Sex Survey 2018

8 1 0 2 y e v r The Sex Su

Introductions...

Happy Valentines day UEA...

UEA, let’s talk about sex. In our 24 page spread we reveal all the 2018 Sex Survey had to offer. Talking consent, contraception and fetishes too bold to mention in an editorial (check out page 23) UEA did not disappoint.

Some of the statistics shocked, as the survey revealed more UEA students have had sex outside than haven’t, how vocal people are about bondage and that UEA gives exactly as much as it receives. It’s Fifty Shades of UEA. Perhaps the lure of the lake is simply too much to resist.

If you’re considering it, read the tops tips to completing the 5 Ls on page 20.

Some of our favourite quotes included in answer to “What makes a good sexual experience?” the reply “Feminist inclinations.” On page 17 Becca Allen says progressive porn is on the horizon, a debate that seriously divides opinion, and we’re sure the 40% of UEA that watch it daily will be glad to hear it.

This year we made a few additions to the questions on the survey - on pages 10 and 11 we take

a look at lies. It turns out when it comes to sex, people are a fraction more likely to lie and say they’ve slept with more people than to lie and say they’ve slept with less. Our survey revealed almost half of UEA has faked it with a sexual partner, something apparently in line with national trends.

On page 6, Beverly Deviakshen discusses whether there’s a burden of pressure on students to have sex during their time at university. She concludes that no, on the whole UEA is pretty relaxed about whether you’re doing it or not.

It would have been remiss of us to have not focused on consent this year, given widespread discussions in almost every industry about sexual assault and harassment.

Across pages 12 and 13 we look at consent on campus and also what good sex means to UEA. Spoiler it’s communication and equality.

If you don’t have any plans for the dreaded day, sit down on February 14th and have a read of our survey.

Don’t worry, Concrete will be your Valentine.

The responses presented on the following pages were taken from the Concrete Sex Survey, conducted on SurveyMonkey between 28th December - 26th January 2018. Responses have been reproduced faithfully, although regrettably not all 69 questions could be included. If you would like to discuss any of the content in the supplement, please do not hesitate to contact Emily Hawkins on concrete.editor@uea.ac.uk. If you have been affected by anything in this issue, please contact the Union Advice Centre or Student Support Services for further support.

Out of...

Sexuality...

Heterosexual - 74.26%

Bisexual - 16.01%

Gay - 3.01%

Lesbian - 2.43%

Pansexual - 1.91%

1,383 responses Queer - 1.62%

Most were...

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19 years old

Asexual - 0.74%

Who answered?

Gender...

“Don’t believe in one night stands or hook ups” “Never been

Women - 60.07%

in a rel ationsh ip”

sex” s ’ t i sure “Not

“Too awk war d”

Men - 37.73% Non-binary - 0.95%

“I’m rea lly frigid ”

” luck t i h “S

Agender - 0.44% Transgender men - 0.44%

Different opinions...

No gender - 0.22% Transgender women - 0.15%

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The low down on how UEA goes down e did g a t a h w t A e sex? v a h t s r i f you Under 13: 1% 13-14: 5% 15-16: 31% 17-18: 45% 19-20: 17% 21-22: 1% 22 plus: 0.8%

Number of sexual partners?

How long UEA

Less that 5 minutes: 2% 5-10: 7% 10-15: 21% 15-30: 41% 30-45: 19% 45-60: 5% More than an hour: 5%

...since joining 0: 5% 1-3: 60% 4-6: 18% 7-10: 8% 11-15: 6% 16-20: 2% 21-30: 1% 31 plus: 1%

1-3: 44% 4-6: 23% 7-10: 15% 11-15: 9% 16-20: 3% 21-30: 3% 31 plus: 3%

ceive?

or re Does UEA give

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Received oral: Yes: 97% No: 3%

lasts

Given oral: Yes: 97% No: 3%

UEA

13% of UEA say they haven’t done it...here’s why...

t to have n a w ’t n o d “I anyone” t s ju h t i w x se

“Shi

t luc k” he t d un

fo t ’ n ve a n” h o I s “ r t pe h g i r

“I ha te m y bo dy” “Not th roug

h lack of trying”

“I don’t really know my own body that well”

“I’m not against sex, I just don’t have it” Everyone has a thing right? Some people are scared of flying or haven’t learnt to ride a bike. Others are into taxidermy or have a lot of cats they give full names. We all have a thing. I haven’t had sex. That’s mine.

I never found time. I was busy doing other things while my friends were busy doing people. Then I turned 19 and it got less like she’s waiting and more like what’s wrong with her? More like shouldn’t this have happened a while ago?

I’m not against sex. I just don’t have it. I’m not constantly clad in white and hiding in fear of being sacrificed. I’m not a Christian, I’m not abstaining and the part that most people are concerned by is, I’m not unattractive. I’m attractive but I haven’t had sex. That’s why people care; they see me as a walking talking oxymoron. Or maybe just a moron.

So why has a picky perfectionist with a fear of commitment retained her virginity? There’s a lot to it. But put simply, I haven’t got round to it. There has not been a person I wanted to have sex with that wanted to have sex with me at the same time. It’s a scheduling error.

Something bound to work itself out within the next year. But when I have sex I won’t lose my virginity. I can’t lose something I never had.

Virginity is a concept constructed by society. To be a virgin used to mean pure and chaste, it was the approved things to be. But as sex before marriage is now the norm and we celebrate our sexual identities, being a virgin at uni makes you one of a small group. With virginity comes shame and judgement and lots of other words I want nowhere near me.

Losing it suggests that afterwards I’d be lesser, somehow be lacking. To say losing it seems like I was foolish and left it in a bar like you could your phone.

Anyone stupid enough to misplace their virginity would be embarrassed, imagine having to pick it out at lost property. Does it look like me? Would I recognise it?

Losing it sounds awful. Having sex does not.

I will have sex, maybe soon, maybe not. It’s my choice and I’m glad for it. But I won’t lose my virginity. I think I’m good.

Anonymous

5

Pressure or confidence?

Unsure 3%

Do you feel increased pressure to have sex since coming to university?

29% of UEA have stru ggled with sexual performan ce issues

UEA’s naked selfassurance Roughly

No 63%

Feeling the pressure?

On the surface, UEA can seem rather intimidating. With the LCR, the bar and flat parties being part of uni culture, one might expect the student population to be rather wild. Add the widely known challenge of the 5 Ls to that combination, and it can feel like sex is a central part of UEA’s student life, and that there may be pressure on students to be sexually active.

However, the recent sex survey proves otherwise.

About 60 percent of students said that they do not feel pressured to have sex at UEA, which shows that sex isn’t that integral to the culture here after all. The majority of students also said they have only had one to three sexual partners since coming to UEA. So while there may be a lot of alcohol involved in zstudent life here, students seem to place less importance on taking someone n e w back to

6

two-thirds

of

respondents

Yes 33% reported that they felt either confident

their place every night.

UEA may have its wild side, but the students here love bunnies, lake walks and free pizza too.

“People who actually complete the 5 Ls are becoming increasingly rare” It’s common to worry about people judging you if you’re not the type of person who would bring someone home from the LCR back to your flat, but once you stop and look around you, you’d realise that you don’t need to be sexually actively to fit in. For instance, people who actually complete the 5 Ls are becoming increasingly rare, with the challenge is becoming more of a myth.

So no, no one is going to pressure you to find a way to have awkward sex in the laundrette.

Beverly Devakishen

or indifferent (neither confident nor unconfident) with their naked body, results which largely conform with the British Social Attitudes Survey in 2013 – which found that 69 percent of all adults were satisfied with their own appearance.

Furthermore, reflective of the liberal and open atmosphere on campus, an overwhelming 83 percent of respondents stated that they were comfortable talking about sex or sexuality.

However, the flipside of all this positivity is that a significant minority of UEA students possess a negative body image of themselves – something which raises concerns about the possible impacts on mental health and academic performance that this creates.

A negative body image can result in low-self-esteem and depression and improving the wellbeing of students feeling negative about their own body should be a priority, particularly when considering the increased strain on local health services in recent years.

And with 57 percent of respondents saying that confidence issues affect their sex life, raising the self-esteem of students may also have positive effects that extend into the bedroom. What better reason to feel good naked?

Jamie Rhodes

have had A E U f o % 82 r riences unde e p x e l a u x se e of drugs c n e u fl in e th ol and/or alcoh

Keeping it casual?

Friends with benefits?

47% Yes 47% No 6% Unsure One night stand?

Yes 60.95% No 36.57%

Analysis: Out of the 820 responses given to the question ‘How many sexual partners have you had?’ the majority (44 percent) said they had had one to three, this slowly decreased towards the larger numbers but nearly 3 percent of those taking the survey admitted to having over 31 sexual partners since becoming sexually active.

The average number of sexual partners in the UK lies around nine, just under for women and over for men.

The average number at UEA lays somewhere between seven and ten, suggesting that students here fit in well with the national average.

“Students here fit in well with the national average” Previous studies in the UK have found the over 60 percent of people had been in a friends with benefits situation.

Interestingly the percentage of students who admitted to having a ‘friends with benefits’ style relationship whilst at UEA was 47 percent, exactly the same percentage as those who said

they hadn’t. The remaining 6 percent who said that they ‘weren’t sure’ need to perhaps have a moment of selfevaluation.

The number of people who answered that they had found a relationship from a dating app was 17 percent and the number of people who had used dating apps to find a one-night stand was 24 percent.

When you look at these stats there’s not actually a huge difference. However, in the US 50 percent of people using dating apps said that they had never had a one-night stand whilst using dating apps.

Obviously, the US and UK are very different countries *cough-Trumpcough* and those answering the questions may not have university age.

It can be assumed that the older people get the more likely they’ll be looking for a serious relationship.

Alex Millard

The average number of sexual partners in the UK lies around nine

Is friends with benefits ever beneficial?

So, I used to have an on-off relationship with one of my friends. It was purely physical; besides stuff we did as friends, we never went out on a date or anything like that.

It lasted several years before we just stopped really seeing each other.

Now, having a friend with benefits is sometimes seen as some kind of idyllic position with none of the hassle of a romantic relationship but all of the sex. I didn’t really see it that way personally, and I think if you’re trying to replace another relationship like this it’s probably going to end badly.

Myself, I think my whole friend

with benefits experience started mostly out of boredom and mutual sexual compatibility. We knew each other, we figured out we could enjoy each other that way, so we went for it. It’s been a while since it ended now, and looking back I think it went pretty well, I can’t remember it ever affecting our friendship, maybe it even led to us seeing more of each other. It allowed us to explore our sexualities without undue pressure or need to go find a romantic partner we might not have wanted.

Would I do it again? I don’t know, probably not, I’ve moved on from where I was and so probably wouldn’t find it

so appealing. I had a safe relationship with that friend and wasn’t too worried about anything in our future. Now I’d probably not want to get involved in something that wasn’t serious. But I suppose it also depends on who you know. I don’t think either of us ever developed feelings for each other, but if we had it probably would have been smart to talk about it as early as possible, rather than letting things continue.

So, friends with benefits probably isn’t for everyone, but I think it can be good for you if you are honest about what you’re getting into.

Anonymous

7

Love and loss at UEA...

“I went busking last Valentines Day, and used the mone y to get coffee afterwards. At the cafe, they were giving out roses, and I kept one in my pocket. After getting waste d at pre-drinks, I went to the LCR and walked straight into the bar where I ran into my now girlfriend, who I’d only met once before. I remembered the rose in my pocket, gave it to her, and we kissed. The rest is history.” weeks ar in the first few in m se a in et m I d she “My girlfriend an while - because a r fo s nd ie fr st ere ju after of first year, we w t when we kissed gh ni e on til un y Ziggy’s to thought I was ga day we went to xt ne e Th t. e.” fla a party at my together ever sinc en be ve e’ w d h, an talk things throug

“I met my former boyfriend dur ing the second week of freshers sitting on the benches out side of Blue Bar, at a traffic light social. We were both wearing green. He asked me to borrow my lighter (later tell ing me he had one all along) and a mutual friend warne d me not to get with him.

Two hours later, we kissed at Lol a Lo’s. We had our first date the next afternoon at Ziggy’ s, and after that we were together for three and half years.”

d on Her (a dating app “I matched with my girlfrien chatting. I knew she went for women) and we started were actually on the same to UEA, but learned that we all of my friends knew her course. What’s weird is that irder still, it tur ned out we but I’d never heard of her. We on the first day of uni in first have the same adviser, and er and not even realised.” year, we had been sat togeth

8

w because I couldn’t see.

“I bumped into a guy in the sno d he ended up lending me We walked the same way an gurat stairs. How very UEA.” his coat. We kissed by the Zig

Photo: Alex Hayford

His answer is “Yes.” It is not a word heavy with apology, but a simple and flippant admission. He cheated on someone he loved and wanted to be with forever because he could. Now, onto the next question.

Defined by a cheat, cheating is the “moment you choose to completely ignore your feelings for the person you are with.” It’s not the OED but perhaps the most useful definition. He ended his last serious relationship for “something stupid and meaningless” that happened with someone long forgotten.

But if that is the case, then why? Why do people cheat in 2018? When you can be in open relationships, polyamorous, friends with benefits and much much more, why bother being unfaithful?

Research has shown in the UK 45 percent of men admit to cheating on their partner and 21 percent of women.

Results from Concrete’s Sex Survey show 19.6 percent of UEA students admit to having cheated on a partner. A further 28.7 percent of students claim to have been cheated on.

The unsettling percentages tell us that people do cheat, it’s not something that only bad people do. The stats say it could be you.

He doesn’t look like one. Cheats don’t wear grandad shirts and cardigans.

Cheats wear leather jackets and have seperate phones to keep their life and lies apart, at least, that’s what television taught us. But as he earnestly tells me he is ashamed of his mistake, having “ruined a wonderful relationship for [his] own selfish needs” he sounds like anyone. Like a person who is confused, not condemned.

"You choose to completely ignore your feelings for the person you are with" The cheat thinks it’s down to society as a whole who need to “reevaluate” how we socialise and not only the fault of the individual. As most of our interactions stem from online platforms, he thinks because it’s been made easier it’s become more attractive.

The constant access to “meeting new people and meeting them privately has made it as simple as ordering a takeaway.” You pick what you want and it can be at your door in 10-15 minutes.

With a few personal details you’re on

Tinder, and after a few swipes and you have a date.

But it’s not a new thing, always wanting more, always wondering if the grass could be greener. He adds cooly that “it's something to do with never knowing if you're with the right person as there are so many on offer.” There are always plenty more fish in the sea after all, and conveniently, dating apps position them in one net.

When he talks about the aftermath of his actions he is succinct, “If someone cheats on you, either leave them and make sure they know they've done wrong or find out why and resolve whatever the issue is. You have to forgive. Don’t pretend to and hold it over them.”

This gives agency to the person cheated on, it’s their decision to stick with the cheat or not. He brings it all back to decisions, the choice to cheat and to be cheated on again. He insists that cheating is something that happens, not something good, or to be done again, but something closer to us all than we’d like.

The proximity is terrifying. But what’s more concerning is his lack of satisfaction. Will he, will we, ever stop looking?

Sophie Bunce

“You were having doubts before” A friend lent me a book recently. It’s the kind of book that you probably shouldn’t read too much at once, the kind you should let rest on your mind a bit in order to not let it get ahead of you. Then, it dropped the line: “their collapse was slow and necessary”.

I was left wondering two things.

Firstly, whether this collapse of their relationship started from the very beginning. And secondly, whether it’s a bad idea to start my writing with a book quote. I decided no to both.

The whole idea of cold feet gives the wrong impression, it implies that it’s something that happens over time- your feet start warm, and gradually grow cold. Your relationship starts off fine, then it gradually descends into anything but. But I don’t think it’s a slow thing.

Sure, things might start to piss you off a little more, but that’s not the reason you’re not in it anymore. It’s one of two things. Either, deep down in the back room of your brain you already knew

this wasn’t for you, or two, it hits you overnight. The former is out of my depth, I’m not a psychologist. So I’m going to focus on the latter.

"It’s the awful realisation that you just don’t love them anymore" I don’t mean you wake up one day and decide you’re done, I mean you wake up one day and you have that thought.

That thought when you have a 9am, and the night before you think “oh I could not go”- you’re telling yourself you haven’t made a decision, and you’ll still set an alarm, but you already know you’re not going.

From that moment, and from that

thought, everything else you do is obsolete. It’s that awful realisation that you just don’t love them anymore, and people tell you it hits like a tonne of bricks, but it’s more like a thick fog that clouds everything else you do, gently changing the full stops in your life to become question marks. So no, I don’t think you just get cold feet on your wedding day, you were having doubts before.

From everything my 20 long years have taught me, this is what cold feet is supposed to be. It’s that feeling when absolutely nothing goes wrong; you’re just not in it anymore.

Whether or not it happens from the start, and you’ve just been kidding yourself and hoping for the best, or it happens as your head hits a pillow, it doesn’t matter.

It’ll happen, and happen, and happen. Until one day it won’t.

At least that’s what they all say.

Jack Ashton

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Image: Per Olesen, Flickr (Silhouette)

An interview with a cheat...

Liar, Liar...

Have you lied about the number of people you’ve slept with?

Unsure 2%

Yes higher 14% YES

Yes lower 13% YES

“It’s easier to lie about it than

No 70%

try think of an explanation”

Body count: Can we be trusted to tell the truth?

Have you ever lied about the number of sexual partners you’ve had? I certainly have.

Sex is the most intimate act we engage in with our partners.

Stripped bare and exposed to our significant other, when making love it is hard to hide anything we might consider an inadequacy. However, outside of the bedroom, nothing as a topic seems to be more open to exaggeration, manipulation or a welloiled massaging of the truth than copulation.

In an age when even a future president of the United States can openly boast on live television about the size of his penis, we live in a world obsessed with projecting an image of ourselves that lives up to the sexual ideals of society. For some, overstating the body count left in the wake of their sexual conquests may be an attempt to emulate the Bondian masculinity

10

that pervades popular culture. For others, sanding off a few notches on the bedpost could be a way to move closer towards a ‘chaste’ femininity, inculcated into Western society as the ideal by Christianity for over a thousand years.

“But it seems I am not alone in the cooking of my sexual books” In my case, I lied about the number of people I had slept with in the heat of the moment, after my boyfriend had divulged to me how many people had crossed his threshold. Shocked by the number –and feeling an irrational pang of retrospective jealousy – I tried to appear as pious as possible (as one can be when divulging such details) by telling him I had slept with

only three people – and conveniently omitting the other three (OK, four).

But it seems I am not alone in the cooking of my sexual books. A survey on people’s sexual histories conducted

by Superdrug Online Doctor revealed that 8.2% of women and 17.5% of men had exaggerated the number of previous sexual partners, while 18.6% of women and 13.7% of men had lowered the real figure. But I suspect these numbers may be higher. After all, can we really be trusted to tell the truth when it comes to sex?

In the end, I told my boyfriend the truth. I realised the number of people I or he had slept with – whether high or low – had no bearing on our relationship in the here and now.

Actually, being open and honest about our sexual histories helped to bring us closer together, in more ways than one.

Anonymous

We asked you why you lied about your ‘number.’..

FAKING IT? Have you ever faked an orgasm?

60

a slut” f being o a m ig “The st

45

“To seem like better

30

‘girlfriend material’”

41% Yes

57% No

15 “During ‘never have I ever’ during freshers, someone was laughed at for being a virgin. I was next, panicked so said “between 10 and 15!”... I was a virgin”

“I actually don’t know how many people I’ve slept with”

nces ”

xperie tragic e g in t t e g or

“F

“The real number was 0 and I felt unexperienced - I didn’t want it to be a big thing”

“Peopl

0

Yes

Analysis:

41.24% of UEA students told us they had faked an orgasm with a sexual partner. 20 respondents said they were not sure whether they had or not, perhaps showing there’s some confusion about what orgasming actually means.

Amongst the answers to this question, many people said they had faked it because they didn’t want their partner to “feel embarrassed” or “disappointed in themselves”.

Other respondents however said they had faked it because they were bored or tired, and wanted the sex to finish. “Because I just wanted the sex to be over.

He was determined to make me finish and it was getting boring,” one respondent told us. It’s not just girls - guys told us they had pretended as well.

A study by scientists at the University of Kansas into why

No

Unsure

people pretend to climax asked more than 1,400 students their reasonings. They broke responses into six reasons: it feels good, for their partner’s confidence, they’re not into sex, for manipulation and power, insecurity, emotional connection.

The majority of UEA’s answers concerned wanting the sexual experience to end or not wanting to hurt the feelings of their partner, rather than any power play (thankfully).

A survey by Durex last year stated that British people fake 100 million orgasms every week, so the UEA students faking ‘the big O’ are far from anomalies.

Emily Hawkins

41% of

e judg e bisex u

UEA say als”

they’ve faked it

11

Concrete talks con Hannah Brown on what it means to be #MeToo Back in 2006 when MySpace was still

a thing, a small, two-word rallying cry was begun: Me Too. Jump forward eleven years, and Tarana Burke’s words became a viral hashtag: the #MeToo movement, brought to light by actress Alyssa Milano on Twitter following allegations against Harvey Weinstein. Alyssa Tweeted, “If all the women who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote ‘Me too’ as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem.” And millions replied.

Some women replied with heartbreaking stories, some with emotional calls against sexual assault, and some simply replied with the hashtag. Women who had never before spoken about their experiences felt like they could finally use the hashtag to begin the conversation.

The #MeToo movement has sparked similar movements in other countries with mother tongue hashtags, and some men have replied, either with their own #MeToo stories, or using such hashtags as #HowIWillChange, in which people write about how they will do more to help victims of assault and harassment.

Some have written comments pledging much – some have simply written that they will learn to listen.

Some articles report that the #MeToo hashtag may have gone too far – others report that it has not gone far enough.

But an anonymous student, female and aged 19, says, “Without #MeToo I never would have told anyone that I was assaulted a few years ago. I Tweeted about it, no one replied, but it gave me the confidence to finally tell someone, a close friend, a couple of weeks later.”

To put it simply, the #MeToo movement is about giving victims of sexual assault a space to speak about their experiences. It is giving power to the people who have, for so long, been silenced by the assaulter, and millions won’t be quiet anymore.

12

ts have 6% of studen 2 d e w o sh h NUS researc vances me sexual ad o lc e w n u d re suffe

Including more than a thi rd of women

put students n e e s e v ey ha ents s said th al comm Two third u x e s d nwante up with u

Harassment in a digital age...

Sending and receiving unsolicited sexual images is becoming more and more reported in the media. Reportedly, ABC News said millions of women openly complain about receiving explicit photos from all social media platform and dating websites.

According to Concrete’s survey, 34.9% of UEA students have received unsolicited sexual pictures and messages when using a dating app, like Tinder or eHarmony.

In 2016, an online petition on Facebook urged users from sending indecent content, with almost 20,000 signatures.

Social media giants, Facebook and Twitter both prohibit people from distributing inappropriate messages.

Twitter counts it as harassment and advises users on how to mute, block and report sensitive content, while

Facebook’s Community Standards prevent both harassment and nudity.

The Facebook spokesperson said: “Photographs of people displaying their genitals violate our community standards.

We encourage people to use the reporting links on our site and within Messenger to report content so we can review and take action against content that violates”.

According to British law, it is a crime to possess, take, make, distribute or show anyone an indecent image of a child or young person under the age of 18.

Harassment or blackmail are offenses also taken into consideration when users violate the media laws implemented by sending unsolicited sexual images.

Beth Papworth

Have you ever recieved unsolicited images on a dating app?

Unsure - 0.90% Yes - 34.90%

No - 64.21%

consent on campus Consent classes...

Have you ever had sex when you didn’t want to?

Yes - 29.85% No - 63.16% Unsure - 6.99%

Figures from the National Union of Students (NUS) show that one in seven women will experience a serious sexual assault during their degree. The figure for transgender students is much higher, with 1 in 4 saying they had experienced sexual abuse. However, the concept of consent classes has riled critics over the last few years. Classes, usually aimed at first year students as part of their induction to university, explaining the necessity of an enthusiastic ‘yes’ and cautioning students about drunkenness, have been dubbed condescending and unneeded.

Two years ago the national press reported that freshers at the University of York staged a walkout in protest of a consent class. Male students said the classes were “patronising” and implied a belief that all men were potential rapists.

If you’re smart enough to get into university, some of the students argued, you should be smart enough to know what consent is. The fact sexual assault isn’t limited to a particular educational level aside, these comments revealed a worrying attitude to consent.

The conversation is thankfully starting to shift, and ever more so in the wake of allegations about the d i r e c t o r H a r v e y

Weinstein’s history of sexual assault.

Vanessa Grigoriadis, a journalist and writer, looked at US campuses for her book Blurred Lines: Rethinking Sex, Power, and Consent on Campus.

Speaking to The Slate, she said it was misleading to imply that all sexual assault is “extremely violent”, committed by “ a very small group of serial predators” totally devoid of compassion or other good actions. Perpetrators are nearly always someone their victim knows, or is even friends with, rather than strangers in dark alleys. However, campaigns like ‘a good night out’ and ‘Never ok’ at UEA have shown there’s equally an issue with sexual assault on night outs.

Grigoriadis argues students arrive at university without a comprehensive sex education and usually with little of their own experience. As some cases in the mainstream media currently show, it is sadly possible for men to not know when they have committed an assault or not received someone’s full consent.

Whilst some universities do not host any classes whatsover, the University of Oxford has started holding classes in the first few weeks of term that, though not compulsory, it is expected all students will attend.

This should be welcomed.

Emily Hawkins

Here’s what good sex means to UEA...

tion”

“Communica

inist

“Fem

“Know

ing wh at the other p erson w ants”

s”

tion

ina incl

” “No pressure

t”

“M

espec utual r

“Reciprocity”

“Feelin

g safe and co nfide

nt”

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Love in a time of Tinder Have you ever received unsolicited sexual images or messages when using a dating app?

35% Yes 64% No

1% Unsure What does UEA download for?

Have you ever sexted in class?

Other 27% Romance 48%

Unsure 2%

Yes 37% “Judgi

ng”

Sex 25%

er”

“Bant

“Confid

ence”

14

ait “To b

No ” 61% le out p o e p

Have you ever used a dating app?

Which?

Unsure 0% Grindr 3% Bumble 3% Plenty of Fish 2%

No 5%

8% other

84% Yes 95%

Tinder

“Her” “Ok cupid” “Huggle”

11%

Sophie Christian argues it is okay to use Tinder when in a relationship...

To swipe, or not to swipe – that is the question. Knowing if it is okay to use dating apps while being in a relationship can be a headache if you do not communicate well with your partner and set clear boundaries.

Having met my current boyfriend off Tinder, we both have a relaxed attitude towards dating apps as both of us agree that we can use Tinder, providing that neither of us start chatting up other people. I rarely use Tinder now, but there are some days when boredom kicks in and

“I rarely use Tinder now, but there are some days when boredom kicks in” I’m curious to see who is still on Tinder. My boyfriend and I still use Tinder because it provides us with some entertainment, which is laughing at the sea of cringeworthy profiles. Having been an active user since college, I can confidently say that there are plenty of try-hard profiles out there that I simply can’t take seriously.

The difference with how I use Tinder now is that I don’t go on it intending to

like people. Otherwise, it defeats the point of being in a committed relationship as I would be using Tinder for its main purpose: to have sex with anyone I fancy.

I there’s no point of Tinder if I’m not liking anyone, so I’ll admit that I’m not properly using the app anymore, but I know that my boyfriend is secure enough in himself to not panic about me looking at other guys. My philosophy for my relationship is this: you can look, but you can’t touch. I would be foolish to think that my boyfriend doesn’t find other girls attractive, but I trust him to know that he wouldn’t pursue them on Tinder.

The only time using Tinder has been slightly awkward is clarifying to friends that my relationship is still growing strong, despite them spotting my Tinder card. I think this exemplifies how easy it is to jump to conclusions and assume that a relationship is on the rocks if you’re seen on Tinder. The reality is, it’s fine to use dating apps while being in a relationship if you both agree it is harmless fun with no serious intent. Setting these boundaries with my boyfriend erased any potential guilt I may feel using Tinder if I hadn’t had that initial conversation with him.

of U

EA

say

Icon: Tinder, Wikimedia

the

yh

ave

15

Porn: everyone’s at it?

Have you ever watched porn with a partner?

Unsure 1%

How has porn affected your view of sex?

“Order

ing piz za mak es me nervou s”

Yes 38%

“It distorted my perception of sex and sexuality for quite some time. For instance, being a queer woman is

No

fantastic but feeling dirty

61%

for watching queer porn for several years was not”

40% of UEA watch porn less than once a month

16

12% of UEA watch porn daily

deas my i d e and ” “Exp ality sexu

of

Is it possible to filter out porn when it comes to real sex?

I enjoy porn, though I hasten to add that I’ve never paid for it, nor expect that I ever will. I watch porn when I masturbate solo, and I can’t remember the last time that I masturbated without the use of online porn; my imagination just can’t get me going like those professional HD videos can.

I have my preferences, and to some of my other guy friends with whom I’ve discussed this topic, they are rather extreme. I suppose I’d say that I avoid watching anything normal and by that, I mean that I prefer scenes of the atypical involving anal sex, threesomes and double penetration.

Weirdly for a guy, I prefer to see a monster of a penis, and if I feel that the bloke’s penis is not abnormally large enough, I turn it off and find another

video. I suppose when choosing to watch porn I seek out that which is unrealistic.

“ I prefer scenes of the atypical” When I watch porn I am not in search of reality. I just don’t want to watch two ordinary people like myself having sex, and frankly those videos made by amateurs in their own bedroom, where the penis can go in comfortably, leaves me feeling uneasy. Perhaps this is because I feel that such sex is attainable in my life and if it’s not unrealistic it isn’t worth watching. In terms of how I feel porn has affected my views of sex, I would say that; firstly, and rather

Becca Allen says a progressive kind of porn is on the horizon A quick Google of ‘can porn be feminist?’ throws up an impressive range of articles shouting varying degrees of ‘of course’ and ‘absolutely not’.

Most importantly, the question is raised of whether you can be a feminist and still consume, and dare I say even enjoy, porn.

I think it’s safe to say that whether you’ve had one night of curiosity, or you’re a regular viewer, our most familiar form of porn is on the likes of Pornhub; a decidedly non-feminist platform I hope we can all agree.

But once you sift through the Daily Mail articles with their scathing titles of ‘Does porn really degrade women?’, you might just stumble across others describing the rise in female adult film directors and bloggers, paving the way for a more realistic and ultimately safer style of porn.

While you might not agree wholeheartedly with the existence of the porn industry, our existence in a society largely fuelled by sex, means that it won’t be going away anytime soon.

This newly emerging style of

adult film places the emphasis on real couples engaging in real sex, as opposed to promoting the unrealistic acts featured in mainstream porn. With women taking leaps and strides recently in reclaiming autonomy over their own bodies, both privately and through major international movements, it certainly seems that ‘feminist’ and ‘adult-film actress’ are increasingly compatible terms in the context of this new style.

The deeply embedded stigma surrounding women exploring their own sexuality means that the porn industry will remain tailored to the male gaze for the foreseeable future.

However, these (female) directors, bloggers and trailblazers offer a glimmer of hope that we are moving towards a style of porn that is as empowering and ultimately, feminist as its ever going to get.

evidently, my fantasies have broadened or somewhat specialised beyond what I would imagine they would be had I not watched porn, or as much porn in my life. As I grew up, I’m envisaging myself between the ages of 14-16 here, I remember wanting to try the things I had watched into my own sexual activities.

Yet from watching porn I’m not one of those people who would expect every girl to be keen to swallow or perform anal simply because I have seen it in porn, and normal sex does not fail to satisfy. I feel like I have developed a filter such that what I watch on screen doesn’t then seep into my life, and directly affect or set my expectations of real sex.

Anonymous

24% of UEA say porn has affected their view of sex 54% say porn has not affected their view of sex 22% were unsure

17

Sexual health The pill It’s a tough decision to go on the pill. After many attempts, for me, it was a decision between becoming somewhat of a robot but with a normal temperament or becoming severely depressed and losing all appetite and emotional control. I chose the former.

“Someone said a mean thing? Cry” When I first went on the pill, I took a combined one, and my reason wasn’t solely for pregnancy prevention – although this is a wonderful side effect. In my case, it was because of the hormonal swings. For a week before my period – not during my period like most – I was tired to the point where I would cry after getting home from work. The smallest things would make me upset. Someone said a mean thing? Cry. Not sure what food you want? Hissy fit. Woke up before alarm? Sobbing. It was miserable.

At the age of 17, after getting my first boyfriend, I decided to try the dreaded pill. I’d heard of all the girls gaining weight and feeling rubbish, but I wasn’t concerned about that.

In fact, I was quite happy about gaining weight – I have a history

of being underweight and lacking appetite.

Feeling depressed wasn’t an issue either, as I knew how I would react to that due to another auto-immune illness that I had which also has that side effect.

Unfortunately, the side effects on my first pill were horrific. Instead of improving the hormonal swings I got every month, they got worse.

I didn’t even need a stimulus to be upset any more. Even worse, I knew that it was ridiculous, and that just made me more upset, because I felt so out of control. To make matters worse, when I did come off the pill for the “period” I would cramp up and feel so sick I couldn’t move.

And sex? No go. Not a smidge of lust, or desire.

The pregnancy prevention side was useless as I never wanted sex anyway! After a few months, enough was enough, but I didn’t give up on the pill because it was the most convenient for me, and finally I have found a pill, still far from perfect, but it allows me to function in my normal life, without any noticeable difference in my mentality from week to week.

I still don’t feel desire as much as I used to, but after everything, stability is all I could ask for.

Freya Barrett

Do you use contraception?

The injection Like many women across the world, I am limited to progesterone-only contraception. This basically means I cannot take the regular contraceptive pill because my body wouldn’t cope with the extra oestrogen. Luckily for gals like me there are a lot of other options. Unluckily a lot of these options suck. I tried a few different methods before settling on what I use now, which is the injection. I know a lot of people will squirm at that.

Why would I choose to get a shot in my butt every three months when there are other options available?

Good question! When I first came to UEA and got contraception I tried three different progesterone-only, or ‘mini’, pills. These all gave me constant bleeding. I’m talking three month long, second day type cramps with heavy bleeding. Obviously, I was not prepared to continue with this. My other options are the implant (which freaks me out), IUD- also known as the coil or the injection. I went with the injection and after two years I’ve never looked back. I now don’t have monthly bleeding at all, I haven’t put on any weight and my skin hasn’t got any worse. For people in my position who get migraines or have any other reason they can’t take the regular pill I would recommend the injection, it’s really not as bad as you might think!

Alex Millard

Unsure 2%

UEA’s top five

18

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

“My fa ce Condom Combinded pill Progestogen=only pill trong” ame s g t u o Implant “Pull The coil

77% YES

21% NO

Have you ever had an STI? Unsure 4%

Yes 6%

No 89%

UEA’s top five

31% of UEA use their friends and family for information on sexual

health 1. Chlamydia 2. Yeast 9% say they have had infections difficulty obtaining 3. Human contraception or sexual Papillomavirus health appointments 4. Herpes from UEA medical 5. Syphilis services

Sexually transmitted stigma...

In the survey, the topic of Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI) was broached to UEA students.

It is a subject that comes with stigmatisation due to the underlying implications that come with it.

By nature, sex is not typically openly talked about, making the topic of STIs uncomfortable to talk about for some. The Independent reported that 47 percent of 2000 participants (aged 16 – 24) did not use protection with a new partner.

There is a vast amount of shame and stigma that comes along with STI’s which is worrying as it’s important

that the subject is discussed. STI’s can be avoided with education and easy access to contraception and information.

Within the UEA survey, 20.13 percent of participants reported that they did not use any methods of contraception, with the most popular method being the condom (66.05 percent). Only 5.73 percent of participants reported to ever having an STI. Fortunately, the majority of participants claimed to not have any difficulty obtaining contraception from UEA medical services.

However, what might be an issue is how people gain information about STI. 76.48 percent obtain information from the Internet. Of course, the Internet is not a bad place to start but it can result in misdiagnosis and misinformation.

Nowadays, the stigma that comes with STIs is decreasing gradually. People should not feel shame because there’s nothing shameful about it.

Treat it like any other illness; get medical advice and take it easy while you recover.

Amy Newbery

19

UEA told us their dos and don’ts for ticking off the Ls...

Here’s UEA’s verdict on the Ls...

“Don’t wea

r skinny jea

ns...”

Lake 14% “Don’t try and do the Laundry at 7pm on a Sunday...”

LCR 11.03% Library 9.03% Lecture theatre 3.68% None 76.99% “Don’t do the lake

“Wat ch o guar ut for libr a ds wh en it ry security gets late”

after it’s rained...”

long people’s ow h e se n ca ou y “In the Laundry ow chine timers, and h a m e th on ft le s a h washing e...” much time you hav

20

“Respect re visers and book an individual library cub icle...”

Analysis: Did you know that almost half of the British public have admitted to having sex in public? That’s according to a 2015 survey reported in the Mirror which found that, out of 2,000 people, 43 percent had admitted to having sex outdoors – making it the second most broken law behind speeding.

To the surprise of 24 percent of the survey group, it turns out having sex in public is illegal, although those informed said this wouldn’t stop them anyway! But, figures in Concrete’s Sex Survey this year show that at UEA, we’re much less afraid of breaking the law and getting a little bit dirty – pun intended.

52.3 percent of students who responded to our survey have admitted to having sex in a public space, an act

Photo: Daniel Salliss

which has been an official offence since 2003, when the Sexual Offences Act made it illegal to have sex in a public toilet. 46.6 percent of students said they have not had sex in public, and a further 1.1 percent said they were unsure.

However, the way public sex offences are dealt with today is much different to what it was decades ago, when UK police officers made it a priority to stop gay men from having sex in public toilets and at outdoor ‘cruising grounds’. These men were often arrested, prosecuted, and jailed under Public Order Acts for doing so.

It was not until the partial decriminalisation of male homosexuality in 1967 that police officers began to be less violent and treat gay men more fairly – though

homophobia obviously still continued.

Today, the police will take advice on “sensitivity and fairness” when dealing with those who have had sex in public, and, will often only get involved if there has been a complaint made by another member of the public.

This means that Public Sex Environments (PSEs is the official police term) which are out of the way of the public (think secluded forests at night, not public beaches during the day) are often left alone. However, the police do say they still monitor these areas to keep them safe from drug use, sexual assault, or any other crime.

So, when you try to get your next ‘L’ at the lake, please double check that noone is around having a barbecue.

Matt Nixon

21

Fifty Shades of UEA

Role play?

“Doctor and nurse” “Theresa May and Jeremy Corbyn”

“Teacher and student”

Fetishes: what’s yours?

In life, every person is unique. The same can therefore be said for sex.

Each of us is an individual and each of us has different preferences. This said, many people hold sexual preferences that set them aside from the majority, specifically through fetishes.

Fetishes can fit into an almost infinite number of categories, ranging from the frisky to the unbelievable.

Towards the end of the twentieth century, sexual liberation movements removed much of the taboo surrounding these fetishes, and in recent years these niece desires have come to be normalised even further, particularly with the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon.

Spanking, whipping and general S&M are all fairly common fetishes, and have today could be considered by some to be fairly mainstream.

Towards the more extreme end of the spectrum things get far more eyeopening.

Last year US President Donald Trump found himself caught up in controversy surrounding a supposed urination fetish. Whilst he strongly denied the claims, it seems such desires are no longer something to be hidden away, at least for those of us who remain outside of the public eye.

22

Last year, I attended a meeting of the UEA fetish society with a friend to try better understand what went on in arguably the university’s most secretive group. We met in a booked out room on the lower floor of the library, curtains drawn to prevent “non-members” looking in. I was immediately struck at how welcoming and “normal” an atmosphere we had walked into. There were no chains or dog collars, but rather just ordinary people sitting, discussing shared sexual interests. Of course there was the option to take things up a level through specialist “meets” that could include ‘rope tying demonstrations’ and so on, but the emphasis was entirely on what each individual felt comfortable with.

For me, this seemed to be positively representative of UEA’s wider views on the subject. Fetishes may not be to everyone’s taste, and often we may not ourselves appreciate, or even understand what makes each other tick. But in all aspects of life it is worthwhile to maintain an open and understanding outlook to all people and views, and sex should be no different. As long as all parties are consensual and safe, then the growing openness and acceptance of fetishes should be welcomed. Anonymous

UEA uses...

-Anal beads -Butt plug -Clit clamp -Nipple teasers -Vibrator -Strap-on -Kegel balls -Cock ring -Ball gag -Tail plug

Taboos The masturbation taboo

We asked you about fantasies...

“Power

”

playing

“You don’t have enough room to fit my kinks in here!”

“Men i n wom ens’ underw ear”

Masturbation is great. So why aren’t women and girls talking about it?

Why doesn’t this have a by-line?

Growing up, the guys around at school were often talking about masturbation- lots of jokes were thrown around and it was made quite clear that guys were weird if they didn’t.

Whilst not a daily occurrence, its far from surprising when male masturbation gets brought up in TV shows. So why not for women? When I discovered masturbation around 13/14 it was this big secret, something I could never admit I do.

It was never mentioned in my friendship group, nor by teachers in sex-ed (who at my school did discuss it with the boys), nor in any TV or

films. No one was telling me it was ok, healthy, good for my mental health; so I kept quiet. Even now in my group of adult female friends it’s never discussed or mentioned. But the two conversations I have ever had about female self-pleasure have shown me both that others have had similar experiences to me, and that these conversation can be positive, lovely and empowering.

I believe that the shame and the silence comes down to not wanting women to be in control of, independent in, and empowered by, their own sexuality (without men). Sex is not just for the male gaze. So I encourage you to go out there and talk about it, you might be pleasantly surprised by what you learn. Anonymous

“I like to be the one in control, whether that is receiving or giving. I like when inside them for them to talk softly in my ear and breath deeply” me, threeso l a u x e “Bis alelarly m particu male” male-fe

Have you ever

Yes

tried bondage?

38%

No

Unsure1%

19%

tion”

omina t and d in a r t s e R

No 81%

Do you own any sex toys?

“

“Yeah, being called

A vibrator was UEA’s

Captain every once in a

most popular sex toy

while. A little pain doesn’t hurt either”

Unsure 1%

Yes 80%

23

“What makes a good sexual experience? Feminist inclinations”

” ades h s “50

“Lust”

“Honey, we don’t have time”

“I enjoy judging

people on their profiles”

“An orgasm, lol”

“You don’t have enough room to fit my kinks in here!”

“Good old red light di strict”

ilk” biscuits, m , s p s ri C . te e.g my flatma h it w d o fo e for in exchang x e s d a h “I’ve er find out” “If they nev

“We are young, shit ha ppens”

“Daddy”

“Ropes”

“What in our culture isnt fetishised???”

“Ties, wax, ice, spanki ng

and biting”

“Bant”