The event- issue 112- 10th May 2000

head .independent brain a definite disadvantage

. wednesday, may 10, 2000

breasts -must be capable of dramatic increases in size during knee ops.

& stomach: -anorexia advisable ·personal trainer essential ·piercings a must

the event tells you how to become a teenage pop sensation ~-- ·

insight:

inspected:

eels interviewed horror films satire examined asian dub foundation pokemon making history fun lash mags

elastica • gladiator • iron maiden • art • les liasons dangereuses • kirsty maccoll • skint • blair witch • house! • resident evil survivor • x·files • circus oz • phoenix • bride of chucky • la7 • soaps

contents: short cuts: 04

how to be: a band aid left over

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chic copy: what next for the style mag?

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the knowledge: drugstore

J!l

111SI 06 07 08 09 10 11

e's a good: eels' frontman interviewed little bit of politics: british satire investigated boo: why we love horror films dub stars: we speak to asian dub foundat ion just for kids?: pokemon prodded history today: uea prof makes the past easy

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bubble gum: your guide to becoming pop trash

ins ected: 14

music: elastica - adf - dark star - kirsty maccoll iron maiden - skint- grandaddy- folk implosion phoenix

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film: house!- gladiator- snow falling on cedars

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arts: circus oz - les liasons dangereuses- runart previewed

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video-game: blair witch project - x-files - bride of chucky - resident evil survivor

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tv: miss this: saturday - la 7 - soaps and highlights

event horizon: 19 21

cinema: now even bigger guide to all the films showing in norwich listings: the comprehensive guide to all that's happening in norwich until the end of term

.__,

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people~ editor-In-chief: james tapsfield editor: Iuke turner arts editor: alex mcgregor assistant arts editor: elln jones music editor: darcy hurford assistant music editor: Iuke c hllton screen editor: adam chapman assistant screen editor: astrid goldsmith tvvideogame editor: steve collins listings: markland stakie astrid goldsmith adam chapman elin jones copy editing: wendy tse dtp: Iuke turner - caroline jeater - mark edwards - steve collins - alex mcgregor contributing writers: robbie upritchard - anthony lovell - gemma o'donnel - ayo mansaray - mischa gilbert - katherine everitt - martin brock - mark edwards - james goffin - gemma monk - jo pawlik - lucy sacre - jonathon rolfe - john pappas - twiggy flat - lizzle wood thanks to: tart and the slapper - le gaufin - darcy - markland - astrid

the event is produced fortnightly by concrete: po box 410, norwich, nr4 7tb tel : 01603 250558 fax: 01603 506822 e-mail : su.concrete@uea.ac.uk and printed by: eastern counties newspapers, rouen road , norwich nr11rb

the event, wednesday, may 10, 2000

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loose a

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them f**king gap ads n these days of commercialism where the average person has an attention span somewhat shorter than a Koi Carp, brand image is everything. This has been proven by the phenomenon that is the GAP ads, that have blighted our television screens for the past few years, and have culminated in a horrific GAP-style remake of Westside Story. The plastic things that prance around grinning enact1ng a battle between GAP's legendary jean and khaki ranges. One can only wish

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there must be millions of our fellow citizens who now think that watford gap is a branch conveniently placed on the motorway that instead of shouting "crazy" and ·cool" at each other, they used a rather more deadly weapon.

Those "best dancers in New York" are surely even more deserving of knee capping than some unfortunate chap who says "Bugger the Pope" in an Irish Nationalist pub.

The susceptibility of the New Briton to all things with a warm, Americanised feel to it sent us in our droves into GAP's stores to purchase the latest in American preppy. There must be millions of our

fellow citizens who now think that Watford Gap is a branch conveniently placed on the motorway, just perfect for people carrier driving residents of the Home Counties to stop off to fit out their little darlings in pleasant orange gilets (bodywarmer in English) . The Ginsters pastries they find instead will hopefully shatter their dreams and remind them where they come from. But anyway, GAP clothes are pretty much universally dull, either working on the buy-yourself-a-personality Tommy Hilfiger style by having the brand name thundering out of your chest; or relying of the misguided belief that possessing a pair of trousers with pockets half way down the legs makes you as hard as an SAS, whooops, sony, American Marine Assassin.

But this is not just the greatest evil that this chain represents. Go into a branch of GAP, and you will be Instantly surrounded by Retail GNVQ graduates dressed not in a uniform, but showing off their Individuality by wearing what they want - providing, of course, it comes from GAP. These glorified shop assistants will then beam at you constantly, helpfully giving advice, even saying things like "have a n1ce day" and seeming genuinely upset if the particular garment you want isn't in stock. What was wrong with the traditional British shopping experience, where the staff are rude, dressed in polyester, and all customers under the age of 25 are considered potential shoplifters?

At least you didn't think you were about to incite mass Hari Kari amongst the employees should you decide not to buy anything.

Luke Turner

the tickler: HUHLGTPWAQPQLLH SEDHOASISOQOSFA DTWAUSKJ PZAA I H F KDHRQLAAWPVVLSE GHCWWLENEEEUINT EBOQEKWPGSEECFS NPCOAHORSEKBONC I QAPZPHQPPLNNDR LV IWI LL I AMCEEJ E ECNMJQI LMAXPSSG SVENUAUZMLZ I 8 IN AGPZATAHTEKATWI VDUXYBBERYHULKG GIVEEVCRQTOONGA HDEBBIEHARRYQQE we've got dissertations sitting on our heads, finish the buggers or else we'll soon be dead. but to alleviate the risk of repetitive strain injury from all that typing, we've got some wannadies and santana albums to give away. complete the tickler and get free stuff.

1: number of people in steps (4)

2: royal boy britney fancies (7) 3: s club 7 are in this californian city (3, 7) 4: reported content of ms spears' breasts 5: bille looks like equine beast (5) 6: supposed gender of three hansons (4) 7: east 17's dog (4) 8: colour of geri's hair (6)

...

9: original boy band split in 1994 (4,4) 10: noel 's sugar (narc) (8) 11: blondie's lead singer (6,5) 12: greasy stuffy beloved of elastica (8) 13: who feels love? (5) 14: item of woman's underwear that sisquo is partial to (5)

I 0% discount for all students

V) V)

w a:: a..

(with student id card) valid Mon-Fri after 4pm

Homemade soup Toasted sandwiches Food and finest coffee available all day 12 ST GEORGES STREET (near Cinema City)

OPEN MONDAY-SATURDAY 7AM-7PM SUNDAYS 8AM-7PM the event, wednesday, may 10, 2000

the

04

event

short cuts

so you want to be a: band aid reject

never ever bonked one of those young ladles under the bridge? the event knows where it 's at... want to be an all saints boyfriend? here's how ... what do they do?

All together now: they "Feeeeeeed the woooorrrld" ... um, yeah , well , at least they raised money to give to poor African countries in 1985. Some, like dear old Bob Geldof, still do, although most have abandoned good causes to work on their image (have some George Michael) or indulge in bad drum & bass (David Bowie). Some should die, some already have. Alas, poor Freddie. Others just carry on living out that rock & roll dream, for this was the last generation of proper, long-haired,

:::e:::::::e~:k stars- Status Quo, we love you.

~f~l

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Rock star shades, tight faded Jeans, black cowboy boots, studded ~\~ leather, baggy t sh1rts w1th the sleeves cut off... you name 1t, every rock & roll cliche IS 1n there. Of course, George M1chael w1sely ~ ~ dec1ded that to get over the shame of Wham! and Andrew R1dgely (oh, those matchmg outfits, those cheesy gnns, those carefully highlighted 1980s bouffants ... how can people cla1m to be surpnsed when he came out?), he needed to reinvent himself as a lean, mean, moody person, all in black with naked supermodels hanging off him in his videos. And I'm NOT going to mention Bob Geld of's facial hair... where do they go?

Well, this depends on which member you are, for there are definite divisions (you see, that's what's so good about Ban1 Aid , it brought all these people together, man). For example, while Georgie can be found partying at the Met Bar with Geri and Robbie, his old mate Andrew is now more at home on the race track, having found happiness as a driver. Every now and again, one member or the other wi ll turn up at the Brits to collect a lifetime achievement award, for... urn, being old . where will they go?

Again , th is depends on how many drugs you consumed in the heady days of the Eighties. Geld of will probably live to a ripe old age, surrounded by a flock of cha rity-conscious greatgrandchildren . And the others?. Well Bowie, the eternally youthful musician, will make music forever. Hopefully U2 won't.

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* E.G. M. *

To discuss proposals for a Sabbatical Officer for the Graduate Student Association Coming soon the event, wednesday, may 10, 2000

thousands of people religiously peruse the style mags to find out what they should do and wear. with the fac celebrating it's twentieth anniversary and the relaunch of celebrated women's glossy, nova; astrid goldsmith asks if our newstands have become overcrowded ...

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o, are you cool? What kind of clothes do you wear? What kind of music do you listen to? Where do you go? And , most importantly, who do you allow to te ll you what's coo l? Your mum, your mates or a magazine?

Of course, nobody likes to admit that they are influenced by anything other than their own good taste and originality. This is especially crucial when

it seems that the only way to generate any kind of interest is to produce multi-media shows where the actual clothing is sidelined you are sporting something which is clearly fashionable but maybe a little bit silly. Like, no, I'm not wearing a sport's visor because Arena Hommes Plus said they were this season 's must-have accessory NOR because it has Louis Vuitton 's emblem stuck all over it... I just felt like it, ok? Even if you're not a fully paid-up member of the Vogue subscription service, everybody at least glances at a style magazine every now and again. But, and this is the really vital question, which one? Do you, for example, read 1-D? (Aha, trick question - there 's nothing to read in there) Or maybe, for more affordable, and slightly less strange fashion , you go to FHM or Elle? But what if you want decent, intelligent articles combined with inspirational fashion that sets, rather than follows the trend , and a whole load of other stuff besides (off-beat ce lebrity interviews, book/film/gadgeVmusic reviews etc.) ... where do you go? Right, this really isn't a page long advert for Th e Face, but for 20 years they have produced a magazine of pretty consistent high quality, always catchi ng the zeitgeist at, well, just the right moment. And , until now, they have been unrivalled.

In a cruel twist of fate (or maybe just clever planning) , in the month that The Face celebrated their twentieth anniversary, a

new magazine hit the shelves: Nova. Well , not quite new, considering it first appeared in the 1960s, giving it the same kind of historical clout that The Face has. lt spends a lot of time letting us know ju how different it is from normal women 's magazines (for, unlike The Face, Nova is designed specifically for women ... sorry boys), and contains several 'heavy-weight' articles on subjects such as what women of today think really matter in modern Britain , the current state of Harlem .. . and ... um .. . why women wea r lipstick. The layout is similar to that of The Face, and the fashion is as off-beat as typical Dazed and Confused or 1-D shoots. But the fact that it is still a women's magazine is inescapable. Nova started as a semi-radical, femin ist magazine, but they obviously find it very difficult to continue in th is vein in the 21st century.

They try to claim that overt politicising is simply not valid anymore and that women aren't interested in protest for political or social gain. The issue contain an article about using a very attractive blonde to carry out va riou s forms of protest (carrying a banne asking for free tampons outside the Houses of Parliament, attending anarchist squat parties, streaking etc.). All very novel, but, unsurprisingly, with very little gain . it's almost as if they can't mak up their minds whether to be a full on Vogue-style women's fashion glossy, or a cutting edge, intelligent feminist publication.

So why can women's magazines never get it quite right? If you raised a girl entirely on their philosoph right from Just 17 and Bliss to More' to Marie Cla11 and Vogue, you would have one messed up, superficial female on you r hands. She would veer from fa ke injections of girl power to spending half her life chasing the kind of boy she has been told i desirable. Not that men 's magazines have anything to be smug about, as they would have you believe that all females are made entirely out of plastic an crawl around in wet swimwear for the best part of their lives. Surely this kind of 'pink for girls, blue for boys ' lifestyle isn't what we want to be sold to us?

And this is where The Face has its key advantage. I is truly unisex, and not in the way that Sky claims t be (with separate articles for boys and girls, with a predominantly masculine feel , but with a cou ple of pages on periods for the ladettes). Therefore, The Face generally avoids any kind of stereotypical formatting and just gets straight to the cool stuff

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5 knowledge ----038

en

drugstore ~at's

the big fuss then?

Uke a storm of locusts mercilessly marauding an innocent township in some Old Testament prophecy, Drugstore burst onto the scene in 1993. With fire in their belly and revolution in their mind, they took no prisoners, they shot on sight. Armed with songs of star1< beauty, elegant grace, heart-breaking melancholy and a vein of pure thrill seeking hedonism, it seemed that they were a force so intransigent that no one would escape it. Without putting too fine a point on it.•• almost everyone did. who does what?

Brazilian born singer/bass player lsabel Monteiro is the key songwriter; it is her utterly impassioned voice and an anarchic enthusiasm for living that marks Drugstore out. Her voice can tremble with delicate anguish or shriek as if possessed by a senseless fervour. Daron Robinson plays the guitar and Mike Chylinski the drums, and the two of them also contribute the odd song - no disrespect to them, but their songs tend to be the weak links and lan Burdge is their relatively recently recruited cellist.

05

which Is best?

The first Drugstore album is a remar1<able record.

Songs like Superglider and Accelerate are truly sublime, set to spare, disarmingly simple accompaniments. Monteiro broods on life and death in terms that resonate with child-like honesty and innocence and a very adult sense of resignation.

Unfortunately, due to Honey records going bust a few years ago, it's a pain in the arse to get hold of these days. Keep your eyes peeled for it when in those second hand record shops. so what does the future hold?

Rumour has it that there will only be one more Drugstore album before they disband. But you've got to be sceptical of such hearsay, and remember that we are dealing with a band that consistently prMieges the immediate gratification of the moment over the prudently calculated option. When Drugstore start wor1<ing for the Mure and not for the moment then it really will be time for them to call it a day.

In retrospect ...

All my ex-lovers will talk through the night/ Heartbreaking tales of passion and pride I And they'll say/ That I had a c**t made of gold

sold a few records then?

The pinnacle of Drugstore success came with the single El Presidente in 1998. Although it's a tremendous song, its success is largely a testament to the old principle that if you're not very famous, find a friend who is to help you out. In the case of Drugstore it took the vocals of a certain Thorn Yor1<e to galvanise the press and broadcasters out of their inertia and give them a bit of well deserved limelight. White Magic for Lovers consequently went on to sell relatively well, but the eponymously titled first album sold diddly-squat; which is a shame, because it's a masterpiece.

that everyone wants to read about.

album is hardly bringing new exciting music to the masses. Or their recent habit of putting models on ut even The Face have gone through some the cover - they might look sexy, but, let's face it, dodgy patches. Putting second-rate indie • how much life changing information has some has-beens Suede on the front cover last year gawky 15 year old beanpole got to offer? 1-D and to herald their less-than-good fourth Dazed and Confused are equally guilty. Their elitist . . . . . . . . approach to ~tyle means that sometimes their fashion shoots come across as vacuous semi pom and they are very fond of weird for weird's sake . . . . . . . . .~ Often their articles are more like a string of good soundbites than anything particularly meaningful. ·l Which brings us back to the question of who needs <I •I style magazines in the first place? And why? il Obviously there are always going to be weak-minded H indMduals who assume that dressing themselves •l •I entirely in Gucci automatically buys them a ticket to cool, and therefore they need a brainless glossy to tell them how to live their lives. Or if you don't live in a major city, maybe Vogue is the closest you can get to civilisation (I know I'm glad of The Face while I'm living in Naaarch). But fun and escapism aside, it is quite worrying how much power such a shallow culture has over people, especially young teenage girls. At such a crucial time for magazines, when people are evaluating both the return of a famous 'radical' publication and the 20 year run of Britain's most loved alternative style magazine, maybe it's also time for the rest of the industry to start shaping up and produce something new and different, that not only combines the high fashion shoots and cultural pointing, but also has ;....._ ___. something new to say about the times we live in.

6.

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_J Leicester Street

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Laundre!;;-,~ TSB York Tavern ~~El¥ Junction of York Stand Leicester St Unthank Road

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*TWO POOL TABLES* the event, wednesday, may 10, 2000

eve lit

insight

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slippery customer despite his entire family dying in just two years, eels singer mark everitt has created one of this yea.r's most cheerful records in daisies of the galaxy. steve col/ins went to chat with him about sex, death and sporty spice ...

'' U

m, I' m pretty good in bed",

m.utters Eels' frontman 'E' (M .· ark Everitt to his gran). He's smiling slightly, studymg the table in front of him and trying to th1nk of somethmg, anything, he could wnagme himself domg we ll other than mus1c. The question was rather a dull one, I'll admit, but it certa inly seems to have stumped the Virginia-bern multi-instrumentalist whose latest progeny, Daisies of the Galaxy, which had a pleasant residence in the middle of the hit parade. T1me passes, h1s eyes remain1ng fixed on a tablecloth wh1ch refuses to suggest an answer. "No, I think 1f 1t wasn't for mus1c I would have killed

"i do feel uncomfortable with exposing too much about my life sometimes" myself by now ... He's not smiling anymore.

In 1996, Mark's s1ster Elisabeth commited suicide.

Over the subsequent two years he lost both his parents to cancer. Fully documented in both the press and on record, E's personal life soon became a trag1c backdrop to his music, and the beautifully understated folk-pop melodicism of both 'Daisies and 1998's Electro-Shock Blues belie a fierce, angrily vitalist1c lust for li fe that only a good two years of funeral-going can msp1re. In fact, his current outlook, like his records, remams defiantly positive:

"After all the experiences I've been through m the past couple of years, you can either try and go somewhere positive with it or you can just stay down 1n the muck and be sad, so I had a sense of a new beginning, like ·oK, I'm still here, better make it count."'

Like Electro-Shock Blues, 'Da isies certain ly seems to bear testament to this philosophy - it's highly personal, dealing with obviously painful subject matter, yet refuses to dignify the 1nS1d1ous voyeurism of E's chosen trade with any wilfully 'purgative' h1stnon1cs or full -on emot1onal prolapses. Is he ever conscious of holding things back?

"I do feel uncomfortable with exposing too much about my life sometimes. But I never think about that when I'm writing. it's only later when I have moments of anx1ety, when I have to go out on tour, put a record out or something and 1t's like 'Oh Jeez, people are going to hear this '. But often I'm writing 1n character, and not directly from my l1fe anyway."

A defensive measure? "Yeah, it makes it a lot eas1er. If I wanted to wnte a tribute to someone or something, I'd write it in their voice. I take it as a compliment that people think all my songs are autobiographical , it means I'm doing my job well.

But when you write in character you are reflecting something going on in your personal or emot1onal l1fe - but you have th1s mask on so it feels safe to rea lly get your hands dirty."

I suggest that 'Daisies conveys a sense of life always being 'worth it' ; it seems to advocate living in and for the moment even in the face of loss. He nods, st1ll looking down. "That was an Important lesson to me, being in the moment. And I'm good at doing that with songwritJng. I don't think about the future

the event, wednesday, may 10, 2000

when I'm writing a song, 'cos 1f I stopped and I said , 'shit, how we gonna play th1s live' or something then it would change what I was gonna write " origJnally started perform1ng as a solo SJngersongwnter, recording two solo albums with Polydor Records prior to be1ng ·re leased· from contract in 1996. Teaming up with hrs touring drummer Jonathan 'Butch' Norton, and multiInstru mentalist Tommy Waiter, he soon assembled a small but perfectly formed little group, and called the m Eels so that their records would sit next to h1s solo albums in record shops although 'it wasn 't until I put the records out that I realised , shit, you know, they put the 'E's at the very front of the 'E' section, and then there's like 28 Eagles records and 13 Earth wmd and Fire records. I JUSt d1dn't think 1t through."

S1gning to Dreamworks records 1n 1996, they released the1r debut album Beautiful Freak that year, shortly before E's sister took her own life. This tragedy, and his mother's subsequent cance r, became the thematic concern of E's songwriting, culminating in Electro Shock Blues, one of the most surprisingly life-affirming records about death you'll hear in a long time. The sentiment lives on in 'Daisies, best articulated in the infectiously summery big-up to life and all its possib1lit1es that is recent single Mr E's Beautiful Blues, wherein we find E yelling 'Goddamn right it's a beautiful day!· at anyone who' ll care to notice .

So what with all this redemptive joie de vivre flying around, is life becoming more rock & roll now that Eels are on the road?

"Well, we have little part1es in the back of the bus.

E

When I say parties, to us a party IS a bowl of bran cereal. Maybe a little Marv1n Gaye on the stereo."

Sounds rather, er, sedate.

"I wouldn't say it's sedate . There's some crazy shit _that happens. I can't get 1nto that though."

Oh, go on.

"No." Bugger. So what of the future, then? What's likely to get your creat1ve juices flowing, Mr E? "Um, I like to collaborate a lot. .... He tails off. Anybody in mind?

"Tom Waits. Neil Young. Sporty Spice, Britney Spears, Korn, Limp B1zkit, Insane Clown Posse ... " A meet1ng of musical minds between h1m and Puff

"to us a party is a bowl of bran cereal. maybe a little marvin gaye on the stereo" Daddy wou ld be nice, _though "everyone has to do that at some point. He'll just use one of my songs eventually." Miaow. For now, however, the future doesn't even come into the equation as far as E is concerned: ''For me the whqle goal is to write a song and make a record. Whatever happens after that, I don't know.

I'm very happy like that." And on that suitably positive note that our time is up, and the small , quiet man who simply calls himself 'E' mooches quietly off to rage against the dying of the light in concert halls around the country. And, presumably, in bed.

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the election of ken livingstone as Iondon mayor was preceded by a play entitled snagging ken, which was hailed as another triumph of british satire. but do we really know the true meaning of the word? a/ex mcgregor investigates ...

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e frown upon almost anyone, do us Brits. The reason for our apparent elevation above all others is simple to the point of absurdity: Our sense of humour. Britain has a long and proud heritage of being more ironic, sarcastic, farcical and nonsensical than any other nation on the planet. Chief among these talents is supposed to be our satire, with a rich heritage stretching back through Punch magazine, Shakespearian comedy, and Queen Boadicea's AntiRoman Slogan Painting Brigade. Yet is this really true? We claim smugly that American's don't understand irony, yet who hasn't read a review of Scream without the word 'irony' popping up at least once? lt may be the ramblings of the laziest hack, leaping upon a loaded bandwagon of buzzwords and empty analysis, or

perhaps the UK does not hold a monopoly on all things funny.

Let's look at British satire. We slap ourselves on the back for "giving it to the man" when the best satire we can offer is Have I got News For You. A very funny programme, but one also heavily censored and, more importantly, one where all concerned watch what they say for fear it may end in a law suit for them or for - shock of all horrors - the BBC. Which is surely an institution at the heart of the

can a nation see the true value of satire if it has not been under the thumb of a dictatorial regime? dreaded establishment? Why would the nation's premier outlet for scathing criticisms of the society in which we live want to protect such a faceless, increasingly bland and ratings-over-quality obsessed corporation? lt seems unfathomable. .

Ultimately, the point about British satire is that while it is produced by some of our most articulate and talent minds, the question still must be asked: Can a nation see the true value of and appreciate satire if it has

not been under the thumb of a dictatorial, repressive regime? lt is this -fight for survival, this fight for justice and for freedom that creates an atmosphere where satire becomes a weapon and not just another comedy genre. This is the crux of the point, satire is a weapon and yet in Britain we use it in a reactionary context and even then only to mock and rarely to try and alter the status quo.

Perhaps this is unfair; after all Have I Got News For You is a front line trench where many people first receive an alternative view on mainstream news stories, and the promotion of current affairs to a wider audience is something that must be applauded. Especially when the promotion of current affairs is accompanied without the anodyne softlysoftly approach of regional news programmes. Yet even here one has to concede that in recent years the sharpest television show still making new episodes has been the Simpsons, which is, gasp!, an American product.

The closest Britain has come to such an atmosphere of repression was undoubtedly during the Thatcher years (no, not the Eighties club night).

Yet even then the best we could muster was Spitting Image. Today Spitting Image looks as achingly dated as an Emilio Estevez calendar. But to be fair during the 1980s Spitting Image was a major force in British politics. In a recent feature Roy Hattersley explained how David Steel complained that the Sunday night television show destroyed him as a credible party leader. Who can forget such grandiose images of Norman Lamont-With-AYoghurt-Pot-On-His-Head, or the inspired B-Side to The Chicken Song, the anti-apartheid number titled I've Never Met A Nice South African (And That's Not Bloody Surprising). Unfortunately most read this as merely a simple attack on Africans s a whole. The point was entirely missed. And by the time Spitting Image were satirising the likes of David Baddiel it was time for it to gracefully retire.

T

he only other publicly well-known satirist was (and still is- he would argue), Ben Elton. Elton admirably grabbed the task by the scruff of the neck but got weighed down in an avalanche of pubic hair gags and people pointing out that he obviously got beaten up at school every single day. Of course there was one stand up comedian who during the Eighties and early Nineties did break through that supposedly impenetrable wall of fluffy satire. That man was Bill Hicks, whose own mother described him as a preacher. Hicks made people sit up, take notice and think that perhaps they should obtain the facts and make their own conclusion, while at the same time sticking a big fat rocket up the backside of that self defeating menace that is Political Correctness. Yet as fate would have it Bill succumbed to cancer. But Hicks' legacy and his message live on, but in today's society, if someone is not

forced into the public consciousness every single day, they are forgotten and swept aside like so much rubbish. Is this the future for Bill Hicks? One hopes not.

Currently London's prestigious; Almieda theatre is staging a one-act, after dinner play by the title of Snogging Ken. The plot of which is that a New Labour spin doctor offers a young lady a large sum of money if she'll claim that she's having Ken Uvingstone's baby, so as to scupper his chances of becoming London mayor. This play has clearly been written in response to political cholesterol clogging up the ventricles of the system: Namely Tony Blair's presidential air and contempt for opposition. Is this satire or if one listens closely can one hear the sound of a bandwagon being leap upon? After all pointing out Tony Blair's dictatorial air is hardly subversive but at least it is being pointed out. The biggest problem I had with this play is that one could have deleted Ken Uvingstone's name from the script and replaced it with any politician from any time. Does this make Snogging Ken generic satire?

Does such a thing exist? Can such a thing exist?

ben elton grabbed the task of attacking the ills of politics by the scruff of the neck but got weighed down by an avalanche of pubic hair gags Probably the best known example of a play that employs satire as more than just sarcasm with style is Arthur Miller's The Crucible. Written in a time where persecution was rife, where an hysteria had gripped much of the public and many members of the so-called establishment; namely the anti communist witch hunts of 1950s America. Miller crafted not only a superlative work of art but also managed to convey such a powerful subtext that the play holds immediate relevance even today. One thinks of the current asylum seekers question and William Hague's reactionary use of this issue to play upon long standing British fears of foreigners.

One of the reasons that British satire has not taken on the form of a weapon is because in any economically prosperous, industrial nation, men and women of ideas are not listened to. In Britain, rarely do members of the intelligentsia sit in cafes drinking coffee talking about politics. British people do not do this and those who do are not of terrible importance, yet there is a group of Kurdish revolutionaries in exile in the UK, who meet up regularly in McDonalds, of all places, and discuss how they can gain Kurdish separation from east Turkey. Tsarist Russia had a vibrant underground discourse on politics and society despite the oppressive nature of that regime ; their satire was scathing and flourishing. Moreover, these Russian revolutionaries created a vernacular that inspired people to believe in them and to join them; phrases such as "the vanguard of the workers". The UK has never adopted or developed a language of this type.

Nevertheless, satire holds an important place in British culture, whether it be in the plays of David Hare or on Have I Got News For You, but let us not get carried away. The businessman (in his suit and tie) hails Rory Bremner for providing national television with its most observed and well judge political satire. What a complete load of unmitigateEI guff. Just because you know whom Gordon brown is and can do a bad John Major impression does not for great satire make. So perhaps we should think twice before again slapping ourselves proudly on the back and patronising others for their lack of comedic sophistication. Perhaps we should acknowledge that British satire is but one side of a larger Rubik's Cube.

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he horror, the horror chill flick american psycho and another installment in the scream series are currently terrifying cinema goers up and down the land. elin jones wets her knickers and looks at our obsession with all things scary ...

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he horror genre has produced some of the most successful films of all time, including the classics Psycho and Nightmare on Elm Street, and has recently had a resurgence in the cinema with the release of Scream 3 and American Psycho. These new films are slick and stylish Hollywood takes on our morbid fascination with death and suspense, but the huge success The Blair Witch Project was also set in this mould. The style of this film was very different, as was the innovative advertising -strategy, but the popularity of the film stil l rested on its ability to

who would have thought that sitting in a darkened room watching people being stalked and stabbed would encourage us to part with ÂŁ3.90 scare cinema -goers witless. Who would have thought that sitting in a darkened room watching people being stalked, stabbed and having their head kept in a fridge would encourage us to part with our ÂŁ3.90?

After A Clockwork Orange prompted 'copy-cat' crimes it was withdrawn from circulation by the film 's director, Stanley Kubrick. lt was only after his recent death that our generation have been able to see the film on the big screen instead of on grainy pirate videos with Urdu subtitles that do detratc somewhat from the intended effect. The cult status of A Clockwork Orange achieved by the controversy surrounding its withdrawal in the 1970s guaranteed

a massive audience on its re-release, but the brilliance of the film 's direction and general style have been all but ignored by critics and audiences alike in favour of analysing the violent content. lt is doubtful that the majority of the audience enjoyed the scenes of brutal violence and rape, yet the general consensus about the film was that it was excellent and worthy of its critical acclaim. So why are we drawn to violent and te rrifying fi lms? Is it a morbid fascination with death, voyeurism , or a way of reassuring ourselves that our life really isn't that bad - much like watching Eastenders on Christmas day? The trend of using attractive young Americans as the victims of a brutal killer wou ld seem to suggest that we are jealous and want to see the demise of these 'beautiful people', but this is only a development in line with trends of using these plastic people in the wider film industry. Horror films have been popular for a long time and th is cannot only be due to this use of 'eye-candy' in the leading roles.

The popularity of violent video games among children would seem to indicate that we are, indeed, a society pre-occupied with violence and suspense. The only interesting parts of Jerry Springer seem to be the fights, television programmes such as You've been Framed focus on other people's misfortunes (and I'm not talking about Lisa Riley's wardrobe) - even in sport, the riots and violence surrounding games are beginning to take prominence over the sport itself. lt has become socially acceptable to enjoy scenes of others in peril to provide us with entertainment.

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orror films , however, are not real - despite some poor deluded souls who were a bit confused by Blair Witch . They give us fear in a controlled environment where we can enjoy the rush of adrenaline but without the actual fear that something is going to happen to us. This was satirised in Scream 2 when murders took place in

the cinema, making the situation more real for the audience and, ultimately, more frightening.

American Psycho is not a typical horror film incorporating the usual blood and gore (although there is plenty of that too), but it still shows very distressing violence and a chi lling indifference towards death, or even a lustful need for it, in the lead character. The film's focus is entirely on the psyche of Christian Bale's character, Patrick Bateman. Great lengths are taken to explain his daily beauty regime and attention to detail, yet at the end we are no clearer as to his motives for ki lling" about twenty people", or whether the murders even took place. There is no moral at the

-~----------------, end and no real

issues are addressed; the film could be criticised as being an excuse to indulge in our passion for violence and horror.

However, the acting is superb and the slow-burning pace and style sets it above many filmb of the moment. lt is indicative of our society that the fi lm's drawing power was its description by many critics of its being "chilling".

Most people would agree that the most frightening moments of their lives were not the most enjoyable, yet we pay to sit and watch two hours of film wh ich is designed to frighten and disturb us. Perhaps we are too sheltered in the 21st century. Our predecessors led lives full of threats

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and the fear of de<tth, in our modern society we are protected that we crave excitement. How else can explain the recent rise of extreme sports such as

the trend of using attractive young americans as the victims of a brutal killer suggests that we want to see the demise of t hese 'beautiful people' bungee jumping? Whose idea was it to get people jump off bridges supported by a piece of stretchy for fun, and why does no-one realise how ridiculous is? This is another example of controlled fear, to all extents and purposes you are jumping off a bridge, the rope is there to stop the fall. .. hopefully.

The theory of controlled fear is all very well to our love of suspense, but it does not explain our to see graphic scenes of violence and carnage. becoming more and more true of contemporary 1 today's audience was not particularly shocked by A Clockwork Orange, but at the time of release it was considered to be extremely disturbing. ReseNoir which isn't even in the horror genre, uses graphic sickening violence, yet it has become a classic of time. Scream 3 has a very high body count, but the violence and blood is understated. This film is more focused on suspense and the suggestion of violence.

Chase scenes feature heavily and the appearance of the murderer wearing the sinister mask from the previous films was far more frightening than any of actual murders. The quickening of the pulse as the pace of the music built up to the appearance of the killer as well as the suspense created by the characters making the fatal mistake of splitting up search the deserted mansion (will they ever learn?) makes the horror film very popular, and Scream 3 utilises these tried and tested devices to good So, all you horror fanatics , next time you're home from Time at 3a.m . in the dark and hear a behind you, don 't keep walking, turn around and the danger... if that's what turns you on.

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political firebrands or damp squibs? anthony love// talked to pandit g of asian dub foundation to find out ... 'm not scared, but I'm apprehensive. If I say anything remotely silly or ill considered, then Pandit G, a member of the angriest young band in Britain will surely bite my head off with some brilliantly scathing political philippic. lt is with this in mmd that I start to talk.

Twenty-five minutes later, I am left in a state of confusion. Surely that friendly, chirpy man who laughs constantly and punctuates the end of nearly every sentence with "d'ya know what I mean?" couldn't have been him? Pandit G is, m reality, a

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"we think that higher education is a right, not some sort of f* *king privilege" dream for an interviewer; quotable, controversial, and possessed of an amazmg capacity for talking.

But he's very serious with 1t, and rails fiercely agamst injustice. This habit (one shared with the rest of Asian Dub Foundation) would no doubt place them on the same wavelength as more prominent musical agitators such as Rage Against The Machine. Coincidentally, the two bands have just toured Europe toget her. How did Asian Dub Foundation cope with the notoriously unreceptive 'rock' audiences? "lt was bizarre. Very humbling sometimes", says Pandit G. "But we like to go out and play to new audiences, take them on a bit, and even if it's defined narrowly as a rock . audience, you've got to win them over, haven't you? We don't want to play to the same audience all the time."

Obviously Asian Dub Foundation made qu1te an impact on the crowd; by the time you read this, they will have been featured in that weekly chronicle of (lll things loud and beautiful, Kerrang! This may surprise some people, but the sheer anger of the band makes them worthy inclusions. e word 'anger' keeps cropping up whenever Asian Dub Foundation are ment1oned. Lyrical ttacks are made on new album Community Music on New Labour, the police (not the band), capitalism and all points in-between. But although Pandit G initially seems keen to play this down ("lt seems angry, but it's full of puns and wordplay"), 1t only takes my quoting one example (an adaptation of the Cornershop lyric "Brimful of Asha on the 45" to "Biairful of Thatcher stuck on the 45") to start h1m off on a lengthy diatribe: "That sums up what happened. We all thought, and probably a lot of your student readers thought, that there would be some great changes, and now they have to pay £1000. We think that higher education IS a nght, not some sort of f**king privilege. And the only way to get that back IS to challenge it and to use the · Student Union. The Student Union isn't just something that provides you with cheap travel insurance and cheap beer. We're being dumbed down. Wake up."

Wow. That was the kind of thing I was expecting to hear. However, on being asked who should be runn1ng the country, Pandit G becomes more defensive: "Perhaps it just needs some people who are a little bit more accountable. People need their own people to represent them."

Asian Dub Foundation themselves are seen as representatives of a new breed of Asian cool,

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along with Talvin Singh, Cornershop and Black Star Uner. Five years ago, there weren't any Asian bands in the public eye. Now all of a sudden, there are four established, with many more emerging from the woodwork. Pandit G has h1s own (lengthy) theory as to why. "The talent has always been there, • he says.

"On thing that we've got in common with all of those artists is that though we all work in different scenes, we were all in the same position: not being in the mamstrearn and being denied just because we were Asian. I think that there's been a concerted push by a few artists. But when we see 60 - 70 Asian bands getting that kind of mainstream treatment then we can actually say that somethmg has happened." lnterestmgly, As1an Dub Foundation don't often find themselves on television or radio, but Pandit G IS 1n no doubt that it won 't be long before they reach the mainstream. "We should be!" he says. "I've heard that we've actually had our video shown on MTV! " Asian Dub Foundation are a band that thinks ahead.

They realise that in order to increase the profile of Asian music, Britain needs to be taught about it. To this end, they have been working on their own project, and Pandit G is happy to explain.

"We've been getting our educational work (ADFED) established in the last couple of years, and that's coming through now w1th new artists like lnvasian" he explains. "We're putting down roots, so no matter what happens to Asian Dub Foundation, this work is still continued. A lot of the press don't like to hear us talking about this - they don't think 1t's sexy!"

Pandit G laughs loudly at this. But he swiftly returns to the point. Asian Dub Foundation are looking to the youth of today in

order to find the sounds of tomorrow. "If you want to create new music, you've got to look to people that haven't had that opportunity. • Pandit points out. "If people are trained in the right environment, they can come up with something new. That's the only way you're going to create new music, otherwise Britain is musically going to decline in the

"when we see 60 - 70 asian bands getting mainstream treatment then we can actually say that something has happened." world."

He's right, of course. lnvasian will no doubt be the first 1n a long line of bands to benefit from Asian Dub Foundation's far-sightedness. But the interview is now ending, and apart from brief flashes, the fistclenched table-thumping political rhetoric that I was expecting has failed to materialise. Pandit G finds th1s very funny when I tell him, but says that despite this, he and the rest of Asian Dub Foundation are very serious about what they do. Serious, but still able to enjoy their music.

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in the hallowed tradition of top trumps and the ninja turtles, pokemon are the latest craze to hit the playgrounds and the televisual wastelands of saturday morning. gemma o'donne/1 explains it all ...

ow fickle the children of this planet are. We've barely finished tidying up their Star Wars toys and suddenly their bedrooms have become a shrine to the Manga monsters Pokf!!mon.

Unless you've spent the last six months in a nuclear fall-out bunker you 'll have realised that the words Pikachu, Bulbasaur, Mewtwo etc have become as important to the under-12's as Happy Meals and Cartoon Network. There have been reports of playground riots as the little ones surrender their pocket money to obtain the hallowed Charizard card. That, by the way, is an evolved version of a

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children consume this hype like it's milkshake through a curly straw Charmander. Some claim that prices for these are as high as ÂŁ25. it appears that there is no escaping the Pokemon phenomenon, we see it on the T-shirts of the young, on our burger boxes and our 1V screens. "Madness!" I hear you all cry. However this is not the first Nintendo-instigated craze (lest we forget the Mario movies and Tetris dance single), but it is by far the most infectious. Pokemon is a craze that, if you allow it, will creep under your skin and live there for a remarkably long time. It'll crawl around your veins forcing you to speak in a language that consists entirely of names and waste precious time glued to your Game Boy. If you really get the bug you may even find yourself lingering outside the Star Wars Emporium playing 'swopsies' with the brats.

Pokemon began its life as a simple Game Boy cartridge where you have to catch and train the little

fella in order to become a master. it was inspired by its creator's love of bug collecting and hardly seems the basis for the onslaught we are presently witnessing. You may well find yourself asking, "what's the big deal?" The deal is (and don't Nintendo know it!) that children consume this hype like it's milkshake through a curly straw, hence the 1V series and seemingly endless merchandise.

Therefore, it's hardly surprising that this Easter saw the release of Pokemon: The Rrst Movie . Say what you like about the commercialism behind it, this proved itself to be a class 'A' kiddieflick. You only need to hear the cheers as the cinema darkens to realise that. Admittedly, you have to become eight years old again to fully appreciate its, ahem, charm, as well as garner a basic background knowledge of the characters. Failure to obtain this will result in severe confusion, and possible mental illness after the feature ends. _Now, are you sitting comfortably?

Because I am going to explain to you what Pokemon is really all about, so that you can rediscover the eight year old child within. Yes? Then I'll begin .. .

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he story thus far concerns the exploits of Ash , the films 'star', a 10-year-old boy who has been kicked out of home by his mother and instructed to become a Pokemon master (teaching the young'uns a harsh lesson in parental cruelty from an early age). In case you didn't know, a Pokemon master is someone that collects, trains and battles Pokemon to make them grow strong enough to face the Elite Four. And just in case you didn't know (again) who The Elite Four are, then they the best trainers in the world. Got it? Good, then we can continue ...

Armed with his Charmander, Squirtle (Dr. Seuss eat your heart out) and other such beasts Ash trawls around imaginatively named places like Pallet Town

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and Viridian Forest until his pokedex is completed.

His eo-star, as it were, is a little yellow rodent Pokemon called Pikachu. Pikachu's rhetoric is somewhat limited in that he can only say the words "Pika" and "Chu", yet impressively he still manages to convey basic emotion. He is accompanied by Misty and Brock, two trainers who follow Ash around on his adventures; they are the Tinman and Scarecrow to Ash's Dorothy, or the Anna Friel and Kate Moss to Ash 's Meg Matthews, depending on how welcome you consider them to be. This is the storyline that Pokemon have managed to drag out over 150 1V episodes, and with two more movies in the pipeline we look set to hear a lot more of the same (the concept of flogging a dead horse is evidently de rigeur in Japan).

Pokemon: The Rrst Movie concerns itself with the most powerful Pokemon in existence, Mewtwo. En route to becoming Pokemon masters, Ash and his mates Misty and Brock travel to a remote island. lt is here that they discover a rather disgruntled Mewtwo, and h1s army of genetically modified Pokernon, which haven't yet been banned by Marks & Spencer. He's obviously been liasing with Norfolk farmers and stealing the1r equipment because the breeds have been cloned and enhanced until they are virtually indestructible. However, like all GM products, the love has been taken out of them and their coldness towards their owner provides the basis for his demise. After realising that love and respect is more important than the technicoloured cockfighting that is a Pokemon battle, the war ends and they all head off into the sunset. That's the whole deal. No subplot or fancy cinematography is necessary when you 're nine years old and desperate to namecheck each monster you see.

However, Pokemon lovers have found fault with this latest craze that eats deep into their wallets. And

once again, we have a prime example of PPS (Panicked Parent Syndrome), where the killjoys try to ban the one thi ng that their children love. Their reason for this is always the same, the rather overused: "lt causes violence". This view, though, is completely unfounded. Cast your minds back to a similar scenario involving Power Rangers in 1995, when they were deemed 'violent'. Contrary to predictions it did not turn our nations young into an army of ninja midgets. A Pokemon battle IS about violent as Dale Winton after too much Merlot and will not corrupt our children. Perhaps more l""'"'"'u'JII

a pokemon battle is about as violent as dale winton after too much merlot and will not corrupt our children the trading cards have received even worse press, with the problem that less well off kids face bullying from their wealthier classmates for not being able afford the cards. Social awareness has never been to hot amongst the average pre teen.

Personally, I'd rather see a chi ld trading Pokemon than imitating a WWF wrestler. Grown-ups seen to have forgotten that children enjoy nothing more than a good craze to keep them occupied . They cannot remember how we all flocked to see the Care Bears Movie , got turned away from the Turtles films, peed our pants at Ghostbusters then went to Argas to buy our own Ecto 1. We are all guilty. So what if the kids want to sit around playing this glorified version of Top Trumps, we had pizza-eating turtles, so who are we to judge?

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rarely do academic books cross over into the realm of popularity, but dr joh~ arnold is hoping his debut book, a very short introudction to history, will do just that. alex mcgregor had a chat with the newest member of uea's • writing fraternity...

this is still, gasp, a historical text and as such brings n the fourth floor of the school of Zeppelin sized connotations into any potential history in the arts building a little glass buyer's mind · page long sentences, multi-syllabled case is mounted upon a wall. Despite worcjs, and a cloud of dust even when the book's its location on campus, which makes the school the Kazakhstan of the brand new. However, John seems confident his work can overcome these stigmas and find 'a readership university (of course not in terms of its political not confined to his students who might buy it in beUefs and affiliations), the school has a literary tradition of which it is very proud. Inside this little order toget better grades. "it's different to all those weighty texts like EH 9arr's What is History" begins glass case is displayed, with reverence, a sample of the published work of its faculty. One that will soon the doctor, "because it contains an element of explanation. lt asks questions, such as what is it be added is the Very Short Introduction to History as written by Dr John Arnold. Published by Oxford . that historians take for granted? Then I had to ask University Press the Very Short Introduction series myself how do I break down the information so that someone else can understand it and by doing that has been translated into thirteen different languages and is form~ by some sixteen titles, with a further what do I find that's new when I take it apart.·- In short, this little book has a big goal, it tries to find eighteen forthcoming. Which is not too shabby, some form of middle ground between those stuffy after all The Very Short Introduction series can count more volumes among its ranks than even the academic texts and the more frivolous, perhaps bloated Warren Commission Report which proudly even patronisingly simplistic populist books. Well, intentions are one thing, but has John Amold proclaimed that Lee Harvey Oswald was the lone gunman responsible for the assassination of JFK. succeeded? "I am proud of it and I think that there And that didn't take in subjects as diverse as The is a resurgence of popular history at the moment.

You know things like Time Team on the television: Bible, Psychology, Chaos, Emotion and of course, History.

So I definitely think there is room for books like All of which brings us back to Dr John Arnold, who those in the Vety Short Introduction series. I hope it does cross over and find a more general readership in between teaching the medieval period and the because it will help break down those barriers of philqsophy of History also has just enough time to bring down the collective age of people's preconceptions of history and also, and I'll be perfectly honest, it means I make more money". the History department, smoke self rolled And you can't say fairer than that, can you? cigarettes and write e Vety Short Introduction to Histoty is John books. "I'm very proud of my book and it Amold's first outing as a solo author; however, looks cute too. The e has been published before. In 1998, John whore series looks co-edited the book Histoty Heritage, and wrote an very welcoming. article in it entitled Nasty histoty: Medievalism and They've really done a Horror which is an exploration of the medieval symbolism in David Rncher's masterpiece Se7en . lt good job designing is an engrossing read which concludes with thought them. lt really looks provoking words by John Arnold where talking of . like a desirable object. • However, both the content of the film and its effects he states "But once invoked, does the past remain within our sexy good control? Or is it possible that, in fact, it is we who looks are consumed by the past". With this previous aside · work in mind we begin to discuss the work of David Rncher and the role of historical accuracy in the movies. John Arnold proclaims himself a big fan of the work of Fincher; arguing that symbolism and emotion can offer as a valid an assessment of the medieval times as scholarly diligence. "We know the least about the ruedieval age and therefore

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it allows the greatest scope for imagination". With volumes about medieval monastic society. it's a that in mind John elaborates on his ·opinion of great piece of gender analysis.· And you all thought heritage, "I'm not interested in what [the author and · that science fiction/horror sequels had nothing to say...

So now John Arnold has officially become part of the esteemed UEA writing fraternity - has he been visited by Andrew Motion and been given the key to the secret executive toilet? "No. I haven't even met Andrew Motion, although I have seen him about" he' answers.

So what next for John Arnold the author? Well he's, going to take some leave from UEA to pop down to the South of France to write another book, but he hasn't fulfilled the biggest dream yet, "I want to go academic) Robert Rosentone describes as the on Start the Week and be interviewed by Paxman. If Dragnet approach of history in film, you know the that happens then I'll know I've made it." "just the facts ma'am" approach.

Obviously if someone was to make a film of the holocaust that was absolutely bogus then that's wrong.

But mostly I think it's a question· of taste than of truth. • As an example we discuss the Robin Williams holocaust comedy/drama Jakob The Uar. In this film Robin plays a Jewish T-~~irt man, Jakob, living in a Polish ghetto during World War Two. Jakob pretends to have a radio and convinces his fellow ghetto inhabitants that the allies are winning the war and thus r - - Mo1n Cot P01k raises their spirits. The film goes out of its way to portray history with reverence but appeared to be in somewhat poor taste.

Or, as John puts it "just looks so dreadful that I couldn't bring myself to see it".

A good example of the reverse of the Robin Williams Syndrome is David Rncher's debut film Alien 3. lt is in this film that Fincher conveys a true emotive sense of medieval iconography which inspires Sl!Ch feeling inside the audience that it becomes almost irrelevant if it is technically accurate or not. "I think one of the most famous pieces of dialogue in the film is where one of the prisoners says to Sigourney Weaver 'I'm a murderer and rapist of ·..::~•0"1'&"1'::~ women' and she replies 'I must make you feel very uncomfortable' which not Ring -us for further details on 3527, only says a lot about feminism in external (01603) 593527 today's society but also speaks

has david arnold been viited by andrew motion and given the key to the secret executive toilet?

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the event, wednesday, may 10, 2000

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lot of people complain about the vast numbers of pop bands currently worming their way into the affections of impressionable youngsters at this very moment. According to them, Steps, S Club 7, 5ive, Westlife, Scooch, Atomic Kitten, and, er, all the others just produce inane drivel, badly sung, uninspired, and not even with a good dance routine to go with it.

Furthermore, they say that these bands are all too young, too stupid, and too unlike Paul Weller to be worth listening to.

To this we at the Event say 'nonsense!' . Teen bands are great. In these times of high unemployment, it's good to know that the music business isn't going to be elitist about who it gives a job to.

Hell, it gives you a warm glow inside when you think that anyone, yes, anyone, (even people from Swindon) can have a bite of the pop pie if they don't mind wearing matching outfits and learning a little dance now and then. None of the fashion industry's beauty fascism; as N'Sync show, you can still make it if you're ugly. This is groundbreaking stuff, as it means that you, yes, YOU could be seeing yourself on Top of the Pops if you tried. Teenagers aren't

stupid, the; just know that, given the choice between a Modem Apprenticeship or owning a yacht, having lots of screaming fans, and getting all your clothes for free, you're going to choose the latter, arenl you? Who wants to learn an instrument? lt takes bloody ages and they're really heavy when you carry them.Of course, this is not an easy line of work to get into. There is anguish, irtemal torment, the avoidance of chocolate and the muscle strain from smiling too much. Boys will have to follow the strict dress code laid down by the Take That act of 1991: dapper suits for when you sing the ballads, racy numbers in PVC or camouflage when you do the poppy stuff, and a nice pair of trousers ard an Aran sweater for that Christmas hit. Girls need to wear dodgy lipstick and as little as they can without getting hypothermia. As you can see, it's not easy and you need to know the rules a1d pitfalls before you launch yourself as a teen band.

So why not get a bit of practice in with this board game? All you need is a dice, some counters, and some people to be in your band with you ...

you are caught In a . public toilet getting frisky with bryan from westllfe and a pygmy goat. move forward two spaces - if vou're a boy

during a concert for the pupils of southdown junior school In bath, your expensive but uninsured sound equipment blows up, setting light to the school hall, endangering children and causing you great.hardship as you try to pay the bill. go back two.

IHCIImO•sex.ualitty can be quite a good career move these Not only Is George Mlchael selling more records now arrested for cottagln& but Boyzone's Steven l r...t .. h.•'c popularity has Increased greatly since he came this year. Bestiality, however, has never with the lt~Bna"ed demographic - or anyone else for that matter. press you were taking the goat to an animal

you are seen at an oasis gig, pint In hand, bonding witl11iam gallagher and then getting Into a fight with him. go back one, mate, because oasis have all got kids and · are no longer perceived as rebellious by anyone.

IWI!IfAM

the loneliness of fame eats away at you, until one day you finally give In and shag that groupie who's been following you since you played japan that time. she sells her story to news of the world. Miss a turn while you hastily arrange a wedding to the girl next door.

centre.

dna tests reveal you are ronan keating's lo~g-lost sibling. he offers to manage your band for you. move forward three spaces.

your mother reveals that you are really 25 and not 17 like you told sugar. Even worse, she tells them about your degree in astrophysics. cease contact with her and move back one.

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a successful boob job makes you go up by three cup sizes. go forward one space, but don't run as you might hit yourself.

teachers will clap along enthusiastically, while all the time thinking that although this means less paperwork, your music Is not at all like the hits of their day. Though they will talk about the sexy young men In the band during play time.

I to enhance your credibility, you get sisqo to collaborate with you on an r & b style track, sock rock, which gets you In the top ten, above Sive like you were hoping. go ~n•l'\lll~:arl1 two places.

the band's members have never really got on, and finally the singer walks out after a blazing row, threatening a solo career. the rest of you can't hold a tune to save your lives, but struggle on and your next single baby baby (I fancy you) charts at number one. go forwards three for your bravery

IMl~na"arilal troubles are all part of the popstar life. They nick your 1ro:yatt:tes, make you sign nasty contracts and still end up richer than because thet go on to manage other acts. Fortunately though, you always sack t hem like young Billle and the Spice Girls did. There holjvavtu. one band 'Who can never, never, sack their manager and Is Westllfe. How could they get rid of uncle Ronan, the godfather Irish pop?

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Oo they're very naughty Indeed, and you mustn't go near them, Jeslpeciially with the wholesome, clean-cut Image you need to project.

East 17 got done for taking drugs and look what lha1nnAnAtl to him, the naughty man. You can ·hint at 1t with a jokey lnlc:knlt:me like 'H', but that's as far as 1t goes, alright ? You should stay away from alcohol and cigarettes, part:ly because they're lnauorn·ti\1 too, but also because we need something to tell you lot 'serious' artists like Andreas Johnson and Semisonic.

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after three years of chart topping, you look In your bank account and find that it's empty. no royalties have been paid in, and your manager absconds when your 'difficult' third album enters the charts at number 62. go forward one for following the tradition of financial ineptitude.

At the smash hits poll winners party, you have far too much to drink. by the end of the evening you have thrown up over h from steps, attempted to pull jayne middlemiss, but only su.c ceeded in pulling down your trousers • all in front of the paparazzl. miss a turn ·

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one of your treacherous silicone Implants bursts durIng the filming of your next video stick of rock (from scunthorpe where I went on holiday with mum and dad last summer). move back two places while you get over the shame.

For the girlees, breast implants are a sure route to success, as they your audience to Include hormonal grown men. But always th's simple rule: DENY YOU'VE HAD THEM DONE. AND WEAR UOW-CUT TOPS. Just ask

ac,cldlenttal inhalation by company management reveals that the sherbet dab you were using as a 'cute' photo shoot prop contains, in fact, something more Illegal. move back two spaces to the accompaniment of nationwide moralising.

in a moment of indiscretion, you admit to a fetish about little girls and claim that lolita is the book you'd recommend as bedtime reading for your young fans. the police are interested and the rest of the band wants you thrown out. miss two turns.

while on tour, you walk · onstage one night and shout "hello, newcastle!". trouble is, you're in manchester. go forward one for proving your refreshing lack of intellectualism.

got.a-.dice? some counters? lots of fanta and haribo mix? then thanks to the event you too can be a teenage pop ·sensation

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kirsty maccoll tropical brainstorm

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Having collaborated bands like th~ Smiths and the Pogues, Kirsty MacColl has been one of those artists who has always been been around, but never noticed. This is a hybrid record, blending Cuban and Latin beats with traditional pop melodies. This could have made for an interesting album, and the track Mambo de La Luna is a surefire chart topper, with its Samba beats and rhythms. However, her vocals are somewhat erratic and the arrangements on some of the songs sound excruciatingly thin, with that tin-pan-alley-in-fun-in-sun sound you find on so many cheap summer records. The Latin influence is a muddle of styles that are rarely in harmony, though MacColl's lyrical talents are slightly better.

This album just gives you the impression that few more hours in the studio and a good producer could have created something worthy of your hard-earned Ayo Mansaray wedge.

17

midfield general on the floor....

My, what a lot of clubs are putting out compilation COs these days! That all sound the same! Not to be outdone, Skint Records, the Brighton based label mainly responsible for the phenomenon known to most as 'big beat', has gone and made its own compilation. Whether it sees itself as being in competition with the likes of Ministry, Pete Tong et al is in doubt. In the aesthetic stakes, it's certainly fair - if cruel- to point out that 'Mark at Skint' (the leering young man in the Black Grape t-shirt whose visage adorns the cover) is no match for 'Aiison at Cream'. But never mind.

This is a cheery, if -at 72 minutes - slightly over long jaunt through sixteen tracks, and the 'General seems to be fairly eclectic in his tastes, finishing off with Gwen MoRae, working through a bit of hip-hop, the almost obligatory appearance of label mates (Lo-Rdelity Allstars) and - surprise, surprise -one by

the Midfield General himself, to finish with another female-sung ballad. By Natalie Cole. None of which accurately conveys the exhilaration you'd feel if you really were at the Boutique instead of in your student house. Perhaps that's the idea.

Darcy Hurford

14 ...,

grandaddy the sophtware slump

Apparently Jason Lytle (Grandaddy's 'chief architect'), "has no idea what possesses him to create the maelstrom of diverse sound he unleashes", which explains why, rather like Frankenstein, he's just the wrong side of experimental. In fact, Grandaddy could well be the secret love-child[ren] of Air and REM: all bleeping and whirring interspersed with strong, harmonious riffs. There is a rather self-conscious subverting of form, probably in an attempt to avoid the pigeonhole, but in pushing at the limits - manic bipolar tempo changes - Grandaddy end up showing aspiring musicians. what not to do. The promo rhetoric convincingly champions 'artistic freedom', but in the end the mouth just doesn't live up to the trousers. All is not lost - The Crystal Lake, Underneath the Weeping Willow and Miner at the Dial-A-View would all make decent singles, but in album form there's just not the coherence to keep your attention.

And the moral? it's better to be in a pigeonhole than in the 'miscellaneous' bin along with Captain Beefheart. Then again, maybe it's a grower... ?

Mischa Gilbert

galaxy various There's nothing new about this album - it has the same songs as every other 路poppy' compilation out at the moment. This isn't a criticism though- the reason that the same songs are used is because they are popular. In fact, this album includes many past number ones, such as Chicane/Bryan Adams' Don't Give Up, Gabrielle's Rise and All Me In by Craig David. The cover of the album reads like a 'who's who' of Top 20 artists at the moment (apart from the bizzare inclusion ot"Trevor and Simon) There is a fairly wide variety of music on the CD, ranging from Christina Aguilera to Paul Van Dyke, but nothing too heavy. Galaxy Hits is hardly a CD for any serious music fan's collection, but is sure to be a favourite amongst the TOTP audience. This is a feel-good album bursting with fluffy, meaningless pop music. Stick it in your CD player, switch off the lights and you could al"}'lst be in the LCR. Almost.

~ cha

live:

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MOBY

play

asian dub foundation new way, new life Established and new fans alike will be impressed with ADF's second single release. This latest offering has an upbeat vibe with a chilled out edge.

New Way, New Ufe contemplates the modern state of entertainment with optimism, and celebrates our parents' generation. Included are the atmospheric Dry and Heavy mixes, also worth aA earbashing.

Katherlne Everitt

also released: phoenix too young Every summer there is always a song that gets you in the mood for going out and doing something fun and crazy, mainly going down the pub and supping a few pints in the beer garden. This year Phoenix are hot favourites to fill the air waves with their happy go lucky pop tune Too Young - guaranteed to give you a warm gooey feeling inside.

Mark Edwards

folk implosion free to go A fairly lightweight offering from Sebadoh's side路 project, a side project ironically more successful than Sebadoh itself. Not a patch on Natural One (on the Kids soundtrack) , it starts promisingly but soon becomes repetitive and uninspiring, sounding more like an Eels b-side than a hit single. Bit of a Martin Brock disappointment really.

dark star i am the sun The most damning thing you can say about any record is that it's 'ok'. Praise or criticism will ensure that someone will buy it to discover how good/bad it actually is. Dark Star fall between the two stools with this Infernal Love-era Therapy? soundalike. As average and unexciting as a grey cardigan.

Anthony Lovell

TOMJONES

With the troubles of the recent past resolved, a revamped, re-Wired, Elastica return to Norwich. The usually dour Waterfront is tonight shimmering with anticipation. The support bands performance is perfectly laudable but largely ignored. You get the feeling that no one's really here to see Echoboy. .

When Elastica finally emerge, stumbling onto the stage accompanied by the pulsating fury of the extended intra to last years How He Wrote Elastica Man the last five years fall away like the cliffs at Ov~rstrand. The new songs retain the sharp, edgy, angular feel that characterised Elastica # 1 but they largely dispense with the race-ya-to-the-finish, no song too short attitude in favour of a darker, grittier sound. Their embracing of programming and keyboards has given the music a new texture, greater depth and all kinds of new possibilities. it's still new wave but with a touch Krautrock. The new material is sufficiently different as to avoid sounding like out-takes from the last album warmed up which, to the delight of the crowd (many of whom seem a bit young to have seen Elastica in 1995) is still much in evidence in the set. Waking Up Vasetine, and of course Connection are all still sounding really fresh, which is all you can really

expect 'cos let's face it they never cutting edge.

Frischmann still looks grand; her sharp features are striking, her poise seems to exude cool; she's radiant, effervescent even. Those handsome boy-ish looks provide the perfect analogue to Elastica's sound which is essentially a girls take on boys noise. Mew, the recently acquired keyboard player, has replaced Donna Matthews as the other component to the Elastica visual, she appears like a sort of hybrid of Rick Wakman and Bez (that's a compliment) when she's not playing the keyboard (which seems very often) she's bouncing around like a hyperactive toddler vying for the attention of an over-stretched nurser}' school teacher.

But the thing I love about Elastica is not so much the aesthetic but way their sound is charged with lively, intelligent, exuberance rather than dumb machismo-aggression. The cerebral take on new wave is (inevitably) informed by the Fall, but it's not everyday we're reminded of how thoughtful and playful the genre can be.

Rve yeats down the line and the crowd still give the iildie equivalent of a big Bo Selector, and you can 't say that about These Animal Men.

Robble Upritchard

the event, wednesday, may 10, 2000

02 reload 03 supernatural SANTANA

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PAUL WELLER

heliocentric MOLOKO

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westllfe SHANIA TWAIN

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MR HUMPEROINK

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the woman In me

iron maiden the wicker man The first Maiden song with Bruce Dickinson and Adam Smith back in the line up - not that you 'd notice. There's loud guitar, there's "Wo-oo-oh yeahs", oh, and loud guitar. But luckily there's also a copy of the video and an exciting transparent CD design to enjoy if you've already hea路rd an Iron Maiden song. Wo-oo-oh yeah. lames Goffln

the

event 19 , starring:

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gladiator russell crowe joaquin phoenix connie nielsen friday, may 19 uci, abc

As children, vast numbers of that anomaly known as the male species seem to obtain great pleasure from reconstructing violent and bloody acts in the comfort of their own back gardens. Before the recent creation of a moderately convincing Light Sabre, young scamps had to make do with sticks or those rather fragile plastic swords to have endless fencing matches with. These would climax either with someone's eye being poked out or the reduction in length of crappy swords until they had become little more than fruit knives.

But now budding duellers of all ages can seek inspiration from Ridley Scott's latest, the all-warring, all-chopping spectacular that is Gladiator.

Thanks to techno-tsar Steven Spielberg's Dream Works team the film is visually mesmerising, and the digitally created ancient Rome is flawless. But as well as this Gladiator is simply a superb action/adventure flick with everything you could possibly want from a film, jam-packed into 145 minutes.

You have to wonder what Director, Ridley Scott, was thinking when he was producing films like Gl Jane.

But with Gladiator he will inevitably make cinematic history, a minor miracle considering the on-set problems that Scott was dealt. At the start of shooting the script was a minute 35 pages long, followed by the death of great boozer Oliver Reed (meaning a further script re-write) and also the minor problem of 800 extras starting a football

match with a bloodied head (fake prop).

The story is basically one of deceit and murder with a dash of revenge and a pinch of love interest thrown in for good luck. Emperor, Marcus Aurelius (Richard Harris) is going to pass his throne on to the son he never had, General Maximus (Russell Crowe). Hearing this, Aurelius' actual son, Commodus (Joaquin Phoenix) snuffs out the old Caesar to claim the power for himself. Commodus then tries to put the lights out for Maximus, but he cunningly escapes, only to be caught by slave traders. But Maximus is soon flogged to gladiator trainer, Proximo (Oiiver Reed) who takes him to Rome to achieve Gladiatorial infamy, and a spot of revenge on the wicked Commodore 64 (eh?).

Crowe is magnificent as the reluctant hero, building on his recent success in The Insider, and he must surely take his place on Hollywood's 'A' list, replacing old timer Aussie Mel Gibson as the Emperor of Action films. And with great justifiction too. lt is unfortunate for Reed, though, that one of his finest comeback performances was to be his last.

However, one of the most surprising performances comes from Joaquin Phoenix who plays the evil heir superbly.

The end result is simple: Gladiator is a masterful piece of cinema and if it gets the box office success it deserves it'll make Titanic look like a drop in the ocean.

Mark Edwards

16

house!

starring:

kelly macdonald jason hughes released: out now

showing at:

a be

If you have a bit of a gambling streak accompanied with a strange hankering for bingo then this film will be top of the shop for you. Set against the rugged landscape of the South Wales valleys, House! is the story of Linda (alias Kelly Diane-from-Trainspotting McDonald), a twentysomething living alone in the house of her recently deceased mother. Linda is devastated when she learns of council plans to demolish the treasured local bingo hall, La Scala,

where she works. Mr Anzani, the hall's owner, Unda's trusted friend, mentor and boss is distraught: the hall has been in his ltalian-Welsh family for generations. And to top it all off, further up the valley the world's biggest bingo arena Mega Pleasure has just opened, offering its customers the chance to win a million quid in the National Bonanza game.

A stream of villagers begin to defect, and even Gavin (Jason Hughes, Warren from This Ufe) the charismatic caller and Unda's lover, leaves to better his career prospects at the extravagant Mega Pleasure. lt would seem that the fate of La Scala is sealed. In a last ditch attempt to save the hall, Mr Anzani decides to match Mega's largest prize by

buying into the bonanza, but bingo is a risky business. That is until Linda discovers that she has a gift: she can guess the numbers before they have been called and decide who wins the game From here we embark on a journey with Linda to confront her secret and mysterious family history whilst she and Gavin endeavour to overcome a few farcical pitfalls and form some kind of meaningful relationship.

Directed by Julian Kemp and produced by Michael Kelk, House! is hardly likely to sweep the awards board. lt has its funny moments but alas they are just that... moments. The Welsh accents are a little sketchy in some areas but the film does gain credit for reaching full running time without so much as a

hint of a stereotypical sheep shagging joke or a mention of yellow wellies.

The plot itself is not exactly complicated (or gripping for that matter) and you don't have to be a genius to figure out what's coming up next, but if you enjoy a film that requires very little mental application , then House! will certainly fill the criteria.

If you are looking for a deeper meaning, House! offers a commentary on the decline of the smaller family run businesses and the competition they face from large corporate companies.

On the other hand, you can just sit back and wonder whether Kelly McDonald uses Secret deodorant in real life ...

Gemma Monk

snow falling on cedars starring:

released: showing at:

ethan hawke james cromwell max von sydow may,12 uci, abc

Expectations of Shine helmer Scott Hick's sophomore effort, based on David Guterson's bestselling novel, were not high, given the delayed arrival of this film to cinemas (it was made over two years ago). Yet the final result is an assured, silently profound picture that plays somewhere between Atom Eygon's The Sweet Hereafter and Neil Jordan's End Of The Affair.

Set in America's Pacific Northwest in 1950, the story concerns the trial of a Japanese fisherman for the alleged murder of a fellow fisherman one foggy night. Into the trial comes reporter and shattered war veteran lshmael Chambers, (Ethan Hawke) who is at first resentful towards the defendant because it is he who is now married to Chambers' childhood love, but slowly comes to terms with the past, although he may not want to.

The film plays much like the novel reads, telling a plethora of different tales in a non-linear structure.

One of the film's strengths is its refusal to employ dramatic irony. The court case progresses without the audience knowing anything of the witnesses or the guilt or innocence of the defendant, Kazuo, until they are presented during the trial. All of which is a

refreshing change from the usual Grisham predictability. However, the trial is only the centre ol the story, not the be all and end all of it. Chambers' relationship with Kazuo 's wife provides another thread, as do his attempts to live down the legacy of his father (playwright Sam Sheppard); a better man than him.

Th is is a slow burning film that provides Hawke with his best performance to date, allowing him to be in equal parts introspective and passionate. Yet, despite how good Hawke is, his presence does not provide the film with the central magnet it needs.

Perhaps someone like Daniel Day Lewis or Ralph Rennes could have provided the film with the gravitas it deserved . Elsewhere, there are some fine performances to be enjoyed. James Cromwell's Judge is both subtle and powerful, but it is veteran Max Von Sydow who proves truly hypnotic in his role as the Defence Attorney enteri ng the very twilight of his life. Von Sydow lends the proceedings an almost paternalistic grace.

Nevertheless, this is director Hicks' film. From an early shot of the sea rippling like oil, to the masterful use of snap editing, Hick's underlines his talent emphatically and if this film says nothing else, it's that Hicks should never again be away froll) the screen for as long as he has been.

Ultimately Snow Falling on Cedars is a quiet triumph that should be admired even if it fails to inspire.

Alex McGregor

r~he event, wednesday, may 10, 2000'' '. ' '

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run douglas e winter

art the theatre royal From Monday the fifteenth to Saturday the twentieth of May, the multi-award winning comedy Art, visits the Theatre Royal as part of its nationwide tour_ The play was written by Yasm ina Raza and translated by playwright and sometime director Christopher Hampton (Th e Secret Agent), has scooped the 1998 Tony Award for Best Play, the 1997 Olivier Award for Best Comedy and the 1996 Evening Standard Award also for Best Comedy_As such it goes without saying that the play comes highly recommended by both critics and public alike _And once by some chap who -"Works in the box office for Stol l Moss Theatres who tried to convince me to buy tickets for Art instead of Saturday Night Fever_So you can't argue with that_ The play has run at the Wyndam Theatre, just off London's Leicester Square, for a number of years now and counts names such as Jack Dee, Frank Skinner and Michel French (David Wicks from Eastenders) as previous cast members, The current West End cast features the guy who played Bobby Ewing in Dallas, the guy who played Bellauc

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in Raiders of the Lost Ark and the bloke who played John-Boy Walton. Unfortunately this is not the cast who will be gracing the clean streets of Norwich _The touring cast includes Nigel "I was nearly in The English Patient" Havers, Roger "Trigger" Lloyd Pack and Barry Foster, yes, Barry Foster from er, ooh, erm , well I'm sure he's had a fine career. I think he was in Ken Russell's film Gothic as the butler, but I'm not sure, If anyone can tell us who Barry Foster is exactly, drop us a line.

The story arc of Art concerns Nigel Haver's, presu mably smooth character purchasing an incredibly expensive piece of modern art. This painting then single-handedly destroys the re lationships between the three cast members, who prior to the beginning of the play are chums of the highest order.

This is a cerebral comedy so don't expect Haver's to have quips such as "more tea vicar", or for Haver's to take two women to the same restau ,-ant on the same night, and I don't think he does any A/ex McGregor sprinting, mores the pity.

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as he himself says "You should know right now __ ., I'm not the good guy. " His gun-toting antics are more than sufficient to convince us of this, At the end of the book there is a feeling of regret at the events which Lane has been involved in , but it is difficult to like his cha racter who has so little regard for anyone else and whose life revolves around his Glock 19 (you will acquire an intimate knowledge of firearms after reading Run) Winter is set for a highly successful career if his reviews are to be believed. lt is certainly stylistically superior to many of its riva ls and has a strong story-line which is told th rough powerful, contemporary language. lt is one of a new breed of crime thrillers, where the style and general mood of the novel are becoming increasingly important, but it is still essential to support this with a strong plot - both of these are present in Winter's Run .

This novel is a gripping, contemporary tale that is not for the fa int-hearted and is wel l worth a read. elin jones

18

circus oz the theatre royal

les liasons dangereuses the theatre royal 'Love is something you use', remarks La Marquise de Merteuil (Siobhan Redmond } in one of the opening scenes of Les Liasons Dangereuses , which rather set the tone for th is cynica l look at romantic relationships in pre-revolutionary France.

The Mobil Theatre Company's production, directed

by Peter Wilson, was entirely in keeping with the scandalous nature of Charles de Laclos' novel. At the time of its publication, the novel caused a stir with its unwavering preoccupation with sex and it is perhaps its narrow focus that accounts for the similarity between this production and the two fi lm versions of the same novel. Christopher Hampton's adaptation is saturated with innuendoes and suggestive comments and the cha racters are not content with talk alone as the ir behaviour is as risque as the dialogue. La Marquis de Mertueil is the fu lcrum around which the action revolves, for she takes it upon herself to direct and control the love lives of all her courtiers.

- l lsual ly motivated by revenge or lust, the Marquis is a formidable character, although unfortunately the presence and charisma demanded of the role,

Open a page at random in Run and it could be the sc ri pt of any Taranti no film , but without the trendy soundtrack_ Winter's debut novel is a gritty tale of underworld America with the obligatory guns, gangsters and double-crossing that we have grown accustomed to in this genre.

What is unusual about this book is that it is actually very wel l written with a pace that is set at the outset and continues breathlessly until th e climax. The first person narrative combined with Winter's decision to dispense with the normal convention of using speech marks in dialogue passages makes for a very persona l feel to the story and it is easy to empathise, if not sympathise, with the lead character, Burdon Lane_ What little we are told about Lane comes from him and so it is left up to us to interpret his actions as we please. His relationships with other people, including his girlfriend Fiona ("her name is Ellen . .. I call her Fiona. I don't know why. "}. tell us more about him than he cou ld have told us himself. As the narrator, it is natural to form a bond with Lane, but

was not quite reached by Redmond. Her male counterpart Viconte de Va lmont (Ciive Wood}, whose reputation virtually equals hers, is the only man whom she esteems higher than a casual lover. This obvious affection for a man is a threat to her independence and ultimately she is compelled to renounce it, if she is to render her pride intact. Paradoxically, the fema le cha racters are both enslaved and empowered by the roles their society affords them and it is from this ambivalent marginal position that their influence emerges. Needless to mention, the narrative ends in tragedy, one way or th e other, for all concerned.

Although smutty jokes and dirty humour wi ll never go out of fashion , one got the impression that we have seen and heard this all before. Perhaps in staging such a well-known play, the director could have been more innovative and experimental in his approach. However, the stylish sets, fast paced exchanges and lavish costumes combine to make the production an enjoyable, if somewhat unremarkable, evening, Jo Pawlik

'the event, wednesday, may 10, 2000

Dynamic action packed fun is guaranteed when watching Circus Oz. A group of talented performers from Down Under who swing from trapezes, form human fountain statues, walk tightropes, and in a breathtaking conclusion, set things on fire. All in all providing a spectacular show, which is nothing like a quiet night out at the theatre.

Circus Oz first performed in March 1978, and none of it's cast had a traditional circus background , yet still it was as acclaimed world-wide as it is now, having performed all over the globe, dazzling audiences with it's bizarre blend of popular culture forms. Having just celebrated its twenty-first birthday, Circus Oz returns to Britain for the first time in ten year!;;, Though only three of th e origina l members rema in, this multi-talented group wi ll nevertheless impress the audience. In which performers do not simply display one skill, but many, when they are not jumping through hoops or swinging through the air, the rest of the cast can be seen in the background , playing in the circus band .

Circus Oz is bright, colourful, impressive and funny, provid ing an entertaining for a great night out.

Moreover, though those who have been to a circus may not find the acts any more impressive than any seen before, what singles out Circus Oz is the humour with which the entire show is put together.

Watch out for the man with pink teeth who performs his 'cunning stunts ' (he'll tell you be carefu l how you say that}, the woman in the wheel and the man who cycles along a tightrope set on fire . The entire eveinig is carried with a tru ly enthusiastic gusto.

This definitely isn't your average night at the theatre, and although they might have benefited from not being confined to the stage, instead having the space of a circus ring, this all human - important to not: this was acrobats, animals played no part in the entertainments - circus certainly perform well within the confines of the theatre. Prepare to laugh hysterically at the wit of these Australian entertainers who prove that the Aussies can produce something even funnier than Neighbours can. If you can believe such a thing. Circus Oz, with its unusual blend of bizarre performances, colourful costumes and wacky humour provides a great night out. /ucy sacre

the

event

inspected: video---game video: the blair witch project

Three American students go into to the woods for a bit of a shout. Then die. Surprised? Thought not. The Blair Witch Project was, in truth, a largely disappointing affair on the big screen considering its attendant rumpus. it's now out on video, though, so you can assess the film's true scariness by watching it when you're alone in the house with all the lights off. And rest assured, this is the only way to really give yourself the 'Witch-y willies. In stark contrast to your regular big, beefy blockbusters, this film's impact seemed to dissipate the bigger it got, and if you did find that all the brouhaha put you off when it was in the cinemas, it's certainly worth a look this time round. Plotwise, plenty is left out of this film to give full reign to that cruel part of your imagination which invites murderers into your wardrobe. But the really remarkable aspect of this film is its innovation.

Future film students, when they're not chasing ghosties, will probably look back on the whole phenomenon and admire the way in which it finds a chilly assonance with a half-buried contemporary fear of/fascination with snuff movies, nicely combining it with an innovative 'handsoff directorial approach and some clever grapevine selfmythologizing.

In fact, it's this determined attempt to push realism to

17 Three or four years ago, the world couldn't get enough of the X-Ries; its conspiracy theory styled plots and inconclusive paranormal investigations made it one of the most compulsive cult series of the mid nineties. Although past its peak, the show continues in its seventh season here. The latest video offering is another two-parter, mixing human drama and spectral mythology, and perhaps showing a series that is looking towards its own 'closure'. Fox Mulder is once again plagued by the strange disappearance of Samantha, his eight year old sister and the reason for his obsessional interest in the Files. Her disappearance has remained a plotline since the original pilot episode in 1993.

Sein Und Zeit (Being and Time) begins with an Exorcist-style scene of a little girl in bed, appearing strangled before her father in a vision before she disappears altogether. Elsewhere in the house, her mother writes out an abduction note, trance-like.

Desperate to be let onto the case, Mulder believes he is closer than ever to finding out the truth (ahh, the truth!) about his lost sister, inevitably spotting the similarity between the two cases. Enigmatic phrases have always featured in the series and 'Nobody shoots at Santa Clause!', is among the most cryptic. Mulder and the reliably sceptical Scully

its most, er, real which makes the film's dark, scary absences (much implied, little confirmed) so sickeningly 'present', so relentlessly in-yer-face that you feel trapped in each nasty moment alongside its squawky protagonists. Not nice.

The small-screen version does seem to summon a certain eerie intimacy essential to the movie's slowburning sense of discomfort; watching this super-hyped 'scariest film ever' with dozens more over-expectant moviegoers did seem to distance it somewhat, and for many it just seemed like a few hysterical arsewits getting in rather a tiz over some twigs and pebbles.

Credit should, however, go to said arsewits for some fine 'performances', though as you probably know they weren't even acting half the time.

If nothing else, Blair Witch will remain an interesting period piece - one of those truly original curios (that's provided you ignore the spookily similar Last Broadcast) that manages to quietly gatecrash the zeitgeist by the back door, effortlessly making everyone else look like they're trying too hard. Very cool, in other words. And if the ending doesn't give you a nasty little time-delayed kick of repulsion then you shouldn't really be on the streets.

Steve Col/Ins

video: x files - closure are led by accounts of visions from the child's parents to an innocuous looking theme park, where a grizzly discovery awaits them.

Closure pushes further into Mulder's past, as he tries to overcome yet another tragedy. The agents reluctantly take help from Harold Pillar, a Polish psychic with a few shady secrets of his own. Scully's own more earthly investigations lead her to believe that CGB Spender - the 'Smoking Man' (another long-term enigma) is involved in the disappearance of Samantha. Tracing back through hospital reports, Mulder is guided to a suitably touching final scene; as final as we can ever expect the X-Ries to be.

This set deals with multiple child murders in its own warped style, where ghostly apparitions replace the more usual parade of shadowy, half-seen hobgoblins. Also, look out for Moby on the soundtrack, a theme called My Weakness. Perhaps more prophetic is the moment in the first episode when one character watches a segment of creator Chris Carter's new project, Harsh Realm and coolly states, 'This is great!' Has Carter finally tired of his search for 'the truth '?

Those who have satellite or cable can also see Sein Und Zeit on May 21 at 21:00 on Sky One.

Jonathan Rolfe

video: bride of chucky, . ..

Shackled by a reputation for inciting kids to bludgeon one another to death, expectations were low for the latest instalment of the Child's Play series, Bride of Chucky. But do not be prejudiced towards this film before seeing it for yourself, for it is actually a genuinely entertaining black comedy, shot through with gusto and style over a nicely concise running time of only 86 minutes.

The film commences with a delightfully schlockly sequence in which the camera pans through a police evidence room where, before we 路see a bag containing the severed remnants of Chucky, we spy Leatherface's Chainsaw from The Texas Chainsaw fylassacre and Michael Myers ski mask from Hallowe'en. From then on we know that tongue is firmly placed in cheek.

Chucky's body parts are stolen by his preimprisonment-inside-a-dolly girlfriend, Jennifer Tilly's Tiff, who through the medium of voodoo magic resurrects Chucky. Chucky's displays his gratitude by suffocating Tiffs dweeby, Marilyn Manson wannabe boyfriend, played by Alexis Arquette, who basically reprises his role from The Wedding Singer. Chucky's got the taste for blood in his mouth and soon offs Tiff, but quickly uses some more voodoo magic to force her soul into another doll, giving him a playmate. it's then off to the cemetery where

i7 .,

Chucky's human body is buried. Why? Well, human Chucky has an emulate that will allow dolly Chucky and dolly Tiff to possess two human bodies. The two sacrificial bodies the murderous pair decide they want to inhabit belong to a young runaway couple, who naturally begin to suspect each other of the murders that Chucky and Tiff leave behind them at an ever increasing rate.

The film is directed by Ronny Yu, who has a number of outstanding Hong Kong action pictures to his credit, therefore it is no surprise that the film features some jaw dropping stunts and some excellent set pieces - one of which will make you never look at mirrored ceiling in the same way again.

A special mention must go to the voice of Chucky, Brad Dorif, who has carved an impressive career playing killers and mad doctors, most notably in

Alien Resurrection.

"":"'

Here, Dorif clearly has the time of his life, one scene in particular sticks in the memory, where after the dolly Tiff has baked some cookies, Chucky refuses to do the washing up.

This is the perfect post Buff-and-Angei-Friday-night movie or perhaps you should watch it as a double bill with Hallowe'en H20. Oh, and it comes with it's own sequel friendly ending, anyone up for Son of

Chucky?

John Pappas

game: resident evil - survivor

Seems like generous old Capcom can't help but bring these Resident Evil games out in droves.

Having just scared the poor gaming public witless with Nemesis, they've decided to make another zombie-shootin' gorefest under the rather misleadingly comforting moniker of Survivor. This latest instalment in the immensely popular series is, however, rather an odd one. Gone are the static second-person perspectives, fastidious attention to eerie detail and tricky gun-handling manoeuvres; in comes a first person Doom-style bloodbath with rubbish backgrounds and a niftily easy G-Con gun feature. Nice.

Your role is that of a rather swarthy looking chap who, what a surprise, has done a silly thing and crashed his helicopter right wallop in the middle of a zombie-infested town. Yawn, yawn, done that all before, thinks the hardened Resident Evil veteran.

But no. Think again, you complacent fool. Cos these zombies can run like absolute bastards.

None of your usual shuffling about groaning like an octogenarian in orgasm, oh no. These fellows are mean. Not only are they a bit nifty getting about, they also take a few days to kill and think it's quite funny to hide round corners and behind doors before jumping out at you. And that's not to mention the rabid dogs, skinl~ monsters and other assorted beasties that lurk throughout this

the event,

labyrinthine game.

Fans of the original games might be a bit disappointed by the format's new first-person. makeover. Whilst the puzzles and boring bits remain - albeit in a rather simplified form - this is most definitely more action-based than anything else bearing the Resident Evil name. The addition of G-Con 45 compatibility (that's a big plastic light gun to you) means that, should you be eager enough to go out and buy one for it, this will make a great, fast-paced shoot-em-up. The gun is surprisingly easy to use, as well as being pretty accurate. However, if like me you 've only got a normal controller, it'll probably piss you off no end as you desperately try to drag the crosshair across the screen to shoot murderous puppies befOre they bite your legs off.

But whatever the game gains in action it certainly loses in atmosphere. One of Resident Evil's most sddictive features was the genuinely spooky ambience invoked by rich background graphics and elaborate settings, but such details are sadly lacking here. Wall after wall of grey concrete makes you feel like you're wandering round Waveney, and it's certainly a lot less scary than that. Overall, though, a great action game provided you pay out for the extra equipment.

Twiggy Flatt

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inspect ed: tv

miss this: saturday Yep, that's right. Saturday. The whole bloody thing. Just look at this. Auntie's Golden Bloomers, followed two hours la ter by Bloomers Best Bits, lest you should miss the fi rst one. Two doses of soft-tone Terry Wogan as he valiantly persists in being alive, hosti ng some mirthsome arse-ups that shouldn 't be on television whilst dribbling nonsensical senile rubbish about 'Auntie'. lt seems they're prodding the poor old basta rd out in front of the cameras twice in one night cos he's so 'well -loved'. Um, why?

And on_ITV, Th e All Right on the Night Cock- Up Trip: Denis Norden takes a whimsical, lighthearted look at some more people forgetting thei r lines, and perhaps falling over. You've Been Framed: No, Lisa Riley, you are not big n' bubbly, you are gargantuan and boring and you like to laugh at chi ldren falling off their bicycles. Bring back littlehand , at least he was pretty.

The Brian Conley Show: Yes, Brian Bastard Conley, the tenth-rate Butlins ca baret yellowcoat arseface fun- for-all-the-family f* **wit who's inexplicably been given a pisspoor chat show after the watershed 'for the blu e stuff' . Go away, please . Stars in their Eyes: Watch dullards pretend to be someone else because they can' t face the fact they were born to gut chickens. "Tonight, Matthew I'm going to be Robson Green ·· . No, you won't.

;.- You'll still be you, you poor unremarkable bastard. Blind Date: Horse-faced old harridan

pervs over stupid young people, making them say rude things before sending them away to other countries. This last bit shou ld be a good thing, but they always come back.

The 'Best' of the Word. Yoof TV's ea rly Nineties dayglo nadir, crap then, crap now, NOT good in any ironic 'so bad it's good ' way.

Just bad. And Night Fever. Night Fever. Night Fever. We don 't have to show it, the Bee Gees reckon , and damn right they are too. it's simply not necessary. Fil l an aircraft hanger with a seething lumpen mass of backward drun ken remedials and a Karaoke machine.

Then watch th em, instead of going out. WHY? Why not just bomb the bloody thing? The most com prehensive assembly of all the world's idiots in one place, every week, and they just make them gurn by pointing ca meras at them.

Well, this is Saturday television, and this is what the people wa nt. A horrible, vacuous, tedious litany of lowest common denominator chea p shite: out-takes, home videos, repeats , rubbish fi lms. Real, workaday average folk making tits of themselves. Real, average, wo rkaday celebrities making tits of themselves.

This is not ente rtainment. This is torture.

Network te levision is in a tru ly dire state of affairs, and judging by the curren t weekend line-up it"s not getting any better. The only consola tion is that the sort of people that watch this crap will be indoors whi le you 're in th e pub. Please, please miss th is, all of it.

Stephen Col/ins

essential tv 01 : la7

' r

If you wanna see Bradley swing check out S Club 7's cracking new series, LA7. Hannah , Tina, Jo, Rachel , Brad ley, John and Paul have now moved from Miami to LA. (hence the title) , to find fame and fortune, and to sing in dodgy bars. Along the way they get up to all sorts of mischief in true CBBC style: Last week's episode saw Jon da ting a news reporter who only spoke as if she was reading the headlines (genius) , whi le Hannah and Tina turned into surf bunnies to impress their new boyfriends, but then realised that they should like them for who they rea lly are (social message) and got rid of them.

Meanwhile Jo was kept awake all night by Bradley's 'sleep-dancing'. The new series is miles better than predecessor Miami 7, which was verging on painful - even the average nine year old would probably rather a poke in the eye with a sharp stick than sit through a whole

essential tv 02: highlights episode of it. The magn ificent 7 in LA are stil l annoying but occasiona lly quite funny and last week's episode made me laugh out loud .

Twice.

Next week, the band secure a gig at the West Beverly High School prom, Rachel lands a date with Sam , and a top music agent agrees to see the m perform , on one cond ition: Rachel must agree to go on a date with his nerdy son.

LA 7 is colourful, loud and fu ll of cheap gags to entertain the younger audience. And lets face it , it is worth a watc h purely for the fac t that they're all quite sexy (apart from Jo who 's face is a bit too long) . Not forgetting the S Club songs at the end of every episode , which is always nice. Jo is such a diva and Bradley is very cheeky with his 'rude rap '. Defi nitely one to wa tch, at least once .

Lizzie Wood

Well , contrary to the rather depressing state of Saturday night TV nowadays (see Miss This for a fu ll explanation), the rest of the week's scheduling does have some occasional gems lurking in the muck. New seri es' include Frasier, a double bill of which replaces Oa Ali G Show on Fridays at 22:00on C4 (sob). The Richard Blackwood Show (Wednesdays 23 :00 C4), returns for a second series as the MTV presenter take some time out from his somewhat ill-advised attempts to be Wi ll Smi th and do his proper job presenting television programmes. NYPD Blue (Thurs 22: 00 C4) is also back on and they still haven't fi red that rather nervous cameraman who wobbles about all over the place . There's a rather nifty na ture documentary called Predators (Thurs. BBC1 20:30) which promises to put TV cameras where the animal aren't going to be too happy about them , so that we can see close up the sweaty, hairy wonders of nature. ITV are starting a new series in which Jeh-rhee Springer in terviews famous people who are neither obese nor

emotionally dysfunctional, although whether watching him cha t politely with Chris Tarrant is preferable to weird fat people attacking each other remains to be seen . The verdict on BB·c 2 's new romantic comedy series Coupling (Friday 21:30) is undecided, though the publicity stuff is pointing towards a Friends meets This Life meets Cold Feet kind of caper.

Ootcomedy (Friday C4, 23:05) continues to be surpri singly amusing in its burrowings into the darker corners of cyberspace, whi lst Smack the Pony (Friday, C4, 2 1:30) has managed to maintain standards of mirthsomeness despite some of the ideas - the musical numbers are invariably shite by any standards - looking like their flogging a dead horse. Or perhaps I should say, ahem, :smacking a dead pony'. Arf. Thought that one was rather cleve r. All in all , then, there 's plenty of stuff to keep you away from doing anything more constructive with the pre-exam period than sitting watch ing TV all the ti me.

Stephen Col/ins

essential tv: soaps Expect to see Frank Butcher taking off his glasses and rubbing the bridge of his nose in a worldweary manner this fortnight, as the Battle of the Vie thunders towa rds its conclusion in Eastenders.

Peggy gets fed up Dan sharing the Vie, and decides that the only possible way to get rid of him is to buy him out - which means con ti nuing with the car seam to summon the cash . When Phil chucks him out, Dan tries unsuccessfully to find somewhere to live, finally deciding that as he part-owns the Vie he'll move in there -with Frank and Peggy. Oh dear.

On Tuesday Babs throws a wobbly and tries to force her new lodger out by lobbing his things down the stairs, and just as Dan is about to retaliate Frank wa lks in to save the day. Hooray Frank! Naturally he's none too chuffed to hear of Ricky's departure and the devious car seam , but Peggy finally calms him down ancf persuades him to get involved in another dodgy dealing, but Dan overhears their plans and plots a scheme of his own. Also in the Eastenders, we get to see Steve do his grovelling bit as Billy makes him beg like the dog that he is for drugs and Jamie, fresh from passing his driving test, succeeds in crashing the

• -the event, wednesday, may 10, 2000

Limosine.

Meanwhile, Neighbours news. Stop reading now if you don't want to know that Li bby "feisty" Kennedy agrees to marry Drew "bori ng" Ki rk this week. Oops, sorry. She fina lly agrees to get hitched when he pops the question as they pose in Victorian weddi ng clothes for a fun photo. Aww. Elsewhere, Joe "stroppytits " Scully has to make his peace with Karl after storming out of the pub like a big girl last Thursday; Anne "ever-so-slightlycross-eyed" Wilkinson is finally saying goodbye to Erinsborough, as she goes off to be united with Bill , and Joel "go on, look at my nipples one more time" Samuels gives into temptation and snags Carrie, with Dionne watchi ng them. Oh dear.

Over in Summer Bay, Edward "individual" Dung/ass is a bit worried cos he thin ks he's inherited Huntingdon's disease, the condition that killed hi s father. Cue lots of upset and streaky mascara. In the meantime, Joel is making up his mind about Natalie and her chea ting ways, Harry's talk of marriage unnerves Shauna and there's a bh of a rumpus following a break-i n at the surf club. But who could it be ... ?

Twiggy Flatt

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the essential guide to what's going on in norwich over the coming fortnight

event horizon: film union films angela's ashes thursday, may 11 Autobiographical tale based on the Pulitzer prizewinning book about a young man's coming of age in poverty-stricken Umerick. This film shows the strength and resilience needed to survive in such appalling and desperate conditions.

bringing out the dead friday, may 12 Former husband and wife Nicholas Cage and Patricia Arquette star in Martin Scorcese's latest film, which, incidentally didn't do very well at the box-office, or anywhere else for that matter...

ea commence d'aujord'hui monday, may 15 French language film to bring a bit of culture to the cinema.

general's daughter tuesday, may 16 A bit of a poo film starring John Travolta and Madeleine Stowe.

american beauty thursday, may 18 This excellent film swept the board at this year's Oscars, w1nn1ng both the best film and best director awards. lt is the tale of a man m the throes of a mid-life cnsis whilst h1s w1fe has an affair with the local estate agent and his daughter embarks on a teas1ng relationship with the boy next door and his video camera. As well as superb actmg by the likes of Kevin Spacey, American Beauty contains probably the most mov1ng use of a plastic bag that you will ever see.

happy, texas tuesday, may 23 Sundance winner about a comic story of two escaped criminals who, after a major case of mistaken identity, find themselves on the run pretending to be a pair of gay beauty pageant organisers in a small town in America. Starring Jeremy Northam and Steve Zahn and well worth catching.

cinema city l'ennui The story of a passionate affair between a restless philosophy professor and a young girl. Erotic and engrossing. Supposedly. wednesday, may 10 - 17 .45, thursday, may 11 17.45

mansfield park The latest posh frock Jane Austen adaptation, starring Jonny Lee Miller (mmm) and Harold Pinter. wednesday, may 10 - 20.15, thursday, may 11 14.30+20.15, friday, may 12 - 17..30, saturday, may 13 - 20.30, monday, may 15 - 17.30, tuesday, may 16- 14.30 + 20.15, wednesday, may 17- 17.45, thursday, may 18- 17.45

the carriers are waiting Following a father's quest to get his son into the Guinness Book of Records, this French comedy has earned much praise abroad. friday, may 19, 20:15, saturday, may 20, monday, may 22 - 20.15, tuesday, may 23 - 14.30, 17:45+ 20.15, wednesday, may 24- 17.45 + 20.15.

topsy turvy British biopic about the working relationship between operetta composer and lyricist Gilbert and Sullivan. Directed by Mike Leigh this film was a popular winner at this years Oscars ceremony. friday, may 12 - 20.00, saturday, may 13 - 17.30, monday, may 15 - 20.00, wednesday, may 17 14.00

a clockwork orange Classic Kubrick fare, starring Malcolm Mcdowell who plays a hoodlum who is subjected to a special conditioning procedure to make him fit into modern society. friday, may 19, 23:15, sunday may 21, 18:30

stop making sense A rockumentary about the Talk1ng Heads, made in 1984. Considered one of the greatest concert documentaries of all time and the start of Jonathan Demme future directoral career. friday, may 12 - 11.15

astrix conquers america Relive those childhood days and watch Astrix and Obelisk attempt to find their captured fnend Getafix who has somehow ended up in America . saturday, may 13, 14:30

matador One of Almodavar's earlier films, a melodrama about a compet1t1ve relationship between a matador and a mysterious femme fatale. sunday, may 14 - 14.30

alice & martin French film starnng the beautiful Juliette B1noche . A man arnves at h1s half-brother's and intngues Binoche the flatmate w1th his murky past. sunday, may 14- 17.00

buena vista social club Half documentary, half live footage from the Cuban music1ans get together tour. sunday, may 13, monday may 14 - 19.30, tuesday, may 16 - 17.45, wednesday, may 17- 20.15, thursday, may 18 - 14.30 + 20.15

the cradle will rock A look at a chapter 1n the history of American arts, following a radical play produced by a young Orson Welles (Tim Robbins) . friday, may 19, saturday, may 20, monday, may 22 - 17.30, tuesday, may 23, wednesday, may 2420.15.

m.hulot's holiday childrens matinee special, following monsieur Hulot's escapades while on holiday. Subtitled. saturday, may 20, 14:30

the cherry orchard Charlotte Rampling stars as a woman who, having been deserted by her lover, returns home to Russ1a to save her family_estate from financial ruin . wednesday, may 24 - 14.00

uci gladiator Russell Crowe, he of The Insider fame, stars as general-turned slave-turned gladiator-tuned hero m th1s old fashioned actioned adventure. Expect lots of v1olence and gore with many excitmg decapitations.

hanging up Comedy drama starring Meg Ryan, D1ane Keaton and Lisa Kudrow (bet you can't wait now can you). lt's about three sisters who ... urn, talk on the phone lots (hence the title).

elmo in grouchland If you're going to see any film this week, make sure it's th1s one. Children's film starring Elmo from Sesame Street, it follows Elmo's quest to recover his beloved blue blanket and Incorporates many an important moral about sharing.

the virgin suicides Lots of beautiful blonde s1sters lying around in Seventies garb, looking fey and full of ennui. Kirsten Dunst, fox of the century, meets fit boy Josh Hartnett (from The Faculty), but their romance is stubbed out by her strict parents. Everyone commits SUICide. Probably.

saving grace Corn1sh comedy starnng Brenda Blethyn, the queen

of the British indie film . When her husbabnd dies, to alleviate some of the debt that he left behind, she decides to start a cannibis farm.

down to you .

Frec:ldie Prinze Jnr doesn't repeat his She's All That perfromance at all in this high school set romantic <. comedy. The good news is that Henry "The Fonz" Winkler stars as his aspiring celebrity chef dad, who is cln eternal embarassment to Prinze Jnr.

final destination Thriller about a boy who can predict disasters, such as plane crashes. But his special powers upset some higher force, and the FBI get very interested.

american psycho Movie adapted from Bret Easton Ellis' super scary 1990 novel. Christian Bale stars as the 1980s yuppie obsessed with image, and rather less healthy things like chopping people up. Also stars Chloe Sevigny and Reese Witherspoon in this scary black comedy. (see essential film 02)

galaxy quest Spoof comedy based on Star Trek starring Sigourney Weaver (brilliantly mak1ng fun of her own Aliens character Ripley by playing a dumb curvy blonde) and Tim Alleri. Aliens mistake the stars of a popular sc1-fi tv show as real alien-fighters and enlist the1r help to combat some alien badd1es.

erin brockovich Julia Roberts stars as a ball breaking white trash mother of three, who investigates a legal case against a huge company who are po1soning local land. This IS seen as her comeback film, accordmg to Hollywood hype. Go see for yourself. (see essential film 01)

being john malkovich Off beat film starring John Cusack, Cameron D1az, and, of course, Malkovich. A puppeteer takes a JOb in a company with a portal to Malkovich's brain, which quickly turns into a nightmare from what mit1ally seemed a good business proposition.

lake placid Silly film about a big crocodile who wants to eat everyone, including Bridget Fonda, Oliver Platt and Bill Pullman.

kevin and pe rry go large Harry Enfield and Kathy Burke bring their smallscreen teenage creations to the big screen. The pair go to Ibiza w1th Kev1n's parents, 1n search of sun,路 sex and dj fame. Attempting to try and forget the fact that Kevin actully lost his VIrginity on tv a year

use our searchable listings database at www.concrete-online~co.uk the event, wednesday, may 10, 2000

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ago, oh well, artistic priviledge I guess. scream 3 Latest, and hopefully last, installment of pretty American teens being chased by psycho. Slasher comedy this time set on the set of tv film, Stab 3 (didn't they make that joke in the sequel?) starring Neve Campbell and Courteney Cox Arquette.

million dollar hotel lndie flick starring Milia Jovovich and Mel Gibson, directed by Wim Wenders. Set in downtown LA, a group of junkies and misfits find themselves under police investigation following a suicide.

the story of us Slushy love story starring Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfeiffer, as a sickly couple who are in love and get married, but have to re-evaluate their relationship after 15 years. Cue lots of boring American accoustic music and Dawson 's Creek style dialogue.

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mission to mars Big action style adventure set in outer space. They head out to Mars on a rescue mission and discover extra terrestial life. Starring Tim Robbins and Gary Sinise, who have both been in better films, try and avoid.

abe double jeopardy Wed mati nee 10.30 "Woman wrongly accused of a crime she didn't commit". A quite awful film which still manages to

be laughably entertaining. Starring Ashley Judd and Tommy Lee Jones. inspector gadget SaVSun 13:00 The film based on the ch ildhood cartoon series of the same name, featuring all the same gadgets an d baddies.

circus 10:40 (Wed) 14:55 19:00 21:05 Starring John Hannah, Brian Connolly and Eddie lzzard, this film is in the same vein as Lock, Stock and two smoking barrel+s, but somehow the cast doesn't seem to compare !

house!

10:45 (Wed) 15:05 17:05 19:05 21:05 A story of a bingo house in Wales which is headed for closure when a multiplex opens in the same town. The locals rally round to save it. Starring Kelly McDonald (see review page)

man on the moon 10:30 (Wed) 12:25 (SaVSun) 15:05 17:40 20:30 This is the story of legendary comic Andy Kaufman whose life was constantly under the scrutiny frorn the press and who lived the life of his cornic creations. Kaufrnan is brought to life by Jirn Carey in the fi lrn.

odeon scream 3 Slasher cornedy starring Courtney Cox Arquette and 'Screarn Queen' Neve Carnpbell . This ends the scary trilogy .. but will Sidney survive? Be warned Kevin Williarnson only scripted the characters th is tirne round , jumping ship?

pokemon - the fi rst movie What scares rne about the title of this film is that it

~ film t oy story 2 12:50 (SaVSun) 16:55 The return of Woody, Buzz and Mr Potato Head.

Woody is snatched by an evil toy-collector whilst Andy is away at Surnmer carnp and Buzz rnust rally the troops, with the help of Barbie, to save hirn.

galaxy quest 12.30 (SaVSun) 15:10 16:10 18:.40 The actors in a successful Sci-fi soap opera are kidnapped by real-life aliens who think that they can save them frorn a dastard ly alien powerlord.

01

02 03 04 05 06

07 08 09 10

erin brokovich Julia Roberts gives the performance of her life as a twice-divorced mother of three, investigating a corrupt company's poisoning of local land. Roberts manages to look good even though she's dressed as the worst of trailer trash.(see essential film 01) Listings written and co mpiled by Astrid Goldsmith, Elin Jones and Adam Chapman

scream 3 kevin & perry go large galaxy quest pokemon: the first movie erin brockovich the tigger movie american psycho american beauty the story of us mission to mars

american psycho showing at: uci

Julia Roberts stars as the eponymous heroine in thi s tru e story of a verging-on-trai ler trash single rnother who unearths an environmental cover-up in a backwater town in California. lt is usually easy to dismiss Roberts with the words "big" and "smile", this is very rnuch not the case here. Her Erin Brokovich is unlike any role she has played before, and this is, undoubtedly, her best filrn since Pretty Woman, providing wit, timing and

One of the rnost controversia l of books was never going to be an easy task to bring to the big screen.

With scenes of electrocution via the nipples, rape with a nail gun, and an inventive use of a rat. .. rnany have argued that it should never have been made.

How wrong they all were. Mary Harron has succeeded where Bret Easton Ellis failed. She has created a consummate satire on 1980s rnaterialisrn

the event, wednesday, may 10, 2000

kevin and perry go large The eternally spotty, gawky and humiliated duo hit Ibiza in this big screen adaptation of Harry Enfield and Kathy Burke's popular tv sketch. Also starring Rhys lfans as a DJ who drinks vod ka through his eyeball.

chart

erin brokovich showing at: uci riverside, odeon sensitivity which is usually lost amongst th e schma ltz of her other filrns. Adrn itt~d ly Albert Finney should take just as much credit for the success of the fi lrn as Ed Masry, the attorney who unwillingly hires her after he fails to win her an insurance settlement.

However, the undoubted star of the filrn is the costume designer... watch , and you 'll see what I rnean.

suggests that there are going to be rnany sequels... Based on the popular ca rd collection , this animated adventure follows the quest of various friendly Pokemon to combat evil clone Mewtwo.

£2,449,937 £1,540,958 £1,093,012 £881,839 £788,082 £646,946 £494,428 £199,123 £133,062 £130,029

(as if it really needed it), bypassing the onslaught of designer name dropping that made Ellis's book so tiresome. The diluting of many of the most graphic scenes does not make for a weak adaptation. Quite the opposite, and th is is largely due to Christian Bale performance. As Patrick Bateman he is quite menacing, but also vaguely pitiable. A chilling, yet surprisingly funny, night out.

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pure swing manhattan's - club night it's pure and it's swingin'. What more could you want?

the bacchae drama studio - play A modem reworking of the Greek tragedy by Euripides. A god (Dionysis) decides to wreak havoc on the city of Thebes after he is dishonoured by its citizens. However, the punishment he delivers far surpasses their original blasphemy and moral conflict soon takes its hold on the people in question. £7/£3.50 janet todd lt1- lecture Top UEA prof talks to the masses. guys and dolls lcr- play See not to be missed (below) £3.50 adv viva la beaver fat pauly's - gig A punk and ska night, featuring Pigfish, Article 19 and No Comply. Be careful not to trip over the hundreds of skateboards that will doubtless be there. £3

charty handbaggy the loft - club night Popular gay night at the club with the attractive zebra decor on the wall outside. Mmm.

retro-active uea - club night Forget the 1970s, the 1980s is where it's at nowadays, and there's an 1980s tribute band on tonight to get you in the mood. £5 adv

the bacchae drama studio - play See May 10

thursday: may 11 wax prophecy waterfront - club night An amalgamation of Norwich's two top drum & bass outfits takes the Waterfront by storm. What with the demolishing beats and dastardly dancing we should be able to flatten that ridiculous raised dance floor. £4/£3.50

friday: may12 absolution waterfront - club night Lots of house and trance music to fill your mind until you can take no more. Won't need that long then, I expect.

the damned fat pauly's - gig Vampyria presents this ominous sounding band.

Expect nothing short of, er, loud guitars and shouting. £9 (adv.)

empower fat pauly's - club night Featuring Subvert, Boghed and the wonderfully named Rster. If you're lucky they might even be as good as they sound. £3

Ier uea - club night Does this really need an explanation? I think not.

elegant mojo's -club night Feeling a bit shabby recently? Well come here and you'll feel utterly refined . If you're not drunkenly puking your guts out by the end of the evening, that is.

superfty mojo's - club night Hip-hop, funk with the odd splash of drum & bass here and there. Watch out for breakin' boys on the floor and afro's reaching to the ceiling

essential time - club night Time goes head to head with the lcr and liquid with another student night. With promoted drinks at £1.50 all night, you are sure to be drunk in no time. £1 84 23:00. (with NUS)

rammed ikon - club night Chart music, cheap drinks ... time to get drunk methinks.

student night liquid - club night Cheap drinks and large choons for anyone willing to tear themselves from campus and into town.

Prince of Wales Road

Book Now On

0541 560 567

saturday: may13

elite ikon - club night Ah yes, Friday nights at ikon- where you can look down at all those commoners frequenting Norwich's less classy haunts. the bacchae drama studio - play See May 10

meltdown waterfront - club night Meltdown, Meltdown, we love you! Even though you play exactly the same indie tunes every week!

General Zed 's disco (upstairs) should be a blast too. £4/£3 horizon fat pauly's - club night Hard house playing from dusk till dawn. Can you handle it? re:fresh ikon -club night No, it's not a typing error. They really do spell it that way. Chart tunes and club anthems that you can dance all night to. classic anthems and dancefloor fillers time - club night The nice people at Time have thought up a club night that does exactly what it says, which means less work for me. saturday rewind mojo's - club night Phat beats abound at tonight's club night in everyone's favourite refurbished basement.

Anglia Square

ODEON 0870 5050 007 Book Now On

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***com1ng soon*** Man on the Moon ... Giadiator... 28 Days ... Circus ... Down To You ... Pitch Black the event, wednesday, may 10, I

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the

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event horizon

sunday: .tldY ~ 4 angelou waterfront - g1g This band comes w1th two support acts (Wrecking Co. and Redford ) and is still half the price you would have paid 1f you'd have gone to see the Gregorian Chant meets S Club 7 act that are MedJaeval Baebes a couple of weeks ago. Has got my vote. £5/£4 sunday service manhattan's - club night Worship the DJ, pray to the bouncer"s to let you in, and then kneel in front of the to1let when you've drunk too much. extra sm ooth sunday the garden house - club n1ght Dance the n1ght away to hip-hop and drum & bass, or sit downstairs in the posh conservatory bit.

Sounds like fun.

monday m;;y

15

art theatre royal - play See Prev1ew, page 14. alternative night fat pauly's - club night No featured bands ton1ght, so 1t looks like an uninterrupted session of rockin' indie tunes to mosh the n1ght away to, then.

sanctuary 1kon - club night Ikon shock punters by surpns1ng them w1th a groundbreaking new club experience to blow their minds. Heh heh, just joking. it's yet another night filled with chart hits and club anthems. underground mojo's - club night Ooh, lo-fi and 1nd1e mus1c 1n a cool sett1ng w1th lots of cool people. Fantast1c. furry box york tavern - club night Dnnk cheaply wh1lst l!sten1ng to ch1lled tunes, funky mus1c and trip-hop . All available Without even hav1ng to leave the Golden Triangle. carwash liqUid - club n1ght Don your bell-bottoms, retrieve your oversized afro' and strut your stuff on down to liquid's famous 1970s night.

tuesday may 16 art theatre - play See May 15.

Another student night. Not as popular as the leviathan over at Time, but much more exciting.

it's goth-rock n1ght down at Mr Paul's, featuring Synthetic. Cheaper entry for those of you with enough foresight to be in the Deviant Society.

wednesday rnay J.l

lcr uea - club night Yes, it's the lcr. Yes, you will be there, despite repeated assertions throughout the week to the opposite. Yes, you will hate it. And, yes, you will be there again next week.

art theatre royal - play See May 15. superfly mojo's - club night Boog1e on down to mojo's and get funky to hardcore funk, hlp-hop and drum & bass. rammed ikon - club night Lets get rammed down at Rammed . Ha ha ha ha ha' Oh, I kill myself somet1mes. Yeah, the usual chart stuff from Tombland's finest. pure swing manr1attan's - club night I bet it's not really pure sw1ng. I bet they play at least one poppy chart hit, and if they do we cou ld sue their asses under trade descriptions, or somethmg. Well, maybe 1n America.

essential t1me - club night Blow off all your other comm1tments, as th1s is the only essential event you need go to this evening. £1 84 23 :00 (NUS) charty handbaggy the loft - club n1ght Yep, it's gay night at the Loft. Isn' t it strange how zebras have stripes to camouflage themselves, yet the Loft st1cks out like a very sore, black & white thumb? student night liquid - club night Cheap drin ks, hi t songs, lots of students ... you know what I'm talking about.

revival time - club night Needs no explaming smce everybody knows exactly what th1s is- student n1ght!! No more tribute bands though (thankfully.) £1 all night (NUS)

may 18

friday may 19

art theatre royal - play See May 15.

art theatre royal - play See May 15.

slinky hy's - club night

chains on velvet fat pauly's - club night

les murray lt1 · gig

thursday

guys and dolls t"<'

1 r {' e.1d} rnt: y 9. wedpesctay. may * 0

In the past few days, you may have not1ced some strange things happening on campus. People walkmg around the square dressed 1n hideously mismatched suits and tnlby hats, and peculiar noises coming from the LCR. The reason behind all of these bizarre events is the Performing Arts society's forthcoming production of Guy's and Doll's (performed by k1nd permission of Josef Weinberger).

The musical concerns the activities of a group of

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the event, wednesday, may 10, 2000

gamblers in 1950s New York as they try and avo1d both the pol1ce and marriage. The show is directed

by Aoife Clifford and features such numbers as the eponymous Guy's and Doll's and Luck be a Lady.

So, 1f you are in the vicinity of the LCR on any of these two n1ghts come along for a guaranteed fun filled evening of singing and dancing. Tickets can be brought on the door or from the stall in the hive. (£3.50 in advance.)

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in the beginning

2

directory: The author of The Daylight Moon, Subhuman Redneck Poems and Fredy Neptune, and winner of the Queen's Gold Medal for poetry in 1999 comes to UEA to wax lyrical about his works and life as a poet. lt is followed by a book signing and wine reception in Waterstone's ampus bookshop.

re:fresh ikon - club night Put on that sparkly strapless top you bought in Top Shop today and make your way over to Ikon for some banging tunes.

£3.50/£2 warning meets XLR8 waterfront - club night it's drum & bass night at the waterfront. So if you don't like drum & bass stay away. empower fat pauly's - gig Tonight the bands playing are Downward Thing and Sanctum. Come, listen, and feel stronger than before.

£3 elegant mojo's - club night Inject a little je ne sais crois into le vendredi soir down at the 'jo. gorgeous manhattan's - club night You can only come here if you are higher than average in the looks department. If not, you can always inflate your self-importance by heading on down to ... elite ikon - club night ... where you can look down at all those commoners frequenting Norwich's even less classy haunts. hy times hy's - club night Oh my, those guys down at Hy's sure know how to pun with style. Chart tunes abound at this event. big country uea -gig Sounds pretty self-explanatory to me. With support from the Alarm 2000. ·

style frn fat pauly's - club night Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear pirate radio station, happy birthday to you! Yes, it's Style FM's birthday bash, and it's an all-nighter, so expect lots of phat beats and smooth grooves until you drop. saturday rewind mojo's - club night Gosh, it's another night filled with chart music and clubby-type songs. You don't see many of those in

One for the indie kids tonight. And, unlike the falsely descriptive titles of the other clubs on tonight, this one is actually underground. Excellent.

tuesday ma~

23

revival time - club night Student night again . Mmm ... cheap ·beer. £1 all night (NUS) slinky hy's - club night More student-type shenanigans going on here, although this one has a distinctly seX¥ feel about it.

sunday may 21 sunday service manhattan's - club night And so it was that he turned the water into wine.

But lo, no one drank the bounteous gift he offered because they were already pissed up on beer, and anyway wine doesn't go down well when one is dancing the night away to top tunes. extra smooth sunday the garden house - club night Fancy a bit of drum & bass and live scratching with your pint, sir? I thought so. john mayall & the blues breakers waterfront - gig Don those dark glasses and stock up on those cigars before making your way down to this blues extravaganza. Sure to leave you much cooler than before. £12.50

If you have a gig, club night, play, reading, sock darning event you'd like to tell the lovely folk of uea about, just put the details on a piece of paper and drop them into the concrete office so that we can include them in this very listings section.

6211 55 hy's 623559 t he loft manhattans 629060 621541 ikon liquid 611113 632717 the waterfront mojos 622533 zoom 63076 767671 concept 660288 rick's place canary cue club 627478 624677 abc cinema 622047 cinema City 621903 odeon 0870 0102030 uci 620917 maddermarket norwich arts centre 660352 norwlch playhouse 766466 630000 theatre royal 592272 uea studio 62992 norwich puppet theatre king of hearts 766129 uea union ents 508050 223624 norwich castle museum 0800192192 scoot talking pages 0800 600900

listings written and compiled by Mark/and Starkie all details correct at time of going to press

monday may 22

£15

saturday may 20 art theatre royal - play See May 15.

meltdown waterfront - club night it's indie time again! Lots of sweaty townies unknowingly dancing to Marilyn Manson. I love it.

Upstairs tonight is Ballistix.

£4/£3 the bluetones uea- gig Mark Morris, and his band of merry men, comes to Norwich to lull us with his dulcet tones and upbeat indie tunes. Their new single, Autophilia, is crackin' so on the strength of that it should be a good show.

alternative night fat pauly's - club night it's rawwk night down at the paulo's haunt, so brush up on your air guitar skills before heading down this way. Tonight Inter are playing just to heighten the entertainment value. £2 carwash liquid - club night Norwich just wouldn 't be the same without it. Try not to get too annoyed at the DJ interrupting every song with inane banter and shouts out to the Waveney J

posse. sanctuary ikon - club night If you're looking for a sanctuary from chart hits, alcohol and drunken people having a good time, best not come here. the underground mojo's - club night

wax prophecy the waterfront thursday, may 11 waterfront destruction courstesy of our top drum & bass outfits

the event, wednesday, may 10, 2000....

-

Clubs

139 · 141 King Street Norwich Tel 01603 632717

ANGELOU

+ WRECKING CO + REDFORD

SUN 14 MAY

£5/£4

MAN CHILD

WAX PROPHECY DRUM 'N' BASS (9·2)

THU 11 MAY

(HOUSE TRANCE)

£4/£3

JOHN MAYALL + THE BLUES BREAKERS

SUN 21 MAY

£12.50

SNUFF

MELTDOWN

+ GENERAL ZOO'S DISCO SAT 13 MAY £4/£3

WARNING MEETS XLRB (DRUM 'I' BASS)

FRI19 MAY

£7.00

BJ COLE + LUKE VIBERT +NEUTRINOS

THU 25 MAY

£8.50

£7

· MELTDOWN

+ MANCHILD (LIVE) + BALLISnX £4U

SATftMAY

THE KITCHEN

+ LESS THAN JAKE

WED 24 MAY

FRI19 MAY £4/£3 ADV

FRI12 MAY

(TECHIO, TRANCE 10·&AMl

FRI 26 MAY

£11/£!1 ADV

MELTDOWN

+ WRAITH (GOTH, METAL)

SAT 27 MAY

£4/£3

BD'S NIGHT

+ 80'S EXPERIENCE (LIVE BAND) FRI 2 JUNE

£4/£3

DANDY WARHOLS SUN 11 JUNE

£8.50

ONE MINUTE SILENCE

TUE 13 JUNE

£7.00

BENTLEY RHYTHM AC WED 14 JUNE £8.00

SAT 20 MAY

Clubs

•

RETRO A TIVE + '80'S' TRIBUTE BAND

SAT 13 MAY

£5 ADV

£12.00

THE LEVELLERS RESCHEDULED

ORIGINAL TICKETS VALID OR REFUNDS FROM THE BOX OFFICE TUE 28 NOV £12.00

BJORN

TUE 3 OCT

£3/£4

£15.00

THE BLUETONES +GUESTS

AGAIN

BAND COMPETITION 1ST PRIZE £1 000 SUN 28 MAY

BIG COU TRY + THE ALARM 2000

ABSOLUTION

AS PART OF MELTDOWN (1 0·2)

SAT 20 MAY

£3.50/£4

UENoRwlc

£13.50

JOOLS H +GUESTS LLAND SAT 25 NOV

MISS MONEYPENNY'S

SAT 27 MAY £9.50/£8 NUS ADV

TICKETS FROM UEA UNION, SOUNDCLASH, HMV & OUR PRICE.

CREDIT CARD 01603 508050 r.

All prices are advance only & may be subject to a booking fee.

£15.00