Trumpzine*issuu

100 Days of Trump

*first two weeks in* by d.bird

W

elcome

to our lovely China Shop.

Some items like the fragile veneer of civility, empathy for our planet and all her inhabitants are on sale.

Other treasured heirlooms teeter on the brink of destruction and a quick sweep under the rug.

Things we value most that could remain forever broken are in the air.

We simply did not

expect this.

Especially the notion that our election may have been swayed by some stealthy Russian tinkering.

A ll kinds of rumors were circulated, tweeted or shared.

It had been hard to get a clear idea of what was going on since the campaign began. If things were going the way Trump wanted, everything was working how it should be. If polls looked bad, then they were untrue. “If Hillary should win the system is rigged.“ Alas. Many people wish the system was rigged or at least reflective of the popular vote.

Right off, The giddy new President enjoyed

talking to heads of state, especially to Taiwan’s President about her cool club district with all the neon. We aren’t sure but maybe Putin gave Tsai Ing-Wen the Donald’s phone number on a cocktail napkin. China pouted and added more sand to the islands off Japan.

The cabinet appointments were mainly super rich, white guys,

plus one socialite, (who had given piles of cash to most of the republican congress) and lastly; a neurosurgeon turned Presidential candidate (also a black guy!) Now up for housing secretary.

Credentials for that job offer: Because he grew up poor, in a house.

Truly it seemed like if the person hated everything about the

focus of their proposed cabinet position, then they were just right to head it. Trump said he wanted to shake things up. No experience necessary. Ivy League, good. Golfers, nice. Fresh eyes on the terrible mess in Washington DC. Drain the swamp.

Trumpees love it, everyone else gets increasingly freaked out.

Week 1 . Trump immediately got to work to try and

push through his campaign promises. Gutting Obamacare got bogged down because as everyone expected there really wasn’t any better idea that could be whipped out with a grand flourish.

People were not interested in the absolute chaos that pulling everyone’s healthcare would inflict. Plus, the press kept running stories about people who now were not dieing because they could see a doctor and get proper meds. Bummer.

Getting rid of all the illegals and those damn press savvy

“Dreamers” was next. But once again that was just too complex to pull off- maybe later after the Wall goes up. Also the thing about putting “crooked” Hillary in jail- forget that. It was nice when the Clintons came to the wedding that time. Nice Gift. Classy.

Next on to Planned Parenthood and how to undermine

abortion rights. Women made appointments by the thousands to get an IUD asap. The Woman’s March the day after Trump’s small inauguration crowd was HUGE, causing Trump to say the photos were switched or retouched or someone erased a couple blocks of mid-westerners from his.

Also a present for the Jews. Trump thinks highly of his son

in law Jared Kushner, and for god’s sake, Ivanka, has gone all Jewish. What the heck, that is some fine real estate in Jerusalem.

A proposal is tweeted to move the US Embassy from Tel Aviv to this holy and highly disputed city, where, while undermining the local Marriott, such action may start World War III.

To silence the pesky Global Warming whiners, Trump issued a gag order, a web sweep of climate research and personnel details as to which scientists attended Climate Conferences and had a drink with Al Gore. A notion to create a sunny ad campaign to quell the alarmists is floated.

See, not so bad. Waterfront for all.

At the first week’s end- a grand finale surprise:

The Moslem Ban Directive (or “not a ban, just a you go home till I say so policy.”) Airports filled with protesters to counter Trump’s message of malice, mismanagement and mayhem.

Obama’s held-over Attorney General,

Sally Yates objected.

As reported by: “the failing” New York Times: WASHINGTON — President Trump fired his acting attorney general on Monday night, removing her as the nation’s top law enforcement officer after she defiantly refused to defend his executive order closing the nation’s borders to refugees and people from predominantly Muslim countries.

Many Federal employees also objected.

S

eemed like Trump just didn’t want to listen to people with experience, or experts in the area, ethics lawyers, world leaders, Noble Prize winners, top scientists, the nation’s teachers or Meryl Streep.

M

any wondered if he lived in an alternative fact universe, where carefully written bills were really just piles of paper he could throw out 50-75% of.

Trump clearly enjoyed using the Presidential pens.

They make really nice curvy lines.

Week 2 . Trump tweeted that

things were going just ducky. The nation scratched it’s collective head looking bewildered/unnerved. It would be wonderful to be able to declare truths and have them be that- sun on a rainy day- but the collective reality is a visual that is hard to refute.

Trump world turns on it’s own axis.

S

teve Bannon, Trump’s chief White House strategist and senior counselor, becomes a hateful fixture in the White House flying in the face of bringing the country together. He gets to sit at the table of the National Security Council where he dines on the bones of the former experts booted out the door.

Trump enjoyed playing indiscriminate telephone hardball. “Everyone picks right up when I call- I love that.�

Intent on tearing down any past positive actions by the previous White House tenants, Trump leaps into action.

Even bills were tossed requiring shady financial advisors not to take

advantage of less informed folks hoping to enhance their retirement savings. Wall Street stocks just kept rising with glee.

In 10 days Trump issued two proclamations, seven executive orders and seven presidential memorandum. He invented a new form of presidential directive: the national security presidential memorandum — and signed three of those.

More Bills, more Pens, more snacks! “Get the ones with the new National Park and that pipeline thing!�

The Vice President happily steps in to deliver the deciding vote.

No spoiler alert there.

De Press

Labeled as the “lying press�, reporters had to sift through layers of alternative facts barked out in press sessions with Sean Spicer the spiny troll.

There were train loads of positions still unfilled in the Trump presidency, but the interns were on the case. It is pretty tough to find super unqualified people with nice suits.

Led by a “So called� California Judge ruling against

the travel ban, a torrent of other cases based in Trump’s conflicts of interest, unpaid contractors and questions of fair play flood in. Trump gave a bunch of his properties to his kids for a while in response.

The boys promise to never, ever talk about business at dinner with dad.

Trump further endears himself with the judicial system by universally insulting all of them, making his Supreme Court justice nominee; Neil Gorsuch, cry.

Globally Trump still has his bro-

mance with Putin (even though or maybe because of ) an alleged “peepee” tape.

Seriously you just can’t write this stuff. The English are disgusted; Britain’s Speaker of the House of Commons John Bercow wishes not to offer him the honor of addressing Parliament as previous U.S. Presidents have done.

Trump had accepted an invitation on behalf of Queen Elizabeth II for a full state visit later this year. But she has come under pressure to revoke the offer after the backlash triggered by Trump’s travel ban. Later this month, lawmakers will debate canceling the state visit after 1.8 million people signed a petition urging the British government to rescind the offer to avoid “embarrassing” the queen.

- (Chicago tribune)

*Jan 20- Feb 7*

100 Days of Trump Book one scheesh I need more pens.

Copyright 2017 Dana Simson

No part of this book may be copied without expressed permission, but hey, just ask and get decent jpegs. salisbury . md . usa