FEATURE STORY

The Meltdown Of All Meltdowns

ryan Holt | bakersfield condors

It’s the latest craze sweeping across Condorstown. With one minute to go in the second period, the crowd rises with anticipation and the team desperately searches for the biggest goal of the night.

We’re not talking an overtime game winner. We’re not even talking about a hat trick. Heck, the Condors don’t even need to be leading.

We’re talking about the McDonald’s McFlurry Meltdown!

The McFlurry Meltdown has been like Bigfoot this season. An elusive creature that’s talked about, but not quite captured. Allegedly, everyone in attendance gets a McFlurry if the Condors score during the meltdown minute, but since it’s never happened, it remains to be seen if the coupons actually exist.

But wait. There was hope. Why yes, Saturday, with thousands in attendance, the clock slowly ticked down. The puck landed on Seth Griffith’s stick. The puck went over the line and into the net. The crowd cheered. The Condors increased the lead.

Phil Kemp exclaimed “IT’S RAINING MCFLURRYS!!!” on the bench.

Then the unthinkable happened. The goal was waived off. Apparently the meltdown had ended just tenths of a second too soon. Kids wept. It was a travesty.

There would be a silver lining. The Condors checked Article 5, Section 6 of the McFlurry Meltdown by-laws which stated that if a goal is waived off, it is to the determination of Team President Matthew Riley to decide if the coupons should be unlocked. And with that decision, the McFlurry Meltdown roller coaster ride was complete. Kids were happy. Toppings were eaten. And McDonald’s across the city rejoiced.

Including the team, who inevitably dished on their favorite McFlurry mixtures:

Oreo:

Greg McKegg

Brad Malone

Justin Bailey

Max Gildon

Cam Dineen

Phil Kemp

Olivier Rodrigue

M&Ms:

Luke Esposito

Smarties (A Canadian Thing):

Calvin Pickard

James Hamblin

Ty Tullio

Shamrock Shake:

Tyler Benson