The event- issue 125- 2nd May 2001

Look back in

Taking a rose-tinted peek at the retro urge

Plus! ''Paedophile horse shagger" Chesney Hawkes is back Captain Corelli's Ma

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in the director speaks

Trezza Az2 pardi UEA's golden girl

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In The Even The latest interviews from the ents'n'arts front line

Trezza Azzopardi A chat with the acclaimed novelist and former UEA student.

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Chesney Hawkes Floppy haired 80s boy on his imminent LCR gig.

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David Lodge Interviewed: the literary chameleon.

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John Madden Captain Corelli's Mandolin director reveals all about his latest project .

Insight

In-depth features, comments, analyses and gubbins

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Music fest All the details of this summer's best festivals .

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President elect The murky world of American politics .

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Stateside success Yanks can't get enough of Brit TV, but what's next?

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Holmes time Richard Holmes interviewed. Plus, the Saacchi scandal.

12-13 Don 't look back in anger Student nostalgia under the spotlight.

In Eve rything reviewed and previewed for you r pleasure

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even

Incite

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Music: Elbow; Mogwai; Starsailor; Muse Film: The Mexican; Spy Kids; Taylor of Panama Video: Memento; Wonder Boys; Bedazzled Arts: Romeo and Juliet; Cabaret Interactive: Fear Effect 2; Skies of Arcadia TV/Radio: 4 Music, Dog Eat Dog; Livewire

Event horizon 20-23 The best guide to what's

on in Norwich. Ever.

The Event is published fortnightly by Concrete: PO Box 410, Norwich, NR4 7TB Tel: 01603 250558 Fax: 01603 506822 E-mail: su.concrete@uea.ac.uk Printed by: Eastern Counties Newspapers, St Andrew 's Business Park, Norwich

Wednesday, May 2, 2001

In W

hat do t he following peopl e hav e in common : Lee Harvey Oswald, Sirhan Sirhan and Edward Fox in Day of the Jackal? The answer IS twofol d: firstly, they were all assassins. Secondly , and perhaps most crucial ly, none of t hem were girls who worked on an East End mark et.

The perpet rators of the sc ri ptwrit ing farce that was t he unmasking of Phi l M itchell's woul d-be k iller wou ld do we ll to re member t his. Pic ture , if you w ill, the scene: your hack s1ts in h1s front room , the television sc reen flickering agai nst h1s face in the darkness. Th is is his moment . the climax to the greatest soap storyl ine since Helen Daniels fell down the st a1rs, the stuff TV dreams are made of. His mi nd races. Who was th e myst ery g unman? Was it the bloke out of Spandau Ballet? The g inger one who looks like a weasel ? Eve n that M editerr anean t ype with the George Michael beard?

Oh no. The God of Soap Opera strokes h1s chin , sm iles down at the ex pect ant you th , and announces: 'IT WAS USA .· Struck dumb w ith the shock, the disc onsolate student solemnly picks up the te levision and defenest rates it. He ret urns to his seat and sobs unashamedly for the remainder of the even1ng. Life will never be the same.

Ok , fair enough, I didn't ex pect it. Then again , I di dn't ex pect my appendix t o burst t hree yea rs ago, but it doesn 't mean I'll be vot ing for the surgeon when the Baftas come round . My poin t is not t hat Lisa makes an unrealisti c assassin . it 's just that the whole thing was so ... well, so c rap. And what was the dizzy bi nt 's reactio n when Phi l threatened to shoot her back? Why, to announce that she was still in love with him, of course. What outlandish co urtmg rit uals are these, that only through the use of firearms can a woman truly find the way to her lover's heart? I

"Ok, fair enough, I didn't expect it. Then again, I c: didn't expect my 0 appendix to burst three 0> years ago, but it doesn't u; mean I '11 be voting for the surgeon when the Baftas come round" IJ)

Q) Q)

must remember this technique next time I 'm trying to pu t some moves on a lady at the LCR .

All of which leads us to a question of greater Significance: was the bullet wasted on Phil?

Let's fac e it, w1th some of the other characters on the Square, L1sa could surel y have set a more deserving case 1n her s1ghts. Little Mo Slater, for example, has a face which just cries ou t to be punched, and if ever a bullet had a more worthy recipient than Sonia. I've yet to see them.

Perhaps it is t ime, then. to take tile in itiative from the foot-and-mouth crisis and effect a cull of mammoth proportions on the televiSion frate rnity.

Just imag ine · a mass grave ful l t o t he bri m wit h all of the most hatefu l people on the telly. I can picture it now: Richard and Judy stacked head-to toe on t op of Jo Brand; Katy Hill and Carol Smi llie. the ir irntating grins long since wiped off their faces , cast into the pit alongside Lawrence Llewellyn-Bowen and the 'W assup!' brothers. Call me morbid if you will. but mental images such as these constitute a kind of therapy for me.

Withou t them I might just snap and start a bombing campa ign on the BBC. Now there's a storylme for Albert Square .. .

Ed W/11/amson

..., c Q) > Cl)

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ive Talking

...

Compiled by a very frightened Sarah Kiddle and Steve Cotlins

What famous person would you most like to kill , and how?

"Jim Davidson. I'd peel off h1s stupid face and make him listen to a tape of h1mself and chop his ball s off and feed h1m to a demented hippo ... ( VIcky Hattersley EAS2)

car exhaust. lt'd be fun to watch." (Matthew Sheehan MTH3) "That goth girl Z ara in Hol lyoaks, by pull ing out each of her peroxide blonde hairs one by one . and using them to make a voodoo doll. " (Amanda Lee B/0~)

-Robbie Williams. I'd smother him in his own ego ... ( Chrls Butler CHH) " Robin Cook. I'd shave his beard and then slit his throat ·cos he's so ugly ." (Gary Bicker SWK~) "Chris Ta rrant. I'd insert a teaspoon up his arse and waggle him to death." (5/mon James CHE ~) "Anne Wi ddecombe. I'd rip out her intestmes and feed them to her. after torturing her for a while w1th no sleep an d lots of LSD... (Ben Bredln) ·' Maggie Thatcher, for puttmg VAT on tampons.

I'd kill her by putting tampons up her nose and gagging her with a towel." (Annle Palmer DEV~) " George W Bush , by puttmg him in a room full of

And the great Cralg Oavid section: ..... I'd slow ly kill him by elec t ric shocks. by mak ing the sound system electrocute him every time he made that st upid moan1ng sou nd" (Emlly Lumb WAM3) ; " ... by t ak ing a razo r blade to his bal ls, then pouring vinegar on them on Monday. Tuesday Wednesday, Thursday and adding salt on Friday (Carolyn Francls LLT3) ; " ... by ac tu ally repl ac ing his hairstyle with proper liquorice allsort s and then sending hungry pigs aft er him" (Toby Watson SWK3) ; " ... I'd lik e to poke him in the eye w ith a pointy stick" (Zak Smith SOC3) ; " .. . I'd shave h1s head and just play his songs to him and shout 'BO! ' at h1m and hit him" (Esther Evans SOC1) ; " .. . putti ng nutcrackers on his balls and then a guillotine to chop his manhood off. I'd sell tick et s." (John M aloney LLT4)

Editor In Chief · James Goffin • Editor · Steve Colllns • Arts Editor · Jlm Whalley • Assist ant Arts Editor · liz Hutchinson • Film Edit or · Merek Cooper Assistant Film Editor· Astrid Goldsmith Music Editor · Elin Jones • Assistant Music Editor · Anthony Lovell • TV/ Game Editor · Mark/and Starkle Assistant TV/ Game Edit or· Kat hryn Hinchliff listings Editor · Katherine Everitt • DTP · Elin Jones · Adam Chapman · Steve Collins · Nick Henegan Markland Starkie · Merek Cooper · Jim Whalley • Thanks to · All of the above an d below • Goddess of the fortnight · Elin (Mrs. Chapman) Jones Contributors · Adam Chapman · Kieren McSweeney · Simon Howarth · Amy Harrls · Ed Wllliamson · Steve Quirke · Mischa Pearlman · Lois Metc alf Christlna Lymbouris · Metln Alsa njak · Am y Harris · Phil Colvin · Gemma O' Donnell · Jan Rupp · Luke Wrlght · Charlotte Ronalds • listings written and complied by Katherlne Everltt · Astrld Goldsmith · Steve Colllns · Matthew Oades

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a?

They said it. Yes they did.

They're the newest, spankiest, brightest stars on campus, so they are! Meet the visogs behind the voices in The Event's new fortnightly grilling...

Shadow Cabinet Comprised of messrs K1eran Hood and Ross Sutherland, Shadow Cabinet's pre-LCR Thursday slot (6pm till 8pm) aims to provide an alternative to the poptastic no1ses which throb from the loms of Un1on house of a Thursday evening. Want to meet them? Course you do.

and . .- - - - - - - - - • Top fi ve tracks of all t ime: 1. Plump DJs Elastic Brakes 2 . Renegade The Terronst 3 . Roots Manuva Where My Mind is

At 4. Gangstarr You Know My Steez 5. Dom and Roland Can't Punish Me Describe your show In five words

"Urn ... 'funky hard fast mashed tunes."'

What would you absolutely refuse to play?

t's 2010, but let me take you back a few years. "In 1972 a crack commando as sent to prison for a rime they did not comm1t.

These men promptly escaped from a maxlmumty stockade to the Los Angeles underground ... " And you know the rest.

I'm talking about the A-Team of course. Bastards!

Maybe I should introduce myself; my name is Captain Chip Deck er MP. You m1ght remember my father Colonel Roderick Decker, he chased those vermm from one side of America to the other but they always managed to hotfoot it out of town just before he got there. I don't remember my father. He JUmped in front of a tank when I was just one. Everyone sa1d that it was post traumatic stress from all the shit he'd seen in 'Nam. But I know different, I know that it was Smith and his damn band of mercenaries that sent daddy to an early grave. I've made it my mission to get my revenge on America's most wanted pensioners. I've scoured America coast to coast checking every cigar store, jeweller's shop, brothel and loony bin from Boston to San Diego without a clue. Things were looking bleak until I got a lead. An old airline pilot told me that he'd seen a man with "lots of gold" being dragged onto a plane to Florida, apparently unconscious. At last a break, my father's k1llers would be brought to justice. To Florida!.

I've completed my quest but the truth hurts!

Hannibal, Murdock, Face and BA, yes all of them, are sharing a house in a retirement village on the Keys. I went undercover as a carpet cleaner salesman to see if their dev1ous criminal minds were still as sharp as ever. When I arrived I found BA perching outside the garage modifying Smith's wheelchair. I asked him whether he would be interested m my wares. "I don't want no carpet

I

cleaner sucker! I vacuum every day. Crazy fool," he replied curtly. I decided I better leave him to his work. I walked cautiously into the house to find Murdock-perfectly sane. lt turns out that after they stopped being soldiers of fortune.

Howlmg Mad went mto psychiatric care for a long time; something that had been impossible when Face kept sneaking him out of hospital. Poor man! Hannibal, the former brams behmd the organisation, was however senile as a goose, and it was no disguise. Movmg through the house I reached the back garden where I was faced by the appallmg sight of an aged Face-man attempting to woo his equally wrinkly next door neighbour. "Come on, baby" I heard h1m whisper, "I've JUSt got a new stock of V1agra, I'm sure I can manage it th1s time." Pathetic.

Seeing these sad creatures I could hardly bring myself to confront them, but I had to. Going back to the front of the house I pulled out my revolver and put it to BA 's head.

"Why d1d you do send Colonel Decker to h1s grave!", I demanded, "He was my father and I never got to know what kind of man he was!"

"You're lucky, sucker," he retorted. "That man was crazier than that fool Murdoch. lt was his fault that we got locked up in the first place, so when we escaped he thought he had to kill us to stop the truth getting out."

"The truth?"

"Yeah, it was him who stole the cookies from the General's tent and then he blamed us for it. Boy, the General really loved his cook1es."

The Eighties ly was a great · pain; fun in retrospect but, at the time, horrific.

TV nostalgia site .tv.cream.org exposes the great decade t hat record col lections forgot in all its hairy, polka-dotted glory - warts and all. So not only do we get downloadable excerpts and pissfunny remin iscences on the glory that was Rentaghost, the surreal escapism that was Button Moon, and the gentle, comforting predictability that was Bric A Brac, but also we have dark flashbacks to the sadistic horror of those Play Safe videos which primary school teachers would inflict upon us. Seriously, you'll never believe how much you've repressed.

"They're not electricity pylons!" "My Mum'll kill me if I leave my football boots on the train

"In school nativity plays, I was always the bloody donkey, I was never Mary."

Gerl Ha//lwe/1

"She needs cutting up into little pieces with her head in the north of England and her body in the south of England in a forest somewhere."

Jullette Peters, 81//le 's stalker

"Me and Billie, we're like John and Yoko."

Chrls Evans

"I'm not a dancer. but I learned to do the splits."

Gerl Ha//lwe/1

Paul S Club

"I've changed, I've matured. This whole thing has made me deeper."

Puff Daddy

"I still feel like a waiter."

track!" "Go back and light 1t again!" and, most ternfylingly, "Go on, tryyyy iiiiiiiiiitttt ... ". A gallery of horrific images bubbles to the surface, each usually ending with the unfortunate child missing his legs/hands/entire torso. Nice.

Elsewhere there are theme tunes that'll turn you into a dribbling four year old again, a treasury of food and drink that time forgot (remember Trios?), old mags and comics, and a horrific look into DLT-era radio - all dissected with a deadly pop-cultural scalpel sharpened on decades of truly awful telly.

Yes, TV Cream is that part of you brain that you never knew was there, and wouldn't have needed it even if you did. Really, this is the best ki nd of regression thera py you can find. You'll never climb an electricity pylon agam.

Rlcky Martin

"If I were to say to you, 'I've been with you alone inside my mind, and in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times', that would be ridiculous, right?"

Llonel Rltchle

"You've got to be obsessive to be good. I used to smell Fender catalogues."

Mark Knopfler

"Picking my eye-bogeys.· Emma Bunton's worst habit

"God is the greatest. Thanks for all your prayers."

Puff Daddy's ansaphone message since his acquittal

"I don't just throw shit out there to make money" Davld Hasselhoff

"I want to pet a whale, but it has to be a big, huge whale. Though I don't think you can ever do that because with those whales, the boats float into their mouths. So you can't get too close."

Beyonce from Destiny's Child

PS. On his last tour, Puff Daddy Insisted that all backstage food "be Inspected for hairs".

WinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWin

Blaggery

What would you absolutely refuse to play?

Stereophonics are back with an album called

"We're quite willing to play anything for a comedy moment like we have a spec1al song for the LCR which lasts for about a minute before we kill it. Nothing too poppy."

Jeep. Catchy one. that. To help spread the word

"Cos you're not gomg to get a chance to listen to much like 1t on commercial rad1o. And cos they banned us from the Hive LCR night. We were quite annoyed about that."

Shaggy

"I'd rather be a blond, but I need to please my fans."

"We do try and present a slightly more alternative perspective of what's going on in Norwich. We've got a gig guide to the stuff you wouldn't normally get in most listings, and you're not going to find much drum'n'bass or breakbeat on commercial radio."

Why listen?

"My thing would totally be having Britney Spears and Jennifer Lopez at it at the same time."

Shane Lynch

Why listen?

"Meaty bass work out chat, listener-interactive."

Rlcky Martin

"Ronan threw me off Boyzone because I wasn't gay enough."

"Just the usual - putting CDs on upside down and sitting around for three minutes in a silent room when nothing's coming out. But we're getting better, we're much more professional nowadays."

Describe your show In fi ve words

"My dream would be to have a little scene behind Pacino or Harvey Keitel."

Noel Hear'Say

Any nightmare experiences on air so far?

. .----~~~~~~~----• "Top five tracks of all time: 1. Sons of da Loop Loop Era Far Out 2 . Gwen McRae 9096 of Me 3 . Freqnasty Goose (Dub) 4. Tsunaml1 Number 43 With Steamed Rice Please 5. Pattl Jo Make Me Be/1eve in You

Terence Trent D 'arby on his new name, Sananda, which he claims appeared to him In a dream.

"When I first saw Jo I thought, 'I know a bloke who looks like you'."

"Well we're meant to be the official warm-up show for the LCR, but I don't think that we've ever played any Britney Spears. Oh, until this week when we came across a quite a wicked drum'n'bass remix of her. We're giving Britney Spears the kind of treatment she's never experienced."

Kieran Hood

"My understanding is that Sananda is an energyvibration that is closer to who I am outside of this space and time experience, this one performance. this one l1fe experience as Terence."

those nice people at HMV have offered up an album and an attractive 'phonics T shirt for us to give away. Coo-eeel The bad thing is. they've told us what question to ask. Pah! Here it 1s: "If Jack goes to HMV to buy the Sterephonlcs album but forgets his Student Union card (boooo!) how much of a discount will he miss out on?"

See, told you it was rubbish.

HMV HMV are also giving away 5 signed copies of the Feeder's new opus, 'Echo Park ', as well as ... a gu1tar s1gned by the band! Cripes. it's a Yamaha F310. a replica of the one Grant smger blokey· Writes all his songs on.

The taxmg question they're makmg us ask you is thiS. 'What does HMV stand for?'

Tricky. huh?

Entries m the Concrete Compet1t1on Box m the Hive ASAP please!

Wednesday, May 2 , 2001

4

the

event

lnfocus

Trezza Azzopardi's debut novel was snapped up by publishers before it was even finished and was nominated for a host of literary prizes. She's now working on the follow up. Jim Whalley tracked her down to talk about the pressure to succeed and the benefits of coming to UEA ... rezza Azzopardi has the flu. Or so sl1e claims . because throughout our tw entyminute phone interv1ew she remains animated and good humoured, answering questions at length. These are not symptoms generally associated with the virus.

But perhaps she's just forgotten how to deal with misfortune: after all, th ings have been going rather well of late. Not only did her debut novel, The Hidmg Place, fmd a major publisher in Picador, it also garnered some pretty good reviews and was nominated for both t he Whitbread Award and the Booker Prize. Slle is adamant that none of it was planned . "it wasn't anything conscious in that way. I just started wnting thinking 'thiS IS going to be a long story. then, ah, th1s might be a short novel, and then. right, it's going to be an ordinary sized novel'.

There were lots of things I wanted to say about the way people interact with each other and about memory and how it plays tricks, but it wasn't anything I wanted to say to the public. didn't want to stand up and announce anythmg ...

T

"I think it helps if you've been on the course at UEA because publishers do look at that kind of thi ng as a filter. I know it's not right for them to do so but I know they do."

Apart from her various nominations and accolades, Azzopardi is most fam1liar in these parts for being the latest success story to emerge from UEA's famed creative writing MA. Her first spell at t he university was in the eighties when she took a degree in English and American studies and later taught in the facu lt y. But back then MA was almost mythical. "There were a

Wednesday, May 2 , 2001

couple of people wandering around who were reportedly doing the MA in creative writing and I'd heard about it. But it was much later that I actually decided to write my f1r st book and then I applied to UEA because it seemed l1 ke th e best place to go." Azzopardi's move towards wnting and returning to Norfolk seems unplanned as her novel's genes1s. "The idea was that it would remove me from London to a place where other people were wr1t1ng too. so what came first was the idea that I would be writmg, and second that 1t would be n1ce to write w1th other people and find out whether I could do it."

Once on the course she quickly realised that short stories weren 't for her. "I think short stories are much more difficult to write than novels because every single word has to count 1n the exact space and I don't feel you can really re lax and let the reader trust you so much in a short story because they just end . But that's what I started off doing and then as soon as I was on tile course I rea lised I was probably better at writing longer fiction." The result of this realisation was The Htding Place, a dark and complex novel about a troubled family set in that most common of literary locations, a Maltese community on the Welsh coast. The story is told by the youngest of six sisters, Delores, both as a child and thirty years later, when the sisters reunite to bury their mother. Several crit ics have compared the book to Angela's Ashes, with both works detailing a family's grim survival against poverty, unaided by unlovmg, overbearing, violent fathers. it's a comparison Azzopardi takes as a compliment, though she doesn't necessarily agree. "Angela·s Ashes is a memoir and my understanding of memoir, I don't know if it's Frank McCourt 's or not , is that you have to be in some way true to your environment and the people. You can't make things up and invent people and give them abilities and wings and disabilities and death."

She does . however. concede that much of the "geographical detail" in The Hiding Place is from her own life. Like her character. she grew up in Wales and the name Azzopard1 is Maltese. Her father emigrated from Malta m the 50s. Also some of the key images in the novel are from her memory. One of these occurs when the family is forced to leave the1r house. "When I was about SIX or seven we were relocated out of the kind of estate we were living on into a different estate. They were the sort of houses that didn't have any toilets in them, which was quite normal then but not now. and I recall seemg the streets in tile d1stance from my Sister' s bedroom

Yf f ,. < Q j Cardiff ?! ca!led Mo-Ho-Bish-0-PL .

How did you first get together as a band?

Rich : Just met up in Cardiff. I had some equipment and a rehearsal room, Martin had a four track. We started recording and took it from there. it's just been the three of us from the start.

How did you choose your band name?

Ri ch : Martin found it in a Reader's D1gest book of facts or knowledge or something like that.

M art in : lt was a reall y thick encyclopaedia one of me housemates had, and I just tllought it would be coo l to be named after a b1rd. We found MoHo-Bish-0 -Pi and decided 'fine. we'll have that then·.

window, seeing the streets burning where all the houses were semi-demolished. They were being looted and, you know, vandals were making f1res.

That 1mage comes in a couple of times in the book. of watching the night and then suddenly watching this blaze of sparks in the sky where something 's collapsed ...

Azzopa rdi is at a loss to explain why she is so mucl1 more cheerful than her writing . "There isn't very much autobiography in terms of Delores' life or Delores' unhappy events I suppose and I don't know why it's much sadder than my life is. Maybe it's like comedians aren't rea ll y funny when they're off stage .·· uopardi certainly has plenty to be cheerful about. The Hiding Place hadn't even been finished before Pi cado r came forward and offered her a deal. "I think I'd maybe written six chapters, but it wasn't very many, and I think I'd probably said I'd written more than I had. But Pi cador were fine and just said 'look, we'd like to offer you an advance for the novel, this IS the deadline we agreed but just take your time·." Sl1e acknow ledges that the UEA MA was a big factor in finding support. "I think it helps if you've been on the course at UEA, because publishers do look at that as a kind of filter for the year's writing. I mean it's not fair for them to do that and you do get great writers who wouldn't go near a course.

But I do know publishers do look that way so that's very llelpful ." Bey ond this her advice for others thinking of writing a novel is si mple: "Make sure yo u've got something to say. There are lots of novels out there where people don't have anything to say. Th ey just th in k 'oh. Bridget Jones was a success, Helen Fielding's written one like thi s, so I '11 write one like this. And I just... I really ... there's no time for that. Novels started out as trees. you know, these books were trees.'· With regards to the Booker, in Azzopardi's opini on Margaret Atwood was the deserved wmner.

"Absolutely. No Questions. She's a brilliant writer.

People say it wasn't her best book, maybe it 1sn·t, I don't know how you compare these things. but she was very good".

Azzopardi was clearly happy just to be nommated. it hasn't changed th1ngs for her financially (''I'm not plannmg to live somewhere llot") , indeed she seems surprised t11at 1t m1ght. What 1t has done is made her next book . ··a r lly small novel with about two people 1n 1t", more difficult to wnte.

There IS now more expectation on her shoulders . lt looks like her run of good luck 1sn't going to end any t 1me soon. Certa 1nly . there are worse th1ngs to worry about.

A

Describe your music in five words.

Rich: Erm ... angu lar ... erm ... melod1ous ...

Martin: Charismatic?

Rich: Id iosyncratic ...

Mike: Sleaze and cheese.

Martin: No, that's six words.

Rich: We'll only let you have one. We've had two each.

Mike (sulking): Tal l. I 'll have tall for mine.

Who are your main influences?

Martin: Dinosaur Jr. and erm ... that's about it.

Rich: Half Man Half Biscuit and all those eighties bands.

"'Wee stained old men.'

That's what we're going to be according to the Melody Maker'' What is the last thing that made you laugh?

All together: TEAMWOLF1! ' Mike (quickly explaining) : We watched Teamwolf on the way here. lt was very good .

What 's the worst review you 've ever had?

Martin (nostalgically): Ah, we've had a few of them ... ·w ee-stained old men.' That's what we're going to become according to the Melody Maker ... what was the last one?

Mike: There's a local magazine in Cardiff, they totally slated the single.

Martin: They didn't even talk about the sing le, they just talked about people losing their jobs in the steel works. They said the money spent on th e single could have been better spent elsewhere.

Rich: Anyway, Andy Warhol said 'you don 't read your reviews, you just weigh them' . lt doesn't matt er what it says as long as it says something.

What's the most rock 'n' roll thing you've ever done?

Rich: I fell out of me bedroom window ..

Martin: Th at wasn't rock 'n' roll. More of a stumble.

Ri ch : it's almost rock ·n· roll.

Mike: I had a lighting thing fall on my head ..

R1ch: I like to stage dive if there's enough people.

Th at's a lot of fun.

What's the most embarrassing thing you 've done on stage?

Martin: Just being in Mo-Ho-Bish-0 -Pi ...

Rich: We were in this llotel in Swansea. it was tile most drab g ig, well it was Swansea ... My speakers were on top of each other and during the first song I walked backwards into them and the whole lot went over. The crowd d1dn't even not1ce.

Christina Lymbouris

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eo As part of our rose-tinted nostalgia issue, Elin Jones brings you an exclusive interview with the one, the only, Chesney Hawkes- coming soon to an LCR near you ... he One and Only may seem a very apt title for Chesney ·one hit wonder' Hawkes' first and only chart hit . But following an exhausting tour of, urn , student union venues, he's making a comeback with a new album out this September. I spoke to him as he was travelling to a gig at Bristol University for their end of term ball. "You'll have to excuse me, I have to give directions to my mate- we 're driving down to my parents' house to drop my dog off because I'm playing a gig tonight." Aah, bless.

Despite it being nearly ten years ago that he first hit the charts, it's obvious that Chesney hasn't been forgotten : he recently reached number two in the UEA students' choice top 100 (behind the clear favourites S Club 7) . But what has Ches been up to since he and his infamous mole sank without a trace when we were still running around in fluorescent shell suits? According to Juice magazine his only claim to fame since then has been a bit-part in Prince Valiant playing 'man who held the horses'. Surely a man of his talents hasn't been idle? "I eo-wrote Caprice's last single with a friend of mine, I actually played guitar on that too". Not too sure I would have admitted to that one - Caprice's single Once Around the Sun charted at number 24. Hardly the stuff of a

So there was some? "Of course there was. Let's move on from that question." Spoilsport . How about rumours concerning Chesney's sexuality is he going to be making a comeback with a Stephen 'Gay'tely-style revelation? " I've been married for four years, my wife stays at home looking after our ten children ." Somehow I can't picture Chesney Hawkes as having super-charged sperm, although he did have his fair share of the ladeez earlier in his career. So who was better in bed - Lisa Walker (Teenage Health Freak) or Lionel Blair's daughter? "I'm not going to reveal who was better in bed out my ex-girlfriends! Are you kidding? " Does he listen to The One and Only when he's doing the deed, to remind him of the power he used to wield? "That's for everyone else to do. " Maybe he shouts 'I am the one and only ' at the crucial moment? "I have no idea how to answer that." A simple yes or no would have done .

Going back to his career. then. Despite turning down " numerous offers of pantomime, store opening and West End roles " in favour of 'the music' , would he ever consider repeating the success of his acting debut in Buddy 's Song? "To be honest, promismg career in composition. "I also did a bit it 's a possibility . Music is always going to be my of work with Tricky and sang the lead vocal on first love , but if something comes along that I'm that track (Mission Accomplished) . lt was sort of interested in then yeah, sure, but I'm not going to 'featuring me'" This is a bit more like it, although go pursuing a career in movies." How about a it's hard to imagine what they would have found • cameo in Eastenders a la Robbie? "That would be to talk about in the studio. So, does Ches have cool. Who do you th1nk I should play? Maybe I any other showbiz mates? "I did a stadium tour could play a paedophile horse-shagger." Maybe. with Bryan Adams, that was fun. We used to Do you think your profile is still high enough to pull off a potentially career-wrecking move into hang out with Extreme, but Bryan wasn't around that much. " Hmm, Bryan 'crater-face' Adams? best iality? "People still sing I am the One and Hardly rock 'n' roll, is he? "Well, that's all saved Only at me in the street all the time." That 's no for next Friday night!" (when he's playing at the LCR as part of the Now ... 90s night) . Any dirt to dish on the Ronan Keating of our parents' generation? "Oh, I can 't really comment on that." Go on, is his skin really as bad as it seems? "Yeah, it's bad. " Thrilling . Surely mulleted cock rockers Extreme (of More Than Words fame) must have surprise, you haven't actually changed that much , have you? "No, I guess it must be the drugs." done something a bit more interesting than had a few acne scars? Unfortunately , at this point we Acting as a preservative? "Yeah, I use preservareach Chesney 's parents house where he totally tive drugs! " But doesn 't a 28 year old married man mind people singing his 'catch phrase' from avoids the question, squealing "Oh my God, my mum 's put the alarm on and I don't know the ten years ago at him, or is he more afraid that code. Oh, thank God I guessed it right. I'm not people are going to forget him? (the only thing he admits to being afraid of is Bagpuss - "lt always going to tell you what it is though." Well I don't know the address, so ... used to scare me. I don't know what it was about "Alright then, it was mummy, m-u-m-m-y." that big old cat. " ) "I don 't mind [being sung at] I get the feeling that this is the most interesting to be honest. I used to a little bit more but these days I have to recognise that it 's where I am in piece of information I'm going to get out of Chesney . the business. I'm proud of it. " So you wrote the song, then? "No. Nik Kershaw did. " Oh. hes' hey-day was in the early 1990s - a Love him or hate him. Chesney was a big part of time renowned for cocaine-sniffing , groupie our childhood and is guaranteed a place in the shagging celebrities. I don't suppose pop hall of fame. People may taunt him for disapsqueaky-clean Hawkes was up for any of that? pearing from the pop scene and being a 'one hit "Oh yeah, all of that. " At last, now we 're getting wonder ' but he 's having the last laugh - he 's happily married with a "part-Disney" dog called somewhere .. . but weren't all his groupies ten Poppy . years old? "Yes, they're perfect now ." Excuse And although he's not enjoying a massive renaisme? "No, no. I mean they were ten years old and now they ' re twenty. Oh God, this sounds like sance (the LCR is hardly Wembley stadium , is it?), "it's enough to keep me busy. I'm really 'Chesney the paedophile'!" How about the snorting cocaine off the thighs of virgins? "You actualhappy with the way it's been going." And that's ly expect me to tell you about rny drug-taking?" all anyone can ask for.

T

"If I was in Eastenders maybe I could play a paedophile horseshagger."

"I'm scared of Bagpuss. I don't know what it is about that big old cat"

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David Lodge is chameleonic. He's an award winning novelist, prolific critic, journalist and academic. Jonathan Rolfe spoke to him about his latest novel, Malcolm Bradbury and the human psyche ... ew contemporary writers, critics or playwrights could claim to be as distinguished as David Lodge.

Lodge was here at UEA to round off the Visiting Writers festival and to promote his first full novel since 1995. Since the publication of Therapy he has also been made a CBE for his services to literature. This goes with the many literary prizes won over the last thirty years, including t11e Whitbread Book of the Year gong for How Far Can You Go? His early collaborations with Malcolm Bradbury at the University of Birmingham have always been well documented, and he remains full of praise for the career of his late friend.

"I was a young lecturer appointed in 1960, and Malcolm was appointed in the next year as a specialist in American Literature.

He was slig l1tly ahead of me in terms of being an established writer, particularly as a journalist. and he's been published in Punch and various Sunday newspapers, so that gave me the idea of diversifying a bit, into journalism."

The friendship also brought about a satirical review piece that helped to develop Lodge's writing style. "Tilis was the first time I'd written comedy and I found it a hugely interesting, fascinating experience.

He was a great collaborator, Malcolm. He was very good at seeing the possibilities m other people's 1deas.·· Leanmg back in l11s cha1r, th1s most diverse of novelists seems happy to consider and expound on any area of thought I put to him. lt is a great achievement for any writer to be endlessly chameleonic in tl1eir work wh1lst still retaining the1r own distinctive vo1ce. David Lodge has wntten works of criticism, comedydramas, screenplays, essays on the process of writing. and managed on more than one occasion to merge all these elements and more into one novel.

Thinks ... , Lodge·s twelfth novel, is nothing if not wide-ranging in its perspectives.

The work 1tself. set in the concrete surroundings of a un1versity campus (no apparent relation to our own fair surroundmgs) tells the tale of the beginning of t11e affa1r between Ralph Messenger, an eminent spokesman on the limitless boundaries of human consciousness, and Helen Reed, a recently widowed creative-writing tutor. The events

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unfold through a veritable collage of media. Lurid journal entries replace Dictaphone transcriptions, which in turn make way for email print-outs, scientifiC theory and authentic parodies of other contemporary writers, all following eac11 other in an effortless flow.

How is it possible to form so many different viewpoints in a narrative?

"If you can change your styles, use parody, change your point of view I think that it is pleasing. lt keeps the readers on their toes, and gives them some variety."

"Every novel1st has to be a bit of a ventriloquist, and to write dialogue for different characters, cultures. reg1ons and so on. In the last ten years or so, I've used the first-person narrative method more than I did before. it's maybe because I felt I'd exhausted the possibilities of play ing around with the omniscient narrator. rea lly. Secondly, I think in a way it allows me to explore ideas without having to commit mysel f t o a point of view. I think the attraction of the novel as a form is that it is a web of different voices that create different textures."

With regard to the more unusual narrative methods, Lodge is unrepentant. "If you can change styles. use parody, change your point of view, I think that is pleasing. lt keeps the readers on their toes, and gives them some variety."

L

odge could certainly never be accused of allowing his readers to become passive. The interwoven plots of Thinks ... are held together by an obv1ous fascination with new advances 111 neuro-biology and cognitive science.

"I 've committed to this subject because I thought 1t was one of universal interest and relevance.

Consciousness is something everybody has and should be mterested in. I had to talk to people in Cognitive Sc1ence and go to lectures and seminars and gradually get familiar with the language ...

During our talk, Lodge particularly credits Daniel Dennett's work ConsciOusness Explatned as being both accessible and enjoyable for h1m durmg his research. "it happens to be a time when tl1ere is a lot of extremely good popular science writmg around that is actually a pleasure to read. That wasn't the case when I was young ."

I wonder 1f with all this new and invaluable knowledge there might be a chance of seeing a completely scientific work? "No, I could never create a real, physical sc1entist, chemist or physicist. I don't know enough about it and I never w1ll. I cheated a bit 111 this novel, because my scientist was actually trained in philosophy and was moved into artificial intelligence. though he's not actually a practising scientist. That I couldn't do, anymore than I could write about a ballet dancer!"

What is interesting about much of David Lodge's work is his ability to explore many topical debates in popu lar consumer culture whilst still addressing complex universal issues. He believes that the novel can often best express changes in attitudes because of its sensitivity in t l1ese areas.

"Novelists have latched onto the sudden development of a rather aggressive form of Darwinism, just as in the past they latched onto Marxism or Fascism. We seem to be 1n a period when politics has become less interesting; where the great totalitarian systems have all been discredited. Sociology used to be the key discipline, though it doesn't seem to be now. lt IS science that is on the whole very prominent and I found that a number of novelists. like say, lan McEwan. were also writing about these ideas. We all kind of clicked onto it at the same time."

The two protagonists of Thinks ... represent two major opposing forces - the fundamentalist systems of religious belief and rationalist critique of the newly emerging science-based technologies. Lodge has explored the complex paradoxes of modern day Catholic life in previous novels, but still sees theology as an important tradition to uphold. "As human beings, we are innately religious creatures, and this is part of our whole tradition and history, and we can't just throw it out. it's religion that reminds us that we don't live by bread alone. I take a kind of re lish in

"As human beings, we are innately religious creatures, and that's part of our whole tradition and history. We just can't throw it out." that long history of British thought, and I feel like we're in the sunset of that way of thinking.

There's a kind of pathos and a ktnd of glamour as well. lt is not a subject easy to sum up ... T11ere is a sense that developing sc1entif1c studies will not ever provide all the answers, at least for Lodge. for on enquiring about a sequel, I get the sure reply, "No, I don't see any particular future in t111s. I don 't think I'll write about science again ...

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lnfocus

7

After the success of Shakespeare in Love, can John Madden's latest project, Captain Corelli's Mandolin, live up to the hype? Steve Quirke headed to London to find out ...

K born, but US based director John Madden appears to be falling into something of a rut. His last two films, Mrs Brown and Shakespeare in Love featured a love story against a backdrop that prevent the two lovers from getting it on. You'll never guess what happens in his latest film, Captain Corelli's Mandolin.

This afternoon in the Dorchester Hotel, John Madden looks casual and fairly relaxed as I suppose you would do if your epic war film is clear of post-production and has just premiered.

He is joined by producer Kevin Loader, the man who set his sights on the book on original publication in 1994, and screenwriter Shawn Slovo. While the national press has been less than enthusiastic over the screen version of the tale of doomed love, the team today seems confident that a student audience has a lower entertainment threshold.

For anyone who doesn't know, Captain Corelli's Mandolin is based on the best-selling book of the same name by Louis de Bernieres. Well, I wasn't aware of its existence but I'm possibly the only one as the publishers claim that a copy of this book can be found in one in every twenty homes in the UK. So a film version for illiterates like myself would appear to be a great idea. I'm not alone in not having read the book, as Madden himself confesses, "I was in an unusual position of not having read the book, one of the few people who hadn't. Which is quite useful because I read a script which ... was not by any means a finished script." This seems like a startling admission from the director of the screen adaptation of such a well-loved book, but as it turns out, Madden wasn't actually first choice as director on this project. The script was unfinished as Slovo was still working on it with original director Roger Mitchell, as she explains: "The work I did on the screenplay was always initially with Roger, and then with John so it's very much a collaborative effort, very much director-led which is the best possible scenario for a screenwriter."

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"I was in the unusual position of not having read the book, one of the few people who haven't."

However, Mitchell suffered a heart attack, and no longer felt able to cope with the project. With Nicolas Cage already cast as Corelli, and principal photography starting in less than six months, a replacement director had to be found, and fast. That man was John Madden. He read the script, and committed himself to the project the same night. Of course with the script unfinished, Madden was able to alter the direction the script was heading in. As Slovo points out, "Any director is going to have their own way of telling the story and their own vision, and their own interpretation. I think the miracle was, or maybe in hindsight it was a disaster, that I actually survived the transition. Anyone who knows about screen writing knows the most disposable element of the whole process is the screenwriter .. ." at which point she is interrupted by producer Kevin Loader, "Not true!"

"Of course it is Kevinl" she replies indignantly.

Interestingly Shawn remains fairly quiet for much of the rest of the press conference, and Madden is left answering questions about the adaptation.

Clearly it was director led. "I thought the material was incredibly exciting, intoxicating actually," is Madden's take on his source material.

Script machinations aside, the film is certainly an attractive one. The novel is set on the small Greek island of Cephallonia, and the film is too, although as Madden laments, it wasn't

necessarily the most obvious choice. "Shooting on Cephallonia was a perverse decision in a way.

The whole place is alive with the atmosphere of the book. The problem was ... there's nothing t here, it was all flattened in an earthquake. lt was an extraordinarily lunatic choice from an industry standpoint as we had to build everything, but from a filmmakers standpoint that's fantastic."

The island setting is beautiful, with many of the early establishing scenes done using sweeping crane shots. Let's put it this way, I 'm sure the Greek tourist board is thrilled by how incredibly pretty Cephallonia looks in this film. However, many of the minor Greek characters come across more as caricatures of rural Greeks. The film opens with Dr. lannis (John Hurt) removing a pea from the ear of one such minor character, allowing him to hear properly for the first time since childhood. Madden chooses to return to this man at the end, lamenting that his hearing is a curse, all he can hear is his wife's nagging.

This whimsy seems somehow out of place, maybe a little lightweight in a film that spans a war, and the passionate love between lannis' daughter Pellagia (Penelope Cruz) and Italian invader Captain Corelli (Nicolas Cage). it's as if Madden isn't quite sure what the tone of the film is really supposed to be. Likewise, whilst the original Italian occupation of Cephallonia is played for laughs, the German invasion is deadly serious, an excuse to blow up all the sets that they had to build for the film. ut the core of the film is the love triangle between Pellagia, her fiance Mandras (Christian Bale), and the music-loving Captain Corelli. The Italians in the film are presented as unlikely soldiers who are far happier singing opera or frolicking on the beach with whores than they are with pushing the Greeks around. They don't want to be at war but feel they may as well make the most of it.

Interestingly, the majority of Italians in the film are actually Italian, which makes Nic Cage's terrible Italian accent stand out more than it would normally. lt is a little better than the Italian captain in AI/o Allo (what a mistaka to maka) or 80s pop sensation Joe Dolche (shaddappa your faice) but not much. Producer Kevin Loader was keen to defend the casting decision: "lt was really good for Nic Cage as well, as he was constantly surrounded by real Italians and that enabled him to really get into the spirit of what it is to be an Italian." Hmmm.

At least Louis de Bernieres is happy with this adaptation. "Louis has seen it five times so far, so he's clearly more than tolerating it" crows Kevin Loader (ignoring the fact that de Bernieres told a national newspaper last week that he had to watch it five times before he decided he liked it). Madden is more impressed with the film's other fans: " ... if we have Louis' mother on our side, which we do [laughs] .. ." " ... and his girlfriend ... " interjects Loader. " ... the mother is the more important one to me" Madden states, laughing.

Although his motives seem genuine, making a film which he feels is essentially about "the healing power of love â&#x20AC;˘. ." perhaps Madden should stick to what he does best: clever, historical romantic movies, and leave the action-adventure stuff to someone else. Likewise, Nicolas Cage makes a far better unlikely action hero in things like The Rock or Con Air then he does as a reluctant mandolin playing romantic hero. The last words should go to Madden. "I'm thrilled with the way the film's turned out, but I daren't go back and look at the book at this point, not for another year or two, I'll just think, arrrrghh could have done that, could have done that could have done that ... " Very reassuring.

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a__________fn~s~i~h_t~----------------event 11 5Knowlef!ge Extreme

Don 't know your Fleadh from your Ozzfest, your Tin the Park from a cup of tea? Don't worry, Anthony Love// provides the indispensable guide to t his summer's festivals ...

Staying with the nostalgia theme, Elin Jones brings mu!!eted rockers Extreme out of their box and gives them a dust-down ...

Who?

Do the names Nuno Bettencourt , Pat Badger, Gary Cherone, Paul Geary and Mike Mang ini mean notheing to you? Ok , Extreme are responsible for c lassics including Hole Hearted, L 'if Jack Horny and Decadence Danc e.

Eh?

Oh, and More Than Words.

Slmon Bates ' Our Tune favourite?

Th at 's the one. Yo u probably wept al ong w it h it after being cruely rejected by your school crush. it 's not rea lly typical Extreme though, they're more in t he Van Halen mould ( Mi ke Mang ini used to be in t heir t ribut e band and Gary Cherone joined the band after Extreme spi lt in 1996).

Their usual sty le is pure cock rock , guaranteed to make even the fluffiest of pop fans sc rew up the ir face and play some serious air guitar.

They were good then?

Nuno is one of the greatest guitar players ever.

Their record company insured h1s fingers for $5 million in 1992, they've won too many awards to mention. their debut gig was opening for Aerosmith in 1988, Brian May said that they were the only band who understood what Queen were all about. Could they be any better?

So what are they up to now?

They split in 1996 after Nuno left the band to persue a solo career. He released an album (Schizophrenic) and then formed a band called Mourning Widows who have enjoyed marginal success in the US. Pat Badger set up a guitar making company (he worked in a guitar shop before joining Extreme) and Gary Cherone has taken the lead role in Jesus Christ Superstar in home-town Boston. The other members were last seen at an impromptu performance of Get the Funk Out at Gary's brother's wedding.

In retrospect ...

If you don't like what you see herej get the funk out ...

Peda

T

here are some th ings which are inextricably linked with a British summer. The smell of fresh cut grass, t he gentle thwack of leather on will ow, Wi mbledon fortn ight, and t he sight of thou sands of sunburnt teenagers who haven't washed in th ree days leaping around a field to the trendiest sound s of the yea r. lt could only be the summer festival c ircu it. If you're thinki ng of heading off to one, but are bewi ldered by t he sheer number on offer, t hen read on . Pack carefull y now. Toilet paper · chec k . Inflatabl e chai r - c heck .. .

Roaring out of t he bl ocks, in t his summer dominated by Dance and Rock, are t he Homelands England festiv al (Matt erley Bowl , Winchest er, Hants), and the ret urn to these shores after a t hree year absence of Ozzfest ( M ilton Keynes Bowl) . Bot h are held on May 26t h, wit h Homelands putt ing on a sister event in Scotland at the Aberdeen Exhi bition and Conference Centre on June 9th. Dance-o-philes can enjoy Orbital, Art ful Dodger, earl Cox, Judge Jules, and bafflingly, skinny indie vete rans Pulp, whilst those who would rather 'bang the head that does not bang ' c an form circ le-pits t o metal uberlords Bl ack Sabbath, Slipknot, Tool, and as a last resort, Papa Roach. If you have incredible staying power, you could camp t he who le week in Milton Keynes unti l June 8th, when Aussie legends AC-DC head· line the Bowl, with diverse and eclectic support from The Offspring, Queens of the Stone Age and Megadeth .

"The Fleadh: as Irish as a Republic of Ireland football team picked by Jack Charlton."

June 16th sees the cream of Irish music descend upon Finsbury Park, London for the Aeadh . Neil Young and Crazy Horse (Canada), Billy Bragg (England) and Teenage Fanclub (Scotland) will all be performing at this festival which is as Irish as a Republic of Ireland football team wh1ch has been picked by Jack Charlton. Oh yes. If you happen to be in Oxfordshire that day, head for Turweston Park for the Gatecrasher Summer Soundsystem , featuring Craig David, Outkast and Morcheeba. Treating you to excerpts from their record collections will be Paul Oakenfold, Danny Rampling and the Chemical Brothers, before the who le li ne-up heads to Punchestown Racecourse in Dublin on June 23 for the Irish leg.

Wa llet chains! Huge trousers! Reversed baseball ca ps! Al l will be in evidence at M ilton Keynes Bowl on June 24 as jock-metal kings Limp Bizkit

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bring t heir huge tour production to the UK. Their stage set will apparently feature a huge moving robot. Gazing on in awe will be Deftones, Outkast and Godsmack. Death to false met al! And thank goodness for T In the Park! This increasingly popular two day Scottish festival wil l take place at Balado, Kinross over July 7 and 8. The hardest worki ng band in summer fest ivals, t he Stereophonics, headline along with Texas.

Probably the second strongest line up of t he summer in t he absence of Gl ast onbury also has Placebo, David Gray, Coldplay, Beck, Toploader, Feeder, Elbow, Stereo MCs and Grandaddy ent ertaining the Celtic hordes. Who knows, if you cover your face in sunbl oc k , someone might even mistake you for Mel Gibson.

July is certainly a busy time for The Stereophonics ·three huge shows on co nsec uti ve weekends. July 14 sees them headlining the Day At The Races festival at Donington Racetrack.

This will no doubt cause nostalgic sighs from ageing Heavy Metal fans, who can remember the days when Donington was the venue for the annual Monsters of Roc k concert. The Black Crowes and Ash joining t he Welsh trio mean t hat t his is more of a Goblins of Pebble show. A further show for the Stereophonics means an appearance at the Millenni um Stadium in Cardiff on Ju ly 21 with the same support. An escape from all those guitars can be found at the Essential Festival , held at Hackney Marshes on July 14-15. Returning baggy legends the Stereo MCs will be connecting up with Red Snapper, Sonique, Tall Paul, Brandon Block and Goldie for the Saturday Dance Day, with the 'Roots' Sunday featuring Chef ... er, sorry, lsaac Hayes, George Clinton. Damage and Dreadzone. Continuing this welcome diversion from chart and indie acts is the world famous WOMAD festival. Held at Richfield Avenue, Rivermead, Reading on July 27 ·29, and featuring ethnic acts from around the globe, this is the best known 'small' festival of the summer. AfroCuban All Stars and Asian Dub Foundation will be lending the1r talents to this year's show. ugust sees the two heavyweight festival line-ups of the summer go head to head.

First into the ring on August 18-19 is V2001, which has moved on from its humble beginnings to a two-site event ( Hylands Park , Chelmsford, Essex and Weston Park, Staffordshire), with some big names on the bill.

Despite being perhaps the least adventurous lineup, the V festivals are invariably well organised and att ended, an d with t his year's headliners t he Red Hot Chilli Peppers making their only UK festi · va l appearance here, Mr Branson is guaranteed another bumper t urnout . The Foo Fighters,

A

Faithless and Muse mean that guitars dominate, but hey, this isn't one for underground fans. with the fee ling of a huge 'boss's picnic· surrounding the whole event . The following weekend's Carling Weekender (split between Reading and Leeds) will test stamina to the limit, with camping for three days an increasingly worthwh ile option considering that the best bill of the summer is on offer.

Multiple stages, including one exclusively devoted to comedy vie for the attention, and two of the big names headlining are (surprise surprise) mak· ing the ir only UK festival appearances. Travis, Manic Street Preachers and Sheffield University hero Eminem top the bills on the three days.

Green Day, Marilyn Manson and The Fun Lovin' Criminals (huzzah!) all risk the ire of urine-filled bottle throw ing experts as well.

Whichever one of these ce lebrations of musical excellence tickles your fancy, be sure to enjoy yourselves. There's nothing better than drinking warm scrumpy under a leaden sky as The Divine Comedy drone on for 40 minutes, whi lst simu lta· neously being jostled about by the drunken crusty next to you who thinks that they are the greatest band in the world. I promise .

event

In si ht

9

Drug scandals, sex scandals, liars, cheaters and shady dealings. When will these polititians curb their awful be~aviour? Hopefully never, according to Merek Cooper.

n the 1960s, political revolutionaries preached liberal values, indulged in sexual excess and smoked funny-smelling tobacco products ·just the sort of behaviour to now be found in the Oval Office. The flower -power hippy generation has come of age and, for the first time, gained real political power. But, thanks to the lifestyle that was hip in the late 60s and early 70s, these politicians have more than their fair share of skeletons in their closets. US college life rife, as it was, with wild parties, widespread drug use and sexual liberation now puts these politicians in a very difficult situation, indeed. For instance, how can they criticise the drug issue when they failed to abstain themselves? And how can they preach family values and moral sexual conduct when they spent their college years being spit-roasted (nothing to do with cooking I can assure you) in a frat house. Well this is exactly the issue that confronts Joan Alien as she tries to make her way to the vice presidency The Contender.

Alien plays Democrat Senator Laine Hanson, potentially the first woman vice president. That is until nasty Republican Shelly Runyon (played by a

I

" The Contender presents

a murky world of spin doctors and sinister advisors"

scary hairy Gary Oldman) investigates her murky college past in an effort to discredit her. What he finds would leave Bill Clinton red faced and threatens to blow a huge hole in her squeaky clean image. lt appears that Hanson has been a very naughty girl indeed and Runyon has the photos to prove it. Subsequently a battle of wills occurs between the defiant Hanson, who refuses to comment on the claims, and Runyon who doggedly insists that she be politically destroyed to make way for his own candidate.

The Contender is part of a new breed of political dramas that presents a murky world of spin doctors and sinister advisors who wield far more power than the hopelessly inept politicians. it's a world that we have become increasingly familiar with in real life, as fact becomes more entertaining than fiction.

There is no doubt that The Contender owes a huge debt to the shenanigans of the scandal dogged Clinton administration, as the question of whether what a politician gets up to in private affects his or her ability to make decisions in public looms large. lt was a question on everyone's lips around the time of the famous cigar incident and it's the main question that Runyon asks in The Contender. While Oldman plays Runyon as a villainously exaggerated Kenneth Starr, Alien's Hanson assumes the Clinton-€sque position, of refusing to see the importance of private life in the public sphere. Just as Wag the Dog was a comment on Bush's cynical entry into the Gulf war, The Contender lampoons the Clintonite ten-

dency to produce tabloid scandal by the mile. We all know that Clinton may have smoked marijuana, and he most definitely did not inhale, and as for that presidential aide thing, well who c But while The Contender has it's satirical guns squarely aimed at Bill Clinton, back in the real world we have a new President to contemplate and by some strange stroke of good fortune, George W Bush is shaping up to be one of the most easily parodied politicians in I memory. So, in a world where following political scandal has become a national past time, let me be the first to open bets on what kind of impropriety will the first to leave the Dubya administration coughing and spluttering at a damage limitation press conference (not counting his daughters predilection for under-age drinking). Could it be sexual misconduct perhaps? Or shady business deals? Or possibly alleged drug use? Well take your pick. A trawl through Georgie boy's past reveals that it could be any one or possibly all of these.

"Bush has never formally denied using cocaine or marijuana"

it's got Steve Martin in it. Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid is arguably the finest of four films made by Martin and director earl Reiner in the late 70s and early 80s. lt boasts a supporting cast that includes Humphrey Bogart, James Cagney, Cary Grant, lngrid Bergman, Betty Davis, Lana Turner, Burt Lancaster and Kirk Douglas to name but a few.

But In 1982 Bogart had been dead for 25 years ...

Yes, well, perhaps that needs a bit of explanation.

Intent on pushing the boundaries of taste to new limits, the filmmakers dug up Bogart's corpse and fitted it with radio controlled animatronic gadgetry ... only joking. While virtually all the major stars of 1940s Hollywood make an appearance in the film, their scenes are 'borrowed' from other movies and matched to footage of Martin through intricate editing, set design and the careful placing of out of focus body-doubles.

So, apart from t he t echnical wizardry, Is lt worth watching? it's got Steve Martin in it. DMDWP was made in

the period before Martin discovered family values and schmaltz. Its purpose is to entertain and it doesn't ca re about anything else. The movie has gags for everyone from the cine-literate to those who just like to watch people fal ling down. Almost every line is a quotable gem with prime examples being "I wanted to kiss every lip on her face" and "I hadn't seen breasts like those since I solved the case of the murdered girl with the big tits." Also, much of the crew consists of industry veterans who worked on the classic films featured in DMDWP. The film is dedicated to legendary costume designer Edith Head, who died shortly after completing her work on the movie.

ets start with those wild-college years. Little George spent his time at top college Yale graduating in the class of 68, where according to Newsweek he "majored in drinking at the Deke House". He then moved on to the Texas Air National Guard primarily to avoid the draft for active service in Vietnam, if some sources are to be believed. Not cut out to be a war hero George Do say left the military in 1972 shortly after they intro"I remembered the words Marlowe had said to me duced compulsory drug testing. As regards the over fifteen years earlier: 'Dead men don't wear reasons for his leaving, you can make up your plaid'. Ha, 'Dead men don't wear plaid' ... I still own minds, but could it have something to do with Dubya's alleged cocaine and marijuana use? don't know what it means."

For almost half his life little George seems to have devoted his life to partying and despite hav- Don't Say J/m Wha/ley ing political aspirations did not curb his wayward Cleaning woman. (Watch the film.) behaviour until his 40th birthday, when he quit cold turkey. However before he mended his ways, back in 1972 there are alleged (and, as so often in these cases, never proven) reports of his arrest for possession of cocaine. More interestingly in his mainy evasive responses to interview questions Bush has never formally denied using either cocaine or marijuana, although when pressed he says that he hasn't used cocaine in the last seven years. In fact Dubya was reportedly so worried about the ghosts of his wild years that he hired a private SPECIAL QRADUAnON PACKAGE investigator to investigate his past, Only £25 for Bed and presumably he could not trust his Full English Breakfast own memory in those years, for obvious reasons. While I'm am not per person per night suggesting that a president should THREE COURSE GRADUATION have led a totally sheltered life, it smacks of hypocracy when Dubya SUNDAY LUNCH Only £9.95 now advocates zero tolerance policy towards drug users and utters 80 bedroom hotel statements like "[People] need to En-suite facilities • Two bars know that drug use has conA la Carte I Carvery restaurant squences. • The consquences seem Swimming pool • Gym • Sauna • Jacuzzi extremely mild in Dubya's own case, unless of course you count Only five minutes drive from UEA the damge to his brain cells, that is.

Telephone us today and make your So while The Contender and its reservation on 01603 741161 many contemporaries including the quoting UEA Graduation Package highly sucessful TV series The West Wing continue to trade on QUALITY HOTEL, NORWICH the slip-ups of the Clinton era, the 2 BARNARD ROAD · BOWTHORPE · NORWICH years ahead look set to be littered 'Subject to availability with the future not yet born

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ARE YOUR PARENTS VISITING YOU FOR GRADUATION?

*

Wednesday, May 2, 2001

10

event

Insight

With The Weakest Link and The Royle Family recently joining a long list of British programmes remade for the American public, Kathryn Hinchliff takes a look at some of the horrors that have resulted through such exportation and asks the question, will these new hopes fare any better? ...

B

ritish television has a long tradit ion of exporting its most successful shows across the Atlantic where they are then altered beyond recognition, are watched by no-one and eventually act as reminders as to why British humour doesn't work in America - "We just don't get it"' . How could anyone ever th ink that programmes such as Absolutely Fabulous and Men behaving Badly would translate to an American audience?

American viewers just don't accept to the same extent the alcoholism, sex and drugs that are inherent in these shows, but rather than acknowledging this and buying something a little less risque. The Thin Blue Line for instance or The Brittas Empire, American TV producers decided , in their perverted wisdom, on a massacre - completely ignoring the fact that the humour is dependent on the unconventionality of these lifestyles.

The result is that Edina becomes an example of how to be a perfect mother whilst Patsy becomes a nun with an innate love of children and small animals. and American AbFab sinks without trace.

The only good thing to come out of the whole charade is that someone this side of the Atlantic gets to bank a very big cheque and laugh at the stupid American producers at the same time.

Some would say the money is scant reward for having to hear constant tales regarding the ritual trashing of our televisual heritage, although I doubt Caroline Aherne is one of these people. The

Royle Family is the latest export to be treated to an Oprah Winfrey sty le makeover, making Caroline a lot of money in the process.

You would think that The Royle Family represents

"The concept of an upbeat Royle family is simply ludicrous" a very British way of life and is dependent on a very British sense of humour, but apart from that there is very little to it and therefore very little that can be altered. Wrong. The American Royle Family will be upbeat, Daaave wi ll be black and none of the family members are allowed to smoke without another character lecturing them on the dangers of the evi l drug . The concept of an upbeat (no doubt in soft focus} Royle famil y is simply ludicrous; why didn't they write their own hilarious sitcom about an upbeat family, and call it Happy Days or something? I wouldn't be surprised if in the American version they turn the television off in order for Randy Quaid (The Dad} to head intellectual conversations about art and literatu re. it is unlikely that any of our comedy exports will ever be hugely successful in America, because our senses of humour are so completely at odds .

But it seems we have finally managed to produce

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Wednesday, May 2, 2001

something that the Americans want to watch in their millions and that's quiz-shows. lt is perhaps because American TV producers have decided to keep the formats just as they are that Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and its newest rival The Weakest Link have been so popular. The only change made to Millionaire was the presenter. The programme structure, the set and the music remained almost ident ical. Although with far more mi llionaires made on the American ve rsion some critics have argued that the questions are easier.

One example of a typical Ame rican contestant is the guy who was asked on the $300 question: "Which animal did Hannibal use to help him cross the Al ps: a} dog b) elephant c) tortoise d) llama?" his ca reful ly considered response was: "Well I'm pretty sure I know the answer but I' ll take 50/ 50 j ust to make sure."

Leaving him with the choice between elephants or llamas, his final reply was, "Wel l that's confirmed it for me- llamas definitely. " The host incredulously asks ·'Are you sure? Is that your fina l answer? " "Yep, final answer. Llamas.'· And the guy went home empty handed . Okay. he perhaps isn't typical of the standard of intelligence on the show. but that sort of stupidity really does make compulsive viewing.

T

he adoption of The Weakest Link by NBC and their acceptance of Anne Robinson as its far from glamorous presenter is a huge step for American TV produc ers. The reason behind it is that apparently without Anne the show just wouldn't work. An American presenter wouldn't be able to handle the sarcasm , and the contestants and audience wouldn't stomach the insults if they came from one of their own. However, I would have thought Ruby Wax would have been a brilliant alternative, she is the one American that really can do sarcasm and at least the contestants would be able to understand what she was saying. lt seems the accent has already caused problems.

The critics and the American public seem to be in two minds as to whether the show w ill be successful.

TV critic, Howard Rosenbe rg, considered t he humour c heap, wh ilst USA Today thought that The Weakest Link has the 'potent ial to be "the most addictive game show since Millionaire··. Its ini ti al viewing figures of 14.7million are NBC's highest for over a year but whether these will continue once the publicity has died down is debatable.

One major change from the British version is that the American public won't take Anne's digs and jibes lying down. They assert them-

selves and are more willmg to answer back.

Anne , on the other hand has not changed her act in the slightest; she continues to wear the expensive black designer suits and the spiky heeled boots (all the better to stamp on your head with , my dear} and relentlessly shames the contestants with their 'dire' lack of knowledge and 'blatant' ignorance. Her favourite lines are used over and over again, for example in Britain she might say , "Dave, you are a mechanic and you don 't know anything about flowers? " " Er, no" " Right well .. . You are the Weakest Link , Goodbye." And on the American version. after hassling poor Jill for practically the whole show her final insult is "So you're a hot-shot lawyer who has no time for party games?" Now that's clever. What exactly can you say to that, apart from " No, I don't?" which is the reply that Jill eventually decides on.

Once American viewers have heard these phrases as many times as we have the novelty value of

"Apparently without An ne [The Weakest Link] just wouldn't work." the programme may begin to wear off. However, the million doll ar prize money that NBC are willing to shell out may just be enough to keep it interesting .

This does not necessarily mean that we have seen the last of the flame-haired devi l woman the BBC have recently offered Anne £3 million in an attempt to lure her back to Britain . But hopefully such a paltry sum will not tempt her away from the prestige of being one of our most suc cessful ex ports, plus the £15 million she is expected to earn if her success in Ameri c a continues.

I can imagine her witty retort already: "Auntie Beeb, you are the Weakest Link .

Goodbye. "

event

Insight·

11

Richard Holmes Is one of Britains' most celebrated biographers. Liz Hutchlnson got him to talk about himself for a change ... lography has added a new terror to death," admits Richard Holmes, biographer of Shelley and Colerldge among others.

"Personally I prefer to be substantially distanced from my subject because it presents a historical challenge."

Despite this distance he sees biography writing as a partnership, "Sylvia Plath once said 'if the novel is an open hand then poetry is a closed fist' , I like to think of biography as a handshake."

Holmes, in his consistently best selling biogr~ phies, has certainly overcome the barrier of time: as one reviewer put it, 'He brings his subject completely to life.. .', definitely not an easy task and one which Holmes attributes to extensive travel.

"I'm a great believer in travelling to all the places they went, hence my books called Footsteps. I literally go after them, where they walked, where they stayed and try to find their houses" In fact, travel was the starting point for a career which was to earn Holmes the accolade of 'Our best post-war biographer'. Amazingly the inspir~ tlon for his first biography was found at a bookstall. "I wanted to leave England, I wanted to go to France, and I wanted to become somebody different. And quite by chance, on a market stall, I found a beautiful little book by Stevenson called Travels with a donkey in the Cevennes, I read it and thought I want to do these same travels and so I went" I wonder idly whether, what with all the travel and shopping involved, biography Is the career for me and hunt for tips on how to pick a person. ·wen

'' B

its very mysterious, its not obvious, they kind of grow and you suddenly find that you 've got Interest in them. With Shelley, I obviously feel he was waiting for me, well. something like that," laughing wryly. "it was the end of the 1960's and I found Shelley to be very much of that time, he liked the communal life, travelling by foot and sea, he seemed like someone very close to my own experience, I just got Involved with him. A kind of passionate connection with the subject is crucial, especially because you are going to take some time to work on them so they need to hold your interest." Holmes has not always found such an affinity with his subjects, "I worked in Paris for

"Sylvia Plath once said 'if the novel is an open hand then poetry is a closed fist', I like to think of biography as a handshake" a couple of years and decided that I was going to write about the writers Theophtle Gautier and Gerard de Nerval. I wrote 400 pages but it just didn't work. When you are writing a biography half the thing is to get at a story line that really engages the reader.''

So that rules out my next door neighbour as star of my debut biography, then - especially when

Holmes

find out

intense. personal feelings for them. As Holmes talks of Coieridge, his voice gets quieter, almost as though he had witnessed the demise of a friend. "He had a rather disastrous life, I felt here was a really clever poet and writer whose life was a terrible mess. His marriage was a complete mess, he was completely addicted to opium, he could never find the right place to live and travel...l think it's quite a modern experience. everybody feels sometimes that their life is a total mess and they "eve to make something out of it.• Richard Holmes has certainly made something out of his life and following his recent appointment as Professor of Biographical studies at UEA. he Is

keen to encourage others to do the same, "I hope we are going to have some young biographers here", he says, adding "I do think university is such a chance, you go as one person and you find that you may be two or three other people.

University is a great place to find this out. lt is a good time, a good time. You shouldn't waste it."

The News of the World called them porn. The Guardian called them art. Liz Hutchlnson went to see for herself. images through which Gearon builds up a documentary account of her family life.

Not surprisingly (and true to form as a paper known for nude art of a different kind), the News of the World launched a campaign tp close the display with headlines such as "Child Porn They Call Art". Soon after, and eight weeks Into the' exhibition, the police stormed the gallery ordering Gearon to remove two of her pictures or face prosecution under the obscenity act. The public, many of whom had only seen the photos censored in newspapers, raged about Gearon's blatant exploitation of her children. Most were concerned about the masks used, arguing that they stripped away the child's identity and turned them into sexual objects. "But the·shots are never staged" insisted Gearon, "I just happen to have my camera there."

David Smart, an American tourist, was bemused at the accusations of pornography. "its just snapshots of childhood. lt's not like she asked her kid to go pee, he just did, y'know? People just want

"If it really had been an offence the pictures would have been taken down immediately" emember that photo lurking in the depths of your family album, destined to reappear at your 21st;wedding;any other momentous occasion? You know the one, you and your little sis, running aroun::l starkers, unaware of the cringe factor sure to haunt you in later life? We 've all got them, so imagine this if you dare: 48 x 72 in, glossed and hanging in a London art gallery, on bill boards and even, perish the thought, on the front of the Daily

R

Mail. The stuff of nightmares, but something that has actually happened to the children of photogra· pher Tierney Gearon.

The exhibition, I Am A Camera, features works from Charles Saatchi's personal collection, includ· ing Gearon's images of her naked children at play.

The two offending photos, one depicting her four year old son urinating in snow and the other showing her two children naked on the beach in barbie style masks, are part of a series of 15

to deny that children have sexuality before they are like, 12 or 13, but they do."

"After carefully reviewing the evidence", the CPS later decided not to take legal action, much to the relief of Gearon, and to the dismay of the tabloids. According to gallery attendant Kate, there was never any question that the pictures would be taken down. "The furore was borne out of the press. not the gallery or public even, since

the only complaint we received was about a different set of photos. • The general opinion of those I spoke to was that the police should use their time to investigate the child pornography at large on the Internet, something altogether more accessible and private than a small art gallery in the depths of London. This exhibition could attract the wrong kind of audience, but if paedophiles would go to the Saatchi to look at these photos then surely a trip to the National Gallery would not be out of the question.

Meanwhile, this whole debate generated some very handy newspaper coverage for the exhibition which was extended due to ' public demand'. At one point the gallery was stampeded by a group of nudists which the attendant described as "hilarious, but really rather frightening~.

Controversy, incidentally, is something which the saatchi Gallery is not unknown for and whose owner, test we forget, owns a highly successful advertising company. Suspicious Matthew Garland, an advertising executive from London, described the exhibition as · an incredibly cunning marketing ploy. I suspect that Saatchi spotted the potential of the photos, blew them up, hung them at a gallery well known for its sensational exhibitions- and at a time when the issue of paedophilia is at its most controversial." He was also sceptical about the police involvement, ".There was a strange kind of limbo period which I think was all part of the spin. If it really was an offence the pictures would have been taken down immediately."

So, the charges were dropped, Tierney Gearon retreated back into the Who's She? category, the gallery enjoyed large crowds and the constant ring of the cash till. And they all lived happily ever after. Well, until the photos pop up at the children's 18th that is...

Wednesday, May 2, 2001

•• ••

ostalgla Isn't what lt used to be. Time was (back when t his was all fields•.•), the yearning for bygone t imes was a dewey-eyed privilege of the old and Infirm; a vague, Inoffensive emotion which kept the old duffers amused as they quietly shuffled off this mortal coli with a barely discernible fartlng noise.

But that was back In the good old days.

Nowadays, yearning for a bygone age of halcyon memories Is pretty much part and parcel of being a truly (post) modem yooth. Endless repeats, remakes, re-releases, reblrths and re-hashes have become an Intrinsic part of our culture. And nobody knows this better than students.

Yes, dear reader, that means you. For when you first arrived at university, did you and your flatmates not Indulge In lengthy bonding conversations about 80s kids TV? Did you not attend the slew of various rituals In praise of the past which the Union puts on? Hmmm?

Well, there's no need t o be ashamed of lt. We're all c hildren of the past after all: Retro, That's What I Call 80s/ 90s/ Last Week ... any past will do.

N

or not lt 's one you c an

re not

remember ~

Is, to be honest , pretty Irrelevant. In fact, lt doesn't even have to be a past which has passed.

As the amazingly lifelike Near'Say will testify, tribute acts to the not-yet-defunct are pretty lucrative fair nowadays, and have been known to grace our fair LCR In the past (remember that Slve cover band? 'Brltney' ?). lt seems that as long as we get to feel like we're looking back -as long as we get that little fuzzy fix of recognition which nostalgia provides, we' ll be happy.

Understandably, therefore, nostalgia has made several.comebacks of late. Myriad mutated forll'ls of rose-tinted reminiscence seem to Inform the student experience In the twenty first century - so many, In fact, that lt can sometimes get a wee bit confusing. So, In an attempt to make sense of this dense postmodem t angle of half-remembered melodies and Implanted memories, The Event thought that lt'd embark on a mammoth retrospective of UEA's cultural heritage. And to get you started, here's a brief little guide to naughtles nostalgia.

Sigh...

electricity pylons!"

What goes around comes around, what goes up must come down, and what buggers off does, alas, usually come back. Elin Jones has seen the future, and it looks like your mum ... eing a student is weird. Not only are we in a time warp where our lives have been put on hold for three years while we pay t o go to school and write essays, but for some reason we choose to regress in our musical tastes as wel l, even if we weren't even a twinkle in our dad's eye when the music was first released . When was the last time you went clubbing at the weekend? At sixteen the whole week was spent painstakingly arranging fake ID and trying every off-license in tow n to get served in preparation for an orgy of Hooch drinking and a Saturday night trip to the local Ritzy's, but now Monday nights at Liquid and cheesy LCR's on Thursday have taken their place with weekends being spent watching Dawson's Creek and the Brookside omnibus.

Instead of buying the latest Ibiza compilation, our CD collections are ful l of Jackson 5 and Barry White. Is this ironic and k itch or is it just a symptom of how shite modern music is?

Even popstars themselves have taken to re-hashi ng classic 70s tunes in an attempt to tune in to this t rend. Steps' Tragedy, Westlife's Uptown Girl and Geri's tuneless version of lt 's Raining Men are all examples of t his and have enjoyed massive commerc ial success by covering 70s hit s. This may seem lazy, but who cares? I would pay wel l over t he odds to watch Westlife's Scouse-shagging Brian's kerazee antics on the recent Comic Relief video, and even though Geri

B

Really weird, this one. Best exemplified The cliched guide t o consolidating a first in the snap-happy approach to year student friendshlp, part 1: documenting life in photographs, this Student A: "Hey, do you remember Mr basically consists in anticipat ing nostalgia Spoon from Button Moon?"

St udent B: "Yeah!" for the present moment as you're living it.

The net effect is that you end up not living it's as simple as that. Recognising a shared the moment you w ish to document 'cultural ' heritage is a bonding experience because you were stuck behind a camera more effec tive than dropping your at the very t ime it happened. Cult urally, trousers, and is one t hat's t his rather tw isted approach to life partic ularly useful when you 've been manifests itself in w ilfully 'retro' music , thrown in a big concrete hole with TV, film and literature; the idea being that ' thousands of people whose only general common ground is their age. You only have to if you make the new like t he old, the new w ill assume the same historic significance look at t he popularity of the Union's 90s night as that upon w hich it's modelled. Dadrock to appreciate the herd attraction of guitar bands who aim for the 'classic ' t ag collective nostalgia. Freudians would are the worst culprits, alongside anybody • • • • , muse that this phenomenon betrays a sublimated fear of death, and is actually a whose creative aspirations fai l to reach any further than their parents' record collect ions. freakish manifestation of group hysteria in the face of the Inevitable. Just think about that next t ime you' re singing along to t he Bee Gees, you weak insignificant mortal.

Defined by Douglas Coupland in Generation X as "the imposed feeling of nostalg ia one generation has for memories t hey do not act ually possess" .

Open almost any ents mag and you' re bombarded with reviews using t he word 'classic' -a word which means 'old' just as much as 'of the highest c lass'. Just how many t imes have you been told that some yout h movement you had the ignorance to be born after was so much more important than anything t hat's happened in your own lifetime? The sanctity of old stuff is constantly affirmed in today' s media. Just check out Channel 4 's hateful Top Tens series: "The Monkees were great weren 't they, eh?" No.

Wednesday, May 2, .2001

rated I

Another Couplandism: ' ultra short term nost algia'. This is t he sort of "things were so much better last week" ment ality that spawns tributes to that w hich has only j ust passed. So we get Nearvana, The Stoned Roses and other such delights alongside wistful 90's retrospectives and millions of Nic k Hornby-style top tens. With trends and fazes developing and disappearing so quickly, the potential for harping on about the past is huge. And it 's certainly being exploited.

ie! famous person you ever fancied?

"Jason Donovan, when I 'was about 7. lt was the blonde hair that

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. •C\ \'\~' •·'" •

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" Trapdoor scared the shit out of me. All the horrible little plasticine wriggly-round things. lt gave me recurring nightmares for about t hree years. I used to wake up in t he night, crying." Anna McGinn HIS 3

"The Oompah Loompahs from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. They freaked me out totally, to t his day I have nightmares about them." Matthew Sheehan MTH3

" Arachnophobia: the beginning with the spider going along the tent. I was so freaked out I cl imbed over my cinema seat and fell into the laps of the people behind." Mark Bromley

"Ghostbusters, when t he librarian j umps and goes 'raaah!"' Guy Nlcholson HIS PG

"That bit in Silence of the Lambs when he had his dick tucked between his legs and he's dancing.

Maybe it's my repressed sexuality." Jack Knowles SOC.t.

"The Sand People in Star Wars. I used to think they lived in my wardrobe and would come and get me and go UURRGHHHH! " Toby Watson SWK3

;>>'

Beale look-alike I spend hours trying to re-c reate her Famestyle high k ic king on t he steps of the Square.

More subtle variants on this theme have c ome from S Club 7 and Hear'Say. Don't Stop Moving, S Club's latest offering, is a disco-inspired number, complete with mirror balls and flares - and is set to hit t he number one spot this weekend (probably) . And Hear'Say, although represented by 5ive's manager, are very much in the Stock Aitken and Waterman 'hit factory ' mould. SAW dominated the eighties, penning hits for permed beauties including Sonia, Stefan Dennis (Paul Robinson from Neighbours) , and of course Jason and Kylie. Kylie Minogue is the poster girl for retro revival. Although her topless hat and bubble bath videos have been replaced by leather halter necks and sleek hair, her music remains ass-slappingly cheesy ... and she still has a mean lection of hotpants. not only pop acts who living in the past - the have a lot to answer for in influencing t he likes of Oasis, and pretty much every other itar band, and the ash have spawned acts as Ash and t he Manic Preachers with t heir guitars. The Clash even influenced t he ay our popst ars dress - see hip Hear'Say's Kim looks in 'punk' t-shirt. lt may seem obvious, but the music we listen to when we're kids has a profound effect on us. How else would Noel Gallagher's songs sound so similar to the Beatles - surely not by using exactly the same chord sequences and droning crap rhymes over the t op?

But here's the scary thing: what does this mean for the future? What wi ll influence us when .we 'grow up'? The cycle in which trends come back into fashion has been growing increasi ngly smaller - hence the nineties revival night t his Friday in t he LCR (the ninet ies were only two years ago!} so are we going t o see the revival of bands like Hear'Say and Steps next year? Tribute bands of both these acts are already doing the rounds; how long is it going to be before the cyc le st arts growing again and we get t hrown into a 1930s revival? Tea dance, anyone?

We asked UEA: 'what was the scariest screen moment of your childhood?' They responded thus ...

"Chesney Hawkes, hen I was about nine ten. lt was the mole.

I'll definitely be at the front when he comes here."

Esther Evans SOC1 "The girl in Round the Twist.

Just lovely."

Slmon Howarth SOC2 "Jason, definitely. I wanted to be Kylie and sing Especially For You to him."

Annle Palmer DEV1 "Cheetara from Thundercats, when I was about 10ish. Very sexy. And Wonder Woman, too, cos of her gold boobs." Sam Price EAS2 "Philip Schofield and Gordon the Gopher. lt was something about the squeak . Oh, and Peter Duncan, for his daringness."

Cathy John EAS2 "Huck leberry Finn, cos he was blonde and fit in my storybook . light t an, nice j eans."

Kate Forbes SOC3 "The woman off Chocablock. lt was her car and her machines that did it for me."

Nick Henegan, EAS3 "Eivis Presley. I knew he was dead but I couldn't help myself."

Rebecca Bewlck EAS1 "The Milkybar Kid, when I was about four. lt was his little round glasses."

Katie Hind LLT2 "Christina Ricci in The Addams Family. I was quite simple minded."

Jack Knowles SOC.t.

"Brad Pitt in Thelma and Low se. Droooool" Noura Labbaml LLT4 • Jason Donovan and Bros. Even though they were clearly gay."

Carolyn Francls LLT3 "Margaret Thatcher. I liked women in positions of power. Y'know, she was the Iron Lady. And Debbie Gibson, too."

Matthew Sheehan MATH3 Complied by Sarah Klddle

" The Moomins. I couldn't watch it, still can't look at t hem. They 're a funny shape." Carolyn Francls UT3

"The episode of Rainbow when z ippy got his zip stuck." Zac Smith

Play Safe adverts, the one w ith the kid picks up the fi rework, and the

"Never Ending St ory when the dude has to go through the statues and he gets hit by t he fireball and then his mask falls open and the little dude sees his burnt face." Slmon James CHE1

"Finger Mouse. Wiggly mouse. Scary little rodent. " Chrls Butler CHE1 "IT. The bit when he comes up through the shower.

Me and my friend weren't able to go to the toilet without each other for a week afterwards." Esther EvansSOC1 • Death Becomes Her, when Goldie Hawn gets up and her head's facing the wrong way. I stayed awake w ith t he lights on all night." Ben Atter SOC3 " Knight mare. lt wasn't that sc ary, my mum just thought it was.

Whic h made it scary."

Slmon Howarth SOC2 ·Jaws, when it was on the telly. My parents were maniacs for letting me watch it.

I ran out of the room." Will Russ EAS2

ammll!l!tmmmmm•lll

As Hollywood plunders our childhoods, Gemma O'Donne/1 investigates the phenomenon of classic TVturned big budget blockbuster he success of Club Retro in our very own LCR serves to prove that our slightly cheesy past is in fact, big business · and nowhere is this more apparent than in the slew of backwardlooking movies which are mercilessly plundering our ch ildhoods.

However, it seems that the most recent trend is not to echo 'retro' films like Grease, but to t ake a much more direct approach. TV shows from the 60s and 70s have been given many movie makeovers in the last few years, to varying succ ess. The A-Team, Scooby Doo, Dungeons and Dragons: us students seem to love nothing better t han to reminisce about the TV we watched or the games that we played in our notso-distant youth. Last year's Charlie's Angels remake was always going to be a success. After all , nostalg ia is cool, and who could resist t he combined beauty of Barrymore, Diaz • and Lui? Long before Geri Halliwell stuck her fingers in the air and screeched 'Girl Power' Farrah Fawcett and her lesser known eostars were kick ing righteous butt in the ratings.

T

The format for making nostalgia films appears simple. Take a TV show from t he 60s or 70s that was quite cool, giv~ it a monstrous budget , a huge star, and a new soundtrack (limp Bizkit cover optional) - and voila, instant paydirt. The new Scooby Doo fil m, for instance, fulfi ls all t hese criteria, with a cast that have stepped straight out of Scream or some Sky One drama. and a soupedup Mystery Mac hire. People wi ll pay to see this film, regardless what the critics have to say. There are also plans in t~e pipeline for a remake of The A Team, with George Clooney pencilled in to play Hannibal, and rumours abound t hat LL Cool J w ill tak ing over from Mr T. Ultimately, the reason for the success of t hese films seems qtite c lear: t hey have already been successful on the small screen. So I put to the major movie co1glomerates my outline for a movie blockbuster. lt is ret ro. lt is cool.

RentaghoE.t : The Movie! Featuring Dolly Stephen Fry as the grumpy neighbour Craig David as Timothy Claypole the , with a soundtrack by Christina lerra and Atomic Kitten. agline: ' How much would you pay to RPr1t~t~hfl1~t?'

Cool foodstuffs that got discarded in the cruel pedal bin of progress

Trios A triumvirate of chocolate joy. John Peel did his first advertising work for them.

Ads used to feature a band with a very loud singer who sang The Trio Song: "TRIII0/TRIIIIII-0/IWANNATRIO ANIWANTONENOW!!! " Parents loved it .

54321's Packed lunch staple with another catchy theme tune which, unfortunately, belied the staggering shit eness of t he product it self. Biscuit covered in chocolate. Misery in the lunchbox.

Blue Rlband Unspeakably crap. Hard boys would cry upon operiirig their Thundercat s lunchboxes.

Space Dust Crack for eight-year-olds, now making a comeback. Unsubst anti ated urban myths related to space dust ran wild around school playgrounds, usually involving people's heads exploding as a result of over-indulgence. secondary school rumours that it made blowjobs fant astic were, however, true. We think .

Toot Sweets Shameless Chitty Chitty Bang-Bang cash-in. Cost 10p, so were a bit posh.

Square Crisps Square crisps, basically. Almost as t asteless as Discos. A paradigm example of pointless innovation.

ks Sodastream Soft drink socialism. Part of t he drive towards DIY consumables that also spawned such crimes as sandwich makers and Mr " Bastard" Frosty. Could have brought Coca Cola to its knees if it didn't go PFFFSWWOOOOSH and make piss-weak , sickly tasting flat drink.s that you only made for the novelty value of pressing t he ' magic button·.

Deadly air canisters which terrified your mum. Got left in t he cupboard about two weeks after it was bought. 'Get busy with the fizzy' indeed.

Tab Clear Clear Coke. Anot her anomaly which actually made two appearances, and lasted about five minutes each time. Nobody really knew why it existed or how it got there, and as such it was t reated with suspicion by even the most adventurous of lunchtime guzzlers. Often associated inexplicably with homosexuality by darling little bigots.

20/ 20 Luminous teenage booze napalm. Still k nocking about, this one, t hough once you threw up on it you never touched the stuff again. Brightly coloured so as to catch the eye of baked underage drinkers in the off-license, and actually had the audacity to claim some tenuous association with fruit. The worst feeling of your life, bar none.

Steye Colllns

Wednesday, May 2, 2001

14

Inspected: Music

~~~~~

Albums:

~======~==~~~====~~~=---

i9

eveiit ~~

Elbow in the Back Lead singer Guy Garvey is not a happy bunny.

The lyrics of most of these songs are incredibly sorrowful and full of despair. As his fragile voice soars and falls you begin to realise that the vocals are being used as instruments, becoming part of the music, rather than a melody on top of it. And then you get it.

Each song consists of very repetitive vocals intertwined with gentle guitar picking, soft electronic hums from the keyboard and a mellow drum rhythm pulling the parts together so that the songs don't collapse under their own weight. There is no obvious verse-chorus structhe songs take their time and finish when are ready.

First track Any Day Now is full of random sentences, repeated so often that they lose all meaning and soon become another sound in the song. New single Red is a plea aimed at those who rush through life without stopping to take anything in to slow down. Don't Mix Your Drinks recommends the obvious, but the purpose of these musings are unexpl ained. Are

they aimed at certain people or as a result of previous incidents with certain people, or are they just trying to fix the world? lt isn't clear whether any of these stories are based on real life or are j ust random broodings.

There are several - albeit unconventional - love songs on the album. Powder Blue is a mournful song for 'babycakes' and Newborn begins with the not so romantic line 'I'll be the corpse in your bathtub'. Is this a real situation or a twisted sense of humour? Again, it's unclear.

Coming Second is the most depressing song I've heard in a while. it's about being unwanted by the person you love, but what makes it so painful is the tradition slave-song style it is written in. Across pounding drum beats, the hypnotic, repetitive lyrics explain how the subj ect would get back the affections of his lover, making it seem an arduous task and creates a very miserable, heart-wrenching song.

A very touching debut album from a unique band with a bright future, whether they like it or not.

Chrlst/na Lymbourls

----------------------

iS Hurrah! it's nearly summer siastic students spilling out onto the Square- it's only just May you know) and Ash have released their fantastic ly bouncy new album just in time. Full of their trademark fuzzy guitars and teen sentiments, Free All Angels retains everything you would expect of Ash, but with a few surprisingly mature tracks, a result of Tim Wheeler' s well-earned break in the sun.

The album begins with a collection of single releasefriendly tracks including Walking Barefoot, Shining Light (released earlier this year) and Burn Baby Burn (their latest single). Whilst all vintage Ash in style, the rest of Free All Angels is more of a 'coming of age' album, keeping up with the fans who have been

swelling violins, rippling percussion and even a horn section and sounds like the Moonraker soundtrack. it's a million miles away from Kung Fu, and certainly showcases Tim Wheeler's compositional prowess, even if the lyrics are still endearingly twee ("cool evening fa/lingjl can hear her calling" ...aah).

For the hardcore amongst you, Submission, Shark and World Domination have more crashing guitars and shouty lyrics (gimme gimme world domination), but are only rock as far as Ash will ever be.

You'll be hard pushed to find a better soundtrack to your summer.

lt's Raining Men Que/le surprise, Geri's got a single out amongst

rumours of shacking-up with another Brit-pack celebrity. Clinging desperately to the immense popularity of Bridget Jones' Diary, Geri's cover of the Weather Girls' hit lt 's Raining Men (Retro favourite) is pretty much exactly the same as the original, but with one subtle difference. Geri can't actually sing. Never mind, it 's an ass-slappingly good song and you've got to admire her use of the video to grease-up and show-off her new stream-lined bod whilst surrounded by hordes of Fame-style dancers. Even if she did use a body double for the difficult dance steps...

AlSO Released·.

Mark 8 and Blade D 't s th s· a .00 ee · e 1gns

V. I

Why does one of Britain' s premier hip-hop acts feel the need to bow down to the current, rather similar sounding fad, of rap-metal commercialism? This single feels like transatlantic hip-pop mixed with Dog Eat Dog or Rage Against the

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mac~ne.~·sw~lproducedthoug~andthe

Mogwai Rock Action

figurehead band of the 'Post Rock' movement is beyond me. They kick the shit out of most of the radio friendly dross that infects Britain's airwaves today, but they are still young and consequently they still have a lot to learn. Never ones for caution, their rent-a-quote ability has made them into easy targets for a scandal hungry music press. On listening to Rock Action it becomes clear that these plucky wee scotch men should keep their mouths shut and let their music speak for itself. Rock Action continues Mogwai's

curve, more and more heavily reliant on melody than their previous efforts, but still it 's a chicken leg short of the musical banquet that it promises. On tracks like Sine Wave and Robot Chant, a clumsy techno-ambience builds slowly into a frankly unlistenble mess, akin to a mad man attacking a central heating boiler with a lead pipe, not exactly easy listening. Frustratingly, take away these howlers and what you are left with is an extremely high quality ep, which in retrospect is what this album should have been.

Merek Cooper

other two mixes are well worth listening to. lt just sounds a little too familiar.

Metln Alsanjak

Muse New Born New Born, Muse's latest single, is a bit of a mixture. The intra sounds like something from a gothic horror movie, the middle gets more interesting - even a bit scary - and the heavier chorus is fantastic, but they don't seem to gel together.

The high hats get really irritating too. Bearable, but not half so good as what Muse usually offer.

Amy Harrls

Dido Thankyou l!'ll!l~l.'lll•

it' s generally unacceptable to judge an album by its cover, as what really should matter is the music. Yet t here is something so freaky about the cover of Echo and the Bunnymen's eighth album that it almost takes precedence over the music. lt depict s a Victorian couple with baby in a boat in the middle of a garishlycoloured paradise, all three with hideously vacant turquoise eyes staring into nothingness.

That said, it's not to say the music is bad. Chirpy, chiming tunes heavily layered with weird noises make for pleasant, if indifferent, listening, but background

Live

listening more than anything. The eleven songs, with their lyrics of desolation, broken dreams and tender hope easily merge into each other, so much so that if the album consisted of the same song eleven times instead of different ones, it wouldn 't make all that much difference. An Eternity Turns is, perhaps, the most dynamic and different song on the album, but it still sounds like all the others. Buried Alive, a poignant ode to lost youth is a gentle, lulling tune, but again sounds very similar to the other ten tracks.

Mlscha Pearlman And so on.. .

Starsailor Goodsouls I wish that Starsailor's singer would make up

~~----~~~~~~~~~~~~-~~~~~~--~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~--------~----•••••-t whose vocal style he wants to imitate. The 'notLast time the Divine Comedy came to Norwich, it was to the LCR with a 3Q..piece orchestra.

Now, signed to Parlophone and backed bY much more corporate cash, they're relegated to the 'intimacy' of the Waterfront. Not a good omen.

Another worrying sign is the new album, Regeneration. Working for the first t ime with an active (read interfering) producer, Nigel Godrich, the album is shorn of many of the band's trademark witty lyricism and lacks a diversity of sound. I'm beginning to hope for a back catalogue special.

When the Divine Comedy finally take to the stage, my fears are hardly allayed. Frontman Neil Hannon looks haggard and half asleep, as does bassist Bryan Mills - adopting indie dress surely doesn't also mean adopt ing narcolepsy?

The set is predominantly made up of songs from the new album, interspersed with re-

Wednesday, May 2, 2001

After her rather dull debut single, Dido has finally released the song responsible for her fame in the UK. Sampled on Eminem's Stan, Thankyou is actually a very sweet song - far removed from the sentiments of Mathers' song. Although live performances have shown that Dido doesn't have the strongest voice around at the moment, her brother's (Roll a from Faithless) production of the track and her own strong song-writing skills make this very easy on the ear.

Elln Jones

worked renditions of old favourites - the cockrock version of SWeden is particularly impressive, and strong plays of Tonight We Fly and Lucy also go down well. The problem is, that the flexibility and longevity of the old material exposes the new material's weaknesses, particularly the sixth form poetry of Lost Property and sub-Radiohead whinging of Note to Self. At times, Hannon even forgets the words to the new mat erial; that, or is too embarrassed to sing them.

The evening is partly redeemed by the encore, with Neil performing solo acoustic versions of National Express and Frog Princess. Well, solo if you discount the sing-~long crowd, many of whom really only pay any attention to this part of the gig. You can't really blame them: Much of the attraction of the Divine Comedy is in their theatricality. With that gone, Hannon is looking much more like a charmless man.

quite-Brett, not-quite-Thom, not-quite-Tim' debate must be getting in the way of furthering Starsailor's reputation as a band possessed of genuine songwriting and performing class. The rest of the New Acoustic Movement trail in their wake.

Anthony Lovell

_____ evefit ~=========='"s 1

!

----------~=======

1&

ected: Film

The Mexican

Directed by: Gore Verbinski Starring: Brad Pitt, Jul ia Roberts and James Gandolfini

Together at last, cinema's ultimate leading lady, Julla Roberts, and cinema's ultimate leading man, Brad Pitt. So is The Mexican the ultimate movie? In a word, no.

Why do people follow \fends? Why don't they just come up with something original, something dear to them, something that they care about. As everyone knows, when a certain type of film makes money in Hollywood, you can bet your nagging thruppence that it will be followed by a veritable shit storm of like-minded pretenders, some bad, some good and some so pitifully weak it's your downright duty to humanely put them down for their own sake. Well in this case, I'll gladly play the blood-thirsty army sniper roaming the field, taking pot-shots at the foot and mouth ridden lamb that is The Mexican. Terminate with maximum prejudice? You bet . it's the year 2001 and it's here we join The Mexican, limping down the road , towards the stop from which the last bus marked "Blatant Tarantino Rip-offs" departed some time ago. "Did I miss the bus?" it asks you. "Only by about half a decade".

The plot is simple enough, though it tries very hard to convince us otherwise. Brad Pitt plays a clumsy small time crook forced into one last job (it's always the last job with these amateur crim types), and Julia Roberts plays his nagging neurotic girlfriend. After an argument, he goes to Mexico to recover an antique pistol- the Mexican in question - and she goes to Vegas in search of a new life. Unfortunately for our little Brad, his bungling ways soon led him into trouble, and what seemed like a routine pickup job is now

complicated by a whole host of henchmen and assorted villains. all intent on getting their filthy little hands on the cursed pistol. While Brad indulges in some comic south of the border shenanigans, our darling Jul ia is kidnapped by henchman James Gandolfini , as insurance that Brad will do what he's told, stop arsing about and bring the gun to his nasty bosses in the good old US of A. Although many people will go and see The Mexican on virtue of its star studded cast, it's actually totally ruined for the very same reason . Both Julia and Brad's off-screen personas seem intent on pulling the fabric of the film in different directions and as it builds to its finale , the plot stands threadbare-naked leaving the two competing for onscreen domination . However, by far the biggest disappointment in The Mexican is James Gandolfini, our friendly neighbourhood mobster from the much loved TV series The Sopranos.

Gandolfini is still a tough, wise-cracking killer, but here we 're invited to believe that he is actually gay. I'm sorry but no, he's not. Ok, it's refreshing not to have to sit through another gay stereotype, but come on, a little bit of acting is still required.

The Mexican might well make you chuckle, and I'm sure audiences will flock in their millions, but in concluding this review I'm reminded of my old school report, and specifically the words of my gnarled old English teacher: Seems more concerned with making people laugh when he should be concentrating on the basics.

Merek Cooper

iS

Sp Kids

Directed by : Robert Rodriguez Starring: Antonio Sanders, Robert Patrick and Alan Cumming

Small spys! Who'd have thought pocket people power could be so persuasive.

While Mr Bond relaxes with a vodka martini, the younger generation takes over.

What do you get if you cross kick-ass action director Robert 路El Mariachi' Rodriguez with a couple of non-irritating child actors with sexy Antonio Banderas as their screen daddy? Well, duh: a kick-ass, Latino-flavoured kids film with sexy Antonio Banderas. it's been labelled 路a kiddy James Bond movie," but this doesn't do Spy Kids justice. lt might have Bond-esque hi-tech gadgets and freakily knowledgeable forms of transport (underwater cars that ta lk to you, planes that know where you want to go without you telling them). but it has far more imagination and humour than the average spy action film.

Parents Gregorio and lngrid Cortez have retired from secret agenting their way round the world to raise their lovely children, Carmen and Juni. They managed to keep their spy past from the sprogs, until some of their secret agent colleagues start disappearing. They accept a mission to recover them, but when they get kidnapped themselves by an evil kids television creator, Carmen and Juni must learn the truth about their parents. As everyone seems pitted against them - even those who seemed to be friends - the siblings must

work together to rescue mummy and daddy themselves. it 's the little touches that make Spy Kids such a great film. The children themselves thankfully do not appear to have attended the precocious cutesy brat school of acting, and Juni even struggles with wart plagued hands. Alan Cumming, as the evi l creative genius of the piece (and, of course, the obligatory Brit villain), is superb, and his army of robotic children are genuinely frightening . Visually, too, it is not the conventional garish kiddy fare. Frenetic, super-speed zooms and classy off-angle camera work make Spy Kids look more like Romeo and Juliet than Stuart Little. lt is also refreshing that, while the sets might be clean and shiny, they are at least in muted greys and browns. In fact, Floop's (Cumming 's) sickeningly multi-coloured empire is an ironic nod to revolting Tweenies-style kids programmes.

So, if you're big enough to admit kids films are for grown ups too, you'll have a really good laugh .

Just leave before the last two minutes of the film , when they get In the moralistic, let's-all-stickAstrld Goldsmith together bit, ok?

I H

i7

Brid et Jones's Diar

Tailor of Panama

Directed by : Sharon Maguire Starring: Renee Zellweger, Hugh Grant and Colin Firth

Directed by: John Boorman Starring: Pierce Brosnan, Geoffrey Rush and Jamie Lee Curtis

On recent counts, the story of everyone's favourite modern woman Is set to become the highest grossing British film ever. But Is lt any good?

Pierce Brosnan puts down his license to kill and tries out life on the villainous side of the fence. Can the former 007 convince us he an absolute bastard?

If I have to explain to you who Bridget Jones is you must have been spending most of your time in Outer Mongolia. Bridget Jones is a thirty something who spends her time obsessing about cigarettes, calories, alcohol units and more important than all of the above finding the perfect man.

Bridget is every single woman's idol and yet every woman's nightmare as well. Bridget is who we do not want to end up being.

My greatest fear when approac hing Bridget Jones was the casting of Renee Zellweger, a skinny Texan. How can a perfect size six (or whatever ludicrous size she Is) moan about her lack of love life, cellullte and the size of her arse? How can women identify with someone that will ultimately just bring feelings of jealousy? However the fattening up process involved in preparing for the film worked perfectly. As she appears on the big screen in ridiculous pyjamas, singing drunkenly out of tune and making a general arse out of her self I knew that this was a woman that millions of women could relate to. lt is questionable if the film would have been such a success if there hadn't been the Bridget Jones phenomenon brought about by the books.

The film is naturally going to be a hit and ultimately has brought to life Helen Fielding's words.

This is the romantic comedy for cynics. Though many hardcore singletons may claim that they are disappointed that Bridget gets the man, they are lying . it 's films like this that gives pessimists hope - or is it just me? I really don't want to spout the cliche that there is a little bit of Bridget is every one of us but we all want to take control of our lives. Every morning women world wide try to restrain from the vices that cause them problems. Bridget Jones makes a royal arse out of herself like the rest of us and that's what makes her likeable . The film gives us rel ief from every other romantic comedy filled with beautiful people. Not an airbrushed bottom in sight in this movie just Bridget in a humungous pair of pants.

Thank god film makers have admitted that everyone really does have cellulite!

Any film that elects to cast Pierce Brosnan as a debonair, English spy is begging for comparison to a certain well-known franchise dreamed up by Sir lan Flemlng. lt would seem churlish not to oblige. The Tailor of Panama is like a Bond film where Bond happens to be an absolute bastard who has abused his influence, got caught sleeping with a superior's mist ress and been punished with an assignment to a South American country of little consequence, other than its famous canal. Brosnan's character in Tailor, Andy Osnard, is like the person you always suspected Cannery's Bond might be when he wasn't playing nice for the cameras.

On arriving in Panama, it is clear that Osnard has no intention of quietly serving out his punishment, and he soon locates the man most likely to furnish him with enough political information to buy his way back home. That man is Henry Pesnel (Geoffrey Rush), a cockney ex-con who has reinvented himself as Panama's tailor to the rich and famous. Pesnel has kept his past a secret, even from his wife (Jamie Lee-Curtis) , and Osnard agrees to keep things that way in return for a few choice facts about the tailor's clientele.

What starts out as simple friendly blackmail becomes more complicated when it transpires that Pesnel's talent for telling stories doesn 't end with his own personal history.

Based on the novel by John Le Carre and directed

by John Boorman of Deliverance and Point Blank fame, the film plays out as a particularly witty thriller that also finds time for a couple of satirical swipes at the current state of international espionage . All three of the leads are excellent with Rush in particular shining as a nice guy who just wants to make good suits. This is the kind of film that doesn't often get made anymore. lt isn't flashy , it isn 't loud and it isn't unpleasant.

Explosions and blood have been replaced with great dialogue and a clever plot. Perhaps Henry Pesnel sums things up best with a line quite early on in the movie. "it 's Casablanca without heroes."

Lo/s Metca/fe

Jlm Whalley

t fl I

Wednesday, May 2, 2001

..,

16

n

Inspected: Video ~8

Directed by: Curtis Hanson Starri ng : Michael Douglas, Fra nces Mc Dormand, Robert Dow ney Jr and Tobey M ag ui re

Yet again The Event video page must chastise you naughty people for not going to see a great film. When will you learn? Lucky for you it's coming out on video.

How t o explain t he failure of Wonder Boys at the box office? The retardedness of the average cinemagoer might have something to do with it. Add to this the rather odd decision by t he film's publicists to feature a picture of Michael Douglas atti red in a pink dressing gown looking like an ageing old queen and you have a pretty good explanation as to why punters stayed away in droves. Which is a shame as Wonder Boys was arguably one of the best films of last year. lt might also go some way to explain why it was completely overlooked at this year's Oscars.

While the likes of Chocolat and Gladiator (the former supremely bad and the latter supremely overrated) garnered nominations by the bucket load, poor old Michael Douglas licked his wounds and watched from the sidelines as Catherine got al l the attention.

Douglas plays Grady Tripp, a college professor and award-winning novelist, whose follow-up novel is seven years overdue and getting longer by the day, because of the worry that it won't match up to its successor . Harassed by his ed itor (Robert Downey Jr) and with a pregnant mistress (Frances McDormand) on his hands, Tripp now finds himself hav ing to deal with the antics of one of his st udent s (Tobey Maguire), a compulsive liar, kleptomaniac dog-killer who just happens to be a genius.

What could have been a sl ight premise for a plot works wonders under director Curt is Hanson who weaves the mult iple threads of the story together

~g______

~6

Directed by : Christopher Nolan Starring: Guy Pearce, Carrie Anne Moss and Joe Pantoliano

Directed by: Harold Ramis Starring: Li z Hurley, Brendan Fraser and Frances O'Connor

A film seemingly designed to induce headaches (never go and see it with a hangover). Hard work but rewarding.

Remake of 60s classic that fails to hit the mark - even with Liz Hurley's breasts doing the Devil 's work.

Watching Memento is undoubtedly confusing and hard going, but thanks to inspired direction and three virtually flawless central performances. it wi ll almost certainly be one of the most riveting two hours of your film-viewing life.

And, for that reason alone, it is surely worth a couple of hours of your concentration.

The strength of the film as a thriller lies in the fact that we, the audience, are played with in a similar way to Pearce's character. Just as he can't remember events moments after they have happened, we cannot make proper sense of these events unti l we see their causes. Our predictions and expectations are continua ll y confounded, whi lst Pearce and the supporting roles played by Carrie-Anne Moss and Joe Pantoli ano remain genuine intrigues until their motivations are gradually revealed.

Memento is essentially a modern film noir in wh ich Guy Pearce searches for the man who murdered his wife. As a result of that incident, however, Pearce suffers from a cond ition which prevents him from forming new memories.

Events are forgotten moments after they happen and characters have to reintroduce themse lves every time Pearce meets them . Only by keeping copious notes and re lying on a bizarre selection of tattoos can he remember the vita l clues and suspects in his investigation.

As with many of the recent more superior th rillers, Memento is endowed with twists in both story and storytelling . The most obvious of these is that the film is presented in reverse chronological order, starting with the final scene and moving back towards the beginning. lt 's an interesting ploy by writer/director Christopher Nolan to keep an audience's attention. This is most certainly not a film for those who prefer to switcll their brains off for the duration.

By the time you reach the beginning, you may conclude Memento is either a masterly story about interpretation and reality , or just an overly pretentious thriller which is too clever for its own good. But if you were intrigued enough by the end of this review to work your way through to the beginning, you'll see exactly why Memento's gamble of structure is so effective Phi/ Colvin and compe lling .

I loved Bedazzled. That is to say, I loved the 1967 Bedazzled, with Peter Cook and Dudley Moore. A triumphant revival of the classic Faust story, Cook was a classy, laconic devil, and Moo re, the bumbl ing, love-struck Stanley, working at Wimpy and infatuated with Margaret.

Imagine my delight on discovering that Bedazzled was being combined with something else I love : Elizabeth Hurley. I was resigned to finding Brendan Fraser annoying and geeky, but surely that would be worth it to see Liz get a major staring role as the Devi l, worth it for Liz's voice, her lips, her breasts ...

Um, sorry, where was I? Video review? Ok, yes, so fo r a comedy the film isn't actual ly that funny. lt lacks the sardonic humour of t he Cook-Moore production, the bathos rep laced with Hol lywood g litz. Satan promises a hopeless case his heart's desire and then rats on the deal: Cook's Satan went by the name George Spiggott and ran a dodgy Soho bar; Liz is known baldly as Satan and runs a large, trendy nightc lub .

Ramis' fallen angel just isn't as petty as Cook's, and is more playfu l than spiteful . The scale is wrong: God is in t he litt le t hings, and so is the Dev il.

Bedazzled also scales up Liz Hurley, albeit fantastically . She has dozens of great outfits, looks devil ishly good, and sounds satanical ly sexy as she delivers her li nes of tempt ation (swoon). The scene of her in hell- gigantic, strident, dressed in tight -red PVC - outdoes anything Peter Cook could have achieved , even at his suavest best. She is Beelzebub - all looks and no soul .

Liz's looks are not enough, sadly , to rescue the comedy of the film, or to elicit any kind of sympathy for the pathetic Brendan Fraser , who should stick to battling Mummies. it's purely eye candy, and the sort that is let down by being forced into miniature on a normal tv. You might gasp at Liz's pins blown up to t wice their normal size, but reduced to cathoderay matchsticks , they don 't impress.

Stick to the 60s vers ion for more laughs, and, if you 're in need of a Hurley substitute, Raquel Welch, providing Lust.

Wednesday, May 2, 2001

in much t he same way as he did in LA Confidential. This is a gent ler form of direction though ( unsurpr ising co nsidering the number of joints smoked in the film) interlacing the main story with a deft comic touch. However, all of this wou ld not have been half as successful had it not been for the triumvirate of Douglas, Maguire and Downey Jr Douglas leaves his cock sure bastard repertoire behind, display ing a level of humanity he has hitherto failed to touch on.

Maguire also shines, but in his trademark way of appearing to do very little . it's as if he swallowed the bumper book of understatement at an early age and now no longer appears as if he needs to act. Which only leaves Downey Jr to complete the picture, as the perfect comic foil to Douglas .

His performance again displays how confident he really is when on screen. And knowing what we do about his private life it makes it all the more satisfying that it doesn't seem to have altered his talent. Maybe all of Hollywood should be banged up for a bit...

That is not to say that Wonder Boys is a perfect fil m. The inclusion of a ridiculously sentimental final scene leaves the fil m on a slightly odd note .

Maybe Hanson contracted some mystery ill ness causing Paramount to draft in Chris Columbus at the last minute. it's as if the previous two hours hadn't even happened . That sa id, you'd have to be a complete philist ine not to enjoy Wonder Boys. Which doesn't fill me with much confidence.

Adam Chapman

James Goffin

Directed by : Neil LaBute Starring : Re nee Z ellweger, M organ Freeman and Chris Rock

After his brutal, liberal-baiting, shock films, director Neil LaBute changes down a gear for a sweet little romantic comedy. Oh, hang on ... that 's wrong.

The romantic comedy has been stagnating fo r a number of years. Its basic premise - boy and girl dither about whether to get together and trigger hilarious events- hasn't rea lly altered since Shakespeare ' s day. Thankfu lly, Nurse Betty has arrived to c hange all t hat . With the introduct ion of just two new elements ( delusional psychosis and ultra-violence), director Neil LaBute (In the Company of Men) has revitalised the genre.

Suddenly the lack of visceral gore in When Harry Met Sally seems like a major oversight.

Nurse Betty tells the story of a small town girl, Betty (Zellweger) who, through no fault of her own, witnesses her moronic, adulterous husband getting scalped and ki lled over a drug deal gone wrong. Understandably, the experience leaves Betty in a kind of post traumatic shock. What is more unusual is that she starts to bel ieve that she was once engaged to the main character in her favourite medical soap-opera, Dr David Ravel! ( Kinnear).

Without pausing to think about the consequences, she sets out to drive across America and re unite herself with her long lost love . Unfortunately, the ca r she takes co nta ins

her husband's drugs, and it isn't long before his killers (Freeman and Rock) are in pursuit.

What really makes the film something special is that it gradually transpires that Freeman is playing t he romant ic lead. His character has grown t ired of the hitman profession. Betty is his last job and as he and Rock travel to find her, she becomes idealised in his mind. The climact ic scene when the two finally meet and he pours his heart out to her (" I like long wa lks, conversation and listening to symphonies") must be among the most touching ever filmed. This movie is about two confused people trying to escape from their lives.

So, just to recap- Nurse Betty is a highly romantic film that features scenes of graphic brutality (no kidding , the scalping will take your breath away), ex pertly del ivered comedy and soap-opera. it 's a blend that won't appeal to everyone. But if you wanted Mr White and Mr Orange to drive away into the sunset togethe r at the end of Reservoir Dogs or fe lt that Sleepless in Seattle could have used a little gun-play, it's a nigh-on perfect masterpiece.

Jim Whal/ey

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ted: Arts

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Book reviews: So the Wind Won't Blow it all Away

Posthumous novels always tell you the ending first. So, here it is: Richard Brautigan shot himself with a .44 calibre magnum two years after writing his last novel, So The Wind Won't Blow All Away. He was 49 years old, and an alcoholic j Well, that's the end of the author's story at least, but as with all posthumous novels, it's difficult to sperate the two . Brautigan's elegant, elegaic tale of a young boy growing up in post-depression Oregon is at every juncture shaded with the sickly anticipation of a real-life tragic ending which has yet to happen. The adult narrator's nostalgic account of a childhood shattered when he accidentally shoots dead his best friend is at once achingly sad , charming, and bitterly funny- yet it's difficult not to feel the tragedy of the author's own life deadening every flash of humour.

Which is a shame, because the tender love of life latent in the tone of Brautigan's prose is a joy to

return to. Echoes of Holden Caulfield's wry observations resonate in the bittersweet voice of the novel's young protagonist, and as in nearly all Brautigan's poetry and prose, one of the most charming aspects is the naive, almost childlike worldview -one in which the individual can rearrange , rationalise , beautify or simply ignore elements of narrative that are traumatic or uncomfortable . it 's memory as self-recreation.

In this sense So The Wind is a distinctively American text . His prose plays out like an extended drama of bruised memory; we see the narrator painstakingly try ing to sublimate the pain of his past by going off on tangents, weighing up 'what if' scenarios and obsessively trying to recreate a childhood blown apart by the tragedy of one split second . His drive to reinvention is, however, a fruitless one, finally collapsing back into defeated condemnations of the American Dream: "Now our dreams are just any street in America lined with franchise restaurants."

But Brautigan refused to condemn the dreamers, and to see his work as fatalistic is to misread it .

Rebel lnc's reclamation of Brautigan's ' lost' work has been something of a scarred renaissance - a welcome one, certainly, but one tainted with the retrospective sense of these works being 'discovered relics '; novels which can't live for being steeped in death .

They aren 't . Brautigan's continued attempt to get America down on paper may have been as fruitless as trying to catch the "American dust " to which the novel 's title refers. But he caught more life than most.

Steve Col/Ins

This Little

Libidan

Ziggy

By P J Goddard Vintage, ÂŁ6.99

By Richard Brautlgan

Rebel Inc. ÂŁ6.99

By Martin Newell

After seven books of verse, regular poet for The Independent and ex -popster Martin Newell turns his wit to a new genre.

The result? A weird and messed up account of his own life, well not his own life, no one wants to hear about what ageing men do in the mornings.

No, this is Martin's rock and roll life, a life spent with mascara, Cuban heel boots and blues.

Martin whips the reader around his own version of the psychedelic 70s in the down to earth, laidback tone that's made him popular with The Independent's readers.

We begin with Martin 's uneasy school life. As the son of a soldier he was always changing schools and found it very hard to fit in. He was an outsider, obsessed by pop music and the colour of the 60s; he got by on his silly wit and ability to forge dinner tickets.

This is perhaps not the highlight of the book, but it sets the reader up well for what's to follow sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll, oh, and a bit of masturbation as well.

We follow Martin through his stoned days as a hippie and his nights as a pilled-up, glammed-up wannabe rocker finally being set down to watch him as the flamboyant frontman of glam rock bands.

Funny moments include the autumn 1972 acid taking competition, but these inevitably lead to darker times for our hero to struggle through.

Essentially this is not an autobiography and Martin doesn't bother us with all the selfindulgent twaddle that accompanies many books in this genre.

This is a funny book, it's easy going and I would seriously recomend it if you have ever taken an interest in pop music . lt doesn't matter that Martin went on to achieve a bit of success, first as a pop musician, and then as a poet: this is a tale of someone dying to get there and messing himself up along the way and therefore it's quite easy to relate to. Like so many of us, Martin will always be a rockstar.

Martin is coming to UEA on Wednesday May 2 to ready poetry at the Chill 'Em Out Jazz Cafe and will be signing copies of This Little Ziggy at Waterstones before the performance.

P J Goddard 's debut novel Libidan reaches its first major climax as early as page 63. Bill , a pharmaceutical researcher, experiments with a new hormone fragment, when his assistant Angela suddenly becomes awesomely horny. Normally a rather cool person , she develops a voracious sexual appetite, and there is only one way to satisfy it.

Bill does not say no, for Angel a is one of those specimen of female perfection you just cannot resist . The two have a pretty good time with each other, returning to work only 4'1.2 hours later.

At first Bill quite likes the idea that he should have the sex appeal to attract women like Angel a, but he soon real izes that this is rather unlikely . Having ruled out everything else which could account for Angela's unexpected behaviour, he finally recalls his experiment something must have gone wrong with the hormone fragment . What he has discovered, rather by accident, is a new, nasal-administred sex drug for women, working like viagra and speeding up female libido.

The more unpleasant aspect of the whole thing : Bill's encounter with Angela has been taped by surveillance cameras, and as a result he has to look for a new job. But he manages to smuggle the compound out of his labaratory and resolves to commercialise it himself. From then on, the novel moves on the safe ground of crime fiction, with action and characters becoming quite formulaic at times. Bill performs the typical progression from underdog to hero, his sex-drug venture booms, his former company scrambles to get him back, and so on.

Libidan is full of hilariously wicked black comedy, but there is also a more serious underlying message about where the artificial management of the human physiology is going to take us. Bill, at the forefront of that development, turns into one of its strongest critics and eventually destroys his creation. This final act pushes it a bit hard on symbolism, as if wanting to add a deeper meaning to all the talk about sex and drugs. Perhaps the novel could have done with less moral finger-pointing, but even so it is an enjoyable and entertaining book .

Luke Wrlght

Jan Rupp

House of Stratus ÂŁ7 .99

<

I saw it with my own eyes. The LCR ; a glamorous bar, full of beautiful people and with somewhere other to sit than a sticky carpet . No, this dramatic transformation was not seen through alcohol tinted specs nor was it the result of an elaborately staged photograph for next year's prospec tus. lt was in fact Cabaret , the latest production from the UEA drama society, which ensured that our Thursday night hangout was decked out with round tables, drinks menus and programmes bound with gold string.

The play, set around the night-clubs of 1920s Berlin , shows how the emerging Nazi movement was greeted by a nation, confused, uprooted and humiliated by recent defeat . lt follows a group of people, separated in nationality , religion and social status, struggling to stick together in a country itself falling apart . Strong performances ensured that the different viewpoints came through and tension was ever present in a production which was able to combine humour and heartache very easily .

The flamboyant entrance of Cabaret's star, Mark Jackson , prepared the audience for a night of

fishnets, smoky eyes and pouts. As Emcee, he stole the show and actually looked pretty damn good in a pair of tights. His performance, consistently entertaining from his rendition of the first song 'Welcome to Cabaret' to his slap stick scenes in the second half, confirmed him as an actor who we should definitely keep our eyes on .

With the exception of a few 'Jurgen the German' impersonations, the accents were very convincing . Christian Lloyd was particularly good as eccentric Herr Shotz, his kinky fruit and veg fetish providing some great comic moments.

Tamar Carr-Martindale must also be mentioned for her portrayal of seductress Sally Bowles: Her voice was amazing, she was brash, charming, a great dancer and the chemistry between Sally and Clifford (Brian Slake) contrasted well with the innocent courtship of Herr Shotz and Fraule1n Schneider ( Katharine Chambers) .

This really was a flawless production for wh ich director William Benthall , producer Harry Scrymgeour, a talented cast and production team deserve every ounce of praise .

Llz Hutchlnson

The Reduced Shakespeare Company Theatre review: Theatre .

Dance review: The Northern Ballet Theatre pirouetted into t own last week with their latest piece, Romeo and Juliet. Running at the Theatre Royal from April 24 - 28, the cast portrayed Shakespeare's teenage star-crossed lovers as they struggle to overcome their families ' ongoing feud and their secret marriage. Set to Prokofiev's famous score with choreography by Massimo Moricone and set design by Lez Brotherston, this awardwinning production "introduced a whole new audience to classical ballet through its vivid storytelling and realistic, fast-moving action."

The 13 year-old Juliet, played exquisitely by the 30-something Chiaki Nagao, brought a certain grace to the performance, contrasting with the intense MontaguejCapulet fast pace hatred of the male performers.

The most impressive thing about the performance, though , was the masked ball wh ich , performed to the most dramatic sect ion of Prokofiev's score, saw the cast all wear the same stunning black , red and gold clothing whilst all doing the same ballet motif.

Romeo and Juliet Theatre I At t imes the ballet did lack consistency , having to cut out large sections of the play and choosing , instead, to add slightly random scenes which saw Mercutio (played by a permed Jeremy Kerridge) lead a chicken parade in the square and the Capulet girls showing their feline side by meowing and clawing to no one in particular.

None of this made any real sense and only suc ceeded in confusing the older members of the audience.

Yet it was good that the performance did not restrict itself to the serious genre that it is so often renowned for, with humour provided by the fake-breasted Fiona Wall is in the form of Juliet 's nurse, most noticeably when being taunted sexually in the square. And Kerridge was well cast as the Romeo's rogue best friend .

The performance did, however, lack the sexual awakening that the play is associated with and the "Hot blooded passion " that the press release claimed it had. But overall the audience left with the feeling that they had witnessed a true love story .

Charlotte Ronalds

Wednesday, May 2, 2001

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event

Inspected: Interactive

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i8

Fear Effect 2: Retro Helix (Plays aHon.}

Essential Game 01:

Ha1led as the last ever big adventure game on the PS1. th1s prequel to the original Fear Effect 2 is undoubtedly a great way to send off the most popular console smce the SNES in style.

Set 1n Hong Kong. circa 2048. when a temble disease called EINDS is an epidemic, you take on the form of four mercenanes h1red to bust out some DNA from a secret lab to find a cure for the disease. You start off with Hana Tsu-Vachel. an assassin. and her technological genius of a friend.

Rain Qin. The viewpoints are continuously changing between these characters and this really makes the difference in terms of keeping the game fresh , and very addictive. lt ·s worth noting that the plot thickens almost from the off. sucking you 1nto a fascinating and intriguing movie-like story with kidnappings and the distinct. creepy feeling that things are not what they seem. Hana looks like a cross between Lara Croft and the dancing girl you may have seen in the recent Playtex ads at the cinema. You can really tell the boys at El DOS got carried away designing her. not just because they paid fantastic attention to the details in every scene. but also because they sinful ly indu lge in constructing a flirtatious and illicit

affair between the busty blonde and brunette.

There are a lot of scene cuts to demonstrate th1s, and as a result there are a whopping four discs which contain some very sick fantas1es as well as a lot of movie time. If you can put up w1th the permeatmg lust-fest (and lets face 1t , a lesb1an re lationship IS hardly g01ng to put someone off playmg a game) then it is very easy to get into. even for beginners. Within the half-hour you'll be shooting with your pick of the half-dozen weapons. ranging from the Doom style last-resort pistol , to the rather effective assault nfle. There are a number of initially taxing maths puzzles to open doors and work machmes that have something of the Krypton Factor about them. but after domg a few you soon get the hang of them. lt is easy to die. but th1s only adds to keeping you on your toes. even if you do become a little trigger-happy as a result. You can duck, roll and crouch and swivel 180°, but 1f you want to pick out a weapon fast, you're in trouble, and this is probably the biggest fault in terms of game play. Having said that though. if you've never played a 3-D platform game before this is an excellent place to start.

Metln Alsanjak

Incoming Playstation

PCCD

Alone In The Dark 4: After lying dormant for a

Dracula 2 : Sequel to the fairly-good-but-nothing-

few years now, the AlTO series has returned with a new edition creepy and disturbing enough to knock that supremo of gory games. Resident Evil, off its darkened throne. Subtitled, The New Nightmare, AITD4 is the perfect game for those who feel that so-called scary games just haven't been doing their job recently.

(18/ 05/01)

special Dracula (duh) released last year.

Simultaneously released on the Playstation.

Dracula 2 continues the adventure-puzzle format set out in the original as well as the story line, which follows the caped beastie back home to Transylvania. If you like moody, style over substance games then you might JUSt like this one.

(18/05/01)

Dreamcast

N64

Daytona USA 2001. : Ooh look. a racing game!

Aldyn Chronicles: With only a re lat ively small number of RPGs on the N64 , compared to other platforms, fans of the genre will be pleased to know that Aidyn, the console's latest addition to the field, looks set to be actually rather good.

However, with its distinctly medieval fantasy feel and young-rebel-makes-good spin, the phrase • Zelda wannabe .. springs to mind. Lets hope th1s isn't the case.

(22/06/01)

Don't see many of those around! Oh wait...

Apparently th1s game is original. in that it allows you to race any track forwards, backwards. mirrored and- yes. there·s more - backwards mirrored. Hasn't tempted you yet? Well, you can also race against up to 40 cars at once. Which sounds a lot more fun than, erm. racing against 30. Probably.

(11/05/01)

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Essential Game 02:

The first thi ng that leaps out at a newcomer to Skies of Arcadia is the game's unusual. yet exceptional graphic style. The artists have largely eschewed realistic visuals in favour of a brightly coloured. cheerful anime style; the cha racter models. environments and texture maps, while supenor. are somewhat reminiscent of Power Stone's. Of course. this is a Role Play Game on an epic scale. and rather than confined arenas. you'll be traversing grand expanses of sky, land. and dungeon.

Skies of Arcadia IS set in a world comprised of rock islands, rangmg in scale from insignificant to contment-sized , floating in vast open areas of sky. Travel between islands is accomplished using Final Fantasy style airships, making such vessels cruc1al to adventurers and traders, and to the Air Pirates who would prey on them. Enter the Blue Rogues. a more noble subset of A1r P1rates that funct1on as a sort of flying Robin Hood's Merry Men. and the group to which the game·s hero. Vyse. belongs.

Essential Web: Seanbaby.com You better have finished all your essays and revised competently for your exams before you visit this site because I guarantee that once you start sifting through the maze of articles. rants. and random facts several days will pass before you realise what's happened.

Seanbaby.com is the brainchild of internet crusader, Seanbaby (like, of course). a guy who obviously has far too much time on his hands. At first glance the site seems a complete mess of haphazard items that don't really relate to each other in any way. But once you delve further into the site one theme seems to tie all these things together: enlightenment. Okay. we're not talking intel lectual or spiritual awakening through the means of balanced, careful ly const ructed discussion; seanbaby.com is a quick-fire, ass-kicking, idiot-bashing onslaught, dedicated to making sure we're not really as stupid as we seem.

There are several suO-sites incorporated mto the

Skies Of Arcadia ( Dreamcast} Sai ling and piratical t hemes permeate the game from beginning to end, and its character designs and text reflect this very well. For instance. you can walk up to almost any interesting-looking object in the game and examine it; point Vyse at a barrel and he' ll tell you what's in it. and maybe even complain about how heavy it was when he had to carry it before. Such attention to detail contributes considerably to one·s sense of involvement and suspension of disbelief and Skies of Arcadia's world IS one any RPG fan should enJOY being sucked mto.

Its creator R1eko Kodama, of Phantasy Star fame, has done it again with this, the first true must-have Dreamcast RPG. Stumbling only slightly in its relatively pedestrian combat mechanics.

Skies of Arcadia otherw1se f1res on all cylinders.

With highly regarded new sequels to Lunar.

Grandia. and Fmal Fantasy also beckonmg from store shelves. now is a good time to be an RPG fan. but be sure you don't miss this under-marketed gem.

~CO~Uk

your careers and jobs website

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Wednesday, May 2, 2001

main mother. including The Probe. which analyses such dubious issues in the current mind. The Stupid Page, which is kind of self-explanatory, Super Friends, dedicated to comic heroes and villains of yesteryear, and several hundred megabytes worth of other amusing stuff and things. There are several forums in which you can tell seanbaby what a bad-ass guy he is. or whatever. and you wouldn't be alone if you did.

Several mediocre celebrities, including Lupus from The Bloodhound Gang and US pin-up, Torrie Wilson, have declared their affection and admiration for the loveable slacker. although the amount of hate-mail far outweighs any positive ciriticism. But hey. that's what you get when you spend your life pissing people off. I should warn you, however, that if you do decide to take a gander at seanbaby.com be prepared to look like a complete fool in the IT centre wetting yourself with laughter.

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eveiit Essential TV 01: Although Dog Eat Dog is in its second week you perhaps haven 't seen it yet. Maybe you are too scared : the way it was billed suggested horror far worse than the Japanese have ever even dreamed of. In the slots between less terrifying BBC programmes (such as Crimewatch) , the contestants told us exactly how ruthless they were going to be, and they meant ruthless. Dog Eat Dog is the latest in a long line of programmes originating from the Japanese school of television (Endurance being a prime example). with The Weakest Link so far being the most successful here in Britain . The idea behind them is that it is much more fun to watch people being nasty to each other than nice and if you can get some snakes into the equation as well then all the better. The only problem is that Dog Eat Dog isn't quite living up to its publicity . The beautiful blond Ulrika Johnson wouldn't know sadism if it punched her in the face . Her Anne Robinson impression is weak to say the least and the contestants don't fare much better.

For those of you who scare easily and really couldn't bring yourself to watch, the concept is that the six contestants taking part in the show are first sent on a 24 hour assault course which is supposed to torture or test them physically and mentally . When the contestants return to the studio they are expected to forget their friends, remember exactly which tasks each one performed worst at and use their ins1der

Ins ected: TV Radio Dog Eat Dog 6.

BBC1 Saturda presents the group with the tasks and each member votes for who they would like to perform them based on the person they th ink is most likely to fail.

The complexities of this game show are endless, another reason why it should fail. If the contestant, against all odds does manage to complete the task then they get to vote off whoever they hate the most, usually the person that voted for them . In the end one contestant is left but the 拢10,000 prize money is st1ll JUSt out of reach . They have to choose one person out of the five losers to answer a question , if they get it wrong then the winner wins but if they get it right then the losers share the prize money between them. This is cruelty beyond belief.

The main problem with the show is that the contestants are just not nasty enough. Yes they do pick the person who is mostly likely to fail but they do it too apologetically . They smile at each other, they applaud and congratulate each other and at one stage they even perform a group hug.

These are not the actions of ruthless people, sadistic to the very core. This type of television should really be left to the Japanese or Channel 5. Far from producing a new pedigree, the BBC has created a mongrel cross of Gladiator and Countdown. Hopefully someone will take pity and put it down soon .

Kathryn Hlnchllff

4Music Essential TV 02: Late night music returns to Channel 4 this week , in a new Thursday night slot, which apparently reflects its "fresh new attitude ". Thursdays are obviously the very epitome of cool. The first show in the eight-week series is an Eminem special featuring the rapper live in concert . 4music promise that the viewers will be treated to the whole experience in "ail its uncompromising, controversial glory", ie. he might wear a mask and grab his groin a few times. In order to gauge exactly how offensive Eminem is 4music then has exclusive interviews with the people who really matter such as Craig David, Victoria Beckham and the All Saints who all give their invaluable views. Hopefully they won 't make the same mistake as Christina Aguilera when asked her opinion on MTV, "He's really cute though but I think he's with Kim, hee, hee." The evening will

19

3 12am also include a documentary on the star and an interview , which actually shows what a pussycat he is in real life, feral rather than domesticated, obviously . New mnovations in the show include a fifteen-minute programme called Flava Bites which is dedicated to black music. This week it features Missy Eliiot and her video diary recorded the last t ime she was in the UK. Cool Cuts, an animated dance show, returns with the latest dance videos and 4Piay hopes to help launch new talent . Documentaries are also an important part of the schedule with Punte del Este in South America, apparently the new Ibiza, being examined. Plus, the world's top DJs will be profiled, as will Lenny Kravitz's greatest hits, and if that's not enough to keep you away from the LCR on a Thursday night then I really 'don't know what is.

Kathryn Hlnchllff

Essential Radio: If you 've been trapped under your bed with a pillow over your head since term started you might not have noticed that UEA 's student radio station, Livewire, has recently been transformed from a limp whisper into a sonic boom, broadcasting across campus from 10am-12am every day (apart from Thursday night, when it goes off air at 10pm). And the best thing about this is that we finally have a radio station that caters for people whose music tastes don't conform to that of the yoof massive (ahem Radio 1) , whilst stili leaving enough air time for those that do. if you are interested in drum'n'bass then you might want to have a listen to Da D'n 'B Show (Mondays, 8-10pm). which showcases transatlantic drum'n 'bass and hip hop, with guest DJs

Livewire 1350am from Norwich; or the Shadow Cabinet (Thursdays, 6-Spm). which centres around music ranging from break beat to drum'n 'bass.

If lo-fi is more your style then Poist (Wednesdays, 2-4pm) will be right up your street, and if Monday lectures are being a bit too much to handle then The Two Amigos are on hand between 2pm and 4pm to liven up you r afternoon. On Sunday lunchtimes (12-2pm) the UEA News Magazine Show offers reviews, news, topical discussion , and other stuff to entertain as you veg out after that intensive "revision session " the night before. Informative and entertain ing , what else could you ask for? Don 't answer that.

......

Mark/and Starkle

Essential Soaps: Revelation rocks the nations two favourite soaps this week with the climax of plots featuring Toyah and Little Mo. Coronation Street has been doing its bit to compete in the viewing stakes recently, and this week sees a conclusion to the Who Raped Toyah saga when she finally confronts her attacker. Apparently Britain has been 路gripped ' by this storyline, but if Corrie really want

to battle it out with Eastenders, I suggest next time they do it in a ring. Where Enders managed to bring a sense of fun to Who Shot Phi\ , Corrie has favoured the grotesque. Can 't see us ail taking a sweepstake over a pint on that story. Over in Albert Square, Little Mo has caught her man at it and is not happy , and after last week 's cruel awakening by Billy she's out for revenge . I'm not giving too much away, but the words 'right ' and 'hook " come to mind. Elsewhere in Walford , homeless lovebirds Natalie and Barry have yet another hurdle to jump on the athletiCS track to domestic bliss in the form of a pregnancy scare. When Barry finds the testing kit Natalie has to try and stop him from tell ing the world . Can't say I blame her; anyone possibly carrying the mutant offspring of Dangermouse's Baron Greenback would be advised to keep it to herself. In the Vie , Charlie Slater's brother turns up in the form of M ichael ' Boon' Elphick and makes a play for Peggy . She just can 't keep away from those Cockney gangster rogues. Ramsey Street has 1ts share of 'shock ' stories this fortnight as Joel and Flick are finally caught at 1t by her dad, Joe , and poor old Harold takes Madge home to die. I'm work ing on instigating a minute's silence in the Hive next week so keep your eyes peeled . And finally to Chester, home of Hollyoaks, where none of the characters are northern and the g1ris are Indist inguishable. Tony emerges from a 24-hour st int down a manhole in wacky silver spacesu it . lt appears he has been using his house as a test centre for a new water recycling scheme, and yes, poor Alex and Anna have been showering in their own effluence . Maybe it will bring them to their senses.

Gemma O'Oonne/1

Wednesday, May 2, 200:1!

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Eventhorizon: Film

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Your essential guide to what's on in Norwich over the coming fortnight

•

Film

Essential Film: Bridget Jones's Diary

Campus Film ~"""'%

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Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon Thursday May 3, 8 .30pm Award win ning film brought to us by Ang Lee ; t his rich romant ic epi c is a joy to behold. Top acting and mesmerising fig ht ing scenes are enhanced with seamless special effects, wh ich will have fa ns of t he Matrix dropping their jaws on t he floor. Deserved ly winning fou r Oscars, this fil m re-w rites and rei nvents the Hong Kong costume drama and epic genres. The f1lm is about legend ary sword sman Li Mu Bai (Yun-Fat ) and his protege Yu Shu Lien ( Mic he lle Yeoh) and a young aristocrat who leads a double life as a thief and steals Li Mu Bai's priceless sword.

T11ey chase and figh t and a tang led web of loyalty, betrayal, love and hate is set in mot ion. Introducing the beautiful worl d of the Orient, t h1s film wi ll make you gasp, laugh and , by th e end, cry with its touching ending. The story is an unpredictable and beautifully crafted one and wel l worth watching.

Quills Friday May 4, 8.30pm Geoffrey Rusl1 ( Sllme) excels as the enigmatic Marquis de Sade in this loose interpretat ion of l1i s life. it 's seventeenth century France. a time of conflict between artistic expression and Catholic repression. wh ich is always an mteresting combinat ion. The Marqui s is incarcerated in Charenton Asylum diagnosed as Libertine Dementia. for his libera l views on sexualit y. Inside he writes his plays, has an affair with laundry maid Kate Winslet . meet s the likeminded Abbe Coulm1er (Joaquin Phoenix ) and vic ious Dr Royer-Collard (Michael Came). The film pokes fun at the sexual taboos of the era and comically slides from the ridiculous to t he sublime . Oh. and you will see the odd quil l or two as we ll.

Remember the Titans Thursday May 10, 8.30pm Based on a true story, the film is set in Alexandria, Virginia in 1971 when a new ly integrated sch ool, in an act of positive discrimination. hires a black coach (the ta lent ed and sexy Denzel Washington ) over the incumbent Will Patton. Washington 's primary task is to get the players in t he team to get along and footbal l is used as a tool of racial integrat ion and understanding.

At times the film can get a little sc hmaltzy but Washington and Pat ton are excel lent and make th is film an above average sports movie, both PC and entertain ing.

Dude, Where' s My Car Friday May 11, 8.30pm Pract ice your goofy teenage laugh, don a Hawaiian shirt and get ready for anot her Ameri ca n cheesy fli c k . This

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ve ry low brow c haotic comedy foll ows t he adventures of two dope-heads. which wake from a party minus the ir car- which is a t otal bummer. In the ca r were some g ift s whic h they wa nted to gi ve t o their girlfri ends in exc hange for sex (fem inists, don't go t o t hi s one l) - even bigger bummer. So basically our hapless heroes go rou nd tow n saying re peatedly "Du de , where's my car?" a la Bill and Ted and mi xed up wi t h al l sorts of hi larious characters and situation. If you like your comedy on the crude , fick le and blata ntl y sex ist side t hen this wil l be your bag, dude. You have to watch it to see if t hey ever do find their car! If you ca re.

City Film Bread and Roses Showing at: Cinema Ci t y on Fri 11t h, Tue 15th at 3 .45pm an d Sat 1 2th at 8.15 .

Bridget Jones' Diary See Essential Film Showing at : UC I Ster Century Cinema City Fri 4th, Sat 5th, Mon 7th at 5. 45.Tue 8th at 2.30 and 8.15. Wed 9th, Thur 10t h at 8.15 Captain Corelli 's Mandolin Adapted from Louis de Bernieres bestselli ng book t hi s fil m is guaranteed to be a good one . Set on a gorgeous Greek island in a t ime of war we follow Captain Corelli ( Nicholas Cage) and his Love (Penelope Cruz). Romantic anddramatic action from t he makers of

Shakespeare m Love.

Showing at: UCI Ster Century Chicken Run Those loveable cllaracters from Nick Park are stil l on our screens (despite the fac t t ha t it has been ava il able on video for a few weeks now!) . Still popular then.

Showing at : UCI Chocol at A film to make you salivate and not only at Johnny Depp. A woman and her c hild arri ve at a small French vil lage and against the traditional ways of the people, introduce temptation in the form of a chocolate shop. How wil l people reac t ?

Showing at: UCI Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon Osc ar award wi nn ing film set in t ile Orient. Bril liant fight scenes and a gripping storyline. After the first five minutes you don't even notice the subtit les!

Showing at: UCI Ster Century Cinema City on Wed 2nd and Thur 3rd at 2.30, 5.4 5 and 8.1 5pm.

Dungeons and Dragons Everyone loved the cart oon when they were five and now it 's out on fil m and we have an exc use t o see it again because it's a more grown up version.

Yippee.

Showing at: UCI Emperors New Groove You can' t bea t Disney for it ·s unique com edy and thi s new rel ease g ives us another dose of it. M aybe not as good as others but hey, at least it's groovy.

Showing at: UC I

If you 've ever read the book t hen you' ll be ru shing t o buy a cinema ti cket fo r th is one- and you won 't be disappointed. Renee Ze llw eger (from Jerry M aguire) stars as the world's most famous sing le woman with Hugh Grant and Colin Firth lined up as her prospec ti ve men. In ca se you did n't k now, Bridget Jones is a th irty-somet hing career gi rl whose life is one cont inuous att em pt t o lose weight, give up smok ing and find true love. When th ings don' t go the way she planned , Bridget seek s sol ace in her friends, Jude, Shazza and Tom, plus several bottl es of wine . Her story is set in London and her outlook on life is a scrambled yet sassy one: who else wo uld manage t o pull off a bunny outfi t amongst a group of tight-lipped oldies dressed in country casual s, or succ essfully serve bl ue soup and marm alade at a di nner part y. Al l she wants is a good bloke, but why is it that they' re eit her reindeer-ju mper-wearing ol d bores or chauvini stic two-t iming bastards? Will she ever get her knight in shining armour? M aybe if she reth oug ht her underw ear ... So funny the whole au dience ends up hoot ing uncontrollabl y, you 'll watch Bridget Jones willing her t o succee d in work and survive her mad family_ Fantast ic stu ff. Glass of wine anyone?

Katherine Everitt

Enemy at the Gates War fil m starring a delicious cast of Jude Law, Jose ph Finnes and Rachel Weiss. it' s t he most ex pensive movie made by us Europeans, so hopefully this will show in the action when you watch it.

Showing at: UC I Girlfight Showing at: Cinema City on Fri 11th, Sat 12t h.

M on 14th at 5.45 .

Goodbye Charlie Bright Us girls have had our prayers finally answered, wat ch this and you 'll be treated to Paul Nichols running naked through a park . The plot is basically Charlie and his friends become restless after one of t heir gang jo ins the army and the rest are left behind on the council estate.

Showing at: UC I Holy M ary Showi ng at: Cinema City on Sat 12th at 2.30pm_ Land and Freedom Showing at : Cinema City on Sun 6th at 7. 30pm and Wed 9th at 2.30pm.

M alena Showing at: Cinema City on Fri 4th, Sat 5th, Mon 7th at 8 .15pm . Tue 8th, Wed 9th, Th ur 10th at 5. 4 5pm. Thur 10tll at 2.30pm .

Miss Congeniality Sexy Sandra Bul lock and charismatic M ic hael Cai ne st ar in what is c laimed to be a very funny film indeed. The storyl ine is basic; a tomboy shaves her legs and goes undercover at a beauty pageant and fal ls over a lot.

M rs Brown Sh owing at : Ci nema City on Sun 6t h at 5pm .

Rugrats in Paris: The Movie Those loveable (annoying) babies are let loose in Pans to play (get into trouble) and frolic (cause disaster) for our pleasure.

Showing at: UCI Ster Century

One Night at M cCools Fancy seeing along haired Liv Tyler bent over a car, covered in soapsuds?

If not then you won 't care about t he plot, if you do you definitely won' t care about the plot! The film is desc ribed in Empire as ·cool, smart and wickedly funny' so it get s a bit of a tl1um bs up.

Showing at : UCI Ster Century

Save the Last Dance A must for hip-hop fans and anyone who fancy's a romantic teenage film. A new gi rl arrives in town and gets involved in the black scene and turns out to be an excellent dancer. You'l l come out wanting to go to the next LCR with fu ll vigour.

Showing at: UCI Ster Century

Pay lt Forward Annoying kid tries to make the world a better place.

Showing at: UCI

Spy Kids An noying American kids pretending to be detec tives. I woul dn't waste the money if I were yo u. Eac h to their own though if it is you r th ing_

Hmmm ... mtel lectual stuff.

Showing at : UCI Ster Century

Use our searchable listings database at

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~.concrete-online.co.uk Wednesday, May 2 , 2001

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__ event Showing at: UCI Ster Century Sweet November When stressed out ad executive Nelson Moss (Keanu Reeves) bumps into beautiful free spirit Sara Deever (Charlie Theron). he's on the verge of a breakdown. Can she fulfil her promise to change h1s life 1f he'll spend one month with her?

Showing at: UCI Tailor of Panama See film reviews (page 15) Showing at: UCI The Contender Showing at: UCI Ster Century The Hole Increasingly traumatised young people are trapped in a remote underground bunker. Blame fly's around and the story takes on a chilling tone.

Showing at: UCI Ster Century The Mexican it's about time sex God Brad P1tt and top actress Julia Roberts got together in a film. Under the beady eye of mobsters Pitt has to go to Mexico to retrieve a beautiful but cursed pistol. Roberts leaves for Las Vegas in a huff until the mobsters come looking for her because her boyfriend isn't succeeding m his task.

Showing at: UCI Ster Century The Wedding Planner Jennifer Lopez lookmg pretty and planning weddings. Not a deep and meanmgful one.

Showing at: UCI Ster Century Traffic Multi Oscar winning flick about the drugs trade.

Stars Hello/ favourites Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones.

Showing at: UCI Ster Century Valentine Horror story about obsessed love and blood and stuff Iike that.

Showing at: UCI Ster Century

Live wire Wednesdays 10am-12noon Steve Lalaconl 12noon-2pm Anna Mulr 2pm-4pm Polst: Skive time with Low-fl and lndle 4pm-6pm The Richard and Julle Show 6pm-8pm Bert and Ernle's Punk Endurance Show 8pm-10pm Nick and Janlne 10pm-12am Jack and John

Thursdays 10am-12noon Hlvewlre 12noon-2pm The Big Brain 2pm-4pm Ally Banard 4pm-6pm Vanishing Point 6pm-8pm Shadow Cabinet: Shadowing the worlds of Hip-Hop and drum 'n' Bass 8pm-IOpm Rebel Lion Roots. A nbar's Raw Roots Reggae. With guest DJ's.

10pm-12am Poetic Licence

Fridays 10am-12noon Optlmus Rime Cutz. Chrls Whltewood presents the post LCR chill out slot

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12noon-2pm Matthew Gearing and Charlotte Stratte 2pm-4pm Kate Forbes 4pm-6pm Dancing Not In the Moonlight. Tom Butterworth with tunes and Irreverent banter.

6pm-8pm The lan and Joe Show 8pm-IOpm The Nlghtrlde. DJ Hotwlngz, MC Lounge and DJ SEL with the latest Garage tunes.

Saturdays 10am-12noon Terrance Devane 12noon-2pm 12 Monkeys 2pm-4pm George Walker 4pm-6pm The Groove Bus 6pm-8pm Slmon 's Sexy Select ion 8pm-10pm Vegetable Hospital 10pm-12pm DJ Cameron spinning a selection of the hottest London garage.

Sundays 10am-12noon Seth Kaplan 12noon-2pm The News Team 2pm-4pm Robble 4pm-6pm Adam Light and Adam Ross 6pm-7pm The New Music News 7pm-9pm SBN Student Radio Chart 9pm-12am Paul Eldrldge

Writing

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your So, if you want to write, p oto raph, draw or proof read as well as possibly get onto the editorial team then there's no time like the present.

Mondays 10am-12noon Manic Monday. Glrly chat and music to get you out of bed on a Monday morning!

12noon-2pm Ben Johnsen.

2pm-4pm The Two Amlgos. Comedy banter from t wo rocking lovers.

4pm-5pm Saf and AI 5pm-6pm Space Is the Place.

6pm-8pm New DT 8pm-10pm DaD and B Show. Transatlantic Drum 'n' Bass, and Hip-Hop. With guest DJs. 10pm12am WE Funky Few with Trickster Harpur and t he funky bunch. Chilled out funky tunes.

Meetings take place every Monday at 1pm in Room 1.33 in Union House

Tuesdays 10am-12noon Hlvewlre 12noon-2pm I Can't Believe it's Not Butterworth 2pm-4pm Brtan Doherty 4pm-6pm Cake or Death?

6pm-8pm BEATS. All sorts of beats from funk to Hip-Hop. 8pm-IOpm Roots, Beats and Rhymes.

10pm-12am Late Jazz

....

Clubs

Cut & BlotN Dly

Wednesdays Superfly: May 2/ 9 Mojo's The best night in Norwich, bar none. Good atmosphere, great music (hip hop/funk), nice prices, and the best live bands/DJs/MCs in Norwich.

If you haven't been, you're ... well, you're wrong. £3 Aockln ' Sheep: May2/ 9 Ikon Pop soundz for da kidz down Ikon way. Baaaaa!

Go on, say it! Baaaaaaaa! £2 before 11

We are here, above the Chinese Medical Centre (the white door)

Reverb: May 2/ 9 Po Na Na Don't get too comfy in your haven of cushionsit's a nightclub god dammit, not a living room.

Shake your booty to some classy funk and soul.

Free

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Thursdays Spank: May 3/ 10 Time One of the better nights m Norw1ch, but don't go expecting anything kinky. £1 before 11 (NUS)

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Free . Yes. t11at's ·free·. Free.

8.30pm for a free dance class rn tile Hrver £3 .00 advance

Elegance: May 4/11 Mojo's As eleg ant as a

70s Night: May3 j 10 Hys Mrssed the last Retro? Get a fix with DJ Rob Mac. £2 (NUS)

The Thatcher Years: May 4 The Waterfront 10-2am Revisit the days when Norwich was full of of legwarmers and mullets . Oh, that was last week.

Drinks from £1.50 Entry £2 with flyer1 £3 NUS after

Marvel : May 4 / 11 The Loft Funky jazz. hrphop. soul and all for three quid. Generous or wt1at. £3 before 11

Value for Money: May3j10 LIQUid And it rs too. Not rn the Tesco 's value sausages ·mechanically reclarmed meat' way. though . In a student ·anthems' sort of way. No gnstle, you see. £2 before 11 Charty Handbaggy: May 3/ 10 The Loft The best gay night I've been to 111 Norwich . and I've been here three years, oh ye s. The name says rt all, re al ly.

Lets Get Sauc y: M ay 3/ 10 The Bank Expect lots of Carry On style musrc that goes wah wah-waaaah when your trousers fall down.

Free

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LCR Disco: 3/ 9 May Uhhh ... the LCR? 9.00pm 1.30am Brg black barn of booze and debauch ery. Drink rn rts vast interior. Cop off 111 rts darkened crannres. Bogie to R&B rn the Hrve. Whoohah' £3.00

Fridays Caramba! Latin Party feat. Live Salsa Band: May 11 LCR 9.30pm- 1.30am Shake yer Rrcky to one f1ne mambo combo plus Latin Soc DJs. Get there at

Now That's What I Call 90s, feat.

Chesney Hawkes: M ay 4 LCR 9.00pm 1.30am Yes, the beautifully coiffured one and only one hrt wonder wrth the enormous mole rs makmg a comeback. Marvel at hrs harr! Gasp at his one song! And read all about his rock n' roll debauchery on page five of thrs very organ! Oh, and rt's a 90's drsco nrght, too .£3.50 it 's the business: May 4/ 11 LIQUid lt certainly is, but beware of t11e hot. uprrght conical shapes lurking rn the corners. The lava lamps, I'm referring to the lava lamps. £2 before 11 Hot: May 4 / 11 Ikon Make sure you take your ID ·cos the bouncers - they amt ·avin none of rt. £4 before 11 Hytimes: M ay 4/ 11 Hys DJ Rob Mack just can 't keep away.

Thrs t rme he's spinn ing some club anthems for our listenrng pleasure.

£3 Parkside: May 4 / 11 Po Na Na's House ·n· garage . Splendid stuff. £3

Gear yourself up for a brt of nos ta lgra and wave those floppy fnnges about, rts Chesney Hawkes. Hardly ever surfacing these days surely rt's worth seeing a rare performance when he does. Now the years have passed will he still have hrs youthful grinning charm or will he have decayed into a 40 something old man? Let's hope not. Ahhh, remember the Smash Htts magazrnes with a posmg Chesney on the front, and all those sexy calendars on the shelf. next to the likes of Jason and Kylie. Those were the days, of pocket money and posters.

The one and only Chezza was one of our favounte teen pop rdols and seeing llim agam will be a trip down memory lane and a nrght of smgrng and dancmg all rolled mto one. So get your funky shrrts and your dancmg shoes out of the wardrobe and forget those essays and lectures for a nrght.

Saturdays Garage Nation: May 12 LCR 9pm-2am After the legendary Valentme's nigt1t. they're back. DJ EZ. Jason Kaye, MC Kie. MC CKP. Unknown MC. DJ Lex, and Natralrst are all lined up. Should be a 'bit of a bop'. as my dad says. £10.00 advance FUEL Presents:May 11 Waterfront 10.00pm Drum'n' bass downstarrs: Bryan Gee, Ray Kerth, Bamngton, Jay Blaze. Wax Magic. Srmon Basslrne Sm rth + MC's Skibade. lnfrnrty, VIP. Hrpl1op upstarrs: Mr Thrng ( 2hr set on 4 dec ks)+ Sureshot Kru, Chrome, DJ Tags. Just One. Chrll out 111 the Cafe Bar! £9.00 with NUS card in advance. more on the door Tidy Trax Hard House: Saturday May 5 LCR 9pm - 2am Faith and Temptation present another hardhouse specral. Paul Glazby rn the main room mrxing some hard house , plus Flux and a special guest DJ. The Back Room sees Gibbo of Faith and Sou lshaker doing something deep and funky. and Hayman Mac plus guests. £7.00 advance sus(+ booking fee) Satisfaction: May 5/ 12 Hys n't get no satisfac tion? Why not find some at Hy's by pullmg of its attractive punters? Really. lt ·s

entertaining, you should try rt. £2 Play: May 7/ 14 Po Na Na's Two for One cocktarl offer and free entry; they must like us or something.

Free

Tuesdays Student Night: May 8/ 15 Liquid Elsewhere, the locals are exercising their Tuesday night inbreeding programme. whrcl1 rs why we students are sectioned off for the nrght. This is a precautronary measure as student / local breed~ng could cause catastrophic results. such as, like . the loss of that beautiful Norfolk accent that we all love dearly. £1 before 11 Slinky: May 8/ 15 Hy's You may be fallrng down the stairs like a slinky after a night at Hys . either through alcohol or after a push by the snarling bouncers. Wh ichever, it'd be fun to watch.

Free (NUS)

Downstairs:Pop, lternative, Rock and lndie. Upstairs: WKUS - Rock Nu-

Service: May

you want a real nday service. watch of praise at 6.30, more hymns at half the pnce, and all from the comfort of

T11is does not rlvOI\e wasl1111g cdrS ,., r'll _a111 I ·m afrard fun t1 ou~;h t hat sour .cls. Don't worry. prdncrng arou'ld [........._.._!t~1fd:;Z~;fi~£~e;J~....,;._j~2:i:__..;;..:_.:L;:_;.:::.::::;:::=;;::;::::]!L:~:lli~~U._] to 70S lllllSIC IS QU ite

Wednesday, May 2, 2001

Salsa : May 8 / 15 Po Na Na's Learn how t o dance Lat ino styl e and get laughed at by all and sun dry.

Hum iliat ion- it's a character bu ilding thing. £3 (NUS) Life: May 8/ 15 Time Contemplate irfe whrlst waitmg several hours to be served at the bar. £1 (NUS) Funk Friction: May 8/ 15 Owen's Cafe Bar - Free

The Waterfront Formerly set up 111 The Ferryboat .

Wombat Wombat has moved to the Wa terfront. Lo-fi, less ma rn stream rndie and rock musrc. Oh so cool. £3.50 Chesney Hawkes Fnday 4th May UEA Don't worry, the one and only is not go~ng to bore us with hours of hrs new, "difficult" material, it's only a five-song set as part of Now That's What I Call 90s night. I wonder what the other four will be?

Doors: 9pm £3.50 Sunna Fnday 4th May Norwrch Arts Centre Bnstol Trip-rockers play their postponed grg.

Doors: 8 pm £6 Heads pace Saturday 5th May Norwich Arts Centre Local Celtic-techno outfit throw a party . I' m sure it wi ll be somebody's cup of tea .

Doors: 8pm £5 Stairway to Zeppelin Sunday 6th M ay The Waterfront A cover band, who carry on play ing t he hits for all the desperate Led Zeppe lin fa ns out t here. praying for t he orig~nal act to reform. £6 Steve Harley and Cockney Rebel Tuesday 8th May UEA The old jokers return, fresh from their success rn ... umm .. .1997. on the Full Monty soundtrack. All together now, come up and see me ...

Doors: 7.30pm

£15 Red Sky Coven Thursday May 3 The Waterfront There' s dnnkrng to be done and rf you don' t fancy the LCR tonrg ht t hen the Waterfro nt rs the place to do rt. A cnbaret sty le show fentunng songs . stones ancl poems from Just rn Su ll rva n (New Moclel Army and others.

Doors: 7.30pm £10 Wombat Wombat

T11u rsdfly M ay 3

Just East of Jazz Thursday 3rd May Norwich Art s Centre Fusr on of Jazz and kl ezmer.

Doors: 8pm £6 Anna Mudeka's Suikiro Tuesday 8t f1 May Norw1Cil Arts Cent re Cul t ural I11IS11 111asl1 of s;ng~ng, mbrrJ playrng m d (lane n~ to celebrate thC' spmt of Sout'l Africa.

Doors: 8pm £5

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Eventhorizon: Gigs/Theatre/Mise

Tom Roblnson Jullan Cope

Wednesday 9th May UEA Mr Mental brings his interesting brand of music to the lucky masses. He's a qualified archaeologist, too, y'know.

Doors: 7.30pm £12.50

Tuesday May 15 The Waterfront Hey, it's Mrs. Robinson's husband ... £10

Theatre

Acoustic Showcase

Double Double

Saturday 12th May Norwich Arts Centre Original songs from artists, including the Caries Ststers, Acaysha and Bruce lindsay.

Doors: 1pm Free entry

Tuesday May 1st · Saturday May 5th Theatre Royal An intelligent thriller starring Simon Ward and Anita Harris about a widow who hires a homeless man to impersonate her dead husband in order to inherit a million. Full of surprises with a shocking ending. £3.50-£16

Sure Shot

Saturday 12th May Norwich Arts Centre Live British hip hop outfit, playing til midnight.

Doors: 8pm Deacon Blue

Sunday 13th May

UEA The old rockers peel themselves from their zimmer frames to delight the Norwich crowds. £20 Ozrlc Tentacles

Monday 14th May Norwich Arts Centre Old men, flutes and cosmic space rock.

Apparently.

Doors: 8.30pm £11

Taking Steps

Wednesday May 2 · Saturday May 5 Maddermarket Theatre A comedy about a guy named Roland and his wife Elizabeth; both are frustrated in life and run around the house in trying to sort it out. £5-£7 with student concessions Bouncers

Thursday May 10 · Friday May 11 Maddermarket Theatre An outrageous and hilarious parody of the nightclub scene from the pen of John Godber. Portrayed by four thuggish doormen, who assume multiple roles, as urban night-life gets into full swing on a Friday night; alcohol, music, sex, violence· what more could you want? £5

Jazz, Funk and Blues Jam

Tuesday 15th May Norwich Arts Centre Open event, so bring your instruments and jam with the rest of 'em .

Doors: 8pm £2, musicians free.

Fa Istaff

Thursday May 10 · Saturday May 12th Theatre Royal Verdi's masterpiece based on Shakespeare's Merry Wives of Windsor.

Performed by The State Opera of Tatarstan, with over 150 singers and Musicians. Sung in Italian.

£5-£30 Sir Gawaln and the Loathly Lady

Saturday May 12 Norwich Puppet Theatre • 2.30pm An evil knight, who can only be defeat· ed by the answer to a riddle, has threatened King Arthur's kingdom. The loathly lady, the ugliest woman you'll ever meet, knows the answer but she'll only disclose it if she can marry Sir Gawain. He gallantly takes on the quest to save his King and country. £3.75 (NUS) Everyman

Saturday May 12 A revival of Nugent Monck's production on the 80th anniversary of the Maddermarket. Performed by the Moot House Players. £5 Charley's Aunt

Tuesday May 15 · Saturday May 19 Theatre Royal Eric Sykes leads an all star cast in this farce by Brandon Thomas. A chance to see a hilarious set of coincidences and mistaken identity set in Oxford in the 1890s. Also starring the fabulous Christopher Biggins. £3.50- £17.50

Mise John Shuttleworth

Monday May 7 Maddermarket Theatre · 7.30pm Songs and stories from Sheffield's funniest man and king of the Yamaha. £10 (NUS)

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ABC Taxis All Star Taxis Beeline Taxis Five Star Taxis Loyal Taxis Cinema City Fat Pauly's Liquid Maddermarket Theatre Mojo's Norwich Arts Centre Norwich Playhouse Po Na Na's Ster Century Theatre Royal The Loft The Waterfront Time UCI £2.50 (NUS) Indian Sitar Music

Thursday May 10 The King of Hearts · 1pm A relaxing lunchtime concert of Rugas on the Rudra Vina. The King of Hearts is located at the bottom of Magdalen Street. £1.50 Anna Mudeka's Sulklro

TVP Poets

Tuesday May 8 Norwich Arts Centre · 8pm The regular platform for local and national poets.

Friday May 11 Norwich Arts Centre · 8pm Join Anna and her new band in a spectacular celebration of the spirit and cuiture of Southern Africa. The high-ener

gy show merges Anna's accomplished singing, mbira playing and dancing to electrifying effect. £5 (NUS)

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Chill Em Out Jazz Cafe

The Hive 8 till Late More performance poetry from the Chill Em Out beds. Surely one of the best things to hit the Hive since, erm, pissed people, if you haven't been already it's really worth a try. This time it's got Martin Newell as chief musebotherer, but if you fancy trying your hand at poetry yourself, get involved! £3 advance

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SQUARES

Saturday 12th May

Enjoy the pre-party with

Garage Nation's resident selectors on our 1s and 2s

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SOY GEORGE Saturday 19th May Pam's playboys p~· "Walken and Macca D whip up the Square, then whip it some more!

Come and taste Pam's at Squares

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Vanilla • Grapef uit ra berry•A I Valid Tuesday 8th May only • One r person Exch nge this voucher at the door

---- PoEs MONDAY

Selected bottled beers £1.50 TUESDAY 2-4-1 long cocktails WEDNESDAY Quiz ni-ght

Various promotions PLUS A L WEEK 12-Spm

Pint of Fosters £1.50 Pint of John Smiths £1.50

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