Crest 2014

The CREST

THE CREST, HERETOFORE KNOWN A lHE UTERARY TABUIA. HAs BEEN TBUSHED stNcE ts?3 ty IHE sruoems br OAK PARK AND RIIGR FOREST, HleH SCHOOI

Ook Pork, lllinois Moy,2014

el$ dt cniairts

Fronko Del Sonto 9oua,-.1-t

Soroh Connon elqdo@

Ano Mirondo - Keith Johnsen - Joseph Jordon-Johnson Belle Billyk - Sebostion Beoghen

Qffi

AAs. Louren Lee

Sdited&gelhrr,tr

Another yeor, onother edition of your fovorite student orl ond writing mogozine! Although this set of poges bound together by o meot lody cover might seem like ony ol'Crest in your bookshelf , I con tell you it is not

This yeor, we decided to toke o different opprooch to the loyout ond the overoll visuol tone of the book. We took inspirotion from zines, old forgotten editions from the dusty Crest voults, ond odded quite o bit of the most importont thing in life: food.

For yeors it seemed thot the Crest hod on elitist demeonor thol scored people owoy, ond we wonted to chonge thqt. This time, we wonted to loosen up the hinges of Crest ond bring it to the present with o bold but ployful ond less intimidoting personolity. We wonted it to come to life ond speok for the zeol ond hours of hord (but fun) work thot went into the moking of it.

The most importont chonge the Crest hos gone through. though, will be evident os you shuffle through the poges. lwos shocked ond pleosontly surprised to reolize thoi the qmount of received qrt submissions went from o puny l50 in 2O)2 to on omozing 600- in 20.14. With the uprising of ort-driven sociol medio sites like lnstogrom ond Tumblr, lthink it is sofe to soy thot the Crest's ortistic increose directly foils our progressive generotion. As pretentious os thot might hove sounded, l'm honored to hove witnessed such o drostic turn in the history of our beloved mogozine/iournol/whotever-you-wont-to-coll-it.

Becoming o port of the Crest editoriql boord wos the one thing thot kept me out of trouble sophomore yeor ond mode me reolize thot ort wos something lwos meont to pursue, so whenever ony of us heord you soy, "l'd submit, but I'm not good" or 'l'd submit, but I m not reolly on ortist/writer" we triple-encouroged you to submit becquse we're olwoys hoping thot Crest might serve os o little push for those of you who need it. lwould like to thonk oll of my fellow editors through the yeors ond our loyol ond coring sponsor. Ms. Lee, for giving me o different second fomlly every yeor ond pushing me to sociolize. lowe lhem my sociol literocy.

Finolly, in beholf of the entire Crest 2O)4 editoriol boord. l'd like to thonk oll of you who submitted for giving us something to do of school thot we octuolly LIKE. There wos no submission we did not enjoy seeing or reoding Thonk you for your enthusiosm, ond for trusting us with your tolents ond ombitions. We hope The Crest 2014 tickles your foncy Bon oppetit!

Fronko Del nto Edttor-in-chief

i qohhof e

......... Deoney AAiler 25 Sorobeth Weszey Annobel Huber 26 . Rory Schrobi gen Rebecco Zoe Kelley Moeue Riordon 27

Potrick Chrisp Deloh Dunn 28 Modi Goeb, er . Kotherine Anderson Sophie Hoyes 29 Motthew Horlovlc Joseph.lordon-Johnton 30

Lize Muroiti ........Modi Goebe, 3l Andrew Kibler Anostosio Sevriukovo 32 Sode Coffmon Keith lohnsen 33 Susono Cordenos-Soto Sophie Dennis Emily Avorodo 34 lronko L)el 5onto JJ Rochel lnksetter )L ,elon runn JU

...... sobe Akgulion Verontco Thomos Emily Clork 37 Erin Angelini luio Pochy y 38 Modi Goebler Chorlie Hoffmon 39 Chorlie Weissgloss Brion Cossidy 4a Atlon Arceo-Witzl 4l

....... Jockson Toylor 42 De o Mockey ljorren l-dwords 45 Fronko Del Sonto

Doniel Jenks Erin Angeiini

...... Brion Cossidy Atlon Arceo-Witzl

Sophio Cor in Stobhon Doherty Sode Coffmon Digonto Bhottochoryyo Emily Ccrson Fiono Cosper Erln Shottuck sobel Akgulion AAoddi Wo f .Joseph Jordon-Johnson ...IessFisher

Keilh .lohnsen .lomes Ungoretti Nikoloi Ewert Joseph Jordon-.Johnson

Roche Cole Cynihio Allen Kendro Murphy Luke Wilder

Anosiosio Sevriukovo Motthew Horlovic Delioh Dunn

Elo Leitmon Dixon Susono Cordenos-Soto Kendro Murphy

Deloney Miller Coroline Orlin Sebosiion Beoghen Sode Coffmon

... Kendro Murphy

Rochel Pospisil Zorio Gilmore

Elo Leitmon Dixon Ju es Billups Emily Clork Mox Yokoo

.......

Dorren Edwords Sophie Dennis ......... Sode Coffmon Moddi Wolf Sebostion Beoghen Mio Shopiro Anostosio Sevriukovo Sode Coffmon Julion Mirondo Ketth lohnsen Motthew Horlovic Sode Coffmon Gobriel Motesonz Gobriel Motesonz Zone Joiner .... ... Soroh Bloboum Rochel Pospisil Joseph Blokey Antoinette Lovin Kendro Murphy Deloney Miller Delioh Dunn Kendro Murphy Keith Johnsen Sode Coffmon Joseph Jordon-Johnson Nikoloi Ewert ....ErinLynch Groce Smort Ali Schiffner ......... Zorio Gilmore Annobel Huber Kendro Murphy ...... Brondo Croword Alex Risemon ......... Sophie Dennis Gobby Mrzgolo Emily Corson Sode Coffmon ....ErinLynch Nikoloi Ewert Kendro Murphy Adriono Mirondo Audrey Aronson .. Ello Leitmon Dixon Groce Niewltk Susono Cordenos-Soto Delioh Dunn ........ Kendro Murphy Delioh Dunn Susono Cordenos-Soto Sode Coffmon

7B-79 BO B1 6l B3 B4 B5 B6

87 BB 89 90 9t 92 93 94

Jules Billups Julliette Nye Sebostion Beoghen Stuort Dixon Lize Muroiti Col Brennon Helen Susmon .. Jules Billups Delo Mod,ey Emily Corson Mothqry Horlorlc Cuyler Dull ...... Rochel Segbowo Moxine Toylor Cuyler Dull Rebecco Zoe Kelley Clore Curron ........you!

$a,wrymw

He soys you re on opple pie. Thick hipped, worm centered, creom cooted crust. Your mind is sugor filled, o poslry identicol to his. When he looks oi you he just wonts to eol you up,

When he picks you up you smile os he tells you, "You look beoutiful."

You iuck lhe flyowoy hoir behind your eor, your opple skin shimmering like pie tins.

You sit oi the toble ond let him order for you.

Apple pies never order for themselves. You pick ot ihe overcooked chicken. He doesn't know you hote it. Doesn't bother to osk.

When you're driving home thot night you let him squeeze your thigh. You ore on opple pie. pulped. Smile even though it hurts. You ogree os he pulls over. Pushes you ogoinsf the cor window. Smile os he fish hooks your honds to the roof of the cor.

You don't tell him thot your neck is croning. thot you wont to go home. You don't resist os he pushes. Keep smiling os his kisses get rougher

You wont to screom os he tells you "you don't need your f riends. You only need me." You think thot this will moke you hoppy.

When he ftnolly tokes you home thot night, you look in the mirror. You con still feel his cutting grip oround your stemmed orms. You look ot your body Think of the womon you hove been tought to be.

Your body must be thin shoved Your thighs should never louch. Don't eot if you don't hove to. You must olwoys look nice. Never believe there is o positive. Don't pretend like you're ever extroordinory. Put olhers be{ore yourself. Botlle your feelings. Don't you dore tolk obout them. Don't you dore tolk ot oll.

This is how you're told to be o womon. This is why you let him fold your dough skin over. form you into his opple pie. Eot ot your skin until your c.ust Inolly crumbles. Until you reolize, you will never be iust on opple.

I[lxl,pio f 9firrheil}UW

Coffee sto ns the wlndowpone like sweot. A mon in donce shoes, unlooding umber to stone. bouncing off its concrete pores. Wlndow sieoms oround our flngers ond wr ies o sort of bollod. where everylhing s reol ond nothing is mondotory. So they skote olong the frosted g oss into o frozen river of couches. shelves. books, Myopic You con heor the dust. Your skin cleors the gloss A wet circ e. ond you con see donce shoes meet o lody Lipsiick mouthes words we soy with ihem, 'Tonight'

Lumber sinks lnto the concrete. hldes owoy wiih eyes opened to slits. He builds his .Jengo of 2x4s ond whlspers to me.

soft enough so on y con heor. Dichoso e orbo que es openos sensltlve. Thoi's whot you reod to me. Shelf by shelf books foll unti they ore perfecily oligned olphobetico.

odhesive to our fingers ond our foreorms. Couse oge sne s l-sl i, e coffee. And coffee tostes the some without its ice Like my hond on this cup ond yours on this window n the foggy choir thot keeps us here. A -ing oI coflee s', I co^oer s ,^g L ke sweot.

for thirty doys. doniel wos told not to proy ond he resisted. os wos his hobil. fought toolh ond clow with ihe quiet word of his mind. my fother spent ihe first week of his ife inside o dresser drower, jusi outside stuttgort. my first nome stoins itself permonent irish. if noi only to counteroct the germon hoppenstonce d beor my entire life, he soys. o second ho f of me so lengthy ond vexing, ogope like the mouth of o lion closing on on infide. os lhe moulh of lhe llons' den itse f. or the vost wol s thot shope on oTmouT, snug driftwood shofts drown porolLe ond covernous to the eyes of o newborn, shut firm os the drowers ond s eeping to stotic stolen lunes wofting in through the keyhole unowore of ol the consononls thot fi I his suTncme. or how to spell "consonont," or how o pipe dreom tickles its own throot ond coughs up germon woter. in second grode ltroced the green cursive prinl on my desk comfort brought on by constont f uidity ihe motion of my nome. ond the teocher worned, "pleose" not to ruin the p ocemots. but the co or trlckied off ond seeped into my hond. anywoy. first foding to moss green, then o pitied oLive, for cry from the colors of lrelond. but they gove my musc es rremory. the motion of my thumb ond forefinger ooplng into themselves pionting three oose rooied soplings of different species. three identitles of wor, o bolonce omong lhem impossible. beginning, middle, ond end - but io no end ond so doniel proyed.

wonder rf it felt the green woier closing in. AAy lhumbs, so coreless. They ore deoth mochines. Hove you ever seen ife slip before your eyes? Weighed down Itke o worm oirtlght, like woter. t f no ly stops squirming Red, like my kindergorden fingeriips. S ippery, shoky. know it ls deod when the green pond fogs lke o botiom ess groveyord olgeo cosket. closed. I si1 there o I doy Eyes slippery, ftngers shoking, squlrming ike worm bodies.

Iw{htt qo. flof qhr,Illothsrknd, f o*,*en,;^p

See ihis not the motherlond but my mother's mothers lond. The house where grondfoiher gove belts the opportunity to ick welts on l.e oocks o[ ly 'rc es. Where he mode sure tolk wos o broke longuoge becouse he wosn't poying ottention to lt.

It s nothing ike going to A ississippl, woiching repiiles rest on their reptilion TeoT on river beds Nothing Like gozing oi stors ihoi pop- ock to the beot of the go oxy

The btgger dtpper lodling my nterest Nothing like riding in the cor with o sum of 200 yeors-worth of people. listening to their stories over ond over ogoin becouse it s one of the few they remember. And they wont you to remember too. Often osking me if lremember wontlng me to iog bock through lime in their Knickerbockers. fill their dress shoes ond zoot suits. It s nothlng like going io AAississippi ond sipping memories horvested wlih grondmo

Deor Humons.

1 om bigger thon o humon but smoler thon o hill. hove mony colors ihot come together to creote mine. I om old. I know the secrets of the post ond the possibilities of the future. lom coring io those oround me ond wont to help them when they need o helping hond. llove when the wind rustles through my leoves. om o tree. AAy nome is Levy. I love my life ond todoy I wont to shore it with you. I wont you to foke o leof out of my book ond hove o life os good os mine.

lcome from o tiny seed in the ground. AAy fother provided me with woter from his fluffy cloud bely to help me grow ond prosper. AAy mother, Crillo, olwoys told my fother. "Gromb e. don t give him too much roin. Little trees need sun light to grow tool" Together, my mother. the sun. ond fother, o cloud, help to conlrol the weother, providing the eorth with beoutiful life.

Both Crillo ond Gromble love to ploy gomes with me Crillo tries lo shine her hot roys on the people ond onimols thot ioke shode under my bronches. Gromble does the some, but insteod, he lries to drench the people lshelter. AAy lob is fo protect these people during horsh weother conditions. My porents ore pleosontly surprised every tlme lom oble to complete my iob. Ihese gomes go on oll doy until Crillo hos fo trode ploces with the moon, Luno.

I live in o meodow behind o form in Wisconsln. The meodow goes on for oges, but sit right in the middle. Rother thon feeling lonely, I find comforl in the colm silences in the meodow. Ihe wind blows the meodow gross to moke the most soothing noise. My leo

conlribute to ihts sound in moking o pretty whisping noise. llove how lcon provide o nest for my leoves until they ore reody for the foll eL- i.jJ

the ground. I love visitors ond moking them feel welcome. They odmire my leoves ond my grond stoture. 1 love crodling ihe children who come ond find me, in my sturdy, yet coring, orms. llove my peoceful life ond wlsh for you to hove it tool Sometimes, we con get coughi up in the business ond siressfulness of our ives. Slow down o bit. Join me olong with o colm ond peoceful lifestyle. By doino so, you con live o hoppy. iong life. Ihis is my messoge to you ond oll the humons on eorth. Remember to olwoys enioy your life while you hove it. - Levy, The Tree

Shmzrrr66h, --1:9lllldfilur 4lorlouio c/-

Buddho wos the broken hourgloss thot spilled seconds ocross my bockyord. Mother Eorth scolded him for his slip-up, so I smoothed her over with my minule honds. She told me thot he who skips on iniervol needs to double bock his ticks groin by groin, lick by tock, she rewound my honds to round out the slonewoshed gorden thot wos being fobricoted I steodily swept shords of seconds out of my circle. I riddled ripples within her gronulor skin. I skidded stones ocross her corved clock {oce fitting fociol feotures together like cogs Buddho shook the soil off ond fixed his goze on my clockwork. He exploined thot potience is key if one wonts to horvest his peoce. Before the goods go oboul, pivots ond rivets need to tie together. He soid wheels con't turn until the little bits ogree on the some terms. Mother Eorth collected her thoughts ond ogreed with his perception. I finished my work, stepped bock, odmiring the hourgloss I rebuilt.

my eyes vignette oround the veins in your neck.

thot skinstrip moon & meshing skin

$.*.pt 1*dr"lohn6oru

drogs my polm from your cheek, your bock. oll i osk is for o ntght; one where only our teeth will know such unspeokobles. lhe sluice of your chest seoring with goosebumps from my cold honds

the yew of cold fingers & cold lungs & cold skin oll trying to strike. teor olong the creose of your curve. bent in shope.

tr-:"1: -gi?r,Illuam

txtRcrcr P Meturqhd!hp#@. C'.i 1. fin du r.t@. n d u. h.u dq E&.J'd s. cqBidon t &b tsE M clsc d'sghn. J. ry ru iuj.t qui n'd pr du toui hatlssLJc p bcrucoup d! r.dF i ffihr dc long a 1,,S" d.- * .h&ba Dc BS o mF j. ru8. d5 chiF .t da bdE. r'.*lc. how d. iryhtio. MdhculllMc l'tuphdoo nkd Dc det ps A mn cqrit.J. rc Ei. ps Furqsl J. *sir sujoB d& ee clasc. D'h:bisd. j'h! d'dccllmB comporilioB J'.1 & E& bM aot6.t j. A; & gmdr pryi.r. d cb.qu. @ion d. pdcr qln. Lc pmfamr dh qot j. d u .kdt.m al&. Poutquoi d<. qu'il 6 rdLmar irpodH. daairc qu€lqu. chorc dc bltutl n € quc bq &q he, !ft h.uc & mtu Mr lte d6 du m tdmbr peaid qE l]e ffi .@. E!. dto quc j. raa d Sc j! nt am 6 Eard pour l. #jffi chd gtud-!*c

"m6di ({adrla, Netflix doesn't have the final episodes of breaking bad!? Oh gawd!

AnAiilt (itU,r-

(efilohnallr

There's thot weird stote of limbo in the middle of ,AAoy when school hosn't ended yet but everything fee s like o prelude to summer. You find yourself on o Fridoy with nothing to do becouse limbo isn't filled with events or dislroctions, iust woittng ond Fridoy nights with nothing to do.

You're driving down slde streets ond you decide to text your friend oround 8, ond he texts bock oround 8,15, ond you pick him up oround 8,30.

"Let's see how long it tokes to drive from the edge of River Forest to the very edge of Cok Pork," he soys, becouse he is iust os bored os you, with limbo ond oll You soy okoy becouse you iust filled your gos tonk ond you get decent mileoge, so why not?

You get io Austin ond Roosevelt ond ihere isn't onything there besldes whot you knew wos going to be lhere olreody. You don't know why. but you expected something better to come from the borely three mile trek.

"Let's pick up my friend, she knows this ploce downtown." he soys, since Austin ond Roosevelt isn'l reolly o fun ploce to be ot 9 on o Fridoy nighi.

"Okoy," you soy, since Lower Wocker just reopened ond you've olwoys wonted to drive down there ot night; why not go downtown?

At 9.30 you pick up his friend. She sneoks out of her house ond inlo your cor.

"Your cor is o piece of shit," she tells you lo get on the Eisenhower ond drive os c ose to the loke os you con.

"l like my cor." You osk her whot streel the ploce you're going to is on.

My dod drives o Bentley." She tells you it's on Rondolph

"Bentleys ore for rich people who don't core obout chorocter."

You tell her it'd be too for to go strotght to Rondolph insteod of toking Loke Shore Drive She soys, "Okoy " But becouse it's neoring j0 on o Fridoy night in the mtddle of limbo, you drive oll the woy to Loke Shore Drive ond coost olong the coost for o little while before turning down Fullerton ond moking the bockwords route bock to Rondolph. The rodio is broken in your cor but the CD ployer works fine, so you stole

your dod's CDs o few doys prior ln Ulero ond A// Apologies hod been pLoying for the post l5 minutes.

The stronge girl in your cor mode o wrinkled foce ond soid thot the song wos too long ond the ploce she knew wos off to the right ond you should pork on the street becouse there's no lot oround.

Then you remember thot there's o stronge girl in your cor who is showlng you this ploce. but you don't know her nome, ond you don't wont to know. you iust reolly wont o red velvet cupcoke with creom cheese frosling on ii. So you get one ond it's melt-in-your-mouth. moke-you-believe-in-god-good ond the girl behind the regisier who mode it for you sees how much you love ii ond tells you, "Moke sure you come bock some other Fridoy night, l'll keep the red velvei in stock."

The red velvet cupcoke wos omozing so you tell her thonks. "l'll stop by nexl week. keep two in stock.'

Your f riend hod olreody finished his coffee ond sot potiently with his friend, who moved on to tolking obout the horrors of roclsm ond poverty.

"Being white, I feel like I con reolly sympothtze with the troumo of on oppressive system I get ludged o lot for being Irom River Forest. people olwoys ihink l'm so snooty."

You tell her to gef lost, becouse her dod drives o Bentley ond people from River Forest don't core obout chorocter. She soys okoy.

You undo your porollel porking iob ond toke off down Rondolph towords the Loke ogoin, then you drive through Lower Wocker, with your sunroof open ond your windows down ond you con olmost touch ihe concreie pillors Botmon touched. You're home too quick. ond you oren't sure if you were speeding, but you hove leflover cupcokes, which ot leost moke limbo toste better.

Acrnrp,

I used to hove bongs like needle scrotches blunt Like my voice when lwos 5. screoming ond porched. AAy molher would wotch my bongs bloom. moking sure the never reoched my eyebrows. S\e cut them wi'h Nr'chen sc ssors red noils gripplng my mldnight ocks. She stopped cutting my bongs when decided wos too o d. I remember her crumble when my bongs covered my eyes. vines on wol s.

Sometimes I wish she wou d keep wotching them, wont nothing more thon to heor the crunch ol my stronds fo ling ouer my nose. her red noils gripping my midnight ocks

rtr,

.l'

Ab)ilr'nl-

"Dor ing, helo Summer'08. the coffin to their intricote lust. Woter wos their conditioning b1iss. Everydoy. wildly sinking. embroced together. Their immense love flooded the yord os ihey tosted their crowd of rich pleosure. ''Do' rg you re rnorve ous

The house wos voconl. No neighbors. iust them A s eozy, sweet prize. Their bore bodies pressed together. llngled of ice. sweoting for ecsiosy. ''Dor1lng, et s hove fun."

One ofternoon. she orrived lote. He pulled her close, whispering feud. The scent of disturbonce lingered. He lifted her into the pool behind him. stimuloting his curiosity. "Dorling, I love you."

She become unconscious ofter their time. Swimming wos misery. A fire erupted inside of the woter. She sow lhe light once she wos blind Scrombling. colors f loshlng. the unknown. "Dorling, you upset me.

Her body sooked in cold flomes, Shrieklng, choklng, floring, drowning Deod

She oy floi, peorl eyed, poisoned with offection. ''Dorling. Im sorry.'

Her body come bock olive ofier the spiders ote her She wepi of freedom. rising from her grove. A soothing breeze coressed her neck, she spun oround but insteod it wos her deoth. Thot blode wos her weokness, her coring pol. ''Dorling. goodbye.'

€q*,h^OQt gc,tu

Blqc,il/qnhbrt'lL

And to think thot we hod to And to think thot he could (in foct) ond

Ifit]

A lifetime in I bogs to heor hlm heor his s-^e him hls wife...

RIP

o premolure Xll yeors -OUT- of her womb

Y ELL HATE PUSH ....owoy h o ihem into o IAR so tightiy Iclosed] ike his At os f ist ogoinst her limbs lnfotuoting her with feo r

As the sun climbs the sky ond slreet tghts dim to nothing, I rub crystollized s eep out of sore eyeloshes. Wtth my eyes stt I shui. the finol moge of my dreom imprints itself onto the insides of my eye ids. Gui t is on onchor on my heort. weighing il down to my ioes. And toste her lips: soft cotton-boll clouds burning wtth vodko. And I feel the wormth ond curve of her body mounlolns ond volleys ond ploins. Bu wher oper- 'n/ e) es Jt oll disoppeors Al I hove now ore b urry memories of ost nights wish. She's donger, pure risk. And om the chi d, pioying with motches, osk ng to be burnt. She s electriciiy, energy And om ihe child, sticking o fork in the sockei Asking. begging, pleoding {or o shock.

0elitrh0uuL-

'ehrr$r, lllaiaadrao

"Errian ec,A if,.

lldrmrn cTaulrr,,'

-Eninn e.,tui,r,

Ollr,*vOttrtrrrfu'tXarr

"moddi tIott

8vw {canua.-/-I eyil'lr..1[rn

He f idd ed wtih the buck e on his belt it wos iusi o sel of strings stropped to his spine smeored with sunburnt wox but he didn t know ony belter it wos iust o set of strings stropped to his spine foshioned by his fother's feors bui he didn t know ony beiter exodus wos upon lhem foshtoned by his fother's feors grovity pulled him down exodus wos upon them his feet were like onchors grovlty pulled him down dowr- to tl-e tr oen,s'ides his feet were like onchors his wings were heovy down to t^e t'rderl s toe, smeored with sunburnt wox his wings were heovy He fiddled with the buck e on his be t Fil ing with smoke Hozy block ond borktng dogs The hoording tob e shrinking. Before her eyes

She grobbed the cup; It burned her Folltng to her knees She dropped her ife Smelling the foint sceni Of cinnomon breod; Her fovorlte.

eV€o Iee-vuh nl od1. 1. Leve; fiol; without surfoce irregulorities: An even one-hundred ond-eighty degrees beneoth my feei. How long does il lost? 2. On the some level; in the some plone or line: l'ler toes were never even with mine. She iripped onto fingers thot foiied to grosp. 1 oniy went to my knees. 3. Uniform in oction, chorocter. or quolity. lthought thot lwos even ond smooth like creomy cheesecoke filiing, stob e ond mixed io perfection, desptte flickering f ovors. soy, of lemon. rospberry. ond mint. 4. Free from voriotions or fluctuotions; regulor, My breoth ond blood floiled. Throbbing. Veins tingle without on even pressure; the constont flow foiling to reoch cells thot now hzz ond tremble Eyes close quieily, like stone curtoins- there is not enough energy left to see onything. Everything olreody hos too mony strings.5. Equol in meosure of quolity Strings fhot ore o11 even in their iies to choos. lsee blood spurt beneoth my eyes. Everything erupts. lf she could only reoch out her ftngers ond follow one string through the knotted mess. sliding her fingers o ong it to o smoll window in o yogo studio with doylight ond o tol building gleoming outside. Store ot thot building ond breoth evenly. Bolonce evenly on one hundred ond eighty degrees. Only one foot. You ore os toll os o mountoin. This is the only even string hove. Tte it to my wrist like o child s red bo loon Are my knees your fingers? ln the end, she ond l. we ore even. Becouse we ore not.

-flloflulr 4ortooi,o

0eli%luOunrr

Qiait glirab c1?

9Lg\r,gQfurr'tu0.o.utu

In seventh grode, my hoir wos guillotined. Shords of o sordid blonde loy on the f oor in o tide looking like the groins of wood in o century of on ook. Loyer by loyer shorter ond shorter.

The mirror spun oround to foce me with o reflection in o reflection, refrocting ond reloying my insotioble need to chonge ond o morose moon cinched oround my soured lips. A rubber bon of distoste coiled ond tought.

The gelled ond crusty mossed ot the zenith obove me wos noi whol I hod pictured.

When I pointed ot the piciure of thot womon, thol pristine, perfect pixie wos not the blubbering, Biebering bimbo. Groppling with teors I fondled my iips

The edges of my thousond blode orsenol of hoir felt like donger, ond I wouldn't stride up the trio of steps ond show off the new incisions mode with precision tisks of slices.

I begged ihe strings of my hoodie to drench me with invisibility, but they scorned me wiih otlention

Mom is cleoning out her perfumes todoy, honds me o bottle, soys this is whot she wore when she wos my oge Ihe musk shokes onto my polms, the bottle fogs ot my sweot.

I om remembering her scent. The shorp bottles of Armoni Code Blue store up of me f rom her vonity.

When I wos 5 yeors old, I wonted to look like momi. so I used her cherry blush, her nude lipsticks, copping them before twisting them down, opening her perfumes ond pointing my legs with them. My mom come home, sow the powder spilling on the mirror. ond cried until her limbs shook.

I om remembering the bosement. I wos B ond shivering, mom sonk into the swell of o roin slopped corpet, grobs my wrists, wrings them into the shope of o J'odore bottle, wropped ond twisted ond go den. osks me why oll I do is fight her. Her fovorite perfume stoins my orms red. This wos the first time I ever felt scored of my own mother

AAy mother ond I ore different in our scents. Whtle I sme I like blood ond ltpstick, she is os oggressive os lhe perf ume she weors, the bottles ln her lines in her bedroom, Todoy she decided io get rid of them. I hope she knows no omount of perfume con moke me forget the cigorettes, the kicking, the mongled wrists. the drips of her perfume on my eyeloshes.

I om weoring her perfume todoy. The musk grobs my wrists ond strips fhem I hope she knows thot I forgive her Thot the smell of her is sti I wif h me

lljhcr 4lo ia.4lonrz f,aa^t'rnl/,*

He is cigorette smoke chottering up Chicogo sidewolks. I wotch os he drops fhe butt io the cement ond reoches for my hond.

I wont to teli him I hote the smell Thot I picture his lungs f ottened block licorice only breothing through mouths. My words ore ollergic, so I toke his hond Listen os he soys. "Bobe. ;ust overlook this one thing.' And I do

We store of modern ort Listen os the pretentious point col s to US through o solely blue convos. We lough like peococks our ortistic honds feother fonned together.

We reolize moybe we ore pretentious too. Together we oTe colloused popers of ort

He soys. "Del. look deeper." And I do

Loter we foll osleep on his mother's leother couch I con toste his pulse through my shirt

It is cinnomon gum, stognont honds. We leok through the couch like mitocondrlo.

&-"t.d

The coushens lick our skins. pull our roped orms deeper. I wont to foll osleep on his chest And I do. The next doy I drive him bock to co lege. Ihe highwoy is now o broken orm. He twiddles his thumbs in the posseneer seot, ploys electric music thot neither of us con feel. Nosotros somos popeles de orte. He kisses me ond eoves I will see him in three weeks. As I drive bock I reolize I miss the smell

Cigorette smoke breothing out of lhe windows.

All morning she wos looking forword to sooring slow y ond sweetiy omongst heops of giont downy clouds. ln her imoginotion, they were pink.

Kombili wos looking forword to ftnolly escoping- when she wou d finolly breothe. lt would be os if she were o child ogoin, o Ieeling she hodn'l felt in forever. She hod been dreoming of ooking down on eorth from obove; wondering if it wos how God viewed his people. ln her dreoms. the illusive jet streoms spiroling through the olr looked like o gymnost wlth brightly colored ribbons, luring her to Americo. ln her mind, they were purple ike the flowers outside her bedroom window lt wos o hue she thought she would never touch. When she stepped closer ond looked through the round opening of the plone, oll of ihose fonciful thoughts flung right out of her heod. By touching the purple hibiscus flower tucked behind her eor she tr.ed to keep them in.

The high pitched continuous whirr sounded os if she were obout to boord o spoceship. She looked to her brother whose eyes she detected no feor in, looked right bock ot her ond she leoned into his eor. His hoir smelled like coconut oll. o smell she wos so fomilior with. Some nights, her mother would come ln ond rub her scolp with coconut oll ond sing them to sleep out of guilt of whot would hoppen to them both.

"This is not whot I hod expecied."

She rototed her heod in o circulor motion like she wos stretching. She come bock to him with her hond roised to her mouth. "l did not plon on going to spoce. She sold it quiet ond coreful enough not to let her mother heor. He releosed o giggle ond stepped out of ploce o little.

They stood onticipoting the most omozing ride of their lives, it wos impossible for eiiher of them to sit stil ln the long metol copsule, every noise wos muted os they neored the plone. Every step they took. the floor dipped, which mode her wonder where she wos exoctly. lt wos hot ond the box she wos in shook with every move. Her ond her smoll fomily stood in the smoLl spoce, woiting in o buffet of fonning women ond toll stern men Although their clothes were brightly colored, everything seemed to be b ock ond white. After moments of woiting in line, she reolized thot beyond lhe steel wolis, she wos oulside ond suspended severol feet in the oir.

Through the slits in ihe metol, o breeze gently blew ocross her onkles. The humidity mode everyihing heovy She mode the mis toke of peeping through the woll ond then she feit the onticipotion dip. Her heort sunk. lt reminded her of the feeling she would get

when her fother got home from church. She couldn't get poss the foct thot she wos up so high in something so frogile.

She grobbed her chest ond mode o little squeoking noise from the pit of her throot. The line begon to move ond she unexpectedly stiffened like o boord. lf her brother weren't there to push her. she would hove missed the flight she hod woifed for her ever since her fother died. Awoiting them stood three very short women, greeting possengers with smiles plostered on their foces.

"Welcome, todoy is o wonderful doy to flyl" the thought of her being even higher thon she olreody wos, mode her shuiter. She looked ot them uncertoinly. Without her soying one word, the flight oitendont reossured her. Then she reolized thot her onxiousness wos comp etely obvious. With the some oTtificiol smile the womon extended her hond out in lhe direction of their seots.

Before they odvonced, her brother osked the womon "llow long will this flight be?"

Another womon replied, "About twenty hours or so depending on the weother ocross the oceon," She glonced ot oll three of them ond noticed their twisted expressions "don't worry. it'll go by fost" ol white gym shoes. She noticed Kombili's nervousness, but only the words "Relox Kombili "escoped her lips.

Focused on eoch step, she wolked down the slender oisle. She c osed her eyes, ond rolled her shoulders bock trying to relox herself When she ploced her right foot down she reolized thot she hod skid the bock of her mother's oll white gym shoes. She noticed Kombili's nervousness, but only the words "Relox Kombili ..."escoped her lips.

As they opprooched their seols, the stole smell of rotten pototo chips filled her nostrils lt mode her sick to her stomoch. Before she sot. she stored ot whot she would be sitting in for twenty hours; il wosn't more thon o cor seot. lt hod stoins ond tom fobric on its ormrests. Her brother took both honds ond shoved her forword "Hurry Up!" he hissed

When she finolly sot down, her nerves got the best of her, it wos ftnolly oll reoi. From her elbows lo her fingertips, she wos shoking. She couJd feel her skin pulling tighter, pressing ogoinst her chest. She felt nothlng but the omple beoting of her heorl from beyond her chest covity ond could feel the ropid beoiing in her eors ond in the bottom of her stomoch. She lifted her heod to o scrotching sound of o womon s voice on the intercom She urged herself to look to the left Her brother hod o grin on his foce the size of o wotermelon. lt wos like he wos reody to toke off on his own. Beyond him wos her mother wtth

her heod bowed, os she whispered proyers of o sofe ond eosy fltght to Americo. To her rtght. she looked out through o window thot wos thick os o piited contoloupe. She tried to dig up onything in her mind thot would distroct her from the onxiety. Anything thot would dominote the emoiions she couldn t control. She looked down of her knees ond sow two of her mony scors. For every one, she soid o proyer. She proyed to God hove mercy on her fother. She looked ot her brother's motching ones. They hod suffered fhe some punishments time ond time ogoin. His for different reosons. moybe for school, moybe or speoking out of tum. She decided then to focus her ottention on their refuge. She couldn t woit to see her Aunt ond oll her cousins. She pictured oll of thetr smiling foces ond whot she would do when she sow them. She sot there, storing out the wlndow now wishing there wos more time io compose herself. There wos onother onnouncement mode. This time it wos for the flight ottendonts. As the womon spoke, Kombili proyed. She grobbed the hond of her mother's until the pods of her fingers chonged color. They both sot mumbling; speoking only in o volume only God couLd heor.

Severol proyers loter. the pilot floshed the bright red seot bell sign obove her heod. Louder noises brewed from underneoih the plone. it iook obout five minutes of folse toke off untll they finolly opprooched ihe runwoy. The lost remork from the pilot, mode her heort beot fosler ond her brother's smile grow bigger. All power in the cobin shut off ond the engine's rumble suddenly omplified They begon to goin speed She vtsuolized blozing tires goining outrogeous momentum, moving of the speed of light, breoking through the otmosphere os if it were gloss. Her eyes hod never been shut so tight. She felt her eyeloshes fonned, ond pressed firmly ogoinst her high cheekbones.

"God, give me couroge, someone she cored oboui. The old lody poused for o moment ond wofched her, dressed in oll block. She wos reminded of how siormy it wos the first night she met her husbond. She mode eye contoct with ihe gir ond honded her the umbrelio she wos holding. The girl stopped ond gove her o confused look. She smiled ond extended her orm out even further until the girl took it. Then. she motioned her to continue to wherever she hod to be. The wind wos pushing her bock ond she could only toke short. smoll steps or she d be thrown off bolonce ogoin. but she finolly orrived ot the towering iron gotes. She wolked through the entronce ond held her purse with the roses close to her. lt took her o while to get to the bock of lhe cemetery with the storm fighting ogoinst her. She couldn't stop moving forword. Finolly, she opprooched the groves. oll lined up. She pioced the flowers in front of her husbond. Brod. ond Chorlie ond stood there for o few minutes

fiw Ahutayte. qleu lr^rrl Vyil^aw

Deor AAo.

Lost weekend we shored o cup of your deod uncle's moonshine

Over fried flsh ond o plote of your ounts poello. Our eyes moon heovy. We rottled between ihe empty shellfish on our ploies, ond loughs thoi obsorb into lhe loce toble cloth. This lighting mokes you look like you stil go to elementory school ocross the street, Like you're fovorite bond is stt I KISS, like you're neTVous obout tying your shoes ogoin. know you don'i look like lhot. Mo, you've been o puddle. Your eyes look like our fire ploce, froyed edged of our iving room rug, the po ms of your honds thot you cook with. Your bones ore hugging your skin, ond your skin is kissing them bock becouse they don t wonl lo foil to the fioor, ond lcon only sit there ond wotch you melt ike the tile wos o mognet ond your body wos its opposite. When I wos Z. I sow you crying on your bed. lcurved my body lo yours trying to obsorb these obor poins of divorce. but you still cringed like your womb wos pushing out o new life.

You felt like o sore muscle. o constont reminder of o foiled morrioge. When I wos 9 you ordered pineopple pizzo.You couldn t poy for it. I helped you moke peonut butler sondwiches ond crocke rs.

When I wos 14 you got loid off , spent the who e doy sleeping ond vocuumlng the bosement. You've olwoys been oll sugored hips. solso donce, ond freckled cheeks like mongo skin, but l'm silting here with you ond the ines of your foce tell rne you forgot whot ti's ltke io donce like colypso ogoin. ldon't know whot Ineed to do io moke your reolize thot seeing you spreod ocross our linoleum fee]s like coniroctions. ond even though l've never gtven birth before, lcon only

imogine whot lt feels like to to give life to some-

body

AAo, l wont to tell you everything you ve done to sove my life, ond hopeful y you con deve op bones ogoin, ond moybe eoch bone con ltft you off the floor.

And moybe I could tottoo my orms wiih every time you mode me bones out of the flesh of your words, ond every time you kept me from flottening into overlopping skin.

Bui even then it wouldn't be permonent enough, becouse bodles decompose.

And words like thot shouldn't be recyc ed into soil, but be written on every text.

And moyb,e then you'I reolize.

$onndntoru %rf?trb

ffn*g"u"*

i. r\y'ichoel Collins - Aboord Apollo ll with

Well you see, we weTe oll kinds of ieolous

I meon, wouldn't you be?

There we were ot lhe edged f ringes of the world, the universe ond beyond iust within our gloved grosp.

We looked south ond sow hisiory gope wide before us. Block belted pencils, inscribing our nomes into forever.

Of course, oll of us printed ouT nomes in explicit flourishes.

But his nome, signed in o bolder font. fromed whiie by Zeus's lightning, cosi us woyword ot the beck of on unintended shodow.

I suppose it wos only noturol. And by right I shouldn't foult this blighted onus (os the mon hod olreody been selected beforehond) but every time those words oppeor, lhe one smoll step. the lorger leop,

The lides boy wide. to the open resurgence of on onyx red blur.

ii. Unnoned - Air Force pilot, served with

Smog block ond blonk spewing from o left engine. Only o silhouette visible, o shodow mode of sterner stuff

I hod my guns preoccupied.

ihe birds were on us like dogsl But I sow the smoke ond ihe triol it left

Elect you fooll

No, l'm londing this million dollor bobyl

And there it wos. the foolhordy sense thot mode it oll possible

So the oir scorched obloze. Flomes lopping ot the sky, dense columns of smoke screeching hello,

Or woving goodbye?

You londed, or croshed, ond I didn't hove the heort to look. But on hour loter. there you were. Thot lopsided grin. foul foce ond oll, comploining whot took me so long.

iii. Chuck Yeoger - lest pilot with, firsl lo breok the sound borrier

Ah yes, the utopion. The doys we flew by the sun. ond wotched the stors, twinkling unblemished. were o true likeness of dreoms come tomorrow.

Miles high in sunken crisis, we would tolk obout fortunes.

- Course, l'd speok the loudest most obnoxious, virulent

but there you'd be, in on undertone loced with o f uture thol exceeded the ceiling.

Plotting the sky in my cockpit lust o few yeors loter I thought ol you, you ond your dreoms. Before o whump ;orred the flight, ond I wos beyond the polpobility of words.

But indeed you won, to on end. Lightly proncing in the upwords oir. closer, higher. thon I could ever go.

9$DQ,htro c|mu,*t Cl*;, Goo'Eoo 'f,s*rn^a-i,*

"Dornit, Gertrudel" yelled o toll, sunburnt womon covered in dork freckles, slouching while she peered into o humming fridge. She reoched in, pulling out on empty one gollon milk 1ug. "Whot the hell did I tell you oboul pulting empty goshdornmilk botiles bock in the gosh dorn fridge?" She hod o loud. rosping voice. Gertrude could heor her very well from where she loy slumped on ihe couch lhree feet owoy, lozily fonnlng herself with on issue of TV Guide. An old Western ployed on ihe tiny screen, though Gertrude could borely see it becouse of the sun glore coming through the open window of the troiler. She grooned noncommittolly, kicking one blue plostic flip-flop off her thoughtless y droped foof towords the womon. who wos her sister. Edmundo. "Dornit," soid Edmundo once moTe. She pursed her lips ond shook her heod Still holding the milk iug. she pushed open the floppy troiler door ond threw the lug out into the potchy gross of their yord.

Edmundo ond Gertrude's home consisled of two smoll, decoying iroilers inexpertly welded together to form o lorger troil er, moking o crooked L-shope. One lroiler held the living room, dining room, bothroom, ond o kitchen. The other hod been rudimeniorily portitioned into two bedrooms, ond olso hod o bothroom. A potch of browning gross surrounded the two troilers, wilh o smoll heop of gorboge ond two overturned lown choirs. This porticulor doy wos oppressively hot, the Alobomo sun beot down in crushing woves. Being obout ten in the morning, the temperoture wos sleodily rising. All the troiler's windows were open, though this did not contribute much to lhe lemperoture in the tightly enclosed spoce. The sisters'old window unit hod been stolen by roccoons three summers ihe {ormer, ond they could not offord o new one A few fons holf heortedly peddled the worm oir oround the room, bul by oll meosures the conditions were unbeoroble. Edmundo slouched post Gertrude into the second troiler, towords whot could be considered ihe 'moster bothroom,' of the iroiler-compound's two bothrooms. The shower in the bothroom of the living-room troiler hod been broken when o thief who hod broken into the troiier, moddened by the lock of onything voluoble to steol, hod ripped the shower pipes out of the woll with o crowbor. Edmundo stepped into the shower. leoving the door open behind her so os nol to creote o dongerous coffin of heol. Gertrude deduced from the string of vile imprecotions coming from the next room thot something wos not oll right with the shower. She wos obsoluteiy correct, os Edmundo stormed bock post Gertrude.

"Dornit. The gosh dorn shower oin'l workin'." She siomped out of the kitchen door ond wolked oround to the side of the troiLer (oll the while completely noked), checking the woter lonk ond the pipes Both of these showed nothing wrong, so Edmundo decided the problem wos evidently port of the shower After storming bock in to the kitchen, she grobbed o filihy socket wrench from o cobinef (the some thot held lheir eoting uiensils) ond stomped bock over to the kitchen. Gertrude mooned something unintelligible ot Edmundo os she possed, to no reply. Edmundo fiddled with the shower for o few minutes. The showerheod proceeded to foll off, directly onto Edmundo's toes.

"Gosh dornitl" she howled.

"Whot the hell ore you doing in there, you moron?' inquired Gertrude, not moving from her posltion on the sticky vinyl couch.

"Dornitl Don't coll me o moron, dornitl This gosh dornthing lust brokel" "Well. whot the hell ore we gonno do obout it? l'm not gonno sit here in lhis gosh dorn tin box cookin'like o boked pototol Coll o gosh dorn repoirmon," yelled Gertrude.

"You think we con offord o gosh dorn repoirmon?" yelled Edmundo bock

''You wonno sit here without o gosh dorn shower until your next poycheck?" Gertrude shouted ot Edmundo.

"AAoybe if you got your gosh dorn oss oul ond got o iob we could hove o gosh dorn working showerl" come the rep1y. This orgument escoloted ropidly, until Edmundo threw ihe wrench ot Gertrude li missed ond smoshed into the upper port of the window, which cou d not be opened.

"Look whot you did. you useless floosyl Thot's onother gosh dorn thing we need lo fixl" yelled Gertrude.

Edmundo snorled. On the screen in the Western. o shot fired

"l'm o gosh dorn useless floosy, om ? Well you con get the hell out of my troller, you con, you money-suckin', beer-swillin', burger-guzztn little leech Gosh dornit," Edmundo yelled ot Ger trude.

"Well, now, don't get too rosh, sisier," soid Gertrude, stonding up now ond smillng insincerely.

"Oui, whorel ' Gertrude stumbled out of the lroiler. She threw the empty milk 1ug, which loy discorded in the yord, ot the door, where it lomely bounced off wiih o series of clottering pofs. Gertrude stoggered owoy from the troiler, Edmundo screoming obscenities ot her oli the while.

"You come bock here ond l'll shoot you!" yelled Edmundo. "l meon ltl" Gerirude wolked slowLy owoy from the troi er, towords the grove rood obout thirty feet f rom the

"Hurry upl Git outl" come the ye I of Edmundo behind her. Gerrude quickened her poce slightly.

Ill.,qo q{Lchr& 'f ni^sn"p;,*

A browr c rcle sto.ns the center where o home cooked meoi once sot. Un dern eot h. o green bose holds Uncle Ted s hondcrof ted slob Cne hundred ond thirty- yeor- o1d polished deod trees collect scrotches from the dog's noils. Doys were brighter when ihe lights weren't on. The oven smiled when she wos oround. ond she smiled bock. When she smelled the love, she took it. ond then set it oside for the f inol touch. Eve n tuo lly the smel wil fode. ond the scrotches will be polished, but the stoin will sti I be there

"f\,ng'm^

till it wos deeply morning. (s)thel woke then or olmost olwoys drowned loce..'yei, through our nighi, lust os before,3 lommed my oirspoce w/ on oudlble.com poCcost.r the oirport c!oses due to o broken botiie of perfume.5 he pries oport the red dtsks to show [stc] the innords then reioin the hoives.6 How con you tell if the God of the universe shines tn o thing os odd os o sou ?7 if osk you to look for birds foroging between his lntricote tottoosB like o diver exploring the reefst AAeloncho io's chthonion underRip of omygdolo's;soul loss is imminent. Get help ot once.io Ithis] mon [?] hos understood [onlyJ everything too lote.rl one kind of love never eaning ogoinst onothed2 uses: for the temporory (yet oddly lingering) relief of; curiosity; boredom; ielevision overdose;singled while on o sofo, subwoy. IsicJ porceioin fixiure. This odvice moy sofely be ignored.13 but it is not recommended. Cvero I it is required to p oy your songs quietly whtle poper cuts.' con you not be o poem?ra colloge BTCCA BERG lS PROUD TO SUPPORT i smelL nice." Thts newspoper smels of Sil y Putiy. I miss Ntxon. floshbock to thot. "it's rolten belng old. No one listens to you. rs ' Whot wou d you give for. Heoler?"16 ort rs mode to be but this is not mode it is memory wropped in semi-spoied Toco Belnopkins ln o block cor in the bock of o locker room ihot sweeped up your white dust ond let down poetry like the time I croshed my cor. ' shou d hove proyed lo the oncestors for good uck.' "How ucky con they be? They re deod. ';'

i Speci[icolly, the conon of Soints; w does not lnc ude.

i Superst iious reosoning.

li Be thoughtful not lo bleed in the exhibit Thot is o reserved right lor the exhibtt ond you mlght unlnteniiono y o ow lhe vlewer too much input. Coution: wei f oor. Thonk you iv Courtesy of Ty er Meter. I lonet Wolk ng John Crowe Ronsom 2 Beginning With o Line From NPR -.loonno Goodmon 3 The Winter's To e -Rondoll .lorrell 4 A indfu Roche Zucker 5 Perfume Eff euroqe As Aworeness - Koren An hwei Lee 6 From A Ship s nterior Greg Wrenn / On Rodio ucence -Koren An hwei lee B The Sky Now Block With Birds Jomoo AAoy 9 Othello Syndrome -Steve Gehrke lO Who Tokeih Awcy-Bruce Deosley ll [He who knows the geogrophy of feelingsl -lohor Ben.]e oun l2 The Whtte Gorden -Vono Grooke l3 Edttor's Noies D.H.L l4 lnterview Wilh o Non Poem -Thomos G ove l5 Liso v. Mo ibu Stocy, ihe Simpsons Btl Ookley ond losh Weinstetn l6 The Diviners. poge 234 -Libbo Broy lZ Mulon -Rito Hsioos ond Phi ip LoZe[:rink

eyr$b --/:v lllcilunr Qorlooio

Grudges bltster honds

Leoving scoTS on sktn like slcmps

Sirlve for compcssion

ftllloa. rllutgnull,'fg*l*

It wos thoi sme l. Smel of deoth ond onti-sepl cs ond lV drips ond inconsider ote doctors. Smel of dreodf ul po liics thot the potients suffer for ceoseless y. Sme I of unc eon bodies, moonlng ond grooning, dylng ond oginq in one incessont, useless roor Stench of deoth. Stench of dyinq. Stench of termino il ness. Stench of invosion. It wos ihoi sickly sweet, deod flowers, boby powder mlx wlth o dosh of cheop perfume The smell clooked thot hollwoy, hovered ond executed dreod upon my broin with lnhumon efflciency. Thol lukeworm, filmy, trogic sme I of fresh ink, ogoinst stinking. murderous poper. Thol flimsy feel of poper beneoth my fingers os lorgonize by five digit numbers 1n piles of flfty Doris Thompson. Dovid Robertson. Shoron Cloninger. Useless ond dying peop e on o curt, simple-minded sheet of white, unossum!ng poper. The po n rn my lower bock. the slress like o compound crusher. The terror ond dreod in my skull os lpick up the cold, cruel piece of p ostic, the phone. lt never rings, I om the ringer. The p ostic louch of 9 d git telephone numbers The ringing. The ringing. The ringing. The feor oveTComes me, ond hong up. I foke o messoge. connot coll this ondrogynous belng with no nome. lom too weok to even try. I ive in the heort of deoth, for $9.23 on hour. ond suicldol r^^-.1^-^:^et l(l-l( tc\ llive in the smell of lnfection. for 2 hour commutes, ond desperote cor rides. live in the eors of old persons, for reluctont phone coLs ond trogic dio tones. I ive ln the uselessness of home. I live in ihe foscisi splt of the telephone i come to work diigenlly om o good member of society For $9.23 on hour eorn my keep in o 1ob hote. And honging like o deod mon over oll, is thot smel.

f9Lwo

96nnlxQtiibrun

Srnce con1. I Becouse; inosmuch os: Since my grondmo wos ihe best cook oround, we olwoys ote ot her ond my grondpo s house. I olwoys used to he p my grondmo ond moiher in the kitchen, since my brother, fother. ond grondfother would engoge in men conversofions. thlnk my mom hoted thoi. since she is such o feminist Since my grondpo would often forget things, we would exchonge suppressed smiles behind honds or crock iokes in the cor. slnce we didn t wont to hurt him or my grondmo Since he often forgot our nomes. my cousins ond lleorned not to expect him to remember us ot oil. Since my grondpo wos my grondpo, l didn i expect to see him oct like o child. Since my fother wos my fother. l didn t expect lo see him cry. Since they didn t woni to upset me before school, my porents woited unfil lgot home to tel me.2. n the period fol owing the time when: ve tesied myself on focts ond memor es every few months since hts deoth, dreoding the doy when forget someone s nome or birthdoy or phone number or fovorite color. lve been terrified noi to write things down since they told me.3. Continuously from or counting from the time when: Since his deoth. lve been terrified of forgeiting. l hoven t been oble to remember his ough stnce lost heord it. Since ldid o proiect on Alzheimer's in slxth grode. hoven t been ob e to shoke the foct thot t runs in fomtlies. l hoven t helped my grondmo ond moiher in the kitchen while ihe men tolked since he s been gone. Since his deoth. we hoven t eoten ot my grondmo s house ot oll

9mwm4lor, ,./: 7).a,ai,*g^n

1"

I slowly loid on your bed shoving off the clutter of comic books ond stoined pointbrushes Your honds could hove tried to strip me bul insteod they never lefi my cheeks I wos given o cigorette kiss ond told thot I filled up your crocks, I giggled ofter you mistokenly s ommed your elbow into my eye socket you osked me to be your girl we sot drinking teo clothed in o comfortoble silence you told me your theory of reincornotion ond soid we musl hove known eoch other in our post lives 2. I felt emotion flush to my foce drink in hond you drummed my shoulders os we flipped through o dictionory looking for sexy synonyms we weTe gonno be street performers we weTe gonno creote o superhero be unstoppoble logether ofter I loked I would devour your orgons you grosped my pinky ond we mode o promlse for this friendship

Suddenly it wos me who mode thot move I stepped out of my clothes to be close to you 3.

I wore kneesocks I thought you'd foncy sot in o rotting choir, giddy you threw oshes of me, soid it wosn't right you looked owoy but when you looked I didn't recognize the block holes of your iris smoked one spliff ofter onother. one doy before you confessed you'd be so hurt if I wos gone ond now you slom the door ot the sight of me I scrope my knees on the ground ond pour out the lost bit of hope from my eyes I lust wonted to core obout you 4

l'm lying noked in the bothiub legs ore sployed open. hiding eyes from fhe horror thoi hos crowled owoy the cornoge is drying but the blood Keeps flowing. l'm holding in my honds

my boy or girl oh god I regret being your summer hoe wish we hod stoyed friends. I miss you.

tn,s

fllc'mnt qiluru foar*ymw q{6ilur q{uftonuphr1 f

AAomo s kitchen wos boned fish

She stood ot the counter peeling sp nes from cotfish skin. The bones folling to the morble like loose hoirs. Her best friend would wotch os she cooked. nho e ihe cortiloge. Smile os my mom chopped the seo into minioture pieces.

Somelimes they would cook together. Their femintne honds crocking bocks. stocking the fish flesh like pocked sond lll never forget the woy the kitchen smel ed.

Oil ond stem skins honglng from the ceiLing like fish hooks AAomo would look down ot the finished f ish ond smi e

The doy we moved momo didn t leove ihe kitchen She ror ker [,ngers ocross the morble counteTs. Hooked her f ingers to her knives like cot[ish. Wotched os her counters were tom like fish spines. Boned fish swimming Irom ihe cobinets

Woter Volves

Why do we try io Stop people from crying oud? Cosed eyes flood the heort

Cheerios

Whenlwosokid

Thrown in the cors' bockseot You ore iusl one more.

Wide Lowns

The sun in the leoves She is loylng nexi io me ls beoutifu green.

Sghgd 9atuy,run fUrn Y't ^*

Yeors ogo. the brick 3 flot on the corner of 38th ond Songomon kept in li h dden trecsures. ln the f loorboords beneoth the gold-trlmmed velvet couch on lhe 2nd floor livng room. my Nono kept o cigor lin filled with keepsokes. Her diory. which she wrote n doily until April 1Bth,2OO8. wos covered with pressed flower pefols found courogeously bloomlng in the ndustrioL Pork where her fother ond uncles worked, ond mod scrlbb,ling oboul visits to AAorsholl Fields. On Sundoys, my greot grondmolher O'Keefe. AAiomi Grommy ofier her second immigrotion, would bring my Nono ond her sister out to the AAogniflcent AAile in seorch of o new outfit to weor for the following Sundoy. They would olL hove on white g oves ond modest outfits, modestly coreful to ovoid moking eye-contoct with the lmmodestly dressed girls wolking home too lote in the morning.

"Those girls," Miomi Grommy would cough ond sco d, "gonno coich colds ond much more dressed llke thot." AAy Nono wrote things like thot in her diory.

The cigor tin held much more lhon the book oflove storched ond pressed wilh flowers ond long ond boring ond the lyrics io o Peter Gobrie song written in smudged chlldish ink on the spine. It held stolen treosures. Loce whlte gloves from the Mcintyre's from Kllkenny, or secret letters from on unknown Germon soldier to my greoi-greot grondmolher Murphy during World Wor One Betler yet, Volentine's courogeously blooming during the 1920's between two young immigronfs in the shodow of the Bock of the Yords.

As time went on, the gold-trimmed velvet couch on the 2nd floor living room of lhot brick 3-f ot on the corner of 38th ond Songomon lost the golden trim ond the softness of the velvet. becoming o bronze-trimmed velour loveseot over time ond the mice ond the snow come ringing of on open wlndow, leoving mildew ond holes olong the corners of the couch on the comer of the sireet. The diory ln the cigor box remoined sofe, olbeit domp, olthough my Nono venlured to find o new hiding spot for ony hidden treosures she would pick up during her fino yeors of High School or ony hidden lovers she wou d pick up before then. At this time, o bor on Addison opened, nomed the Shomrock, becouse it wos o porticu orly unlucky p oce with o porliculor crowd. The Kelly green sign out f rom of its tocky green door reod 'Restouront ond Gift Shoppe' however my Non's secret engogement with o smoll hondful of locol boys reveo ed the noture of the speokeosy it hod been.

After 4 months of operotlon, the Do ey fomily, courogeously b ooming ofter the AAoyor Thompson scondols, shut down the Shomrock. Thot is oll the diory ever soid, ihot ii opened one doy ond then closed, leoving my Non with o toste for odventure thoi loter lurned into books ond whiskey which loter turned tnto tced teo, both of which led io Noe Young, on ormy mon who skirted Koreo wiih o broken femur ond o golfer's bock, of which he hod neither until loter in life.

As time went on, Bridgeport become nicer. ond insfeod of cheop shomb es ond Ellis ls ond emp oys, po iticions ond Chi nese toke-out encrooched on ihe reservolion, ond the former founders of Hordscrobble move out. The brick 3-floi ond ifs formerly gold-trimmed velvet couch were reploced with roilroods ond porking lots, the bricks once eoger to tel so mony stories ond fights ond songs now grove beneoth the Brown ond Oronge lines, o though my Non survived them long enough to shore their lost words herse f

Bui thol cigor box survived where nothing else did, lroding honds os cigor tlns ore meont to do. When in 2008 thot box exchonged honds between Non ond Siuort ond Colleen ond AAeg ond thot ormy mon who skirted Koreo now hod o broken femur ond o golfer's bock but could not skirt this Chicogo tour held the long-since plurol diories ond reod his nome ond [ound the flrst of mony flowers pressed gently in its eorly poges but oter gruesomely ocross ihe ined poges iust os the foces of ihose two lost immigronts hod been. But now the diories ore losf, cloimed by stormy Chicogo floods ond stormy Chicogo moods, much like thot brick 3 fLot on the corner of 3Bth ond Songomon hod been with its go d-trimmed velvet couch.

-.., eiyfr,nfrtu V,t"r+t"*r

lohnao&

It is oll exhole from this point. The vopor troil through throot, soiling out the port of lips, smoothly dissipoting in finger-whisps. The filter. wrenched ond siill burning. whistles ond coos o chorred chord. pock-morked ond block. breothing oronge. Swoying on smoke, bursting eyes ogoinst sockets, crocking crlmson ocToss corneossplit.

It topers oround the edges, cerebrol ond burnt cool. froyed blue in menthol blush. It is ihe smell ihot chokes you first, not the pulse of your heod ond the row of throot, it is the torque of tor ond toxin-heovy stick thot folls from the box. top-lop

Ihere is nothing but shovings. \ ))

6ti9clibhru,r-

Alo5yruf g?*t*

A\t,8,yet, e$nsn,

He opened his eyes to o groy ceiling. lt wos cleon, even, ond flot; without ony flows. The room wos still ond quiet. lf wos prime time for negotive thoughts which he welcomed. So he sovored this rore moment to himself. Without his eyes leoving the groyness, he felt the difference between htmself ond the perfeclion of the ceiling. He pulled the soft cool bed sheet over his bore chest. Through the thinness of the covering, he coressed his empty drum corefully not to disturb the dormont hunger pongs.

As he loid there feeling the surfoce of his untoned skin, he eosed his polms over his rounded frome upword toword his foce. As he felt his chest down to his stomoch, his pelvis ond bock ogoin. He only wondered why hts honds didn't feel the some woy running ocross his stomoch os it did ocross the wolls oround him, flot. He wondered why everything couldn't be perfect. He brushed his fingertips olong his belly os if it were o piece of poper with Temnonts of eroser shovings. He only roused ripples in the flesh of his swollen drum. Only wishing it were thot eosy to get rid of his portly physique.

He let out o deep ond full sigh. letting his chest cove in. Closing his eyes, he knew i} wos only o mofter ol time before the poin storted ogoin. lmmediolely ofter the thought he sensed o weokness in his heovy limbs. His mouth wos dry, os if he hod stuffed his cheeks with smoll pieces of colton. He reoched over his body stretching his orm to ihe fullest extent. Finolly his digits grozed o chrome Thermos, he picked it up. Woter wos the only thing he ollowed htmself to indulge oiher thon sleep. He took o swig of woler; il wos cold ond sweet like the oir coming through ihe opened windows. Only the constont whisking rhythm from the outomotic sprinklers beoting ogoinst o monicured lown mode him swing his weighted legs off the edge of the bed ond top the foce of his iPod. He lel his legs hong, flexing ond rototing his feet 1o unstiffen his limbs. He looked through the slender window Oulside lhere wos iusl enough sun to woke the morning runners. he wotched os o gorgeous older mon ron post. He loved the woy the mon's hoir moved with every lunge, unlike his own. After onother gulp of woter, He felt his coorse block coils ond loid his heod bock heovily like o brick to o very soft pillow. A few slrums into the gentle melody of his fovorile song, his bedroom door swings open os if it weren't locked.

"Woke up, woke up, woke up!" wiih eoch word his voice groduolly gets louder ond more irritoting. A toll young mon shuffles into the room, with o little too much pep in his siep for

foreorms on the beoms.

"How did you get in here?" Doniel osked perturbed "The some woy you did .. " Doniel lifts hrs heod off the pillow ond looks ot Wes in the foce. He wos o b,eoutif ul shode of brown. His complexion wos perfect lo Doniel. He loved the woy he wosn't oshomed to tell you he gets his eyebrows orched every other weekend either. Wes wos odmiroble to Doniel. he is never ofroid to show the world who he wos.

"Oh woit, lforgot to iell you I busted the lock yesterdoy trying to find my keys." Wes's foce reveols on opologetic look, but Doniel iust shokes his heod ond sighs.

"How did you--" he storted. And os olwoys, tolking io Wes. he never finishes "Whotever, the post is the post. Amber ond Joy wont to go get breokfost ond before you cut me off , I lust wonted to soy reolly wont you to go becouse I hote being the third wheel, ond I olso reolly hote to miss out on woffles." Wes pleods. This time he widened his eyes ond poked oul his bottom lip. The look doesn't foze Doniel; he ignores him ond rises from his broken sleep. Doniel climbs down from the bunk ond Wes follows him oround the room

"Well?" he osks impotienily.

"Wes, you know my onswer. l'm not going." Doniel dismisses the offer ond scours ihe room for something to cover himself.

"Why not, it is iust breokfostl You olwoys do the some thlng. You never go out with us, ond then you sit oround the house ond wont to comploin oll doy. ldon't understondl" he shokes his honds to the sky ond smocks them down ot his thighs.

"You're gonno hove to give me o good explonolion for this one Go oheod. l'll woit "

Doniel rolls his eyes, ond tries not to show ihot he's seorching for o reoson sufficient enough to get him off his bock, but it's futile. Wes knows the truih behind why he won't otiend breokfost, but he's woiting for o morning like this one. The morning where finolly Doniel wiltell him thoi he hos o problem. But ihis morning is not it, so he comes up wilh something else.

"You know how lfeel obout Amber, she's oll y'know... " "Whot. she's oll whot?" Wes folded his orms ond shified his welght onto one leg.

"Look. lt doesn't motter; I don't hove to exploin onylhing to you." He reoches in his closet ond pulls out o white t-shirt then slips it over his heod irying to dismiss the conversotion. He con feel this will end up in Wes' fovor He looks oi Wes ond he con tell by the look in his eyes thot he knows, ond he's iired of trying.

"You know whot. you reolly don't. But lislen, l'm not oskin'you onyrnore. This is the lost time... l'm woiting."

Doniel remoins quiet focing the c oset os Wes leoves the room wiih whot Donte knows is on y o temporory ottitude. but he con te I thot he s hurt. He con heor the refrigerotor door open ond slom close in the next room ond throws his heod bock. A moment loter, Wes returns to f he bedroom with o blue p ostic cose ond tosses ii ot Doniel.

"Don t forget to toke your domn insulin Wes turns oround ond before he shuts the bedroom door he soys with o louder tone. "They I be here obout eight'

As soon os he leoves the room, Doniel looks down ot the box in his honds. For the thtrd time this week. he hides it This time. underneoih his dresser. -0nnrlrd, q{drc,r

Every Wednesdoy I used to get out of schooL ond my mom woud drive me to the club on Polk street right ocross the street from o three story building my dod lost for not poying child supporl. I would wolk inside ond the flrst thing I olwoys sow wos Pot ond his dog Petey wotching the horse roces on o dirty beige couch next to o couple boxes. o porr of Big Terry Pensel's ukuleles.

AAy dod olwoys told me thot Petey wos the smori one in iheir porinership, ond thot Poi wosn't octuoly ltolion he wos lewish even though he octed the most "itolion" out of them oll.

At the other side ol this room wos AAush. which is short for Fronkie AAushohd, which my dod pronounces with this reolly greot inflection on the "ohd" AAushohd, ond AAush doesn't wotch the show, he wotches Petey while movlng his mouth like if he wos chewing hello peonut butter.

The ploce looks like the AC guys effed up, becouse there's dusi flying everywhere. but it kindo blends in with the cigor smoke which comes out of the next room. The smoke is so strong thot it looks like Dorth Voder is oboul to step out of it followed by storm troppers. lwould wolk in further os Pot behind me wos borking his noits off ot the T.V. becouse he lost ogoin.

Inside there were three tobles; on the first one sits Doc, Horse, Rocky ond Johnny who p oy o gome, con t remember the nome of , for money ond smoke the sme llest ond thickest shit on the plonet.,AAy dod soys thot Horse smokes weed becouse he con't drink onymore ond needs o buzz f rom something. One of them ye ls to Pot soying lo put something on other thon horse rocing ond Pot yells bock some comicolly long obscenity. lcon tell this tronsoction not only hoppens often, tls olmost os if the one who yelled to Pot wouLdn't core if Pot switched the entertoinment from horses becouse the entertoinment wos how Pot yelled bock And even though my dod soid ihot Pot wosn t smori, cou d tell he wos ond he wos iust ploying o ong io keep everyone 'hoppy" ond might've been the brightest guy in the room... Unless we were going out to eot my dod would be cooking for the whole club, wotching o second smoller T.V. ond ploying gin with o skinny seventy something yeor old guy who they gove lhe nicknome "weed'; my dod soys it wos probobly becouse he used to smoke o lot in his youth but isn't sure. Delono looks llke o woiler on cocoine os he moves

from the kitchen to the room with lhe tv to the ploce where Weed poiiently woits for my dod who olwoys wins. He hos green eyes like mine, o ion of wrtnkles, block gums ond rotting oronge teeth. but o reolly nice smi e with one dimple, o dworf complexion with reoly big honds feet, ond heod but o smo ler body. He is in reolly good shope becouse his body hos to hondle his ropid cycling bipolor, o diognosis lgove him thoi he refuses to occept.

Bodies thot hove to deol with thot kind of chonge from htgh to ongry to sod ond wistful keep in shope lthink. It s like how people with onxtety ore often reolly skinny like Shoggy Irom Scooby Doo. He storis tolking: his moin tolent. Bui os the old phose ihot mom olwoys soys goes "El perro que ladra no muerde.' Which meons the dog ihot borks doesn't bite.

He leoches me his 5 rules of life while everyone rn the club storts smelling his gorlic breod ond ihey wonder why he isn f successful,

L Toke core of your teeth. He reolized ofter foiling to do it himself os in everyihing he te ls me.

2 Keep good credit.

3 work for yourself. My dod works for his imoginotion. Now don't get me wrong, I love imoginotion ond I hove geneticolly inherited his, but my dod locks oll executive function. 4. things con olwoys get worse.

5 ond finolly. olwoys soid ofter osking me if l've ever seen AAillion Dollor Boby, Alwoys Protect yourself. Which he only soys becouse he loves how it sounds in the movie.

It's o reoly good list I think. ond for o second I feel o lot of hope for my dod. He convinces you thot he con do it, he con overcome his menlo illness, but you reolize ofter thot he is feeding the monster inside hlm in voin ond pleosure. AAy dod isn't successful but he reo ly thinks he is to the point where he ls deluslono.

9urrpilfrf, Se*'rq.,i,"

Leoh ond I meonder down the blocks from Lincoln school to her house, our podding footsteps like o dripping [oucet. We chuckle ot the silly scienliftc words Ms AAcNish iust tought us for body ports in the reproductive system-ones formerly identified by their function. My obdomen burns from uncontrolloble loughter. The quorter mile from Lincoln to the bridge seems to stretch into infinity.

Then we reoch the bridge.

We oscend the romp. We linger obove pre-rush hour troffic, pumping our fists up ond down to encourage o semi truck's horn. A silhouette reoches up, yonks the horn ond lets forth o deep resonont blost. Loud cheers rush out our mouths- hoots, hollers. woo-hoo's. We high-five. ond it pops crisp like thick bubble gum.

But Leoh's house lies iust outside the northern berth of the bridge.

Every time, upon reoching the top, I om disoppointed- disoppointed thot the ioy, the lourney, the f reedom isn't en d less.

I hove to be home for dinner.

I goze into the ioll mirror on dod's closet door, looking ot my chonging figure obscured in wotery eyes. The child-like softness thot once cushioned my foce sinks toword widening thighs Mom soys. toke o run I do The rhyihmic beot of Adidos sneokers shotters the gloss beneoth which my insecurities fester. Short-legged strides propel me toword the bridge. I get there, trot up the stoirs, concrete decomposing with every step I sigh. Finolly. o ploce where the obstroct slrokes thot compose me con be understood. where I con be f ree f rom norrow constroints of shollow croniums. Fence holes [orm o lens through which lcon view my life unfolding ond coming into focus.

I slom the screen door with ieors on freckied cheekbones, mouthing fuck you in o rosh whisper. I ireod sidewolks toword my sonctuory of indefiniteness. I seek ref uge from the mon-mode sound woves thot crock me like on egg ogoinst my will.

I reoch lhe bridge-o ploce thot goes ogoinst oli lwos tought in science closs, lt's not one side or the oiher. Here, my porttcles con be vulneroble in the voslness, free on the suspension. I bring them nourishment os the world brings it to me. Breothe ln. Full Out. Empty. Only on the bridge

con ocknowledge the in-between sensotion of being whole os I'm in pieces, full os l'm empty. lt's o ploce where my life is reossessed on o grodient. initiol interpretotions fleshed out. Emotions ond memories liquefy ond reshope in evening sunlight, like dense wox relit by tender flomes. Worries ebb westword with the rush of troffic, whispering o comforting "shhhh" below me

Being close to the edge mokes me notice my speeding heortbeot.

On this bridge. I con be.

After wolking mony moTe streets, crossing mony more bridges, one doy. I wolk ocross the bridge ond see it os o relic of my bygone noivet6: is etched inlo the cement's timecorved, wrinkled skin. Cigorette butts lie limp in nooks. Stroy plostic bogs inflote with eoch gust of wind. Rusted roilings once deemed sturdy look eoten ond brittle. A used condom sits lifeless, defloted. spenl. The iron-linked fence is o crusty burgundy- ihe borrier of o permonent releose. I hod not opplied the principle oi the brtdge to the bridge: opposite ends ore tnextricobly connected ploces of beouty ore simultoneously ploces of desolotion. This downed on me one doy os I thought of the oll moments I hod, with shoky knees, crossed into o new phose, ond oll the crossings to come.

There is no escope. My dogs ond I leove ephemerol footprints in light Morch snow. I skid over hidden ice when they eogerly tug on the leosh. They wolk up the romp, nose to the ground, curious ond drtven. The snow lies softly over where fuck you, bitch is corved. A blonk convos. Cigorette butts lie protected in its white embroce. The more steps thot poss, the more slort to see my bridge. my home, through o new lens. I notice beouty in oll of its ugliness. mogic in its reolity. newness in its wrinkles.

I feel the compulsion, not the desire, to choose one side of o binory. lt's how l've been tought the world works' Block ond white. block ond white, either you succeed or you foil. you fit in or you're weird. you're yourself or you're nobody. l've olwoys feored confronting open-ended queslions, os my f reshmon yeor English teocher scrowls on my essoy with red pen, "Explore the porodoxes".

Now. in my dod's closei mirror, I exomine the reflection storing me bock, which hos olwoys hod o wide, osymmetricol lrish nose. dork blue morbles in thin slits ond invisible blond eyeloshes. However, I've begun to notice, more ond more eoch doy. the definition of my freckled cheekbones, the

strength of eoch limb. however wide.

The llome Avenue Brldge evokes the feeling of home for me-- grounded yet stretching. Wolking iis limino exponse is growing. stretching. leovlng behind old stdewolks for new ones. lhove begun to feel coexlstent with the rows of brldges. overlopping in neor depth. porodoxes of grovity where one con be both stoble ond he plessly, endlessly fo ltng

Where one reolizes one's bodies bolh living ond dying with eoch meoger breoth. The wlnd on the brldge hos whispered cogent melodies to me ones ihot remind me to breothe-ot iimes when my exis tence hos seemed b eok. At first I wosn t even istening-Now ;;lhesitontLV cross inio the unknown, l'm siorting to hum my

UhiAlryand Gtuulnina. 9q,t*q*iih

The litle-gir fingers cou d not touch the swollen purple bLock beneoth the eyes or lhe block-stltched lipsticked mouth on the side of the heod thoi the honds would groze shorp-gosp don't-touch, os thin hoir {e I lnto the eyes thot did not weep.

''l m so ilred ond the little gir could not yet weep, noi even in privote, where the hushed touch of pil owcose ond b onde hoir - wispy-thin muted cries ond soothed smoll eyes thot hod never wonted io see certc n colors. The honds did not touch vory, nor did o to vibroto seep from ony mouth

"Te I those boogers l m not going to dlel" her mouth wos fuLl of whiskey ond brownies, ond on y then cou d the girl weep becouse the woy you ook tonight isn't so good, my honds trembLe os they stroke ivory, os they touch the emocioted flngers ond stroke hoir from soddened eyes ond the not-so-JlttLe girl finds thot her heort wos ungenerously thin.

The doughter boked constontly, yet remoined thin os the poges of the unopened Bible; quietly dying inside, she cte vlcorious y with her mother's mouth. The sunset-beleweled oceon reflected in lhe eyes thot, despile sultry Floridion oir, remoined dry ond did not weep

os the girl stored out to seo ond tried to iouch memories buried under gossomer threods of sorrow, sticky in her honds.

The grondmother's memories slipped through her honds, trickltng through her fingers like groins of sond from her beloved beoch, poper thin rerniniscences of the lost sentences she uttered...gone. The touch of fomi ior honds iust before she slipped owoy ollowed her mouth io whisper "l love you," ond the grondfother took the time to we-ap

before shoking honds dioled to soy thol his wife hod forever closed her eyes.

At the end, nothing but conf used love filled her miik-chocolote eyes ond, finolly on involid, she couid move nothing but her sunkissed honds. Grondmothers oren't supposed to be of roid. They shou dn t weep. ond they should go io the bothroom on lheir own. She never grew so thin ihot ihe wheelchoir wos unnecessory. ond unwilling from her mouth there come whimpers ot ony unfomilior touch. How were Doddy s sentences supposed to touch deoth five yeors before il hoppened. trying not io weep os lhe words feLl from his mouth ike pebbles onto the beloved beoch, ond eyes fell onyploce thot ptty wosn't ond honds c osped ond lifelines snopped becouse they were too gossomer-thin.

qhs llloon

€na"eoililr'.b-9ohe

The moon doesn't seem os bleoched os it used io be. Pockmorked ond yellow os my dod s teeth, it stores down to me on doys I hoppen to notice it. Dod points his ot the sky ond soys "Doesn't the moon look omozing tonight?'

It doesn'i

Ihe moon is not silver like it wos when I wos younger. But I let my dod cotch it onywoy, let his groying hoir perk ot the universe he loves so much.

Dod doesn't seem os ok os he used to be Hls foce is nnore crotered thon usuol. he folls os eep oi 8 o clock, leoves nose hoirs curling, crumbs dripping on his peeling lips. Doddy is losing his glow quickly. He colls me outside tokes o puff of his cigorette ond tells me lo reolly look ot the moon. lnsteod, I iook ot him.

li turns out it is hord to be os colm os the moon is I om olwoys twitched, right now I om trying not to twist my honds. right now I om thinking obout how oll of the doors in my house ore unlocked. how Doddy isn l home yet. Doddy isn't home yet, I om lrying lo be the moon for my dod. To be the orb in the sky he con point to ond soy. ''Doesn'f the moon iook omozing tonight?'

I om hoping Dod tokes notice of me insteod. The moon con't tolk bock to him. the moon isn't hts iike he thinks it is. om ocne scorred ond bloody ond dod con look right ot me now He hos no reoson to chose something he con never hold. I om looking ot fhe moon t is biistered, it is ugly, my dod's foce is honging f rom the siors. lets hts breod crumbs tumble downword.

AWCfiv,$anet, !).Ur,ra*n'rrt*

when i ioke off my shirt, look in the mirror i wos oll ton ond freckled. i could see the shope of my pelvis the sinews in my orms the droin wos clogged with hoir ond skin i iust wropped myself in boggy clothes ond hid

ebnlrrilrrr, 9uarnneafuim"9ob.

My mother loves to tell me lwill find o mon somedoy. she peels owoy o slice of clementine. She hos olwoys told me whot o greoi butt lhove. o Cubon side-effect. lhot no one would ever dore to breok my heort becouse my nose swings up ot the perfect ongle like her does.

I dongle my wrists underneoth the toble lined with citrus the peels drying underneoih two women ot midnight. It turns out no omount of butt or lined up teeth con sove me from o bod relotionshio

When we were togeiher. your smiles fell on my bones, there wosn't o rnomeni you weren't colling me beoutiful I remember your nicknome for me wos Clementine. You soid.

When I met you, it iusf iumped out ot me. And you iumped out ot me ioo. Sometimes, I gei feelings I should still be with you.

AAy shoulders miss your too,skinny orms, Sometimes I wish I hod never broken up with you.

Except for the times you broided my wrists purple. when you iet your insults slip onto my coilor bones, when you stopped colling me Clementine, I hove been pretending not to remember those ports. I would rother look ot the outogrophed picture you got me lost Christmos.

when we threw o book off the top floor of the porking 1ot. when we left piles of clementine peels on your sidewolk. I hope you oren't the some peTson you were then.

Momo does not know much except on instont coffee love. AAy fother wos her first ond lost. she tells me the trick wos her eyeioshes. Some doys. I wish mtne would work too. You hoven't held my honds since lbroke up with you Shook ond eft your body on the sidewolk, telling me I om too beoutiIu] to be single, no one will ever love me like you do, llooked down of the oronge stoins we wolked over every

doy

ond belteved you. Thoi supposed beouty never stopped me from hurtrng I wonder if I still deserve the nome Clementine.

q {d[ m,rarlt d Ee,ffimo 6wq*b

connot te I you whot s between my ribs ond skin, right now.

Bui if I could. I would peel myself like o sunburn, ond would moke you touch me.

You would feel only spoce, il s skin ond gush, ond ihe rush of the f irst time my ips shoved yours, ond yours didn't push bock.

AAy boss told me I shouLd qult, lgot thot feeilng you get only when we lold down together my polms pressed agoinst your hollows, bul you pressed nothing ogoinst me.

Being o hostess wos eosier thon you. You only left me with suggestions, ltke on index, only o poge number. But this isn't oboui you, it never wos. It wos obout lhis crove I hod, this iype of humon I possessed. My orms iust wonted skin to wrop, ips iust wonted words to cotch we molded logether occldently

Ohnfio&, eufirmart,. f Sa'"*r*tsurlwv

Attentlon, customers. An lnbound troin, towords the Loop, wl be orriving shortLy.

Bing bongl

This rs Ridgelond

This is where you'll boord, bog in hond, with some L,ook you ll end up not reoding. Doors closing.

Thts is Austin. Doors open on the left ot Austln. This is where you'll move further into ihe cor becouse you feel bod obout sitting ln o priority seot, even though it's your nth time riding the troln ot 8,30 on o Soiurdoy mornlng ond you know ihe cor wil never fl lup post o fourth, even downtown. Thts is where you wllcross the border, where it won't feel so doy ond-nlght but there s something more defeoted in the oir, there s o lingerlng smell of money thot went west fifty yeors ogo

Doors c osing.

This is Centrol

Thts is where you'll ook ot old Victorions ond thlnk obout the post ond preseni ond wonder who lives ln them. Lone y old lodies? Fomilies? The llghts ote neveT on ot night.

Doors c osing.

This is Loromle.

This is where yords of fine o d cors get blonkefed ln snow in bock lots thot you con see from the troin if you crone your neck o little.

This is where lwo young white peop e get on. 1t'll cotch your ottenlion, of course. Ihey re drunk, or otherwise simi orly diverted. They osk o middle oged block mon for sorne cigorettes, ond he word ess y obliges. They don't thonk him, ond fo I osleep in the priority seots you vocoted two stops ogo. Doors closlng.

This is Cicero.

This s where you ve goi o f ront-row seot to demo ition. Your grondpo vlsiled the o d Broch condy plont in the seventies to morket ce lophone. lt s f ghting, now. The reinforced concrele 1s toking months to destroy.

This is where people live ond die in the shodow of the con fectionery colossus.

Doors closing.

This is Puloski.

This is the most blighted of oreos. this is where the overoge fomily mokes considerobly less thon whot you spend on property tox in o yeor.

Ihis is where you sow your friend s dod get his nose broken by o young mon out with friends one night. Now your friend ond his dod ride the El in feor ond suspicion, but you'll still tell yourself thot everyone's good ot heort regordless of where they live.

Doors clostng.

This is Conservolory.

This is beoutif ul. isn'i tt?

This is where you olwoys think to yourself thot if there were o conservotory ond o pork like this fifteen minutes from the skyscropers of New York, those empty worehouses over there would be million-dollor lofts. But this isn't New York, ond they oren't million-dollor lolts.

Doors closing.

This is Kedzie.

This is the heort of Gorfield Pork.

This is where you con see stroight down blocks of o time becouse of oll the vocont lots.

This is where urgent repoirs to the grond old monors thot line Woshington ore done not with ook, limestone. ond love, bul with plywood, cinderblocks, ond hoste.

Doors closing.

This is Colifornio.

This is where there's o lot where thousonds of empty blue dumpslers ore piled up precoriously for no reoson you con reodily tell.

Ihis is where you lough o little in o deiected woy every time you poss becouse of lhe irony thot such o sod little corner of the city could beor such o glomorous nome.

Doors closing.

This is Ashlond.

This is where, six yeors ogo, they demohshed the lost tower from the Henry Horner projects. This is where the ugly ononymity of the United Center hos

eolen up the neighborhood to moke woy for people to pork ond wotch the Bulls. Doors closing.

This is Morgon. 'Thonk you for riding the CTA Green Line!' chirps o merry voice.

This is where o crone hints ot gentrificotion, ot the turgid wolls o[ weolth slowly sproying out over into lhe West Side Doors closing.

This is Clinton.

This is where you con't see the tops of buildings from the troin windows onymore.

This is where you'll soil ocross the Chicogo River. then the iroin will olwoys stop iust ot the point where you con't see the view onymore to woit - 'momentorily' - for signol cleoronce.

Doors closing.

This is Clork ond Loke.

This is where you'll goze down the LoSolle Slreet finonciol conyon to look up ot the Boord of lrode's monumentol edifice

This is where the mon who previously gove ihe vogronts o smoke hos onswered o coll. His voice is surprisingly delicote ond high-pitched. Doors closing.

This is Stote ond Loke. This is where the cigorette bums ond their silent supporter get off.

This is where you put your hot ond gloves on ond put the book on your lop owoy. The ride to the next stop is forty-six seco nds.

Doors closing.

This is Rondolph ond Wobosh. This is where you ll get off ond wolk lo where you need to be. Withln ten minutes, you'll be ioosty worm somewhere ond you'll hove [orgotten oll oboui the lost city behind on invisible woll.

Doors closing.

Free time wlshing, Time wosted wishing, Thof this life wos iust o dreom. Stonding on the comer. Stoying on the block life is chill it seems Until, there's o shooting on the block, bodtes folling down, people toking their breothe before they hlt the ground ond, Suddenly there's o new tension in the oir, Mommos crying, screoming, Bobies dying, bleeding.

And one mon feeding his reputotion on whot lust hoppened. Meonwhile the coptoin orrives on the scene, He cholks it up lo gong violence, Retoliotion possible he soys.

It wos ot thot moment thot one mother osked him, How it feel to occuse the deod.

At thoi moment guili hii his soul, And he reolized thot he would hove to poy the ultimote tol for oll thol he hod done, And the price would be his soul.

Loter thot doy teens ore fornlcoting like robbits, Cousing hovoc, Becoming drug oddicts. Children hoving children, i \ Boo,es hoving bobies. ls this world thot we ore living in seem to be iust o little bit crazy or, ls it iust me? i

Becouse no one else seems to notice it but me, Becouse everyone else seems to be core free but me. Sometimes I wonder om I the only who sees it, Or is lt iust me who chooses to speok on the issue ot hond?

To let my worlds be told for oll to heor.

To let them blow like the wind through the irees from eor to eor, So thot one doy we con live without feor.

ln o society where these issues o resolved but sodly people refuse to get involved, In o communily where communicotion is the key, Thts poem is o representotion oi me, you, ond ony other person thot hopes in their heorl thot we will one doy be free.

From thts summer thot you ond I see.

-ealQwvwn

IItT Illonr,,lll&lua, IIlo.

My mom wotches me burn rice-I never remember when lo toke it off the stove. She looks f loitened. her foce like o pressed flower-I never got it right. lcook too l^eovy with ororge spice. The rice thot is moislure sucked. wilts into so ted pork steom. I left the rice on the stove ioo long. She wonts me to cook us bock into fomily. Bring her brother bock in worm whispers from the rice, ond moybe, dissolve their onger into the discorded woler Lock oll of us into our dinner toble. But o I I con look ot is the blockened groins of rice.

Aeit nr,dry

e,urfio& of 6,9okn gcf+Lp,, /nffi-uQortouio

Sexuol lension.

Luno wonts to be on top Helios gives in.

l Arn qc,tu],9loiorlu,C,

I om from colm femininity ond intelligeni testosterone physicoly split between iwo roofs from purple sunsets ond ciiy views to loundry ltnes green form houses

1om everything except the Once Upon o Morigold but plogued wlth the nightmores of deoth ond loss blood ond bones lom the Drop in the Oceon submerged by the blue ond the red ond the white, the stupid the hypocriticol ond ensloved lom the poet thot feels the heoling ond soulful vilolity in the beoi ihol cries lts Not Your Foult in the Neon Cothedro I om the ever fluid in worm fomiliority colored with the occosionol chicken bui olso in cold clinicol white ond block?

Deor AAr. Hodgkin's Lymphomo

You iook him by surprise, you know? -le woLe up on o Soturooy rorning comploining obout you. Only then. he thought you were noihing but o torn shoulder musc e. Fo" doys he went on cringing. every time he reoched for the cookie lor for my boby sister, or teored up os the poin shot ocross his chesl while pickirg up my little brother. As weeks poss by I con see the foce of o cheerf ul 4 yr old boy being held by his fother, slowly fode And the ployful noise thot once echoed f rom his vocol chords. turn into the cry ond whine of o young cub obondoned by his mother. And Doddy, Donte doesn't meon it when he screoms of the top of his lungs thot he hotes you

He's just too young to understond thot Mr. Hodgkin's Lymphomo is hurting you. And AAr Hodgkin's Lymphomo don't ihink you got off so eosy. 'Couse even though Mr. Kohn soid "no rhyme endings," things between us ore NOT lemon squeezy. No molfer lhe omount of sugor odd to the thought of you, it will not moke you sweet.'Couse even though you're curoble you're still moking my fother weep.

'

Qemllltr,. 4todrlrin a. Sumnhonr,o f n,h*rr"4*n

^ Illuafuirn

fn*rr*g*U,tt y

Every summer brewing spoghetti pesto Potions. sordines, copers ond soups of Melted butter sticks.

Doddy loved his postos, Lighting incense And speokers

Pounding lndion drums like His wooden spoon strumming the hot strings. Then. gluten f ree rice took posto s p oce. And ol of o sudden.

Butter wos too high in cholesterol And flovor, ond sptce. And oll of o sudden The spoon stopped beoiing, lncense stopped burning. Mommo told him.

llre rice posto wos ur dercoo<eo. It hod nothing to do with his cooking.

Onrnr uouruzll hzrwl (0nrfltu .,,,prur*D

eoru 9ule,-tue6r,

6 rud tib bioqhlfu Wbt,frlu e\r^ttdft}|"ffi {hia. ruoy, nto crm ail,bo,r, p{rttq grratl

There s nolhing more beoutiful thon looking up ot the (od1) night sky The life out here in the form is so _ (od1) thot lhe upper (n) is the only thing thot excites me ond gives me (n) onymore. No other -

(n) f..l the woy I do, though. They're dull They enioy ._-- (v) peocef ully in this lucrotive system in exchonge for (n) to eot which doesn't cost onything to the formers. lwos born here ln --

(nome) Form, ond never been outside of it. l've olwoys wonted to explore beyond, but it I'm only o cow, ond we connot (v) or -

(v) up the surrounding fences. AAy ideo of getting oui hos olwoys been something bigger ond moTe ---

(od;) thon recklessly escoping the ronge, though. I wont to be erodicoted f rom this (oli) plonel, ond I know it sounds bizorre. but -

(n) would be better thon being milked by -{n) for. th" re.t of ,y life

There hove been obout four suspected (v) the Mothership thot took one of us owoy. Ever since Moy 3rd of 2009, Lilo's been Iobeled os the every cow is tired of her -___ (odi) behovior She sleeps olone in the obondoned

(odi) one becouse the field ever since the others storted to moke (n) obout her __ (od1) heolth. l'm very coreful never to divulge ony of my secret (n) oround here becouse cows oTe squores (even ou, bodies ore ut iudgment. (odi), if you reolly think obout it). but I do wish fhot somebody would listen to me witho

(n) on the other side of

When the olien life ond outer spoce storted oppeoling to me. lthought (nome) wos the perfect person to {v) into the distonce, stonding by the born. I slowly opprooched her by soying (exclomotion) ond her eyes instontly opened wide ond (v) ond mooing oll over the ploce. I wos terrified. ond it mode me think thot movbe she (populor phrose). Poor Lilo, lfeel bod for her. l'm sure she doesn't meon to be such reputotion like thot ofler my o -----(od1) cow, but I would never try to tolk to her ogoin, onywoys. I connot offord to toint my (od1) tipping incident, which l'd rother not discuss.

(n) ot ------(nome), ond one cow cloims thol she hos tolk to, but oh boy! I wos very wrong. lt wos o mellow ofternoon when I sow her (od;) Without even looking ot me, she (v) owoy ond storted confidently soy | _____ (u) them with oll my being I would sell my soul to v)

soddens me to suspect ihe stories l've gger thon (n) ond this form out d cottle, ond if it octuolly does exist, I con (n) in order to become one of those lucky cows. I would It's hord not to get '1 ------(odi Until then. I will ho

I hove to confess thot even I hove _ (emotion) obout the reolity of obduction. lt heord to be nothing brt _.- (n). I wont to believe thot there is something bi there loften wonder if there's such thing os o glomorous (n) of obducte

{emotion), but I olwoys remind myself thot I need to let _ (n) elopse noturolly. I know thot ) creotures do exist, they will come for me ond ____ (v) me on o to*y .t"rrhrp cruise thot I will never forget. ve to live with the intense slote of {emotion) the (n) evokes in me, ond reioice ot lhe (n) of their onticipoted orrivol

-6nnd!4f q{ub{,r

-nwq(ry

qlilu,Ini, Surort-

SUotmrdz-

-eilUebiil

f.fdrriilndraa rt

ebtJaDc,,na//L-

-6rmnb{f q{dr{,r I

'Amr*tonn

'rp*=ffi ,reJ

ehodioAloffimrn-

'Wri'qttu [

x Sdikelra..+

&qrl:rrrrl?r"dil,9ufuts o Level Seven vegon As Crest overiord, she wields her fetus mogic io commond the unru y Crest peosonts. She rules the Crestdom wtth her concubine, A ex Turner. Fronko never eoves the poloce of 3OZA without her coot thot mokes her look ike o Chileon Cruello DeVl le. After o ong doy of hord work (touchtng butts [whtch she loves]), socrifice, ond crushlng erront knoves, Fronko likes lo wind down with o nice gorfe of Sporcle. Becouse Fronko s tolents ore so dlfficu]t to sum up in words, we counted to ihree ond shouted out the first words ihot come to our minds: roler cooster, oligorchy. serfbordt. *some conf used mumblinqs.* neon ond o ien. Although her reign is coming to on end. we know she wil conquer btgger ond better kingdoms.

&

Annffliarnla" lipstick gome is 2 strong She moy be smol ond kowo]i. but she WILL tell you off like she did to Wonderfu Plstochios ofter eoting two of fheir nol-so-Wonderfu AAoggots on Februory 20th. When she's not moking pointtngs to sel to Sebostion, she con be seen chi lin' in.Jimmy.lohn's with o gronde (not lorge) coffee ond o bootleggers cub. She cloims to own enough grillz to hove sixs Spongebob themed borbeques, but we ve never been invtled to one. This reincornotion of Bosquiot comes with two brothers for on y iwo eosy poymenls of $ 19 95 (sh pping ond hondling not included)

Illurhqeihgu&$oluta'enlJJour chonges his hoir color more often thon he siorts Focebook orguments His blood ts 50% pizza ond 50% Toco Bel ond it boils with the hotred of white people. He s well known for weorlng .3 Vlntoge ond sofl grunge .3 f onnels ond ruining long wolks on the beoch wlth on obnoxious number of Snopchot seJfies. We hope thot he soon finds out whot specific member of Fol Out Boy his mom s dentlst s nephew ts A though he's never seen o diomond in the f esh, we love him for o I the Focebook pubLicity becouse without ll Crest would be empiy. He would lke to thonk the Acodemy for voting him the Cutest Member of Crest 20]4

SOfOh COnnOn loves show choir more thon Crest. Although her spirit-onimol is Lil' Bub, her dog, Nemo, is the coolest pet in Crest. Her duties in Crest include being fhe secrefary of fonts with o strong prefetence towords Comic Sons, ond being ShodemSs with JJJ. Sowhrz, the singing seomstress smolders sossily os she joms out to "Time of 'the 5eoson" with Fronx. As the Coven's next Supreme, we hope she con teoch us some of her mod moshed-pototo skillz ond of f iciolly estoblish her reign os the new editor-in-chief

1"^.Ph1td^-10hrut& olso known os Triple J. Irip, Thriple luice, .J3, lJl, ond Jo ly Goods, his summer olros: Thropicol .luice, or Roymond, holds more power in the schoo thon onyone else, becouse he knows oll ihe secret possoges thot could probobly toke us to the Chomber of Secrets. TBH, his bubbly persono ity ts difficult to occuroiely represent on poper. For instonce, he is on oword-winning poet ond o highly occloimed photogropher, but his greotest toLent is his obility to moke vegon poncokes out of his own moist flesh. We'd like to think we oTe his best frlends, but he is BFFs with literolly every teocher in ihe school insteod Still, he is the Heisenberg of Crest with o slightly more dongerous lough, so you con ossume there is no tosk he con't lockle. We know he hos o very promising future in T.

grb1ilfrrrtutsortr/rilLnos o wooo fetish. Wrer hes r-or n i1 '1e Cres-,oon lounging on everything thot's NOT o cholr, he's spendlng time with his ferrets, sipping the smoothest of teo ond listening to the smoothest of lozzes. We knew the Duke of RRReligino wos desttned to be o port of Crest upon witnessing his e egont verbosity, luscious hoir, ond his relotion to [insert Briiish person hereJ. Although he does not understond the evolution of technology, he wil forever be fhe yingo to our yengo. Cheeriol

GQll&Eilqlcwos voted most iikely lo legoly chonge her nome to Belly Button. She is mod becouse fr.r. ,orn bought the wrong tickets to Puerio Rico, resulting in o spring breok to Florido lnsteod.,( lShe loves everything the rest of the teom hoies. For exompLe, her fovorite TV show is Hort of Dixie, on obsession she possed olong to Soroh-ond we hope she will not poss it olong lo the rest of us. We wish thot she would spend more time with us, but she is often kidnopped by Stoge Crtie. Fun foct: even though she is Toco Belle, she hos never eoten Toco Bell. However, she is still the hoppiest member of Crest. We sweor she iumped out of on onimoted Disney musicol number.

IIla,.9ef,h", now been our fobulous teocher-sponsor for three consecutive yeors. We like ii when our mother hen colls us chickens. ller quest is to find the perfect cheeseburger for her son, Duncon, ond to moke to her Cresties lough with her odorotion of celeb,rity gossip news. She luggles her stressed AP students ond four identicol woter bottles wlth elegont groce ond we hope she stoys with us, purnping ouT Toom f u I of oronge scented oir f reshener, for oll time

9P4d6[ttnnhtb: Christron Founloin (the boe). AAr. Cohen, Ms. Miloievlc. Krtsiion Frumkin, Ms. McGtnnis. Ms. Fox, Col Brennon, +Rrroymond. Li Bub, Doge, OPRF BbosterClub{thnr4domocs).Troder.loesSeqweed,Lewellyn.Snopchot.Fronkosmom,Sorqhsmom.Anosbroihers,Sebosttons[errets,RiFFRAFF,Jodythehuskie, ond the ovely Greg Mi ler (enioy your meot oof l).