercrombie past) and head here. It’s jam-packed with oneoff retro rags and quirky accessories perfect for your new life as an edgy student.

TH E T RI P LE K I RKS SCHO OLHILL

Delicious coffee, fresh soup, huge sandwiches and afternoon tea for when you’re feeling fancy.

Where to take you mum when she comes to check you’re still alive.

WWW. FACE B O OK .COM/ B RI D GE STRE E TSO CI A LCLUBAB Z BSSC have everything from halloumi veggie burgers to something called a Do! Nut Burger – with a doughnut instead of a bun.

THE C O FFEE HOUSE 1 GAELIC LANE W W W.C O F FE E H OUSE A B Z .COM

W WW.THETRIPLEKIRKSA BER DEEN .CO.UK

This sports bar is set in an old church, which might sound like an odd combo but then all the best things are. It serves a huge range of craft beers and cocktails, as well as all your fave pub grub – it’s the ultimate combination.

S L AI N S 14- 18 BELMONT STREET WWW.EERIE- P U B S.CO.U K If you fancy something a little different from your average bar, here is where to go. Lightly Dracula themed (not as naff as it sounds) this former church is all carved wood panelling and cosy low-lit booths.

Independent cafe selling cakes so good you won’t be able to pass without nipping in. Luckily it’s also got free Wi-Fi and plenty of space so you can justify your cake love as “studying”.

PL AN 9

T HE W IG

9 ROSEMOUNT VIADUCT

55- 56 CASTLE STREET WWW.TH E WI G.CO

Nerds unite! Aberdeen is the perfect place for you to Marvel (geddit?) at rare first editions and the latest graphic novels. Despite rival comic book stores, Asylum and Forbidden Planet, for many Plan 9 is the original and the best.

ANGU S AND ALE

WWW.9 9 AB ERD EEN .CO M You’ve got 99 problems, but finding a drink ain’t one. If generous gourmet dishes and fancy cocktails are your thing, you’ll quickly fall in love with Bar 99.

This student-friendly hub is home to hot food and cold beer. Perfect for tasty portions of your favourite guilty pleasures. The entertainment’s great too, with quizzes and live bands.

55 SCHO OLHILL

UNION SQUAR E SHOP P I N G CENT R E

W W W. A N GUSA LE .COM

1 2 GUILD STREET

BAR 9 9 1 BACK WYND

B RI D G E STRE E T SO CIA L CLUB

WWW.UNI ON SQ UA RE A B E RD EEN.CO M When barbecue weather is a wash-out, a good burger joint is a student essential. Angus and Ale do the best in the city (and they won’t break the bank). But watch out – you’ll want to make extra room for their unforgettable homemade chips and onion rings too. And the haggis fritters. Best just order the lot.

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OK, we’ll admit it. Adding a shopping centre to this list wasn’t the coolest, most original move.

But this place does have Cineworld, Nandos, TGIs, Wagamama, Prezzo, Yo Sushi, Handmade Burger Co, Byron, Pizza Hut and a Five Guys opening in November. Phew!

EXPLORE

NIGHT THE L EMON TREE

ES P IO NAG E

T HE T UNNELS

1 20 UNION STREET

CARNEGIE ’S BRAE

WWW.FACEB O OK .CO M /E S P I O N AGE N I GH TC LU B

WWW.TH E TUN NE LS.CO.UK

Arguably Aberdeen’s “if all else fails” option, Espionage has long functioned as the city’s last chance saloon. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have a cracking night amongst the bodycon and overflowing VKs. Sometimes basic is best.

This one’s for the emos out there. Head to The Tunnels, insert yourself into the mosh pit of young and sweaty students and get tossed around to the beat of your favourite music. We Were Promised Jetpacks, Withered Hand and Black Peaks will all be playing here over fresher’s, so grab your eyeliner and your new pals and get moshing.

IN STI T U T E 5 BRID GE PLACE

T HE BEACH BALLR O OM

WWW.IN ST IT U T EN IG H TC LU B.C O M

BEACH PROMENADE WWW. A B E RD E E N CI TY.G OV.UK

The largest nightclub in Aberdeen, Institute has huge bars and two rooms playing everything from chart hits to smooth R ‘n’ B. This place is your best skitemares come true (in a good way).

TH E L E M O N T REE 5 WEST NORTH STREET WWW. A B ERD EEN P ERFO R M I N GA RTS.C O M A top class venue for theatre, comedy and music – the Lemon Tree has played host to everyone from KT Tunstall to Jason Byrne. They also do more underground stuff too – think spoken word poets and upcoming bands.

The Beach Ballroom is an arty little building on the sea front. Not only does it have one of Scotland’s finest dance floors (it’s famous for its bounce), it’s also a pretty good hub for live shows. Comedian Russell Howard will be here in October and Frightened Rabbit will be rounding up the year with a Christmas gig on 13 December. Maybe not your typical venue, but the atmosphere is INCREDIBLE, making it one of our favourites.

BELMONT CINEMA 49 BELMONT STREET WWW. B E LMON TFI LMH OUSE .COM

TH E T I P P LI N G H OU S E 4 BELMONT STREET WWW.T H ET IP P LIN G H O U S E .C O M Sometimes nothing beats the classic, tried-and-tested date format of dinner and drinks. Prove you’ve got some class and wow your crush here.

Sometimes Netflix and chill just won’t cut it. For nights when you are craving endless popcorn and big screen action, head here. The Belmont specialise in underground art films and diverse indie flicks you won’t see anywhere else. In other words, this is where to woo that art student you fancy. They’ll be well impressed by your insider arty-farty knowledge.

THE STUDENT BIBLE | P15

DUNDEE’S ALTERNATIVE BAR

LIVE MUSIC VENUE SPECIALITY DRINKS & COCKTIALS GAMING NIGHTS EPIC THEME NIGHTS FREE WIFI & FREE JUKEBOX

01382 220669 66 Bell Street, Dundee SUN – THURS 4-12am

FRI & SAT 2-12am

EXPLORE

Dundee

WHAT DUNDEE LACKS IN SUNSHINE IT MAKES UP FOR IN PLACES TO EAT, DRINK AND RAVE (IT WAS EVEN NAMED THE UK’S BEST PARTY CITY BY THOSE EDGY TYKES AT VICE). ONCE HOME TO JAM, JOURNALISM AND JUTE, THESE DAYS IT’S FAR COOLER, AND THERE ARE HUNNERS OF PLACES TO ENJOY – LIKE THIS LITTLE LOT

D AY DUNDEE REP

FO L K CA F É

SUPER SNACK

118 NETHERGATE

1 3 3 NETHERGATE

WWW.FAC EB O OK .CO M /FO L KCA FE D U N D E E Who doesn’t love brunch? Folk Café take the lazy people’s breakfast to a whole new level with full English, pies, tarts and cakes all on offer. It’s great for veggies too.

Looking for a bite to eat on a budget? Then look no further than Super Snack. Generous portions and tiny prices also mean big queues – get here early to avoid disappointment.

T INSMIT H

CAF E R O D I

11- 1 3 OLD HAWKHILL

1 2 3 NETHERGATE

WWW.TH E TI N SMI TH .CO.UK

Where hangovers come to die. Trek here to find hearty portions of all your faves from French toast to milkshakes. The six quid Rodi burger is our hangover cure of choice.

BBQ wings and burgers galore, a cosy atmosphere and a cracking beer garden – Tinsmith has all your student needs sorted. Two for £7 cocktails Monday to Thursday are also worth checking out.

NIGHT

TH E W E ST H O U S E

D U ND EE R EP

UNDER GR OUND

2 WEST PORT

TAY SQUARE

2 5 SOUTH TAY STREET

WWW.FAC EB O OK .CO M / THEWEST H O U SED U N D E E

W W W. D U ND E E RE P.CO.UK

WWW. D UN D E E UN D E RGROUND.CO.U K

The Rep is home to one of the Scotland’s most OK first off, chill out about the champagne flutes highly regarded theatre companies (fancy, – just because they’re hanging tantalisingly mid- huh?) and it also plays host to some of the best air doesn’t mean you’re about to spend more touring theatre productions. You’ll find cheap than Lewis Hamilton at a Grand Prix afterparty. pints, stand-up, gigs and pantos in the mix too.

Cheap cocktails and tasty Italian dishes – The Well worth keeping an eye on listings.

West House has it sussed.

L IQUI D 21 SOUTH WARD ROAD

THE U N ION

BR AES PERTH ROAD WWW. B RA E SD UND E E .CO.UK

AIRLIE PLACE W W W. D U SA .CO.UK

WWW.LIQ U ID C LU B S.C O M Liquid is home to Dundee’s sports teams every Wednesday. Luckily, thanks to the sheer size of the place, there will be no accidentally bumping into exes or enemies here (that’s not guaranteed but the place is pretty big). If you do, there’s a cracking bar (which always helps) and luxe booths for you to hide in.

Open pretty much every night of the week, and Hector’s House runs there every Wednesday.

Perfect for you edgy folk too cool to been seen with the sports stars at “Liqwed”.

No list would be complete without mentioning the ultimate student hub – the Union. Dundee Uni’s union is actually the city’s largest nightclub, and the only place to be when you’re not in a lecture. With 18 pool tables, a convenience store, cheap drink and a club that can hold over 1,000 people, it has it all. You Dundee students are totally spoiled.

Cracking wee place for pub grub, cheap pints and live sport. What more could you ask for?

DUKE ’S COR NER 1 3 BROWN ST WWW. D UKE SCORNE R .CO.UK Thirty bar taps pumping out a whole host of ales and craft beers, tasty food served all day long and live music most nights of the week – plus a beer garden for the sun’s biannual appearance.

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LIFE

THE NIGHT

& The Morning MASSIVE NIGHTS OUT ARE PART OF THE FRESHERS’ WEEK EXPERIENCE – SO HOW DO YOU GET THROUGH IT WITHOUT BECOMING THE GUY WHO VOMITED DOWN HIS FRONT THREE MINUTES INTO THE TRAFFIC LIGHT PARTY AND WENT HOME FOR THE REST OF THE TERM? WE’VE GOT SOME TIPS ON MAINTAINING SOME DIGNITY, STAYING SAFE AND COPING WITH THE AFTER-EFFECTS IN THE AM (OR MID-AFTERNOON)

T HE D OS AN D D ON ’ TS OF FR E SHE R S’ WE E K DON’T shag a flatmate or next door neighbour.

DO stick with your mates. Thanks to apps like the lot we’ve rounded up on the right, it couldn’t be easier to keep tabs.

DON’T go home and demolish the entire contents of the fridge. You’ll feel gross in the morning and your flatmate will hate you for eating their egg and cress sandwich. Then remind you about it on a regular basis.

DO carry protection.

DON’T skip a tutorial and pretend you have mumps. People will ask to see photos. Try food poisoning – believable and temporary. Result.

DON’T worry about what people think. Be kind and let your freak flag fly.

DO speak to everyone in the first week. It’s the one time of year you can chat to strangers without feeling like a weirdo. Embrace it!

DO brush your teeth and shower before your first tutorial, even if you had an all-nighter. First impressions last a lifetime.

DON’T use cash machines that charge. Try using cash and stick to a budget. Your bank balance will thank you for it.

DON’T post passive aggressive notes in your halls. Tell it to ‘em straight (and avoid being ridiculed when it inevitably shows up on Lad Bible).

DO as your mum said and try to eat something before a big night.

Eating ISN’T cheating, no matter what Dave down the hall says.

DO look back and laugh (and sometimes detag) those freshers’ pics.

Your bloated face might have gone but your shame never will.

Understanding Consent

Burying your head in the sand is not a recommended sex position. When it comes to safe and consensual sex, we all need to know the facts.

In recent years it’s become one of the world’s most hotly debated topics.

From high-profile rape cases like footballer Ched Evans to the college documentary The Hunting Ground, people are fast getting sussed on what constitutes rape and, just as importantly, what consent really means.

But really, it isn’t that difficult. Whatever the circumstances, no always means no. Still confused? Then let us share our favourite analogy. The good old tea drinking meme. You probably already know it but if you don’t, imagine that people treat sex like tea – you wouldn’t force someone to drink tea, even if they’d previously said they wanted tea and you’d gone to the trouble of boiling the kettle and pouring them the tea. You wouldn’t make them drink it if they were unconscious, or pour it down their throat just because they drank tea with you last week, would you?

P18 | THE STUDENT BIBLE

The logic is, if it’s that simple to understand people consenting to a cuppa, it should be that simple to understand people consenting to sex.

Sexual assault is a very serious issue that has no place in our society.

If you’re the victim of rape or sexual assault and would like to speak to someone, contact Rape Crisis Scotland on 08088 01 03 02.

LIFE

BEFORE...

g After TOP STUDENT

Safety Apps 1.

2.

3.

4.

Hangover Cures M Y T H V FAC T

C O FFE E A N D PA RAC E TA M O L THE MY TH: Coffee for energy, paracetamol for the pain.

THE FACTS : Sorry to break it to you but scientists reckon this combo could be worse for you than that tequila last night. Apparently the combination of caffeine and paracetamol could cause a risk to the liver – and you’ve done enough of that already.

RE COVE RY RATI NG :

LU C OZ A DE THE MY TH: More hydrating than water thanks to its tiny digestible carbohydrate particles.

THE FACTS : Officially one of the best remedies, says science.

Sports drinks restore blood sugar, provide calories and help you to rehydrate quickly.

RE COVE RY RATI NG :

E XE RC IS E

1 . K I T E ST R I N G You can use this one even if you don’t have a smartphone as you don’t need to actually download an app. All you do is sign up, text Kitestring a time for them to check in on you (say you’re going on a run; text them ‘20m’). They’ll text you at the allotted time and all you need to do is text them back to say you’re OK. If you don’t, they’ll send an alert to your pre-determined emergency contact.

THE MY TH: Pain is gain – sweating out the alcohol is a killer cure.

THE FACTS : Nope, you can’t run away from a hangover sadly. If anything you’ll just dehydrate yourself further. Step away from the trainers and retreat back to the sofa.

RE COVE RY RATI NG :

BAC O N BU T T Y

Basically a babysitter in an app. Put you inner mum to rest with bSafe – it includes an alarm, location pins, maps to locate your friends on, a way to request your friend track your journey, and even a cheeky ‘fake phone call’ button.

THE MY TH: Widely believed to be the King of Cures – theory is that the bread soaks up the alcohol. Plus it tastes delicious.

THE FACTS : Researchers from Newcastle University say that the simple sarnie really might provide you strength. Results show that the carbs help boost blood sugar levels and speed up your metabolism so your body gets rid of the alcohol quicker. Win, win.

RE COVE RY RATI NG :

3. BU D DY C H E C K

WAT E R

You’ll never lose that flaky friend again with this app. If both of you sign up and bump your phones at the start of the night you’ll be able to track each other via GPS. Plus it has a ‘buddy check game’ giving you the added challenge of meeting your mate and bumping phones again.

THE MY TH: Matching your alcohol intake with glasses of water stops a hangover in its tracks the next day.

THE FACTS : This one's a winner. Water on the night will help dilute those nasty toxins.

RE COVE RY RATI NG :

2 . B SA F E

4 . C O M PA N I O N

H A IR O F T H E D O G When stumbling home late at night (or early in the morning), notify your pal and ask them to be your ‘companion’. They’ll receive updates letting them know if you pull out your headphone, deviate from your route or speed up. If your phone thinks you’re in danger, it will set off an alarm to scare away any attackers and notify your mate. Best of all, they don’t even need the app installed to watch your back.

THE MY TH: Never stop drinking and you’ll never have to recover.

THE FACTS : There’s good news and bad news. Withdrawal symptoms from alcohol do add to your suffering but another drink will only prolong your pain.

RE COVE RY RATI NG :

THE STUDENT BIBLE | P19

LIFE

Love & Other Drugs LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX BABY. AND THE CLAP. AND TINDER FAILS. BECAUSE NOW YOU’RE A FRESHER, YOU HAVE A LOT MORE TO LEARN THAN THE QUICKEST ROUTE TO YOUR LECTURE HALL. CONSIDER THIS YOUR ULTIMATE CHEAT SHEET TO SURVIVING THE BLOOD, SWEAT AND BEERS OF LURVE AT UNIVERSITY T HE IS S U E : You got crabs.

T HE SO LU T I ON: Burn your towels, head to the GP and (gulp) tell your most recent sexual partners. Ditto chlamydia, warts, gonorrhea, syphilis... And despite their weird sounding names, remember STIs are not Pokémon – you don’t have to catch them all.

THE I S S UE : You got caught by their partner.

THE S O LUTI O N : Turns out, despite the red on their face at the traffic light party, your crush wasn’t so single. Fear not, bit on the side, this is the perfect time to embrace your inner MIC and bring out a dramatic slap.

T HE IS S U E : You got with your flatmate.

T HE SO LU T I ON: Be mature about it. In other words pretend the flat-cest never happened and avoid them in the hall for the next nine to 12 months. Easy!

THE I S S UE : You stayed over.

THE S O LUTI O N : The downside of staying the night is always the walk home. But thanks to city bikes, the tramp trot has now been upgraded to a cycle of shame. Come Friday morning, whizz past those judgmental schoolchildren and mothers in a blur of smudged eyeliner and regret.

T HE IS S U E : You texted that Tinder match, tried to get sassy, but just came across as crazy and desperate.

T HE SO LU T I ON: Seriously, why were phones invented?

You’re going to downgrade to a cringe Nokia first thing, you’re deleting Tinder and OMFG did you also send an image? Is that... is that a NIPPLE? Bin your phone now.

THE I S S UE : Months of working out your best angle and overusing Facetune have given you the fear that you look way better on your Tinder profile than IRL. THE S O LUTI O N : You are the prime example of false advertising, but what are those Tinder users to expect these days? Simply wear sunglasses, maybe a wig and meet in a dark venue.

T HE IS S U E : You had sex with someone and they look VERY DIFFERENT to how they did last night.

T HE SO LU T I ON: Act fast; grab your essentials and GTFO. Call your pal and try to piece together the night. Be safe. Have multiple showers. Head to the sexual health clinic just in case.

THE I S S UE : You vomited when your lover stayed over.

THE S O LUTI O N : On the plus side, most dorms come with your own sink. The downside? You probably missed. Keep rubber gloves in the room and don’t do as one Glasgow fresher did and try to use a vacuum cleaner to clean it up.

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LIFE T HE ISS U E : You liked a photo on your crush’s Instagram... from two years ago.

T HE S OLU T I ON: Sorry, there is no solution here. You have no option but to delete your account and leave the country.

T HE ISS U E : You liked all your crush’s profile pictures in a bid to get their attention.

T HE S OLU T I ON: Firstly, stop and ask yourself the following. Does anyone actually use Facebook anymore? Are you being catfished?

Secondly, find another social platform to vent your sexual frustration.

THE I S S UE : You got drunk at a party and made a fool of yourself in front of your crush.

THE S O LUTI O N : Other than never drinking again? As a rule, make sure you are never the drunkest person at the party again, especially if you have a tendency to do the following whilst drunk: rap, fall over, attempt gymnastics, fall over, speak in five different accents, fall over, cry. PS Water is your friend.

The Issue You thought you and Sam would be together forever. Your eyes met over Taco Tuesday at the school canteen. You went to prom together. You even got matching tattoos in Zante. This, my friend, is the Real Deal. But it’s day three of freshers’ and that fittie on the swim team is starting to look pretty good to you. Damn it, the WHOLE team are starting to look good to you. You’ve got to ditch Sam. Stat. Before you do something you probably won’t regret but will feel very, very guilty about for at least one weekend.

The Solution ST EP 1 : LO OK G O OD No explanation needed here. You know what to do.

ST EP 2 : D ON’ T D U M P TH E M OVE R P H O N E For God’s sake, Sam deserves better than that! Be kind, take him to a cinema and whisper, “it’s over” during the trailers, nab the popcorn and walk out leaving him to sob silently alone watching The Secret Life of Pets.

ST EP 3 : H AV E A N EXIT STR ATE GY In other words, never break up with someone in a place you cannot flee. Avoid your bedroom.

Best case scenario, you crumble and have sex with them. Worst case? They cry, ask to hold you ‘one last time’ and you have no way of making them leave. This hell can last anywhere between seven and 24 hours. See, I told you to follow the cinema plan, didn’t I? ST EP 4 : H AV E A FO O L P R O O F E XC USE FO R TH E B R EA KUP Kate Hudson in How To Lose a Guy In 10 Days is your spirit animal, but feel free to get creative with your own repulsive ideas. Maybe you’ve “never been good enough”, maybe you’ve “developed a rare foot rash that causes your skin to ooze” – either way, do what you gotta do to make Sam think dating you is a fate worse than death.

ST EP 5: H AV E A REBO UN D O PTIO N SUSSE D Having your next fling lined up will spare you the palaver of going back to your ex whenever you become lonely/drunk/horny. Get the swim team on speed dial. And absolutely 100% delete Sam’s number to avoid the inevitable misery that is pretty much all of the above.

You’ve made your choice. Live with it.

Sexual Health Help While getting up close and personal with the new love/lust/most questionable passing flirtation of your life can be a lot of fun, it’s also a minefield of potential problems, from pregnancy to STIs. If you need help, you’re not short of options.

Find your nearest sexual health service online at www.sexualhealthscotland.co.uk

P22 | THE STUDENT BIBLE

LIFE

F L AT M AT E S

The Good,

The Bad & The Ugly WELCOME TO HALLS! WE HOPE YOU ENJOYED HAVING A FULLY-FUNCTIONING LIVER AND A CLEAN, HOMELY LIVING AREA UP UNTIL NOW. HERE’S YOUR FLATMATE 101: PART SURVIVAL GUIDE, PART HORROR STORY If you’ve never received a passive aggressive note about noise, drinking someone else’s milk or leaving hair in the plughole, you’ve been lucky with flatmates so far. That or you live with your parents, or you’re the nutter leaving the notes.

Flat sharing can be a minefield of weirdos, rank dishes and social politics, or it can be a year of making pals – ones that let you eat their food, share their vodka and hold your hair from your face as you spew.

Here we’ve collected some horror stories from the seventh circle of flatsharing hell…

T H E P R ACT I CA L J OK ER S Picture the scene: drunk Sarah and drunk Stuart, who lives downstairs, meet at the union. They stumble back to their halls, have a drink in Sarah’s communal kitchen together. Sparks fly. It’s on. Sarah’s drunken flatmates are watching from the hallway, and have an idea. Sarah takes Stuart to her bedroom to... Netflix and chill, only to find her flatmates have written I LOVE STUART FROM FLAT C, I WANT TO HAVE FLAT C STUART’S BABIES, SARAH AND STUART 4EVER all over her bedroom walls in threefoot high letters. Stuart leaves, and never comes back.

T H E G I RL W I T H THE HAIR BOWS Some people are just so quirky, aren’t they? Just so Zooey Deschanel, so Art School, so non-prescription glasses and fringes and kooky vintage sweaters with brooches on them and so adorably weird. Do you know what’s not adorably weird? The flatmate who collected lumps of her wet hair from the shower and tied them into bows, leaving her own little art installation of hair bundles across all surfaces in the bathroom. “Yes, that happened. No, I don’t want to talk about it,” says her first year flatmate, who wishes to remain anonymous and now lives alone.

P24 | THE STUDENT BIBLE

T HE BOY W HO SLEEP-AT E This wannabe-Adonis loved protein shakes, working out, carb-cutting and lifting weights by day. He was your average gym obsessive – and he loved to tell EVERYONE about it. By night, his subconscious hunger kicked in and sleepwalked him to the fridge, which he raided like a rabid bear. Cornflake boxes were torn apart, their contents scattered across the communal kitchen. He downed pints of milk (not his). He woke up with the decimated carcass of a Tesco rotisserie chicken in his bed. He still has no idea why he made no gains that year, and never lost any weight.

T HE ST R AW BER RY SHAKE Alongside peculiar smells and beyond disgusting bathrooms, testosterone levels can reach fever pitch in a bachelor flat, especially after a beer or ten. But when one guy kept trying to punch his flatmate after one too many, the flatmate plotted his revenge. After much deliberation, he decided to empty the guy’s strawberry-flavoured protein powder, replacing it with a literal sh*tload of crushed up laxatives and mixed it with strawberry Nesquick. We’ll let you imagine what happened next. The guy was too unwell to leave the bathroom when his pal moved out. Our advice: DON’T medicate your flatmates with laxatives (or anything else for that matter), and avoid punching them in the face while you’re at it.

MISSILES Throwing stuff drunkenly out of windows seems to provide so much entertainment at the time, but isn’t advised. One group of flatmates found this out the hard way when their homemade water balloon slingshot smashed a missile through the kitchen window of an unsuspecting student in the flat opposite, showering her in water and glass. Nasty.

This sort of behaviour can also see you thrown out of halls faster than you can say: “HEIDS!”

LIFE

Halls Horrors You’ll come up against some pretty manky/stressful situations when you’re living in close quarters with strangers.

Here’s how to deal with some almost inevitable scenarios.

T HE W EEVILS Got weevils? They’re the stubborn house guests that just refuse to leave, and then multiply and multiply and multiply some more. Halls are susceptible to severe weevil infestation, since student kitchens provide a great breeding ground of stagnant dishes and slowly decaying boxes of cereal. Avoid these slow-crawling black bugs from laying eggs in your Special K by making sure all your perishable foods are in plastic, air-tight boxes. Ain’t no weevils getting in that cereal vacuum, plus all your stuff will stay tasty-fresh. Need to get rid of weevils, or anything else for that matter? Check out www.getridofthings.com.

THE T V LICENSE GUY You nearly got away with it, but not quite. From 1 September, you need a license for watching any TV on an actual television, but also to use the BBC’s iPlayer service – whether you’re watching live or on catch-up. Other catch-up services remain free. Yeah, you could try and risk it, but you might get stung by hefty fine. The TV police love a hefty fine. Check out www.tvlicensing.co.uk to know what you can and can’t do.

S HARE AND SHAR E ALIKE You’re in a confined space with these people, and you have to live with them all year – try not to have sex with all of them. Even having sex with one of them might be problematic for the social dynamic. Gossip spreads like wildfire in halls, and do you know what else spreads like wildfire?

Chlamydia. Nothing secures a blossoming friendship like knowing you caught venereal disease from the same person. Get your free condoms at the freshers’ fair, or get them delivered via www.freecondomcentral.co.uk if you’re in the Forth Valley region. Oh, and shared showers also have high verucca risk, much like public swimming pools. Invest in some throwaway shower flip-flops to be extra vigilant.

A Gie’s h!

Winc

Naw.

THE STUDENT BIBLE | P25

LIFE

Make Your Money

Go Further

AVOID SCRAPING THE BOTTOM OF YOUR WALLET FOR COPPERS AT THE SELF-SERVICE IN TESCO MID-WAY THROUGH SEMESTER ONE WITH OUR TOP MONEY SAVING TIPS 1 . BU I L D A BU D GET

5. G O SECOND HAND

Trust us – budgeting works. Figure out how much cash you have each month, between your SAAS payments, any grants you’ve got coming in, money your parents are generously throwing your way and earnings from your part-time job, and what you need to spend – that’s your rent, travel, food and any bills you might have like your phone. What’s left over? You split that up amongst the fun stuff.

Even Kim Kardashian would moan about how much textbooks cost. Rather than shelling out for the full-price version from the uni book shop, check out charity shops close to campus, eBay and Amazon Marketplace for pre-loved (aka second hand) versions. Just make sure they’re the same edition as this year’s reading list.

2. PLAN AHEAD When it comes to feeding yourself, make a meal plan so you know what’s for dinner each night. Cook in bulk, cram the leftovers into those IKEA tubs and find a corner in your shared freezer so you’ve got lots of options, and think of dinners that’ll last you a couple of nights (or do for lunch the following day). Team up with your flatmates too and take it in turns to cook – this’ll reduce the amount of wasted food and cash.

3. S N E A KY E XT RAS

6. G O NON-BR ANDED When you’re cruising the aisles in the supermarket, avoid the brand names your mum buys – they can be twice as pricey as the supermarket’s own value version of everyday stuff like pasta and biscuits, and very often, you can’t even taste the difference. Shop smart too – look out for two-for-one and head to the shops later in the day to get stuff like meat and bread when it’s being marked down but still in date.

7. MAKE T HE MOST OF PR E-DR INKS

The biggest drain on student budgets? Sneaky sandwiches and coffee between classes – so take your own lunch and invest in a decent flask.

It’ll save you TONNES of money – and some coffee chains even give you money off your drink if you use your own cup.

A bottle of vodka from the shop at the end of the road with your mixer of choice is going to be infinitely cheaper than whatever the union’s charging these days. So have a few before you go out to avoid a) spending the whole night in a queue and b) spending half your loan on watered down spirits. Just don’t get carried away when you’re out.

4 . BAG A D I SCOU NT

8 . GET A JOB

Every shop you go into – ask if they do student discount and throw your matric card in their face before they even have a chance to answer. It’s the only way. If you’re shopping online, you’ll need either an NUS card (www. nus.org.uk) or access to UNiDAYS (www.myunidays.com).

That’s right – part-time work is where it’s at. It’ll give you the cash you need for little luxuries like getting your hair cut or takeaway pizza on a Tuesday, plus you’ll gain some of those life skills that are so appealing to employers after graduation. Win win!

P26 | THE STUDENT BIBLE

LIFE

What I

Wish I'd Known

NAIVETY CAN GET YOU INTO ALL SORTS OF TROUBLE, WHICH YOU’RE LIKELY TO SPEND THE NEXT FEW MONTHS WORKING OUT FOR YOURSELF. FOR AN EXTRA CRUTCH IN YOUR TIME OF NEED, WE ASKED SOME OLD, WHINGING EX-FRESHERS TO HELP YOU DODGE SOME BULLETS WITH THEIR OWN TALES OF REGRET. THEY’VE ALL STAYED ANONYMOUS BECAUSE SOME ARE STILL CRINGING… “I w i s h I’d k n own th at i f yo u’re 1 7 wh e n you s tar t un i, you’re n ot get t in g in any w h ere an d your fake I D i s p oi n t l e ss . Eve n i f you p a id £ 2 0 for it f rom w h at lo oke d like a le git web s ite.”

“I w ish I ’d sp e n t l e s s t i m e g o i ng b ac k a nd fo rt h from un i to my h om e town to s p en d t im e wit h my h igh scho ol b oyf rie n d. I fe e l l i ke I m i s s e d o ut o n s o m uch — a n d h e dum p e d m e t h re e days a fter gra duat ion a ny way! ” “ I wi sh I ’d k n own h ow to dre s s mys elf prop erly – I was a s tate.”

“I w i s h I ’d k no w n t hat p a s ta a n d but ter, G reggs s a us a ge rolls a n d vo dka l e m o na d e a re no t OK to s urv ive on for a wh ole yea r.”

“I w i s h I’d l o o ke d at t h e job m a r ke t to se e wh at j ob s were available, t h en I m igh t h ave swapp e d c ourse s .”

“I w i s h I ’d kno w n ho w much work exp erien ce h elps you later on .”

“I w i s h I’d take n u n i m ore se r i o u sl y, wor ke d a lit t le bit h arder an d h adn’ t j us t p ar t ie d for four ye ars .” “ K n o w in g what uni a c t ual l y was w he n I s ta rte d would h ave h elp e d – I wa s s o n a ive a b out s t udy in g.

H o w to st ud y, w hat yo u’re s up p o s e d to s t udy, h ow t h e wh ole sys tem worke d. I n ever rea lly ‘got it ’ u n t il fo ur th ye ar, w he n i t was to o late. I j us t t h ough t it wa s a n exten s ion of s ch o ol, wh ich it ’s no t . I wa nte d to b e i n Gl as g ow to h ave fun for four yea rs – un i wa s t h e excus e.”

“I w i sh I ’d k n own t h at t h e re’s st i l l opt ion s op en for c ours e s ; t h at if you t ry s om et h in g an d yo u d o n’ t l i ke i t you c a n ch an ge your m in d. You don’ t h ave to s t ic k to it .” “ I w ish I ’d joi ne d m o re c l ub s a nd d o ne m ore ext ra - curricula r a c t iv it ies . Be er drin kin g do es n’t coun t! ” “I w i s h I’d k n own th at , u n l e ss you fo c u s on w h at you wan t to do an d work h ard, it ’s j us t a pis s - up.”

“I w i s h I ’d p ar ti e d ha rd e r. I did very, very lit t le pa rty in g. I s t udie d a c t in g s o eve r yo ne wa s worrie d a b out prote c t in g t h eir voices !”

“I w i sh I ’d h a d a m o re sp e c i f i c g o al or s t rate gy on h ow to us e my t im e c on s t ruc t ively, an d b a l a n c e g o i n g o u t a n d wo r k in g h ard. T im e is a c om m o dity – w h en you get older i t fe e l s l i ke you h ave way le s s t im e to do all t h e s tuf f you wan t to do.”

P28 | THE STUDENT BIBLE

LIFE

CALLING ALL

Health Nuts!

IT’S SAID THAT YOUR AVERAGE FRESHER GAINS 10LBS IN THEIR FIRST YEAR OF UNIVERSITY, AND MANY FALL VICTIM TO NASTY ILLNESSES LIKE GLANDULAR FEVER AND FLU. IF YOUR BODY IS A TEMPLE, THERE ARE WAYS OF MAKING SURE YOU STAY FIT AND HEALTHY IN THE MONTHS AHEAD. CHECK OUT OUR TIPS TO GET YOU STARTED SAY N O TO TA K EAWAYS The Indian at the end of your street is OH SO TEMPTING after a hard day in the library/when you’re nursing a hangover, but just say no. Home cooked meals where you know exactly what’s gone into it are much better for you. You don’t have to #eatclean, but be aware of what you’re munching on and go easy on the greasy, sugary stuff.

WAL K W H E N YO U CAN Rather than hopping on the bus to campus, put on your comfy shoes and walk it. Walking 10,000 steps a day – and you can get apps to measure this – helps build your stamina, burns excess calories and gives you a healthier heart. Tie it in with some Pokémon GO and you’re laughing.

Food For Thought: If you’re fending for yourself for the first time, there’s a good chance your dietary decisions won’t be the healthiest. Minimal cooking skills combined with the freedom to eat whatever the heck you like means pizza, chicken dippers and instant noodles are going to take priority over the healthy home cooked meals your parents dished out. However, eating sensibly isn’t impossible.

Stock your kitchen with these items and you’ll have plenty at your fingertips to make some tasty dinners…

J OIN T H E GY M If you’re the active kind, don’t let your sporty ambitions fall by the wayside.

Your university will have a gym on-campus, or you can check out nearby sports clubs where the facilities might be a bit fancier and there’s a wider range of classes to get you moving. Pick a clear spot in your timetable to dedicate to exercise time each week. If working out isn’t your thing, look into swimming or investigate local authority facilities – students tend to get discounts too.

S OUR C E A SU P PLEMENT Fresher’s flu is the curse of your first year – that hideous cold that’s a culmination of lots of strangers coming together and living in close quarters/kissing randoms at the traffic light party at the union. Boost your immune system with a multi-vitamin and Echinacea, readily available from your local health food shop or chemist.

C H O O SE YO U R BO OZE Alcohol is a big factor in fresher’s weight gain. A pint of beer has the same number of calories as a large slice of pizza, while a 250ml glass of wine has the same as a 44g bar of chocolate. Prosecco, on the other hand, is lighter in calories – just 80 calories and one gram of sugar.

P30 | THE STUDENT BIBLE

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PASTA RICE COOKING OIL CHOPPED TOMATOES AND TOMATO PUREE BAKED BEANS POTATOES ONIONS AND GARLIC STOCK CUBES OATS MIXED DRIED HERBS AND SPICES

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PESTO READY-MADE PIZZA BASES COCONUT MILK GINGER TINNED CHICKPEAS, LENTILS AND KIDNEY BEANS EGGS PLAIN YOGHURT FROZEN PEAS CHEESE KETCHUP

TOP T IP: For easy recipe inspo, bookmark the BBC Good Food site (www.bbcgoodfood.com) – it’s packed with recipes that have few ingredients and you can search by difficulty level too.