FINDING PURPOSE IN ME

Being a Christian single person is one of those seemingly undesirable positions to be in within the Church community, especially when you are of ‘marriageable age’. For females a lot more than males from the time you hit your twenties most folks expect you to be walking with a possible marriage partner and if you don’t have one you are eyed with suspicion, like there is something wrong with you. This has unfortunately led a lot of young people and at times even older singles to marry more out of desperation than for love of the other person. For older Christian singles at times, they rush into marriage because some Church policies state you are not allowed to hold certain positions if you are not married, of which there is no outright Biblical precedence, but man’s own laws. Paul was single, and God used him mightily and then of course Jesus himself never got married, so singleness is not a handicap that should stop people from freely serving within the church in any capacity and as a single person you should not feel you are lacking something if you want to enter ministry without a partner. Remember in Christ you are complete.

It is important to know yourself so you are content in who you are before you mess up someone’s life believing they can bring meaning and definition to who you are. As I have grown in my relationship with God, I have realised that I have so much that is wrong with me that, until I allow God to sort me out I will be messing up someone’s life if I was to get into a relationship without dealing first with myself and my issues. I am not that messed up in worldly terms, except for one major flaw, I have not learned to love myself enough that I can unreservedly share that love with someone else.

I was married before and am a widow now, because of that I have the privilege of hindsight, being able to objectively look back at my relationship and spend time asking God and asking myself where I went wrong in that relationship. Sure, we had our happy times but also had many troubles, not that my husband was the perfect one, but I am taking responsibility for my wrongs, for where I was lacking, I am taking responsibility for myself and how I should have been a better person. This is why it’s important to know yourself, to find yourself, understand who you are in Christ, where God is taking you and what you want out of life. Understand this however I am not talking of the worldly view of getting to know yourself, where it is about me and what I want, no this is the Godly view point of needing to fulfil God’s most important commandments, love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul and love others as you love yourself, Matthew 22v37-40.

Until you can love God and love yourself, well you have nothing good to give someone else, for you can only give what you have, not what you do not have. We spoke about needing God and being in relationship with him before, now we are looking at your relationship with yourself and others. 1 Corinthians 13v1-8 teaches us that no matter how great you are at everything else in the world or even in your Christian walk, if you do not have love, it means nothing, and all your striving is in vain. If you do not do whatever you do with a heart of love, it counts for nothing. You cannot love people as they need to be loved if you do not love yourself as you should. So, it is important that in yourself you are at peace with who you are, where you are, what you are, how you are, then you can have the grace to extend that to others. This is about finding personal worth in yourself as God has defined and made you in his image. Not only feeling but knowing you are loved, you are seen, you are heard by the most important physical person in your life, you. This always brings us back to whether in your life God is first or not because only when he is first do you get validation to put you first because he puts you first, He even sent Christ to die for you, while you were still a sinner, Romans 5 verse 8, is that not awesome, of course it is, but how does that help me in finding out who I am, my purpose and loving me unreservedly.

Wilderness Wondering

It has been said that ‘the wilderness is God’s proving ground for our identities, it’s the place where we pass or fail the test of knowing who we really are. Your identity is not determined by what you say or what others say about you. It must be confirmed and sealed in your heart and there’s no better place for that to happen than the wilderness.’ Relationally that wilderness is the time when you are single, you are searching, hunting, looking, waiting, praying, crying, complaining and so on, remember the Israelites in the desert. That is where you are and the question becomes why an eleven day journey taking forty years, well here it is, “Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands” (Deut. 8:2). God works on us during the trying times, as with the potter who will keep destroying his mould until it becomes the perfect shape he wants, or the refiner who keeps adding heat to the fire until the precious metal is left pure without a single impurity. Yes, we could never be perfect or pure like that and that’s true, yet this is what God wants. As David said in Psalms 139 verse

23-24 asking God to try his heart because we know his life had drama, but his heart was pure. It not your actual state but your heart, which only God knows and understands, remember as Jesus stated in Matthew 26 verse 41, ‘…the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak’. God wants to get our hearts rightly aligned with His in this wilderness period. We may still stumble and fall here and there, but our hearts will be in the right place, and God knows when that is, we cannot fool him.

So, in trying to find your purpose you may wish for the easier times but always remember that what God has in store for you is greater than what you left behind, hard as it may be in the present, the future is bright. The generation that left Egypt failed to reach the promised land because they kept looking back and did not fully trust in God’s love and promises for something better. They would not let go of the past so they did not get to enjoy the future that should have been theirs. Your purpose when you seek it is not found necessarily in what was happening in the past, it is found in taking God’s hand and allowing Him to lead you forward knowing and trusting in His good intentions towards you.

Identify your God given gifts. What comes easily to you? what do you enjoy doing? what do people compliment you about the most in your work or talent wise? Look at those areas closely and follow their leading they will give you an idea of your purpose and what you should be pursuing in life. Many people have written about being able to make money out of the thing they love as the most rewarding experience in their life and that is true, because it is not work but living out your purpose. Imagine the joy and fulfilment you will have from doing what you enjoy.

So, stop chasing after a “better half”, instead start chasing after a better you, you will be whole and happy even in the waiting. Allow God to use the time to confirm who you are and His purposes for you, then like the Israelites you can celebrate coming out of your wilderness into a land filled with milk and honey. Love you all until we meet again, stay blessed, growing and content. xoxo

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