September 2016 costa link magazine

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September 2016 N°114

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No1

MARBELLA

AUTOMOTIVE•ELECTRONIC•DIAGNOSTIC

Computer Problems? we can help....

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Glass Curtains costadelhome.com intelligent property search

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Cooler Nights &Shorter Days..

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Protect Your Home Windows Door Rejas

Protect Your Family Patio Rejas Drive Gates Etc.

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VISIT OUR WEBSITE FOR PRICES & MORE EXTENSIVE CATALOGUE

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GET A WHOLE

load more for your money...

• All advertisers have FREE INCLUSION in the business directory • All advertisers have THEIR OWN PAGE on the Costa Link Magazine website with map & link to their Facebook page, website & lots more...

• All advertisers have FREE INCLUSION in the on-line business directory • NUMBER ONE ‘Costa del Sol magazine’ on Google for over 7 years

PRINT, WEB, SOCIAL MEDIA COSTA LINK MARKETING we are ahead of pack...

tel: 951 254 222 or email: sales@costalinkmagazine.com | w

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K N I L A T S O C with MARKETING

call the costa link team 2 or 663 061 669 m | web: www.costalinkmagazine.com

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Ed’s Note..

Ah, the month of September, when things slowly return too normal on the Costa de Sol. I don’t know if it’s just me but does it seem busier than ever this year… The last few years July has been SOOOOOOOO much hotter than August, although the air conditioning has still been working overtime all month. September has arrived and hopefully along with it those cooler nights ‘we hope’!

The Olympics have now finished, well-done team GB loads of medals! Who knew we were so good on pushbikes???

Finally just to remind you it’s Halloween next month, and only four months to Christmas (where does the time go?)

So if you would like to advertise in the most popular A5 magazine on the Costa del Sol give us a call and we can get you the best deal, we have fantastic offers on advertising at the moment. Keep smiling and have a great month!

in the September Magazine...

???

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Power tools, onesies a self-flying taxi? Check out the Gadgets & Gizmo’s page for all the latest tech…

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It’s a Man’s World:Dangerous women drivers and some advice from dear old dad…

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All revved uo this month: We take a look at last Month’s Pebble Beach 2016 Concours D'elegance.

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What’s On Guide.... A music festival in Gibraltar the Mijas Feria and The International Grape Festival in Manilva plus lots more…

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Solutions on page 80 Puzzle It Out... Puzzles galore challenge those little grey cells.

HOW TO CONTACT US Call: 951 254 222 or 663 061 669 Email: sales@costalinkmagazine.com Website: www.costalinkmagazine.com Facebook: www.facebook.com/costa.link.spain Whatsapp: 663 061 669 or Tweet: @costa_link

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The kids page this month: At the circus, lots of fun - roll up, roll up!

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Business Directory... Can’t find that all-important contact information see page 76.

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Like Us

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Solutions on page 80 Pit your brains against the TRIVIA QUIZ, questions for all ages from 6 -116!

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The Jokes Page: Laugh out loud or get some giggles on page 72!!!

Facebook

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Women’s World: The eight qualities that make for a perfect husband plus lots more…

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No part of this publication, including layout, graphic design or pictures may be copied, SCANNED, used or reproduced without our prior written consent. Costa Link Magazine accepts no responsibility for alterations to events listed, claims made by our advertisers or information provided by our contributors. All rights reserved © 2016. Deposito Legal: MA-228-2007

to advertise in costa link magazine please call 951 254 222 or 663 061 669

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A Woman’s World

ONE FOR THE LADIES...!

It’s the age old adage Women v’s Men…

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilise one egg?

Because not one of them will stop to ask for directions.

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling out your name?

You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.

Why do men name their penises?

Because they don’t like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.

Why do men whistle when they’re sitting on the toilet? Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

What is the difference between man & woman?

A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need.

A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

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qualities that make for the perfect husband...

Brave Intelligent Gentle Polite Energetic Nutty Industrious Sensitive And if all else fails, well... read the CAPITAL LETTERS only!

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HOT GOSS!

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p i s s z i o b G how S

STRICTLY COME DANCING 2016: FULL LINEUP REVEALED…

With a chance of winning the glitterball the contestants for the lineup of Strictly come dancing this year are to include former shadow chancellor Ed Balls, Pop Idol winner Will Young and model Daisy Lowe. Gymnast Claudia Fragapane, presenter Laura Whitmore, presenter Ore Oduba, DJ and presenter Melvin Odoom, former Eternal singer Louise Redknapp, actor Danny Mac, newsreader Naga Munchetty, reality TV’s Judge Rinder and US singer Anastacia are all contestants for the new series. The Launch Show will be landing on BBC One on Saturday 3rd September at 6.50pm WRIGHT V’S DYER OH NO! Mark Wright flooded with DEATH THREATS amid Danny Dyer drama. After a brawl at V Festival last month, Mark Wright and Danny Dyer’s feud has continued to simmer on. After Danny’s fiancée, Jo Mas, took a swipe at Michelle Keegan, it seemed as if we’d seen the worst of this drama – however, the spat has taken a nasty turn as Mark has now received death threats from people on Instagram! It al started back in the glory days of 2012, reports emerged that Mark had landed a role in a British gangster movie alongside Kelly Brook and Danny Dyer. But it seems that Danny wasn't too keen on the idea of the movie world being sullied by reality stars and slagged off his castmates before the project had even started. We have a feeling that this one could run and run...

‘I’LL MARRY MARNIE SIMPSON IN 5 YEARS!’ Who knew the CBB house was a breeding ground for true love? Lewis Bloor has made it clear that despite starting on Celebrity Big Brother, his relationship with Marnie Simpson is anything but – and even said that should their romance last the test of time, he’ll be putting a ring on THAT finger! Will they make it? We’ll have to wait and see ...

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HOT GOSS!

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p i s s z i o b G how S

MICHELLE KEEGAN, HER HUSBAND MARK WRIGHT OR HOLLYWOOD? Michelle has news for Mark - she's heading to the US. But will

he follow her? It hasn’t been the easiest first year of marriage for Mark Wright and Michelle Keegan. Working miles apart and, by their own admission, spending very little time together, the situation is understandably tricky. But, are things about to get even trickier? Michelle is considering a move to Hollywood after being approached by a top producer from Cape town who has worked previously with Idris Elba. She’s working so hard and is massively in demand. So, would Mark stay or go? Only he knows, but one things for sure – Michelle and Mark playing happy families in Essex seems quite a long way off…

BRIBERY ON THE GREAT BRITISH BAKE OFF? Paul Hollywood reveals all…The Great British Bake Off is back and hands up who’s more excited than a kid in a sweet shop! Us too! But smooth man and judge Paul Hollywood has hinted that this years 12 contestants could be the sneakiest ones ever to step foot in that famous tent. So sneaky in fact, that it sounds like there could have been a touch of bribery going in between bakes! Paul said: ‘I’m a massive fan of lime and so is Mary actually and then we get variations of lime in recipes creeping in and I thought, “That’s a bit cynical but OK”. ‘People have learnt when Mary and I prefer…’See, we told you! They are bribing 81-year-old Mary Berry and Paul with limes! A clever ploy we think!

TOWIE’S MICHAEL HASSINI IN TROUBLE... The 21-year-old reality star has landed himself in a bit of a pickle! Last month TOWIE bosses suspended him after drink-driving allegations were flagged to them. Sadly, things could get worse for the Essex womaniser because if it’s proven that Mike was possession of a Class A drug he could face a seven year prison sentence, an unlimited fine, or both.

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Psychology •After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough….once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better. So I thought…Sod it….I’ll soldier on.

• Iris, my sister-in-law, is a long distance lorry driver. She decided to get a dog for protection for the long days and nights that she was away from home.

As she studied a likely candidate, the breeder told her, 'I must warn you that he doesn't like men.''Perfect', Iris thought and promptly bought the dog. Some time later as she was leaving a transport café, two men approached her, in the car park, and Iris watched to see how her new 'bodyguard' would react. It soon became clear that the breeder hadn't been joking, because as the men got closer, the dog ran under the nearest car and hid.

• A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.

She tells the mechanic, "It died." After he works on it for a few minutes, it's idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburettor."She says, "How often do I have to do that?"

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Sun, Sea, Sand & Stripes The seaside look is very popular on the coast and more so in a holiday home. However, endless blue and white stripes, driftwood sculptures and homemade sea shell mirrors might look great in a glossy magazine, getting the look right in your home can be more difficult.

Here are a few tips...

Choose muted seaside colours. It doesn’t always have to be white, blue and red stripes with a few anchor motifs. Why not try a palette of blues/greys and acid yellows or creams, greys and a hint of navy blue or coral. Remember the sand is cream, the sea is blue and if you dive a bit deeper the sea is full of colour. Then add colour with decorative pieces.

Continue the coastal theme with subtle details. Pictures, chunky knitted poufs.

Some storm candles always give a lovely ambience. Maybe a driftwood rickety stool or lamp (on show at White Design Company). Cushions and vintage books create a relaxed atmosphere, they all signify the seaside. But hold back on the handmade seashell decorated mirrors, please.

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I know you are thinking tongue and groove is out but really for this theme it is never old fashioned. Paint it white, chalk white or a pale blue or grey.

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It gives a great beach hut feel. If not for your lounge then consider it in the bathroom or the bedroom. This can also give you a nice shelving area around the room.

Choose an eye-catching piece. If a complete coastal look isn’t for you, try just one or two great details. Fantastic driftwood chandelier, chair and scatter cushions or a nice piece of wall art just to indicate the sea isn’t far away.

Go all out in the children's rooms. Anchors, yachts, oars, sailor stripes still manage to look great for the kids and are great for a unisex look. It’s stylish enough to appeal to the grownups as well while stoking the little ones’ imaginations.

Enjoy the last of the beach weather & don’t forget the cream..

Dilys.

Edif. Butibamba la Cala de Mijas, Mijas Costa email: info@whitedesignco.com | www.whitedesignco.com Tel: 952 494 155 | Mob: 600 583 673 find us on facebook

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Psychology • Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Robert decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So he went to a singles bar and he searched until he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away.

"Right now, I'm just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but within a month or two, my father will pass and I'll inherit over 20 million dollars." The woman went home with Robert. Four days later she became his stepmother.

•Two married friends are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, and I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!" His friend looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's butt and say...

How about some sex?... and she's always sound asleep."

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Costa Rents

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Ooh er missus!

BRITISH HUMOUR IS SOMETIMES MISUNDERSTOOD HERE ARE SOME CLASSICS...These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers: (Allegedly!)

FREE PUPPIES . . .

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER . . .

Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.

Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED . . .

8 years old, Hateful little bugger. Bites!

FREE PUPPIES . . .

Also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!

1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE . . .

Must sell washer and dryer £100.

FOR SALE BY OWNER . . .

Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.

Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

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NO Soggy Bottoms here mark thought!

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TRIVIA QUIZ

1) What is the purest form of carbon?

2) Which colour featured in the title of Whoopi Goldberg’s first feature film?

3) To which country do the Galapagos Islands belong?

4) Which Ex-England Rugby Union player married into the royal family?

5) Which number cubed is 8?

6) Which sit-com and now film has characters called Saffron and Bubble?

7) On which part of your body would a cataract form?

8) What is the capital of Malta?

9) In the movie Frankenstein, which part did Boris Karloff play?

10) Who had a hit with ‘Winner Takes it All’?

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11) In which month do we traditionally celebrate Halloween?

12) Which children’s publisher has a red and black animal as it’s logo?

13) How many hurdles must each runner jump in a 400 metres hurdle race?

14) From which novel by George Orwell does the reality show "Big Brother" get its name?

15) What is the outer edge of a circle more commonly known as?

16) What Latin word means "Things to be done"?

17) Which country was the first to put a man in space?

18) Who had a hit with ‘Money for nothing’?

19) Who made the ‘Astra’ car?

20) Who was the lead singer with the Police?

21) Who did Doctor Crippen murder?

22) What type of dog was Rin Tin Tin? 23) Which is the largest of the Balearic Islands?

24) What was the name of the bumbling French Detective in the Pink Panther films?

25) Which newspaper was founded in the 1980’s and dissolved in the 1990’s?

26) In which part of the body would you find the stapes?

27) Which Ben E King song went to Number one 25 years after it was first released?

28) What is the largest island in the Mediterranean?

Answers on page 80

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Out of the funnyoffice... auto responses!

1) I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.

2) I am out of the office from mm/dd to mm/dd and will not be checking email. It’s likely your note will be swallowed in a sea of inbox banality, never to be seen again. If you require a response, please re-send your email after mm/dd.

3) On holiday. Hoping to win the lottery and never return.

4) I am away from the office right now.

Unfortunately, I will be back tomorrow.

5) If you’re reading this, Doc Brown was unable to make lightning strike the clock tower, and I’m stuck in 1985. I won’t be able to respond to emails or voicemail until 9ish on mm/dd, or until email is invented… whatever comes first.

6) I am currently out of the office. I have a mobile phone, but I will not be giving the number out. If you can guess the number, however, I will take your call.

7) I am out of office and returning next week.

I have incredibly easy access to a phone and email, but I assure you it will not be used for work purposes.

8) I will be out of the office from… until... without access to email. If this is an emergency, call 999.

9) I will be away from work for one week while training. When I return, don't expect any improvement.

10) I’m not in the office right now but if it’s important, tweet me using #YOUAREINTERRUPTINGMYHOLIDAY. 11) I am on annual leave until dd/mm/yyyy. I will allow each sender one email and if you send me multiple emails, I will randomly delete your emails until there is only one remaining. Choose wisely. Please note that you already sent me one email.

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Out of the funnyoffice... auto responses!

12) You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, 17) I’ve run away to join a different circus. chances are you wouldn't have received any18) On a beach, no laptop, no iPhone. Back thing at all. [date].

13) I am currently out of the office and probably out-of-my-mind drunk. Enjoy your work- 19) If your questions or concerns are not immediate, you might want to ask yourself week. why you emailed me in the first place.

14) I’m sorry, I can’t reply right now. I’m not away but I’m just hiding from someone, pre- 20) I will be out of the office for the next 2 tending I’m away. If it’s not you I’m running weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ‘Loretta’ instead of away from, I’ll reply to your email.

‘Steve’ 15) I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return 21) I’m not really out of the office. I’m just from holiday on 11th June. Please be patient ignoring you. and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

16) Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system… You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 13 weeks.

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GADGETS &Gizmo’s Huawei Flagship phone the P9 has just got better - the P9 Plus is slightly bigger, gaining a pressure-sensitive screen similar to the iPhone 6s. Apps open shortcuts, you can go to the selfie camera, speed dial a favourite contact, or make a calendar appointment without having to dig through a load of menus first. It boosts brightness when you're outdoors, and the two 12 MP cameras, (one takes colour photos and the other is strictly black and white) cope better with low light, when combined, leave your photos looking sharper than they would have done with just one.

Netgear’s latest product: a WiFi system called Orbi. A router and a satellite that the company says will cover up to 4,000 square feet together relieving most homes of WiFi blackouts. With a tri-band mesh system that dedicates one channel to extending the internet from the router to the satellite while keeping the other two free for your other devices' connections. A halo at the top of the satellite glows magenta, amber or blue. Respectively, to indicate the strength of the range the router and satellite come with four Gigabit ethernet ports and a USB 2.0 jack on the rear. You'll also get parental controls that let you blacklist or whitelist specific websites.

Nikon have now released their new D3400. The entry-level DSLR with 24.2-megapixels and improved auto white balance performance and better image quality in low-light scenarios. It also boasts an ISO range of 100-25,600, 11-point autofocus system, 5-fps continuous shooting and 1080p video at up to 60 fps, and it also comes with SnapBridge connectivity to transfer pictures remotely to a smartphone or tablet.

According to a report from the organizers of the 2020 in Tokyo games they are thinking about using recycled electronics to forge the next summer games' Olympic gold, silver and bronze medals. They think they can source enough gold, silver and copper from Japan's "urban mine."

Currently Japan's electronic recycling produces more than enough precious medal each year to forge the Olympic prizes, but most of that material is already being used to create yet more electronics.

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All the latest in the world of tech and gaming...

Crafting with CNC mills, routers and other power tools can be difficult. You'll frequently want a template, and it's easy to mess up a cut without a steady hand. So Shaper has released The Origin, an augmented reality power cutter. All you need to get started is a set of visual markers ("ShaperTape") the Origin will not only show you where to cut on its screen thanks to these markers, but automatically correct your cut or retract the bit if you're veering off-course.

For serious couch potatoes, Microsoft has the Xbox Onesie, it's an adult-sized pair of zip-up pajamas packed to the seams with purpose-built, Xbox-themed oversized pockets for gamepads and remotes, an arm pouch for your phone and a giant hood that shouldn't interfere with even the bulkiest of headphones. Unfortunately the Xbox Onesie is an Australia-only item for now.

A self-flying taxi??? The Airbus "Vahana" project, aimed at creating an autonomous passenger drone network, and thinks testing can begin as early as 2017. Users arriving at, say, an airport would book a seat on a so-called zenHop "CityAirbus" drone, and then proceed to a "zenHub" helipad, according to the concept. They'd be flown to their destination for about the same cost as a taxi, since several passengers would share the ride.

Whyd’s stylish cylinder kicks out a fair bit of boom, courtesy of 4 drivers and a dedicated 100m subwoofer, The audio ace combines streaming like of Bose and Sonos, with voice control and has an interface on top. It connects with Wi-Fi, AirPlay and Bluetooth and 5 noise-cancelling microphones pick up commands from up to 5 metres away. If you prefer things a little more tactile, its glass touch panel offers tap-to-change controls, where a swipe skips a song and two fingers pump up the volume.

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your MIND ownB BUSI

H T N O M E H T F BUSINESS O Lovely Popular Bar in Elviria

This lovely, popular bar, situated in a busy commercial centre on the outskirts of Marbella in Elviria amongst, other bars, shops restaurants and offices with easy parking. It has an extremely loyal and regular clientele and has been running for four years having been completely reformed before opening.

IA R I V L E â‚Ź 0 0 .0 7 4 www.business-sales-spain.com Telephone: 951 254 222 Mobile: 663 061 669 info@business-sales-spain.com

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September 2016 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 25/08/16 3:40 pm Page 38

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Advertising your business for s NO up front fees NO hidden charges

Pool Table and Vending Machine Business Established 30 Years 600.000€

They supply pool tables and accessories, bar billiard and other game tables and also have dartboards and vending machines.

Printers Specialising in T-shirts, Signs & Promotional Items. 22.000€

Established on the Costa del Sol for 16 years.

Top quality machinery that has been kept in good condition.

Choice of 2 FANTASTIC Restaurants 30.000€ - 190.000€ Between San Pedro and Estepona.

Both with VERY HIGH ratings on Tripadvisor...

Ink Cartridge Refill Shop in Mijas 42.500€

This well known shop is part of an international group of franchises and has been established in it's own right for five years.

This is a highly profitable business.

www.business-sales-spain.com Telephone: 951 254 222 Mobile: 663 061 669 info@business-sales-spain.com

September 2016 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 25/08/16 3:40 pm Page 39

BUSINESS S I N E S S

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R E N TA L S

for sale in Spain and the UK NO advertising fees NO sale - NO fee

Popular Bar in High Profile Position In La Cala De Mijas 25.000€

Great location - highly visible from the main N340/A7.

There are two terraces, one has all round toldos.

Ex-Pat Magazine 50.000€

Fun, social business - The Magazine has proved successful and is funded entirely by advertising. Covering from Torremolinos to Sabinillas and inland in areas such as Alhaurin, Coin and Alora.

Bar Sales Company: 145.000€

This is an excellent opportunity to acquire an established family run business in a busy sunshine resort on the Costa Del Sol. With a constant flow of new enquiries for bars.

WANTEDChoice - Property of 2 Management from 35.000€Company We have recently sold yet another Car Body Shop & Sprayers, Marbella:

PROPERTY MANAGEMENT COMPANY business and we have Both in great locations in Marbella from 35.000€ buyers for a similar business...

WE URGENTLY NEED MORE BUSINESSES FOR SALE To receive updates on all new instructions go to: www.facebook.com/business.sales.spain and press like.

September 2016 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 25/08/16 3:40 pm Page 40

What’s lurking in your fridge?

THE SINGLE MANS GUIDE TO STORING FOOD.... Have you ever opened the fridge and found a number of items that you can’t quite determine what they started as? Has the milk or an opened can of beans deteriorated to the point in which it is not edible to humans, here are a few quick checks you can carry out to see if you can still eat it!

THE GAG TEST: Anything that makes you gag on inspection is off and should not be eaten.

EGGS: When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.

DAIRY PRODUCTS: Milk is off when it starts to look like yoghurt. Yoghurt is off when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is off when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but gone off milk anyway and can't get any more off than it is already. Cheddar cheese is off when you think it is blue cheese but you realise you've never purchased blue cheese in the first place.

FROZEN FOODS: Frozen foods that have become glued to your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled (or will be) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.

EXPIRATION DATES: This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly good food so that you'll spend more on groceries.

MEAT: If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat went off a while ago.

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September 2016 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 25/08/16 3:41 pm Page 41

at La Peña Canina Live Music

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September 2016 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 25/08/16 3:41 pm Page 42

September 2016 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 25/08/16 3:41 pm Page 43

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What’s lurking in your fridge?

CONTINUED! THE SINGLE MANS GUIDE TO STORING FOOD.... Have you ever opened the fridge and found a number of items that you can’t quite determine what they started as?

Has the milk or an opened can of beans deteriorated to the point in which it is not edible to humans, here are a few quick checks you can carry out to see if you can still eat it!

BREAD: Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable "spots" that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy-looking white or green growth areas are a good indication that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment.

FLOUR: Flour is off when it wiggles. SALT: Never goes off.

CANNED GOODS: Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a tennis ball should be disposed of. Carefully.

RAISINS, SULTANAS & DRIED FRUIT: Raisins sultanas and dried fruit should not be harder than your teeth.

POTATOES: Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or any other leafy undergrowth.

DIP’S: If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad.

UNMARKED CONTAINERS: You know it is well beyond prime when you're tempted to discard the Tupperware along with the food. Generally speaking, Tupperware containers should not burp or bubble over when you open them.

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September 2016 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 25/08/16 3:41 pm Page 46

A Man’s World

DANGER WHILST DRVING...

Driving to work this morning in the fast lane of the motorway, I looked in the fast lane of the motorway, I looked over to my right and there was this woman in a brand new Jaguar doing just 50 kph, with her face right up to the rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner. I looked away for a couple of seconds and when I looked back, she was halfway over into my lane, still working on that makeup. As a man, I don’t scare that easily but she scared me so much that: I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the toast straight out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car with my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my mobile phone away from my ear, which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed and soaked my trousers, ruined the phone and disconnected a very important call.

DAMN THOSE STUPID WOMEN DRIVERS!

ADVICE FROM DAD…

A boy is about to go on his first date and is nervous about what to talk about, so he asks his father for advice. “Son, there are three subjects that always work on the ladies: Food, family and philosophy.” On the date, there is silence until the lad remembers his fathers advice and asks the girl, “Do you like spinach?’ She says “No” and the silence returns. After a few more minutes, the boy tries his father’s advice and asks the girl, “Do you have a brother?” Again, the girl says “No” and there is silence once more. The boy plays his last card. He thinks of his father’s advice and

ON THE STAGE...

A young lad gets home from school and says: “Dad. I’ve got a part in the school play as a man who’s been married for 25 years.” His dad replies, “Never mind Son, maybe next time you’ll get a speaking part.”asks the girl the following question: “If you had a brother, would he like spinach?”

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September 2016 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 25/08/16 3:41 pm Page 47

The Brit Pack HD Satellite Systems m FroTHE

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Medical Tips

September 2016 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 25/08/16 3:42 pm Page 48

HEADACHES

Lots of people get headaches regularly, making them one of the most common health complaints. But most aren't serious and are easily treated.

In many cases, you can treat your headaches at home with over-the-counter painkillers and lifestyle changes, such as getting more rest and drinking enough fluids. However, it's a good idea to see your Doctor if your headaches aren't relieved by over-the-counter treatments, or if they're so painful or frequent that they affect your daily activities or are causing you to miss work. Some of the main types of headaches and common causes of headaches are described below.

CLUSTER HEADACHES

Cluster headaches are a rare type of headache that occur in clusters for a month or two at a time around the same time of year.

They’re excruciatingly painful, causing intense pain around one eye, and often occur with other symptoms, such as a watering or red eye and a blocked or runny nose. Pharmacy medications don't ease the symptoms of a cluster headache, but a doctor can prescribe specific treatments to ease the pain and help prevent further attacks.

MIGRAINES & CHRONIC MIGRAINES

SINUS HEADACHE

Migraines are less common than tension headaches. They're usually felt as a severe, throbbing pain at the front or side of the head.

Some people also have other symptoms, such as nausea, vomiting and increased sensitivity to light or sound. They usually last at least a couple of hours, and some people find they need to stay in bed for days at a time. Most people can treat their migraines successfully with over-the-counter medication. But if they're severe, you may need stronger medication that's only available on prescription. This may be able to relieve and prevent your migraines. A chronic migraine definition is more than 15 headaches days per month over a 3 month period of which more than eight are migrainous, in the absence of medication over use.

painkillers such as paracetamol and ibuprofen. Lifestyle changes, such as getting regular sleep, reducing stress Usually brought on by a cold or flu these are very com- and staying well hydrated, may also help. mon and usually clear up within a week or two. If you're otherwise fit and healthy, there's usually no need to see COULD IT BE SOMETHING SERIOUS? a doctor if you have cold or flu-like symptoms. The best In the vast majority of cases, a headache isn't a sign of a remedy is to rest at home, keep warm and drink plenty serious problem. A headache is more likely to be serious if: of water to avoid dehydration. You can take paracetamol •It occurs suddenly and is very severe – often described as a blinding pain unlike anything experienced before. or ibuprofen if necessary.

•it doesn't go away and gets worse over time.

TENSION HEADACHES •It occurs after a severe head injury.

Tension headaches are the most common type of •It's triggered suddenly by coughing, laughing, sneezing, headache and are what we think of as normal, "every- changes in posture, or physical exertion. day" headaches. They feel like a constant ache that • You have symptoms suggesting a problem with your affects both sides of the head, as though a tight band is brain or nervous system, including weakness, slurred stretched around it. A tension headache normally won't speech, confusion, memory loss, and drowsiness be severe enough to prevent you doing everyday activi- •You have additional symptoms, such as a high temperties. They usually last for 30 minutes to several hours, ature (fever), a stiff neck, a rash, jaw pain while chewing, but can last for several days. The exact cause is unclear, vision problems, a sore scalp, or severe pain and redbut tension headaches have been linked to things such ness in one of your eyes If you're concerned that your as stress, poor posture, skipping meals and dehydration. headache might be serious, you should seek immediate Tension headaches can usually be treated with ordinary medical advice.

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CHECK OUT... Our website at www.costalinkmagazine.com for lots more Medical Tips!

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Health & Well Being

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HAVING A LARGE WAIST CAN KNOCK AROUND 5 YEARS OFF YOUR LIFE…

EVEN IF YOUR BMI IS HEALTHY...

• A large waist increases risk of heart disease, breathing problems and cancer • Men with waists above 43ins have about a three-year lower life expectancy • Women with waists above 37ins have about a five-year lower life expectancy

HAVING A LARGE WAIST CAN KNOCK YEARS OFF YOUR LIFE: Even if your body mass index is healthy, scientists have warned. A study found that men and women with large waist circumferences are more likely to die young than those with small waists. They were also more likely to die from illnesses such as heart disease, respiratory problems, and cancer after accounting for body mass index, smoking, alcohol use and physical activity. The researchers, from the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota, pooled data from 11 different studies, including more than 600,000 people from around the world.

They found men with waist’s 43ins or greater in circumference had a 50 per cent higher mortality rate than men with waists less than 35ins. This translated to about a three year lower life expectancy after the age of 40. Women with a waist circumference of 37ins or greater had about an 80 per cent higher risk of early death than 50

those with a waist circumference of 27ins or less. After the age of 40, this took around five years off life expectancy.

Importantly, risk increased in a linear fashion such that for every two inches of greater circumference, mortality risk went up about seven per cent in men and about nine per cent in women. Another key finding was that the results were observed at all levels of BMI, even among people who had normal BMI levels. Because of the large size of this pooled study, researchers were able to clearly show the independent contribution of waist circumference after accounting for BMI. For those of you out there who have a large waist, trimming down even a few inches, through exercise and diet, could have important health benefits.

CHECK OUT... our website at www.costalinkmagazine.com for more health & wellbeing features

September 2016 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 25/08/16 3:44 pm Page 51

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September 2016 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 25/08/16 3:44 pm Page 52

Medical Mayhem

A Terrible Mix-Up: Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results. The lab tech says to him, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible." "What do you mean?"

"Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer's disease and the other for Herpes. We can't tell which is your wife."

"That's terrible! Can we do the test again?" asked Mr. Smith.

"Normally, yes. But you don’t have full medical insurance, and they won't pay for these expensive tests more than once." "Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The insurance company recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don't sleep with her."

Urine Sample: One day an Irishman goes into a pharmacy - reaches into his pocket and takes out a small Irish whiskey bottle and a teaspoon. He pours some whiskey onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist. "Could you taste this for me, please?"

The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it.

"Does that taste sweet to you?" says Paddy. "No, not at all," says the chemist.

"Oh that's a relief, “says Paddy."

“The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar.”

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ALL REVVED UP

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PEBBLE BEACH...

Last Month’s Pebble Beach Concours D'elegance was one to be remembered, we take a look at some of the concepts that were unveiled on the famous lawn and are expected to go into production.

Lamborghini are celebrating the 100th birthday of Ferruccio Lamborghini, The Centenario Roadster LP-770-4, Based on the Aventador, Naturally-aspirated it produces 759 bhp, with 0-60 mph in 2.8 seconds.

The new Cadillac Escala Concept looks lovely, its sweeping roofline is both aggressive and elegant. And with a 4.2 litre twin-turbocharged V8, this isn’t your Granddad’s Caddy.

The Vision Mercedes-Maybach 6 is a throwback to sports cars of a bygone era. It’s also packed with impressive technology. While it’s retro on the outside, it’s completely futuristic underneath the skin. Four electric motors combine to make 750 bhp, it could be the most powerful production electric car in the world.

Lister unveiled its recreation of their Knobbly as raced by Stirling Moss in the 1950’s. With none of the original works cars still surviving, Lister will build 10 cars.

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Aston Martin Vanquish Zagato Volante is the latest creation from a collaboration that reaches back over nearly six decades, beginning with the beautifully muscular DB4 GT Zagato race car of 1960 and includes the DB7 Vantage Zagato of 2002, 2011’s V12 Vantage Zagato and the most recent Vanquish Zagato Coupe announced earlier this year with all of them selling in just 33 days. Just 99 will be built – so get your 750.000€ ready……

September 2016 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 25/08/16 3:45 pm Page 55

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September 2016 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 25/08/16 3:45 pm Page 56

Pears with Parma Ham & Goat's Cheese Ingredients:

•8 slices of Parma ham •4 handfuls of mixed salad leaves •50g walnut halves, dry-fried •200g soft goat’s cheese •Edible flowers (optional) For the spiced pears •4 pears, peeled but stalks left on, with a slice removed from the base

•1ltr (1¾pt) perry or pear cider •6 cloves •1 Cinnamon stick •8 Cardamom pods •A small sprig of rosemary •2tbsp clear honey For the dressing •1tsp Dijon mustard •Juice of ½ a lemon •5tbsp extra-virgin olive oil •1tbsp flaxseed oil •5 Sprigs of mint, leaves chopped •Sea salt & black pepper

Method:

1) Preheat the oven to 180°C/fan 160°C/gas 4.

Put the ingredients for the pears in a heavy-based pan over a medium heat and bring to the boil. Turn down the heat, cover and simmer gently for 20-30 minutes until the pears are tender when pierced with a thin skewer. Meanwhile, lightly oil a wire rack, lay the Parma ham on it, put the rack on a baking tray and roast in the oven for 3-4 minutes until golden and crisp – don’t let it burn. Set aside. When the pears are cooked, let them cool in the pan then remove and set aside. Pass the liquid through a sieve into a bowl, then pour it back into the pan and heat it to reduce until you have about 75ml (2½fl oz) liquid left. Pour this into a small mixing bowl and put to one side.

2) To serve, divide the salad leaves between the plates, place a pear in the centre of each and add the ham, walnuts and goat’s cheese. For the dressing, add the Dijon mustard, lemon juice, oils and mint to the reduced pear juice and whisk. Season and drizzle over the pears and salad leaves. Add a few borage flowers to each plate, if using, then serve.

Harry’s Sports Bar

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Sunday roast and homemade tapas.

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September 2016 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 25/08/16 3:45 pm Page 57

Stran

Strange Strangebuttrue...

September 2016 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 25/08/16 3:45 pm Page 58

STRANGE WAYS TO CURE YOURSELF! Continued from last month... The major medical studies grab the spotlight in the media, but some of the best solutions to health problems are simple, little, and often unusual things. Check out this list to see how easy it can be to cure yourself.

a plaster. Believe it or not, honey has powerful antibacterial properties. A recent study found that it was capable of destroying almost all strains of the most common wound-infecting bacteria.

CALL DR. PEPPER: Next time you cut yourself in the kitchen, reach for the black pepper.

Run cold water over the wound to clean it, using soap if you were handling meat. Then sprinkle on the pepper and apply pressure. In no time, the bleeding will stop. Turns out, GET BETTER POSTURE WHILST DRIVING: black pepper has analgesic, antibacterial, and Pretend someone poured a cold drink down antiseptic properties. your back notice how your shoulders pull HAIR TODAY: If you're prone to allergies and back and your spine curves? That's the posi- have a Moustache, wash it twice a day with tion your back should be in when you're liquid soap. One study found that patients rolling down the N340. who did this used fewer antihistamines and DISINFECT A WOUND: With Honey Pour a decongestants. The reason: Cleaning got rid dab of honey on a cut before covering it with of stuck pollen grains.

KEEP THE NERVES AT BAY: If you get claustrophobic in small spaces such as underground, lifts, and that cupboard etc, visit your local fruit shop. A sniff of green apple may help relieve claustrophobic sensations.

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September 2016 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 25/08/16 3:45 pm Page 59

September 2016 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 25/08/16 3:45 pm Page 60

FINANCIAL NEWS The Euro & World Round Up

THE REPERCUSSIONS OF THE BREXIT CONTINUE

Last month HSBC Holdings Plc and UBS Group AG have indicated the future is not bright for the UK due to the ‘Brexit’ and they both believe GBPEUR exchange rates will reach parity at some stage next year. For people buying euros this should ring alarm bells where as euros sellers should feel there are extra pounds to be made. Conversely Lloyds are predicting a Sterling rally and so the uncertainty continues.

Just as the UK economy was recovering following the worst financial crisis in living memory we have a referendum, which has of course knocked confidence and no leaves us with plenty of uncertainty up ahead. It is far to early to be calling Brexit good or bad since we just

60

don’t know what it is at present.

For now the UK economy is ticking along nicely, it is growing, people have jobs and they are confident to be spending their hard earned cash as it has been a lovely summer. As I have repeatedly said however we cannot (unfortunately) rely on the weather to support the economy, still with the Olympic glory still fresh in everyone’s minds let us keep positive.

On the subject of Referendums Owen Smith the prospective Labour candidate has stated he will be looking to call another Referendum before invoking Article 50, putting the new deal to the test of a public vote. Owen Smith the potential future Labour leader has made this call as part

of his campaign to be the new Labour leader. So far this is not wholly likely but the prospect remains.

It is important to note that Ian McCafferty a member of the monetary policy committee has indicated that if UK data continues to come in below expectations than further monetary easing will be initiated.

Speculators have been scrambling for a stable currency to invest in, but of course, the Pound has not been high on their list of stable currencies and as a consequence the severe fall on demand for Sterling sees its value plummet.

And so the uncertainty continues…

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What’s On Guide...

Until September 15th 2016: Art in the Street - On the walls near the Museo del Grabado in Marbella and La Plaza de la Libertad in San Pedro de Alcántara. The walls will show the works of 23 Andalucian artists. There are 46 images (23 in each location – 2 per artist).

September 1st 2016: Dia Tourista, Tourist Day: A gift to the tourists who have come to the Costa del Sol since the 50’s. Up and down the coast the biggest is in Torremolinos the beaches will host folk performances, gastronomy and lots of fun for everyone from 2pm.

September 3rd & 4th 2016: The best of 70’s & 80’S Rock: The line-up for this evening of great rock music starts with Terry Shaughnessy of the band “The Universal”. Headlining the concert is the hugely popular Stereo 80. For more information please .call 952 66 18 19 September 3rd & 4th 2016: Music Festival Gibraltar: With loads of world-class artists such as Travis, Bryan Ferry, Jess Glynne, Zara Larsoon, Europe and All Saints to name but a few it is no wonder the Music Festival was nominated in 2015 for “Best Overseas Festival” award at the UK Music Festival Awards. For more information see: www.gibraltarmusicfestival.com.

4th to the 6th September 2016: The International Grape Festival of Manilva. Every year, on the first weekend in September, Manilva celebrates its annual grape harvest. This festival was founded in the early ’60s and has become an important part of the local calendar, drawing in visitors from all across the region.

6th to the 11th September 2016: The Mijas Feria. A huge choice of food and drink stalls circle the main square, with live entertainment being held in the centre. You´ll see plenty of people dressed in traditional feria clothing, and is a great time to visit the village and see the fusion of traditional culture and modern entertainment.

September 10th to 15th 2016: Salvador Dalí Exhibition: This Exhibition shows a mixture of vanguard and tradition throughout his work.Centro Cultural Miraflores - Calle José Luis Morales Marin, Marbella for more information call 952 902 714.

Every Monday: Age Care Drop In where people can chat, share experiences and find out about living in Spain at La Iglesia Bar, near Bonanza Square, Benalmadena Costa 11am -12.30pm.

Every Monday: Arts and Crafts Fair in Benahavis at 8pm in the Main Square in Benahavis.

Every Monday: Age Concern Drop In for a coffee and a chat at The Captain’s bar Urb. Las Adelfas No. 11 from 11.30am to 1.00pm.

Every Tuesday: The Costa Women Coffee Club meet every second Tuesday at 10am – 12.30pm for coffee, chats and other activities and is a social group designed to get ladies of all ages together. It’s best to join the group via Facebook or contact Emma on 608 408 771.

Every Tuesday: Age Care Coffee Morning at the Baptist Church, Calahonda, where people can chat, share experiences & take part in a variety of activities. Tel: 952 933 409 for info. 11 am – 1 pm.

Every Tuesday: Age Concern meet at the Manila bar in Los Boliches, next to the Yaramar hotel for Spanish lessons in the afternoon from 3.00pm until 3.45pm. Lifeline 652 537 615.

Every Wednesday: Age Care Drop In where people can chat, share experiences and find out about living in Spain held in Fuengirola at the Bar Salon Varietes. 11am -12.30pm.

Every Thursday: Age Concern meet at the Manila bar in Los Boliches, next to the Yaramar hotel for advice, support and friendship from 11.00am until 1.00pm. Pop in and meet new people and make new friends. Lifeline 652 537 615.

Every Thursday: Age Care Drop In where people can chat, share experiences and find out about living in Spain held in The Pensioner's Bar, Paseo Maritimo La Cala from 11am-12.30pm.

Every Thursday: Market at Calypso, Calahonda.

Every Thursday: Flea Market from 9am next to Aldi in Las Lagunas, plenty of parking.

Every Thursday: Market at Calypso, Calahonda.

Every Friday: Age Concern meet at El Caballo de Oro in La Cala from 11.30 until 1.00pm. In the main square behind Supersol. Advice, support and friendship. Lifeline 652 537 615.

Every Sunday: FAMA have a car boot sale at the Hippodrome from 9am - 2pm.

Every Sunday: Craft Market in the Marbella Marina on the Teresa Zabell Pier: 12-6pm.

62

If you have an event, fundraiser or anything else please let us know... email: editor@costalinkmagazine.com phone: 951 216 131 or 663 061 669

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September 2016 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 25/08/16 3:47 pm Page 64

ocal Info Emergency Numbers

---

Central number for Fire, Police & Ambulance National Police Local Police Guardia Civil dica

Medical

112 091 092 062

Emergency 061 Ambulance Marbella 902 505 061 Ambulance Coin 952 453 267

Train Timetables 902 240 202 Airports Malaga 952 048 844 Gibraltar 956 773 026

Health Centres

Marbella 952 769 946 Coin 952 452 767 San Pedro 952 787 700

Town Halls

Marbella 952 761 100 San Pedro 952 453 020 La Cala de Mijas 952 493 208 Fuengirola 952 589 300 Estepona 952 801 100

Fire Brigade

Emergency number 080 Marbella 952 774 349 Estepona 952 804 483 Fuengirola 952 461 046

Consulates

British Ireland Denmark Sweden Germany France U.S.A

952 952 952 952 952 952 952

Marbella Coin Estepona Fuengirola San Pedro

952 771 442 952 822 818 952 822 818 952 467 457 952 785 252

352 475 226 604 212 226 474

300 108 373 383 442 590 891

Tourist Information

64

Transport

Bus Stations Marbella 952 764 400 Coin 952 450 366 San Pedro 952 781 396 Estepona 952 800249 For a list of complete times www.andalucia.com/travel/bus

Markets

Monday - Marbella (fairground site on east side) Tuesday - Fuengirola (fairground near Los Boliches) Wednesday -Estepona (Avda.

Juan Carlos) La Cala - Feria ground.

Thursday - San Pedro (Recinto Ferial) Calypso (Mijas Costa).

Alhaurin el Grande - (La Fama) Saturday - Coin (Calle Urbano Pineda) & Nueva Andalucia (Next to Centro Plaza the Bullring).

La Cala - Feria ground.

Sunday - Puerto Estepona (Marina).

Cinemas

All the Cinemas listed below show films in English as well as Spanish. Call first to check what is showing that week.

Marbella: Cinesur Plaza del Mar 952 766 941 La Cañada 902 333 231 Puerto Banus: Gran Marbella 952 810 077 Coin: La Trocha 951 315 039 Fuengirola Cinesur Miramar 902 221 622

Chemists

24 hour chemist Urb. Artola, Ctra. Cadiz Km 194. Marbella.

Tel: 952 83 25 89

Taxis

Marbella Taxis 952 774 488 Mijas Costa Taxis 952 476 593

Diary Dates

1st September 2016: Dia del Tourista many towns on the Costa del Sol celebrate with traditional dress, dancing and cuisine.

6th - 11th September 2016: The Mijas Feria.

8th September 2016: Mijas “Virgin of the rock”. Public Holiday in September with many religious processions.

check out our website www.costalinkmagazine.com for cinema listings in VOSE

September 2016 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 25/08/16 3:47 pm Page 65

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September 2016 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 25/08/16 3:47 pm Page 66

S TA R S I GN S

A look at what's in store for you during September 2016...

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

Aries

Taurus

Gemini 66

Capricorn, September 2016 is not a serene month for you with Venus and Mars in your sign bringing with them a stressful situation or a conflict regarding money? Your partner's finances or investments could become of acute interest, but also the reason for indisposition or quarrels. Your professional life is very variable this month. On the one hand things become clearer, on the other they get complicated. Venus resumes its direct motion, and Mercury begins a retrograde motion. That means change, going back on decisions, re-emergences, delays and difficulties. Relax and take one issue at a time, with patience and calm!

Money is of great interest in September 2016. An upsetting situation is about to be resolved because Venus resumes its direct motion. But Mars could push you toward all kinds of initiatives, sometimes-risky ones.

Aquarius, Venus, planet of love, resumes its direct motion in your sign on September 9th 2016.

Any potential complications or delays that have appeared recently will slowly ebb away. You now have a clearer picture of things and you realise what you want and what's to be done with more clarity. On September 18th 2016, things will change at work you have been under a lot of pressure during the last few years. Now you enter a new phase, productive but more relaxed, that will continue until end of 2017. You may be a little gullible at this time don't get yourself in debt, don't overspend and stay away from people trying to make a quick buck! You still feel acutely stressed in September 2016, but starting next month you'll begin to relax visibly. It's important to avoid excesses, not to worry about minor things, and to keep relationships with others harmonious. This will help you balance your energies.

Pisces, Jupiter brings high hopes and has a lot to offer you this month; it has recently entered your sign, where it will stay for a year. It is considered a bringer of happiness and fulfillment. Though the start of the month will see it in retrograde just for one week at this time there's a risk that your partner will pull back or that you will discover something you don’t like. Professionally September 2016 will be a busy time, you’ll work under pressure, but your efforts are well rewarded and you will enjoy what you do. The financial aspect is marked by Mercury's retrograde motion in September 2016; you'd be better off spending moderately and putting some money aside. You’ll pay a lot of attention and dedicate a lot of energy to health, taking care of your body. You will have a lot of responsibilities hanging over your head this month.

You should focus on what's essential and not get involved in too many things.

Aries, on September the 9th 2016, enters your sign where it will stay until October 2017. You’re in for a year (and more!) of doors opening and lots of opportunities. If you are in a relationship Jupiter makes it blossom, or if you are single it could bring you a new love, if that’s what you’re looking for. Also Venus, the planet of love – crosses your path this month. Expect a happy month, with an exceptionally joyful interval between 9th and 23rd. On the work front Jupiter’s foretells thirteen months of opportunities regards your career. It’s the beginning of a new prosperous phase for you. You’ll work a lot and things won’t go without complications. The good news is that toward end of September 2016 Mars, ruler of Aries, exits a tight spot in which it has staid for almost nine months due to the retrograde motion. You’ve learned a lesson and new perspectives open up.

Taurus, September 2016 looks to be rather complicated for you. On the one side, the Sun’s transit through your sign will give you great opportunities to meet a new love. On the other, Mercury is in retrograde, and it could lead to disappointments. Things don’t really go according to plan. On the work front Jupiter enters your sign on September the 9th 2016 where it will stay until October 2017, assuring you’ll have 13 months of work being a pleasure not a chore as usually! If you fancy looking for a new job then now is a great time, you’ll be lucky and what ever you find will be a great improvement your current one. In regard to finances, the end of September 2016 sees an end to a period that for you has meant pressure or big complications. Until then though through,you should be careful with money. This month is a great time to get creative get out doors make the most of the rest of the summer!

Gemini, September 2016 comes with good news for you: On the 9th, Jupiter, enters your sign this transit will last until October 2017, expect the next year or so to be passionate and full of favorable circumstances. September 2016 is a month full of flirting and flings. If you are in a relationship you could risk going through a few tensions, because, Mars and Saturn are butting heads! Expect sparks to fly. On the work and finance front Mercury’s influences in retrograde motion you might find work a slog and have a hard time focusing and have some trouble getting organised. Despite all that, you can succeed eventually, thanks to your talent and luck. You’re in good shape, but are going though a pretty stressful term. You’re in good shape, but are going though a pretty stressful term.

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Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Cancer, September 2016 is going to be a great month for you! Happiness radiates throughout the month. Mars is in your sign this month and is very much concerned with work and responsibilities.

If you are in a relationship then the focus this month is very much towards the value and comfort of your home, to acquiring goods or to enhancing your family’s wealth. On the work and finance front Mars and Saturn are in your sign bringing with them too many obligations you don’t really have time to take a break.

The tasks are too many, urgent or difficult. But keep your head down because efforts start to offer results.

Try to stop rushing about and be calm; you should keep yourself safe from any unwanted effects of excesses, rush and carelessness.

Leo, basically September 2016 is the same as August not much going on or changing. You’re dealing with the same Mars-Saturn combo in your sign. It’s still a passionate time and true love could mean taking a few chances. But tension slowly ebbs away as Mars gets further from Saturn. During September 2016, luck in love comes through words (written or spoken), you could meet it while away or someone who shares your intellectual or spiritual interests. At work you are not that bothered by grand ambitions, your path is somehow smooth so, by and large, you’re satisfied with results from what you do. Most opportunities seem to arise during the second week of the month and beginning of the third. Success to you this month is more to be found in projects on the home front. Leave major financial decisions for the third week of the month, if you can!

Virgo, Jupiter leaves your sign on on September 9th 2016 and enters Libra. Your relationships tend to become more harmonious. But September 2016 is not without surprises the Moon eclipse on the 16th of the month, promises unexpected events. There is good on the work and finance front Jupiter, from the September 9th 2016, promising more than a year of prosperity. Financial opportunities could materialise from nowhere. Also with the Sun in Virgo, you assert yourself easily, you stand out, and you shine. Social status is important and will improve massively. Also Mercury is proving the significance of your professional life during this term. Your career demands to undergo careful reevaluation. You could feel slightly stressed with all these changes happening you need to be calm and patient, because some things don’t work out on first try.

Libra, the Venus-Mars conjunction until September 25th 2016, will be very lucky for your sign.

The conjunction will bring a favorable time for you, full of fun and plans for the future. At work Venus, resumes its direct motion on September 9th 2016. You're yourself again, after a somewhat passive term.

And because Venus is with dynamic Mars, you're avid for initiative and action. Your social calendar will be full, you're popular and have support in everything you do. New contracts and collaborations pop up.

September 2016 is generous with Librans. Also, Saturn's exit from Libra's house of money stops the restrictions or financial unpleasantness that have affected the last three years. Venus resuming its direct motion livens you up; blowing wind in your sails again, you’ll be energetic and full of life this month, much more back to your old self…

Scorpio, September 2016 is a month full of passion your sign. Mars, Leo and Venus unleash feelings; break psychological barriers and blow inhibition away. Your love life could tie in with career or be centered around someone who stands out due to position, power, talent or other special merits. You have high hopes and might expect a lot from your partner. Sometimes, too much. If you want to enjoy happiness and harmony, it would be better to have lower expectations and have reasonable goals. Venus resumes its direct motion this month, also the Sun is shinning it’s light on you so you have all the trump cards to obtain success, to advance, or to enhance your prestige. While you don't lack glory, perspectives regarding money aren't that rosy. In September 2016 starts a longer term during which you'll have to manage your resources very carefully, and it's advisable not to take any risks. You should save up.

Sagittarius, Mercury is in a retrograde cycle, it opposes unpredictable Uranus, throughout September 2016. You're certainly predisposed toward romance this month. But, regardless of what you wish for, things go differently than you'd expect and you could suddenly get unwanted surprises. You could have a long-distance relationship or resume an older one. September 2016 should be a great month at work for Sagittarians, with the Sun and Jupiter bringing potential for success and you'll achieve things you’ve wanted to for a while. Things are on the right track financially. Avoid excesses and imprudence this month though!

September 9th 2016, see’s you health and wellbeing change for the better events lead to finding solutions or clearing up medical issues.

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Who’s the Daddy?

The following are all replies that women have allegedly put on Child Support Agency (CSA) forms in the section for listing father's details...

1) Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child (A) was fathered by John Smith. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child (B), but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2) I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3) I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

4) I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto heel in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

5) From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro Disney — maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a programme about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to a party, [myeggs] might have remained unfertilised.

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September 2016 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 25/08/16 3:48 pm Page 70

puzzle Link The Words

Solutions on page 80

it out

In each of these puzzles, three words are listed. All you have to do is find another word that can either precede or follow each word linking them:

1)

_ _ _ __ _

BAND

PLANT

STAMP

3)

______

VIOLIN

BAG

BEAN

2) 4) 5)

____

_____

______

FISH

ACTIVE PARK

FRUIT WAVE GOAL

TEA

PORTABLE

LIGHTHOUSE

Guess The Celeb

A

B

Sudoku

Brain Teaser

WHO DUNNIT? A wealthy man lives alone in a small cottage. Being partially disabled, he had everything delivered to his cottage. The mailman was delivering a letter one Thursday when he noticed that the front door was ajar. Through the opening he could see the man's body lying in a pool of dried blood. When a police officer arrived he surveyed the scene. On the porch were two bottles of warm milk, Monday's newspaper, a catalog, flyers, and unopened mail. The police officer suspects it was foul play.

Who does he suspect and why?

70

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Crossword

Name The Film

Across: 1. City slick (6) 4. Blue egg bird (5) 8. Most vile (5) 9. Medical practictioners (7) 10. Text performance (7) 11. Deep sleep (4) 12. Hebrew high priest (3) 14. Nature's best (4) 15. Creator of Shavian Alphabet (4) 18. High ___ (3) 21. Act with energy (4) 23. Tight spot (7) 25. Sudden spasm (7) 26. To rupture (5) 27. Cloudless radiance (5) 28. Singer Boy (6) Down: 1. Ascensional (6) 2. Clairvaux abbot (7) 3. Foodstuff (8) 4. Provocative (4) 5. Java's active volcano (5) 6. Largest electronic stock market in the world (6) 7. Pithy observation (5) 13. Possible to obtain in a pure state (8) 16. Groupie (7) 17. Establishment of species into habitat (6) 19. Common European viper (5) 20. Engagement (6) 22. Strongly flavored layered bulb (5) 24. Undersized (4)

A With the '70s behind him, San Diego's top- B rated newsman, Ron Burgundy, returns to take New York's first 24-hour news channel by storm (2013).

Pirate Captain sets out on a mission to defeat his rivals Black Bellamy and Cutlass Liz for the Pirate of the year featuring Hugh Grant and Salma Hayek (2012).

Say What You See...

T E STOMACH

man

BOARD

emit fo sdnah eht

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The Jokespage

Jokespage

A gushy reporter told Phil Mickelson, "You are spectacular; your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What's your secret?"

Mickelson replied, "The holes are numbered.".

A fellow turns to his wife in bed and whispers, "Did you know that today is National Orgasm Day?” "Oh, what a pity," she said, "Right in the middle of National Headache Week!”

A plane took off from Heathrow and once it reached cruising altitude the captain made an announcement over the intercom. “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to flight number 293, non-stop to Singapore. The weather ahead is good, so we’re looking forward to a comfortable flight. Please sit back and relax – OH MY GOD!” silence. A few moments later, the captain came back on the intercom and said, “Ladies and gentleman, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a hot cup of coffee and spilled it in my lap. You should see the front of my trousers!” A passenger shouted out, “That’s nothing. He should see the back of mine!”

On his first day at the Nudist Colony dear old Sid takes off his clothes, and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and Sid immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, 'did you call for me? 'Sid replies, 'No, what do you mean?' She says, 'you must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.' Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her. Sid continues to explore the nudist colony's facilities.

He enters the sauna and, as he sits down, he farts.... Within seconds, a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam-room toward him, 'Did you call for me?' says the hairy man. 'No, what do you mean?' says Sid 'You must be 72

new,' says the hairy man, 'it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.' The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him. Then Sid staggers back to the colony office, where the smiling, naked receptionist greets him, 'May I help you?' she says. Sid yells, 'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the €400 membership fee.'

'But, Sir,' she replies, 'you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities.' Sid replies, 'Listen lady, I'm 75 years old. I only get an erection once a month, but I fart 35 times a day!!'

Barry and Brian checked in to there Vegas hotel for the weekend. They went up to there rooms to unpack, agreeing to meet up at the blackjack tables in half an hour. Barry was first downstairs, with Brian nowhere to be seen.

Barry waited for another half an hour, but there was still no sign of Brain. Barry picked up the phone in the lobby and called Brian’s room. Brain answered, in somewhat of a panic that he couldn’t get out of his room. “What do you mean you can’t get out of your room?” asked Barry.

Brian replied, “There are only three doors in here.

One is the bathroom, one is the wardrobe and the last one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’.”

September 2016 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 25/08/16 3:51 pm Page 73

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September 2016 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 25/08/16 3:51 pm Page 74

Why did the clown go to the doctor?

Because he was feeling a little funny!

What kind of a key opens a banana?

A monkey!

Match the an

imal to what

Give The Elephan t Some Colour

74

they eat...

elp the Can you h e his id monkey r to the le c y mono-c t? circus ten

September 2016 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 25/08/16 3:51 pm Page 75

Kids Page

Help the clown find all the lost circus things in the wordsearch...

circus clown monkey ringmaster bigtop strongman lion

September 2016 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 25/08/16 3:51 pm Page 76

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puzzle Trivia Quiz Answers 1) Diamond 2) Purple (The Colour Purple) 3) Ecuador 4) Mike Tindall 5) 2 6) Absolutely Fabulous 7) Eye 8) Valetta 9) The Monster 10) ABBA 11) October 12) Ladybird 13) 10 14) 1984 15) Circumference 16) Agenda 17) USSR 18) Dire Straits 19) Vauxhall / Opel 20) Sting 21) His Wife 22) Alsatian 23) Majorca 24) Clouseau 25) Today 26) Ear 27) Stand by Me 28) Sicily

Answers from 26, 70 & 71

it out

Link The Words 1) Rubber 2 Cake 3) String 4) Radio 5) Keeper

Guess The Celeb a) Justin Timberlake b) Emma Watson

Brain Teaser

WHO DUNNIT...

The police officer suspects the newspaper delivery person. The absence of Tuesday's and Wednesday's newspaper indicates that the delivery person knew there was no one there to read it.

Crossword Solution

Sudoku Solution

Name The Film

a) Anchorman 2 (2013)

b) The Pirates! Band of Misfits (2012)

Say What You See 1) Up Set Stomach

80

2) Man Over Board

3) Turn Back the Hands of Time

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