David Magazine | Atlanta Issue 625

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DAVID ATLANTA MAGAZINE 1874 Piedmont Avenue 390-C Atlanta, GA 30324 Mon-Fri 9:30am-5:00pm Phone: 404.418.8901 Fax: 404.418.8901 ext. 7 www.davidatlanta.com mail@davidatlanta.com

publisher

Matt Neumann matt@davidatlanta.com

associate editor

Katie Stover stover@davidatlanta.com photography Brian Sawyer Katie Stover Travis Barrón

Matt Neumann Jesse Hancoc Torren Moore

sales and account management sales@davidatlanta.com

January 6, 2011

26 feature story 36 datebook 44 la nota rosa 62 atlanta a-z

atlantaatoz@davidatlanta.com

seen@

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guides 5254 horoscopes bartab nightlife guide

57 directory 74 adult classifieds 78 bitchsession

graphic design Brian Sawyer Katie Stover stover@davidatlanta.com Matt Neumann Travis Barrón operations and finance Brian Sawyer brian@davidatlanta.com

marketing & promotions Chip O’Kelley chip@davidatlanta.com Torren Moore torren@davidatlanta.com

national ad rep

Rivendell Media 908.232.2021

contributors Katie Stover Luis Chiruco

David Muller Jesse Hancock

cover

Matt Neumann Add us on facebook!

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Opinions expressed by any writer appearing in this publication are not necessarily those of the staff, management, advertisers, organizations or persons appearing in this magazine. No Part of this publication may be reproduced by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopy recording or otherwise without written permission from the publisher. The mention, appearance or likeness of any person, business, organization, or event in this publication is in no way to be taken as any identification of the sexual, social or political orientation of such persons, businesses, events organizations, staff, shareholders or owners of such. DAVID ATLANTA MAGAZINE is not responsible for claims made by advertisers, errors or changes in information, events and schedules in ads, features or calendars. DAVID ATLANTA MAGAZINE reserves the right to reject or cancel any advertisement submitted. All copy, text, graphics, photo’s and illustrations in submitted ads are published with the understanding that the person and business’ submitting such are fully authorized and have secured proper consent for the use of images, graphics, pictures, names, logos and testimonials used in such ads and that DAVID ATLANTA MAGAZINE may lawfully publish the same. By submitting such materials, the advertiser agrees to indemnify and hold blameless DAVID ATLANTA MAGAZINE from any liability resulting from the publication of any such materials or images.

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The Dating Diet

Uand U r Hand

By Anthony Paull

I really need…sex. Yes, I’ve been trying this celibacy bit for the last nine months, but I’m going to be the first to admit – it sucks, and not in a good way. It sucks to the point where I can’t get the word ‘sex’ out of my head. Literally. I turn everything into a sexual innuendo, to the point where last week, when a friend said his Christmas tree was dying and ‘sucks’, I suggested he drill a hole in the bark and take full advantage of it.

Yes, I’m that guy. I don’t feel cleansed. In fact, I feel dirtier than ever. And that’s not a good place to be when you have to go to work and be professional.

So daily, I sit in front of a computer, typing this and that while thinking about love in the key of getting on my knees.

To add insult to injury, I’m dating my expartner, and it’s going really well, except I told him I don’t want to have sex, because I don’t want to rush and complicate things. I want him to put up a fight. Yes, I really, really, really want him to tease me, because I’m pursuing him this time. Therefore, when he pulls away, I have to pretend I’m ok with it. I have to smile pretty for the camera, even though I’m suffering from hot flashes of anger, resulting in two bar fights in the last month. Yes, two weeks ago, I was literally carried out of a nightclub by the neck for telling off some Jersey Shore asshole. And before that, I made a drag queen cry, telling him I was going to rip his face off for calling my friend a whore. But honestly, I’m usually a sweet guy. What’s wrong with me?

“Your body is detoxing. You just need to breeeeeaaaathe,” my friend Jon tells me.

“But I’m horny!” I cry. “What am I going to do?”

“Are you masturbating?”

“Um, yeah, readily.”

“But are you doing it right?”

“Is there a wrong way?”

Apparently so. It seems I had been misled.

Jon tells me that masturbating should be more like a cleansing of the soul and that I have to make it more of an ‘experience’. I mean, burying my face in my boyfriend’s dirty briefs and jacking off – that’s so primitive. According to Rob, I’m supposed to light tea candles, gather herbs, set the night to music, touch my dick (just a smidge), and then turn myself down.

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“Huh?”

“You know, tease yourself. Don’t give in.

That’s your problem. You’re making it too easy.”

“Wait. Let me get this right. I’m supposed to cock-block myself?”

“Exactly,” Jon says, becoming my confidante regarding the fine art of abstinence. And I find his stance a nice change, when most of my other friends feel I need to shut up and ‘fuck my way to happy’. And oh, how they love to rub the wound, texting me about their awesome sex lives on a daily basis. Oh, I got nailed. Oh, he was so big. Oh, my butt hurts. Oh, I got it several times today. Who needs toilet paper when you have a penis to clean you out? Wink.

Wink. Wink.

Thank god Jon is able to ground me, helping me understand there’s more to life than sex, that we’re spiritual beings having a human experience.

Well, until the holidays hit.

“You’d be so proud of me. I haven’t spanked all week,” I inform him.

“God, I wish I had your willpower,” he replies.

“What? You gave in?”

“Yeah, I had a moment of weakness.” It appears, while home for New Year’s Eve, he found an intriguing Bear-4-Bear porn site and got naked at the stroke of midnight on his mom’s computer. Initially, he thought the entire affair would remain a secret, except his mom had spyware installed on the computer, which transmits all of the Internet data to her pastor, who serving as her marriage counselor, oversees all web activity because her boyfriend has a cyber porn problem. Hence now, the pastor thinks her boyfriend is gay, which might be the root of their problem altogether.

“My mom’s livid!” Jon exclaims.

“Why? Because her pastor has an issue with her boyfriend being queer? Big deal. Aren’t most pastors gay anyway?”

“NO. That’s priests!” he snaps. And now, he’s back to college, and I’m back to the drawing board, getting a hard-on every time my boyfriend comes within 5 feet of me.

It’s pathetic, really. I can’t touch myself. I can’t touch him. Who am I supposed to touch?

“What’s the matter? You’re acting crazy,” my boyfriend exclaims, later that night when I freak out over the fact he’s not reciprocating my advances.

“I need passion!” I say, gathering my keys and heading out the door. “I can’t wait anymore. I don’t want us to become one of those sexless couples who beat off on the Internet.”

“Huh? Why would we become that?” he asks. Meanwhile, I’m jogging down the driveway, rattling my keys. “Hold on,” he calls. “I don’t get it.

One minute you want sex. The next minute you don’t.

What do you WANT?”

And breathless, I turn and stare at him silently, unsure of what to say. There are so many things I want, really. To feel safe, to feel beautiful, to feel loved, and I’m placing all that on him, because as my boyfriend, he’s the one who’s supposed to provide me that. I don’t look for it from outside forces, and it’s hard to find it inside myself when I’m consumed with making him happy. So to answer his question, plain and simple, I tell him, honestly, that I want to stop thinking about having sex with him so I can focus on loving myself.

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Ask Momma Mona QU ES T I ON

Dear Momma Mona, I read with much interest the write-ins about holiday sadness. I have a friend who, if she is extremely lucky, will live another year and she has no sadness at all. A really unique perspective on living and dying. For example, she says being sad is a waste of precious time.

It might pass through her thoughts every now and then, but she hasn’t even cried about her cancer yet, and she’s been on a health roller coaster ride of first one breast removal, then the other in just a matter of a year. Hell, I took a short video of her pole dancing the day after surgery in her hospital gown, IV and all! She’ s my new role model.

Regardless and nonetheless, Momma Mona admits that life is very complex and how different people interpret it is even more complex. But, if we can take out the judgment of good and bad, right and wrong, I think we come closer to a more positive reality. Here’s a song by John Lennon that mirrors this very simple hypothesis:

My point is that if you can look at life from a relative perspective – like relative to others who are much worse off, then your life doesn’t look half as bad.

I’ve been fortunate throughout my life to have many role models who looked hardship in the face and never flinched, just kept on going. My life’s not been that great, and I have certainly flinched over several situations, but the idea of not keeping on simply is not on the menu. I agree with my friend, sadness is a waste of time.

Imagine all the people

ANSWER

Renewed Yet Again!

Good for YOU, Renewed Yet Again!

I love to hear about those unique people who seem to have it all together when it comes to interpreting the things that happen in their lives. For some, it is an active choice to seek the positives in life. I, too, have a dear friend who has less than a year if she’s lucky.

What is it with breast cancer that it is so prevalent right now?!?! Anyway, I asked her if she was going to pursue anything special that she’s always wanted or wanted to do and she shocked me by saying she’s simply never had any high goals in life. If she can continue to get laid every couple of days, she will continue to be satisfied! Go girl! Getting laid is pretty up there when it comes to things that make you smile!

Then there are others… It’s always poor me, look at me, pity me, people are mean to me, blah, blah, blah. Now granted, there are some medical reasons for sadness and depression and those require medical oversight. Hell, just getting a bad cold turns me into a weeping drama Queen! Been there, done that. (snapsnap) Nonetheless, there has been an exciting wave of optimists taking control of their minds through positive thinking (e.g. The Secret). With a little training (or maybe a lot in some cases), one really can turn that upside down frown into a smile! NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming) is the name of this cognitive therapy if you care to research. I’m a true believer and follower of positive thinking and how it can change your life. I cling to it like the fountain of youth.

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Imagine there’s no Heaven It’s easy if you try No hell below us

Above us only sky Living for today

Imagine there’s no countries It isn’t hard to do

Nothing to kill or die for And no religion too

Imagine all the people Living life in peace

You may say that I’m a dreamer But I’m not the only one

I hope someday you’ll join us And the world will be as one Imagine no possessions I wonder if you can

No need for greed or hunger A brotherhood of man

Imagine all the people Sharing all the world

You may say that I’m a dreamer But I’m not the only one

I hope someday you’ll join us

And the world will live as one May we all learn to live as one!

Momma Mona

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Coverstory Atlanta Actor Starring in

‘Oklahoma!’

By Jesse A. Hancock

If you haven’t been to a Broadway show yet at the Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre, what are you waiting for? Although it doesn’t have the history, ambiance, and nostalgia of The Fabulous Fox Theatre, this fairly new theatre is beautiful, and you will surely have a great time. Next up is the classic Oklahoma!, running January 6 – 9, 2011. It’s part of the Gas South Broadway Series. Hopefully, Santa left you some tickets, or you have a little spending cash left from the holidays.

Oklahoma! is the American musical that launched the success of Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein. Set in turn of the century Oklahoma, against a backdrop of the high-spirited rivalry between local farmers and cowboys, Oklahoma! is the love story of Curly, a handsome cowboy, and Laurey, a winsome farm girl. It features such songs as “People Will Say We’re In Love,” “Oh What A Beautiful Mornin’,” and “Surrey With A Fringe On Top.” 26 davidatlanta

Oh, and it is a winner of the Pulitzer Prize, two Academy Awards (1955 film version), a Grammy and a Tony Award.

Based on the play, Green Grow The Lilacs by Lynn Riggs, Oklahoma! premiered on Broadway at the St. James Theatre in 1943.

Running a record 2,212 performances for over 10 million people, it became the first real phenomena in Broadway history.

Familiar face, Jacob Wood, is the only Atlanta native starring in this show. Over the past several years you may have seen him in performances around town at 7 Stages Theater, The Alliance Theater or Actor’s Express. Jacob was listed as one of David magazine’s favorite actors in 2005 for his work in the Atlanta production of ‘Naked Boys Singing.’ This upand-coming Broadway star is excited to be back in Atlanta.

Coverstory David: What is your role in Oklahoma!, and how do you like being in this Broadway production?

Jacob: I play Slim, and understudy Curly. This tour has been very educational, and I look forward to getting back to New York and putting the experience I’ve gained, as well as the lessons I’ve learned, to good use.

David: How long have you been touring, and how much longer does the show run?

Jacob: We began touring ‘Oklahoma!’ in late September, and will run until late January 2011.

David: What exactly is your Atlanta connection?

Jacob: I went to Pebblebrook High School’s magnet program, The Cobb County Center for Excellence in the Performing Arts, and did professional theater in Atlanta for a few years after college.

David: How excited are you to be back performing in Atlanta?

Jacob: This is my first scheduled tour since moving to New York from Atlanta. I’m excited to perform at the Cobb Energy Center, where I’ve seen a couple of shows. It’s a gorgeous space. Also, I taught voice and piano lessons in Atlanta for several years, so I’m excited that some of my former students are going to come see the show. And this will be the longest we’ve stayed in one place and the largest city for the duration of our tour, so I’m excited about that.

David: Is there anyone else in the cast from Atlanta?

Jacob: There is a fellow named Morgan Long, whose parents live here, but he didn’t grow up here. He has visited them frequently.

David: What do you like best and least about this show and/or being a Broadway performer?

I am very lucky to be a member of a cast full of wonderful, talented people. What I like least is all the Denny’s and IHOP I end up eating, as they are usually the only restaurants within walking distance of most of the hotels we stay in.

David: What other roles have been your favorites?

Jacob: My favorite roles have been Claude in 7 Stages Theatre’s 2009 production of ‘Hair’, and Zach in Actors Express’s 2008 production of Terrence McNally’s ‘Some Men’.

David: What’s next for you in 2011?

Jacob: I have no idea. I don’t even know where I will be living!

David: What would you like David magazine readers to know about the show?

Jacob: The cast is young for a production of ‘Oklahoma!’ and very, very talented. Over 2,000 actors auditioned for these 19 roles in the show. Also, 19 roles is a very small cast for a production of ‘Oklahoma!,’ so the leads will all be dancing their own roles in the dream ballet, which is uncommon.

Also, David readers will want to get a look at the male ensemble’s . . . ensemble. I wear orange stripes with a green checker pattern, and not jokingly. Our boots are all from a leather shop in the West Village.

Curly’s chaps alone are worth the price of admission.

Ticket prices for Oklahoma! range from $20 to $59 and are available at the box office (open Monday thru Friday 10:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m. and Saturday 10 a.m. - 2:00 p.m., closed on Sundays), by phone at 800.745.3000 or online at ticketmaster.com. The Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre is located at 2800 Cobb Galleria Parkway. This show is part of the Gas South Broadway Series. The remaining shows in this series are Wizard of Oz (Feb. 3-6, 2011) and A Chorus Line (March 17 – 20, 2011).

Jacob: What I like best about this show is the cast.

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Coverstory

Come On Down,

Y’all!

Coverstory

Celebrates Three Years

By Jesse A. Hancock

Nestled neatly in Midtown across from Grady High School in the Trader Joes shopping center is a gay bar that is different from all the rest in town. There are no drag shows or half-naked go-go boys or DJs thump thumpin’ the latest pop radio and dance hits.

People of all ages, gay and straight, male and female come to this bar. And on any given night, if you mosey on past the front door, you might just hear shouts of “hee haw” and “boot scootin’ boogie.”

Celebrating its third anniversary, 3-Legged Cowboy is a place to let loose while two-steppin’, line dancing,’ waltzin’ and swingin.’ And anyone who goes will tell you, this place is a lot of fun. You won’t be seeing any tumbleweeds wisping by.

Don’t know how to dance like that? The club offers free dance lessons with experienced and friendly instructors five nights a week on a large hardwood floor. They even offer etiquette

tips such as the inner “lane” of the floor is for slower paced dancers while the outer “lane” is for those who want to kick up their heels a bit faster. And if you decline a dance invitation, it’s best to sit out for the duration of the song.

So get out your boots and denim. Maybe even wear some chaps. Go to 3-Legged Cowboy and have some fun!

Run by general manager Deanna Collins, this is a place you might want to try, especially if you like to dance and like country music. Beginners are always welcome, and there is never a cover charge. Oh, and they have great drink specials with a bar as long as a cow pasture and plenty of cute cowboys and cowgirls behind the bar ready to serve up some Western charm.

For more details with pictures and videos, go to 3leggedcowboy.net or become a fan on Facebook. The club is open Tuesday through Saturday from 6:00 p.m. until 2:30 a.m. and the address is 931 Monroe Dr.

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Date Book

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Date Book

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La Nota Rosa

CHATEANDO

by Luis Chiruco

Supongo que casi todo el mundo ha entrado en un Chat gay. Para quien no haya entrado nunca, voy a permitirme dar unas cuantas nociones. No con afán educativo, sino para evitar sustos o males mayores. Ahí van: 1) Elección del nick con el que se va a chatear: Si usted busca quedar con el primero que le conteste, póngase algo del tipo “superdotado”, “buscoactivo (o pasivo, en su caso), “machote” u otros más ordinarios, tipo “perrofollador”, “amocachas”... Con estos tendrá éxito seguro.

Si lo que busca es algo más “light”, limítese a poner el sitio desde donde chatee (“atlantaAHORA)”, o en su defecto destaque alguna de sus cualidades físicas, por ejemplo, “Velludo28” (que eso siempre gusta mucho) o “Macizo40”.

Y ya, si lo que pretende es entablar una conversación, ponga su seudónimo o deje claro lo que quiere ( “buscoamor” o “nosexo”) Consejo: si se le ocurre a usted utilizar la palabra “AMISTAD” en un chat, no se comerá una rosca.

No le va a pinchar ni una lesbiana despistada, ni un miembro de la histórica formación “Viva la Gente” que pasase por ahí.

2) Elección del lugar del chat en el que te vas a “lucir”. Suele haber para todos los gustos (como en el anuncio de Coca-Cola). Los hay para los que buscan romance, amigos, sexo, leather, para los que están contentos, deprimidos, para los que son voraces sexualmente, para los amantes de posturas imposibles, ... en definitiva, para todos y para los mismos de siempre. Porque por mucho que en un chat ponga la ya famosa palabra “AMISTAD”, no se fíe, porque al final casi todos buscan lo mismo, o sea, “eso”.

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3) El chat general: Dícese del lugar en el que los participantes intercambian frases del tipo “alguien por Midtown”, “busco activo en buckhead” o “necesito rabo en buford”. Ojo, puede parecerle que está en un radio-taxi, pero no, está usted en un chat. Ah, y olvídese de mantener una conversación con un mínimo de sentido. Es prácticamente imposible. Si usted es amante de los diálogos para besugos, enhorabuena, se encuentra en el lugar adecuado.

4) Abrir un privado: Dícese de la conversación privada entre dos miembros del mencionado chat.

Suele ser del tipo: “hola, k tal / de donde / qué buscas / activo o pasivo / medidas / zona? / suerte / ciao”.

Pero bueno, siempre hay excepciones, o, por lo menos, eso creo -

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the

vagitarian by katie stover

As I reflect on 2010, I can’t help but reevaluate my life. After spending the holiday surrounded by family, friends, and loved ones, I was overwhelmed with this abundant feeling—this feeling that I often define as love, but is it? I believe that there are several different types of loves. These types of love are commonly defined as “the six types”; they are Eros, Ludus, Storge, Pragma, Mania, and Agape.

Eros is the type of love that is full of passion and romance, and it is when love is the most important thing that exists, and when you try to seek out a certain type, or an ideal.

Ludus love could be considered a game, infested with lies, and usually consists of someone who refuses to commit.

Pragma relationships are practical and mutually beneficial, however, these types of relationships are typically considered unromantic.

Mania love exists when the relationship is extremely possessive and jealousy. No fun here.

And lastly, Agape love, the type of love that is gentle, caring, and giving. The type of love that is especially hard to find.

As I began to examine these different types of love, I realized which ones are most prevalent in my life, which ones I want to keep in practice, and which ones I want to eliminate entirely. I also began to notice, that many of these loves coexist. For example, you can be extremely

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romantic and passionate (Eros) while being completely irrational and possessive at the same time (Mania). The type of love that I find most satisfying and is the type that I work so delicately and devotedly to preserve, is the type of love where Eros and Agape meet and dance in perfect unison with one another.

Even after evaluating these different types of love, I still found it difficult to come up with a definite, concrete answer to one very familiar question; “what is love?”

I asked a few of my friends what there interpretation of love is. Here is what they shared with me…

“Love is kindness. Patience. Endurance. Selfsacrifice. Respect. Compassion. Love is unselfish. Love is a gift from God. Happiness. Light.

Joy. Self-reflection. I’m in love.

Can you tell? It’s a complete realization of what we all deserve... True happiness.”

I can’t help but think of Corinthians 13:4. “Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends.”

“Love is short.”

Amen. My dad used to tell me that everyone comes into our lives for a reason, and whether they sit down and stay for a while, or run through revolving doors, does not matter. What the important thing to remember is the imprints that they leave behind.

“I think love is different for everyone, and I think it changes all the time. There are different kinds of love, but for me, right now, when I think of love I think it means feeling safe, that might have not been the right way to say that. This is hard to explain but you know when you’re upset or something and you’re thinking, ‘I want to go home.’ It’s the ‘home’ you’re thinking of. When I feel love I feel like I’m home, which is a feeling I haven’t had anywhere in years.”

The last response really hit me. Love is home. It doesn’t necessarily mean a literal house, but it is the feeling that you belong. That you fit. I think I can finally say that I found my home, my real home; one with a strong foundation, four sturdy

walls and a roof that can withstand the toughest of times. A home with abundant light, warmth, and energy. A place where I can lay my head at night and feel complete and full; where I can run around the house dancing naked and feel beautiful and radiant. Accepted. A place where I can shed my skin, let my guard down, open up, and cry; and the place where I can laugh so hard until it hurts.

I think it is important to realize that we all deserve Home love. Don’t settle for something that is comfortable, or sell yourself short. Don’t waste your time clinging on to relationships that are built and based on all of the wrong things that will cause your foundation to crumble, or by getting lost in the past. Be present. Take your time, take a breath, cleanse yourself, and celebrate the moment. Love will find you and everything will fall into place.

Questions? Comments?

Email me: Stover@davidatlanta.com

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Horoscopes

ARIES You are concerned with how other people see you lately -- much more so than usual -- and you have an almost compulsive need to correct the record if it doesn’t spin things to your liking. Go for it!

SAGITTARIUS While spirituality is important to you, it’s still a good idea for you to try to focus on the material world for now. Your mind may drift, but it’s important to keep everything running smoothly.

TAURUS It’s a great time to consider travel plans. You may want to find some deals, research new possibilities for destinations or even scope out a new travel companion or two. Your energy is just right for it.

CAPRICORN Do you need to show someone your best side? Now is the time for sure. Make certain to capitalize on the smooth flow of positive energy coming through you all day long -- it’s quite a rush!

GEMINI You may be too confused to know what to do next -- so do nothing! Your mental energy should resolve itself pretty soon, and you will be glad you didn’t act rashly this week. Prudence is the word.

AQUARIUS Most of the important communications coming through this week are arriving at subliminal levels, so don’t panic if folks seem to not be getting the message. It may just take time to absorb it all!

CANCER You are more open to nuance this week, and ought to find that it’s much easier to get a read on what other people are really saying -- or not saying. It may be a good time for detective work.

PISCES You’ve got to find someone who can help guide you -- though preferably not a boss, per se. A coach, a trusted adviser or a good friend all can fit the bill, so take a look around until someone feels right.

LEO You should find it easier than ever to make a solid impression on almost anyone -even that impatient customer or angry love interest. Just do what comes naturally and see what happens next.

VIRGO You should find that someone at work (or school, or wherever you find yourself during the day) is still on your mind tonight. It could be romance, it could be a new friendship or it could be a role model.

LIBRA Your home life could use some shaking up, and while that’s not exactly fun, it is still vital. Make sure that your family or roommates get the heads-up so you don’t take them by surprise.

SCORPIO Your working life takes over this week, even if you’re far from the office. It may be that you’re consumed with worries or doubts about a big project or promotion, or maybe you’ve just got more to do than usual.

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Fr iday

Amsterdam - Video Request Night - Industry Night 9pm BJ Roosters - Male Bar Top Dancers - 8pm-1am Blake’s - Drag on The Edge 11pm with Alexandria Martin Burkharts - Karaoke Idol 10:30pm - Close The Eagle - Bare Chest Night $3PBR Felix’s - Free Pool! Industry Night Friends on Ponce - Afternoons with Jasen 2pm Frogs - $1 Tacos 6-9pm Heretic - Monday Madness with Brian 10pm to 3 am Jungle - Stars of the Century | Hosted by Nisha Dupre!

LeBuzz - Man Dance Cabaret - GOGO Dancers - Drink Specials 8pm Mary’s - Open 5pm - DJ Va Jay Jay Spins Mixx - Live Pianist 9pm - 1am Model T - Service Industry Night! Discounted Drinks!

Woofs - Texas Hold’em 8pm

3 Legged Cowboy - Family Poker 7:30pm Amsterdam - Showtunes 9pm BJ Roosters - Male Bar Top Dancers - 8pm-1am Blake’s - Twisted Trivia @ 9pm - starring The Lady Shabazz Burkharts - Karaoke 11:30pm Club 91 - Swagg Tuesday’s The Eagle - Rock Music Felix’s - Smirnoff Martini Night Friends on Ponce - Enchanted Evnings With Ken & Donnie Heretic - TimeWarp Tue w/ Paul - Hits from 70’s, 80’s & 90’s.

Las Margaritas - Crazy Bitch Bingo 7:30pm LeBuzz - Talent Search & Karaoke Mary’s - CJ Hosting Mary-Oke @ 10pm Mixx - Texas Hold’em Poker 7:30 - 10pm Model T - Always a Party! Wyatt, Gary & Elvis serve up their Best!

Oscar’s - Show Tunes Tuesdays 8PM Swinging Richards - No Cover Tuesdays!

Woofs - Free WII from 4:00 till close - Industry Night!!

3 Legged Cowboy - Intermediate 2 Step @ 8-9 Amsterdam - Get L.I.T. All Day Specials Bellissima - Karaoke 8pm BJ Roosters - Male Bar Top Dancers - 8pm-1am Blake’s - Rated R @ 11pm - Half Price Apps: ALL DAY Burkharts - Karaoke Idol 10:30pm - Close Club 91 - The Main Event Cabaret & Talent Show Followed By DJ Rick The Eagle - Modern Family Night $3 PBR Friends on Ponce - H.U.M.P. DAY With Jeremy, Ken & Daniel Heretic - Boys Night Out Dress Code DJ Lydia Prim 10pm - 3am Las Margaritas - Karaoke 8pm LeBuzz - Hump Night & New Entertainer Showcase Mary’s - DJ Yes Sir Spins Rock 9pm Mixx - Texas Hold’em Poker 7:30 - 10pm Model T - Free Hot Dogs! $3 Draft Beer – Karaoke Night Oscar’s - Totally Wicked 80s Night Tripps - Taco Night - Free Tacos 5PM Swinging Richards - $5 Cover! Free VIP Lounge Entry Woofs - Woofs House Trivia starts at 8:00pm

Th u r sd ay

S un day

Wednes day

S atu rday

Tues day

M o n day

Bartab Nightlife Guide

3 Legged Cowboy - Dance Lessons @ 8-9 - Ladies Night Amsterdam - Rita’s & Smirnoff Tini’s Special Bellissima - ‘The Midtown Comedy Show’ / Open Mic at 9pm BJ Roosters - Male Bar Top Dancers - 8pm-1am Blake’s - Texas Holdem Poker @ 7p - The Shawnna Factor @ 11p Burkharts - Princess Charles - Fashionistas 11:30pm Club 91 - Customer Appreciation FREE ALL NIGHT The Eagle - Karaoke $3.75 Well Drinks Felix’s - Karaoke Friends on Ponce - HOT NIGHTS With Jasen and Donnie Heretic - Azuca Latin Night DJ Karlitos Las Margarita’s - Crazy Bitch Bingo 7:30PM LeBuzz - Ladies Night Shows Mary’s - Themed Parties Reto DJ’s Swinging Richards - 2-4-1 Night - Door Entry and VIP $10 Midtown W – Chris Coleman Presents “Indulge” 9pm-Midnight Mixx - Karaoke 9pm-1am Kamikaze Karaoke Contest 11-Midnight Model T - Robert & Michael serve up their Best!

Woofs - Meet and Greet for “Gathering Time”! Daily Food Specials

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3 Legged Cowboy - Studs & Spurs - Shows at 10, 11, 12, and 1 Amsterdam - DJ Dance Party Bellissima - Live DJ Entertainment BJ Roosters - Male Bar Top Dancers - 8pm-1am Blake’s - Kitty LeClaw’s Meow Mix 11pm Burkharts - Mary Edith Pitts Show 11:30pm Club 91 - It’s Bingo Bitch Hosted by: Auntie Snickers Chaparral - Got Leche? 10pm - Hot Latino Dancers The Eagle - DJ Dance Party & Club Night Felix’s - Bartenders Ray & Cory - Serve it up!

Friends on Ponce - Happy Time With Daniel and Terry Heretic - DJ Lydia Prim NO COVER before 11pm Jungle - Eve Michaels and Jungle present: DRAGNIQUE LeBuzz - Dance Party & Show Mary’s - Open 5pm - Boys Room Party - Themed Party - Love DJ Mixx - High Energy Music Videos 9pm-1am Model T - Poker Night Swinging Richards - Open 6:30pm - $10 - Hot Naked Men and Big Cocktails Tripps Bar - Laser Show Dance Party with DJ Steve Lynch Woofs - Great Food, Drink & Good Times 3 Legged Cowboy - Dance Lessons @ 8-9 Amsterdam - High Energy Videos 9pm Bellissima - Live DJ Entertainment BJ Roosters - Male Bar Top Dancers - 8pm-1am Blake’s - Jealouse’s Daring Divas 11pm Burkharts - Mary Edith Pitts Show 11:30pm Club 91 - RT Parties brings you Klimaxx Dance Party with Miss Sophia (go go dancers) DJ Maestro, DJ Rick, DJ Scrilla spinning on two floors all night The Eagle - DJ Dance Party Felix’s - Karaoke with Brett & Tyler Friends on Ponce - Open @ Noon with Bob Brewer Heretic - Special Guest DJ’s Check Website for Details : hereticatlanta.com LeBuzz - Saturday Night Fever Show Mary’s - Dance Party Hot Mess 9PM Differnt DJ Every Week Mixx- Dance Party 10pm - 3am Model T - Free Tacos! All The Fixins! 3:30 pm to gone!

Sanctuary - Sextasy Latino Night, Divas Show and DJ Dance Party Swinging Richards - Open 6:30pm - $10 Tripps - BBQ Cookout 1-5pm Woofs - Great Food, Drink & Good Times

Amsterdam - Sunday Brunch 11:30am - 3pm Showtunes with a Twist 7pm BJ Roosters - Male Bar Top Dancers - 8pm-1am Blake’s - Brunch Noon-3pm With Live Jazz – Armorettes Show 8pm Burkharts - Mary Edith Pitts Show @ 9pm Club 91 - Lions Den Legendary Sunday’s DJ Sedrick & DJ Brooks Felix’s - Bloody Mary & Mimosa Wallet Pleasers Las Margaritas - All You Can Eat Brunch 11AM-3PM Model T - Falcon Football - Sunday Dinner 3:30PM Tripps - Sunday Buffet 3pm Karaoke 7pm Woofs - Great Food, Drink & Good Times

See Guide on Page 62 for Locations

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THE FILLING STATION @ The Parliament Resort 1258 Gordon Highway-706-828-7400 www.gayaugusta.com/thefillingstation MACON KAOS 2780 Riverside Drive – 478-621-0662 www.kaosmacon.com Synergy 425 Cherry Street – 478-755-9383 SAVANNAH BLAINE’S 13 East Perry Street-912-233-6765 www.blainesbar.com CHUCK’S BAR 305 West River Street-912-232-1005 CLUB ONE 1 Jefferson Street-912-232-0200 www.clubone-online.com UNADILLA The Lumberyard @ Lumberjacks Resort 50 Highway 230-1-877-888-1688 www.lumberjackscampground.com

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Out of Town Directory CHATTANOOGA IMAGES 6005 Lee Highway-423-855-8210 www.mirage-complex.com Chucks 27 W. Main Street- 423-265-5405 Allan Gold’s 1100 McCallie Avenue-423-629-8080 BIRMINGHAM THE QUEST 416 24th Street South-205-251-4313 www.the-quest-club.com OUR PLACE 2115 8th Avenue S. 205-715-0077 JOE’S ON SEVENTH 2627 7th Avenue South- 205-321-2812 www.joesonseventh.com DOTHAN CLUB IMAGINATION 4129 Ross Clark Circle 334-792-6555 MONTGOMERY Club 322 322 N. Lawrence Street - 334-263-4322

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Atlanta A-Z

by David C. Muller

EPISODE THIRTY:

“Fickle Finger of Fate” Once upon a time Luke went to a palm reader in Gwinnett County.

The palm reader told him, “You must move to Atlanta, Luke, for you will find love there.”

Once upon a time Luke went to a palm reader in Gwinnett County.

The palm reader told him, “You must move to Atlanta, Luke, for you will find love there.”

Luke knows Chris and Chris knows Gregory. Gregory is best friends with Luke.

Luke and Greg occasionally have casual sex; then again, Luke and Chris once had casual sex, too. On further inspection, it turns out that Luke and Gregory have at least five f*ckbuddies in common in addition to each other. Luke and Chris have at least two people in common while Greg and Chris, turns out, have about nine people in common, (but that’s a whole other story we will address in a later episode…)

“What can I say?” Greg shrugged his shoulder sheepishly, “I’ve been in Atlanta much longer than you.”

“Yes I know,” said Luke, “but aren’t you, like, supposed to be from Athens now?”

“Such is the nature of the fickle finger of fate.” Greg said, “If you look at the big picture, Luke, Midtown Atlanta is probably incestuously interconnected; everybody has slept with somebody who’s slept with everybody else. That’s just how it is here. Midtown Atlanta is like a gay, urbanized version of LOST without the plane crash and that smoking monster.”

Luke shook his head, “I never did understand that show.”

“It’s just like this series!” Greg laughed, “Nothing makes any sense here, either!”

Luke thought of the word “fate.”

According to Wikipedia, “fate” can be 62 davidatlanta

interchanged with the word “destiny” and is defined as “an inevitable course of events.”

According to Greek mythology; which Luke knew because he is Greek by way of his mother; “the Fates” were white-robed personifications of destiny and, as such, one of these “Fates” spun the yarn of life, the second “Fate” measured the yarn while the last “Fate” cut the yarn. “Fate” was also the name of a small town in Texas and the name of a Danish heavy metal band.

Luke was not a fan of heavy metal.

Luke was a fan of karaoke and on Wednesday, he wandered over to Burkharts for “Karaoke Idol.”

It was the semifinals and Luke was ecstatic.

He stepped up to the bar just a few minutes past ten thirty. Luke ordered a giant cocktail he ravenously consumed before ordering another.

Tipsy, he took a seat just north of the karaoke platform and paid the wait staff in cash as he ordered a plethora of apple martinis.

Up at the front there, Luke saw a karaoke contestant he recognized and he gasped: “OhmiGod, Chris!”

Chris immediately recognized Luke, Chris was shocked and surprised to see him and, just like Luke, he gasped, too: “You!” Chris stopped his horrendous rendition of “I’ve Been To Paradise (But I’ve Never Been To Me)” and pointed at our hapless hero. Chris said, “I can’t believe you are actually here.”

Luke raised his glass, “Well, I am here, so you better belt it out damn good, you pansy!”

Chris could tell Luke was drunk. They had first met months ago back in July. Chris had met Luke right here at Burkharts, he remembered how lonely Luke had looked watching Mary

Edith Pitts all by himself. Chris had gone up to Luke and said: “Pardon me but I’ve never seen you in here before.”

What then followed was decidedly quick and decidedly erotic and, in the end, Chris had never heard from Luke ever again. Now, here in the merry month of January, Chris came away from the microphone and said, “Where the hell did you run off to? After we had sex that time you never called me back. I liked you.”

“Oh don’t you get all haughty with me, you Jeep-driving homosexual!” Luke slurred like a sailor. He kicked out a chair and pointed, “You sit your gay ass down and drop your over-the-top gay attitude. You had my phone number and you never called me either, so drop the self-righteous indignation.”

Chris remembered the wild repartee they once shared and he ordered a beer, “So, Luke, what have you been up to since the last time I saw you?”

“Well, Chris, if you really want to know, you can go online to DavidAtlanta.com and click down under ‘Blog Archives’ to check out the previous episodes. Last week I met some guy named ‘Evelyn’ at Blake’s. We went out to the car where he tried to touch my penis.”

“You’re a whore, Luke.”

“I didn’t have sex with him, Chris.” Luke shook his head, “He turned out to be a racist and he kicked me out of his car.”

“You must have been embarrassed.”

“I was embarrassed and now look, you’re here and that’s just fabulous. In fact, we almost called this episode ‘F is for Fabulous.’ In fact, Chris, you were in the last episode, right at the very end there. Don’t you remember?”

“No, nnh-nnh,” Chris shook his head, “I don’t actually read this thing.”

“Oh that is a shame.” Luke, in his drunken stupor, imagined “fate” had brought Chris back to him, “the Fates” had plotted and schemed and had delivered Chris to him here at Burkharts on the very same night as Karaoke Idol! It had to be fate, Luke just knew it and he said: “Chris, I think it’s just fabulous that I ran into you here and, since this week is devoted to the letter ‘F’ let me just say there is something I’d ‘effing’ like to do with you. Can you guess what it is?”

“That’s fine.” Chris was horny, “Can you call your friend?”

“Which friend?” Luke belched, “Gregory?”

“Yes, let’s have a three-way.”

Luke grinned with arousal, “Where is that damn cell phone?”

Tune in next week for EPISODE THIRTY-ONE: Gregory”

“G is for

“ATLANTA A to Z” would LOVE to hear from you!

QUESTIONS, COMMENTS, SUGGESTIONS: We welcome your feedback!

Send us an email at: AtlantaAtoZ@DavidAtlanta.com AND AtlantaAtoZ@Gmail.com 63 63 davidatlanta davidatlanta

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Bitch Session To the guy bitching about pretty boys: Stop being so bitter that you can’t date one of us because we are having successful monogamous relationships with other pretty boys.

I’m getting a little bored with Kathy and Anderson on New Year’s Eve. Or maybe I’m just too drunk by the time they come on to care.

Don’t blame me for your self-esteem issues. Go see a therapist and get off my back before you force me to get nasty.

Love me or hate me, that is the question. If you love me, then thank you. If you hate me, then f*#@ you.

I thought that because we held hands in a public, straight place he actually liked me. Note to gay men: Never mix love and activism.

It’s funny how a lot of queens describe themselves as “athletic” when they have never actually thrown a ball in their entire lives. Or is it just because they have mastered the art of running in heels?

So what if I lied about how big my cock was on Manhunt. Who doesn’t?

Don’t knock what I wear. Ever looked in the mirror? You might not look as good as you think.

Get over your ex and move on. I’m in love with you now, and it hurts like hell that I do so much for you but you love him still. I won’t wait around forever.

Don’t get mad when someone asks you if you are masc. or fem. If I wanted to date a woman, I’d be straight.

I know you couldn’t afford to get me anything for Christmas, but a card would have been nice. I got you a lot of nice things because I love you and

wanted you to have a nice Christmas. Then I find out you put “a gift” on layaway for someone else.

Ouch.

People who eat carbs are looked down on now?

Some people are always looking for ways to exclude others.

Having longtime friends is great, but you have had the same group of friends for the last 15 years because none of you has grown or can make new friends. Think about it.

If your entire self worth is based on having a 30 inch waist, you are leading a very sad existence.

I’m a skinny, young flamer who’s freakin’ tired of hearing old men bash us twinks. I don’t engage in narcissistic, melodramatic or shallow behavior.

Next time you see a hot skinny boi, give him a chance. You might be surprised.

He was a nice guy, but as my friend says . . . nice only gets you so hard.

What’s the deal with talking about clothes and your hair all the time? I’m sure there’s more to life than that.

It kills me sex drive when you refer to it as your “man pussy.”

Flaming queens and butch dykes are the reason gays have a bad rep. Dress and act normal for once and you might make real friends.

A homosexual attempting to become heterosexual is the equivalent of a southpaw trying to become right handed. It can’t be done!

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