YOUR
TOP:
ANOTHER MAN'S BOTTOM
THE 'VERSATILIZATION'
OF GAY SEX
BE THE NEW KIND OF SEXY Volume 3 Issue 4
July/Aug 2013
Photo: Harold Waight
5
HOT GADGETS FOR THE SUMMER
+
SUMMER FASHION
TRENDS SWIMSUITS & LABELS
W
e believe that the heart of summer is where people are able to be their sexiest wearing the bare necessities. The sun is out, the beach is hot, and the water is warm and everyone is having a fun time. With this issue we wanted help you to enhance your summer experience..
We showcase some of our favorite sexy swimsuits as well as some of our favorite high fashion designers and their trendy summer looks. Pg 12.
We know that some of you are having more sex in the summer than ever before so we wanted to spark an interesting conversation about versatility in gay sex -- maybe it will introduce you to a new and joyful experience.
Make sure you attend the hottest beach event of the summer -Fire Island Black Out (FIBO) -- especially since yours truly is hosting the main happy hour event on Saturday Aug 10th. It is going to be a hot blast!
Last but not least, as always, read the inside back page; I share that What I've Come to Know this summer is that there is a 'new and different kind of sexy' this year and I think we all owe it to ourselves to become it! Enjoy the summer sexy people!
Here We Go! TEAM DBQ The Contributors
Dey Armbrister is an alumni of SUNY New Paltz, where he studied journalism with a concentration in Public Relations. He previously contributed writing for LogoTV's NewNowNext.com on topics relating to entertainment, style, and nightlife.
David A. Bridgeforth Jr. Editor-In-Chief / Publisher
Once told that, "A man is truly great when he acts from the passions". Timothy has been following the necessary steps in achieving his goals. Inspired by residential architecture, technology, and the automotive industry. "I like to create things that are both functional and aesthetically pleasing". -Timothy George
Riko A. Boone hails from Washington, D.C. and Maryland. He received a B.A. in Community Health from Brown University; he also has Master level education in Social Work and Public Health from Columbia University. Riko has lived in New York for almost thirteen years, where he works in the areas of youth development, adolescent and young adult health. Stanley Bennett Clay is an award winning ďŹ lmmaker, novelist, director and playwright. His documentary "You Are Not Alone" is currently screening throughout the country. He recently directed the stage adaptation of "B-Boy Blues." His latest novel "Aching For It" (Book 1 of his 5-book "Dominican Heat" series) is currently on the market.
Executive Administrator
Entertainment Editor
Jacqui Tanner
Matthew Barrett
Contributing Editor
Ballroom Editor
Stanley Bennett Clay
Pony Zion
Consulting Cover Editor
Makeup
Reggie Wells
Carlos Martinez
Managing Editor
Photography/Retouch
Dashawn Usher
Harold Waight
Copy Editor
Clothing Stylist
Riko Boone
Dorian Richburg
DBQ Magazine is a nationally distributed bimonthly lifestyle publication. Published and printed in Indianapolis, Indiana. For more information on advertisement, circulation, or articles please visit us at www.DBQMAG.com Or 908.656.6218.
DBQ David Bridgeforth Quarterly
July/August
2013
FOLLOW US ON TWITTER @DBQMAG / DBQMAG.COM
EVERYWHERE ABOVE THE RAINBOW
P.10
P. 12
P.18
YOUR
TOP:
ANOTHER MAN'S BOTTOM P.16
5. Behind The Scenes 6. News 7. In The Know/ Sexy On The Beach (FIBO) 9. Books/Football Games
DBQMAG.COM | @DBQMAG
10. 5 Hot Gadgets For The Summer
24. BALLROOM/ Pony Zion's Life
12. Sexy Summer Swimsuits 16. Your Top: Another Man's Bottom 18. Summer Fashion Trends
Ball Experience. 25. What I've Come To Know / The New And Different Kind Of Sexy
DBQ Magazine
Jul/Aug 2013
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[
Behind the Scene
]
Follow Dave's Life on INSTAGRAM
@BRIDGEFORTH
The MAY/JUNE ISSUE OF DBQ was the first time in the history of the magazine that two covers were released and printed making this issue a very special collectors item. Get your copies today at DBQMAG.COM
1
2 4
Page 5
1. Mr. Bridgeforth covering his face up with the May/June Issue DBQ at its release party in NYC. 2. Mr. Bridgeforth with a guest and Carmen Neal (holding magazine) Harlem Pride President at their monthly mixer. 3. Robin Roberts and Mr. Bridgeforth at Good Morning America Studios. 4. Mr. Bridgeforth with David Boom at El Morroccos in NYC.
DBQ Magazine
3
Jul/Aug 2013
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[
NEWS Words/ Baldwin Rivers
]
prevalence of HIV in the black community overwhelms these attempts, Cairns adds, questioning whether societal factors such as racism and the ‘ghettoizing’ of HIV are also at play.
NEW DOCUMENTARY BEGS THE QUESTION: IS THE BLACK COMMUNITY MORE HOMOPHOBIC THAN MOST?
AMERICA’S YOUNGEST BLACK GAY MARRIED COUPLE
Washington D.C—In her new documentary, “The New Black,” debuting at the AFI Docs Festival at the end of June in Washington D.C., filmmaker Yoruba Richen explores the relationship between the gay civil rights movement and the African American community. Richen hopes to refute the narrative that African Americans are more homophobic than other segments of society, a notion that took hold after the passage of California’s Proposition 8.
Washington D.C.—Six months after 19-year-old David Anderson and 20-year-old Tre’Darrius Anderson reportedly became America’s youngest black gay married couple, they seemed to still be in honeymoon mode. They tied the knot in front of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C. on January 17, 2013
Born and raised in Memphis TN, they met in July of 2010. From that day forward, their love story flourished. David and Tre’Darrius took flight to Washington, D.C. on December 7, 2012 and applied for their marriage license. On January 17, 2013, they flew back to Washington, D.C. and made it official. They then returned to their hometown of Memphis and had their commitment ceremony, January 19, 2013.
“This belief was largely because of an incorrect exit poll that initially reported blacks voted for the measure by 70 percent,” she says. “That these reports later proved false—and multiple researchers later showed it was around 58 percent—was not enough to counter the narrative.
“The reality is that the African American community and the black church is diverse and opinions on this issue have reflected that. There were some black public figures who took stances very early on in support of gay rights.”
You can see the couple's story featured on an upcoming episode of “My Teenage Wedding” on the Slice Network. Their union is even more significant in light of the recent US Supreme Court ruling that declared the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) to be unconstitutional.
Ms. Richen points out Jesse Jackson’s Rainbow Coalition as an early supporter of gay rights, while history documents early support from the likes of Coretta Scott King, The NAACP, Congresswoman Maxine Waters, and Los Angeles’ only black mayor and longest sitting mayor Tom Bradley, and the majority of the Congressional Black Caucus.
HIGHER BGM HIV RATE DUE TO TIGHTER NETWORK? Atlanta GA—While black gay and bisexual men comprise a segment of the United States population more likely to be infected with HIV than any other, the group has not been found to engage in more HIV risk behaviors, researchers say, prompting a closer look at why the disparity persists.
“Also in terms of polling,” Richen continues, “African American support (like other groups) has varied depending how you phrase the question and the religiosity of the respondents.”
According to a recent study published in the Journal of Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome, three factors that may be driving the HIV rates among black gay men are: age gaps between partners, sexual networks more tightly drawn by race, and the fact that partner familiarity affects condom usage.
She also points out the similarities between the struggle for marriage equality that both gay Americans and African Americans have faced: “Like the gay community, we also weren’t allowed to marry whom we wanted, build families or have the societal legitimacy that marriage bestows. We were also denied rights based on who we were and treated as second-class citizens. And of course a lot of the arguments that you hear against marriage equality are similar to ones used to justify miscegenation laws.
For the study, investigators recruited 143 HIV-negative men who have sex with men (MSM) under the age of 40 of diverse ethnicities from across the U.S. Participants were asked to keep a weekly diary of their sexual encounters over a three-month period, updating the diaries every week. The group was also asked to score their partners’ age difference from them, their gender, familiarity and their perceived HIV status.
LAW DESIGNED TO PREVENT SUPPRESSION OF THE MINORITY VOTE STRUCK DOWN BY SUPREME COURT
Phoenix AZ—Arizonians will no longer have to submit proof of citizenship when they register to vote, according to a new ruling by the Supreme Court.
What they found: that while black men were considerably less likely to report having unprotected sex than other racial groups, they were the most likely to have sex with other black men (African Americans were 11 times more likely to have black partners than partners of another race) and more likely to have partners who are older than they are, another group shown to have higher rates of HIV as compared with younger men.
The vote was 7-2, with Justices Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito dissenting. Justice Antonin Scalia, writing for the majority, said that a 1993 federal law known as the Motor Voter Act takes precedence over the Arizona law because it requires states to “accept and use” the federal voter registration form.
"What this study adds is that ... interactions of risk factors, rather than single risk factors, were the most crucial determinants of higher HIV risk in black men," AIDSMap's Gus Cairns notes in a summary of the study. "For instance, while black men were less likely to have unprotected sex than other ethnicities, they were more likely to drop condom use once a relationship became long term."
Only a handful of states—Alabama, Georgia and Kansas—have similar laws to the one struck down in Arizona. Those states say their laws are meant to reduce voter fraud. But civil rights groups said Arizona’s law and similar state laws were attempts to discourage voting by legal immigrants and minorities who usually have less documentation than the majority population, and who usually vote Democratic.
So while black men do attempt to moderate their risk of HIV, and in some ways do so more consistently than other men, the much higher
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DBQ Magazine
Jul/Aug 2013
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[ ] F IN THE KNOW
or the past ten years thousands of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender revelers of color, along with their friends, families and supporters have staged a loving weekend invasion of what had previously been known as an exclusive white gay retreat.
But the white flames of summer have taken on a new and added hue these past ten years, and the new gay on Fire Island is Black yall! And Brown, and Yellow, and, yes, even White. Party aficionados, regardless of race, gender, or sexual orientation will be heading the call and be present and accounted for on the weekend of August 9-11, 2013 for the 11th Annual Fire Island Black Out in the tiny Fire Island community of Cherry Grove.
A multicultural bacchanalian weekend party designed to blast away your city humdrums and get you sexed out on the beach and leave you stress free with another cool set of no rule rules, this year promises to be the biggest and the baddest yet, according to Chris Alston, FIBO’s Vice President of Operations.
SEXY ON THE BEACH: LIGHTING THE FIRE ON THE ISLAND Words/ Leland Gale
“I’m super excited,” Alston says. “We have so many new things planned this year that it’s going to make last year seem like a whole different event. Now, don’t get me wrong. There’s a lot of pressure to outdo ourselves, because we always want the people to leave knowing this year’s experience was better than any previous one.
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“So this year we’re creating an all new FIBO Plaza. It’s going to be on the beach and shaped like an F. It’ll have a D.J. in there, a VIP section, and plenty of great give-aways, plus a few other surprises that are still in the planning stages.
Jul/Aug 2013
DBQMAG.COM | @DBQMAG
“Also, we’ll have two host hotels
Alston estimates this year’s attendance will easily exceed 5,000. “We
this year, plus various VIP and
have a great team of volunteers and our organization is pretty
general admission packages. Also
competent at handling crowds in an orderly way. And since everyone
new this year are special events
is having such a great time, we never really expect any real drama. But
for the ladies, including special
we’re always ready for it, just in case.”
dances and happy hours.” But what the FIBO attendees can truly expect are several dance Established in 2003, FIBO began
parties, barbeques, live entertainment, volleyball tournaments, pool
when two friends decided to give
partiesp, and an unparalleled beach experience, not to mention a
their friends and LGBT people of
delicious assortment of dark, milk, and white chocolate eye candy.
color in particular a unique beach experience. After jokingly tossing around the idea of going to Fire
But all the fun that is to be had results in an even greater good, Alston points out.
Island, a predominantly white gay beach community, the two friends
“Not only are we providing a unique, world-class experience to a
decided “why not?” and invited others out for a simple day at the
diverse LGBT community, but we’re raising awareness AND funds for
beach.
non-profit organizations that provide life-sustaining resources to the
That simple “day at the beach” has grown into one of the
nation’s largest, most diverse, and friendliest three-day beach events for the LGBT people of color community.
community.”
FIBO is held in Cherry
Grove, Fire Island during the second full weekend of August.
The 11th Annual Fire Island Black Out (FIBO) will be held August 9-11, 2013 in Cherry Grove, Fire Island, New York. For more information, go to their website www.fireislandblackout.com.
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DBQ Magazine
Jul/Aug 2013
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WIDE-RECEIVING FOOTBALL GAME
[ Books ] BOYS
A novel by Michael Donovan Reviewed by Stanley Bennett Clay
T
hese days, being out about your homosexuality is about as brave, bold and groundbreaking as being in an interracial relationship, or being a light skin black person choosing not to pass for white. Oh sure, there are many with left-over mindsets from the dark ages, and some of the socalled brightest thinkers of the twenty-first century can still find something to hate about one group or another. Hell, there are still real live people out there who believe being left-handed is demonic. So chronological progress doesn’t rid us of prejudice. It just waters it down, drop by drop. Having said that, and with deference to DeMarco Majors, John Amaechi and Jason Collins, Michael Donovan’s brisk and pulp-fiction-esque novel “Football Games,” chronically the outing of an NFL star may, in itself, be a little late to the game. But boy is it a fun read.
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Handsome Brenton Freeman, a “6-foot 4, 245 pound African American with a medium chocolate complexion” is a celebrated wide receiver for the Los Angeles Buccaneers. To no one’s knowledge (except his loyal and loving sister Erica) he’s been in a four year relationship with Jason Hallohan, a model-handsome caterer, whose been desperately trying to convince the closeted footballer to come out. And this is the point of contention for these live-in lovers; Brenton passes Jason off as his cousin and Jason feels like simply a ghost in his man’s life.
But there is so much more that haunts Brenton, so many gutwrenching questions. Is he really afraid being open would hurt his career? Or is his career just an excuse for his real fear of being rejected and losing popularity? And what about his first love, Blake, back in college? Did his forcing Blake into the closet with him take a tragic toll? Did Brenton’s fear of being discovered and abandoning Blake result in Blake’s suicide? And did he not learn from his past mistakes?
He would soon find out a few answers as a web of jealousy, lies, cover-ups, and deceptions unravel. Kyle Michaelson, an affable good old white boy from Texas, is Brenton’s best friend and teammate. The two of them are like brothers. But unbeknownst to Kyle, his wife Caroline, a nuveau Hollywood House Wife via Trailer Park Trashville, secretly plots with her dufus brother Davis to bring down the superstar so that her husband can ascend to the superstar status and the bigger money she longs for.
Carol had always thought the relationship between Brenton and his ‘cousin’ Jason was suspect—he was always at all of Brenton’s games, she had on more than a few occasions, caught the longing glances they shared, and due diligence on the internet revealed Brenton’s parents were both an only child.
Her plot to expose Brenton’s secret works almost too well, and though it has its desired affects, modern sensibilities prevail, almost dragging a kicking and screaming Brenton into a new sense of consciousness.
And although Brenton eventually comes into his own, he’s clocking zero on the relationship board. The suicide of Blake, the tumultuousness of his relationship with Jason, a cursory mention of a new relationship at the end of the book, that seems as insignificant as its mention, make our poor, lovable, smart-dumb jock a real romantic Neanderthal. Sometimes I wanted to just grab him and shake the shit out of him. Sometimes I just wanted to hug him. But I must say, I did care for the big lug, and he does finally see the light. Some of his final speeches are quite moving. Michael Donovan writes with a fast pace, and never bores, and though some of his characters can be a tad bit cartoonish, it’s forgivable, for they colorize with great melodrama the very serious subject of coming to terms with loving yourself. This is a great book for any gay person afraid of his or her own truth, and for that alone, the author does a great service.
Jul/Aug 2013
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[ ]1 5 HOT
GADGETS for the Summer
Words/ Timothy George
2
• Roku 3 - This device is very, very simple. It’s a small inexpensive black box, about the size of a hockey puck, that you plug into your TV. It will then turn your once boring television set into a SmartTV. It delivers streaming media (Netflix, Hulu, Vudu, Pandora, Spotify, etc.) on demand. Date night will no longer be the same. With the Roku's 750 channels, you'll ask yourself daily, why do I still pay for cable? Price $99
3
Energizer Universal Multi-Port Charger - You know the drill: It's Saturday night, you left your charger at home, and your phone is down to a mere 3 percent. No need to panic! This portable charger packs a 5,000 Lithium Ion rechargeable battery and two USB ports for simultaneous charging. It will take you and yours from empty to a full charge in about 2 hours. Covered in a soft touch, satin-like coating, the charger is not only a life saver, it's also very easy on the eyes. Price $75
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DBQ Magazine
Jul/Aug 2013
• Nokia Lumia 920 - Arguably the most advanced smartphone on the market. The big deal with the Lumia 920, is the 8.7 megapixel Carl Zeiss camera with the floating lens, which is voted best camera on any smartphone. It’s stylish, fast, and wellconnected for business and personal users alike. But that’s not all: it’s also the ideal accessory for live music lovers. What? Take a brand new smartphone to a gig? Exactly! The Lumia is what I would call "Dance Proof", because its unique polycarbonate frame makes it as solid as a bouncer. It’s got torsional strength that no plastic frame alone could match, but it’s still rather light and skinny. Just in case it should fall: don’t worry! The Nokia has a screen made from Gorilla Glass 2, an impressively scratchresistant material that withstands greater compression than regular glass. Yes it may be pretty, but it sure isn't a dainty wallflower. This handset also sports NFC (Near Field Communication) built into the device. With NFC, one is able to tap to pay, send photos from one device to another, and transfer music wirelessly. The 920 also has Qi (chee) built into the device, a technology that is exclusive to the Nokia. Place the Nokia Charging Plate (optional) next to your bed, and create a perfect place for your Lumia during all your late nights and early mornings. Qi Wireless is also a growing technology found in many Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf shops all around New York. Imagine having a latte and sitting your phone down on the table and it begins to charge. Genius! This device is a no-brainer, seeing that it packs all the new and upcoming tech, an array of colors, and an unsurpassed build quality that one would expect only from Nokia. Price $565 or $99 on contract ATT
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[
]
GADGETS Continued...
4
• Samsung ATIV Smart PC Pro Microsoft's newest operating system, Windows 8, in possibly its best form. It may look like just another tablet, but this 11.6 inch slim and compact PC performs just like a desktop. With the fast and responsive touchscreen, you can switch between all your favorite apps and programs with ease. With 8 hours of battery life, a 256 GB hard drive, 4 GB of Ram, Intel core i5 processor, detachable keyboard, all right under 2 lbs. Simplified: it’s a sexed up workhorse that you won't mind carrying around the city. What else could you possibly ask for? Price approximately $1500
5
• Bang & Olufsen BeoSound 5 Encore - A digital music system for the gentleman who likes his music to emanate from the finest design has to offer. Bang & Olufsen represents the haute couture of the consumer electronics industry. Designed by Anders Hermansen, one of B&O's most prolific industrial designers, the Encore allows you to instantly index your digital music collection from any USB, wireless, hard disk, or computer device. It acts as a command center for all music scattered across many devices. With a gorgeous 10.4 inch full graphical display and a polished metal wheel serving as the navigation, it scans wirelessly for tracks located on phones and hard drives and streams them all in the best sound known to man. It can also connect to over 13,000 internet radio stations. Sounds confusing? No worries, B&O promises no hassles for the non-geeks with minimal configuration and a fluid interface. Price $3700
[ FILM ]
Friend of Essex Words/ DaShawn Usher
Friend of Essex is a documentary by Amir Dixon, looking at the lives of young black gay men. The film’s title pays homage to writer, producer, and activist Essex Hemphill. A poet and performer known for his political edge, Hemphill openly addressed race, identity, sexuality, HIV/AIDS, and the family in his work, voicing issues central to the African American gay community. Since it’s premier in Boston earlier this year, the film is being screening across the country. Making stops in Atlanta, Chicago, Los Angeles, and New York City, Friend of Essex will also appear in several film festivals over the next few months. The film has something for every black gay man and those who want to understand them, as it contains many topics like masculinity, shade, religious homophobia, and self worth to name a few. Friend of Essex is a mix of one-on-one interviews, group interviews, narrative pieces and poetry that is analogous to the 1989 film Tongues Untied by Marlon Riggs. Prepare to be thoroughly entertained for 42 minutes and hear directly from a community that has been silenced for too long. Visit nunationnow.com to learn more about the film and check out the next screening locations.
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Sexy Summer Swimsuits
Green Speedo: $60 DAVIDANTONIOPR.COM Photo: Felix Mercedes
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Jul/Aug 2013
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Orange Speedo: $60 DAVIDANTONIOPR.COM Photo: Felix Mercedes
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Red Speedo: $90 DAVIDANTONIOPR.COM Photo: Felix Mercedes
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Blue Speedo: $90 DAVIDANTONIOPR.COM Photo: Felix Mercedes
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YOUR
Another Man's
TOP: Bottom
Words/ Dey Armbrister Editorial Director/ David Bridgeforth
T
ake a moment to ask yourselves a few questions. From the time you’ve began thinking of being sexual with men, what was your initial role you felt you should play in the bedroom? Has that changed from when you first popped your gay cherry, or vice versa? When viewing dating sites, what is the ratio of strict tops and bottoms compared to those who classify themselves as versatile? The last time you bumped into an old fling, has someone else brought up the fact that he performed “differently” otherwise? Even if you, yourself, have not considered testing the waters of your usual routine in the bedroom, in this day and age there is a surplus of other gay men who are exploring the world of versatility.
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Bear in mind that when speaking of versatility, there are three ways to dissect this sexual behavior. You have your vers-tops who prefer to do more of the sticking and jabbing, but wouldn’t mind taking one for the team here and there. Then, there are the vers-bottoms who prefer to get their backs rocked majority of the time, yet occasionally they lay the pipe from time to time. Last, but certainly not least, there are the fully versatile men who—no matter which way the wind blows—enjoy topping and bottoming equally. So what may be some of the reasons for this sudden trend of versatility? One common thread in the versatility discussion is credited to masculinity and gender roles within our community. A little less than a decade ago, masculinity and femininity was not so much of a problem when it came to the gay dating scene. Any top and any bottom could coexist comfortably both outside and inside of the bedroom. Fast forwarding to our current era —especially within the community of gay men of color—masculinity is the deciding factor to even the most simplest dynamic: platonic friendships. In regards to sexual relations, trolling through Jack’d and BGC Live you will find the infamous phrase “no fems” on a great majority of the profiles in the ‘About Me’ and ‘Interests’ sections. “In an adverse kind of way, when it comes to sexual positions and sexual roles, [gay men] felt that having a strict top and a strict bottom was equating to being a man and a woman, which they have huge issues with,” says multimedia specialist Delbert Browne, “and in order to break that mold versatility was the answer.” Living in a heteronormative society such as ours, masculinity and femininity is seen as being exclusive to only men and women. What gay men fail to realize, however, is that in a sense seeking masculinity is in fact a feminine trait. Often times, men use the excuse of ‘if I wanted someone fem, I’d date a girl,’ yet they fail to realize that everyone—regardless of gender —displays varying aspects of masculinity and femininity to a degree; both men and
DBQ Magazine
Jul/Aug 2013
women biologically even share both male and female hormones. So should it be no surprise that some people choose not to let strictly adhered to social norms related to gender keep them from discovering the myriad sexual pleasures that versatiles enjoy? Browne, who recently did a radio piece on the gay dating experience for Bronx Journal Radio, also points out that generally when it comes to strictly topping and bottoming not many issues or criticisms arise in reference to tops; yet bottoms are mostly downplayed due to unnecessary assumptions that they cannot take on a dominant position in a relationship. Out gay rapper Loco Ninja, previously featured on LOGOTV and The Tyra Banks Show, believes that inquiring each other about specific roles correlate to questioning whether or not a man is strong or weak, even if it’s not in relation to how they get down in the bedroom. “Often times, people say they are vers- so it comes off as not being weak, but they'd like to be controlled in some way,” says Loco. “I think it's all in peoples minds. There are plenty of stories out there where men have opened up to doing more than what they were shut off from doing at first. Yo u r e a l i z e i t ' s n o t a b o u t b e i n g [emasculated], it's about sharing your love and soul with another human being.” With this being said, the issue of masculinity isn’t the only reason why men decide to step outside their sexual boundaries. Another reason can be—and usually is—men just want to try something different from what they’re used to. “From my experience, people are trying out more things that are outside the roles that we’re ‘supposed to’ play,” says Erick Nuñez, a case manager for a non-profit mental health provider in Los Angeles. “The role that they play can be one main factor in finding an individual, but you really have to like the individual and be willing to compromise for that person.”
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O
..."versatility" is thrown around in order to make one feel that they are more marketable in the dating scene.
n June 10, 2013, Huffington Post blogger Carl Sandler mentioned compromise in his advice column, entitled My Boyfriend Can’t Top Me! Is Our Relationship Doomed? Responding to an inquiry from a versatile man who worries that his bottom lover cannot and will not reciprocate to his liking when it comes to topping, Sandler advised something that may be totally farfetched to most of us: adding an extra player into the field. In retrospect to compromise, he brings up the fact that “one of the great advantages of gay relationships is that we aren’t tied to conventions and have more flexibility to create relationships that come from our own needs.” Needless to say, there are couples out there that may have topped or bottomed for so long that they want to try new things for pleasure. Michael Everett, who co-pilots the online radio show Truth Talk Feat Intimacy and Colour with his partner Aunsha Hall, believes that adhering to hard-and-fast non-negotiable roles not only has the potential to hinder the process of finding a mate, but also has the potential to hinder the human spirit. “It is one thing to be clear about knowing what pleases you sexually,” says Everett, “but it’s another thing when an identity totally consumes you to the point where you’re unwilling to perform oral sex or engage in ass play or touch because it somehow makes someone less or more of a particular gender role.”
Page 17
Everett and his partner are a living example of the fluidity of sex within their existing long-term relationship. Starting off with singular roles, as their partnership evolved, so did their state of mind in terms of bedroom performance. “We do not allow others to label us as top or bottom and we are still very much learning how to communicate this information to others without a long and detailed political conversation,” Everett points out. Granted there are gay men who genuinely ponder having a little bit of wiggle room in the sheets, there are still others who claim versatility just for the sake of claiming it. For instance, you come across a supposed versatile man, but when it comes down to business they lack the performance skills in a certain area, such as failing to become erect for topping or not being able to take it when bottoming. In some cases, the term “versatility” is thrown around in order to make one feel that they are more marketable in the dating scene. This façade can cause quite a lot of confusion for any party involved, especially for those who are seeking a partner in which they would want to explore both roles within the bedroom. “If you were truly versatile, either way it would work for you, and I have met very few people that could actually say that they could do both equally,” comments Browne on faux-versatility. “With most people it’s like they lean more towards one than the
DBQ Magazine
Jul/Aug 2013
other, and most of the time they lean towards [the bottom] side of the spectrum.” With everything taken into account, the ‘versatilization’ of men in this day and age is a very layered phenomenon. Gender role pressure, curiosity, and sometimes saving face can prevent a good amount of us who are willing from trying things we may have not imagined doing in the first place, or bringing certain fantasies to reality. What it also boils down to is that any bedroom role is a matter of how open one’s mind can be. “Currently, we have began to unpack those roles and build the kind of relationship that is based on utility, responsiveness, and that are reflective of our values as Same-Gender-Loving [SGL] Black partnership,” says Everett on the present state of his relationship with his partner. “This has and does mean that we are openminded, communicative and accommodating to each others needs for the over all well being of our relationship.” If you or anyone you know want to further explore the topic of versatility, published author and Columbia University instructor Kyle Phoenix, Phd. has written books on the subject such as Pleasuring Tops, Bottoms, and Versatiles: A Manual for Bisexual, Gay, and Same Gender Loving Men available for purchase on Amazon. Who knows? You may even learn something new about yourself and the men around you, both inside and outside the bedroom.
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[ Summer TREND ]
BALMAIN
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[ Summer TREND ]
FENDI
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DBQ Magazine
Jul/Aug 2013
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COMME DES GARÇONS
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MCQ ALEXANDER MCQUEEN Page 21
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ALEXANDER WANG
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[BALLROOM] [VOGUE]CABULARY
L LIFE
Words/
PONY ZION Photo/ Cory Malcolm It didn’t fully hit me until the moment I reached one of the biggest red carpets in the world. I was there alongside twenty four amazing ballroom cast members and before 50,000 live viewers in the United Kingdom who showed up to watch us perform among some of the world’s favorite celebrities. I couldn’t hold back my tears of pure joy; and I heard God tell me, “you did it again. History is made and lives are changed. Good work. You’re at the Life Ball in Vienna Austria. Now get your LIFE!" In October 2012, I was asked by John Doe PR Company (one of the largest public relation companies in Europe) to direct the first ball ever to be thrown by a major hotel. I was hired to direct the W Hotel's "Love Hangover Ball." It was an amazing event and raised the bar for ballroom. On May 1, 2013, I received a phone call from Josh Woods Production Company, with whom I worked on the Love Hangover Ball; he told me that Fergie had such a phenomenal time at that ball that she wanted to throw a series of her own, and Fergie wanted me to produce and direct her event during memorial day weekend. Fortunately, I was already performing in Scotland that weekend and flying out to London for a meeting, so the timing was opportune since I was already going to be in the UK. I took the gig as a chance to create global opportunity for ballroom, which is my life-long commitment. So Frank Leon Roberts, Michael Roberson and myself--the creative producers of the project we were planning in Scotland--headed on our journey to Europe. I was so excited to be one of the first United States-based Ballroom legends to perform and represent in Scotland. It was such an extraordinary trip! I flew to Scotland, doing two club performances, and then immediately after rocking the stage by myself voguing up a frenzy at the club, I jetted to my flight to Vienna, Austria to the Life Ball, an outstanding nightlong party thrown by amfAR (the Foundation for AIDS Research), the biggest fundraiser for HIV/AIDS in the world that attracts celebrities like Bill Clinton, Janet Jackson, and Naomi Campbell. I was honored and humbled to be heading there to meet my team that had left the day prior, on a private party charter jet to Vienna to start getting ready. Right out my car service from the airport, I jumped on the talent bus and then headed directly to red carpet. It happened so fast! I was so busy in work mode traveling from London to Scotland, Amsterdam and then to Austria, that I didn’t pause to take a breath and count the blessings that God given me. Yet the moment that I stood at the front
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of that red carpet with my Ballroom Army beside me--who were all fashionably done from head to toe--was when everything sunk in. Here we are in Vienna, the old stomping ground of Hitler, and we were welcomed by this community that had been underground for decades. I remember it as vividly as the excitement that raged inside of me in 2005 when I vogued in a major international Coca Cola Zero commercial; that was when I knew for certain that mainstream vogue was my calling. In 2006, I was flown to London to help create a mock ball and perform during a show for SONY Play Station that was hosted by Kelly Osbourne. Then my world shifted again and ballroom was back in the spotlight when I created Vogue Evolution, battling international rival dance troupes on the show Americas Best Dance Crew, as the first openly gay dance group on television. For me, directing the W Hotel's Ball last October raised the bar to how I believe a ball should be experienced 2012 and beyond; yet none of these prior blessings unearthed the same degree of emotion and awe within me compared to the moment when I looked down the long red carpet in Vienna, Austria. I could hear the sniffles brought on by tears of happiness that were being shed by my ballroom family beside me, all of us holding hands in a shared moment that will forever be etched in our collective memories. I think it was my little sister Jonovia Garçon who whispered in my ear “we made it." From Paris is Burning to setting Austria on fire, there we stood not merely as the walkers of balls, but as an all-star cast of one of the night’s major events. Just picture it: a huge red carpet with 4,000 guests, celebrities and press everywhere! The ball was groundbreaking on many levels, and Fergie was beyond pleased with the outcome of the show. The celebrity panel for our ball was Fergie, Adam Lambert, D square, Jay Blahnik, and Fatima Robinson. To top it all off, the entire process was filmed for Fergie's upcoming documentary. When the ball ended at 4AM, I shot back to the airport to return to Scotland to finish up some workshops out there. Needless to say, I was exhausted, but it was all certainly more than worth it. Ballroom has proven once again that we are powerful people making a difference all over the world.
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What I've Come To
Know
I
t took me a very long time to believe that I am sexy. Though I've known it for years, I've always struggled with defining sexy because I often take myself too seriously. Many times I shunned the word 'sexy' because I felt it behooved me to embody other attributes, like intelligence, grace, or courage. Although I was given bone structure that lined up favorably with the likes of most of the country and a great complexion, I've always felt that there was more internally that really made someone want to jump on another to have sex besides face and body.
We live our lives in a world where sex sells. Where skin and curves are king and many times we are ruled by something that is superficial. I remember my brother-friend, Pony Zion, telling me when I first moved to New York in the fall of 2012, that grown men workout and that if I wasn't in the gym enhancing my body and my health, then the only thing that was grown about me was my career.
The thought that I could contribute such meaning to the national LGBT community but still look like a little boy bothered me. So I joined a gym. At first I was chasing an image of a body of a god because I thought that would confirm my sexiness and make me a 'real' man. I was working out seven days a week for three hours a day. I was doing an hour of cardio and over 300 crunches a day with other miscellaneous core and muscle building work. Then half way though my eight month workout I shifted; I realized that my intentions were wrong. I saw that I was chasing a body instead of chasing my best self. I was pursuing a body for what it meant to other people, I wanted to achieve a superficial sexiness for what I thought it could do for me. What I had neglected to see about myself was that I had all along been sexy; the new body only upgraded me to a new and different kind of sexy. I had spent most of my life building the hardest ingredients of authentic sexiness: my purpose, my mental capacity, and my meaningful contribution. Now, for the first time in my life, my shell and the muscles folded around my bones, were congruent and in harmony with my internal sex appeal.
These photos of me on the beach oiled, bronzed, and buffed – half naked in mermaid trunks- is a simple example of the possibilities. What I've come to know is that there is a new and different kind of sexy for us all to behold. Most of us spend our time realigning our bones, building our muscles, and bronzing our skin but lack the ability to say without question that we live a life of meaning and purpose – that we contribute something significant to the world with these breathes we so gallantly take. And there are some of us who have spent our lives working on our minds, our careers, and living our life's purpose – some because their bodies and bone structure aren't favorable to most of the worlds superficial standards – some because they know that purpose and contribution are the only things that really matter.
What I've come to know... is that we all must urge ourselves in the direction of what I call a new and different kind of sexy. It is where the beauty of our internal mental and spiritual power meets equally with the strength and beauty of our physical bodies to generate our best and greatest selves. When we strive to upgrade every single area of our lives to the utmost we are at our sexiest ever.
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@DBRIDGEFORTH
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