KENSINGTON BOYANICH Business Manager

Sloths. Even mentioning them makes my skin crawl. Their long appendages and slow-moving bodies are something straight out of a horror movie, and I just cannot understand people's obsession with them.

First of all, they are absolutely, disgustingly dirty. Atlas Obscura mentions how “algae grows all over their bodies, in some cases turning sloths a slime-green hue.” Scientific America also talks about their slimy bodies, saying, “Sloths are microbial jackpots because they move so slowly and infrequently and their fur contains microscopic grooves that create a perfect breeding ground

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Everyone I talk to about these creatures mentions how adorable they are and how they just want to hold them, but the Toucan Rescue Ranch strongly advises against this idea. “Sloths are solitary creatures who want to be left alone…they do not like to be touched…they can be deadly and severely hurt people.”

Now imagine four-inch razor-sharp claws digging through your skin as well as their teeth. If left untreated, this wound can become severely infected due to the bacteria the sloth carries, which could potentially cause you to lose a limb.

These demons can also literally starve to death while on a full stomach. Like, what? Bringing up natural selection again, I’m disap-

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So, even with a stomach full of leaves, without these microscopic helpers, they cannot extract any of the nutrients. There are also very few ways to get those gut bacteria back into their stomachs. One of which is eating healthy sloth poop. Ew.

They are also just so incredibly slow. The Mayo Clinic states that sloths move around 41 yards per day. To put that into perspective, that is around 0.0233 miles compared to the average human that travels 1.5 to two miles per day.

Although I can appreciate how their fur creates little ecosystems on themselves that can be very beneficial to many insects, fungi, and bacteria, this doesn’t make them any more appealing to me.

So, the next time you look at these creatures that you praise, with your giant stuffed animals and sloth-covered clothes, just think about what they are really like.

Chandler in room D207. Letters should be no longer than 300 words, must be signed, and may not contain vulgarity.