Change, with Thanksgiving

Change,

with Thanksgiving

by Carol Bennett-Barker

Trainer

Change is constant. Change can be stressful, requiring something to change within ourselves, maybe even something with which we have grown very comfortable. And not sure we want to do without… except in the end, change is constant. Our children and youth rush to the next stage of life—“when I get to go to kindergarten, when I learn to play piano, when I join the volleyball team, when I find my first job, or first date, or first car…” Everything is wonderful, something to look forward to, a sign of growing up, moving closer to the threshold of adulthood. This energy and positive attitude are built into many of our children and youth.

So there’s the challenge for us as foster caregivers and adoptive parents…the children who have entered our hearts and our homes have suffered from traumatic experiences. Trauma changes everything—changes how we perceive the events in our lives, the level of seriousness or threat involved, our ability to use “common sense”. One of the effects of trauma is losing our hope, or positive energy or outlook. It can even remove our desire or ability to “just try one more time…” Especially when that trauma occurs during our first three to five years of life, when all events have the greatest impact, for good or bad, due to the rapid rate of brain development during those early years. A major task for child development is the wiring of the brain, which will happen “best” when supported by limitless nurturing, safety, unconditional love, encouragement, and stability.

Then our major task—as foster caregivers and adoptive parents—is to help the children and youth in our care to understand they are safe. That they are precious, competent, strong, kind, and smart, and we are so glad to be sharing this time together. Change is in our midst every day. This applies to our children and youth helping them to recognize the many possibilities within themselves, to envision themselves as capable, caring, compassionate, and creative, a person who can make a difference in this world. This doesn’t happen overnight, but is the result of consistency, stability, and support from their caregivers, modeling these positive qualities, day by day. Relationships begin to grow and strengthen, healing begins, including the possibility of healthy changes which guide our children and youth in care into adulthood, with confidence, wisdom, kindness, and strength.