The Event - Issue 148 - 12 February 2003

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CONTENTS: 12.02.03

EVENT

Another fortnight and here we are again. We were considering decorating the front cover with little pink hearts in an vain attempt to create some kind of Valentine's Day feel but we decided against it. A few brightly coloured shapes aren't going to cheer up the thousands of lonely people who have to cope with the media vomiting up teddy bears and crap cards from Clintons every year on February 14. So instead we've got backstage at the NME tour and chatted with The Datsuns, Polyphonic Spree, The Thrills, and Interpol.

We've also decided to spill the beans on the LCR; everything you were mildly interested to know about your favourite cheesy club night is on the centrespread. But if going out isn't your thing then we also have suggestions on how to send yourself mad in the company ofKeifer Sutherland in just 24 hours. Oh, and there is the occasional Valentine themed thing just to keep the more soppy of you entertained. Enjoy.

Editor-in-Chief Katie Hind Editor Luke Wright

Features 04 NEW MUSICAL EXCESS The NME tour came to Norwich last week. The Event features exclusive interviews with all the bands.

06 TAKE A SEAT We take a look at a new exhibition of furniture to be displayed at The Sainsbury Centre.

08 ALTERNATIVE VALENTINE Indie vs. mainstream, which comes out on top when making romantic movies.

09 THE LONGEST DAY Madman Jim Whalley ins1sts on watching the entire first series of 24 in 24 hours , and then tells us about it.

10 WORLD BOOK DAY World Book Day is on March 6. Here we take a look forward to the days proceedings.

Editorial Assistant Alpa Patel Arts Editor Kathryn Hinchliff Assistant Arts Editor Nathan Dixon

1 1 JAPANESE HORROR With this week's re lease of The Ring we take a look at four other extreme Japanese films .

12 LCR EXPOSED The greate st of all the Thursday Nights Out is laid bare as we examine the history , etiquette and benefits of the LCR

Film Editor Ryan Stephens Assistant Film Editor Phil Colvin Music Editor Mischa Pearlman Assistant Music Editor Joe Minihane TV & Radio Editor Britt Juste

Regulars 14 Albums

03 Opinion Violent computer games.

Massive Attack, Long Wave, Freaks, Loose Fur

03 Critical List

15 Singles Beverly Knight, Zwan, Turin Brakes and lclleWlld

Fortnightly round-up of the best m live events.

Assistant TV & Radio Editor Sarah Edwarde s Listings Editor Matt Sargeson Contributors : Dominic Chessam • Tiro Clare • C athe rine Clemow • Tom Gethin • Joceln Heath • Victoria Holland • Lucy Johnstone • Jon Last • Je nn Marshall • Matthew Mullen • Serena Murray • Mo Pamplin • Louise Peart • Claire Pemberton • C aroline Potter • Luke Roberts • Annita Selvaraja • Joel Stickley • Tom Sutton • Hannah Tettershall • Paul W ade • Claudia Webb • Jim Whalle y • Je nnife r Zanetto And finally ...

Welcome to the team, Alpa. Oh, and thankyou Ryan for doing all the proof-reading , and thanks to Astrid for her hard work

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Burn Out/Fade Away

16 Films The Ring, The Hours, The Magdalene Sisters, Lantana

The sale of the last century, Sleeper

19 Arts

06 Almost Famous

Richard Evans' The Zoo Keeper, Art, The Gun Seller

We catch up with rising stars Longview

08 Cinefile

20 TV/Radio

1970s classic trag1c romance Love Story

10 So You Think You Know 22 Everyone's favounte TV family The Simpsons

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CS! Miami. Soaps Previews, Love Poems

Listings Films, gigs, clubs and arts in Norwich this fortnight

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The Event is published fortn ighrly by Concrete: Post: PO Box 410 , Norwi ch, NR4 7TB Tel: 01 603 25055 8 Fax : 0 1603 506822 E-mail : su.concrete@uea .ac.uk Pri nted by: Archant Newspapers, St Andrew's Business Park, Norwich

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watch and cheer as my friend dismembers a prostitute with a chainsaw. It took him long enough to catch her. Blood sprays everywhere as he plunges the whirling blade into her chest and her fishnet-stockinged legs convulse spastically. "Get her again, do her again!" one of the onlookers shouts. I'm starting to feel edgy but I don't say anything. The police will turn up soon.

Then we'll be screwed.

It all happened in my front room, actually. The more astute of you will have already realised that - ho ho - I'm referring not real life, but what is known amongst the technological cognoscente as a 'video game'. That's the twist you see.

Umpteen column inches have been given over to the subversive and malevolent influence of violent video games· on young, impressionable minds, usually written by people so blindingly computer literate that when they are instructed to 'press any key' they have to ring technical support. Oh, the studies cited change, the anecdotal maimings and deaths shift from state to state, but the message is always the same: video games corrupt our children and turn them into vicious, sadistic killers.

Take the recent case of an eleven year-old boy from Hartlepool, who, after playing best-selling World War 11 sim Medal of Honour, burst out of the sea on a Normandy beach wielding a 7.7mm Lee Enfield No. 4 rifle and mowed down scores of stunned German holidaymakers. The resultant media furore almost beggared belief. One hysterical broadsheet columnist fatuously opined: 'It's possible there may have been some causal link between his playing this game and the subsequent massacre.' Balderdash. Obviously this person has no children of their own, or they would know that kids do things

LEIGH LAWSON

like this all the time.

I was no exception. I can vividly remember stomping up and down on my brother's pet tortoise after a marathon session of Super Mario Bros, and scarcely a Christmas goes by where Mum doesn't regale the family with the story of when, inspired

by Pac-Man, I ate so many flashing dots I was sick all over her new throw rug. Kids are like little snotty sponges; they're constantly soaking up influences and acting accordingly.

Comic genius Robin Williams showed us the military potential of pint-sized video garners in the brilliant and moving film Toys, where children are trained to drive tanks and pilot helicopters through scrotum-tighteningly unforgiving desert terrain. Kids are the future of world conflict. History has shown that war is by far the best means of resolving international disputes, so by extension, video games are a panacea for all the world's ills.

Certainly, I will actively encourage my children to imitate the behaviour they see in computer games. I can just picture it now; after a hard day at the office, I return home to find my son slouched on the settee, flanked by a pair of busty - albeit eviscerated - hookers, the opulent capo di tutti capo of an international drugs and prostitution racket. My lower lip begins to tremble with pride. It's all I can do to stop myself bawling.

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NI GEL HAVERS

· A ·new fortnightly round-up of all the best gigs, plays, films and

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student iust can't afford to miss •••

01 Free Fall Rising local talent featured in Almost Famous, bring the noise at Norwich's graetest bankside venue.

The Ferryboat, King Street, Norwich 21/02/03- £4

02 The Hours An unconventional film winning scores of attention. Nicole Kidman is unrecognisable in her portrayal of Virginia Woolfe.

Cinema City, St Andrews Street, Norwich 14/02/03

03 Ed Harcourt Sublime songsmith extrodanaire returns to Norwich of hi ssuccesssful support slot for Beth Orton last year.

The Arts Centre, St Benedicts Street, Norwich 12/02/03- £10 ((01603 660352 for booking)

04 The Rain band Blending together the bands of Manchester's past, fans of The Stone roses or The Charlatans should get their teeth into these lot!

Norwich Arts Centre, St Benedicts Street 24/02/03 - £5 (01603 660352 for booking)

ROGER LLOYO PACK

star in stunning, award-winning comedy

05 Harry Hill

phot caption

The madcap comedian known as Britain's leading Morrisey impressionist reinstates his palce as one of UK's finest comedians.

Theatre Royal, Norwich 23/02/03- £16.50 (01603 66 00 00 for booking)

06 Damien ·Rice Tipped to be the ne,xt David Gray Damien Rice is one of the must-see acts of 2003. His melodic, chilled-out pop tunes are well worth a listen.

Norwich Arts Centre, St Benedicts Street 17/02/03- £10 (01603 457683, for booking)

07 The Underground This is a little witty phot caption

The Underground is a funky night filled with nostalic trendy tunes - 70s music with indie downstairs.

The Lightbar, Prince of Wales Road 13/02/03, free before 10:30pm, £2 after

08 Shirley Valentine Monday 24th

Febn.~ary

- .Sat 1st March

Eves 7.30pm. 1\1\ats Wed & Sat 2.30pm Tckets: £4 - £18.50

NOaWICH TH EAT RE ROYAL

This is a little witty photcaption

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Stage version of the Pauline Collins saga of the bored house wife goes abroad and falls in love with an islander.

Maddermarket Theatre, St. John's Alley 17/02/02 £6 (01603 620917)

Theatre Street, Norwich NR2 1RL BOX OFFICE: (01803) 83 00 00 www.theatreroyalnorwich.co.uk -

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SPECIAL OFFER: .

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0 4 features

and offen ov.:erhyped bands on an unsuspecting public. This year, Polyphonic Spree, Interpol and The Thrills formed the most exciting and consistent line up in years. Joe Minihane went backStage to wax lyrical with the future of rock on Planet Earth •••

t's that time of year again, when swathes of pretty looking people across the cormtry bask in each others love and add tenfold to the rest of the world's excessive inferiority complex. It comes arormd every year and more often than not leaves a vague feeling of dissatisfaction and anti-climax which can only be rectified through the hope that next year, all things being well, it will all turn out for the best. For whilst the annual NME awards tour often showcases a number of top quality new bands, there's always a sense that better times are going to come and better bands are going to perform. 'The 2002 tour is a particular case in point, with Black Rebel Motorcycle Club laming out at the behest of Noel Gallagher (but then given the choice between the LCR and the Royal Albert Hall it's hardly surprising) and an overweight 'heavy rocker' clad in all white going rmder the name of Andrew WK pretending that he was some form of musical God for our times. 'The truth of course, was somewhat far removed. Yet whilst the Awards tour is rmdoubtedly an exercise for the NME in public relations and showboating of generally flash in ihe pan bands with extremely dodgy haircuts, it is also the tour which directs much of mainstream indie listening for the rest of the year, especially for those, rmwilling or rmable, who don't wish to route out new bands themselves. 'This year's tour ho.wever (masquerading rmder the questionable title of the New Rock Revolution, of which more later) has provided arguably the most consistently top rate bill since the Awards tour begrm, with Dublin's 'The 'Thrills, NewYorks ' Interpol, Texan weirdos 'The Polyphonic Spree, and New Zealand's all conquering rock behemoths 'The Datsuns. Although every year we are told of the love in between

12.02 .03

each band, it becomes somewhat hard to believe, especially when we are told that Casey Chaos of Amen is actually a really big fan of Alfie (come on). 'This year though, there is palpable sense of respect and friendship between the bands. What is of note, is that all the bands on the tour are excited by their music, and have no illusions of excessive stardom. 'There is however rock'n'roll aplenty with smashed guitars and reported drug abuse that would make Keith Richards look like a habitual dope smoker.

But what do the bands think of each other, their famous fans, the New Rock Revolution and bringing rock'n'roll to the people of Norwich.

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1)01,1~ SIIOKI~It." When questioned about all things rock'n'roll, Christian Datsrm, lead guitarist with (surprise surprise) 'The Datsuns, is pretty coy, but is clear to emphasise the importance of the tour coming to places like Norwich: "We try to get to as many places as we can and with the insane touring schedule that we have we do. I used to get really annoyed when bands didn't come to New Zealand or only came to one part of New Zealand. We're trying to get to as many people as we can and bring them some rock'n'roll." 'The role of each band in doing this is also pretty important: " Every band is great. 'The thing about this tour is that each band is completely different, which I think is good because four rock'n'roll bands would be boring. Each band has been doing similar sets but they're so different that it's like going to four clubs in one night. It's really great. Some kids might come to see a rock band and they might get exposed to three bands that they don't necessarily know about. So I think that that's a great thing," But how about the New Rock Revolution? "I don't think there is a New Rock Revolution. Rock'n 'Roll music has been everywhere, it's just that

magazines haven't been reporting it basically. r don't think it's a revolution, I just think that there's a lot of really good bands getting press coverage, which is a good thing." NRR or not, it's clear what 'The Datsuns like doing best: "Playing live we're in our element. Recording is a necessary evil for us, as we prefer to play live than spend hours tinkering in the studio. 'The studio has its certain charm but there's nothing like the immediate reaCtion and raw excitement of playing live ."And being from New Zealand, the obvious question has to be whether you watch Shortland Street in between rocking the free w orld? " Ah Shortland Street, everybody knows Shortland Street because everyone in New Zealand has been in bloody Shortland Street. 'The annoying thing is when you see a New Zealand mad e film you'll see an actor from Shortland Street. 'There's a couple in Lord of the Rings. I love Lord of the Rings because you watch it and see someone from Shortland Street and think bloody hell, he's playing an ore!" 'Thank Christ the Datsuns have saved New Zealand's cultural arse. n contrast to 'The Datsuns unadulterated rock'n'roll, the Polyphonic Spree add an air of calm to proceedings. Hailing fro_m Texas, the overriding temptation is to talk about oil and idiotic Governor's making it to the Oval Office in acrimonious circwnstances. But then not all things Texan are bad and there are other matters to discuss. With upwards of 25 members, all wearing white robes (though sadly not before the gig) the Spree originally formd themselves often with more people on stage than in the crowd. But how did the whole thing come about? ''Tim, our singer, the whole idea came from him," says, Mark Pirro, the bassist, in what could easily be misconstrued as an accusatory tone. " I don't know whether he knew how many people he'd want total, it just kind of kept evolving, but I think that we're ki¥d of where we're supposed to be at right now, a nice rounded number of people with the various instrui:nents and sormds that we 're looking to get." When asked how they got on the tour, Pirro, is a little unsure? "'That's a good question, I don't know! I think our tour was going really well and they (NME) thought it was a good idE:a to have us as part of the whole package." So how about that all important question of the New Rock Revolution? "I think every day is like a potential New Rock Revolution, there 's always something new coming out, it might take a deca de for it to come arormd, but I think that we're definitely in a transitional period." Interesting considering that in terms of the other bands on the tour, they seem the least likely to be at the vanguard of a movement which insinuates rock'n'roll excess, long hair, and tight trousers, not white robes and the distribution of

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features 05

Burn Out, Fade Away whatever happened to ...

Sleeper?

Who?

Originally going under the appalling moniker Surrender Dorothy (half-inched from The Wizard of Oz - but of course), Sleeper was fronted by Ilford-born, insouciant gobshite Louise Wener. The rest of the band, known collectively as the 'Mr. Sleepers', were nimble-fingered Jon Stewart on guitar (who she shagged), Andy MacClure on drums (who she shagged), and unlucky bassist Diid Osrnan (who she didn't shag- aww, diddurns). According to Lou, things went 'a bit Rumpole of the Bailey' when Osrnan did one, or rather; was kicked out for being crap. The band brought in Madder Rose's Chris Giarnrnalvo to record bass on their third album, Pleased to Meet You, then held auditions for a new bassist and ended up with some bald guy who looked like Principal Strickland out of Back to the Future. And no, he wasn't much cop either.

What?

flowers when arriving on stage. That old cliche that appearances can be deceptive, rears its head: What's the most rock'n'roll thing that's happened so far? "I can't say. That one I can't answer!" As he dons his hat, bids farewell and slopes off for a quick game of pool before the gig, it's down to Interpol to dish the dirt.

Arriving on the scene early last year, New Yorkers Interpol received much attention, if only for the fact that they did not have the in their name and cited Joy Division rather than the Rolling Stones amongst their influences. This Joy Division tag though, soon wore thin, especially for the band. When questioned about it Sarn Fogarino, the band's drummer clad in black suit, black tie, seems to have gone past caring. ''You know I go through several different stages. I've gone through phases where at first it was like, 'Oh no, they're going to give us this tag and it's going to be an albatross and we won't be able to shake it'. Then I was being defensive about it and now I just think it's funny. It ahnost seems like a joke that's gone on far too long. It doesn't seem like it's spoken with a fork-tongue, it's not pointed. They're not slagging us too hard I think I've come to grips of sort." Despite their influences, which as well as Joy Division include early Suede, differing markedly from the other bands on tour, they have still been thrown into the vast difference that is the New Rock Revolution.

Fogarino is categoric when asked if the NRR exists. "No," he says, grinning like the Cheshire Cat on having related the most terrible of news, and then bursts into a deep laugh which is clouded by his New York drawl. Clearly any thought of a new movement holds little weight with the bands who are supposed to be supporting the tag for the NME. Yet if there's no NRR, rock'n'roll is something that is clearly imbibed in Interpol When questioned, they aren't shy about sharing any secrets. "Some drugs and some

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sex and all that stuff. The usual. It hasn't gone soft. No pun intended Shit." At this point Sarn cuts off and composes himself to answer the rest of the question. "Lots ofrock'n'roll cliches. And as for the Polyphonic Spree not saying, knowing that lot, behind closed doors it's probably the most subversive thing that one can imagine. It's probably the opposite of what you think. They're not growing plants if you know what I'm saying."

Of all the bands on the tour though, The Thrills have the most to live up to. Being bottom of the bill they follow in the footsteps of Coldplay (2000), Starsailor (2001) and The Coral (2002), all of whom have gone on to achieve great things, especially Coldplay, the new darlings of Hollywood This is something which gwtarist/bassist Daniel Ryan is well aware of: ''We knew of the pressure coming into the tour and know what we're on this tour for. It's a really good opportunity to take it up to the next level. That's what we want to do so we are going to take the opportunity. As with all the hype we get, yre just keep going regardless and do our own thing. That's what we've always done, it's cool while we have it and while we have it we'll use it to our own advantage."

After one single The Thrills have already received adulation from Bono ("I'm sure he says nice stuff about every band") and supported Morrissey at the Albert Hall in September, their first ever UK gig ("He's such a cool person and it was brilliant.") If this is the sign of things to come then The Thrills are likely to be the big name of 2003. As Christian Datsun says, " The Thrills will do alright. The headliners, they usually crash and burn."

As the lights go down and each band performs an adrenaline enhanced set, ranging from Neil Young inflected folk to Deep Purple-esque heavy rock, Joy Division depression to hippy glee, it is evident that they could not be any more different. Somehow though, all find themselves saddled with the phrase New Rock Revolution, a term which creates notable discomfort amongst band members and crowd alike. What is at the heart of the entire gig though, is a sense of unbridled optimism about the future of guitar music. It may not go on to dominate the charts, but this is not a Britpop style movement that will take all in it's path. Rather all the· bands take pleasure in creating pleasure and bringing wanton rock'n'roll to those who have been waiting for it for so long. The NME may feel the need to call it a rebirth, but whatever it is, we have seem to have a continual steam of top notch rock'n'roll bands. With that in mind, there's no need for a tag.

In the early days it seemed to be all about cadging Pixies' b-sides and writing faux-nihilistic lyrics that made smoking too much and spending your afternoons getting pissed on Captain Morgan seem like acts of mighty rebellion. If I were teaching a remedial music technology class for five and six year olds, and a group of them presented me with 'He's not a bird I What have you heard? I This is a flying man I This is a man who flys [sic]' as an end of term project, I'd thrash them within an inch of their tiny lives.

Fortunately, these musical travesties were few and far between. Louise's knack for satire, self-deprecation and come-and-get-it-big-boy lyrics, not to mention eo-writer Stewart's really rather nifty licks and discordant anti-solos, gave otherwise conventional pop songs something of a jagged edge. Sweet.

Why?

Sleeper were in the right place at the right time and delivered barrow-loads of fantastic Britpop tuneage. Contrast the cheerful mockery of lnbetweener with the unabashedly anthernic Sale of the Century, or the dark and - oh, I say raunchy Superclean. Louise commented more than once that a lot of Sleeper's b-sides dumped on their better known album tracks. Fan-favourite Disco Duncan, for example - kind of like Lola in reverse - or Bedside Manners, a fabulous tour de force with both Wener and Stewart on top form. The couplet 'He wished he'd been a great man I Two Fabs from the ice-cream van' is surely equal in sardonic elan to anything Swift produced.

Perhaps.

So where are they now?

Alas, 'twas Splitzville for Sleeper after their third album, Pleased to Meet You, sold in similar numbers to Alan Partridge's recent autobiography, Bouncing Back. A chagrined Wener complained that the album had been given a promotional budget 'more appropriate to a village bun shop', so at least the failure didn't dull her satirical edge.

Her first novel, Goodnight Steve McQueen, enticingly billed as 'a lovelorn comedy about men, music, and transitional shoes', was released last year and was promptly panned by the critics. Jon Stewart has been doing session work, including rhythm guitar on K. D. Lang's lnfmite Summer a few years back. A while back he told me that he, Louise and Andy have written a whole album's worth of material, and may or may not attempt to release it 'depending on how the book does'. Your guess is as good as mine.

Tim Clare

• 12.02.03

06 features

Almost Take a Seat Famous Looking Beyond the Top 4 0

no. 9

eaning back in a chair that looked like it had a large feather protruding from its back e nd; I started my journey into the mysterious world of modern art. Being almost entirely without a clue when it comes to any form of art, the prospect of reviewing the new exhibitions at the Sainsbury Centre for Visual Arts was, to p ut it mildly , daunting . Armed with tickets for the opening of Sitting Pretty and the Anderson Collection of Art Nouveau, I was determined to b e an objective observer and to learn something new, perhaps even gain some culture. As it happens , I came out of this experience with a greater respect and appreciation for modern art.

Open to the public from Tuesday January 28th until Tuesday April 22nd, 2003, Sitting Pretty displayed a more hands-on approach to art. All previous experiences of art involved walking around looking at pictures or sculptures from a polite distance, with attendants staring menacingly if I so much as thought about touching anything. Instead, visitors were invited to sit, lie and even climb over most of the exhibits. Besides the fun factor , the free experimentation emphasised the importance of the structure and design of the chairs in shaping social interaction. Although not inclined to think of chairs as art, I now realise how chairs can be used to either facilitate conversation or c reate an aura of formality, something that naturally never occurred to me before .

Reclining upon a bright yellow sofa shaped into a rectangle with a large pattern of knotted ropes, my fl atm ate and I were more disposed to have a conversation with the people around us, than appreciate the artistic merit of the couch.

Although the pattern was loud and obnoxious, the arrangement of the sofa was really helpful when it came to comfortably conversing at a close, intimate proximity. A modern version of the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears was perched on the tacky plastic coffee table, and I was amused to note that the three chairs Goldilocks sat on were very e laborately designed. This sofa design was called Typical Eley Kishimoto Modular Sofa. Look out for it in Ikea, next month.

Moving on to the most popular exhibit, the Boo! chairs by Totem Design Ltd, I wondered why no one had thought of this before . A cluster of colourful stool-shaped chairs arranged in a rough circle, the chairs lit up in neon colours when you sat down in the m , the black floor highlighting the blues, pinks and oranges. It would make a great suite for a living room; the chairs themselves generate interesting conversation.

How did y ou guys g et started?

Aidan: Well I joined Rob in Manch e ster about two and a half years ago . He was writing some good songs and sent me a CD . I'd already been playing with him in bands at school.

Rob : I moved up to Manchester when I was eighteen, from Winche ster in Hampshire , which h as no music sce ne. I' d really wanted to be in a band my whole life and I thought I wanted to go somewhere like Ma nche ster which has a good scene, a vibrant scene which supported bands and where you could meet people who were in b a nds . Also it ' s a gritty kind of place, when you live in Winchester which is all green and nice. I really wanted to see some city life.

Who are your m a j or influences?

Rob : I think songwriters, really good songs. That's what we)e into. And that really does span across the whole thing . I mean I love The Beatles, I like shoe gazing indie, I like rockier , heavier stuff and Idlewild's early stuff. And the American kind of Seattle scene. I know Aidan's into that and we all love that kind of thing.

What s o rt of b a nds?

R ob: Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Jeff Buckley. Doug, the guitar player is a massive Jeff Buckley fan . I always feel like a bit of a faker when I talk about Jeff Buckley because I wasn't bang into him when h e was still alive but I've got the album. Doug's got all the albums . I think some of his stuff is beautiful and it's only of late that I've really started appreciating it. I've got a lot of catching up to do when it comes to him.

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Who would you most like support?

Rob: I think Coldplay, not just because we adore their music, but 'cause we want to play to as many people as we can and Coldplay are one of those bands that have cut right through.

We don't want to b e snobbish about our indie audience. We don't want to seclude people, I want to play to as many people as we can just so we can try and get ourselves across to as many people as possible. A big band like Coldplay have reached a wide audience and that's want we want to do . I think a lot of indie bands would be afraid to kind of see that as selling out and I remember that when Idlewild did a tour with C o ldplay, I was speaking to their A&R and they were urnrning and ahing over whether they should do it because of their indie appeal. But, no, you shouldn't be snobbish about audiences.

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Jo e Minihane

ii:tM!Mj§ii 12.02. 03

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ing lines of flowers, h air and trees . O ne item that really caught my eye was a beautiful varnished wood writing desk with a beautiful nature scene etched elegantly onto the front.

The dragonfly brooch, featured in most pictures advertising the collection, was another treasure worth feasting one 's eyes upon .

Overall, my introduction to modern art was a highly illuminating and enjoyable experience, great for both experts and novices alike. I'll never sit down in quite the same way again.

Rec. Another of our favourite pieces of city street art . If you reco gnise this particular piece or graffiti and can tell us where it is, then you can thr single of the fortnight (see page 15). Answers to su .concrete@uea.ac .uk

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For more information on Longview, check their website out at www.Jongviewtheband.com

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The As ton c hair by D avid Lindley

er climbing over chairs for half an hour, I moved on to look at the Anderson Collection of Art Nouveau on display between the 28th of anuary a nd the 4th of May, 2003. As a bit of a reliminary history lesson, I learned that at the turn of the 20th century, bored with traditional art, architects and artists started experimenting with new forms of style and design. Quickly catching on, this movement p eaked in the 1890's in France, Be lgium, Ger many, Britain and Spain. Sir Colin and Lady Anderson gave their collection to· the Sainsbury Centre in the summer of 1978, containing pieces by the leading exponents of the movement as well as those by less well known manufacturers exploiting the style to produce on the mass market.

If you like Victorian art, you will love this exhibit, featuring beautiful jewel encrusted brooches, cameos and pins, as well as intricately crafted vases and furniture in the beautiful Art Nouveau designs. A harmony with nature is evident with flow-

When c a n w e expect the a lbum and more from you guys?

Rob: The album 's s cheduled for May at the moment and we're really pleased with the way it sounds. We 've made a really organic sounding live kind of rock record which will hopefully sweep away some cobwebs on that kind of genre. Tour as much as we can. We 've started with a really good tour here.

We want to play as much as we can.

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08 features

Cinefil e .o. 26 Ahemative Valentine

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Love Story

What an original title. Is that f o r real?

Yes , believe it or not. It's highly self-descriptive, too.

The film Love Story, filmed in 1970, was based on Erich Segal's novel by the same title, both of which were inexplicably popular in the late 1960's -early 1970's .

It ' s a particularly sentimental but unoriginal love story, with the talents of Ryan O'Neal and Ali MacGraw slightly constrained in the lead roles of Oliver and Jenny.

So this unoriginal plot is . .. ?

It's the most basic of plots : rich socialite boy meets poor baker 's daughter , defies his family and society for her , but since they ' re star -crossed, the whole thing ends in tragedy. Oliver Barrett IV (O'Neal) is a pre-law student at Harvard, and one needs not look any further than his Roman numeral to tell that he's meant to be a senator or a wealthy attorney . He meets up with Radcliffe music student (and gifted harpsichordist) Jenny Cavalleri (MacGraw) , and they fall deeply in . love . As a result, Oliver has a falling-out with his father, who disapproves of Jenny in every way . Still , Oliver and Jenny get married and live happily, ever defiant in their sort of middle -class life . Everything's just picture perfect until they find themselves unable to conceive a child, and the problem behind it is more serious than they would have like to think .

If the plot sucks and the fashio n s are frumpy, wh y should I was te m y Va lent i n e's Day seei ng it ?

Because it is quite a romantic film, as the couple exchange bangers, snowballs, and smooches throughout their relationship . It's a bit saccharine, but their devotion to one another is touching. And it shows the triumph of love over all else: money, society, family, and even death. Think Pretty Woman , or even Romeo and Juliet. John Marley (O liver Barrett Ill, daddy dearest) would make a frightening Lord Montague . It ' s a pretty film, at times , set in Massachusetts (particularly around Harvard University). Besides , with 8 Oscar nominations (including Best Actor, Actress, Screenplay, Pict u re, and D irector) and one win (Best Original Score, Francis Lai) , you have to give Love Story some credit. For all that's lacking with the plot , the director and the stars do their best wit h it.

And love m eans never havi ng t o s a y yo u ' re sorry .. .

Right. At least acc o rding to the film's tagline - this might make this film helpful if one is in the doghouse on Valentine's Day . It's a line Jenny uses on O liver after a little lovers' struggle, magically solving their prob lem. O liver later flings the line at his fa ther for offering help when it's just too late . The line became as classic in its time as the film , and no doubt half the Valentines cards from 1970 to 1974 featured that line.

Love Story may be best fo r the hard core romantics, but if it does noth ing else , it gives you 2 hours of idealized love for Valentine ' s Day.

]ocelyn Heath

ii#IW!iMjยงii 12.02. 03

ver)rone has a favourite movie. Some films, for indefinable reasons are simply perfect, they strike us deeply. They are the filmic equivalent of a white- hot orgasm. A la place du coeur (In Place of the Heart) is one such film. By weight of the sheer number of romance films it is easy to dismiss the vast majority for being trite and hopelessly cliche. However A la place du coeur stands out as powerful and touching masterpiece.

The film is directed by Robert Guediguian (Marius etjeanette) and adapted from the novel If Be ale Could Talk by American writer James Baldwin. Like most of Baldwin's work, the novel deals with issues of racial prejudice and religious hypocrisy, explored through the roots of a strong Afro-American identity.

Clim (Laure Raoust) is 16, pregnant and deeply in love with her sculptor boyfriend Bebe (Alexandre Ogou) . Sadly the latter is in jail awaiting trial, after being framed b y a racist p oliceman for the rape of an immigrant woman.

Clim's working-class parents, Joel Gean-Pierre Darroussin) and Marianne (Ariane Ascaride), and her older sister, Sophie (Veronique Balme) are d elighted with the pregnancy. Bebe is a black boy adopted by white parents. His father Franck (Gerard Meylan) accepts Clim's pregnancy whilst his devoutly religious mother Francine (Christine Briicher) is enraged by it.

When, on top of the pregnancy Bebe is imprisoned, the portrayal of how Clim and Bebe's respective families handle the situation is wonderful. Clim's family try everything to reunite the couple. They refuse to give up hope. They scrape together money so that Marianne can go to Sarajevo, confront the victim of the rape and get her to withdraw her statement.

Meanwhile back in Marseille Franck is struggling with alcoholism and his work in the dockyards. He berates his wife for not supporting Bebe.

Guediguian has transposed the location of Baldwin's narrative from Harlem to the streets of his hometown Marseille. Thus, in Guediguian's version the immigrant woman comes from Sarajevo instead of Puerto Rico . When givef! the distinctive style of a French movie the film works superbly. Told from an American perspective the film would be cliched or at least overly familiar. But altering the setting and imbuing the story with a distinctly French ambience and style sets it apart from a hackneyed stab at the blaxploitation genre and makes it at once refreshing and surprising.

Not only is the film a stunning evocation of all kinds of human relationships, it is also a rare example of a happy relationship between literature and film. It remains fairly true to the novel structurally. The story cuts backwards and forwards in time through flashbacks and reminiscences. Bebe's imprisonment raise s the question of how the Wlbom child will fare in a world where the corruption of society might deny it a father. The pain and anguish of the both Clim and Bebe resides not just in their separation but also in the knowledge that the latter would make a very willing and caring father.

Set in l'Estaque neighbourhood, the director draws on his own roots having grown up in a similar working class community.

The camera often lingers on the crumbling facades of Marseille's buildings. The distinctive golden light suffusing the city makes even the slums and dockyard look beautiful and evocative. There are prominent shots of large, architectural structures in exterior scenes. A flyover , the dockyards and the looming Cathedrale de la Major intensify the claUstrophobia of the prison visit scenes. They also contrast cleverly with the intimacy of the dialogic encounters. The mise en scene acts to ground both families in the city location eve.n thou gh most of the dialogue b etween them occurs in the privacy of their own homes.

Therejs a striking difference in Guediguian's vision of Marseille to that of Gerard Pires director of Taxi (1998) . The two films show the variety of French cinema. It is Guediguian, however, who reminds the viewer that no one b lends character-driven dramas with romance like the French. This is independent cinema at its best. Yet because of the film's niche status it is not always easy getting to see it. Getting hold of a copy is either going to be a rental job from a good video store or ordering on the net. illtimately it is a very uplifting film. Witnessing the efforts that the community surrounding the y oung lovers make to fight almost insurmountable p rob lems is a positive experience.'

Standing up for love and fighting for the victims of prejudice is a worthy message. After all there must be thousands of people split by wrongful imprisonment. A la place du coeur won awards at the 1998 San Sebastian and Toronto film festivals and is a must-see for anyone who is passionate about film and life. Highly recommended for an alternative Valentine's movie.

Luke Roberts

rt house films are all well and good - and I enjoy them as much as the next person but it 's Valentine's Day, and not every wants a heavy cinematic challenge to sit through. Somtimes you want to sit back and watch something unashamedly sentimental and completely unrealistic. There's lenty of films that fall into that mould, but there 's just one I want to talk about. Yes, Pretty Woman . Carry Marshall's 1990 film recounts the story of small time prostitute Viv Ward (played by the gorgeous Julia Roberts) who stumbles upon classy bigwig Edward Lewis (the equally gorgeous Richard Gere) . They begin a friendship that includes the funny scen e when Viv goes in to a boutique to buy new clo thes dressed in her whoring get-up .

When it comes to romantic comedies, in my opinion, Pretty Woman is the standard. Every other romantic comedy since then has tried to match the magic formula that made this film so much fun. So what is that formula? Well, this is the role that defined Julia Roberts' career and she performed it perfectly.

Vivian is smart (but not too clever) funny (but not a clown) and charming (but not stuffy .) You can 't help b u t love this ch aracter, and that's a true testament to the actress that portrays her.

Gere is the complete opposite . He is stuffy, aloof and overly serious. Gary Marshall brings the characters and story to life in such a way that you can't help b u t enjoy this movie. Even if romantic comedies aren 't your thing, Pretty Woman is for everyone. Just as The Excorcist defines horror and Star Wars defines science-fiction, Pretty Woman defines the romantic comedy.

But enough of the technical stuff. The film is simply a modernisation of the Cinderella story. Replace dustpan and brush with ugly fat men with too much money and make the prince a stuffy, aloof b usinessman and you h ave this film. And that's why it's so predictable. We were all read Cinderella as a bedtime story but only after years of dating and ,becoming the miserable, jaded creatures we are today does the story carry a whole new resonance. Most girls identify with Roberts, a numbed young woman who knows men too well and as she crawls her way up from the gutter (or the curb, really) and slowly begins to shine, we all feel that, just maybe, the same could happen to us. More impressive still, sh e changes Gere into an actual person rather than a b u sinessman stereotype.

She goes from a pauper to a princess and he goes from a prince to a person.

And, of course he becom es her knight in Armani suit at the e nd, coming to rescue her in a white Limousine . Forget arty, what everyone wants on Valentine's Day is sentimentality, and if we can't get that from reality, we may as well live through escapism with Julia and Richard.

] enn ifer Zan e tto

features 09

The ongest Day_ Whalle

was fool enough to try•••

The following took place between IO.ISam and 3.20am on the fourth and fifth of February 2003. Events occurred in · real time.

4 hours in the presence of Kiefer Sutherland: until recently an experience known only to Mr. And Mrs. Donald Sutherland and the unfortunate winner of 1987's Beverly Hills Girl Guide charity raffle: Then, last year, 24 appeared and made a day with ·Kiefer a commodity available to all. Not just available, but actually desirable. As Jack Bauer, a government agent searching for his wife and daughter while trying to prevent a political assassination, Sutherland, along with his team of Counter-Terrorism Operatives, became essential viewing for millions of people. The fact that his adventures played out in real-time, with each hour-long episode depicting 60 minutes in Bauer's action-packed day, only made the show more appealing.

Unfortunately, for a variety of reasons still too upsetting to recount, I missed 24 when it was aired by the BBC, making me the ideal candidate (gullibility may also have been an important factor) for a rather contrived - though still intriguing Event experiment. Everything that occurs in the show is supposed to happen in 24 hours; so, the thinking went, with the second series starting soon, wouldn't it be interesting to try watching all of the first series consecutively, to really test the real-time format? For the sake of my sanity, I hoped the answer was 'yes' .

Proof that not everything can be :made interesting with split-screen

10.15am.

4.05pm

Alarm didn't go off. Starting later than planned. Because the DVD set cuts out the adverts, each episode only lasts 45 minutes, meaning a more accurate title would be 18 and a quarter.

Still, it's going to be at least 3am tomorrow (if I watch each episode back-to-back and skip the credits) before I see the end. Placing the first of six DVDs in the player, and getting the first of many cups of coffee, 3am feels very, very far away.

Another disk finished. I have now enlisted a housemate and my girlfriend to help with the viewing process - the former, who has seen the series, to smile knowingly whenever I try to predict what will happen, the latter to occasionally point out what a bloody stupid idea it was to agree to all this in the first place. I'm a bit concerned that the story seems to be winding up- Jack has saved Palmer, the senator's moral dilemmas appear to be over, and Jamey, the computer expert with the gravity defying fringe , has been revealed as the mole- but there are still 16 hours of plot to go.

10.55am.

To my relief, the first episode was superb. Jack Bauer, I am delighted to discover, is a man who doesn't play by the rules.

I'm looking forward to watching him doing things his way, living on the edge. Other than Jack, everyone appears extremely suspicious. Right now, the only person I trust is Tony, purely on the grounds that his tiny beard looks so obviously evil he must be one of the good guys. So far , I know that Senator David Palmar's life is in danger, that there's an enemy spy in CTU, and that Californian Teenagers' idea of a wild time is six cans of lager between four and some candles. Outside it's started to snow. Maybe watching TV all day won't be so bad...

l.lOpm Four episodes and one disk down, 20 episodes and five disks to go. Not a man to stand around, Jack has already been involved in two gun battles in different parts of LA. The score?

Three dead good guys, one dead bad guy, and a bad guy in jail. Jack needs to work on his aim. Elsewhere, Jack's daughter, Kim, has been kidnapped, escaped, met a socially conscious drug-dealer, and been captured again. Jack's wife, Teri, is riding around looking for Kim with a man called Alan who I'm convinced will turn out to be evil. Jack's colleague, the lovely Nina, has been exposed as the spy and then vindicated. Over at Senator Palmar's headquarters, family unrest is hurting the campaign. The main villain, Ira Gaines (what kind of evil name is that?), is proving himself to be an extremely bad man. One of his followers, an implausibly attractive young woman, appears to be addicted to wandering around naked. But then, wouldn't you be if you had long, flowing hair that always seems to cover the relevant places? Despite the hectic pace, nothing particularly implausible has happened yet, beyond all the characters looking as fresh as proverbial daisies at four am. Back in my living room, I have developed a system where I can attend to my personal needs (lavatory, food, etc.) during the two minutes of 'Previously on 24 .. .' at the start of each episode.

3.20pm After being a mole and then not, Nina has now managed to come back from the dead. How much more will this woman have to go through before breakfast?

4.45pm Beginning to feel a headache coming on. Wish I hadn't been drinking a tomato Cup-a-Soup when Jamey committed suicide and bled to death. It's now dark outside; I've spent an entire day watching one television show.

5.30PM ,JIJS'I' J~()IJNJ) OIJ'I' 'I'Hil'l' ili.JlN'S lll~ill.. Nillll~ IS J{l~l7 IN. Kl~l7 IN ilN·J) Illil 'I'HI~Y SOIJNJ) 110111~ I.. IKI~ J(jJ~ (jJll~illl llill{l~llS 'I'HilN IN'I'I~IlN il'I'I 0 Nill.. 'l'l~llllOil­ IS'I'S. 6.55pm HaHway there. Still doesn't seem like there's enough story left to fill another 12 hours. It's noon in the series and Jack is back 'with Teri and Kim, although all three of them are stuck in a heavily guarded enemy compound. Found out an hour ago that Ira is working for the Drazen brothers. I don't know who they are but hopefully they'll complicate matters. Also there 's some mention of a link between Jack and Palmer. This is bad news for the Senator, who has problems already: his son's in trouble and his wife has turned out to be a scheming bitch.

Jack is on the run from both terrorists and his own organization. I have switched from coffee to booze.

9.45pm Two thirds in and I'm sorry I ever doubted 24. It turns out Jack and Palmer were both involved in the assassination of Victor Drazen, a Serbian ethnic cleanser, two years ago. Now

Drazen's sons want revenge. So much has now happened to each character that they've begun to shout, "there's no time to explain" whenever someone asks for clarification. Ira and Kevin are dead. There are three new terrorists to worry about.

In the first genuinely stupid twist, Teri has amnesia after wrongly thinking Kim has died. No one seems to have explained why Kim's hair is longer, blender and much straighter than it was this morning. I'm a bit concerned by the complex moral issues being raised in Palmer's story - I thought this show was about running and shooting.

10.30pm Beer was a bad idea. Now drinking coffee again.

ll.SOpm Plot far too complicated to write down. Kim has been arrested for dealing drugs. Jack is running around a field in the dark with a torch; I'm expecting to see Fox Mulder any second. Teri was almost killed, but Tony, in whom I have always had complete faith, came to the rescue. Palmer goes on TV to give his side of his family 's story.

12.30am.

24 must have been written before Bush was elected. Palmer has won the election because "It's always possible Americans want someone honest.'' Yeah. Right.

I. lOam. Into the final four hours. I just made a coffee and was surprised when my vision didn't show the event from four angles simultaneously. Victor Drazen wasn't dead after all. Dennis Hopper plays the villainous Serb with an accent that sounds to be systematically working its way around every country in Europe. Combination of exhaustion and a desperate need to see the end makes every damn minute take forever.

2.40am.

NINA WAS THE SPY AFTER ALL.

3.20am.

Jack it's her. Jack it's her. Jack it's her. Jack it's her. Jack it's her. Jack it's her. Jack it's her. Jack it's her. Jack it's her. Jack it's her. Jack it's her. Jack it's her. Jack it's her. Jack it's her.

Jack it's her. Jack it's her.

And then, after the most horrifying, exciting, downbeat, incredible ending in the history of television it's over. Eyes stinging and paranoid beyond reason, I go to bed. Though I only remember it vaguely, I've got a terrible feeling the real world isn't that exciting.

12.02.03

10 features

So, You Think You Know •••

l) Which sitcom actor provides the voice of Sideshow Bob? 2) In what year was The Simpsons first aired in the US? 3) The Simpsons is in The Guinness Book of Records for whi ch feat?

4) In the episode Trash of th e Titans , which band made a guest appearance to help the show celebrate 200 episodes?

5) What is Jimbo the bully's real name ?

6) Wha t 1s the name of the comicbook store?

7) How is Maud Fla nders ktlle d ?

8) Wha t do es the

'J' stand for in Home r J Simpson?

9) In the epis ode Lisa ·s First W ord, who actually speaks fo r the first time?

10) When the model UN is trapped on an island, what type of anima l do e s Bart want to tr a m as a b u tler?

11) Who founded Springfield?

12) What is the n a me of the town neighbouring Springfield?

13) Tree h o tJse of Horror VI marked the first and only appearan ce in Th e Simpsons of what?

14) In Lisa ·s Rival , who provides the voi c e for the e pisode 's eponymous character?

15) In the episode Bart vs. Australia, how does the Australian government want to punish Bart for the reverse charges call?

16) What is supposed to be Home r ' s motive when h e is accused of murdering Mr Burns?

17) What is the rival brand of Homer's favourite tipple Duff?

18) When Bart sells his soul to Milhouse, how much does he get for it?

19) Finish this classic Homer quotation : "I never apolo gise ... " 20) In The Last Temptation of Homer, Michelle Pfeiffer provides the voice of which character?

World Book Day competition organised by Book Tokens Ltd, involving librarians and bookshop organisers from all over the country, has recently revealed what they believe to be the ten best contenders for the distinguished tag of " best literary representation of life in Britain today". The winner's ame, a long with their Welsh and Scottish counterparts, will be announced on World Book Day -March 6th. In addition to this a one pound book token has been generously promised to every child in Britain; presumably to aid them in the purchase of one seventh of the eventual winner, or to use as a book-mark. It all seems an interesting idea. However, after a cursory glance at the nominations and a pause for thought, it in fact reveals itself to be a rather silly gimmick. " Have a heart " one might say "i t's only a bit of fun". Well maybe, but a claim to be the "best literary representation" of contemporary British life carries with it a certain weight, no doubt a few further sales and perhaps even, one might venture , a certain responsibility as a result? Is it all just a gimmick to sell more books? Is there anything wrong with this if it is? A brief look at a few of the 'favourites' should help find the answer : Bryson 's Notes From a Small Island lacks insight. It offers little beyond a rather tourist-eye view of the Bri tish Isles as providing, or not , the American author with an amusing day out. He laments and bemoans, among other things, the decline of industry and the p resence of dull high streets in British citycentres - particularly Milton Keynes . All is presented amiably enough, but only really as a backdrop against which Bryson, playing the peripatetic buffoon for the gradually more scep tical reader, can say the wrong thing and fall over. There must be a significant dose of artistic license involved in Bryson's 'travel writing ' ; is he really this hapless and accident-prone?

The book offers a consummately humorous , although somewhat shallow, jaunt around Britain; but the author 's -at times cloying anglophilic riffing and lack of depth will annoy all but the 'light ' reader and make this an unsuitable nomination if the contest is to be seen as worthwhile. Perhaps the book is representative, in some ways, of this small island? But any who do not accept the notion of Britain as merely providing a pretty landscape for trave lling Americans to w a g about in will sincere ly hope not.

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Paxman's The English offers a less confusedly itinerant and consequently rather more incisive look at why we are the ·way we are. Under the microscope are: the English's obsessions with - but inability to win at - sport; attitudes towards intellectuals, food , religion and the countryside and an analysis of the firmly held belief in the fortune of not being French.

He also suggests that in their ironic view of themselves, when not downright glum and bleakly atavistic , the English may have inadvertently invented (it simply wouldn't do to try too hard) a form of nationalism for the twenty-first century. His research is impressively diverse and detailed and his style is witty and engaging. Some of his findings, as a result , are surprisingly enlightening, regardless of where the reader may originate from. However, in Paxman's opinion the new "modest, individualistic, ironic" English nationalism is " based upon values that are almost unconscious". Declaring this or that as 'particularly representative' of England today could the refore be seen as running counter to our way of thought.

Paxman's book, as a nomination, seems at odds with the dubious aims of the contest in which it is involved.

Zadie Smith's White Teeth (the book, that is) follows the intermingling fat es of three multiracial families in Willesden over fifty years. It has the advantage over many in that it has been 'on telly ' recently and, possibly as a consequence of this, is one of the contest's favourites. Smith deals interestingly and skilfully enough with the fami lial tension rela ted to the confusion of identity caused by modern diaspora. The two mixed families are strengths ; brimming with life and full of charming, vibrant characters the novel sustains, through them, a busy pace to the end; but only just. Unfortunately, presenting family relations , or the lack of, is the books only strength . In many places Smith is overly whimsical and too self-consciously zany: the two twins breaking noses at the same time, the militant Islamic group with an acronym problem (K. E. V.

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I. N) and the mouse , for example, are neither all that funny nor stimulating, but are skittish and twee. Many characters are in fact two-dimensional or stereotyped and, in the book's adaptation for television , subs tance was further diluted and the plot was so nervously condensed that it was rendered almost incoherent. What depth had been there in the novel was all but completely lost and, as many votes may be influenced by its showcasing on the goggle-box, the possible first-place that this could help Smith obtain would be a triumph of frenetic style over content. Although , again, maybe that would be representative of Britain today.

Also on the list of nominations is Nick Hornby's lowe r/ midbrow lad-lit offering Fever Pitch; a book concerned withamong other things - life as a devoted Arsenal fan. Those who do not support the despicable Arsenal Football Club - including this Spurs followe r - m ay baulk at. the prosp e ct of such a book figuring among the best lite rary re pre se ntations of contemporary British life , even if one accepted football fanaticism as a distinctive aspect of our society. The rest of the list mcludes Paul Burston's Shameless , Jonathan Coe's What a Carve Up! , George Monbiot's Captive State, Dave Halsam 's M anch ester , England and Leone Ross and Yvonne Brissett 's (editors) Whispers in the W alls. The only nomination that is generally considered 'a classic' is Orwell's 1984 , a book which most of the others should not , in all seriousness, be sharing a list with.

imply because the BBC's Great Britons was a publicity success does not mean it bears repeating in another media. In fact the erstwhile Princess of Wales' position of third, having represented the only woman in the top ten from a country that has seen Elizabeth I and Queen Victoria (to name only two), might suggest, to some p~ople, a failure . The most interesting aspect of this whole endeavour has been the inability, on the part of the organisers, to come up with a satisfactory list to chose from. "You can't please all of the people all of the time" might be a response, but then doesn't this undermine the whole exercise? A shortlist of twenty-five was originally chosen by bookshop owners and then whittled down to ten by 'phone votes registered at a number printed in local newspapers. This process will be repeated to decide the winner. Perhaps this provides the reason for the sh ortlist's dim appearance - the concerns of those involved in the voting so far might be described as somewhat 'parochial' . Or perhaps the point is that, short of all the books published over the last fifty or so years being declared joint winners , what we have here is a rather pointless. gimmicky and uninspiring enterprise. Maybe the best representation this provide s, therefore, is of today's tired, big-name and publicity/ market-led British book-selling and publishing industries.

Do you disagree? Is the problem simply a matter of having chosen the wrong books or should the organisers have scrapped the whole idea and use the wasted money to provide each and every child in Great Britain with the recklessly generous sum of two pounds in book tokens? Do you have your own suggestions? Should we hold our own competition or is the whole notion ridiculous? Prove you're not just here to make up the numbers and send your own lists, minor grievances or fierce opinions to: su.concrete@hotmail.com.

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The Other Side Of The _R ising Sun Midweek Madness!

Monday - Thursday from Spm - close It just wouldn't be acceptable to write about Japanese cinema. and exclude manga, even if some of the extreme Japanese animation can easily be accused of excluding any claims to an audience. When I think of this film, the first thing that comes to mind is the scene - guaranteed to make any male squirm - where a bullied youngster chops off his own penis in order to become a demon. In fact, demons figure in much manga that has sexual content, the reason for this being tentacles. Japanese censorship is very strict, and the penis is not allowed to be shown. A tentacle, however, can do everything a penis can, and it's for this reason that Hideki Takayama's Ch6jin densetsu Urotsukid6ji contains many scenes of various cast members being graphicaliY raped by tentacled demons. However, there is a plot behind all the excess. The film tells the story of a brother and sister, half-demon, half-human pair looking for the chosen one (the ch6jin of the original title) on Earth who will unite the three world of the humans, the demons and half-breeds. The various plot twists are set against the nascent sexual relationship of Akerni and Nagumo as they try to shag each other while being hindered at every turn, usually by various school rivals, though also by the brother and sister team who are pursuing them in the belief that Nagurno is the chojin. All in all, the film feels faintly ridiculous, but it doesn't have any pretensions (unless you listen to interviews with the director), making the whole affair a fun, though viscerally disturbing, romp. It was successful enough to produce two sequels and several prequels, even if its exposure outside of Japan has been negligible.

Ryan Stephens Nagisa Oshima's Ai No Corrida is renowned for containing some of the most explicit sexual content in cinema history - almost the entire film takes place in one bedroom. Based on true events, the story follows the relationship of a nobleman and a mentally unstable servant who falls in love with him. The attraction · between them is so strong that soon they are inseparable. While other servants look on, bringing them food, play music and even sometimes participate, the two lay naked in bed having almost constant sex. So what elevates the film above the level of a juvenile spank movie? S9me may feel that ·thrill seekers should be warned that the film is not particularly erotic and certainly not arousing. While there is explicit, unsimulated sex on the part of the actors, it is neither pornographic nor erotic, but simply a natural consequence of honest storytelling. This is, undeniably, an intense film progressing from the attraction of two people through increasing experimentation in an effort to express their passion. Oshima is not interested in pushing buttons or making arguments for or against sex in the cinema. On the other hand, others will say that the setting of the Orient allows many people to see suggestions and philosophy that probably are not intended; and one is left with memories of vague smoke-and-mirror scenes that don't contain a great deal of information or purpose, but plenty of 'Sex. But whatever your stance on the sexual content of the film, Nagisa Oshima has achieved what few other directors have managed - a brutally disturbing but frankly honest film about sexual obsession.

Ryan Stephens

In Audition, widower Shigeharu Aoyarna decides it's time to get

back into the swing of things and, since he owns a video production company, takes the advice of an innovative friend and sets up a phoney casting session for the female lead in a no-go project.

Dozens of twenty-something beauties come and go, but it's soon clear that there is only one audition that catches Aoyarna's eye that of the stunning and mysterious Asarni Yamasaki. Soon Aoyarna is involuntarily fingering hi.s naked ring-finger as the pair start to ge~ along like sushi and soy sauce.

The main part of the film is a rather sweet love story that leaves the viewer scratching his head as to why the BBFC have stamped an 18 certificate on the box; however all becomes clear by the end of the third reel. Asarni's idea of the perfect second date involves tying her lover up with fishing wire, impaling three inch long needles into his eyelids, then whispering softly as she proceeds to carve his foot off, with all the enthusiasm of a butcher with a particularly tough leg of lamb. Those who winced at the 'sledgehammer' scene in 1990's Misery are advised to have a cushion to hide behind here.

It becomes clear, even before this appalling home-butchery, that Asarni is nuttier than the floor of Cadbury HQ and harbours some deep scars, both physical - the poker induced bums on her leg that contributed to a promising ballet career's premature conclusion- and emotional, with an especially callous nature towards men bought on by a childhood of abuse. Before the end, things like narrative and logical sensibility that we have become so used to are replaced with a disturbing David Lynch style nightmare that threatens to spill out of control and, for the hapless Aoyama, brings devastatingly cruel

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consequences.

]on Last

Ever wanted to kill the fat kid who sat in front of you in maths lessons? Could you do it armed only with a saucepan lid? Could you do it when the rest of your classmates are intent on killing you and each other in interesting ways with a variety of exciting weapons? And don't the girls' uniforms look even sexier when the petticoats are hiked up past the knee and all splattered with blood? These and other such important social questions are ra'ised in Kinji Fukasaku's totally mental epic Battle Royale. Adapted from the controversial novel of the same name, BR shocked Japanese audiences with its candid portrayal of what happens when you ,put thirty-odd attractive adolescents on a remote island and tell them that if they don't kill each other off they'll be blown up instead. One could praise the film for its insight on Japan's inability to cope with"its rebellious youth, or for its Lord Of The F/ies-esque analysis of human behaviour.

However, any pretensions of serious filmmaking are swept away in a gratuitous wave of frenetic ·violence, teen flesh and buckets of blood, all to a pumping opera soundtrack.

Exploding neck collars, sexy vixens with a penchant for sickles and a couple of rogue baddies with wonderfully stylised hair-dos all combine to make a film that is as stupefying entertaining as it is silly. Throw in Beat Takeshi as the teacher who, understandably irate at having been stabbed up the burn, has volunteered his class for this ordeal, and you have the teen slasher movie to brutally slay all other teen slasher movies.

Matthew Mullen

13.02.03

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12 Centrespread

Centrespread

13

Oh

To LCR or Not To LCR

Behave·!

The LCR Laid Ba·r e GO tnigl;t

know

or many stude~ts Thursday night goes hand in hand with the LCR disco. Admittedly Norwich does not have much else to offer that night, and so the LCR has become legendary. Sadly it is often condemned by its most loyal followers but there are many reasons why we return·over and over again.

The LCR boasts two rooms of music, one playing the ultimate i:n cheese which makes everyone want to dance. Bad dancing is perfectly acceptable, and often encouraged.

It is an easy journey from the bar to the LCR, and if you live on campus it is only a short stagger home at the end of the night.

The drinks are cheaper than at many other venues. As students we prefer quantity, not quality.

There is no dress code. You can weai anything from boob tubes to bobby socks.

If you feel queasy you can go outlide for a breath of fresh air and easily regain entry to the disco.

You are likely to know lots of people in the LCR giving you a warm feeling of popularity. In that magical place even your enemies can become comrades.

U you don't know anyone then it is easy to make friends. No one will mind if you pretend you are from Uzbekistan or congratulate them on their enormous flares.

There is a water fountain providing easy access to that life-giving fluid.

Water is very useful for hangover prevention or for throwing at your boyfriend.

The LCR is dark so no one will be able to see if you are having a bad hair day or that you are a minger.

If you want to pull you can. The ~R can also be affectionately known as a meat market.

So there we have it. The LCR. Literally Can't Resist.

F

W

y is it that Concrete always seems to mention the CR? I'suppose it's something we can all relate to.

That first night at University, getting hammered with a unch of people you have never met, the squeaky ones of S Club, Chesney Hawkes, or some cheesy disco track grating in the b ackground, then back to Suffolk terrace, too drunk to notice that your b ed was designed with midgets in i:nind. A good icebreaker, granted.

Then you realise; "Hold on, these go on every week?"

Not that there is anything inherently wrong with wanting to perpetually un-stick your shoes frpm a WKD encrua!ted floor, or to develop rugby tackling skill$. to claim your prize: an o:Y:er-priced snakebite &black.

It is bearable, providbtgyou are in a good mood, don't mind exchanging saliva with aD o~~ a--loud top (poor disco llgl\ti.ng has a lot to answer for) and above aD are"l1nllelfevab1y drunk.

Actually going sober is..!"Well, a sobering experience. You hear "21 seconds to go" and wish there were. Suddenly sleep and a good Buffy video seem like the Holy Grail. You paid money to come here. You are an idiot.

"Maybe it will get better." You think. You are a naive idiot.

You could go to The Waterfront, a gig, to a pUb featuring friendly bar staff with amusing facial hair. You could develop an ambition to cultivate your very own handlebar moustache (Admittedly more difficult for the female population, unless you happen to be that orangutan in the loud top).

You are giving up the possibility of leather and fishnets for "Est. 1982" tops, blokes in lucky boxer shorts and women 'spilling out' of low cut tops, while the contents of their stomach does much the same.

Join unto the chosen, and dream of future LCRs, shining, new and devoid of all things Chesney.

The LCR's Top Ten Tunes of 2002 Derek Mcdennott CBEM Phd Once I crawled 1,1nder the old stage in the LCR and threw up, then a friend of mine crawled in andlayin it.

t' s 9pm on Thursday night, in a concrete paradise in downtown Norwich. 7he wind screams down the library pillars as the rain collects in puddles in the uneven paving in the Square. The men in bomber jackets stand by the doors of Union House, shifting

AllllaL&W4 Me and my boyfrie nd were reaDy, really drunk. We went upstairs in Union House to one of the corridors and started to get up to some randy antics.

Anyway a security guard walked pa8led us and infcmned us that there was a security camera above us.

1 The On e &Dd Ollly Chesney Hawkes

2 Doll't Stop Movin' S Club 7

3 Let's Get Ready To Rh'IIJDble .PJ and Duncan

4 Boh emi&D Rhapsody Queen

5 Can't Get You Out Of My Bead Kylie

·

6 Like A Prayer Madonna

Bec:kyL&W4

I was so drunk at this LCR and I was snagging my boyfriend at the time on the dance floor.

Anyway I went off to the bar to buy us some drinb and returned to the same spot and carried on anoqging him when I got this tap on the shoulder, it was my boyfriend - I had been snagging the wrong guy!

f;IIli1S

il:tW!Mj§ii 12.02 .03

Pictures: (opposite page) An LCR rush hour crowd. (Above, clockwise from the top le.f t) I t's abou t e njoying a drink with friends; queuing at the b ar; Hive DJ Toby Cunningham; closing time; err yes mate ; it's also about b e ing a hit with the l a dies . .IUl Phot os b y Gareth Davies.

C~oon by Astrid Goldsmith

MartyDSYS3 My most adventurous LCR was when my mates dared me to poo in a glua and gi'Ve it to · someone - and I did!.

7 Gold Spandau Ballet

8 Rock My World Michael Jackaon

9 The Power of Love HueyLewis

10 Living On A Prayer BonJovi Tile next LCR Top SO is ou Friday 28th Felnury. Don' t l~ to vote for JOUI' fa't'O'Uite tunes 1n the m....

12.02.03 ••••••••

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14 Albums

Massive AHack 1OOth Window I OOth Window is a product bom from obsession and unnatural sleeping patterns against a background of a group in turmoil.

Since 1998's sleek, dark Mezzanine album, Massive Attack have lost founding member Mushroom and, for the recording of this album, the help of Daddy G to prior family commitments. This has left 3-D with an undeniably heavy burden; what amounts to the most highly anticipated debut solo album of the year, with all the weight of the Massive Attack franchise resting on his shoulders. After aborted musical experiments with Spiritualised and political chin-wagging with Citizen Albarn, 3-D (Robert Del Naja) has taken the group's sound into the quick, oily space between Protection and. Mezzanine, with a handful of pointers taken from the disorientating sound of last year's Boards of Canada album Geogaddi.

More of a slow-bumer than any other Massive Attack release, I OOth Window takes its lead from a more subtle, seductive place than explored previously. Opener Future Proof slinks around Del Naja's confident, drugged vocal before descending into a disarming chaos. Sinead O'Connor, who lends her similarly s.i ren-like talents to three tracks here, is the perfect female counterpart to Del Naja, layering soul onto some otherwise troubled ambie.n t tracks, and lending credibility to even the most pretentious of lyrics; A Prayer for England (the

album's first single) is just that, a prayer for the hope of a better nation, that in anyone else's hands might have descended into painful preaching.

However, an edge has been lost to the Massive Attack sound that may never be recaptured by the fractured group, that brooding menace so prevalent in older tracks like Angel, Karmacoma and RisingSon . The atmosphere of the greatest tracks on I OOth Window lie in the hypnotic pleasures of the muffled beats and sprawling samples, the odd audio-missive ricocheted off the wall to construct a blissful claustrophobia; Del Naja has dispensed with immediacy for a chance for these tracks to take root and mature, and what is left is the sound of Massive Attack putting as much distance between themselves and the trip-hop standard-bearing Blue Lines as possible.

I OOth Window is, in places, a breath-taking, complex record, but it's slow and testing.make-up betray its construction by a group operating at half numbers, and sharing only one member's musical vision. It's still Massive Attack, but not as we know it.

Matt Sargeson

The Strangest Things Rather reminiscent of Idlewild's The Remote Part, mainly due to frontman Steve Schiltz' vocals, Longwave:s second album, The Strangest~. sounds instantly familiar, yet is simultaneously diffic;ult to place.Its songs are gentle and wellformed, lulling but edgy guitar-driven melodies that last for just as long as they need to and not a second longer, though Schiltz' vocals and lyrics add an·element of depth which makes you wish they did, especially on Can't Feel a Thing, a bare, stripped-down lament which lasts for just 90 seconds. 'This, and the three songs around it, are the centre of the album, both literally and metaphorically. Tidal Wave is as close as the

band come to the Idlewild sound, and is followed by the great and anthemic The Ghosts Around You, which is haunted throughout by an eerie riff that resonates long after the song has finished.

Slightly indie, slightly arty, slightly rock, this is an album of balance and introspection that really has the ability to make you listen to it carefully.

And while it isn't anything particularly groundbreaking, it manages to avoid sounding derivative and stale, and delivers exactly what a good nay, very good - album should.

Miscba Pearlman

King Crimson are aging rockers who have been around since the sixties, released thirteen albums and have influenced the likes of Nine Inch Nails and Tool. The foursome have played alongside The Rolling Stones at Hyde Park. With that in mind you would have expected something less airy-fairy than The Power To Believe.

The album is the first that King Crimson have released in about three years and it is a disappointing one at that, I'm afraid.

The intro is frustratingly slow and is annoyingly repeated at various points throughout the album.

The lack of lyrics and general repetitiveness will make Y?U want to switch of!, but onoe you do, a

random piece of explosiveness will wake you right up.

It does take a while before you can gain any appreciation of this band's unique style, but once you do, I'm doubtful you'll be impressed by it.

The highlight of the album, Happy With What You Have To Be Happy With, does luckily diverge from the rest of the album's instrumental feel and shows off Adrian Belew's classic rocky voice and a half decent guitar riff, so all is not all lost there, but that's unfortunately about it.

Annita Selvaraja

Victer Duplaix The Power to Believe

Loose Fur Where Jeff Tweedy of Wilco fame makes a play for the title of most lo-fi record ever, and almost pulls it off. Loose Fur is the sort of record that Graham Coxon dreamed of making when he convinced Damon Albam that chirpy horns and knees-up mockerney fun pissed people off beyond comprehension. At only six tracks, you could be forgiven for calling this an EP, but at forty minutes in duration, it's most definitely an album. Opener Laminated Cat builds into a crescendo of electronic fuzz, repetitive riffs and Beck-like vocals, whilst So wng takes an eternity to arrive on what seems like the back of the

band tuning up and getting ready for the first take. Yet this is not an album to be considered on separate tracks, rather as a whole piece.

Lcose Fur is not for the light-hearted and must be accompanied by a willingness to listen all the way through, avoiding that joyous skip button which has averted so much aural pain in the past. It's self-indulgent beyond belief, but somehow manages to steer clear of excessive experimentation, making it exactly wh:at Tweedy set out to create. A damn fine lo-fi album.

]oe Minlhane

Whether as a DJ, singer or producer, the name Vlkter Duplaix stands for an unusual, artistic allround talent, known by some for his contribution to the DJ Kicks series. Although only 29 years old, in his hometown of Philadelphia he is considered a veteran. He has contributed to tracks by many artists over the past decade, including Erykah Badu and Jarniroquai.

Vlkter's debut solo album, International Affairs, showcases ~ songwriting skills and his ability to create songs in a diverse range of styles such as r'n'b, house, hip-hop, two-step and Nu Jazz.

His sound is fresh, varied and remarkably

• ,

unique. He connects African rhythms in tracks such as Morena or Lust For life with seductive soul harmonies, the influence of Puerto Rican rhythms and laid-back grooves.

True to his percussionist background, the album consists of many rhythmic experiments.

The lyrics deal with experiences from Vikter's own life. The upbeat What We Want deals with problems he has faced such as racism and discrimination. woking For wve and Wherever You Are are also stand-out tracks.

Victoria Holland

freaks ... ,· :. · '

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•

Man Who Lived Underground I'd like to think I have a fairly wide and varied taste in music, but this really is too much. It starts off with a short introductory track, which is a mixture of panpipes, bongos, a computerised voice and a guy singing/talking/ whatever (think Radiohead's Fitter Happier meets Wu-Tang Clan and you still can't quite imagine it). Track 3, Weaver- Lude is mellow and fairly chilled out, a little more to my taste, but then only lasts for a minute and a half, after which they return to the computerised free jazz, for lack of a better description.

No track allows enough tinie for you to get used

12.02 .03

to it or for it to develop, apart from Where were you when the lights went out? which goes on and on and on and on but doesn't seem to develop anyway. There are a few more good moments to · the CD though: Hang up your Hang-ups has a funky bass-line, not bad at all; in fact, if they ditched the SO's tracks and the electronic voice they would be alright, so maybe you're left with less than half an album but it's a start.

Louise Peart

Ratir:-gs:

Masturbation

~~~

Premature Ejaculation

I!BD

Half Hour Of Power

~~~~~~

Tantric Sex

Quickie

Singles 15

Going Live

Single Choice Beverly Knight Shape of You Those of you who have this R&B diva's third Mercury Music Prize nominated album, Who I Am, will be expecting Shape of You to be a bassy love song lamenting lost love. However, with a sprinkling of Wyclef magic it has been turned into a sexy sassy tune that's bound to have you bumping and grinding like you never have before. I have it on good authority that working with the legendary Wyclef is an experience, but trying to get any work done is tough because he only ever seems to have one thing on his mind .... did you really need it confirmed? Of course it's music, what were you thinking?

Those who have witnessed the phenomena of Bev live Wlll know she holds nothing back, a powerfully rich voice able to reach any note and stir massive emotions. This single is no exception. With a distinctively American feel Shape of You will leave you toe-taping and interested in what else this amazing woman is capable of. The lady who brought us The BFunk and Prodigal Sista returns with this phunky offering. Multi Mobo award winning and nominated for Best British Female and Best Urban Act at the Brits , this track with guest rapper Hollywood will definitely give Beverley Knight the wide recognition she deserves.

Helen Ashford

Oh dear. Once again my mind is violated by a band who think using words like 'tits' and 'dtck' m a song means they're hardcore. Inste ad of being impressed or shocked by the1r vague attempt at wit, Violent Delight just left me bored. An mterest ing blend of Sum 41 and Slipknot, VD present you with a single wluch is catchy and predictably sing-along Wlth a repetitive thrash of guitars whtch would get any 14 year old moshmg. If you liked I wish I was queer... by the Bloodhound Gang you might like tlus, as this happens to sound just like 11.

Hmmm.. .

Lucy johnston

Zwan is the new outfit formed from the remnants of the Smashing Pumpkins. Thts is both a good and a bad thing. It is good because fans Wllllove Billy Corgan's new band with its thoughtful and interesting lyrics and excellent musicianship, but bad because it's not a massive departure from the Pumpkms' sound. Honestly could basically be off any Smashmg Pumpkins album, so even newcomers are unlikely to find anything they haven't heard before.

Do you know th at feeling you get when you can't ge t enough?

Thts feeling best sums up A Modern W ay Of Lettmg Go. the fourth single to be lifted from IdleWlld's adorably eclectic Remote Part album. Sure, we 've heard 1t already but 1t 's JUSt too tasty to restst. It's IcUewild by numbers: strong lyncs . heavy guitars circa Captam penod and it rocks hard and fast in a way that new rock's pre tenders can only dream of.

Idlewild are sacUy our most neglected natwnal treasure , and, as A Modern Way proves, they only seem to get better with age. Chensh them. foe Minihane

Tlus smgle from the second a lbum of this talented duo IS as memorable and catchy as Underdog and Mmd Over Money (both from their debut album The Optimist LP).

Pamkiiier lives up to expectatwns ; 1t IS a 路feel good' track Wlth uplifting lyrics (which are very sing-a-long-able), a funky bass !me and a great acoustiC nff. If you are lo oki ng to rock out, for get lt , but if you want to 'leave all your mtsery behind' listen to tlus and do just that. Potential Valentmes gift too- antic1pate those summer months together , you optimists out there .

Caroline Potter

Like the Hives, Donots hail from Sweden. Ltke the H1ves, they play annoymgly catchy pop punk. Like the Hives , they wear sharp suits. Unlike the Hives. they are shit. OK, anyone who has heard Hate To Say I Told You So more than three times may never want to hear it again- ever- but I couldn't even get through one listen of Big Mouth without wanting to hack off my head with a big knife. With any luck, Donots' musical career will fail spectacularly and they will spend the rest of their days in obscurity, repenting for ever daring to start a band.

Tom Sutton

To be perfectly honest, I tlunk this sounds like Ronan Ke ating has bought an even ttghter pair of leather trousers , Jomed Nickleback and decided to cover a Santana smgle wlulst singing a rock ballad. But if you 're a Matchbox Twenty fan you'd probably have me put up against a wall and shot for my cnmes against music appreciation. But you can't blame mein comparison to their earlier albums, tlus smgle is over-produced and tainted by that generic, American midcUe-of-the road alternative rock sound. But, if you like that kind of thing ...

Lucy Johnston

This single from local group Freefall serves as a welcome addition to their impressive debut mini-album. NB Stone's vocals are raw and impressive, adding to the emotion and honesty of the songs' melodies . Stay Alive IS the rockier tune, more upbeat than the slower, rrunor key Drownmg, but both songs demonstrate the more than capable and varied abilittes of a band who , if there is any justice, should be able to avmd drowning in the dark swamp that is the music mdustry and successfully stay alive. (See what I did there?)

Mischa Pearlman

The Rain Band, with their rrux of indie and alternative styles, overlaid with lofty guitars and great sounding lyrics, originate from Manchester and are just embarking on aUK tour. They should be a popular outfit, with their catchy sounds and good rhythm. If you haven't heard of them, try considering a contemporary rocked up version of Joy Division crossed with The Charlatans. Easy Rider is their second single . It highlights the1r style, and has gamed good critical acclaim. They sound good, and should have a pretty bright futur e.

Toby Gethin

As you may have noticed, the hype machine has been at full steam m recent weeks , the self-Important , self-aggrandizing mastarbatory event that is the NME tour drawing nearing a nd nearer and nearer until, on February 5, it finally came.

Phew. The madness is over and a good time was seemingly had by all. Which is great. What is a shame , though, is how tours of this nature - ie, huge events backed up and hyped up by mstitutions like the NME- overshadow smaller, and more interesting bands who just don't have access to the same kind of exposure. The best example of this iS Martm Grech, the 20-year old musical prodigy who played an incredible set to a barely-more-than-half-filled Norwich Arts Centre the same night the Datsuns were shouting like motherfuckers from hell to a sold-out LCR. And as rock and roll as the Datsuns are (and they're very rock and roll and damn good at it too), it seems rather unfair that the NME can wave their little wands a nd get sell-out crowds to watch bland imitators (hello Interpol) rather than champion mus1c tha t 1s truely original , innovative and damn good. That's not to say the NME are always wrong , but in doing what they do and the way in which they do it (style over substance every time), they can only serve to damage music and the bands who are doing great things and who deserve to be heard.

Okay. Tirade over.

Paul Wade

On the local scene, the day before the day that was the 5th, Freefall played a good set m the bar of the Arts Centre , the1r delivery as tight as ever and their songs as moving and stirring as they always are , though a lacklustre crowd didn't particularly help matters. Still, 1t really is nice to see a band doing exactly what they want to do rather than gearing their sound to fit in with current fashions and trends.

And they do what they do extremely well (see the review of their single in this issue), so it's worth keeping an e ye out for them.

One of the most exciting gigs in the next fortnight IS Hellts for Heroes, who play the Waterfront on the 24th and whose stunnmg debut album, The Neon Handshake, was released on the 3rd of February. To celebrate this, and their return to Norwich, we have thr ee signed 7"s to give away to the first three people to correctly answer the following question: What was the name of their debut single? Email your answers to su.concrete@uea.ac.uk.

And that 's about it. Suffice to say that there's always lots going on, so ge t out there and mvestigate. And If there 's a band playmg that you've never heard of, try to check the m out. You may be pleasantly surprised ...

12 .02 .03

iiiiW!:Wjfii

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16 Film

e o· 5

ec or: ••

Gore

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1ng s s

•

There's always something about American remakes that makes me feel uneasy. There's always such huge potential for missing the point and making a cheap knockoff just to cash in. Such is the case with films like The Assassin , a remake of Luc Besson's superlative Niki ta . But let's not forget that Hollywood sometimes does us proud with excellent reproductions - Thre e M en and a Baby, for example, was originally French film Trois Hommes et un Couffin . But while Three Men and a Baby and its original were simply affectionate comedies centred around the shenanigans which ensue when three single twenty-somethings are left to look after a baby, Nikita was an intense action thriller which was more about gender roles and stereotyping than big shootouts in hotel kitchens, and the remake sorely lacked the original's depth. Similarly, Gore Verbinski's American version of Hideo Nakata's Ring lacks the thematic vigour of the original. The story of a cursed videotape that kills anyone who watches it one week later worked in its original Japanese setting because its fusion of folklore and technology was an amalgam of Japan past and present. When you replace Japan with America, that sub text disappears . A thematic adaptation, perhaps, would have been more advisable. But that's not the fihn we have here.

The first half follows the original fairly strictly. The relationship between reporter Rachel (Naomi Watts) and her ex-husband Noah (Martin Henderson) is much more dysfunctional than the original, but that simply echoes its new context. It's a shame that this is the only consideration taken in transferring the movie, as their melodramatic arguments soon begin to grate. The direction style is also completely different from the original. While Nakata's style was Hitchcock filtered through a gothic novel, Verbinski is more like Shyamalan, director of Sixth Sense. It's this realisation which indicates the target audience for the film. All those people who loved Sixih Sense and Signs will presumably flock to see this too. The focus on the son Aidan, played excellently by David Dorfman and originally reserved for the second film in the Japanese trilogy, proves b eyond any doubt that this is who the film is aimed at. Unfortunately, Verbinski seems to want to pay homage to the film's art house roots as while Watts is talking, the camera often focuses on her breas ts rather than her face . The director is either doing 'arty' very badly or has got an adolescent boy to be cameraman to keep the film within b udget. The poor kid should have just rented Mu/holland Drive.

Apart from this occasionally abrasive style, the film trundles along with few problems for the first forty minutes or so. It's when the investigation takes off that the film gets derailed. One of the most horrifying images in the original was the disfigured human eye of Sadako (the girl in the videotape) just before she kills her victim. The same image is used here, but rather than being the eye of a murd erous ghost, it's a horse's eye. Needless to say, horses didn't feature prominently in the original, but whether taking this into consideration or not, it's still h orribly jarring when Watts announces, " ! think it has something to do with horses." Because whenever you find a cursed videotape laying around, it's bound to be horses. Those bloody things with their eyes. Pure evil. This leads to the second most unintentionally funny scene of the film where a spooked horse gets loose on a boat and ends up jumping overboard. If anything, it made me glad that the French eat them.

It turns out that Samara's (the remake's Sadako) father is a horse breeder which replaces the much more logical ESP researcher from the original. He tries to keep Watts from discovering his secrets only to meet a grisly end. But it's the scene where Watts and Hendersen are trying to find Samara's corpse which delivers· the funniest scene in the film , as Watts is knocked down a well by a flying television. Whilst huge pains are taken at the start to help suspend disbelief through Watts' scepticism, horses and flying TVs only discredit it. The last ten minutes of the film return more or less to the original, including the disturbingly excellent scene where Samara cr awls out of the TV set. However, the m oral dile mma of the origin al is glossed over and leaves the end feeling rather ambiguous, but as most plot points from all fihns in the original trilogy are used here, a sequel seems unlikely.

All in all, a reasonably entertaining fihn in its own right, though h orribly steepe d in melodrama, questionable came r awork and plot contrivances. Those who loved Sixth Sense will e njoy it, but those of us who gue ssed its 'twist' e nding should p robably stick to the origin al. At least it makes m ore sense and has enough thematic depth to not miss the poin t c ompletely .

.•

The Ring Competition To c elebrate the rele ase of Th e Ring in UK cinemas , w e are giving you the c hance to. win limited edition Rin g merchandis e a nd preview s c r eening tickets. All you have to do is answer the following questio n: The Ring is a remake of the film Ringu. What nationality is the or ig inal film?

Please email answers to su.concrete@ uea.ac .uk wi th "Ring Competition" in the subj e ct heading.

ii#IW!#Ijlii 12 .02. 03

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Film 17

The Magdalene Sisters Director: Starring:

Peter Mullan Geraldine McEwan, Anne路Marie Duff

Margaret, Rose and Bernadette are effectively committed to indefinite prison sentences in the harshly Catholic Ireland of the 1960s. What follows is a wonderful mix of the bizarre, the tragic and the unexpected, set in a dreary convent run by the tyrannical arch-nun Sister Bridget.

The most immediate feature of The Magdalen Sisters is the intense and accurate characterisation, kick-started by a documentary-style introduction,- and lovingly rendered by the actors' performances, right down to the smallest bit parts. The predominantly female cast (men figure mostly as sexual predators, stone-hearted authoritarians or power-abusing hypocrites) and the closeness of the convent setting quickly establishes an intimate, yet cramped and tense community.

However, every absorbing moment of pain, anger, fear or jealousy amongst the exploited women is offset by a moment that is born of sheer film-making delight - this film is driven by a conviction amongst its makers that is lacking in many films where budget is allowed to compensate for enthusiasm and ingenuity. A few little devices are somewhat hackneyed, but a clutch of deliciously understated sub-plots and asides reveals a passion for the unique possibilities of the cinematic art form.

It also grounds the enclosed world of the film in a brutal reality.

Painful sadness is nearly always accompanied by desperate humour and frequently by downright absurdity. But the film is capable of delivering real sucker punches of shock and disgust, and does so on more than one occasion. There is a gravity and severity of tone which means that even a parade of fullfrontal nun nudity seems far from ridiculous.

A criticism which Irish art - especially its popular culture often faces is that it remains engrossed in characteristically Irish themes: politics, religion, and the gnarly links between the two. This could be said to be as true of The Magdalen Sisters as it is of many other novels and films from No!1hern and Southern Ireland. But this film explores unexpected channels and hints at such varied ideas and themes that it is at once subversive, relevant, and urgent. Director Peter Mullan has certainly struck a deft balance between brevity of comment and superficial fleetingness , especially given the sensitiveness of his subject. In Ireland, where the film is already doing very well, it has sparked a huge debate. The Catholic Church, even at the very highest levels, is in complete denial and has dismissed the film as "clearly false".

The deeply moving conclusion is uncompromising and insistent, employing a strong and explicitly condemnatory voice for the first time. Elsewhere, the action is suggestive yet subtle, which is engaging and satisfying for the audience. It is also

an effective way to keep the film vibrant and retain some cruciallight-heartedness. My main objection to this film is that, however justified, its criticism of the nunneries and the smalltown Catholic clergies of which they are a part is unabated and very onesided. However, it is touches of artistic licence like this that keep the film distinct from straightforward documentary, and make it so entertaining.

Great acting, inventive and inspired writing, and subtle direct-

ing add up to an accomplished and successful film. If you harbour any distrust or apprehensions about our cloistered female friends , however, approach with caution.

MoPamplin

The Hours 路 .

Director: Stephen Daldry Starring: Meryl Streep, Nicole Kidman The Hours shows that transformation and stagnation can happen in a person's life simultaneously. The three plots of the film deal with the details of important hours in each character's life: Woolf (Nicole Kidman) coping with madness and Mrs Dalloway, and later committing suicide; Laura Brown Gulianne Moore) reading Mrs Dalloway and realizing how unhappy she is with being a housewife in 1951 Los Angeles; and editor Clarissa Vaughn (nicknamed Mrs Dalloway) , in the present day, planning a party for her friend and former lover Richard (Ed Harris) . It's the best film to illustrate the importance of the ordinary occurrence since Remains of the Day. The three plots are spliced together throughout the film, which has the potential to be choppy and confusing, but director Stephen Daldry takes care to make transitions for his audience. He uses a line from Mrs Dalloway, or the particularly remarkable transition from a dying bird on the ground to Laura lying on a bed.

It's the attention to detail that makes the film extraordinary.

Daldry captures his characters' idiosyncrasies - Woolfs fountain pens, the live crabs in Clarissa's sink- which make these women the flawed but empathetic human beings we want to know better. He creates a physical and psychological landscape for each character, and we become so well acquainted with them that we see each small incident in their day as a momentous occasion for them. The film leaves us to ponder the details of our own lives.

The film also makes a statement about women's lives and how things have changed (and failed to change) over the 80 year span covered in the film. Laura is the most obviously trapped and clearly agitated about it - Moore does a wonderful job of conveying the false sugar in Laura's voice, and showing her nerves throughout the day. The film also shows how Woolf is held prisoner by her mental illness and the restraints placecj. on her by her doctors and her husband. Kidman and Stephen Dillane (as Leonard Woolf) brilliantly portray the strained love between Virginia and her husband. Likewise Clarissa, as "Mrs Dalloway," is trapped in the role of caretaker and party planner, and hangs onto her composure by a thread.

The acting was superb on all counts, as expected from the stellar lineup of Moore, Kidman, and Streep. Much has been made of Kidman's physical transformation for her role, and rightly so- she becomes Woolf. There were also some pleasant surprises from the supporting roles as well. Toni Colette is brilliant in her turn as Laura's neighbour Kitty. She's completely believable as the suntanned, perfectly groomed woman - a complete physical change from Fiona in About a Boy. Likewise Harris, who comes across as coldly handsome in Enemy at the Gates, turns himself into the physically and mentally sick Richard, dying of AIDS. He shows an interesting blend of weakness and strength, and an overall authenticity.

Cinematography, writing, and acting aside, The Hours is worth seeing as a reminder of our daily struggle for balance and happiness. ]ocelyn Heath

12.02.03

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18 DVD/Video

-Lantana

Director: Starring:

Ray Lawrence Anthony LaPiagia

Lantana is a psychological drama about com-

plex relationships between five very different couples, whose lives become cleverly intertwined as the plot develops. The film is based on playwright Andrew Bovell's internationally produced stage production, Speaking in Tongues, and director Ray Lawrence man ages to maintain the vividly dramatic traits observable in characters written for the theatre, whilst making his characters frighteningly human, and for this reason, poignant. The dialogue between many of the couples is so hauntingly familiar, it is not surprising that many 'happilymarried' couples in the Australian cinema audience claimed to have left the cinema on less-than-speaking terms.

As the film opens, the camera pans down upon a vast area of bush suffocated by lantana weed.

We see the body of a woman lying still and dead. Juxtaposed with this, the next scene features actor Anthony La Paglia in a vocal sex scene with a woman we soon learn is not his wife. La Paglia plays police detective Leon Zat, a man who his struggling to make sense of his life and its confines -work, marriage, and the stuff that happens inbetween. As he tries to make sense of a mysterious crime weaved around a number of intense and eclectic human relationships , he is simultaneously trying to unravel the personal mystery that is his own life. Whilst attending Latin-American dance classes with his wife , lying to himself about having an affair - "it was a one night stand. Except that it happened twice", trying to keep his sons away from drugs and fulfilling his role as a cop , Leon struggles to endure his hardest role of all, that of the contented man.

The line that resonates emotively throughout the film is spoken by Leon at the film's close , when he says, 'I just don 't feel anything anymore. ' Lantana is a brutally honest film, featuring

adults' at its Australian cinema release, Lantana explores the varied roles that love plays, the functions it serves between different couples, and the ways in which this love is tested when tragedy enters our lives . The characters are diverse in their-age and occupation, yet all are struggling to come to terms with their sexual identity, and the way their lives have progressed.

It is hard for the audience to know whether to like or dislike the characters that Ray Lawrence presents us with. None of the characters are particularly likeable, but most people can emphasise , at least to some extent, with the issues they are trying to deal with. Rachael Blake who plays the woman Leon has an affair with, is brilliant because she is so utterly dislikeable in her role as the lonely, interfering Jane. And Kerry Armstrong , winner of the Australian Film Industry best actress award , is superbly real in her portrayal of Le on 's wife, a sensitive mother figure who 's trying to keep her family together despit e her doubts about her husband's fidelity, growing old, and maintaining happiness. "I like being this age," she tells her psychiatrist played by Barbara Hershey. "I like the lines around my eyes."

Lantana was produced by Jan Chapman, producer of The Piano, Love Serenade and The Last Days of Chez-Nous, and is c omplemented by an appropriately sombre music score composed by artist Paul Kelly.

Like the lantana weed that afflicts itself clumsily and notoriously throughout the Australian milieu , the characters in Lantana, are similarly caught up in an intriguing web of sex, love, deceit , and death. As the characters struggle to disentangle themselves from the messy challenges which face them, viewers alike should be moved by this compassionate portrayal of what is, essentially, human life.

scenes that are often uncomfortably raw and suitably evocative. Dubbed as a 'mystery for

The Classic DVD

The Wicker Man Director: Robin Hardy Starring: Christopher Lee, Edward Woodward For the past twenty years , whenever asked which of the two hundred plus films he has to his credit is his personal favourite, horror veteran Christopher Lee 's response has always been the same : The Wicker Man, a film he made in 1973 alongside Edward Woodward in a small town in Scotland for no money and little acclaim (at least at the time.) The story of Christi anity and paganism conflicting on a remote Scottish island dominated by Lee's Lord Summerisle was ignored upon release , after being mangled in the edi ting room by distributors . Nowadays, with its history well-documented, the film is revered as a classic British horror film boasting what is easily the most intelligent script to come out of this country and perhaps the greatest closing scenes of all time.

Watching the film in its restored state on this DVD release (the first time this extended

"

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12 .02 .03

Spy Kids 2 Director: Robert Rodriguez Starring: Antonio Banderas Ever since he forced his way into Hollywood with his self-financed guns and guitars action movie El Mariachi, Robert Rodreiguez has made a career out of refusing to comply with industry expectations.

First he would only take $7 million to remake Mariachi (as Desperado), preferring budgetary constraints to sacrificing creative autonomy. Then, when he teamed up with Quentin Tarantino , Allison Anders and Alexandre Rockwell to create compilation movie Four Rooms, Rodriegez's was the only section to escape a critical pounding. He turned down directing Mask of Zorro as the production became too unWieldy and , when ER heart-throb George Clooney decided to have another crack at movie acting, the Mexican director somehow persuaded him that starring in ultraviole nt vampire/ gangster flick From Dusk Till Dawn was the best way to start.

But just as studio execs thought they were figuring out what Rodriegez was about (making a low budget, innovative action movie with a Latino cast set in the desert?

Call Robert. ), he went and made Spy Kids .

Not many action directors would voluntarily attempt a children's film (imagine the blue-lit nightmare James Cameron would come up with) . Yet Spy Kids worked precisely because Rodriegez used all the lessons learnt staging violence , simply removing the blood, upping the slapstick and pushing the whole show one step closer to fantasy.

For the sequel, the emphasis is on taking all the factors that helped the original to $150 million at the US box office and doing them all again at twice the speed and four times the size. It's a year since the events of the first film and the spy kids , Juni and Carmen, are now established agents , corn-

peting to b e the best against the brother/ sister team of Gary and Gerti Giggles. To prove their worth, both pairs of siblings accept a mission to retrieve a technology-disabling device from a mysterious island.

More than the plot, though, perhaps the best indication of what Spy Kids 2 has to offer is when the flying pig makes its first appearance. The island is the home of a mad scientist and between his creations (largely consisting of animals grafted together - giraffes and tortoises , men and spiders), and spy's gadgets (tent that folds into your pocket, a tiny robotic beetle) the movie becomes a constantly moving demonstration of creative invention.

Instead of taking the usual route of smothering his young viewers with sentimentality , Rodriegez hides his family values messages behind fart gags and dragons. The result is a movie that's designed for kids but not to the extent of excluding everyone else. Like all true family pictures there are numerous jokes and references for older viewers; indeed the whole project can be seen as a tribute to Ray Harryhausen monster movies. Forget the naff concept, Spy Kids 2 is more inventive and more entertaining than 95% of supposedly 'adult ' orientated films. You've seen people being shot before -why not give people with magnets for heads fighting skeletons with swords a try?

]im Whalley

cut has b e en available in the UK) it has to be said that, despite its proficiency , the film is not quit e the life -altering experience Lee believes . There is an extraordinarily proficient juxtaposition between normality , the surreal and the downright horrific . However, the mystery at the film 's core is not nearly so well managed as people seem to remember. Relying , as it does, on a great deal of coincidence and stupidity on the part of Woodward's character rather than insidious plotting. It's an example of good filmmaking interpreted as great filmmaking simply by virtue of its troubled history.

That said, there are few other examp les of filmmaking where , even after thirty years, the director and cast are as passionate about their work as they were when they made it. The DVD boasts a fine commentary by Lee, Woodward and director Robin Hardy, who are all delighted to see the cut footage restored and have plenty to say about their experiences with the film . There is also a shorter version of the excellent Wicker Man Enigma documentary which appeared on Channel 4 last year. It may not be the greatest film of all time, but The Wicker Man is certainly one of the most intelligent films ever to come out of Britain.

Ph i l Colvin

Arts 19

Books Re-revievved:

Theatre Previevv: ART was first performed in Paris in 1994. It was an immediate success and one of the performances was proud to boast the legendary screen god Sean Connery in the audience, there on the recommendation of his wife. He decided that it was such a gem of a production it would be a crime to limit it to only a French audience. He enlisted the help of the well-known and much admired playwright, Christopher Hampton, to translate the text and the first performance on British soil was at the Wyndham Theatre 2 years later. Since then it has been a successful comedy showing in Chicago, New York, Sydney, Los Angeles and Buenos Aires. On its 2 UK tours it has attracted the acting skills of such talent as Albert Finney, Jack Dee, Frank Skinner Alistair McGowan and Jamie Theakston.

The cast of the production currently on tour, coming to Norwich's Theatre Royal, is headed by Nigel Havers. He is jomed by Roger Lloyd Pack, known best as Trigger in Only Fools and Horses and Owen in The Vicar of Dibley; and Leigh Lawson. who

TheTe have been better books, books with greater, inexhaustible depth, books with more elegant language , books with the power to change people 's lives. But broken down into a laughs-per-page equation, The Gun Seller is just about unbeatable.

Published in 1996, it is Hugh Laurie's contribution to that ever-popular literary phenomenon of novels written by famous comedians. But whereas most comics use novel writing to reveal hidden depths, Laurie, refreshingly, stuck to being as funny as possible. The plot follows the antics of Thomas Lang, an ex-soldier who, at the beginning of the first chapter, is busy getting his arm broken. Initially, Lang's current occupation is unclear. He gets into fights , insults members of the secret service and drinks whisky ("I added enough water to turn it into a Vaguely Familiar Grouse" ). Partly by accident, partly by design, he becomes entangled with Alexander Woolf, an American weapons expert, and Woolfs terribly good-

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made a nam.e for himself in Polanski's Tess and television's Kinsey, is the third on the bill. It promises to be an evening of sidesplitting hilarity and both visual and intellectual pleasures. The set, designed by Mark Thompson, is one of the main talking points of the play; the stark white walls prompting critics to use such adjectives as "luxury-minimalist" and "chic"; e legant in its simplicity and providing the perfect 路 back-drop for what is said to be a fiercely intelligent and brilliantly witty play.

Reviewers have raved about how it succeeds in being both light and serious; "a play of ideas" . The Independent on Sunday summed it up as "funny , sophisticated, stylish, stimulating and moving."

What more could one ask of a night out?

And if that's not enough to tempt you to the box office, a theatrical production described as the 'quintessential West End experience ', despite having come from Paris, must be worth a look.

Katharine Clemow

The first book to come out of the Norwich-based Egg Box Publishing, The Zoo Keeper is an elegantly dark collection of poetry and photographs. Anyone who's come across the Egg Box magazine will recognise the aesthetic - a heady cocktail of all that is macabre, thoughtful and weird. From the photograph on the front cover (a mununified cat, held by the neck) to the final poem ( a 'translation ' of non-existent ancient scrolls) , The Zoo Keeper delights in walking fine lines between disgust and fascination, reality and invention, comedy and tragedy.

Corporate image aside, though, The Zoo Keeper also contains some damn good poetry. You would be hard pressed to find another debut collection which has the assurance and charisma found in poems such as 'On Discovering Your Lover has Nits', 'When it Rains ' and the excellent 'Prophetess '. Here are poems which manage to be at once tender, vicious and playful; they ground themselves in an often bitter reality whilst escaping into a world that is free, open and personal. Evans seems fascinated by phy.sicality, and is at his best when he lets the poems become saturated with tactile images. Some of the pieces here are impossible to read without shuddering, and some will bring you to an involuntary halt; you may need to get up and walk around for a while before reading the next one. This is poetry as it should be, red in tooth and claw.

This is not to say that The Zoo Keeper is hard to read. Quite the opposite - it slips down with all the ease of an innocentlooking white pill. There is a lightness of touch here, a fiercely wry wit that loves to play with ideas until they start to break, then discards them. The voice is considered, playful and utterly compulsive. Upon reaching the last page and closing the book, you will immediately start to regret having finished. Evans has a style that looks likely to ripen over time, and with such a strong debut under his belt, we eagerly anticipate further collections. Of course, until then, there 's always the Egg Box magazine. f oe/ Stickley

looking daughter Sarah. From there, it isn't long before Lang is acting like an under-paid James Bond, moving from country to country attempting to prevent some very deadly helicopters being sold to some very dangerous people. Throughout, Lang describes his escapades with a wry, cynical wit that will be familiar to readers of Gregory McDonald's Fletch. To give one example from hundreds: "I've been in prison, you see. Only three weeks, and only on remand, but when you've had to play chess twice a day with a monosyllabic West Ham supporter, who has 'HATE' tattooed on one hand, and 'HATE' on the other using a set missing six pawns, all the rooks and two of the bishops - you find yourself cherishing the little things in life. Like not being in prison."

It does all get a bit silly, and I've found from experience that people either find the style funny or they don't - there isn 't much middle ground. But in a world where every second book has "so hilarious it made me cry and crap myself at the same time" proudly stamped across its cover, to find a novel that is genuinely, consistently amusing is a rarity to be celebrated. The only pity is that Laurie seems to consider one book enough - the dust-jacket describes The Gun Seller as " his only novel" and eight years later there 's no evidence he plans to change his mind. ]im Whal/ey

Book Revie'N: This is a novel of self-discovery focusing upon the McKennas, a working class family living in the suburbs of Glasgow. Childhood sweethearts, Jimmy and Liz, and their twelve year old daughter , Anne Marie, find their family life disrupted when Jimmy becomes a Buddhist.

He destroys his marriage through !us striving for a harmonious meat, alcohol and sex free existence and soon finds himself sleeping on the temple floor. As much as Jimmy tries to achieve enlightenment, he neve r fully understands the Buddhist beliefs and becomes an e mbodiment of the cultural clash between working class values and the spirituality of Buddhism. Liz, m need of comfort following the breakdown of her marriage and death of her mother, turns to a sociology student, seven years her senior, and embarks on a sexual awakening which leaves her pregnant with his baby. The story is told through a series of first-. person monologues given by Jimmy , Liz and Anne Marie . The absence of an omniscient narrator allows Donovan to establish an incredible intimacy between character and reader. She effectively recreates the multidimensional

nature of a marriage breakdown, with each character providing a different perspective.

The fact that this novel is written entirely in Scottish dialect may deter some potential readers daunted by the task of continuous interpretation. It is, however, surprisingly easy to read ; the dialect adds to the sense of intimacy and helps achieve a high level of naturallsm. The phonetic nature of the language gives each of the characters their own voice, as if they were speaking personally to the reader.

One of the novels most interesting aspects is Donovan's exploration of Scottish national identity and the increasing multiculturalism of the country. This multiculturaJism is epitomised by a CD created by Anne Marie and her Sikh friend, Nisha, which merges Catholic hymns, Buddhist chants and Punjabi rapping.

Overall, this is a touching novel , beautiful in its simplicity. Whilst the plot deals primarily with the breakdown of a marriage , Donovan explores the evolution of relationships as they adapt to cope with continuously changing circumstances.

C/aire P emberton

20 TV ;•

Essentia·l TV: ffrl ill''now the 'best:crime sliow on'CS ~C""as Magnum PI. But Sell~~li , ~.md ~moustache · are 'about ~

his

get a run for.

their money . writes:!!!<Se~re~n~~~~ As all the stops are pulled out in one spectacular plane crash scene in the Miami Everglades , and a troop of beautiful people are released to investigate, a strange feeling of deja-vu washes over you . The private jet is down, _and look, the beautiful people have found the body of a dead girl five miles from the crash site . Bizarre. Bizarre and grizzly. Now , just hold on a darn second. You've seen this before.

Probably. Then again, innovation doesn ' t seem to be figuring too highly these days on the American TV production line . CS/ Miami is here and on Channel Five , and it's anything but innovative . CS!? Sounds familiar . Couldn' t you have sworn that that program started just a little while ago on the same channel? You're right , you probably have already heard of it. This is CS/ Miami though , a whole new and differen t program . Or maybe not.

Apparently it's huge Stateside - and it seems that the new motto in America TV is if it isn ' t broken, then don't fix it.

CS/ Miami is just a clone of the original CS!: Crime Scene Investigation in a new location, which means it's still as good as the original series , but probably with more bikini. action. So what's the science? Take one highly successful crime drama the public love , change more or less nothing , but chuck in some more gorgeous people and an ex NYPD Blue star for some :validation and substance , and voila! Oh, and quickly change the location in an attempt to shake things up a little . The result? Another award winning crime drama that pulls in over twenty five millions viewers per week in the US . So it must be worth watching, at least once anyway.

Now some people will think that it is a tad insulting that the makers aren't even trying to disguise the fact that they can't

CSI Miami

be bothered to come up with anything new. I say not so.

How many shows do you know of tha t compfetely change their format and last even half a season? Complacency and familiarity are definitely goC?d in the realm of television programming. You know what you are getting. There are no horrible surprises or disappoi n tment. Not like Valentines Day. Death and carnage in a h ot climate . It 's double the fun . Although shoving a program that is set in sweltering Miami in the faces of people who live on a yo-yo weather rainy island is just plain cruelty, I think you' ll agree that it did Baywatch no harm at all. Mind you that may have been for slightly different reasons ... but the effect is the same , and as far as the male species is concerned, watching CS/ Miami will be worthwhile -just in case. · Mind you, whoever decided that selling CS/ Miami to Channel Five was a good idea must be seriously out of the loop . Clearly they have absolutely no concept of just how painful Channel Five is. In all the years that Channel Five has graced our screens , it has p lodded nonsensically from one disastrous viewing schedule to the next. For goodness sakes, the highlight of Channel Five was Her cules or Xena covered suspiciously in baby oil fighting all manner of mythological beasts and bad dies . It's the channel that never quite gets it right. Maybe the introduction of more quality crime drama will increase its credibility. Lets hope so.

The real question is will you be watching CS/ Miami? If you watch the original, then yes - but that' s only if you can get Channel Five on your telly in the wilderness that is Norwich. If you are lucky enough to find a somewhat fuzzy version of Channel Five, then boycott your alcohol fuelled badness. Instead settle down and watch some superbly constructed death and coordinated beautiful people. The television has served you being at the centre of boredom busting, and I think we can all remember times that it has saved us from chewing off an arm or doing that essay that 's due in a matter of minutes. You have a duty to anyway because the student population keeps Channel Five going. After all, how many other people are that bored and that sadisti-c?

Essential Soaps

-- --

The cast of CSI M ianti ; they all look a hit ugly really

Films On TV 0 1 Stripsllow A standard Channel 5 skin flick which tries to take itself seriously and fails. Good treatment for lads with the Valentine 's Day blues. Best avoided otherwise.

Channel 5, Feb 14, 22:55

02 Carry on Loving Sub-par, cheeky British comedy with regulars Kenneth Williams ·and Sid James. Good news if your partner has a decent sense of humour.

BBC 1, Feb 14, 13:25

03 Monster

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Poor 70s monster flick with b-movie mainstay James Mitchum. Another for those of us who are feeling sorry for ourselves, though no guarantees that it will cheer you up .

Channei4, ·Feb 14, 03:25 "I don ' t care if they say it's incest. I want you mum, even if you are faaaantily"

•

In Eastenders this week we see good old Albert Square wave a final goodbye to one of its longest serving residents , Mark Fowler. After a long drawn out battle with his emotions, Mark decides that it is time to hang up his black eighties leatherette jacket and leave Walford to travel around Europe on his motorbike, thus escaping his fear of dying in front of everyone he loves (thoughtful, yet a bit overdramatic don't you think?)

However, Pauline is still unaware that Mark is dying and is furious with him because she thinks that he 's deserting his family and she doesn't want to let him go although the poor guy is in his late thirties and has never stepped outside of W alford before!

Valentines Day causes arguments between Riclcy and Natalie when she discovers that he has received two Valentines cards.

Barry irritates her even further when he books them a romantic weekend away because he is concerned about her lack of libido. But who can blame her?!?

In the Slater household Lynne is shocked to discover that her new manager at the " kaff" is Laura! Cue lots of unnecessary

ii#IW!iijfii 1 2 .02 .03

shouting and bitch fights.

In Hollyoaks things are getting cheeky between Tony and Helen Cunningham as the couple spend more and more time together. Other than this predictable scenario things in Chester are a tad dull this week with the only other highlights being Nick 's love life taking a positive turn when he meets a new mystery man and OB sending his interne! date a picture of Christian pretending that it's of himself.

Over in Erinsborough Lou is feeling rejected after Rosie crushes his hopes of reconciliation between them. He is also being a b it too ambitious about his recovery from his recent kidney problems and ends up collapsing at his home with no one around to help him. Other exciting goings on show Stuart, in typical perfec t b oyfriend style, following Flick to New York because he misses her so much. Also Nina sets off to meet her secret admirer and receives a big shock, while Lyn suspects that Jack isn't as committed to Lori as she thinks he is.

Claudia Webb

04 A Simple T.wist of Fate If you liked Roxanne, this is a modem remake of

Great Expectations starring Steve Martin. Only be be watched if he's your Valentine, though, as it isn't particularly good.

BBC 2, Feh 14, 11:35

os

Night of the Eagle A stuffy professor finds out his wife is a witch and bums her broomstick, only to find out that her magic has been protecting him for years.

Shenanigans ensue.

Channel4, Feb 14, 01:55

TV/Radio 21

Miss This:

TV & Radio Highlights

BBC2, Friday Fetiruary· 14, 7.30P-m It ' s that time of year again. Chocolates, flowers undoubtedly have better things to do than catch and cards festoon window displays, accompathis when it's broadcast. For. the rest, there are nied by the customary red hearts and cardonly two options: an evening spent down the board cut outs of Cupid. Men worry about pub staring into a half empty glass or a firm resolve to find that special someone before restaurant bookings and Ann Summers rubs her hands together as sales figures go through the Valentines Day. Either alternative is better than roof. While those lucky enough to have somesubjecting yourself to this . one to romance plan for the big day, the rest of us seek ways to make it through this trying time Dominic Chessum with the least amount of bitterness and distress.

While many turn to alcohol, others choose a quiet night in front of the television as their way of forgetting the whole nasty business.

Obviously the schedulers of BBC 2 failed to realise this crucial fact, having placed the first of a new five part series, Essential Poems (To Fall in Love With), on Valentines Day. Unfortunately it's an obvious day to begin a series designed to lead the viewer through the ups and downs of love and romance. By using the medium of poetry and the presenting skills of Daisy Goodwin all stages of the relationship process are explored. Each week a host of minor celebrities recite extracts from what is apparently some of the world's most memorable love poetry and if this were not cringe-worthy enough, each poem is filmed in the style of a mini-drama. Do I hear you reaching for your bucket yet?

The first episode, entitled First Flush , looks at the joy of flirtation and newly blossoming love. However, with readings from Arnanda Holden and Liza Tarbuck amongst others, the viewer will most likely find it increasingly hard to believe how attraction ever occurs.

If nothing else it will certainly lead Cupid to question his methods somewhat.

The only sector of the viewing public able to stomach the heart rending orations of love and happiness that Essential Poems offers will Amand a Holden: Lik e Wor d sworth, ju st not anywher e as good

Text: Sarah Edwardes

20 Things to do Before You're 30 Thursday, February 13, C4,10.35pm Would you include getting arrested, turning a straight person gay and having an affair with a married person among your mental list of things to achieve in the next ten years? The four friends in 20 Things To Do Before You're 30 plan to do this and more, as over the next ten weeks Channel4's new comedy-drama follows their successes and failures in trying to accomplish their rather unusual personal targets . Made with a cast of relative unknowns by the team behind the brilliant Teachers, 20 Things ... is Cold Feet before the soppy thirty-something angst kicked in,

Today with Des and Mel Weekdays, ITV, lpm If all humour is essentially based upon embarrassment, then Des and Mel's wee kday afternoon chat show is pure comedy g o ld. C o mpletely disorganised and frequently collapsing into uncontrollable fits of giggles, the mismatched pair stumble through this daily programme with all the self-awareness of a dancing David Brent. Wince as Mel mispronounces celebrity names ("Shakalaka .. . no, sorry, Shakira"), squirm as Des tells another seemingly interminable story about his lovelife, recoil as each unrecognisable 'star' guest plugs their new exercise video with an impromptu demonstration of their favourite routine . Hilarious , yes, but definitely one to be watched from behind the sofa.

\

In Deep Monday, February 10, BBCl, 9pm Nick Berry and Stephen Tompkinson star as undercover policemen in the second series of In Deep, one ofBBCl 's many amiably preposterous crime dramas. Although the duo seem to make an odd pairing as the emotionally unstable Li.am and his reclusive colleague Garth, both manage to shake off their housewives' choice images, and are remarkably convincing as menacing, maverick cops. Hopefully the new stories will live up to the dramatic precedent set by previous episodes, which saw kidnappings, shootings, robberies, prostitution, drug smuggling and at least one gangster being encased in concrete. All of which probably wouldn't happen in Heartbeat.

Made For Each Other?

Wednesdays, C4, 8.30pm Following straight on from the horrifically gripping Wife Swap, Channel4 now brings us Made For Each Other?, the newest relationship-based addition to reality TV. Here, with the help of a few reels of hidden camera footage, couples will be scrutinised by a counsellor and a marital lawyer, whose expert knowledge will help the seemingly happy pair decide the truth about the state of their relationship. The results are sure to be surprising, Ullpleasant, and utterly compelling. Perhaps the most morally ambiguous example of the current trend for voyeuristic programming, this one is likely to make uncomfortable, but essential viewing.

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The Reverend's Revival Thursdays, Livewire 1350am, 6pm Not only are Colly Wolinski & Mark Boutros real reverends, they are also the hosts of Livewire's unrnissable pre-LCR show every Thursday. Alongside a mix of music from the late 80s and early 90s, a splattering of old skool hip-hop and some contemporary classics, there will be weekly features including the Reverend's Resurrection, Hometown Heroes, listeners' LCR Confessional and a Song Contest involving some heavyweights of classic pop. And if that isn't enough, listeners will also be given an opportunity to win a pair of tickets to the event itself, making this the perfect warm-up for your weekly LCR experience.

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22 listings

All films start at 8. 30 pm and are shown in Lecture Theatre One unless otherwise stated. Ticke ts £2.75

Die Another Day Thu 13/ 02 Pretty Woman Fri 14/ 02 Eight Legged Freaks Tue 18/ 02 Election Thu 20/02 Donnie Darko Fri 21102 Michael Collins Tue 25/02

Mon-Sun 14:00 17: 15 20:00

Mon. Wed,Fri-Sun 13:15 16:30

Catch Me If You Can Mon-Thu 14:00 15:00 17:15 18:00 20 :15 21:15 Fri 14:00 15:00 17:15 18:00 20:15 21:15 23:20 Sat 11:0011:4514:0015:0017:15 18:00 20:15 21:15 23:20 Sun 11:0011:4514:0015:0017:15 18:00 20:15 21:15

I Spy Fri 23:10 Sat 11 :3023:10 Sun 11:30 Lord Of The Rings: The Two ..

Mon-Fri 16:00 19:45 Sat-Sun 12:1 5 16:00 19:45

Chicago Mon-Fri 15:15 18:00 20 :45 23:40 Sat 12:30 15:15 18:00 20:45 23:40 Sun 12:30 15:15 18:00 20:45

Narc Mon-Thu, Sun 13:45 16:30 19:00 21:30 Fri-Sat 13:45 16:30 19:00 21:30 24:00

Daredevil Thu 13:30 16:00 18:30 21:00

Punch-Drunk Love Mon-Sun 13:15 15:45 18:15 20:45

Final Destination ll Mon-Thu 13:45 14:30 16:00 17:00 18:15 19:15 20:30 21:30 Fri 13:45 14:30 16:00 17:00 18:15 19:15 20:30 21:30 23:00 Sat 12:0013:4514:3016:0017:00 18:15 19:15 20 :30 21:30 23:00 Sun 12:00 13:45 14:30 16:00 17:00 18:15 19:15 20:30 21:30

Snow Dogs Sat-Sun 11 :00

Gangs Of New York Mon-Sun 13:15 16:45 20:15

8 Mile Mon-Sun 13:30 16:30 19:00 21:45

Ghost Ship Mon-Thu, Sun 21: 15 Fri-Sat 21:15 23:50

About Schmidt

Harry Potter And The Charnhe ..

The Importance Of Being Ear ..

Tue 14:15 16:30 19:00 21 :15 The Pianist Mon , Wed , Fri-Sun 20 :00 The Wild Thornberrys Mon-Fri 14:15 16:15 18:15 Sat-Sun 12:15 14:15 16:15 18:15 Two Weeks Notice Mon-Thu, Sun 13:30 16:00 18:30 21:00 Fri-Sat 13:30 16:00 18: 30 21:00 23:30

The Hours Stephen Daldry's hugely anticipated follow-up to Billy Elliot draws together a remarkable cast for an audacious, era-spanning tale.

14/ 02 - 27/ 02 The Dancer Upstairs 12/02 - 13/02 Laissez-Passer 12/ 02 - 13/ 02

Final Destination 2 Daredevil The Wild Thornberrys Ghostship Catch Me If You Can 8 Mile The Tuxedo Star Trek Nemesis Chicago The Musical Gangs of New York Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers James Bond: Die Another Day Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Ed Harcourt Wed 12/ 02 Left-field singer songwriter in the Ryan Adrnas vein £10 Monkey Island + Caito + Insaniac An inclie-art-athon ... and Richard ]ones is beautiful Fri 14/ 02 £4.50 DamienRice Mon 17/02 Tipped to be the next David Gray, but don't let that put you off. Arf. £6 The Rain Band Mon 24/ 02 Hotly tipped Mancunian Band £5

Free Fall 21/02 Rising local talent bring the noise at the at Norwich's greatest bankside venue £4

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listings 23 ·

Gigs Clubs Clubs Arts Prince Duster The Light Bar Disco Sucks and The Underground - real '70s with indie donwstairs.

Free before 10.30pm, £2 after.

The Bank

Waterfront The Ska-punk legend visits the Waterfront.

Thu 20/02 £15

Fridays Pure Gold - silky smooth club tunes.

Free before llpm, £2 after.

Bell Is For Heroes Mon24/02 Dreamy mega-riffage from the baby-faced screamo tykes. £7.50 Bowling For Soup

LIQUID

Fab 80s.- classic tunes from the great sounds of the 80's Students £2 all night. Members £2 5th Avenue

LIQUID Funky Jam Carwash- 70s and 80s

music with DJ Chris Alexander and R 'n' B playing in the second room.Members and students £2 all night.

PoNaNa PLAY- It's Po Na Na's student night with DJ Nick South Join the gang for funk and classic grooves.

Open 8pm- 12.30pm.

Free entry.

Fri 21/02

Power-pop-punksters peddling their dick-joke perrenials. Argh matey .. . £10

Saturdays Chart hits and Classic Anthems with resident DJ Andy Norton. £5 all night.

Clubs I •

Wednesdays Student night with classic hits from '70s, '80s and '90s with DJ Stuey D. £2 before llpm, £3 after.

The Light Bar Superfly - Funk, ska, soul and hiphop. £3.50 The Loft Hornee: Resident DJs

WATERFRONT Main Auditorium: MELTDOWN Pop, Alternative, Rock & Indie. In the Studio: WRAITH - Goth, metal, rock & alternative '80s and '90s.

Open 10-2am. £4.50(£3.50 NUS) door.

PoNaNa BUTI'ER ME UP- Steve Wurley playing phat and filtered funky house. Twisted Skunk playing the very best in funked up big beat, disco breaks and breakbeat.

8pm- lam.

Free before 10, £3 after.

Brannigans

Sundays

Thursdays Hip, Hot, happenin Gay night.

£Z

Robert Llewellyn Sat 15/02 Kryten from Red Dwarf brings his Edinburgh Festival hit comedy show to Norwich £12

Mondays

Tuesday

Norwich Thatre Royal Johann Strauss Gala · Sun 16/02 All the romance and elegance of 19th century Vienna brought to life in this enchanting show £13

The Light Bar Real- chart, dance and R 'n' B. Open 10pm-2am.

Free before 10.30pm, £2 after.

Time LIFE@TIME. Student night,

Cheesy anthems through the decades.

Admission £4, £3 for members and for NUS card holders.

Arts Playhouse Righ Ball aka Otis Lee Crenshaw A night with the grouchy, deadpan comic who likes to lay into his fellow Americans at any opportunity £12

SCIENCE CI ENGE ENGLISH ENGLISH CAN YOU TURN SCIENCE INTO PLAIN ENGLISH? Can you convey the magic of science in plain English in just 700 words? If so, you might win one of many prizes on offer, including the publication of your article in The Daily Telegraph.

£7,000 in cash and prizes

\J'ht ilaill! OJtlegraph BASF SCIENCE WRITER AWARDS

2003

www.science-writer.eo.uk/ang Open to 16·19 and 20·28 year old age groups.

Closing date: Apnl 25, 2003. For information refer to our website or contact: Science Writer Awards Hotline on 020 7704 5315, or write to The Daily Telegraph BASF Science Writer Awards 2003, 4 Hanover Yard, Noel Road, London Nl BYA.

Madder Market Shirley Valentine 17/02- 23/02 Stage version of the Mum's Favourite Movie where "Cooking in grease becomes cooking ....in ...

Greece!" £6

Fri 14/02

DJ Paul Alien plays anthems and good time hits.

Free admission.

Harry Bill Sun 23/02 The madcap comedian reinstates his place as one of the UK's finest Deep: Bowling For Soup and most original stand up comedians £16.50

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