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952 952 885 885 661 661 630 630 200 200 600 600
fanta or see s
fun visit tic age 46 p
f The worst kept secret on the Costa del Sol
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Love is in the Air…
Unlike the UK where it seems to be snow in the air! I hope that the bad weather in the UK hasn’t affected too many people here. Other things that might be in the air are Pancakes – I love Shrove Tuesday, it’s on the 12th of this month, I am not sure if I will manage more than the thirteen that I had last year, but I’m going to give it a good go! Just the thought of all that maple syrup and ice cream – Mmmmmm. Whilst on the subject of food, welcome to La Luna Restaurant in El Coto, Campo Mijas who have just started advertising with us. This is a lovely restaurant that’s well worth a visit, so this month we are giving away a meal for two there in our competition on the previous page and be sure to get your entry in! Speaking of competitions, well done Harriet Dobson who won the Handy Man for a day, I hope you kept K&M busy with all those little jobs that never get done! One other thing – Lots of people are asking about what to do when the TV Channels disappear. There is a solution now see page 26 and 27…
Link! Everyone Loves the Costa
W ha t’ s On
TH E JOKES PA GE
Bar & Res tau ran t
Contact Us Call: 951 216 131 or 663 061 669 Email: email@example.com Website: www.costalinkmagazine.com
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Revenge is sweet...
A Womanâ€™s World
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the removals come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and ate a kilo of prawns, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water. When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten prawn shells dipped in caviar into the hollow tubes of the curtain poles. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When her soon to be ex-husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in, they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked! People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The cleaner even handed in her notice. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local estate agents refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new house. The ex-wife called the ex-husband and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later the exhusband and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the removal company pack everything to take to their new home...And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain poles!!!!
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KATIE PRICE HAS BEEN SINGLE FOR A TOTAL OF FOUR MONTHS IN THE LAST TEN YEARS...
Last month, Katie Price got married to Kieran Hayler after they’d been together for two months – and that was just three months after she split up with Leandro Penna. Wait a sec, we thought; didn’t she get together with Leandro pretty quickly after she broke up with Alex Reid? And, didn’t she get with Alex pretty soon after her marriage to Peter Andre ended? And… anyway, you get the drift. So, we put our maths hat on and did some very high-tech analysing and have calculated that since November 2002, more than 10 years ago, Jordan has only been single for around 18 weeks, or just over four months. We knew the lady loved to love, but WOWZAS. Maths can be interesting hey?
Jordan then spoke about her secret Bahamas wedding (well, we say secret but!) to Kieran last month, in front of just six friends, telling The Sun: “A medium said the man I’d marry was called Kevin. Kieran’s name is close to Kevin and it all became clear. “Clear. Ok.
Anyway, back to our maths. Katie started dating Scott Sullivan (the son of a millionaire) at the end of 2002 and was with him for around two years until she entered the jungle on I’m A Celebrity: Get Me Out of Here and met Peter Andre. We’re not suggesting anything improper obviously, but we’re gonna call this one… TIME SINGLE: 0 weeks
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KATIE PRICE HAS BEEN SINGLE FOR A TOTAL OF FOUR MONTHS IN THE LAST TEN YEARS CONTINUED...
Jordan and Peter got married, as we all know, had two kids but sadly announced their split on May 13 in 2009. But less than two months later, Jordan was healing her broken heart with cage-fighter Alex Reid. TIME SINGLE: 8 weeks
Jordan and Alex started dating in July 2009 and they married, but 11 months of wedded bliss, they announced their split on January 19, 2011. The pair were divorced in a quickie 55-second hearing three months later, but by then, Jordan had already met Leandro Penna at an Oscars party on February 27, 2011. TIME SINGLE: 6 weeks
Jordan and Leandro did briefly split in October 2011, but she went on a few dates with rugby player Danny Cipriani, so we’re not having that. However, on October 24, 2012 the couple announced they had split for good, just six months after they’d got engaged. On December 19th, Kieran posted a picture of him and Katie snogging on twitter and sources tell us they’ve been dating since the end of November. TIME SINGLE: 4 weeks.
TOTAL TIME SINGLE: 18 weeks.
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KIDS ON LOVE
• On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date - Martin, age 10
What do you do on a first date?
• When they're rich - Pam, age 7
When Is It Okay To Kiss Someone?
• The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that - Curt, age 7
• The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them & have kids with them. It's the right thing to do - Howard, age 8 • It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them - Anita, age 9
Is It Better To Be Single or Married?
• I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns - Craig, age 9
What Would You Do On A First Date That Was Turning Sour?
• There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? Kelvin, age 8
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Sex therapy advice Two women had been having a friendly lunch when the subject turned to sex. "You know, John and I have been having some sexual problems" Linda told her friend. That's amazing!" Mary replied, "So have Tom and I. We're thinking of going to a sex therapist" said Linda. "Oh, we could never do that! We'd be too embarrassed!" responded Mary. "But after you go, will you please tell me how it went?" Several weeks passed and they met met for lunch again. "So, how did the sex therapy work out, Linda?" "Things couldn't be better!", Linda exclaimed. "We began with a physical exam, and afterward the doctor said he was certain he could help us. He told us to stop at the supermarket on the way home and buy a bunch of grapes and a dozen donuts. He told us to sit on the floor nude, and toss the grapes and donuts at each other. Every grape that went into my lady bits, John had to get it out with his tongue. Every donut that I ringed his man bits with, I had to eat. Our sex life is wonderful, in fact it's better than it's ever been!" With that endorsement, Mary talked her husband into an appointment with the same sex therapist. After the physical exams were completed the doctor called Mary and Tom into his office. "I'm afraid there is nothing I can do for you," he said. But doctor," Mary complained, "You did such good for Linda and John, surely you must have a suggestion for us! Please, please, can't you give us some help? Any help at all?" "Well, OK," the doctor answered. "On your way home, I want you to stop at the supermarket and buy a sack of apples and a box of Cheerios......"
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1) In which UK City would you find the Crucible Theatre? 2) Which actor plays Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey? 3) JRR Tolkein wrote The Hobbit but what do the initials JRR stand for? 4) Pyongyang is the capital of which Asian country? 5) Which new Royal turned 31 last month? 6) Who played Rodney in Only Fools and Horses? 7) Which Bradford born vocalist duetted with Elton John on the hit single ‘Don’t Go Breaking My Heart’? 8) Which element has the chemical symbol ZN? 9) Which European country is the worlds most visited country? 10) Which South East Asian State is the world’s most densely populated country? 11) In which book of the Old Testament does the story of Cain and Able appear? 12) The playwright Alan Ayckbourn is associated with which Yorkshire coastal town? 13) In 1928, who discovered Penicillin? 14) Which country was spoonbender Yuri Geller born? 15) If you were born on Christmas Day, which star sign would you be? 16) What do the initials PLC stand for after a company name?
17) What was the sequel to the TV series ‘Yes Minister’ called? 18) In the Bible, which angel foretold the birth of Jesus? 19) For which sport was Duncan Goodhew famous? 20) Which city is also known as ‘The Big Apple’? 21) Which of the following is not a type of pottery: Ming, Chippendale, and Wedgwood? 22) What type of bird has varieties called Ring, Turtle and Collared? 23) What animal lives in a lair or an earth? 24) Who was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for her work with the poor in India? 25) Who teamed up with Benny, Bjorn and Annafried to form ABBA? 26) What was the occupation of Beirut hostage John McCarthy? 27) Which overture has a date in the title and features cannons and bells in the music? 28) . Which Opera singer sang a solo and Prince Charles and Lady Diana’s wedding? 29) In Charlie and The Chocolate Factory, what was Charlie’s surname? 30) Who duetted with David Bowie for the hit single ‘Dancing in the Street’? Answers on page 87
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Fifty Shades My missus bought a paperback - In Alcampo, Saturday. I had a look inside the bag -'It was "Fifty Shades of Grey"! Well I just left her to it and went off up to bed. An hour later, she appeared the sight filled me with dread. In one hand she held a rope, In the other, held a whip. She brandished them around and then began to strip. Well, forty years ago I might have had a peek. But Doris hasn't weathered well - She's sixty-eight next week. Watching Doris bump and grind couldn't have been much grimmer. Then things went from bad to worse -She toppled off her Zimmer. She struggled back to her feet, A good half hour later, Put her teeth back in and said - That I must dominate her. Now if you knew our Doris, well, You'd know just why I cringed. She'd been two months in traction, 'Cos her hips and knees unhinged. She stood there naked, like, Then bent forward quite a bit and jumping back in fright, I stood on her left tit. Doris screamed, her teeth shot out, My word what HAD I done? She moaned and groaned then shouted out "Step on the OTHER one" Well friends, I can tell no more about what occurred that day. Suffice to say, my dark brown hair, Turned fifty shades of grey. Black and blue, battered too, With wanton, wild perversion, We decided that a night of sin was scarce worth such exertion. Thank Heavens she has binned the book and peace reigns, like before. She's head to toe in winceyette and back to back, we snore.
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A Man’s World
How to treat your wife on Valentines Day...
Top tip from John from Mijas Costa I just love to do special things for my wife on Valentine's Day! Simple things like: Open the door for her when she puts all the laundry in the washing machine, plug and unplug the vacuum as she moves from room to room cleaning. Guys, it's these little thoughtful things you can do to have a marriage such as mine!
A loving Husband... Finally, a man's point of view... A man and his ever-nagging wife went on holiday to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for 5,000€, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for 150€." The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend 5,000€ to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only 150€?" The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."
A thoughtful Valentine's Day gift... Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day. “Yes,” came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, “I've bought her a belt and a bag.” “That was very kind of you,” Jim added, “I hope she appreciated the thought.” Tony smiled as he replied, “So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now.”
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THE PROCESSIONARY Caterpillar
It’s that time of year again; the weather has been quite warm and hatching has started early so we would like to warn pet owners of the dangers of the “candy floss” white nests that have appeared rapidly in the fir trees above our heads!!
This is the nest of the PROCESSIONARY CATERPILLAR and they arrive in their thousands!! – They are dangerous to humans too but because dogs & cats are inquisitive & like to nosey about on the ground sniffing out what’s new – that is when pets get themselves into trouble. The caterpillars get their name because they follow each other in a “procession” actually looking quite sweet, innocent and cute; they are dark brown in colour. The caterpillars hatch from their nests and follow each other across a pathway or road making a definite line to their onward destination. It is at this point that we canines and felines wander up to the “little monsters” & have a good sniff to investigate the findings – & get into trouble. If your pet comes into contact with the caterpillars it is imperative that you wash well the area & get your pet to a veterinarian as soon as possible.
The caterpillars are covered in thousands of tiny hairs which get hooked on the skin, mouth or nose – they imbed into pets and then literally “eat away on flesh”. Avoid exercising pets in the pine forests until the end of April. From personal experience if you find a trail of caterpillars in your garden spray them with hairspray to seal their hairs then set a flame to them to destroy. It has worked every time for us in the past.
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…are you puzzled by the heath care system in Spain and need some assistance?
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SANITAS HEALTH PLAN Promotion: From 1 to 4 months free Depending on number of insured persons. All waiting times except childbirth to be waived. Whether you require a worldwide policy, or healthcare for Spain only, Sanitas have the solution The Xanit & The Hospiten Estepona are now covered by Sanitas Health Plans to Suit all Budgets
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THIS LITTLE-KNOWN, YET QUICKLY EMERGING METHOD OF EXERCISE AND IS STARTING TO TAKE A PROMINENT PLACE IN SOME OF TODAY’S FITNESS PROGRAMS, AND IT IS VERY IMPORTANT FOR THOSE WHO HAVE LIMITED RANGE OF MOTION. THERE HAVE BEEN SEVERAL JOINT MOBILITY PROGRAMS THAT HAVE BEEN DEVELOPED OVER THE PAST FEW YEARS, AND THERE IS A GOOD REASON WHY – THESE EXERCISES WORK! I HAVE SEEN JOINT MOBILITY EXERCISES PRESCRIBED AS A METHOD OF REHABILITATION, PRE-HABILITATION, WORKOUT WARMUPS, AND A MEANS OF ATHLETIC ENHANCEMENT. IT HAS EVEN BEEN REFERRED TO AS THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH.
Joint mobility exercises involve moving each joint through its full range of motion. Some people do this naturally everyday, oftentimes tilting the head left and right or rolling it in a circle to relieve tension. Joint mobility exercise acts as a foundational technique to increase range of motion and restore lost movement patterns, but the benefits don’t stop at increasing range of motion. There are a host of benefits waiting to be explored.
1. Once you have finished a whole-body joint mobility session, you will feel completely relaxed. Any tension that was present has either been eliminated or softened. 2. You will restore health at each joint in your body by washing them with synovial fluid (joint lubrication). Prior to adolescence, our body would automatically feed our joints with nutrition. After puberty, the body stops doing this, and the only nutrition that our joints receive is that which we feed it through movement. So, if we don’t move through a full range of motion at each joint, we are literally starving our joints. 3. Another immediate benefit of joint mobility is that it provides a method or reaching a heightened sensory awareness, which will improve your ability to concentrate. In other words, you will feel fully awake and aware.
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MORAL OF THE DAY Daddy's car in the woods?
Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. â€˜Mummy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane...' At this point Mummy cut him off and said, 'Johnny, this is such an interesting story, lets save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.' At the dinner table that evening, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story Johnny started his story, 'I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was away on the oil rigs.' Mummy fainted! Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt!
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KIDS ON LOVE con’t
• "Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." John, age 9
What Falling In Love Is Like?
• "If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." Glenn, age 7
• "'How Do I Love Thee When You're Always Picking Your Nose?'" Arnold, age 10
Titles Of The Love Songs You Can Sing?
• "'I Love Hamburgers, I Like You!'" Eddie, age 6
• "'I Am in Love with You Most of the Time, but Don't Bother Me When I'm with My Friends.'" Bob, age 9 • "'Hey, Baby, I Don't like Girls but I'm Willing to Forget You Are One!'" Will, age 7
• "One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too." Andrew, age 6
Why Love Happens Between Two Particular People?
• "No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell ... That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." Mae, age 9
• "I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." Peter, age 8
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Noah’s New Ark God calls down to Noah and says......
“Noah me old china, I want you to make me a new Ark”.
Noah replies, “No probs God, anything you want after all you're the boss.”
God interrupts: “Ah, but there's a catch. This time Noah, I don’t want just a couple of decks, I want 20 decks - one on top of the other.”
“20 decks!”, screams Noah. “Well, OK boss, whatever you say. Should I fill it up with all the animals just like last time?”
“Yep, that’s right, well… sort of right… this time I want you to fill it up with fish” answers God. “Fish?”, queries Noah.
“Yep, fish… well, to make it more specific Noah, I want carp - wall to wall, floor to ceiling. Carp!” Noah looks to the skies. “OK God, let me get this right, you want a New Ark?” “Check.” “With 20 decks, one on top of the other?” “Check.” “And you want it full of Carp?” “Check.”
“Why?” asks the perplexed Noah.
“Dunno”, says God, “I just fancied a Multi-Storey Carp Ark.”
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Tel: 951 310 111
Mobile: 651 111 005
February 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 1/22/13 2:30 PM Page 54
Love & Marriage Some not so romantic thoughts on love and marriage... • Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. • At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The other replied, “Yes I am, I married the wrong man.” • Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished. • A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” And the father replied, “I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it.” • After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” The husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it.” • A man inserted an advert in the classifieds: ‘Wife wanted’. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.” • When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife. • When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
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February 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 1/22/13 2:30 PM Page 56
Mercedes have recently announced the new CLS Shooting Brake - a sort of coupe estate. But this is not a new idea, there were a number of cars in the 1970s that used the term, The Reliant Scimitar and the Volvo P1800ES were a couple of examples, but have you seen one of these before? In 1965 Intermeccanica built a Mustang Wagon in order to impress the bosses at ford US and had hoped that it would get into production. Ford rejected it but a number of replicas were built privately, This one is a 5 liter, 5 speed and is built mostly from factory parts and is said to drive like the original. This ultra rare DB6 Shooting brake was one of two produced by Aston Martin in 1967, and another 6 or 7 were produced by Radford shortly afterwards. There have been many examples since of Aston Shooting brakes including Lagondas and Virages.
This Ferrari 365 Daytona shooting brake was the only one built by Panther Westwinds in the UK, Access to the rear compartment is through the side windows which are hinged gullwing style.
Lynx Produced Eventer between 1982 and 2002, it was a Jaguar XJS shooting brake. They made a total of 67 cars, 52 pre facelift and 15 of the later shape.
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February 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 1/22/13 2:30 PM Page 59
S ecurity Â‡/RFN6DIH2SHQLQJ6HUYLFH Â‡/RFNV&KDQJHG Of Â‡3DWLRV :LQGRZV6HFXUHG S pain &RQWDFW'DUHQ 24 HOUR LOCKSMITHS
February 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 1/22/13 2:30 PM Page 60
Priests in the shower
Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step in the showers before they realise there is no soap.
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the showers. He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way. Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled, he drops a bar of soap. "Oh look," says the first nun, "It's a soap dispenser." To test the theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood...sure enough he drops the other bar of soap. The third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice, and three times but nothing happens. So she gives one last, despairing almighty tug then yells... "Mary, Mother of god, it's a Hand-Lotion too!
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February 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 1/22/13 12:49 PM Page 62
Tuesday19th February: Estepona Floral Art Club will be holding the next flower arranging demonstration on 19th February from 3.30pm to 5pm at Tikitano’s Beach and Restaurant, Estepona. For more information call Lesley on 610950810 or send an email to email@example.com to join the mailing list for the monthly Newsletter. Every Monday: 1st Coin Brownies meet 5pm-6.30pm at El Centro Nazareno in Coin. Suitable forages 7-10 years. Great fun for the girls. Contact www.1stcoinbrownies.info Every Tuesday: The Costa Women Coffee Club meet every second Tuesday at 10am – 12.30pm for coffee, chats and other activities and is a social group designed to get ladies of all ages together. It’s best to join the group via Facebook or contact Emma on 608 408 771 Every Wednesday: Wednesday night is QUIZ NIGHT with the excellent quiz master Marco Nardone, entrance is only €2 and first prize is nothing less than a bottle of VEUVE CLICQUOT CHAMPAGNE - IGLÚ CHILL LOUNGE, El Pilar, Estepona. Every Thursday: Market at Calypso, Calahonda. Every Saturday: Atletico Las Chapas, Football Academy meet @ Aztec Country Club, Riviera. Call for moe information on: 685 448 083. Every Sunday: At the Hippodrome from 9am - 2pm FAMA have a car boot sale. Every Sunday: There is a market every Sunday in the Marbella Marina (Puerto Deportivo de Marbella) on the Teresa Zabell Pier from 12:00-18:00 Every Sunday: Santiago Restaurant Alhaurin el Grande - Traditional Sunday Lunch. Every Sunday: Barbeque night at Riviera Grand Palms Cyber Cafe, from 6pm, Families welcome, loads of home cooked food from 7€, Calle Sirocco 370 Phase 7 Urb. Riveria del Sol, follow the signs from the lady in the bath, booking advised Tel 952 932 112.
If you have an event, fundraiser or anything else please let us know… email: firstname.lastname@example.org or phone 951 216 131 62
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February 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 1/22/13 12:49 PM Page 64
ocal Info Emergency Numbers
Central number for Fire, Police & Ambulance National Police Local Police Guardia Civil dica
112 091 092 062
Emergency 061 Ambulance Marbella 902 505 061 Ambulance Coin 952 453 267
Marbella 952 761 100 San Pedro 952 453 020 La Cala de Mijas 952 493 208 Fuengirola 952 589 300 Estepona 952 801 100
Emergency number 080 Marbella 952 774 349 Estepona 952 804 483 Fuengirola 952 461 046 British Ireland Denmark Sweden Germany France U.S.A
952 952 952 952 952 952 952
Marbella Coin Estepona Fuengirola San Pedro
952 771 442 952 822 818 952 822 818 952 467 457 952 785 252
352 475 226 604 212 226 474
300 108 373 383 442 590 891
Bus Stations Marbella 952 764 400 Coin 952 450 366 San Pedro 952 781 396 Estepona 952 800249 For a list of complete times www.andalucia.com/travel/bus Train Timetables 902 240 202 Airports Malaga 952 048 844 Gibraltar 956 773 026
Marbella 952 769 946 Coin 952 452 767 San Pedro 952 787 700
Monday - Marbella (fairground site on east side) Tuesday - Fuengirola (fairground near Los Boliches) Wednesday - Calypso (Mijas Costa & Estepona (Avda. Juan Carlos) La Cala - Feria ground Thursday - San Pedro (Recinto Ferial) Alhaurin el Grande - (La Fama) Friday - Alhaurin el Grande (Bar Aquamania) Saturday - Coin (Calle Urbano Pineda) La Cala - Feria ground. Sunday - Puerto Estepona
All the Cinemas listed below show films in English as well
as Spanish. Call first to check what is showing that week. Marbella: Cinesur Plaza del Mar 952 766 941 La CaĂąada 902 333 231 Puerto Banus: Gran Marbella 952 810 077 Coin: La Trocha 951 315 039 Fuengirola Cinesur Miramar 902 221 622
24 hour chemist Urb. Artola, Ctra. Cadiz Km 194. Marbella. Tel: 952 83 25 89
Marbella Taxis 952 774 488 Mijas Costa Taxis 952 476 593
February 14th: Valentineâ€™s Day February 21st: Shrove Tuesday (Pancake Day) February 22nd: Ash Wednesday
February 28th: Andalucia Day
if you would like to sponsor this page please call 663 061 669
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February 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 1/22/13 12:49 PM Page 66
y Valentine's Da Superstitions & Traditions
There are many traditions and superstitions associated with romance activities on Valentine's day some of them include:
♥ Traditionally, spring begins on St Valentine's Day (February 14th), the day on which birds chose their mates. In parts of Sussex Valentines Day was called 'the Birds' ‘Wedding Day'. ♥ The first man an unmarried woman saw on 14th February would be her future husband; If the names of all a girl's suitors were written on paper and wrapped in clay and the clay put into water, the piece that rose to the surface first would contain the name of her husband-to-be.
♥ Some people used to believe that if a woman saw a robin flying overhead on Valentine's Day, it meant she would marry a sailor. If she saw a sparrow, she would marry a poor man and be very happy. If she saw a goldfinch, she would marry a millionaire. ♥ In the Middle Ages, young men and women drew names from a bowl to see who their valentines would be. They would wear these names on their sleeves for one week. ♥ In Wales wooden love spoons were carved and given as gifts on February 14th. Hearts, keys and keyholes were favourite decorations on the spoons. The decoration meant, "You unlock my heart!"
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February 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 1/22/13 12:49 PM Page 68
S TA R S I GN S
A look at what's in store for you during February.....
Capricorn, it seems it will be quite a peaceful month, with no out-of-the-ordinary events. Relationship preoccupations seem to go mainly towards the practical aspects of life: money, calculations, and various daily tasks. February 2013 will be a month in which things will be thought about evaluated and settled. If you're single, love won't be the top preoccupation this month. On the work front at last, you'll have some good news! February 2013 will be a generous month with harmonious Jupiter the Sun and Venus in your sign promising to change financial matters, especially where work and duty are involved. Health wise all in all this month you'll have vigor, resilience and loads of energy. You're recommended to be very careful when traveling and when handling dangerous objects because there's a risk of accidents. Keep the good relationships with your siblings, colleagues, neighbors! Aquarius, Venus and the Sun will be right in your sign. Venus is the planet of love and of good understanding, and the Sun is the ruler of Aquarius' house of couples. February 2013 is a wonderful period to meet the partner you've been dreaming of, to spend delightful moments with the loved one, to accomplish things together, to light the fire of passion again, to make up and experience romantic interludes. The superb planetary configuration this month will create an almost perfect climate for love and marriage. At work expect a very successful month! You'll shine, stand out and receive praise for your talents. Youâ€™ll be in a great shape! You'll overflow with energy and you'll have high morale. February 2013 will be a month of joy, socialising and fun. Enjoy the month February 2013 fully! It'll be your month. Pisces, February will be a busy month, scattered with incidents, challenging and stressful from all points of view, but especially for relationships. Don't make any final plans, because nothing is certain, but don't leave things as they are either, because they could go crazy! Mars is passionate and impulsive, Mercury is playful and eager for experiments, but the way they are configured could give birth to misunderstandings, contradiction, fights or even breakups. Things would be better if you analyzed them before taking action. This month will be hectic and disturbing. You cannot just sit around, even if you wanted to. You have to get involved, fight, and take action. Challenges won't stop coming. Be thoroughly organised so that you don't end up being pressured by time. Have enough rest, don't rush, don't expose yourself, don't risk and don't fight! Aries, February 2013 will be a nice month. Not necessarily passionate, but rather cheerful, harmonious & generous. Venus will be in a bright area of the horoscope, which favors entertainment, conspiracies, communication, future plans, and progress. Unexpected events, surprises and changes of plans will make things be even more exciting. It'll be a period in which you'll socialise a lot. There's a top month in store for you in February 2013, but also rather complicated. You'll enjoy popularity; you'll be liked by fans and supported by powerful people. However, behind the curtains, there'll be dangers lurking and having the capacity to cause you big troubles. From the financial point of view, fortunately things will go well in this month. Although any decisions you make must be considered carefully. Youâ€™ll be full of energy this month but make the most of it avoid excesses and overindulgence, be careful when traveling!
Taurus, February 2013 sees a romantic note brought back into your life. Socialising will now have a positive effect in meeting new people, if you are single get out there Taurus and flirt like mad. This month seems to underline the importance of communication: there will be a lot of discussions within relationships, older subjects will come back to attention and will be intensely debated, etc. This month will highlight you very well professionally speaking and can bring you the accomplishments you're dreaming of. Your work will be appreciated and well rewarded financially. Manage your money moderately though, because the coming weeks can bring along some misunderstandings, delays or unexpected expenses. You'll be in a good shape this month, even if it is sometimes inconsistent, the over-activity periods alternating with the ones of tiredness. Set new objectives at the social or professional level!
Gemini, relationships will be the focus of attention in February 2013: friendship, collaboration and, of course, couple relationships. Some disturbance may occur on account of the different objectives (you'll set certain main aims in this period, while your partner will have other priorities) or on account of the interference of professional problems with the private area. In the long run this will bring love closer to you, will tighten connections to your partner or will bring to your attention various subjects concerning love, marriage, partnership. On the work front focus a lot of strength and a lot of ambition in February 2013. It is as if you decided to risk it all in order to reach your objectives, to prove what you are worth and what your skills are. Plan important actions carefully!
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Cancer, Mars, Pluto and Saturn will play a decisive role in your love life this month: Bringing a period that will start defining if you'll be able to settle the issues within a relationship, it's about responsibility, maturity, focus and perseverance. When the relationship is too demanding, the decision of ending that particular chapter could be made. However, even if everything is correct and stable, there is the possibility of some emotional frustration. Expect a good month from the professional point of view, even if it is rather hectic. More intense activity could come from the area of studies, business trips or of the connections between career and distance/foreign countries or the cultural environment. You won't be exactly in your top shape, especially in the first two weeks of February 2013. Be careful when you walk or drive and when you handle dangerous objects!
Leo, there couldn't have been a more promising month! There's some accomplishment in store for you, an accomplishment related to love and relationships, or at least a happy and delightful period, in which you're on the same wavelength with the loved one. If you are single, meeting the right person is more than likely in February 2013, and the factors which favor it are mainly through friends and social events, get yourself out and about Leo. This month is a great time for teamwork. You'll find it very easy to get close to people and to make them trust you, which can also bring you social contacts useful to your future. You’ll be in a pretty good shape in February 2013, but somehow under tension. You'll be restless and worried. Try to chill out as much as possible at this time. But remember - Socialise as much as possible, make new friends!
In February and in the first part of March 2013, you’ll be irresistible – this will lead to passion and commitment. If you are single Virgo this is good time to get your party clothes on and get out and about – You are hot this month…February 2013 will be much more relaxed as regards responsibilities. Work will be easier and not so hectic as of late. This month will be very active as regards contracts, collaboration, public relations and relationships with the others, generally speaking. It could be productive and could bring you useful contacts. Beware, though: it can also be marked by competition or conflicts. Accurate information, well-thought strategy and good timing will favor success. And successful work will bring the money pouring in. Express yourself clearly, listen carefully, and avoid conflicts!
Libra, a wonderful period! St. Valentine loves you. Venus and Jupiter will bring an extra luck in the first part of February 2013, somehow connected to studies, work or travel. Relationships will also be connected to work though, because Mars, the ruler of Libra's house of couples, will be in the area of jobs and daily responsibilities. Communication within relationships is an important issue and it will be so until April 2013. This month will mark the beginning of a very busy or hectic period, which will until the middle of March 2013. It's good to know, so that you can make plans, because only thorough planning and rigorous discipline will help you go over these weeks. Keep thorough record of your papers and documents; make backup copies of all-important paperwork!
Scorpio, in spite of the need for peacefulness and security, you might get some action this month on the LOVE front. February may mean falling in love, of hot flings. It's not a good time for you to commit (such as endangering a serious relationship for a fleeting one, trust a person you don't know or lose your head completely). However, if you know what you do and where to stop, go for it! On the work front you can make the most of your talent and capacity to express yourself. If you have a creative profession or you want to highlight your potential, to promote your image. It's time you changed a few things in your lifestyle. Maybe take up a new exercise routine or perhaps a sport… Be careful though because there's also the risk of accidents this month.
Sagittarius, with two very energetic planets in the relationship part of your sign (Jupiter & Sagittarius) expect new, exciting, adventure, and passion to come into your life. Therefore, get ready for action! One thing is for certain: you won't get bored in February 2013! However, if you're involved in a relationship you care about, you're recommended to try and keep it harmonious and not take any provocation. Just let it be sometimes! This month is a great time to catch up with accountancy business meetings and negotiations. Be careful when it comes to accommodation, premises and properties! There's a risk of damages, technical disorders, incidents this month. On the health front take some time out for yourself why not start reading that book or have a coffee and a chat with an old friend – relaxing will have a positive impact on your health and physical shape.
Puzzle It Out
February 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 1/22/13 12:50 PM Page 70
Solutions on page 87 Across: 1. suspicious (5) 4. dawdling (7) 8. thefts (9) 9. state of matter (3) 10. acerbic (5) 12. acquire a stake (7) 13. include (6) 14. atmosphere of the sun (6) 18. ruminant quadruped (7) 20. agave (5) 21. garland (3) 22. female teacher (9) 24. supposed felon (7) 25. equal chances (5) Down: 1. leaves (7) 2. title (3) 3. surrendered (7) 4. hands on hips (6) 5. guards' headgear (5) 6. clever (9) 7. enthusiasm (5) 11. rapine (9) 15. watch (7) 16. map books (7) 17. pot stand (6) 18. obligatory principles (5) 19. bird of prey (5) 23. watch closely (3)
During a visit to a mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criteria is that defines if a patient should be institutionalized."Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub. Then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask the patient to empty the bathtub." Okay, here's your test: 1. Would you use the spoon? 2. Would you use the teacup? 3. Would you use the bucket? "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket, as it is larger than the spoon." What was the director's response?
Say What You See...
school school school school
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February 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 1/22/13 12:51 PM Page 72
F I N A N C I A L Economic & Currency News...
The Spanish government is newly optimistic - but many Spaniards are not
The ministers in madrid now feel they have turned a corner. Euro-zone bond yields have been hitting new low levels. Spain’s banking and labour reforms are now in place. Growth will revive later this year or in 2014, and Jobs are expected to follow.
But that is surely too rosy a view. Exports are growing and the current account is now in surplus, but even the government sees GDP shrinking by 0.5% in 2013. Spaniards are suffering an aching spell of record unemployment, at 26.6%. Austerity means worsening public services just as real wage and pension cuts make people poorer. The biggest asset for many families, their house, is plunging in value, with a further 20% price fall expected. Higher income, sales and housing taxes will hit spending power further. Business confidence and retail sales are in retreat, and a housing glut will take years to digest. Only 25,655 of what Fitch, a ratings agency, says are 1.2m unsold Spanish houses were bought in November.
Spain must eventually emerge from all this. But will Spaniards put up with extended pain? Or will they rebel against a political establishment that has failed them? So far they have been quietly dignified. Peaceful demonstrators have made more headlines than violent protesters. Yet days lost to strikes are at a ten-year high. A budget deficit of 7-8% of GDP in 2012 must be cut this year. The European Union has set a 4.5% target, though it may relax this. Investment has already been slashed so future cuts must fall on public health, education, pensions and welfare services. Spaniards are shedding their enthusiasm for an EU that seems to impose austerity and prevents devaluation. Only 4% thought the EU was bad for Spain five years ago, but now 37% do. A century ago the philosopher José Ortega y Gasset declared that “Spain is the problem, Europe is the answer”. As the crisis drags on, Spaniards may start thinking the opposite.
Written by our financial expert James Alexander.
If you would like fully regulated independent financial advice please contact us: email@example.com or on 951 216 131.
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February 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 1/22/13 12:51 PM Page 74
Europe is looking better...
Happy New Year to all!
Lets hope its better than last year!!! The signs for Europe are looking better for the start of 2013, Greece has gone quite, the rumblings about Spain, will they or wont they need a bailout also seem to be on the back burner. Italy managed to sell its bonds at a relatively low rate, giving confidence to investors. Ireland also seem to have got them selves out of the sorry mess that they were in, all good news for the Euro.
The UK seems to be heading for trouble as figures for the last quarter of 2012 for GDP are expected not to be good, we then need to wait for the 1st quarter GDP figures for 2013, if these figures look like 2012, then the UK will officially be in a triple-dip recession. HMV has gone, so has Jessop - the high street will never be the same again. With these to gone, that's more folks claiming unemployment benefit, more stress on tax payers. Sterling has had a slight drop in its value against the Euro. If you are selling your property here in the Costa del sol, speak with Moneycorp, they can save you a fortune in bank charges and give you more money on your exchange of funds when repatriating your funds back to your home country.
To find out how are currency partner Moneycorp can help you achieve more money on your exchange of funds, contact them on 952 587 657 or email firstname.lastname@example.org.
Please mention costalink when contacting Moneycorp.
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February 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 1/22/13 12:51 PM Page 76
The Jokes page
In the pub last night I saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said to her, "Good legs." The girl giggled and asked, "Do you really think so?" I said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now."
A woman asks her husband if he’d like some breakfast. “Bacon and eggs, perhaps a slice of toast? Maybe a nice grapefruit, and a cup of fresh coffee?” He declines. “It’s this Viagra.” he says, “It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.” At lunch time, she asks again if he would like something. “A bowl of home made soup maybe, or a cheese sandwich?” Again he declines. “No, thanks. It’s just this Viagra.” he says, “It really has taken the edge off my appetite.” At dinner time, she again asks if he wants anything to eat, “Anything at all,” she offers “I’ll go to the takeaway if you like or I’ll rustle up a roast, whatever you fancy.” Once more, he declines. “Again thanks, but it’s this Viagra. It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.” “Well then,” she says, “would you mind getting the hell off me? I’m STARVING!
Traffic News A lorry has overturned on the N340 loaded with vicks vapour rub, police have said there will be no congestion for 8 hours!
Sky has just won the rights to broadcast the World Origami Championships... ...unfortunately it's only available on paper view
An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to New Mexico. Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, 'Notice anything different about me'? Margaret looked him over. 'Nope.' Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything different NOW?' Margaret looked up and exclaimed, 'Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!' Furious, Bert yelled, 'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?'?? 'Nope', she replied. 'IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!' Without changing her expression, Margaret replied, 'Shoulda bought a hat, Bert.... Shoulda bought a hat.'
February 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 1/22/13 12:51 PM Page 77
Tel: 952 56 39 39 / 636 82 96 31 www.costalet.com Minerva Complex (inside, at its back), 29630 Benalmádena Costa
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February 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 1/22/13 12:51 PM Page 78
February 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 1/22/13 12:51 PM Page 79
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Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Raymond, decide to go on a picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled of cola, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, and the turtles take 10 days to get there. By the time they do get there they are exhausted. Joe takes everything out of the picnic. He takes out the bottles of cola and says, 'please, Steve, can I have the bottle opener.' 'I didn't bring the bottle opener,' Steve says. 'I thought you packed it.' Naturally, Raymond doesn't have it either, so the turtles are stuck ten miles away from home without a drink. Joe & Steve beg Raymond to turn back home and retrieve it, but Raymond flatly refuses, knowing that they'll eat everything by the time he gets back. After about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Raymond to go, swearing on their great-grand turtles' graves that they won't touch the food.
So, Raymond sets off down the road, slow and steadily. Twenty days pass, but no Raymond. Joe and Steve are hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise. Another day passes, and still no Raymond, but a promise is a promise. After three more days pass without Raymond in sight, Steve starts getting restless. 'I NEED FOOD!' he says with a hint of madness in his voice. 'NO!' Joe retorts. 'We promised.' Five more days pass. Joe realises that Raymond probably isnâ€™t coming back, so the two turtles weakly lift the lid, get a sandwich, and open their mouths to eat. But then, right at that instant, Raymond pops out from behind a rock, and says, 'Just for that, I'm not going.'
666 089 427
BAR & RESTAURANT
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4 Courses + Cava Cava Reservations R eservations 952 588 036 La Luna R estaurant Restaurant Urb: El Coto Mijas Campo www .lalunamijascosta.com www.lalunamijascosta.com email@example.com LA LUNA Restaurante R estaurante
Campo Mijas Mija Mij s
Urb. Urb. El Coto MERCADONA HIPERCOR
FORD ½ Marbella a ½Marbella Km209
Málaga ¾ M Km209
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RED VELVET CAKE Moderately Easy - Serves 12
250g butter , plus extra for greasing 200g dark chocolate, in chunks 500g plain flour 500g golden caster sugar 2 tbsp cocoa powder 1 tsp bicarbonate of soda ½ tsp salt 2 large eggs 200g natural yogurt
400g cooked beetroot in natural juices (not vinegar) 4 tbsp or 2 x 28ml bottle red food colouring
FOR THE FROSTING: 200g full-fat soft cheese, at room temperature 250g butter, softened 400g icing sugar, sifted 2 tsp vanilla extract
1) Heat oven to 180C/160C fan/gas 4. Make the first batch of sponges by greasing and lining 2 x 20cm round tins. Gently melt half the butter and chocolate together in a saucepan. Mix half the flour, sugar, cocoa, bicarb and ¼ tsp salt in a large mixing bowl. Whizz one egg and half the yogurt and beetroot in a food processor or blender until fairly smooth. Put the kettle on. 2) Tip the beetroot mix into the dry ingredients along with the melted chocolate mixture and 150ml boiling water, then stir to combine. Stir in half the food colouring, if using, and divide the mixture between the tins. Bake for 25 mins until a skewer poked into the centre comes out clean. Leave the cakes on a wire rack to cool completely. Repeat Steps 1 and 2 to make 2 more sponges or if you're lucky enough to have 4 x 20cm sandwich tins you can bake in a big batch all at once. 3) To make the frosting, briefly beat together the soft cheese and butter, then beat in the icing sugar and vanilla. Use a little to sandwich the cooled cakes together, then swirl the rest all over the sandwiched cakes and decorate with sweets, if you like. Sit the cake somewhere cool (not the fridge) to set a little before serving.
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Traditional Chinese Food. Takeaway menu. Special lunch menu only â‚Ź6.95. Open 12.00-16.00 and 18.30-24.00 everyday. Riviera Commercial. Tel: 952 931 737
Traditional Italian food & grill. Fresh pasta, wood burning pizza oven, Open every day 12 - 11. Riviera Commercial, Tel: 952 934 496
Harrys Sports Bar
Indian Cuisine in Andalucia
All live sports and premiere league football. Six TVâ€™s and big screen. Full menu, Sunday roast and homemade tapas. Large sun terrace. Open 10amlate, seven days a week. Upstairs Los Jarales, Calahonda
Good Quality, Quality, Great VValue alue Calle Jerez Urb. Torrenue Torrenueva T orrenueva 84
Tel: T el: 951 40 76 95
Advertise Your Bar or Restaurant Call: 951 216 131
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Puzzle It Out Solutions FromPages 24 & 70
Just Say What You See Time for School No One
"No," answered the Director. "A normal person would pull the plug."
Trivia Quiz Answers
1) Sheffield 2) Martin Freeman 3) John Ronald Reuel 4) North Korea 5) The Duchess of Cambridge 6) Nicholas Lyndhurst 7) Kiki Dee 8) Zinc 9) France 10) Singapore 11) Genesis 12) Scarborough 13) Alexander Fleming 14) Israel 15) Capricorn 16) Public Limited Company 17) Yes Prime Minister 18) Gabriel 19) Swimming 20) New York 21) Chippendale 22) Dove 23) Fox 24) Mother Teresa of Calcutta 25) Agnetha 26) Journalist 27) The 1812 Overture 28) Dame Kiri Te Kanawa 29) Bucket 30) Mick Jagger
teleweb internet & telephone just got better!
tion for someone who lives here full time. Do you have a wireless internet system that you are not happy with? Teleweb will convert you over to their service at no cost. What have you got to lose?
HAVE A UK No IN SPAIN!
teleweb – “Pay as you go” internet
Teleweb Internet & Telephone, has been providing wireless internet services since 2003, and in that time, has seen consistent growth and added new exciting services to its well established high speed 5GHz wireless internet service. FLEXIBILITY: Because you do not need a land line, you can have internet on a “Pay as you go” system. There are flexible solutions ranging from 1 hour to a permanent connec-
Teleweb offers a telephone system (without the need for a landline) with calls from 1.8c per minute. It is just like a Telefonica landline without the wires. No need to have your computer on to make and receive calls. Choose a telephone number from your home country or just elect to have a Malaga number. This system will work anywhere in the world with the same low call costs, you just need an internet connection. For more information on any of the above, please call Teleweb on 952 833 300 or Email: info@teleweb-marbella.
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GARDEN CENTER L I N D AV I S TA
Ctra de Cadiz, Km171,29670, San Pedro de Alcantara, Behind McDonalds in San Pedro. Tel; 952785206
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