Costa Link Magazine June 2013

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JJune une 2 2013 013 No75 N

STA ARTING JUNE 17th STARTING SSee ee PPAGE AGE 10

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fanta or ee s

fun visit tic ge 46

f The worst kept secret on the Costa del Sol

e Bar & Restaurant Guide es Puzzles & Quizzes e What’s On Guide es Horoscopes fo Local Info e Kids Page es Jokes

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Summer is here, cheers!

I can smell sun tan cream, it’s getting harder to park anywhere and there are hire cars all over the place with driver’s that are completely oblivious to all other road users – Summer must be here!

It’s gonna be a busy one this month – we are taking part in the Positively Blue Karting Challenge on the 15th at Funny Beach, Marbella so please come along and support us – see the details on page 64.

It’ San Baranbe the Ferria at Marbella this month – it’s always a great celebration, so make sure you get along there, and it’s also San Juan this month, The tradition is to dress in white and jump into the sea at midnight to cleanse your body of the evil spirits. It’s the only time you are allowed a bonfire and can sleep on the beach – be careful and drink responsibly!!!!!!!

One other thing....Happy Father’s day to all the Dads out there on the 16th…

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Puzzles

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TH E JOKES PA GE

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Contact Us Call: 951 216 131 or 663 061 669 Email: sales@costalinkmagazine.com Website: www.costalinkmagazine.com

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Skype: costalink.magazine Tweet: @costa_link Deposito Legal: MA-228-2007 Deadline Date: 18th of each month

No part of this publication, including layout, graphic design or pictures may be copied, SCANNED, used or reproduced without our prior written consent. Costa Link Magazine accepts no responsibility for alterations to events listed, claims made by our advertisers or information provided by our contributors. All rights reserved © 2013.

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A Woman’s World

What Being A MumReally Means...

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2am too.

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.

Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at them.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you're not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a rude word.

Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Silence: Gone quite? A silent toddler is ALWAYS a bad thing.

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's dummy by boiling it and to your last baby's dummy by blowing on it.

Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman pyjamas.

Verbal: Being able to whine in words.

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HOT GOSS!

A FRENCH BABY FOR KIM & KANYE...

Tres Chic! Kim Kardashian and her mum Kris Jenner have been spotted flying out of New York and heading for Paris, where it’s thought Kim will give birth to her baby with Kanye West. Kim is just a couple of weeks away from giving birth, and as heat reported two weeks ago Kim and Kanye have decided to have their baby in Paris. It seems that Kim's flown in to the French capital to make her final birth plan arrangements with Kris there for extra moral support? The Reality TV star and her rapper boyfriend have spent a lot of time apart during Kim’s pregnancy, so Kim has decided to settle in Paris for the baby’s birth,“She wants him there at the birth, and now she realises that means it has to be in Paris,” “She’s finally com around to the idea of just staying there and having her baby in Europe. “Having the baby in France makes it all about her and Kanye, rather than her family and the show – which is what she wants for her new family.”

A HOT DATE..... FOR RUSSELL & SHERIDAN...

She’s hot, blonde and single, so it was only a matter of time until Russell Brand started dating Sheridan Smith. That’s right: Sheridan, 31, and Russell, 37, were spotted on a date last week, at Jamie Oliver’s Fifteen Restaurant. The couple were having lunch, and according to nosy onlookers, looked very happy together and “didn’t leave each other’s sides” all lunch. So could Sheridan, who claimed recently that she’d been single for three years, have finally found The One in Russell? We kind of love them as a couple!

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HOT GOSS!

IT'S OFFICIAL, BRAD PITT AND THE KIDS LOVE CAMPING !!!

AND ANGELINA GOES TOO!...

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie love camping. In tents. Outside.

There are a few things we never thought we'd say, but apparently are true. Who knew? While Brangelina may have enough spare cash to book into a 5* hotel every night for the rest of their lives, it seems the A-list couple love nothing more than getting in touch with nature and spending a night under the stars. We bet they have a deluxe tent with comfy airbeds rather than slumming it festival-style though...Brad Pitt spoke to Esquire about his family's unusual pastime the morning after they camped out on their property in Santa Barbara, and claimed he had woken up 'too early and too wet.' Brad, four of his six childrean and two friends had spent the night in tents, and Brad confirmed, "Yeah, Angie too."Brangelina's relationship might be one of the strongest in Hollywood - Brad has been there every step of the way supporting Angelina through her preventative double mastectomy. Speaking about his family, Brad said "I haven't known life to be any happier." N'awwww! In fact, they probably also have the cutest home life in Hollywood too - a friend of the couple told Esquire, "once I walked in and Angie was standing there and Zahara walked up and said, ‘Daddy, you’re not going to start making out with Mommy again, are you?’ And it’s like that. This is a guy who has tried not to do any sexy scenes with other women since he’s met Angelinia. He’s crazy about her, and she’s the same way about him. No matter how hard he’s working, if one of those kids runs by the window he’ll get out of his chair and give them a kiss. And I don’t think I’ve ever seen Angie without one of those children in her arms.” Could they get any more perfect?

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TWO IRISH MEN & A SAUSAGE...

Seamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro. Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.' He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage. Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!' Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.' He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky. Seamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!' Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan. Cheers!' They downed their drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.' The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out. They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free. At the tenth pub Seamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!' Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in.'

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LO♥E, LO♥E, LO♥E On their wedding night, a young bride approached her new husband and asked for €20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been laid off. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he 'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined. Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly one million euros. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over two million euros and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank. She explained that for the more than three decades she had ‘charged’ him for sex, These holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments. Faced with evidence of cash and investments Worth over three million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, “If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!” That's when she shot him.

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TRIVIA QUIZ

1) Who changed his name from Gordon Sumner to top the charts?

2) Which Posh TV reality show won a BAFTA last month?

3) Which team won the 2013 FA Cup Final?

4) Which Welsh Island is known as Ynys Mon? 5) In which country is Acapulco?

6) What does a snorkel help you do?

7) How many humps does a Bactrian camel have?

8) What is the name of the official national anthem of the USA? 9) Which film cost £4 million pounds to make in 1959 and won 11 Oscars?

10) Who had a 1990’s hit with ‘Always On My Mind’?

11) Which Jeremy has hosted University Challenge and Newsnight?

12) Barry, Maurice & Robin formed which group?

13) What flavour is the liqueur Cointreau?

14) What is Princess Anne’s sons Christian name?

15) Which canal took 10 years to build and opened in 1869?

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16) What is the process known as whereby plants make food using light?

17) On a Monopoly board, which street shares the same colour as Leicester Square and Piccadilly?

18) How is the number 14 written in Roman numerals?

19) Nigel Benn is famous for which sport?

20) Irvine Welsh wrote which novel about Scottish heroin addicts?

21) Where did Dale Winton go on his TV Sweep?

22) Cross country skiing and rifle shooting make up which sporting challenge?

23) Who did Anthony Armstrong Jones marry in 1960?

24) Which planet is closest to the sun?

25) Which rugby union team plays at Welford Rd? 26) Which Disney film features the song ‘The Bear Necessities’?

27) What is R2D2’s robot companion called in the Star Wars films?

28) What is the national currency of Egypt?

Answers on page 88

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leaf it out...

A man walked into the vegetable section of his local supermarket and asked for half a head of lettuce.

The boy working there told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy asked his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, “Some ****** wants to buy a half a head of lettuce.” As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, “And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half.” The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later, the manager found the boy and said, “I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from son?”

“Originally from Essex sir,” the boy replied. “Why did you leave Essex?” the manager asked. The boy answered, “Sir, there's nothing but tarts and footballers there.” “Really?” said the manager. “My wife is from Essex.” “No WAY!” the boy replied. “Who does she play for?”

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HOLIDAY COMPLAINTS

Guests complaints received by Thomas Cook Holidays...

• “I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.”

• “It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons.

I often needed to buy things during ‘'siesta’ time - this should be banned.”

• “On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all.”

• “We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels.”

• A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a waterhole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel ‘inadequate’.

• A woman threatened to call the police after claiming that she'd been locked in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the ‘do not disturb’ sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room.

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A BIG WIN!

A Ma n’s Wo rld

One day, a wife comes home with a spectacular diamond ring on her finger. Her husband noticing this at dinner asks, “Where the hell did you get that ring from?” “Well,” she replies, “You won’t believe this but my boss and I played the lottery and we won! So I thought I’d treat myself and bought this ring with my share of the winnings.” A month later, his wife comes home with a long shiny fur coat.

“Where did you get that coat?” her husband asks.

She replies, “You’ll never guess! My boss and I played the lottery and we won again! Can you believe it! So I bought this fur coat with my share of the winnings.” Another week later, his wife pulls up on the drive in a shiny red brand new Ferrari.

“Where on earth did you get that car?” her husband asks. Again she repeats the same story about the lottery and her share of the winnings. That night, his wife asks him to run her a nice warm bath while she gets undressed. When she enters the bathroom, she find that there is barely enough water in the bath to cover the plug at the far end.

“Why didn’t you fill it up?” she asks her husband.

“Well...” he replies “we don't want you to get your lottery ticket wet, do we?”

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A HAPPY MAN!

A very ugly man walks into the bar with a big grin on his face and orders a draft beer. “What are you so happy about?” asks the barman.

“Well, let me tell you,” replies the ugly man. “You know, I live by the railroad tracks. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, you know, just like in the movies. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, in every position imaginable!”

“Fantastic!” exclaimed the barman. “Was she pretty?”

“Dunno...” replies the ugly man “I never found the head!”

Wives can be only one of three kinds: 1. Pretty, but unloyal.

2. Loyal, but ugly.

3. Pretty and loyal, but inflatable.

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HOLIDAY COMPLAINTS Guests complaints ’t n received by Thomas o C Cook Holidays...

• “The beach was too sandy.”

•“We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure.

Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white.”

• A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.

• “Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women.”

• "We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five Euros from a street trader, only to find out they were fake."

• "No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."

• "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took the Americans three hours to get home."

• "I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller.”

Are you fed up with trying rying to locate good, reliable and accurate information, unsure who to turn to when it comes to health and health related issues here on the Costa del Sol...

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Please don’t forget that the medilink service is provided FREE of charge to the community (a local call rate may apply).

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Medical Tips - FSrcereeening

Positively Pink’s 2013 FREE Breast Screening Programme begins and Positively Blue is launched: Positively Pink is a Mijas based charity and Its sole purpose is to raise the necessary funds to provide education, support and a FREE breast screening programme to British Women & Men who live on the Costa del Sol. The screening programme is a comprehensive screening process (Gold Standard) that includes a consultation, physical examination, health education, a mammogram or ultrasound or in some cases both and an English translation of the result(s). This is carried out in conjunction with Clinica Medicare, a Nurse led British health centre based in La Cala de Mijas and Dr David Deardon a UK trained Specialist and the head of The British Surgical Clinic.

Medicare and its medical team provide their time, clinic space and expertise free of charge for the charity. During the 2012 screening programme over 420 men and women accessed the FREE programme with 10 ladies receiving a positive diagnosis but all are being treated and doing well. During the 2012 programme Positively Pink spent in excess of €35,700.00 to ensure that screening is available to all UK expatriates living on the Coast regardless of age or circumstances.

Breast cancer is the most common form of cancer in women. The lifetime risk of developing breast cancer is one in nine. Each year there are approximately 41,000 new diagnoses. The incidence of breast cancer for men is on the increase too with approximately 300 new cases diagnosed yearly in the UK. It has been shown that early detection of breast cancer can improve the outcome. Survival rates from breast cancer have improved partly in recent years due to early presentation and from individuals being breast aware. The risk of breast cancer increases with age.

80% of breast cancers occur in women over the age of 50 though Positively Pink believes that screening should be available to all women from 18 years of age.

Lorraine Palmer the founder of Positively Pink believes that “early detection is your best protection” and this certainly proved to be the case during the 2012 campaign. The majority of the Ladies who received a positive diagnosis would not have ordinarily been screened via the State screening programme as they are over the upper age limit.

Positively Pink has an amazing calendar of events planned for 2013 and remains committed to raising the necessary funds to continue with the FREE screening programme. All funds raised by Positively Pink are used solely to cover the costs of the ultrasounds and mammograms, all of the volunteers who run and support the charity do so without any cost to the charity. All administration costs are absorbed by the El Oceano Hotel & Spa. For more information about Positively Pink please visit our website:

In January 2013 Positively Pink launched a new Charity solely for Men. Positively Blue has been set up to duplicate the services of Positively Pink and raise sufficient funds to provide a FREE screening programme for Prostate and testicular cancer. In conjunction with Clinica Medicare and Dr Wolfgang Kleimeier of Clinica Urologica de Marbella, an established and well respected Specialist in Urology. FREE PSA blood tests for prostate cancer and a full programme of education, information and support for testicular cancer will be available for all British Men living on the Costa del Sol. Prostate cancer is a common cancer in older men. Every year 22,000 men are diagnosed in the UK alone. Around 8 in 10 cases occur in men over the age of 65. It is rare in men under 50. Unlike many other cancers, prostate cancer is often present for many years without you realising it. This is because in many cases the cancer is slow growing and can take many years to cause any symptoms.

Although uncommon, cancer of the testis is the most common cancer in young men in the UK. About 1 in 500 men between the ages of 15 and 50 develop cancer of the testis. The exact cause is not known. However, if caught early it is one of the easiest cancers to treat and cure.

In a recent survey it was found that men are going to the doctors with very advanced cancers and thus decreased survival rates. Generally survival is 60:40 when it could be as much as 99:1.

For more information about Positively Blue please visit our website: www.positively-blue.com Appointments for both Positively Pink and Positively Blue are now available to book by calling Clinica Medicare on 952 835 776. The programme will run every Tuesday from the 4th June until the middle of December 2013.

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SANITAS HEALTH INSURANCE Whether you require a worldwide policy, or healthcare for Spain only, Sanitas have the solution The Xanit & The Hospiten Estepona are now covered by Sanitas Health Plans to Suit all Budgets

Contact your English Agent, Susan Warner T: 951 272 124 M: 615 655 348 www.medisurespain.com info@medisurespain.com

Health & Well Being

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SUN SAFETY Q&A

It's important to protect your and your children's skin in the sun to avoid sunburn and heat exhaustion.

ARE CHILDREN MORE AT RISK OF SUNBURN? young skin is delicate and very easily damaged by the sun. Use at least a factor 15 sunscreen and choose a broad-spectrum brand that has a four- or five-star rating. Apply it to areas not protected by clothing, such as the face, ears, feet and backs of hands. Choose sunscreens that are formulated for children and babies' skin, as these are less likely to irritate their skin.

MY CHILD HAS ECZEMA. WHAT SUNSCREEN SHOULD I USE? Some sunscreens may aggravate eczema. Check the label for any ingredients that you know your child is allergic to. Test any new sunscreen on a small area before applying it to the whole body. Put on your child’s emollient and steroids first then put the sun protection cream on 30 minutes later. Remember to put more sun protection cream on regularly throughout the day and especially after swimming.

WHAT ARE THE SYMPTOMS OF HEAT EXHAUSTION? Heat exhaustion occurs when the body cannot lose heat fast enough. If it's not treated quickly, it can lead to heat stroke, which is a much more dangerous condition. Signs of heat exhaustion include faintness, dizziness, palpitations, nausea, headaches, low blood pressure, tiredness, confusion, loss of appetite and hallucinations.

WHAT SHOULD I DO IF SOMEONE HAS SIGNS OF HEAT EXHAUSTION? Get them to rest in a cool place, ideally a room with air conditioning. Give them plenty of water. Avoid alcohol or caffeine as this can increase levels of dehydration. Cool their skin with cold water. Use a shower or cold bath to cool them down or, if this is not possible, wet flannels and face cloths in water and apply to their skin. Loosen any unnecessary clothing and make sure that the person gets plenty of ventilation. Monitor their condition closely.

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HOLIDAY COMPLAINTS Guests complaints ’t n received by Thomas o C Cook Holidays...

• "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We're trainee hairdressers.....

Will we be OK staying here?"

• "There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners."

• "We had to queue outside with no air conditioning."

• "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy, rude or unruly guests before we travel."

• "I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite."

• "My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

• “We booked a holiday to Kos, Greece and found the beaches have stones instead of sand. We clould have gone to Brighton if we wanted a stoney beach.”

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HELLO CHILDREN OF THE 80'S

• You still remember when the A-ha video was the pinnacle of modern technology and you can still sing all the words.

• You remember watching a house inhabited by a jester, a pantomime horse and a woman who sneezed, and thinking that this was perfectly normal.

• You hid behind the sofa whenever you heard the word "Exterminate!".

• Boys - You owned a pair of pale grey slip-ons, generally worn with white towelling socks.

• You held a chicken in the air or stuck a deckchair up your nose.

• You wore legwarmers & tried to do the splits while jumping in the air while singing you were going to live forever.

• You remember Fingermouse and Dangermouse (not forgetting his trusty sidekick Penfold!)

• You know all the words to "Hey Mickey"(well, nobody knows past the first verse anyway).

• You remember playing British Bulldog, • When 'Computer' Tennis, Pac-Man and Donkey-Kong ruled • You remember hearing the tune then running out to buy an ice cream cone on a warm summer night - 99's, screwballs or a cider lolly.

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HAVING A FUNNY FIVE MINUTES

SCOTTISH WEDDING - At the Scottish wedding reception the D.J. yelled... "Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was almost crushed to death.

SEX - Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore ….. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.

NEW BOOK - A man goes into WHSmiths and asks the young lady assistant, "Do you have the new book out for men with short penises?" She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet."

"That's the one; I'll take a copy…"

POOR LANCE ARMSTRONG - I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races, while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike.

DRIVE BY - A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didn’t take my TV, just the remote. Now he drives by and changes the channels. Sick son of a *****!!

GARDEN CENTER L I N D AV I S TA

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Ctra de Cadiz, Km171,29670, San Pedro de Alcantara, Behind McDonalds in San Pedro. Tel; 952785206

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June 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 5/23/13 6:17 PM Page 49

June 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 5/23/13 6:18 PM Page 50

HAVING A FUNNY FIVE MINUTES

THE AGONY OF AGEING - On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my ageing friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish. I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're supposed to turn your clock back".

PREGNANT PROSTITUTE - Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?" "For gods sakes , if you ate a tin of beans would you know which one made you fart?"

EASYJET - Paddy calls EASYJET to book a flight. The operator asks, "How many people are flying with you?" Paddy replies "I don't know! It's your blinking plane. "

SACKED - I’m begining to have doubts about my wife. She got sacked last week for drinking on the job…. she works in a sperm bank.

HORSE RACING ADDICTION - My wife has just walked out the door with the kids for good because of my addiction to horse racing..... In fact, I can see them now - they're all at the gate - and they're off!

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE - A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

50

June 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 5/23/13 8:27 PM Page 51

6 Wheels are better than 4!

June 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 5/23/13 8:27 PM Page 52

Mercedes have just launched the new AMG G63 6x6 with 563 BHP turning 6 massive 37inch wheels and it made us think of some of the six wheelers of the past……

Mercedes last production 6 wheeler was the G4 produced from 1934 to 1939, only 73 were made, most of which went to the Nazi Party, but some made their way into private hands, one of which was featured in the TV series Hogan’s Heroes.

Jody Scheckter is the only driver ever to win a F1 race in a six-wheeled car. He left Tyrell at the end of the season in 1976, insisting that the sixwheeler was "a piece of junk!

In 2007 Citroën produced the Cruise Crosser, a six wheeled hybrid pickup. Unfortunately it never made its way into production.

52

The Panther 6 was made in 1977. They made only two cars both had Cadillac 8.2 litre engines and were good for more than 200 mph!

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June 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 5/23/13 8:27 PM Page 54

THE EXPLORER & THE YETI

An English explorer decided to explore the mountains of Africa.

Before his team went into the jungle, the guide told them about the Yeti. “You must never go near the Yeti,” he told them. “It is a very mean creature, but there is one thing worse then meeting a Yeti, and that is to touch it. For if you touch a Yeti, it will chase you to the ends of the earth and it will not stop until it catches you.”

With that warning, the guide led them into the jungle. When it was too dark to go any further, they made their camp, had dinner, and went to sleep. In the middle of the night our English explorer (we'll call him Throckmorton) heard something outside his tent. He peeked out of his sleeping bag and saw something horrible. It was the silhouette of the Yeti!

And it was coming straight toward his tent! Throckmorton was frozen to the spot as the shape started to unzip the tent. He panicked and did something very stupid. He ran straight out the door of the tent, and in doing so crashed into the Yeti.

It screeched loudly and followed Throckmorton as he ran down the mountain. Throckmorton jumped into a car and drove to the nearest airport, charged at the closest plane heading for England, and went home.

Two weeks after the adventure in Africa, Throckmorton was out for an early-morning walk when he saw the Yeti coming up the road! continues overleaf...

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June 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 5/23/13 8:27 PM Page 56

THE EXPLORER & THE YETI

He took off in the other direction, grabbed a bicycle, and rode away as fast as he could go. He came to a car rental place and rented one, and took off again. After he had gone a hundred miles or so he Throckmorton drove as fast as he could until he came to an airport. He hopped on the first plane leaving. It happened to be going to Ireland. He got to Ireland, hopped on another bike, and rode until the handlebars fell off. He stopped to look behind him and saw‌ the Yeti. It was STILL following him!

Throckmorton broke out in a run. He ran until the sweat was pouring off him. He ran straight out onto the moor. He ran until he was so pooped he couldn't move. He looked to see if the Yeti was still following him. It was.

There was nowhere to go so Throckmorton just stood there. He made up his mind to give up. He turned and faced the Yeti bravely.

The Yeti stopped right in front of him and grinned.

It reached out its hairy arm and poked Throckmorton in the chest.

"TAG! YOU'RE IT!" it shouted, and ran off in the other direction.

56

June 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 5/23/13 8:27 PM Page 57

June 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 5/23/13 8:27 PM Page 58

HELLO CHILDREN OF THE 80'S

• You recorded songs off the radio with your boom box.

• You wore those wide, colourful shoelaces.

• You were led to believe that in the year 2000 we'd all be living in space.

• You still don't like going in the sea because of Jaws.

• You wore biker shorts underneath a short skirt and felt stylish.

• Dungeons & Dragons was one of your favourite programmes.

• You fell out with friends during heated arguments about the relative merits of Matt & Luke.

• Cerise pink, electric blue and banana yellow have ever featured in your wardrobe or make-up collection.

• You actually thought "Dirty Dancing" was a REALLY good film.

• You did the top toggle of your coat up around your neck without having your arms in the sleeves, and you knew you looked like a superhero.

• Your new winter coat was best used to demonstrate that your wings were like a shield of steel.

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HA,HA,HE,HE...

TWO IRISHMEN: Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A blonde walks by and asked them what they were doing. Paddy replied, 'We're supposed to be finding the height of this flagpole, but we don't have a ladder.' The blonde took out an adjustable spanner from her bag, loosened a few bolts and laid the flagpole down. She got a tape measure out of her pocket, took a few measurements, and announced that it was 18 feet 6 inches. Then, she walked off. Mick said to Paddy, 'Isn't that just like a blonde! We need the height and she gives us the length.'

AND ANOTHER BLONDE JOKE: A surgeon was doing the ward rounds when he came to the bed of a blonde patient who had had an operation the previous day. She asked him somewhat hesitantly just how long it would be before she could resume her sex life. “Uh, I hadn't really thought about it,” replied the stunned surgeon. “You're the first one ever to ask that after a tonsillectomy.”

IT’S A HARD LIFE BEING A SNAIL: A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says “What the hell was that all about?”

Marble Floor Polishing Phone Paul: 654 589 218

Before

After

Free advice on how to care for your floors at 60

www.marblefloor.info

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June 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 5/23/13 6:47 PM Page 62

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What’Guide s On

9th to 15th June: The annual Marbella Fair Feria de San Bernabe takes place this year from June 9th to 15th, 2013. This fair is in honor of the city's patron saint San Barnabé and is a must see while in Marbella. There are lots of celebrations and events taking place throughout the city for the fair. This year the Marbella fair is held mainly on the local fairgrounds (recinto ferial) on Avenida Las Albarizas and Calle Platino on the east side of town. The entrance to the tents, rides and other attractions is near the arch by the Three Boat Fountain (Fuente de los Tres Barcos), where the Monday street market is usually held.

15th June 2013: Karting Challenge for Positively Pink all welcome. For more information see page 67 or email the charity (info@positively-pink.com) - Why not come and cheer the Costa Link Team on!

20th to 23rd June 2013: Marbella International Art Festival artists of all disciplines, painting, photography, sculpture and digital art take part, along with a complete programme of entertainment. New this year is the creation of a Sculpture Garden in the Alameda, along with a demonstration of Graffiti Art in the same area. The Festival is held in the Alameda and Avenida del Mar from 16.30 to 23.30 hours, bringing the centre of Marbella to life with individual and group tents to delight art lovers.

23rd June 2013: San Juan is celebrated on the night of June 23rd with some towns, such as Almuñécar, in Granada, allowing the beaches to be used as campsites for a single night. On the beaches of Malaga it's common to see people jumping over fires which, according to legend, cleanse the body and the soul. Jumping in the sea at midnight is supposed to be a way to wash away evil spirits. There are celebrations all along the coast from Benalmadena to Sotogrande.

28th & 29th June: A Murder Mystery - ‘Who Killed the Ship's Captain?’ TAPAS (The Andalucia Performing Arts Society) are busy rehearsing for their next Murder Mystery production which takes place in the theatre at Los Arcos, km6 A7059 Coin/Cartama road on Friday 28th & Saturday 29th June, 7.30 for 8pm. There will be different endings each night to make sure the secret is safe!

Set in the Passenger lounge of the (fictional) passenger ship ‘The Celebration’. It is 1912, three months after the sinking of the Titanic.... Tickets which are €12 (Members €9) and include a 1 course supper of roast chicken & chips (a vegetarian option is available on request), are available from the usual outlets and from the Box Office 635 293 714. Further information can also be found on the TAPAS website www.tapassociety.com Every Monday: 1st Coin Brownies meet 5pm-6.30pm at El Centro Nazareno in Coin. Suitable forages 7-10 years. Great fun for the girls. Contact www.1stcoinbrownies.info Every Tuesday: The Costa Women Coffee Club meet every second Tuesday at 10am – 12.30pm for coffee, chats and other activities and is a social group designed to get ladies of all ages together. It’s best to join the group via Facebook or contact Emma on 608 408 771 Every Thursday: Market at Calypso, Calahonda.

Every Saturday: Atletico Las Chapas, Football Academy meet @ Aztec Country Club, Riviera. Call for moe information on: 685 448 083.

Every Sunday: Flea Market EVERY Sunday 10am till 2pm at Calypso, Calahonda.

Every Sunday: At the Hippodrome from 9am - 2pm FAMA have a car boot sale.

Every Sunday: There is a market every Sunday in the Marbella Marina (Puerto Deportivo de Marbella) on the Teresa Zabell Pier from 12:00-18:00 Every Sunday: Santiago Restaurant Alhaurin el Grande - Traditional Sunday Lunch.

Every Sunday: Barbeque night at Riviera Grand Palms Cyber Cafe, from 6pm, Families welcome, loads of home cooked food from 7€, Calle Sirocco 370 Phase 7 Urb. Riveria del Sol, follow the signs from the lady in the bath, booking advised Tel 952 932 112.

64

If you have an event, fundraiser or anything else please let us know… email: editor@costalinkmagazine.com phone: 951 216 131 or 663 061 669

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June 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 5/23/13 6:47 PM Page 66

ocal Info Emergency Numbers

---

Central number for Fire, Police & Ambulance National Police Local Police Guardia Civil dica

Medical

112 091 092 062

Emergency 061 Ambulance Marbella 902 505 061 Ambulance Coin 952 453 267

Health Centres

Town Halls

Marbella 952 761 100 San Pedro 952 453 020 La Cala de Mijas 952 493 208 Fuengirola 952 589 300 Estepona 952 801 100

Fire Brigade

Emergency number 080 Marbella 952 774 349 Estepona 952 804 483 Fuengirola 952 461 046 British Ireland Denmark Sweden Germany France U.S.A

952 952 952 952 952 952 952

Marbella Coin Estepona Fuengirola San Pedro

952 771 442 952 822 818 952 822 818 952 467 457 952 785 252

352 475 226 604 212 226 474

300 108 373 383 442 590 891

Tourist Information

66

Bus Stations Marbella 952 764 400 Coin 952 450 366 San Pedro 952 781 396 Estepona 952 800249 For a list of complete times www.andalucia.com/travel/bus Train Timetables 902 240 202 Airports Malaga 952 048 844 Gibraltar 956 773 026

Marbella 952 769 946 Coin 952 452 767 San Pedro 952 787 700

Consulates

Transport

Markets

Monday - Marbella (fairground site on east side) Tuesday - Fuengirola (fairground near Los Boliches) Wednesday - Calypso (Mijas Costa & Estepona (Avda. Juan Carlos) La Cala - Feria ground Thursday - San Pedro (Recinto Ferial) Alhaurin el Grande - (La Fama) Friday - Alhaurin el Grande (Bar Aquamania) Saturday - Coin (Calle Urbano Pineda) La Cala - Feria ground.

Sunday - Puerto Estepona

Cinemas

(Marina)

All the Cinemas listed below show films in English as well

as Spanish. Call first to check what is showing that week.

Marbella: Cinesur Plaza del Mar 952 766 941 La Ca単ada 902 333 231 Puerto Banus: Gran Marbella 952 810 077 Coin: La Trocha 951 315 039 Fuengirola Cinesur Miramar 902 221 622

Chemists

24 hour chemist Urb. Artola, Ctra. Cadiz Km 194. Marbella.

Tel: 952 83 25 89

Taxis

Marbella Taxis 952 774 488 Mijas Costa Taxis 952 476 593

Diary Dates

6th to 12th June - Feria de San Bernab, Marbella. Holiday and fair.

16th June - Fathers Day UK

21st June - Summer Solstice.

23rd June - San Juan. All night barbeques and fireworks along the coasts beaches. Walk backwards into the sea at midnight for good luck!

if you would like to sponsor this page please call 663 061 669

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June 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 5/23/13 6:47 PM Page 68

Strangebuttrue...

STRANGE PERCENTAGES

10% of us switch price tags in the shops to pay less for an item.

How far would you go for â‚Ź10 million? 25% would abandon their friends and family.

7% would commit murder.

When nobody else is around, 47% drink straight from the carton.

Only 13% brush our teeth from side to side.

22% leave the toothpaste we have spilled in the sink.

9% of women and 8% of men have had cosmetic surgery.

53% of women will not leave the house without makeup on.

62% of us pop our spots.

33% of women lie about their weight.

10% of us claim to have seen a ghost.

44% have broken a bone.

78% would rather die quickly than live in a retirement home.

46.5% of men say they always put the seat down after they’ve used the toilet.....

Yet women claim to always find it up.

30% of us refuse to sit on a public toilet seat.

Only 54.2% of us always wash our hands after using the toilet.

45.2% would wee in the shower.

44.9% would wee in the ocean.

28.1% would wee in the pool.

68

CoSTALETS

June 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 5/23/13 6:48 PM Page 69

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June 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 5/23/13 6:48 PM Page 70

S TA R S I GN S

A look at what's in store for you during June.....

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

Aries

Taurus

Gemini 70

Capricorn, at last a relaxed period with Venus, the planet of love, located in your sign, June 2013 will bring tenderness and harmony. The Venus-Mercury conjunction in June will be lively, in a mood for jokes, maybe even a little frivolous, make the most of it relax and make the most life. Enjoy it and stop splitting hairs! On the work front June will be a very busy month, but you have a high potential for achievements. You'll work hard, but you'll take pleasure in doing it, and your efforts will be rewarded. Opportunities will not miss you this month: you might be made a very advantageous offer or be assigned special tasks.

There are good signs as regards money, also. The second half of June seems to be the most profitable. Be careful of overload, excesses and certain factors that will have to do with work, with the workplace or work conditions. Plan your activity, so that you don't become time-pressured!

Aquarius, your house of passion will be highlighted this month. The Sun, Mars and Jupiter will overflow their energies in your sign. June 2013 will be ready for love and, if any opportunity comes along, seize it. And believe you me there will be plenty of opportunities! You can hardly wait to challenge or take challenges. You'll feel the lust for adventure, and you'll have higher appetite for games and experiments. Older relationships could benefit from the generosity of the stars in order to find the romantic thrill again and to relaunch/improve your bedroom activities! If you are shy, it could be the month of clearing blocks and taboos away. At work you'll be in a good situation from the professional point of view: Mercury and Venus will make your work easier and more pleasant, will maintain the good relations with colleagues and subordinates, will bring you new ideas and will encourage positive changes.

Pisces, the beginning of June 2013 could be a little troublesome: Mercury, the ruler of Pisces' house of couples, will form an opposition with Pluto, an aspect that could lead to blocks, frustrations and tense situations. However, you don't have to worry. Inconveniences will be fleeting, and the rest of June will be bright. Mercury and Venus, the planet of love promise a lot of fun and a relaxed easygoing month, prone to flirts and pleasures. If you already have a stable relationship, June will be perfect periods to have fun spend time with your partner go on trips or on holidays. At work the attention will be focused on properties and investments. You might start a business with a relative of yours or your place of work might be at home or you could take extra work at home. Spend moderately this month! If you can, you'd better put something aside.

Aries, Venus, the planet of love will accompany Mercury almost all the month June 2013.

Because of this communication will be at the forefront of relationships more than ever. You and a loved one will be sharing prolonged conversations declaring declarations of love or maybe a few confessions everything will reflect the significant role words will have, both in speech and in writing. If you are single maybe this June is the time to meet that special someone through e-mail or on-line. At work you’ll have a period that will abound in procedures, initiatives and decisions. You'll meet a lot of people; you'll be very persuasive your strength will lie in intelligence and discourse. June 2013 will be interesting from the material point of view, also. You could earn more; it's possible that you'll solve something important regarding a property. Avoid excesses; be careful when traveling especially in the first part of the month!

Taurus, Saturn will form with the dreamy Neptune, in June 2013 feelings and responsibility will combine with romanticism this month. The first part of the month will bring one of the happiest periods of the year for you. The second part of June 2013 will see the Sun turn to form links with Saturn and Neptune you will then feel the need for fulfillment to make accomplishments both at home and at work.

Uranus and Jupiter will lend it strength, optimism, and the courage to take the first step and appetite for adventure throughout June. Saturn and Neptune will be auspicious not just for sentimental relationships, but also for the professional ones, allowing you to reach a goal or make a wish come true by means of some solid and reliable collaboration.This month will also be good as regards earnings this is very favorable time for all financial matters.

Gemini, it seems June 2013 will be hot month for you. Mars will highlight the passionate side of your nature. Expect significant feelings or events to happen in your life, if you are in a relationship and also if you are single. Love will be everywhere. Open your eyes widely to see it and reach your hand to seize it! At work your time has come, take the initiative, use the courage you’ll be feeling provide energy and determination to all your projects. Jupiter will now open the gates to accomplishments, in the last month it will spend in your sign. Don't miss the opportunity! June 2013 will also have financial potential.

The stars want your work to provide you with money! You'll have a lot of physical energy, which you should put into vigorous activities – why not take up a new sport this month, whatever it is you’ll be the winner!

June 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 5/22/13 4:02 PM Page 71

Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Cancer May, might have been a bit of a boring month, with no extraordinary events, but here comes June the stars have decided to make you feel overwhelmed by their generosity. First and foremost, Venus, the planet of love and harmony, will spend some time in your sign from June 3rd and 27th.

It's great news because Venus has the power to change your life for the better. If you are single get out there and use your personal charms and power of seduction they won’t know what’s hit them! The Mercury and Venus combination throughout June will be cheerful, relaxed, and maybe even a little frivolous. On the work front creating relationships is important this month the time for success is getting near. You'll have a series of meetings; a series of discussions or you'll lay the foundation for some collaboration. Make sure you have enough rest this month, so that you have strength and capacity to concentrate.

Leo, June 2013 promises to be relatively peaceful. Things might stay within the limits of routine and nothing new or significant may happen. It's not excluded, however, that this "silence" is the sign of mystery, of secret. With Venus is in the twelfth house of your sign, it sometimes happens that love comes secretly or takes place secretly, away from the eyes of people. On the other hand, Venus in the twelfth house can sometimes be the sign of some drifting apart, of some disappointment or betrayal. But this phase is temporary. On June 27th Venus will come out of the "twilight zone" and step into Leo, smiling on your sign in a promising way. At work it seems that you'll have several projects, which will require much of your attention. From the financial point of view, June 2013 seems to be an auspicious month and good luck could come where you least expect it. --

Virgo, June will be a nice period for love and fun, as well as for future joint projects. Venus, the planet of love, will be in a position, which will encourage optimism, good will and sociability.

Romantic tendencies will be strong enough in June 2013, but they won't alter your reason and won't make you see things differently from what they really are.There'll be a good balance between affection, sensuality and friendship, the three ingredients that a happy relationship consists of. Going out, socialising and participating in joint actions or events attended by many people could have a special significance for your love life in June 2013. Friends could also play an important part. They could introduce you to somebody, turn into mediators or bridges or contribute one way or another to creating favorable circumstances to the relationship.

Libra, love will come when traveling or will urge you to travel. Possible scenarios: a romantic trip with you two as a couple, a trip you'll take in order to see the loved one, a long-distance affair (that started on the Internet, maybe?) or maybe somebody from a different country or who belongs to a different culture. This month, it's possible that your relationship will create a broader perspective for you, will somehow open your horizon, both from the physical point of view, and from the mental one. You'll have lofty aspirations: you'll be drawn to people that have a certain status, name or prestige. The Sun, Mars and Jupiter will form an invincible triad in the area of studies or work roles that are connected to universities, editing environments, culture, philosophy or legislation this month. Throughout the month you'll greater energy than usual. You won't hesitate, you'll have a lot of interests, and you’ll enjoy socialising.

Scorpio Venus, the planet of love and the ruler of Scorpio's house of couples, will step out of the bleak and frustrating of eighth house on the 3rd of June. Once this happens, worries will fade away, you'll get your self-confidence back life will improve visibly. The horizon will suddenly become broader and barriers, either physical or mental, will disappear. On the work front June 2013 will be a month of important financial implications. There will be an active preoccupation for business or for issues having to do with loans, debts, inheritance, recuperations, etc. You'll have a lot of work capacity and an extra workload that will supply more money. On June the 26th Cancer that Jupiter enter your sign, starting a period of approximately three years of professional opportunities, which will bring progress and fulfillment. As far as your wellbeing goes don’t push to hard allow yourself some time for rest and relaxation every now and then.

Sagittarius, Wow! A hot month is in store for you! In June the Sun, Mars and Jupiter, combine to give you a vast amount of energy and desire this will be an extremely passionate combination. In June 2013 you'll definitely have a lot of social engagements, important events, and they will be spectacular. It'll be the period of irresistible attractions, and of love at first sight, of crazy things done in the name of love, of unleashed passion. If you are in a relationship loud arguments or dramatic break-ups may occur. In other cases, there might appear rivalry, jealousy, maybe even aggression. Everything will be very exciting but be careful, because the situation can easily get out of control! At work you could face challenges. You can expect competition, fights, and confrontations. Financially, the prognosis of June 2013 is good, but will be especially good in the second half. Stress will be high this month take some time to chill out.

Puzzle It Out

June 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 5/22/13 4:02 PM Page 72

Crossword

Solutions on page 88 Across: 1. Santa's is pulled by Reindeer (6) 5. Pour it over the pudding and set it alight (6) 8. Aid in a criminal act (4) 9. Alfred Lord ---- (8) 10. Distended abdomen (6) 11. The next UK public holiday after New Year (6) 12. Part of a church (4) 14. Suffer (3) 15. Not at home (4) 16. Assault (6) 18. One who uses cigarettes, cigars or a pipe (6) 19. The body of an airliner (8) 21. Spiritual guide (4) 22. To be changed(6) 23. Lengthen (6) Down: 2. Astrological sign (5) 3. Fiery, determined, burning (7) 4. Small car (9) 5. Serve a burger in one (3) 6. Deep chasm (5) 7. Twelve sided, three dimensional shape (13) 11. ---- Port, a small town on the Wirral (9) 13. Astonish (7) 15. Amidst (7) 17. All writers could do with one of these (5) 20. Assist (3)

Sudoku

Brain Teaser It’s finger licking.... It’s Chicken....

You must buy 100 chickens for exactly €100, and purchase at least one chicken from each shop. The first shop charges 5 cents/chicken, the second charges €1/chicken and the third charges €5/chicken.

How many chickens should you buy from each shop?

Say What You See...



basalt

new leaf 72

granite

coal

sandstone

June 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 5/22/13 4:02 PM Page 73

June 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 5/22/13 4:02 PM Page 74

F I N A N C I A L Economic & Currency News...

LOOKING GOOD FOR THE UK RIGHT NOW

At last some good news for the UK, they have had stronger than expected 1st quarter GDP figures, there are less people on the dole and the quarterly Inflation report from the Bank of England has said that the recovery for the UK's economy is in sight, so lets have a round of applause for the UK, and also lets see how long it will last. The bank of England has a new governor ready to take the helm, Mr. Mark Carney.

Shell and BP have been very naughty and it looks as thought they have been involved in Oil price fixing, if true, then the UK public have been ripped off at the pumps as well. David Cameron has pledged that he will back a law making it illegal for price fixing in the oil markets, maybe he should expand this to all the markets, look what has happened with Libor!!

Not good news for Euro land though, apart from Germany, everyone else is not having a good time, France has slipped back in to recession, with a GDP of -0.2%, Italy's economy has contracted by -0.5% and Portugal's was only half as bad as forecast coming in at -0.3% off the back of this data, the poor single currency has not been fairing well.

To find out how Moneycorp can help you achieve more for your money on your exchange of funds, speak to our currency partner and find out what they can do for you, or pop into their office in La Cala for a chat, they have a very friendly, English, French, Spanish speaking team.

Contact Moneycorp on 952 587 657 or email costalink@moneycorp.com

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The Jokes page

Jokes page

A girl came skipping home from school one day.

“Mummy, Mummy,” she yelled, “We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!” “Very good.” said her mother.

“Is it because I'm blonde?” the girl asked. “Yes, it's because you're blonde,” said her mummy. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. “Mummy, Mummy,” she yelled, “We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!” “Very good,” said her mother.

“Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?” “Yes dear it's because you're blonde.” The next day the girl came skipping home from school. “Mummy, Mummy,” she yelled, “We were in gym class today and, when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!” and she lifted her blouse to reveal a pair of 36Cs. “Very good,” said her embarrassed mother. “Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?”

“No Honey, it's because you're 24.”

Doctor! Doctor!

A man goes into a doctor's surgery.

Doctor: "Good morning, what can I do for you?"

Patient: "Aaaargh!"

Doctor: "I see, that sounds very painful."

Patient (in considerable pain): "Eeeeeee!"

Doctor: "Have you taken anything for it?"

Patient (getting impatient): "Aye!" Doctor: "Well I really don't see what I can do" Patient (now exasperated): "Oooooh!"

Doctor: "If you can't describe any other symptoms, I may not be able to help" Patient (reaching the end of his tether): "YOOOUU!" Doctor: "Well, I think the problem is irritable vowel syndrome"

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A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."

"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologised.

"I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong.

How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does".

Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn’t. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But, every once in a while, he’d hear that soothing voice trying to reassure him: ‘Howard. Don’t worry about it. You aren’t the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients and you won’t be the last.’ But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality: ‘Howard. You’re a veterinarian.’

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To advertise in the most popular A5 magazine on the Costa del Sol with rates starting at 35â‚Ź call: 951 216 131 email: sales@costalinkmagazine.com

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666 089 427

private buyer

Guide...

BAR & RESTAURANT

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Golden Sun

Catering for AGM’s and Parties with group discounts.

Traditional Chinese Food. Takeaway menu.

Special lunch menu only €6.95.

Open 12.00-16.00 and 18.30-24.00 everyday.

Riviera Commercial. Tel: 952 931 737

Mama Nostra

Melon Spritzers

Blend honeydew, Galia or cantaloupes into a cooling wine-based cocktail with apple juice and lime

Ingredients:

Traditional Italian food & grill. Fresh pasta, wood burning pizza oven, Open every day 12 - 11. Riviera Commercial, Tel: 952 934 496

•500g/1lb 2oz honeydew Galia or cantaloupe melon chunks plus some melon balls to serve •Zest and juice 2 limes •100ml/ 3 ½fl oz cloudy apple juice •250ml/9fl oz chilled white wine •chilled lemonade •crushed ice •few bamboo skewers to serve

All live sports and premiere league football. Six TV’s and big screen. Full menu, Sunday roast and homemade tapas. Large sun terrace. Open 10amlate, seven days a week.

Upstairs Los Jarales, Calahonda

Put the melon chunks in a blender or food processor with the lime juice and apple juice. Whizz to the smoothest you can get, then stir in the lime zest. Cover and chill until ready to serve.

To serve, pour the melon mixture into a big jug with the wine, then add an equal part of lemonade and give it a good stir. Thread a few melon balls onto skewers, if you like, add one to each glass with some crushed ice, and top up with the melon spritzer.

Harrys Sports Bar

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Cocktail Recipe

Advertise Your Bar or Restaurant Call: 951 216 131

Method

Nutrition per serving

62 kcalories, protein 1g, carbohydrate 8g, fat 0 g, saturated fat 0g, fibre 1g, sugar 8g, salt 0.1 g

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Cherry Swirl CheeSeCake Swirls of cherries ensure this sublime cheesecake has a summer flavour, perfect for a sunset dinner party outside...

Ingredients:

225g caster sugar 500g medium-fat soft cheese 1 tbsp cornflour 2 eggs 1 tsp vanilla extract zest 1 orange For the Filling..

200ml tub crème fraîche 350g cherries , 200g of them stoned icing sugar , for dusting For the Base...

50g butter , plus extra for greasing 140g shortbread biscuits 1 tbsp golden syrup

Method:

1) Heat oven to 160C/fan 140C/gas 3. Butter a loose-based 20cm cake tin and line the base with baking parchment.

Break up the biscuits, then pulse to fine crumbs in a food processor. Melt the butter with the syrup, then stir into the crumbs until they are evenly damp. Tip into the prepared tin and smooth with the back of a dessertspoon. Bake for 10 mins, then leave to cool. Reduce oven temperature to 150C/fan 130C/gas 2.

2) Tip the stoned cherries into the rinsed-out food processor with 85g of the sugar. Blend until smooth, then tip into a small pan and bring to the boil. Simmer for 5-6 mins, stirring, until it forms a thick syrup. Cool.

3) Rinse out the food processor again, then tip in the cheese, cornflour, eggs, remaining sugar, vanilla, orange and half the crème fraîche. Blend until smooth. Spoon half the mix into the tin, then spoon half the cherry purée evenly over the top. Spoon the remaining cheesecake mix over this. Stir the mix gently with a fine skewer to swirl the cherry purée through it. Bake for 45 mins, then turn the oven off and leave for 30 mins. Spread the remaining crème fraîche over the filling, then spoon the remaining cherry purée into the centre. Using a fine skewer draw the cherry purée through the crème fraîche to make a star pattern, wiping the skewer each time. Set the reserved cherries around the edge of the cheesecake, then dust with icing sugar. Chill until ready to serve.

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Puzzle It Out Solutions FromPages 20 & 72

Crossword Solution

Just Say What You See Turn Over a New Leaf Rock Around the Clock

Brain Teaser 80 from shop 1 = €4 1 from shop 2 = €1 19 from shop 3 = €95

Trivia Quiz Answers 1) Sting 2) Made in Chelsea 3) Wigan Athletic 4) Anglesey 5) Mexico 6) Breathe underwater 7) 2 8) The Star-Spangled Banner 9) Ben Hur 10) Pet Shop Boys 11) Paxman 12) Bee Gees 13) Orange 14) Peter 15) Suez 16) Photosynthesis 17) Coventry Street 18) XIV 19) Boxing 20) Trainspotting 21) Supermarket 22) Biathlon 23) Princess Margaret 24) Mercury 25) Leicester Tigers 26) Jungle Book 27) C3PO 28) The Pound

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FLEXIBILITY: Because you do not need a land line, you can have internet on a “Pay as you go” system. There are flexible solutions ranging from 1 hour to a permanent connec-

Teleweb offers a telephone system (without the need for a landline) with calls from 1.8c per minute. It is just like a Telefonica landline without the wires. No need to have your computer on to make and receive calls. Choose a telephone number from your home country or just elect to have a Malaga number. This system will work anywhere in the world with the same low call costs, you just need an internet connection.

For more information on any of the above, please call Teleweb on 952 833 300 or Email: info@teleweb-marbella.

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