WHAT IS SELF-LOVE ANYWAYS?

By Kora-lea Vidal

Self-love was a foreign concept to me up until about five years ago. I found it difficult to build a relationship with myself when I was stuck in a cycle of self loathing and abuse.

For fourteen years I was subject to an eating disorder, bulimia. It kept me a prisoner in my mind, as I constantly battled thoughts of eating and thoughts of becoming fat. I immensely feared gaining weight and went to all extremes to counteract my binge eating. It helped that I was a national level athlete and all around gym junkie. The amount I would exercise in one day is exhausting just to think about now. I still couldn’t quite miss my trips to the toilet bowl.

I literally had my head in the toilet when it came to loving any part of myself.

I suffered from extreme body dysmorphia after being teased in high school. The boys in my class said my body looked like a snowman. One word, and I was damaged goods. Every time I looked in the mirror after that point, I felt I looked too round in my mid-section. I attempted to starve myself on numerous occasions only to devour every food item I could get my hands on within moments. This made me feel like a failure and I hated myself even more. I was disgusted and ashamed of my bulimia and kept it secret for so long. To this day I can’t quite figure out what exactly I was addicted to. Was it the feeling I got from the food or the feeling I got from the purge? Regardless, I was stuck in this negative cycle with no real plans for escape.

Then it happened. I lost my mind. This wasn’t the first time, but it was different this time. Instead of delusions I had convictions. The conviction that I was put on this earth to serve a higher purpose for the sake of humanity. This is when I found my calling in humanitarian work.

This is when I found myself.

Now let’s be clear, finding yourself and loving yourself are two different things. So even though I knew my purpose, I was still puking relentlessly out of habit. However, slowly things were changing for me. I started focusing more on what I could do to be of service and less about how I looked. I started adopting new belief patterns and discovering parts of myself that I didn’t even know were there.

June 22, 2019 is the last day I can say I struggled with bulimia. It was also my first real step on my journey to self-love.

You see, self-love isn’t a destination you arrive at, it’s a day in, day out process of unbecoming everything you’re not.

It is learning to love every part of yourself, yes even your perceived flaws. I began to feel as though my body was simply a vessel for helping people in need and doing the work I was put here to do. I became grateful for my physical ability and agility and stopped over-analyzing my appearance. I was falling in love with the woman I always was, the one who was deeply buried in insecurities all of these years. I can hardly say I’m an expert in self-love after hating myself for so many years, but what I can say is this.

Loving yourself is about surrendering the need for perfection and embracing the uniqueness of your design.

Loving yourself is learning to accept that which we cannot change about ourselves. It’s instead, seeking out our best attributes and highlighting them in our lives.

Self-love has nothing to do with measuring ourselves against some perceived standards.

It allows us instead to have more grace and self-respect. When we begin to love every part of ourselves that is when real transformation can occur. Without loving our lesser selves we cannot become our higher selves. When it comes to loving yourself, you must be willing to accept yourself fully and embrace all your insecurities. You must surrender your need to fit in, and develop the courage to stand out.

Kora-lea Vidal is a humanitarian on a mission to end world hunger. With a strong passion for helping those in need, she started the humanitarian movement Live Lifted. Kora-lea is a former national football athlete and silver medalist. Having struggled with bipolar disorder, bulimia, and addiction, she is a dedicated advocate for mental health awareness. As a soon to be author, Kora-lea uplifts people with her words, and reminds us all that it is in our setbacks that we find our greatest strengths.

To see some of the humanitarian work being done, visit Koralea on TikTok To find out how you can help visit me at Love Lifted on Facebook. uplift