The event- issue 116- 18th October 2000

Grab your crusty roll and di

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Simon Day Stewart Lee Dan Antopolski Karen Taylor

Plus! ldlewild interviewed 11 Blair Witch 2: Back to the woods 11 Norwich Fringe inspected 11

In In

Cutting-edge reportage from the ents'n'a rts front line

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Stewart Lee Fist of Fun star reveals all about his fall out with the Beeb ldlewild Scots rockers interviewed Norwich Fringe Festival Is it any good?

Blair Witch 2 The witch has gone big budget and is in a cinema near you soon. Be afraid!

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In-depth features, comments, analyses and gubbms

TVTimes Oh no! The spectre of digital TV is upon us 09 lndie-pendants Day? Uncovered: The twilight world of indie labels 10 Doctor, Doctor TV quacks are ten a penny but could they sew your arm back on?

11 A cliche too far?

Gay stereotypes in th e movies .12-13 "Somebody's sitting there , mate!" Simon Day gets territorial 08

In Everything reviewed and previ.ewed for your pleasure

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Incite

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Music: Moby; Pl acebo; Norman Cook Film : What Lies Benea th; Romeo Must Die; Dinosaur Video: Scream 3; Run Lola Run Arts: Leader of the Pack and Ed Byrne reveiwed TV/Radio: North Square; Troma 's Edge Interactive: Who Wants to be a Millionaire?; Victory Boxing Challenger

Event 20-23 The best guide to what's on in Norwich. Ever.

The Event is produced fortnightly by Concrete: PO Box 410, Norwich, NR4 7TB Tel: 01603 250558 Fax: 01603 506822 E-mail: su.concrete@uea.ac.uk Printed by: Eastern Counties Newspapers; Rouen Road, Norwich NR1 1RB

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ver tile last few weeks televrsron columnists across the nation have devoted huge chunks of therr precrous word counts to praising new Channel 4 srtcom Black Books. This outpourrng of goodwrll is not because the show pushes back any particular boundaries, or even because rt provrdes a new sprn on a t rred formula. Black Books 11as been judged outstanding because it rs funny. Now, hang on a mrnute ...

Surely 'funny· rs the very least that a sitcom should be? Other than provrdrng a srtuation, rt"s about the only requirement of tile genre. lt wou ld seem elementary that, havrng placed a group of· actors rnto a partrcular location. they should be asked to do amusing things. People didn't watch Fawlty Towers in therr millrons to see what John Clee'!;e looked like rn a hotel. Un fortunat ely suc h an observatron appears to be beyond the lrm rted comprehension of today's, and indeed yesterday 's. television producers. The problem is that these shows are so easy to make- JUSt think of a srtuation that migllt provide so~e laughs, mrx rn a few horrifrcall y extreme stereotypes. then srt back and wait for the repeat royalties to start rolling rn. Yet however much trme, money and talent goes into the creative process. if the inrtial conce pt doesn't click (and nowadays rt usually doesn't) then the

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"By the Christmas special of Men Behaving Badly only Yuletide cheer prevented most viewers from ripping out Neil Morrisey's adorably unfashionable hair and using it to choke him to death " series rs screwed. To use a technical expression.

For every Black adder there wrll usually be a dozen Cows, (disastrous Eddie lzzard-penned travesty, which lasted for exactly one episode), and the upshot is that w henever a show does achieve success, be it through uncommon wit or because Samantha Janus rs featured, producers have to milk it dry. The only thing worse than watchrng a bad srtcom rs wrtnessrng a good one slowly decay. At frrst Men Behavmg Badly could raise an occasional smrle. But after, say. ten minutes it became clear that Neil Morrisey farting could be of limi ted appeal. By the time of the final Christmas special only Yuletrde cheer prevented most of the twelve mrllion vrewers from ripping out hrs adorably unfashionable hair and chokrng him to death wrth it.

The process is yet more depressing with Amerrcan programmes, lastrng as they do for twenty four eprsodes a season. Friends was once a thoroughly amrable experience. with wellwritten jokes delrvered by attractrve. talented twenty-somethings. Seventy-two hours of televisron·later the cast are all well rnto therr thrrties and the entrre enterprrse reeks of desperation. Phoebe's kookiness now elicits shrreks of rrntatron whereas Ross' pathetic whinrng is now a valid reason for admitting to destroyrng your televrs ron on insurance clarm forms. For characters to be funny they have to be extremes. Perhaps for thrs reason the BBC are brrngrng Vrctor Meldrew, everyone's favourite stereotype, for a final senes. it concludes with both his feet and hopefully, rn the rnterests of good taste, the rest of hrm rn the grave. Maybe it"s time situation comedies were buried along Jim Whalley srde hrm.

Hive Talking Seeing as th is Is the ' comedy Issue', we thought we ' d get a few rib-t icklers from t hose humorous herberts Inhabit ing the Hive .. .

" What did the leper say to the prostit ute?

You can keep t he tipff Julran EAS4 "How do you make a bear cross?

Nail two bears together. " Anon " What do you do If you run over a frog?

Get out and nick his rucksack. ff Anna Mcginn, HIS 3 " What 's big, grey and can 't swim?

A castle."

Markland Starkre, SOC 2 " What starts with T, ends with T and has T In it?

A teapot. " Chery l Wr ight MTH 3 "A woman was sat on Plnocchio 's nose. " Tell me lies, tell me lies , " she screamed. " Anon

" Why did t he shrimp leave the party?

Because he pulled a muscle_" Sheeela "A frail old man walks Into the births, marriages and deaths department of his local newspaper.

'My wife 's passed away and I 'd like to place an obituary ', he says to the clerk, who replies ' Yes , of course sir, that '// be ten pounds per word. ' The old man looks dlssappolnted and says, 'Oh, I 'm afraid I've only got thirty quid', and writes 'Mavis is dead ' on a small piece of paper, placing it on the desk with his weak old hands. The clerk, feeling desperately sorry for the old man, says 'don 't worry sir, I'll see if I can get you a few more words for free', and walks off to talk to the editor. Rve minutes later he returns and hands the piece of paper back to the elderly gent. 'I"ve had a word with the boss, and you can have three more words free of charge. ' The old man thinks for a bit, before writing his full message and handing it back to the clerk: 'Mavis is dead.

Metro for sale '.

Chris Marchand, SOC 3 Complied by Jim Whalley

...., c C1) > C1)

Wednesday, October 18, 2000

Editor . Steve Collins • Acting Film Editor · Adam Chapman • Arts Editor · Elin Jones • Music Editor · Astrld Goldsmit h • Ass ist ant M usic Edit or · Anthony Lovell • TVj Game Editor. Markland Starkie • Listings · Adam Chapman • DTP · Elin Jones · Adam Chapman · Steve Collins · Nick Henegan · Markland Starkle • Thanks to James, Elin , Adam, Nick, Merek, Markland, Jim, Kathryn, Anna, Nico, Steve and all the distributors• God of the fortnight . Chris Blgsby • Contributors · Merek Cooper · Nlcola Mallett · Jim Whalley · Will ~tts · Anna Savage · Nlco Hillary · Jonathan Rolfe · Steve Quirke . Annl Clifford · Ruth Meelan · Adam Lelgh · Simon Thornh ill · David Enzor · Metin Alsanjak · Gareth Morgan · Kathryn Hinchliff · Gemma O'Donnell . Faye Thomsit . Kath erine Everett · M ia Vigor · Andy Gallagher · Seth Landau · Ben Standage · Alex Thorpe · Jenny Wiles · Kath May

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Whaaaat?

The following is what happens when pop stars open their mouths. We couldn 't make these up, you know ...

"I listen to some of our songs, and I get so hot I just want to give my wife head for a~ hour"

Steve Tyler, Aerosmith, 1993 "One song might say 'We need to pray', and then another might say, 'Pump lt louder'. lt shows I'm a real human being. "

MC Hammer, 1991 "I'm not putting Elvls down, but he was a shltass, a yellow-belly and I hated the f-er. "

Jerry Lee Lewis, 1989 "Every momlng I walk Into the toilet, look In the mirror and tell myself I 'm the baddest muthaf-a alive. But I always flush before I leave, so I can't be that bad. "

George Clinton, 1985 "I like to go to the graveyard, lay down on somebody's grave, take a bottle out there, dance around naked, y 'know1"

Tom Waits, 1993 "Margaret Thatcher's head will be chopped off by the lightning sword. The mirror god himself will chop off Margaret Thatcher's head and kill the seven demons In her. "

The real Slim Sha"dY? Day One:

Today I was f-mg hangm· with Ore out at his pad and these dope ho 's came shakin' the1r booty all in ma face and I was like "Hell yeah! This life is f-in' phat, yo!" And then we slipped in my Fleetwood and we bounced down the strip with some old skoo/ Run OMC shit going down on the stereo and a load of dope dope doing the rounds, and then Snoop Dogg pulled up in his convertible and I was like "Yo, Oogg!" and he was like "Yo, Slim!" and yo it was f-in' cool.

Day One, Post Script:

Today I fired my biographer. I think that the portrayal of me that he was creating was, well, horridly inaccurate and although I am seen in the public eye as some 'bad-ass' rapper with an 'attitude', I am finding it harder and harder to keep this dreadful facade in place! I have tried to talk to Ore on several occasions about my problem but he really is so very busy, poor egg, and rarely listens. I mean. when he's not taking his time to perfect the beat he's still got love for the streets, you see. But dear old Ice Cube gave me the number of a friend of his who has written several biographies of 'hip-hop' artists before, so I rang him up and he's happy to start tomorrow. I really am so very excited! Hopefully this chap won't be quite so crass and rude. Toodle-pip!

Day Two:

witches and that, Jesus would have been mad.

But If Jesus had seen U2 he would've been very mad Indeed. Jesus would throw bottles at U2 "

Mark E Smith, The Fall, 1993 "Personally, I think that If more people discovered the joy of wigs, the world would be a happier place "

F-in' yeah, dude! I hung out at the court rooms this afternoon and I got to see my defence lawyer totally kick some prosecuting ass! He rules hard!

And then I got doped up on a phat load of weed and completely forgot that I had to meet my man 0 down at his place where we wuz gonna hook up with some pussy and take some 'shrooms. Ore got really p1ssed so we went mto the city and shot three cops. Westside!

Mike D, Beastie Boys, 1994

_ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _. . Day Two, Post Script:

le corner o

CALM!

arshall Mathers, aged 26 314

T e secret. diar

Lee 'Scratch' Perry gets political in 1990 "If he'd have known about the way they bumt

:-l

Today I fired my new biographer. I don't think the poor fellow completely grasped the nuances and subtleties of my true persona. Such rudeness and aggressiOn! I had to have a lie down . Went to see a simply wonderful performance of Chekhov's

Vany a to take my mind off thmgs . delightful little theatre I've discovered 'downtown'. But alas, I had to leave during the interval because I realised that I had forgot about Ore/ Silly billy. I had originally arranged to meet him at our favourite restaurant , but I've been under such awful strain today, what with the trial and such. I simply cannot comprehend how tapping one's chauffeur on the shoulder with one's trusty brolly could be so dreadfully misconstrued!

I was only trying to offer the fellow a peppermint humbug! If he didn't want one, he should have just said.

I 'm not entirely sure the jury are convmced by my story, but then they do seem to be a rather motley brie,and of ne'er-do-wells; probably wouldn't know an innocent gentleman if he slapped them in the face with a lavender-scented neckerchief! And, I suppose, if it comes to the worst the old boys at the record company can always grease the delicate palm of sweet Lady Justice. Although, erm, I'm not sure I should be talking too much about that. As a s1de note, I have decided to write my official biography myself, as I think that I am the most capable person to express my own feelings. Cheery-bye!

Day Three:

Today I was fired as biographer. My record company said I was incapable of expressing my own feelings and that 1t should be done by some one who was more used to writing about the lives of "rap niggaz", or somesuch piffle. I disagreed on grounds that I am not whatever they say I am, but then they pointed out that actually, I was.

Botheration! In consequence, my dear journal, y ou and I must part ways. I really don't know how long I can maintain my mask of infamy. Just this

morning I was flossing in the bathroom, and I noticed that my Rot In Pieces tattoo has started peeling again. I don't mind that much because in my opinion it's an awfully vulgar piece of artwork.

I had suggested The Man With The Child In His Eyes, after the gorgeous Kate Bush song, as an alternative quotation · but since lntei'Scope do actually own the rights to my body I had to glue 1t back on with superglue and hope that my new Fruit of the Loom sweater doesn 't stick to it. Oh well. I suppose I must orice more don my dark cloak of 'badassedness', and step forth unto the breach of pop. My loving public does need me, after all. 0, for the tears of a clown! lt 's not all bad, though: I might try my luck with that saucy young Aguilera filly tonight · she really is qwte a hum-dinger! Cheerio, dear journal!

Love 'n'hugz, Emmy

WinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWin

Blaggery Corner!

H~ndy

relaxation hints from the king of karma himself, Mr Thorn

Psst. Oi you. Yeah, you. Fancy some free stuff? Thought so.

Just dip your sweaty mitt into our big barrel of mystery ... !"""''r--=",---. Lady Luck Is a cruel mis-

Hello there# My name 's Thom, and I 'm here to help you relax. Time was, I used to be a very anxious sort of chap - the tortured chronicler of twentieth century paranoia and pre-mlllenlal tension, that was me! But not now. Now I'm Mr Cool. And what does Mr Cool say? "I'm coolf" that 's what# Yes. Anyway, here 's my- flvtHJtep guide to keeping calm In a crisis. And remember: be cool/ 1 . Stop what you're doing. Go on, you deserve a

break!

2. Close your eyes, try to block everything out.

3. Try and think of something nice. Personally, I always think of Bambi. But not that bit where her mother gets shot, though! Oh God, no. That'd be awful. All the blood and the panic and little Bambi scared in the woods crying "Mother!

Mother!" and [slaps face] Stop it, Thommy! Stop it! Calm. Calm ...

4 . Breathe deeply, and just relax. Everything's fine. it's like my dear old grandmother used to say, "Thorn, you may well spontaneously combust tomorrow. So why worry?" Why, indeed. Unless you do, of course. That 'd be awful. Oh God, what 1f we all explode in our beds? The blood, the panic, the vomit ... lt's the end of the wooorld!

Women and children first! And angsty singers!

This is really happening!! Aaaaaargh!!

[Repeat to fade, for several more 'experimental' albums ... ]

Cyberspace Oddity:

Bert Is Evil?

The seemingly innocent world of children's television is no longer safe from suggestions of sleaze. Yesterday, I woke up reassured of the innocence of my youth, with a pure belief in the righteousness of my TV heroes. but today this has been thrown into disarray. "How can this be?" I hear you cry . well, my subjects, it is with horrific regret that I inform you ... Bert is evil!! www.bertlsevll.com is a travesty. Blasphemous and corrupt to its core, this website exposes the deep undertones of corruption in perhaps one of the greatest children's TV programs.

Since the late sixties, Jim Henson's classic show has enjoyed a hugely successful career, but now the educational and entertainmg monsters he created have turned sour. At the aforementioned site, we learn of the lewd and crude goings on in the life of Sesame Street's protege, Bert. Not only did he ruin the Mars landing AND the eclipse for everyone by getting 1n the way of the photos, he's also a Pammy-fondling, Hussein-supporting, Ernie-murdering deviant! Is he the answer to the JFK enigma? Is he the driv1ng force behind racial hatred in America? Or is he just sweet, dumb, fluffy-eyebrowed Bert? Visit the s1te. and Jamle Robson Judge for yourselves.

tress, tempting many a child to rummage around In hay-filled buckets at the school fete, only to pull out a pencil sharpener or something toss like that. The cow. Not here, though · here we give you cool stuff. Just put your answers In the competition box In the Hive.

A cocktail shaker!

Shaking things is great. Even the most boring of things can become an implement of fun, simply by giving it a good old waggle. Just ask Michael Barrat, who was nothing until he became Shakin' Stevens. And so it is with the cocktail shaker.

Apparently just a boring metal tube, a gentle jiggle is all it takes to get you writhing around qn the floor in joy. And you can make cocktails with it, too. Luckily, the nice people who make the tasty tipple Taboo have given us one to give aw.ay. All you need to do is answer this question: What do you use a cocktail shaker for?

Supersister stuff!

If you like your competitions like you like your coffee· hot strong and, er, free· then you'll like this one, oh yes. We've got absolutely tons of rather cool stuff with 'Supersister' written on it.

This rather handsome trio of popsies have just released a thumpin' 'Raining Men'· style disco choon in the form of Coffee for you to bump'n'gnnd to down the LC R. And they've given us a cafetiere, a bag, t-shirts, v1deos and copies of the single to give away! Cripes. Just answer th is.

Do you like your men like you like your coffee?

ldlewild tickets!

Dreamtheater tickets!

Scotland's own oddball punksters ldlew1ld (Interview on page 5 ) like makmg loud no1ses. and we're g1vmg away three pairs of tickets for the1r LCR gig on Wednesday 25. Just answer this:

Dreamtheater also like mak1ng loud noises, and we've got three pairs of tickets for the1r LCR gig on Friday, October 20.

What country are Scotland's ldlewlld from?

When are Dreamtheat er playing, then?

Wednesday, October 18, 2000

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1s even1ng with not Richard After finding fame on This Morning With Richard Not Judy alongside Richard Herring, Stewart Lee has gone back to his stand-up roots and recently paid a visit to Norwich Arts Centre. Gemma O'Donnell went to check out his fist of fun .. .

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tewart Lee? Who 's he then, a singer?" asks the taxi driver.

"No, he's a comed1an. you know. Lee and Herring, Fist of Fun?" "Oh yeah, the name

rings a bell".

Stew art Lee (the comedian, you know, Lee and Herring. Fist of Fun? ) is facing

Stewart Lee in action: Cut these out, make a flipbook, he dances!

me in the very same dressing room that Richie Edwards famously sliced the words 4 Real mto his forearm. The hair 1s a little more subdued, the

"I would prefer to work for Sky [than the BBC] because if it makes a programme it has to at least not lose the tapes" face a little rounder. but as he draws on h1s c1garette and nods 1n the direction of the d1ctaphone your mterv1ewer feels a little apprehensive. This man's wit is both dry and sarcast1c and when faced with it in the flesh. your brow starts to furrow. Ton1ght he has performed 111 front of a sell-out crowd at the Arts Centre. a few short years ago he adorned our TV screens in the comic ventures Fist of Fun. and Th1s Mornmg With R1chard Not Judy. But tonight IS where it's at, and tonight he's alone. so welcome, ch ildren. to Tl1is Even1ng W1th Stewart Not Richard.

"What people forget about me is that I've been doing stand-up for 11 years. for the f1rst five or Six of those I worked 6/7 nights a week. so I've probably done about 2500 g1gs. Whereas w1th Rich (Herring) I've done about 120 and 130 ep1sodes of TV shows. so this IS what I am most at home doing ... We're very glad to hear that. but how does he feel about the hoards of fans. ma1nly students. who woke religiously at 11am to be screamed at by a g1ant orange or to be preached to by a vanety of lettuces? These are the k1ds that actually enjoyed having their hangovers worsened 10 fold by Hemng ·s appalling Copacabana dance sequence, and, in return for their devot1on, had to accept the rather abrupt ending of the show. Stewart Lee recognises this. and has this adv1ce. "I remember when I was a-kid there was this band I loved called the Mood1sts. and they stopped making records. One day I went to see this other Australian group and the Moodists guitanst was setting up the stage. I went up to him and said, 'Why are you do1ng this? What happened to the Moodist s?'. and he went ·we didn't split up, we just sort of stopped.· And at the time I couldn't understand, but then people would come up to me and ask what happened to Ricll, and I would say 'lt just sort of stopped·. there was no way of covenng the costs of it. "As to the question of his comedy having a certain type of following? "it definitely hit a certain type of person. Even if 1t had been heavily promoted it would never have gone past 2.5 million. I think t11at ·s the cut off point of the amount of people that liked it. So its not really worth it because it ·s never going to be f1nanc1ally sustainable.·· Ahhh, finances. A sore po1nt. If any of you ever have tile pleasure of spendmg lime w1th Stewart Lee do not mention two thmgs, 1) The BBC's fmance office and 2) Stalking. whether it be harmless fan follow1ng or full blown Bodyguardesque pleasuring-oneself in-Whitney's-bed craziness. Stewart Lee has issues w1th both of

Wednesday, October 18, 2000

these things. But surely the good old Beeb couldn't wind you up, could they?

"I would prefer to work for Sky because if it makes a programme 1t has to at least not lose the tapes. Whereas a lot of w l1at I've done at the BBC has been lost. so 1t can't be repeated. it's very frustrating; 1t's what I made.

One day I m1ght like to go "look at this, I've got videos of 1t ... So there you go. one of the great Bnt1sh Institutions has lost nearly all of Stewart Lee's work. Imagine watchmg three years of lecture notes. along with your degree. being incinerated before your very eyes. But the BBC didn't stop there, oh no. Cast your mmds back to the final ep1sode of TMWRNJ. Did you see it? Thought not. This would be because it was moved forward one hour at the last minute for cncket or Masterchef, or somethmg paltry like that. "Now that got moved an hour early on it's Sunday mornmg slot for the BBC and the Friday repeat

"My reaction is akin to witnessing Trevor McDonald dancing the mambo during the Ten O'Clock News" was cancelled. So about half a million people saw that show. which f-ing infunates me. People were try1ng really hard to bring it together and it JUSt got a slap m the face. People in the show couldn't find out when it was on so what chance the viewers had I don't know. lt was thiS marvellous thing and if you stumbled upon it you went 'Great, I really l1ke this ....

Well, not all people liked it, especially not the members of the Chnst1an faith, who sent various bomb threats to the F1st of Fun team. Somehow I don't think Jesus was very proud of his ardent followers that day. "ThiS probably sounds really wanky but the amount of inconvenience caused by bemg a m1cro-celebrity is not compensated for

by the amount you get paid. All those th1ngs are very confusing and disorientating. I don't like it enough to do it again unless I was gomg to get enough money to buy my mum a new house ...

This leads us to discuss the b1g guns of comedy. the A-I 1st, small-part-m-big-movie type that have probably had a shady experience with an Appleton sister in the Met Bar toilets. Would he l1ke to jom th1s illustnous band of super-comics. headed by the all-powerful Eddie lzzard? " Not on the terms that Eddie's done it because Eddie's had to be 111 qu1te a lot of bad films. or at least be the worst thing in a good film . He's worked a marvellous plan whereby he got everything on his own terms for ten years, and when he got to Hollywood. it seemed to me that he had to crack and do what they wanted him to". At this pomt Stewart Lee. the straightman to Richard Herrings sm11ey grinfest, erupts mto peals of girlish giggles. My reaction is ak1n, I imagine, to witnessing Trevor McDonald dancing the mambo during the 10 o'clock news. This IS not what I expected. So for the t1me being Stewart Lee is happy to play lowkey gigs and eo-write for T1me Gentlemen Please ("where they seem to be method-acting the idea of working in a pub"). Next year he hopes to begin work on h1s first film. which he is bemg very cagey about. he speaks of "well -known actors" and "female leads". but I get the impression that hiS caginess is only the result of so many setbacks in the past few years.

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ldlewild. They're a kooky bunch ~ aren't they? All those strangely esoteric lyrics and spikily mangled pop sensibilities.

Anthony Love// spoke to Edinburgh's best-read punk pop firebrands and found that, well , they're quite approachable sorts really ...

Anyone who has ever watched an ldlewild live performance will know that Roddy Woomble is a dynamo onstage. A great, seething ball of nervous energy compressed into the delicate frame of a diminutive Scotsman. He's responsible for some of the most bizarre lyrics ever committed to record, and therefore must surely be an absolute riot to talk to; wel l, that's what you might think . it's something of a shock to be listening to a low monotone which rarely rises above a quiet, polite volume when you've been expecti ng a hearty brogue. He's more Robble Burns than Rob Roy. ldlewild have managed to raise their profile to the extent t hat t hey are c urrently playing t heir biggest UK tour. But despite pl aying as far west as Aberystwyth, as far north as Aberdeen, and as far east as Norwich, it isn't taking t hem back to t heir 1999 t ouring venues in the Orkney Isles and the Scottish Highlands. But what coul d make the band want to play those places in the first place? "it's not because we're trying to be wilfully obscure", says Roddy. " We spent quite a lot of time up there, doing stuff for the album, and met lots of young people who were really into ldlewild, and they wanted us to come up and play, so we

"Critics generally like you because you' re not successful. They can control you - and the minute you get out of that and sell a lot of records, like Travis, you just go 'F- what the critics think!"' just decided to do it. We were very satisfied with the results. it's such an unpretentious crowd.

80% of the people had no idea who we were but still had a good time." lt would probably be fair to say that a high percentage of those people didn't understand the meanings behind Roddy's lyrics. In fact, does anybody understand them? I enquire as to where he gets his inspiration from, and get the impression from his answer that even he can't quite put his finger on anything precise. "No one source. I think it's a collection of many things.

Reading books, poetry, listening to records, that sort of thing. A lot of the new songs are more specifically about things. But a lot of the songs we used to write deal with phases and relationships, etc. and we just repeated the lyrics for maximum effect." lt could be argued that although lyrics are one of ldlewild's biggest selling points, they are also be what's holding them back, due to their inaccessibility. ldlewlld have always garnered widespread critical acclaim due to their unpredictable music, but at the same time have failed to sell millions on the back of this. I ask Roddy if he would replace their status as media darlings with a row of platinum discs and the inevitable critical backlash, and he responds with an interesting analogy: " Bon Jovi they sell millions of records, but they get no critical acclaim. They don't care! But much as I like Livin ' On A Prayer, I don 't think I'd like to pen an anthem. I've come to the conclusion that if you want to be popular, you 've just got to write

songs" (snaps fingers) "like that, like Toploader or someone. They don't get critical acclaim, but they're really popular. In a perfect world, it would be a slice of both." He sighs: "But it's not going to happen, especially in Britain, because the moment you get successful, you get criticised.

Critics generally like you because you're not successful. They can control you ¡ and the minute you get out of that and sell a lot of records, like Travis, you just go 'F- what the critics think!'.

You're beyond them. But if you're not popular, you owe a lot to critics, and they know that ." ldlewild are certainly a band who deserve mainstream success. I get the impression that Roddy is a littl e frustrated with seeing other, less established bands appear from nowhet'e to reach the status which ldlewild have been cultivating over the course of three albums with their debuts or sec ond albums, hence his references to Toploader, Travis, and later on Coldplay. Are ldlewild still a cult band? Roddy is keen to avoid this label. "I think we're kind of a low-key band at the moment. In Britain, for example, a lot of people have heard our name, but quite a percentage have never heard any of our music.

That's what separates us from the likes of Coldplay, where everyone knows the name and everyone knows the music. Call us what you like, low-key, cult, whatever, but we've been on television, Top Of The Pops, and we're playing big halls. So it's not as if we 're that obscure."

Roddy Woomble is very much a man living from one day to the next. When I ask about what ldlewild are planning for the future, he refuses point blank to make any kind of prediction. I ask why he is so reluctant. "I don't like to think about that", he says. "If you start thinking about that in the context of the band, it's not a good thing". He's not even interested in looking beyond the show that evening! lt is actually quite refreshing to encounter a celebrity (small-scale, admittedly) who displays such a lack of ambition. lt is probable that even if ldlewild were to never progress further than playing venues such as UEA, and never sold the records to make them millionaires, that Roddy would be quite happy

"Bon Jovi - they sell millions of records, but they get no critical acclaim. They don't care!

But much as I like Livin' On A Prayer, I don't think I'd like to pen an anthem" continuing to write his strange lyrics and play shows with his three friends in the band. As the interview concludes, Roddy apologises for "sounding a bit weird ". "I've just got up" , he explains (it's 1.30 in the afternoon) and tells me that he thinks he's just getting back into the touring routine. He is, without doubt , the most quiet and unassuming 'rock star' I've ever encountered , and even politely enquires whether I am going to the Norwich date of their tour, and whether he's said enough for me to compose an article. The music world needs characters such as Roddy Woomble - he is a counterbalance to rampant egotism , an interesting wordsmith 1n a desert of lyrical banality , and a cathartic performer amongst shoegazers. Let 's hope he keeps Woombling free.

Wednesday, October 18, 2000

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The Workhorse Movement

Norwich's Fringe Festival is becoming serious competition for t he main Norwich and Norfolk Festival. Mia Voget got into t he Festival spirit ... orwich's Fringe Festival is now into its second year. Aiming to bring the art cu lt ure to the youth culture, the aptly titled fest iva l runs on the fringe of the successfu l Norwich and Norfolk Festival, which is the second longest running festiva l in the country. lan Johnson, the creative director. said "This year's Fringe has aimed to build upon the spectacular success of last year's launc h when around 20,000 people attended over 100 events over the seventeen days. We hope to attract the younger age group who perhaps do not normally attend the mam Norfolk and Norwich festival".

Whilst facilitating exposure of up and commg local artists like art-pop-hip-hop act the Neutrinos. they also t1ave booked more establislled acts l1ke Dav1d Gray ( perform1ng at our own UEA). to make the 17-day event as diverse and educational an enterprise as possible.To look at the Fringe programme. it would seem that propnetors Pete Morgan and tan Johnson have aimed to monopol1se Norwich's arts and music scene for the festival's duration.

On average there are about five events each night to chose from. although in crit1c1sm. student n1ght at Po Na Na and Meltdown at the Waterfront are perhaps attempts at packing out the schedule, rather than offering anyth1ng new and excitmg. However, it IS a shame that the word of The Fringe hasn't spread as widely as it might have done with better press coverage and advertising, because there certamly is something for everyone in Norwich this month. Here are my experiences of the first few days.

The fest1val was bnghtly kicked mto act1on on Friday. September 29, w1tl1 the beats and melodies of Mac Tontol1. the ex-frontman of sevent1es pop act Os1bisa, who were the first band to bnng Afncan mus1c to an internat ional audience. Osibisa played a central role 1n developing awareness of African music. and Mac Tontoh and his band have certamly not left the1r roots behind. Mixing modern rock music w1th acid jazz and African rhythms, the colourful performance had tile room flinging off tlleir flush puppies and pounding the Arts Centre floor.

Although perhaps not typical of the mus1c the target audience of 13 35 year olds would be ' in to'. Mac Tontoh certam ly spread some culture to tile ears of an assorted assemblage of onlookers, and tt1e act was extremely well received.

Os1bisa was formed 1n London. in 1969, by

N Detroit U·oroughbreds The Wo rkhor~e JVlo :~e m ent are ~et to ,J come the best !umd -;, o~)\ e never heard ot .e ad n "· tu :1 ou nor Describe your music in as few words as possible.

Good old fashioned outlaw rock ·n· roll.

Who are your greatest influences?

A lot of darker 70s bands: The Doors. Santana.

Sabbath. Led Zeppelin. They're all huge Influences of ours.

Who is your musical hero?

Overall, I would say Elvis Presley. He was able to maintain a solid career for so long, and he made it all the way to tile top. That's who I respect ti1e most.

What was t he last t hing that made you laugh?

A friend of ours from the States this morning at breakfast was harass1ng the waitresses. He's a fairly quiet guy so 1t struck me as incredibly funny that he was so overtaken with the British women he was seeing today.

"Breasts seem to be a lot more substantial over here."

What was the last thing that made you cry?

My grandmoti1er dymg a few years back. Everyt111ng else has been pretty cool.

What 's the strangest request you 've ever had from a fan?

To play Brown Eyed G1rl. A g1rl kept showing up to every show we played and she would be yell1ng it from the middle of the crowd.

There were these b1g hardcore dudes all around, and she would just be screaming "Play Brown Eyed Girl'" What makes you angry?

This isn't a deep anger. more frustration. Seeing the number of bands that are gett1ng a decent pay cheque doing this Without taking any pride in what they're doing. Tl1at p1sses me off a l1tt le bit.

What 's the best t hing you've disco vered in Brit ain that you don 't have in America?

A higher percentage of large breastsl That is tile most fascinating thmg I've noticed on t11is tour.

They seem to be a lot more substantial over here.

Do you think that you can sell millions of records?

I think we can . but who knows? I really think that this music is extremely Important, and I would like to see millions of people buy it. because I think that it'll change some things.

Anthony Love//

Wednesday, October 18, 2000

MacTontoh and a group of African contemporaries. who were eager to enlighten the world of modern rock music w1th the music of their homeland. The group was an immediate hit. most famous for number one single Sunshine Day. but the1r full ability was only apparent when they took to tile stage. The presence of Mac Tontoh. over twenty years later, has not faltered. and he still offers an enigmatic and energetic performance w1th his new group, who are due to release material in the autumn on the Acid Jazz label. Supporting Mac Tontoh was Norw1ch percussion band Bantaba, who explore a barer element of African and Latin American beats .

Key1ng mto tile primal need for rllythm, Bantaba played a short set of tribal-like Djembe and Dundun poly-rllythms, wh1ch tempted the less Inhibited to flmg t11emsetves passionately around an empty dance floor.

In stark contrast to the VIbrant Mac Tontoh gig, on the next nigt1t were tile Neutrinos. a band that revels 111 the more decadent manipulation of mu sic. Us1ng funky hip hop undertones to counterbalance an altogether more sinister whole. the band were tight and on top form. espec1ally Karen. a frontwoman with Shirley Bassy energy and a tongue lodged f1rmly 1n her ct1eek. They describe their music as ·an angry punch up between disfigured beats and seanng,

"Phrases like 'suck me dry' and 'ugly' pick out the sentiments of the songs" soaring gorgeous tunes, dark thoughts, darker humour - the energy of risk·. This summary IS not far from the truth: the different elements of the mus1c, alti1ough cohesive. frequently seem to be battling it out against each other. keeping the listener both masterfully entertained. and highly uncomfortable. For a band who have been togetl1er for only two years. the Neutrinos t1ave acqu1red an 11npress1ve following. and llave achieved substantial acclaim. Listed two weeks ago 1n the NME's student gUide to Norw1ch as one of the city's promising acts. tile band l1ave already performed w1th new-wave gal, Lene Lovich. and BJ Cole. Procla1med at Liverpool's ·1n The C1ty· conference as 'most innovative act'. the Neutnnos are playmg to full houses not only in t11eir native Norwich, but also in tile Camden area where the scene well receives their tales of love and debauchery. lllustrat1ng the band's tendencies towards innovation and sleaze. are the v1suals. which are projected on to a screen behind t11e band. A camera is fitted into Karen's m1crophone. and other footage IS also taken. distorted. and projected back, makmg the g1g an interactive art exhibition as well as a top performance. Pl1rases like 'suck me dry' and ·ugly' pick out the sentiments of the songs. showmg the band want to take the audience to a terntory of d1sgust. breaking out of the sanitiSed norms of contemporary music. A real ity is displayed that IS akin to the art of shock1ng artist Tracy Em1n. who IS most famous for t1er piece My Bed. 1998. which WilS covered in underwear and ejaculation stains. The real1ty the Neutnnos offer is one you cannot turn away from. like a car acc1dent on the M25.

Tile 3D visuals. which were also displayed upstairs in the Arts Centre, were supplied by Norwich's Helical Scan Project, a group of ground-breaking artists who are exploring the

possibilities of 3D photography and film. The displaying of visual a1ds with the band's mus1c showed an early Initiative towards rea l music showmanship that IS hard to come by in today's climate of garage and mediocre indie-pop. it was refreshmg to see a band stretching the boundaries and experimenting with the effects that are not beyond our reach in this technological age. Tile Neutnnos play regularly 111 Norwicll. so keep up to elate w1t11 the1r performancesr The band are currently receiving label interest. and are lookmg to release an album shortly. n Tuesday, October 3, Norwich's legendary pub. The Garden House. was stage to 0/ZKO 2000: Mutant MUSIC and Media, an interesting display of audio and visual 1mages. and idiosyncratic mus1c. Held upstairs 111 a smoky and seedy bar. the combmat1on of qu1rky mus1c. v1sual projeCtions. an eclectiC audience. and a guy w1th a banjO. produced a considerably surreal experience. An an11nated naked woman With love hand les to boot. dancmg to an array of peculiar sounds and beats spnngs to mmd when recalling the evening's offenngs. TlliS IS the stuff BBC2 wou ld love to slot 1nbetween art student sketct1es on late night TV. and could certa.mly rival independent film makers. it was a surprise. tllen, t11at the evening was held by Commulllly Mus1c East. an organisation responsible for bringmg mus1c 1nto the l1ves of people who would otherw1se not have access to creating 1t. CME offers therapy through music. and has a wide range of courses, like Drums for Mums- altlwugh one of the lesser known events on tile Fnnge calendar. 0/ZKO 2000 quintessentially caugllt tile essence of the festival. by offenng somethmg that would otllerwise not reach tt1e 11ves of the target audience.

Don't despa1r tt1ough. if you are a buddlllg art 1st or music lover but have let the festival pass you by unawares. tllere IS always next year. when hopefully the word w1ll get around sooner. and tile Fringe w1ll have more student support. Pete Morgan even sa1d there m1ght be a work experience placement ava1lable for an entertamment industry hopeful. Just a tip: Norw1ch has such an extensive art1st arena, and only the surface IS scratct1ed llere. Unfortunately it is one that doesn't reach UEA students often. because the student bubble doesn't allow it!

So next time, don't bin The Fringe flyer.

Ooooooooh scareee.. . Merek Cooper gives Blair Witch 2 the critical eye and talks to its director, Joe Berlinger about scary movies. ou remember last year right? Well , if it had a defining cinematic moment it came courtesy of a single close up shot of a girl n woolly hat, sat in a tent, clearly terrified, babbling into a video camera. lt was such a refreshingly classic image to grace our screens that it left a permanent scar on our consciousness and will doubtless pass into the annals of movie history.

The merciless parodies that followed only serve to underline its cultural importance. Here was a film that bucked the trend of big budget Hollywoo~ production, and laughed in its expensive big brother's face like some malignant, younger and altogether hipper sibling and gleefully packing 150 million people into its showings along the way. lt only went to prove that just because you spent only $15,000 dollars on production, that didn't necessarily mean that your audience was limited. No Sir! If you 've got the zeitgeist-endorsed power of the Internet behind you then you can do anything. The ripples were felt throughout the movie industry.

Nowadays you cannot navigate cyberspace without beaching your virtual surfboard on a website for the

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"Would anyone in their right mind take refuge in an abandoned nineteenth century factory in a spooky wood? I think not" latest blockbuster or upcoming star vehicle. While the movies exploited t his new way of advertising, the production company responsible for distributing The Blair Witch Project have moved on a pace and are about to release a radically different sequel to the original on a public that is baying for blood.

Well if its blood t hey want then it s blood they wi ll get. The first film scored points for the fact that it managed to be truly chilling while bypassing the usual gore and special effects that you had been taught must be inc luded in a traditional horror movie. Its successor ignores these radical new principles and returns to the grizzly values of the big budget slasher flick.

This was a conscious move by director Joe Berlinger who claims that although he was impressed with the original's premise, that to try to replicate this a

second time round would have been to commit critical suicide. Daniel Myrick 's and Ed Sanchez's original started life as a student film at the University of Florida in the early Nineties. lt was made accordingly and contained all the trappings of a low budget first feature. The Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 began life as a sequel (hence the conveniently placed no. 2 after the main title, always a slight give away) to one or the quickest grossing films of all time and it would be na路ive to expect that it would not be produced as such. This big budget treatment is only surprising on

learning a little about Berlinger's filmmaking career.

Joe Berlinger is an extremely intelligent man (and the owner of an unnerving eighties mullet). Before being offered the chance to direct The Book of Shadows, he was the maker of gritty documentaries. That's right , the very genre Blair Witch so effortlessly high-jacked and left its reality blurred foot print on our collective mindset. This being his first foray into commercial fiction, his presence represents both a brave and extremely astute move by the Blair Witch team.

Aware of the film's love for treading a fine line between fiction and reality , amazing parallels beg to be drawn between The Blair Witch Project and Berlinger's two previous cinematic projects. Paradise Lost and My Brothers Keeper, are respectively; a grim ex pi oration of satanic child murder and the t rue story of a mysterious sibling mercy killing. Both of these films are set in small town America.

After becoming implicated in a parodying of the medium Berlinger previously called home, how can he justify this about-face and look his fellow colleges in the eye again. Well, according to Berlinger, the persuasive factors are a mixture of professional jealousy and an opportunity

he sensed to make an important social comment in a very much more subscribed to arena. He explains his own rapt wonder at the simplistic brilliance of the original. As a man who, by his own admission, has spent days charging round the woods with a film camera after real killers, he could quite easily have been the one to break the idea of a movie, presented as a pseudo-documentary but which was actually fake, whose dizzyingly realistic scenes had audiences at the Sundance Festival baffled and believing that the events unfolding on screen were real. So when

was offered the chance to write and direct the second he jumped at the chance and hurled himself headlong into what he calls eighteen months of work in just nine months. is punishing schedule is probably n illustration of the film company's eagerness to capitalise on the initial hype while still fresh in our minds. What appears on the screen under the brand name of Blair Witch, is a surprisingly slick modern horror film which reveals more to us than we should probably have come to expect from this franchise. Gone is the shaky vision and paired down production values, and enter stage right the special effects and elaborate sets Uust one gripe. Would anyone in his or her right mind take refuge in 路an abandoned nineteenth century factory in a spooky wood? I think not.) This film works subtly on two levels. You can watch it on a Friday night for a good old fashion popcorn spilling scare or you can read it as a comment on our increasingly cannibalistic media culture. The perfect

dichotomy of post-pub pissed -u p fun and serious critical comment.

In its way The Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 adds to the vanguard of smart modern horror films who's lasting charm is to be found in their acute selfawareness and humble acceptance of blame in encouraging violence (most notably Scream and its sequels). The film is set in the present day and its

"Remember the childhood song that went something like 'If you go down to the woods today, your sure of a big surprise'? Well, thanks to Berlinger this has never been so true" main focus is the actual aftermath of the first film and the effect that this has had on the real townspeople of Burkittsville (The words "Goth Invasion" spting to mind). The main characters have all seen the original and whether fans or not it has provoked a strong reaction in them . The fun in this film begins when , driven by this reaction, they sign up for a tour run by the local loony. Akin to supernatural chillers like The Shining and The Omen, phantasmagoric visions and cliches abound, which as any self-respecting horror fan will know, are stolen directly from the classics. According to Berlinger it is exposure to such films that has created the hallucinations which plague the film 's main protagonist and ultimately drives t hem to do what they do. They are all victims of the first film 's extraordinary pull and influence. lt is this slippery reflexive nature of having a film within a film (produced to limited effect in Scream 3) that produces the most satisfying elements of this sequel. You are being encouraged to laugh as the film knowing ly pokes fun at both itself and it's fans.

The man himself predicts his film will be loathed and loved in equal measure. I'm in the latter camp.

Remember the childhood song about teddy bears that went something like "If ~ou go down to the woods today, your sure of a big surprise". Thanks to Berlinger this has never been so true.

Wednesday, October 18, 2000

A spectre is haunting tellyland: the spectre of digital TV! The BBC have recently announced plans to do away with all that analogue business and make loads of new channels so you can sit there with loads of tellies like Batman or Or Claw from Inspector Gadget or something. Yeah. Kathryn Hinchliff writes ... he BBC has been sa111ng on rough seas lately. w1t11 accusat1ons of dumb~ng down, mismanagement . and fall~ng to ma1nta1n the h1gh programming standards that. selfishly, the general publiC has come to demand. In order to re-establish the1r primary pos1tion m our nation's heart. they have dec1ded to ship all their efforts into the coming d1g1tal era. announcing th1s week plans for a further four cl1a nnels ava1lable to non-terrestnal v1ewe rs. Very mucll m the early stages. the BBC has published a nifty little booklet, 1nvitmg l1cence fee payers (1.e. not the students illegally watching TV in the1r Waveney bedrooms- they know where you live). to "a1r their views" on the new proposals.

The Beeb's previous fo'rays int o the digital realm have stopped somewhere short of Earth shattering. but apparently have provided an

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"The BBC are hoping to make enough money to fund the new channels by cutting down on excessive Sellotape use and seedy weekends on the expense account. Seems somewhat unlikely, doesn't it?" essential platform upon which they have been able to develop multimed ia techn iques for the new range.

Not a complete waste of time and money then. The new dig1tal package has been limited to a total of eight channels, and w111 not expand any further in the future, in order, the BBC claim, to ensure that funds will not be spr~ad too thinly, and each new channel will contain "engaging programmes of t he highest quality" ... hmm. BB Cl and 2 wil l remain the bedrock of the BBC , available to all viewers, and will benefit from an extra 拢95 million to help pay for groundbreaking television. This autumn you can look forward to Simon Schama's History of Britain, and David Attenborough's State of the Planet, both of which wil l, no doubt. be equally enthral ling .

BBC3 is a new channel aimed at t he youth market, wh ich claims to look at the world through young eyes - a pretty hazy view then.

Incorporating Rad ial presenters and events, it will feature original British comedy, gripping drama and contemporary music. Worryingly, t hey also state t hat it wi ll , "explore the strong interest in spirituality and belief in contem porary young audiences ." Clearly they are talking

Wednesday, October 18, 2000

about those new young audiences that tile real world has yet to encounter. Until every household has the means to receive d1g1tal television. some of the programmes from tllis cl1annel will be made available to terrestrial viewers on BBCl or BBC2.

So no one will miss out on Sara Cox in all her spiritual glory. Thank God for that.

BBC4 will be aimed at an int ellec tual audience. providmg debate on the central 1ssues of the day, and access to performances of mus1c, dance and theatre- wh1lst also covering tile sciences, philosoplly, politics and cu rrent affairs. The BBC promises that "1t would always be mtelligent in intent and unashamedly intellectual. but unstuffy and contemporary in flavour and tone". Surely. no one has ever accused the Beeb of being stuffy?

Apparently an edition of Timewatch on BBC2 would lead to a studio debate on this channel. followed by an opportunity to join an online discuss1on or access further information on the website: mind-blowing stuff.

The rem ai ning two channels are both exc lusive ly for children. The first is directed at pre-school children up to the age of six and the other is for six to thirteen year olds. They both aim to provide programmes made solely in th is country. in an attempt to impl y that foreign ca rt oons will co rrupt our ch ildren 's minds. Instead they w ill be subjected to Noddy and Tel et ubbies. Obviously grown men on drugs jumping around in surreal environments is a healthy image for them to grow up with. The channel for older ch ildren will offer old BBC favou rites like Blue Peter and Newsround. Well the boredom didn't do us any damage. and it was probably worth it just for Tracy island . hese new channels are all very well. as long as tile BBC can afford to keep the promises it has made. They say the increase in the cost of licence fees will provide most of the money required, and these funds will be supplemented by cost-saving measures within the individual BBC departments. That can be

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t ranslated simply into the fact that the already notorious food in the BBC canteen w il l be getting even worse. BBC employees will also . no doubt, be glad to sacrifice the ir expenses for the greater good of thei r company. that is the employees who survived the last BBC cost cutting measure. mak ing all non-essential employees redundant and all essential employees free lance. Oh, t hat covers all of them then. So. basica lly t hey are say ing that by cutting down on excessive Sellota pe use and t he charging of seedy weekends to the expense

account. they are !loping to make enough money to spend an extra twenty percent on BBCl and BBC2, as well as funding the new channels.

Seems somewhat un li kely. doesn't it? Which leads to the question, how will the BBC prov1de top quality programming for all these new channels when it IS barely managing at the moment with two? The answer: 1t won't. Instead,

"We will be forced to wade through piles of Polyfilla crap in an attempt to plug the gaps in the schedule. However, the BBC insists that it will be UK produced crap rather than imported foreign crap. Which is a relief" we will be forced to wade through piles and piles of crap acting as Polyfilla in an attempt to plug the gaps in the schedule . However. the BBC insists that it will be UK produced crap rather than imported foreign crap. Whi ch is a relief.

There seems to be a growmg tendency 1n the world of televi sion to create channels with specific interest groups 1n mind. representing a departure from the varied format that we've grown up with and grown to love. This cou ld be the final st raw in tippmg the nuclear family over the edge. Children will be in their separate bedrooms watching e1ther Postman Pat or Religion Today, whi lst dad is in the study watching a debate on the issues ra ised on Gardener 's World. and mum is in the livi ng room watching路 How To Ruin Your Neighbours路 Lives And Get Your House Redecorated Simultaneously Although it would perhaps lead to less arguments ov er the television remote . life wou ld be a lot less interesting if we weren't occasionally forced to watch programmes we hate. due to their being no alternative on another channel. lt is hard to believe that people would sacrifice thiS, in order to watch stuff th ey are interested in all the time. People are so selfish.

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Insight

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Crippled Dick Touch and Go with a Creeping Bent Virgin, sir? The world of indie labels is a dark and seedy realm in which genres interbreed and creative juices flow in torrents. Robbie Uprichard takes the plunge ...

1\lf/\GED D)hvJ.1:1 G~ODS

ver wondered what all the fuss about record labels is? You might think that those who bother to even clock labels are a bunch of boring nerdy stamp collectors with the mentality of speccie, anorak-clad trainspotters; there's undoubtedly a grain of truth in this. After all, you can't dance to record labels.

You may also contend that this mentality leads to music becoming elitist and only available to those 'in the know ' . Again this is partly true - there's a vast array of different categories and subcategories, and literally hundreds of independent labels. All of which can make specialist record shops seem a little intimidating to those who only rarely frequent them .

Furthermore you may wonder why any selfrespecting musician would consider entering a record contract with an independent label, as they are characteristically badly organised and run on a shoestring . lt seems a high price to pay for the kudos of being on a cool label, which at first sight appears the only advantage.

But like the records in question this story has two sides. The world of independent records does have something to offer music shoppers beyond an avenue to indulge their tralnspotting trappings.

Labels can serve as a kind of guide as to what to expect from a record. For example an album on Warp Records will probably be a bleepy arhythmical affair, whereas if you want American alternative look out for Touch and Go or Kill Rock Stars. In the dom<!in· of dance music artists are often reluctant to be the face of their sound so record companies become a little bit like the pop stars themselves.

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"The Manic Street Preachers' performance was interspersed with shots of Nobby the Sheep bouncing along. They never had this problem on Damaged Goods" Their less corporate structure and limited scope means fans can identify with independent labels in a way you just can't identify with EMT or, God forbid, the Time Warner Group. Hence the popularity of label merchandise or the genuine sadness in some quarters when Slampt recently went bust. Another example of this sense of identification with indie labels was this summer's gig celebrating City Slang Records. Such an event simply could not have been organised around Virgin records. Virgin is just a big company who will sign any act they believe will sell a sufficient number of units to justify the initial investment made in them; how could anyone feel loyalty or affection with such brutal commercial logic?

Besides, all the Spice Girls fans would be rowdy while Mike Oidfield was on.

But still the only plausible reason for the music buying public to take an interest in independently produced music is that they find the music they want on jndependent labels. Small scale indie labels are perhaps in a better position to discover interesting groups, and the limited agendas of the

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"LCR fa.vourites Steps are signed to Jive Records, giving them the status of an indie group, in the strict sense of the word" major labels leave an awful lot of tastes out in the cold: I haven't noticed many Gabba techno releases on the Time Warner schedule.

The other siQe of the issue is why musicians should wish to sign to independent labels. For all their faults, these labels have a lot to offer: primarily greater artistic freedom, in which those who would wish to experiment with genres which do not have mainstream appeal can get the opportunity to do so. There are innumerable groups quietly squirreling away unencumbered by undue commercial constraints, and it is these who are mapping out unexplored musical territories - some of which will no doubt be the mainstream of tomorrow . rtistic freedom does, however, have its pitfalls - and here I refer to the tendency in some indie labels to make what can only be described as, well, really crap records. Such records are almost exclusively made by punk bands. Broadly speaking , there are two distinctive types of what we'll call 'really crap records that could only have been released on indie labels': on the one hand there are those bands who think they're being really clever and subversive by sounding like shite, their leading exponent being a man calling himself Billy Childish. Then there are those who have a crappy sense of humour and a total lack of primary, secondary or tertiary socialisation. A good example of this type is the beautifully wrought song Your Mother, by a band called Arse.

Another factor is the more informal structure that many independent labels employ, which basically allows acts to be who they are. Major labels have a greater tendency to force musicians into being what the market wants. If Aphex Twin was on a major they'd probably want to send him off to Ibiza with Seb Fontain to play trance to hordes of pissed-up package holiday makers. Denizens of indieland are less likely to have to endure shameless publicity stunts like appearing in undignified and mildly stupid media features. The Manic Street Preachers can vouch for this one, having performed on Saturday morning kids television only to find that their intense and emotionally charged performance was interspersed with shots of a puppet called Nobby the Sheep bouncing along to La Tristessa Ourera. it's worth noting that this never happened during their short stay on Damaged Goods.

But believe it or not, there are acts out there not crippled with egomania; acts for whom the distance from the mainstream in which most independents operate is their most alluring feature. Such musicians manage to make a modest living recording music without having undue disruptions to their private lives. Groups who are suspicious of the established record industry may view signing to an indeRendent labels as a political stand. Fiercely independent emo gods Fugazi have been on their own label since their inception, and it's hard to imagine

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what it would take to make them sign to a major. But don't think the lines are set in stone, for business ha~ little respect for my sensibilities, and entrepreneurs can easily set up independent labels touting undeniably commercial music. LCR favourites Steps are signed to Jive Records, giving them the status of an indie group, in the strict sense of the word .

The bottom line is that major labels are enormous multinational companies who need to make large returns on investments to keep their shareholders in the manner to which they've become accustomed. They simply don't have the luxury of being able to take risks on experimental and leftfield acts who don't have an existing fan base.

Their more formal structure makes them slower to react to changes in fashion, so the majors are rarely at the vanguard of youth culture; relying on their greater financial strength to tempt bands with an established cult status into their fold. So get ahead: put your anorak on and get down to your local independent record shop for those essential releases on Digital Hardcore, or Creeping Bent, Vibrations from the Edge of Sanity' or Crippled Dick on Hot Wax (a ·personal favourite). Oh, and a word of advice: the ones without the barcodes are the best .

~(Ul.,_

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• ~ SHOP ~ AUTOGRAPHS • FILM • SPORT 0 (J ~ AND MUSIC MEMORABILIA

Wednesday, October 18, 2000

In s~

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~Knowledge 41

Joni Mite te

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Is There A In The House?

With an influx of medical dramas winging their way to British TV screens this Autumn, Jim Whalley wonders what the side effects will be ...

What 's the big fuss then?

Well. Joni M1tchell 1s one of the most respected smger-songwriters in rock . Ever. So that makes her pretty significant in popular music, really. She f1rst came to public attention at the fag-end of the Sixties with her unique brand of quirky folk music. shot through with jazz melod1es and her airy, carefree voice.

There had been female singers and writers before of course, but none had never demanded路 and got - the complete artistiC control Mitche/1 insisted upon from day one.

Who did what?

Not only did she sing and play several instruments on her albums, but she also produced and engineered them herself. Of all the important women rock stars of the S1xties and Sevent1es, only Mitche/1 has kept up any creative output of consistent merit -of course, it helps that she's not dead, unlike most of her contemporaries.

Sold a few records then?

Over 50 million of them to be precise. In fact, she churned out albums at a near impossible rate 路 between 1970 and 1980. she made 13 albums. most of which sold by the bucket load.

Which Is best?

Since the early 80s her output has been less prolific. but her most famous works, such as Blue, Court and Spark, and The Hissing Of Summer Lawns. all regularly feature near the top of those snotty 路greatest album ever' lists that always seem to be in the Sunday newspapers. Mitchell's recent albums, which have included flirtations with dance rythms. tnbal music and Thirties jazz, have all met with rapturous critical acclaim.

Doesn't sound like much of a rock 'n' roll goddess to me.

Appearances can be deceptive. Even though she wrote the generation definmg Woodstock. whiCil satirised S1xt1es indulgence, she managed to f1t in fnendsh1ps with just about every major rock star of the period, smoke enough fags to put Marianne Faithful/ to shame. and dnnk enough to put the French wine Industry out of business. In 1994, she was inducted into the Rock 'n' Roll Hall Of Fame. but 1n typ1cal/y stroppy fashion, refused to attend the event because she had to pay for t11e tickets to the party afterwards.

In retrospect ...

In search of love and music/My whole life has been; Illumination/Corruption; And diving diving diving dlving .... -Biack Crow, 1976.

elevision has a horrible tendency to seek success by copying the successes of others. Rather than going to the trouble of makmg the1r own hit programme, producers prefer to steal their rival's, then change it just enough to avoid costly litigation. Driving School was succeeded by a plague of docu-dramas all seeking someone even more moronic than their template's Maureen, from which the schedules only recently recovered. Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? is responsible for the current trend for game shows w1th pointlessly mdustnal sets, hosted by needlessly harsh presenters. And it looks l1ke the

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"Most of the medical dramas made for British TV are little more than glorified soap operas". situation isn't about to change. A quick glance at the autumn line-up reveals that the next wave is going to be medical dramas. The figures indicate 1t m1ght be tidal.

Of course, the med1cal drama has always been with us, be 1t 1n the form of Or Quinn: Medicme Woman, Casualty or [R. In fact during the last fifty years men and women in bloodstained white coats have rarely been off our screens. However. the worrying aspect is the sheer numbers in which they'll be appearing. Ever smce the arrivals

Will Watts

Wednesday, October 18, 2000

of Casualty tn Britain and ER 1n Amenca, the rate of Similar shows being put mto production has increased exponentially. Up to now they have largely avo1ded each other. w1th never more than two or three being broadcast in the same season.

This season we aren't quite so lucky. The BBC IS proud to announce new episodes of Casualty, Holby City and recent dayt1me soap Doctors. ITV presents the further adventures of Peak Practice.

Sky 1 is importing both ER and Chicago Hope. wh1/e UK Gold dig up old edit1ons of Dangerfield and Life Support. The most disturbing aspect of these plans is that while none of the above are brand new series. all have proved successful enough to warrant recommisioning. In other words. the great British public actually enjoy the damn things.

So what IS it about medical dramas that make them such compulsive v1ewing? Why do people continue to tune in, potentially preventing other more imaginative programm1ng from be1ng produced? And, critically, why are they always set at Christmas? The first two questions are easier to answer with the American dramas. in that they're pretty good television . A great deal of money IS spent to ensure the actmg, wnting and direction are all of the best possible quality.

ER's Anthony Edwards is one of the highest pa1d actors working on the small screen and the series has attracted some of the b1ggest names in film includmg Quentin Tarantino and Ewan McGregor. it may not have been the Scotsman's finest hour, but his willingness to attend ind1cates the show's calibre. Chicago Hope doesn't scale quite the same heights, in that essentially it's the same programme, just crappier, yet it still provides more entertainment than the majority of the rubbish out there. The same cannot be said for UK's medical drama Incarnations.

Casualty is exactly like ER 1n many respects . 1t 1s set in a hospital where there are doctors and sick people . But, whereas Americans can enjoy virtuoso kinetic camerawork, powerhouse emotive performances and intelligent plotting. we tune in weekly for that towenng pillar of charisma. Charlle Fairhead. Most of the med1cal dramas made for British consumption are l1ttle more than glorified soap operas. When the last series of ER was in production. 1ts producers promised to kick off with a groundbreaking live episode. Casualty promises to explore the relationship between Char/ie and Duffy and to feature a gay marriage. Rivetmg stuff. Despite this it regularly draws ten million viewers.

Perhaps the reason lies in people's seemingly

endless fascination w1th programming that that gives them 'real life'. As with most of the other ratings toppers (e.g. Coronation Street and Eastenders). Casualty, Holby City and co provide characters and situations that the general pub/1c can relate to. Very few make 1t from birth unt1l death without encountering a doctor or nurse in some form or another. Also. as well as being commonplace, what doctors do is fairly interesting . Few actions hold the attent 1on quite so exclusively as saving /1ves in a bloody fashion, and medics these days appear to have trouble making time for anything else these days.

Or so the makers of med1ca/ programmes would like us to believe. Because one of the few demographic groups who find such shows less than wonderful are the doctors themselves, who regularly accuse medical aramas of wildly distorting whatever facts they can lay their hands on. The trutll is tl1at the Charlie Fairheads. and indeed Mark Greenes. of this world are popular not only due to their charm and all round identification with the viewers at home. but the because they act as reassurance that hospitals are populated by nothing but fundamentally decent, even saintly, professionals. People tune in to be told that competent medical care will be available whenever they need it and that they'll be discharged after NHS treatment with a

"Real doctors say these glossy depictions are hazardous" guarantee that they will be 1n better condition than when they arrived. They certamly won't be told such nonsense anywhere else. Real doctors say these glossy depletions are hazardous. If their patients expect impossible levels of care.

whicll only exist in a fictional environment, they could end up in serious trouble. Unfortunately viewers don't want to listen. The only recent drama to give an accurate portrayal of tile current state of the health serv1ce. Card1ac Arrest, (1t was written by a doctor) was a ratmgs disaster. People watched initially, expecting more comfortable fabncations. then fled in droves as a far gnmmer picture began to emerge. Th1s IS why it so often seems to be Christmas 1n med1cal dramas: everyone has so much more fun at that t1me of year.

So there you have 1t 路 med1cal dramas are very dangerous things. They work like a drug. distortmg our realities to make the real world a more bearable place. We have become dependant on them to keep us happy. demanding that our suppliers, the TV channels, provide us with more and more. The quality is no longer important: all we need is the reassurance. it's time to stop watching before they damage our health.

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Gay people all wear dresses. They also never have sex ·and are always nice to women. That is if you believe most movie stereotypes. ·Katherine Everett explores cinema's depiction of gay men an~ women ... he recent debate over section 28 and the 'teaching' of homosexuality in schools has shown that society as a whole is still wary of publicising gay issues. The debate ended with the continuation of the education clause that states homosexuality should not be taught in schools as part of sex education. For gay rights activists this was the wrong move, as it is felt that sex education is needed to inform young gay people and never to corrupt the morals of our nation's young, a Dally Mail editorial if ever I saw one. lt is no surprise, therefore, that, without the proper information from an early age, a whole generation of young gay people are increasingly looking towards the media for information and Interest.

However, if this is the case, it is surprising that one area of the media, cinema, so consistently lets its gay audience down.

Mainstream films have not yet seen any explicit

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"Despite the credentials of the stars, The Next Big Thing was slated ~ the script condemned as being littered with cheesy cliches" homosexual relationships. Even Philadelphia, one of the first, and definitely the most successful film portraying a gay man, was only able to gain a commercial audience by casting a resolutely heterosexual actor and by creating an . unrealistically asexual relationship between Tom Hanks and Antonlo Banderas. lt would seem the audiences of Middle America could only tolerate going to see a film about AIDS if no actual... whisper it now .... kissing took place.

More recent films such as The Next Best Thing starring Rupert Everett <!!nd Madonna have

heralded the introducion of more and more gay characters onto the big screen. However, despite the credentials of the stars, the fi lm was slated and the script condemned as being •... littered with cheesy clicMs...often related to gay characters and themes' (Empire Magazine). lt would appear that even when two people who have made careers out of their sexuality and supported gay issues at every turn are capable of completely losing the plot then there really must be something wrong with the portrayal of gay men and women in modern cinema. , Gay male characters on screen suffer from being split Into two easy to swallow (if you'll pardon the pun) stereotypes. There's the sweet, quiet, girlsbest-friend type that The Object Of My Affection (starring Jennifer Anniston and Paul Rudd) portrayed. Or there is the more common ultracamp types found in films like Jeffrey and The Birdcage. Is this often patronising treatment of the sexuality of some gay people what often leads to mass market viewers seeing gay characters as either intimidating or something to laugh about? lt seems ironic that when one compares the supposedly more adventurous medium of film with its smaller budget counterpart the television that it is often the latter that provides the most honest portrayal of being gay. You could argue that Big Brother of all things did far more for the •gay cause", if there is1 indeed, such a thing than any number of drag queens, effeminate men and butch women. Anna, the ex-nun, didn't flaunt her sexuality, nor was·she any kind of stereotype. No control, other than the contestant picking process, was placed over the expression of her sexuality. Andy and Craig would characteristically flirt and gossip outrageously, which was amusing to the rest of the contestants. Any comments that Anna did make weren't met with homophobia but with the same humour, and Interest, from the others. This rising tolerance of expressed homosexuality is becoming more of a feature of today's society as the myths are expelled and a greater understanding is found. lt is a fact that films containing more that one

'token gay' are bound to be less mainstream. The British film Bedrooms and Hallways examined the partying lifestyle of a group of gay men but did not receive strong TV advertising, and certainly didn't break box office records. Even Priscilla Queen Of The Desert, In which two drag queens and a transsexual travel across Australia with their show, did not confirm that any of the characters were actually gay apart from a lesbian couple near the end of the film. This film, in particular, seems to support the argument that labelling characters Into ·camp with a tendency to wear women's clothes" makes for safe viewing. People are willing to believe that this is what being •gay" is about, indicative in the number of people who went to watch the film.

Is this state of affairs due to a smaller demand for this type of film or the fact that we. the great viewing public, would prefer to see a 'sanitised' and possibly even asexual portrayal of gay characters in films? If the latter is the case it seems odd that the only thing that separates gay from straight, sexual feelings for someone of the same sex, is what is betng left out of the final portrayal on screen. his ·sanitisation' of gay characters in mainstream film is encapsulated in the character of Jeff Goldblum's quirky workmate in Independence Day. Even here his sexualitY is merely suggested. He is camp but not definitely homosexual. lt is this quirkiness and camp edge that adds a good character to a film.

However, to make it into the Hollywood philosophy (where, of course, there are no gay actors remember). gay characters are made . asexual for the mass market. That is · the viewer is either never expllcitly told that the character is gay or if they are then the film must follow the age-old rule that there must be no relationships and definitely never any sex between a homosexual couple. That said, however, rules of decency and those rules restricting raunchy sex scenes do also apply to heterosexual couples, though to a lesser degree.

Lesbian characters in film are even less prolific than gay men. Wild Things contains more of an 'encounter' and not a relationship, and was designed mainly to appeal to the hairy palm brigade. Explicit lesbian scenes between Jennifer Tilly and Gina Gershon do appear in Bound, but it was a film that wasn't seen by all as being in the best possible taste, having a violent, gangster storyline. lt instead earned the label of "cult fi lm". The crude stereotype of the butch lesbian

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or the ·male fantasy ' of two big-breasted blondes entwined with one another are all we really see in mainstream film . lt is again in television that producers seem to be playing the right notes.

F-riends' portrayal of Carol, Ross' ex-wife and Susan, her girlfriend, introduces a more accurate picture · that there really are no stereotypes. This may be hard to understand in our image-conscious age, where it is convenient to pigeon-hole people and as characters like Carol and Susan become more of a feature of mainstream TV, so too do they have the potential to feature more in mainstream film.

"The crude stereotype of the butch lesbian or the 'male fantasy' of two big breasted ·blondes. entwined with one another is all we really see in mainstream film" Can we accept homosexuality in our cinemas more if the emphasis was placed more on love between a couple rather than sex? In Four Weddings and a Funeral one of the most famous and touching scenes was Matthew reading at his partner Gareth's funeral. Gareth's attitude to love was philosophical, humorous and down to earth, something which we all feel and can identify with, whatever our sexuality. This was possibly a much more ·accessible' form of homosexuality for a· mass market.

Although a mainstream film, Four Weddings and a Funeral was in no way a gay film and it did not cover any gay issues. These issues are instead found on the small .screen in soaps like Brookside, which showed one of the first lesbian kisses on prime time TV. Perhaps the "British reserve" that we suffer from is evident in the lack of gay films that our nation produces and it begs us to question whether other countries also suffer from this? The future of gay film may still have a long way to go in order to free Itself from the small screen or from being confined to the sidestoryline on more mainstream films. However, as the popularity o(soap ratings and series like Queer as Folk have shown, homosexuality is something that we all, gay or not, are curious about.

Wednesday, October 18, 2000

12

13

Kar~n

Simon Day

Taylor

"Never ·before have I laughed, been scared and wanted to have a wank at the same time" said one punter upon leaving a Karen Taylor gig. Whether this 23-year old winner of last year's Daily Telegraph Open Mic Award has the same effect on her UEA audience is yet to be seen.

But you can get practicing with this lovely interview ...

Describe Karen Taylor In no more than five words I'm down to earth, does that count as three?

Normal, funny and a lady.

Ever received any really bad heckles?

I've never had any really to be honest, surprise surprise. Someone once said to me 'I like your shoes' but I'm not sure that's very bad.

So how would you deal with them If push came to shove?

I'd take it as a compliment as at least it shows

"Bad heckles? Someone once said to me 'I like your shoes', but I'm not sure that's very bad" an interest as opposed to just sitting there eating their chips. If people were to get nasty then I'd just get nasty back but they don't as they're just there to have a laugh.

Any dreadful gtgs?

Yeah, at - I don't know whether I should say as I've got to go back there this year.

Oh, go on .

Well. Imperial University was quite daunting as I was performing in front of huge crowds of Astro physicists who, bless 'em were terrified of me basically.

Why's that?

I was told they didn't like women very much and they were all, for want of a better word, a bit green and young and I thought at one stage, a couple at the front were going to cry which made me feet awful. [nb. Imperial very much male populated] ' What was your leg up Into comedy?

I took part in a Daily Telegraph competition about two years ago and got through to the final the following year which I suppose got me noticed.

So where do you see yourself In five years time?

I'd like to have Caro!ine Aherne's career.

Well your accent Is quite like hers Well I'd like to w rite stuff and maybe appear on TV /films but I hope that is not being too

an

ambitious.

Main Influences then?.

If anything my dear old mum is my biggest influence. I can't think of any comedians who have gone before that have had such a bearing on me.

So did you use your wittiness like so many comedians you hear Qf fQ deflect frQm the s<:hQQ/ nastles?

Erm, sort of. Growing up if) Barrow [Cumbria]. an industria! town, you need a sense of humour to get through living there. Y' know everyone always has some mud like that on where they're from.

Has fame yet got to the stage where your catchphrases are being repeated a la Harry Enfield?

No, but someone did go up to another comic I know and ask for 'the girl with the big breasts' so there's a start. [nb. another Caroline Aherne similarity.)

Do you think comedy Is the new rock 'n' roll?

No, rock 'n' roll will always be as it is. I can see comedy's immense appeal as it's witty, insightful, appears to young people and often has a political twang. Its great for the simplest thing at its root, being, y'know, everyone likes a chortle don't they?

Any rock 'n' roll stories?

Not really, that's all confined to the past. When your job's ·rock 'n' roll'. as you suggest, you get home all you want to do is switch off and act normal.

So no groupies then?

I had a bit of a stalker in Edinburgh which only lasted two nights thank god. That really doesn't count though does it.

Where do you get your material from?

I' m not very observational. it's just that, say, on a night out when something funny happens, however random, then I just expand from there.

Sorry for the predictability, but could you tell us a joke to conclude?

My mind's gone blank so no...ok then what do you call a camel with three humps? Humphrey.

Boom boom.

Interview by Brlan Fraln

Antopols~i

26-year old comic poet Dan Antopolski has bee~ described as the bastard offspring of Spike Milligan and a militant road protestor. Didn't know Spike had it in him. His anarchic style has won him rave reviews as well as the 1998 BBC New Comedy Award- all of which all means he's pretty damned funny, really. Steve Col/ins caught up with him on the FHM tour Describe yourself In five words.

The first thing I'd say ...

Yeah?

That's it. That's five words.

[Very long pause.]

That's 1t1 Oh, right. Ever had any good heckles?

Yes- 'you haven't worked much since Rent-aghost'. I don't know if you know what I look like?

No - which one from Rent-a-ghost?

Timothy Claypote.

Really? Wasn 't he the one who played the jester?

Yeah. Well he had a beard, so it's close enough.

Oh right. Have you got a heatk>n-a-stlck thing?

No. Well at least you 're not the tlorse.

Yes, at least I'm not the horse.

Have you ever had a bad gig that 's really bombed?

Of course, everyone has.

What's the worst one?

Probably the most Intense death was at Layton Live at Edinburgh this year. it's this sort of famous late-night gig where the crowd are all kind of pissed up. it's like this gladiatorial contest where they shout 'f- off' at you before you've even got to the microphone.

Nice. So did you f- off then?

No, no. I stood, my ground and argued back at them. lt was a noble death.

What Inspired you to first take the stage? lt just sort of grew out of what I was doing at college. Reviews and things. And a friend of mine was doing stand-up. it happened sort of gradually,

"I'm bananas! Not crazy, though. The fruit." really.

But your press release says that Phll Colllns appeared to you In a dream and commanded you to be a comedian.

You can write that if you want tol Urn, doesn' t it say "in a drum"? · Yeah, it's misspelt, Isn't lt? Oh, Is lt not misspelt?

Probably a joke, isn't it.

Oh right, sorry.

That's alright.

What are your main Influences?

Shaun Lock, Trevor Lock and Camden Lock.

Do you like animals?

Wednesday, October 18, 2000

Yeah.

Any particular ones?

I like cats. I just like them.

Just cats?

Just cats, yeah. Nothing else.

Fair enough. Old you use your wit to deflect school bullies?

I did.

Is that why you thought you could get Into comedy?

No, not really. I don't think that's true.

No? No. Has your fame got to the stage where people shout your catch phrases and jokes at you In the street?

No, it hasn't. I mean, I do a couple of crappy bits of TV a few times a year, and then people kind of look at me on the train and things and think ·are you my postman?' You know, t hat's how famous I am.

So Is comedy the hew rock and roll?

Yes, definitely. I think it's the new drum 'n' bass.

Okay, any rock and roll stories? Or drum 'n' bass stories for that matter?

Er, I couldn't possibly.

Oh go on.

1 couldn't implicate myself or my colleagues.

Please?

No. Oh. You couldn't print it anyway.

Any groupies?

Urn, yes the odd one. But I'm happily going out with someone now so it's a bit academic. They're of no use to me.

Do you perform In character?

Not really, no. it's in a persona, but no character as such, no.

Would you say that there's a lot of you In your persona?

Well, my persona kind of changes all the time to become a bit more like me.

Does that not get a bit uncomfortable - not getting distance between you and you on stage?

No, not really. I mean let's not get it out of proportion, it's not like I'm playing Wembley Stadium or anything. it's j ust about becoming more relaxed.

Finally, sorry to be a bit predictable, but, could you tell us a joke to conclude?

Urn. "I'm bananas! Not crazy, though. The twit."

.The Fast Show~s very own Billy Bleac~ is coming to our beloved LCR on Tuesday, October 31 as part of the FHM Edinburgh and Beyond comedy tour. Steve Collins and Elin Jones spoke to him about getting banged up in Borstal, signing arse·s in Norwich and ~etting stalked by big fat men ... actually enjoys anything about the wonderful whoah, a little bit waay. A one man crime wave. world of showbiz at all. The answer comes in a He would, indeed, nick anything, to coin a phrase.

"Yeah, tnat's true. 1 was the young black sheep rather cryptic and disturbing form: "I. always put wigs on and stuff. I always gravitate towards that of the family and l. .. well, I nicked things, really. kind of stuff. Yeah" Nothing serious - push bikes and bit of shop.

Transvestisismr Cross dressing! Now we have a lifting. I was homeless as well at the time so I wasn't, like, a proper thief. it was to, y'know , get scoop! Okay, maybe more what we would expect from Eddie lzzard than Simon Day, but it's a start. by and then I got nicked and since I had nowhere Unfortunately, he is talking about his penchant for to go they put me in Borstal, which was quite character acting. · · strange considering they weren't very serious charges." He eventually got into comedy after an In fact , Simon Day Is probably less well-known than the characters he plays, notably Competitive illustrious career featuring a stint in McDonalds, Dad and Tommy Cockles - a character he started work as a printer and a long stint labouring in a whilst on tour with Vie and Bob. After playing the building firm. His leg·up td fame and fortune came through a chance encounter with two young same character for so many years it becomes an unknowns named Vie and Bob. occupational hazard that he occasionally slips into Tommy (metaphorically speaking, of course).

"I am almost becoming him- thoug'h I'm not so much like the other characters. I might occasionally slip into an accent now and then, but I wouldn't say I often actually slip into an actual character. But I do slip into Tommy the most, yeah.''· he muses, but presumably without the thick glasses and side-parting. In fact, he remembers people earlier in his career "used to shout, ·get off you old c-' cos they thought I "My mate had a little antique shop and they used actually was an old man." The problem with to write above it, and he used to say 'they're working In a show like The Fast Show is that the funny but you're funny as well. You should give it a try.' Then I was doing a show in a pub, which characters all have such recognisable catchphrases. Who can't remember people they were judging, and they came up to me exclaiming in a pub in early 1997 "you like good afterwards and were like (adopts a comedy head on your beer do you sir? Ooh suit you! " .

Northern accent) 'you can come on tour with us, Does Simon ever get his own phrases and jokes lad'. And that was it" The story of his descent repeated back at him in the street? "Yeah, if I'm into comedy actually begins further back, however: •t suppose I was the class joker at sitting at table and that, they'll be, like, ·ts there someone sitting there, mate?' Although they school though. I managed to avoid run·ins with don't really ask for jokes as such. That kind of the bullies by doing Monty Python sketches and thing belonged more to 70s comics. People , all that." appear to be more comic-<:onscientious these Apart from his ·work on The Fast Show, Simon has days, so they're more likely to respect you, or also had a part in Shakespeare In Love with the insipid Gwyneth Pattrow, as the taxi driver whatever. But people do always seem to boatman, and has just been commissioned to differentiate between the character and me, produce his own comedy show. The future seems yeah" So are which character would you say is bright, but he's not sure exactly what it holds for most like you, then? "[long musing sounds, interspersed with loud munchrng and gulping ] him - although he assures us that "when I've got Eerrrrrm ...there's a bit of me in all of them, really. my biography I'll come and tell you." No plans to continue your film career, then? "Well I'd But I'd say the one that's most like me is Billy Bleach, I guess, cos he' s, er, a...gifted loser. H love to have a film career, but I haven't been offered anything since Shakespeare in Love. ha ha ha ... " But I think t hat if you do enough good work on telly then you will eventually get noticed it just takes timet" One thing's for sure though, he won't be following the worrying trend of releasing a 'comedy' single a la Vie and Bob (with their rendition of 70s hit Dizzy in 1992). "I remember when I was 16 I was in a band and I thought I was too old to play the guitar. I'd have quite liked to have done that. Actually, no I wouldn't as I'd probably be dead now if I was in a band." Ah, at last, an inkling of the booze and groupies lifestyle of the rock star! But it' s ail lost on Si mon. "Groupie action?

There were fans on the Vie and Bob tour but they're all usually about 121 " On the whole, though, his fans tend to be rather more, um, robust. "There was one fat bloke who had cut out loads of clippings about me in the local paper from my espite the apparent hopelessness of our area and that was a bit strange, but a bit funny". earlier efforts to raise the rock'n'roll Simon seems to be pretty behemoth within the docile Mr Day, the amused by all the interview soon stumbles into a rather interesting aspect of Simon's rather chequered past : it trappings of fame. None transpires that he has in fact served some t ime at of your usual moC~ning about 'invasion of privacy' Her Majesty's Pleasure - and we don't mean giving old Liz's flanks a vigorous soapy rub-down. or taking personal comments . Apparently, Simon was, in his youth, a little bit to heart. "When I went onstage at

"I did a spell in Borstal. I was the young black sheep of the family and l ...well, I nicked things"

harlie Higson and Paul Whitehouse may have forged their famous comedy partnership at our prestigious University, but Simon Day, their eo-star in the mega-successful Fast Show, has rather less fond memories of the UEA. An exdrama student from our fine university who, as well as looking rather like a monkey, happens to also be called Simon Day, wrote to ·Simon demanding that he change his name.

"Yeah, this guy wrote to me and said I had to change my name, or else. I put an 'e' at the end of it for a while; it's still there sometimes. I mean, I don't really understand the mentality behind it. Somebody told me it was cos, obviously, I am much better than he is, but even so, I can't real ly see.there being a clash. Also, he even went on to do a voice-over, saying he was me. Well cheeky!"

There must be something in the air in East Anglia (something which many students have long suspected), as Simon had a run-in with another 'cheeky' student on his last visit here. "Some girl asked me to sign her arse when I was in Norwich" he bewilderedly recalls, " I can't even remember if it was a nice arse, to be honest. I was a bit embarassed. I didn't know if she was serious or not, so I d!dn't sign it. I just lectured her on how I was old enough to be her father. " Not a very rock ' n'roll attitude, surely? Surely there must be some coke-snorting showbiz monster lurking behind the amiable facade of Mr Tommy Cockles? Come on, what's the most rock'n'roll thing you've ever done, Simon?

"Probably having my heart-bypass operation.· Oh God. Really? When was ~hat? " Er ...l didn't really have one. I made it up."

Oh, right.

"But that's probably the most rock'n'roll thing I've ever said! " Cheers. But, but. .. but surely being on the road with Vie and Bob must have had its moments?

Apparently not. "it was good. A good education.

But I used to die pretty much every night cos a lot of the venues were proper stand-up venues and it was incredibly rowdy. lt suppose in that respect it was like a rock'n'roll show .. ... He trai ts off. Clearly we're not_going to get too many revalations about snorting coke from supermodels' cleavage, then. By now I was beginning to wonder whether or not Simon

C

Glastonbury somebody shouted out 'take that tucking mask off and start telling the truth. you c-', so that was quite charming. But I j ust deal with it as it comes.· Unfortunately for said heckler, Simon is one character comedian refreshingly free of 'tragic clown· pretensions; he seems completely unimpressed by his own stage persona, unafraid to drop all character acting offstage and just be, well, a genuinely nice bloke. Your typical 'gifted loser' who's managed to win the heart of the nation. Which is nice.

"The most rock'n'roll thing I've ever done?

Probably having my heartbypass operation. Er ... l didn't really have one. I made that up. But that's probably the most rock'n'roll thing I've ever said"

D

Wednesday, October 18, 2000

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14 ============= ' nspected::: : :;:

Singles:

Albums:

!8 !

Placebo

BJaGk MarkeJ Musjc

Radiohead and Blur go all experimental on us, Suede morph Into a clinical, polished self-parody and Oasis ... let's not even go there. lt begs the question, where did all our rock stars disappear to? Enter Brlan Molko.

"What? Not that sexually ambiguous little drama queen, all choked up on heroin and selfimportance?" you cry. Well, actually no. You see, Brian Molko has finally grown up and this, the third Placebo album, sees him looking back at those days of debauchery from this new, outside perspective.

So. accompanying the blatant drug reference of Special K you have an attempt to warn off an addict in Commercial for Levi (" I understand the fascination/l 've been there once or twice or more"). He's also tried his hand at some sociopolitical subjects too, attacking dear old Maggie T on Slave to the Wage and even empathising with a lyncheO black slave in Haemoglobin.

But what makes this album such a relief right now isn't the new lyrical direction. Nor is it that you can now listen to Brian's voice without cringing as you remember his last obnoxious interview. it's that, unlike most of their contemporaries, Placebo still write tunes! Special K has a chorus to rival 36 Degrees in its high-octane pop hugeness and Commercial... is all tenderness and gentle melody.

They experiment too, most obviously in the surprisingly unembarrassing rap of Spite & Malice and in off-killer beats and programming, but never at the expense of the songs.

And that's why we must hail Placebo as our last heroes of rock - at least they know where to draw the line.

Jenny Wiles

Alabama 3 La Peste If Alabama 3 do not hall from the Deep South, then the music that they play is certainly influenced by this sound. You can almost imagine sitting on the porch of an American side street in good ol' New Orleans.

In short it is dirty, sleazy, low down rock and roll blues; but don't think that's all there is to it.

While the lyrics reflect the fact that this album was undoubtedly influenced by the blues, the band also experiment with weird electric feedback and odd 'experimental' sounds. There are a few more traditional guitar songs, but still these wouldn't have sounded out of place being belted out from the aforementioned porch.

The album overall delivers what you would expect and the tracks present no major surprises. There is a mix between folksier guitar tracks and more electronic experimentation; each sounding similar to the next, but delivering a subt ly different message than its neighbour.

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This is an album that relies more on the traditional strength of good lyrics rather than guitar noise, feedback and distortion. And it seems that the fact that this lot are actually from the whisky'n'spitoon dustbowl badland known as Brixton doesn't 5eem to have put them off peddling the same irony-clad porch rock they've been specialising in since Ain't Goin' to Goa. Like all the music of this kind it is religious with a social conscience, but don't let this put you off.

The songs fully justify the lyrical content, and it's a relaxing experience.

A bit like Beck crossed with Richard Ashcroft on a particularly mellow day.

Gareth Morgan

Well, these guys can certainly play.

A five piece from London, Cousteau have been notching up a considerable amount of praise from some big names in the music press, and comparisons with the likes of Tindersticks and 'Scott Walker are certainly not baseless. And they are not found wanting in the ability department either, with every member of the band contributing in the music's creation.

Main songwriter Davey Ray Moor displays the greatest talent, playing no less than five different instruments, and taking lead vocals on two tracks. Not that regular vocalist Liam McKahey can't croon along with the best of them. His fluid baritone·proving an excellent platform for some nice harmonies.

So far, so good. The talent is there, and the songs are well recorded. So what's the problem with this record?

Well, the simple fact is that it is absolutely interminable. The danger with having good musicians in a band is that they will indulge themselves to the full , and it Is a t rap that Cousteau have fallen into. if this record was the soundtrack to your life, you would live to be 127. Then there is the problem of th~ lyrics. To call them sixth-form poetry Is an insult to sixth-formers up and down the country.

The lyrics to a song such as How Will I Know are more like the angsty scribblings of a lovelorn but intellectual 14 year old.

Cousteau have let their talent get the better of them.

Smooth cocktail-bar blues has its fans, but they would be bored to tears by this. Listen with an alarm clock nearby.

Anthony Lovell

Live Live

even·t ~~~ •

Roni Size/UEA

family is now complete " heralded the emergence For the many people for who would rather spend of vocalist Onallee. Dressed In a tight shimmering leather one piece, it was difficult imagining her the day sunbathing in Sellafield than go to see Scouse popster Mel C, Roni Size and Reprazent as one-sixth of the great drum and bass provided arguably the highpoint of the UEA music collective. However she does possess some · wicked vocal talents. calendar so far.

One of the highpoints had to be t he latest single The Bristol based collective, winners of the 1997 Mercury music prize for their album New Forms · Who Told You, a comment on the widely held view that drum and bass was dead and has been brought their show to Norwich to promote their for quite some time. The tune seemed to follow-up album In The Mode.

The evening kicked off with a lighter blend of energise Roni into a somewhat aggressive mood, captured within an eerie alternating music from MJ Cole. In hindsight, this did not seem to fit In with the main attraction. To be purple/red glow. Who Told You sounded the same as the single released, but with just honest it was akin to Phats and Smalls warming enough variation to give it the edge the crowd up for the Beastie Boys. However it provided an easy, inoffensive beginning to the evening. was demanding. The set ended to an immense trilling of whistles. cheers mate.

Following this, the LCR windows, that up until The crowning glory however was the seminal tune the entry of Reprazent had been mildly humming now began to protest violently at the onslaught Brown Paper Bag. As soon as those instantly recognisable samples shuddered from the of bass waves pumping out over the dance floor. speakers, people who had sweated five gallons Roni emerged to a huge ovation, with members of the Reprazent crew filtering out behind as and and worn.out their Alrwalks headed back to the floor. The tune was played in its epic glory and when they pleased. The initial reaction to old crowned one of the best gigs I reckon I'll see Ronl was a bit of an anti-climax I mean he's only a little fella, no really, he's tiny. The guy made up here at Norwich. for it by showing exactly how he came from rank Wicked vocals, window shattering beats and hearing Brown Paper Bag live. Quality! outsider to winning the prize that propelled liim Davld Enzor into the limelight. The announcement that "the

Wednesday, October 18, 2000

Moby Why does my heart feel so bad?

Since Moby became the darling of the music world, vultures eagerly circle each new release for a hearty feast. But with his consistent quality, dinner could be some time. Deep gospel vocals, strings and an almost chilling piano play over some restrained beats and bass. Imagine your relationship is over, lie down and stare at nothing and for a couple of minutes you may well be moved.

Davld Enzor

Also R.elease.d: The Elevator Suite Man in a Towel Taken from their debut album, Barefoot and Shitfaced, The Elevator Suite have played their trump card here with an exciting track that echoes the sound of Black Grape, complete with trumpet and keyboard. An uplifting mix of acid jazz and classic dance floor pop, the vocals are smooth and the long intro is a real treat. it's definitely worth keeping this man in a towel close at hand.

Kath May

Blur Music is my radar Hmmm...after the catchy song/video combination of Coffee and TV comes this latest lo-fi Blur offering. it seems to have been corr.posed in the ·can't be arsed vocals must equal style' theory.

However, the plan backfires with Damon grating through the speakers, leaving you wishing for an. instrumental version. Once again, a change of direction, and once again a bit of a grower.

Courtney Plne/UEA

"I didn't know you listened to jazz In Norwich," remarked Courtney Pine half-way through his set at the Waterfront. Well, we do, and the Waterfront turned out to be a surprisingly good venue for his particular brand to boot.

I'd turned up at the gig expecting to be lost in a sea of pullover-wearing teachers on a break from marking homework, but instead I was confronted by a wide mix of teenagers, fellow student types, and, yes, the occasional groovy geography teacher. And someone had cleaned the Waterfront floor, so it actually looked like deep stained wood, rather than a putrid black mess.

Nice.

What really spoke for the qualities of the venue though was the intimacy it allowed, encouraging the obvious enthusiasm of Courtney and his support band to spill over into the audience, aided by the fact the music never stopped once during the hour and a half they were on stage.

Whether it was a bass line, drum beat. or improvised sax solo, each tune was melded into the next, with rhythm and pace sliding seductively back and forth .

If there was anything wrong, it was that Courtney occasionally got carried away with his solos, tr.ading off skill witli energy, and leaving both the audience and - more worryingly - his band, unsure of what would happen next, even on one occasion forcing the other musicians to drown out his sax to get the music back on track.

But that's jazz. And if we get more like this, Norwich should sit back and listen again. lames Goffln

Davld Enzor

David Gray Please for~ive me

lt stands to reasoncniat an artist who is receiving critical acclaim for the first time in a long career will want to continue that success. Therefore, it should surprise no one that Please Forgive Me Is proceeding along the road to Babylon. One for his many new fans, but hardly groundbreaking.

Anthony Love//

Norman Cook Sunset bird of prey Norman's getting old; a husband, father and now mellow vocals! Yet this track is not as bigger shift from his big beat past as the chilled out vocals of Jim Morrisqn would first suggest. Since this bird (of prey) 's song is both sweet but laden with phat beats to die for, guaranteed to fill any dance-floor whether it be sunset or not.

Slmon Thomh/11

the

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Ins ected: Film

15

What lies Beneath Directed by: Robert Zemeckis Starring: Harrison Ford, Michelle Pfeiffer.

Somebody's been watching a lot of Hltchcock and wants to prove lt. While this stylish supernatural thriller was a major hit In the USA, would the late master of suspense really have approved?

Just as Alfred would have hired in his heyday two of the biggest stars on the planet: extremely capable of opening any film at the box-office and still making millions so has Robert Zemeckis. In these films the plot is normally the last thing that the public questions on the opening weekendmatters of hairstyle and how well the star is ageing top that particular list. So it comes as quite a refreshing change that this film actually wants, begs even, to be judged on the same level as the classics that Hitchcock would have made.

Zemeckis obviously wants us to take the man responsible for Back to the Future seriously.

Unfortunately, its flimsy plot gives up the ghost halfway through and slides into a mire of cheap borrowed thrills. Was I meant to laugh so hard during the final scenes? lt begins promisingly enough when we are introduced to Pfeiffer, losing her mind to a paranoid belief that a malevolent presence has taken up residence in her plush lakeside property. Harrison Ford literally sleepwalks his way through the role as her disbelieving husband, barely breaking into a sweat . lt is worth noting that this performance sealed Ford's amazing reputation as one of Hollywood's most bankable stars giving him the dubious honour of having a hundred million dollar grossing movie in every one of the last four decades. Ford's uber-cool performance as Han Solo is so v·oven into the fabric of my childhood, forming as it did the basis of almost all my child-

14

hood games with my brother, that it is hard for me to criticise his box-office pull. This is due to the simple fact that I, along with millions of other Star Wars babies, am responsible in part for creating it. lt is not enough, however, just to turn up and be present on the screen. A certain amount of acting is still involved and I'm sorry to say his performance smacks of a "take the money and run · style of complacency.

What Lies Beneath is not without its plus points, though . The initial hour is made up of genuinely spooky stuff and will have you leaping out of your seat with the visceral shocks it delivers. Also it manages to supply what is probably the best performance by an ex-supermodel this side of lsabella Rosselini in Blue Velvet. To his credit Zemickis has come up with a fool proof method for making Amber Valletta look like she can act, namely use her beautiful image but under no circumstances allow her to speak. Inspired!

Where this film really backfires, however, is in its relentless need to prove how clever it is. I mean, enough already! Everyone should be by now familiar with the shower scene from Psycho, but Zemeckis insists on shoving this reference down our throat at every opportunity. Does he think he's alone in discovering this classic of cinema or that we've simply erased it from our memory? I swear if I see another supposedly intelligent horror movie in the near future I'll scream! (Get it?)

Merek Cooper

Dinosaur

Directed by: Ralph Zondag Starring the voices of: DB Sweeney, Alfre Woodard and Julianna Marguiles

Disney does dinosaurs as only Disney can. By sucking the lfe out of them and giving them big cartoon eyes ... Is nothing sacred?

You have to hand it to the people at Disney . They take possibly the most ferocious creatures to have walked the Earth, bigger than ... something very big, and what do they manage to do? Make them talk Disney-speak , give them doe-eyes and silly American voices. Where the hell is all the blood? The ripping of limbs? The carnage?

I really don't think the dinosaurs lasted as long as they did simply by following the mantra of "let's all get along because that's what Uncle Wait would have liked ... and as for the eating each other thing ... well, y'know, I really do think those leaves over there look far more appetising than my thigh".

Forgive my cynicism. I know I am not the Wait Disney W.orld Corporation's target audience. I have neither a large family nor do I still wear nappies. lt is true that the money Disney have thrown at the film really does show on the screen, creating, big eyes aside, a beautiful canvas on which to display the story. This, though, is where the main problem lies. The story is lame even by family film standards. Following a meteor shower, Aladar, an orphaned dinosaur (he was only an egg at the time so it didn't give him any psychological

disorders) has to leave the island he grew up on with his adopted family of lemurs (Darwin would have had a field day tearing this to shreds) only to find himself part of a dispossessed group of dinosaurs hunting for their mating ground. Of course some of the dinosaurs can't keep up, so the self-righteous dinosaur with the High School football player voice, preaches about the need to stay together and look after the weak. lt is this moralistic tone that lets the film down.

At no point does the story or the script do credit to what we are seeing on the screen And the sum total of this expensive visual feast?

There is love. There is (very mild) violence. There are annoying hairy creatures who look like they belong in a completely different film. There is hard-core sex ... only kidding. And absolutely no songs written or sung by Elton John , in fact no songs at all, thank God, which means there is no need for a government health warning, unless they are now in the habit of giving them out for excessive boredom . A Dinobore one might be tempted to say (if you were in the habit of using excesive punnage and completely ruining the Adam Chapman review).

iS

The Little VamP-ire

16

Romeo Must Die

Directed by: Uli Edel Starring: Jonathon Lipnicki, Richard E Grant

Directed by : Andrzej Bartkowiak Starring: Jet Li, Aaliyah Houghton

Aaaahhh ... how lovely. Reject kid befriends reject vampire and they set the world to rlgiJts, which Is about as profound as you can get.

Ropey kung-fu action movie with a tenuous /Ink with the Bard. Definitely one for a drunken Friday nlgiJt...

I hate kids. I really do. In my day, they sent kids to church to learn how to be quiet. That applies especially to that 'adorable' urchin from Jerry Maguire, who, like his friend, 'the little vampire', has been six years old for the last four hundred years. "That kid" plays Tony, an American boy from San Diego, who comes to Scotland with his dad and MILF to build a golf course in the Highlands. American capitalism meets traditional British backwardness, if you will. Rather disturbingly he dreams constantly of vampires, makes friends with ·a little one· called Rudolf and spends the rest of the film helping him and his family in their struggle to lift the curse of the undead and fend off the evil vampire hunter.

If you are looking for a deeper meaning then it could be fun to watch as a film about racism.

Tony is teased at school for being different and amid taunts of "go back home creep " he finds comfort in hanging with the vampires - a persecuted minority with whom he can identify.

The vampires are eventually released from their 'blackness' and reappear with normal teeth and combed hair to join the other 'regular' members of society. Okay ... well it depends on how you want to define fun.

Starring the obligatory Lottery-funded British movie cast plus Richard E Grant (who obviously has some bills to pay) as the little vampire's father (now a long way from "isn't it amazing how much steam comes off peas"), it is probably best to drop the typical student cynicism and watch it as an eight year old. I did, and the end result ... I cried.

And when the lights came up I hid under my coat and dried my happy tears. I wanted to hug the kid next to me, but quickly remembered the restraining order that prevents me from going within twenty metres of the local primary school and decided not to risk it (A joke, before people write in and complain.)

This film, and all films with a U certificate should be universally recommended because they really are suitable for all.

So get sentimental! lt beats getting drunk any day.

The Matrix has a lot to answer for. In the same way Lock, Stock ... resulted in an onslaught of gangster movies, The Matrix spawned an explosion of 'bullet time' shots in action movies (see M:l-2). Many of these cash ins end up being poor, and Romeo Must Die really is no exception to the rule. Okay, so this is produced by Joel Silver, one third of The Matrix production team, and it is very easy on the eye, but it definitely does not live up to the high action trailer.

Using the over-used kung-fu flick cliche of a man crossing the Paci{ic to avenge the brutal murder of his brother in the heathen USA, the plot stutters from set piece to set piece with director Andrzej Bartkowiak hoping his audience doesn't have the attention span or intelligence to notice the gaping holes in the plot.

Li, who plays said aggrieved sibling- former. Hong Kong cop Han - is obviously a very talented fighter and his light personality could end up pushing him towards the stature of the new Jackie Chan rather than the new Bruce Lee. Unfortunately for the film, though, Li's chemistry with love interest Trisha (Aaliyah) is entirely nonexistent.

For the technology junkies in the audience there is a CGI gadget that allows bones breaking to be shown in glorious x-ray technicolour, but this doesn't help the film to catch the imagination like The Matrix did, with only one real stand-out conflict to compare to the lobby scene from the · Keanu Reeves classic (three words previously unheard of in the same sentence).

As far as the Romeo of the title is concerned, the link between Shakespeare's classic is that Han and Trisha come from rival families in a real estate war. That's it. So don't bother if you're expecting a kung-fu Baz Luhrman because you ain't gonna get it. There really is no comparable material, with the body count in the movie being well into double figures.

Despite the scarcity of character development and a frighteningly creaky plot, Romeo Must Die is still a good enough Friday night film, although it might be necessary to have a couple of drinks first.

Ben Standage

Alex Thorpe

Wednesday, October 18, 2000

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Scream 3

Directed by: Wes Craven Starring: Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, David Arquette, Parker Posey The man (or woman) in the Munch mask returns for one last liver splitting spree ... even if he (or she) doesn 't manage to be quite as scary as before.

•

The self-referential ironic slasher movie has to be one of the most short-lived movie genres of al l time. The introduction of Scream to the cinematIC masses in 1996 proved to be one of the surprise hits of the year and was followed, as all cash cows must be. by a sequel. which. depend· ing on who you asked, rea lly wasn't as good as its predecessor. And then , director Wes Craven. in an attempt at Star Wars style credibility (if there is such a thing), called the whole shebang a "trilogy". which IS what we have here ... the third and last Scream movie.

However. whi le Courtney . Neve and co were all avo1ding the Munch mask. the genre has suffered from more overki ll than any of these movies combined has been able to muster. Thanks to the likes of I Know What You Did Last Summer (before Jennifer Love Hewitt realised she had no talent and started doing Neutrogena adverts) and this year's Scary Movie (a self-referential slasher mov1e which spoofed self-referential slasher movies?l?) the final nail in tile coffin (if you 1gnore the prospect of Scary Movie 2) was hammered well and truly in. lt is a relief, therefore, that Wes Craven managed to deliver a passable finale to the series that started it all.

The story is transported from the educational confines of school and college to the movie sets of LA w11ere filming is taking place on Stab 3: Return to Woodsboro (see it's all very ironic) .

The original heroine. Sidney Prescott (Campbell). is now. quite understandably. a recluse in northern California, working as an anonymous tele. phone counsellor. Anonymous that is, until she is tracked down by "spooky voice man with murderous intentions". as is tradition. She meets up with the on ly people w ho managed to survive the last two films (Cox and Arquette) and all kinds of violence ensue. as is tradition.

Scream 3 is in no way as good as the original. At no point is there a moment to equal the first ten minutes of the original where Drew Barrymore found herself hanging from a tree. But to be fair, there has never been a moment to match that one in any of the three films so it seems a tad unfair to· base a cntique of what must come to at least six l1ours of ce lluloid on ten minutes of screen time.

Scream 3 is in many ways funni er than the second one and it is with its tongue firmly in its cheek the fi lm really does work , providing enough entertamment over its two hour run to keep you from be1ng really disappointed that it isn't as scary as perl1aps it should be.

However, you can tell a trilogy has outstayed its welcome when you start to realise that by far the scariest thing on the screen is Courtney Cox's hair. No wonder she only got the Head and Shoulders contract.

Adam Chapman

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Directed by: Tom Twyker Starring: Fran ka Potente, Moritz Bliebtreu

Directed by: Wim Wenders

Directed by: Dean Parisot

Starring : Mel Gibson Milia Jovovich Jeremy Davies

Starring : Tim Alien Sigourney Weaver Alan Rickman

Who would have thought that a song

by U2's Bono could inspire an entire film? Well it has ... and here it is, starring Me/ Gibson of all people.

And what do you know? it's quite

For the people who think Star Trek needs a spoof to be hilariously funny, here it is. Join Tim Alien and his fantasy crew as they set a course for deep-space geekdom.

The latest film from accla1med director Wim Wenders (Buena Vista Social Club, Wings of Desire) was inspired by ideas from a Bono song, which in itself does not bode well, as it draws us into the seedy world of dementia, obsession, death. sex and poverty. Los Angeles provides the setting fo r an en igmatic and captivating story about a run down hotel and its residents, composed almost ent irely of mental patients who haven't got t he insurance to be in a hospital.

The suspicious death of lzzy, a millionai re's fal len son, compels FBI agent Skinner (Mel Gibson) to investigate. Meanwh ile, the resident s of the Mi llion Dol lar Hotel plot to bring glory, fame , and wealth to the ir home by selling tar paint ings they claim were done by the dead mil lionaire's son. So far, so peculiar ...

Issues of morality and questions of sanity are foremost , as the story , t old thro ugh the innocent eyes of t he ret arded Tom Tom ( Jeremy Davies). relates the struggles for acceptance among the residents of the hotel. Meanwhile Tom Tom's love for the bewitchi ng, if insane, Eloise (Mi li a Jovovich) in t he end turns out to be her ultimate saviour.

The Million Dollar Hotel is beautifully sculpted, with actors conveying the complexities and emotions of their mentally ill characters as if the Cuckoo's Nest had suffered a lack of fundi ng and had been moved instead to a run down Los Angeles hotel. lt intelligently questions the idea of sanity, as those who live in a sane world , such as Agent Skinner, turn out to be more obsessive than those of the Mil lion Dollar Hotel.

Meanw hile, the morali ty of each character proves to be the driving force behind the plot. What could very easi ly have just been a bunch of actors method acting crazy (as they used to do in drama school), is instead a bril liant interpretation of how morality c an drive complet ely di fferent people to do completely different things.

Seth Landau

Their TV show cancelled, the cast of the seventies show Galaxy Quest are forced to scrape a living making celebrity appearances at sci-fi conventions. This being a rather shallow and unfulfilling existence the show's lead character. Captain Peter Quincy Taggart (A li en) senses the chance to restore some self-respect when he bumps into some real aliens. who ask him to help save t heir t hreatened race.

Unable to distinguish the actual aliens from the freaks at the conventions, the has-been cast are unsure whether to follow. but cu riosity eventuall y leads them t o find out what an alien society based' on thei r show would be like. To their horror. the unemployed crew are soon commanding a working copy of the show's fake spacesh ip. They quickly come to t he realisation t hat staggering around on a bad ly made set is slightly different to the real experience and as it 's t oo late to back out and they must rely on t heir fict itio us heroic personas. lt 's this conceit on whic h the whole film is built and, played straight by the cast , it provides us wit h all the laughs.

All of the characters in the film are Star Trekclones. Sigourney Weaver plays a vacuous blonde bimbo with a meaningless job . AI an Rickm an exce ls in the part of Or Lazarus, essentia ll y a M r Spock facsimile made resentful by a life of playing typecast roles when his true ambit ion wou ld see him stalking the Shakespearean stage. Tim Alien finally breaks into t he live act ion big screen w it h a little help from hi s patented Buzz Light-year voice and commands the motley bunch with a bumbling Shatner-esque performance.

You don't have to be a fan of sci -fi to enjoy this because the film doesn't ta ke it self too seriously and it's nice t o see that there is still fun to be had with thi s genre.

Andy Galagher

Post-wall Berlin is reborn in a hail of bangs, whizzes and pops. A jolly Germanic gem from newcomer Tom Tykwer. Fan-dabby-f-ing-dozy Lola (Franka Potente) has twenty minutes to find 100,000 marks. If she doesn't, her boyfriend Manni (Moritz Bliebtreu), a small -time runner for a big-time gangster, is going to suffer a rather nasty fate at the hands of mountainous Mr. Schuster.

So she does what most people would do in such a situation. She runs like f-.

Such is the preliminary scenario of Tom Tykwer's Run Lola Run. Since its big sc reen release last year this gem of a film has remained one of those films which you just have to tell peopl e about. lt 's German w ith subt it les (cool), it 's got a great trancey soundtrack (cool). and it's put together with the kind of snip-happy MTV aesthetic which makes you go all dizzy (very cool, believe me).

Lola skips t hrough a highly charged collage of 'what if' plot li nes as she legs it around tow n trying to get the money from different sources: the casino, her dad the banker, robb ing a convenience store. Each time she gets it wrong she returns to the start in a kind of Sliding Doorsmeets- Tomb Raider sort of way. with our Lara Croft-a-like heroine being mercilessly shoved

through a big pop mangle of stylistic switclles: monochrome to colour; cartoon to rea l-time action; grainy video to lush technicolour crane shots. The net effect is something of an exhausting experience, and if it wasn't for the beat-perfect direction of newcomer Tom Tykwer and the effortlessly controlled symbiosis of Potente and Bliebtreu 's performances, you'd think you were just fast -forwarding through the trailers.

But in essence th1s is a love story late for the bus . Its characters and their re lationships are fully developed and well communicated, but it just hasn't got time to hang around explaining everyth ing - and the beauty of it is, it really it doesn't have to. The characters. plot intricacies and thematic concerns of this film are so wel l t rained-up and perfect ly formed before it even leaves the starting blocks, that the fun of the whole affair consists in trying to catch up. But only buy this film if you've got the puff for repeat viewings - it's a quick pop fix more suited t o onenight rental than permanent shelf space.

Steve Col/Ins

( Wednesday, October 18, 2000

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Inspected: Arts

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leader of the Pack

Theatre Preview: Leader Of The Pack is gl itteringly advertised as the 'story of a sound' . and that sound comes right from the 1960's unfortunately preceeding the tunes of Carwash at Liquid on a Monday night , but toe-tapping nonetheless. You know all those oldie songs that when you hear you can't help but dance? Well this show is full of such classics, including Leader Of The Pack, Be _ My Baby, Da Doo Ron Ron, Then He Kissed Me, and River Deep Mountain High. I'm sure that noone will mind if you decide to get up and boogie, in fact you probably won't be the only one in the aisles.

This musical tells the true-life story of Ellie Greenwich , the relatively unknown writer of the above songs, and a woman who introduced music that inspired a whole era of similar songstresses.

Ellie made her fortune in the 60s, but still her name is not as wellknown as some of the people she inspired. Tina Turner followed her style, as did classic groups like the Shangri-Las, The Crystals and The Ronettes.

Her extraordinary career shaped the backbone of the Phi I Spector

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Theatre Royal, October 23 - 28

successful runs in London before sound and she was one of the coming to Norwich, have also most prolific songwriters to been shown to sell-out audiences. emerge from New York 's famous Their popularity is down to their songwriting factory. The Brill Building . She spent the 70's and recognisable plots and sing-along choruses. That is not to say that 80's working with new artists and is credite~ with helping to Leader of the Pack and its forerunners are 'dumbed-down ' establish the careers of Neil Diamond, Debbie Harry and Cyndi • theatre, they 're simply a different media which is obviously wellLaupar. Ellie had her first hit record with Why Do Lovers Break received here.

Packed with over 20 hit songs, Each Other's Hearts in 1962 when she was 22 years old. lt performed by a stormingly multiseems that she was now ready to talented cast of singers and face the limel ight and felt musicians, Leader Of The Pack has been described as " a blast " comfertable anp well-establ ished by the Daily Telegraph . lt is the in the music world. Now aged 60 ultimate celebrat ion of the music she continues to write and recently had a number one hit in that you and I grew up on with parents playing hits from the ir the UK and Europe with the dance childhoods in the car, and which hit Sunshine After The Rain sung

by Beri. it 's strange tQ think that made the 1960's so unforgettable. an old lady wrote such a modern, clubland anthem, but it just goes The costumes are also well to show her talents are still there . researched and dauling , with The song was fairly cheesy , but fashions from the era of mods and Mary Quant returning to the proved to be a huge hit on stage. Ladies with beehives and dancefloors all around Europe. plenty of eye liner and men in Leader Of The Pack is October's offering to the repertoire of 60's high collared suits conjure up an accurate and spectacular image musicals that have hit the Theatre Royal recently . The soul of this transitory era . musicals Stand By Me and Soul Katherlne Everett Train, both of which enjoyed very

i& Defining Features is a touring exhibition organised by the National Portrait Gallery with portraits from private collections and a range of galleries. This collection brings together images of investigators of the natural world , covering a period of four centuries.

The exhibition aims to explore the effect that portraiture can then have on the reputati on of the scientist subject both by the public and in their own professional field. Defining Features also highlights the role of women in science with portraits of many disti nguished female scientists included.

The exhibition is divided into four sections. Setting the Scene includes portraits from the whole time span, so the modern scientists are juxtaposed with the early ones. Boundaries looks at the eccent ricity or conformity of scientists and how their portraits have shaped the public's view of them. There is a section dedicated to "Edward Jenner, the man responsible for inventing the idea and technique

Exhibition Review: Defining Features Salnsbury Centre, September - December 10

of vaccination and for inventing the vaccine. Finally, Portraiture in Practice explores the processes which brought about portraits ..

Over the range of portraits featured, there are an impressive number of different media featured,even incl uding more unusual exhibits such as a Bath Biscuit with the imprint of Dr Oliver and the iron death mask of Sir lsaac Newton. The most bizarre piece in the exhibition is undoubtedly a lock of hair from John Hunter.

As a stark contrast to the static portraits of the exhibition, Defining Features ends with an impressive 15 mi nute, continually changing, electronic portrait of Susan Greenfield, who became famous for Brain Story, the series on BBC2, and was the first female director of the Royal lnst,itution in London. This modern medium creates a wonderful conrast with the four centuries of portraits which form the main part of the exhibition.

Faye Thomslt

i9 Ed Byrne's first ever performance at the UEA on October 6 went off with a bang and can only be described as hilarious. With a constant flow of cigarettes at his disposal and a bottle of lager swinging from his hand, Ed had his audience in stitches as he launched into an attack on a variety of subjects that even the most un-worldly student could relate to. Builders, Americans and relationships were at the top of his agenda and he even managed to battle off an irrating girl in the front row who seemed intent on being the centre of attention. The absence of his renowned Alanis Morrisette/lronic attack was a sname for some of his sturdier fans. Instead he replaced it with a similar attack on Back to the Future, yes there really is a massive hole in the plot, well done Ed for pointing that out and ruining the entire film. That aside, it was nice to see that a comedian could actually come up with some

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Comedy Review: Ed Byrne

Best of the· Rest

LCR, October 6

new material rather than just rehashing all the old stuff.

Ed was supported by the witty but crude Ben Norris, a comedian known for his-appearances on The Stand-Up Show. Norris seemed to aim his wit at the male members of the audience, gearing his jokes around porn and sex. He also managed to upset the girls by attacking ladies' favourite Jamie Oliver. All In all, the jokes were fresh and new , and by the end of the show Ed seemed to have captured more than a little interest from the female members of the audience and who knows, maybe the male members too.

Having never had the lucky opportunity to see a well-known and well, decent comic before then I'm not sure If I am the right person to judge, but as far as I am concerned he has definitely earned himself the right to be called a comedian.

Nlcola Mallett

April in Paris Norwich Arts Centre October 19 This comedy by John Godber, author of Bouncers and Up and Under, is brought to Norwich by Reform Theatre this week at the Arts Centre. The play follows the fortunes of Bet and AI as they spend their first holiday abroad in Paris and get to grips with the French lifestyle in a typically 'Brit abroad' manner.

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Sparkleshark Theatre Royal October 25 .; 27 Sparkleshark is a drama for 'young people' which has proved extremely popular in London, having had sell-out run at the National Theatre. The play follows the fortunes of a group of teenagers living in council estate. Jake is the cent ral character who weaves ext raordinary stories to impress the girls and to stop the boys from bullying him.

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Roy Hattersley lecture Theatre 1 October 23 Although he is better known as the Deputy Leader of the Labour Party (1983-1992). Roy Hattersley is also a journalist and essayist. He comes to the UEA to give a talk about his writings whic h include twelve books. Mr Hattersley's novels and other works are varied in style and content, from Buster's Diaries which was a collaborative work with his dog to his latest book Blood and Fire: The Story of William and Catherine Booth.

Lee Hurst Theatre Royal October 31 After making his name on They Think lt's All Over, Lee Hurst has been concentrating on his own comedy club in Bethnal Green. But now he's decided t o make a come-back t o the stand-up c ircuit and is visiting Norwich as the latest in a rec ent run of premier league comedians.

Wednesday, October 18, 2000

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Inspected: Interactive

Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? (Piaystation) Chris Tarrant certainly knows what he is doing.

Having made a fortune from the phenomenally successful quiz show he's now gomg to make another earner from this computer game that will no doubt sell by the shed-load this Christmas .

And there's a board game out there as well ...

Whoever said he had a very annoying chuckle?

Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? is really a multiplayer affair (at least, I wouldn't be prepared to admit that I would Sit up half the night alone 1n my room answering daft questions in the hope of wmnmg an Imaginary m1ll1on pound cheque.

Would you?).

A party game is what this is, and as such it works pretty well. Most of the humour comes from the fact that the game really does m1rror the features of the TV show . the computer visuals, the studio in all its shmy magnificence. the scoreboard. the familiar rules, and that music.

As if that's not enough, you're also treated to the voice (though thankfully not the grinning mug) of Chris Tarrant, who guides you through it all.

There are three different types of multi-player game, apart from the boring single player mode.

'Fastest Fmger', where you battle it out to get the chance to play for the money. 'Team Game'. where you can join forces and sponge off some· one else's mtelligence. And finally the most fun option, 'Head to Head'. where you compete with up to t hree other people to claim the v1rtual mil· Iion pounds.

Just like the real thing, it becomes progressively harder, Tarrant coming out with all the lines, just m the right places. The 'Phone-A -Friend' opt1on is particularly impress1ve and certamly worth a laugh. Apparently. there are over a thousand questions in all (set by the people who wnte the ones in the show), none of wh1cl1 are repeated until you've gone through all of them.

Overall, Hothouse Creations and Eidos have done a fantastic job. However, that doesn't make it a fantastic game. lt is very tedious in smgle player mode and although 1t will be a laugh with your mates on the first few occasions, it just 1sn't entertaining enough . Also, it is just too slow at times when you just want to get on and answer the damn quest1ons! Worth a look if you have a spare £25.

Adam Leigh

Victory Boxing Challenger ( Playstation) V1ctory Boxing Challenger cla1ms to del1ver "the strategy and complexity that its recent competitors have failed to achieve ... This game looks so dated that by "recent" they wou ld mean ten years ago.

The boxers are all stereotypes, such as Corporal Roxburgh, a thin moustached strongman in leopard-skin trunks. But it sounds like a laugh and it's probably a lot of fun to play, you m1ght be thinking . Well, no. lt isn't.

There isn't much complexity in the moves, which consist of left to face; right to face; left to body; right to body and the sound and graphics are horrendous.

In 'Main Event' mode you spar with another boxer to give you points that can be added to the five

areas of 'Power'. 'Life', 'Stamina·, 'Speed' and 'Guts'. You can then fight the boxer who is next up in the rankings. The trouble is that this whole process becomes repetitive and though boxers vary their style and you learn the occasional new punch, the playability is not there.

There seems to be two obvious ways m wh1ch to make a boxing game. The first is to make a strategic, complex game with characters that are real boxers. The second is to make a farcical game with rid icu lous moves and lots and lots of boxers to choose from. Sadly, Victory Boxing Challenger tries to do both, fails, and in the process severely underestimates the power of Playstation .

Metln Alsanjak

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Wednesday, October 18, 2000

Web Review: Snarg. it's an odd title for a website. In fact. it's an odd t itle for anyt hing. But, somehow, it seems a perfect ly apt name for this confused maze of flashing screens, fantastic (in the original sense) artwork and post-modern photography. Put simply, this is a site exploring the imagination of its two creators, known simply as Jef ·n· Gael.

There is little direction in this s1te, and there are no signs or obvious links to tell you where you are going, from one page to the next. Inst ead, you have to blindly click on small , moving ci rcles and swirling patterns to move around t he pages.

However, this does not in any way detract from the site, because this is the idea upon which the site is based: it is when you are lost that things seem most interesting .

Okay, so moving from one page of wei rdo, arty

Snarg.net objects and backgrounds to the next may not seem like an exciting use of your time, but there are several sub-pages wit hin the site that do not conform to the rest. For instance, there is a page where people can put up t heir ow n thoughts and ideas on a particular theme, accompanied by photos and video shorts. to creat e mini-essays and galleries. Another page is an interesting project explaining and exploring t he 'technobaroque aestheti c', wh ich seems t o combine modern , tech nologicall y t hematic ideas· parti cul arl y t hose from Japan· with more traditio nal design techniques.

Or something.

Pretentious? Perhaps. Useful? Not exactly. Worth a look? Definitely. http:j jwww .snarg.netj Mark/and Starkie

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Essential TV 01: If you read the A-Z column on barristers in the last issue of Concrete with any career minded interest at all, you'll no doubt be dying to see (yet) another drama series set around the dynamic but often shady dealings of the legal profession. Well, you need wait no longer!

Channel 4 takes up the challenge again with this new ten-part drama, which will apparently set out to "uncover" the hidden world of the barristers.

But, before your thoughts move to stuffy chambers and ancient attorneys, the professionals in question here are nothing less than a youthful, intelligent, irreverent, super efficient workforce. Oh, and they're not exactly an ugly bunch either. How could we ask for anything more? We're promised both gripping professional dilemmas as well as the obligatory indiscreet and inconvenient backroom affairs, so how it will compare to the likes of the BBC's Attachments remains to be seen. (Or dare I mention This Life?

No, best not.) lt all takes place inside a defence chambers in Leeds. The entrepreneurial and manipulative Chief Clerk Peter Mcleish, played by Phil Davies, has set up his own firm in the aforementioned 'Square, taking a number of the staff from his old company with him. Obsessively controlling all proceedings with an 1ron grip, he distributes the

Essential TV 02: Friday night television is a frightening empty and vacuous void, where only the brave, bored and drunk fear to tread. At least that's what my friends have told me, I wouldn't know, I'm always out on Fridays (ahem). However, help is now at hand, in the form of Troma's Edge TV. I'm sure you've all heard of Troma, but just in case you haven't, it's a small studio that makes famously bad B-mov1es. Films like Tromeo and Juliet, Class of Nuke 'em High, The Toxic Avenger, Sgt. Kabuki Man the list goes on, but the films don't get any more inspiring. To put it bluntly, Troma subscribe to the "so-bad-it's-good" school of film-making.

But, it's nice to know that the good folks at Troma HQ aren't one trick ponies. As Friday night's programme proved, they also subscribe to the "so-bad-it's-good" school of television programming. Think of a transatlantic Eurotrash,

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work from the solicitors to the barristers as he sees fit , so any myths concerning the supposed power of a barrister are shattered right here.

In the first episode, we are introduced to A lex Hay, played by Rupert Penry-Jones of Virtual Sexuality fame, and Billy Guthrie, played by Kevin McKidd (Who was also Tommy Mackenzie in Trainspotting).

A case they take on involving an armed robbery is made more complicated when a rival's racist comments about their Head of Chambers meets with a violent outburst. Helen McCrory, who recently starred in Anna Karenina alongside McKidd, plays Billy's girlfriend and fellow barrister. In the stifling competitive atmosphere, she continues to take on new cases despite being very close to giving birth. The new trainee barrister, as is the norm in these kinds of things is given the toughest job of all, having to handle the bail application of a notorious criminal.

That's the gritty social realism taken care of then. Certainly we can see that justice falls second place to money in the search for new cases to fight. Forget your scruples and ethics, it's all about finding the top criminals and forming dodgy relationships in order to get the best cases.

Unfortunately, there is nothing here that seems

daulingly original -these kinds of storylines have appeared elsewhere on many occasions. it's perhaps no coincidence that Ally McBeal is on straight afterwards as a kind of light relief.

But do t oo many legal dramas spoil the broth?

The series will perhaps make its mark above the rest as its writer, Peter Moffat, is an ex-barrister, so perhaps we can treat this more as an insider's factual "fly-on-the-wall" view, rather than as just another sensationalist courtroom caper.

Channel Four is obviously looking for a competitive legal drama to match the rest,

thoug h we'll have to see if this becomes as big.

In its favour, there does seem to be enough interest and a big enough nod at the legal "hits" produced on other channels to make this a worthw hile watch. A series that tries to fulfil both sides of the equation - entertainingly corrupt characters, with the conscience of one who actually knows lifting the series up, so at least it looks good on paper . The first episode of North Square will be on the 18th of October. Honest to God, your Honour.

Jonathan Rolfe

Troma 's Edge TV C4, Fridays, times vary that's even more random and is made with one third of the budget. The show is presented by Troma's president himself, Lloyd Kaufman, aided by his lovely roving reporter, Bulimia (yes, that is her name) and sees them dabble in the weirder side of Hollywood and its starlets. Highlights of last week's show included a fake interview with Kevin Costner (using cut up archive film footage)

by Troma hero, Killer Condom Man, and numerous topless women covered in fake blood; whereas the next episode (Friday, October 20) introduces Troma's latest sex symbol and fi lm star, Yaniv Sharon - as well as plenty of features on Troma movies. The perfect mix of nudity , self-promotion and er, did I mention nudity?

Not that I'd advocate staying in on a Friday night, but if for some reason your Friday night plans fall through, 1t's worth a look.

Steve Qulrke

Essential Radio BBC Radio 3 and 4 have dedicated the last full week in October to the most famous author of the 14th Century, Geoffrey Chaucer, as a commemoration of the 6 OOth anniversary of his death.

One of the major series of programmes produced for the occasion is 2000 Tales which, with the help of 21 writers, 50 actors and three directors, aims to create a body of work that describes the state of the British nation in the 21st Century - just as The Canterbury Tales did the 14th.

The plays are styled in much the same way as The Canterbury Tales, in that they each detail the story of a particular character (rather similar to Alan Bennett's Talking Heads) 路usually , but not always, based on Chaucer's own characters.

The tales are linked together by Nisha 's Tale, a service

station waitress who finds herself in a crisis when the motorway she works on is closed by a storm . As more and more distressed motorists find the1r way to the station she proposes that they all tell a story to liven their spirits.

Particular highlights during the week include The Teacher's Tale, which stars Mr Theatre himself, Joseph Fiennes, plus The Old Girl's Tale, starring Mary Wimbush , which echoes Chaucer's The Miller's Tale and interestingly is written by one Kara Miller. Okay. so 1t's not that interesting. But the literary marathon itself is very much so, in both conceptual form and final execution.

This is one cultural festival that doesn't require you to be an over-enthusiastic English student in order to enjoy .

Mark/and Stark le

Essential Soaps Phew! it's been a busy week in soap land what w1th Emmerdale now showing five nights a week, and a Coronation Street late night special! This week sees our favourite Weatherfield residents coincidentally all in 'Freshcos' at the same time when a hostage siege takes place. Will they all survive. or is this the unexpected end for someone?

Meanwhile. me old china plates m the East-End are still having their fair share of problems. The ongoing saga between Pat, Frank and Peggy continues m what has to be the most thrilling love triangle since Bungle, Zippy and George! Where will it all end? Also this week, Sandra is planning h.er great escape from Walford. Hmmmn ... ... will she get away with it or will Beppe finally notice all her so cal led "secret" rendezvous with Jack in the middle of the Square? Travelling over a few continents to sunny old

Erinsborough, Steph is st1ll lusting after Drew but he's blind to the drool dribbling down her chin and only has eyes for the lovely Libby. And finally is it really the end for J1ll Osbourne? Or in true soap style will she wake up and declare "The doctors were wrong, it was just a mild headache! " I doubt it. Anyway, it will be a shame when she pops her clogs and goes off to meet her maker in the sky (perhaps then she can ask him why He made her hair bleach blonde and her eyebrows black?).

Other exciting story-lines include new girl, lzzy's continued reign of terror as the most irritating charact er in Hollyoaks ever! When will Geri finally wipe that simpering smile of lzzy's face and smack her in the gob?!

That will teach her to keep her hands of Adam . .

Ann/ Cllfford Ruth Meelan

Wednesday, October 18, 2000

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The essential guide to what's on in Norwich over the coming fortnight

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Essential Film: Billy Emot Campus Film Being John Malkovlch

Thursday 19th Oct - 7pm Highly original, superbly carried out and fantasti ca lly funny. Spike Jonze's debut follows John Cusack as he finds a door into John Malkovich's mind. That 's all I'm te lling you, to say more wou ld be to ruin it. A must see.

Rocky Horror Picture Show

In time for Halloween in which fancy dress is being ac t ively encouraged. A Halloween Disco in t he Hive so you get the chance to show off how ridiculous you look in your suspenders. Don't forget t o wax.

Tuesday 31st October

City Film

it is wise to take all t he praise heaped on this poor unsuspecting film with a pinch of salt . Billy Ell iot is not the best Brit ish fi lm ever made . it is highly derivative of some of the more profitable films to have come out of this co untry in the past twenty years, those set in industrial disputes in ever-so charm ing northern towns that is. That said , it really is a charming and likeable film , not able in particular for the stunning performance by Jamie Bell as the eponymous hero who, qu it e simply, just wants to be a ballet dancer. Imbued with a wry sense of humour and a delicat e degree of pathos Bil ly El liot does renew hope in a British film industry who have become so intent on making t he nex t mockney gangster film that they forgot how import ant a good story and dec ent ac t ors really are for a succ essful movi e.

ed critics. Having not seen it myself I can only recommend that you assert your adult right to make your own mind up. Go on .. it doesn 't hurt.

Showing at:

UCI Cinema Cit y - Friday 27th Octobe r at 3.00pm, Saturday 28th October at 3 .15pm, Monday 30th October: 5 .45pm and 8 .15pm, Tuesday 31st October: 2.30pm , 5.45pm and 8.15pm Odeon

The Hurricane

Fri day 20th Oct - 8pm Osc ar-nominated tale of boxer Rubin Carter who was j ailed for 20 years for a crime he didn 't commit. True st ory starring Denzel Washington.

A Matter of Ufe and Death

Sunday 22nd Oct - 8pm Post-war Brit fli ck starring none other t han David Niven as a brain-damaged pilot. Quelle fun .

Billy Elllott

Dinosaur

See Essenti al Film

Reviewed on page 15.

Showing at:

Showing at:

ABC UCI Ster Century Cinema City - Wednesday 18th , Friday 20th, Saturday 21st, Monday 23rd October at 5.45pm , Thursday 19th October at 2.30pm and 8 .45 pm, Tuesday 24th - Thursday 26th October at 8.15pm.

Odeon ABC

The Straight Story

Monday 23rd Oct - 6.30pm Don't let the description of the plot put you off: Ol d bloke rides around America on a lawnmower, or, if I was in the mood, something far less flippant and life affirming . Oscar nominated performance from the lat e Ric hard Farnsworth.

East Is East

BAFTA win ning Asian comedy.

Showing at:

Cinema City - Sunday 29t h October at 5.00pm.

FAN Festival

Book of Shadows: Blalr Witch 2

Sequel to the highly successful lowbudget " horror" fil m of last year. See page 7 for a lovely review and interview wit h the director Joe Berlinger.

Showing at:

UCI Ster Century

A celebration of short fi lms and animation culminating in an awards ceremony on the 29th October.

Showing at:

Friday 27th October at 5.45pm , 8.15pm and 11.15pm, Saturday 28th October at 6.00pm and 8.15pm , Sunday29th Oct ober at 7.30pm .

Shaft

The Cell

The Fllntstones In VIva Rock Vegas

Tuesday 24th October - 7pm Part of the Union 's blax pl oitat ion night, showing the orginal Shaft. Forget Samuel L, this is Richard Rowntree's tu rn .

Jenni fer Lopez puts her fat arse into good use for a change. Rather than running around with (alleged) criminals she has actually decided to make a film ... about a criminal psyc hol ogist who has to enter the mind of some screwed up crimina l. it isn 't that bad real ly.

You are so lame for even looking at t his, let alone co nsidering seeing it .

Jackle Brown

Tarantino's blaxploitation attempt starri ng Pam Grier.

Tuesday 24th October - 8.45pm

Showing at:

Boys Don 't Cry

Oscar winning tale of one wo man and her gender confusion in red neck Americ a.

Friday 27th October - 8pm

Showing at:

UCI

Cinema City - Sunday 22nd October at 2 .30pm.

Showing at:

Chicken Run

Odeon UCI

Are you still eating chicken? You are?

Good .

Showing at:

UCI Ster Century Cinema City - Wednesday 18th, Sat urday 21st , Monday 23rd, Tuesday 24th and Thursday 26t h October at 2.30pm , Sunday 22nd October at 7.30pm.

Odeon

Keeping the Faith

Rabbi and Priest fall in love with the same woman. Much hilarity ensues and they all live happi ly ever after. Patchy in parts but credit to Edward Norton for even t hinki ng about maki ng a religious comedy.

Showing at:

Girl, Interrupted

Winona Ryder and an Osc ar-winn ing Angeli na Jol ie get all depressed and whiny and end up in an asylum . it's not t hei r t ime of the month apparentl y.

Monday 30t h Oct ober

Just because someone can use latex does not mean that they should be given t he right to waste our money like t his.

Little Vampire

Reviewed on page 15 Showing at:

UCI

Showing at: Love and Sex

The unli ke ly t eaming of Famke Jansenn and Jon Favreau proves a real asset in this patchy but often amusing romantic comedy . it beat s pretty much every other simil ar offering fro m t his year.

Showing at:

Me, Myself and lrene Are midgets funny? Jim Carrey?

Sch izophren ia? zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzuzz

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Coyote Ugly

L'Humanlte

Showing at:

Lots of ladies who wear very few clothes work in a bar and learn self-fu lfillment through serving drunken men.

Written and directed by Germaine Greer .. . in anot her dimension perhaps.

A young policeman feels the pressures of his job as he invest igates a seri al ki lling in Bruno Dumont 's follow -up to his cont roversia l Th e Life of Jesus.

ABC UC I Ster Century Odeon

uuuzzzzuuzzzuzzzzzzzzuzzzzzzzzzu ...

Showing at:

Ster Century Odeon

Les Rendezvous de Paris

Dancer In the Dark

Bjork 's award winning debut has div id-

Eric Rohmer 's trio of short films set in Pari s.

Nelly and M. Arnaud Shown as a tribute to Claude Sautet, the director, who died in Ju ly. A 25 yea r old married woman accepts a job as secretary for a ret ired judge.

Showing at:

Passport to Plmllco

I have two words for you .. . " Eal ing " an d "Comedy". Now four more ...

"Avoid '", " Like ", "The ", " Plague" .

Cinema City - Sunday 22nd October at 5.00pm .

0 Brother, where art thou?

The Coen Brothers latest starring George Clooney , John Tu rturro and John Goodman, based , ex tremely loosely , on Homer's Odyssey . ..

Showing at:

Showing at:

Cinema City ¡ Wednesday 18th Octobe r at 8 .00pm, Thursd ay 19th October at 5 .45pm

Odeon AB C

Showing at:

UCI

UCI Ster Centu ry

The Jungle Book and Toy Story 2

Double bill of classic Disney, old and new.

Sat urday 28th October - 7pm and 8 .30pm

Cinema City - Sunday 29t h October at 2.30pm Nutty Professor 2: The Klumps

Hollow Man

A twist ed remake of The Invisible Man with Kevin Bacon. Except nowhere near as good, despi te the spec ial effects.

UCI Ster Century

The Green Mile

Very long adapt at ion of Stephen King 's novella, starring Tom Hanks in th is earnest but long prison drama. it's looooonnnnnnngggg !

Thursday 26th October - 7pm

Showing at:

UCI Cinema Cit y - Friday 20th October at 8 .15pm and 11.15pm , Saturday 21st , Monday 23rd October at 8.15pm, Tuesday 24th - Thursday 26th October at 6 .00pm .

Road Trip

Things always seem better at American

Use our searchable listings database at

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~.concrete-online.co.uk Wednesday, October 18, 2000 -~

Eventhorizon: Film/Clubs 01 Nutty Professor 2: The Klumps 02 Billy Elliot 03 Hollow Man 04 Me, Myself and lrene OS Scary Movie 06 Snatch 07 Oh Brother Where Art Thou?

08 Space Cowboys 09 Stuart Little 10 Chicken Run universities ... that is 1f you can get past the vapid bunch of knobheads who inhabit lame arse movies like this.

Showing at: UCI Romeo Must Die

Reviewed on page 15 so go read it now.

Showing at: UCI

X-Men

Bryan Singer successfully resuscitates the genre of comic book adaptations.

Which now means we will be deluged with a whole bloody lot of them .

Yippee.

Showing at: Odeon ABC UCI Ster Century

Scary Movie

The final nail in the coffin for irony and the slasher movie ... unless, of course you count this month's Blair Witch sequel.

Showing at: Odeon UCI Ster Century Shaft

Samuel L Jackson remake of the 1970s 'classic '. Also stars Toni Collette of Muriel fame.

Showing at: UCI Ster Century Sorted

Alex Jovy can 't d1rect to save his l1fe.

Jason Donavon tries unsuccessfully to justify his passport employment description as an actor ... as a drag queen (one of the ugliest ever).

Showing at: UCI Snatch

M r R1tc hie pretends to be ever so cockernee agam and pretty much suc ceeds at fooling us all yet again ... except Madonna of course.

Showing at: UCI Ster Century ABC Space Cowboys

A NASA sponsored advertisment for Age Concern.

Showing at: ABC UCI Ster Century Stuart Uttle

Aah shit.. . a talk1ng mouse .. .. again? 1 really should check the label on my prescnption medicines.

Showing at: • Odeon ABC Ster Century Tarzan

"Oooh I have an idea," said one Disney exec to the other. "Let's not use Mr John for this one. Let's use Mr Collins instead. He'll really appeal to the young'uns". Not. Showing at: ABC What Ues Beneath

Reviewed on page 15.

Showing at UCI

Clubs

son you are talking to . even though you 've met them many t1mes before . £3/ £3.50 on the door Charty Handbaggy: October 19/26 The Loft "Oh to be gay in the month of May " .. . or October? Or November? I guess 1t"s the same all year round so I don't see why May should make any difference apart from the fact that it rhymes w1th "gay ". Either way, crafty rhyming as1de, tonight is gay night so get down here for some same-sex action away from the rugby field (only JOshmg with ya ... Hahahahahmmmm).

DJ Twister: October 19/ 26 Joe Alans Uplifting House night apparently .

70s Night: October 19/ 26 Hys . The only Thursday retro night in the fine city . £2 (NUS) Value for Money: October 19/ 26 Liquid A lovely night was had by all. .. despite certain people insistmg on wearing Lynx deodorant. Do you really want to smell like a 13 year old? Really?

. .- - - - - - - - - - - - - £2 before 23.00 £3 afterwards

Wednesdays Superfly: October 18/ 25 Mojos A decent distraction from underweight lawyers and unisex toilets in possibly the darkest clubs in Norwich. wh1ch is rather helpful when all the people around you ming like hell. £3 Aockln' Sheep: October 18/25 Ikon A cheap and "interesting" way of spending your evening. A favourite w1th the townspeople and their ilk. Oh and in case you were wondering ... yes they all speak like that. £2 before 11pm WeRK: October 18/ 25 Manhattans Spend the night with DJ Shaun Johnson as he pumps you full of mus1c and sprays the room with tunes. A wee bit like sex but without the exchange of bodily fluids. lt only gets messy if you have too much to drink.

Reverb: October 18/ 25 Po Na Na Funk and soul at the souk bar. it 's as simple as that really and there are even cush1ons to sit on in faux Moroccan styley. £1 after 21.00 DJ Jam: October 18/ 25 Hy's All popular dance styles courtesy of DJ Rob Mac and guests. He's very big in Swaffham apparently.

Thursdays Spank: October 5/ 12 Time Uplifting and progressive dance for those of you who have had their fill of cheesy pop for the week . God knows there's a lot of it about. £1 before 23.00 (NUS) The LCR Disco: October 19/ 26 UEA Where would life be without our good friend the LCR? We'd have no place to stick our feet to the floor. No escape from the townsfolk . And no chance to pretend you know the name of the per

Bassment: October 19/ 26 Mojos The underground caverns of MOJOS are opened for all to enJOY a slightly more fash1on conscious evenmg . Norw1ch isn 't used to such th1ngs you know .. . that 's why so many people dress so badly . They don't know the right shops.

Fridays Empower: October 20/27 Fat Pauly 's Yes, you are now empowered to turn your liver a dark brown colour and your lungs black, both colours being oh so very 1998 ... it's not a good look .

Hytlmes: October 20/ 27 Hys DJ Rob Mac? In Norw1ch? Dear God! How lucky we all are. Truth be told I don't have a clue who he is .. I JUSt thought these listmgs would be funn1er 1f I upped the sarcasm quota. Last vestige of humour I know, but I am but a simple man with simple tastes. £3 Hot: October 20/ 27 Ikon There is only so much you can say about the clubs in Norwich as they all start to merge into one big super (in the large sense) club. £4

Marvel: October 20 The Loft Apologies for consistently gettmg this wrong . Not a gay night. Instead funk and R&B from one of the City 's finest DJs ... Very bloody good. DJd at my 21st don 't you know ... Name dropping!

How fantastically nouveau.

Absolution: October 20 The Waterfront "Attitude free club n1ght " ... Whoever you are, whatever you like and who ever you like to do "whatever" with, this is the place for you . Hardhouse, trance and laid-back grooves. £4 Extra SO's: October 20 The Waterfront Meanwhile, in another part of the for· est (on the same night in case you are confused) is an 80s night featuring Relax Live tribute ... Absolution?

Eighties? Polar opposites if ever I met two Poles who were completely different from each other.

Saturdays Satisfaction: October 21/ 28 Hy's DJ Rob Mac (who else?) returns with some house and swing to keep you 1n from the cold. The nights are drawing 1n you see and it beats your nipples falling off. £4 before 23.00 I £5 after M eltdown: October 21/ 28 The Waterfront lnd1e n1ght down by the nver. it's the only one tonight so count your bless· mgs, even 1f the tracks appear to be on loop from the previous Saturday . £3 (NUS) Saturday Rewind: October 21/ 28 Mojos If only the skater kids would stay under the bridge by Sainsburys and leave us all in peace. If they did this would be a perfectly resonable way of forgetting that you were in Norw1ch.

Sundays Sunday Service: October 8/ 15 Manhattans · Dear God! A club open on a Sunday.

Whatever for? Don't they know that that is agains the law of the Almighty?

People having fun on a Sunday? Well, they should all be tied to a dining room chair and made to eat burnt Yorkshire pudding. That's what they did 1n my day and I turned out alright ... despite my occasional bursts of Tourette 's and, of course, the incontinence problem" ...

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ha1r stuck between your teeth . The overall 1mage you w1ll convey is someone who isn't averse to getting down on his/ her knees ... which may or may not be beneficial to your chances of pullmg ton1ght.

Underground bands: October 23/ 30 Mojos Low-fi indie night unt1l 2am , so 1f you take your mus1c senously and don't want to look like a t1t , this is the place for you . All the other places are beneath you . You ... are ... cool, remem· ber. You ... are .. . cool.

Play: October 23/ 30 Po Na Na's Chain club/bar g1ves the locals (and you) something more of a selection for your deJection ... (and don't forget the cushions).

Tuesdays Funk Friction: October 24/ 31 Owen's Cafe Bar Not really a club ... more of a large bar .. but there ts mus1c and I'm sure they will let you dance to it if you really ins1st. Just try not to knock any of the regulars over. They can get a bit irate .

Slinky: October 24/ 31 Hy's Slinky? A bit of metal that falls expertly down the stairs one after the other.

The comparisons w1th your exploits tonight? Well, you will probably fall down the sta1rs ... although "expertly" and ·one after the other" are a corn· pletely different matter .

Salsa: October 24/ 31 Po Na Na's Have you been msp1red by Billy Ellwt?

Would you like to dance? Well , there is no ballet here tonight. .. JUSt a good old dose of South American dance. Let's play a game though .. . trying to drop your partner on their head as many times as possible in the space of one song. lt'd serve them right for stamping on your toes all night.

Lessons start at 19.00 for beginners and end at 21.00. £3 (NUS) Ufe: October 24/ 31 T1me Th1s, apparently, is where you get a " Life" (geddit?). Your life (according to T1me) now consists of walking around a dark warehouse sized club looking for the people you arrived for, meeting people you really didn't want to see and passing out on your way somewhere else. A great metaphor for life I think . £1 (NUS)

Mondays lt's the Business: October 20/ 27 Liquid Dance is one of the best forms of exercise. How else would you explain all those bruises the follow1ng day? How's that headboard of yours? Splinters in your head? You poor lamb. £2 before 23.00/ £3 after Elegance: October 20/ 27 Mojos While running the risk of sounding like a musical Jehova's Witness: Let R&B into your life for the weekend. Please don't shut your door in my face. it's rude.

Parkslde: October 20/ 27 Po Na Na Sample some house in this, our newest club/bar. (And they have cushions on the floors. How wonderfully bohemian).

Aockln ' Sheep: October 9/ 16 Ikon Rule no. 1 of clubbing: You should never wear Kappa, at any point in your life. especially at a club ... even if it is Icon. Rule no. 2 of clubbing: The excuse "lt doesn't matter .. . I'm gay" does not really work when caught in the women 's toilets. In fact, with most of the bouncers in Norwich it is like waving a red rag in front of the face of a very ugly bull (who also happens to shop in Burtons). £2 before 23.00 Funky Jam Carwash: October 9/ 16 Liquid Rule no.3 of clubbing: "Comedy" afro wigs are not very attractive at retro nights, especially when you start to moult and it looks like you have pubic

Student Night: October 24/ 31 Liquid Ahhhh, Liquid. That bastion of taste and culture. Its well -meaning and fnendly door staff. Decor straight out of the Terence Conran Shop ... and clientelle stra1ght off the K1ng's Road .. .

How could you pass up an offer like this? it 's obvious really . They only allow stoodents in tonight so you get to mix with your own ... no cross-polonlsation ton1ght (although it might help with the finger problem). £1 before 11pm Apologies for any offence caused In the production of the club listings. lt just goes to show that you have no sense of humour and I need therapy. Oh and, In case you were wondering, rule no. 4 for clubbing Is: don't ever try to snort vodka through a straw. lt burns.

Wednesday, October 18, 2000

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Gigs The Almighty: Thursday 19th October T11e Waterfront Lots and lots of hard rawk for all you l1ard rawkers. That. I'm afraid, 1s all I know ... £6 Errol Linton 's Blues Vibe: Fridy 20th October Norwich Arts Centre "A combmation of the old Delta masters such as Muddy Waters and Howl1n· Wolf with the Jama1can sound of August us Pablo" ... now 1f you understand any of that then you are a more educated man than me (unless of course you are a woman). £8 (£6.50 concessions) Seven Little Sisters: Saturday 21st October Norw1cl1 Arts Centre Folk rock. £6.50 (£5 concessions) Plac ebo: Monday 23rd October LCR See not so essential g1g. £13

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Badly Drawn Boy: Wednesday 25th October The Waterfront Damon Gough, the man w1th the attrac tive collection of tea cosys arnves fresh from h1s success at the Mercury Mus1c Awards for h1s debut album The Hour of Bewllderbeest. Let ·s 11ope his often expenmental sound doesn't let you down. Defm1tely the best gig of the fortnight though. £9 ldlewild: Wednesday 25th October LCR ldlew11d took the1r name from the quiet meetmg place 111 the book Anne Of Green Gables apparently ... wh1ch is Slightly more apt nowadays. having adopted a more restrained sound than 1n their earlier days. £9 Less than Jake: Thursday 26th October The Waterfront Fast and loud gu1tars from this up and commg band. So lots and lots of jump mg up and down ton1ght. .. and no washing your ha1r either. £7

abroad in t11is play by John Godber. A wonderful lllSight mto xenophobic Daily Ma11 readers who can't stand "those bloody foreigners" and who can't understand why the food has funny names. £8 (£6 .50 concessions) Leader of the Pack: Monday 23rd October - Saturday 28th October

Theatre Royal - Monday to Thursday at 7 .30pm, Friday at 6pm and Saturday at 9pm.

New musical telling the true-life story of Ellie Greenw1ch . whose songwritlng career msp1red some of the most famous g1rl groups of all time. £18.50 - £3.50 Previewed on page 17.

Dancing in Lughnasa: Tuesday 24th October - Saturday 28th October Norwicll Playhouse - 7.30pm w1t11 Saturday matinee at 2.30pm Brian Fnel's acclaimed play arrives 111 Norw1cil fresh from a successful run on the West End, examining the lives of the Mundy fami ly, t rapped in t11e1r domest ic situat ion in County Donegal. £7.50/ £ 6.50 (concessions)/ £5 ( matinee)

somewhere 111 here ... Jolly good .. . so 1 will be going to see it just so I finally know.

Greek: Tuesday 31 st October

Theatre Royal - 7.30pm One off showmg of th1s operat ic adaptation of Steven Berkoff's play of the same name. The London Smfon1etta have reunited w1th director Clare Venables to recreate the mag1c of the1r 1998 tour. A warnmg. though. for t11ose of you who are a wee b1t sensi tive ... it contains strong language. So take care. £16.50 - £3.50 Tempting Fate: Tuesday 31st October Norwich Playhouse 7 .30pm .. M ask theatre at 1ts best ... A gntty vers1on of Menmee·s novel. telling the fateful story of Carmen and her infatuated lover Don Jose. £9/£6.50 (concessions)

Mise

Sparkleshark: Wednesday 25th October - Friday 27th October Theatre Royal - 1.30pm Particularly su1table for those aged 1016, this accla1med production comes to Norwich after a sell-out season at the Royal National Theatre. A tale of one boy who writes stories to escape the monotony of daily life. £5-£3 .50

Defining features: Scientific and Medical Portraits from 1660 to 2000: until 10th December Sainsbury Centre for Visual Arts, UEA This fascinating exhibition on tour from the Nat1onal Portrait Gallery charts the development of one of the most impressive areas of modern life, the nse of modern science and those people who were responsible for 1t.

Prev1ewed on page 17. £2 (£1 concess1ons)

The Merchant of Venice: Thursday 26th October - Saturday 24th October Maddermarket Theatre Shakespeare wrote thiS. And because I d1d other Shakespeare plays at school I don't know what this IS about part from the fact tht 1t has a character called Shylock 1n 11 ( prov1ded I spelt it nght) and there is a pound of flesh

Human and Divine: 2000 years of Indian Sculpture: until 10th December.

Sainsbury Centre for V1sual Arts, UEA Th1s exh1b1t1on explains the ongins of lnd1an sculpture and how th1s Important spintual and h1stoncal feature has developed over the past two thousand years. A stunnmg and well laid out diSplay whiCh IS right slap bang on your

essential gig: Placebo Five Reasons not to go see Placebo at the LCR: 1) Bnan Molko sounds l1ke Nana Mouskoun with l1er head in a v1ce.

2) Tile whole angstey thmg. You are not a work1ng class hero. No working class hero would be seen dead weanng make-up.

3) Showed a d1st1nct lack of cool when

Embrace: Sunday 29th October LCR Hopefuly you'll get them on a good n1gl1t when the lead singer's voice is actually worth listening to. Not that I'm one to talk ... but I'm not tile one mak1ng people 11sten to me. I'm more of a busker, but without the holey shoes. £11.50 Mansun: Monday 30th October LCR The mdie popsters return to play us some tunes form thei r latest album Little Kix. £10

Theatre Great Expectations: Wednesday 18th October - Saturday 21st October Theatre Royal - 7.30pm and matinees on Thursday 19th at 2.00pm and saturday 21st at 2.30pm Northern Ballet Theatre bnng Dickens· class1c memorably to the stage to the score of some of Elgar's most haunting mUSIC. £20 - £4.50 April in Paris: Thursday 19th October NorwiCil Arts Centre A "h1lanous" dep1ct 1on of the English

Wednesday, October 18, 2000

slagged off by the 1nim1table Daphne and Celeste wl1en they Molko was dism1ssed as baldmg and crap.

4) "The look..... See the photo below and you'll understand what I'm talking about.

5) By their own admiss1on their songs make you "ache inside". although I suspect for very different reasons.

..

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Hy's The Loft Manhattans Ikon Liquid Time The Waterfront Mojos Po Na Na's Rick's Place Canary Cue Club ABC Cinema Cinema City Odeon UCI Ster Century Maddermarket Norwich Arts Centre Norwich Playhouse Theatre Royal UEA Studio Norwich Puppet Theatre King Of Hearts UEA Union Ents Norwich Castle Museum Scoot Talking Pages doorstep so stop bemg such ph1list1nes and go now. £2 (£1 concess1ons) Chill 'Em Out Jazz Cafe: Wed nesday 1 8th October The Hive, UEA Jazz and poetry for all. You can either take part yourself or just sit and watch as. and I'm quoting here. "UEA's finest poets battle 1t out to become members of the UEA CWS Slam Team". I'm not kidding you . Sounds a bit like a WWF wrestling. although I doubt that it'll get that physical. There are other prizes, so get scnbblmg. £5 (£3 concessions/ £2.50 cws members) Jazz Funk and Blues Jam : Wednesday 18th October Norw1ch Arts Centre Cafe Bar A regular opportunity for local musicians to get together and make sweet mus1c ... in the non-carnal sense. If you want to get Involved call Cliff on (01603) 472875. £2 (£1 concessions) - musicians free The Scottish Connection : Tuesday 18th October John lnnes Centre Lecture Theatre The Keeper of the Fleming-Wyfold Art Foundation gives a talk relat ing to the Centre's exh ibit ion of 20th Century Scott ish paintings from the Fleming collection . £ 1 .50 (£2 non-members) Roy Hattersley: Monday 23rd October UEA As part of the Intern at ional Literature Festival 2000 the former depu t y leader of the Labour Party comes to talk bou t his blossoming literary career ... He writes about his dog.

Who wants to be a millionaire ...

Tuesday 24th October The H1ve. UEA QUite a few pmes to be won. although I suspect the Un1on aren't really generous enough to g1ve us a million pounds whether they wanted to or not.

Followed by a 70s fun k d1sco. so you can dnnk all the prizes

01603 621155 01603 623559 01603 629060 01603 621541 01603 611113 0870 6078463 01603 632717 01603 622533 01603 619961 01603 660288 01603 627478 01603 624677 01603 62204 7 01603 621903 0870 0102030 01603 221900 01603 620917 01603 660352 01603 766466 01603 630000 01603 592272 01603 629921 01603 766129 01603 508050 01603 223624 0800 192192 0800 600900 you may have won.

Jaleo: Wednesday 25th October Norwich Arts Centre A flamenco sl1ow which has been going now for over ~0 years ... so there must be some people who really want to go see it. Do you? (There's a lot of clapping and stampmg of feet if that IS your kind of tiling). £0 (£8 concess1ons) FAN 2000 International Short Film and Animation Festival - Film Makers Boot Camp: Thursday 26th October Saturday 28th October Norw1ch Arts Centre Not as brutal as it sounds. A film work shop for buddmg film makers, des1gned to inspire and educate part1cpants 1n the ways of film. An introduction on Thursday with the workshop on Friday and Saturday. Tickets available from C1nema City. £80 (£60 concessions) Halloween Murder: Monday 30th October Norw1ch Arts Centre Cafe Bar An murder mystery evening set in the silent movie era. To arrange which character you are supposed to play, call Steven Rayner on (01760) 337903.

Listings were written and compiled by the wonderfully sexy and charismatic Adam Chapman. All details , apart from the above , were correct at t ime of goi ng to press

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Fri 20

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Dreamtheater

+ Porcupine Tree

Sat 21 Mon 23 Wed 25 Fri 27 Sat 28 Sun 29 Mon 30 Tue 31

£13.50 £5

Retro-Active feat. Booze Bros Placebo £13 ldlewild £9 NOW 90s £3 Faith Halloween £7.95 Embrace £11.50 Mansun £10 Simon Day - comedy £10

NOVEMBER Fri 3 Sat 4 Sun 5 Sat 11 Tue 14 Wed 15 Sat 18 Fri 24 Sat 25 Tue 28

Retro-Active - feat. Faith £5 James £17.50 Oz Pink Floyd £9.50 Pam's House £7 Craig Charles - Comedy £6 Roachford £12.50 Club Retro £3 Now 90s £3 Jools Holland £11 Levellers £12

OOM ~~o~~ IN THE HIVE OCTOBER 18

7.30pm

£3

Chill 'Em Out Jazz Cafe

Performance poetry and live jazz Qualifier for UUEAS Creative Writing Slam Team - Prizes for the four winners!

OCTOBER 24

7.30pm

FREE

Game show with loads of prizes and free stuff - Followed by 70s funk disco OCTOBER 31 11 pm Rag Hallowe n Disco Prizes for best fancy dress NOVEMBER 7 Bpm £2 T boo~m Tour · Three comics live on stage - Free hots f oo

E - ERY THURSDAY THE LEGEN ARY

LCR DISCO £3.00 ADV • £3.50

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THU 19 OCT THE ALMIGHTY £6 FRI 20 OCT RELAX • 80s TRIBUTE £4 STUDIO: ABSOLUTION WED 25 OCT BADLY DRAWN BOY £9 THU 26 OCT LESS THAN JAKE £7 WED 1 NOV DOVES £8.50 SUN 5 NOV LA DOORS £7.50 WED 8 NOV MISTY IN ROOTS £8 THU 9 NOV BIG BEAT BOUTIQUE FEAT. LO FIDELITY ALLSTARS

WED 15 NOV THU 16 NOV SUN 19 NOV SUN 10 DEC SUN 3 DEC WED 13 DEC

OYSTERBAND HEFNER JTQ . ACID JAZZ TERRORVISION THE MISSION KILLER QUEEN

£8.50 £9 £6 £9 £1 0 £12 £5

CLUBS ABSOLUTION FRI 20 OCT - £4· ATTITUDE FREE CLUB NIGHT: HARDHOUSE, TRANCE AND FULL-ON CLUB TUNES WITH OJs ANALOGUE, BUMP, OR TONIC AND LOTUSEATER ·GLOBAL BEATS AND LAID·BACI( GROOVES

Fri 1 Sat 2

.......

LIVE GIGS

Who Wants To Be A Milllonalred

DECEMBER XLR8 - Drum & Bass - Garage £7 Mixmag Tour feat. Lisa Loud £7.95 Sun 3 Reef - New date, old tickets still valid or refunds available £12.50 Mon 4 Union Xmas Party feat. Bjorn Again £10 £7.50 Tue 5 Supergirly- comedy Fri 8 Or Feelgood . RnB £12.50 Club Retro £3.50 Sat 9 Wed 13 Shane McGowan £13.50

139- 141 King Street Norwich Tel 01603 632717

MELTDOWN SAT 21 OCT - £3

INDIE, NEW POP AND ALTERNATIVE DANCE PLUS BALLISTIX: TECHNO, TRANCE, DRUM & BASS AND BEATS

NOVEMBER 21 Cabaret

9pm

£2

ight

Keith Harris and Orville Uncut, plus Mr Methane DECEMBER 12

9pm

SAT 28 OCT - £ 3

INDIE, NEW POP AND ALTERNATIVE DANCE· PLUS WRATH HALLOWEEN SPECIAL: GOTH, METAL, ROCK, ALTERNATIVE

Free

Christm s fanc dress party

Loads of prizes and giveaways!

MELTDOWN

THE THATCHER YEARS FRI 3 NOV- £3

80s NOSTALGIA WITHOUT SHAME • JIMMY'S DISCO: 60s & 70s HITS

EDOOR

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TICKETS FROM UNION HOUSE BOX OFFICE 1 OAM-SPM MONDAY-FRIDAY

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