otcha love birds, it's Cupid here about to embark on the busiest fortnight of the year. You wouldn't believe the number of arrows I get through. My latest triumph is getting Posh Spice and that footballer chap David Beckham together. Not too sure what to do about that Clinton fellow though - not so successful there. Anyway there I was, floating over that fine UEA campus checking out potential targets. I'm told the LCR is a good bet, and I floated across the latest copy of The Event which is, as usual, jam-packed with lots of lovely features, rev1ews and articles. If music be the food of love then the Stereophonics, Strangelove and Dust Junkys are on the menu this issue, plus a feature on local bands for dessert. There's a filmgoers guide to dating on the movie pages, so if you're at a loss for chat up lines take a leaf out of Tinseltown's book of love. The Event takes a peek at Titanic, a nice little love story, such a shame it's on a sinking ship. Look out for Up 'n ' Under and In and Out. I'm detecting a pattern to these film titles .. . Jamie Theakston graces the centre pages of this issue. Quite a little heart throb all told, he appears to be single right now; I'll soon change that. For the more computer orientated my arrows will get you through the Internet as The Event explores Internet dat1ng. I much prefer the traditional approach of wining and dining and there's plenty of romance in the food section this issue with cocktail recipes to complement our little guide to aphrodisiac foods and not a powdered rhino horn in sight Following a nice meal in why not finish off the evening w1th an excit1ng book? The Arts pages review the Kama Sutra, among others. Have a good Valentine's Day and don't be surprised 1f you score. I'm a sharp shooter with a very long hit list. No one is safe.
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fter an intense fortnight of cramming, this is the time when we're all really bored of exams, essays and the whole academic thing. So, if you're looking forward for a chance to get away we have the perfect gift for you. The Event has four pairs of Let's Go travel books for London and France which will help you find the best places to stay, visit and the perfect places to drink and be merry. All you have to do to win a pair is answer this really taxing question . What is the Paris equivalent of Marble Arch? If you know the answer put it on a postcard in the Hive along with your name, school, year and telephone number. Good Luck!
THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 1998
Editor-in-chief: Jane Kirby Editor: Catherine Jones Music Editor: Paul Stokes Assistant Musi c Editor: James Tapsfield Design a nd Screen Editor: John Spacey Assistant Screen Editor: Diana Goodman TV&Radio Editor: Amy Pierce lnter@ctive Editor: Stuart Dredge Arts Editor: James Graham Copy Editor: James GoHin Advertising Manager: Amy Kingswell Contributing Writers: Daniel Bardsley, Luke Miles, Katie Westgate , Lucas Psillakis,Tom Harberd, Oliver Polhill , Kelly Moran , Debbie Marco, Katie Durrant, Tim Wade, Michael Miller, Lee McNicol, lmogen Rose-Smith, Max Dunbar,Debbie Kavanagh, Natasha Whiteman , Clemens Gerth
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With Oasis forced onto their back foot, you may be forgiven for thinking Manchester was finished musically. Think again, says Stuart Dredge, as the Dust Junkys sweep into town ••• me take you back ... back to.the days hen we were young, and Oasis were but a inkle in the eye of the great god Pop. Manchester was, nevertheless, the centre of the musical universe, with the Mondays, the Roses and their various compatriots. These included 808 State, who stormed the charts with Pacific State and The Only Rhyme That Bites. The latter featured comedy Western samples, and also an eighteen year-old motormouth rapper who was called MC Tunes. He was a legend, but for years nothing more was heard from him ... until now that is! MC Tunes, under his real (and marginally less 'street') name of Nicky Locket!, is back, with his own band, the Dust Junkys. You may have caught them supporting Black Grape last term. While Tunes still raps up a storm, this time the music is ROCK of the most thundering dimensions, with a side-order of funk to go. And, despite the cancellation of last week's Arts Centre gig due to, giggle, chicken pox, they're one of the hardest bands around.
Which is why interviewing them is a worrying experience for even the most grizzled rock hack, let alone a quaking student. But it's okay in the end, as in the flesh the Junkys are friendliness personified. They even don't mind when I ask the traditional 'Where d'you get yer name' question. "it's cos
another. For some it's heroin or weed, but for others it's coffee or soap opera or whatever. And dust, well y'know we all end up as dust in the end, whether we're a king or a road sweeper!" True .enough. Be prepared however for a tabloid scandal if the band ever get big, with all the connotations that go with the name Dust Junkys. Are they a druggy band? "Well , only the weed. I've seen too many friends get f***ed up on bad drugs to go for any of that." Nevertheless, the band are firmly in favour of legalising cannabis, advocating the Howard Marks view that it should have the legal status of cabbage, so anyone can grow it in their back gardens. This is combined with strongly held political views on a range of subjects, which culminate in Nicky's assertion that "the Labour government's full of s**t." Pardon me? "Everyone voted for 'em, but they're just proving to be as bad as the last lot! A lot of people are very disappointed at the moment." You certainly couldn't say that about the audience at the Grape gig, who were pulverised by the sheer force of the Dust Junkys. Chicken pox allowing, they'll be making waves in the year ahead. Pretty soon we'll all be addicted.
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No.s:WHAM! What's the big fuss? 80s teen heartthrobs, Wham! re-invented the Boy Band, and broke a million teenage hearts at the same time. They were, unlike many of their Boy Band successors, actually quite good!
Who did/does what? George Michael wrote the songs, sang the songs, played on the songs, produced the songs, wrote the sleeve notes, and pressed the albums. Andrew Ridgley made a good cup of tea apparently.
the album charts and George Michael, no'k free of his record company overlords is making great records again. Andrew Ridgley is currently pursu!ng a career in motor racing, though Formula One will not be beckoning, but we're reliably informed that his tea-making skills remain. In retrospect? Wham barn, I am the man!! I
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Sold a few records then? Their continual presence in the top ten throughout the 80s is testament to that fact.
Which is best? Club Tropicana, because the drinks are free!
Are they still going? Sadly, the boys, and all there teenaged fans grew up. George went onto 'serious' music, and Andy became the butt of many haircut jokes. Did we mention Careless Whfspet? This Wham classic (although officially recorded by · George after he left Wham!, but written with Ridgley, and included on all good Wham! compilations) is the song that has claimed more first snogs than any other in the world ever, and that includes Relax by Frankie Goes to Hollywood!
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JAM SESSION 'SOFA CLUB' (Ambient Music) WED: MELTIN' POT FRI & SAT ~ LIVE MUSIC
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lt may only take one match to burn a thousand trees, but how many Stereophonics fans does it t ake t o f ill Cardiff Arms Parkt Lee MeNieoll spoke to the 'Phonics to find out ... hile many bands are forced to walk the same tired road, unable to successfully deviate from their path, The Stereophonics can stand at the cross roads laughing. Sitting on the tour bus in the middle of the NME tour, they laugh a lot, and who can blame them? Their debut album, Word Gets Around, has gone silver, reaching number six in the album chart, and their gigs are sell-outs. Today's music press attempt to squeeze bands into the smallest of pigeonholes , preventing them from reaching diverse audiences; The Stereophonics refuse to fit. Voted 'Best New Band' by Melody Maker readers , yet highly acclaimed by the likes of Metal Hammer, you can bet your Granny's pension they appeal to more than one audience group. Stuart, Kelly and Richard intend to keep it that way. Kelly: "We're really proud of our crossover. We've been in everything from Smash Hits to Kerrang to Mojo. The readers of Kerrang won 't read Melody Maker and vice versa, that's the way it is. it's good - we've always wanted to be a band who can appeal to more than one person , otherwise when your audience grows up you haven 't got an audience any more." The Stereophonics have been careful from the start about being pigeonholed, turning down support slots with Aerosmith and The Wildhearts in favour of those who reach more varied audiences. Kelly: "We supported Skunk Anansie, who still rock , but have wider appeal. We've also supported Supergrass, The Who, Ocean Colour Scene, The Manics .. ." How do you feel about being compared to them? Stuart: "Music's music, isn't it? If you like it, shout about it; if you don 't, f**k off." Although proud to be compared to bands such as Nirvana and The Manic Street Preachers , The Stereophonics disagree with comparisons in general, believing each band should be seen in its own light. Otherwise it can get ridiculous ... Richard : "I've dyed my hair blonde so now we'll be compared to The Police." With the British market all but captured, the band now have thei r eyes set on America, which could wel l present the biggest challenge so far. "We've only just started over there, and we're going back in March . Major radio stations are picking the songs up but it's early days.
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We're prepared to put the time in and go back and forth every six to eight weeks. The travelling can get to you but there could be worse things. " Like a nine to five office job? Kelly: "We've done that... We ll, not the office, bu t you name them, we've done them . I used to sell fruit and veg on the market." lt is these real life situations that Word Gets Around addresses, just as the decline of a market stall is illustrated through the song, More Life in a Tramp 's Vest, a comment Kelly heard an old stall owner say. Richard: "The only thing I didn't do was become a prostitute!" Kelly: "You didn't
money were no object, what would you buy? Kelly: "I'd give some to my mother and father to stop them getting up at six in the morning and worki ng in a poxy factory." Richard: "I'd buy the monetary system so there wouldn't be any money. Nobody would have to work then! We could just be happy and shag everybody." So now that The Stereophonics are on the road , is it really all sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll? Richard: "Yeah! Well , not so much sex really, a bit of drugs and a lot of rock 'n' roll." Kelly: "There's a dwarf under that sheet there with handcuffs on waiting to be raped ... " The Stereophonics tend to find the number of
better: a number one hit or great sex? "Great sex on a Sunday at about five to seven, and finding out you're number one. lt'd be, like, YES!" Kelly: "Give me the number one first. I've had a lot of sex up to th is point, but there's room for improvement in both!" The Stereophonics certainly haven't been subjected to a heavy beating with the ugly stick, and often get girls waiting outside the bus, although they're usually only alter autographs. "Most of them are too young to cut up their own food ," adds Stuart, "I'm ten years older than these girls or young ladies." Kelly: "They are young ladies." The band joke frequently and their relaxed attitude
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have to sell fruit and ~-------------------------------....;c;::an be attributed to the fact that they've been veg." together since the age of three. They explain that this also makes for a better Richard: "I did atmosphere on the bus, where the long once, to my mother. When 1 5 Wl CU S . .. hours can often cause tension to mount _ _ _ __.....- in bands. "When we do argue it's like took Kelly explores an avenue we'd rather not go down Morecambe and Wise, with frying pans and it home and sold it again , she gave everything!" Their infectious humour is also me the money!" present during their stage sets, adding to the interviews involved in touring quite tedious, but Kelly: "I've been a plumber, scaffolder, robber and energy of the gig itself. lt is surprising to find The their humour never falters as we discuss matters murderer. We get paid weekly from the record Stereophonics so light-hearted considering the ranging from the company so we don't go stupid and buy a Ferrari. depressing nature of many of their songs, such as normal to the Ferrari? We couldn't even buy a ! .. king mini!" the contemplation of suicide in the new single , So, if Local Boy in the Photograph. What direction will the new album take? us why we got Kelly: "it's less of a small town thing. it's still very into this lyrical but the recording style is a lot scruffier. As far as titles go, One Singer, One Song, was pencilled in, but we don't know yet. Hopefully it'll be released this year. " The Stereophonics' ambitions are pretty simple. For Kelly, it's to have AC/DC as their support act. Richard wants to sell out Cardiff Arms Park. The band discuss how all the greatest artists die young, but perhaps they're great because they haven't had time to get bad. Richard suddenly stands up: "I think I'll kill myself now''. Kelly: "We've got to do the second album before you do." Stuart: "You won 't be able to sell out Cardiff Arms then, and you 'll miss the World Cup. It'll all end in the year 2000 anyway, when Nostradamus' little hand comes down and there's th e apocalyptic boom! The Stereophonics seem to be getting stronger in every way, and it coul d be that the apocalypse is the only thing that could stop them becoming a stadium-filling act in the new millennium. Nostradamus, it's your call.
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If misery is the new cool, then is Strangelove's Patrick DuH the coolest man on eartht Kelly Moran found out ..•
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eturning after something of a wilderness period, which included drink and drug problems and a tour with Suede, six piece Strangelove have a new outlook and determination which would put Robbie Williams to shame. We catch up with lead singer Patrick Duff on the eve of their British tour, promoting the new single, Another Night In. In an attempt to be fresh and original I start proceedings with a question straight out of the music journalist's text book: What's the new single about? "When I was writing the last album, I was just staying in on my own , sometimes for days on end. I just got so worked up about it that I started hallucinating, seeing snakes and all sorts. it sounds quite dramatic, but it shouldn't, because I think that would happen to anyone if they stayed in too much. In the end I just got into the habit of writing and writing, every morning." So are you looking forward to touring? "Yeah , we are, playing live is where you get the most direct response to your music, letting you know how it's going with the people that matter. After that, we're off round Europe, places like Denmark, Germany, Spain, although not Greece which is a pity 'cause we're big over there, I'm
treated like a god in Greece!" How do you feel about the Brats and Brits? Will you be going? "Nah, I wouldn't go unless we were winning something, there's too much ego at events like thar When talk turns to more successful bands citing Strangelove as an influence (Radiohead's Ed O'Brien has said that the band are "definitely postStrangelove"), and the possible jealousy that can follow, Paddy retires to the safety of some solid rock 'n' roll cliches: "I have been jealous in the past but I realised that being bigger than someone else doesn't make you happy, and worrying about it only creates a negativity that's harmful to the music. Being happy with your own music is the main thing, and you can only hope that others will be too." Patrick goes on to describe his new style of writing... "Before it was like I had to dissect my soul, look inside myself and analyse everything. Now I feel that songs are out there, falling to earth, and you have to stay alert and catch them." Marvellous. Catch the new, drug-free Patrick and company choosing life when they bring their unique brand of morbid optimism to the Waterfront on Sunday, February 8.
WINI WINI WINI WINI STRANGE STUFF! You can win a whole host of Strangelove goodies Including a giant-sized poster, a signed copy of the album; a promo version new single and tickets to the gig on March a, just by answering this simple question •.. Who starred In the film Dr Strangelovet Put your answers In the competition box In Union House by Friday, February 6 and be sure to Include your name, school and a contact number or e-mall address.
THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 1998
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THE FREE-STYLE FI LES: Underground Sounds o f America
Below is a record of all that happened •••
CORNERS HOP When I Was Born For the Seventh Time
mixes, which are arguably lio even better than the original. If you haven't heard them , you are in for a real treat . But what about the album? Well , neglecting the fact that its title is probably one of the funniest and most original for some time, When I was born is legendary, mixing up Asian beats , scratchi ng samples, pop melodies, orchestral strings and teasingly simple lyrics with alarming ease. lt sounds like a disaster waiting to happen , but believe me it works. Here is a band who have stuck to their principles for yea rs, developing quietly and wai ting for th e public to come to them , rather than selling out for comme rcial success (take note, Mr Gallagher!) . it's hard to categorise them or even list influences because of the diverse and extremely brave nature of this reco rding. I know it's easy to say now, but this really was the most underrated album of 1997. You simply must hear this masterpiece . Michael Millar
SUPERGRASS UEA LCR Saturday, January 17 We may not be so young, we may not be so free , but at least our teeth are still nice and clean . it's been over two years since Supergrass released Alright and in that time they've grown up. They re leased their second album , In it for the Money, last year wh ich had a much more matu re sound, though was still backed by youthful exuberance. Pre-gig entertai nmen t ca me as mix of cartoons and old public information films , featuring greats such as Kevin Keegan and Alvin Stardust, which made a change from listening to dodgy music. Singer/ guitarist Gaz stood on the left, Micky Ouinn the bassist and vocals on the right, th e mad drummer Danny in the middle. Gaz's older brother, Bob Coombes, who looks like a mix
FOIL Spread lt All Around The haunting, atmospheric sounds on opening track, A. C. Rocket, creep into your head. Slowly it builds until the aggressive howl of the singer crashes in. Could this be an album which inspires through its originality, combining punk rock with metal aggression to form an angry, cathartic combination of sounds? Sadly it's not. Most tracks on Spread it All Around are mediocre. Some will make you want to pogo. Often the vocals are mundane, the guitars quiet, and attention begins to wane . it's far from a bad album, but punk rock fans will feel a definite sense of deja vu. With the Scottish accents and passionate ranting, Control Freak sounds more like the opening to TrainspoNing than anything else. While much of the album is just commercial punk, Don 't Come Round keeps it afloat to some extent. lt starts quietly enough , but just listening to the vocal wi ll make your throat hurt once the chorus kicks in . And what a kick! We 're talking anger. In fact , we're not talking , we're screaming . But with a tune! If only all the songs on the album were of this calibre. Foil wrap up punk and rock with a pinch of aggression , but sadly I've tasted it before, and the songs just aren't strong enough to whet my appetite again. Lee McNico/1
between Alan Davis and Richard Ashcroft with really bad facial hair (! ?), provided keyboard accompaniment, in the back left corner. The 'Grass started with I'd Like To Know and the pace didn't slow for the whole time they we re on stage. The crowd loved every minute, down to the pogoing along to Late In The Day, and jumping around like a mad thing for every other song in the set. If I had a pound for every sweaty body that pushed passed me, I'd be able to clear my debts! They played most of the songs from their two
If you're looking for something new then this album is just the ticket. Underground Sounds of America is a compi lation packed , albeit with only nine tracks , of America's newest talents from the most independent labels. If you 're not already fans of DJs such as Thievery Corporation and Jamie Myerson , you wi ll be after listening to this. it's quite a mellow album , combining trance, heavy dub, and atmospheric drum & bass, with a bit of hip-hop thrown in for good measure. Pimp Daddy Nash displays his cheeky style with Joe Dropped the Swing and DJ Spooky has a bizarre offering in the form of Island of Lost Souls. Probably the best track, and definitely the most mellow, is Better Daze's Modus Operandi. So give it a go; it got me through my exams! Debbie Marc o
He's the Cosmic Spaceman baby ... and Jason Pierce hasn't let anyone down with this single, which is a perfect example that sometimes the drugs do work. Blissed-out vocals mingle with swooshy psychedelia to create a sublime mixture. Don't forget the storming Chemical Bros. remix, wh ich spins off into the ether like no-one's business. Fantastic. Stuart Dredge
CATHERINE WHEEL M a Solituda A pleasant enough acoustic ballad which may sound dull at first but becomes more appealing with every subsequent hearing thanks to the bright guitar sounds and beautiful harmonies in the chorus. I've no idea who they are, but if this single is typical of their stuff, they could be a band to watch out for. Tim Wade
albums along with two b-sides , Odd and Condition. The encore started with Gaz doing it 's Not Me acoustic with Bob and Micky on various keyboardy things! Danny then joined them to play a blistering version of Lenny and then it was over. it was too short we cried, we want more, no Melanie Davis, no SiNing Up Straight, no She 's So Loose, but it didn't matter that much as we were treated to a fantastic 90 mins of pure pop. Supergrass are definitely the best band I've seen in a mighty long time. Katie Westgate
A Nanny in Manhattan from the Levis ad (the one with the bunch of hyperactive kids). The \ ' I song sounds a bit like the Beach Boys after a lobotomy, and inhaling helium. What you probably don't know, and really are better off not finding out, is exactly how bad it becomes after the thirty seconds which accompanies the ad. After Spaceman, it wouldn't take Einstein to guess that A Nanny in Manhattan would follow in the same, pathetic vein. Our only hope is that the Lilys will turn that hearse around and drive back into pop hell , where they deserve to fry horribly. lmogen Rose:Smfth
HURRICANE #I Only the Strongest Will Survive This one's a grower, but persevere because it really is a gem. Bluesy, chilled out guitar, strange but lovely Casio keyboard style beat, elegant strings and a gently soaring singalong chorus make this offering from Andy Bell's Hurricane #1 well worth the effort. Perfect for those hazy, lazy, blissed out moments. Kat/e Durrant
BEDLAM AGO GO Season NO.S
OPEN SUNDAYS 10.30AM-4.30PM At Gentleman's Walk, opposite the market THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 1998
Bedlam is defined as a noisy, confused scene. Season N0.5 is not quite that frantic. In fact, it's almost completely the opposite. Mary Ann Hobbs has raved about them, and with good reason. Bedlam have been categorised by the music press as skunk rock, a new type of music which is apparently coming to us all, but this sounds more like trip hop than skunk rock. Whatever genre, this single is real quality.Luke Miles
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Flubber Opening February 6 Robin Williams stars in this remake of The Absent Minded Professor. The good doctor accidentally creates a goo which defies gravity (among other th ings).
Titanic us (1997) Dlr: James Cameron ABC - now showing
t's finally here. Hollywood's biggest, most ludicrously expensive movie to date. Unlike its equally costly namesake, it hasn't sunk to the bottom of the Atlantic, but is sailing merrily into the port of prosperity and box office success. The thing about Titanic is that all that money is not the best th ing about the film . Yes, yes, the sets are extremely impressive in their quality and realism , and oh did the special effects people have fun , but do we really need another tracking shot of the ship, or another cunn ing ricochet effect as a further hapless passenger plummets to an icy death? The scope of James Cameron's film gives an impression of the sheer flamboyant magnitude of the Titanic, but it all ends up being a little bit too big and slightly too clever. What makes the whole experience worthwh ile are the details. For
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The Ice Storm Opening February 6 Kevin Kline and Sigoumey Weaver play cheating spouses whose empty, decadent 70s lifestyles get a good and melodrama. Directed by Ang Lee of Sense and Sensibility.
example, the fact that Katie Winslet is not an airbrushed , plasticsculpted, Hollywood bimbo, and that she looks fairly bad in quite a few shots. Or that you'd quite willingly sell your grandmother, CD collection and pet cat to drown in Leonard De Capric's eyes. Or even watch ing the band play on as the ship sank, and nobody going back to rescue the victims as they die in water so cold it seems to freeze the cinema. The plot, however, is functional. Cameron has created a chick flick with enough death and distraction to keeP, you anchored to the seat for the whopping three hours and fifteen minutes. Even though the outcome is painfully inevitable, it hardly seems to matter. More worrying is the danger of being washed away by the tidal waves of tears the Titanic's ultimate destruction is likely to produce. lmogen Rose-Smith Watch and enjoy.
Good Burger Opening February 13 Cheeky teenage comedy duo work at a fast food restaurant . They do silly th ings. In a fast food restaurant. Imagine the possibilities. Imagine what they could get up to.
The Boxer Opening February 20 Daniel Day Lewis teams up for the third time with director Jim Sheridan (My Left Foot and In the Name of the Father) . Also stars Emily Watson, of Breaking the Waves.
The Postman Opening February 20 Kevin Costner spends nearly three hours in a postapocalyptic future waere he decides to deliver a bunch of pre-apocalypse mail he finds . A man with a failing career.
Swingers Union Film - February 6 Four US guys go to Las Vegas on a pulling weekend and pretend they're 50s throwbacks. Yeah, baby, yeah. You're jesting, why ya jesting, baby?
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f it had not been for a group of dentists who financed James Cameron 's foray into film production almost twenty years ago, the face of modern cinema would be substantially different. Cameron is the man who not only wrote, produced and directed Titanic, but has also been responsible for the worst excesses of Hollywood's hard men , Sly and Arnie. After penning Rambo: First Blood Part 11, Cameron made The Terminator, wh ich he also wrote, on a budget of just $6 million. lt was a world-wide smash, grossing over $80 million, and was to be the last time - until Titanic - this ruthless perfectionist had to take any notice of the bank balance whan turning his grand plans into reality. Big budget visual effects became his trademark, through the ridiculous Aliens, the epic The Abyss and the imaginatively titled Terminator 2. True Lies came next and helped earn Cameron the Producer of the Year Award from the National Association of Theatre Owners, providing another outlet for his enthusiasm for special effects. One might have hoped that, in returning to reality with the millionth film adaptation of the Titanic story, his penchant for spending the pennies (or rather cents) would have been reined in somewhat. The truth, of course, was the complete opposite. Armed with a 90% size model of the Wh ite Star Line's ill-fated ship, Cameron spared absolutely no expense in his quest to make the ultimate successor to The Poseidon Adventure. From the endless rumours of crises on set and innumerable delays has come the most expensive film of all time. Unlike Kevin Costner's maritime Goliath, Waterworld, this movie seems set to make some serious money. Cameron, however, will be seeing none of the money because, in order to get the last bit of funding for Titanic, he waved both his salary and his percentage deal - oh well, his place in history is secure. But, after snatching success from the jaws of failure, in the future Cameron faces an even bigger challenge - following on from the biggest film of all time. Dan Bards'-y
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In and Out us (1997) Dir: Frank Oz ABC - opening Feb
ompletely overcome with pride at winning the Best Actor Oscar for his portrayal of a gay soldier in Vietnam . Cameron Drake (Matt Dillon) thanks his former teacher Howard Bracket! for all his help and guidance, and then promptly announces that Howard is gay. But the joke that this film is centred around is that Howard (Kevin Kline) doesn't think he is gay, and doesn't know how to convince his dippy fiancee (Joan Cusack) or the rest of the sleepy little town of Greenleaf that a man can like Barbara Streisand and Shakespeare and still subscribe to
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Playboy. Further complications arise as the town becomes a media circus, with passions sti rred up by Tom Selleck as a tabloid reporter desperate for the story. Kline plays th e main role well, but is usually surpassed by Dillon as the Brad Pitt parody. Cameron - the parody can actually get a bit cruel. but Brad's got millions in the bank, so who cares ? Certainly not this reviewer, anyway. The film has some great scenes, such as the brawl wh ich arises during Howard's stag night over Streisand's performance in Yentil, but the long gaps between the few hilarious moments can be hard to bear. This film tries to take a serious. earnest look at the issue of gay stereotyping and the nature of Hollywood with a comedic twist, but the ultimate irony is how much the fi lm is a Hollywood product itself, relying on cliches and lacking all subtlety. Oh, and it's based on Tom Hank's acceptance speech after getting his own Best Actor Oscar for Philadelphia. But don't let such things worry you. Debbie Kavanagh
emulated , it has never been surpassed. Mainly a comic film , there are still moments of touching Withnail and I pathos (With nail reciting Hamlet to the UK (1987) wolves in the zoo) and nostalgia and Dir: Bruce Robinson anger regarding the literal and Union Film - Feb 9 spiritual end of the 60s ("They're ~!.l!~~lrD } selling hippie wigs in Wool worth s, ., man"). And if you 've ever wondered why ecently re-issued to people wander round parties mark its tenth anniversary, Withnail And I shouting , "I demand some is a must-see film that made the careers booze!" then this is your of stars, Richard E. Grant and Paul McGann . Set cha nce to find out. near the end of the 60s, it concerns the Tom Harberd (mis)adventures of two out-of-work actors. Feeling paranoid and ill due to a concerted effort to drink and swallow as many drugs as possible , Withnail (Grant) and "I" (McGann) decide to head for the country to relax for a bit , visting the abandoned cottage owned by Withnail's Uncle Monty. Unfortunately, they are not particularly cut out for the country life, and the lies that Withnail has told in order to get hold of the cottage have comic repercussions for l's personal safety. The rest of the film involves randy bulls, poachers, randy uncles, drug dealers, washing up, classic one-liners and a demonstration of what happens when you drink lighterfluid . Although the style of Withnail And I has been
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THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 1998
Uma Thurman and Ethan Hawke have announced they are expecting a child . Hawke, who stars with Thurman in the upcoming Gattaca , describes himself as ''thrilled". No word yet on whether the couple will marry, or if they'll give the child a name as daft as "Uma". Drew Barrymore has spoken out to People magazine, saying that she has little understanding for the behaviour of incarcerated actors Christian Slater and Robert Downey Jr "Altho ugh they are screw ups. people are still hiring them . If a women behaved in this way they
Ms Barrymore, you may recall, knows what she's talking about, admitting to having a drinking problem at the age of eight. Kevin Costner has filed a federal lawsuit in Los Angeles against the Span ish-language weekly magazine Ha/a. Costner is accusing Hola, sister magazine to the British Hello, of misquoting him on remarks about his ex-wife and their son. Th e headline translated reads "Kevin Costner owns up to mixed feelings about his unplanned son". In other lawsuit news, Michael Crichton took the stand last week in defence of his script for Twister. He is being sued by screenwriter Stephen Kessler, who claims the Jurassic Park author, as well as producer Steven Spielberg , and others stol e his script Catch the Wind. Kessl er is seeking all of Twisters profits. The continuing success of the Titanic is still apparent. Fans at the Sony Theatre on Broadway are buying coal from the sunken ships coal bin. The fragments the size of a 2p are going for $10 a throw.
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Ll CAM Need to find that person of your dreamst Already found them, and want to get them in bedt Want to get rid of a psychot Natasha Whlteman has answers, courtesy of the silver screen...
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our friends can pull like the US President. You can hear your repulsive neighbour and their repulsive flavour of the week . shagging day and night. You tum the page on the calendar, realise ifs February, and the thought of an imminent Valentine's Day fills you with dread. But do not despair! You·r~ not going to spend every night of your life lonely and pathetic, reading the ingredients list off the back of the Hobnobs packet. NOI You're going to go out there and charm that special someone to death, because you're going to take The Events advice and pull the old fashioned way...the movie way! Of course, Valentine's Day has an unfortunately sexist slant, where the man is expected to do everything and the woman sits quietly waiting for the flowers to show up. So even though the following advice leans towards the faddish, this does not excuse the ladies from putting on their good shoes, fluffing up their hair, and hunting down Mr Right (or Mr Right Now, as the case may be).
Where to find 'em First, you need to find a good place to start looking. Oddly enough, your perfect mate may be someone so obvious, you didn't even notice them, such as the unseen person sharing your flat (The Night We Never Me~ . or the shadowy figure in black vinyl who keeps hampering your Gotham City crime-fighting (Batman Returns). They may be that chef with puppy dog eyes who gazes as you longingly in the seedy diner you frequent (Untamed Heart, Frankie and JohnnY); or you may meet them whilst they try to steal a car (Bonnie and Clyde). You may even meet them in a circus where you can both demonstrate your gun skills before your romance js consummated (Gun Crazy). In more far flung locations, there may be talent walking Hollywood Boulevard (Pretty Woman), but as a certain foppish actor can testify, it's probably more advisable to stay at home.
Chat up lines If the old stand-by of "Hello" fails to ignite their desires, you could opt for the direct approach, such as "Fancy a hot beef injection?" (The Breakfast Club) or "Yo, shebitch, let's go• (Anny of Darlcness). Take care, however, for unless your idea of fun is a punch in the face these lines should probably be avoided. For expressing a deeper desire for a long term relationship, expousing the subject's finer points is a better tactic, as in "You're rather attractive for a beautiful girt with·a great body," (Csddyshac/(). Writing poetry is also a surefire winner (Cyrano de Bergerac, Roxanne) so fellas, just get to know your emotional side and you'll get pants a-wetting - and not with laughter! If you would literally move space and time for a shag then you may want to go along the lines of "Lorraine, my density has brought me to you" (Back To The Future). Girls fed up with passivity can also take action - the feminist credo "Take me now you big stud or loOse me forever" (Top Gun) cannot
The Postman Always Rings Twioo) being popular sites. Once again care must be taken. If you are about to go out into battle against alien insects, abstain from sex as it will only lead to other parts of your body being probed painfully on the battlefield (Starship Troopers). If you are really pessimistic and happen to find yourself in a horror film, remain celibate and stay alive.
The morning after
weary woman the more sarcastic "You're not very bright, are you? I like that in a man"(Body Hea~ may be a less humiliating alternative. Finally, as all you cunning linguists out there already realise, a few sweetly whispered words in a foreign language may lead you into the garden of love and beyond...
People you shouldn't try to seduce Even when you are at your most desperate, there are of course, people that must be avoided. Films have been trying to teach us vital lessons for so long, but still it seems people continue to make mistakes. Anyone with an obvious mother fixation should be told to get lost a.s.a.p. - either they will believe they are their mother (Psycho) or they will want to screw your mother (The Graduate, Class). In the cinema any woman that demands to hear 'I love you' before they even know your name is probably a homicidal maniac who will boil your bunny (Fatal Attraction, Thin Line Between Love and Hate),
Although the morning after should be an opportunity to bask in the afterglow, you may awaken to discover nasty surprises. If you need to take a dump during the night, try and make it to the loo. You laughed at Spud's faecal nightmare in ·Trainspotting, but it wouldn't be funny if it happened to you. Also, try to find out the age of your date before you jump into bed with them. That is, unless you want to spend the morning having breakfast with hislher parents. Don't take your partner to a hotel which may be the gates of hell - they might not make it through the night (Barton Fin/() . Finally, learn the key rule in regards to telephone manoeuvering: "If he hasn't called in three days, he's sleeping with someone else.• (About Last Nigh~. house and pretend to be your wife (Housesitter). Unless you are up for some sexual experimentation, people who use their Flora for 'other things' may be considering activities you can do without (Last Tango In Paris). At the same time, those who are nifty with needles and willing to undertake impromptu surgery may be able to handle attractive people who are dumb enough to snort heroin (Pulp Fiction) . Others may not. A final warning. Girls, unless you've got a sexy, highly unlikely name, do not get involved with any 007s- you'll probably end up dying horribly.
If all else fails, remember: "Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I Jove." (Annie Hall)
Seduction: what not to do The key word here guys is patience. Posing on a revolving bed and confidently asking "do I m·ake you homy" will, it can be assured, invoke the opposite emotion (Austin Powers). Cutting a hole in the bottom of your popcorn box so that your neglected member can be manhandled by your unsuspecting date will not speed up the seduction process (Dine#). You may, in fact, never make love again. If you get a girl's phone number don't call her repeatedly, its called harassment (Swingers). Gi.rts- try not to kidnap your date, and avoid cheesy karaoke bars (Life Less OrdinariJ. Also, although Meg Ryan got away with lt in New Jersey, faking an orgasm in the Diner or Piccolo's will only lead to embarrassment.
Good and bad occasions for sex Once you have successfully pulled you must decide whether tonight it is to be sex in the shower (St Elmo's Fire) , in a fall out shelter (Grease 2), or In a handy waterfall (Cocktam . Kitchens are popular locations for erotic activities, with fridges (Nine and a Half Weeks), sinks (Fatal Attraction) and tables (Bull Durham,
THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 1998
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at an early age. But me and Zoe both said that we weren't going to alter our lifestyles when we started doing children's television. We looked at previous te evision presenters and, to be honest, they've all been a bit dry and dull. We decided we definitely don't want to be like them. We've just tried to be ourselves." Jamie and Jayne Middlemiss (his eo-presenter on The O-Zon9) have certainly changed the style, presentation and content of the programme since taking over from Andy Peters in the autumn of 1995. Whereas before there was an almost continuous cycle of boybands and boring nohopers, the show now regularly interviews more
Zoe to the left of him, Jayne to the right ... Jamie Theakston occupies a pivotal place in that peculiar section of telly programming that appeals to both small children and self-respecting twenty something$. During The o-zone presenter's recent visit to UEA James Graham talked to the man himself about fame, fortune and working with some extreme~y beautiful women ... e used to have a poster of Adam Ant on his wall and the celebrity he most wants to meet is Laa Laa the yellow Teletubby. This is Jamie Theakston, the mild mannered, funny, and flirty copresenter of The O-Zone and Live and Kicking. The boyish 27 year old recently visited UEA to interview the Stereophonics and Asian Dub Foundation for The O-Zone and was gracious enough to give us an off-the-cuff interview.
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Jamie, one of the nation's favourite children's presenters, amazingly has aspirations of being Match of the Days next Des Lynam. 'Well, Des has always been one of my heroes and I still hope that one day I might be able to present Match of the Da}". This is not as ridiculous as it may at first sound since Jamie previously cut his teeth in the media as a sports reporter for GLR, London's local BBC radio station, and Radio 5. "I desperately wanted to be a sports reporter. That really was my thing then," he explains. "My two major passions have always been sport and music and if I couldn't get work in sport I was going to get involved in the musical side of things." As with most people in
showbusiness Theakston's big break came about by chance. "All that happened really was that one of the guys who used to edit The O-Zone wanted
I'm not really sure why I did it." Like quite a few students, Jamie seems to have fallen into his course more by accident than design. "I had finished my A-Levels and I just wanted to stay in London I just picked something out of the clearing guides in the newspapers. lt was bloody stupid really because I've -always been absolutely useless at maths and economics and all that other terribly dull stuff that Business Studies students have to know about. But I stuck it out for the three years and I got a 2 :1. And I've never thought about it again. lt was absolutely no use to me whatsoever."
We've never told a band they're crap ••• except E-Male! And they deserve it
to know if I would be interested in doing the show. And it was as simple as that really". Jamie would be the first to admit that The 0-lone may not be the height of glamour, but the programme is certainly a colossal leap from Theakston's inauspicious beginnings as a ge1eral dogsbody at Radio 5. "While I was still at university, I used to read out the rush hour traffic bulletins between six and nine o'clock in the morning, then run into college to do some lectures and rush back to do the afternoon rush hour". He later moved on to doing the sports show on Saturdays as well. "Back then we used to go into the studio in the morning and set up the tech1ical side of the show before brainstom1ing some ceas. Then, later in the morning we would be sent out to write reports on matches and do interviews with the players to be broadcast during the week." Although Theakston had a pretty hectic last year at university he still graduated with a 2:1. As he explains, "I went to a rather unpleasant college on the Holloway Road called the North London Polytechnic, which is now rather grandly known as the University of North London. For some bizarre reason I did a Busi1ess Studies degree
even to
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This somewhat haphazard style of.forward planning has certainly never held Theakston back, though. "To be honest I've always made decisions about what I want to do on the spur of the moment. I never really plan the things I do. I just woke up one morning and thought, well, I fancy doing sports reporting and I was lucky enough to do that. And then I thought that a having a crack at a music show might be cool so I tried to do that." Sounds easy, doesn't it? And, unsurprisingly, Jamie seems to prefer interviewing huge popstars at glamorous hotels to mediocre footballers at windswept lower league foOtball grounds. "Big pop stars are always interesting to interview because you always wonder what they are going to be like. Madonna, David Bowie and U2 were all pretty good fun. Madonna was funny because normally when you interview people you try and talk to them beforehand and try and find out if they are cool. You normally want to give them an idea of how the interview will run so they don't feel intimidated or under pressure to do things they might not want to do. But you don't really get the qhance to do that with Madonna because she always has about five million people around her and ',(OU are given maybe 25 seconds to ask all the questions. You don't really get the chance to get any sort of rapport going. I tried to crack a few gags with her beforehand but she had absolutely no idea what I was talking about. She was like, Who is this idiot boyl' You ask her things and she is friendly enough but that's it. There's no mucking about with it." ith the job he holds and the people he meets Jamie has, rather inevitably, been linked with a string of television and pop stars in the newspapers. Jamie and Zoe Ball, _his eo-presenter on Live and Kicking, have been romantically linked in numerous newspapers. Jamie is extremely quick to deny any sort of history though. "There was never anything like that between us." Although the rumours about the two have died down recently, the subject is still touchy enough
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THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 1998
credible bands such as Radiohead and Bentley Rhythm Ace. Jamie picks up on this enthusiastically, "When we first got the jobs on The O-Zone we realised that a lot of the music we listened to wasn't getting played on the show. We decided that because kids are pretty clued up these days we could go for a slighttv older audience without alienating the younger viewers. We hoped that younger klds would see a band like Bentley Rhythm Ace on The O-Zone and think they were quite cool. The kids would hopefully carry on watching the show whether it was 911 or The Charlatans. In comparison an older audience who saw too much of 911 definitely wouldn't want to watch that sort of rubbish." A1d this change in fom1ula seems to have worked. The ridiculously cheesy links between bands which have become Jamie and Jayne's trademark, along with their undeniable sex appeal has kept the show as popular as ever and made ~ far more watchab!e than in the days of Andy Peters. to make him quite agitated. "I think th:e whole thing was mainly to do with when we first started doing the show together and it was just an easy angle for people to get a hold of. Anyway, Zoe has always been taken and had lots of boyfriends." Jamie contends that Zoe is more like a sister constantly bending his ear for advice. "I guess I'm more like her brother really. She's always got something major going on in her life, every minute of the day. Zoe's like a bundle of nerve endings. She's brilliant, and mad at the same time, I think." According to Jamie the press always seem to get the wrong end of the stick. "I am single, although it's through no decision of my own. Ifs not through want of trying! I'd like a girlfriend!" One of the benefits of working with such a high profile star as Zoe Ball is that the probing eye of the press has generally been diverted away from Jamie. "Everybody wants to talk about Zoe really. You won't see me complaining either since I definitely wouldn't want the kind of pUJblicity she gets. I like to take more of a low profile while she hogs the limelight." Luckily, Jamie has yet to experience the hordes of tabloid photographers who often set up camp outside celebrities' houses. lt seems he is still free to make the tea in his underpants for the moment. Sadly, Jamie hasn't felt the full force of unadulterated fan devotion either. In fact only one girl has ever asked him to sign her knickers.
Jamie is slightly perplexed about this whole episode though. "I wonder if she washes them? lt's just not worth thinking about!" He complains that fans seem to see him as more of a mate to the stars. "I recently got a tax from a girl who thought I would be able to introduce her to Boyzone. She filled a whole roll of fax paper with handwritten 'please's and sent it to me. I must admit I've never really understood why people think I have some sort of hotline to Ronan. That girl should get out more!" Jamie is not averse to spending a night in himself, though. "I love reading, but I have the attention span of a goldfish! I think there's been about twenty different books where I've read the first third and then abandoned them. I tend to think I've been reading a book for ages so I start to read something else." At the moment Jamie is ploughing through Cocaine, a book about the scandals of the music industry, while also reading Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee, about the plight of Native American Indians. He is becoming slightly confused though. "Because I'm reading both at the
Horn doing charlie and then going to see The B!uetones? Or is that someone else? You shouldn't read two books at once and definitely shouldn't read 20 books at the same time!" ne of the best things about Jamie is that he co·utd never be confused with clean · cut children's presenters of the past like Phillip Schofield and Andy Peters. A self confessed smoker and sometime party animal, Jamie is lucky that the BBC seem to have decided not to carry out an image makeover on him. "Yeah, funnily enough they haven't. The editor of Live and Kicking says he always wakes up in a cold sweat though, thinking he's going to read something terrible about us in the papers. But generally they are quite cool." However, as Jamie freely admits he does have to be careful about his behaviour sometimes. "I always have to remember that being a children's presenter means I have to be relatively responsible. Some of them might well think of people like me and Zoe as role models and I don't want any of them picking up any of my bad habits
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look stupid. And we've never had any complaints about it either, until this week! A band called EMale were on a few weeks ago and they rang up to complain about the way we treated them. No one had ever moaned that we had been rude about a band before, because it's all part of the fun. They don't mind. But we made a film about EMale and they rang up." For those lucky readers who haven't heard of EMa!e, they are a formulaic, manufactured, roller skate wearing concoction whose members like to go by the names of E-Mense, E-Zee, E-Go, ENigma and E-Lusive. Jamie continues, "We've done that sort of thing so many times before and they all know we just mess around really. We're always quite careful because there's a way you can do that sort of thing where you're just unpleasant and offensive, which isn't going to work. You end up with a piece which is just crap. And there's a way you can do it when you make them feel as if they're a part of the fun themselves. So we don't say you're crap and you can't sing ... unless you're E-Male! But we do approach different types of bands in different ways on the show. You are going to do a very different interview with a band like Radiohead than with someone like Gina G, who I remember begging us· not to talk about her music in any sort of intellectual way!" But what about the Spice Girls? Anyone who has seen Jamie interviewing them will remember how they have eaten him alive on numerous occasions. What does Mr Theakston think about them? A sickened look spreads across his face. With dripping sarcasm he spits, "Oh, they're a real joy. What a bundle of fun those girls are."
here hasn't been a complete break with the days of the dodgy clothed one, though, and Jamie still considers it very important to have pop bands on the show. "Wejust tend to make
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THE EVENT, W~DNESDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 1998
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Up 'n ' Under · UK ( 1998) D l r : John Godber Odeon - now showi ng
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t last! The hilarious Neil Morrisey, the stunning Samantha Janus and the witty Griff Rhys-Jones, all in one film! Surely it must be a hit- mustn't it? Sadly, no. Neil Morrisey comes nowhere near the smutty humour of Men Behaving Badfo/s Tony, Samantha j anus is extremely annoying (although males may argue a certain shower scene compensates), and Griff Rhys..Jones is simply never in it. Perhaps the only semi-decent performance is from Gary Olsen of 2 Point 4 Children fame. Arthu( Hoyle (Oisen) is challenged by his old rival, Reg Welsh (Tony Slattery) to prepare the worst
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Rugby League side in Yorkshire for a game against Welsh's mighty team, the Cobblers. Arthur, with the assistance of Hazel Scott (Samantha Janus), has to train the disreputable Wheatsheaf Arms into a ha!f decent side so as to avoid losing said bet. As well as the scenes of sweaty, overweight Yor1<shiremen, there are subplots covering Arthur's marital problems, a general lusting after Hazel and the players' imminent redundancies. Yet rugby dominates as the film climaxes with one match between The Cobblers and the Wheatsheaf - the result being predictable right from the start. Along with the obligatory big match, the film does provide a few giggles, but a lot of it simply falls flat. Up 'n ' Under proved to be a global success as a play, but on the big screen seems to have failed. Maybe we have had enough of grim, northern England and perhaps the idea of the working classes struggling to achieve success is beginning to wear thin. Then again, for fans of Samantha Janus, the film is simply unmissable. Max Dunbar
eelluloid elassie lt's A Won d erful Life us ( 1946) D i r : Fr ank Capra Ci nema City - Feb IS
hey once had a great sketch on Saturday Night Live - the original ending to /t's a Wonderful Life. As townspeople pour into the Bailey home to help their friend George, Uncle Billy suddenly remembers that he was talking to Mr. Potter when the money disappeared. Potter must have it! "Well, what are we waiting for,~ yells George, "Let's go get him!" The townspeople, now filled with lynch mob violence instead of Christmas cheer, proceed to break down Potter's door and beat the old man senseless - but an ending to the movie in which Old Man Potter pays for his wrongdoings is unnecessary, since the point of the movie isn't good guy vs. bad guy, but good guy learns to cope. How this adds up to. make It's a Wonderful Life such a Christmas favourite is anyone's guess. The film itself actually has very little story - it
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more adventure?!?
is more of a character study. George Bailey (James Stewart) leads a rather sad life every chance he has for getting out of the town, to travel, to go to university, to go on his honeymoon, are smashed either by fate or by his responsibilities to the town. After his feeble-minded Uncle Billy misplaces the business' bank deposit, George goes on a rampage and contemplates suicide, only to be saved by Clarence, an angel-in-training, who shows George how depressing life would be if he had never been born, with his wife an old maid, people he had helped lonely and bitter, and the town riddled with booze and sin. Realising that his life is worth much more than he realised, George returns to his home filled with love and optimism. This last part of the film is the part everyone remembers - George running down the main street screaming "Merry Christmas!" to everything he passes. But even more striking are the moments of quiet, such as when George learns that his brother might not be taking his place as head of the family business. It's a Wonderful Life is great viewing outside Christmas, when it can be appreciated not as a Yuletide tradition, but Dlana Goodmsn as an interesting film.
THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 1998 ·
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Twin Town UK ( 1998) V Ideo - out to b u y
irected by Kevin Alien, Twin Town follows the lives of the Lewis twins (llyr Evans and Rys !fans) as they roam around Swansea stealing cars and seeing probation officers, and sometimes combining the two. The story involves a revenge vendetta that gets out of control, and yes, you've guessed, it has a huge drugs deal, just like every other movie in the universe made since 1990. Alien is keen to show the Welsh culture beneath the stereotype, but he has a love/hate relationship with the place, which makes the film interesting viewing. He also seems to like setting up stereotypes and contrasting them with tacky visions of real life. In a weirdly affectionate way, Twin Town is obsessed with tackiness - suitably cheesy soundtrack included - and you just know that this film could have a kitsch following. The problem is that the two main protagonists are just so bloody boring to watch. I don't know what the director wanted to achieve by making the Lewis twins so unengaging. lt is obviously deliberate, but they are so painfully, obviously,
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cast in an Oasis f**k off culture cliche that their drug using, petty-criminal lifestyle becomes embarrassing to watch. They have their moments, but these moments just aren't often enough. However, their sister Adie (Rachel Scorgio) redeems the film a little as she is much more interesting. Scorgio is excellent as the flirty, make-up applied with a trowel, mouthy receptionist of a supposed 'executive spa' who dabbles on the side with some lucky favoured clients. The spa scenes are easily amongst the best in the film, such as one old man's 20 quids worth of relief from 'executive stress'. Also watch out for a cameo by Keith Alien. The film does pick up towards the finale, but it seems that though the writer thought up a great ending, he had trouble Deborah KJIVSIJBgh shaping a film around it.
famili<lr brand of nerdish antics, this time masquerading as internationally renowned art critic, Or Bean. There are carneo roles by some great British stage and screen talent, including Sir John Mills and June Brown, the talent behind Dot Cotton. Soon enough we are off to califomia for the unveiling of a masterpiece of American art. Those down at the gallery are none too impressed by their charge. However, after destroying the masterpiece in a qomical accident, Mr Bean undergoes a remarkable :1 transformation. The half·wit clown becomes a ,.I man of sublime intelligence and cunning, feeding the security guard an overdose of ·Bean: The Ultimate Disaster Movie laxative (ha, ha, ha) and substituting a poster for UK (19gB) the priceless original. No-one can tell the VIdeo - out to buy difference. Honest. Alas, the film then starts to pander to the very people it so effectively he brown suit was packed. The passport parodied. Mr Bean's time in America ends when was safely tucked away in the jacket he accidentally brings round a comatose girl pocket. The hideous white y-fronts filled injured in a motorbike accident. Everyone lives the 747's cargo hold to bursting. Ifs just a happily ever after. And this was billed as the Ultimate Disaster Movie. The pace of the film is shame that when Rowan Atkinson's grotesque creation paid a visit to Los Angeles, someone pedestrian, with only a couple of ideas strung out to make a full length movie. I can't wait for forgot to pack the gags. the sequel. Not. Dan Barnley The modem day Normal) Wisdom is up to his
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don't know if it's just that I watch too much TV, but it increasingly seems as if networks have forgotten how to be innovative. They tend to tread on familiar territory, or veer away to the completely obscure. So, prepare for potential boredom or confusion .
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Documania reaches new heights as we are bombarded with yet more tales of 路real' people (who are now stars) or stars sharing the problems of all us commoners and. trying to make us feel better. Top of the list is The Cruise (Wed, Feb 4, BBC1, 8-8.30pm) and this week we have the added animal ratings as the cast go swimmtng with dolphins. More anim~ls, this time cute furry ones waiting to be saved by those Vets In Practice (Thurs, Feb 5, BBC1, 8-8.30pm). Prostitute (Wed, Feb 4, BBC1, 10.4511.15pm) talks to the people who have made a career out of having sex, while Babewatch (Thurs. Feb 12, ITV, 7.30-Spm) follows the young hopefuls all looking to become stars. Finally, in the last part of the series, The Truth about Women (Thurs. Feb 12, ITV, 9-10pm) asks if a 90s lass can really have it all .... From the mainstream to the late night, cult comedies and 'experimental TV' seem to have received a lot of attention through the start of this new year. Still on a vaguely documentarybased theme, Louis Theroux's Weird Weekends (Thurs. Feb 5, BBC2, 9.3010.20pm) looks at people preparing themselves to survive a global catastrophe. lt's a Cult Thing (Fri. Feb 6, C4.12.403.50am) is the newest offering of nonmainstream films. Beginning with The Witches and some interesting voodoo curses, there's then a tale of amnesia and murder. More weird and wonderfulness in First Take (Tues. Feb 10, ITV. 11 .40-12.10pm) and then there is yet another series of short films in The Shooting Gallery (Thurs. Feb 12, C4, 11.50pm-3.25am), which tonight features one produced by Sandra Bullock. Some more creepy films that deserve mentioning during this time of love and romance provide some relief from cupids and hearts. First up is the fantastic but completely terrifying Silence of the Lambs (Thurs. Feb 5, ITV, 10-40pm-12.55am). With Anthony Hopkins, Jodie Foster and a whole new meaning to the idea of a face mask.....The Assassin (Sat, Feb 7, ITV, 10pm-12am) is a rare example of a remake that actually works. Bridget Fonda is cast as the governmenthired killer in this tense action thriller. Next, a film that is scary in a completely different kind of way, Street Fighter (Mon, Feb 9, CS, 910.55pm) - what on earth possessed someone Amy Pierce to make a film this bad?
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hen you think about it, it's sad that when faced with a good idea, our immediate reaction is often to copy it. This is particularly true for television: just ask a passing fly-on-the-wall documentary maker! So, when the BBC struck gold with the Teletubbies, it was too much to hope that ITV might come up with an equally original idea to compete. Instead, they came up with the Teddybears, who are just as roupd , multicoloured and bouncy as their rivals on the Beeb. In fact, the only difference is in their more adult names (Charles, William, Robert, Sara and Louise, with not a Laa-laa in sight). Oh, that and the fact that their faces are positively satanic, which may hamper attracting a sizeable kiddy audience. But what chance do they have of surviving the year, let alone trouncing the trusty 'Tubbies? Can an obviously inferior copy ever outperform the programme which inspired it? Probably not, tf you consider ITV's current
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Saturday night ratings stormer, Ice Warriors. Not only is it merely Gladiators on Ice, but it's plainly absolute arse-on-a-stick! There's also the undignified spectacle of TV bosses scraping yet more cookery gameshows from the bottom of the barrel. Worst of all, king of TV tack Paul Ross is bringing to our screens Endurance UK, based on the notorious Japanese gameshow. Its only redeeming quality is that it might put Chris Tarrant out of a job. Okay, so Game On hasn't died yet, despite being unfit to kiss the pimply bottom of Men Behaving Badly. And with Holiday Reps and The Cruise baggtng loads of viewers, that particular genre is still on the rise . So be prepared, the Teddybears won't be the end of it. Soon every channel will have its own motley collection of brightly-coloured tncoherent furry creatures. Just check out the Channel Five prom os... Stuart Dredge
alentine's Day beckons with a whole host of romantic, slushy films, of varied quality. From the uplifting to the cheesy and the completely unmemorable.
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Far & Away casts Tom Cruise and Nicole Kid man as two Irish immigrants to the US. The film follows their trials, trauma and quest for the American Dream, through various levels of unrealism, such as Tom Cruise as a prize boxer!?! Set against the magnificent backdrops of the wild west, the two inevitably fall in love in time for perhaps one of the
cheesiest conclusions in movie history. Well worth watching though. On a different note, Jack & Sarah is the story of a young widowed single father, Jack (played by Richard E. Grant) , who, in the inevitable way of movies, falls in love with Sarah , the nanny he hires to help him care of his daughter after a personal tragedy. Of course the road to true love has to be rocky, Samantha Mathis is a completely incompetent nanny and Jack is being pursued by his boss. Sarah , of course, brings the nicer couple together. it's amazing how clever babies are, particularly when compared to their parents. An uplifting film . Amy Pierce
*WfNJs~'i:.tE: ~V* If you're lively and have something to say, or would just like to tell your mum you're on TV, then
THE TIME ... THE PLACE WANTSYOUI
ANGLIA
For free tickets every Tuesday, call Clare or Reeky NOW on 61 SI SI, ext 21 ll/25 14 THE EVENT,
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ove is a wonderfu l thing , as Michael Bolton sang not so recently, and for once he's got a point. The tender embrace of a loved one ... sharing tender kisses under the moonlight... and that thing with the spaghetti that movie couples do. So can a relationship work when none of these things are possible? When one of you might be in America, and the other could be in Finland. Connected only by a few miles of wi res and a couple of keyboards, can the complex web of emotions that constitutes love travel? I'm talking about 'cyberlove ': love affairs carried out over the Internet. They do happen, an d they're more common than you think. The most fe rtile spawn ing ground for Net romances is IRC, which stands for 'Internet Re lay Chat'. This system, which is unfo rtu nately not installed at UEA, allows users to 'chat' in real-time . There are thousands of 'channels' on which to chat, with names ranging from #blur to #hot_furry sex . These channels can often se rve
as gigantic singles bars , with cheesy chat up lines a plenty, but also genuine romances . · Take the interestingly nam ed Munch and Mug, whose story has been documented in an on-line report. They met on an IRC channel , and began to chat nightly, despite the fact that they both had part ners in the 'real wo rld'. They discovered that they felt the same way about many things, and as their relationships broke down, they turned to each other for co mfo rt . They eventually got to meet, and we re so ove rjoyed that they barely made it to the ai rport taxi before ''they lip locked each other''! Engagement followed, and they eventually got married in August last year. While there are plenty of sto ries like Munch and Mug's, there are also the tal es of woe . Marky and Clara met, again on IRC . Th ey eventually progressed to phone calls eve ry night. After spending th e weeke nd together, they decided to move in togethe r, so Clara moved from Ohio to Tennessee to be with him . That's when the
problems started . Marky had told Clara about how he liked to live in a clean house, but he neglected to mention that he expected her to keep it that way. He also forgot to tell her that he only showered once a week. Argu ments resu lted , and they eventually split up amid bitter recri minations. So what gives? The Internet is a place where people can exercise the ir fantasies. Sometimes th is is good , as it encou rages otherwise shy people to open up. Then again, it means people ca n lie! If you're chatting to someone on the other side of the world, and say th at yo u're a gorgeous specimen of humankind, how are they to know you 're plagued with warts and halitosis?! The real crunch will come if you ever have to meet your virtual lover, as any lies you 've to ld will come back to haunt you . Still , for many people cyberlove re mains a pleasan t fantasy , that may yet develop into a 'proper' re lationship . And with th e number of coup les now married , who can arg ue?
But not if you buy it over the Net! Stuart Dredge doesn't want to be a donor, but we chose him to investigate net sperm banks
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he on-line community was this week contracting syphilis, hepatitis or even HIV. But is it really possible to order a consignment of rocked by warnings that they shouldn 't love-fluid over the Net? Always keen to pursue an attempt to buy sperm over the Net. Who amusing story, and seeing a cunning tie-in with was warning them? Why, our very own Vale ntines Day, we deci ded to find Government fertili ty watchdog of course: the out. However, our first port of call • • ""'t Human Ferti lity and Embryology Authority, wh ich believes that the black market of ,..., • tu rn ed out to be a blind all ey: • sperm (although that '-....,.... • • Midget Sperm Bank should maybe be the ""--' sounded interesting, but 'chalky-grey' market) is growing turned out to be some alarmingly. The Authority, which has just American band launched its Website (www.hfea.gov.uk) , claims (www.tiac.neVusers/gimp) . Oh well . Better luck is that such sperm banks may not have be en had next time with Cryos International Sperm properly screened , which leads to the risk of Bank, which is located in Denmark
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(www. cryos.dk). Well , at least they won't have to worry about the little fe llas defrosting .. . Cryos specialises in delivering "high quality frozen tested semen from nearly 400 donors" world-wide. Apparently you can also buy ''fertility related products" such as Sperm Wash'M and PureSperm®, if you so desire. However, clicking on the button marked 'Test Your Own Sperm' brings up detailed instructions in Danish , so be sure to have a dictionary handy along with that copy of Razzle. Maybe we'll get more help from American sites. ALS Inc. (http://pw1 .netcom.com/- alsinc/seman.html) offer a comprehensive semen analysis session for just $95, in which they can assess the fertility of a man's sperm. California Cryobank seem to offer the most comprehensive online service (www.cryobank.com) , though , where you can browse their onlin e catalogue of donors to find the perfect match . Searching for British donors brings up only two however, which at least indicates a possible gap in the market. Cryobank also offers services by wh ich men can freeze their sperm , and women thei r eggs, for use later on in life . Joking aside (and we 've been fai rly restrained on that score), the issue of buying bodily fluids online is still an unregulated one. Anyone wishing to consider sperm donation or reception would be well advised to choose a British company that operates under tight restrictions . At least that way you know what you're getting!
et another dark vision of numerous wars, environmental disasters, and cyborgs fighting the human race . Can you hear their hydraulic movements? They're closing in on us. They are the Eurasian Dynasty (DA). We are the United Civilised States (UCS). Natural resources are becoming scarce, and the final war will decide who gets to control them. Your mission is to save and ultimately rule the world! The game starts with a nice trailer setting the game's atmosphere. The game itself has state of the art graphics that resemble a sci-fi Simcity without the civilians. During the game you see the battlefield from overhead, putting you in the position of a general. -~.,.- it's strategic, as well as actionbased, in a similiar vein to Command& Conquer. I've never been a fan of strategy games, so it was a bit difficult to get into at first. There are 50 levels in Earth 2 140. You begin with a certain amount of money and troops, with which you have to explore the terrain and accomplish the mission . Depending on the mission , you have to eith er concentrate on building and defending nuclear power stations, war industries and weapon research centres, or simply search and destroy enemy troops and facilities . You can choose which side to play for. The UCS is portrayed as a lazy and decadent society devoted to hedonism . The ED, on the other hand, is governed by the dictatorial Tiao Zhan Zhe Khan (Provocator of War), and symbolises the bad , bad androids. Yes. we can identify! Earth 2140 feels great, because of the animations between stages. The plot is satisfyingly simple, but the game does lack the excitement that keeps you going. You don't need a particularly powerful PC, although you do have to install the VESA 2.0 driver, which took me two hours to work out! The soundtrack strives for an ambient feel , but fails terribly. If this is th e music of the future I'd rather stay here in 1998 and go down to the lake. Talking of which, I wonder whether there will be cybernetic swans in the year 2140? Imagine their elegant necks in matt aluminium, with the water reflecting the blinking navigation lights on their wingtips as the sun goes down over the Broad .. . Clemens Gerth
Check out our Website, at www.uea.ac.uk/-suconc/welcome THEEVENT, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY4, 1998
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No.6 Sausage Rolls
as popular with us now as it was at our fifth birthday parties, we test the humble sausage roll. lot of the supermarkets only have multipacks of these pastry encased delights so I have chosen one specialist maker and a fresh sausage roll from a bakery to compare with those supermarket efforts. Your standard sausage roll contains pork, wheatflour and a secret blend of herbs and spices unknown to us and, in some cases it seems, the sausage makers themselves.
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Sainsbury's Sausage Rolls Economy pack 89p 284g The worst of the lot. This batch of five sausage rolls cost 89p and even that was too much. The meat wasn't spicy and had no real flavour. The pale soggy pastry did nothing for the palate. I would suggest that anyone who likes their sausage rolls should steer clear of these little
A Local Bakery sausage roll 39p for one gems. 'Good food costs less,' says Mr Sainsbury, it's apparently 'taste less' too. Co-Op Sausage Roll 65p 97g This sausage roll started off promisingly with brightly coloured wrapping and a promise of no less than 25% meat. Unfortunately this sausage roll was only beaten to last place by the Sainsbury's duffers. The pastry was flat, moist and, after swallowing the alleged 25% of meat, that margarine aftertaste familiar in pastries of this ilk ensues, causing some discomfort to the taste buds. This sausage roll could be passable with a touch of sauce to blank out the margarine taste but my advice is to have a nibble on a Ginsters instead. Iceland Sausage Roll £1 .09 375g These sausage rolls come in packs of five . They would have won the race to be the top sausage rolls because of their value, but weren't quite as good as the Ginsters or Bakery offerings in the taste stakes. Iceland sausage rolls had seasoned pork sausage meat which was nicely spicy. The pastry was light, fluffy and pleasing to the eye and taste. Sainsburys and Co-Op have nothing to compare with this batch of sausage meat sensations and considering the value, they are worth a taste.
Aphrodisiacs W
ocktails aren't usually on a student's drink list. Who wants all those poncey umbrellas and olives on sticks when you can have a pint? However, it Is nearly Valentines, and this is all the excuse you need. So why not splash out and have a few cocktails? Here are some recipes to get you started but it won't be long before you'll be happy to mix and match your own and give them equally silly/lewd titles. it's helpful to have a cocktail shaker at hand, and a strainer. A cheap one will cost you about £4; it's worth the investment because the secret's in the shaking.
ith Valentine's Day approaching, I bet you were wondering how to entrap a prospective partner. One way is to invite them round for a meal and with this handy little guide we aim to help you with your pulling power. There is some debate as to whether aphrodisiacs actually work or not, but there's only one way for you to find out for yourself and that's to try them on someone special! Caviar The eggs of the sturgeon, contains a large amount of vitamins so it's healthy too. Its aphrodisiac powers are reinforced by vodka. Romans dedicated the humble celery to their· god Pluto, god of sex and hell. Mustard Allegedly stimulates the action of sexual glands; handy then that Colmans have set up their little mustard empire on our doorstep. Chickpeas A powerful aphrodisiac, especially for men . The Romans, always one step ahead of the game, knew this and they fed them to stallions! Royal Jelly The stuff that assures the queen bee's longevity contains protein, vitamin B, lipids, nitrogenous substances and the less popular cholesterol. lt fortifies , stimulates and, like mustard, has the property of rejuvenating sexual glands. Its effects are felt very rapidly. Apparently. Ginseng A very powerful hormonal stimulant; the Chinese Panax ginseng being the best. lt slows down the precocious ageing process and gives unimaginable force. it is said that, after large consumption, a man can 'honour' ten women. No time period was specified though. Vanilla Has a euphorising effect and can be used at will. lt acts upon the central nervous system and, through its odour, will sexually stimulate. Suck the pod, chew it, or even grate it to mix into aphrodisiac drinks. For a quick vanilla fix get one bowl of melting chqcolate, add two pods of vanilla and some grated vanilla. Cook on a low flame , sweeten with honey and add a very hot cup of strong coffee. Take it one step further and enjoy it in a bath with a few drops of vanilla essence. Ginger Helps a lustful nature. For thousands of years, it has been used in drinks destined to excite the senses. Taken in reasonable doses, it causes healthy hot flushes. In excessive ones, it Katle Westgate irritates 'the intestines. The word is moderation on this one.
There's nothing quite like a freshly baked sausage roll. All bakeries sell them and most of them taste pretty good. I bought mine from a bakery on St Stephen's street for the humble price of 39p. Prices between bakeries don't differ that much . The pastry was light, fluffy and golden brown . Most of the bakeries I visited will even heat up your sausage roll if you wish. Predictably, they taste better than the supermarket sausage rolls but the meat did not really compare with the unconquerable Ginsters. Bakery sausage rolls do taste good but some are better than others, be vigilant.
Between-the-Sheets 1 dash of lemon juice 1 measure of brandy 1 measure of Cointreau 1 measure of dark rum Shake the ingredients well with ice and strain into a cocktail glass.
One Exciting Night Glnsters Sausage Roll89p 100g This is my top sausage roll recommendation for the week. Although it is the most expensive per actual mass, its taste is miles ahead of the rest. There is a good description on the packet telling you what's in it (that is always a bonus when you're eating a sausage roll) . Ginsters boast a massive 30% meat content which you can taste with every bite. The lavish chunk of prime sausage meat is cocooned in a lush, fluffy golden pastry. This sausage roll tastes like a proper sausage roll should. And it's got sage in it, an important taste lacking in some of the others. Luke Miles A definite winner.
1 dash of orange juice 1 measure dry vermouth 1 measure sweet vermouth 1 measure gin Moisten the edge of a port glass or round wine glass and dip into caster sugar. Shake the ingredients well with ice and strain into this glass. Decorate with a twist of lemon peel.
IN THE
HIVE
CHICKEN CURRY·BEEF CURRV·VEGGIE CURRY·CHILLI CON CARNE·VEGGIE CHILLI·TAGLIATELLE CARBONARA· CHICKEN SUPREME £1.75 £1.25 CHUNK OF PIZZA (MEAT FEAST·BIG BREAKFAST·VEGGIE)
ORDER AT THE BAR
RETURN OF THE PUB QUIZ Wed 4th February, 8.30pm In the Hive Teams of up to four people·
Liquid Prizes Tues 1Oth February · Live In The Hive Get in the Carribean spirit with the:
WORLD MUSIC DISCO FREE GIVEAWAYS! MALIBU SPICE £1 BOTTLE THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, FE RUARY 4, 1998
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THE RISE AND FALL OF THE THIRD CHIMPANZEE
OFF THE 0 D BLOCK ould you be shocked to hear that we share 98.4% of our genetic material with chimpanzees? This is what Jared Diamond reveals in the first chapter of a book that marches proudly into territory which Darwin and Desmond Morris dared only to step into with caution. The implications of this fact may leave some reeling . Chimps share more of their DNA with man, the third chimpanzee, than they do with orang-utans and gorillas. Only seven million years separate us in the evolutionary tree - a blink of an eye in geological time. Diamond reveals other features we share with our hirsute cousins, ----. such as our enjoyment of sex (the pygmy chimp is even more highly sexed than humans) , our use of tools , and even our appreciation of art. But he goes on to cite our differences - we have larger brains and relatively larger sexual organs, and possess the gift of ........ - ) speech - due to the physical configuration of our trachea as well as our powerful mind. We also have a unique flair for self-destruction . The book is full of examples of the evil that men do to each other, the Holocaust comes to mind, and to themselves, such as damaging the environment, smoking and taking drugs. Diamond neatly dissects the 'hallmarks' of our species, and our similarities to, and differences from , our primate relatives . He does this with flair and wit, debunking myths along the way, and even finding time to express his views on extraterrestrial life (he says it must exist, but is not keen to meet it) and explain the origin of the word 'tart' (from the lndo-European 'perd', apparently) in a book that will leave anyone who cares about anything enlightened, entertained, and perhaps a little worried. Lucas Psillakis
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''I CAN RESIST EVERYTHING EXCEPT THE UNION BOOKSHOP.'' • OSCAR WILDE
9.30am-5pm, Monday-Friday THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 1998
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COULD IT BE MAGIC
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rying to define a book by Paul Magrs in a • paragraph is bound to be a hard task, since it involves both ~ soc1al comedy and magical realism. Could lt Be Magic, for example, involves (in Magrs' words) "a bloke who's convinced he's going to g1ve birth to a leopard, a woman who has a club-foot son who cops off with a woman who has telekinetic powers, a woman whose husband goes doolally, and then she thinks he turns into a vampire." However, this is by no means a complete synopsis. Remarkably, Magrs manages to carry it all off with a great deal of style, blending the most disparate of elements, and making the magic seem normal and the ordinary seem magical. Overall, the novel lacks any central character, Magrs preferring instead to adopt a style not unlike a daytime soap-opera, in which the characters and their various stories whirl around each other. None take prominence for too long. Frequently when one character is focused on, however, Magrs switches between the third and first person. which can be a lad confusing until you get used to it. At key moments though, the reader will be brought into a particular character's head through use of the first person, which heightens the sense of emotion and drama that is conveyed by the writing. His style creates a sense of personal concern for the fate of the characters. Their stories are, by turns, comic, surreal and touching. All in all, Could lt Be Magic is enthralling, funny and as addictive as a soap-opera. Could lt Be Magic, by Paul Magrs, IS published by Chatto & Windus, £9.99. Tom Harberd
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he decline of the Scottish railways , a fellow poet who hanged himself, going out with a twin, and heavy drinking were among the eclectic mix of subjects touched upon by this engaging Dundee writer during his second visit to Norwich. Although a highly acclaimed peel who only last week was awarded the T.S. Elliot prize for his second collection, God's Gift To Women , Paterson in fact makes his living in a jazz band. A guitar player since the age of fourteen , he now has three albums to his credit with his band Lammas . He was keen to draw comparisons between making music and writing poetry, arguing that, for him , the two inform one another. Yet this master wordsmith is no Paul McCartney. There are too many restrictions placed upon lyric writing for it to appeal to his finer nature. Poetry, for him and all other poets, is a 'private religion .' Despite this view, Paterson argued that it is not the place for one to sermonise. This, along with sentimentality, is the greatest sin for any poet, for they prevent the reader from projecting their own spirituality and emotions onto a piece. A poet's opinion on one of his own pieces is, for him, no more important than anyone else's.After humbling himself almost out of existence, Paterson ended with a confirmation of the value of his own work. His second book is 'not about beer and fags and shagging. it's about God.' But, as I reflected on this and re-read his lyrical description of urinating on a fern I was, alas, Daniel Bardsley not entirely convinced.
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stephen fry he autobiography can be a precarious business for all concerned. For the writer, there's the question of how much they should reveal. Should they offer a truly honest account of their life, or just edited highlights? For the reader, the autobiography poses several dilemmas. Will the book ruin their impression of the star? Maybe they'll tu m out to be a complete twit, a boring buffoon, or an arrogant git. Clearly conscious of the pitfalls of the genre, Stephen Fry has produced a light but not frivolous account of his first 20 years on Earth (Moab only covers up to 1980, so Cambridge, Footlights, TV stardom, and trips to Belgium are not covered In this volume). Fry moves easily from talking about being sent to prison to making amusing observations on music (how Mr Fry can't do it, and how some of the people, particularly in pop music, shouldn't be allowed to do it) and Loughborough-educated PE teachers (ridiculous men), all of which makes Moab an interesting and entertaining read. Fry's early life proves to be quite remarkable and unexpected. Public school; fagging; buggery; petty theft; expulsion from public school; A-level failure; credit card fraud; a year or so at her Majesty's pleasure and a year or so at Norwich City College's pleasure passing A-levels are just a few of the things Fry found time to get up to in his formative years. If you already liked Stephen Fry then this book will endear him to you even more, and similarly if you couldn't stand him you'll probably end up baying for his blood. At least he managed to produce an interesting and readable autobiography. Louise Nurding, take note!
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MOAB IS MY WASH/POT
Klsus Estop
robert temple
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efore you look away, aghast at seeing yet another review of some half-baked UFO book, don't! While it is true that the market for alien books seems well and truly saturated, there might just be room for this genuinely interesting work. So how does Robert Temple make The Sirius Mystery rise above the murky depths of mediocrity inhabited by so many books of this genre? Well, he has stuck his neck out some distance and labelled his evidence 'science'. He claims to provide 'new scientific evidence for alien contact five thousand years ago,' something which is apparently a revelationary anomaly in this class. The evidence is based around the unexplained astrophysical knowledge of the ancient African Dongan tribe. This tribe apparently knew of a third orbiting star in the Sirius system which was only detected by French astronomers in 1995 with modern state of the art equipment. Although some of the evidence presented does seem credible it is blemished slightly by the style in which the book is written. Fact and fiction appear to merge at will and, although Temple at first appears to be an undeniably good writer, it does not seem quite right that the reader should find themselves swept into a philosophical world of fact-based fantasy. What's more, on closer Inspection the evidence presented becomes slightly disjointed and at times can be very long-winded. lt is fair to say that The Sirius Mystery should find a good niche in the
PE CIA
THESIRIUS MYSTERY
translated by sir richard burton
e all know The Kama Sutra. it's that expensive book full of soft-focus photos of sexual acrobats indulging themselves in positions that make your eyes water just from looking at them, right? Well, wrong actually, as I found out when I agreed to review it, purely in the interests of furthering student knowledge, you understand. Expecting the aforementioned tome of sexual ecstasy, I was instead presented with a nofrills, text-only version which costs just a quid as part of the Penguin Popular Classics range . Curiouser and curiouser. .. Y'see, The Kama Sutra is far more than just a bible of banking. it's an ancient Hindu text that concerns itself with all aspects of relationships . Specifically, 'Kama' means love, pleasure and sensual gratification, so it's perhaps a telling reflection of our modern Western society that we prefer to concentrate on the bits about shagging. it's true that this translation, which first appeared in 1883, isn't exactly thrilling prose. However, with advice on how to attract the opposite sex, how to treat your partner and, yes, how to spice up your love life, it could almost be seen as a 1,700 year old sexpert, if Or Ruth wasn't already fulfilling that role. Early giggles are provided by the classification of men and women into groups. Men, according to the length of their whatsit, are
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alien science market though. lt seems to make a serious attempt to justify our apparently numerous acquaintances with others in the universe and does so in a very readable fashion. The truth is out there ... although it's doubtful you'll find it in this book. Oliver Polhil
THEKAMA SUTRA
horses. Women, according to the 'depth' of their thingummy,
~~~~i~:~es ol (gulp) elephants. it's plain speaking like this that has made the Kama Sutra so popular over the centuries. Unfortunately, you could easily question its relevance to our postpermissive society, where More! magazine is already doing the same job. Still, top marks for the advice that ~a minister that carries on the business of a state" should never have oral sex. Guess somebody forgot to tell Bill. .. Stuart Dredge
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THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 1998
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SPICEWORLD: THE MOVIE Something to look back on in ten years and pretend you were uninvolved in.
CINEMA CITY ABC TITANIC But this ship is unsinkable! SWAN PRINCESS Children's fare which may or may not have a traumatic ending_ THE BORROWERS Children's fare which almost certainly doesn't have a traumatic ending_ BOOGIE NIGHTS Dirk Diggler and his friends get funky. SPICEWORLD: THE MOVIE Th e girls do England proud_ TOMORROW NEVER DIES In this episode, Bond may get a girlfriend.
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THE FULL MONTY A deep and insightful fi lm about modern masculinity_ DEVIL'S ADVOCATE Keanu and Satan go to the same tailor. THE JACKAL Richard Gere is Irish. Bruce Willis is evil.
ODEON TITANIC No, really , this ship is unsinkable! UP 'N' UNDER Men play rugby. Wackiness ensues. TOMORROW NEVER DIES ___ but the villains usually do. "
STARSHIP TROOPERS Many heads are ripped off by computer animation. GEORGEOFTHEJUNGLE George repeatedly fails to watch out for that tree.
WILL IT SNOW FOR XMAS? Wed, Feb 4 to Sat, Feb 7 at 5.45pm. Thu , Feb 5 to Sat, Feb 7 at 8.15pm. Thu, Feb 5 at 2.30pm. A portrayal of rural family life in Southern France _ HARD EIGHT Wed, Feb 4 at 8.15pm. Modern film noir from the director of Boogie Nights. DEAD RINGERS Fri , Feb 6 at 11 pm. Jeremy Irons stars as twins called Eliot and Beverley. WRITTEN ON THE WIND Sun , Feb 8 at 5pm. Oil baron Robert Stack weds secretary Lauren Bacall. FACE Sun , Feb 8 at 7.30pm Robert Carlyle stars as an East End gangster. WELCOME TO SARAJEVO Mon. Feb 9 to Wed, Feb 11 at 5.45pm. Thu, Feb 12 at 2.30pm. Thu, Feb 12 to Sat, Feb 14 at 8_15pm. A story of western journalists stuck in the besieged city. L'APPARTMENT Mon . Feb 9 to Wed , Feb 11 at 8.15pm. Tue, Feb 10 to Wed, Feb 11 at 2.30pm. Thu, Feb 12 to Fri , Feb 13 at 5.45pm. A tale of modern French love. DELICATESSEN Fri, Feb 13 at 11pm. Frenchmen chow down on their fellow countrymen _ THE BLACK STALLION Sat, Feb 14 at 2_30pm. A boy and his horse are shipwrecked in Africa.
IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE Sun, Feb 15 at 7.30pm . James Stewart finds life was really worthwhile. Hurrah! HERCULES Mon. Feb 16 to Tue, Feb 17 at 2.30pm . Animated ancient Greek fun .
VOLCANO Thursday, February 12. A movie with lots of lava_ MY BEST FRIEND'S WEDDING/ MURIEL'S WEDDING Friday, February 13. A romantic double bill on the eve of St Valentines Day.
UNDER THE SKIN Mon . Feb 16 to Tue, Feb 17 at 5.45pm. Two sisters cope with their mother's death _ SMILLA'S FEELING FOR SNOW Mon . Feb 16 to Tu e, Feb 17 at 8.15pm . Intrigue and conspiracy in the Arctic Circle.
UNION FILMS CONTACT Thursday, February 5_ Jodie Foster gets an invitation to the other side of the galaxy. SWINGERS Friday, February 6. Yeah, baby, you dig my funky beat.
WHEN HARRY MET SALLY Sat, Feb 14 at 5.45pm_ New York modern love _ And Meg Ryan faking it
WITHNAIL AND I Monday, February 9_ Far, far, far too much alcohol.
FEAR EATS THE SOUL Sun , Feb 15 at 5pm. Two lonely people fall in love.
PALOOKAVILLE Tuesday, February 1o_ Another heist movie.
THEATRE ROYAL TARTUFFE Tue , Feb 3 to Sat, Feb 7 at 7.30pm Stephen Ballykissangel Tompkinson is Moliere's infamous seducer, Tartuffe. £3/£15 THAT'LL BE THE DAY Sun , Feb 8 at 7.30pm A mix of comedy, music, dance and song tracing the history of pop music. £3.50/£11 THE RELAPSE - Tue, Feb 17 & Wed, Feb 18 at 7_30pm Matinee Weds at 2_30pm Sir John Vanbrugh's 17th century play is brought back to life _ £3/£15
UEA DRAMA
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STUDIO
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TEN TIMES TABLE & TEECHERS Wed, Feb 11 to Sat, Feb 13 at 7 .30pm The Minotaur Student Theatre Company return to perform Alan Ayckbourne's Ten Times Table and John Godber's Teechers. £3_50/£6
NORWICH CASTLE MUSEUM 1.,
TWO BRITISH IMPRESSIONISTS Wed, Feb 4- Wed, Feb 18 The works of British Impressionists. Free
THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 1998
~evenfl
NOR
SCHOOl OF RT ND DESIGN
A SNOG FOR EUROPE Tuesday, February 10 fine electro-acoustic songs in performance £2.50
HENRI CHOPIN - SONIC MEMORY Wednesday, Feb 4 to Saturday, Feb 14 from 10am- 5pm A retrospective of this French avant-garde figure. Free admission
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OUT TO LUNCH Saturday, February 14 The RENAISSANCE crew guest in the LCR. £10 adv.
F 0 T
THE
0 T IKO
STRANGELOVE Sunday, February 8 The band that learned to love the bomb grace Norwich with their Suede-esque romps. £5.50adv. FAIRPORT CONVENTION Wednesday, February 11 Jazz collective, I believe. £11 .50 adv.
RS MOGWAI Monday, February 9 Scottish indie ambience
MELTDOWN Saturdays Regular indie, Britpop, and alternative dance club. 9.30pm-2am £3 uea £4/ £3.50 cone. ONE NATION Friday, February 13 Multi DJ jungle night. 9pm-2am £8.50 adv./£1 0 on the door
PHATFISH Tuesday, February 17 Acid jazz punters in the hive. FREE
WRAITH Fridays The best in goth. Grrr!
SANCTUARY Mondays Old favourite Student night. 9pm-2am £1 stud. before 11/£2 stud. after
SUPER PUB Wednesdays Club night with live bands and pub prices. 8pm-midnight FREE
ICKS
CAMOUFLAGE Fridays Drum n' Bass club. 9pm-4am £5 ESTEEM Tuesdays Gay night. 9pm-2am £2
JUICE Saturdays Uplifting house & garage. 10pm-3am Girls £2.50 before 11/ £5 after Lads £3.50 before 11 / £5 after
I.CR
U.F.O. Saturday, February 7 Sweaty rockers, not the campus supermarket. £11 adv.
Goth, indie, metal, and alternative. 1Opm-2am £1 stud. before 111 £2 after
0.10
c
PEARSHAPED Mondays Best of mod, indie & Lo-Fi.
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PLEASURE Thursdays FREE with flyers before/ £2 after DECADENCE Fridays Over 20s KLASS Saturdays Over 20s
A H .T f:N PURE SWING Wednesdays Uplifting swing for the people of Norwich. 9pm-2am FREE GORGEOUS Fridays Happy House club night. 9pm-4am £5 DANCE CLUB Saturdays 9pm-4am £5 SUNDA V SERVICE House night. 8pm-2am FREE
•
00 MORE MEDICINE Mondays The Student Social. 10pm-2am £1 stud. before 11 / £2 after HELL FOR LEATHER Wednesdays
THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 1998
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EIGHTIES NIGHT MELTD
+ CON BRIE·O!
21.30 £3 tuEAldr
21.30 £3 .UEA!dr
.,..,
FREE
Tue 3
BY JOVI Sat 7
£10
TAR
Club OUT TO LUNCH with RENAISSANCE Djs lan Ossia & Nigel Dawson £3adv
Club RETRO
Jungle & Techno club night
Tue 24
£12 adv IRIS DeMENT compared to the likes of Joan Baez, Joni Mitchell, Nanci Griffith and Mary Chapin Carpenter, Iris promises to be one of America's finest female coun· try song writers. Asolo performance
Sat 28
£2.50adv
Club PITS classic and current indie cuts
• Sat 7
~<CIH1 £5adv
RETRO ACTIVE feat. FAITH, atribute to WHAM!
Sat 14
£9
Sun 15
SOLD OUT
Wed 18
£10
OUT TO LUNCH with Mone{~ennJs DJs Tony Clarke & Adrian VD P
..
BLUETONES
SPACE
Sat 16
£11 adv
Mon 18
£8.50adv
THUNDER heavy rock
SUPER FURRY ANIMALS
Tickets from Union Finance Office Weekdays 11 am·3.30pm Prices quoted are the student advance prices
•
RPORT CONVENTION 19.30 £11 .50adv
Sat 14
Sat 21
19.00 £5.50adv
£11adv
UFO feat. Michael Schenker
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E
IFJE]]3IR1UJJ&m1f
2 JO £8.50ad.
MELTDOWN