ISSUE 23 21 SEPTEMBER 2026 EDITOR Hanna Varrs DEPUTY EDITOR Stella Weston DESIGNER Ash McFarlane VIDEO EDITOR Hunter Jolly, VIDEO CREW Ngākau Aporo NEWS EDITOR Gryffin Blockley FEATURES EDITOR Matilda Rumball-Smith
ENROL TO VOTE BY THE 25TH OF OCTOBER This issue has turned out to be pretty politics heavy, and I’m pleased about it. Politics should be at the forefront of everyone’s minds right now, and I wouldn’t be doing my due diligence if I didn’t scream at everyone to enrol to vote. As you’ll see on the cover, youth enrolment was at 53% as of August this year. That’s pretty shocking. Even if you (rightfully) feel politically apathetic, I encourage you to engage all that you can. Politics will not go away, and you have a responsibility as an individual within a democracy to exercise your fleeting democratic power. Remember that who you vote for is your personal decision – you don’t need to tell anyone. But whatever you do, please have an opinion. Do your research, talk to others, watch the news and think about the future. This will impact you. For some practice before the real thing, this mag is chock-full of OUSA Student Executive candidates. There were way more than we thought there would be (28 nominations!), so we lowkey don’t have a news section this week which is pretty gutting. But it’s for a good cause! Get to know your student candidates and how they might try to advocate for you if elected into their roles. Please give news a read online, though. There’s a piece I worked pretty hard on regarding the proposed changes to the DCC’s local
alcohol policy, and you need to have your submissions in on the matter before the 26th of September. More democracy for you! Talking a bit more about this politicsheavy edition, we have an absolutely stellar quiz in culture from some MANT252 students I’ve been helping out. As a Management major myself, I have a bit of a soft spot for them, but trust that they will help you stand up against Big Landlord. Also in culture is a BYO wine pairing guide, which isn’t super political, but you might need a few glasses of wine and dinner with friends considering the state of the world right now. In features, we have a highly detailed (to the point where it’s concerning) piece from Jesse about FIFA, exploring some of the politics and commercial motivators behind ‘The World’s Game’. As someone who couldn’t care less about sport, I was hooked. Give it a read! Please also take a look at the art Ash made and the little poem I did. Stick it on your wall. Use it as a bookmark. Vote.
CULTURE EDITOR Molly Smith Soppet ĒTITA MĀORI Heeni Koero Te Rerenoa SENIOR NEWS REPORTER Bella Bates SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGER Maddy Barnes STAFF WRITERS Harry Almey, Imogen Perry, Jesse Valpy, Te Awhirēinga Heperi, Saraia Allais CONTRIBUTORS Salome Prekopa, Flynn Nisbet RADIO ONE Ash McFarlane BOOZE REVIEWS Swig60 HOROSCOPES Otago Oracle ILLUSTRATION Gemma McKinney @worms.ink Jimmy Tannock @jimmydrawing Eddie Fenton @boyorfeo Eleanor Walker @furby_is_alive FRONT COVER Photo: Babacar Diallo Model: Zane Weir Design: Ash McFarlane CENTREFOLD Photo: Babacar Diallo Model: Zane Weir Design: Ash McFarlane ONLINE Charlotte Williams DISTRIBUTION Pedals Dunedin ADVERTISING SALES sales@planetmedia.co.nz 03 479 5361 READ ONLINE critic.co.nz Issuu.com/critic_te_arohi GET IN TOUCH critic@critic.co.nz Instagram/@criticmag Facebook/CriticTeArohi TikTok/@criticmag 03 479 5335 P.O.Box 1436, Dunedin Critic Te Ārohi is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). Disclaimer: The views presented within this publication do not necessarily represent the views of the Editors or OUSA. NZ Media Council: People with a complaint against a magazine should first complain in writing to the Editors and then, if not satisfied with the response, complain to the NZ Media Council. Complaints should be addressed to the Secretary:
LETTERS
Kia Critic Royalty, t of the utmost importance: I am writing to you today with a complain been left aghast at the have ects subj l myself and several other loya er to crossword clue 1 down discovery of a spelling error in the answ error be addressed, posthaste. this that this week. We humbly request Sincerely, rd-enjoyers A voice among many aggrieved crosswo enthusiast. It is I, creator of Hunter’s response: Hello, dear crossword apologies for this error. It ere sinc (most) Critic crosswords. My most and overlooked the fact that appears I failed to do my due diligence, how I always thought it was. As to ly 'Addams' could be spelled different send to me a word you wish compensation for this injustice, you may I will make that happen in the and to be included in a future crossword next few issues. Have a blessed day.
@critic.co.nz Send a letter to the editor at scritic s Sauna Voucher! Soc' & Club A OUS an win to in be to
CONTENTS 1 NEWS 05. Your 2026 OUSA Exec Candidates 08. Explainer: DCC Proposes Changes To Local Alcohol Policy
2 CULTURE 12. Flatting Rights 101: What They Don’t Tell You 14. Critic Te Ārohi’s Guide to BYO Wine Pairings
3 FEATURE 18. Does Football Unite The World?
Kia ora Critic! I am a big fan of your magazine and loved the BRATZ issue. And I thought how cool would it be if there was an Adventure Time issue. I, and a lot of people, would love it! it would be a cool issue and one that speaks out. Ka Mihi, Lachlan quedley Editor’s Response: Ash would love this – we could do it next year!
Hi Team, Are you guys looking into the Dunedin City Council wanting to change the local alcohol policy? It's currently up for review and some of the changes could affect the student culture pretty hard. The most noticeable one that I personally find frustrating is they are proposing moving bar closure times for 3am to 1am. The council (and previously the university) have worked pretty hard to shut down all the students bars and have made it very difficult for nightclubs and pubs to operate. I think it kills the
culture for a lot of students, don't get me wrong, students obviously don't move here to go to town or just to drink but it is a big part of the zeitgeist of Otago Uni and I find it a real shame the council continually pushes so hard to close bars early.
4 COLUMNS
If this change did go ahead, I'd think it would make places like late night clubs untenable to operate, so where do all the people go ? Back to big parties on the castle, surely shutting nightclubs early would make those sorts of events even bigger and make more work for police.
27. Booze Review: Watermelon Absolut and Vodka / Christopher Luxon Poem
These are just my thoughts, but people should be made aware of it and if students want to be able to go to town and want the next generation students to do the same, people need to make submissions to oppose this.
30. TL;DR
Yours truly, a club rat who doesn't want kick ons to start at 1:10am. Editor’s Response: Hi! Yes – we have covered this in news, and you can read the full article online. Town will still be open until 3am, so don’t worry! You’ve got some super valid concerns there, and it’s a very interesting topic.
LETTERS POLICY Letters should be 150 words or fewer. The deadline is Thursday at 12pm. Get them into Critic by emailing us at critic@critic.co.nz. Letters of a serious nature directly addressing a specific group or individual will not be published under a pseudonym, except in extraordinary circumstances as negotiated with the Editors. Critic Te Ārohi reserves the right to edit, abridge, or decline letters without explanation. Frequently published correspondents in particular may find their letters abridged or excluded. Defamatory or otherwise illegal material will not be printed. We don’t fix the spelling or grammar in letters. If a letter writer looks stupid, it’s because they are.
24. Radio One 25. Exec 26. North Island Princess
28. Horoscopes 29. Snap of the Week
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NEWS
KARERE
ISSUE 23
KAWEPŪRONGO
21/09/2026
Your 2026 OUSA Executive Candidates PRESIDENT: LEADS THE EXECUTIVE AND SERVES AS THE PRIMARY REPRESENTATIVE OF THE ASSOCIATION
PRESIDENT NOTE: These are uncensored, unfiltered and unedited blurbs straight from the horses’ mouth(s). All blurbs apart from President were capped at 100 words, so some are cut off. If candidates do not have a picture alongside their blurb, that is because they missed the photo window with us from 2-4pm on the 17th of September. If candidates have no blurb, that is because they missed the deadline of 4pm 17th of September.
PRESIDENT
PRESIDENT
ROSIE CRUICKSHANK TROY GIBBONS Kia ora, I’m running to be your President because OUSA needs experienced, progressive leadership that puts students first. I’m just your average student. From the barricade at Pint Night to the computers in Central, I understand the pressures students face because I live them too. As your Finance & Strategy Officer, I’ve fought for student rights, delivered extra club grants as promised, and worked to make sure student voices are heard. But our work isn’t finished. As your 2027 President, I’ll put student welfare and student control at the heart of OUSA. I’ll fight to make $5 lunch free, secure the Winter Energy Payment, and get UBAR open three nights a week. I’ll support clubs, protect student services, and build an independent OUSA that is accountable to its members. If you want a bold student union vote Troy for President
There is plenty for students to be upset about: attacks on education, our university’s spinelessness on the Gaza genocide, poor quality housing and corporate greed squeezing every dollar out of us. All these problems have one thing in common: capitalism. The rich and powerful have no interest in fixing these problems for us. They created them. If we want to make change, we need to get organised. We need to be at the forefront of a mass militant student movement. We need to organise mass rallies, direct action and build huge movements where all of us are leaders, strategists and activists. I am a revolutionary socialist and a student activist with the International Socialist Organisation. If elected as OUSA president, I’ll ensure resources are poured into empowering our collective voice, and creating organising power for a student movement that can win. Vote socialist! Vote Rosie for a fighting student movement! PRESIDENT
FERGUS PARKS ( NO BLURB OR PIC )
LOCHLAN HANHAM As our abilities to study, find work, or even get a benefit are curtailed; as the university attempts to evade student outcry; the time comes for someone to stand up and fight back! Lochlan Hanham is a 4th year undergraduate student studying Zoology, Botany & Classics. They have been a class rep, and the president of OUTEAS. They run The Saturday Night Carnival on Radio 1. They have spoken at protests and fora. They are presently involved with The Education Action group. With loud voice and steely conviction, Lochlan Hanham will advocate for the students; they will fight for you!
ADMINISTRATIVE VICE-PRESIDENT: ES SUPPORTS THE PRESIDENT, OVERSE S URE EXECUTIVE OPERATIONS, AND ENS ADHERENCE TO POLICIES
ADMINISTRATIVE VICE-PRESIDENT:
KAMESHA JONES I have much more to give to OUSA. One year as AVP has taught me heaps, and the experience has given me the skillset and knowledge to do an even better job in 2027. This year I have been a part of strengthening governance, improving political engagement, and supporting the exec whanau in their endeavours. I am well set up for another term of leadership, with one year of AVP experience, and in 2025 being the Tramping Club President. I am frothing to keep upwards student union momentum into next year, and bringing the whole of campus with me. ADMINISTRATIVE VICE-PRESIDENT:
FINANCE & STRATEGY OFFICER: MANAGES THE ASSOCIATION’S FINA AND DEVELOPS ITS BUSINESS STR NCES ATEGY
FINANCE & STRATEGY OFFICER:
ELLA COUDRET Kia Ora! I'm Ella Coudret, and I'm running to serve you as Finance and Strategy Officer. I'm an Economics and Communications student, and I want to make sure students are getting the most they absolutely can from OUSA. I believe in protecting and improving the services that are at the heart of student life. More funding for Clubs, Student Media, and Welfare means ensuring you can experience direct benefits and tangible results. If you want an OUSA that prioritises engaging students and making sure you get the most from your student association, vote Ella! ACADEMIC REPRESENTATIVE: REPRESENTS STUDENTS ON EDUCATIONAL MATTERS
ACADEMIC REPRESENTATIVE:
BEN DE RUYTER Kia Ora, my name is Ben de Ruyter and I'm running for Academic Representative! As I near the end of my second year of study as a Law and PPE student I’ve realised something: this student shit is getting harder! Everything's more expensive, services are being cut to shreds, and we’re expected to just carry on. Fuck that. We deserve a better uni. We deserve mor. We deserve paid placement. We deserve to be taken seriously! As your Academic Rep I would fight like hell for you on committees, in the senate, and for your academic future! Insta: Ben4OUSA ACADEMIC REPRESENTATIVE:
ACADEMIC REPRESENTATIVE:
SARAH AL-SHANFARI I’m Sarah, and I’ve been the president of UniQ in the past year and a half, and I want to prioritise YOUR (and every students’) welfare, with a heavy focus on cost of living, accessibility, and exec transparency. In terms of AVP responsibilities, I want to make sure everyone on campus stays informed about what is happening behind the scenes and the services that the association has to offer. Cost of living is also a critical problem that is mentioned time and time again, and it’s important to keep and expand the current programs that the association offers.
NIKO FAY DOMINIC SARELIUS Hi, I’m Dominic, a 3rd year in Politics and Classics, I am running for the role of Academic Representative. Having been the Academic rep for POLSA and being involved in other more academic club execs such as the new History Students Society. In my role as academic rep for POLSA I organised and was involved in initiatives such as peer mentoring and talked to university staff throughout the year.
Otago students deserve a seat at the table. We can't afford our next Academic Rep "learning on the job" for the first six months. As the Humanities Faculty Rep, I already have the experience and relationships necessary to step in and get straight to work.This means shifting university policy away from outdated paternalistic attitudes and towards real support; I'll continue working to end graded attendance and ensure all lectures are recorded. Missing lectures already means missing content — why punish us twice? Sometimes we've got more important shit to do. Don't vote for the status quo. Vote for Niko.
NEWS
6 WELFARE & EQUITY REPRESENTATIVE: FOCUSES ON STUDENT WELFARE AND EQUITY ISSUES E:
WELFARE & EQUITY REPRESENTATIV
SARAH AL-SHANFARI
The role name says it, I want to focus on making sure YOU are well, and that you’re represented fairly on the OUSA exec. Keeping food programs, lobbying for an accessible campus, expanding accessible gender-neutral bathrooms are one of the many ways I will be focusing on Welfare & Equity. One of my biggest motivators is advocacy for refugees and asylum seekers, as I am a refugee myself and I’ve noticed that we aren’t well represented on campus. I also want to represent fellow trans folks, especially in this hectic climate where bills are being proposed to take us down! WELFARE & EQUITY REPRESENTATIVE:
POSTGRADUATE REPRESENTATIVE:
KARERE
addressing student issues from the perspectives of students, which I believe is key to delivering successful improvements to student welfare and equity across campus. If you see me around do not hesitate to say hi :) I don’t bite. WELFARE & EQUITY REPRESENTATIVE:
YURI CASTAÑEDA
Kia ora! My name's Yuri, and I am running to be your OUSA Welfare and Equity rep for 2028. I'm originally from the Philippines, grew up in Qatar, before coming to Dunedin to study Politics and Economics. Being too broke for halls, I used every support service, went to every event, and found my place here at Otago despite being a little queer, a little foreign, and a few years away from wearing shorts in the middle of winter. I want to help build the positive uni experience I did for everyone, so please vote for me! POSTGRADUATE REPRESENTATIVE: FOCUSES ON THE NEEDS OF POSTGRADUATE STUDENTS
POSTGRADUATE REPRESENTATIVE:
KRISTINA HAMES Kia ora, I’m Kristina, a first-year PhD student running to be your Postgraduate Representative! In 2027, I’ll be entering my third year of postgraduate study, so I know the ropes and understand the challenges. Postgrad life is demanding; being heard, supported and connected shouldn’t be. The current support systems are falling short, and I want to work with students, departments and the University to make them more accessible and effective. Over the past two years, I’ve founded and led student associations at Otago, giving me the experience to advocate effectively, strengthen our community and turn students’ concerns into meaningful action. POSTGRADUATE REPRESENTATIVE:
FERGUS PARKS
INTERNATIONAL REPRESENTATIVE: REPRESENTS THE INTERESTS OF INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS
REUBEN TAIT As someone who’s been through plenty of struggles during his time at University, I know what it’s like to need a helping hand. We’ve all wondered how we’re going to afford basic necessities, or pass our papers. Sometimes it’s impossible to even deal with those issues on top of our personal struggles. Student welfare isn’t a difficult issue to care about, but it’s particularly important to me as someone who’s struggled. I want to be an avenue of support for students, whatever they’re going through, and work to create better support networks to help students in their time of need. E: WELFARE & EQUITY REPRESENTATIV
HAMZA BAALOUSHA
Kia ora, My name is Hamza Baalousha and I am running for your OUSA 2027 Welfare & Equity Rep. I was born in Gaza and raised in Napier before coming to Otago to study. As welfare & equity Rep I hope to focus on the many aspects of student wellbeing,
IMOGEN HARRIS Kia Ora! I’m Imogen, I’m a Botany master’s student, and I’m passionate about all the good and the bad that is postgrad. Student representation can be homogenous – that needs to stop. I’m a fierce advocate, with a good understanding of what postgrads need; Tailored disabilities and wellbeing support, student allowance eligibility, and events that make sense for us. With my experience as Otago University Tramping Club President, with 27 exec and 1000+ members I am well versed in listening, organising and admin. I will climb the mountain of paperwork and crush the bureaucracy to get postgrads what we deserve!
TIM PODORNICOV Hello, I’m Tim Podornicov, I’m running for OUSA International Students’ Representative. I’m majoring in Global Studies and Finances. I was born in Moldova, and before coming to New Zealand, I graduated an International High School in United Arab Emirates. I know a lot about struggles international people
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go through – they want to be accepted, be part of the community, be heard, and be treated as equals. I’m in the same boat with students coming from overseas to study at Otago, this is why I have passion and genuine will to advocate for us, and more importantly – courage to do it.
INTERNATIONAL REPRESENTATIVE:
Kia ora, I’m Ella Grayson, a seasoned Otago University student heading into my fifth year. I bring extensive experience to the Clubs and Societies Representative role, having participated in countless club events, held four executive positions, and worked at OUSA Clubs and Socs over the past year. Getting involved in clubs has shaped my university experience, and I know I wouldn’t have had the same opportunities without them. I’m passionate about giving back and supporting the clubs that contribute so much meaning to our student life. I’m excited to [hopefully] use my experience to help clubs thrive and support students.
POLITICAL REPRESENTATIVE: ADVOCATES FOR STUDENT VIEWS ON POLITICAL ISSUES
CLUBS & SOCS REPRESENTATIVE:
CONNOR KNIGHTS ILHAM NADHIRAH AZMAN Kia Ora, I'm Ilham a.k.a. Yummy. As an international student myself, I know how important is it to feel supported, be seen, and be heard. With the upcoming general election and potential changes in education policies, I think it’s especially important that international students continue to have a strong voice concerning their wellbeing and rights, including the protections outlined in the Education (Pastoral Care of Tertiary and International Learners) Code of Practice 2021. I’ve previously been involved as Vice President of OMSA and Social Impact Lead, advocating for students and creating meaningful community impact. Working closely with the
ATIVE: INTERNATIONAL REPRESENT
ALLYSON TAN
CLUBS & SOCS REPRESENTATIVE: PROMOTES AND SUPPORTS STUDENT CLUBS AND SOCIETIES
DOMINIC SERALIUS
Hi, I’m Dominic, a 3rd year who has been involved in clubs for all three of those years including being on club executives since 2nd year. I have been on the executives of 3 clubs where I have been in a variety of roles from general exec to academic rep and even treasurer. I have a good knowledge of clubs and what it takes to run and maintain clubs as well as how difficult it is to start a new club while being on the executive of Hsoc (the new History Students Society). Vote Dominic @Dom4OUSA CLUBS & SOCS REPRESENTATIVE:
CHEOL SHIN Hey everyone my name is Cheol and I am running to be your Clubs and Societies representative for OUSA 2027!! Some of you may know my work at Locals but I am also a part of different clubs and societies. Currently, I have the privilege of being in two executive positions. This has allowed me to see how much OUSA’s support can contribute to help a community thrive. Each club and society brings something unique to the student experience. I hope that I will have the opportunity to give back and help everyone that has helped made our community great. CLUBS & SOCS REPRESENTATIVE:
LEILA DANIELS ELLA GRAYSON
Kia ora, I’m Connor, I am a second-year studying Law and History, minoring in Politics. I want to be your next Political Representative because I believe that OUSA needs to be prepared to stand up and fight for students and the issues that affect us like the gutting of fee frees, fighting for universal student allowances, and so much more to better student lives. I have experience in advocating and fighting for you, being a union delegate and exec member of Unions Otago, and could bring this experience into advocating for and representing you! Vote Connor #1 for Political Rep! POLITICAL REPRESENTATIVE:
THOMAS BROCHERIE pOLiTicS iS bOrInG WRONG! Politics has seen this government launch an all-out attack on students, gutting fees-free for every future graduate. That is thousands of dollars being stolen from our pockets while we’re forced to find our way into a struggling job market. I will work tirelessly to fight against such attacks, from feesfree to tuition hikes and budget cuts. My three years as Co-Director of Make It 16 and my tenure as a Youth MP have given me invaluable experience in advocating for those who need it. And if students ever need to be stood up for, it’s now. POLITICAL REPRESENTATIVE:
LOCHLAN HANHAM
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RESIDENTIAL REPRESENTATIVE: REPRESENTS STUDENTS’ ON TENANCY ISSUES, SUCH AS RESIDENTIAL COLLEGES RESIDENTIAL REPRESENTATIVE:
NEWS
KARERE
Explainer: DCC Proposes Changes To Local Alcohol Policy
By Flynn Nisbett & Hanna Varrs critic@critic.co.nz
DCC floats glass ban, a freeze on new liquor stores and some earlier closing times
A
fter years of research and surveys, Dunedin still has a drinking problem. Who would’ve thought? But never fear, the DCC are here. The Dunedin City Council has just put forward its draft changes to the Local Alcohol Policy (LAP) for feedback from the public. That’s you.
ZOE ECKHOFF Since my awful tenancy and tribunal experience, my passion for residential advocacy has ever expanded. I’ve already made progress in rental advocacy with my flatting pamphlets, case work, community engagement and building consents knowledge, which I’ll take to the next level in 2027. My near-complete green sticker system, comprehensive flatting document that is supported by property managers to be distributed at the start of tenancies, as well as an online course for property care and legal information built on a dual-incentive model to help educate student tenants will work to seek landlord accountability and create safe, informed tenancies for all RESIDENTIAL REPRESENTATIVE:
JACOB RUSH Every flat is meant to meet Healthy Homes Standards. Ask any student in flats how that's going. I've lived in halls, I work as a Student Engagement Lead at Locals, and I've been through a dispute with my own landlord (shoutout OUSA Student Support). Right now, landlords are left to basically mark their own homework on if their flats are actually warm and dry, and too many fail. As Residential Rep, I'll push the DCC to fund independent inspections, lobby the government for a national rental Warrant of Fitness, and ensure the Residential Committee actually meets every month. Ngā Mihi ★
The proposed changes are intended to strengthen the LAP by reducing alcohol availability in “high-risk locations”, limiting exposure of “young people to alcohol marketing”, supporting safer drinking environments and aligning licensing decisions with “community preferences”. In a dangerously small nutshell, the changes include making it so bars and clubs that are not in the Octagon will need to shut up shop at 1am, and that off-licence venues (liquor stores) can only sell alcohol between the hours of 9am and 9pm. However, things are a bit more nuanced than that (and surprisingly quite interesting) – so keep reading. We know Dunedin students are pretty key stakeholders in the sale and supply of liquor, and there’s a bit of history, public health research and criminological behavioural theory involved. Critic Te Ārohi says ‘wow’. It’s worth understanding why the DCC intends to make some changes, and their statement of proposal opens with some pretty sobering (haha) statistics. Between 2012 and 2021, Dunedin had the highest age-standardised rate of hospitalisations wholly attributable to alcohol in the country, and 40% of urban Dunedin is in the highest 20% of alcohol harm related crime in New Zealand per population over the 2022-2025 period. And that’s just a couple of stats. Dunedin’s drinking culture creates a massive social cost, basically – and it’s not just because of the students. It’s a drinking problem, full stop. So, what are some of the changes? Well, town is largely safe. On-licence venues in the CBD (ie. town clubs) will still be able to trade until 3am, but there will be a one-way door at 2:30am. However, all other zones will now need to close at 1am. But don’t expect any new liquor stores to be opening up in North or South D anytime soon – those are under freeze for high deprivation areas. The New Zealand Deprivation Index is a small‑area socioeconomic deprivation measure that ranks neighbourhoods into deciles from 1 (least deprived) to 10 (most deprived), using Census variables such as income, employment, housing, education, and living conditions. North D is a 10 – probably thanks to the low incomes, renting, unemployment and shit flats. And the lack of education, though students are working on that. South Dunedin is also really high on the index. In Dunedin, there
is more than twice the off-licence density in areas of higher deprivation compared to lower deprivation areas. There are 0.81 offlicences versus 0.36 per 1,000 people, and the DCC says research shows a “strong relationship between outlet density and alcohol-related harm, particularly in higher deprivation areas and among younger populations, both relevant to Dunedin.” Yikes. Additionally, new off-licences or onlicences in the CBD or Centre Zones (pretty much everywhere else) won’t be granted if they’re close to a ‘sensitive facility’: “places likely to attract young people under the legal purchase age, or where certain parts of the population may be vulnerable and so exposure to alcohol should be minimised.” That looks like proximity to the new bus hub, and whether there are addiction services, places of worship, or marae nearby. For the Central Business District and Centre Zones, the distance restriction for new on-licences will be 100 metres and the distance restriction for new off-licences will be 200 metres. Applications for other types of new on-licence premises, like restaurants or cafes, will be considered on a “case-bycase basis” in line with the proposed LAP. In terms of other changes that students will definitely notice, the DCC wants to have some discretionary (meaning that they can do it if they want) conditions for off-licence suppliers. Unless there is a “good reason not to”, the District Licensing Committee should consider imposing limits on single-unit alcohol sales and put restrictions on "buy now, pay later" purchasing schemes (no more Afterpay on the box). Furthermore, they’d be able to restrict sales in glass containers “where there is evidence of alcohol-related harm involving broken glass in the locality, a sufficient evidential link between the licensed premises and that harm, is likely to reduce the harm, is proportionate, and that the benefits outweigh the impacts on consumers and licensees.” Bit of a mouthful, but we get it. Critic dreams of an Ōtepoti where we can roam barefoot. Overall, the proposed changes to the LAP highlight a balancing exercise between broader public health measures and individual choices. Whether you’re pro or against more regulation on the way alcohol is consumed and supplied, you should have your say. Submissions on the proposed changes are open until the 25th of September, and you can send things through on the DCC website. Cheers to that. Read the full article online. There’s way more to the changes (and some great commentary from academics), so check it out! ★
the pink opaque By Mack Hughes
Crushingly loud and with a sparkling intensity, the pink opaque (all lowercase – it’s intentional) is one of Ōtepoti’s most sonically lush bands – their swirling guitars and blown out layers of fuzz a force to behold live. Critic Te Ārohi met with Kim (she/her), their singer/songwriter and guitarist, on a wonderfully dark and overcast day to talk about the two luminously heavy singles the band has just released, and about Kim’s inspirations. The project was originally themed around concepts of the ‘expressions of gender’ – starting out from the perspective of a closeted non-binary person. This has developed into songs about being a trans youth in the modern day, among other things. While a lot of the songs have shifted away from this slightly, these themes remain apparent in Kim’s work, with the name of the band itself being a reference to the film ‘I Saw the TV Glow’: a “very scary” movie very much about identity (and also a reference to the Cocteau Twins compilation of the same name). Stylistically the band draws a lot of inspiration from shoegaze old and new, especially of the glittering and gliding variety – Kim quotes bands like Swirlies, Slowdive, and my bloody valentine – and they also draw from New York no wave like Sonic Youth, and staples of alternative music like Pavement and the Velvet Underground. On the newer side of things, Kim says that she loves how the band julie (also all lowercase – it’s a shoegaze thing) consider their aesthetics just as important as the music, and the pink opaque have cultivated their own very intentional design style. She says that seeing bands around the same age as her getting successful making stuff that she really likes is cool, and this is undoubtedly an aspiration of hers for the project. The band recently released two singles, glow/sparkle, and played a Radio One-backed single release show gig at Pearl Diver with their friends to celebrate. They also played the first night of Dankfest (a yearly festival of music on the heavier side of things) a few weeks back: a blisteringly loud set performed to an enraptured audience. Indeed, most of their gigs are very very loud – they play music that feels like getting hit with a brilliantly metallic brick wall that you can just stand there and
Photo by Ethan Montañer
absorb. It’s music that sounds like the name – if music was ever dense enough to be opaque, and visually interrupted by a hot pink guitar lead glowing neon on a dark stage, this is it. sparkle was originally written for another of Kim’s bands while she was still living in Auckland, but she ended up bringing it to her new bandmates (Zac, Stefan, and Caleb, on drums, bass, and guitar respectively) in Dunedin, while glow was the first song that they all worked on together. Both songs have been very well-received, shining on the Aotearoa alternative music charts. Kim has a lot of love for Dunedin music and her friends within the scene, but in the long term she’s dreaming bigger. She has plans to move to New York and make music there, and already has musical connections – glow/sparkle was mastered by the guitarist from the band Shower Curtain, another influence on the band. She says that she doesn’t think of the pink opaque as being confined to the Dunedin scene, or defined by being a Dunedin band, even though it’s a community that she is really passionate about. Stylistically they are a little set apart from many of their peers – pretty much no one else in this city is making shoegaze with the same intensity as the pink opaque. The band already has more music recorded, which hopefully we will get to hear (all in good time of course). Kim says she’s always going to be making music, and that the band is still focusing on writing and recording even more. In the meantime, try to catch them live somewhere in Ōtepoti. Find the pink opaque on bandcamp or streaming, and on instagram @thepinkopaque_band to find out about upcoming shows. Their next show is Rock the Vote on October 3rd. ★
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Crosshare puzzle ACROSS
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1 2007 family film featuring a Loch Ness Monster-like creature (3) 7 Revealed 8 Testicle pouch 9 The state of my parents' relationship 10 Dunedin theatre 13 They are the Doctor's opps 14 Someone who might pilot a spacecraft 15 Ponderings 17 To live or be situated in 21 Place of residence 22 Bug 23 Plant used in many different cuisines as spice 24 Where India's national parliament is
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DOWN 1 Tweedledee's brother 2 Celebratory expression 3 Battlefield ditches 4 Comes in handy when watering plants 5 notable genre of local band, the pink opaque 6 Having courage and spirit 11 Can operate on land and in water 12 Rattled or unsettled 16 Common children's card game (2) 18 Dunedin street where Poppa's Pizza can be found 19 Iconic 80s body horror film (2) 20 American pop duo known for songs like 'Little Dark Age'
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Copyright Hunter Jolly, all rights reserved
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1 2007 family film featuring a Loch Ness Monster-like creature 7 Revealed 8 Testicle pouch 9 The state of my parents' relationship 10 Dunedin theatre 13 They are the Doctor's opps 14 Someone who might pilot a spacecraft 15 Ponderings 17 To live or be situated in 21 Place of residence EASY MEDIUM 22 Bug
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6 Having courage and spirit 11 Can operate on land and in water 12 Rattled or unsettled 16 Common children's card game (2) 18 Dunedin street where Poppa's Pizza HARD found
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ATERMELON INFANTINO There are 10 differences between the two images
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ENROL FLATTING WINE FOOTBALL INFANTINO WATERMELON COFFEE ROBIN MONOPOLY SALACIOUS ELECTION GREENS SAUVIGNON ROCK ROLL DEAF RACCOON HITHERTO
Illustrated by Terry Langeveldt-Stones
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: 1 0 1 S T H G I R G N I T T FLA HEY DON'T TELL YOU WHAT T
Test your flatting knowledge with this quiz!
Have you had some dodgy experiences in your time flatting? Do you wanna know if your landlord is a GC or just taking advantage of the fact you're a student? Are all flats meant to smell musty and have drains that don't actually drain? Take this quiz to test out your flatting knowledge, and to see whether you are in for a trip to the Tenancy Tribunal!
Q1: Can your landlord enter your flat whenever they feel like it? A. Yes! It's their house, so why wouldn’t they be able to enter? B. No, I’m the tenant – the landlord must give me warning before popping in for tea. Answer: B. Under s 48 of the Residential Tenancies Act (which is basically the bare minimum legislation your tenancy agreement must adhere to), landlords must give 24 hours notice for repairs/maintenance and 48 hours notice for a routine inspection. That also feeds into your right to quiet enjoyment (s 38): your landlord can’t unreasonably disturb or harass you, and you can’t unreasonably disturb your neighbours either. Q2: Your landlord asks for a bond that equates to 6 weeks of rent. You should…
A. Pay it, I’ll totally get that back at the end of the year. B. Pay it and ask for replacements on all the functioning chattels provided for the flat. C. Refuse to pay it because I know my rights (and I’m too broke to pay that shit). Answer: C. The legal bond requirement is 4 weeks rent. Q3: You notice a massive leak in your bedroom. What should be your first move? A. Pull up a Youtube video – nothing wrong with some flat DIY! B. Notify my landlord/property manager ASAP. C. I can’t be bothered to do anything. The next tenants can deal with it. Answer: B. You should immediately contact your landlord and/or property manager. If you do not receive an answer, you should issue a 14 day notice (see Q12 for more info on that). Q4: How often should you be cracking the windows open? A. Once a month, I actually quite like the musty smell. B. Once a week – gotta preserve that heat! C. At least twice a day for 10-15 minutes. D. When my landlord or my mum visits.
CULTURE Answer: C. Opening your windows is an important way to ensure there is ventilation through your flat, preventing the growth of mould and minimising dampness. Q5: Can your landlord demand another separate 'security payment' on top of your bond? A. Yes. B. It depends on the situation. C. No. Answer: C. Landlords may ask you to pay an extra security payment on top of your bond, but your bond is a ‘security payment’ already. Look out for this in your tenancy agreement before you sign and make the document legally binding. Q6: Your bathroom has a window, so your landlord says you don't need an extractor fan as it “already has ventilation”. Is that necessarily correct? A. Yes. B. This is true, but only during summer. C. No. D. It depends how big the window is. Answer: C. To be Healthy Homes certified, you must have a functioning extractor fan in every room that has either a bath or shower, or in kitchens with a cooktop. Q7: Your landlord asks you to sign the bond refund form before they've written in how much you're getting back. What should you do? A. Sign it – I can sort it out later with them and delaying my signing might delay when I get my bond back. B. Sign it – they’ll write in it after. C. Don't sign it, and indicate dispute through the Bond HUB response. Answer C: Don’t ever sign anything that's blank. If the amount is not disclosed, then you can disagree through Bond Hub (Tenancy Services online self-service platform). If you do so, you will receive an email with the amount the landlord intends to give back to you, to which you can either agree or disagree. If you disagree again, the dispute process will begin, which you can either resolve directly with your landlord or take to the Tenancy Tribunal. Do not settle until the numbers are actually right! Q8: Your landlord tells you that you must professionally clean the flat before you can get your bond back. Is this a legal requirement? A. Yes! Everything needs to be squeaky clean. B. No. However, I must leave the house in a reasonably clean and tidy condition. C. This is a legal requirement, but only for students – gotta get that mysterious stain out somehow. Answer: B. Nope – don’t worry about getting a Rug Doctor. However you must leave the flat reasonably clean and tidy, or at least in the same condition as when you got it. Take some pictures before you move in for reference later. Q9: What should you do if your windows are dripping with condensation every morning? A. Ignore it – that’s part of Dunedin’s charm. B. Dry the windows and sills every morning with a towel. C. Cover them with an umbrella. Answer B: Dampness in the flat can quickly lead to mould and get you sick – the windows shouldn’t be dripping like your mum does when I take her out. Zing. Q10: You and your mates find the PERFECT Castle Street flat just before Saint Paddy’s. Everyone is excited. What should happen before you meet with the landlord to sign? A. Read the tenancy agreement thoroughly, and take the unsigned contract to OUSA Student Support for review. B. Check my friends aren't broke – everyone should be able to afford the commitment.
AHUREA C. Check the property's condition, there should be NO MOULD. D. All of the above. Answer: D. There are more adult-y adults who can help make sure you're not signing away your first-born child to the devil. A tenancy agreement is a legally binding document, so you shouldn't just wing it like you do with uni assignments. Q11: What is a 14-day notice? A. A warning from your flatmate that they're moving out in 14 days. B. A notice that your rent is going up in 14 days. C. The amount of time you get to decide whether you like your new flat. D. A formal notice used when a tenant or landlord has breached certain tenancy obligations. Answer: D. This is a legal notice giving either the landlord or the tenant(s) 14 calendar days to remedy a problem which is in breach of either the tenancy agreement or the Residential Tenancies Act 1986. If your landlord is not adhering to the tenancy agreement, then you are within your rights to give them a 14-day notice. If the problem is not fixed within those 14 days then you can apply to the Tenancy Tribunal through which you can seek to end the tenancy. Q12: What does it mean to be a part of a joint fixed-term tenancy? A. Everyone has separate responsibilities – my flatmates can go fuck themselves for all I care. B. It’s my landlord’s job to get rent from everyone separately. C. I can leave whenever I want if I let my flatmates know. D. We’re all part of the same tenancy and are jointly responsible for tenancy obligations. Answer: D. This is where your choice of flatmates really matters. If one of you shits the bed, you’re all lying in shit. You and your remaining flatmates are still legally responsible for the full rent even if someone abandons the flat. Q13: Your flat is freezing, mouldy, and your landlord isn't fixing things. You're starting to question every life decision that led you to Dunedin. Who can you call? A. My mum. B. My flatmate's mum. C. OUSA Student Support. D. All of the above. Answer: D. It’s OK to have a cry, but it’s even better to seek support. If you want to take action, have some concerns or want to learn about what you can do in your specific situation, contact OUSA Student Support: http://ousasupporthub.org.nz/
So... How did you do?
11-14: FLATTING VETERAN You BEEN flatting! You know your bond from your bills and your Healthy Homes from your mouldy windows. Before you get too cocky remember: knowing your rights is one thing, actually reading the tenancy agreement is another. 6–10: FLATTING ROOKIE You've got the basics, but there are a few things you might want to brush up on before you sign your next flat. Don't blindly believe a landlord hitting you with “that's just how it works”, make sure you check first. 0–5: FLATTING SURVIVAL MODE You’re still in halls, and everyone can tell. You’re relying heavily on luck, vibes and your mum's advice, but unfortunately it’s time to grow up at least a little bit. Before signing a tenancy, take a minute to learn your rights and responsibilities – OUSA Student Support is right here to help. ★ If you ever need to talk to someone about any flatting issue, please contact or visit OUSA Student Support. Phone: 0800 12 10 23 Address: 262 Leith Walk, Dunedin North, Dunedin 9016
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CULTURE
There comes a time in every student's life when you must stop choosing wine based solely on what's cheapest, has the cutest bottle, or contains the most alcohol. Not every time, obviously – we’re not made of money. But perhaps for one glorious evening, while sitting in a BYO and pretending the $9 bottle of wine you picked up from New World on a Club Deal was an intentional culinary decision, you can aspire to something greater. Wine pairing can seem like an incredibly wanky science because, to some extent, it is. There’s acidity, tannins, body, sweetness – apparently an entire vocab designed to describe fermented grape juice that’s not to be understood by the wider public. But the basic idea is less hoity-toity: some wines make some foods taste better. So Critic staff did the hard yards. We ate. We drank. We Googled terminology. If you hear us calling something “off-dry”, just ignore it. So with a lot of deeply undeserved confidence, here is our mildly pretentious guide to pairing your next BYO dinner with something slightly more ‘considered’ than whatever bottom-of-the-shelf-shit was on sale. DEL SOL: MALBEC Ah, Del Sol, the most festive BYO spot in Ōtepoti. Del Sol means “the sun”, and it sure is accurate. As you step into the brightest restaurant on Moray Place, make the bright choice: pulled pork sliders, a sizzling fajita, and a luscious Argentinian Trapiche Malbec. Argentina makes a killer Trapiche, and Critic Te Ārohi makes stop-you-from-being-killed recommendations. Kidding, that's mostly an exaggeration. But red wines can be risky with hot food – we'd know, we've tried a few – and sometimes the flavours clash super aggressively. However, the modest smoky-spice of a nice cheap Trapiche Malbec pairs perfectly
AHUREA
with a sizzly fajita, leaving your tastebuds feeling like they went to heaven, and not a spicy hell. So sit back and enjoy the warm atmosphere where the sun never sets, and sip away on this deep purple-ruby delight. Cheap wine is usually shit wine, but this one looks and tastes fancy enough for you to act like you know what you’re doing. LITTLE INDIA: MERLOT, GEWÜRZTRAMINER, OR SPARKLING ROSÉ If you’re looking for a great meal just outside the Octagon, pop Little India on your list. Cosy and intimate, this BYO is ideal for a date night or mandatory flat bonding. Of course, the big question is what to spend a corkage fee on. Once again disregarding all ye who consider wine to be cat piss, we’ve narrowed it down to three: Giesen Estate Merlot, Ngatarawa Stables Gewürztraminer, or a Jacob’s Creek Sparkling Rosé. The Merlot pairs beautifully with the richer lamb dishes, brightening the flavour and complimenting the meat. Gewürztraminer (GUH-VERTZ-TRA-MINIR), possibly the most pretentious wine name, is a tart white wine with subtle ginger notes, and goes nicely with butter chicken. For variation, sparkling rosé serves as a palette cleanser. Who doesn’t love a bit of carbonated pink shit? The wines were each about ten bucks. Were they great quality? Nope! But they did the trick. This particular author has never been kicked out of a BYO, but between these three bottles they came pretty close. If that doesn’t show their merit, Critic don’t know what does. MAHARAJAS: LAGER, PILSNER, OR RIESLING As you may know, Maharajas is one of Critic’s favourite spots for takeaway Indian cuisine, but it’s also a great BYO spot for a flat dinner, with a mere $6 corkage fee. For the average attendee wondering what to pair with their mild butter chicken and garlic naan, we’d recommend a crisp lager or pilsner. With a nice crisp and clean taste, these are the perfect thing to pair with vibrant, flavourful Indian cuisine without overwhelming the meal.
CULTURE
AHUREA
rohi Staff By Critic Te Ā For those of us who prefer to cosplay being high-class, a bottle of Giesen Estate Riesling may be the move. Its high acidity and crisp light taste both work nicely with spice. So our conclusions: beer if you want foolproof; Riesling if you want to start swirling your glass and muttering something about the body and ‘robust-ness’ of the flavour profile.
But let's be real: Italians are pretty picky with their grape juice, and choosing the right bottle can be intimidating. No need to stress, queen, we’re here to hold your hand. Rule of thumb: no wine fits all. If you’re going tomato-heavy or pizza, it’s best to pick a light red such as Piccini Collezione Oro Chianti Riserva to match the natural sharpness of the tomatoes.
JIZO: SAUVIGNON BLANC OR RIESLING Get in the Ji-Zone for Jizo. Nestled on Princes St, Jizo delivers high-quality food and enough sophistication to make it worth an Insta story post. Critic strongly recommends the mixed sashimi: the fish is fresh and buttery, and melts in your mouth like a choccy bar in a toddler’s hand.
If you're feeling a creamy, cheesy bowl of goodness, instead look out for a light and crisp wine like a Villa Sandi Pinot Grigio or Ventiterre Soave to cut through the heavy, creamy textures.
Giesen Estate Blush Riesling is the perfect pairing for a cheeky sushi date. It’s sweet, and bright, providing the perfect accompaniment to the fattiness of fresh fish. If you’re wanting something heavier like a rice bowl or udon, try a stiffer wine like the Wairau River Sauvignon Blanc. Whether fish or teriyaki chicken, Japanese cuisine generally calls for a light, complimentary wine to highlight its flavours rather than bodyslamming them with fermented grape flavour. Whatever the choice, make sure you put some thought into it. A good wine can change the trajectory of your entire evening, or of your date (wink wink). CHOPSTICKS 101: PINOT NOIR, ASAHI, OR RIESLING Ah, yes. The classic. If you’re looking for a George St standout, you can’t go past Chopsticks 101. The combination stir-fried noodles are dependable and affordable, while the crispy boneless duck is beautifully tender and irresistible. In terms of beverage, Jacob’s Creek Pinot Noir is the tried-andtrue pairing with duck. If a beer is more your speed, you may be tempted by an Asahi. The rice lager cuts through the dish to leave a crisp, clean finish. Giesen Estate Riesling, an off-dry Riesling with a bit of sweetness, provides a suitable white wine option – its high acidity which cuts through the intense gorgeous flavours of whichever dish you choose. It’s close to uni, buzzy, and blessed with large tables required for any dinner involving approximately 14 people. Bring your parents, boyfriend, flatmates, flatmate’s non-exclusive unlabelled situationship – there’s something for everyone at Chopsticks 101.
KOREA HOUSE: RIESLING, PINOT NOIR, OR LAGER Korean food poses an exciting challenge for the amateur sommelier because there are always approximately seventeen things happening at once. There’s spice, sweetness, salt, smoke, fermentation, charring, kimchi, and of course the rice all sitting before you. Naturally, one wine cannot solve all your problems – or so mum used to say. For anything spicy or kimchi-heavy, Giesen Estate Riesling (#GER) is once again your best friend. Its sweetness softens chilli heat while its acidity keeps everything bright. Riesling is basically the right option if you think that wine would be shit with a meal. For sweeter, savoury meat dishes like bulgogi, Jacob’s Creek Pinot Noir is a safe bet. It has enough fruit to work alongside the marinade and enough body to stand up to beef without bulldozing every other flavour. And if pretending to be a sommelier is getting exhausting, embrace the humble lager. Crisp beer, sizzling meat, kimchi, rice, and whichever new side dish you decide to try: sounds like the perfect meal. Ultimately, BYO wine pairing is not about finding the objectively correct bottle (it’s Giesen Estate Riesling). It's about choosing something you enjoy that makes the food taste good (?). It’s about making sure you take enough coins to have the whole table polishing off their glasses before they even have the chance to think about whether or not they even like the wine they chose. Keep well, and BYO! ★
LA PORCHETTA: RED (WITH A FANCY ITALIAN NAME) Everyone knows Italian is peak comfort food, and La Porchetta is the true embodiment of this cheese-oil-carb fantasy. Next time you’re ambling down George Street and fighting the urge to trip into Big Mac territory, divert your gaze and you just might fall into this BYO staple instead.
Illustrated by Jimmy Tannock
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FEATURE
AHUATANGA
s u c o f r e d n u p u C ld r o W The 2026 FIFA
By Jesse Valpy
Widely considered one of the greatest shows on earth, the FIFA World Cup captivates the hearts of billions, promoting a sense of belonging, purpose, and, for many, an escape from daily life. This year, the crazed and colourful month of celebration culminated in a Argentina-Spain final enveloped by an ocean of 80,000 passionate voices wreathed in blue-white and red. This tournament has transcended all others to become an integrated cultural phenomenon. Even if you were just clocked in to the Haaland x Bellingham phenom, you made up the 70% of the world’s population this year’s FIFA World Cup was estimated to have captured. ‘The World’s Game’ plays a vital role in unifying cultures, breaking down social barriers and bringing people together from different walks of life. Football truly is for all – the sport presents an even social footing for all, offering hope or brief escape to those actively facing poverty, discrimination and hardship. It’s an inexpensive game to enjoy casually, games are often closelycontested, and there is no singular body type which is able to achieve success. Essentially, there’s a place for everyone. The sport has long been admired for its inclusivity, both in terms of viewership and participation. And yet, the cheapest ticket for this year's final of the FIFA World Cup was $2000 USD. Ticket costs are directed by FIFA, and thanks to their dynamic pricing model, the most expensive tickets reached $30,000 USD. Following this final in July, football was firmly swept into the rear view mirror. We resumed our daily lives, again faced with cost of living pressures, international
political conflicts and horrific natural disasters. Against these prominent global issues, critical discussion of the World Cup appears both insignificant and unnecessary. But the point remains that FIFA, an organisation officially registered as a non-profit, still graciously accepted $15 billion USD in revenue for the concluded tournament cycle (a 54% increase on the 2022 World Cup in Qatar). Many want to ignore this discussion completely – why ruin a spectacle which creates such joy, excitement and unrestrained displays of human emotion? While it may be a tournament that many claim to bring out the best of humanity, it remains increasingly worthwhile to take a closer look, and just as relevant for us Otago students tucked down in the corner of the world.
From Switzerland to The World: Football’s Extensive Reach
FIFA presents themselves as promoting social values of equality, respect, inclusion and education: an organisation helping to build momentum toward positive social change. This is achieved through developing football across its 211 member nations, with the aim of transcending borders and political differences. FIFA’s ‘Football for Schools’ programme is a key illustration, implemented to help young people develop important lifelong skills through football-related drills and games. The initiative is particularly active in nations spreading across Africa and Southeast Asia, and this philosophy benefits the organisation to an immense degree. It once offered an ethereal shield protecting from scrutiny, which has since been battered and dismantled
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following a decade of high-profile cases of corruption and controversy. In 2010, it was revealed that powerful officials accepted cash bribes to secure votes for South Africa’s bid to host the World Cup, which proved successful. Former president Sepp Blatter was banned by FIFA’s Ethics Committee for a mysterious $2M payment made to Vice-President Michael Platini in 2011. Both got the boot out the door, replaced by the incumbent President Gianni Infantino. The former sports lawyer has attracted plenty of controversy all on his own. FIFA itself is a world-shifting commercial force. They actively collect enormous profit margins through corporate sponsorship and attractive media rights. Television companies bend over backwards in desperation for the capacity to portray the drama and tension of the tournament through their own profitable lens. Hospitality packages and ticket prices also play a vital part, alongside the obvious abundance of advertising revenue. FIFA has a plethora of high-profile sponsors who contribute significantly toward the success of the organisation and successive World Cups. Although specific figures remain confidential, Tier One partners including Adidas, Coca-Cola, Qatar Airways, and VISA are believed to furnish FIFA with a grant total of around $200M USD per four year cycle. In return for their investment, they receive a premium level of brand exposure, including exclusive visibility across a variety of FIFA events. This also includes intellectual property agreements, allowing companies to openly promote and associate themselves with the image and festivities of the World Cup.
Across the 2023-2026 cycle, FIFA projected a $3.2B USD revenue from corporate marketing partnerships alone. The recently concluded tournament (co-hosted by the United States, Mexico and Canada) is believed to have engaged around 70% of the world’s population. This is a developing figure, produced by independent media-auditing companies looking at cumulative audience metrics, and includes anyone who engaged with the tournament in any capacity. This involves simple online interactions through social media, such as watching a highlights package in between (or during) lectures. Finalised data is expected to be released in the coming months. Official reports predict a new record, dwarfing the 2.9 billion television viewers of Qatar 2022, and exceeding the previous tournament’s global engagement audience of 5 billion (around 60% of the world’s population). As demonstrated by all of this, FIFA undeniably holds a significant degree of influence. This often flies under the radar due to the perceived authenticity and purity of the world’s game. Sociologist Jay Coakley’s Great Sport Myth presents a similar perspective: sport is inherently positive, and that intrinsic hopefulness is transferred to those who engage with it. Conveniently, critical analysis becomes unnecessary. But here's the interesting part. With FIFA being such a commercial force, where does all the money go, and is this the aim of the game? It’s worth wondering whether FIFA is genuinely invested in prioritising football for all, or whether they content with keeping their fans as deer in headlights – captivated in constant awe at the tournament’s bright colours, wide smiles and extravagant celebrations. Many argue FIFA’s objectives and programmes look good on paper, while leaving impoverished children to kick their balls of rags while heavy pockets continue
Illustrated by Eddie Fenton
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to be filled. In the wake of recent changes to the World Cup’s structural and economic framework, the growing questions around commercialisation and controversy have become more and more blatantly apparent to even the most casual fan. Outlined below are the eyebrow-raising changes to be aware of, and a discussion of the increased commodification, commercialisation and politicisation heavily influenced by the United States. What is Critic Te Ārohi here for if not to let me nerd out and unpack the perceived benefits and costs of this year’s changes to The World’s Game.
THE CHANGES:
Number Of Teams
In 2026, the number of teams competing at the tournament was expanded from 32 to 48. This was a significant adjustment, with the 32-nation format being accepted as the norm since 1998. Notably, this also increased the total number of matches from 64 to 104. The change coincided with the introduction of a ‘Round of 32’ knockout round before the traditional Round of 16. So, for Spain to emerge as eventual champions, they needed to win five knockout matches. This change in format had been pushed by FIFA President Infantino in 2016, with many believing this was his attempt to guarantee a successful presidential election as expanding the nations involved would likely secure more votes for his continued leadership. This granted more qualification spots for respective federations. For example, the number of spots open for European countries (UEFA), grew from 13 to 16. Africa (CAF) also received an increase to 9 automatic slots, with South America (CONMEBOL) and North/Central America (CONCACAF) both being given 6 qualification spots. Being able to introduce more countries into the World Cup spotlight is an alluring carrot to dangle. The impressive windfall offers a much-needed financial boost for respective nations, especially those with struggling economies with little money to put aside for football. Countries were automatically awarded $10M USD for participating in this year’s tournament, with an extra $2.5M for preparation. Additional bonuses existed to reward teams for making it through respective knockout rounds, incentivising successful performances. Players also received a share of these profits, the amount of which varied from nation to nation. The bottom line is that the expansion provided an estimated 50% increase in tournament revenue for FIFA, jumping from $7.6B (Qatar 2022) to over $14B.
AHUATANGA According to FIFA’s own reports, roughly 94% of that revenue goes back into supporting football, while the remainder goes toward governance and administrative costs. This change certainly gave countries such as New Zealand an easier route to qualify for the tournament. Traditionally, the winner of our Oceania federation (OFC) would play the fourth place team from North/ Central America’s (CONCACAF) qualification group, and we’d usually lose these matches. However, the new expansion removed the need for this playoff and gave the Oceania Federation winner a direct entry to the World Cup. This allowed the All Whites to compete on the global stage against Belgium, Egypt and Iran. This produced similar opportunities and historic first appearances for Cape Verde, Jordan, Uzbekistan and even Curacao, which boasts a population of only 155,000. For other nations, the extra qualification spot or two were less of a safe haven, with qualification remaining competitive and tightly contested. An improved opportunity for smaller nations to compete at the tournament is revered for aiding nationbuilding to an enormous audience. Further financial incentives from FIFA contribute towards long-term growth of football, and wider social development within these respective smaller nations. However, some argue the expansion of teams dilutes the quality of the competition and its prestige. With almost double the total games, visual fatigue begins to set in. Speaking as someone who spent the semester break parked up on their parent’s couch, there were definitely a few matches between ‘small’ teams which didn’t feel particularly exciting. But if it were my country playing, I’d have a different opinion. The 39 days flooded all social media, and was definitely bordering on oversaturation. This may detract from the spectacle of the World Cup, which not long ago was reserved for the strongest nations.
Hydration Breaks
“Hydration breaks” flooded every headline this FIFA World Cup. This controversial rule change introduced two compulsory three minute breaks per half of every match, including those inside temperature controlled stadiums. This effectively divided games into quarters. FIFA claimed this alteration was made to prioritise player welfare amidst sweltering temperatures. The intense heat threatened to exceed the recommended temperature threshold for safe physical activity of 28 degrees, after which the human body struggles to thermoregulate. Exercising during extreme conditions can result in severe heat exhaustion, as the sweat on your body is unable to evaporate. However, professional footballers of this calibre are accustomed to playing in high temperatures and environments in which we’d be struggling to get off the couch. Consequently, many claimed the introduction of hydration breaks changed the fundamental structure of these games to an unacceptable degree.
FEATURE
AHUATANGA
Conveniently, these breaks also offered fresh advertisement opportunities, and games began to resemble the NBA with so many compulsory stoppages in play. FIFA denied that the change was intended to produce higher revenue, citing broadcast contracts that were signed well in advance. Regardless of intentions, more breaks meant more advertising, and FIFA remained more than happy to reap the rewards of increased commercial presence and revenue.
players and increased their risk of injury. At the expense of the players, the extended halftime break conveniently provided even more broadcasting slots for additional advertising exposure to the mammoth international audience waiting to see who would be crowned the winner of the 2026 World Cup.
Dynamic Ticket Pricing
During USA’s Round of 32 match against Bosnia and Herzegovina, US player Folarin Balogun was shown a red card and sent off for stepping on an opposition’s ankle. Because a ban accompanied the card, this meant the States would be without their star player for their next match. Donald Trump personally called up President Infantino to reverse the decision, which Trump felt was wrong. The upshot was that Balogun’s suspension was delayed for a year following Article 27 of FIFA’s Disciplinary Code, which basically says FIFA can suspend the implementation of a disciplinary sanction. The USA’s upcoming opponent Belgium attempted to lodge a formal complaint, but FIFA basically told them to get fucked.
FIFA also added ‘dynamic pricing’ to their ticketing structure, meaning that ticket prices fluctuated in response to changing levels of demand. Where demand was once mediated by the marketplace, with this change stability of prices went straight out the window and ticket prices skyrocketed. Prices often surged to over ten times the equivalent of Qatar 2022, and average tickets for a group stage game moved from around $250 USD (Qatar 2022) toward $500 (2026). FIFA was accused of price gouging and making the World Cup increasingly inaccessible for the everyday passionate fan. It’s pretty apparent that FIFA may be (literally) squeezing supporters for all that they’re worth. For example, official resale platforms were launched to provide security and stability for fans wishing to pass on their tickets, but FIFA took a 30% commission from these resales, leading to accusations of maximising tickets as financial instruments to produce premiums on top of existing ticket revenue. Adding on the extra costs – flights, accommodation, and transport – attendance of the tournament is more of a lifelong pipe dream rather than a realistic option for most fans. The World’s Game could only live up to its name with the support of fans from around the world, but FIFA didn’t seem intent on keeping the prices manageable.
FIFABowl? The Final’s Shiny Halftime Show
The Superbowl’s famous half-time show was essentially transferred across to this year's World Cup final. This inaugural half-time show starred Madonna, Shakira, BTS and Justin Bieber, and although the musical performance only lasted 11 minutes, the total half-time break stretched to 27 minutes to accommodate the set up and disassembly of the stages. This breached FIFA’s codified laws that a halftime period should not exceed 15 minutes in duration (IFAB Law 7.2). But who cares, I guess. For the most important match of the last four years, this adjustment must have been quite a noticeable difference for the players. Elite footballers have heavily regulated halftime routines, ensuring their bodies and muscles remain actively warm during these inactive periods. Doubling the half-time break required changes in these routines which likely put unnecessary additional stress on the
Controversies On Controversies: Further Consequences From Prioritising Profit
The outcome led to some pretty vocal outrage, like why the decision about Balogun was influenced by politicians rather than the sporting officials. Infantino conveyed that he had an open conversation with Trump, explaining to him that the decisionmaking process was both independent and autonomous. But the wider public weren't really convinced. Interestingly, Belgium smoked the US 4-1 anyway, with the players openly taking the piss out of Trump
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AHUATANGA their ethos proclaims, and yet fell short in upholding football’s fair standing and equality in practice. The selection of Saudi Arabia to host the 2034 World Cup further echoes these previous concerns surrounding FIFA, sportswashing and human rights regimes. For an organisation with so much influence and so many fans, it is actions like this that make it clear football is not being utilised as a global equaliser as well as it could be.
The Economic Argument: Growth, ReDistribution, and Reach
FIFA’s changes to the World Cup directly correlate to the increased tournament earnings. This outcome satisfies a financial definition of ‘success’, satisfying FIFA’s leadership and commercial partners. President Infantino concluded that “this FIFA World Cup in particular has opened a lot of doors, a lot of opportunities, a lot of possibilities,” adding that “we will continue to work together to unleash the commercial potential that we have to make football even better, bigger and even more global all over the world.” There is no doubt that the achievement of both financial and developmental objectives aren’t mutually exclusive. In an increasingly modern global environment, football must continue to adapt and establish itself across new markets and terrains, otherwise risking fading away into obscurity. So, adaptability should be appreciated. during their goal celebrations. Following the final, Trump also refused to leave the stage after presenting the trophy to Spain, maximising his visibility and the leveraging of a close association with Infantino and the World Cup. Trump has also affirmed the US Government would support Infantino becoming the next United Nations Secretary-General, with elections later this year. Trump’s level of influence has raised significant concern across the world, especially since FIFA previously aligned themselves with Trump’s administration when awarding him their inaugural Peace Prize in 2025. IMHO, Trump’s increased influence threatens FIFA’s ethos and the purity and identity of the tournament – as a nonprofit non-governmental organisation, FIFA ought to be immune from any influence, including political. Another controversy surrounding this year's World Cup was Iran’s participation. The team were subjected to strict travel mandates due to global political tension, and this undoubtedly tainted their World Cup journey. Their training camp was relocated from Arizona to Tijuana (Mexico) to prevent security concerns. They were also forced to enter the United States the day before (or often hours) before a match, which denied them fair preparation and negatively impacted their recovery routines. Key logistical staff were also denied entry into the country. Putting aside the political and moral questions of whether Iran should indeed have been participating at all, Infantino noted it was at his direction that they were permitted, and yet they were heavily disadvantaged. Once the decision was made to allow Iran to participate, FIFA had all the power to ensure that they were placed on an equal footing with other competing nations as
One example of FIFA’s community outreach being strengthened through heightened revenue is ‘FIFA Forward’, their flagship development programme. FIFA Forward directs funding towards important infrastructure, and strengthens coaching and grassroots programmes. It offers focused, detailed educational support for member nations. It’s countries such as Aotearoa New Zealand that receive a direct share of this funding, and it trickles down into our coaching programmes, local tournaments, and tangible improvements within our communities. NZ Football received $12.5B USD for their participation in this year’s World Cup, a huge boost for football in Aotearoa. Another country hugely impacted by FIFA funding is Cape Verde, who were rewarded for their historic run to the Round of 32 this year with $23M USD in prize money. Poverty has been a prolific issue for Cape Verde for years. Amidst recent improvements, FIFA has given Cape Verdeans and countless others across the globe something to smile about. Cape Verde’s Josemar Diaz (Vozinha), 40-year-old standout goalkeeper for the team, kept the focus on the achievement of his country, and the pride and satisfaction felt when the team were able to play against such high-calibre opposition. “We earned our qualification and managed to fulfil a dream, not just for me and the national team, but for the entire Cape Verdean nation,” he explained. Regardless of the game’s results, playing at the tournament is a massive achievement worth celebrating, and if not for FIFA's expansion to 48 teams, we wouldn’t be able to observe and enjoy the compassion and beauty within the adversity of these uphill struggles of smaller countries against far larger wealthier nations. FIFA has made this possible. This is what football is all about. It’s swimming against the current and persevering with love through the pressures and labours which life may send our way.
FEATURE Sporting mega events also contribute to local and national economies. Consumer spending increases massively within cities in the host country, hugely benefiting their GDP. This year consumer spending in US cities increased over 6% compared to the previous year, pumped up by the millions of fans gathered to attend matches. Over 185,000 opportunities for full time employment were created, and bars, restaurants and hotels received a large spike in revenue across the celebrations. FIFA didn’t take long to grab headlines once again when President Infantino announced plans to create a subsidiary named ‘FIFA Forward Enterprise,’ handling commercial rights for major tournaments. This would sell a 20% stake to external investors to unlock extra funding for associations and fast-track football development. FIFA Forward was set to receive a boosted $20M USD for nations, a massive increase from the current $8M put aside for the upcoming 2027-2030 World Cup cycle. Infantino has since backed down due to significant opposition to treating the World Cup as a product for private investment. However, Infantino is also exploring the opportunity to expand the tournament to a massive 64 teams, a change potentially implemented as early as 2030. It’s understood that FIFA members were not informed of these plans until they were announced, highlighting a lack of transparency around FIFA’s governance. This would mean larger costs, greater influence and stronger financial performance.
Does Football Continue To Unite The World?
In recent years, controversy has been woven through the fabric of FIFA’s operational framework, despite their attempts to redirect focus toward their extensive contribution throughout each member nation. Unfortunately, two things can be true, and while FIFA has absolutely made incredible contributions to countless countries globally, the decision-makers at FIFA’s apex remain dependent on the consumption of football as a commodity. From their mountain of riches, FIFA aren’t struggling to make ends meet. Despite all this, football undoubtedly remains an enduring force for change. It provides a chance to bring us closer together and promotes community and a sense of belonging that is truly unique to the sport. Football’s global reach and footprint is incredibly pervasive. It is increasingly debatable how much responsibility FIFA can take for all the positive effects and characteristics of a sport which captivated the world long before they asserted governance and commercial power. Football would still exist if FIFA shut up shop. “Football is for the fans” is a saying which endures the passing of time. It exists from, for and through everyone who caught a glimpse of a tackle, throw-in or goal. It’s for those who took time out of their day to experience the emotion, flair and World Cup magic. Resulting from a deep faith in the power of humanity, I believe that football will continue to be for the fans, and if the fans were to abandon FIFA to their devices, the lights in Zurich may flicker out after all. However, as part of the
AHUATANGA global stands of fans that sustain the game, I want FIFA to remember that it’s us that make their tournaments so globally significant, and consider whether they’re doing enough to support and uplift those people who give them power. FIFA needs to address how their flagship tournaments can become more accessible, realistic and achievable for an everyday football fan. It’s a set of scales which FIFA have carelessly let fall out of balance. The world deserves a break from the negativity we face in the media. Thankfully, the magnetism of the World Cup is likely here to stay. There is an enduring sense of belonging and community which expands to all who become invested in the celebration. When nations exit the tournament, fans pick up new favourite countries to support, resulting in a display of diversity and camaraderie, with nobody wanting this rollercoaster to come to an end. This year Norwegian fans gathered in large numbers rowing and chanting in uniform, gaining significant media coverage. Japan’s supporters stayed behind long after the final whistle to clean the stadium of rubbish, out of a cultural respect for shared spaces. Scotland’s ‘Tartan Army,’ made the pilgrimage across the North Atlantic, kilts at hand and produced an unreal effort to drink all the beer in Boston. By all reports, they got pretty close. Stories of this kind are abundant in nature. The tournament consistently offers fantastic displays of lighthearted fun, existing independent of political persuasion or commercial influence. It’s the beautiful displays of humanity in the World Cup that gives it its vibrant capacity to bring people closer. It remains an unrivalled celebration, a party to which the whole world receives an invite. If you're still unconvinced, take a look at the people dancing in the stands with smiles on their faces, and you’ll start to see what the beautiful game has always been about. ★
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TOP 11
SamCharlesworth(Dn)
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
Way Too Frightened
Becca Caffyn (Dn) Julia Roberts
ALBUM REVIEW
Dolly Possum (Dn) Cow
Sivle Talk (Dn)
The Year of Sincerity, sophomore album release from Te Whanganui-a-Tara’s BADTAB, is the perfect example of crafting your own niche. Jazzy, dreamy, psychedelic, and edgy all at the same time, the BADTAB boys truly have pulled it out of the gate with this one.
GIG GUIDE
Opening track Azerbaijan sets the tone for the record, with psychedelic synths leading the groove and an infectious vibe that almost forces you to dance. Mellowing out for tracks Dispatch & Sheepishly I Wait, and picking up again for Sweetness. This work truly takes you through a year of sincere memories, solidifying BADTAB’s signature groove, vibe, and vulnerability all the way through. This is an album for road trips, sunshine, and days at the beach - perfect for a Dunedin winter’s walk or sitting under your heat pump.
Happy Hour Solo Sounds
It Always Rains on Fridays
RK
Inch Bar - 7 pm
the pink opaque (Dn) glow
FRIDAY 25TH
GIG REVIEWS
DEATHRO W/ DALE KERRIGAN UNSANITARY NAPKIN, CUCK @ ??? “SECRET LOCATION GOT INCREDIBLY SWEATY. JAPANESE ROCK N ROLL MUSIC IS AWESOME”
OFFICE DOG w/ PEARLY*
@ THE CROWN “Office Dog thoroughly officed my Dogs, Pearly* pearled my pearls”
PINT NIGHT@ U-BAR “More Sabbath than I was expecting”
THE PINK OPAQUE SINGLE RELEASE GIG
@ PEARL DIVER “wow that was a huge glass of wine they gave me”
AMPED GIG W/ EMILY ESPLIN Photos by Ante Runfors
Achtung! (NZ)
THURSDAY 24TH
Standout tracks: Dispatch, Not Enough Roses, Grip On You read more @ r1.co.nz/blog - Maddy FKN Barnes xoxo
GIG! DEATHRO
There’s An FBI Office In Wellington
@ TE WHARE O RUKUTIA “do’nt stop beleiving in you’re ability to be awsome and kep perflorming #hope””
w/ Jamie-Lee Taucher*
Vera Ellen (NZ)
No. 8 Distillery - 5 pm
The New Existentialists w/ House of 2000 and Shotgun Wedding
how we say goodnight
MOKOMOKAI & Troy Kingi (NZ)
Pearl Diver - 8 pm
Brasil
Warner Emery - Album Release Show w/ Edward Gains
Evie Bamford (NZ)
Inch Bar - 8 pm
Your Girl
Little Deaths, Blonde Cobra, This Software is Shareware, Computer People, and Finance
AW (NZ) Rhubarb
The Crown - 7:30 pm
SATURDAY 26TH
PocketLipps (Dn)
Sam Charlesworth and friends Inch Bar - 7:30pm
Soft Bait
Pearl Diver - 8 pm
Look Over There!
What Did You Say
mazagran hit picks
Ha the Unclear (NZ) Cumberland Street (Astigmatic) Harrison Marshall (Dn) Cutting Stone
w/ Wet Specimen, Diamond Club, and Pass the Hatchet
Pearl Diver - 9 pm
Find more @ r1.co.nz/gig-guide!
STREAM RADIO ONE!
OUSA EXEC Tumuaki Takirua Mauri ora e te iwi! Whoop whoop, here’s your other Māori rep, to talk more about Te Wiki o Te Reo Māori! I’ll keep this pretty paku because the week’s already over – but the celebration of te reo Māori will carry on forever. As I write this piece, we are already halfway through my favourite week of the year. Last week, my co-Prez Jarna talked about how embracing Te Wiki o Te Reo Māori might just help you figure yourself out, and following on from that we’re gonna chat about what it means to truly carry this week forward – “mō ake, ake, ake” – for everyone. For one week, we saw te reo everywhere. On campus, in our socials, at events, in classrooms (and hopefully in our conversations). But what happened today? The posters came down, the events finished, and life carried on for the majority of us. Last week's theme vanished from our minds. But te reo is a living language. The future of our reo isn’t determined by what happened last week, but what we continue to do from this week onwards. And this isn’t just on me and my Māori metes – it’s on all of us. Te reo Māori will struggle to thrive and survive if we aren’t all working together to make it normal. So, with coming off last week and continuing on into the rest of Mahuru Māori, I hope you all enjoyed the celebrations and made an effort to get involved, have a kōrero, learn something new and make space for te reo in your lives. But don’t leave it all within last week (or even this month). Keep the kupu you’ve picked up. Keep using the reo you know. Keep making space for others to learn. And if you forget something, get it wrong, or realise you’ve been saying it wrong for the last six months, kei te pai! In the words of my tuakana, Riama Pekama – KARAWHIUA! Kia kaha te reo Māori mō ake ake ake!
Nā, Sami ★
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Friends With Benefits Nā Heeni Koero Te Rerenoa – Ngāti Hine, Te Rarawa, Te Waiariki
If there’s one thing a Ngāpuhi likes, it’s arguing a case. Unfortunately for everyone else, I’ve always got one. When I left Whangārei, most people assured me I was about to meet a whole new world of “like-minded” people. Unfortunately, I interpreted that as people I would share a wavelength with. In reality, I landed at what felt like an inescapable conference with no closing ceremony, where everyone was constantly introducing themselves, collecting contacts and (not-so) quietly working out where everyone else sat. Like-minded friendship, it seems, came with a sniff test. The Taumaha Is Real The thing about the sniff test is that nobody admits they’re doing it. There is no formal assessment or red buzzer when someone fails; though I’m sure that’d be preferred. It’s pretty subtle, actually. It feels like speed dating, except nobody is asking whether you’re romantically compatible. They’re sussing out whether you’re socially compatible, professionally useful, sufficiently interesting, or, simply put, worth the effort. And, without fail, it’s the same boring exchange: names, majors, hometowns, mutuals. Then comes the small talk and the moment when somebody decides whether you’re even worth remembering. I admit, it’s basically a given. I did it too. Everyone does. You have to work out where you fit when you arrive somewhere new, and university is hardly the golden age of social certainty. But I had come from a community where my entire age-group were genuinely all my cousins. The only credentials worth mentioning there were your marae. Nobody needed to explain who they were, and no list of committees, internships or mutual acquaintances impressed anyone.
Friends With Benefits It’s not as though I’d rocked up in Dunedin expecting the same; only a fool would dive into a completely foreign social ecosystem and hope for a whānau reunion. But the culture shock was incredibly real. It didn’t take long to realise I’d run from one end of the tall poppy field to the other. The rules changed, but the fall hadn’t. We call it making friends, but really, we’re taking stock. Who’s useful? Who’s interesting? Who’s worth knowing? Nobody wants to know you anymore. They want to know what you might be worth. These days, nobody has to announce that they’re networking. We’ve become much more sophisticated than that. We call it “putting ourselves out there”, and sometimes it genuinely is. Other times, it’s a polite disguise for working out who’s worth knowing. We make friends with people we like, sure, but also people who might know someone, open a door, get us a seat at a table, or make us look a little more interesting by association. Perhaps that’s why uni friendships can feel so disposable. Not because everyone is calculating, but because we’re getting very good at keeping one eye on what comes next. Our peers aren’t just friends to be made anymore; they’re future colleagues, contacts and connections we’re quietly keeping in our back pockets. Mutuals Matter By now, playing the game feels like second nature. We know how to work a room, remember a name, make a connection and keep the right people close. I’ve done it too. Perhaps we all have. We’re surrounded by people we could be friends with, work with, collaborate with, recommend, introduce, or simply know for later. It all feels perfectly harmless until you realise how easily a person can become a possibility before they become a friend. I was told I’d meet “like-minded” people, but it turns out all we really share is a postcode. So when did making friends become less about who we like, and more about who we might like to know?
Long Live The Question ★
Illustrated by n Stella Caulto
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By Swig60
Ab so lu t V od ka w it h S p r i t e Wat e r m e l o n Ze ro Su gar 5% Ca ns Welcome back beer lovers and toe suckers. It’s the final stretch of the uni year, so we only have a handful of drinking weekends, a semester of lectures, 2 showers, and 400 wanks (or whatever girls do instead) left to go. For this week's drink, we have something that smells like vodka, looks like vodka, and tastes like vodka, meaning it’s Absolut-ly vodka. However, this time it’s in small cans for small hands and small wangs with the addition of watermelon to go towards your 5+ A Day. If you’ve ever seen The Odyssey, you’ll know that life is all about challenges and pushing through them. Anyways, these are pretty easy to get down. So that lesson isn’t really relevant here – thank fuck it doesn’t take 3 hours to finish a box of these. On another note, did anyone else find the chick from Obsession hot? Please stalk us at our address: 74 Gladstone Road, Dalmore, 9010. Back to the topic at hand, this cheeky little number tastes pretty close to a Maccas Sprite chased with a watermelon vape. Let’s not get too pretentious here: it tastes pretty much exactly how you’d expect. Maybe it’s a bit more perfumey than one would prefer, but it's definitely as sweet as a Sprite should be. Bonus points for being zero sugar – it is time for the summer cut, after all. As for how they’ve contributed to our night out, the 5% strength and slim can have these punching well below their weight like your mate that offers free burst fades at the end of the night. You’re just gonna end up with a shit buzz. In terms of a rating though, these aren’t changing the game, but we do concede that they’re not a bad addition to the already saturated market of vodka RTD’s. They will probably get nicer when the Dunner Stunner weather returns and you’re sleeping with someone for their looks and not their body heat. Overall, they are sitting at a 6.5/10 – just like that one lecturer you dream about. Shout out to the bro who sent us 69c for a bag. But in this economy? Really? Are you fucking stupid? 12-31610526840-01. Drink responsibly. Or at least tactically. ★
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Flu season is officially ravaging Ōtepoti again, so please, for the love of God, just stay in bed. Stop dragging your sick self to the library all day to cough over the communal desk space. You aren't earning any extra credit by dying in a study cubicle. School Club You'd Join: Hiking Club
Your dream flat situation has turned out to be a slightly chaotic variant of what you originally signed up for. It’s basically an episode of Adults, but at least it keeps life interesting. Just refrain from dropping acid and letting wild animals take over. School Club You'd Join: Coding Club
Lincraft is whispering for you to go see its eternal closing sale. Go scout out some cheap fabric that looks suspiciously like your mother’s living room drapes. You might not know the hills are alive, but you’ll look like you’ve mastered every single word to do-re-mi. School Club You'd Join: Magazine Committee
It's time to strengthen your relationship with your toes, so head to your local yoga studio and test out how much flexibility you’ve actually kept over the years. As you reach down, you’ll realise it’s been way too long since your last pedicure – treat yourself to a trip to the salon. School Club You'd Join: Art Club
You’ve been sly lately, and you're giving major two-faced energy. Take a hard look at how you’ve been acting around your inner circle before people start calling you out on it. Don’t be too hard on yourself though, your mates know you have a lot on your plate <3 School Club You'd Join: Photography Club
It's been a minute since you spread it open and flicked the bean – but you are still the pussy queen. Go have a scroll online for some new toys and forget about the order until it arrives. Just remember to double-check the delivery address before it winds up at your parent’s house instead of the flat. School Club You'd Join: Drama Club
Making massive weekend plans sounds great in theory, but try not to over-coordinate every single detail. You’re surrounded by people who just go with the flow, leaving you stressed out and playing group mum. Let go of the itinerary and let the chips fall where they may. School Club You'd Join: Journalism Club
Mid-sem is over, which means this is the one golden week where going to Central might not send you into a full panic attack. Capitalise on this tiny window of freedom before exams ruin your life again. Head to St Kilda at the witching hour and scream your woes into the waves. School Club You'd Join: Debate Team
The stack of assignments due this week is giving you major procrastination paralysis while time speeds on by. It may feel impossible, but you just have to eat this apple one tiny bite at a time. Keep nibbling away until you can finally close your laptop and breathe again. School Club You'd Join: Cheese-making Club
It’s time to host that iconic mega potluck you keep talking about. Half your friends will bring hearty soup and bread, while the other half brings cheap wine and fancy cheese. Stories will be told of this night for years to come and people will beg for a monthly redo. School Club You'd Join: Knitting/Crochet Club
You’ve been hurting lately, but opening up and actually seeking help was the right move. Healing isn't instant, but the pain is going to dull down to a manageable hum real soon. Keep being honest with yourself, and let the people who care about you help carry the weight. School Club You'd Join: Jump Jam
The distance between you and your love interest just got bigger, so it might be time for a reality check. Don't waste your week weeping, because long distance rarely works out. Take a deep breath, cut the cord, and enjoy being single without the massive phone bill. School Club You'd Join: Study Club
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Notice of OUSA Annual General Meeting: October 14th at 1pm in the Main Common Room (MCR), or outside if weather permits. You must be enrolled by midnight 25th of October to be able to vote in the 2026 General Election.
The supermarket duopoly is being targeted by both sides of the political aisle, with the Greens wanting to establish a Government-backed ‘Kiwimart’, while National has proposed splitting New World, Pak‘nSave and Four Square into separate companies.
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The Ed Sheeran mural on Bath Street has been spray painted with ‘Free Palestine’. The addition comes as Ed’s openers and supporting bands pull out of his US tour in solidarity with Macklemore, who was removed from the tour after expressing his support for Palestine. The Electric Avenue lineup for 2027 has been announced, with Kings of Leon and Calvin Harris headlining Australiasia’s biggest music festival.
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