Recipe for a Tuesday Marissa Lehv ‘21

RECIPE FOR A TUESDAY

Marissa Lehv

Step 1: Tap the doorknob to the kitchen 27 times because you love Uncle Charlie and don’t want him to die. Step 2: Eat oatmeal with 6 raspberries because Uncle Charlie deserves to have a daughter, and 5 or 7 would paralyze your favorite cousin. 3: Wash your hands. 4: Get dressed, and check that the stove is turned o because everyone would blame you for the re. 5: Wash your hands. 6: Count the number of stop signs on the way to school because the u can be deadly, and you probably have it already. 7: Wash your hands as soon as you get to school. 8: Wipe down your desk with the Lysol wipes in your backpack. 9: Wipe down the container of Lysol wipes with the Clorox wipes in your backpack. 10: Wash your hands. 11: Try to take notes, but the ‘e’ in ‘Saline Solution’ looks wrong, so rewrite it 14 more times until it feels right. 12: Chew a piece of spearmint gum because you used the number 14. 13: Wash your hands because you chewed a piece of spearmint gum. 14: Spit out the gum after 28 minutes because it is 14 times 2. 15: Wash your hands. 16: Listen to your lab partner tell you that you are the same as him, as he shows you his color-coded notebook and rearranges the pencils on his desk into height order. 17: Mutter “screw you” under your breath to your lab partner. 18: Apologize to your now-confused lab partner while you turn around in circles 8 times because you didn’t mean it. 19: Wipe down his pencils with Lysol and then again with Clorox for good measure, because even though Joey is an idiot, he does not deserve to crash his car. 20: Wash your hands. 21: Check the cap on your water bottle to make sure it won’t spill. 22: Tap the side of your water bottle 14 times because you aren’t totally sure the cap is on tight, even though you asked your lab partner twice. 23: Chew a piece of spearmint gum because you used the number 14. 24: Replace the gum with a grape Jolly Rancher because gum can only be chewed for a total of 34 minutes a day, and you might use 14 again. 25: Wash your hands. 26: O er your lab partner Purell because he touched his hair three times in a row, and odd-numbered hair touches cause Scarlet Fever. 27: Tap your feet until you calm down because Joey didn’t want the Purell. 28: Take a deep breath because the foot-tapping didn’t work, and your lab partner scratched his ear after checking his phone. 29: Beg your lab partner to retie his shoelaces because he may have Hepatitis B. 30: Wish you were di erent when Joey asks to work with someone else. 31: Wish you were di erent when nobody else o ers to be your lab partner. 32: Wash your hands. 33: Check your watch, because you are exhausted already. 34: Tear up, because it’s 10:41, and that is not a good time to be alive at during the month of February. 35: Hold your breath and wipe down your watch with Lysol until it is 10:42 and you can exhale. 35: Stare at your beaker and wonder how distilled the water is because Ebola is a serious concern. 36: Ask how distilled the water is while Joey rolls his eyes and asks Sam for the lab values. 37: Reluctantly chew a piece of spearmint gum because Sam said there were 14 grams of salt in the tube. 38: Nervously replace the gum with a blue Jolly Rancher because you might use 14 again, and grape is not a avor for after 10:30 in the morning. 39: Wash your hands. 40: Wish you were di erent because everyone is talking about how you cried because of the time on the clock. 41: Wish you were di erent because there is nothing you can say to defend yourself. 42: Check the cap on your water bottle to make sure it is still closed. 43: Ask to use the bathroom. 44: Go nowhere near the bathroom because it has germs, and you can just hold it. 45: Go to the empty lab room and wash your hands while holding your breath because who knows what chemicals were used in there. 46: Call your mom because you want to check that the stove was really turned all the way o . 47: Go back to class, because it has been 4 minutes, and that is the break time that you can have without giving Uncle Charlie another kidney stone. 48: Try your best to nish the lab, because it is due in a week, and you only have one value. 49: Smile at Joey because he showed you his data table and o ered to let you copy it down. 50: Wash your hands. 51: Trudge through the rest of the day 52: Write an extra step, because odd numbers are only allowed if it is the 27 taps on the doorknob.