The Event - Issue 207

4HE %VENT

7E ASK (AVE PEOPLE LOST FAITH IN TELEVISION 0LUS 7E CHAT TO THE NEW MUSIC SENSATION THAT ARE &OALS !ND 4HE !RTS TEAM SPEND AN EVENING WITH .ICK (ORNBY

(ERE S (ALLOWEEN (ORROR lLMS THAT SCARE US SILLY

(ELLO

)N THIS ISSUE

! WEEK AGO ) WENT TO #ROMER WITH MY BOYFRIEND 0ETE 7E DID ALL THE USUAL THINGS TRIED TO GO CRABBING OFF THE PIER HAD LUNCH IN A LITTLE SEASIDE CAFÏ AND BROWSED THE SHOPS !ND OF COURSE WE ALSO HAD TO GO AND PLAY ON THE AMUSE MENTS ON THE SEAFRONT )T WAS THERE THAT BETWEEN US WE HEROICALLY BEAT THE EVIL ALIEN WHO YOU HAVE TO THROW BALLS AT WON PRECIOUS TICKETS AND WHEN IT CAME TO CHOOSING MY PRIZE IN RETURN FOR THOSE HARD EARNED TICKETS THERE WAS ONLY ONE CHOICE A POT OF BUBBLES .OW ) DON T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS BUBBLES ARE MAGICAL 4HEY ARE ONE OF THE ONLY THINGS IN THE WORLD THAT CAN MAKE BOTH A LITTLE BOY S AND AN ELDERLY LADY S FACE LIGHT UP WHEN THEY SEE THEM BLOWING IN THE WIND AND ALONG THE STREETS OF #ROMER !ND IT S NOT JUST IN #ROMER ! LOT OF FUN CAN BE HAD WITH BUBBLES AT UNI TOO ) MYSELF SPENT TEN MINUTES BLOWING THEM OUT OF MY BEDROOM WINDOW IN #OLMAN (OUSE THIS WEEK MUCH TO THE AMUSEMENT AND ENJOYMENT OF THE PEOPLE WALKING BY BELOW -Y RATHER RANDOM POINT IS THIS DON T BE AFRAID OR EMBARRASSED TO RECLAIM YOUR INNER MAGIC )T MIGHT BE THE BEST THING YOU DO ALL WEEK 5NTIL NEXT TIME

Fiona

%DITOR IN #HIEF -ARCUS *ONES %DITOR &IONA "ILLINGS $EPUTY !RTS

&AY (ARRIS

#ONTRIBUTORS &ELICITY !LLMAN *ON "ALDWIN ,YDIA (ARLEY 4IM +EELEY &ERDINAND ,EE -ELISSA 9ORK

#OMPETITIONS %DITOR -ARTIN *OPP #REATIVE 7RITING %DITOR 3UZANNA #ULLEN #ONTRIBUTORS !NIQAH #HOUDHRI .ICK $AVIES :AK +LEIN ,ETTIE -CKIE %MILY 7EST "EN 7OODS

#ENTRE 3PREAD #ONTRIBUTORS &IONA "ILLINGS !NDY *ONES -ARCUS *ONES .ICOLA *ONES +ARINE 7ACH $ONOVAN

&ASHION %DITOR !LANNAH 7ELLS $EPUTY &ASHION 3ARAH (EAD (ANNAH 4AYLOR #ONTRIBUTORS !MANDA (ALLIDAY !LICE 3AGGERS *AMES 4HORPE .ICOLA 7ATSON *AKE 7ILCZYNSKI

P 7E TAKE A TRIP TO THE 4OPSHOP ,OCK )N P ! LOOK AT THE STYLE OF %DIE 3EDGWICK PLUS HOW TO GET THE PERFECT SMOKEY EYES

!RTS

P 7E DELVE INTO THE WORLD OF POSTSECRET COM P 4HE !RTS TEAM MAKE IT A NIGHT WITH .ICK (ORNBY

46

P (AVE YOU LOST FAITH IN TELEVISION AFTER THE HUGE AMOUNT OF PHONE IN SCANDALS P 0RISION "REAK REVIEWED PLUS &RASIER IN 46 #LASSICS

#REATIVE 7RITING

4HE %VENT !RTS %DITOR *ACK #LARK

&ASHION

&ILM %DITOR .ATASHA +UNDAIKER #ONTRIBUTORS %LLEN #AVE *EREMIAH #HIN ,EIWS $YSON 'EORGE 'ILBERT (OLLY -C.ULTY -IKE -OORE ,IAM / "RIEN

,ISTINGS %DITOR 2ACHAEL 0RICE -USIC %DITOR 'REG 3ULLIVAN $EPUTY -USIC 7ILL (OLLOWAY #ONTRIBUTORS 3ARAH #HRISTIE 7ILL $ONOVAN #AROLINE $UNMORE 3IAN (AMER 2OB -ORBIN ,UCY -OORE *OSEPHINE 0IFFERO (OLLY 7ATTE

46 %DITOR *AMES "ILLINGS #ONTRIBUTORS &IONA "ILLINGS (ARRIET $IPLOCK -ATT /WEN ,ORRAINE 3OUTHGATE

7IRED %DITOR -IKE -OORE

P 0OETRY AND 0ROSE FROM 5%! S lNEST WRITERS

&EATURES

The

P ! LOOK AT THE CAREER OF #HARLIE (IGSON POST 5%! PLUS WHERE THE HELL ARE +ENAN AND +EL P 7E GIVE YOU TIPS AND HINTS GALORE ABOUT GET TING WORK EXPERIENCE IN THE &ASHION INDUSTRY

-USIC P P P P

7E CHAT TO /XFORD BASED GROUP &OALS 3INGLES REVIEWS INCLUDING "EN S "ROTHER !LBUMS BY 2ADIOHEAD ANND 3TEREOPHONICS &RANK 4URNER AND -INDLESS 3ELF )NDULGE HIT THE STAGES OF .ORWICH

&ILM P P P P

3TARDUST REVIEWED PLUS 2EPO -AN IN #INElLE 2ENDITION AND "LACK 3HEEP REVIEWED 4-.4 AND #APTIVITY OUT ON $6$ 7E TAKE A LOOK AT THE HORROR GENRE IN ALL ITS BLOOD SOAKED GLORY

7HAT S /N

P 4HIS FORTNIGHT S HAPPENINGS IN .ORWICH

7IRED

P )NTERNET 'AMING .EWS PLUS #OMMAND AND #ONQUER 2ED !LERT IN 'AMING 'REATS

#ONTRIBUTORS +ARL $AVIES !NDY *UDSON

#OMPETITIONS

P #ROSSWORD 3UDOKUS AND A 1UIZ FOR ALL

,OCK US IN 3ARAH (EAD TAKES A TRIP TO THE 4/03(/0 STUDENT LOCK IN SOME FASHION MUST HAVES 4/0 3(/0 S KNITWEAR SECTION PARTICU LARLY IMPRESSED US WITH V NECKS CARDIGANS ROLL NECKS AND CREW NECKS IN AN ASSORTMENTOF AUTUMNAL COLOURS WE BAGGED MYSELF A FEW FOR THE CHANGING ROOMS !LSO ADDED TO OUR HUGE HEAP OF CLOTHES WE TOOK IN TO TRY ON FOR SIZE WERE 4/03(/0 S MUST HAVE SKINNY JEANS SOME OF US ALREADY OWN ABOUT PAIRS BUT HEY A GIRL CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY PAIRS OF JEANSx OR WAS THAT SHOES !NYWAY WITH WINTER STEAD

ILY APPROACHING MANY &ASHIONISTAS WERE TRYING ON 4/03(/0 S EXCEL LENT RANGE OF WINTER COATS JACKETS AND CAPES ALL AT REASONABLE PRICES BUT EVEN WITH DISCOUNT WE KNEW WE COULD NOT ADD ANOTHER ITEM TO OUR EVER INCREASING PILE !ND SO WITH AN ARMFUL OF CLOTHES WE HEADED TO THE TILLS AND WHACKED IT ALL ON OUR CREDIT CARDSx $AD WOULD BE PROUD OR MAYBE NOT 7E ENJOYED A GOOD EVENING AT THE ,OCK )N SO THANKS 4/03(/0 SEE YOU SAME TIME NEXT YEAR

4HE BOYS 4HE RESU LTS WHEN

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%MIL !LLARD

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4/03(/0 YET AGAIN PUT ON A SPLEN DID NIGHT OF DISCOUNT SHOPPING FOR US STUDENTS AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS MONTH 7ITH %MIL AND HIS CAMERA READY FOR ACTION THE &ASHION 4EAM WERE ABLE TO ACCESS THE ,OCK )N A FEW MINUTES BEFORE THE CHAOS BE GAN 4O 4/03(/0 S CREDIT THEY HAD LAID THE STORE OUT IMMACULATELY lLLED IT WITH HAPPY AND ENTHUSI ASTIC STAFF AND FAILED TO DISAPPOINT WITH THEIR FUN PACKED GOODIE BAGS 7ITH ORGANISED CHAOS DESCENDING THE AISLES WE SET OUT TO lND MYSELF

%MIL !LLARD

%VERY WEEK WE TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT IS HOT OR NOT !MANDA (ALLIDAY "RIGHTS 7HETHER

(OT

IT IS PAINTED NAILS OR COLOURED TIGHTS MAKE IT NEON AND MAKE IT BRIGHT 'OOD FOR BRIGHTENING UP OUR DREARY "RITISH WEATHER

,EATHER *ACKETS #HECK OUT .EW ,OOK AND ( - FOR GREAT REAL AND IMITATION LOOKS

-EN IN SKINNY JEANS EXPOSING OLD GREY PANTS )F YOU ARE GOING TO WEAR SKINNY JEANS LADS MAKE SURE YOUR PANTS ARE EXPOSURE WORTHY

.OT

#ELEB 3TYLE

EKS 'ET THIS WE CELEB LOOK

%

DIE 3EDGWICK WAS THE ORIGINAL @)T GIRL !NYONE WHO HAS SEEN HER BIOPIC &ACTORY 'IRL WILL NO DOUBT HAVE REALISED THAT %DIE S STRIKINGLY INDIVIDUAL YET TIMELESS BEATNIK STYLE IS ONE TO BE CHANNELLED 0RADA EVEN DEDICATED A CATWALK SHOW TO CELEBRATE THE RELEASE OF THE lLM STARRING ITS LEADING LADY AND OUR VERY OWN FASHION ICON 3I ENNA -ILLER %DIE STUCK TO A MONOCHROME PALETTE WHICH STARKLY CONTRASTED WITH HER PLATINUM BLONDE ELlN

CROP AND HER PALE SKIN 3HE TEAMED TINY SHIFT DRESSES WITH BLACK OPAQUE TIGHTS AND GIGAN TIC CHANDELIER STYLE EARRINGS 3HE PRACTISED BALLET IN 7ARHOL S APARTMENT WEARING A BLACK LEO TARD AND OFTEN WOULDN T BOTHER TO CHANGE BEFORE GOING TO A PAR TY CHOOSING INSTEAD TO JUST SLING AN OVERSIZED MEN S JACKET OVER THE TOP OR A VOLUPTUOUS ,EOP ARD &UR #OAT (ER SIGNATURE LOOK FOR MAKE UP WAS THE SMOKY EYE COLOURED WITH GUNMETAL GREY AND LINED WITH THICK KOHL AND A DOUBLE SET OF FALSE EYELASHES !S A WEALTHY SOCIALITE %DIE WAS NO STRANGER TO RETAIL THERAPY AND MANAGED TO SPEND HER WAY THROUGH HER ENTIRE INHERITANCE IN JUST SIX MONTHS "ELOW ARE A FEW TIPS ON HOW YOU CAN GET THE %DIE LOOK ON A STUDENTS NOT A SOCIALITES BUDGET

%DIE K C I W 3EDG

!LICE 3AGGERS

!CCESSORIZE a 7AREHOUSE a

!CCESSORIZE a

S E Y E 3MOKEY

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#REATE THE SMOKEY

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!NY SOCIAL SAVVY STUDENT WILL KNOW THAT SIZZLING @3MOKEY EYES IS THE HOT TEST PARTY LOOK BUT HOW DO WE PERFECT THOSE SULTRY EYES WITHOUT CREATING A BLACK NIGHTMARE $ON T BE SCARED IT S EASIER THAN YOU THINK 3TEP ,INER "EGIN WITH A SOFT BLACK PENCIL AND DRAW AN EVEN LINE ACROSS THE TOP LASHES AND UNDERNEATH THE BOTTOM 4HE KEY HERE IS TO BLEND IT IS NOT CALLED 3MOKEY EYES FOR NOTHING 7E RECOMMEND "ENElT S SKETCHING PENCIL IN ONYX AS IT COMES WITH A HANDY SMUDGING SPONGE ON THE OTHER END OR 5RBAN $ECAY S BLACK PENCIL WHICH IS SUPER SOFT BUT STAYS ON FOR THE WHOLE NIGHTS SHENANIGANS

&UNKY GS LAPTOP BA

3TEP $RESS YOUR LASHES &INISH WITH LASHINGS OF MASCARA AND FOR ANY GIRL WHO REALLY WANTS TO TURN HEADS A LAYER OF FAKE LASHES CAN BE USED TO CREATE THE EXTRA OOH LA LA "OOTS OR 3UPERDRUG HAVE PLENTY OF CHEAP FAKE LASHES TO CHOOSE FROM WHICH INCLUDE THE GLUE TO STICK THEM ON WITH &I NALLY LINE THE INNER PART OF YOUR LOWER LASH LINE WITH THE BLACK PENCIL AND NOW YOU RE ALL SET TO PARTY IN STYLE

4HERE ARE SOME RE AL

LY SNAZZZY NEW BA

SE BORING

F THO SO GET RID O

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.ICOLA 7ATSON 5RBAN $ECAY "EAUTY #ONSULTANT

IMAGE WWW FASHION FEVER COM

3TEP 3HADOW 5SE A BLACK OR DARK GREY COLOUR AND SWEEP FROM THE OUTER CORNER OF YOUR EYE INWARDS +EEP IT CLOSE TO THE LASH LINE 4HEN SWEEP A LIGHTER SHADE OF GREY OVER THE EYE LID AND ONCE AGAIN AN EVEN LIGHTER SHADE OVER THE WHOLE EYE SOCKET 2EMEMBER TO BLEND THE SHADOW FOR THE PERFECT SMOKE OUT EFFECT

"EEN )NVOLVED

'ET )NVOLVED

4HE (AROLD 0INTER 0AUSE

4HIS FORTNIGHT IN THE .ORWICH ARTS

4

ERESA :OERS S DOUBLE BILL OF (AROLD 0INTER PLAYS PRO VIDED AN EDUCATION IN HOW COMEDY DRAMA SHOCK AND FEAR CAN MAKE ENTERTAINING AND THOUGHT PROVOKING THEATRE /NE FOR THE 2OAD WAS THE lRST OF 0INTER S h0O LITICAL 0LAYS v AND THE BARBARIC AC TIONS DESCRIBED ARE MATCHED BY AN EQUALLY SAVAGE USE OF LANGUAGE (OWEVER :OERS INTELLIGENTLY JUX TAPOSES VIOLENCE AND FEAR WITH THE HUMOROUS BUT VALUABLE 4EA 0ARTY 4OTALITARIANISM AND TORTURE ARE WRENCHED INTO VIEW DURING THE lRST PLAY OF THE EVENING &ROM 3IMON 2YNINKS S ENTRANCE AS THE IRONI CALLY NAMED 6ICTOR BRUTALIZED FOR HIS UNNAMED CRIMES TO 4OM 2AN CIS S THREATENINGLY COMPOSED AN TAGONIST .ICOLAS /NE FOR THE 2OAD HAMMERS ITS MESSAGE HOME 2ANCIS SUCCESSFULLY CREATED THE PARADOX OF A CIVILISED TORTURER AS HE PREDA TORILY STALKED HIS WOUNDED PRISON ERS 2YNINKS EMBODIED THE PSY CHOLOGICAL AND PHYSICAL PAIN OF HIS CHARACTER BRILLIANTLY /LIVIA 6INALL MADE A HARROWINGLY STRONG IMPACT AS 6ICTOR S WIFE 'ILA ,IKE HER CO STARS SHE DEMONSTRATED HOW THE INFAMOUS h0INTER 0AUSEv SHOULD BE EXECUTED TO FULL EFFECT !LEX !R NOLD BROUGHT YOUTHFUL INNOCENCE TO THE PIECE MAKING THE lNAL LINE

OF THE PLAY EVEN MORE DISTURBING !FTER A READING OF 0INTER S POEM !MERICAN &OOTBALL THE TONE OF THE EVENING WAS SHIFTED BY THE OPENING OF 4EA 0ARTY 4HE ACTION SURROUNDS AGING PLUMBING MAGNATE 2OBERT $ISSON PLAYED BY *OHN +EARNS (IS FOILS ARE FOUND WITHIN SUPPRESSED DE SIRE TOWARDS HIS ATTRACTIVE SECRETARY AND BEING SURPASSED BY HIS BROTHER

IN LAW PLAYED VERY EFFECTIVELY BY /LIVIA 6INALL AND -ATTHEW (ASSALL RESPECTIVELY ,AYLA !MIR 3OLEYMANI 3IMON 2YNINKS AND #ARI "ARLEY ALL PERFORMED EXCELLENTLY AND DESPITE THEIR CHARACTERS MORAL SUPPORT THEY ALL BECOME PART OF $ISSON S PARA NOIA -R &RANCIS AND 4ABITHA 0EAR SON -OORE PROVIDED HILARIOUSLY ID IOSYNCRATIC COMIC RELIEF +EARNS GAVE A GRANDIOSE PERFORMANCE SHIFTING EASILY FROM COMEDY TO THE DEPTHS OF SELF DOUBT #HRIS $OBSON ALSO EXCELLED AS THE SON LOSING RESPECT FOR HIS UNSTABLE FATHER /NE ISSUE REMAINED VERY APPARENT DURING THE PERFORMANCE OF 4EA 0ARTY THAT OF ITS ORIGINS AS A SCREENPLAY 4HE TRANSI TION FROM SCREEN TO STAGE IS OFTEN DIFlCULT WITH SHORT SCENES TAKING PLACE IN A VARIETY OF SETTINGS 5NFOR TUNATELY SCENE CHANGES REPEATEDLY BROKE THE mOW OF ACTION (AD MU SIC OR PROJECTION BEEN USED TO COVER THE SHIFTING OF SCENERY THE BREAKS WOULD HAVE BEEN LESS INTRUSIVE -ISS :OERS SUPPORTED BY A STRONG ENSEMBLE AND INTELLIGENT STAGING SUCCEEDED IN BRINGING TWO OF 0INTER S LESSER KNOWN PLAYS TO THE FORE !T THE END DISCUS SIONS RAGED IN THE AUDIENCE AND THAT IS THE GREATEST COMPLIMENT A PIECE OF THEATRE CAN RECEIVE 4IM +EELEY

2EVIEW -Y3ECRET 9OUR3ECRET .OW IT S EVERYONE S SECRET h) EXPOSED MYSELF TO HERPES BECAUSE ) THOUGHT HE WOULD MARRY MEv 7ITH THE GUILTY CURIOSITY OF TRACK ING DOWN YOUR EX S -Y3PACE PAGE -Y3ECRET READS LIKE A TOILET WALL OF INNERMOST FEELINGS AND DESIRES ! SCRAPBOOK OF POSTCARD INSIGHTS INTO THE HOPES DREAMS AND CONCERNS OF THE ANONYMOUS EACH SECRET IS IN

h) EXPOSED MYSELF TO HERPES BECAUSE ) THOUGHT HE WOULD MARRY ME v CORPORATED INTO A PIECE OF ARTWORK WHICH ONLY ADDS TO THE SENSE THAT A PRIVATE DIARY IS BEING READ 4HE ORIGINAL CONCEPT STARTED IN /CTOBER WHEN 7ARREN SET UP THE 0OST3ECRET 0ROJECT AND WAS IN UNDATED WITH RESPONSES FROM ALL OVER !MERICA AND EVENTUALLY THE WORLD 4HIS EXPANDED INTO A WEB SITE WWW POSTSECRET COM GALLERY AND TRAVELLING ART EXHIBITS AS WELL AS BEING THE BACKDROP FOR THE MUSIC VIDEO OF $IRTY ,ITTLE 3ECRET BY THE !LL !MERICAN 2EJECTS 4HE CONCLUSION FROM NUMER

OUS PERUSALS OF -Y3ECRET IS THAT THE GREATEST REWARD TO BE HAD HERE IS COMFORT IN THAT MOST PEOPLE WRES TLE WITH SKELETONS IN THE CUPBOARD OR EVEN THAT THINGS MOST LIKELY ARE NOT AS BAD AS THEY CAN GET )N ADDI TION THE PROJECT S FAME PRECEDES THE PUBLICATION AND WHEN OPENED AT DINNER ONE NIGHT IT DREW RESPONSES FROM RESIDENTS WITHIN THE HOUSE INEVITABLY LEADING TO LENGTHY CON VERSATIONS AND PHILOSOPHY FROM THE SHALLOWEST MINDS (OWEVER THIS IS NOT A BOOK FOR EVERYONE THE GIMMICK ASPECT IS AT TIMES UNAVOIDABLE WHAT WITH THE SENTIMENTALITY AND AESTHETICS OF A $ISNEY CLASSIC AS WELL AS THE SEN SATION OF PROBING WHICH POLARISES OPINION AS TO WHETHER IT IS THE ART OR THE DOWNFALL OF -Y3ECRET 4HE SECRETS ARE BOTH ALIENAT ING AND WELCOMING RANGING FROM LAUGH OUT LOUD FUNNY h-Y BUTT SWEATS WHEN ) GET NERVOUSv TO TRULY BIZARRE h) MADE DEER HUMPv TO DEEPLY SHOCKING h) EXPOSED MY SELF TO HERPES BECAUSE ) THOUGHT HE WOULD MARRY MEv 4HE SECRETS ARE AUTHENTICALLY PEPPERED WITH SPELL ING ERRORS AND ADOLESCENT MELODRA MA OVER EVERYDAY ISSUES FOR WHICH THE .(3 PRODUCES PAMPHLETS BUT

7

ITH THOSE WEEK SIX ESSAYS SPRUCED AND READY FOR THE DATE STAMP DUST OFF THE CONVERSE AND TAKE A STRETCH OF THE LEGS INTO THE HEART OF CITY TO ENJOY THESE UPCOMING DRAMATIC AND CINEMATIC EVENTS TAKING PLACE IN .ORWICH 4HE 0LAYHOUSE PRESENTS 4HE +AOS $REAM 4HURSDAY TH 3ATUR DAY TH /CT PM ! PHYSICALLY FUELLED AND SURREAL 3HAKESPEAR

h&OR AVID CINEMA GOERS #INEMA #ITY REALLY DOES OFFER THE HOME LIEST OF ATMOS PHERES WHERE AN AUDIENCE CAN EXPERIENCE lLMS THAT MISS THE MAINSTREAMv EAN PERFORMANCE OF ! -IDSUMMER .IGHT S $REAM BY THEATRE GROUP +AOS $ESCRIBED AS SUPERBLY hSAUCYv BY A GROUP LABELLED h,IVE AND DANGEROUS v THIS PERFORM ANCE IS SURE TO EXCITE ITS AUDIENCE -ADDERMARKET 4HEATRE 0RODUC

2EVIEW #HEQUE %NCLOSED 4IME WILL TELL FOR 5%! 'RADUATES -ELISSA 4HIS ANTHOLOGY PUB

ESSENTIALLY ALL THESE INTIMATE DEDI CATIONS TO HEARTACHE FRUSTRATION AND CLICHÏ CONTRIBUTE TO A BITTER SWEET BEAUTY THAT LINGERS 4HE LASTING IMPRESSION OF -Y3E CRET IS THE COUNSEL IT OFFERS NOT ONLY DOES EACH READING PRESENT A PREVI OUSLY FORGOTTEN OR OVERLOOKED SE CRET BUT THE KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY PERSON EVER TO HAVE HAIRY ARMS OR FALL FOR THE WRONG GUY OR GIVE IN TO PEER PRESSURE IS AN EN DURING SOURCE OF RELIEF AND IT HAUNTS THE READER WITH THE EXPERIENCES THEY CANNOT RELATE TO 9ET &ELICITY !LLMAN

TION PRESENTS 4HE 4EMPEST TH TH /CT PM )F ! -IDSUM MER S .IGHT DIDN T lLL THAT PESKY 3HAKESPEARE VOID IN YOUR LIFE THEN 7ILL S lNAL PLAY OF 2OM COM AND REDEMPTION IS A MUST 4HE PLAY LENDS ITS PLOT TO MANY CONTEMPO RARY IMITATIONS SUCH AS THE SCI l lLM &ORBIDDEN 0LANET EXCELLENTLY EXECUTED BY OUR OWN DRAMA STU DENTS LAST YEAR AND LESSER KNOWN EPISODES OF 3TAR 4REK AND 8 MEN !FTER A MULTI MILLION POUND REFURBISHMENT #INEMA #ITY REO PENED ON THE TH /CTOBER AND NOW BOASTS THREE SCREENS COMFY SEATS A RESTAURANT AND BAR BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY A NEW IMPRESSIVE LIST OF lLMS ON ITS PROGRAMME &ROM THE TH EXPECT lLMS SUCH AS !TONE MENT /NCE AND 7HEN DID YOU LAST SEE 9OUR &ATHER WITH #OLIN &IRTH AND *IM "ROADBENT AND AN EXCEL LENT ADAPTATION OF 3TOKER S $RACULA .OSFERATU WHICH FEATURES LIVE MU SIC FROM ELECTRO JAZZ ARTIST $ARRYN (ARKNESS &OR AVID CINEMA GOERS #INEMA #ITY REALLY DOES OFFER THE HOMELIEST OF ATMOSPHERES WHERE THE AUDIENCE CAN EXPERIENCE lLMS THAT MISS THE MAINSTREAM BUT UL TIMATELY END UP BECOMING FAVOUR ITES &OR COMPLETE LISTINGS AND PRIC ES GO TO WWW PICTUREHOUSES CO UK &AY (ARRIS

LISHED ANNUALLY FROM THE 5%! -! 'RADUATES OF #REATIVE 7RITING IS MEANT TO GIVE THE READER A TANTALIS ING TASTER OF THE FUTURE OF LITERATURE )S IT POSSIBLE THAT WE WILL SEE THESE NAMES RECEIVE THE EPONYMOUS #HEQUE %NCLOSED *ON )F YOU RE LOOKING FOR A GOOD STORY THIS ANTHOLOGY WON T SATISFY IT IS AFTER ALL AN ANTHOLOGY 4HE SHORT STORIES WHICH APPEARED IN THEIR COMPLETION SEEMED TO BE LESS GRATIFYING THAN THE SNIPPETS FROM RICHER AND FULLER WORKS - /NE SOLUTION TO THIS APPARENT CONTRADICTION COULD BE THAT IN OUR HUMBLE STUDENT OPINION THE BEST LITERATURE IS VERY MUCH CHARACTER DRIVEN AND SUCH * RICHER AND FULLER WORKS - ARE MORE APPEALING THAN THEIR SHORTER COUNTERPARTS BECAUSE THE CHARACTERS HAVE HAD MORE TIME TO DEVELOP A REALISTIC HUMAN VOICE * .OW THERE S A BROAD AND SWEEP ING STATEMENT TO COVER THOUSANDS OF YEARS OF WRITING "UT SHE HAS A POINT )T WAS A SIGN THAT ) WAS ENJOYING THE PIECE THAT WHEN IT ENDED ) WANTED TO CONTINUE THE JOURNEY THAT ) HAD BEGUN WITH THE CHARACTERS 4HE 4I TLE OF -Y !UTOBIOGRAPHY "Y THE #ANAL

AND 4HE ,ATVIAN -OTORCYCLE 0RINCESS WERE ALL PROSE WRITINGS THAT LURED ME IN BUT THEN ) WAS FORCED TO MOVE IN TO THE NEXT DISCONNECTED EXTRACT - 4HE PIECES ) FOUND MOST ALLUR ING WERE $IVYA 'HELANI S 4HE 7IFE 4HAT $OES .OT #RY -ARION 'OLBERG S 7EEDS AND 0AT "ARROW S 2ELEASE A SHORT lLM ADAPTATION OF 'UY DE -AUPASSANT S ,A .UIT #AUCHEMAR BECAUSE THEY POSSESSED A COMPEL LING TONE AND A COMPLETE LACK OF CONTRIVED PRETENSION * 7ITH A BRILLIANTLY CREATIVE MIX OF REALISM POETIC TECHNIQUE AND COMICAL IRONY 3TEPHANIE ,EAL S /N THE $ISCOVERY OF THE /RGASM AND ! -EDIOCRE -ESS WERE HIGHLY ENTER TAINING )F THESE POEMS ARE JUST A SMALL OFFERING THEN THEY ARE HOPE FULLY THE SEEDS OF FURTHER LITERARY PROWESS - &URTHERMORE THE DIVERSITY OF THE SUBJECT MATTER OF THE WHOLE ANTHOL OGY WAS IMPRESSIVE AND THE BLURB PROUDLY PROCLAIMS VISCERAL TALES OF hLOVE MATRICIDE BALLET SUICIDE WITCH LURGY WIDOWS AND ORPHANS v !ND SO IT SHOULD 3UCH SPLENDID VA RIETY IS PROOF OF THE ENDURING CREA TIVITY THAT IS GIVEN SPACE TO mOURISH AT 5%! *ON "ALDWIN AND -ELISSA 9ORK

! .IGHT WITH .ICK (ORNBY

)

N CASE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT MEET ING ONE OF YOUR MUCH ADMIRED FA VOURITE WRITERS IN REAL LIFE DON T DO IT )T MIGHT SHAKE UP YOUR POSSIBLY INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP TO HIS OR HER WORKS AND THE hIMAGINED PERSONAv BEHIND THEM IN A VERY PROFOUND AND DISTURBING MANNER JUST LIKE IT DID FOR US AT THE PRES ENTATION OF .ICK (ORNBY S LATEST BOOK 3LAM AT THE &ORUM ON -ONDAY .OW DON T GET US WRONG .ICK (ORNBY IS A NICE DOWN TO EARTH AND WITTILY FUNNY GUY (E SMILES FOR THE PHOTOGRAPHS JUST BEFORE THE PRESENTA TION IS ABOUT TO START "ELLE 3EBASTIAN ARE SOUNDING FROM THE SPEAKERS 4EENAGERS ARE SKATING IN FRONT OF THE STEPS JUST OUTSIDE THE &ORUM AN EXCEPTION HAS BEEN MADE BY THE .ORFOLK #ONSTABULARY FOR THE BENElT OF THE

EVENT AND .ICK (ORNBY AS THIS IS JUST WHAT HIS NEW BOOK IS ABOUT SKATING !T LEAST TO SOME DEGREE )N THE BOOK YEAR OLD SKATEBOARD EN THUSIAST 3AM lNDS HIMSELF IN THE POSITION OF BECOMING A FATHER THE CHILD S MOTHER BE ING HIS EX GIRLFRIEND (IS VOICE OF REASON IS A POSTER OF 4ONY (AWK ON HIS BEDROOM WALL SPEAKING TO 3AM IN AS (ORNBY CALLS THEM hDREAM SEQUENCESv 4ONY (AWK IS RESTRICTED BY THE VOCABULARY USED IN HIS AUTOBIOGRA PHY WHICH 3AM AND PROBABLY (ORNBY HIMSELF HAS READ SO MANY TIMES THAT HE RE CALLS THE hWISDOMv WHEN IN NEED 7HETHER HE DOES SO CONSCIOUSLY OR WITH INTENTION REMAINS UNEXPLAINED HENCE (ORNBY S TERM hDREAM SEQUENCESv 4HE EPISODES (ORNBY CHOOSES TO READ OUT ROUND UP THE CHARACTER OF THE BOOK AND THE SUBJECTS IT TOUCHES INCLUDE TEENAGE PREGNANCY BEING A TEENAGER AND OBVIOUS LY SKATING !DDRESSING THESE ISSUES MAKES SENSE AND (ORNBY S NOTION OF hTRYING TO BE FUNNY YET CONVEYING A DEEPER MEAN INGv AS HE POINTS OUT LATER THAT EVENING IS SURELY OF USE IN MODERN DAY %NGLAND 7HAT (ORNBY READS STAYS WITHIN THESE CONlNES OF MEANING AND WIT AND IS INDEED VERY FUNNY AT TIMES QUITE POSSIBLY A LOT BETTER IF YOU

"OOK 2EVIEW 4HAT "ITCH 0ROTECT 9OURSELF !GAINST 7OMEN WITH -ALICIOUS )NTENT "Y 2OY 3HEPPARD AND -ARY 4 #LEARY 4HIS CONTROVERSIAL SELF HELP BOOK AIMS TO PRO VIDE ADVICE FOR ANY VICTIMIZED MALE WHO HAS EVER FELT THE WRATH OF WOMEN 7ITH PHRASES DESCRIBING WOMEN AS USING h7EAPONS OF -ALE DESTRUCTION v THE !RTS TEAM FELT IT ONLY FAIR TO LET THE BRAVE ,YDIA (ARLEY REVIEW THIS PROVOCATIVE BOOK *UDGING FROM ITS SASSY COVER ) EXPECTED 4HAT "ITCH TO BE A LIGHT HEARTED SELF HELP MAN TRA IN THE SAME VEIN AS (E S *UST .OT 4HAT )NTO 9OU ) WAS MISTAKEN 4HE BOOK AIMS TO DRAW ATTENTION TO THE VERBAL PHYSICAL AND lNANCIAL ABUSE SUFFERED BY MEN IN RELATIONSHIPS )T IN CLUDES PERSONAL TESTIMONIALS FROM HUSBANDS AND BOYFRIENDS WHO HAVE VISITED #LEARY S CENTRE FOR MALE VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE !MEN WWW AMEN IE 4HE STORIES ARE SHOCK ING IN THEIR DEPICTION OF PHYSICALLY AGGRESSIVE WOMEN A SUBJECT RARELY DOCUMENTED IN THE PRESS (OWEVER THE SENSATIONALIST TONE OF THESE MEN S EXPERIENCES FEELS EXPLOITATIVE THERE IS A POINT WHEN TRYING TO GRAB ATTENTION BECOMES A THIRST FOR MELODRAMA #ONSTRUCTIVE ADVICE IS NOT OFFERED UNTIL #HAPTER AND EVEN THEN IS ACCOMPANIED BY IRRITATING GENERALISATIONS h2EALISE THAT WOMEN DON T USUALLY MARRY A MAN FOR WHO HE IS 4HEY RE MORE INTERESTED IN HIS POTENTIAL v 4HE LANGUAGE IS CRUDE AND LACED WITH FALSE SENTIMENT TREATING SOME TRAGIC CASES WITH mIP PANCY #ASE ANALYSES ARE LITTERED WITH INAPPRO PRIATE CELEBRITY QUOTES FROM 2OSANNE "ARR TO 7INSTON #HURCHILL THAT INNOCENTLY POKE FUN AT SEXISM $ESPITE THE FACT THAT IT IS GENERALLY WELL KNOWN THAT WOMEN ARE CAPABLE OF ABUSE THE BOOK SEEMS TO PATRONIZE THE READER TO hUSE YOUR INTELLIGENCE TO BE OPEN MINDEDv

AND ACCEPT THEIR @FACTS OR hUSE YOUR INTELLECT TO REINFORCE WHAT YOU ALREADY THINK v "ELIEVE THIS BOOK OR YOU RE STUPID 4HE BOOK DOES HIGHLIGHT HOW HOSTILE THE STATE IS TO MALE VICTIMS OF ABUSE AND HOW THE FAMILY AND DIVORCE LAWS ARE PREJUDICED AGAINST FATHERS DESPITE THE FACT THAT THE .30## REPORTS THAT OF CHILD ABUSE CASES ARE PERPETRATED BY THE MOTHER )T ALSO ADVISES MEN HOW TO PRESENT EVIDENCE IN DIVORCE AND CUSTODY CASES WITH IDEAS LIKE KEEPING A @PROTECTION JOURNAL TO DOCUMENT ALL THEIR INCIDENTS OF ABUSE BY THEIR FEMALE PARTNER (OWEVER THE BOOK S PURPOSE IS UNDER MINED BY ITS STYLE 4HE SUBJECT IS TREATED WITH INDELICACY IT ADVISES MEN TO WATCH &ATAL !T TRACTION FOR EVIDENCE ON WOMEN S BEHAVIOUR AND COMPARES WOMEN S TACTICS OVER CUSTODY BATTLES TO THAT OF 3ADDAM (USSEIN $ElNING STATISTICS WITH PHRASES LIKE hHARDLY ANYv AND hA PROPORTIONv ALSO DOES NOTHING FOR YOUR CRED IBILITY )TS SPECULATIVE AND ACCUSATORY TACTICS AMOUNT TO SCAREMONGERING 4HE THEORY THAT AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOUR MAY HAVE ROOTS IN PRE VIOUS PSYCHOLOGICAL TRAUMA IS TOUCHED UPON AND THEN COLDLY THRUST ASIDE AS A DANGER FOR MEN WHO hCARE 4// MUCH v )F A MAN READING 4HAT "ITCH DIDN T ALREADY SUSPECT HIS WIFE OF BEING A KNIFE WHEEDLING MANIAC BY THE END OF THIS BOOK HE WILL BE PADLOCKING THE SILVER CABINET BEFORE DRIVING STRAIGHT TO HIS LAWYER S OFlCE ,YDIA (ARLEY

WERE TO BE 7HEN HE lNISHES THE AUDIENCE IS AL LOWED QUESTIONS STARTING WITH THE OBLIGATO RY h(OW DID YOU GET THE IDEA FOR THE BOOK v AND h$O YOU WRITE EVERY DAY v )T TURNS OUT (ORNBY DOES AS HE LOOKS AT IT AS A JOB LIKE ANY OTHER SO HE WRITES WITHIN OFlCE HOURS /NE MAN REPEATEDLY RAISES HIS ARM TO TALK ABOUT )SLINGTON AND THE PLEASURES OF THE (IGH 3TREET WHERE (ORNBY LIVES AND !RSE NAL WHICH HE SUPPORTS 4HE EVENING IS ENJOYABLE (AVING DIFl CULTIES RELATING TO THE BOOK DOES NOT PRESENT A LONG TERM PROBLEM FOR ME (ORNBY S SHIFT FROM &EVER 0ITCH (IGH &IDELITY AND ! ,ONG 7AY $OWN TO 3LAM HIS ATTEMPT TO ADDRESS A TEENAGE AUDIENCE MIGHT APPEAR SOMEWHAT DISAPPOINTING IF YOU LIKE ME HAPPENED TO BE AN ENORMOUS FAN OF HIS EARLIER BOOKS "EFORE (ORNBY STARTS TO READ HE INVITES THE AUDIENCE TO A QUIZ WHOEVER SHOUTS OUT THE NAME OF THE BAND THAT ONE OF THE CHARAC TERS IN (IGH &IDELITY JOINS GETS A BOTTLE OF SHOWER GEL OF THE SAME NAME PRODUCED BY ,USH h3ONIC $EATH -ONKEYv WE SHOUT AND NOW OUR COPY OF 3LAM SAYS ON THE TITLE PAGE h4HE PROUD WINNER OF A SMALL BOTTLE OF SHOWER GEL .ICK (ORNBY v &ERDINAND ,EY

4HE &ALL OF 4ELEVISION (AVE PEOPLE LOST FAITH IN TELEVISION (ARRIET $IPLOCK TAKES A LOOK AT HOW THIS SUMMER S TROUBLE HAS AFFECTED PROGRAMMES ON THE BOX

!

S STUDENTS WE TEND TO ACT LIKE VULTURES WHERE FREE STUFF IS CON CERNED )F A CHARITABLE PERSON IS GIVING AWAY FREE SAMPLES WE DE SCEND ON THEM STRIPPING THEM OF ALL THAT THEY HAVE IN THEIR HANDS AND POS SIBLY EVEN CHARMING THEM OUT OF THE BRANDED CAP THAT THEY HAVE BEEN WEARING 9ES WHERE FREEBIES ARE CONCERNED STUDENTS HAVE A KEEN EYE BUT IS THIS TRUE FOR COMPETITIONS TOO 7E VE ALL BEEN THERE SAT ON THE SOFA READ ING THE PAPER OR WATCHING 46 WHEN SUDDENLY WE SIT UP AND TAKE NOTICE OF THE TRIP OF A LIFE TIME THE OUT OF THIS WORLD EXPERIENCE OR THE

BIG WAD OF CASH THEY ARE GIVING AWAY /UR LOG IC INSTANTLY COMMENCES BATTLE WITH OUR IM PULSIVE DESIRES OF BUYING A SUPER CAR A MAN SION OR PERHAPS MORE RECENTLY THE DREAM OF PAYING OFF YOUR STUDENT LOAN #LICHÏD AS IT IS WE ALL DREAM IT COULD BE ME "UT HAVE WE LOST WHAT LITTLE FAITH WE HAD IN TELEVISION COMPETITIONS 7HAT WITH THE '-46 SCANDAL AND FALSE "LUE 0ETER COMPETI TION WINNERS DO WE STILL FEEL THE ADRENALINE BUZZ OF ENTERING OR DO WE JUST ROLL OUR EYES AND PITY THE POOR PEOPLE WHO GET SUCKED IN )N -ARCH THE PUBLIC WERE MADE AWARE THAT #HANNEL S 4HE 2ICHARD AND *UDY 3HOW WAS BEING INVESTIGATED BY /FCOM FOR HAVING AL READY SELECTED THEIR COMPETITION WINNERS WHILE VIEWERS WERE STILL RINGING IN 4HIS BEGS THE QUESTION IF WE CAN T TRUST 2ICHARD AND *UDY WHO CAN WE TRUST !LTHOUGH THIS PARTICULAR PROGRAMME GOT lNED a VIEWERS ARE NOW BECOMING MORE SCEPTICAL OF PHONE IN COMPETITIONS AS THE NUMBER OF PROGRAMMES BEING lNED INCREASES &OR INSTANCE IT IS ESTI MATED THAT '-46 lNED a M FOR THE SAME REASONS AS 4HE 2ICHARD AND *UDY 3HOW MADE AN ESTIMATED a M IN REVENUE BETWEEN AND FROM PHONE IN COMPETITIONS AND ALTHOUGH FREE PRIZE DRAWS HAVE BEEN SET UP

$6$ 2EVIEW

4HAT -ITCHELL AND 7EBB ,OOK

-ITCHELL AND 7EBB HAVE BEEN AROUND FOR MANY YEARS BUT IT IS ONLY RECENTLY THAT THEY HAVE BEEN ACHIEVING THE SUCCESS THEY DESERVE 4HIS LATEST $6$ RELEASE IS OF THEIR MOST RECENT SERIES FOLLOWING ON FROM 4HE -ITCHELL AND 7EBB 3ITUATION WHICH AIRED ON 5+46 4HEY ARE ALSO THE GENIUSES BEHIND 4HE 0EEP 3HOW WHICH IS ONE OF THE MOST ORIGINAL SITCOMS TO COME OUT OF "RITAIN IN YEARS 4HAT -ITCHELL AND 7EBB ,OOK IS DIFFERENT FROM MOST "RITISH SKETCH SHOWS IN THAT IT IS ACTUALLY FUNNY !LTHOUGH SOME SCENES SUCH AS @.UMBERWANG GET REPETITIVE AFTER THE ND OR RD SKETCH THEY ARE MORE THAN COUNTERBAL ANCED BY THE UTTER HILARITY OF THE REST OF THE

SHOW 4HE SKETCH OF TWO 33 OFlCERS REALISING THEY ARE THE BAD GUYS IS LITERALLY SIDE SPLIT TING NOT TO MENTION 3IR $IGBY #HICKEN #AE SAR WHO IS ONE OF THE BEST COMIC CREATIONS OF RECENT YEARS 4O BACK UP -ITCHELL AND 7EBB S REFRESH ING WRITING IS AN IMPRESSIVE SUPPORTING CAST INCLUDING /LIVIA #OLMAN 0EEP 3HOW AND THOSE ANNOYING "EV AND +EV CAR ADS AND THE 2OYAL 3HAKESPEARE #OMPANY S 0ATERSON *OSEPH ALSO 0EEP 3HOW 4HE INTERACTION BE TWEEN THE CAST IS VERY SMOOTH AND IT IS AP PARENT THAT THEY HAVE WORKED WITH EACH OTHER BEFORE FROM THE TIMING OF EACH PIECE $AVID -ITCHELL FROM ALL THOSE PANEL SHOWS AND 2OBERT 7EBB ACT OUT THEIR WRITING MUCH BET TER THAN A LOT OF OTHER SKETCH ARTISTS MENTION ING NO NAMES !LISTAIR -C'OWAN 4HEY DO HOWEVER RUN THE RISK OF TYPECASTING THEM SELVES WITH -ITCHELL BEING A PRETENTIOUS KNOW IT ALL AND 7EBB BEING THE IDIOT AS IN THEIR 0EEP 3HOW CHARACTERS (OWEVER FOR THE MOST PART THIS IS AVOIDED THROUGH AN IMPRES SIVE ARRAY OF CHARACTERS !LL IN ALL A $6$ OF A FANTASTIC SKETCH SHOW THAT WILL HAVE YOU LAUGHING FOR HOURS THE ONLY DRAW BACK BEING THAT THERE ARE ONLY SIX EPISODES TO GET YOUR TEETH INTO 7ELL WORTH BUYING *AMES "ILLINGS

FOR VIEWERS EXCLUDED FROM THE ORIGINAL COM PETITIONS IT IS DOUBTFUL THAT THIS GIVES MUCH REASSURANCE )T IS ALMOST COMICAL TO HEAR #HANNEL S SHOW "RAINTEASER FAKED WINNERS ON AT LEAST lVE OCCASIONS NOT SO COMICAL IS THAT EVEN #OMIC 2ELIEF HAS BEEN INVESTIGATED AFTER A MEMBER OF THE PRODUCTION TEAM POSED AS A WINNING CALLER AFTER PROBLEMS WITH THE PHONE LINES BACK IN -ARCH 3O WHAT IS THE REAL RESULT OF ALL OF THESE INVESTIGATIONS )N *ULY /FCOM PROMISED TO BRING IN NEW MEASURES TO PROTECT PEOPLE WHO RING PREMIUM RATE PHONE LINES SUCH AS EN SURING THAT TELEVISION SHOWS CARRY ON SCREEN LABELS EXPLAINING THE NATURE OF COMPETI TIONS TO VIEWERS 4HIS HAS ALREADY lNISHED OFF SHOWS LIKE )46 0LAY YOU MAY HAVE TURNED IT ON AS BACKGROUND NOISE AFTER RETURNING FROM AN ,#2 AS THEY WOULD HAVE TO NOW SHOW ON SCREEN lGURES OF HOW MANY CALLERS ARE RINGING IN AND A lGURE OF HOW MANY ARE ACTUALLY GET TING THROUGH -ANY HEADS HAVE ROLLED SINCE THE BEGIN NING OF THE FAKERY ACCUSATIONS AND INVESTIGA TIONS AS WELL AS THE POSTPONEMENT OF SHOWS LIKE 4HE .ATIONAL #OMEDY !WARDS (OWEVER THERE NOW APPEARS TO BE A SORT OF EERIE SILENCE

SETTLING OVER THE TELEVISION INDUSTRY ABOUT THESE MATTERS AS THEY TRY TO WORK OUT WHERE TO GO NEXT AND HOW EXACTLY THEY WILL BE ABLE TO WIN BACK THE TRUST OF THEIR VIEWERS !LTHOUGH /FCOM IS STRIVING TO MAKE IM PROVEMENTS AND ATTEMPTING TO PREVENT SUCH PROBLEMS OCCURRING IN THE FUTURE FOR THE MEANTIME IT IS PERHAPS IMPORTANT TO REMEM BER THAT IN FACT n IT COULD BE YOU

$6$ 'AMES #ORNER

$EAL OR .O $EAL 4HIS $6$ GAME IS JUST ONE OF A LARGE NUMBER OF ITEMS IN THE $EAL OR .O $EAL FRANCHISE AND IS DElNITELY NOT ONE OF THE BETTER ONES 7HEREAS THE CHOCOLATE VERSION OF THE GAME SOLD IN -ARKS 3PENCER AT LEAST HAS FOOD TO KEEP YOU INTERESTED THIS $6$ VERSION IS NOTHING SHORT OF DULL !LTHOUGH THE 46 SHOW IS GOOD FOR SOME SERIOUS WORK AVOIDANCE IT IS NOT A FORMAT THAT TRANSFERS WELL INTO THE GAME MARKET )T S POS SIBLE THIS IS BECAUSE THERE IS NO GREAT CLIMAX AT THE END JUST THE NOTION THAT YOU VE WASTED WHAT FEELS LIKE HOURS OF YOUR LIFE /R PERHAPS IT IS BECAUSE THE GAME DEVELOPERS MADE IT UN BELIEVABLY TEDIOUS TO PLAY 9OU BEGIN BY WATCHING BADLY STAGED CLIPS OF .OEL %DMUNDS TALKING YOU THROUGH HOW TO PLAY THE GAME WHICH BASICALLY CONSISTS OF HIM SPOUTING A LOAD OF RUBBISH CATCHPHRASES FOLLOWED BY hYOU SCROLL THROUGH AND SELECT A BOX TO OPENv AND IS lNISHED OFF BY AN INANE SMIRK FROM THE BEARDED ONE 3O OFF YOU GO REMOTE IN HAND TO SPEND YOUR TIME PRESSING THE LEFT OR RIGHT BUTTONS UNTIL YOU REACH THE BOX OF YOUR CHOICE 4HEN YOU PRESS h/+v AND SEE WHAT S INSIDE 4HAT S IT 3ERIOUSLY %VENTUALLY AND IT DOESN T TAKE LONG YOU GET TO THE POINT WHERE YOU JUST PRESS h/+v TO MAKE THE BOREDOM STOP QUICKER AND TO

GET TO THOSE FAINT GLIMMERS OF HOPE WHEN 4HE "ANKER CALLS YOU OFFERING SOME MONEY WHICH YOU TURN DOWN OF COURSE BECAUSE AMAZINGLY YOU REALISE YOU RE NOT PLAYING THE REAL GAME AND SO IT DOESN T REALLY MATTER WHAT YOU CHOOSE %VEN IF YOU END UP HAVING THE WINNING a IN YOUR BOX AT THE END IT MAKES LITTLE DIFFERENCE )T WILL HAVE BEEN A WASTE OF YOUR TIME AND WE LL BET THE GAME WILL BE lNDING ITS WAY TO A CHARITY SHOP VERY SOON &IONA "ILLINGS

0RIMETIME 0RISON "REAK -ONDAY PM 3KY /NE 0RISON "REAK IS ONE OF A STRING OF BLOCKBUST ER SHOWS TO EMERGE FROM THE 53 IN RECENT MONTHS FOLLOWING IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF SERIES SUCH AS AND ,OST "ASED AROUND THE REFRESH INGLY ORIGINAL CONCEPT OF A GROUP OF PRISONERS AND THEIR BID TO ESCAPE INCARCERATION 0RISON "REAK BRINGS THRILLING DRAMA TO THE SMALL SCREEN IN IMPRESSIVE FASHION )N SEASON ONE ,INCOLN "URROWS $O MINIC 0URCELL HAS BECOME THE TARGET OF A PO LITICAL CONSPIRACY WHICH HAS SEEN HIM PLACED ON DEATH ROW (IS BROTHER AND PROTAGONIST -ICHAEL 3CHOlELD 7ENTWORTH -ILLER DE LIBERATELY GETS HIMSELF ARRESTED AND PLACED IN THE SAME PRISON AS HIS BROTHER WITH A PLAN TO BREAK THEM BOTH OUT 3CHOlELD HAS AN ELABO RATE PLAN TATTOOED OVER HIS ENTIRE TORSO CON TAINING INFORMATION ABOUT THE PRISON UPON

3OAP 3UDS

(OLLYOAKS

&OLLOWING *USTIN S HEROIC ACTIONS THE STUDENTS SURVIVE THE CARBON MONOXIDE LEAK #ARMEL AWAKES FROM HER COMA TO EVERYONE S RELIEF EX CEPT -ERCEDES WHO DEMANDS TO KNOW WHY SHE WAS IN BED WITH 2USS PROMPTLY STARTING WORLD WAR THREE BETWEEN THE PAIR 4HE DRAMA lLLED LIVES OF THE !SHWORTHS CONTINUE AS THEY PREPARE TO VISIT (ANNAH AT THE CLINIC BUT ARE THEN ROCKED WHEN THEY HEAR THE NEWS THAT .OEL HAS DIED 2HYS IS IN DENIAL BUT FRUSTRATED AS NEW LOVE "ETH IGNORES HIS CALLS JUST WHEN HE NEEDS HER THE MOST (OWEVER THEY ARE SHOCKED TO COME FACE TO FACE AT THE WAKE 7HAT ARE THEY BOTH DOING THERE 4HEY COULDN T BE RELATED COULD THEY 7ELL THIS IS (OLLYOAKS SO OF COURSE THEY ARE BROTHER AND SISTER IN FACT BEING THE SMALL WORLD IT IS 4HE EQUALLY TROUBLED "ARNES FAMILY ALSO HAVE A TOUGH WEEK AS DESPITE MUCH PROTEST !MY INSISTS 3TE HAS CHANGED AND CONTINUES LIV ING WITH THEM !LSO IN #HESTER &RANKIE S FOSTER CHILD .EWT MAKES AN IMPACT -AX AND 3TEPH S RELATIONSHIP HITS EARLY OBSTACLES IN THE FORM OF 4OM *AKE FEELS LIKE A HOUSE HUSBAND AS .ANCY ENJOYS UNI AND THE "ABY $IEGO S PLOT TO DITCH -ICHAELA DOUBT THAT LL GO DOWN WELL

WHICH THE PLAN OF ESCAPE IS BASED )N SEASON TWO THE ESCAPE IS COMPLETE AND THE BROTHERS ARE ON THE RUN ALONG WITH A MOTLEY CREW OF OTHER INMATES AND ARE ATTEMPTING TO CARRY OUT A GRANDER PLAN OF ESCAPE FROM THE 53 FOR GOOD 7HILE THE PREMISE IS SLIGHTLY LUDICROUS THE SHOW IS HELD TOGETHER BY A THRILLING PLOT AND A SOLID CAST OF SUPPORTING CHARACTERS %VERY EPISODE CONTAINS SOME SORT OF A HUGE TWIST OR REVELATION AND ENDS ON A CLIFF HANGER -ILLER IS CAPTIVATING AS THE BROODING GENIUS 3CHOlELD AND HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH $OCTOR 3ARA 4ANCREDI 3ARAH 7AYNE #ALLIES IS BRIL LIANTLY DEVELOPED (IS INNER CIRCLE OF OTHER ESCAPEES ARE PERFECTLY CAST AND 4 "AG 2OBERT +NEPPER IS BRILLIANTLY PLAYED SEEMING SET TO BECOME ONE OF THE MOST MEMORABLE VILLAINS

.EIGHBOURS

4HERE S EXCITING NEWS FOR DIE HARD .EIGHBOURS FANS THIS WEEK AS THE SHOW GETS YET ANOTHER REVAMP INCLUDING ANOTHER DODGY BUT CATCHY THEME TUNE (AVING ACCIDENTALLY CAUSED A CRASH PANICKED -ICKEY RUNS AWAY TRIGGERING A FRANTIC SEARCH BY .ED *ANAE AND THE 0ARKER CLAN (OW EVER THE EVENT DOES LEAD FRAGILE .ED TO lNALLY TELL A DELIGHTED *ANAE HE LOVES HER ,ITTLE DO THEY KNOW MISSING -ICKEY IS BEGINNING TO INDULGE IN PETTY CRIME WITH NEW FRIEND $ECLAN 4OADIE IS SHAMED IN PUBLIC BY BEING ARRESTED AFTER BE ING FOUND TO BE OVER THE LEGAL ALCOHOL LIMIT AT THE TIME OF THE CRASH (IS GUILT INTENSIlES AS 2INGO CONTINUES TO LIE IN A COMAx 4ORN #AR MELLA SITS AND WAITS HELPLESS AT HIS BEDSIDE AND EVENTUALLY CONFESSED ALL ABOUT HER FEELINGS FOR 2INGO TO 2OSIE TRIGGERING A lRST ARGUMENT FOR NEWLYWEDS 2OSIE AND &RAZER WHO BOTH DEFEND THEIR SIBLINGS )N OTHER NEWS %LLE AND /LIVER S WORLD IS ROCKED WHEN 2EBECCA CLAIMS 0AUL IS /LIVER S FATHER WHAT WILL THE PATERNITY TEST RE VEAL 3KY AND #ALEB S NEW HAPPINESS QUICKLY SHATTERS AS #ALEB S HEALTH DETERIORATES 7ILL 3KY UP AND LEAVE %DINSBOROUGH TO PURSUE A MUSIC CAREER !ND IF SO WILL SHE BE ALONE ,ORRAINE 3OUTHGATE

4OP THIS 7EEK 3CRUBS 4HURSDAY PM % *$ AND THE GANG ARE STILL CHURNING OUT THE FUNNIEST SITCOM ON 46

(EROES 7EDNESDAY PM ""# &UNNY CLEVER GRIPPING AND SEXY THIS SLICK SCI l CONTIN UES TO IMPRESS

3POOKS 4UESDAY PM ""# #LASSIER MORE REALISTIC AND MORE EMOTIONALLY TAUT THAN ANYTHING HAS TO OFFER

$AILY 3HOW WITH *ON 3TEWART -ORE PM ) M GONNA KEEP PLUGGING THIS TILL MORE OF YOU WATCH IT AND @COS IT S JUST DAMN FUNNY

4WO AND A (ALF -EN $AILY AM PM 0ARAMOUNT !T LEAST HALF OF US HAVE 6IRGIN 46 NOW SO ) M ALLOWED TO PUT THIS STUFF IN 4HEY MAY BE REPEATS BUT THIS IS ONE OF THE FUNNIEST COMEDIES YOU LL EVER SEE #HARLIE 3HEEN IS ACTUALLY OUTPERFORMED BY THE KID A COMIC GENIUS

n AND UNLIKELY ANTIHEROS n EVER TO APPEAR ON TELEVISION 4HE SECOND SEASON IS A SWEEPING CROSS COUNTRY EPIC WHICH SEES THE INMATES DESPER ATELY TRY AND ESCAPE CAPTURE WHILE TRACKING A BURIED MILLION 4HE INTRODUCTION OF TWITCHY MURDEROUS &") 3PECIAL !GENT !LEXAN DER -AHONE 7ILLIAM &ICHTNER CREATES A FAS CINATING INTERPLAY BETWEEN HIM AND 3CHOlELD 4HE TWO MEN ARE INTELLECTUALLY MATCHED AND -AHONE HAS A COMPLEX BACK STORY WHICH MAKES HIM ONE OF THE MOST INTERESTING CHAR ACTERS OF THE SHOW 4HE SECOND SERIES IS INTER WOVEN WITH A NUMBER OF CHARACTER SUBPLOTS ALL OF WHICH ARE GIVEN SUFlCIENT SCREEN TIME TO PLAY OUT AND THEMES SUCH AS FATHERHOOD AND REDEMPTION ARE INTRODUCED WHICH GIVE THE SHOW A DEEPER EDGE

0RISON "REAK IS FAR FROM PERFECT 4HE PLOT IS AT TIMES RIDICULOUS AND THERE ARE SO MANY TWISTS THAT MISSING ONE EPISODE CAN LEAVE YOU TOTALLY CONFUSED (OWEVER FOR ADDICTIVE TEL EVISION 0RISON "REAK IS SIMPLY UNBEATABLE 4HE lRST THREE EPISODES OF THE NEW SEASON HAVE IN DICATED NO DROP IN FORM YET RETAINING 0RISON "REAK AS ONE OF THE MOST GRIPPING SHOWS ON 46 RIGHT NOW -ATT /WEN

46 #LASSICS &RASIER

)T S "ILL #LINTON HAS JUST BEEN MADE PRESIDENT -ICHAEL *ORDAN IS RETIRING FROM BASKETBALL AND THE END OF THE WORLD IS NIGH AS #HEERS lNISHES AFTER YEARS ON SCREEN (OWEVER THERE WAS HOPE FOR THOSE POOR SOULS OF &RASIER "ASED ON THE POPULAR CHARACTER OF $R &RASIER #RANE +ELSEY 'RAM MER IN #HEERS THE NEW SERIES WENT ON TO BE AN UNPRECEDENTED SUCCESS IN ITS OWN RIGHT 7ITH SERIES AND PRIMETIME %MMYS UNDER ITS BELT &RASIER RAN UNTIL BEING SYNDICATED IN COUNTRIES THE WORLD OVER 4HE STORY FOCUSSED AROUND THE LIFE OF THE RECENTLY DIVORCED $R #RANE WHO HAS MOVED TO HIS NATIVE 3EATTLE FOLLOWING AN ACRIMONIOUS SPLIT WITH WIFE ,ILITH (E BUYS A BATCHELOR PAD FOR HIMSELF BUT SOON HAS TO ACCOMMODATE ROOMMATES AS HIS FATHER -ARTIN MOVES IN ALONG WITH -ARTIN S PHYSI

OTHERAPIST $APHNE PLAYED BY %NGLISH AC TRESS *ANE ,EEVES /THER REGULAR CHARACTERS INCLUDED .ILES &RAISER S YOUNGER BROTHER 2OZ THE PRODUCER ON &RASIER S NEW 3EATTLE RADIO SHOW AND %DDIE -ARTIN S BELOVED *ACK 2USSELL 4HE SHOW WENT FROM STRENGTH TO STRENGTH AND BY THE SIXTH SEASON WAS THIRD IN THE .IELSEN 2ATINGS OF !MERICAN 46 SHOWS 'RAMMER WHO AS WELL AS PLAYING THE MAIN CHARACTER ALSO SUNG THE THEME TUNE WAS RE PORTEDLY PAID MILLION PER EPISODE FOR THE LAST TWO SEASONS !LTHOUGH lNALLY BEING CANCELLED IN THERE IS NO DOUBT THE IMPACT THAT &RA SIER HAD LEAVING ANY OTHER SPIN OFFS A VERY HARD ACT TO FOLLOW &IONA "ILLINGS

(EARD IT ON THE 'RAPEVINE

'ROSS OUT TIME THE PERENNIALLY ANNOYING 4ERRY 7OGAN HAS BEEN FORCED TO RESPOND TO A RAFT OF COMPLAINTS IRONICALLY ABOUT HIS COMPLAINTS PROGRAM 0OINTS OF 6IEW 6IEWERS WERE DISGUSTED OVER A LINGERING SHOT OF HIS WAIST WHICH HIGHLIGHTED A PROTRUDING BULGE IN HIS TIGHT TROUSERS ) TOO WOULD LIKE TO LODGE A COMPLAINT 4HAT S JUST NASTY 4HE ""# HAS COME UNDER lRE FOR ALLOW ING THE PERM TOPPED FOOL #LARKSON TO SMOKE ON 4OP 'EAR CLEARLY BREAKING THE LAW .OT A BIG DEAL ADMITTEDLY BUT PERSONALLY ) HOPE HE CHOKES ON THE PIPE -UPPET /N A LIGHTER NOTE THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE FREEVIEW MAY HAVE NOTICED 5+46 "RIGHT )DEAS THE CHANNEL NO ONE BUT YOUR GRANNY WATCHED HAS MORPHED INTO h$AVE THE HOME OF WITTY BANTER v 4HIS NEW CHANNEL LOOKS AWESOME SHOWING SHOWS LIKE 1) (AVE ) 'OT

.EWS &OR 9OU AND .EVER -IND THE "UZZCOCKS NOT TO MENTION THE CLASSIC IMPROV SHOW 7HOSE ,INE )S )T !NYWAY )T COULD HAVE YOU TRAPPED FOR HOURS .EWS NOW AS .ATASHA +APLINSKY HAS JUMPED THE "EEB TO GO TO THAT MOST REPUTA BLE NEWS BROADCASTER &IVE AND $ERMOT -UR NAGHAN HAS DEFECTED TO 3KY CALLING THEM A hCREDIBLE NEWS ORGANISATIONv 3ERIOUSLY 5TTER CRAP 4HEY SHOULD JUST BE HONEST AND ADMIT THEY CHASED THE MONEY 2EPUTABLE 7HAT AN ARSE *AMES "ILLINGS

+HYAMANDI "EATS

*AZZ !FTER $ARK

#OME CHILD AND ) WILL TAKE YOU 4HROUGH CORRUGATED STREETS !ND TOGETHER WE WILL FLICKER 4HROUGH CORRUGATED BEATS

$O YOU REMEMBER 'ETTING CAUGHT IN THE RAIN )N 3OHO 3TOLEN UMBRELLA BLACK EYELINER !ND WET BLONDE HAIR 9OU DIDN T BELIEVE WE D SEE HIM THERE

#OME WOMAN LET ME TAKE YOU #OS OUR TIME IS RUNNING SHORT 4AKE YOUR COCA COLA BODY .OW MY PEPSI HEART IT CAUGHT #OME YOU WHOSE HEART IS BURNING &ROM AN ACHE BEYOND YOUR YEARS 7E WILL WALK IN DAPPLED SUNLIGHT ) WILL WIPE AWAY YOUR TEARS #OME CHILD AND ) WILL TAKE YOU 4HROUGH +HYAMANDI STREETS !ND TOGETHER WE WILL FLICKER 4HROUGH +HYAMANDI BEATS ,ETTIE -CKIE 3TELLENBOSCH

,OVER S 7ALK )MAGE AND 4EXT (AND IN HAND 7ALK WITH ME 4HE STREETS OF FOREVER ARE LONG BLIND "RICK BY BRICK 7ALK 2UN 7ALK AGAIN 3TEP ON THE CRACKS BREAK YOUR BACK $ON T LET ME STRAY ,OST DOWN ,IE ,ANE !NTICIPATION !VENUE 3HIT 3TREET S A MINUTE S STRIDE (ELP ME FIND MY HOME !N ADDRESS 3O YOU CAN WRITE TO ME ABOUT THAT GIRL NEXT DOOR !ND HOW YOU RE MOVING IN TOGETHER

%MILY 7EST

"RONX &LUORESCENT LIGHTS FLICKER SEEDILY (IGHLIGHTING GRAFFITI AND THE LINES ON HER FACE 3MOKE SHIMMERS THROUGH THE CITY AIR THE MOONLIGHT BLOCKED (UNGRY EYES GLEAM THROUGH THE DARKNESS 3HINING OUT FROM BEHIND BINS AND TRASH 4HE STEADY CLIP CLOP OF HEELS PERMEATES THE NIGHT AIR %MPTINESS EXPANDS IN HER WAKE $RAGGING THOSE ALONG BEHIND LIKE TUGS AROUND A LINER 3ILENCE 3ILENCE BALLOONING ENCOMPASSING EVERYTHING .OTHING SPARED (E STALKS THE STREET AN OLD DANCE REHEARSED MANY TIMES )N THE 3MOKEY DISTANCE SHE STOPS )T ENDS

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"RIGHT PLASTIC LIGHTS IN 3OHO #AUGHT IN THE HOT SMOKY DIN -EN IN BLACK HATS 5SHERING US IN 4AKING YOUR TWENTY QUID 2EMEMBER THE SLY EYED BARTENDER 4OPSHOP PRINCESSES PRESSED AGAINST 3WIRLS OF GLASS 3WEAT DRIPPING DOWN THE WALLS "EER FOAMING AT THEIR MOUTHS #ATCALLS AND LAUGHTER AND SCREAMS AND TEARS !LL FOR ONE MAN IN A GREY JUMPER 7ITH A BAUDELAIRE COMPLEX !ND BAD TEETH

%NDURING 2EPUTATION /NE DAY )AN -C%WAN WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET THINKING ABOUT THE WORLD 3UDDENLY A SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD BOY SCURRIED OVER TO HIM AND SAID @) LOVE YOU ) LOVE YOU )AN -C%WAN 7HEN WILL YOU REALISE 4HE BOY WAS WEARING A "ABYSHAMBLES T SHIRT AND HIS BOTTOM LIP HAD A RING THROUGH IT )AN -C%WAN TIGHTENED THE SIDES OF HIS MOUTH INTO A WRY SMILE 4HEN HE LOOKED DOWN AND HURRIED AHEAD BUT THE BOY FOLLOWED AFTER @)AN )AN MY PUMKIN HOW CAN YOU DENY THERE S SOMETHING BETWEEN US )AN -C%WAN WAS THINKING IN SUPERIOR INTELLECTUAL TERMS ABOUT HOW HOPELESS THE BOY S ATTEMPT AT LITERARY ALLUSION WAS 3UCH AN OBVIOUS JUVENILE PRANK )T DID NOT TAKE BUCKETFULS OF WIT TO MAKE A CRUDE REFERENCE TO )AN S MASTERPIECE @%NDURING ,OVE !NY PHILISTINE COULD HAVE THOUGHT OF IT 3O HE TURNED TO THE BOY AND SAID @,OOK ) HAVE NO IDEA WHO YOU ARE SO WILL YOU JUST GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME "UT THE BOY PERSISTED FOLLOWING HIM UP THE STREET )AN -C%WAN HAD BEEN IN SUCH SITUATIONS BEFORE )T WASN T JUST EXCITABLE FANS WHO ACCOSTED HIM BUT ALSO SHADY CHARACTERS FROM HIS PAST (E HAD THOUGHT LONG AND HARD ABOUT THE PHILO SOPHICAL SOCIO ECONOMICAL PSYCHO ATHROPOLIGICAL IMPLICATIONS OF THESE INCIDENTS WHERE TROUBLED INDIVIDUALS BOLDLY CONFRONT THE REFINED (E KNEW WHAT LITERARY POTENTIAL SUCH TWISTS OF FATE COULD OFFER WHERE TWO CONFLICTING CHARACTERS NEATLY SERVE AS OPPOSING FORCES TO SOME COSMIC INTELLECTUAL DILEMNA )AN -C%

4HE 6ESSEL 9OU HAD NO CARE FOR THE DEBRIS OF BRICK LUMPS AND SHARDS OF GLASS EVEN THESE FRAGMENTS OF AN EARTHENWARE VESSEL EMERGING NEAR THE PRIMROSES LIKE CHIPPED TEETH WERE JUST AS FREELY TOSSED TO THE WEED BUCKET FROM THE FISTS OF WET CLODS YOUR RAKE SIFTED LEVELED AND SET

"UT HE TELLS US .EW LOVE GROWS ON TREES !ND THAT HE LOVES US "UT WE RE GREEN !ND THE WALLS PULSE 7ITH THE WORDS FROM HIS MOUTH 7HILE HE SMASHES THE BRIGHT LIGHTS #LIMBS THE TABLES $RINKS THE BAR DRY $O YOU REMEMBER 7E HAD TO LEAVE 0RIMAL MUSIC $ARK MAGIC 7E HAD TO LEAVE )N THE RAIN "UT ) LOOKED BACK !S YOU LEFT (E LIT A FAG /N THE FIRST DAY /F THE SMOKING BAN !NIQAH #HOUDHRI

WAN WAS AN EXCEPTIONALLY CLEVER MAN AND HE WAS NOT ABOUT TO BE TESTED BY THIS FOOL 7HAT )AN -C%WAN WAS ABOUT TO DO MAY BE OF SOME SURPRISE TO THE READER 4HINGS WERE ABOUT TO GET MESSY BUT )AN KNEW IT WAS THE THING HE HAD TO DO (E TURNED TO THE BOY IN THE "ABYSHAM BLES T SHIRT AND FANNED HIS HANDS OUT ON EITHER SIDE OF HIS FACE PULLING A CONTORTED WEASEL LIKE EXPRESSION 4HE BOY WAS CON FUSED BUT THIS IS WHAT )AN -C%WAN INTENDED )T WAS WHAT )AN WAS ABOUT TO DO NEXT WHICH MARKED THE POINT WHERE EVERYTHING WOULD CHANGE 4HE EVENT WHICH WAS ONLY JUST STARTING TO UN FOLD WOULD IGNITE A NUCLEAR THUNDERSTORM OF POSSIBILITIES THE LIKES OF WHICH WOULD ALTER THE LIVES OF THEM BOTH FOREVER 4HIS IS WHAT )AN -C%WAN DID HE POINTED TO THE LEFT OF THE BOY 4HE BOY LOOKED LEFT AND )AN -C%WAN DELIVERED A CLEAN PREY ING MANTIS JAB TO THE BOY S RIGHT CHEEK 4HEN HE PUSHED HE BOY INTO A LAMPOST PROMPTING A STIFLED YELP )AN -C%WAN BOLTED OFF FEVERISHLY 0AGES FROM HIS BRIEFCASE FLUT TERED BEHIND HIM IN A JETSTREAM OF SCRAWLED NOTES 4HEY LANDED SOFTLY ONCE )AN HAD PETERED OUT OF SIGHT LEAVING THE INJURED BOY SHOCKED AND DISORIENTED ,ATER THAT NIGHT WHEN )AN -C%WAN S WIFE AND CHILDREN WERE IN BED HE SAT DOWN IN FRONT OF HIS TYPEWRITER CRACKED HIS KNUCK LES AND RESTED HIS FINGERS ON THE KEYS !FTER A DEEP BREATH HE BEGAN WORK ON WHAT WOULD BE HIS NEXT MASTERPIECE @-Y NEXT NOVEL HE SAID OUT LOUD @IS GOING TO BE 'REAT

9OU SAID IT TO ME AS IF IT WAS AN ANSWER THAT THE PLACE WHERE THE ELDERBERRIES GROW WAS ONCE A BUILDER S YARD A RETCH OF TENEMENT SHRAPNEL THAT STOPPED THE PLANTS FROM GROWING EVEN A METAL GATE WITH RUST BITTEN LIMBS WAS HAULED DISJOINTED AND WAILING FROM THE SHALLOW BED OF BRICK RUBBLE THAT TURNED THE EARTH CRIMSON 4HIS WAS WHERE WE LEFT EACH OTHER 9OUR TRANSCENDENCE IN THE PRIMAL

:AK +LEIN RHYTHMS OF COMBING OUT DEAD ROOTS AND SNUG GLING WET PEAT TO THE FRESH SPROUTS OF KNAP WEED AND MINE IN THE VISION OF A PEASANT GIRL THE SIGHT OF HER CALLOUS RIDDEN FINGERS LIFTING THE FIRST DROPS TO HER CRACKED WINTER LIPS 4HAT SMOOTH CERAMIC BOSOM &ILLED WITH WATER "EN 7OODS

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(E WENT ON TO WRITE PRODUCE AND DIRECT ON 2ANDALL (OPKIRK $ECEASED AND WORKED WITH 0AUL 7HITEHOUSE AGAIN ON 4HE &AST 3HOW S SPIN OFF 3WISS 4ONI (IGSON NOW WRITES 9OUNG *AMES "OND NOV ELS FOR A TEENAGE AUDIENCE 4HE BOOKS WHICH CONCENTRATE ON *AMES "OND S SCHOOLDAYS AT %TON IN THE S HAVE BECOME VERY POPULAR AND THE FOURTH TITLE IN THE SERIES (URRICANE 'OLD WAS PUBLISHED IN 3EPTEMBER THIS YEAR &IONA "ILLINGS

"ORN IN IN 3OMERSET #HARLIE (IGSON CAME TO 5%! IN )T WAS HERE HE GAINED AN %NGLISH DEGREE THAT WOULD ENABLE HIM TO GO ON TO WRITE SOME OF THE BEST COMEDY SERIES OF THE S AS WELL AS A NUMBER OF SUCCESSFUL NOVELS !FTER GRADUATING IN (IGSON WENT ON TO BE THE LEAD SINGER OF 4HE (IGSONS A BAND MADE UP OF FELLOW 5%! STUDENTS )N THE SIX YEARS THEY WERE TOGETHER THEY HAD A NUMBER OF HITS STARTING WITH THE SINGLE THEY RECORDED FOR THE COMPILATION ALBUM .ORWICH n ! &INE #ITY AND REACHING THE CHARTS WITH h) $ON T 7ANT TO ,IVE WITH -ONKEYS v 7HEN 4HE (IGSONS BROKE UP IN (IG SON BECAME A PLASTERER IN A DECORATING BUSINESS THAT INCLUDED A CERTAIN 0AUL 7HITEHOUSE HIS FU TURE COMEDY PARTNER 4HEY SOON BEGAN COLLABO RATING ON 4HE &AST 3HOW WHICH CAME TO THE ""# IN AND RAN FOR SIX YEARS (IGSON WROTE AND PERFORMED ON THE SHOW ALL THROUGH ITS RUN

THE 5+ S FAVOURITE UNIVERSITY 7ITH MEMBERS AND COUNTING YOU ARE BOUND TO KNOW AT LEAST ONE PERSON WHO HAS JOINED THIS GROUP 4HE REASON TO hWIN A MASSIVE PARTY FOR YOUR UNI v #REATED BY / MEMBERS ARE MADE UP BY STUDENTS ALL ACROSS THE 5+ TRYING TO GAIN POINTS FOR THEIR UNIVER SITY BEFORE THE CLOSING DEADLINE OF .OVEM BER TH 4HE CONCEPT IS QUITE SIMPLE FOR EACH MEMBER THAT JOINS THEIR UNIVERSITY WILL GAIN ONE POINT %XTRA POINTS CAN ALSO BE ACHIEVED EVERY TIME YOU TAKE PART IN A DIS CUSSION WRITE ON THE WALL OR UPLOAD PHOTOS AND VIDEOS 3O IF YOU HAVE NOT COME ACROSS THIS GROUP OR DO NOT HAVE &ACEBOOK WHAT ARE YOU MISSING OUT ON "ANTER 4HAT IS WHAT THIS GROUP IS PURE BANTER "UT DOES THIS REALLY TEST THE NATION S FA VOURITE UNIVERSITY 3IMPLE ANSWER NO 7HAT IT DOES TEST HOWEVER IS WHICH UNIVERSITY IS MOST OBSESSED WITH &ACEBOOK AND 5%! IS AT THE TIME OF WRITING IN A RESPECTABLE TH PLACE 7ITHOUT MUCH DETAIL ON / S PARTY THE ONLY THING THAT CONlRMS IT IS INDEED TRUE IS THAT THE CREATOR IS / AND THEIR COMPANY S AD VERTS ARE SPLASHED ALL OVER THE PAGE !LTHOUGH THE PARTY PROVIDES A MOTIVE FOR STUDENTS TO JOIN THIS GROUP THE FORMAT IS FAMILIAR COM PARABLE IT TO MANY OTHER GROUPS SEEN IN THE PAST SUCH AS @&ACEBOOK 2ACES 3O IS THERE ANY

POINT IN JOINING THIS GROUP 9ES !ND POST AWAY ! WEEK AGO 5%! WAS NOT EVEN ON THE TOP NOW WE ARE TH BEHIND +EELE ,OUGH BOROUGH ,ANCASTER +ENT AND 57% THOUGH THIS ORDER HAS PROBABLY CHANGED 7E WILL NOT WIN BUT THAT DOES NOT MATTER THIS IS JUST ANOTHER FUN GROUP THAT PROVES NOT ONLY HOW MANY UNIVERSITY STUDENTS ARE ON &ACEBOOK BUT ALSO HOW MANY OF US WOULD RATHER WASTE TIME POSTING ON A POINTLESS GROUP THAN STUDY *OINING THIS GROUP WILL GIVE YOU THE SAME SORT OF PRIDE AS SINGING CHANTS AT THE END OF AN ,#2 AND ALTHOUGH THIS GROUP WILL NOT CHANGE YOU OR THE WORLD IT IS WHAT CAN BE CALLED A @&ACEBOOK CLASSIC +ARINE 7ACH $ONOVAN

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h"RUTALv h@KIN HEAVYv hLAWNMOWERv hCURRENT AFFAIRS HEAVY METALv 3UCH DESCRIPTIONS COMING FROM THE BAND THEMSELVES MAKE IT VERY DIFlCULT NOT TO BE INTRIGUED BY WHAT 3WEET $IZEASE HAVE TO OFFER 4HE .ORWICH ISH FOUR PIECE CONSISTS OF 7EST ON VOCALS OR hSCREAMINGv AS FELLOW BAND MEMBER 3COTT DESCRIBES IT !SH ON DRUMS -ORSE ON BASS AND SERIAL STRING BREAKER 3COTT ON GUITAR &ORMED IN &EBRUARY 3WEET $IZEASE PLAYED THEIR lRST GIG JUST SIX WEEKS LATER WHEN THEY lLLED IN FOR ANOTHER GROUP AT THE LAST MINUTE WHEN THAT BAND S LEAD SINGER mIPPED HIS CAR )N FACT GIGGING AND DISASTER GO HAND IN HAND FOR THIS BAND BEFORE ONE PARTICULAR GIG !SH AT TEMPTED TO SCALE A WALL USING A LAMPPOST AND PROMPTLY SLASHED HIS HEAD OPEN ON A SIGN AT TACHED TO SAID LAMPPOST ! BRIEF VISIT TO ! % AND A DOCTOR S RECOMMENDATION NOT TO PLAY LATER AND 3WEET $IZEASE STILL COMPLETED THE GIG (ARDCORE 3OME OF THEIR SONG SUBJECTS ARE ALSO FAIRLY

HARDCORE 0IOUS IS ANTI CHURCH WHILE $EAD !FFEC TION TACKLES THE TOPIC OF THE RECENT )PSWICH PROS TITUTE MURDERS QUERYING WHY ISSUES LIKE PROSTITU TION ONLY GAIN PRESS ATTENTION WHEN ACCOMPANIED BY MURDER 4HIS hCURRENT AFFAIRS HEAVY METALv SUG GESTS THAT THE BAND HAVE SOMETHING DIFFERENT TO OFFER AND THEIR COMMITMENT IS ALSO NOT IN QUES TION !N IMPRESSIVE -Y3PACE PAGE HTTP WWW MYSPACE COM SWEETDIZEASE NUMEROUS GIGS IN THE LOCAL AREA THE PLAN TO SPEND NEXT YEAR TOUR ING THE COUNTRY AND EVEN A BAND BANK ACCOUNT ALL POINT TO A BAND WITH PLANS FOR THE FUTURE 4O WITNESS PART OF THAT FUTURE AND EXPERI ENCE SOME OF THE HEAVIEST HEAD MASHING MUSIC .ORFOLK HAS HEARD GET ALONG TO 4HE -ARQUEE IN .ORWICH ON .OVEMBER RD AND TH AND KEEP CHECKING THE BAND S -Y3PACE FOR UPDATES AND UPCOMING GIGS -ARCUS *ONES

+ENAN AND +EL FOR THE UNINITIATED WAS AN !MERICAN SITCOM THAT RAN FROM TO )T WAS A SUCESSFUL SPIN OFF FROM THE !LL 4HAT 3HOW IN WHICH +ENAN 4HOMPSON AND +EL -ITCH ELL HAD PREVIOUSLY STARRED 4HE PREMISE OF THE SHOW WAS VERY SIMPLE +ENAN THE STRAIGHT MAN AND BRAIN OF THE OPERATION WOULD THINK UP SOME HILARIOUS SCAM (IS FRIEND AND SIDEKICK +EL WOULD THEN MANAGE TO MESS UP +ENAN S WELL ORDERED SCHEMING USUALLY IN THE PURSUIT OF /RANGE SODA .EEDLESS TO SAY HILARITY INVARI ABLY ENSUED WELL DElNITELY AMONGST THE SMALL PERCENTAGE OF THE NATION THAT RECEIVED AND WATCHED .ICKELODEON 3INCE THE SHOW S CANCELLATION IN THE CAREERS OF THE TWO STARS HAVE CONTINUED IN WIDE LY DIVERGING TRAJECTORIES +ENAN IS NOW A REGULAR CAST MEMBER OF THE LEGENDARY !MERICAN SKETCH SHOW 3ATURDAY .IGHT ,IVE WHERE HE APPEARS IM PERSONATING AMONG OTHERS / * 3IMPSON -RS

"UTTERWORTH AND "ILL #OSBY (E HAS ALSO STARRED IN THE TITLE ROLE OF THE MOVIE &AT !LBERT NOT TO MENTION HIS SUPPORTING ROLE IN THE GENRE DE lNING lLM 3NAKES ON A 0LANE +EL 4HOMPSON S CAREER APPEARS TO HAVE STALLED AT THE BREAKING OF THE DYNAMIC DUO 2E CENT APPEARANCES HAVE BEEN LIMITED TO A ROLE AS AN EXTRA IN A RECENT +ANYE 7EST PROMOTIONAL VIDEO +EL S CAREER REACHED IT NADIR IN *ULY WHEN RUMOURS SPREAD BY E MAIL AND THE SOCIAL NETWORKING SITE -Y3PACE THAT +EL HAD DIED IN MYSTERIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES DURING THE NIGHT OF TH *ULY (OWEVER SEVERAL DAYS AFTER +EL S REPORTED DEATH NO OFlCIAL SOURCES HAD MADE MENTION OF THE STORY (IS PUBLIC APPEARANCES SINCE THE TH *ULY HAVE SETTLED THE ISSUE FOR MANY OF HIS FANS (OWEVER DESPITE HIS ESCAPE FROM THE COLD EMBRACE OF THE CRYPT IT LOOKS LIKE HIS CAREER DEPARTED THE REALM OF THE LIVING LONG AGO !NDY *ONES

7ISDOM OF

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4HIS WEEK .ICOLA *ONES TALKS TO US ABOUT THE HIGHS AND THE LOWS OF LANDING SOME DREAM FASHION WORK EXPERIENCE PLACEMENTS

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AVING EXPERIENCED A FAIRLY DULL SUMMER LAST YEAR ) WAS DE TERMINED TO MAKE SUMMER ONE TO REMEMBER 7ITH THE HOPE OF SOMEDAY BECOMING A FASHION JOUR NALIST ) EAGERLY STARTED SENDING #6S TO EVERY MAGAZINE ) COULD THINK OF +NOWING IT COULD BE USEFUL TO GAIN INSIGHT INTO THE WORKINGS OF A FASHION LABEL AMONGST MY APPLICA TIONS WAS ONE FOR 4ATTY $EVINE A SMALL QUIRKY JEWELLERY COMPANY !FTER HAVING ENCOUNTERED NUMER OUS REJECTIONS ) WAS SURPRISED TO GET AN OFFER FROM 4ATTY STRAIGHT AWAY AND SOON ) HAD GAINED TWO MORE PLACEMENTS ONE AT 2EVEAL MAGAZINE AND ONE AT $ARE 3U PERDRUG S NEW WOMEN S MONTHLY &AST FORWARD lVE MONTHS AND ) WAS NERVOUSLY SAT IN THE 4ATTY $EVINE PRESS OFlCE ASSISTING THE 02 -AN

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AGER %MMA 7HILST THERE ) COMPILED THEIR PRESS PORTFOLIO ORGANISED PRESS SEND OUTS AND RETURNS AND ASSISTED STYLISTS FOR MAGAZINES SUCH AS %LLE 4EEN6OGUE AND .YLON ) WAS EVEN LUCKY ENOUGH TO SERVE #HRIS TOPHER +ANE IN THE SHOP #UE LIFE CHANGING EN LIGHTENMENT !FTER ASKING PLENTY OF QUES TIONS AND SEEING WHAT %MMA DID AND HOW MUCH SHE ENJOYED IT ) SOON RE ALISED THAT THIS TYPE OF CAREER WAS FAR MORE SUIT ED TO ME THAN JOURNALISM &OLLOWING THIS AWAKENING ) WAS INTRIGUED TO SEE WHAT LIFE AT $ARE

FORE THE ER PLACEMENTS JUST BE 3END #6S FOR SUMM BEGINNING FOR #HRISTMAS AT THE D AN S AY LID HO AS #HRISTM Y TOWARDS THE ER PLACEMENTS ) D SA ST %A R &O ER M M SU OF END OF SUMMER ITERIA ARE ANY PARTICULAR CR E ER TH IF E SE TO K EC !LWAYS CH ONLY OFFER lND THAT SOME PLACES AY M U YO S IP SH RN FOR INTE D E WHO HAVE GRADUATE A PLACEMENT TO THOS ) FOUND MOST SSED WORLD OF TODAY SE OB ET RN TE IN E AILS TH )N MORE QUICKLY TO EM D DE ON SP RE D AN D RE THE %DITOR PEOPLE PREFER PLICATION DIRECTLY TO AP AN G IN ND SE AN TH 2ATHER ISTANT AIL THE %DITORIAL !SS EM TO ST BE S AY W AL IS IT DON T JUST AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE LP HE TO R FE OF S AY !LW WAIT FOR TASKS AT QUESTIONS TO SHOW TH OF TY EN PL K AS D AN "E CHEERFUL N YOU ARE EAGER TO LEAR E WAY FOR E YOU MEET ALONG TH OS TH K AS TO ID RA AF $ON T BE THOSE YOU KEEP IN CONTACT WITH D AN S TIE NI RTU PO OP FURTHER HAVE MET

MAGAZINE WOULD BE LIKE IN COM PARISON ) WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE SEATED NEXT TO THE %DITOR WHICH WAS THE PERFECT POSITION TO DISCOVER WHAT MY PREVIOUS DREAM JOB WOULD BE LIKE /NE W O R D MANIC ) HAD NEVER REALISED JUST HOW HARD BUSY AND INmUEN TIAL THE ROLE OF AN %DITOR IS 3HE HAD THE lNAL SAY ON EVE RYTHING CONSTANTLY WINDING IN AND OUT OF DESKS OVERSEEING EVERY ASPECT OF THE MAGAZINE -Y DUTIES IN CLUDED KEEPING THE COLOUR BOOK UPDATED IF YOU VE SEEN 4HE $EVIL 7EARS 0RADA OR 5GLY "ETTY THIS IS @4HE "OOK AND RESEARCHING FOR FUTURE ARTICLES ) ALSO OFTEN FOUND MYSELF RUNNING AROUND ,ONDON PICKING UP SHOES AND DROPPING OFF CLOTHES FOR SHOOTS ! MAJOR HIGHLIGHT CAME WHEN ) WAS GIVEN THE TASK OF RESEARCH ING THE LATEST SEASON S HAIR STYLES AND INSPIRATION FOR THE TYPE OF PHOTOGRAPHY FOR A BEAUTY FEATURE !FTER DECIDING TO RUN WITH MY lLM NOIR THEME THEY INVITED ME TO THE PHOTO SHOOT WHERE ) INTER VIEWED WATCHED THE HAIR STYLIST TO DOCUMENT THE WAYS OF ACHIEV ING EACH LOOK ) HAD RESEARCHED /NE OF THE MOST FUN AND REAS SURING PARTS OF GOING ON SHOOTS IS SEEING HOW MUCH AIRBRUSH ING TAKES PLACE )T MIGHT INTEREST YOU GIRLS OUT THERE THAT BELIEVE IT OR NOT MODELS GET SPOTS TOO )N MY SECOND WEEK ) WAS TAKEN TO A FASHION SHOOT WHERE ) ASSISTED A TOP STYLIST WHO LATER OFFERED TO LET ME SHADOW HER IN THE FUTURE ) FOUND THAT AS LONG AS YOU RE HELPFUL CHEERFUL AND PATIENT THERE ISN T ANY HARM IN ASKING FOR FURTHER OPPORTUNITIES FROM PEOPLE YOU MEET ALONG THE WAY )T S ALSO ALWAYS WORTH ASKING TO

SPECIALISE IN A CERTAIN AREA AS WHEN ) MENTIONED ) WAS INTER ESTED IN 02 THE %DITOR S !SSISTANT HAD HEARD THAT 2EVLON NEEDED SOMEBODY TO COVER THEIR 02 -AN AGER S !SSISTANT WHILE SHE WAS AWAY 4HIS LEAD TO MY BEST PLACE MENT SO FAR 4HE 3ENIOR 02 -AN AGER HAD CONVENIENTLY BEGUN HER CAREER IN JOURNALISM SO ) WAS ABLE TO QUIZ HER ON THE DIFFERENCES BE TWEEN THE TWO PROFESSIONS AND GAINED COUNTLESS PIECES OF ADVICE ON MAKING IT IN 02 4HE BIGGEST BONUS CAME WHEN SHE INVITED ME TO HELP OUT AT THE SHOWS THEY WERE SPONSORING AT FASHION WEEK 6IA MY lNAL PLACEMENT WITH 2E VEAL ) WAS ALSO OFFERED A TICKET TO THE OPENING SHOW OF FASHION WEEK 3O BEFORE ) KNEW IT ) WAS BEING USHERED TO THE FRONT ROW OF 0AUL #OSTELLOE S SHOW AND TURNED TO SEE THAT ) WAS SITTING NEXT TO AN IDOL OF MINE (ILARY !LEXANDER )T WAS EXTREMELY HARD TO CONTAIN MY SCHOOL GIRL EXCITE MENT AS THE LIGHTS DIMMED AND THE SUPER SKINNY MODELS STARTED TO STRUT DOWN THE CATWALK OF MY lRST EVER FASHION SHOW ,ATER THAT WEEK ) JOINED 2EVLON FOR 2OKSANDA )LLINCIC AND ,AURA ,EES SHOWS HELPING OUT BACKSTAGE AS WELL AS SEEING THE SHOWS ) MAN AGED TO LEARN ABOUT AND MEET MANY INmUENTIAL PEOPLE GAIN ING FURTHER KNOWLEDGE AND CON TACTS TO STOW AWAY FOR THE FUTURE !NOTHER PIECE OF ADVICE IS TO KEEP IN CONTACT WITH THOSE YOU HAVE HAD PLACEMENTS WITH ) RETURNED TO 4ATTY $EVINE AND DISCOVERED THAT %MMA WAS SNOWED UNDER WITH ORGANISING THEIR FASHION WEEK PAR TY /NE CHEEKY OFFER TO HELP LATER AND ) WAS INVITED TO THEIR h-OVIE -AYHEMv THEMED PRESS PARTY &UELLED BY AN INQUISITIVE ATTITUDE HARD WORK AND LUCK WORK EXPE RIENCE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL MUCH MORE SECURE ABOUT THE FUTURE ) M NO LONGER SO DAUNTED BY OR IN THE DARK ABOUT THE &ASHION INDUSTRY AND IT S PUT MY MIND AT EASE SO ) M ABLE TO FOCUS ON DOING WELL AND ENJOYING MY LAST YEAR AT 5%! RATHER THAN PANICKING ABOUT WHERE MY LIFE MIGHT BE GOING

7ILD 9OUNG 3TALLIONS /XFORD BASED &OALS HAVE BEEN STUNNING AUDIENCES WITH THEIR RELENTLESS PUZZLE POP EXTRA VANGANZA FOR LITTLE OVER A YEAR NOW 7ILL (OLLOWAY MEETS FRONTMAN *ANNIS 0HILIPPAKIS TO DISCUSS AFRO BEAT 3KINS BLOOD SWEAT AND BROKEN TEETH "RACE YOURSELF

4

HE HEAT HITS YOU AS YOU ENTER THE DRESSING ROOM )T REALLY SHOULDN T BE THIS HOT )T S MID /CTO BER IT S LASHING IT DOWN WITH RAIN OUTSIDE AND IT FEELS LIKE A MUGGY DEEP SOUTH BAYOU IN !MERI CA IN HERE NOT THE DRESSING ROOM OF A VENUE IN .ORWICH !S WE PEEL OFF LAYERS OF WET CLOTHING WE OVERHEAR 9ANNIS 0HILIPPAKIS THE SMALL BUT SPARKY &OALS VOCALIST DOING A PHONE INTERVIEW AND IT S CLEAR THAT HE S IN lGHTING MOOD TONIGHT h) DON T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT THEM THEY RE NOT WORTH TALKING ABOUT THEY@RE THAT BADx SO YEAH TOURING WITH THEM SHOULD BE FUNv QUIPS THE SINGER ,ATER WE FOUND OUT THAT THE BAND HE WAS TALKING ABOUT WAS 4HE 4WANG NO SURPRISE THERE THEN /NE THING THAT STRIKES YOU ABOUT THE &OALS FRONT MAN FROM BEING IN HIS PRESENCE FOR EVEN A SHORT WHILE IS HOW EARNEST HE IS (E THINKS EVERY THING THROUGH FOR A WHILE BEFORE HE OPENS HIS MOUTH AND IT@S ALSO CLEAR THAT HE DOESN@T SUFFER FOOLS GLADLY WHICH ONLY ADDED TO OUR NERVES )NTRODUCTIONS WERE MADE THE DICTA PHONE CLICKS INTO ACTION AND 9ANNIS DIVERTS HIS ATTENTION AWAY FROM THE 3NOOPY BOOK HE S READING AND PRO CEEDES TO EXPLAIN HOW &OALS STARTED OUT h7E JUST USED TO HANG OUT TO GETHER AT HOUSE PARTIES IN A BIG GROUP AND WE WERE SICK OF THE CHIN STROK

ING DERIVATIVE POST HARDCORE MUSIC MOST BANDS IN /XFORD WERE PLAYING THEY WERE ALL TRYING TO SOUND LIKE !MERICAN BANDS &OALS WAS ALMOST FORMED AS A JOKE WE THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD PISS EVERYONE OFF IF WE START ED PLAYING A WATERED DOWN POPPY

VERSION OF THE MUSIC OTHER /XFORD BANDS WERE PLAYING 7E D BE WRIT ING THESE DISCO RIFFS AND BE LIKE @7E CAN T PLAY THIS IT S TOO POPPY v )T S REALLY SYMPTOMATIC OF THE MUSI CAL CLIMATE TODAY THAT A BAND WHO STARTED OUT AS A JOKE BARELY A YEAR AGO COULD END UP BECOMING SO BIG IN A SUCH A SHORT SPACE OF TIME 4HE BAND HAVE ALREADY APPEARED IN CULT 46 PROGRAMME 3KINS RECORDED AN ALBUM IN .EW 9ORK WITH ACCLAIMED PRODUCER $AVE 3ITEK AND LATER THIS MONTH THEY RE DUE TO PLAY A SET ON

THE LEGENDRY ,ATER WITH *OOLS (OLLAND 3HOW !LTHOUGH THE BAND STARTED OUT AS A JOKE THERE WAS ALWAYS A SERIOUS AIM BEHIND THEIR MUSIC h)N PREVI OUS BANDS WE WERE MAINLY PLAY ING FOR OURSELVES BUT IN &OALS THE

AIM WAS TO COMMUNICATE WITH AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE v 9ANNIS IS lERCELY ANTI ELITIST AND THROUGHOUT THE INTERVIEW STRESSED HOW MUCH HE DESPISED THE SNOBBERY OF THE )NDIE MUSIC WORLD h!NYONE CAN LIKE OUR BAND AS LONG AS THEY RE NOT COOL

h7HERE DO WE SEE OURSELVES IN A YEARS TIME &LIPPING BURGERS PROB ABLYv 7E WERE NEVER PART OF SOME COOL SCENE IN /XFORD AND ) REMEMBER FEELING REALLY INTIMIDATED BY OTHER BANDS WHO WOULD BE LIKE @YOU DON T KNOW WHO 3HELLAC ARE OR @YOU DON T KNOW THIS PERSON !S A REAC TION TO THE SNOBBERY AND STAGNANCY OF MUSIC IN /XFORD &OALS DECIDED TO BRING THEIR MUSIC TO THE PEOPLE AND SET OUT ON TOUR IN AN OLD 2OYAL -AIL VAN h7E D BE DOING THESE SHOWS AND NOT BE PLAYING TO ANYONE THE lRST TIME WE PLAYED IN .ORWICH WE PLAYED TO FOUR PEOPLEv 4HE BAND WEREN T PUT OFF BY THIS SO THEY STARTED PLAYING AT HOUSE PARTIES INSTEAD WHICH THEY REALLY ENJOYED

DOING BECAUSE hWE ACTUALLY GOT TO PLAY TO PEOPLEv 4HEIR TOURING AN TICS EARNT &OALS NOTORIETY WHEREVER THEY PLAYED AND SOON EARNT THEM A RECORD CONTRACT AS WELL WITH INDIE LABEL 4RANSGRESSIVE SNAPPING UP THE BAND ON THE STRENGTH OF THEIR DEMO 3INCE THEN THINGS HAVE MOVED AT A LIGHTNING PACE FOR THE BAND 4HIS YEAR THEY VE RELEASED TWO SUCCESSFUL SINGLES (UMMER AND -ATHELETICS AS WELL AS TOURING THE 5+ EXTENSIVE LY WITH INEVITABLE CHAOS ENSU ING 9ANNIS RECENTLY HAD AN EARING RIPPED OUT AFTER A GIG IN 2EADING AND GUITARIST *ACK LOST A TOOTH AT A WILD HOUSE PARTY IN #AMBRIDGE BUT DIDN@T STOP PLAYING 4HE BAND HAVE ALWAYS BEEN UNEASY WITH THE LEVEL OF HYPE THEY WERE RECEIVING FROM ELEMENTS OF THE MORE FASHIONABLE OF THE MUSIC PRESS AND DECIDED TO ESCAPE TO .EW 9ORK TO RECORD THEIR DEBUT ALBUM WITH 46 /N 4HE 2ADIO MEMBER $AVE 3ITEK PRODUCING 9ANNIS TRIED HIS BEST TO EXPLAIN WHAT THE ALBUM WAS LIKE h)T S NOT VERY CURRENT SOUNDING IT HAS LOTS OF BRASS ON IT AND NO SYNTHS ON IT ALL ) HOPE THE RECORD CAPTURES THE ATMOSPHERE OF .EW 9ORK HANG ING OUT WITH THE 9EAH 9EAH 9EAHS DRINKING *AMESONS SMOKING A LOT OF WEED AND EATING STEAK WITH $AV ID 3ITEKxIT WAS FUN TO MAKEv 2ECENTLY THE BAND GAINED A DE GREE OF FAME BY APPEARING IN 46 PROGRAMME 3KINS PLAYING AT A MAS SIVE SECRET PARTY IN THE WOODS -OST BANDS WOULD HAVE BEEN APPREHEN

SIVE ABOUT MAKING A FORAY INTO 46 BUT THEN MOST BANDS AREN T LIKE &OALS 7HEN ASKED HOW THE BAND GOT INVOLVED 9ANNIS JUST RESPONDS IN HIS MATTER OF FACT WAY h4HEY JUST ASKED US AND WE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE COOL JUST LIKE PLAYING A HOUSE PARTY BUT FOR 46 ) M SURPRISED ABOUT HOW LITTLE WE THOUGHT ABOUT IT AT THE TIME IT S THE KIND OF THING THAT CAN F K YOUR BAND UP ) THINK THAT WE LL OUTLIVE IT THOUGHv &OALS AREN T REALLY SEEKING FAME THOUGH AND 9ANNIS SAYS WITH AN AIR OF CON TEMPT h) M REALLY NOT THAT BOTHERED ABOUT BEING IN .-% AND STUFF ) JUST WANT TO MAKE MUSIC FULL TIME AND PLAY TO LOAD PEOPLE THAT S MY ONLY CONCERNv REALIZING PERHAPS AT THE BACK OF HIS MIND THE LOW LIFESPAN OF BANDS TODAY h&OALS ISN T GOING TO BE AROUND FOR YEARS ) CAN GUAR ANTEE THAT IT S NOT EVEN GOING TO BE AROUND FOR YEARS AND IT S NOT THAT WE DON T LOVE EACH OTHER OR BECAUSE WE DON T ENJOY PLAYING TOGETHER IT S JUST THAT WE WANT TO DO EVERYTHING AND EXPERIMENTv )T S THE BANDS AMBITION AND COULDN T CARE LESS AT TITUDE WHICH SETS THEM APART FROM SO MANY OTHER RUN OF THE MILL INDIE BANDS ABOUT THESE DAYS !S THE INTERVIEW COMES TO AN END WE CLOSE WITH A FAMILIAR LAST QUESTION 7HERE DO 9ANNIS AND THE REST OF &OALS SEE THEMSELVES IN A YEARS TIME h&LIPPING BURGERS PROB ABLYv SAYS 9ANNIS WITH A WRY SMILE &OALS ARE A BAND WHO DON T REALLY CARE TOO MUCH ABOUT THE FUTURE THEY RE TOO BUSY LIVING IN THE HERE AND NOW

7HO THE ARE &OALS &IVE PIECE PURVEYORS OF @PUZZLE POP DE SCENDING FROM /XFORD 3IGNED TO 4RANSGRES SIVE RECORDS !PPEARED ON 3KINS @SECRET PARTY !LBUM DUE

3INGLE 2EVIEWS 4HE #OURTEENERS !CRYLIC

4HE #OURTEENERS ARE THE LATEST MOUTHY -ANCUNIANS ATTEMPTING TO STEAL /ASIS CROWN LEAD SINGER ,IAM &RAY CERTAINLY HAS ALL THE SWAGGER OF HIS MENTORS (E HAS BEEN NICKNAMED hGOB ALMIGHTYv BY .-% FOR HIS OPINIONS WHICH WOULD MAKE EVEN ,IAM 'ALLAGHER BLUSH 9ET THE @AVE IT MENTALITY SEEMS TO BE INGRAINED INTO EVERY EMERGING GUITAR BAND HELLO (ARD &I AND 4HE %NEMY SO SURELY NOT ALL OF THEM CAN JUSTIFY IT !CRYLIC SUGGESTS 4HE #OURTEENERS CAN

4HERE IS LESS OF A CAVEMAN QUALITY TO THEIR LYRICS MORE OF A POETRY #OULD 4HE %NEMY HAVE WRITTEN @ 9OU RE JUST LIKE PLASTICINE BEING MOULDED INTO A LIBERTINE DREAMv 4HE BAND HAVE BEEN DESCRIBED AS 4HE ,IBERTINES PLAYING /ASIS AND CERTAINLY THIS SONG WOULD NOT BE OUT OF PLACE AS A HIDDEN 5P 4HE "RACKET TRACK 4HE JANGLY GUITARS ALSO DRAW TO MIND 4HE ,A S AND THE MIGHTY #ORAL WHO THE BAND ARE SUPPORTING LATER IN THE YEAR 0ERHAPS IN 4HE #OURTEENERS LAD ROCK HAS FOUND ITS SOFT SIDE !S LISTENERS WE MAY HAVE JUST FOUND A BAND WITH TUNES THE SIZE OF THEIR EGO ,UCY -OORE

SAME TIME AS "RITISH ANTI FOLK ARTISTS ARE STARTING TO MAKE WAVES UNLIKE THE SCENE S LOVE OF ALL THINGS PAROCHIAL ,IGHTSPEED #HAMPION TACKLES MORE EPIC SUBJECT MATTER 3INGING ABOUT GALAXIES AND STAR

"EN S "ROTHER #ARRY /N

,IGHTSPEED #HAMPION -IDNIGHT 3URPRISE (EARING THAT ,IGHTSPEED #HAMPION IS AN ACOUSTIC PROJECT BY AN EX MEMBER OF 4EST )CICLES A BAND WHO WERE ALMOST AS BAD AS THEIR NAME MIGHT NOT lLL YOU WITH DELIGHT "UT $EV (YNES LATEST PROJECT IS SURPRISINGLY GREAT LIKE +ELE FROM "LOC 0ARTY FRONTING "RIGHT %YES )T S MERE COINCIDENCE THAT (YNES HAS COME OVER ALL ALT COUNTRY AT THE

ACOUSTIC URGENCY FOR THE CHORUS 4HE FANTASTICALLY SURREAL AND ULTRA LOW BUDGET VIDEO ONLY ADDS TO THE SONG S ORIGINALITY AND CHARM 3OMETHING THIS GOOD COMING FROM THE ASHES OF 4EST )CICLES 4HIS SONG REALLY IS A SURPRISE ,UCY -OORE

CROSSED LOVERS RATHER THAN CHEESE ON TOAST AND MOUTHWASH -IDNIGHT 3URPRISE IS GIDDILY ROMANTIC 4HE ORIGINAL VERSION IS AN ALMOST TEN MINUTE TRIP INTO (YNES SLIGHTLY SORDID DREAMWORLD BUT WHAT THE RADIO EDIT LACKS IN WEIRDNESS IT MAKES UP FOR WITH VIGOUR AND SHIMMERING POP HOOKS 3TEEL GUITAR AND KEENING VOCALS SHIFT INTO

"EN S "ROTHER ARE A CROSS BETWEEN 4HE &EELING AND *AMES -ORRISON WITH LEAD VOCALS THAT ARE REMARK ABLY LIKE THOSE OF AN EARLY 2OD 3TUART (OWEVER THEY RE LACKING IN THAT ABILITY TO BREAK INTO HIS MUCH NEEDED RAUCOUS SOUND 4HE OPENING OF THIER NEW SIN GLE BARES MORE THAN A RESEMBLANCE TO 3IMON AND 'ARFUNKEL S CLASSIC "RIDGE /VER 4ROUBLED 7ATER SO YOU GET THE IMPRESSION THAT THIS IS SOME THING WE VE HEARD FROM THE SAME BAND A MILLION TIMES BEFORE 4HE HOPE IN THE CHORUS OF #ARRY /N WITH ITS ACCOMPANIMENT OF ACOUSTIC STRUMS AND WHAT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS A CONVENTIONAL HAP PY DRUM BEAT DOES GIVE YOU A SENSE OF EUPHORIA BUT THE STORYTELLING

QUALITY OF THE REST OF THE SONG JUST MAKES YOU WANT TO YAWN )F THIS WAS RELEASED A FEW YEARS AGO IT WOULD BE A RECIPE FOR SUCCESS BUT IN TODAY S INNOVATIVE LANDSCAPE IT SOMEHOW GETS LOST )F YOU WANT THE NOSTALGIA OF "OYZONE BUT THIS TIME WITH GUITARS MAYBE THIS IS THE ONE FOR YOU (OLLY 7ATTE

!LBUM 2EVIEWS 2ADIOHEAD

)N 2AINBOWS

4WENTY ONE YEARS AGO 9ORKE #O MADE A COMMITMENT TO CREATE 3EVEN ALBUMS LATER AND THEY VE MADE A MAS TERPIECE ONCE AGAIN 7E lND THEM TENDERLY FATHERING )N 2AINBOWS THE LATEST BIRTH FROM THE 2ADIOHEAD MOTHER SHIP &OUR ARID YEARSx JUST INCONSISTENT INCOMPLETE IN SUFlCIENT TASTERS OF THEIR MAGIC TO PLEASE TO TEASE x IT S NO WONDER FANS SAT INDEX lNGER GLUED TO THE MOUSE REFRESHING HOTMAIL ACCOUNTS SO VIOLENTLY MONITORS BE CAME ALMOST STROBE WORTHY ON THE MORNING OF THE /C TOBER TH )T WAS ON THIS DAY THAT WE EMBRACED A NEW ADDITION TO THE FAMILY .O SURPRISES WE WERE NOT LET DOWN DELIVERED AN AL BUM OF ABSOLUTE JOY "Y NO MEANS WAS THEIR UNRIVALLED GENIUS QUESTIONED BUT THE NIBBLING ANXIETY THAT THIS RECORD WOULD NEVER QUITE REACH ITS NAISSANCE WAS BEGIN NING TO RENDER OUR lNGERNAILS RAW 3O UNIFORMED SO UNREMITTING SO HARMONIOUS TO ONE ANOTHER 3TILL CREATING MUSIC THAT MAKES LOVE TO YOUR EAR DRUMS -USIC THAT IS SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL IRRESPECTIVE OF

HYPERBOLE $EAD AIR SPACE -OST DElNITELY NOT 7E ARE WARMLY WELCOMED BY THE DISTINCT RAPTURE OF 3TEP WIDE SMILED AND OPEN ARMED 4HE ALMOST mAW LESS PRODUCTION SHINES THROUGH IMMEDIATELY A NECESSITY THAT WAS NOT ONLY A CRUCIAL BUT PERSONAL ADVANCE FROM S (AIL TO THE 4HIEF 9ORKE TAKES US ON HIS USUAL DISTINCTIVE JOURNEY OF FALSETTOS 4HE 2ECKONER RADIATES HIS VOCAL RANGE SEAMLESS LY AND *IGSAW &ALLING )NTO 0LACE PROVIDES US WITH SOME OF HIS GREATEST WORK IN YEARS IF NOT EVER 0UT SIMPLY IT S OUT AND OUT BLISS "LENDED WITH THE 'REENWOOD BROTHERS INNATE TALENT FOR ELECTRONIC AND DIGITAL MANIPULATION )N 2AINBOWS IS A PLEASURE TO LISTEN TO !N AMALGAMATION OF THE SEEDS SOWN IN !MNESIAC +ID ! AND (AIL TO THE 4HIEF IT S A FU SION OF lVE MEN PERFECTLY ALIGNED 4HE THING THAT STANDS OUT SO ELOQUENTLY AND SO GRACE FULLY IS THE TONE OF THE LYRICS CRAFTED BY THE EVER ARTICULATE FRONT MAN /F COURSE THERE REMAINS THE WITTY SARCASTIC DIGS AGAINST SOCIETY AND GOVERNMENTAL CONTROL AND YES

HIS WORDS STILL SEEP SATIRE BUT WITHIN THEM LIES SOME THING MUCH MORE HONEST SOMETHING THEY HAVE HINTED AT FOR YEARS BUT NEVER EXPOSED WITH SUCH INTENSITY AND INTEGRITY h9OU ARE MY CENTRE WHEN ) SPIN AWAYv LYR ICS SUCH AS THIS REVEAL AN REFRESHINGLY SENSITIVE SIDE TO 9ORKE SOMETHING THAT MOST FAN S NEVER THOUGHT THEY D HEAR )N 2AINBOWS WEAVES A WEB OF INTRICACY AND INTIMACY AND YOU REMAIN AT ITS MERCY )T LEADS YOU HAPPILY HELP LESS STRAIGHT INTO A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY TO AN APEX OF CREATIVITY AND ELEGANCE 4HIS IS UNTIL THE TENTH AND lNAL TRACK OF 2ADIOHEAD S NEWBORN 6IDEOTAPE OPENS ITS EYES !N UNSETTLING ALMOST NAUSEOUS TASTE APPEARS ON THE TIP OF YOUR TONGUE THIS NOT ONLY SOUNDS LIKE THE lNAL TRACK BUT IT ALSO FEELS LIKE THE END !ND IF THIS IS TRUE TO BE LEFT WITH THE FOLLOWING WORDS AS AN ELEGY IS MORE THAN ENOUGH h4ODAY HAS BEEN THE MOST PERFECT DAY ) VE EVER SEEN v

3TEREOPHONICS

5NKLEJAM

-Y !MERICAN (EART

0ULL 4HE 0IN

5NKLE *AM

(IDING )NSIDE 4HE (ORRIBLE 7EATHER

7ITH A NAME FAMILIAR TO MILLIONS 3TEREOPHONICS SHOULD BE PRODUCING CLASSIC AFTER CLASSIC AFTER CLASSIC 4EN YEARS TO GROW 4EN YEARS TO NURTURE 4EN YEARS ON NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE 0ULL THE 0IN SITS IN THE SHADOWS OF THE YOUTHFUL GENIUS CAPTURED WITHIN 7ORD 'ETS !ROUND AND 0ERFORMANCE AND #OCKTAILS "RILLIANCE THAT SHOULD HAVE MATURED LIKE A lNE -ERLOT BUT INSTEAD FADES AND FESTERS IN THE RECYCLING BIN TO BE COUGHED UP AS SECOND HAND SMOKE 9OU WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THEY D HAVE LEARNT FROM THE BLATANT MISTAKES MADE IN S ATROCITY ,ANGUAGE 3EX 6IOLENCE /THER #LEARLY THE NUMBER ONE WENT TO THEIR HEADS AND THEY THOUGHT PEOPLE ACTUALLY FOUND PLEASURE LISTENING TO MONOTONOUS DRIVEL 0ULL THE 0IN IS AN EMPTY SHELL lLLED WITH DElNITE EVIDENCE THAT -R +ELLY *ONES HAS LOST WHATEVER SPARK HE ONCE HAD +EEPING UP APPEARANCES THE ALBUM STARTS WELL WITH 3OLDIERS -AKE 'OOD 4ARGETS )T S QUITE SMOOTH 5NFORTUNATELY AS THE ALBUM PROGRESSES WE ARE LEFT WITH THE LUMPY BITS )T SEEMS THAT BLIND FAITH HAS LED US INTO EXPECTING THAT THIS WOULD BE SOMETHING SPECIAL )NSTEAD IT S JUST ANOTHER ALBUM CARRIED BY THE MAN S VOCAL TALENT ALONE ,ADYLUCK WILL RESTORE YOUR HUMANITY FOR THREE MINUTES AND FORTY SIX SECONDS 3TILL @9OU SHOOT YOU LOSE 3WEET SWEET IRONY

!FTER HAVING ITS RELEASE DATE PUSHED BACK THIS FUNKY ELECTRO 2N" DEBUT WILL lNALLY EXPLODE INTO STORES .OVEMBER TH AND WAS INDEED WORTH THE WAIT &IRST SINGLE ,OVE 9A DID NOT ENJOY MUCH CHART SUCCESS DESPITE DOING THE ROUNDS IN MANY A TRENDY NIGHTSPOT (OWEVER SUPPORTING *USTIN 4IMBERLAKE ON TOUR GENERATED ENOUGH HYPE TO PROPEL SECOND SINGLE 7HAT !M ) &IGHTING &OR TO NUMBER IN THE 5+ CHART "OTH TUNES ARE CLUB BANGERS THAT CONTAIN BLUESY SINGING OVER THUMPING BASS LINES RESULTING IN MUSIC WITH THE SOUL OF *AMES "ROWN WHILST HAVING A DANCE SOUND REMINISCENT OF "ASEMENT *AXX 4HE ALBUM IS PACKED WITH ALLUSIONS TO THESE AMONGST OTHER KINGS OF CLUBS .EW SINGLE 3TEREO HOWEVER DOES NOT HAVE THIS EFFECT AND IS AN AVERAGE SEMI 3UPERGRASS COVER THAT DOES NOT ADEQUATELY REPRESENT THE COOL ADDICTIVE DANCEABLE DIVERSITY OF THIS ALBUM 4HE GREAT VARIETY COMES TO LIGHT ON lNAL TRACKS $ON T 0ASS -E "Y AND $ADDY 'ENES WHEN THE SOUL REMAINS BUT THE HEAVY BEATS VANISH LEAVING TWO VERY TOUCHING 2N" SONGS THAT SOUND LIKE SOME SORT OF !NDRE 3TEVIE 7ONDER COLLABORATION 7HILST THE ALBUM WILL BE NOTED FOR BEING PACKED WITH ELECTRO POP IT IS THE SOUL THAT SHINES THROUGH MAKING THEM CONTENDERS TO CONTINUE FUNKING UP CLUBS AND HOUSE PARTIES IN THE COMING MONTHS 2OB -ORBIN

7HEN THE SUN DAZED ENERGY OF THE 3OUTHERN #ALIFORNIA COAST MEETS THE YOUTHFUL ROCK OF 0ARAMORE AND THE REmECTIVE INDIE EMOTION OF #OPELAND COMES THE SOUND OF -Y !MERICAN (EART S SECOND ALBUM (IDING )NSIDE THE (ORRIBLE 7EATHER 4HE BAND IS PROUD OF ITS hSTRIKINGLY VARIED DISCv AND A RANGE OF MUSICAL STYLES CERTAINLY MAKE AN APPEARANCE ON THE RECORD (EARD PARTICULARLY WELL ON 3PEAK ,OW )F 9OU 3PEAK ,OVE AND &ANTASY THE DELICIOUSLY LISPING VOCALS OF &ILIPINO YEAR OLD LEAD SINGER SONGWRITER ,ARRY 3OLIMAN WHO WAS ONLY ON THE RELEASE OF THE BAND S DEBUT #$ COMPLIMENT THE ALBUM LYRICS THAT WHILE NOT OFTEN INFUSED WITH INSPIRED ORIGINALITY ARE SWEETLY INNOCENT POETRY SUCH AS FOUND ON THE ACOUSTIC SONGS 4IRED AND 5NINSPIRED AND 4HE )NNOCENT ,ETTER h4RUST THE SPEED TRUST THE NIGHT ) VE GOT YOUR HANDv 4HESE ACOUSTIC LEANINGS ARE NICELY OPPOSED AGAINST THE EDGIER DRIVE ALL NIGHT ROCK INSTRUMENTATION OF THE SONGS "OYS 'RAB 9OUR 'UNS AND 4HE 3HAKE !WFUL &EELING 4HIS ALBUM IS FUELLED BY A FUN AND FEEL GOOD UNDERCURRENT OF DON T WANNA GROW UP ENDLESS SUMMER ATTITUDE THAT IS IDEAL FOR LIFTING SPIRITS AS THE SHORT DAYS AND LONG WINTER NIGHTS BEGIN TO DRAW IN

*OSEPHINE 0IFFERO

*OSEPHINE 0IFFERO

#AROLINE $UNMORE

,IVE 2EVIEWS

.-% 2OCK @N 2OLL 2IOT 4OUR 4HURSDAY TH /CTOBER 5%! SMASH "ACKlRE !T 4HE $ISCO lNISHED THE SET THE CROWD WERE LEFT EXHAUSTED AND ECSTATIC "UY TICKETS FOR THEIR GIG AT THE 7ATERFRONT NOW n WHEN 4HE 7OMBATS DEBUT ALBUM DROPS IN .OVEMBER THEY RE GOING TO BE HUGE !FTER THE lRST TWO FANTASTIC ACTS 4HE %NEMY HAD A LOT TO LIVE UP TO 4HE BAND KICKED OFF WITH !WAY &ROM (ERE TO A RAPTUR OUS RECEPTION 4HE REST OF THE SET CONSISTED OF VARIATIONS ON THIS THEIR BIGGEST HIT SIM PLE BRIT POP RIFFS AND FOOTBALL TERRACE CHANT ING 4HE %NEMY ARE A PALE PASTICHE OF THEIR FORERUNNERS /ASIS WITHOUT THE SLY WIT AND

.-% ROLLED INTO .ORWICH WITH ITS USUAL FANFARE BAR STAFF DONNED 2OCK @N 2OLL 2IOT 4OUR 4 SHIRTS AND ENOUGH POSTERS PLASTERED THE ,#2 TO HAVE DESTROYED A SMALL RAINFOR EST 4HE BARRIERS WERE IMMEDIATELY LINED WITH FANS WEARING 4HE %NEMY SHIRTS AND THE HARDCORE PULLED FACES WHEN OPENING ACT ,E THAL "IZZLE TOOK TO THE STAGE (E HAD A SIM PLE SET UP n TWO -#S ONE $* n BUT HE USED THIS TO HIS ADVANTAGE POUNDING OUT REPETI TIVE GRIMY AND IRRESISTIBLE RHYTHMS %VEN THE INITIALLY HESITANT COULDN T HELP JUMPING

STRENGTH OF MELODY 4HE ONLY RESPITE FROM THEIR CHART GEARED CHANT ALONG GUITAR POP IS ACOUSTIC DITTY 7E LL ,IVE !ND $IE )N 4HESE 4OWNS THAT SHAMELESSLY STEALS IDEAS FROM 4HE *AM !SIDE FROM THIS THE FORMULA IS LAD ROCK ALL THE WAY AND THE GUYS IN THE CROWD LAP IT UP SMASHING INTO EACH OTHER AND INNOCENT BYSTANDERS 4HE STARS OF THE NIGHT WERE ,ETHAL "IZZLE AND 4HE 7OMBATS n THEY PROVIDED 2OCK @N 2OLL BUT 4HE %NEMY COULD ONLY MANAGE THE 2IOT 3ARAH #HRISTIE

ALONG 4HE SET WAS ALL TOO SHORT LEAVING THE CROWD BUZZING FOR 4HE 7OMBATS 4HE ,IVERPUDLIAN TRIO WERE AS FAR FROM ,ETHAL "IZZLE AS YOU CAN GET OPENING THEIR SET WITH ACAPELLA SINGING "UT THEY SOON SWITCHED TO WHAT THEY DO BEST PRIMARY COL OURED POGOING POP SONGS WITH BOY MEETS GIRL MUCKS IT UP LYRICS AND JOYOUS HARMO NIES !LTHOUGH THEY VE ONLY HAD TWO FULL SINGLE RELEASES n BOTH OF WHICH REACHED A WHOPPING NUMBER THIRTY lVE IN THE CHARTS n PEOPLE KNEW ALL THE WORDS 7HEN FUTURE

&RANK 4URNER

-INDLESS 3ELF )NDULGENCE

-ONDAY TH /CTOBER 1UEEN #HARLOTTE

&RIDAY TH /CTOBER 7ATERFRONT

&RANK 4URNER TOOK AN UNUSUAL ROUTE TO SUCCESS AS A SINGER SONGWRITER !FTER ATTENDING %TON HE SANG FOR HARDCORE BAND -ILLION $EAD FOR FOUR YEARS A CULTURE CLASH IN ITSELF UNTIL THEY DECIDED TO hLEAVE A GOOD LOOKING CORPSEv IN %VEN BEFORE THEIR BREAK UP HE BEGAN PLAYING OCCASIONAL SOLO SHOWS ARMED WITH ONLY AN ACOUSTIC GUITAR TWO YEARS LATER HE S AS ASSURED A PERFORMER AS EVER !MBLING AROUND THE CROWDED PUB WITH A GLASS OF WINE BEFOREHAND THIS WAS ALWAYS GOING TO BE A CASUAL AFFAIR AND 4URNER SEEMED RELAXED CONSTANTLY BANTERING BETWEEN SONGS ESPECIALLY WHEN GIVEN A LENGTHY INTERVAL TO CHANGE A BROKEN STRING HIS STORIES AND JOKES FREQUENTLY HAVE THE AUDIENCE ROARING WITH LAUGHTER (E SHARES TALES FROM THE LAST YEAR A HIGHLIGHT BEING RECEIVING HATE MAIL

FROM ZOOLOGISTS AND AT ONE POINT CLAIMS THE AUDIENCE CAN PROVE SOCIALISM WORKS BY PASSING HIS WINE FROM THE BAR )T BECOMES CLEAR WHY MANY COMEDIANS STARTED OUT AS FOLK SINGERS "ILLY #ONNOLLY IS AN EQUALLY FOUL MOUTHED EXAMPLE "UT HIS SONGS ARE WHAT PACKED OUT THE 1UEEN #HARLOTTE AND THEY DON T DISAPPOINT HINTING THAT HIS SECOND ALBUM IS SHAPING UP VERY WELL 4URNER S SONGS MIGHT BE MORE PERSONAL THAN -ILLION $EAD S BUT THIS DOESN T MEAN 4URNER S GONE SOFT (IS TEARS OVER HIGHLIGHT 7ORSE 4HINGS (APPEN !T 3EA MAKE IT STUNNINGLY POWERFUL EVEN WITHOUT THE RECORD S WILD VIOLIN BACKING WHEN HE EMPLOYS HIS HARDCORE VOICE IT NEVER SOUNDS CONTRIVED OR UNCOMFORTABLE OVER THE ACOUSTIC GUITAR 4UNER IS CLEARLY AN EVERYMAN THOUGH A VERY ENTERTAINING ONE STRUGGLING THROUGH THE SAME JOURNEY AS EVERYONE LISTENING AND FEW SONGWRITERS CAN BUILD THIS CONNECTION WITHOUT BEING AS FRANK ABOUT THEIR EXPERIENCES AS HE IS "Y THE LAST SONG THE HARROWING "ALLARD /F -E !ND -Y &RIENDS EXPRESSING THE FUTILITY OF HIS ATTEMPTED CAREER AND HEDONISTIC LIFE THE ENTIRE CROWD SEEMS TO SHARE HIS SENTIMENT AS THEY SING THE SHOW S lNAL LYRIC hHE S DElNITELY GOING TO HELL BUT HE LL HAVE ALL THE BEST STORIES TO TELL v 7ILL $ONOVAN

-INDLESS 3ELF )NDULGENCE -3) FOR SHORT KICKED MAJOR "RITISH "UM ON &RIDAY TH /CTOBER IN THE WAY ONLY ARROGANT !MERICANS CAN -3) S !TARI PRODUCED !CID 0UNK CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED TO THE UNINITIATED AS TOTALLY BONKERS ELECTRO WITH REAL FRIGGIN ATTITUDE *IMMY 5RINE AND HIS BAND ONE OF WHICH IS MARRIED TO 'ERARD 7AY FROM -Y #HEMICAL 2OMANCE STORMED ON STAGE AT PM WITH THE INCREDIBLE OPENER 4ORNADO A SONG ABOUT BEATING SOMEONE UP *IMMY 5RINE EXPLODED ONSTAGE IN NEON

PINK WRIST BANDS STANDING TO ATTENTION AT THE FRONT OF THE STAGE TO URGE THE CROWD INTO MORE AND MORE OF A FRENZY AND ONCE STOPPING TO LET US KNOW HIS BLADDER WAS FULL 4HE VIEW FROM THE FRONT WAS OF ABSOLUTE DEBAUCHERY THAT THIS REVIEWER HASN T SEEN DONE WELL SINCE PUNK BAND !MEN IN -3) HAVE AN INCREDIBLE STAGE PRESENCE THAT TRANSlXES THE AUDIENCE AND LEAVES THEM TRULY WANTING MORE *IMMY 5RINE HAD A REAL RAPPORT WITH THE AUDIENCE DESPITE THE PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE HE INmICTS "UT DESPITE -3) S REPUTATION FOR SHAMELESSNESS ON STAGE THE AUDIENCE WAS STILL SHOCKED TO SEE A HIGH SCHOOL FRIEND MAKE OUT WITH *IMMY 5RINE DURING THEIR SET (OWEVER IT WAS OBVIOUS SOME MEMBERS OF THE CROWD WERE DISAPPOINTED THAT *IMMY DIDN T EXPOSE HIMSELF MORE THOROUGHLY AS HE HAS A REPUTATION FOR 4HEIR CLOSING ACT ) (ATE *IMMY 0AGE GET THOSE FAGGOTS OFF THE STAGE COULD NOT HAVE BEEN MORE PERFECTLY PLACED IN THE SET !N AMAZING END TO THE NIGHT BUT SADLY A BIT TOO SOON AS 7ATERFRONT STAFF HAD TO EXTRACT ALL THE SMALL CHILDREN FROM THE PREMISES BEFORE OPENING 2AWKUS AT PM /NE OF THE PUNTERS SUMMED UP THE NIGHT PERFECTLY AS hNOT QUITE A GIG BUT ONE HELL OF A SHOWv HE COULDN T HAVE BEEN MORE RIGHT 3IAN (AMER

-AIN &EATURE

/UTSTANDING %XCELLENT 'OOD -EDIOCRE 4RAGIC

$IR -ATTHEW 6AUGHN 2ELEASED

3TARDUST BEST DESCRIBED AS A MATURE FAIRYTALE FOLLOWS THE FANTASTICAL AD VENTURES OF 4RISTAN 4HORN #HARLIE #OX ON HIS QUEST TO lND A FALLEN STAR n A TOKEN HE SEEKS TO RETRIEVE TO SHOW HIS LOVE FOR 6ICTORIA 3I ENNA -ILLER (E MUST TRAVEL FROM HIS %NGLISH HOMETOWN OF 7ALL INTO THE MYSTICAL LAND OF 3TORMHOLD 4O 4RISTAN S SURPRISE THE STAR IS NOT A

LUMP OF COSMOLOGICAL DUST BUT INSTEAD A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG WOM AN 9VAINE #LAIRE $ANES 7E ARE QUICKLY INTRODUCED TO A FEAST OF FAMOUS FACES AND SUBSEQUENTLY TO THEIR CONNECTED GOAL OF DISCOVER ING THE WHEREABOUTS OF THE STAR FOR THEIR OWN GAIN (OT ON THEIR HEELS IS THE HAG GARD WITCH ,AMIA -ICHELLE

0FEIFFER AND HER GHASTLY SISTERS WHO DESIRE THE FALLEN STAR S HEART TO MAKE THEM YOUNG ONCE MORE AND THE PRINCE OF THE KINGDOM 3EP TIMUS -ARK 3TRONG WHO MUST OBTAIN A NECKLACE 9VAINE WEARS TO COMPLETE HIS CORONATION 9OU MIGHT BE MISTAKEN FOR BE LIEVING THIS lLM IS SOLELY AIMED AT A YOUNGER AUDIENCE HOWEVER THERE

IS A FAIR AMOUNT OF ADULT HUMOUR SIMILAR TO THAT ENCOUNTERED IN THE 3HREK TRILOGY #OMEDY COMES IN SMATTERINGS FROM THE CAMP ES CAPADES OF #APTAIN 3HAKESPEARE PLAYED BRILLIANTLY BY 2OBERT $E .IRO THE HEAD OF A LIGHTNING COL LECTING AIRSHIP WITH ITS BAND OF PI RATES )T IS WORTH SEEING 3TARDUST JUST FOR HIS SHORT PERFORMANCE

#HARLIE #OX MAKES A GOOD BREAKTHROUGH PERFORMANCE AS THE INITIALLY NAÕVE 4RISTIAN 4HE lLM S DOWNFALL LIES IN ONE PERSON 2ICKY 'ERVAIS (IS CRINGE WORTHY CAMEO IS PAINFUL TO WATCH AND HIS USE OF THE h!RE YOU HAVIN A LAUGH v CATCHPHRASE IS AWFUL BAD CHOICE ON THAT ONE -ATTHEW 6AUGHN 3TARDUST HAS AN EXCELLENT BAL ANCE OF ACTION COMEDY AND RO MANCE 3OME OF THE SCENES BE TWEEN 4RISTAN AND 9VAINE VERGE ON THE EDGE OF NAUSEATINGLY DRIPPY BUT ARE BOUND TO APPEAL TO THOSE WHO ENJOY THE EPIC ROMANCE 4HOUGH SOME MAY lND THE GENRE FAR TOO STEREOTYPICAL WITHIN THE REALM OF FANTASY 3TARDUST IS A GEM .EIL 'AIMAN S CONCEPTION WORKS WELL NEVER DELVING TOO DEEP INTO MYTHOLOGY WHICH CAN OFTEN BORE AND KEEPING IT ENTERTAINING WITH LIGHT HEARTED COMEDY 3TARDUST IS AN ENCHANTING lLM SURE TO WARM THE COCHELS OF YOUR HEART %LLEN #AVE

#INElLE 2EPO -AN 4HE SUMMER OF WAS A DISAP HE IS DUPED INTO BECOMING A REPO POINTING TIME FOR CULT CINEMA FANS MAN SOMEONE HIRED TO @STEAL (AVING ENDURED THE ONSLAUGHT BACK CARS FOR THE (ELPING (AND OF NUMEROUS TIRING BLOCKBUSTER !CCEPTANCE #ORPORATION 0LAYED @THREE QUELS AND THE DELUGE OF TEL BY %MILIO %STEVEZ /TTO EMBOD EVISION COMIC BOOK AND TOY SPIN IES ALL THE TEENAGE ANGST OF .APO OFFS THEN LET S FACE IT EVEN 4ARAN LEON $YNAMITE WITH THE ANARCHIC TINO S LATEST OFFERING FAILED TRANSGRESSION OF ! #LOCKWORK TO TURN MANY HEADS /RANGE S !LEX (ARRY $EAN (EAD BACK 3TANTON IN THE PER YEARS TO 4HE 2EPO -AN S FORMANCE OF HIS CAREER 6AN (ALEN RE CODE IS BASED ON AN PLAYS /TTO S HAGGARD LEASES *UMP THE AMALGAMATION OF WIS REPO MENTOR "UD !UTOBOTS AND DOM GIVEN TO DIRECTOR SHARING HIS WISDOM $ECEPTICONS !LEX #OX WHEN HE WAS AS THEY CRUISE THE AWAKEN AFTER FOUR SERVING IN REAL LIFE AS STREETS OF ,! TOGETHER MILLION YEARS AND A REPO MAN ON THE JOB 4HIS IS 3PINAL 4AP &ROM THEN ON THE 'HOSTBUSTERS ! .IGHT PLOT BECOMES FAR TOO COM MARE ON %LM 3TREET 'REMLINS PLICATED TO SUMMARISE BUT EXPECT "EVERLEY (ILLS #OP 4HE 4ERMINATOR A TWISTED TALE BRIMMING WITH HU AND 4HE +ARATE +ID GRACE OUR CIN MOROUS ELEMENTS OF SCI l CONSPIR EMA SCREENS )T GOES WITHOUT SAY ACY CAR CHASES EXISTENTIALIST PHI ING THAT WAS THE YEAR OF THE LOSOPHY 3CIENTOLOGY PUNK MUSIC CULT lLM AND STANDING PROUDLY TELEVISION EVANGELISM A SCATHING AMONGST HIS BRETHREN WE lND THE COMMENTARY ON THE OVER COMMER GRANDDADDY OF ALL CULT lLMS !LEX CIALISATION OF !MERICAN CULTURE #OX S 2EPO -AN AND ENOUGH EXPLETIVE LADEN WIT 4HE lLM FOLLOWS YOUNG /TTO AS AND BLOODY VIOLENCE TO SATISFY ANY

4RIVIA

4ARANTINO FAN .OTHING IS SAFE FROM "RITISH WRITER AND DIRECTOR !LEX #OX S VI SION OF ULTIMATE CINEMATIC REBEL LION YET WHAT MAKES 2EPO -AN THE SEMINAL CULT lLM IS THE WAY THAT IT COMPRISES A PERFECT BALANCE BE

TWEEN ANARCHY ANTI ESTABLISHMENT AND GREAT ENTERTAINMENT #OMBINE THIS WITH A BRILLIANT ALTERNATIVE PUNK SOUNDTRACK AND A SCRIPT FEA TURING MORE QUOTABLE LINES OF DIA LOGUE THAN AN ENTIRE SERIES OF 4HE 3IMPSONS AND THE RESULT IS A MOVIE

THAT RETAINS A GRITTY URBAN AESTHETIC BUT PLAYS WONDERFUL GAMES WITHIN THE CONTEXT OF ITS SETTING -IKE -OORE

/THER 3CREENS

"LACK 3HEEP $IR *ONATHAN +ING 2ELEASED !FTER SINISTER GENETIC EXPERI MENTS ON A .EW :EALAND FARM GO AWRY MUTATED KILLER SHEEP WREAK THEIR BLOODTHIRSTY REVENGE ON HUMANS FORCING FARMER S SON TURNED hCITY BOYv (ENRY /LDFIELD .ATHAN -EISTER TO OVERCOME HIS FEAR OF SHEEP AND SOMEHOW BRING A STOP TO HIS BROTHER S EVIL WOOLLY CREATIONS "LACK 3HEEP IS A GENUINELY FUNNY HORROR COMEDY THINK THE KIWI VERSION OF 3HAUN OF THE $EAD 4HERE ARE LOADS OF SPECTAC ULAR GORY MOMENTS AND HILARI

2ENDITION OUS SHEEP RELATED GAGS APLENTY 4HE MAKE UP AND CREATURE EFFECTS ARE SUPERBLY DONE BY THE 7%4! 7ORKSHOP THE TEAM THAT WORKED ON THE ,/42 TRILOGY 4HE FILM SUCCEEDS IN NOT TAK ING ITSELF TOO SERIOUSLY SO THE AUDIENCE CAN SIMPLY ENJOY THE TWISTED MIX OF VIOLENCE AND CRUDE HUMOUR AND ALTHOUGH SOME OF THE DIALOGUE MIGHT BE LOST ON "RITISH AUDIENCES "LACK 3HEEP IS STILL VERY ENTERTAINING $ISGUSTING YET HIGHLY ENJOYABLE ,EWIS $YSON

$IR 'AVIN (OOD 2ELEASED )N THE WAKE OF TERRORIST THREATS @%XTRAORDINARY 2ENDITION A LAW ALLOWING THE #)! TO EXTRADITE SUS PECTED TERRORISTS WITHOUT LEGAL PRO CEEDINGS IS A FRIGHTENING POSSIBIL ITY FOR OUR HUMAN RIGHTS AND THIS IS WHAT IS EXPLORED IN 'AVIN (OOD S POLITICALLY CHARGED THRILLER !CCUSED OF AIDING TERRORISM %YGYPTIAN BORN !NWAR %L )BRAHIMI /MAR -ETWALLY IS ABDUCTED ON HIS mIGHT BACK TO THE 53 AND IS IMPRISONED IN A SECRET DETENTION FACILITY (IS PREGNANT WIFE )SABELLA 2EESE 7ITHERSPOON PLEADS FOR HIS RELEASE TO NO AVAIL (ER ONLY

4HE #OUNTERFEITERS $IR 3TEFAN 2UZOWITZKY 2ELEASED $RAWING UPON THE LITTLE KNOWN HISTORY OF THE WORLD S BIGGEST COUNTERFEITING OPERATION DI RECTOR 3TEFAN 2UZOWITZKY S 4HE #OUNTERFEITERS APPROACHES THE (OLOCAUST FROM A RATHER UNIQUE PERSPECTIVE 4HE NARRATIVE IS TOLD THROUGH THE EXPERIENCES OF A SMALL GROUP OF *EWS SELECTED FOR THEIR SPECIALIST SKILLS WHO IN REWARD FOR THEIR SERVICES ARE SEPARATED FROM THE REST OF THE CAMP AND RECEIVE COMPARATIVE COMFORT

4ALKING -OVIES

HOPE LIES IN #)! ANALYST $OUGLAS &REEMAN *AKE 'YLLENHALL A WIT NESS TO %L )BRAHIMI S VIOLENT AND UNORTHODOX INTERROGATION 7ITH SUCH A STELLAR CAST AND IN TERESTING PLOT ALL THE INGREDIENTS ARE THERE TO MAKE A TENSE AND COM PELLING POST THRILLER HOWEVER 2ENDITION FALLS SHORT 7ITHERSPOON IS GIVEN LITTLE TO DO AND 'YLLENHAAL IS EQUALLY PUT TO POOR USE 4HOUGH SLOW MOVING AT lRST 2ENDITION REMAINS AN ENLIGHTEN ING lLM AND MANAGES TO MAINTAIN ITS MESSAGE THAT TORTURE WHATEVER NAME IT GOES BY IS INEXCUSABLE .ATASHA +UNDAIKER

4HE AUDIENCE ARE FACED WITH GRITTY CHARACTERS THAT CANNOT BE EASILY RECONCILED WITH THE OF TEN ROMANTIC (OLOCAUST VICTIM PORTRAYED IN lLMS SUCH AS 4HE 0IANIST )N THIS SENSE 4HE #OUN TERFEITERS REALLY BENElTS FROM ITS LESS MAINSTREAM STATUS 2UDOW ITSKY MUST BE APPLAUDED FOR HIS ABILITY TO PORTRAY THE *EWISH EX PERIENCE OFTEN RETURNING WITH GREAT EFFECT TO THE SOUNDS FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WALL 4HE #OUNTERFEITERS IS SUPPORTED WITH TOUCHING PERFORMANCES AND A STRONG PLOT THAT MAKE IT A GREAT lLM (OLLY -C.ULTY

"EAM ME UP )T S OFlCIAL #HRIS 0INE 3MOKIN !CES *UST -Y ,UCK 4HE 0RINCESS $IARIES IS GOING TO BE THE NEW #APTAIN *AMES 4 +IRK )F WE TAKE AWAY THE SINGING THE LEG END THAT IS 7ILLIAM 3HATNER IS HARD TO BEAT AND 0INE DElNITELY HAS SOME BIG SHOES TO lLL .OW WE KNOW WHAT YOU RE THINKING ANOTHER 3TAR 4REK MOVIE MIGHT SOUND A BIT NAFF BUT WITH ** !BRAMS DIRECTING AND (EROES :A CHARY 1UINTO AKA 3YLAR PLAYING 3POCK IT HAS US HERE AT 4HE %VENT JUMPING UP AND DOWN WITH EXCITE MENT 3IMON 0EGG HAS RECENTLY SIGNED ON TO PLAY -ONTGOMERY 3COTT OR 3COTTY AS HE S BETTER KNOWN CHIEF ENGINEER OF THE 533 %NTERPRISE AND %RIC "ANA IS PLAYING THE VILLANOUS .ERO 4HOUGH THE CAST SEEMS A BIT YOUNG IT S BOUND TO BE ONE HELL OF AN ADVENTURE 4HUNDERCATS (OOOO /H YES n AFTER OUR FA VOURITE S CARTOONS LIKE 4-.4 AND 4RANS FORMERS HIT THE BIG SCREEN THIS YEAR 7ARNER "ROS HAS JUMPED ON THE BAND WAGON TOO 7" AN NOUNCED IN *UNE THAT THEY WERE MAKING A #') ANIMATED FEATURE lLM OF 4HUNDERCATS AND NOW THEY VE GOT A DIRECTOR *ERRY / &LAHERTY *ERRY WHO 9OU MAY ASK 7ELL UP TIL NOW HE S MADE HIS LIVING AS AN ART DIRECTOR OF VIDEO GAMES 3TRANGE CHOICE 7ELL NOT REALLY 7ITH 'EARS OF 7AR 5NREAL 4OURNAMENT AND THE EPIC MASTERY THAT IS #OMMAND AND #ONQUER UNDER HIS BELT HE CLEARLY HAS A CINEMATIC EYE "UT WITH THE RECENT CINEMA REMAKES TRAMPLING THE JOY OF OUR CHILDHOODS LET S JUST HOPE HE CAN DO ,ION / AND CO JUSTICE

#HECK OUT 4HE TRAILER FOR *ACK "LACK S NEW lLM "E +IND 2EWIND DIRECTED BY -ICHEL 'ONDRY %TERNAL 3UNSHINE

0IC OF THE 7EEK *ULY IS JUST TOO FAR AWAY 4O TIDE YOU OVER UNTIL THE PROPER TRAILER COMES OUT HERE S A SHOT OF (EATH ,EDGER AS THE INFAMOUS *OKER IN 4HE $ARK +NIGHT #HRISTOPHER .OLAN S SE QUEL TO THE AWESOME "ATMAN "EGINS

$6$ 2ELEASES

4-.4 $IR +EVIN -UNROE "Y ANY REAL CRITICAL STANDARDS 4-.4 THE #') RE LAUNCH OF THE INTERMITTENTLY POPULAR 4URTLES FRAN CHISE IS A BIT OF A MESS 4HE STORY IS ALL OVER THE PLACE THE TONE IS UN EVEN AND THE ENDING IS A BIT OF A DAMP SQUIB "UT A MOVIE LIKE THIS ISN T RE ALLY MEANT FOR @PROPER MOVIE CRIT ICS AND IT SEEMS ALMOST CHURLISH TO BASH THE MOVIE S FAILINGS WHEN IT S SO DAMN FUN 4HE MOVIE HAS SUCH ENTHUSIASM FOR ITS SOURCE MATE

RIAL THAT YOU CAN FORGIVE IT ALMOST ANYTHING )N THE lLM S FAVOUR IT LOOKS GOR GEOUS #') IS A PERFECT lT FOR THE HEROES IN A HALF SHELL &INALLY FREED FROM THE RUBBER SUITED CONSTRAINTS OF PREVIOUS MOVIES $ONATELLO AND COMPANY lGHT JUMP AND SOAR MA JESTICALLY ACROSS THE SCREEN 7HILE IT ISN T PERFECT 4-.4 IS DAFTLY ENJOY ABLE ENOUGH TO WARRANT A RENTAL AT THE VERY LEAST ,IAM / "RIEN

.EW 2ELEASES 0ARIS *E 4 AIME #ELEBRATED DIRECTORS FROM AROUND THE WORLD INCLUDING THE #OEN "ROTHERS 'US 6AN 3ANT 'URINDER #HADHA 7ES #RAVEN 7ALTER 3ALLES !LEXANDER 0AYNE AND /LIVIER !SSA YAS COME TOGETHER IN THIS lLM TO PORTRAY 0ARIS IN A WAY NEVER BEFORE IMAGINED

#APTIVITY

!N !LTERNATE 2EVIEW OF #APTIVITY

$IR :ACK 3NYDER

4HERE ONCE WAS A lLM CALLED #APTIVITY 7HOSE PLOT DIDN T MAKE ANY SENSE TO ME )T COPIED (OSTEL AND 3AW 4HEN TOOK AWAY ALL THE hAWEv !ND THE ENDING LACKS CREATIVITY

-ODEL *ENNIFER 4REE %LISHA #UTH BERT GETS CAPTURED BY A MYSTERIOUS MASTERMIND AND THEN DEPENDS ON HER LOOKS ALONE TO CARRY THE MOVIE FOR THE NEXT HOUR AND A HALF 3TEALING ELEMENTS FROM GORY HORROR SUCCESSES (OSTEL AND THE 3AW SERIES #APTIVITY RELIES ON FOR MULAIC hHELPLESS WOMAN IN DAN GERv SITUATIONS AS THE DRIVING FORCE BEHIND THIS PREDICTABLE THRILLER

%LISHA #UTHBERT S ACTING DOESN T COMPEL 4HE DIALOGUE WAS WRITTEN IN HELL 4HE TWIST IS PRETENTIOUS "UT TO BE CONTENTIOUS )T S DEGRADING TO WOMEN AS WELL *EREMIAH #HIN

(OSTEL 5NSEEN %DITION $IRECTOR %LI 2OTH UPS THE ANTE IN THIS BRUTAL AND TERRIFYING SEQUEL (OSTEL 0ART )) TAKES PLACE DIRECTLY AF TER THE EVENTS OF THE lRST lLM WITH *AY (ERNANDEZ REPRISING HIS ROLE AS THE REVENGE SEEKING BUT ULTIMATELY HAPLESS 0AXTON

3TEPHEN +ING S $ESPERATION 5NSUSPECTING TRAVELERS TAKE A DE TOUR TO TERROR WHEN THEY RE ARRESTED BY A SMALL TOWN SHERIFF AND JAILED IN A DESOLATE TOWN WHOSE STREETS ARE LITTERED WITH THE DEAD BODIES OF LO CAL RESIDENTS

*EREMIAH #HIN

$PVSUFTZ 5BYJT 4FBUFS "WBJMBCMF

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4UVEFOU 'SJFOEMZ

'IVING YOU 'OOSEBUMPS

(ALLOWEEN APPROACHES PUMPKINS ARE ON THE SHELVES AND IT SEEMS THE BEST TIME TO TURN OUR ATTENTION TO A CULT FAVOURITE THE HORROR lLM 'EORGE 'ILBERT LOOKS AT THE MASSIVE POPULARITY OF HORROR AND WHY FOR lLMMAKERS SCARING PEOPLE IS SUCH BIG BUSINESS

%

VER SINCE THE ,UMIERE BROTHERS MADE 4RAIN 0ULLING )NTO ! 3TATION IN lLMMAKERS HAVE BEEN FASCINATED BY THE PROSPECT OF SCARING AU DIENCES )N THE CASE OF THIS lLM THE SHEER APPEARANCE OF A LOCOMOTIVE AP PEARING TO TRAVEL TOWARDS THE AUDIENCE HAD PEOPLE DUCKING FOR COVER 7HILE THE ,UMIERE BROTHERS lLM MAY LOOK ANTIQUATED NOW IT S IMPOR TANT TO REMEMBER THAT AUDIENCES HAVE NOT ALWAYS BEEN SO USED TO THE VIO LENCE WE ENCOUNTER REGULARLY IN lLMS LIKE 3AW AND #ABIN &EVER /NE OF THE lRST HORROR lLMS TO STRIKE TERROR INTO A WORLDWIDE AUDI ENCE WAS & 7 -URNAU S VERSION OF THE CLASSIC $RACULA STORY .OSFERATU 4HE SILENT TENSION OF THE LONG TAPERING SHOTS IN WHICH THE ANCIENT DEFORMED VAMPIRE ASCENDS UP A WINDING mIGHT OF STAIRS TO FEAST UPON SOME UNSUS PECTING MAIDEN S BLOOD WAS A TERRIFY ING PROSPECT TO S AUDIENCES 4HE BLACK AND WHITE ERA IN WHICH THIS lLM WAS PRODUCED IS NOT A DRAWBACK n THE lLM DOES NOT RELY ON BLOOD OR GORE IT IS MORE THAN THAT 4HE VIVID APPEAR ANCE OF THE VAMPIRE HIMSELF WITH HIS DARK CIRCLED EYES PROTRUDING TEETH AND LEATHERED SKIN IS QUITE A TERRIFYING SIGHT AND -AX 3CHRECK S #OUNT /RLOK WAS SHOCKING TO AUDIENCES WHO HAD NOT SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT BEFORE 4HE MANY lLMS THAT FOLLOWED INSPIRED BY THE 'ERMAN EXPRESSIONIST STYLE INCLUDED OTHER MYTHICAL AND NOVEL IN SPIRED MONSTERS SUCH AS *AMES 7HALE S &RANKENSTEIN AND 4OD "ROWNING S VER SION OF $RACULA

!S THE YEARS PROGRESSED SO THE TONE AND STYLE OF THE lLMS CHANGED 4HAT S NOT TO SAY THAT BY THE S AND S THE LIKES OF THE COUNT WERE NOT POPULAR WITH MOVIE GOERS 4HE $RACULA STARRING #HRISTOPHER ,EE AND 0ETER #USHING WAS A BIG SUCCESS WORLD WIDE AND SPAWNED COUNTLESS lLMS FROM THE (AMMER CANON ALL RELYING ON 'RAND 'UIGNOL STYLE THE CHARISMA OF THEIR STARS AND ESCAPIST TALES OF HOR RIlC CREATURES "UT OTHER TYPES OF HOR

ROR WERE ALSO BECOMING MORE POPULAR )NVASION OF THE "ODY 3NATCHERS IS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF A HORROR lLM THAT TAPS INTO THE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN !S A BREED OF SHAPE SHIFTING ALIENS TAKE OVER A SMALL !MERICAN TOWN THE PARANOIA RISES AS THE VIEWER DOES NOT KNOW WHO TO TRUST 5NLIKE EARLIER lLMS THE HORROR IS NOT AS OBVIOUS 4HE CREATURES LOOK HUMAN BUT ACT INHUMAN THUS MA NIPULATING THE AUDIENCES EMOTIONS 0UT SIMPLY WHAT WE SEE IS NOT WHAT WE GET 4HE HORROR LIES IN KNOWING THAT YOUR FRIEND OR NEIGHBOUR COULD BE THE ENEMY PLOTTING AGAINST YOU BUT YOU LL NEVER KNOW UNTIL IT S TOO LATE 4HE lLM CARRIED FEW VISUAL SHOCKS BUT HAD AN UNNERVING SUSPENSEFUL ATMOSPHERE THAT PLAYED WELL TO AN AUDIENCE CON CERNED BY THE THREAT OF THE #OLD 7AR AND -C#ARTHY IST ATTITUDES TOWARDS THE @REDS UNDER THE BED "Y THE S AND S THERE WERE DIFFERENT TASTES IN HORROR DEVELOPING !S AUDIENCES HARDENED TO THE MORE TRADITIONAL SCARES lLMS BECAME MORE VISCERAL 4HE %VIL $EAD THE DI RECTORIAL DEBUT OF 3AM 2AIMI SHOWS HOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO MAKE A BRUTAL AND STARTLING HORROR lLM CHEAPLY )T

h3AM 2AIMI S

4HE %VIL $EAD

DISPENSED WITH THE SUSPENSE AP PROACH INSTEAD GOING FOR PRO LONGED PERIODS OF GROSS OUT NAS TINESS GAINING QUITE A REPUTA TION FOR ITS VIVID AND WILD DEPIC TIONS OF ON SCREEN VIOLENCE v

DISPENSES WITH THE SUSPENSE APPROACH OF EARLIER lLMS AND GOES FOR PROLONGED PERIODS OF GROSS OUT NASTINESS AND THE lLM GAINED QUITE A REPUTATION FOR ITS VIVID AND WILD DEPICTIONS OF ON SCREEN VIOLENCE ,IKE MANY HORROR lLMS OF THE ERA 4HE %VIL $EAD FEATURES A CAST OF HAPLESS YOUNGSTERS THE VICTIMS OF EVIL SPIRITS LURKING IN THE WOODS WHO PICK THEM OFF ONE BY ONE "Y THIS TIME THE STAKES HAD BEEN UPPED AND MANY HORROR lLMS FROM THIS ERA WERE OFTEN QUITE BRUTAL IN THEIR NATURE THE SUCCESS OF THE SLASHER lLMS WITH THEIR DOUBLE lGURE DEATH COUNTS AS WELL AS ZOMBIE lLMS SUCH AS $AWN OF THE $EAD ILLUS TRATE THIS WELL (ORROR HAS NEVER REMAINED A STAT IC GENRE AND ITS CHANGING FACE IS NOW MORE PROMINENT THAN EVER 4HE BEST OF THESE lLMS MIX GRIPPING SUSPENSE WITH SUDDEN SHOCKS &ILMS LIKE 2INGU WITH ITS USE OF TECHNOLOGY AS AN INTE GRAL PLOT DEVICE REmECT THE MODERN AGE IN WHICH THEY ARE MADE )T REALISES WHAT HAS MADE HORROR A SUCCESS OVER THE YEARS AND UTILISES IT WITH lNESSE FEATURING BOTH SUSPENSEFUL BUILD UPS TO KEY SCENES AS WELL AS SUDDEN SHOCKS

EMBEDDED INTO ITS RICH PLOT 4HE SUC CESS OF THIS lLM HAS LED TO MANY IMI TATORS INSPIRED BY OTHER !SIAN HORROR lLMS n 53 RE MAKES SUCH AS 4HE 2ING AND 4HE 'RUDGE HAVE OPENED UP THESE lLMS TO A WIDER AUDIENCE "RITISH lLM $AYS ,ATER PLAYS ON THIS SAME BAL ANCE PERFECTLY COMBINING THE CLASSIC ZOMBIE MOVIE WITH PREVALENT POST FEARS OF BIOLOGICAL WEAPONS 'IVEN THE CONSTANTLY CHANGING NA TURE OF HORROR IT S WORTHWHILE TO QUES TION WHERE THE GENRE WILL TAKE US IN THE FUTURE /NE THING S FOR SURE WE LL ALL BE QUEUING AT THE BOX OFlCE TO lND OUT

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'AMING .EWS

)NTERNET .EWS

4HE REALLY BIG NEWS THIS WEEK IS THE RELEASE OF THE lRST ,EGEND OF :ELDA GAME FOR THE .INTENDO $3 THE 0HAN TOM (OURGLASS )N ADDITION TO THIS .INTENDO HAVE AN OTHER BIG HITTER IN THE FORM OF -ETROID 0RIME FOR THE 7II WHICH AIMS TO BRING THE 0RIME SERIES OF -ETROID GAMES TO A CLOSE &INALLY GAMERS GET THE CHANCE TO SINK THEIR TEETH INTO *ERICHO A TEAM BASED SHOOTER WITH A STORY PENNED BY HORROR MASTER #LIVE "ARKER "ILLED AS A SEQUEL TO THE 'AMECUBE S 7IND 7AKER 4HE 0HANTOM (OURGLASS OUT /CTOBER TH ON .IN TENDO $3 KEEPS THE SAME CEL SHADED LOOK BUT WITH A WHOLE NEW CONTROL SYSTEM )NSTEAD OF THE CONTROL PAD YOU USE THE STYLUS TO MOVE ,INK AROUND SLASH AT ENEMIES AND SOLVE VARIOUS PUZZLES

"ARCLAYS BANK HAVE MADE PIONEERING STEPS OVER THE PAST MONTH THROUGH THE LAUNCH OF THEIR 0).SENTRY ONLINE SECURITY SCHEME 4HE BANK HAS PLANS TO PRO VIDE OVER HALF A MILLION OF ITS CUSTOMERS WITH THE FREE HANDHELD CHIP AND 0). CARD READERS BY THE END OF THIS YEAR !T PRESENT CUSTOMERS WHO USE ONLINE BANKING TO SET UP NEW BILL PAYMENTS ARE BEING TAR GETED BUT THE SCHEME IS SET FOR MORE WIDESPREAD RELEASE IN #ONGRATULATIONS ARE ALSO IN ORDER THIS WEEK FOR -ADDOX CREATOR OF THEBESTPAGEINTHEUNIVERSE COM WHO IS CELEBRATING THE SITE S TH BIRTHDAY .OW IF ONLY HE D GET BACK TO UPDATING THE SITE THE LAST REAL ARTICLE HE POSTED WAS WAY BACK IN MID *ULY

-ETROID 0RIME OUT /CTOBER TH ON THE .IN TENDO 7II ALSO TAKES ADVANTAGE OF AN ORIGINAL CON TROL SYSTEM USING THE 7II MOTE AND NUNCHUK IN A VARIETY OF WAYS TO INTERACT WITH THE ENVIRONMENT 4HEY BECOME HANDY TOOLS AS YOU lGHT YOUR WAY THROUGH HORDES OF SPACE PIRATES AND OTHER BEASTIES IN WHAT WILL APPARENTLY BE THE lNAL INSTALMENT OF THE 0RIME SERIES OF -ETROID SERIES #LIVE "ARKER S *ERICHO OUT /CTOBER TH ON 0# 8BOX AND 03 OFFERS AN INTERESTING SPIN ON TEAM BASED SHOOTERS AS YOU GET TO POSSESS VARI OUS MEMBERS OF A SPECIAL FORCES TEAM TASKED WITH lGHTING THE SUPERNATURAL %ACH SOLDIER HAS SOME SPECIAL SKILLS SUCH AS TELEKINESIS AND THE STRONG HORROR THEME MEANS THE GAME COULD HAVE A GRIP PING FEEL !NDY *UDSON

'AMING 'REATS #OMMAND AND #ONQUER 2ED !LERT

$EVELOPER 7ESTWOOD 3TUDIOS 9EAR 0UBLISHER 6IRGIN )NTERACTIVE %LECTRONIC !RTS

#OMPUTER GAMES CAN STRUGGLE TO BALANCE HIGH PRODUCTION VALUES WITH GREAT GAMEPLAY 4HIS IS ESPECIALLY TRUE OF WAR GAMES WHICH OFTEN RELY ON GRANDIOSE SET PIECES TO CREATE EXCITEMENT #OMMAND AND #ONQUER 2ED !LERT IS ONE OF THE FEW THAT DOESN T ! REAL TIME STRATEGY GAME THE PRESENTATION OOZED CLASS YET IT WAS SIMPLE UNADULTERATED FUN ! SEQUEL TO THE ORIGINAL 2ED !LERT IS OFTEN CITED AS THE GAME WHICH PROPELLED THE SERIES INTO THE POSITION AS ONE OF THE MOST RESPECTED OF ITS GENRE 4HE CARE AND EFFORT PUT INTO THIS TITLE IS EVIDENT BEFORE THE GAME IS INSTALLED 4HE PACKAGING AND MANUAL SHARE THE SAME STAND ARD OF QUALITY THAT MOST OTHER TITLES ONLY RE SERVE FOR THE ACTUAL GAME 7HILST THE HAMMY ACTING IN THE CUT SCENES MAY BE QUESTION

ABLE THE MERITS OF THE MUSIC CERTAINLY ARE NOT &RANK +LEPACKI S EMPHATIC SOUNDTRACK IS PERFECT FOR A GAME BASED ON WAR WITH THE SOUND OF MARCHING FOOTSTEPS COMPLIMENT ING THE HEAVY GUITAR RIFFS 4HE STORY AS SILLY IT MAY BE IS STRANGELY ENDEARING CONSIDERING THE LACK OF IMAGINATION FOUND IN MANY OTHER WAR GAMES 4HE GAME IS ESSENTIALLY SPLIT INTO TWO A CAMPAIGN WHERE YOU PLAY AS THE 3OVIET 5N ION ASSIMILATING THE WHOLE OF %UROPE AND ANOTHER AS THE @!LLIES THE REMAINING FREE %U ROPEAN STATES OPPOSING THE 3OVIETS 4HIS GAVE THE GAME ADDED LONGEVITY BUT ALSO ALLOWED GAMERS TO SAMPLE ALL OF THE WEAPONS AND TECHNOLOGIES AVAILABLE IN THE GAME #OM PARED TO OTHER GAMES 2ED !LERT IS A STREAM LINED EXPERIENCE WITH LESS EMPHASIS ON RE SOURCE MANAGEMENT AND A GREATER FOCUS ON GENERAL DESTRUCTION )T OPENED UP THE GENRE TO A MUCH WIDER AUDIENCE WHO THROUGH THE ONLINE MULTIPLAYER CREATED A LARGE COMMU NITY DEDICATED TO THE GAME )TS LASTING SUCCESS SAW TWO EXPANSION PACKS RELEASED WITH NEW MISSIONS AND NEW UNITS ADDED TO THE GAME 4HEY ALSO ALLOWED 7ESTWOOD 3TUDIOS THE MAKERS OF 2ED !LERT TO SHOW THEIR HUMOROUS SIDE SEVERAL OF THE BONUS MISSIONS ALLOWED THE PLAYER TO lGHT HORDES OF GIANT ANTS INVADING %ARTH #OM PLETELY PREPOSTEROUS BUT IT EMBODIES EXACTLY WHY 2ED !LERT REMAINS A CLASSIC TO MANY +ARL $AVIES

,OOKING FORWARD TO (ALLOWEEN +OTAKU IS GOING A BIT VIDEO GAME PUMPKIN CRAZY AT THE MOMENT HTTP KOTAKU COM GAMING PUMPKIN )F ANYONE HAS THE TIME AND THE INCLINATION THEN CARVE YOURSELF A HOMESTAR THEMED PUMPKIN FROM ONE OF THESE TEM PLATES HTTP WWW HOMESTARRUNNER COM WEEN?STENCILS HTML -IKE -OORE

#ROSSWORD

Sponsored by:

!CROSS

$OWN

3EVERE AND STRINGENT &IRST SHEEP CLONED ! CITY ENVIRONMENT .AVAL TITLE OF .ELSON -IXED WITH SPOON ! REPETITION OF A SOUND !MERICAN WORD FOR SWEET POTATO 4O REST ON A CHAIR hx MEv n SONG BY "LONDIE &ORMER NAME FOR THE %5 ABBR 3OMETHING THAT IS OWED ! (ILLBILLY DANCE PARTY &EELING ! WOOLLY HAIRED 3 !MERI CAN ANIMAL 2EAL x 3OCIETY n NEW 5N ION SOCIETY THIS YEAR AND 'OMORRAH "IBLICAL CITY DESTROYED BY 'OD 4O PUSH SLIGHTLY

)NDOOR RACKET SPORT "URROWING MAMMALS LIV ING ON CAMPUS 0REDOMINANT 5%! BUILD ING MATERIAL 6AULTED CEILING 3ONG WORD ! COLOUR &RISKY )AN xx 'ANDALF ACTOR ,ARGE SPOTTED FELINE RESIDENT OF SOUTH %URASIA AND !FRICA 4EATS ,ARGE !SIAN COUNTRY WITH THE LARGEST POPULATION "REATHE IN 5%! S LAKE -OVING PICTURE OR MOVIE

3UDOKU with

The Avenue Bookshop 21 Avenue Road, Norwich 01603 768720 Open 10 - 5 Mon to Sat

4O BE IN WITH A CHANCE OF WINNING A a VOUCHER TO SPEND AT 4HE !VENUE "OOKSHOP BRING YOUR COMPLETED ENTRY TO THE #ONCRETE /FlCE BY

.AME %MAIL

(OW TO %NTER

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)N ORDER TO ENTER COMPETITIONS JUST lLL IN YOUR NAME AND EMAIL ADDRESS AND TAKE IT TO THE #ONCRETE /FlCE UPSTAIRS IN 5NION (OUSE /NCE IN THE (IVE GO UP THE STAIRS AND TURN BACK ON YOURSELF TO THE LEFT 4URN RIGHT BEFORE THE GLASS DOORS TO THE 5NION OFlCES AND THROUGH THE SINGLE DOOR BEFORE CONTINUING DOWN THE CORRIDOR 4URN RIGHT AT THE END THROUGH THE DOOR AND THE #ONCRETE /FlCE IS IMMEDIATELY ON YOUR LEFT 3EE MAP ON LEFT

(!2$%2

0RIZE 1UIZ 7HAT IS THE NAME OF 5%! S STUDENT RADIO STATION

7HAT ARE THE NAMES OF THE TWO FOOTBALL LEAGUE TEAMS FROM "RISTOL

4HE 5NION OF 5%! 3TUDENTS PRESENTS *OOLS (OLLAND

7HAT IS THE CAPITAL CITY OF !USTRALIA

!S WELL AS BOOKS "ORDERS ALSO SELL #$S AND $6$S lND THEM IN THE #HAPELlELD SHOPPING CENTRE

/CTOBER 3TUDENT DISCOUNT AT "ORDERS THROUGHOUT THE MONTH

7HAT WAS THE lRST SONG TO BE AIRED ON -46

4O BE IN WITH A CHANCE OF WINNING A a "ORDERS VOUCHER BRING AT LEAST ONE lLLED IN SUDOKU TO THE #ONCRETE /FlCE BY

7ITH WHICH BAND DID *OOLS (OLLAND MAKE HIS NAME

.AME %MAIL

........................................................................................................................

4HIS WEEK S PRIZES ARE TWO PAIRS OF TICKETS TO SEE *OOLS (OLLAND PERFORM WITH SUPPORT FROM HIS USUAL SET OF FANTASTICAL FRIENDS 4HE GIG IS ON SO THE DRAW WILL BE MADE EARLIER THAN IT USUALLY WOULD BE )N ORDER TO BE IN WITH A CHANCE OF WINNING THIS PRIZE HAND IN YOUR COMPLETED QUIZ AND CONTACT DETAILS TO THE #ONCRETE /FlCE BY PM ON

.AME -OBILE NUMBER %MAIL