Professional Communication UWS Notes

HELLO! WELCOME!

PROFESSIONAL COMMUNICATION CREATE BALANCE Dr. Jody Janati

GOT DRAMA?

Meetings

where minutes are taken & hours are lost

GREETINGS & INTRODUCTIONS

Name/From?

What Would You Like to Learn?

Claim to Fame?

FIND YOUR BALANCE

YOU DO YOU!

WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER!

DANGER OPPORTUNITY

CRISIS

REACTIVE & CREATIVE Consist of the same letters

Will you REACT [cause & effect] -orCREATE [cause the effect]

CLICHÉ

FACT

COMMON COMMUNICATION PATTERN

OPINION

EMOTION

“Tact is the Art of Making a Point Without Making an Enemy” ~Isaac Newton

“I DON’T UNDERSTAND THAT TACT s*&!

YOU TEACH AT THE COLLEGE!”

awareness

= Change

HOW YOU SAY SOMETHING MATTERS PLEASE SIT DOWN, YOU ARE ROCKING THE BOAT OF COURSE I’LL HELP SERVE REFRESHMENTS I AM SO GLAD YOU GAVE ME YOUR PERMISSION WE CAN GO HOME NOW JERRY NO, STOP THAT. DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID

ARE YOU ALWAYS SO HELPFUL THAT’S THE MOST AMAZING THING I HAVE EVER HEARD Paralanguage: Nonverbal Messages Regarding the Way You Use Your Voice

“Control Your Emotions or They Will Control You” ~Chinese Proverb

Power

Right

Interest

CONSIDER YOUR TONE

WHAT IS LIFE?

The words or phrases that come to mind, which best capture my life are: ¤ As I think about it now, my life is like: ¤ My life feels as though: ¤ My life is similar to: ¤ My life reminds me of: ¤ I might compare life to:

Are You Hiding From Happiness?

“CHANGE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT THINGS AND THE THINGS YOU LOOK AT CHANGE” ~dr. Wayne Dyer

“YOUR PERSONALITY CREATES YOUR PERSONAL REALITY” ~JOE DISPENZA

”We Don’t See Things as They Are; We See Things as We Are” ~Anais Nin

“PARTIAL PARROTING”

NAME: Should Needs to Ought to Must Shouldn’t Can’t

REVIEW YOUR THOUGHTS “When I think the thought “

”

my thoughts and behavior towards this person become “

”

WHO CREATES YOUR THINKING?

“My boss is ruining my life…”

Got conflict?

Toucan play at that game!

What is the Best Vitamin for a “Drama Free” person?

B1

Arguments Die with Neglect

What are the Underlying Components of • Stress • Anger • Fear •

Hurt = Past Thoughts Worry = Future Thoughts

V

“I’m figuring it out…”

“Worrying IS USING your imagination to create something you don't want”

TURN YOUR MELODRAMA INTO A MELLOW DRAMA ~ Ram Dass

GOT DRAMA?

WHO’s ready to find your “Conversation PEACE?”

“PEOPLE WILL CONTINUe TO BE WHO THEy ARE, DESPITE YOUR OPINION OF THEM”

“RUDENESS IS THE WEAK MAN’S IMITATION OF STRENGTH”

HOW DO WE POSITIVELY INFLUENCE BEHAVIOR? Create Little to No Resistance “Ask; Don’t Tell; Offer Choices” Be Consistent “Consistency Over Time = Trust” Awareness = Change Commit to making other’s aware “I noticed…I see you are…”

EXPLAINING WHAT IS WORKING ALWAYS HELPS. EXPLAINING WHAT ISN’T WORKING, NEVER WORKS

REACT/RESPOND ACTIVITY

AWARENESS = CHANGE 1. Tell them what they did [fact] 2. Tell them how it made you feel -orState a consequence of their behavior 3. Awareness Statement: “Point it out, Bring it up, Put it on your radar, Thought you should know, Wanted you to be aware...”

COLLABORATIVE SHAPING METHOD Step 1: I noticed you were talking throughout the 9 o’clock meeting.

Step 2: When you talk during the meeting, I get frustrated that I have to repeat myself so everyone hears me clearly -or- When you talk during the meeting, it makes it difficult for others to hear what I am saying.

Step 3: I wanted to point this out to you because we will be having a lot of meetings for this project.

What do you stand “For”

want

don’t want

DON’T DEFUSE THEM;

CONFUSE THEM! ~Dr. Janati

Listen and silent

“HEAR” AND NOW W

•WHY

A

•AM

I

•I

T

•TALKING

“Understand before trying to be understood” ~Stephen Covey

STOP! DON’T BE ANGRY!

Don’t should on PEOPLE

REDUCE RESISTANCE Eliminate these words and Find Your “Conversation Peace” SHOULD SHOULDN’T NEED TO STOP NOT OUGHT TO HAVE TO DON’T

“What You Resist, Persists” ~Carl Jung

MINNE “SORTA” NICE

Feeling + Need

May

LANGUAGE OF COLLABORATION

PREFER

.

Collaborative way to deliver difficult messages with tact STAR: To explain a situation or a concise point of view/action : Situation:

Set up the situation by describing the context [be brief and address who, where, what, when, why and how]

Task:

Describe the task you had to accomplish or the problem you had to solve

Action:

Explain the action/s you took to complete the task or solve the problem

Result:

Identify and quantify the result of your efforts; explain the outcome

NOTE: The STAR method works well for answering job/interview questions & delivering “bad news”

TWO VISIONS = DIVISION

ARE YOUR RULES A PIC/NIC? PIC

NIC positive

negative

immediate

immediate

certain

certain

“A Problem Well Stated is a Problem Half Solved”

NEUTRALIZE YOUR LANGUAGE Debatable Issue

Neutral Issue [noun]

He is too loud

The loud volume

You communicate poorly

The poor communication

We always argue

These frequent arguments

We failed on the project

The recent failure

I donated to the charity

The charity donation

She plans to resign

The planned resignation

I can’t believe she smokes

The smoking surprised me

I failed in my marriage

The failure of my marriage

He cheated on me

The cheating hurt me

She is rude to her staff

The rude behavior

BOUNDARIES

Time to ACT!

Step 1 - A Ask/Invite Them to Talk or meet [wait 10 minutes] Step 2 - C Clear Concise Statement [10-15 words]

Step 3 - T Transfer Responsibility [repeat 10+ times]

HOW TO DEAL WITH ANOTHER’S EXPRESSION OF: A

• ●acknowledge the person’s feelings by • stating what you see/feel: • “you are really upset.”

N

•note aloud what they said by paraphrasing them: “so, you are angry because I have been late for our last two team meetings?”

G

•gauge the intensity/importance of the issue: “is this something new or have you been concerned about this for awhile?

E

•engage in solutions to the problem being presented to you: “ok, the next time I am late…”

R

•remind them of your relationship intentions in a positive way: “I am sorry for upsetting you because I really enjoy working with you…

AN UNPROFESSIONAL RESPONSE “I am sorry to hear that my interaction with Rebecca was received the way it was... As you may know I can be quite frank when I speak and also have good intentions for people in general. I was not “cussing you out;” I was confused about the messages we had exchanged and quite upset and bummed out because I thought you had given me additional classes when in fact that was not the case...

I told her this was not the first time we have had miscommunication, which is absolutely true; our communication styles are very different in general and we both know that. I also very specifically laughed about the situation and told Rebecca that I shouldn't worry about it too much b/c your institution supports me in the summer when I am not working at the U of MN and you always have been good to me; did she happen to mention that? Again, I have no problem with you, I just had a brief “moment” about the situation and apologize if it was heard to be against you personally.”

RECOGNIZE THE BLAME GAME ATTACK “ENTITLED” EMOTIONS

-DENY“IT’S NOT ME” -EXPLAIN-

DEFEND -GOSSIPEXAMPLES

EXCUSES

A PROFESSIONAL RESPONSE PUTS IT IN THE… P A S T

Polite & Professional interpersonal introduction and overall tone

Accountability puts the issue in the “PAST”

Agree with one of their points, Apologize & Appreciate a quality or service

Share how you plan to Solve your own problem, “next time I” or ask what to do Thank them for the opportunity to meet/communicate – Tell how you value them with a positive relationship statement

No Excuses!

A PROFESSIONAL RESPONSE “I hope this email finds you well. I have had you on my mind since that incidence with Rebecca. I wanted to tell you that in hindsight, I realize my behavior, no matter what the intention, was unprofessional and wrong. I should not have said anything to anyone, other than you, my supervisor, about my frustration over classes. Please know that I truly apologize for causing you any additional stress at the beginning of the term and understand how much you work for the benefit of adjunct instructors in general. I appreciate your work & can only imagine how difficult it must be to accommodate everyone from your role at the college. I support you and your efforts and enjoy having a good working relationship with you. Be assured my intentions are good; thank you for hearing me.”

SAMPLE STUDENT APOLOGY Greetings Jody,

I want to apologize for my emotional outburst this evening. As I have thought about it, I can see that you were right about me being mad because I did not really want to be here.

However, I understand how important a college education is, and I am changing my attitude. Be rest assured that I will handle myself better in the future.

I am interested in the challenges presented by your class, and I appreciate you as an instructor and your patience. Thank you.

Hope you have a good night.

EXPECTATION Leads to FUTURE RESENTMENT

Tolerate -vsAllow

[-] TOLERATE [-] Problem Have to Defensive Control Need Demand Resistance Force Fight Debate Destructive Repel Superiority React Hero Self-Centered Control Negative Deny Attack Emotional

[+] ALLOW [+] Solution Choose to Collaborative Balance Feeling Request No Resistance Face Unite Dialogue Constructive Attract Equality Respond Humble Higher Purpose Empower Positive Consider Concede Not Emotional

Energy Flows Where Attention Goes

GO. BE. LOVE. THE WORLD NEEDS YOU.

.

FREE ONLINE BOOK

https://issuu.com/creativenorth/docs/teach_peace_please_share

Let’s Create a “MASTERPEACE”

Dr. Jody Janati | 651.210.2246

findyourconversationpeace.com findyourconversationpeace@gmail.com

THANK YOU!