DBQ DAVID BRIDGEFORTH QUARTERLY
SINGLE OR
TAKEN?
YOU CAN HAVE ALL THE LOVE YOU WANT! Photo by GREG CARTER For DBQ Magazine April/May 2014 DBQMAG.COM
LOVE WILL NEVER DO (WITHOUT YOU) REASONS YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO WIN A MATE BUT LOSE THE RELATIONSHIP
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BOY MEETS BOY
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L
ove is in the air. Whether you are single or taken this issue should help you get in touch with the love that matters most, the love within. From that place we believe you can attract relationships that introduce you to your best self.
TEAM DBQ The Contributors
Michael and Aunsha, one of my new favorite couples, wrote a brilliantly helpful article called, "Love Won't Do (Without You) Ten reasons you might be able to win a mate, but lose the relationship". It is a must read on page 12
On page 10, we talk to the new authors of the little black dating journal, 'Boy Meets Boy'. We believe it's smart, necessary and refreshing.
Gabriel Maldonado is a City Commissioner to the City of Riverside Human Relations Commissioner, and serves as the Executive Director/CEO of TruEvolution, Inc. - a youth development and social justice agency located in Riverside, CA. Gabriel is a national spokesperson advocating for LGBTQ rights throughout the country, and works to address social determinants impacting the disproportionate rates of HIV/AIDS in LGBTQ communities of color through prevention programs and public health initiatives.
It was important that I include profiles of young single and taken men of color so that we all can see their stories and be inspired. Learn about Brandon Anthony and his parties on page 6. Be inspired by Twiggy Garcon on page 14. Get turned on by sex symbol 'The Illest' Leo McIntosh on page 8.
My hope with this issue is that everyone will look at the stories, articles and interviews and see your single or taken self and lean towards love. Of course my column 'What I've Come To Know' is all about what I've learned about love in my current relationship and my hope is that it will advance your love life in some way.
Michael and Aunsha met in 2010 at a work related HIV conference in Washington DC. What began as a potential work opportunity quickly repurposed itself into a beautiful relationship that would forever change the way they thought about relationships, its utility and the role of intimacy in the modern day relationship context. Even more importantly, their professional, emotional and physical work together would ignite a shared dream to bring to the world tools and services that would promote wellness through intimacy and hope through communication.
—David Bridgeforth DBQ Magazine
David A. Bridgeforth Jr. Editor-In-Chief / Publisher Abraham Tomo, Jr. attends Pace University in New York City where he studies English, Graphic Design, and graduate Publishing. He has written for many online publication and currently is an intern editor for DBQ.
Stanley Bennett Clay is an award winning filmmaker, novelist, director and playwright. His documentary "You Are Not Alone" is currently screening throughout the country. He recently directed the stage adaptation of "B-Boy Blues." His latest novel "Hollywood Flames" (Book 2 of his 5-book "Dominican Heat" series) is currently on the market.
Nathan James is an author, screenwriter, radio personality, and journalist. He is Executive Editor of the LGBT multimedia resource GBM News, and writes exclusively on LGBT issues and affairs.
Executive Administrator
Baldwin Rivers
Jacqui Tanner
Art Director
Contributing Editor
Dave Bridgeforth Sr.
Stanley Bennett Clay
Intern Editor
Consulting Cover Editor
Abraham Tomo Jr.
Reggie Wells
Photography
Copy Editor
Greg Carter
DBQ Magazine is a nationally distributed bimonthly lifestyle publication. Published and printed in Indianapolis, Indiana. For more information on advertisement contact Rivendell Media at 908.232.2021, for editorial inquires or any other business please visit us at www.DBQMAG.com Or 908.656.6218.
DBQ Magazine April/May 2014 • VOL 4 / ISS 2 • DBQMAG.COM
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5. Behind The Scenes 6. Front Row/ Brandon Anthony 7. Politics/ Nathan James 8. It Boy/ Leo The Illest 9. Books/ Stanley Bennett Clay 10. Boy Meets Boy 12. Love Will Never Do (Without You) 14. Feature/ Twiggy Pucci Garcon 17. Summer Fashion Trends 21. What I've Come To Know / Love Thyself DBQMAG.COM | @DBQMAG
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Apr/May 2014
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1. Mr. Bridgeforth with his boyfriend Greg Carter 2. Greg and Joseline Hernandez at Las Vegas Pride 3. Dave in his car service headed to an event.
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4. Dave and Lashontae Heckard from BET's The Game. 5. Dave with Pierre Philpps 1/2 of the rap duo 'Freaky Boiz'. 6. Dave with friend Bajon Braxton at Vegas Pride.
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FRONT ROW Words/ Gabriel Maldonado
LOS ANGELES PARTY BOY
BRANDON ANTHONY How many times have you truly been in love? I can honestly say I’ve been truly in love twice before my current relationship. Once here and once while I was living in DC. I am experiencing it in it's truest form this time around. It feels great to have the same amount of love reciprocated, if not more.
What made you start throwing parties and what has allowed you to dominate the LA gay club scene? I have a friend that owns a club. It literally started off with my BFF Ivanie Murphy and business partner/ good friend William Wright to have an urban party in North Hollywood. And I've soared since then. Being pretty known and respected in the community, across the country, I was able to use my charisma and dedication to take it by storm. It also gives me the opportunity to focus more on my other career, which is ďŹ lm.
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What's the most romantic thing you've done with your boyfriend? My current boyfriend has been dying for two dogs. So I was able to surprise him with two Pomeranians for Christmas. His expression was priceless.
Tell me one important thing about Brandon Anthony that the outside world doesn't know about you? I love to watch people vogue. Lol. When it's done right.
What's your next major goal for your career? To land a reoccurring role in a sitcom. And from there start to produce my own work and work with others that inspire me. Where does a person need to go in order to experience one of your parties? S o c i a l i t e H o u s e L A . c o m I G & Tw i t t e r : @BrandonAnthony_ and of course Facebook FaceBook.com/SocialiteHouseLA
Apr/May 2014
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POLITICS
Editor/ Nathan James
IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING IN 2014?
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here was a modern state government, nearly a century ago, who so despised one segment of its population, that it set out to exterminate them from the face of the Earth. Among the first steps their legislature took, was to deny them the ability to purchase goods and services--to do commerce--on the basis of their "inferior" social status. This same government progressed to a program of social ostracism, exile, and finally, a serious, full-on attempt at wholesale genocide, which resulted in the unspeakable torture and killing of millions upon millions of human beings. To further their murderous goals, precipitated by bigotry, the government of this country set in motion the most catastrophic military conflict the world has ever known. But it all started wit the deliberate removal of one group of people from the economic life of the society they lived in. That, of course, was Nazi Germany, against whose evil Axis, most of the rest of the world united to stop. Think something like this--hate-based genocide--couldn't get started here? Think again.
Now, in the supposedly "more enlightened" 21st-century United States, there are frightening developments afoot. In several states, bills legalizing the denial of goods or services to gays and lesbians, ostensibly on religious grounds, are being considered for passage into law. Recently, Arizona's Legislature passed such a "Turn Away The Gays" bill. This measure, clearly a bald-faced attempt to create a second-class tier of citizenship, is a frightening return to the Jim Crow era, and a chilling, ghostly reminder of World War II. When you consider the rampant, terrifying wave of homophobic hysteria that has been sweeping the globe recently, as in Russia, India, Nigeria, Uganda, Cameroon, the Ivory Coast, and too many other countries, the implications of such legislation here at home become all too apparent.
This "backlash" by conservatives against the LGBT community is borne out of fear--the right wing's abject horror at the very idea that
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we as gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgender persons might actually be seen as equal to them. But, of course, they are quite happy to accept our taxes while reserving for themselves the right to abridge our ability to participate in economic activities. Just as was the case in the Jim Crow South, Arizona's legislators reflect the mores and desires of the constituency that elected them, and by letting this bill onto the floor, to say nothing of actually voting on, and passing it, these lawmakers have written themselves into a dark new chapter of American history. (Governor Brewer, made very aware of the damage the bill would do to Arizona if she signed it, wisely vetoed the measure on February 26.)
Under the guise of the "Religious Freedom Restoration Act", (what is being "restored" here? I wasn't aware that any religious freedoms had been taken away) these elected officials are citing the First and Ninth Amendments (states' rights to do what, exactly? Persecute LGBT people?) as the Constitutional basis for the law, while ever-soconveniently forgetting the Fourteenth. Oh, that bothersome item about every person being entitled to the equal protection of the laws? The various Legislatures aren't the least bit worried about that!
Of course, I'm reassured by many of my friends and colleagues that such a law wouldn't pass judicial review, that it would be blatantly unconstitutional on its face. But I'm also reminded that Jim Crow laws were found unconstitutional, too, only a mere century after they were passed. Meanwhile, LGBT residents and visitors in these states would face the prospect of being denied lodging at hotels, service at restaurants, transportation on common carriers, or even refusal of medical care if the doctor has a "sincerely held religious belief" that prevents him from treating LGBTs. Extirpating a class of people from commerce on the basis of who they are, or who they love, is abhorrent to the very principles America was founded upon.
Even as I rejoice at the news, for example, of the Brooklyn Nets signing Jason Collins as the NBA's first openly gay player, I wonder what happens when Collins comes to play in a "Turn Away the Gays" state, and is told he cannot book a hotel room? Given that this is precisely what happened to Jackie Robinson when he traveled with the Dodgers to Southern cities, I'd say everything old, is new again. It's a shameful state of affairs that should prompt every lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender person living in these places to move out of their state, forthwith. If they don't want us as part of their economy, we should be happy to oblige. No taxes. No tourism. No dining out. No shopping. Nothing. We should vote with our pocketbooks, as I'm quite sure there are many other states which will welcome our professional skills, and our dollars, with open arms.
Then again, given the number of states that seem perfectly willing to "turn away the gays", I wonder...keep your eyes open, and govern yourselves accordingly. Consider these developments a warning from history.
Apr/May 2014
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SINGLE & SEXY
IT BOY
LEO MCINTOSH Tell me one thing about 'The Illest' that the outside world doesn't know?
Where you prepared to become the sex symbol you are and how are you handling it?
One thing the world does not know about the illest is that I am sensitive and I am sensitive about my shit. I put a lot of time and thought into all my work so when it's down played I get offended.
I don't know when or how I became a sex symbol but I love it. The attention is blood rushing. I like when I go places and am recognized for who I am. Who am I? THE ILLEST, but more on a serious note it's hard being a sex symbol because it's a lot of up keep and it's the first thing a guy brings up when trying to get to know me. It definitely has it's pros and cons.
When and where was the best sex of your life? The best sex I've ever had was with this dude that I met at the barber shop. The dude and I ended up linking up a few months later and he fucked the dog shit out of me; it's amazing. The reason I said 'it's amazing' instead of "it was amazing" is because we still fuck. I like to think of him as my fuck buddy. Once we even fucked on top of his Ferrari, it was EPIC.
What's the best lesson you've learned at age 21? The best lesson I've learned is to depend on no one but your mutha fucking self.
What's next for The Illest?
How many times have you seriously been in love? I've been seriously in love once and that was a great experience but it clearly didn't work out. Since then my standards and expectations of a man have become so great that it's hard to please me. I just turned 21 years old so to tie me down you better come with your A game. Oh, I don't date guys under 25.
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You never really know with me. A new idea pops in my head every five minutes. I'm focusing more on my designing and my styling. I would like to become one of the illest LA celeb wardrobe stylist and designer. I believe that any and everything is possible. I have faith in everything that I do. With hard work, dedication, a dollar and a dream the illest will achieve big things.
Apr/May 2014
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BOOKS Editor/ Stanley B. Clay
JAMAICAN AMERICAN THUG DRAMA A novel by J.S. Lewis
There's more than a little drama in J.S. Lewis' fast-paced and emotionally heart-wrenching novel. This is one cold-blooded love story percolating dangerously under the dark cloud of Jamaica’s rabid homophobia.
crashing down on Jevaughn. The hypocrisy of the system spares the thug nephew of the neighborhood Don and puts the blame squarely
Our main narrator is Jevaughn, a handsome young 19-year-old Jamaican homosexual who dares to fall in love with his neighbor Dre, a violent drop-dead-gorgeous 23-year-old American thug Adonis relocated from Harlem to Jevaughn's Jamaican neighborhood ruled by Dre's gangster Uncle Biggs.
on the softer, gentler Jevaughn. The atrocities he endures are devastatingly cruel, vicious and inhumane. A scene of torture is disturbing but vital. At the rescue, even in great pain, is Jevaughn's eloquent voice, steadily becoming stronger, more mature, colder, and emotionally armored, channeling the mantra: what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
Hopelessly romantic and aching with desire, Jevaughn poetically and passionately shares with us, the readers, his powerful boy-to-man saga. When Dre assaults his girlfriend and police arrive, Jevaughn hides Dre in his house. Dre can't help but notice Jevaughn's longing glances and perusal of his sumptuous package. Under normal street justice this would call for an automatic 'batty boy' beat-down. But Dre is grateful to Jevaughn for saving him from a jail sentence, and giving him some sound advice. A genuine friendship develops.
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But when the friendship turns intimate, the forces of the culture come
J.S. Lewis is a terriďŹ c writer. There were moments when I was moved to tears and wanted to just stand up and cheer for Jevaughn as he found his soul, his heart, and his muscle.
I also wanted to stand up and cheer this unique literary voice. I didn't want this story to end. I read it in one sitting. Can't wait to get to book 2. And can't wait to see what this 23-year-old novelist comes up with next.
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CULTURE COMMUNITY
Editor/ Abraham Tomo Jr.
BOY MEETS BOY The Gay Man's Little Black Book: Kiss & Tell
Can you give us a brief synopsis about Boy Meets Boy? Boy Meets Boy, The Gay Man's Little Black Book: Kiss & Tell is the first in a three part installment of adult themed dating diaries. Already filled with pre-written questions detailing one's significant other, you are the author of your own little black book. YOU chronicle the good, bad and well endowed! While the Little Black Book series is intended for lighthearted fun and humor, it is also a keepsake that catalogs all of your past relationships with just the turn of a page. Just be careful not to let your Little Black Book fall into the wrong hands!
same shirt but on another person it looks different and it feels different. On another person you might not even be drawn to it. The same can be said about the people we date. Sometimes we bring out the best in people, sometimes the worst. But it’s in those encounters that we learn lessons about ourselves. Yes, this “garment” might be off-therack, but once you get it home, you customize it to fit your particular liking! So I presented the idea to Christopher and he loved it. He came up with the name, we collaborated on the content, and Boy Meets Boy was born!
What encouraged you to write this series? Well honestly, I’ve come to realize that the African American, gay dating communities in major cities like Washington, DC are extremely small. My co-creator, Christopher, and I have been friends for quite some time, and we both live in Washington, DC We discovered that while navigating our way through the social/dating scene in DC we dated some of the same guys. We had a conversation about one guy in particular and discovered that he was a completely different person in regard to when we dated and when he and Chris dated. I thought about how interesting it would be to catalogue all your ex’s and how different they would be in your catalogue versus someone else’s. It’s like seeing someone else with the same shirt on as you: initially it is the
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Why do you believe so many gay men of color hold back from open love and deal with very unhealthy relationships? D: I think it has something to do with wanting to conform to the norms of society’s standards. It’s so much easier for a lot of gay men— namely those of color—to throw on a fitted hat, conduct themselves like the “trade,” and dismiss any effeminate characteristics they may posses. In turn, that’s what they are attracted to. So what are we left with: two men who are ultimately hiding in the shadows, masking who they really are. It’s hard to fathom that any healthy relationship could derive from self-compromise.
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BOY MEETS BOY The Gay Man's Little Black Book: Kiss & Tell C: I think unhealthy relationships are cyclical. Many times we enter relationships full of hope, only to get mistreated, and then tend to do the same in future relationships. Repeating the cycle of unhealthy relationships causes people not to believe in love, only expecting the greatest form of love would be a hookup. The right one is out there— persevere and love.
love is can often times be a difficult process. Waiting to heal one's concept of love, and thus love others is challenging, and many skip this step and enter into relationships without self-love. What can love teach us?
D: Absolutely! There’s no way you can fully love another person’s mind, body, and soul without first understanding how to love yourself. You can’t truly live in happiness with another human being if you’re not happy with yourself, because no matter what they do, you’ll always be looking for more because you weren’t a whole person spiritually to begin with. Those guys that jump from one relationship to the next won’t ever find true happiness with another human being because they haven’t taken the time to peel back those layers and get to know their self. I believe we all want someone to love us at the end of the day, but it’s about doing the work and building our own vessel from the ground up before we can fully appreciate someone else.
D: I’m not an expert on the topic of love and I won’t ever claim to be. I’m single and still finding my way through love and life, but from my own personal experiences I find that Love is like evolution: forever changing. There are people who call themselves relationship “experts” and while that’s all fine and dandy, I don’t understand how one can be an expert on something that has no rhyme or reason to it. You can be married to the same person for 40 years, but every day, you learn something new about your mate, whether it is good or bad; everyday is a learning experience. So for me, I think that one of the most important things Love teaches us is that no matter what you do, or how hard you try, Love is an imperfect thing that can’t ever be fully defined because each day it can encompass a new meaning. Just like the seasons change, so does Love. But it’s in those times of transition and uncertainty that we should remember to always be our 100% authentic selves and trust that in our own imperfections, we exist in Love.
C: I think self-love is of the utmost importance in order to love someone else. If one cannot love his self then I think it is very hard to be in a relationship where love is necessary. Sometimes love is not present when we're children, and different manifestations of love are rooted and take shape. Reconditioning one's brain to learn what true
C: Love can teach us the reason for being. It can teach us about ourselves and reveal our deepest emotions and vulnerabilities. When in love, one can experience pain, joy, happiness, and sadness. But to have loved will by far reveal why we are here, than to have never loved at all.
In the foreword written by Aunsha Everett, he speaks of entertaining shame and regret later discovering self-love. Do you believe self-love is the initial point of opening your heart to others?
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LOVE WILL NEVER DO (WITHOUT YOU)...
10
REASONS YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO WIN A MATE BUT LOSE THE RELATIONSHIP By Michael and Aunsha Hall-Everett of Intimacy & Colour
S
o it’s Friday night, you look amazing, and maybe you even have a few dollars in the bank, which could only mean one thing: its time to hit the club, get on Grindr, SheMeetsHer.com, Jack’d, or whatever tickles your fancy and have a good time. You might have even thought that maybe tonight is different and that you might find the one you’ve been looking for to call your very own. So it happens and you meet that person, and with a great deal of uncertainty but still just enough hope, you both hit it off. They—the unsuspecting victim—immediately go from one of your many weekend ego feeders to the possible love of your life. You didn’t see it coming and it happened so fast, but what happened even faster was the turnstile romance. Well what did happened? Where did it all go wrong? Why in dating can I get the plane off the ground but I cannot seem to keep the damn thing in the air? This might be a question you are asking yourself right now and it has been a frustrating reality for many of us at certain points in our life. But perhaps there is more to this story, and just maybe we still have our own inside work to do. Well if this is you and you can admit it, then welcome to the club known as those of us that are absolutely #OverThisCycleOfLettingLoveSlipThroughTheirFingers and you are ready to do something about it. Well good news: we have taken the time to identify ten things to consider when thinking about what needs to occur before and during a desired relationship, and if mastered, they just might change your luck in love:
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1. Know thy self Who are you? What is it you want for yourself? When establishing relationships with others throughout life, we may invest our time into relationships and easily lose sight of you own core essence. Knowing thy self keeps you focused on who you are today and your own evolution over time. It allows you to practice the art of not losing yourself when taking on someone else’s likes and dislikes. The goal is to block potential opportunities that may lead us down a road of resentment so that you are aware of what may be necessary in order for you to be your ideal self in any relationship particularly the relationship with yourself. 2. What have you done for me lately? Self-care is the best care! If knowing your self is an opportunity to face all of who you are for the benefit of distinguishing your desires and needs from those of others, then self-care is about using that information to support the day-to-day practice of prioritizing your self. In relationships we give so much of ourselves to other people that we forget how to take care of ourselves. In many cases some of us have never learned how to create boundaries that protect us from losing sight of our own self-care. Taking care of you can make wellness more attainable and easier to practice within your relationships if you have mastered doing this for yourself first.
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LOVE WILL NEVER DO (WITHOUT YOU)...
10 REASONS YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO WIN A MATE BUT LOSE THE RELATIONSHIP So to have balance in your relationships, you must have balance within you: the mind—peace and stimulation (rest well, reading, and watching for mental stimulation); in and for the body—improving physical endurance and releasing tension (working out regularly eating well, and sex); and soul—Connecting with the universe as you understand it (meditation, prayer, and purging tears and emotional pain). If these areas are all aligned and operating from a place of wellness and balance you create homeostasis. Invest in yourself by maintaining homeostasis, so that you are physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally ready for your mate.
3. Resolve parental conflicts Our parents are our first relationship; if those conflicts go unresolved we will inevitably see them in future and pending relationships. Remember, energy can be ignored but not destroyed; so unresolved parental conflicts (e.g., abandonment, secrecy, miscommunication) may manifest itself in other relationships, which may involve sabotaging those relationships that show up different from the conflicts that have adopted from our parents. When it comes to resolving parental conflicts, you must acknowledge them, challenge them, and grow from them. #destroyingunhealthypathologies 4. Bring a dream to the table As the saying goes, “if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” Intentionality is your journey and destination. You are your own boss, so where do you want to go in life? Understanding your purpose will create more meaningful and healthy relationships that are fulfilling for you and supportive to establishing and defining your potential core values.
5. Make room A healthy relationship will require letting go of selfish habits. You have to make room for your mate and allow them to feel that they are welcomed into your life. You cannot receive what you want in a relationship with a closed fist, so if you are holding onto your independence, not willing to be vulnerable, or not wanting to share tangible/valuable items (e.g., sleeping on one side of the bed, getting credit together, making room in your physical closet space) with your mate, then the relationship you want becomes null and void. 6. Living in Your Core values Your core values are not just one thing; they are the best practices from your lived experiences. In knowing your fundamental beliefs, you have an understanding of your core values. To ensure you are your authentic self in your relationship, you must communicate your expectations and core values, because they are a representation of you. When in a relationship, it is okay to compromise, but settling is not an option, use your core values to maintain the true essence of you, so that you are compromising and not settling.
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7. Expectations Don’t sleep on the job. Your job as a partner is to be responsible for the love and care of your partner and the relationship. Having expectations facilitates a healthy dialogue about the foundation and direction of the relationship. It also sets up the process of establishing a shared vision with your mate. Not communicating expectations means there is no accountability, so if your mate acts on something that you may not like, then is it really their fault for not knowing? Or is it your fault for not communicating your expectations when in a relationship? 8. Check your boo, check yourself We all like to be accommodated, but very few like to be pushed around. Accountability helps to maintain healthiness and sustainability in a relationship. You and your mate must have checks and balances, which includes both safety and challenges, so that it does not interfere with the relationship’s shared vision and core values. This may also be a fine time to express consequences if accountability is not present.
9. Everything matter You have already come into the relationship deciding what is important to you. You must also remain flexible enough to include what is important to your partner. Remember finding out your mate doesn’t like Scandal or not a huge Beyonce fan? Although ridiculous, those things matter too. It is about sustaining the relationship, so you and your mate must continue to engage in each other’s interest, as it matters to the healthiness of the relationship. 10. Grow into your love. Grow into your relationship. When we got together, we missed the memo that we would have to put in overtime to sustaining the love. We thought everything would remain the same—us still blushing and enjoying the experiencing of falling in love. But once we have fallen, what’s next? Now comes the rallying and advocating for love, which means expressing the love for one another and celebrating the present moment. To sustaining a relationship, you are performing every moment, so continue performing because the healthiness and sustainability of your relationship is the standing ovation you have been wanting for your performance. Janet Jackson once sang “Love Will Never Do Without You.” Of course this dance and song diva meant without another individual but there is someone else more important to consider in any relationship you have—you! Falling in love with your self is key before falling in love with anyone else. I once heard Iyanla Vanzant (famed life coach to Life) say “give from your over flow and never from your empty cup”. You can only give what you have to give so do yourself a favor first and spend this weekend getting ready for love and not just the idea of it, because chances are love is already ready for you.
Apr/May 2014
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TWIGGY PUCCI GARCON
SINGLE&
FABULOUS Words/ David Bridgeforth Photographer: Durell Morgan Makeup: Theo Turner Hair: Maximillian Stevens Stylist(s): LC Luxx & Shae Boogie Assistants: Q'Ivan & Christopher Waldorf
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What is the most beautiful thing about Twiggy? Being able to love unconditionally. So many people put stipulations on when and how they allow themselves to love others and that's just not how it works for me. Without judgement or condition, love, is.
What has being single taught you about yourself? For years I thought that I would be on the search for someone to complete me, but I've learned otherwise. Being single has taught me that there is no one who can love me like myself. All on my own, I am valuable; I am whole; I am complete. Someone else's could only ever add to that.
What's the greatest lesson you've learned in your 20s? Believe it or not I still have several years left in my 20s, so I'll answer this when we touch base in a few years. *winks*
How do you deďŹ ne love? The Universal Divine spirit that connects each and every living thing. It is the source of our life and our very being. Love is you, love is me, love is we.
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Why did you choose the career field and ballroom scene to be apart of your life's work? Back in 2008, I couldn't afford to continue studying fashion merchandising management at FIT and I was already working in high-end retail and cosmetics. The economy was on edge at the time and the first to go were special events and regional artists at both Chanel and Clarins, so a few months passed before one of my best friends, ChiChi Mizrahi, helped me get a job at FACES NY, Inc. Immediately loving the work of serving the community I'm a part of, I kicked into overdrive and haven't really stopped since. Since then, I've been afforded tons of blessings that allow me to intersect my passions in community health, fashion, and my community, the House and Ballroom Scene in a way I never imagined possible.
What kind of man is perfect for Twiggy? I find perfection in imperfections. The qualities I desire most are consistent, open, and honest communication; a man whose committed and loyal; a man that understands that WE are a TEAM; a man whose equally big on affection and romance. My dream guy would also be culturally versed and prepared to travel! Anyone who knows me, knows that's my favorite thing to do outside of cooking. Most importantly, the man whose perfect for me will be equally yoked: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. When we are one, no one can stand between us. DBQMAG.COM | @DBQMAG
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[ Summer TREND ]
BALMAIN
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[ Summer TREND ]
COMME DES GARÇONS
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[ Summer TREND ]
TOM FORD
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[ Summer TREND ]
Versace
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What I've Come To Know DAVID BRIDGEFORTH
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David Bridgeforth with boyfriend Greg Carter taking a sexy fun group picture with matching apparel in Los Angeles.
t's been said that love is a misunderstanding between two fools, an abscess in a man's heart, and a hole in his pocket. I'm sure we all have had an experience equal to that. I make no public statement or hold any notable positions on being any kind of expert on love. In fact it wasn't until recently that I've come to understand a rather liberating truth, that the mastery of love is the task of all relationships.
What I've come to know is that you can have all the love you want whether you are single or taken, because the intensity of love, romance, and affection you experience in life is in direct correlation with how deeply you love the skin you are in. It's connected to the passion you feel for your life's work. It is the same love that is felt and experienced when you show yourself compassion, when you see your flaws, or identify personal and private insecurity.
When I was single I dreamed of love and relationships like many of you. I looked forward to all the joy and connection that comes with having someone to share you days and hours with. Interestingly enough I didn't recognize that I had received my wildest dreams until I saw the subject of love showing up in my private relationship.
What is majestic about committed loving relationships is that you are introduced to your truest self daily. You get opportunities to see every flaw, old wounds, and every inconsistency. You see yourself through your partner. It wasn't until my current relationship did I get to see how much I loved myself or the lack of love therein. I was able to finally understand what it meant to love yourself and how that reflected on the love I gave and received. I was confronted with the truth that people can only give you the love they harvest within for themselves, but no matter how great that love is, you will only see and experience it in proportion to the love you give yourself and harvest within. Many times you will believe that the love your partner gives to you is a reciprocation of the love you give him, but truth is it is only a reciprocation of the love you give privately to yourself and the love he gives privately to himself that you experience in your relationship. What is beautiful about that truth is unbeknownst to you, you are only giving those you love the love you harvest and give to yourself and at any given moment in your relationships you receive the exact same kind of love from your partner, but you will only experience it and see it in proportion to your own capacity to love yourself completely. We can not give what we do not have and love is only true and real when it is given from an overflow that is within you. I have been able to see where I am not loving myself from looking at how my partner loves me. And the gift in this is I am afforded the chance to grow, expand and evolve into my best self.
Maya Angelou told me years ago when I was 21 that, 'only equals fall in love'. Today I understand that love happens when you experience an equal reciprocation of that kind of beautiful energy.
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The love we want in our lives is all about us; just like every other thing in our lives. The days of waiting for a man or a friend to love us is over. We are the master of our world and we attract and put the man, the friend, and the love in our lives. I attracted a beautiful 23 year old courageous sex symbol and every day is like a dream and adventure, Kim and Kanye style. What I know for sure is that we all are love incarnate and as we allow that love to have its way with our hearts, minds and souls we then are alive. As Greg and I love ourselves everyday together we then are complete.
Instagram: @Bridgeforth Twitter: @DBridgeforth
Apr/May 2014
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