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Kim Kardashian… this Bitch
by Lucas Witherspoon
here are some people I really hate even acknowledging because of their irrelevance in my life and sometimes to the world as a whole, but I feel I need to get this out: I loathe Kim Kardashian. By now, you’re likely aware of the fact that Kim Kardashian is divorcing her husband of a whopping 72 days, Kris Humphries. Keep in mind, she was paid $17.9 million for the rights to her wedding, which works out to about $10,358.80 per hour that she was married. Inevitably, she’ll now reap the financial benefits of her divorce, probably by airing some divorce special on E! and sitting down with Barbara Walters to whine about how upset she is her sham of a marriage failed.
Are we forgetting how she even came to be famous? A guy best known for being Brandy’s brother f**ked her on tape (complete with a golden shower). Or maybe you remember him from that awful VH1 dating show, For the Love of Ray J, where he shacked up in a herpes den with a bunch of skanks. I guess Kim was good practice for that. What is the appeal? It’s not like straight guys are watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians, it’s mostly girls and gay guys. She has the personality of a jizz rag, the intellect of a toddler, and absolutely no discernable talents that a trollop giving handjobs in a back alley couldn’t match. The worst part is that she still tries to present herself as if she’s some kind of class act. At least someone like Jenna Jameson owns her shit. We all know you sold and made money off of the tape, Kim, so stop playing the victim. As if one Kardashian wasn’t enough, we’re forced to endure the entire family. What’s more absurd than the Kardashians themselves, though, are the people who love them. When Kim and Kris announced their marriage, it was said they were “the closest thing to royalty” that America has, and that theirs would rival the Royal Wedding. Have Americans lost their minds, or do we really think of our country that poorly? It’s time to move on, America. The Kardashians have had their moment, made mountains of money in the process, and we’ve had our fun with them, but they’ve overstayed their welcome. It’s one thing when Herman Cain is considered a serious presidential candidate, but when we have 8-year-olds looking up to an opportunistic sex tape starlet, I really have to question Americans’ judgment as a whole.
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? g in h c t a W u o Y e r A t a Wh The Fall TV monster has already claimed its first victims; among them much-hyped The Playboy Club and Charlie’s Angels were put to sleep faster than anyone could say “we told you so” and “what the hell were you thinking?” As we move into November sweeps, here’s what I’m loving and what I’m trying to like this season.
Must Watch Revenge (ABC) Wednesdays 10 pm Ever had fantasies of getting even with those who have wronged you? Emily VanCamp and Madeline Stowe give riveting performances in this cat and mouse primetime soap. Everyone I know is tuning in each week for TV’s most likeable bitches.
X Factor (Fox) Wednesdays & Thursdays 8pm Not quite the ratings juggernaut that Idol is but quite possibly has found better talent. Nicole Scherzinger might want to keep her cattiness with Cowell to a minimum or she’ll find herself dropped faster than one of her 7 failed singles. Prediction: The girls category has this competition on lock. Team Drew all the way.
Terra Nova (Fox) Mondays 8 pm I’m trying to like you. I want to like you. The little kid in me was excited about this Lost meets Jurassic Park drama but nothing is happening. Maybe if one of the dinosaurs hooks up with a Kardashian, I’ll continue to tune in
American Horror Story (FX) Weds 10pm Glee and Nip/Tuck creator Ryan Murphy has brought another freaky show to television. I’m tuning in every week because I have no clue what the hell is going on plus Connie Britton is my new television crush.
Editor Note: Once Upon a Time (ABC) Sundays 8pm
2 Broke Girls (CBS) Mondays 8:30 pm Anyone who has ever worked in the service industry should tune in to see Kat Dennings and Beth Behr in this hilarious comedy from Whitney Cummings (Chelsea Lately) and Michael Patrick King (Sex and the City). 16 | davidatlanta
The whimsical fairytale with a twist takes enchanting to a whole new level. The twisted story of Snow White and the Evil Queen is packed full of adventure and drama. This is a true breakout hit this year, and a must watch!
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by Brent Star
here are still some decent people in this town who still get sentimental during the holiday season and want to give back. Aside from good karma, it’s the great feeling of purpose you get when you volunteer your time. Here are just a FEW amazing charities in town that you can volunteer your time or donate some of the much needed money they need! We wish we could highlight them all, but this is a starting point on bringing focus to those in our community who work to give back!
What they do: Jerusalem House is the oldest and largest provider of permanent housing for Atlanta’s low income and homeless individuals and families affected by AIDS/HIV. More than 100 children live in Jerusalem House programs, and Jerusalem House provides them with the tools they need to succeed – like stable housing, tutoring, and school supplies. Just a few of their accomplishments: On World AIDS Day, December 1, 1994, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services honored Jerusalem House for outstanding service to people with AIDS. Jerusalem House was the only Atlanta homeless service provider chosen for inclusion in a photographic exhibit called “The Way Home: Ending Homelessness in America.” The project was chaired by Tipper Gore and coordinated by the National Alliance to End Homelessness. (2000). In 2007, Jerusalem House was a finalist for the Metro Atlanta Corporate Volunteer Council (MACVC) IMPACT Awards. The agency’s Family Program won the award in 2001. CONTACT for volunteering, donating or using their services: To apply for housing, contact: The Living Room at (404) 939-8520. 17 Executive Park Dr., Dept. W, Suite 290, Atlanta, GA 30329. www.jerusalemhouse.org
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P.A.L.S. (PETS ARE LOVING SUppORT)
What they do: While Jerusalem House provides for the children, P.A.L.S. provides pet-care including free food, basic veterinary care, and support to the companion pets of senior citizens and critically ill and disabled Atlantans. P.A.L.S. helps the elderly, those with critical illness and/or disabilities keep their existing pets, despite medical or financial changes brought on by illness. Animals eligible to receive services must be adult animals and live in the home at least one year prior to enrollment. The free pet food that they provide is Pedigree (dry and canned) for dogs, and Whiskas (dry and canned) for cats. Also the Atlanta Humane Society offers P.A.L.S. clients a 25% discount on veterinary services. CONTACT for volunteering, donating or using their services: Just so you know, P.A.L.S. are constantly in need of office volunteers to help with reception, making phone calls, data entry, mailings, and just about everything else under the sun. The warehouse is open weekdays 9am to 5pm. http://www.palsatlanta.org/ 2115 Liddell Drive NE/Atlanta, GA 30324. 404-876-PALS
About Joining Hearts: Joining Hearts, Inc. is a 501 (c)(3), all-volunteer, non-profit organization dedicated to providing housing support to people living with HIV/AIDS here in Atlanta. 2012 marks their 25th year committed to this cause, and while events have grown and evolved over the years, one thing has always remained the same, that 100% of every dollar raised through ticket sales and tips is donated to our beneficiaries: AID Atlanta and Jerusalem House. Did you know? Over a 24-year history, Joining Hearts has donated more than $1,339,500 to Aid Atlanta and Jerusalem House. They are Atlanta’s oldest HIV/AIDS fundraiser and guarantee that 100% of event tips and ticket sales are donated directly to help maintain a home for people living with HIV/AIDS in Atlanta. CONTACT for volunteering or donating: Joining Hearts is constantly looking for volunteers for their over the top and larger than life parties. To get more info check out their website. www.joininghearts.org.
homo sweet homo
About Positive Impact: Chief Executive Officer Paul Plate says, “Originally Positive Impact started out as a Mental Health Center to provide mental health service, and over the years we realize that would include different things. So right now we provide mental health services for homeless folks, we have a substance abuse treatment program, and we have a prevention program that includes both, sexual education classes for prevention and testing programs. We’re the only agency of its kind to move clients to both of these programs with this level of service or impact.” Achievements and awards in the community: The agency also has received recognition by the Community Foundation for Greater Atlanta as a finalist for the 1997 Managing for Excellence Award, and the United Way of Metropolitan Atlanta presented the agency with the 2000 J.C. Penny Golden Rule Award for volunteer services. The agency’s Chief Executive Officer received the 2000 John Kappers AIDS Community Service Award, one of Atlanta’s most prestigious awards for HIV-related services, and was awarded a Fellowship to the Center for Social Innovation Executive Program for Nonprofit Leaders at Stanford University in 2002. CONTACT for volunteering, donating or using their services: They JUST moved to Midtown, and have a great new office that is now open for testing and other services! 60 Eleventh Street NE | Atlanta, GA 30309. www.positiveimpact-atl.org. 404.589.9040
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The new organization formed by the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence is dedicated to helping homeless queer youth get off the streets, and offering a lifeline of support and hope. The organization is brand new and the website has not launched yet (at the time of writing this), but they can use all the help possible to spread the word. The 24-hour hotline is available to homeless queer youth is up now – if you need somebody to speak with or know somebody who could benefit from the hotline, have them call: 678-8-LOST-25 (678-856-7825) www.sistersatl.org
Who are they: YouthPride is the only organization in metropolitan Atlanta serving all LGBTQQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and questioning) youth! When I say “youth”, I’m talking teenagers (13-17) and young adults (18-24) regardless of their gender identity, expression or HIV status. What they do: YouthPride developed the Evolve! program in order to address the growing problem of suicide among LGBTQQ teenagers and young adults. The program provides therapeutic services to youth in crisis while also working to increase community awareness of mental health issues, depression and suicide for “at risk” youth and young adults in Metro Atlanta. EVOLVE! expanded its services in 2008 by offering YouthPride members free individual, couples and group counseling in a non-judgmental and confidential environment. Counseling is provided on site by licensed practitioners or a counseling intern. They also provide counseling or referrals to YP members’ families and offer workshops to the public. Evolve! also provides help and referrals for youth struggling with homelessness. CONTACT for volunteering, donating or using their services: Stop by the center Tuesday though Thursday between 5:00 and 6:30pm for your free test HIV test, and while you are there see how you can get involved. This safe space is selective on volunteers, so ask about volunteer criteria. Also, look at their website for more information if you are interested in attending one of their many weekly sessions and events. http://youthpride.org/1017 Edgewood Ave.Atlanta, GA 30307/404.521.9711
What they do: A non-profit organization providing education and support services for people living with HIV and AIDS. AID Atlanta, Inc. has been saving and transforming lives since its inception in 1982. The agency was founded as a “grass-roots” response to the devastating and fatal impact HIV/AIDS was having on the Atlanta community. The mission of AID Atlanta is to reduce new HIV infections and improve the quality of life of its members and the community by breaking barriers and building community. To this end, AID Atlanta has proven itself the leader in the fight against the AIDS epidemic in Atlanta. Did you know? AID Atlanta provides primary medical care and HIV treatment regimens to those who are HIV-positive allowing patients to remain healthy longer. Success is demonstrated with 93% of patients having viral loads below levels of detection, significantly better than the national average. The array of services includes: primary medical care, medications and antiretroviral therapy, ancillary services, and access to clinical trials. CONTACT for volunteering, donating or using their services: http://www.aidswalkatlanta.com/Page.aspx?pid=295 605 Peachtree Street NE/Atlanta, GA 30309-2955/(404) 8707700.
DAVID MAGAZINE GIVES BACK
David Magazine is very proud give back to the Atlanta community. We have hosted several fundraisers in the past 2 months that have helped benefit many local charities, and are looking forward to our pageant on 11/11/11 at Jungle to help benefit Jerusalem House and PALS. We will also be donating $500 to AID Atlanta for AIDS Walk to help be a part of the solution in the fight against HIV/AIDS. We encourage everybody to find a way to give back to our local community… when we come together, great things can happen. 22 | davidatlanta
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If I Were A Billionaire… by Lucas Witherspoon By now, if you’re like me, you’re probably sick of hearing “Billionaire” from Travie McCoy and Bruno Mars. It was hot for a while, but, as usual, overexposure kind of ruined it. I recently heard it while drunk, though, and it actually got me thinking, what would I do if I were a billionaire?
3. Arrange a face-to-face meeting with and subsequent scientific study of Courtney Stodden, as I’m still convinced she’s not an actual human being.
There are the obvious things that the majority of us would all do, like buy a nice house, a car or four, throw and big party, and take an extended vacation, but as someone who is both a booze connoisseur and a raging homo, I have a feeling my extravagances would be a bit more ridiculous than you’re run-of-the-mill billionaire.
5. Hire a film crew to be on hand at all times to start my own YouTube reality show documenting my drunken misadventures, complete with a music snob to pick shitty indie music to set my life to.
That’s what has brought me to make my list of (a few) things I would do if I were a billionaire: 1. Change the sound of the tornado siren that goes off in my town every Saturday at noon from a blaring horn to Anderson Cooper’s giggle. 2. Join Kathie Lee and Hoda as a co-host during the fourth hour of The Today Show on the days I was still awake from the night before. Getting a seven-figure paycheck to chug cocktails and drunkenly chatter for an hour sounds ideal.
4. Pay the ASPCA to never play another Sarah McLachlan song in their commercials.
6. Pay a herd of random photographers to yell my name and take pictures every time I’m in public. 7. You know how some Muslim cities blare music to cue Islamic followers to pray? I’d do that every day, but instead of Middle Eastern music it’d be Kylie or Britney, and instead of prayer it’d signify the start of a mandatory cocktail hour. 8. Print a series of collector’s stamps with a cartoon depiction of my penis on them. 9. Pay for Andy Cohen to have his wonk eye fixed. See? I can be charitable. Also, I would contract Kim Richards to be my BFF just so I could witness her brand of crazy first-hand. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately for the rest of the population), it doesn’t look like I’ll ever become a billionaire, or even a millionaire, so I don’t see any of the items of my wishlist being enacted anytime soon.
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1. Amsterdam 502 Amsterdam Ave. www.amsterdamatlanta.com
34. Boy Next Door 1447 Piedmont Rd. www.boynextdoor.biz
2. Bellissima 560-B Amsterdam Ave. www.myspace.com/bellissima_lounge
35. Outwrite Bookstore & Café 991 Piedmont Ave. www.outwritebooks.com
3. Blakes on the Park 227 10th St. www.blakesontheparkatlanta.com
36. Poster Hut 2175 Cheshire Bridge Rd. www.myspace.com/posterhut
4. Bliss Atlanta 2284 Cheshire Bridge Rd. www.blissofatlanta.com
37. Southern Nights Videos 2205 Cheshire Bridge Rd. www.southernnights.com
5. BJ Roosters 2345 Cheshire Bridge Rd. www.myspace.com/bjroostersat 6. Bulldogs 893 Peachtree St. 7. Burkhart’s 1492 Piedmont Ave. www.burkharts.com 8. Chaparral 2715 Buford Hwy. www.chaparralalternative.com 9. Eagle 306 Ponce de Leon Ave. www.atlantaeagle.com 10. Felix’s 1510 Piedmont Ave 11. Friends on Ponce 736 Ponce de Leon Ave. www.friendsonponce-atl.com 12. Gilberts 219 10th St. www.gilbertscafe.com 13. Heretic 2069 Cheshire Bridge Rd. www.hereticatlanta.com 14. Joe’s on Juniper 1049 Juniper St www.joesonjuniper.com 15. Jungle 2115 Faulkner Rd. www.jungleclubatlanta.com 16. LeBuzz 585 Franklin Rd SE # A-10 www.thenewlebuzz.com 17. Las Margaritas 1842 Cheshire Bridge Rd. ww www.lasmargaritasmidtown.com
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In the mirror backstage with
Monica Van Pelts
hile backstage sitting next to Monica Van Pelts putting on our make up and shootintheshit, Monica decides to threaten me, “Brent Star, gurl, if you don’t put me in that damn Brent Star Report I’m going to pull my clothes off and walk through this club NAKED”. Needless to say, I present to you Miss Monica Van Pelts. Girlfriend has being doing drag since she was 17! “Back then they didn’t card the queens”, she explains. As I put the glitter on my eyes, she tells me the whole story when I asked her…
Brent: 17?!!! At such an early age, why did you want to do drag?
Monica: The performance aspect of it. I did plays and musicals my whole childhood. My first show I ever did where I had a real part was when I was 11 or 12 and I played Joseph in the church Christmas pageant, wow look where I started and then where I ended up!
Brent: Amen! What was drag like back in the 1600’s, oops I mean in the 90s?
Monica: You stupid. When I first started, the drag scene was AMAZING to me. The performers that I looked up too and admired were STARS to me and I knew I wanted to be just like
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them! To name a few Charlie Brown, Shawnna Brooks, Ashley Kruiz, Lauren LaMasters, Tandy Andrews, and Tommie Ross. All these ladies inspired me. When I got my first booking in ATLANTA, I will never forget back when I was still living in Columbus, GA. Charlie Brown called and asked if I could fill in because one of the girls was sick. I got my stuff together and obeyed but I was scared as hell! However, those girls at Backstreet were the best in the business and it changed everything for me working with them. I was able to watch and learn from them. They were all helpful in different ways however they never made it easy! I had to work my ass off, and they would tear me down when something wasn’t right but they always built me up again! I truly believe I would not be the person nor the entertainer I am today if Charlie didn’t take a chance on me and those girls didn’t welcome me so openly as they did! I wish the up and coming girls today would have had the chance to work at Backstreet with those girls. It was the best school of DRAG ever! I think some of them would give it up when they saw what DRAG really was at one time. It’s so much more than a BRA AND PANTY!
Brent: You are a pageant queen, how many titles do you have?
Monica: Of all my titles, I’m most proud to be a former Miss National @ Large. I have other state and bar titles but girl to list them all would be killing. Besides I was told a long time ago by Lily White there are many queens out there that have never won a TITLE, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t great entertainers. Most of the girls have had big name amazing careers without a TITLE. It doesn’t make you; it’s what you do that makes you a great entertainer!
Brent: Have you thought about auditioning for the RuPaul Drag Races?
Monica: I sent my video in for this season, but I wasn’t chosen. I’ll resubmit it for next season. I’ve been told the camera adds 10 pounds to you! Yeah I don’t think I need ANY more pounds added with the help of a camera!
Brent: Girl, it’s almost time for you to go on stage, what’s your performance schedule, so the readers can come check you out!
Monica: You can find me at LeBuzz on Mondays for DRAG STAR, on Thursdays at LeBuzz for LADIES NIGHT where I host the very best DRAG KINGS in this business! Fridays I perform with the Divas Cabaret and on Saturdays I work at Burkharts with 3 beautiful ladies that inspire me Shavonna B. Brooks, Niesha Dupree, and Ashley Kruiz! Thanks Monica, and just like those who inspired you, perhaps you’ve inspired others by sharing some of your story and telling it like it is. UNTIL next week, DON’T read the girls, instead read The Brent Star Report Where to catch Brent Star: Thursdays---- Bingo at Matador Cantina (925 Garret st) Saturday---Tijuana Garage in LIL 5 Pts, Sundays— Burkharts with The Armoreettes www.facebook.com/ Mr.BrentStar
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By Jorge Treviano
efore Lindsay Lohan, there was the original Hollywood bad girl, Traci Lords. One of the biggest adult film stars of the eighties, Lords sparked a firestorm of controversy when it was revealed that she was under 18, making all of her popular films, in essence, child pornography. Even her famous Penthouse Magazine spread – ironically, in the same issue that featured Vanessa Williams on its cover, costing Williams her Miss America crown, but that’s another story! – was deemed illegal. The Traci Lords of today is a star of TV, film and music. Savvy sitcom watchers will recognize her as waitress Stacy from TV’s Roseanne. Film aficionados likely know her best from her camp role in John Waters’ Cry Baby, and music buffs may have busted a move to her dance single, “Control”. She’s even an author! In 2003, she published her memoirs, Traci Lords: Underneath It All, which made the New York Times Best seller list.
Now Lords returns to the dance floor with Last Drag, her first single from the New York-based independent dance label Sea to Sun. She calls the song her proclamation that she’s not running from demons anymore. “These days, I invite them in for a martini,” she laughs. “I’ve learned you gotta keep your addictions in check and know where the edge of the cliff is.”
Is Last Drag about the demise of drag queens? Hell no! Who would do my make-up?
What’s the song about? Last Drag is about being addicted to something you know is bad for you but you crave it anyway.
What have you been addicted to? Bad boys and late nights.
What is the heaviest price you paid for your addiction? Insomnia. 44 | davidatlanta
How did you finally overcome the bad boys? I tamed the beast within.
Do you ever wish you could go back to your teens or early twenties? Yes!
If you knew then what you know now, what would you do differently? I would never have started smoking. I would not have wasted one single moment on self-doubt.
You’re a mom now. What would you do if you saw your child taking the path you took? I have a son. It is not a possible. Girls are another breed.
You’ve said in interviews that you are successful in spite of your past, not because of it. That’s exactly true.
How did you overcome the stereotype of the porn star? I decided not to be it.
Why were you so bad? What were you rebelling against in the eighties? John Waters’ once told me that I was a sexual terrorist. I think that sums it up.
Maybe it’s my age, or maybe it’s because I’m gay, but the first time I saw you on film was on Roseanne and you were brilliant. Thank you! Roseanne (Barr) is a very deep and complicated person. She has a real sweetness that most people don’t know.
Was the show a turning point in your career? Yes. I’m proud that Roseanne, personally, chose me for the role of Stacy in her show. It was a huge win for me. I really admire and love her.
We love her too. She tackled a lot of gay issues on the show. It was groundbreaking television.
Your music video for Last Drag has a lesbian scene. Yes, it does. The video is about temptation. I walk into a room full of my ex-lovers. Some female, some male. Love is love. That is the point of the scene.
Like Roseanne, you are recognized as a strong supporter of gay rights. I do not believe that people should be judged by their sexuality.
Why are gay rights important to you? Some of my dearest friends are gay and I hate the ways they suffer. It’ s wrong.
Is that what sparked your activism? I witnessed a close friend die of AIDS in the nineties and his partner was denied all access to him in the hospital. That’s what started my activism.
Actress, film director, author, singer, activist… do you ever have time to sit down and relax? Yes. I’m sitting right now.
You weren’t sitting last night. Are you stalking me?
Maybe. There’s pics all over the web of you with Bravo’s Andy Cohen at Studio 54 in NYC. Andy’s so cute.
Was he your hot gay date? No, no. My husband laughed.
Did you ever experience the real Studio 54 in it’s hey day? Honey, I’m not that old! Studio 54 was way before my time. I was a little girl on the other side of the planet in Los Angeles.
So why are you singing club tracks today? I sing metal in my shower but I belong on the dance floor. I love the nightlife. I got to boogie, from the disco...
When all is said and done, what do you hope to be remembered for? Who the fuck knows....
Of the 7 deadly sins, what’s your favorite? Lust! I’m a frisky kitty.
You are the ultimate man magnet. Damn right I am.
What advice can you offer gay fans on how to become irresistible to men? Be a gentleman in the living room, a fierce chef in the kitchen and a porn star in the bedroom.
And your advice for the ladies? A wicked set of heels and a great ass will get you far. Remember ladies, the higher the hair, the closer to Goddess.
What’s left for you to do, Traci? Peak.
You were more of a heavy metal chick then. I was.
For more information on Last Drag, visit www.seatosun.com davidatlanta | 45
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