David Magazine | Atlanta Issue 599

JULY 7, 2010 ISSUE 599

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DAVID ATLANTA MAGAZINE 1874 Piedmont Avenue 390-C Atlanta, GA 30324 Mon-Fri 9:30am-6:00pm Phone: 404.418.8901 Fax: 404.418.8901 ext. 7 www.davidatlanta.com mail@davidatlanta.com publisher/editor Matt Neumann matt@davidatlanta.com

creative director Knyckolas Davis

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photography Brian Sawyer Matt Neumann Jon Sinquefield

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14 essentially major 46 spotlight seen@ 12 20 40 44 48 52 54 56

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guides 26 datebook

70 bartab 74 the guide 83 classifieds

46 IT’S REIGNING CATS & DOGS — ENTER YOUR’S TODAY!

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features 14 la nota rosa

34 alexandria martin 62 the brent star report 76 atlanta a-z 99 bitch session

senior account executive Karisha Anderson account executives Jesse Hancock Randy Ladd graphic design Matt Neumann operations and finance Brian Sawyer brian@davidatlanta.com

marketing & promotions Chip O'Kelley chip@davidatlanta.com

sales coordinator Travis Gerstman travisg@davidatlanta.com

national ad rep Rivendell Media 908.232.2021 contributors Alex Renteria Brent Star Michael Jefferys Lucy Luis Chiruco Dr. Roth David Muller

DENNIS DEAN CATERING

INtown Atlanta

Due to State Regulations, no pet will be allowed in the facility without proof of current vaccinations.

cover Kyle Collins Photo by Loren Hoffmann

Opinions expressed by any writer appearing in this publication are not necessarily those of the staff, management, advertisers, organizations or persons appearing in this magazine. No Part of this publication may be reproduced by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopy recording or otherwise without written permission from the publisher. The mention, appearance or likeness of any person, business, organization, or event in this publication is in no way to be taken as any identification of the sexual, social or political orientation of such persons, businesses, events organizations, staff, shareholders or owners of such. DAVID ATLANTA MAGAZINE is not responsible for claims made by advertisers, errors or changes in information, events and schedules in ads, features or calendars. DAVID ATLANTA MAGAZINE reserves the right to reject or cancel any advertisement submitted. All copy, text, graphics, photo's and illustrations in submitted ads are published with the understanding that the person and business’ submitting such are fully authorized and have secured proper consent for the use of images, graphics, pictures, names, logos and testimonials used in such ads and that DAVID ATLANTA MAGAZINE may lawfully publish the same. By submitting such materials, the advertiser agrees to indemnify and hold blameless DAVID ATLANTA MAGAZINE from any liability resulting from the publication of any such 4 davidatlanta materials or images.

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essentially major by Michael Jeffrey

Planes, Gays, and Automobiles (Part 2) “We’re doing what now?” said George after my very hurried explanation on why we needed to leave the airport and head for the nearest car rental company. He and Shawn had both been sound asleep when I woke them with the big news.

“Look, I know this sounds crazy,” I said, “but if we sit here and wait for three open seats on one of these planes we may never get home. This is our only way out.”

That last part seemed to register with everyone a bit, myself included.

The plan was to rent a car, drive from Miami International to the Fort Myers Airport, from there we’d were assured we could catch a plane home to Atlanta since we’d missed our original flight the day before. Simple enough, right?

“Sorry,” said the overworked and unmistakably under appreciated customer service agent behind the car rental counter.

“All we have is Ford Fiesta.”

“They don’t even make those anymore, do they?” said Shawn over my right shoulder.

“Ma’am our bags alone will take up the entire backseat,” added George from the left. “There’s got to be something else.”

Not amused by our begging, her fingers flew across the keyboard and her eyes never once made contact with us again. Dealing with three whiney home sick Atlanta queens who were too cute for a cramped economy car was apparently not in her job description. “That’s all we have,” she repeated, slamming the keys on the counter.

“Take it or leave it.”

“We’ll take it,” I said, knowing this also meant I’d just volunteered myself as designated driver the entire way to our destination. After cramming our bags and George into the back, Shawn took shotgun while I reluctantly settled in behind the wheel.

Our flight to Atlanta was leaving in three hours and we had at least a two hour drive ahead of us. If I punched it we’d make it with time to spare. All I needed was a little boost of energy to make sure I stayed awake while everyone else got some shut eye.

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Twenty dollars and one stop at the gas station convenience store later, I probably had enough energy supplements to fly us to Atlanta on my back. I started with the 5-Hour energy shot since I’d seen a CNN expose on its effectiveness just a week ago.

Then I chased that with a sugar free Red Bull and one tablet of no doze.

Needless to say, we arrived to the airport in record time. From the looks of things we’d all be safely home in time to catch the last few minutes of Oprah if everything went as planned.

That was until we found out that our quick flight to Atlanta was actually a connecting flight by way of Pittsburg. We had at least six hours of travel time ahead of us before we even came close to getting home.

“Seriously, I need a vacation from this vacation,” said George after hearing the good news. Shawn didn’t say anything. He just pulled his baseball cap low over his eyes and settled in for another nap during our surprise flight to Pennsylvania. I on the other hand, was so wired that sitting still had becoming a chore within itself.

This is also why I practically jumped out of my skin when a huge clap of thunder came from the sky, vibrating the entire plane as we sat on the runway. Then the rain began to fall.

“Folks, looks like we won’t be taking off anytime soon,” said the pilot in standard airline monotone. “Buckle up and we’ll try to get off the ground as soon as possible.”

The entire plane let out a discouraged groan, all except our row. I was the first to giggle under my breath; partly out of amusement, but mostly because I was too caffeinated to make sense of what was actually happening.

Before I knew it all three of us were laughing uncontrollably. Of course we would make it home, eventually.

Yet somehow as screwed up as the journey had become, that tragically hysterical moment on the plane with my two best friends at my side made it all worthwhile.

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davidatlanta

cover Drag Superstar

SONIQUE

Transitioning, Moving On

By JESSE A. HANCOCK Photography By LES BOUSKA

In the entertainment industry, change is inevitable. Superstar drag performer, Sonique, whose birth name is James Leonard, is making huge changes, starting with moving to Los Angeles at the end of July after six years living and performing in Atlanta. That’s far away for a good ‘ole girl from Albany, Georgia.

Once in Los Angeles she will start, among other projects, her new permanent job performing at Micky’s, a popular LGBT bar known for its go-go boys and showgirls. She will also be traveling a lot on weekends. Admittedly, she is often on an airplane or in the car travelling.

“I need new inspiration; I need a change,” said Sonique, 27. “There are so many doors open for me out there that I need to experience. One thing I want to do is work on my music career.”

About eight months ago Sonique got together with a group of guys, intending to make rock music with Sonique as the lead singer, but her guitar player was involved in other projects that hindered Sonique’s band from practicing.

So she is now working on doing some solo work, which she describes as a combination of electronica, rap and dance. She hopes to have some “polished” music ready and online soon.

“Hopefully when I get to Los Angeles, I’ll be able to work with some people on that,” said Sonique.

Fans of “RuPaul’s Drag Race” were surprised when Sonique announced at the end of season two that she is transgendered.

“I’m transgendered and transitioning into a woman, and Los Angeles will be a great place for me to get to know myself in my new state of mind and body.”

Sonique is also interested in acting and said she has always wanted to be in a movie. She’s hoping to get a few scripts to read.

“Being on a reality show let me get my feet wet,” said Sonique. “It let me see how I look on camera and see things I can fix. There’s a whole other world and an artistic view of drag. Not even so much drag but just being transgendered. I hope to be a role model for kids like me. I think that would definitely be a breath of fresh air.”

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David Magazine: Congratulations on being on season two of “RuPaul’s Drag Race.” How has life changed since that experience?

Sonique: More people know who I am, and I don’t realize that sometimes. Especially going out shopping and such. I think ‘Why are these people staring at me?’ and I think something is wrong with me, but people come up and say ‘I saw you on the show and you were my favorite’ or ‘You were an inspiration.’ I get all kinds of recognition. It’s all been good and positive, but it’s crazy how exposure on TV can make people fall in love with you even if they haven’t met you. I found out from a friend of mine who is working with Kim and Khloe Kardashian that they were fans of mine. That is pretty awesome that those girls know who I am.

David Magazine: Were you really supposed to be on the first season of “RuPaul’s Drag Race?”

Sonique: Most people don’t know I was an alternate for the first season. It got to the point where they were saying I needed to have a bag packed and be ready to go to L.A. I pretty much had one foot out the door just waiting, and I had held off on my transgender transition because I knew contestants had to live their lives as boys. They want drag queens. They want boys who go to work as drag queens but take it off after the show. The hardest thing for being on the show was trying to be that boy that they picked to be on the show. I really wanted to do the show because I never knew if I would get the chance again or if there would even be a second season. By the time the second season rolled around they were calling me saying they wanted me to be on it and they were asking me to submit another tape. I kind of just put it on the back burner thinking I wasn’t sure I wanted to do it but rather focus on other things. I had also fallen in love, but they kept hounding me about submitting another tape. So I did and they kept calling me, and the week before I was supposed to be out there they let me know.

They said not to tell anyone, not even my mom.

I was like ‘I have to go on vacation for a whole month.’ People started realizing I was going to be on the show.

David Magazine: What was it like being on the show?

Sonique: There were good things about it and bad things, but overall I feel so lucky to have had the opportunity to be part of something so big. Most everyone I meet knows about the show. Sometimes I have to tell people I was on it, and they are like ‘I remember you now.’ Some people tell me I look so much better in person than I did on the show. I take it as a compliment because I have been working on my look, especially after seeing myself on TV. David Magazine: What do you think of this season’s winner, Tyra Sanchez?

Sonique: I love Tyra. I think she has done an amazing job with her reign as queen so far.

Being as young as she is she has a lot on her plate and big shoes to fill, especially with RuPaul standing over her reign. I think she is a really good entertainer. She looks great and continues to work on her look and everything about her.

I am really proud of her. She definitely proved that she is a star. I think she’ll go far. She’s actually one of my good friends from the show.

There were a lot of people on the show who I didn’t think were drag worthy. Not that they were not good performers, just that there were other people who really could have made the show more about the art of drag instead of so much drama.

David Magazine: Is there anyone else from the show you keep in touch with?

Sonique: Jujubee calls me a lot. Morgan (McMichaels) is a good friend of mine. I’m actually moving in with her in California when I move out there.

David Magazine: Do you want to set the record on your sexuality identity?

Sonique: I am proud to tell people I am transgendered. I have no problem with it and have never been happier in my life. No one can take that away from me.

David Magazine: Now that you’ve been traveling, what do you think of the drag scene in Atlanta?

Sonique: I’ve noticed that Atlanta is really on top of things for the most part. In Florida I’ve noticed there are a lot of girls who have had work done as far as face and body. In New York it’s very club kid and androgynous. Everyone’s a star. I was in Indianapolis recently and everyone was wearing hip pads and old school drag. Whenever I think of Atlanta, I think of natural beauty and talent, but I feel like Atlanta has been suppressed for a while. I don’t know why. We have put our girls against each other, like ‘Drag Idol.’ I think things will change, and they have to if things are going to get better.

David Magazine: You do a lot of acrobatics in your performances. Do you have gymnastics training?

Sonique: I started doing gymnastics when I was in the seventh grade. I’ve always been athletic and acrobatic. By the time I got to high school I was coaching the girls gymnastics team. The only thing I thought about all the time was gymnastics. I don’t know if I would be where I am now if I had not added that into my drag persona. It definitely helps me stand out, but I also try to step out of that box and not be just a one trick pony. I don’t want that to be the only thing I’m known for.

David Magazine: What misconception about you?

is

the

biggest

Sonique: That I’m a bitch. A lot of people say they thought I would be a bitch until they met me. I ask why and they often say ‘Because you are one of those pretty girls.’ It’s so stereotypical that pretty girls are bitches. If someone asks my opinion I will give it. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. That honesty may come across as bitchy. I don’t consider myself a bitch and don’t like being around people who are bitches. It makes people look stupid and insecure when they act that way.

David Magazine: What is the biggest misconception about drag queens in general?

Sonique: That we don’t do anything on time. A lot of times the shows don’t start on time, and people say we area being divas or on ‘drag time.’

The thing is, the audience doesn’t get there on time. Saying we are on ‘drag time’ is bull-crap.

We are often stalling for the crowd. We put a lot of work into our routine and costume. What’s the point if no one is going to be there? A lot of times we don’t even get paid as much as some of the entertainers who don’t do nearly as much work as we do. A lot of people don’t appreciate the work we put into it.

David Magazine: Will you be back to perform in Atlanta?

Sonique: Of course! This is my home. I know the girls here will represent Atlanta well. There is so much talent here.

David Magazine: What are you most proud of in life?

Sonique: I am proud to be 27 and still alive, having accomplished almost all of my goals before age 30. There was a point in my life when I didn’t see myself doing anything I dreamed of as a child. Things turn around. You can take the good and run, or you can take the bad and hang out with it. You just have to stay focused on your dreams and know that anything is possible. All it takes is that one step. You just have to be consistent and never look back.

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la nota rosa

by Luis Chiruco

TIPO PERFECTO Primera vez en mucho tiempo que comienzo solo, no “solito” como siempre se siente uno los domingos en la tarde, más bien SOLO (en mayúsculas). Porque, no es para decirse mentiras, uno en este cuento de las relaciones amorosas siempre se tiene la certidumbre de la soledad, “la Sole” como le dicen los españoles a la amiga loca en las películas de Almodóvar. Entonces la convertimos en nuestra amiga, LA AMIGA LOCA (no confundir con el “Amigo Loca”), esa que nos aconseja en el silencio de las tardes lánguidas (se me salió el poeta).

Nos sentamos y hablamos de las relaciones amorosas. Y nos dimos cuenta de algo. Esto de las relaciones amorosas siempre siguen idea precocebida, o sea, que para algo sirven las novelas, las mexicanas claro, nos alienaron a todos, y a todas, nos pusieron a creer que el amor verdadero existía, y demás que si existe pero somos muy exigentes o muy quisquillosos, yo soy lo primero cuando empiezo y lo segundo cuando termino.

Si, empezamos buscando el príncipe azul (como los galanes de las novelas): guapo, exitoso, inteligente y buen amante (no en ese orden de importancia, cada quien le da el orden que quiera) pero este estereotipo sólo le funciona a la muchacha de la telenovela (si, muchacha, como las del servicio porque casi siempre eso son), a la María de turno se le aparece el macho en la puerta de la casa, del supermercado o del burdel. En cambio a uno si le toca buscarlo (no escribo donde los busco yo porque se alargaría demasiado este post) y eso aspirando que cumpla al menos una de las condiciones antes mencionadas: o guapo, o exitoso o inteligente buen amante.

Y si por suerte conseguimos al Príncipe Azul, el pobre por más besos que nos da no logra que dejemos de ser sapos. O el Príncipe se resigna o 22 davidatlanta

arranca a buscar a su respectivo Príncipe, así le toque besar muchos sapos.

Nos quedamos viendo chispas, dejando que se vaya el Príncipe, pensando que tal vez vuelva (“yo soy lo mejor que ha pasado por tu vida”), y como la muchacha de la novela mirando por la ventana viendo pasar la vida, con la Sole al lado y hablando mierda, y tal vez lo volvamos a ver, como dice Alanis Morissette: “It’s meeting the man of my dreams, and then meeting his beautiful wife” (en mi caso: “Conocer al hombre de mis sueños y conocer a su hermoso marido”).

Mejor conformarse con el novio promedio, que cumpla al menos uno de los requisitos (antes prefería que fuera inteligente y guapo, ahora prefiero que sea al menos buen amante). Y es que los hombres perfectos sólo salen en las revistas y eso porque no hablan, si lo hicieran ya dejarían de ser perfectos.

Alguna vez conocí al hombre perfecto, si en serio. Guapo, elegante, inteligente, exitoso, con buen humor, buen conversador, el súper cuerpazo, medio bohemio y con mucho mundo.

Lo del sexo era cuestión de tiempo, en realidad no mucho tiempo, más bien poco, si, muy poco, pero muy muy poco, no habíamos empezado y él ya había acabado. Lastimosamente. Y eso a mí no me importaba pero parece que a él sí.

Curiosamente pensó que era culpa mía, dijo que lo había excitado tanto que estos eran los resultados.

Todavía está por ahí echándole la culpa a los otros de sus malos polvos, cortos pero polvos finalmente. Quien iba a pensar que no era perfecto. Y es que la perfección no existe, dicen que sólo Dios es perfecto, y si él fuera Dios, ya se hubiera hecho el milagrito...got leche?

LA NOTA ROSA IS NOT PRODUCED OR EDITED BY DAVID MAGAZINE.

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datebook

Thursday, July 8 Friday, July 9

Thursday:

Welcome to Tuna ‘Greater Tuna’ is a hilarious stage comedy

about the inhabitants of a small town in Texas. All of the citizens of this town—men, women, animals—are portrayed by two performers! That’s why this production has been showing for the last 25 years and won a Tony award nomination in 1994. Atlanta native, Bill Murphy stars in this local version. 8:00 pm, $24-$33, Theater in the Square 11 Whitlock, Marietta, 770.422.8369, www.theatreinthesquare.com

Friday:

American Dream Local artist, Nabil Mousa, shows his latest

work inspired by the gay rights movement in America entitled ‘The Road To Equality’.

Tonight’s exhibit is a GLAAD benefit with 100% of the ticket sales AND a portion of the art sales going towards the cause. Hors d’oeuvres and cocktails will be served.

6:00-10:00 pm, $20, Mattress Factory Lofts 300 MLK Jr. Dr., 404.644.8997, www.mousafineart.com

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The Fab Chorus

‘All You Need Is Love’ and the Atlanta Gay Men’s Chorus wants to help bring it to you with a night of music from The Beatles.

See them tonight and found out why they are recognized as the finest male choral groups in the world and are running 29 years strong. In addition to tonight’s performance, there will be two shows tomorrow. 8:00 pm, $20-$40, Rialto Center for the Arts 80 Forsyth St., 404.413.9849, www.agmchorus.org

Saturday, July 10 Sunday, July 11

‘Bear’y Delightful

Tonight get a double dose of ursine unity with the Southern Bears monthly meeting at Amsterdam. It is open to all bears and bear admirers the second Saturday each month and, of course, visitors are always welcomed. The dinner meeting is followed by a night of dancing at the Eagle for Bear Bar Night. Come see why the Southern Bears is the friendliest organization in the South. 7:00 pm, Amsterdam Café 502 Amsterdam Ave., 404.892.2227, 10:00 pm, Atlanta Eagle 306 Ponce de Leon, 404.873.2453, www.southernbears.org

datebook

Rock Drag

Horrible Children Productions brings a cult classic to the stage in John Cameron Mitchell’s, Hedwig And The Angry Inch.

Zach Solomon star’s in this productions fantastic adaptation with music and lyrics

by Stephen Trask. The best part is the Q&A with the cast that follows every Sunday night performance. Shows through August 12.

7:00 pm, $15, Spring4th Center 728 Spring St., 404.870.0040, www.spring4th.com

Mixx it up

Tallahassee DJ Joshua Bula will be introducing his sound to Atlanta tonight.

Hardcore House fans will want to be at Mixx to sample his sound of vocal, circuit, and high-energy music. Visit Joshua’s website to find out more. 10:00 pm, Mixx 1492 Piedmont Ave., 404.228.4372, www.djjoshuaabula.co

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music

PUTTIN’ ‘OUT’ THE HITS

By Troy Lefferson

Peter McLean has given the gay dance floor a swift kick in its neon lit pants with his record label, D1 Music.

“We’ve reached some major milestones in the last year,” says McLean who is proud to rattle off the list of hits that have come out of his stable; among them, Lisa Hunt’s “This Joint Is Jumpin’” and RuPaul’s “Looking Good, Feeling Gorgeous”. This week, his latest track, Kimberly Davis’ “Get Up” reached the top ten on Billboard’s club charts and is still rising.

“These are great times for an independent label,” McLean beams. “The internet age allows us to employ non-traditional, cost-effective campaigns that enable us to go head-to-head with the majors. The Internet has also been an incredible resource for scouting new talent.”

It’s all part of Peter McLean’s vision for D1 Music— to not only achieve his dreams, but to help others do so as well. “We put the interest of our artists’ first because we value long-term relationships. Plus happier artists make better music.”

It’s a noble idea. Perhaps one the majors might benefit from trying. We chatted with the out music man to see what other unconventional methods he is using to bring beautiful music to the gay dance floor.

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Was it always your intention to produce hot tracks for the gay dance floor?

When I first launched D1 Music, my intention was to create an artist driven dance label that was unique and powerful in all areas of the music industry. Over the past few years, we’ve noticed the gay dance floor has been most receptive to our sounds and we’ve embraced it. After all, we all know most music trends begin in the gay community. Ask Lady Gaga, she’ll tell you the same thing.

What has been your best selling track to date?

So far, the best selling track for D1 Music remains “The Joint Is Jumpin’” by Lisa Hunt. But Kimberly Davis’ “Get Up” recently hit the charts and if it continues the way its going, it may take the lead.

People can’t get enough of Kimberly and the remixes on the album are off the hook.

In this tough economy, when most labels are floundering, has focusing on a niche market – specifically club music – helped D1 stay afloat?

It certainly is a tough market and the advantages of appealing to a niche market like clubgoers is that a label can build a fan base. Clubbers have come to respect our sounds and will buy tracks simply because they bear the D1 Music label. To get that kind of loyalty, it all comes down to churning out quality production, amazing artists and new hits.

Are clubbers willing to buy tunes?

Yes, most club goers are very passionate about their music and are constantly after the newest releases. I can understand that passion because I am the same way. We all want the music yesterday.

How about the gay community: Are we supporting our own by buying music from gayowned labels like D1 Music?

I am not sure the same could be said from competing labels but as far as D1 Music is concerned, yes! But then again, we provide the one element the gay community desires most when it comes to music – the big diva vocal.

Lisa Hunt, Taborah, SupaNova, Kimberly Davis…

We have some surprises coming up.

How do you choose the artists you work with?

We choose an artist based on their success on American Idol – joking! We look for artists that are first, talented and second, extremely dedicated.

We look at the bigger picture for an artist, beyond

their first single. We need an artist who is willing to plant the seed, be patient, work with us and trust in the process of building an artist that fans grow to love and respect. I also scour newspapers, magazines, e-zines and blogs to keep up with what the latest sounds and styles are. D1 Music strives to create music that leads current trends and creates new ones.

Do you still get your groove on at the clubs?

Of course! I love a hot and sweaty dance floor.

What sound do you prefer?

I love uplifting vocal house music.

So you are a vocals man?

I am definitely a vocals man. I can get into other genres of dance music too, and I do. As a producer I need to listen to as many styles of music as possible.

What do you love about clubs?

I love the freedom and unity of energy that can only be found on a dance floor.

Your next release will be Kimberly Davis’ TWIST OF LOVE – a song you wrote.

The inspiration behind the song was all the red hot lovers I have called in the middle of the night and begged to “come over and work me to the bone”.

Why did you choose to give the track to Kimberly Davis?

Kimberly has incredible energy as a performer and this track needs a huge amount of spunk and vocal power to heighten its sexual urgency.

Kimberly also brought the drama and tension plus a distinctive diva quality.

What’s ahead for D1 Music?

We are working on ‘Say I Love You’ for Taborah and ‘Body Shake’ for SupaNova. Over the rest of the year, we’ll be finishing full-length albums for Kimberly and Taborah, a new track for Lisa Hunt, a first single for club icon Dina Marie, and a new Best of Club Christmas CD. Is there an artist you would love to work with?

There are so many. My top three at the moment would be Lady Gaga, fellow Aussie Kylie Minogue and Kristine W. I will always love the great Kristine W. Visit www.d1music.biz 29 davidatlanta

datebook

Monday, July 12 through Wednesday, July 14

Monday:

Wednesday:

The Phantom of the Opera cast will perform a One-Night-Only Cabaret of musical theater songs to benefit Synchronicity Theatre’s Playmaking for Girls programs.

Tonight’s performances will not be for children as some of the numbers will contain adult material AND none of the performances will be ‘Phantom’ songs. 8:00 pm, $25-$50, Balzer Theater 84 Luckie St., 678.528.1500, www.theatricaloutfit.org

Put on your grass skirt, grab your ukulele, and get ready to hula! P.A.L.S. is hosting Luau Bingo tonight at Jungle. As always, Bubba D. Licious and Alexandria Martin are the nights grand dames and this week there will be 4 special guests that you already know. Visit the website for all of the nights details. Doors open at 6, the first number called at 7:45, $20, Jungle 2115 Faulkner Rd., 404.844.8800, www. palsbingo.org

Singing is for Girls Get ‘Lei’d

Tuesday:

Virtual Balls

That’s what you’ll need tonight at the Heretic for Wii Bowling. There will be cash and prizes all night—you could even win a $50 bar tab.

WooHoo! Be there early because the games start on time. When the games are over, stick around for the weekly guest DJ and dance til 3 am. 9:00 pm, Heretic 2069 Cheshire Bridge Rd., 404.325.3061, hereticatlanta. com404.624.4411, marysatlanta.com

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music

“The longest journey is the journey inward...�

(Dag Hammarskjold)

For Joe Gauthreaux, DJ-ing is a journey.

Every time he steps into the DJ booth, Gauthreaux forges a path through a diverse musical landscape, guiding throngs of partygoers through peaks and valleys of soulful funk, progressive rhythms, tribal drums, disco house, and melodic, driving trance.

Gauthreaux has made the trip countless times, though he never takes the same road twice; each outing behind the turntables represents an excursion into uncharted territory, and those of us on his dance floor trust Gauthreauxs keen instincts.

Its a consistency the disc jockey attributes to thorough preparation. Gauthreaux regularly spends dozens of hours every week meticulously scouring (virtual) record shop shelves for the latest cutting-edge tracks. His tastes reach far and wide, making him one of the most versatile DJs on the scene today.

But the journey of Joe Gauthreaux goes far beyond his stewardship in the booth; for Gauthreaux, life is a journey, and, much like his DJ sets, it is intriguing, emotional, and unpredictable.

Gauthreaux debuted on the decks in 1996, quickly earning the respect of his peers after garnering resident status at New Orleans hot spot Oz. His all-encompassing sets soon caught the attention of out-of-towners, and it was only a matter of time before Gauthreaux was being imported by clubs across the U.S., in addition to international venues throughout Canada and beyond.

The incomparable versatility of his sound immediately endeared him to the circuit 38 davidatlanta

culture where he remains a top draw, spinning high profile events such as Black & Blue in Montreal, Winter Party in Miami, and the Saint-at-Large Black Party, just to name a few. In 2002, his skyrocketing prominence in the scene prompted Centaur Records to offer Gauthreaux his first CD compilation, Party Groove: Blue Ball (followed by Party Groove : Cherry Volume 2 in 2005, and Winter Party 2008, released this year on the Masterbeat label), and his high profile led to his ongoing tenure as a reporter for Billboard Magazine.

In 2003, Gauthreaux found himself at a crossroads: He had reached his full potential in New Orleans, and New Yorks thriving DJ culture seemed ripe with opportunity.

But nothing is guaranteed in the Big Apple, and relocating would mean sacrificing all he had worked for in the Big Easy.

Nonetheless, Gauthreaux selected the road less traveledand it proved a wise choice.

Within a year, he was playing at esteemed locales such as Lotus, Spirit, Roxy, Avalon, Pacha, and Fire Islands iconic Pavilion.

Today, his journeys abroad continue thanks to his regular appearances in New Orleans, Chicago, Montreal, Los Angeles, and Atlanta, as well as SBNY in his present home of New York City.

And so Gauthreaux continues onward, traveling the world and delving into new, unexplored musical terrain. Its anybodys guess where his journey will lead, but if Joe Gauthreauxs life is anything like his DJ sets, its sure to be one hell of a trip.

Photo: Frank Malafronte

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Burkharts - Saturdays

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spotlight

Devin Liquor Devin Liquor moved to Georgia from Alabama in 2001. He had already been performing on stage— music, spoken word, theater—when he started exploring the gay scene in Atlanta. After a few years of living here and venturing out, he was asked to check out the drag king show, ‘Court Of Kings’, at Red Chair restaurant. “My first thought was, ‘I’m a lesbian. Why the hell would I want to see a bunch of women acting like men?’ But, then the show started and I just knew I had to do it!”

After a short time of getting it all together, Devin when out in drag one night and was ‘discovered’ by Michelle LeFebure. He was immediately added to the cast of Chaps Cabaret with Phillip Driver and Stacey Adams. After that, he became a fixture at Le Buzz and My Sisters’ Room and that same year Charlie Brown had four king contestants in Drag Idol. “I saw people push themselves [in Drag Idol] to places that drag kings have never been and that had a huge influence on me.”

In the last few years of perfecting his craft, Devin has met a lot of people and performers in Atlanta’s nightlife scene. He admits that each one in different ways uplifts him. Four stand out the most, “Owen McCord and Kane are like brothers to me. They have 46 davidatlanta

gone above and beyond I helping me. I also draw a lot of inspiration from Vagina Jenkins and my drag partner, Fonda Lingue” Devin used to be a part of the Dirty South Dukes and Dolls cast at Stage Door. Since it’s closing last December, he has been exploring pageants. He is currently deciding which one to enter this year, as he loves being on stage. “Drag is my passion. When I’m not performing, I’m usually an audience member.

I love it when other performers come see me and I love audience feedback.” He also says that he thinks Atlanta needs more venues that consider themselves to be actual show bars. “In the meantime, I will continue exploring alternative venues like theater spaces or art galleries making independent events happen.” Devin also says that he is about to venture into acting—in drag, of course. Details about that are TBA. You can usually see Devin Liquor on stage at Le Buzz and events at Eyedrum Gallery. His next show will be on July 18 for ‘Speakeasy Sunday’ at Friends On Ponce. You can also follow him on Facebook. “You should come see me because I’ll show you something nobody else will,” he says with a wink and a smile.

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Mixx - Saturdays

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Blakes - Sundays

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horoscopes ARIES TAURUS

very soon, but progress this week is false.

It’s one of those weeks when you’ve got to stand up for what’s Open--up take another perspective — it should be right or and at least forin what’s yours.

You may find that someone quite valuable you!trust It’s a good time sides, for you up you thought you to could has switched buttoitstep doesn’t your efforts to show a friend or loved one that you are affect the outcome. totally on their side.

GEMINI

Your opinions more fluid than most -- though that’s not to Things are a are little strained right now, but not so much say have a solid core of essential values! thatyou youdon’t can’t figure it all out.

You do need toThis try aweek, few though, you may find your mind changing back and experiments before you’re likely to know howforth to multiple proceed,times. so use your brain!

CANCER

Relax let your ofconfused this week’s actions -Otherand people are peers moredirect than some a little lately, and even if you mean think they making mistakes. Show off your that could thatare they keep big misunderstanding you — even when explain yourself!

Youstart may to flexibility andyou youtry aretosure to find that things to want go your let itsoon. go until next week. way

LEO

Don’t runsolutions off half-cocked right now you need to Traditional aren’t working right now— -- so think outside absorb situation can you’re really make any the box.the You’re quitefully goodbefore at thatyou when motivated, headway.

Check double-check.

Once as youpossible. know and this week’s bigand problem is as inspirational what’s going on, your actions should stick.

Brainstorming is helpful.

VIRGO

Your energy is just right for now— especially if you have You need toyou let want your partner coworkersLittle knowthings how you feel, big plans to pushorforward! should but it’s far to toohelp easy you for you to so devolve into expect naggingto if you don’t conspire out, you can meet all keep that tendency in check. Stick to the positive and you can’t goals. go wrong.

Your emotional state is a little difficult to handle right

LIBRA

Try to See treadifwater this week-otherwise, it may be time to sink now. you can get things together long enough to deeper!

Ofofcourse, thatmeetings may be theoronly way you can get help bow out any big appointments.

It’sany a good self-care time, that’s for sure! with your current big project, so don’t be shy about screaming!

SCORPIO

Yourare social has definitely been your working you You facingenergy some strange issues involving familyfor elders, —possible it’s a higher-ups great time to bury the hatchet, make new or at work.

You need to be as straightforward contacts or even take the first step toward a new romanas possible, though there’s a strong chance that they are hiding tic entanglement. their true feelings. Why not?

SAGITTARIUS CAPRICORN

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by Lucy

It’s reallytogood time for you to show the group Youaneed do whatever it takes to slow downwhat this you’re week — even that means slamming thehandy! brakes onneed some made of --if those skills should come in You to project athat a lot to you.you Things shoulditpick up identify goalmeans and get others to help work toward quickly.

Thisneed is not good time bust and out the credit cards orand to You to aget in thetoworld digboost up new people forget about theout long-term.

If you can your savings places -it’s in your nature.

Your great energy this week doesn’t this month, you are sure to appreciate your foresight in hurt, either, future. as you should be able to make a real difference, at the far-off least in your own life.

You may feel as if your good energy has been driving you

You should feel strong impulse making future to this week’s bigamoment.

It could toward be an award or just a changes this week -- changes think mightbut be extremely hint of praise from exactlythat the you right person, now you significant.

It’s to a good for you to step up and see if you can know where starttime building. get some help.

This is not a good week for struggles — at least not for

AQUARIUS

you! Try get your and this colleagues to back you Make sureto that you can friends speak freely week -- people need to up, your but you needIt’s to hunker down wait for in a see greatmay ideasjust at work. a good idea for and you to check more auspicious day to fight back. with those who may be resisting your brilliance!

PISCES

A strokeyou’re of good is more than it seems to bewheel — in Though not luck exactly in a bad place, the hamster though that doesn’t mean you have toTry geta to themeditation bottom your brain is still spinning out of control. little of it! You can just enjoy the good energy and give or exercise -- whatever it takes out to calm your mental energies. thanks to those who watch for you.

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advice

Momma Mona

!

Hi Ya’ll. Momma Mona here to offer advice, research your interpersonal life challenges and be your support through thick and thin.

I am a bona fide Southern Belle, native Atlantan, Fag Hag and Sexual Trivia Queen, and dealing with some hormonal fluctuations, just to add a little spice to the pot. Anyway, I’ve been fascinated with human sexuality and behavior throughout my Bachelor and Master’s degrees and what I don’t know off the bat, I’ll darn well research to find out. Since I’m now going for my Ph.D., I have access to the academic library so my information will not be pull-out-your-ass fluff, it will be well researched professional knowledge.

There’s a funny story about how I became Momma Mona, but, that will have to wait until next week because of limited word count. So there.

Enough about me. Let’s get this show on the road with two really interesting questions to give you a flavor of Momma Mona’s expert advice, education and coaching.

Dear Momma Mona, My boyfriend has this annoying little dog he inherited from his mother who passed away last year.

Every time I am over at his place, this little shit barks at me almost the whole time unless P. is holding her in his lap. We’ve tried locking her in the laundry room, which doesn’t stop the barking and the laundry room is close enough to the bedroom that it is still annoying.

If she is not locked away and we have sex there, she nips at my feet and legs and barks even worse. Except for the dog, his place is much nicer than mine and P. actually prefers me at his place because he is a gourmet cook and he likes his kitchen. We’ve been in this relationship for almost 5 months and except for the dog, I’m ready for the next step of moving in together.

What should we do? Would it be rude to ask P. to get rid of this dog, a sort of ultimatum of her or me? I know I’m not thinking too clear because I’ve recently been fantasizing ways to quiet this problem myself.

Please help, Going out of Control Dear Going out of Control, I’m concerned!! What if there is a nipping accident, if you know what I mean?!? Please promise me the first thing you will do is lock the dog up in the laundry room whenever you engage in sex with P. Better safe than sorry, especially here! Whew!

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OK. Without knowing the age or breed of dog you are talking about, the most obvious conclusion is that the dog is jealous. Well duh. But also, this dog is probably traumatized by the lost of her previous owner, P’s mother, so try to muster up a little compassion and empathy here. You can experience empathy, yes? If not, maybe the dog is right in barking at you and is simply trying to protect her new master. Police Profilers are quick to note that when animals and young toddlers and babies do not like the presence of certain people, there’s good reason.

Let’s assume you are a decent person and mean no harm to P. Posing an ultimatum at this fairly early point in your relationship is probably not the brightest idea. Momma Mona wants you to move forward in your relationship, not sink it.

By any chance, are you familiar with Pavlov, the Russian physiologist famous for his studies on salivating dogs and classical conditioning? (see: http:// en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ivan_Pavlov ) Regardless, I’m telling you there is hope in reconditioning P’s dog to behave in a manner that will be conducive to you building a stronger relationship with P while not risking any nipping accidents to your person.

First, shift your focus and mind thoughts from “I hate this dog” to “I feel compassion for this dog’s loss and current emotional and psychological well being.”

Once you are in this empathetic space, you will be in a better position of discussing the issue with P. And, you’ll be surprised at how far this empathy road will

take you with P because you will be approaching this issue as a team effort to ease the anxiety of the dog.

A few things the two of you can try at home on your own is to focus and spend time with the dog first together, then you alone. Perhaps you can be the one to feed the dog or give treats. Does she play fetch?

Bring her some dog toys with your scent on them.

The point is that you’ve got to develop your own relationship with the dog so she will feel safe around you. Once she feels safe and regards you well, the barking and nipping will more than likely stop.

I researched dog training websites in the Atlanta area and made a few calls for you. Bob Moorefield of Alpha Academy, http://www.kudzu.com/m/AlphaAcademy-of-Dog-Training-728820, 404-874-5224, offered three ideas. The first and easiest is for P. to place the dog in another part of the home before you arrive so that the dog does not start barking. His second idea is definitely not his preference or mine, but you could purchase an ultra sound device that will distract the dog whenever she barks. The down side of this is that the dog may not bark at other times when it would be appropriate, like when she wants to go out to do her business. His third suggestion is to hire a reputable dog trainer to see if you can first find out the underlying reason for the barking and then train the dog to follow commands such as “No. Go to your place”.

Hope things work out for all involved!

Momma Mona Dear Momma Mona, A friend of mine recently slept with somebody and ended up with gonorrhea. Since he had not slept with anyone in the past 6 months, he feels certain it was this person. Should he confront and tell this person or just let him find out from someone else?

Dear Little Balls, What do you mean not alert someone that they have gonorrhea?!? Your “friend” is very lucky to have had symptoms and went immediately to a doctor.

Gonorrhea infection, if not treated, will also spread through the bloodstream and infect other parts of the body causing fever, rash, skin sores, joint pain, swelling and stiffness. Since many people do not know they have gonorrhea, these symptoms may seem like the flu and prevent them from seeking a doctor early on. And, did you know that Gonorrhea also causes an increased risk of HIV/AIDS?!?! This is serious business, but if treated immediately, may only require one little pill to handle.

If this partner is not aware of having gonorrhea, which many people are not, then this may save him from more serious issues AND from infecting others.

It is your friend’s social obligation to tell this other person of his experience and diagnosis. If your friend is shy, embarrassed or whatever, tell him Momma Mona says to practice in the mirror until he feels confident, but no longer than one more day. Make it short and sweet by simply saying, “Hey, I was just treated for gonorrhea about a week after we hooked up and wanted you to know so you can seek treatment, too.” That’s 25 words that will help this person and who knows who else. Just think what a social service it will be to inform this person! Bravo!

For your friend, he might now consider regular gonorrhea screenings because he is at a higher risk of re-infection. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about 700,000 people contract gonorrhea each year in the United States.

You can protect yourself from gonorrhea by using a condom. I’m just saying.....

Momma Mona

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scoreboard Thursday July 7: Atlanta Rainbow Trout: Swimming GA Tech Aquatic Center 750 Ferst Dr. 7:30 pm Swim training and workouts for swimmers of all levels. atlantarainbowtrout.com

Friday, July 8: Atlanta Rainbow Trout: Swimming & Water Polo GA Tech Aquatic Ctr. 750 Ferst Dr. 7:30 pm Development of future team members for ART Water Polo team atlantarainbowtrout.com Saturday, July 9: Women’s Outdoor Network Join our weekend Fit Club for women who want to reach their personal fitness goals. Locations and times vary each week. For info, contact Alison: Alison.hall@ suntrust.com wonatlanta.com Front Runners Atlanta Saturday Run. John Howell Park 869 Virginia Ave. 8:00 am frontrunnersatlanta.org Weight Watchers with ALHI Atlanta Lesbian Health Initiative 1530 Dekalb Ave Atlanta 8:00 am Join us for a weigh in and a meeting. thehealthinitiative.org All American Skate Ctr. 5400 Bermuda Rd., Stn. Mtn., $15-$20, 11:30 pm-1:30 am, www.atlantabucksrugby.org Come out in your 70’s and 80’s Disco garb and help the rugby team go to the

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Bingham Cup in great ‘disco’ style. It will be a memorable night of Roller Skates, Rugby players, Disco music, and beer!

Monday, July 11 Front Runners Atlanta Monday Run. 905 Juniper St. 7:15 pm frontrunnersatlanta.org

Sunday, July 10 Women’s Outdoor Network Join our weekend Fit Club for women who want to reach their personal fitness goals.

Locations and times vary each week. For info, contact Alison: Alison.hall@suntrust. com wonatlanta.com

Tuesday, July 12 Hotlanta Volleyball Association: Intermediate Open Play Agnes Scott College 141 E. College Ave. Decatur 7:30 pm $5 members $10 nonmembers. Come show what you got before League Play continues. hotlantavolleyball.org

Hotlanta Softball West Metro Softball Complex 7301 Campbellton Rd. 9 am-4 pm Come out to the ball game.

Check out the website for the team match ups and the weekly host bar—for after the games! hotlantasoftball.org Atlanta Rainbow Trout: Swimming, Water Polo, Diving GA Tech Aquatic Ctr. 750 Ferst Dr. Atlanta 11:00 am2:00 pm Train and practice in all three divisions with others in all skill levels.

Swimming: 11-12:30 Water Polo: 11-12:30 Diving: 12:30-2:00 (Diving Membership & Insurance required) For more info: atlantarainbowtrout.com Game Day Woofs 2425 Piedmont Rd. 12:00 pm Come watch the games at Atlanta’s only gay sports bar. woofsatlanta.com

Atlanta Rainbow Trout: Swimming & Water Polo GA Tech Aquatic Ctr. 750 Ferst Dr. 7:30 pm Development of future team members for ART Water Polo team atlantarainbowtrout.com Wednesday, July 13 Front Runners Atlanta Wednesday Run. John Howell Park 869 Virginia Ave. 6:30 pm frontrunnersatlanta.org Hotlanta Volleyball Association: Advanced Open Play Agnes Scott College 141 E. College Ave. Decatur 7:30 $5 members $10 nonmembers. Come show what you got before League Play continues. hotlantavolleyball.org

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QUEER PUSS The Return of Josie Cotton

By Michael Slattori

Josie Cotton crashed onto the world stage in the early eighties with her controversial new wave hit, ‘Johnny, Are You Queer?’. When the underground dance hit was unexpectedly catapulted on to the airwaves, it sparked a meteoric rise in fame for Cotton that just as quickly went down in flames. Cotton was attacked by the religious right for “Johnny…”, then labeled homophobic by the gay community, and the song was even banned in Amsterdam. The backlash thwarted her promising career and ultimately made Cotton a pariah in the music business.

Was the song originally intended for the Go-Gos?

Still, Josie Cotton forged on in the underground, releasing indy hits including “Convertible Music”, “From the Hip”, and “Frightened By Nightingales”. In 2006, she released “Movie Disaster Music”, her most critically acclaimed album to date. It was followed by “Invasion of the B Girls”, a campy by reverent homage to B-Movie theme songs from the 1960s and 70s. In his liner notes to the album, film director John Waters wrote “Josie makes the un-listenable unforgettable.”

If you had the chance to do it all over to do again, what would you do differently? Would you still have recorded the song?

Her latest record, “Pussycat Babylon”, co-produced by legendary punk keyboardest Paul Roessler, releases this summer. It’s a modern electro-pop inspired album featuring some of the underground’s most influential players. Dead Kennedy’s producer Geza X plays guitar, Princess Frank is on drums, and an original member of Black Flag, Kira Roessler, plays bass. It’s the first album since “Jonny…” that has the potential to hit mainstream. But is the mainstream ready yet for Josie Cotton?

Would you have become a more vocal gay rights advocate?

Why was there such a backlash to ‘Johnny, Are You Queer’ in the early 80’s?

The queer word had not been used in polite society yet so it shocked people to hear it in a Top 40 song.

Conservatives thought Johnny was too gay, the gay community accused you of being homophobic.

The reaction from the religious right was hilarious to me at the time. I considered it a badge of honor. I have to say I was truly dumbfounded by the reception I received from the New York gay community. In California, it was considered a gay anthem. It was really written as a blues song for teenage girls. Part of why the song is funny is that the girl in the song is oblivious to the fact.

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They performed the song early in their career as their producers at the time, The Paine Brothers, actually wrote it with them in mind. But when the Go-Go’s walked out on their production contract, The Paine Brothers gave the song to me.

Did the the song de-rail your career?

Absolutely. controversy.

The labels were terrified of the

That’s always the question that stops me dead in my tracks. True, I was offered record deals based on me dropping the song. I turned the deals down and my career suffered. Would I do it again? Yes. However, I would change the way I handled the situation. I would stand up for myself now.

I’ve always defended and loved the gay community.

That’s why it was so hurtful when The Advocate and The Village Voice took the position they did towards me.

Is today’s world ready for queer Jonny?

I think so. Queer Johnny has been introduced in the living rooms of America now, through television, media, stars coming out… It’s pretty ho hum these days. What the world is not ready for is angry gay Johnny or sexually explicit Johnny. When we incorporated Elephant, a set of twin gay rappers on the dance remix of the record, it caused as much of a reaction as the original Johnny. Older white straight guys labeled the song homophobic. Kids in their twenties, however, love it. They think its funny and cutting edge. They get it. It’s fascinating to me that the sex and violence that has been accepted in hip hop is perceived so differently if the characters happen to be gay. Now that’s a dialogue we need to have.

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Why is Jonny, Are You Queer an important song for young gay men and women?

It’s not important at all. It’s how we choose to live our lives that’s important.

As one of the original shock-rockers, how do you feel about today’s new breed of rocker girls like Katy Perry and Lady Gaga?

I love them both. We need them both. I think it’s a little strange and sad how Katy Perry went after Gaga recently over her video. If art doesn’t push the limits or at least explore them then its not really art in my opinion.

How do they match up against the ladies of the 80s?

As far as the 80s goes, girl singers back then were facing a huge amount of sexism that opened up doors for the female artists of today.

What are today’s rocker girls rebelling against?

How is it the same/different from what the 80s girls were shouting against?

I don’t think they’re rebelling against anything having to do with a girl. They get to be human now.

What a concept!

Would you agree 80s music and artists from the 80s are enjoying a comeback?

A huge comeback!

Why are today’s youth rediscovering 80s sounds?

It’s the old twenty year cycle. The 60s were big in the 80s. But it’s almost over. 90s nostalgia is right around the corner.

How would you describe the music on your new album, Pussycat Babylon?

Pussycat is the dancey pop record my fans have been asking for. It stirs and shakes together bubbly pop, techno electro, Euro-trash disco and Japanese new-wave into an exploding post-punk cocktail.

It’s as quirky and noir as it is intoxicating. Blending dreamy pop melodies with edgy wit and deft word play. It’s my most irresistible, most revealing record to date.

What’s your favorite track on the album?

I like them all for different reason but I do love the title track, “Pussycat Babylon” a lot.

What is the most meaningful track on the album? ”See the New Hong Kong”. It’s about the end of my last relationship and trying to move on.

How does the album compare to your previous B-Movie inspired albums?

My last album, 2007’s “Invasion of the B Girls”, was all theme songs from B movies in the 60’s and 70’s.

It was complete camp. John Waters wrote the liner notes so you can imagine. My new record is the most autobiographical record I’ve ever recorded. I wrote the songs like stories and myself as a character in them.

e i n s o o t J ot C

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What side of Josie Cotton are you exploring on Pussycat Babylon?

What’s a more accurate description of Josie Cotton?

The dark side. The name ‘Josie Cotton’ sounds ridiculously happy and my early music was… but I always felt like an outsider and I’m just now letting the ironic part of myself peer out into the world.

What’s next?

How did John Waters become a fan?

I never had any idea he was a fan until he put me on his record, “A Date with John Waters” and called me one of his favorite singers in the press. Then we kinda bonded after he tried to sue me for recording “Female Trouble” for my Invasion record.

Has John Waters given his stamp of approval on Pussycat Babylon?

Last time I saw him he asked me what was holding up my new record. I told him how the label people were making me re-release “Johnny Are You Queer” first and he told me to add rappers to the track which was so ironic because that was what I had been struggling to do.

A nerdy bookworm.

I’m concentrating now on my live performances.

I have this amazing band and am very comfortable again with the role of rock singer. I’m also writing!

I completed a stage show based on the original television dance show, “Solid Gold”. We’re hoping to bring it to New York! I’m also in discussions on a stage show based on my “Invasion of the B Girl” record.

You’ve become quite a prolific writer.

Writing makes me sane but performing makes me feel alive. I need both. It’s strange to be just reaching my stride this late in the game but I’ve always had the sense I never got to finish the race.

Keep running, Josie.

Until the end.

You recently in an interview, “It’s amazing to me I’m not a lesbian.” What do you mean by that statement?

Growing up, I never felt like a girl. I really resented being one. I literally wanted to have my breasts removed surgically. My bigger problem was I didn’t want to be a guy either. I never trusted very much for reasons I will probably never talk about.

What’s the biggest misconception fans have of Josie Cotton?

That I’m an airhead bimbo. It has driven me crazy over the years. I swear at times it has made me want to eat my own arm.

69 davidatlanta

bartab Monday

Felix’s

Mixx

Video Request NightIndustry Night 9pm

Friends on Ponce

Model T

Heretic

Tripps

Amsterdam

BJ Roosters

Male Bar Top Dancers 8pm-1am

Blake’s

Smirnoff Martini Night

Enchanted Evnings With Ken & Donnie

Gay Film Festival with Paul @ 9:30pm.

Drag on The Edge 11pm with Alexandria Martin

LeBuzz

Burkharts

Mary’s

Karaoke Idol 10:30pm - Close

The Eagle

Bare Chest Night $3PBR

Felix’s

Free Pool! Industry Night

Friends on Ponce

Afternoons with Jasen 2pm

Frogs

$1 Tacos 6-9pm

Heretic

Brian May is pouring up stiff drinks & great conversation.

10pm to 3 am

LeBuzz

Man Dance Cabaret GOGO Dancers Food& Drink Specials 8pm

Mary’s

Open 5pm DJ Va Jay Jay Spins

Mixx

Live Pianist 9pm - 1am

Model T

SIN! Service Industry Night!

Discounted Drinks!

Party with Elvis!

Woofs

Texas Hold’em 8pm

Tuesday 3 Legged Cowboy Family Poker 7:30pm

Amsterdam

Showtunes 9pm

BJ Roosters

Male Bar Top Dancers 8pm-1am

Blake’s

Twisted Trivia @ 9pm starring The Lady Shabazz

Burkharts

Karaoke 11:30pm

The Eagle

Karaoke $3.75 Well Drinks

70 davidatlanta

Talent Search & Karaoke

CJ Hosting Mary-Oke @ 10pm

Texas Hold’em Poker 7:30 - 10pm

Karaoke! With The Fabulous CJ! or The Party Man Patrick! 9:30pm

Taco Night - Free Tacos 5PM

Swinging Richards

$5 Cover! Free VIP Lounge Entry

Woofs

Woofs House Trivia starts at 8:00pm

Mixx

Thursday

Model T

Dance Lessons @ 8-9 Ladies Night

Texas Hold’em Poker 7:30 - 10pm

Always A Party! Wyatt, Gary & Elvis serve up their Best!

Swinging Richards

3 Legged Cowboy

Amsterdam Rita’s & Smirnoff Tini’s Special

No Cover Tuesdays!

Bellissima

Woofs

Live DJ Entertainment

Free WII from 4:00 till close Industry Night!!

Wednesday

BJ Roosters Male Bar Top Dancers 8pm-1am

3 Legged Cowboy

Blake’s

Amsterdam

Get L.I.T. All Day Specials

Texas Holdem Poker @ 7p The Shawnna Factor @ 11p featuring: Alexandria Martin, Nicole Paige Brooks, Phoenix and Lena Lust

Bellissima

Burkharts

Intermediate 2Step @ 8-9

Texas Hold ‘Em Poker 7pm

BJ Roosters

Male Bar Top Dancers 8pm-1am

Blake’s

Princess Charles Fashionistas 11:30pm

The Eagle Dance Music $2.50 Schnapps

Rated R @ 11pm - starring Lady Shabazz, Shawnna Brooks, Nichelle Paris, Lateasha Shante Schuntel, Lena Lust & Destiny Brooks Half Price Apps: ALL DAY

Felix’s

Burkharts

Heretic

Karaoke Idol 10:30pm - Close w/ Shavonna B. Brooks

The Eagle

Modern Family Night $3 PBR

Friends on Ponce

H.U.M.P. DAY With Jeremy, Ken & Daniel

Heretic

Boys Night Out Dress Code party 10pm - 3am

LeBuzz

Hump Night & New Entertainer Showcase

Mary’s

DJ Yes Sir Spins Rock 9pm

Karaoke

Friends on Ponce HOT NIGHTS With Jasen and Donnie

Cafe Con Leche 10pm Latin Beats & Show w/ Lady Karima/Brent Star

LeBuzz Ladies Night Shows

Mary’s Themed Parties Reto DJ’s

Swinging Richards 2-4-1 Night Door Entry and VIP $10 Open 6:30pm

Mixx Kareoke Remixx Show 9pm-1am

Model T Robert & Michael serve up their Best!

Woofs

Mixx

Meet and Greet for “Gathering Time”!

Daily Food Specials

Mixx

Friday

Model T

High Energy Music Videos 9pm-1am

3 Legged Cowboy

Free Tacos! All The Fixins! 3:30 pm to gone!

Swinging Richards

Swinging Richards

Tripps Bar

Amsterdam

Laser Show Dance Party with DJ Steve Lynch

High Energy Videos 9pm

Bellissima

Woofs

Live DJ Entertainment

Great Food, Drink & Good Times

Saturday

BJ Roosters

Male Bar Top Dancers 8pm-1am

3 Legged Cowboy Dance Lessons @ 8-9

Blake’s

Kitty LeClaw’s Meow Mix 11pm

Amsterdam

High Energy Videos 9pm

Burkharts

Mary Edith Pitts Show 11:30pm

Bellissima

Live DJ Entertainment

Chaparral

Got Leche?

Latino dance Party & Show with DJ Chirucco 10pm - Hot Latino Dancers and Divas

BJ Roosters

Male Bar Top Dancers 8pm-1am

Blake’s

Jealouse’s Daring Divas 11pm

The Eagle

DJ Dance Party & Club Night

Burkharts

Mary Edith Pitts Show 11:30pm

Felix’s

Bartenders Ray & Cory Serve it up!

Model T

Bagel Day! Free Bagels Noon-3pm Open 6:30pm - $10 Hot Naked Men and Big Cocktails

Studs & Spurs Shows at 10, 11, 12, and 1

Dance Party 10pm - 3am

The Eagle

Open 6:30pm - $10 T-Shirt Review @ Midnight

Tripps

BBQ Cookout 1-5pm

Woofs

Great Food, Drink & Good Times

Sunday Amsterdam

Sunday Brunch 11:30am - 3pm Showtunes with a Twist 7pm

Bellissima

Live DJ Entertainment

BJ Roosters

Male Bar Top Dancers 8pm-1am

Blake’s

The Armorettes @ 8pm

Burkharts

Mary Edith Pitts Show @ 9pm

Felix’s

DJ Dance Party

Bloody Mary & Mimosa Wallet Pleasers

Felix’s

Eagle

Papi’s Cafe Con Leche 10pm - 3am

Friends on Ponce

Friends on Ponce

Open @ Noon with Bob Brewer

Sunday Dinner 4pm

Jungle

Heretic

Model T

Fresh with top 40 music & Video dance party 10pm-3am

Customer Reward Night DJ Brian Beck 10pm

LeBuzz

LeBuzz

Tripps

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Happy Time With Daniel and Terry

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Saturday Night Fever Show

Mary’s

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@

the guide SEEN Lindbergh Dr.

17th St.

ire esh Ch

16 10th St. 37,13,3

5

31

Monroe Dr.

9

Spring St. W. Peachtree St. Peachtree St. Juniper St. Piedmont Ave.

10th St.

Pie dm on tA ve .

6,11,21,35 15 36 1,2

14th St.

4

25 40 175 38 39 Rd. 3 14 idge 19 Br

24 27

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Briarcliff Rd.

Northside Dr.

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st ea rth o N 31 34

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N. Highland

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Amsterdam Ave. Virginia Ave.

Ponce De Leon Pl.

18

Peach tree R d.

400

26

12

Ponce de leon Ave.

22North Ave.

Ralph McGill Blvd.

20

72 davidatlanta

Boulevard Dr.

Downtown

Airport

N 20,23

1. Amsterdam 502 Amsterdam Ave. 404-892-2227 myspace.com/amsterdamatlanta

18. LeBuzz 585 Franklin Rd. (Marietta) 770-424-1337 www.thenewlebuzz.com

36. Boy Next Door 1447 Piedmont Rd. 404.873.2264 www.boynextdoor.biz

2. Bellissima 560-B Amsterdam Ave. 404-917-0220 myspace.com/bellissima_lounge

19. Las Margaritas 1842 Cheshire Bridge Rd. 404-873-4464 www.lasmargaritasatl.com

37. Outwrite Bookstore & Cafe 991 Piedmont Ave. 404-607-0082

3. Blake’s on the Park 227 10th St. 404-892-5786 myspace.com/blakesonthepark

20. Mary’s 1287 Glenwood Ave. 404-624-4411 www.marysatlanta.com

4. BJ Roosters 2345 Cheshire Bridge Rd. 404-634-5895 www.bjroostersatl.com

21. Mixx 1492 Piedmont Rd. 404-228-4372

5. Bulldogs 893 Peachtree St. 404-872-3025

22. Model-T 699 Ponce De Leon Ave. 404-872-2209 www.modeltatlanta.com

6. Burkhart’s 1492-F Piedmont Rd. 404-872-4403 www.burkharts.com

23. My Sisters Room 1271 Glenwood Ave. SE 678-705-4585

7. Chaparral 2715 Buford Hwy. 678-886-3205 8. Club Europe 4001 Presidential Pkwy.

770-452-1240 www.thelionsdenatlanta.com 9. Club Opera 1150-B Crescent Ave. 404-872-1150 www.operaatlanta.com 10. Eagle 306 Ponce De Leon Ave. 404-873-2453 www.atlantaeagle.com 11. Felix’s 1510-G Piedmont Rd. 404-249-7899 12. Friends On Ponce 736 Ponce De Leon Ave. 404-817-3820 www.friendsonponce-atl.com 13. Gilbert’s 219 10th St. 404-872-8012 www.gilbertscafe.com 14. Heretic 2069 Cheshire Bridge Rd. 404-325-3061 www.hereticatlanta.com 15.HOBNOB 1551 Piedmont Ave. 404-968-2288 16. Joe’s on Juniper 1049 Juniper St. 404-875-6634 www.joesatlanta.com 17. Jungle 2115 Faulkner Rd. 404-844-8800 myspace.com/ jungle_bradwilliams

38. Poster Hut 2175 Cheshire Bridge Rd. 404-633-7491 PRIVATE SOCIAL CLUBS 39. Eros 2219 Faulkner Rd. 404-287-4482 34. Manifest 2103 Faulkner Rd. 404-549-2815

24. New Order 1544 Piedmont Rd. 404-874-8247 25. Opus 1 1086 Alco St. 404-634-6478 26. Phaze 1 4933 Memorial Dr. 404-296-4895 27. Swinging Richards 1400 Northside Dr. 404-352-0532 www.swingingrichards.com 28. 3 Legged Cowboy 931 Monroe Dr. 404-876-0001 www.3leggedcowboy.net 29. Tripps 1931 Piedmont Cir. 404-724-0067 30. Woofs 2425 Piedmont Rd. 404-869-9422 www.woofsatlanta.com GYMS/SPAS/BATHS 31. FLEX 76 - 4th St. NW 404-815-0456 32. Gravity Fitness 2201 Faulkner Rd. NW 404-486-0506 33. Workout Anytime 2140 Peachtree Rd. 404-351-3264 RETAIL/BOOKS/DVDS 34. Atlanta Leather Company 2070 Cheshire Bridge Rd. 404-320-8989

through

35. Brushstrokes/Capulets 1510 Piedmont Ave. 404-876-6567 73 davidatlanta

the brent star report

Are we really ready for Gay Marriage?

Part 1 One thing that’s hard for me to swallow is the state of the dating scene in the gay community….or is it also bad in the str8 community? Well this ain’t Newsweek magazine, so I’m specifically concerned about us. In order for them to take us seriously and approve such a bill that allows us to get married, we have to be serious first! Atlanta has more games going on right now with relationships than XBOX and Wii put together!

Let me be as clear as possible, I’m not talking about “hook ups’, THAT’S another column, no I’m talking about when you two have agreed to ‘date’ or consider yourselves a ‘couple’ in a closed relationship. Am I bitter? Actually, I feel blessed with my life right now and happy as hell to be Mr. Brent Star, but I also have a big heart and sick and tired of seeing games played on my friends, facebook friends, and of course Sandra Bullock (j/k-- but I’ll use her recent situation as reference later). Oh I’ve had my share of game players too, but now I know how to treat them like mosquitoes and GET RID OF THEM before they suck they life out of you! I’m going to list just a few red flag warnings that you might be with WRONG ONE: • SEX, SEX, SEX!: If you want a relationship with someone (or ‘marry’ someone) then honey, as enjoyable and fun sex is, that’s not enough to ‘keep it moving’. Get to know him before you make a commitment (ATLEAST 6 months), I know it’s old fashion but ‘dating’ is STILL a very important route to take before you two decide to go on the real journey of love. And dating doesn’t mean “come over and watch a movie” while knowing he means “let’s have sex later”. I mean, that’s cool for a hook up. But not for real dating. Oh and worse, if he doesn’t give a shit about NOTHING you do except SEX or making out…delete.

• THEIR ACTIONS: Oh anybody can say “I love you” these days and “aw baby you are so fine”…un huh, ain’t nothing wrong with saying that, but you wonder why they NEVER call you, always have an excuse NOT to hang with you, rather be with his friends MORE than being with you (he can hang with his friends sometimes, just not all of the time) or better yet, they seem to always try to ‘change you’ because they don’t like this or that about you….un huh, delete! Honey, trust me, if he really and truly likes you, he would like everything about you or learn how to ‘deal’

with (or compromise) with you. Oh and believe me, if he’s really into YOU, he’d pay attention to the details.

• ANGRY MOFO’s! If you KNOW it’s not you and you feel like you haven’t done anything wrong to that mother fu@ker and he always pushing your buttons, pissing you off, ready to yell at any second, then honey guess what, you’re sleeping with the enemy. I call those guys DISTRACTORS! Cause before you know it, he’ll distract you from your career, from your family and friends, and most importantly he’s distracting you from YOU! You have actually lost all sense of YOU and your peace of mind and happiness. If this is this case, this is called ‘severe’ distraction and you got to come out of it, quick! I ain’t writing this for nothing, I’m speaking to someone who needs to hear this! Now, on a flip side, this could also be a ‘time’ factor, meaning you two may have met at the WRONG time because he’s got a lot going on. This means, he may not be bad, just bad for you right now. Delete. Like TLC say, “Erase, replace, embrace, NEW face!”. The End. Oh this gets even more juicy and real. Watch out for Part 2 because that’s my time this week. But in the mean time, I have to give entertainer RuPaul credit when he says, “If you don’t love your self, how in the HELL you expect someone to love you! Can I get an amen in here?”. So true, because if you truly love yourself, you’ll realize life is too short to take shit from anyone in your life ESPECIALLY from someone who could possibly be the WRONG man! Until next week, don’t read the girls, instead read The Brent Star Report! ” Shout outs: Happy Birthday LENA LUST!!! (and congrats to LEBUZZ for hosting a new PRIDE in Marietta---stay tuned for that write up...)

Where to catch Brent Star: Mondays at Blakes, Tuesdays at SHOUT, Saturdays atTijuana Garage, Thursdays and Saturdays once a month at Burkharts and everywhere else that pays!

My Sisters Room - Saturdays

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SEEN

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WALK-INS WELCOME Men’s Haircut $20 Women’s Haircut $30 Sunday Haircuts $15 75 davidatlanta

atlanta a-z

by David C. Muller

UR

FO E D O

EPIS

C “

On Sunday, long after church was over, Luke went to Burkhart’s for dinner. Luke was in search of the best food at the best value and he was thirsty and he’d heard somewhere that Burkhart’s served free Red Bull mixers from four ‘til eight so off he went to partake and enjoy in the best happy hour in Atlanta.

Luke ordered a drink at the main bar and was tempted to feast on an Angus steak dinner but, instead, he took his drink upstairs and perched his elbows over the railing of the balcony in search of love.

The crowd a Burkhart’s was not as dense as a Friday night. Mostly the crowd was the same age as Luke, many men were older, some were younger. Everyone wore blue jeans at Burkhart’s Luke noticed; here and there were men dressed in shorts and sandals, but there was a similarity in appearance amongst most of the men. Aside from those blue jeans, many wore shirts emblazoned with a plethora of labels: Abercrombie and Fitch, Old Navy, the Gap, the Banana Republic, Hugo Boss, Calvin Klein, 2-exist. As he sipped his Red Bull and vodka, Luke wondered if his love would come to him wrapped and packaged in designer labels or if, Heaven forbid, he would come to him dressed in flip flops and flannel.

“No, no,” Luke shook his head and whispered to himself, “that will never do.”

“Pardon me,” someone tapped Luke on the 76 davidatlanta

r o f is shoulder, “I saw you standing up here all by your lonesome and I’ve never seen you before in here.”

Luke turned and saw a very attractive man: his face was clear and smooth, his eyes and hair were brown. He smiled pleasantly and wore a simple blue t-shirt and, like everyone else, he wore blue jeans. Luke didn’t notice the shoes but he did notice the flesh; what little of it that was exposed was impressive; smooth, soft and tan in complexion. Luke liked lips; he liked this guy’s lips and, at the sight of them, he licked his own.

“My name is Chris,” he held out his hand to Luke. “Are you new to town?”

“Not new,” Luke felt an electric spark in that handshake, “I’ve just been gone for a while but now I’m back.”

Chris looked like every other guy in Atlanta named Chris but, in Luke’s opinion, there was something about this particular Chris he found sublimely enticing. Chris asked him, “Are you here for the show?”

“What show?” Luke asked, “There is a show?”

“Mary Edith Pitts.”

“My God,” Luke drank his Red Bull, “she’s still around?”

“She does a show here with all these other drag queens. One of ‘em was on Rupaul’s

” s i r h C r w

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show on Logo.”

“Which one? The little Asian one?”

Christ flinched; or at least Luke thought he saw him flinch.

Luke said, “I don’t know all their names.”

“Have you seen it before?”

“Seen what before?” Luke heard the music in Burkhart’s get louder.

“The show?”

“I haven’t been here in years.”

“It’s a good show.” Chris suddenly appeared bored; he tugged on his beer and stared down at the first level.

Luke took a moment to physically asses Chris.

Luke leaned back to check out his butt. Chris had a nice butt, he looked fit, his hair looked like it had been recently trimmed and the skin at the nape of his neck was darker in color than Luke’s. Luke, like most men, found a tan on the skin sexy, especially if it came with tan lines hidden beneath all those hampering garments. That blue t-shirt was tight around the back, the fabric hugged Chris’ shoulders.

Chris looked built; Chris he looked ‘fly’ and Luke sauntered up next to him full of innuendo and agenda.

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here, maybe get a drink somewhere else or something to eat down the street?”

“I think I want to stay for the show. Why? What’d you have in mind we do?”

“Oh,” Luke wanted to say, “I have a lot of things on my mind we can do,” but instead he said, “I just think you’re cute, I want to get to know you.”

Chris tugged on the beer bottle but said nothing.

“I could dazzle you with all sorts of bullshit small talk about nothing but, really; c’mon.”

Luke said, “I like how you look but I probably won’t get to know you any better than I do now in this context.”

The lights ‘round Burkhart’s dimmed as the clock struck nine. Mary Edith Pitts, dressed in full regalia, appeared on stage clad in a tightfitting, hip-hugging emerald dress that framed the bazookas of her faux-breast like bright green weapons-grade plutonium. Whenever Mary Edith Pitts bombastically took the stage, whether at Burkhart’s or anywhere else in the world for that matter, an extra ‘dot’ flashed up on the screens of NORAD… NEXT EPISODE: “D is for Danny”

“So Chris, do you want really want to stay for the show or do you want to get out of 77 davidatlanta

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78 davidatlanta

Amsterdam - Saturdays

Don’t Bug Me

health SEEN

By Matt Ruffman

Preserving a friendship starts in bed.

My friends Bob and Steve got married last summer in a moving ceremony at their cabin in the Georgia Mountains. Before the Veuve Clicquot had dried on our lips they were off to Madagascar and Seychelles for a 3-month honeymoon, with side trips to the mainland for safaris and a mountain trek.

They arrived home happy and healthy, unlike me the last time I traveled to Africa and returned home with shingles, but I digress.

I caught up with Bob and Steve, spending an overnight with them at their cabin. We drank massive martinis, hot-tubbed and ate raclette and prime rib. It was the perfect getaway.

Except that my partner snored like a reciprocating saw all night and I woke up in the morning with a splitting sinus headache and swollen mucous membranes.

You might assume that my headache was vodka’s vengeance, but I proved I wasn’t hung-over by cranking up Elaine Stritch on the stereo to more than 100 decibels without flinching.

times a day. And 70 percent of humans, including my partner and me, are allergic to a protein in those leavings.

The dust mite allergen is a prominent factor in snoring, sleep apnea, chronic rhinitis and sinusitis, childhood asthma and many other respiratory problems. If you are suffering from any of those ailments, suspect dust mites.

Dust mites reproduce explosively in humid conditions (i.e. in beds, where sleepers perspire up to 3 liters of moisture in one night), so reducing relative humidity to less than 45 percent kills off mite populations. You should also encapsulate your mattress and pillows in sheets that prevent migration of dust mites and their protein-laced feces.

My salvation has been silk-filled bedding, which reduces humidity and encapsulates the mattress in one fell swoop. It completely stopped my partner’s snoring and sleep apnea the first night we put it on our bed, and instantly ended our chronic sinus troubles.

It wasn’t until brunch (mimosas, oyster-mushroom omelet, blue corn pancakes with chili-infused maple syrup, thanks for asking) that I realized the culprit behind my overnight sinus flare-up.

Silk fiber is uninhabitable to dust mites and they can’t migrate through it. Silk also wicks away moisture so quickly that the humidity level in the mattress and pillows drops too low to support dust mite populations.

Bob asked how we’d slept and we skirted the issue, reporting how much we’d enjoyed the firm mattress.

He laughed and said, “That mattress is more than thirty years old - it came with the cottage.”

Silk’s added air circulation is refreshing and sleepinducing. And compared to down, which retains moisture (and which dust mites THRIVE in), silk is fabulously luxurious and comfortable.

My eyebrows shot into my hairline. What Bob didn’t know was that, by the time mattresses and pillows are ten years old, up to a third of their weight is dust mite excrement and exoskeletons. (Dust mites are microscopic lobster-like creatures that devour cast-off flakes of human skin. There’s lots of dead skin trapped in mattresses; a year round feast for dust mites.)

There are several silk bedding manufacturers today including Imperial Delight and DreamSacks Ming Dynasty, both available at www.AllergyBuyersClub. com. The brand my partner and I use is SmartSilk, available at www.SmartSilk.com, because it’s certified by the Asthma Society of America. The bedding includes high-quality, machine washable and dryable pillow covers, a mattress cover and a silk-filled duvet. The best thing is that the sheets and duvet are portable and fit in a suitcase for easy travel.

I shuddered to think how much dust mite poop there was in a 30-year-old mattress.

But wait, there’s more.

Between 100,000 and 10 million dust mites live in older mattresses. Each one of those mites poops 20

So next time I visit Bob and Steve, rather than broaching the embarrassing subject of revolting old mattresses and microscopic bottom-feeders, I’ll just bring along my silk bedding.

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Eagle - Saturdays

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Protect Your Monster

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bitch session

I’m sorry Amsterdam the year is 2010, not the 90’s . Stop playing the same euro trash music you play all the time... It ‘s getting old!

It is not a special anymore when it’s been going on for 3 months! PULL THE PORK FROM THE MENU!

You’re too old to be a catty bitch!

I’ve been caring, respectful, and supportive.

You’ve been mean spirited, disrespectful, and abusive. Some friend. GAME OVER LOSER. Happy Independence Day to ME! Don’t mistake me ignoring your immature insults or moronic whispers under your breath to your babysitting friends as validation. It’s a sign of your easy to forget dysfunctional personality that makes you act like such a childish JOKE. Hello, not my issue honey... grow up!

Ok baby, listen! I think the problem with younger guys who bitch about older guys, is you don’t like being reminded that soon enough they will be you. But the good news is at 63, my equipment works and the O is bigger. Just relax and let us look and enjoy your youth.

Shut up and contemplate a seasonal job at Target.

You fake attitude and programmed smiles don’t hide the fact that you still hate me for moving in on your man. He’s gay honey, it’s never going to happen. I commend you for trying though, even if it is slightly pathetic.

Did you ever to stop to wonder why you’re always the last to know? It’s because you can never keep your mouth shut.

98 david davidatlanta atlanta

On the great railroad of life, an open relationship is the last stop before splitsville.

Why is it that the guys who ignore you in the bar are the first to hit you up on Manhunt?

Now that is some shady shit.

Wait, wait…you have a Manhunt, Grindr and you troll on Craigslist…Girl I need a hospital mask around you, who know what you’ve caught.

This is the reality; it includes compromises.

It’s too bad the world can’t be made immediately as perfect as your tina rush.

Maybe I didn’t cross the bar to come talk to you because I am shy. OK, you’re right; it was because you’re fat. Sorry.

To all parents who can’t deal with having a gay or lesbian child: we were not sprinkled with pixie dust after you gave birth to us, we are part of YOU! You can put lipstick on a pig, but you need to choose the right shade.

I don’t want to date a guy that wears more makeup than my sister. Thank You. There’s nothing more disappointing than a hot guy and finding out that you’re both tops at the end of the night.

Just because I serve you drinks doesn’t mean I want to go home with you.

Your taint is sour.