9 THE EVENT
!RT #OMPUTING #REATIVE 7RITING &ASHION &ILM -USIC 4ELEVISION
4HE ,IFE OF !RNIE FROM ZERO TO ALL !MERICAN HERO )SSUE 0,53
4EENAGE 4ELLY #ELEBRITY COUPLES -UMM 2A
#ONTENTS &ASHION
-USIC
! 6ALENTINE S $AY FASHION BONANZA WHAT CLOTHES BLOKES AND GIRLS
!LBUMS +LAXONS 4HE 3HINS 7ILLY -ASON AND *AMIE 4 3INGLES +INGS OF ,EON 4HE -ACCABEES AND 4OKYO 0OLICE #LUB @"ANNED /N 4HE 2UN 0ONANA S NEWEST CLUB NIGHT EXPLORED ,IVE 2EVIEWS 4HE .-% )NDIE 2OCK TOUR AND "LOC 0ARTY
LIKE ON EACH OTHER LIPSTICK TIPS AND HOT RED DRESSES
!RTS
3ONGS &OR ! .EW 7ORLD AND (OW 4O "UILD ! 4IME -ACHINE
&ILM
! LOOK AT THE LIFE AND TIMES OF -ARTIN "LOCH
$REAMGIRLS AND THE ORIGINAL AND BEST /CEAN S %LEVEN
46
.OTES ON A 3CANDAL AND (ANNIBAL 2ISING PLUS COMPETITIONS
4HE ,EAGUE OF 'ENTLEMEN #3) ,AS 6EGAS AND % 2 REVIEWED
4HE $EPARTED #LERKS )) AND 4HE $EVIL 7EARS 0RADA ON $6$
4EENAGE +ICKS 4HE EVOLUTION OF TEENAGE TELLY INVESTIGATED
'OING "ARMY FOR !RNIE 4HE 'OVERNATOR S CAREER EXPLORED
#REATIVE 7RITING
,ISTINGS
#OMPUTING
! SELECTION OF POETRY AND PROSE FROM THIS ISSUE S CONTRIBUTORS
#ENTRE &EATURE
&RESH FROM THEIR OPENING SLOT ON THE .-% )NDIE 2OCK TOUR -UMM 2A SPEAK TO 4HE %VENT ABOUT THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF BAND LIFE
7ARIO 7ARE 3MOOTH -OVES BEST GAME ON THE 7II SO FAR &IND OUT INSIDE ALONG WITH GAMING CLASSIC &INAL &IGHT
#HRIS %DITORIAL
THE EVENT The!NNA 3TEWARD %DITOR IN #HIEF
(ELLO !ND WELCOME TO THE TH ISSUE OF 4HE %VENT 7ELL IT S NOT ACTUALLY OUR TH IT S OUR TH OR SOME THING BUT WE RE CLAIMING IT AS OUR TH AS WELL SO THAT WE MAKE IT A JOINT BIRTHDAY WITH #ONCRETE 3O WE HOPE YOU LL JOIN US IN OUR SOMEWHAT JUBILANT MOOD THIS ISSUE 3O NOW THAT WE VE lNISHED PASSING THE SAUSAGE ROLLS AND CRISPS AROUND THE OFlCE WHAT EXACTLY IS THE REASON FOR THE PICTURE 7ELL ) ALONG WITH WHAT SEEMED TO BE THE WHOLE OF 5%! WENT TO THE .-% TOUR SHINDIGGERY LAST WEEK AND HAD A SUR PRISINGLY GOOD TIME ) THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD BE MEDICRE AT BEST 4HE !UTOMATIC BANGING OUT THE SAME SONG OVER AND OVER 4HE (ORRORS BE ING PLAIN IRRITATING 4HE 6IEW BEING 3COTTISH BUT IT WAS ACTUALLY A RUDDY GOOD NIGHT 7E GOT THERE JUST IN TIME FOR THE START OF -UMM 2A S SET WHICH WAS THOROUGHLY ENJOYABLE ) D READ A LOT OF REVIEWS COMPARING THEM TO "LUR MY FAVOURITE BAND SO MY HOPES WERE HIGH FOR THEM AND THEY DIDN T DISAPPOINT ) THINK THEY WERE ALSO QUITE SIMILAR TO EARLY 3UPER &URRY !NIMALS DURING THE &UZZY ,OGIC ERA WHEN THEY KNOCKED OUT STORMING INDIE TUNES WITH A TOUCH OF THE WEIRD WITHOUT BLINKING AN EYELID 0ERHAPS THE MOST WEIRD ASPECT WAS THE PLASTIC DUCK THAT WAS THROWN AROUND STAGE WEIRD YET STRANGELY FUN ,IKE SEX UP
%DITOR #HRIS (YDE $EPUTY %DITOR &IONA "ILLINGS !RTS %DITORS 2OANNA "OND AND -IRANDA "RYANT #ONTRIBUTORS A TREE .EXT ON THE BILL WERE 4HE (ORRORS 4HE SCHLOCK ROCK PURVEY ORS HAVE BEEN MASSIVELY HYPED BY THE MUSIC PRESS OVER THE LAST FEW MONTHS WITH THE LOVEABLE ROGUES BEING PORTRAYED AS MUSIC S SAVIOUR (OWEVER ON THE STRENGTH OF THE .-% GIG THEY DIDN T DO ANYTHING FOR ME 3UB !LLEN 0OE THEATRICS OOH YOU VE GOT A CAPE WELL DONE AND SILHOUETTES JUST LOOK PRETEN TIOUS &ORGETTABLE NOISE WITH &ARIS 2OTTER THE @COOLEST STUDENT IN "RIT AIN ACCORDING TO .-% SCREAMING ALL OVER IT DOESN T ADD UP TO MUSIC TO ME 4HE .-% HAS TOLD PEOPLE TO RAVE ABOUT THEM AND AS USUAL THE MORE IDIOTIC OF IT S READERSHIP HAVE LEAPT ON THE BANDWAGON SET OFF BY THE MAGAZINE AND DECIDED THAT THEY WILL WORSHIP THEM INSTEAD OF FORGING A MUSICAL IDENTITY FOR THEM SELVES 9EAH WELL DONE YOU !S THE BAND ARE SO PREDISPOSED TO PRETEND ING TO BE MISERABLE WE VE DECIDED TO PUT SMILEY FACES ON @#OFlN *OE @3PIDER 7EBB ET AL TO SEE IF IT SPRUCES UP THEIR IMAGE MUCH 7E
THINK IT MAKES THEM LOOK MUCH MORE DELIGHTFUL 4HE 6IEW WERE ALRIGHT ENTER TAINING ENOUGH BUT ) DON T KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT THEM TO HAVE AN OPINION 3AME *EANS WAS PRETTY MAGICAL THOUGH 4HEN 4HE !UTO MATIC ) THOUGHT THE BAND WOULD BE IRRITATING THE PREVIOUS TIMES ) VE SEEN THEM THEY VE DONE NOTHING TO ENDEAR THEMSELVES TO ME 0ENNIE DID NOTHING TO CHANGE THAT OPIN ION ON HIM YELPING GURNING AND BOUNCING AROUND THE STAGE LIKE A RABID CHIHUAHUA HE S QUITE POSSIBLY THE MOST ANNOYING PERSON IN MUSIC (OWEVER THE BAND THEMSELVES WERE ACTUALLY AMAZING THE ONLY SLIGHT TARNISH BEING A JOKE ABOUT !NNA .ICOLE 3MITH S DEATH BEFORE LAUNCHING INTO 'OLD $IGGER WHICH WAS SLIGHTLY IN BAD TASTE "AR THAT THOUGH THEY WERE GREAT !NYWAY ENOUGH WAFmING 4URN THE PAGE AND BEGIN READING THE BEST ENTERTAINMENTS NEWSPAPER IN .OR WICH BAR NONE 3EE YOU IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS
&AY (ARRIS %LSIE +ING #HLOE 0EW ,ATTER -ATT 2AMSAY +ATRINA 2UMSBY
#OMPUTING %DITOR 0HIL 2OBINSON #ONTRIBUTOR 2OBERT *ACKMAN
#REATIVE 7RITING %DITOR )MAN 3ID
#ONTRIBUTORS :ULKImE (USSAIN *OE -ODUGNO *ULIANNE 0ACHICO
&ASHION %DITOR 5MAY +ALSOOM $EPUTY &ASHION %DITOR #ARINA 2IZVI #ONTRIBUTOR .ICOLA *ONES
&ILM %DITOR !NDY *UDSON
$EPUTY &)LM %DITOR ,YDIA -OSSAHEBI #ONTRIBUTORS "RENDAN !PPLETON +IERAN #ORNWELL %MMA &EATHERSTONE .ATASHA +UNDAIKER *OHN -UTCH +IERA / "RIEN
,ISTINGS #OMPETITIONS %DITOR *EMMA 4HAKE
-USIC %DITOR 'REG 3ULLIVAN
#ONTRIBUTOR 4IM "RIGGS 7ILL (OLLOWAY *OSH ,ITTLE ,EWIS -OR TON *OHN -UTCH #HARLES 2UMSEY
46 %DITOR .ATASHA +UNDAIKER
#ONTRIBUTORS
&IONA "ILLINGS #HRIS (YDE !MANDA ,IM +IERA / "RIEN
#HRIS
THE EVENT
&ASHION
)N THE FASHION WORLD h7HEN IN DOUBT WEAR REDv "ILL "LASS
)
@) THINK SHE SHOULD WEAR ) THINK HE SHOULD WEAR v ,ET S SEE
F YOU DON T LIKE ALL THE GREY YOU RE SEE ING THIS SEASON OPT FOR THE ALTERNATIVE COLOUR THAT IS NOTHING MORE THAN SIZZLING HOT RED "LOCK RED WAS VERY MUCH THE COLOUR TO BE SEEN IN DURING AUTUMN AND WINTER AND IT IS STILL AROUND FOR SPRING AND SUMMER 4HIS TIME IT IS MOVING FROM DEEP REDS TO SCAR LETS AND PALER TONES 4HE DRESS "ENNIFER AS A GARMENT IS SO HOT 9OU WERE VULGAR AND AT THE MOMENT GET A RED ONE IRRITATING 'IGLI AND YOU RE NOTHING BUT DOUBLY NEED WE SAY MORE FASHIONABLE &ASHIONISTAS NEED NOT WORRY ABOUT WHAT COLOUR YOUR 6ALEN TINE S DATE DRESS SHOULD BE AS WE VE DONE THE HARD WORK FOR YOU AND FOUND THE BEST RED DRESSES FROM THE 3PRING AND 3UMMER @ READY TO WEAR DESIGNER COLLEC TIONS %MANUEL 5NGARO SAID hSMART WOMEN KNOW THAT A RED DRESS RENDERS ALL OTHERS INSIG NIlCANT v 2ED IS NOT ONLY A 6ALENTINE S "RITNEY AND + FED FAVOURITE FOR THOSE ROMANTIC RED ROSES "RIT WHAT WERE YOU THINK BUT IT IS ALSO AN INTENSE ING .ICE TOUCH DUMPING AND STIMULAT ING COLOUR HIM BY TEXT THOUGH )T GIVES A CONlDENT FASHIONISTA THAT EDGE THAT SHE WANTS AND LOOKS PARTICULARLY STRIKING WITH DARK HAIR 3O LET S TAKE A LOOK AT SOME OF THE ONES WE VE FOUND AND SEE IF THEY GET YOUR HEART RACINGx 'ET IN ON THE ACTION OF THIS *ESSICA AND .ICK SEASON S SEXY AND lERY HUE AND 7E RE JUST GRATEFUL THE SHOW COUPLE IT WITH THE SCARLET POUT TO MATCH FOR .EWLY $IVORCED WAS JUST A THOSE PASSIONATE MOMENTS RUMOUR
WHAT THEY CHOSE FOR EACH OTHER
'EORGE CHOSE FOR (ANNAH TO WEAR 3TRIPY HIGH NECK TOP a ,EGGINGS -ODEL S OWN .ECKLACE a "ANGLES a AND a "ELT a 3HOES a
(ANNAH CHOSE FOR 'EORGE TO WEAR 0EACH STRIPED SHIRT
a
3TRAIGHT LEG BLUE JEANS
a
3HOES -ODEL S OWN 3WEAR
3
52
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2
4
%$
!. 37
&/
4 #5
#
%,
$ -/ #ONCRETE &ASHION (1 WOULD ESPECIALLY LIKE TO THANK #HARLIE "UCHAN 4OPSHOP S STYLE ADVISOR FOR ALL OF HER TRENDY ADVICE WITH THE FEATURE !SK IN STORE FOR FURTHER DETAILS OF 4OP SHOP S STYLE ADVISING SERVICE 7E D ALSO LIKE TO THANK THE MOD ELS 'EORGE #OTTRELL AND (ANNAH 4AYLOR FOR THEIR EXCELLENT WORK
+ENZIE AND *ODIE 3PEECH LESS
7OODY !LLEN AND 3OON ,I 3O THEY ARE STILL TOGETHER BUT SHE S YOUR STEP DAUGH TER 7OODY IT S WEIRD
THE EVENT
!RTS 4HEATRE 2EVIEWS 3ONGS &OR ! .EW 7ORLD 5%! $RAMA 3TUDIO )T WAS WITH SOME CURIOSITY THAT THIS REVIEWER ENTERED THE $RAMA 3TUDIO ON -ONDAY TH &EBRUARY TO WATCH THE 5%! $RAMA 3OCIETY S PRODUCTION OF 3ONGS FOR A .EW 7ORLD 4HE SHOW DOES NOT FOLLOW THE USUAL FORMAT OF A MUSICAL IN THAT IT DID NOT FOLLOW A LINEAR STORYLINE INSTEAD IT SHOWS DIFFERENT SNAPSHOTS OF THE CHARACTERS LIVES 4HE CAST CONSISTING OF 4OM (ARTILL !DAM -OULDER 0HILIPPA / 3HAUGHNESSY AND (AYLEY 0AYNE DID NOT REMAIN IN THE SAME ROLES THROUGHOUT BUT CHANGED FROM SONG TO SONG 4HIS DID NOT DISRUPT THE AUDIENCE S ENJOYMENT HOWEVER AS THE ACTORS MANAGED TO KEEP THE SAME LEVEL OF INTENSITY AND CHARACTERISATION FOR EACH NUMBER TAKING US TO A NEW PLACE WITH EACH SONG )N FACT IT WAS THE STRENGTH OF THE FOUR ACTORS THAT MADE THE PIECE WITH THEIR SWITCHES BETWEEN COMEDY AND GENUINE EMOTION SEEMINGLY EFFORTLESS 4HE SHOW IS ALSO A CHALLENGING ONE AS IT SPANS A VARIETY OF MUSIC GENRES FROM BLUES TO GOSPEL TO JAZZ BUT THE ACTORS TOOK THIS IN THEIR STRIDE .UMBERS FROM THE SHOW THAT PARTICULARLY STOOD OUT WERE 0HILIPPA / 3HAUGHNESSY S RENDITION OF *UST /NE 3TEP A VICIOUSLY COMIC PERFORMANCE OF A WOMAN THREATEN ING TO COMMIT SUICIDE OVER HER HUSBAND S INADEQUACIES AND THE OPENING NUMBER ! .EW 7ORLD WHICH SHOWED OFF EACH OF THE ACTORS VOCAL RANGES PERFECTLY 4HERE WAS NO STAND OUT PERFORMANCE AS IT WAS THE ENSEMBLE OF ACTORS THAT GAVE THE PERFORMANCE STRENGTH ! MENTION MUST BE MADE ALSO TO THE MUSICIANS ALL OF WHOM REMAINED ON STAGE THROUGHOUT THE PIECE 4HE MUSIC NEVER OVERPOWERED THE ACTORS INSTEAD ALLOWING THEIR VOICES AND THE MUSIC TO BLEND TOGETHER SEAMLESSLY &OR US THE ONLY DISAPPOINTMENT WAS THE RELATIVELY SMALL AUDIENCE TURNOUT 3URELY A PERFORMANCE SUCH AS THIS IS DESERVING OF MORE APPRECIATION %LSIE +ING
(OW TO "UILD A 4IME -ACHINE .ORWICH !RTS #ENTRE
)T S THE ST OF &EBRUARY AND 4HE %VENT IS QUITE COMFORTABLE WITH THAT 7E VE NEVER BEEN ONE TO ABSENT MINDEDLY SKETCH BLUEPRINTS OF OUR LATEST IDEAS FOR A TIME MACHINE BUT $R 0ATRICK "EER HAS A PARTICULAR AND PERSONAL INTEREST IN THE ART OF TIME TRAVEL (E RUNS ON TO THE STAGE WITH A BRIEFCASE FULL OF MISMATCHED PROPS ! @BLACK HOLE GENERATOR A TOY HOOVER FROM !RGOS A PAIR OF OVEN GLOVES A TAPE MEASURE AND A COPY OF &RENCHMAN S #REEK IN CASE IT S A LONG TRIP (E ENCOURAGES THE AUDIENCE ABOUT OUR PROSPECTS OF TIME TRAVEL BY INFORM ING US THAT WE ACHIEVE THE FEAT EVERY DAY 4HE SUN OF REALITY IS IN FACT MINUTES OLDER THAN THE SUN THAT WE LOOK AT BECAUSE THE LIGHT IT EMITS TAKES THAT LONG TO REACH EARTH !NDROME DA IN REALITY IS MILLION YEARS OLDER THAN THE STAR WE SEE AND OUR OWN BODIES ARE ONE NANOSECOND OLDER THAN REmECTION WE VIEW IN THE MIRROR 7ITH INCREASING EXCITEMENT THE PROFESSOR EXPOUNDS UPON A VARIETY OF HYPOTHESES ABOUT THE EXECUTION OF TIME TRAVEL FROM %INSTEIN S THEORY OF RELATIVITY IN WHICH OBJECTS TRAVELLING AT GREAT SPEED AGE SLOWER THAN THOSE STATIONARY TO THE @MANY WORLDS THEORY WHICH ASSUMES THAT FOR EVERY DECISION MADE A NEW WORLD IS CREATED TO ACCOMMODATE THE OPPOSING CHOICE WHICH WOULD ENABLE ONE TO TRAVEL BACK IN TIME WITHOUT WORRYING ABOUT THE REPERCUSSIONS OF THEIR ACTIONS VERY HANDY !MIDST THE HYPERACTIVE TEACHINGS OF $R "EER WE LEARN THAT A TROUBLED PERSONAL LIFE FUELS HIS WORK AND EVENTUALLY DISCOVER THE TRAGIC PURPORT OF HIS MISSION )T IS HOWEVER A HASTY MESSAGE OF POIGNANCY THAT THE AUDIENCE ARE REQUIRED TO SWALLOW IN MINUTES AND ONE YOU MIGHT lND QUITE DIFlCULT TO CHOW DOWN ON IF LIKE THIS REVIEWER YOU ARE STILL TRYING TO DIGEST THE PHYSICS BEHIND IT ALL +ATRINA 2UMSBY
!RTS #OMMENT
3HOULD ART ALWAYS @MEAN SOMETHING 3UBSTANCE )S THIS WHAT WE RE SEARCHING FOR 7HEN WE APPRECIATE ANY PIECE OF ART REGARDLESS OF WHAT FORM IT S IN ARE WE ALWAYS HUNTING FOR SOME DEEPER MEANING !RGUABLY ART EXISTS SOLELY TO INSPIRE OBSERVE AND DECONSTRUCT 4O ENCAPSULATE THE HUMAN CONDITION AND EXAMINE THE POINT OF BEING ALIVE 7E ARE THE ONLY BEINGS CAPABLE OF THIS KIND OF REmECTION AND SELF ANALYSIS 3URELY IF WE VE DEVELOPED SUCH POWERS OF EXPRESSION WE SHOULD USE THEM WELL 4O @HOLD A MIRROR UP TO NATURE OR SOME SUCH RUBBISH 4O GUIDE OTHERS TOWARDS UNDERSTANDING OUR EXISTENCE !FTER ALL WE CANNOT ALL BE 3HAKESPEARE SO PERHAPS ALL ART ACTS AS A KIND OF FACILITATOR OR MEDIUM FROM THE ARTIST TO THE AUDIENCE SO THAT WE CAN ALL BE STIMU LATED TO HIGHER THOUGHTS "EGIN TO CONSIDER THE THINGS THEY CONSIDER AND OPEN OUR MINDS UP A LITTLE OUTSIDE OF THE MUNDANE )F THIS IS THE CASE THEN EVERY PAINTING WE STARE AT EVERY PLAY WE WATCH EVERY STORY WE READ SHOULD ALWAYS BE A KIND OF MAP FOR LIVING AND AN INSTRUCTION FOR WHY WE RE HERE !ND YET SURELY IT S ALSO ABOUT HAVING FUN "RECHT SUGGESTED THAT THEATRE WAS POINTLESS IF NOT FUN 3TEPHEN &RY WROTE THAT BEAUTY EXISTED PURELY TO BE POINTLESS !ND HOW RIGHT THEY ARE &RESH FROM HAVING SEEN AND THOROUGHLY ENJOYEDx THE MUSICAL 7ICKED LAST WEEKEND IN ,ONDON ) HAVE TO SAY THAT EVEN IF IT WASN T MAKING THE WORLD S MOST PROFOUND STATEMENT IT WAS WONDERFUL ! FEW HOURS OF PERFECT ESCAPISM AND EVERYONE EMERGES DELIRIOUSLY HAPPY )F YOU ASK ME THERE S NOTHING WRONG WITH RUNNING AWAY FROM THE WORLD FOR A FEW HOURS 7E HAVE SO MUCH TO CONTEMPLATE WORRY ABOUT ASPIRE TO IN NINE TO lVE LIVING ANYWAY THAT IF WE RE GIVEN THE CHANCE TO DIVE INTO A WORLD OF GOBLINS WIZARDS OR HOBBITS WHY NOT GRAB IT WHILE WE CAN !FTER ALL WE DON T GET TO LIVE LIKE THAT IN OUR OWN LIFETIME 3O SHOULD EVERYTHING BE EMPTY IN THAT CASE THEN ! CHANCE TO PRETEND THAT THE REAL WORLD ISN T REAL FOR A WHILE 3OMETIMES ) THINK IT S DEPRESSING THAT MOST OF SOCIETY WOULD RATHER GO AND SEE 7E 7ILL 2OCK 9OU OR SLUMP IN FRONT OF 4HE "ILL OF AN EVENING THAN ACTUALLY HAVE A CONVERSATION THAT MEANS ANYTHING )T S ALL UP FOR GRABS BUT ) THINK THE ANSWER MAY BE THAT A MIXTURE OF THE TWO IS PERFECT ) FREQUENTLY DERIDE 7AYNE S 7ORLD AND ALL BOOKS PLAYS AND OTHER ART OF IT S ILK FOR BEING IRRITATINGLY RIDICULOUS BUT ART IS SO SUBJECTIVE THAT ONE MAN S PEACH RE ALLY IS ANOTHER MAN S POISON 0ERHAPS WE SHOULD ALL JUST ENJOY WHAT WE WANT TO ENJOY AND BE SATISlED THAT WHATEVER WE FEEL LIKE READING OR WATCHING AT THAT MOMENT IS THE RIGHT THING TO BE READING OR WATCHING NO MATTER WHETHER IT MEANS ANYTHING OR NOT 2OANNA "OND
THE EVENT
"OOK 2EVIEW 0ELÏ 4HE !UTOBIOGRAPHY 7ITH THE HUGE NUMBER OF SPORTING MEMOIRS BEING ROLLED OFF THE PRODUCTION LINE IN THE TWENTY lRST CENTURY IT WOULD BE EASY TO ASSUME THAT THIS IS JUST ANOTHER SUCH BOOK 0ELÏ WAS NO ORDINARY FOOTBALLER HOWEVER AND THIS AUTOBIOGRAPHY THEREFORE BREAKS THE TREND ! GREAT NUMBER OF SPORTSMEN EARN THEIR DOLLARS ON THE PITCH BEFORE RETIRING TO THE SUN SHINE 7HAT MOST PEOPLE UNDERESTIMATE IS THE IMPACT THAT %DSON !RANTES DO .ASCIMENTO HAS HAD AWAY FROM THE FOOTBALL PITCH 4HIS BOOK PROVIDES INSIGHT INTO THE MAN WHO HAS SPENT TIME AS A 5NITED .ATIONS AMBASSADOR FOR THE ENVIRONMENT AND WHO HAS STARRED IN A MAJOR lLM ALONGSIDE -ICHAEL #AINE AND 3YLVESTER 3TALLONE %VEN THEN THERE IS MORE TO HIM THAN FAME AND THE LIME LIGHT 4HIS IS A MAN BROUGHT UP IN A REGION OF "RAZIL WITH VERY LITTLE WEALTH WHOSE EXPERI ENCE OF PLAYING FOOTBALL FOR THE lRST TIME WAS IN THE STREETS WITH TIED UP SOCKS AS THE hBALLv 4HIS IS WHY 0ELÏ IS AND HAS BEENAN INSPIRATION TO SO MANY AROUND THE GLOBE HE PROVED THAT ANYBODY CAN FULlLL THEIR DREAM 7ITH AN ASTONISHING GOALS IN A CAREER SPANNING MATCHES 0ELÏ CERTAINLY REACHED THE PINNACLE OF WORLD SPORT AND MANY ARGUE THAT NEVER AGAIN WILL SUCH A TALENT BE SEEN 7HILE HIS MODESTY MAY NOT ADMIT IT THE ACHIEVEMENTS LISTED IN THIS AUTOBIOGRAPHY SUGGESTS THAT THIS BOOK DOCUMENTS THE LIFE OF ONE OF THE GREATEST SPORTSMEN EVER -ATT 2AMSAY
h0ROBABLY THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BUILDING HOARDING IN THE WORLD v +EVIN 0ARKER A YOUNG LOCAL GRAFlTI ARTIST HAS CREATED A MAJOR WORK OUTSIDE THE 3AINSBURY #ENTRE BASED ON &RANCIS "ACON AND THE 2OBERT AND ,ISA 3AINSBURY #OLLECTION (E HAS ALSO BEEN THE ORGANISER OF A NUMBER OF INTERNATIONAL GRAFlTI hJAMSv IN .ORWICH
!RTISTS "LOCH
!RTS
4HE 3AINSBURY #ENTRE FOR 6ISUAL !RTS FOLLOWS UP &RANCIS "ACON WITH *EWISH ÏMIGRÏ ARTIST -ARTIN "LOCH &AY (ARRIS #HLOE 0EW ,ATTER AND -ATT 2AMSAY INVESTIGATE
/
N TH *ANUARY THE -ARTIN "LOCH EXHIBITION 4HE 0AINTER S 0AINTER OPENED AT THE 3AINSBURY #ENTRE 4HE EXHIBI TION TAKES YOU ON A JOURNEY FOR USE OF THE CLICHÏ FROM THE LATE S IN 3PAIN THROUGH ALMOST HALF A CENTURY OF INNOVATIVE WORK PAINTED IN COUNTRIES ALL OVER %UROPE AND EVENTUALLY TO THE LATE S IN "RITAIN "LOCH S PAINTINGS COVER A HUGE HISTORICAL TIME RANGE AND REmECTIONS OF BOTH WORLD WARS ARE APPARENT IN HIS WORK DElNING THE CENTURY AND HIS OWN PLIGHT CONCERNING *EWISH EMIGRATION FROM 'ER MANY )T IS INTERESTING TO SEE HOW "LOCH S WORK REPRESENTS THE TRANSITIONS OF THE WORLD THROUGH EVENTS WHICH WERE SO PREVALENT IN HIS OWN LIFE AN UNDERSTANDING OF WHICH CAN BE GAINED FROM THE DOWNSTAIRS GALLERY WHERE FASCINATING EARLY SKETCHES OLD POSTCARDS AND DOCUMENTATIONS OF HIS MIGRA TION AND CITIZENSHIP ARE ON DISPLAY (IS EARLY %UROPEAN WORKS ARE FULL OF BRIGHT COLOUR SERENE RURAL LANDSCAPES AND EVEN THE OCCASIONAL STILL LIFE WHERE THE OBJECTS ARE PAINTED USING UNUSUAL TECHNIQUES AND COLOUR PLACING THEM IN A DIFFERENT LIGHT TO WHAT IS PERHAPS TAKEN FOR GRANTED (OWEVER DURING THE 3ECOND 7ORLD 7AR THE URBAN LANDSCAPES OF "ERLIN AND ,ONDON BECAME "LOCH S NEXT MUSE 4HE BEAUTIFUL SCENES FULL OF LIFE BECOME ONES OF BURNT TREES WHERE BUILDINGS AND TECHNOLOGY FEATURE HEAV ILY !LTHOUGH EXUBERANT USE OF COLOUR AND ALMOST COMIC DEPICTIONS OF TRANSPORT AND PEOPLE ARE MAINTAINED THIS MAKES THEM LESS HEAVY HEARTED THAN THE PAINTINGS OF OTHER
WARTIME ARTISTS )N ESSENCE HIS WORKS EFFECTIVELY DISPLAY BOTH -ARTIN "LOCH "IOGRAPHY "ORN IN .EISSE 3ILESIA IN .OVEMBER HIS OWN PERSONAL LIFE AND IN A BROADER SENSE THE PROCESS -ARTIN "LOCH WOULD GO ON TO BECOME ONE OF THE BEST KNOWN ARTISTS IN OF TRANSITION FROM THE PRE TO POST WAR WORLD CREATING A THE WORLD (IS ENGAGEMENT WITH PAINT AND COLOUR CREATED POWERFULLY ATMOS THOROUGHLY APPEALING COLLECTION OF ART TO VISIT ;#0 ,= PHERIC WORKS AS A RESPONSE TO THE EVENTS IN %UROPE TAKING PLACE IN THE lRST HALF OF THE TWENTIETH CENTURY (AVING BEEN EDUCATED IN ARCHITECTURE IN "ERLIN #OMMENT "LOCH WAS APPALLED AT THE ACTS TAKING PLACE IN 'ERMANY AT THIS TIME AND TRAV "LOCH S PAINTBRUSH HAS THE EFFECT OF THE PHOTOGRAPHER S CAM ELLED TO A VARIETY OF DIFFERENT LOCATIONS WITHIN THE COUNTRY !S A *EWISH ARTIST ERA OBSCURA HE LIKES TO OBSERVE AND CAPTURE THE MOMENT HE WAS DECLARED A PAINTER OF h$EGENERATE !RTv IN SO mED HIS HOME RENDERING IT MOTIONLESS IN A FRENZY OF COLOUR 4HESE PAINT NATION 4IME WAS SPENT IN $ENMARK BEFORE A MOVE TO ,ONDON IN INGS OF @THE INSTANT ARE THE MOST COMPELLING IN THE EXHIBI WHERE HE BECAME A "RITISH CITIZEN AFTER THE 3ECOND 7ORLD 7AR &ROM TION 4HE WORKS WHICH OPEN OUR EYES TO SUCH MOMENTS AND ONWARDS HIS WORK WAS AIMED AT RECORDING THE DAMAGE CAUSED BY THE WAR ALLOW US TO BECOME THE VOYEUR GRAB THE VIEWER WITH A lRMER ,ATER IN HIS LIFE HE TRAVELLED TO 7ALES THE NORTH OF THE 53! AND AS A TEACHER HAND THAN HIS STRANGELY FAMILIAR LANDSCAPES !LTHOUGH THE OF ART #ANADA (E DIED IN ,ONDON IN AT THE AGE OF SEVENTY ;-2= RURAL SCENES DO BOUNCE WITH DElNITE COLOUR ALMOST OOZING FROM THE FRAME THEY LACK THE SHARPNESS OF HIS HUMAN STUD IES OF BUTCHERS ON STREET CORNERS AND STRANGERS OF CITY STROLLS 7OMAN /N ! 4ERRACE PORTRAYS THE EVERYDAY AS A MOMENT OF THE DIVINE THE PAINTER S WIFE RELAXES BOOK IN HAND ON A PATIO "LOCH SEIZES THE LIGHT AND COLOUR OF HAZY SUMMER 3ATURDAYS LEAVING THE CANVAS WITH AN OPAQUE lLM $USK IS A LIGHT SPRINKLING ON THE SURFACE AND THE SAME INTENSITY OF THE MOMENT AT WHICH THE WORK WAS PAINTED IS CAPTURED AND SUSPENDED IN A TRANSCENDENTAL SNAPSHOT EFFECT 7HEN "LOCH CAPTURES SUCH CALM IN A lERCE FUSION OF SHADES AND HUES ONE CAN T HELP BUT THINK THAT HE CHALLENGES HIMSELF TO USE EVERY COLOUR ON HIS PALLET 4HESE MOMENTS OF THE MUNDANE IGNITE ONE THOUSAND MORE THOUGHTS THAN HIS TREES AND 4HISTLES AND #ROCUS OIL ON CANVAS ¥ -ARTIN "LOCH 4RUST ,EEDS lELDS ;&(= -USEUM AND 'ALLERIES #ITY !RT 'ALLERY 5+ 4HE "RIDGEMAN !RT 'ALLERY
3ARAH "ACON CURATORIAL ASSISTANT OF THE -ARTIN "LOCH EXHIBITION AT THE 3#6! TALKS TO -IRANDA "RYANT ABOUT THE ARTIST 7E DON T ACTUALLY HAVE ANY -ARTIN "LOCH IN OUR PERMANENT COLLECTION 7E WERE APPROACHED FOUR YEARS AGO BY A CLOSE FRIEND OF THE ARTIST WHO IS ALSO A FRIEND OF THE 3AINSBURYS ! COUPLE OF MY COLLEAGUES HAD A LOOK AT SOME OF THE PAINTINGS ON THE -ARTIN "LOCH ESTATE AND THOUGHT THEY WOULD WORK REALLY WELL IN OUR EXHIBITION SPACE 4HE NATURE OF -ARTIN "LOCH S BACKGROUND AND THE PERIOD IN WHICH HE WORKED lTS NICELY WITH THE %UROPEAN ARTISTS OF OUR PERMANENT COLLEC TION SOME OF WHOM ARE ÏMIGRÏ ARTISTS "LOCH WAS A @PAINTER S PAINTER IN TERMS OF HIS SUBJECT MATTER AND HIS TREATMENT OF COLOUR (E MIXED ALL THE COLOURS BEFORE USING THEM ON THE CANVAS (E WAS A SLOW PAINTER AND QUITE DELIBERATE (E WAS INTERESTED IN COLOURS AND HOW THEY CONTRASTED WITH ONE ANOTHER 4O A CERTAIN EXTENT HE @MAPPED THE COLOURS BEFORE HE PAINTED (IS SKETCHES ;EXHIBITED DOWN STAIRS AT THE 3#6!= ARE QUITE DIFFERENT FROM HIS PAINTINGS THEY RE QUITE DRAFTSMAN LIKE AND SLIGHTLY MORE CONTROLLED THAN HIS PAINTINGS 4HE SHIFT IN HIS PAINTING DURING THE 3ECOND 7ORLD 7AR DID NOT BECOME APPARENT UNTIL THE WORKS WERE CHRONOLOGICALLY HUNG 4HE EARLY WORKS FROM 3PAIN AND )TALY ARE FULL OF LOVELY SCENES AND THEN SUDDENLY THERE S THIS SHIFT IN TONE WHICH COMES WITH THE RISE OF FASCISM WHEN A MENACING THREAT STARTS TO SHOW IN HIS WORK %VEN THOUGH HE THEN PAINTED THROUGHOUT THE 3ECOND 7ORLD 7AR ) THINK THERE S STILL A SENSE OF OPTIMISM 4HE PRIVATE OWNERS WERE VERY KEEN TO HAVE THEIR PAINTINGS SHOWN -OST OF THE PAINT INGS ARE PRIVATELY OWNED 4HERE WERE TWO OR THREE PAINTINGS FROM MAJOR GALLERIES WHICH FOR VARIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES THEY WEREN T SURE IF THEY D BE ABLE TO LEND BUT IN THE END THEY WERE /RIGINALLY WE HAD A CHOICE OF ABOUT PAINTINGS WHICH OBVIOUSLY WE WOULDN T HAVE THE SPACE TO SHOW SO MYSELF AND A COLLEAGUE NARROWED IT DOWN TO lFTY "ECAUSE WE EXHIBITED IT CHRONOLOGICALLY WE OBVIOUSLY NEEDED TO SELECT PAINTINGS FROM DIFFERENT PERIODS OF HIS CAREER -Y FAVOURITE PAINTING FROM THE EXHIBITION PROBABLY ISN T THE MOST OBVIOUS 4HISTLE AND #ROCUS SAYS SO MUCH ABOUT "LOCH AND THE .AZI THREAT OF THE TIME 9OU VE GOT THE THISTLE ON THE LEFT AND THEN THE LITTLE CROCUS THAT S JUST SO BRIGHT n FULL OF INNOCENCE AND OPTIMISM 4O ME -ARTIN "LOCH SEEMS TO BE THAT CROCUS AND THE THISTLE SYMBOLISES THE MENACE OF .AZISM AT THAT TIME
%XHIBITION CLOSES TH !PRIL !DMISSION FREE 3EE 3#6! WEBSITE ;WWW SCVA AC UK= FOR -ARTIN "LOCH EVENTS
THE EVENT
46
0RIMETIME
% 2
# -ONDAYS
4HE DAYS OF 'EORGE #LOONEY !N THONY %DWARDS AND .OAH 7YLE MAY BE JUST A DISTANT MEMORY BUT % 2 HAS LIVED TO lGHT ANOTHER DAY .OW IN IT S THIRTEENTH SEA SON THE #HICAGO BASED MEDICAL DRAMA IS STILL INCREDIBLY POPU LAR )T HAS LOST ITS ENTIRE ORIGI NAL CAST AND YET STILL MANAGES TO MAINTAIN THE INTEREST OF MILLION !MERICANS EACH WEEK 3EASON SHOWS EXACTLY WHY THIS IS STILL THE CASE 3TARTING PRE CISELY WHERE THE DRAMATIC lNALE OF THE PREVIOUS SERIES LEFT OFF WE lND THE %MERGENCY 2OOM DEALING WITH THE AFTERMATH OF 3AM S ABDUCTION *ERRY S SHOOTING AND !BBY S POSSIBLE PREGNANCY PROBLEMS 4HE ACTION CONTINUES STRAIGHT AWAY AS !BBY IS FOUND UNCONSCIOUS AND HAS TO DELIVER
4OP
BABY *OE IN THE % 2 WHILE 3AM MAKES A SHOCKING AND LIFE CHANG ING DECISION ABOUT HER HUSBAND IN ORDER TO PROTECT HER YOUNG SON 4HE lRST FEW EPISODES HAVE SET % 2 UP FOR A FANTASTIC SEASON 4HE MOST RECENT ONES HAVE SEEN THE BEGINNING OF A SIX EPISODE STORYLINE FOCUSSING ON A MALPRAC TICE SUIT BROUGHT BY STROKE PATIENT #URTIS !MES 4HE ,AST +ING OF 3COT LAND S &OREST 7HITAKER AGAINST $R +OVAC 'ORAN 6ISJIC !MES SUFFERED HIS STROKE UNDER +OVAC S CARE AND THEREFORE SUES HIM WITH THE TESTIMONIES IN COURT BEING AC COMPANIED BY mASHBACKS FROM VARIOUS PEOPLE S PERSPECTIVES 4HERE IS ALSO ROMANCE ON THE HORIZON FOR SEVERAL OF THE CHARACTERS MOST NOTABLY THE RE CENTLY WIDOWED .EELA 2ASGOTRA
46 TREATS TO WATCH THIS FORTNIGHT
,IFE /N -ARS ""# 7ED 4HE WONDERFUL *OHN 3IMM STARS AS 3AM 4YLER IN THE RETURN OF ""# S @OTHER TIME TRAVEL SERIES $ESPERATE (OUSEWIVES # 7ED &OLLOWING LAST WEEK S KILLER EPISODE HOW WILL THE 3CAVOS COPE WITH .ORA S DEATH -EANWHILE 'ABRIELLE DECIDES TO GO BACK TO MODELLING AND TRAVELS TO .9# #HARLIE "ROOKER S 3CREEN 7IPE ""# 4HURS "ROOKER PROVIDES THE PERFECT USHER FOR THIS ACERBIC TRIP INTO THE REEKING BOWELS OF TWENTY lRST CENTURY TELEVISION 0ARTY !NIMALS ""# 4HURS ! SEX SATURATED "RITISH DRAMA WHICH OFFERS A NOVEL GLIMPSE INTO 7ESTMINSTER LIFE 3HAMELESS # 4UES n 4HE GRITTY -ANCHESTER DRAMA IS BACK #ARL WANTS HIS FAMILY BACK TOGETHER AGAIN AND AS HE PLANS TO GET RID OF .ORMA SOME HILARIOUS MOMENTS ENSUE
THE DOCTOR PLAYED BY "RITAIN S OWN 0ARMINDER .AGRA 4HE STAR OF "END )T ,IKE "ECKHAM lLLED THE %NGLISH VOID LEFT BY !LEX +ING STON S DEPARTURE IN AND HAS RAPIDLY BECOME ONE OF THE SHOW S BEST CHARACTERS 3EASON SEES .EELA AND SERIES NEWCOMER 4ONY 'ATES *OHN 3TAMOS BECOM
ING MORE THAN JUST FRIENDS EARLY ON DESPITE HIM ALREADY LIVING WITH A WOMAN AND HER DAUGHTER 7ITH GUEST STARS RANGING FROM 3ALLY &IELD TO "USY 0HILLIPS !UDREY IN $AWSON S #REEK THIS SERIES IS LOOKING LIKE ONE OF THE MOST PROMISING YET 4HE WAY THE WRITERS MANAGE TO COME UP WITH
NEW STORYLINES EVERY WEEK IS IN ITSELF AMAZING LET ALONE THAT IT IS STILL GOING STRONG AFTER SEASONS EPISODES AND %MMY NOMINATIONS !LREADY COMMIS SIONED FOR ONE MORE SERIES AT LEAST % 2 STILL HAS THE POTENTIAL TO CARRY ON FOR MANY SEASONS TO COME &IONA "ILLINGS
46 #LASSICS 4HE ,EAGUE OF 'ENTLEMEN 4HE BLACKER THAN BLACK SKEWED SKETCHES OF THE ,EAGUE lRST DEBUTED ON OUR SCREENS IN SIMULTANEOUSLY MANAGING TO SHAKE UP THE SORRY STATE OF "RITISH COMEDY AT THE TIME AND AFFECT "RITISH COMEDY SINCE 4HE ,EAGUE OF 'ENTLEMEN IS A SKETCH SHOW LOOSELY BOLTED ONTO A SITCOM ENVIRONMENT 4HE lCTIONAL TOWN OF 2OYSTON 6ASEY ALLOWS THE SITCOM ASPECT TO BE SHOWN AS THE CHARACTERS ALL INHABIT THE SAME PLACE WHILE THIS STILL LETS THEM APPEAR IN SKETCHES WITHIN SAID ENVIRONMENT 4HIS COUPLED WITH THE DARK COMEDY MATTER BOTCHED OP TRANSSEXUALS CHILD STEALING PAEDOPHILES TWISTED INBREDS WAS WHAT REALLY MADE THE "RITISH
PUBLIC SIT UP AND PAY ATTENTION )T WOULD BE CHURLISH TO LIST THE CHARACTERS FROM THE SHOW )T S BEEN DONE A MILLION TIMES BEFORE AND 0APA ,AZOROU %DWARD AND 4UBBS ET AL HAVE ALL MANAGED TO INlLTRATE THE NATIONAL SUBCONSCIOUS OVER THE PAST YEARS "UT WHAT MAKES THE PROGRAMME A CLASSIC !PART FROM IT BEING ONE OF THE FUNNIEST THINGS EVER MADE IT WAS GENUINELY INVENTIVE THE THIRD SERIES OFFERED A #RASH STYLE SET UP IN WHICH STORIES INTERTWINED AND AFFECTED EACH OTHER WHILE THE lLM THAT WAS EVENTUALLY SPAWNED FEATURED REALITIES MIXING IN A WAY THAT $AVID ,YNCH WOULD BE PROUD OF n AND THE CHARACTERS WHILE BEING GROTESQUE AND GHOULISH
FREAKS ULTIMATELY BECAME PEOPLE YOU ALMOST CARED ABOUT !DD THE FACT THAT THE ,EAGUE PAVED THE WAY FOR OTHER BLACK COMEDIES THE lRST SERIES OF ,ITTLE "RITAIN .IGHTY .IGHT -ONKEY $UST AND YOU HAVE THE MAKINGS OF AN UNDENIABLE CLASSIC 4HE 'ENTS ARE RUMOURED TO BE REFORMING FOR A FOURTH SERIES THIS YEAR LET S HOPE IT S TRUE AND THOSE ONE TRICK CATCHPHRASE WHORES 7ALLIAMS AND ,UCAS ARE SHOWN HOW IT S DONE PROPERLY #HRIS (YDE
.EIGHBOURS $6$ #ORNER 4HE SHOCK OF LAST WEEK S REVELATIONS THAT 3TINGRAY IS NOT THE FATHER OF BABY +ERRY STILL CONTINUES TO RIPPLE OVER 2AMSAY 3TREET AS $R +ARL WORRIES HE MAY LOSE EVERYTHING IN THE POSSIBLE MALPRACTICE SUIT *ANELLE THREATENED AND 3USAN VOWS TO STAND BY HIM !FTER "OYD S RETURN FROM HIS HUNT FOR -AX HE WITNESSES 3TEPH AND 4OADIE SHARE A PASSIONATE KISS BUT LATER CONFESSES HIS OWN INlDELITIES TO *ANE AFTER SHE BECOMES CONFUSED BY HIS LACK OF INTEREST IN HER -EANWHILE HE TORMENTS %LLE THE SAME WAY HIS FATHER WAS DRIVEN TO MADNESS BY HER +ATYA DECIDES TO GET HER REVENGE ON HER BLACKMAILER 'UY 3YKES AFTER HE FORCES HER TO STEAL ANOTHER CAR AND .ED IS INJURED :EKE CONFESSES HIS LOVE TO 0EPPER WHILE SHE AND 2OSIE SWAP SECRETS OF THEIR OWN &RAZER AND 7ILL SPEND A SCARY NIGHT IN THE WILDERNESS WITH 3TEIGER IN AN ATTEMPT TO PROVE THEIR MASCULINITY ,OU HAD PROBLEMS WITH INTIMACY AFTER HAVING mASHBACKS OF -ISCHKA PUSHING HIM DOWN THE STAIRS #ARMELLA DECIDES AGAINST RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERY ON HER FACE ,YN AT lRST FEARS 0AUL IS ABOUT TO DUMP HER UNTIL HE PROPOSES +IERA / "RIEN
THE EVENT
#3) ,AS 6EGAS 3EASON 0ART a
,EADING ON FROM 3EASON S lNALE DIRECTED BY 1UENTIN 4ARANTINO 3EASON CONTINUES TO ENTICE THE AUDIENCE AND IS AS GRIPPING AS EVER 4HAT CLASSIC OPENING SCENE WILL GET YOU EVERY TIME WITH IT S STUNNING BACKDROP OF ,AS 6EGAS &OLLOWING THE TYPICAL BLUEPRINT OF #3) THE VIEWER IS OFFERED NEW INSIGHTS INTO THE DRAMA BY REVEALING FRESH BACKGROUND INFORMATION 5SE OF MORE SCIENTIlC TERMINOLOGY MAKES IT EVEN MORE REALISTIC AND OF COURSE THE GADGETRY IS CONSTANTLY KEPT UP TO SCRATCH THROUGHOUT 4HIS SEASON IN PARTICULAR
IS NOT FOR THE FAINTHEARTED WATCH OUT FOR THE TWEEZERS IN THE EYE A SCENE TO PERHAPS BE AVOIDED AT DINNER TIME 4HE NEW MYSTERIOUS -RS "ROWN 7ARICK S NEW BEAU LEAVES A BITTER TASTE ON THE TONGUE AS THERE ARE AN VAST NUMBER OF UNANSWERED QUESTIONS REGARDING HER CHARACTER 4HIS UNSATISFACTORY SCENARIO INTRIGUES YET REQUIRES PATIENCE AS SHE IS SEEMINGLY SOMEONE TO WATCH OUT FOR )N THIS SERIES A BROADER EXPLANATION IS GIVEN AS TO WHY 'IL 'RISSOM THE HEAD #3) SUPERVISOR ENTERED THE WORLD OF FORENSIC SCIENCE
IN THE lRST PLACE 4HIS HEARTFELT STORY TAKES A FURTHER LOOK INTO HIS PAST AND UNCOVERS THE TRUTH OF HIS FATHER S DEATH !LTHOUGH EACH EPISODE TENDS TO FOLLOW A PREDICTABLE FORMAT IT IS STILL A FANTASTIC SHOW 4HE MOST SHOCKING AND EXCITING NEWS FOR #3) FANSWASPOSSIBLYTHEREVELATIONOFTHE TRUE NATURE OF 3ARAH AND 'RISSOM S RELATIONSHIP ! mIRTATION THAT HAD BEEN BUILDING UP FOR SOME TIME BETWEEN THE PAIR HAS lNALLY BECOME SOMETHING MORE &OR #3) GEEKS THIS IS A DElNITE MUST SEE SEASON !MANDA ,IM
46
4EENAGE +ICKS &OR TEENS AROUND THE GLOBE 46 CAN OFFER A PERFECT WAY TO TAKE YOU THROUGH THE TRANSI TION INTO ADULTHOOD ,OOKING BACK THE NOSTALGIA OF IT ALL IS OVERWHELMING .ATASHA +UNDAIKER TAKES A LOOK AT SOME OF THE SHOWS OF THE S THAT HELPED US ALONG THE WAY
4
HERE IS SOMETHING TO BE SAID ABOUT TEEN TELEVISION S H OWS &ROM THE CAST WHO ARE NOTORIOUSLY OLDER THAN THE CHAR ACTERS THEY PORTRAY TO THE ARRAY OF PLOT LINES WHICH DEAL WITH TEEN IS SUES LIKE DRUGS SEX AND ROCK N ROLL THEY NEVERTHELESS ARE A STAPLE OF EVERY UPBRINGING SINCE THE DOMESTIC TELEVISION INDUSTRY lRST KICKED OFF 4HE SEVENTIES HAD (APPY $AYS WHILE 4HE 7ONDER 9EARS HOOKED THE CHILDREN OF THE LATE S 4HESE SHOWS WERE ESSENTIALLY SITCOMS FOR ALL THE FAMILY AND NOT JUST TEENAG ERS WITH THE SHOWS FOCUSSING ON A FAMILY UNIT n THE #UNNINGHAMS AND THE !RNOLDS RESPECTIVELY "UT IN THE NINETIES THIS ALL CHANGED 7HEN MOST PEOPLE THINK ABOUT THE QUINTESSENTIAL NINETIES TEEN SHOW MOST WOULD SAY $AWSON S #REEK )T WAS A HUGE SUCCESS AND A WORTHY SHOW !ND SURE THE HAP PENINGS AT #APESIDE (IGH AND THE DEEP INTELLECTUAL THOUGHT PROVOK ING CONVERSATIONS PROMPTED FROM THE $AWSON *OEY 0ACEY DEBATE WERE
CERTAINLY INTERESTING BUT WERE THEY REALLY ACCURATE OF WHAT TEEN LIFE WAS LIKE 4O SOME EXTENT YES 7E PROB ABLY DISCUSSED HOW GREAT 3PIELBERG WAS AND HOW THE LAST lLM WE SAW HAD A PROFOUND EFFECT ON US BUT WE RE SURE WHEN YOU WERE lFTEEN YOU DIDN T QUOTE 3ARTRE OR (EIDEGGER WHEN TALKING TO YOUR FRIENDS 7HAT GOT US THROUGH OUR TEEN AGE YEARS WE HEAR YOU ASK )T HAS TO BE THOSE LESS CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED AND CHEESY SHOWS THAT WELCOMED US WHEN WE GOT BACK IN FROM A HARD DAY S WORK AT SCHOOL 46 WAS THE EASIEST MEDIUM TO GIVE THE GROWING YOUTH GENERATION A QUICK DOSE OF MORALITY AND IT WAS ALL CRAMMED INTO THE THIRTY ODD MINUTES FOR WHICH WE COULD MAINTAIN OUR INTEREST 3HOWS THAT WERE EASY TO RELATE TO AND EASY TO DIGEST APPEARED TO BE IN DEMAND AND ONE CANNOT DELVE TOO FAR INTO THE NINETIES WITHOUT MENTIONING THE GLO BAL PHENOMENON THAT WAS 3AVED BY
THE "ELL )T IS A SHOW THAT MOST NINE TIES CHILDREN HOLD CLOSE TO THEIR HEARTS AND PERHAPS ALL THE NOSTALGIA SUR ROUNDING IT HAS CLOUDED OUR JUDGE MENT BUT 3AVED BY THE "ELL IS ONE THE MOST PROMINENT TEEN SHOWS OF OUR GENERATION AND ARGUABLY THE BEST #ENTRING ON A GROUP OF TEENAG ERS AS THEY MADE THEIR WAY THROUGH THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF GROWING UP AND SURVIVING HIGH SCHOOL PRES SURES 3AVED BY THE "ELL MANAGED TO SUCCEED IN TAKING US ON A JOURNEY WHILE REMAINING REALISTIC TO THE TEEN AGE MIND 7E COULD SEE OUR FAVOURITE CHARACTERS MAKE MISTAKES AND LEARN FROM THEM WHILE TEACHING US TO NEVER DO IT OURSELVES n WELL THAT WAS THE IN TENTION 4HE WRITERS NEVER LET US FORGET THE IDEAL THAT IF YOU HAVE FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE IN YOUR LIFE YOU LL BE HAPPY 7HAT MADE THE SHOW DIFFER ENT WAS THAT IT DIDN T FOCUS SOLELY ON THE UPPER MIDDLE CLASS OR PRIVI LEGED #AUCASIAN STUDENTS THAT MOST SHOWS HAD DONE BEFORE 4HOUGH THERE WERE CHARACTERS LIKE THAT THE MAJORITY OF THE SHOW HAD A WIDE RANGE OF CHARACTERS FROM DIFFERENT BACKGROUNDS WITH THE MAIN GROUP ENCOMPASSING :ACK !# 3CREECH +ELLY ,ISA AND *ESSIE COMING FROM A MIX OF RACES AND SOCIAL GROUPS FROM THE CHEERLEADERS AND JOCKS TO THE ACADEMIC HIGH mYERS AND THE NERDS ,OOKING BACK OVER THE PIC TURES OF THE SHOW WE AT 4HE %VENT COULDN T HELP BUT BRING UP OUR FOND MEMORIES OF THE SHOW AND THE PERSONAL TIDBITS THAT HAPPENED ALONGSIDE 3HOWS LIKE 3AVED BY THE "ELL HAVE THE IMMENSE POWER OF TAK ING US BACK TO A TIME WHEN THINGS WERE LESS COMPLICATED AND WHERE UNIVERSITY SEEMED A WORLD AWAY 4HE SHOW WAS SO POPULAR THAT IT SPAWNED TWO FURTHER SERIES 4HE #OLLEGE 9EARS AND 4HE .EW #LASS AS WELL AS TWO MADE FOR 46 MOV IES &ROM OUTRAGEOUS FRIZZY HAIR TO THE ROLLED UP SLEEVES SWEATER TIED OVER YOUR SHOULDERS AND HUGE CELL PHONES MIMICKING THE :ACK -ORRIS STYLE 3AVED BY THE "ELL SET THE TREND FOR TEENS WORLDWIDE )T PAVED THE WAY FOR EXECUTIVE PRODUCER 0ETER %N GEL TO PRODUCE AN ARRAY OF AFTERNOON TEEN SHOWS FROM #ALIFORNIA $REAMS WHICH FOCUSED ON A GROUP OF TEENS TRYING TO MAKE IT AS A BAND TO -AL IBU (ANG 4IME AND #ITY 'UYS MANY OF WHICH WERE THE STAPLES OF #HAN NEL S TEEN WEEKEND PROGRAMMING THE LIKES OF WHICH CAN NOW BE FOUND IN COUNTLESS RE RUNS ON 4ROUBLE !S THE YEARS WENT ON THE FOCUS
SHIFTED AWAY FROM THE MORALISTIC TO THEREALISTICAND INTHE5+ 'RANGE (ILL WAS THE SHOW FOR US )T STARTED IN AND HAS BEEN GOING STRONG EVER SINCE IT WAS ONE OF THE lRST TO TELL THE STORY FROM THE POINT OF VIEW OF IT S CHILD PROTAGONISTS AN ISSUE THAT CAUSED GREAT CONTROVERSY WHEN IT lRST AIRED 4HOUGH UNDENIABLY BLEAKER THAN THE !MERICAN COUNTERPARTS IT SUCCEEDED IN SHOWING TEEN LIFE IN A WAY THAT WAS BOTH CONVINCING AND GRITTY WHILE STILL DEALING WITH THE IMPORTANT IS SUES COVERED IN MOST TEEN GENRES %VEN FANTASY SHOWS SUCH AS "UFFY THE 6AMPIRE 3LAYER MANAGED TO INSTIL A MESSAGE TO ITS VIEWERS 5NDER THE SHROUD OF THE GOOD VERSUS EVIL DY NAMIC THE SLAYER BATTLED HER OWN INNER DEMONS AS WELL AS THE PHYSI CAL ONES WHILE THE WRITERS CLEVERLY INSERTED A SENSE OF TEEN ISSUES INTO
#ALIFORNIA $REAMS
7HAT GOT US THROUGH THOSE TEEN AGE YEARS THEN ) HEAR YOU ASK )T HAS TO BE THOSE LESS CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED AND CHEESY SHOWS THAT WELCOMED US WHEN WE GOT BACK IN FROM A HARD DAY S WORK AT SCHOOL
THE PLOT )N THE TELLINGLY TITLED "EER "AD THE WRITERS CHOOSE TO SHOWING THE NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF TOO MUCH AL COHOL WHEN THE BEER GUZZLING CHAR ACTERS REVERT TO PRIMITIVE AND VIO LENT .EANDERTHALS )T S NOT A SUBTLE MESSAGE BUT IT IS CLEVERLY HANDLED !S WE COME INTO THE NOUGHTIES IT IS EVIDENT HOW GREAT THE DIFFERENCES ARE BETWEEN THE OLD CLASSIC SHOWS AND MODERN TEEN TELEVISION -ODERN SHOWS ARE VASTLY DIFFERENT FROM THE MORE MORALIZING AND LOVING HIGH SCHOOLS OF THE NINETIES SCREEN %VE RYTHING IS STEEPED IN THE BLEAK AND SINISTER IN A BID TO KEEP TELEVISION RE ALITY AT A HIGH LEVEL 4HE /# TOOK THE TEEN WORLD BY FRENZY LAUNCHING THE CAREERS OF THE FOUR LEADING ACTORS AND PROPELLING THEM INTO THE WORLD OF STARDOM "UT WHAT DOES IT REALLY PRO MOTE !S WITH MOST IT EMPHASIZES FRIENDSHIP BUT HAVING A lST lGHT AL MOST EVERY WEEK DOESN T REALLY HAVE MUCH POINT OTHER THAN INJECTING A BIT OF ACTION AND EXCITEMENT INTO A SCENE 4HE QUESTION LIES IN WHETHER WE ARE TAKING IT TOO FAR #HANNEL S NEW DRAMA 3KINS IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF HOW OUT OF CONTROL TEEN TELEVISION IS /NE MAY ARGUE THAT IT IS AN AC CURATE PORTRAYAL OF MODERN TEEN LIFE AND IF SO IS IT THAT WE HAVE SIMPLY LOST OUR INNOCENCE 7OULD IT BE SO WRONG TO HARK BACK TO THE OLD TIMES AND INJECT A BIT OF MORALITY INTO TEEN AND CHILDREN PROGRAMMES
THE EVENT
#REATIVE 7RITING
0/%429
02/3%
4HE 'AME
4ROUBLED 7ATERS
4HROBBING THRUM OF LUST FIZZES THROUGH SILKY THREADS OF TESTOSTERONE ALLURINGLY LICKING mAMES BETWEEN TWO FORMS A TEMPORARY COMPOUND WHERE ELEMENTAL EYES VAPOURISE THE LIQUID mAME AND THE TRIANGLE IS NO MORE
!FTER OUR lRST lGHT ) DECIDED TO SMASH HIS AQUARIUM ) WAITED UNTIL ) COULD HEAR HIS KEY TURNING IN THE DOOR AS ) GRIPPED ONE OF MY FAVOURITE HIGH HEEL SHOES IN MY HAND 7HEN HE WALKED INTO THE KITCHEN TUGGING AT HIS TIE AND GRUNTING FROM ALL THE BLACK COFFEE HE S HAD INSTEAD OF LUNCH ) DROVE THE HIGH HEEL AS HARD AS ) COULD INTO THE GLASS 4HE WATER SPLASHED HIS BRIEFCASE AND SOAKED MY TANK TOP SO MY NIPPLES ROSE TO THE SURFACE LIKE ACCUSING POINTY EYES 'OLDlSH SLITHERED ACROSS THE mOOR /NE OF THE ANGEL lSH mAPPED HELPLESS AGAINST THE TILES GILLS SUCKING THE AIR CONDITIONING ) COULD TELL THAT THE COOLNESS BURNED h9OU FUCK WITH ME v ) SAID TRYING NOT TO SOUND SURPRISED hGUESS WHAT ) FUCK WITH YOUR lSH v (E STARED AT 2OLLO THE (ERMIT #RAB WHO WAS SCUTTLING AS FAST AS POSSIBLE TOWARDS THE KITCHEN SINK h/H YOU ARE MOST UNKIND v HE SAID 7E BOTH WATCHED ONE OF THE SPOTTED GOLD lSH SLIDE ITS WAY IN FRONT OF MY SHOE $ELICATELY ) POINTED MY FOOT LIKE THE GOOD BALLERINA ) USED TO BE ) BROUGHT THE HEEL DOWN UPON THE mAILING lSH HARD 3QUISH -Y BOYFRIEND COULDN T HELP IT (IS BRIEFCASE SLAMMED ONTO THE mOOR BURSTING OPEN PAPERS LEAPING IN THE AIR (IS HANDS SLAPPED ACROSS HIS EARS IN HORROR h) AM SOOO GOING TO GET YOU v HE SAID DARKLY h) M GOING TO GET YOU GOOD v ) WATCHED LITTLE GRAINS OF lSH FOOD mOAT NEAR HIS FEET ) COULDN T REALLY THINK OF ANYTHING TO SAY 7HEN ) CAME HOME FROM WORK THE NEXT DAY THE APPARTMENT WAS SUSPICIOUSLY EMPTY ) CLICK CLACKED MY WAY AS FAST AS ) COULD TO THE BED ROOM .OBODY HAD BOTHERED TO CLEAN UP THE lSH SO THEIR ORANGE BODIES STILL SPECKLED THE mOOR LIKE UNWANTED NUG GETS OF GOLD -Y BOYFRIEND WAS SITTING IN ONE OF MY SHOE CLOSETS THE BIGGER ONE 4HERE WAS A PILE OF HEEL LESS SHOES AT HIS FEET (E CALMLY PICKED ONE UP AND SNAPPED THE HEEL OFF AS THOUGH BREAKING THE NECK OF A BABY BIRD (E ALWAYS DID HAVE STRONG HANDS 4HEY WERE THE ONLY PART OF HIS BODY HE COULD CLENCH AND UNCLENCH REPEATEDLY DURING HIS BUSI NESS MEETINGS 4EARS SPRANG TO MY EYES h9OU RE SUCH A LITTLE BITCH v ) SHOUTED h&UCK WITH MY lSH v HE SAID IN A DEAD VOICE h) FUCK WITH YOUR SHOES v 4HIS RELATIONSHIP HAD BECOME AMPHIBIOUS 7E WERE NO LONGER SURE IF WE HAD OUR FEET ON THE GROUND OR IF WE WERE SINKING IN OCEANS ) SUPPOSE ) D ONCE HOPED THERE WAS A WAY WE COULD HAVE BOTH &UCK AGREED
"Y )MAN 3ID
! 0ATCHWORK OF 0AIN &IVE YEARS HAVE PASSED lVE SUMMERS WITH THE LENGTH OF lVE LONG WINTERS ) WAS BENEVOLENT AND GOOD MISERY MADE ME A lEND ,IKE A SENTINEL BEFORE A PRISON OBSERVING SILENTLY MY EXPERIENCES STILL HARROWING 7HAT A LARK &OR THEM IT HAD ALWAYS SEEMED THIS WAY %NCLOSING ME IN A SPHERE BY MYSELF ,ONLINESS PERVADING MY BEING 4HE LIFE OF THE #USTOM (OUSE LIES LIKE A DREAM BEHIND ME 4HE SOONER ERADICATED THE BETTER -ISS &REAN S INTOLERABLE CRY STILL AUDIBLE TEARING MY NERVES AND HEART 7HY h4HE HORROR 4HE HORROR v n HER LAST UTTERANCE STILL PENETRATING MY UGLY HEART OF DARKNESS &OR 'OD S SAKE HOLD YOUR TONGUE AND LET ME LOVE FOR YOU COULD SCARCELY RELATEx 3ORRY FORGIVE MY IGNORANCE 4HE INTENSITY OF SUCH PAIN BLINDS ONE FROM CONSIDERING OTHERS 3WEET ,IFE RUN SOFTLY TILL ) END MY SORROW !RE YOU HAPPY NOW THAT ) VE LOST EVERY DAMN THING "Y :ULKImE (USSAIN
!FTER 4HINGS &ALL !PART /+/.+7/ %KWEl WOULD YOU KINDLY TELL %ZINMA TO BRING MY MACHETE ) HAVE SOME WORK THAT NEEDS TO BE DONE 4HERE S A HOLE IN THE ROOF OF THE OBI AND THE RAIN S COMING IN %KWEl STARES WITH WIDE TERRIlED EYES BREATHLESS (ER MOUTH S OPEN BUT SHE SAYS NOTHING /KONKWO IS GLARING AT HER WITH WILD EYES WAITING FOR HER TO RESPOND $AMMIT WOMAN 4ELL %ZINMA TO BRING MY MACHETE ) SAID ) HAVE WORK TO BE DONE %KWEl IS HORRIlED BY /KONKWO 3HE TRIES TO FORM WORDS WITH HER MOUTH BUT CAN T SAY ANYTHING 4ELL %ZINMA TO BRING ME MY MACHETE WOMAN OR ) LL KILL %+7%&) %ZINMA IS DEAD /KONKWO 3HE IS DEAD 7HY DO YOU STILL SPEAK OF HER MY HUSBAND WHEN YOU KNOW SHE LIES IN THE GROUND /KONKWO STARES AT %KWEl SPEECHLESS NOW AS THOUGH %ZINMA S DEATH WAS NEWS TO HIM /+/.+7/ 4ELL %ZINMA TO BRING ME MY %+7%&) %ZINMA IS DEAD 9OUR DAUGHTER IS DEAD /KWON KWO 4HEY KILLED HER 7HY WON T YOU ADMIT THAT YOU COULDN T SAVE HER 9OU MUST FORGET THE DEAD MY HUSBAND &ORGET THE DEAD /KONKWO FURIOUS TOSSES THE HEAD THAT HE WAS CRADLING ASIDE AND CHARGES AT %KWEl 3HE SCREAMS IN TERROR AS HE THROWS HER UP AGAINST THE WALL AND BEGINS TO BEAT HER 4HE HANGING HEADS BRUSH AGAINST THEM AND BEGIN TO SWING ALL AROUND THEM AS THE WIND BLOWS IN TRHOUGH THE HOLE IN THE ROOF OF THE OBI /+/.+7/ 4ELL %ZINMA TO BRING MY MACHETE WOMAN 4ELL %ZINMA TO %+7%&) 4HROUGH HER BAWLING AND TEARS STILL TERRIlED 3HE S DEAD /KONKWO 4HEY KILLED HER 9OU COULDN Y SAVE HER BUT THAT S ALL RIGHT "UT YOU MUST FORGET
"Y *ULIANNE 0ACHICO
! 4OUCH OF 2ED ! PERMANENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM THAT IS WHAT THE WISE AND GOOD PEOPLE STATE TO HELP 4HE WAY THEY MAKE SUICIDE LOOK LIKE A DECISION BASED ON COWARDICE RATHER THAN A STATEMENT OF ONE S STRENGTH ) KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG WHEN 4 USED TO SIT AND STARE BLANKLY INTO THE BLACK OF HIS COFFEE AT THE END BAR STOOL (E OFTEN ASKED ME WHY HE FELT SO GUILTY 7HY THE TATTOO OF AN ANGEL ON HIS WRIST BEGAN TO ITCH AND SWELL EVERY TIME HE GOT NERVOUS (E ASLO COMPLAINED ABOUT HOW SICK HE WAS OF HIS CRAMPED TOP mOOR mAT AND HOW HIS ELDERLY NEIGHBOUR $OROTHY RANG HIS DOORBELL EVERY MORNING TO DISCUSS THE MORNING PAPER S HEADLINE (IS NAME WAS 4OM "UT REFERRED TO HIMSELF AS JUST 4 ! FEW CUSTOMERS HAD LAUGHED THAT THE 4 HAD STOOD FOR 4ROUBLE (E OFTEN MUMBLED 7ILLOW UNDER HIS BREATH WHILST STIRRING A TORNADO INTO HIS COFFEE 4HE TWO SEATS WHERE THEY ONCE SAT lNGERTIPS TOUCHING PALMS SWEATING AND HEARTS BURNING AS BRIGHTLY AS HER CRIMSON DRESS 4HE SIGHT OF HER GHOST SITTING BESIDE "ILLY WAS UNBEARABLE "UT FOR 7ILLOW THERE WAS NO MORE ENDLESS UNBEARABLE PAIN .O MORE ROUTINE .O MORE REPETITION .O MORE "Y )MAN 3ID
THE EVENT
0,!93
/+/.+7/ $AMMIT WOMAN "E SILENT OR ) LL RIP OUT YOUR TONGUE ) SAID TO TELL %ZINMA TO BRING ME MY MACHETE 4ELL HER NOW WOMAN 4ELL HER NOW %+7%&) &ORGET THE DEAD /KONKWO &ORGET THE DEAD 9OU MUST FORGET YOUR DEAD OR YOU WILL NEVER lND PEACE 9OU WILL BE FOREVER HAUNTED MY HUSBAND 9OU WILL GO INSANE /+/.+7/ -Y DEAD -Y DEAD ) WILL KILL YOU WOMAN /KONKWO GRABS %KWEl BY THE NECK AND THROWS HER ACROSS THE OBI 3HE CRASHES TO THE mOOR SCREAMING 4HE HEADS IN THE ROOM BEGIN TO SWING FASTER %+7%&) #URLED UP ON THE mOOR STILL TERRIlED BUT DETERMINED TO GET INTO THE MIND OF HER HUSBAND 9OU MUST FORGET THE DEAD MY HUSBAND 4HAT IS THE ONLY WAY YOU WILL EVER lND PEACE FROM YOUR RESTLESS NIGHTMARES THE NIGHTMARES THAT STALK YOUR MIND AND HAUNT YOUR EVERY STEP &ORGET YOUR DEAD &ORGET YOUR DEAD ; = "Y *OE -ODUGNO
3END IN YOUR 0S 0OETRY 0ROSE AND 0LAYS %MAIL YOUR STUFF TO )MAN 3ID AT CONCRETE CREATIVEWRITING UEA AC UK
&EATURE
&EATURE
-UMM 2A ,IVES )NDIE UPSTARTS -UMM 2A HAVE BEEN SHOWING JUST WHY THEY ARE TIPPED TO BE ONE OF THE HOTTEST NEW BANDS OF DURING THEIR OPENING SLOT ON THE .-% )NDIE 2OCK 4OUR ,EWIS -ORTON AND *OHN -UTCH MET UP WITH LEAD SINGER .OO TO TALK ABOUT 4HE (ORRORS FESTIVALS AND 0RO %VOx
-
UMM 2A MAY APPEAR TO BE AN UNLIKELY ACT TO BE SCHEDULED IN ON .-% S LATEST )NDIE 2OCK 4OUR 4HE SIX PIECE BAND ORIGINATING FROM "EXHILL ON 3EA MAY JUST HAVE SEEN OUT THEIR TEENS BUT THEY ARE REFUSING TO BE SHADOWED BY THEIR WELL ESTABLISHED COUNTER PARTS AND CONTINUE TO KICK UP QUITE A FUSS 4HEY ARRIVED IN .OR WICH FOR GIG SEVEN OF THE TOUR ACCOMPANYING 4HE !UTOMATIC 4HE 6IEW AND 4HE (ORRORS 7E ARE LED THROUGH THE ,#2 PAST TEAMS OF BUSY TECHNI CIANS ENSURING EVERYTHING IS PERFECT FOR THE BIG GIG )N CONTRAST UPSTAIRS 4HE !UTOMATIC CHILL OUT SEEMINGLY UNPHASED BY THE PROSPECT OF PLAYING TO A SELL OUT CROWD DOWNSTAIRS IN JUST A FEW HOURS TIME 4HE (ORRORS ARE DOWNSTAIRS IN THE DRESSING ROOMS TRYING ON AN ASSORTMENT OF SKINNY JEANS WITH 4HE 6IEW 5NSURE OF WHO WE WERE ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR WE ARE GREETED ENTHUSIASTI CALLY BY -UMM 2A S FRONT MAN .OO $RESSED IN AN -UMM 2A T SHIRT .OO APPEARS AS ANY STUDENT WOULD AROUND CAMPUS
EAGER TO GET BACK TO PLAYING 0RO %VOLUTION -UMM 2A WERE NO STRANGERS TO 4HE !UTOMATIC AND 4HE 6IEW BEFORE THE .-% TOUR HAVING PLAYED WITH BOTH IN h7E WERE LIKE DONE THAT PLAYED WITH THESE NO POINT REALLY LAUGHS .O OF COURSE WE WERE ;EXCITED= ) THINK WE WERE EX CITED IN MANY WAYS JUST BECAUSE IT S AN .-% TOUR IT S A PRES TIGIOUS TOUR TO BE DOING /F COURSE IT S ALWAYS GOOD PLAYING WITH A BAND YOU VE PLAYED WITH BEFORE @COS THEN YOU DON T HAVE THOSE AWKWARD SILENCES v "UT HAS THERE BEEN TENSION ON THE TOUR *UST PRIOR TO THE LINE UP BEING ANNOUNCED 4HE !UTOMATIC HAD MADE CLEAR THEIR OPINIONS OF 4HE (ORRORS IN .-% h4HE (ORRORS SUCK 4HEY VE JUST GOT BIG HAIR v (AD THIS BEEN AWK WARD FOR THE OTHER BANDS ON THE BILL -UMM 2A AND 4HE 6IEW h.O THEY ;4HE !UTOMATIC= DIDN T KNOW THEY WERE DOING THE TOUR AT THAT POINT BUT THERE S BEEN NO TENSION 7E VE ALL BEEN PRETTY COOL ) GUESS YOU COULD SAY WE ;-UMM 2A= GET ON WITH EVERYONE v 7ITH 4HE (ORRORS EVOKING SO MUCH OPINION IT SEEMS THAT THEY REALLY DIVIDE BOTH BANDS AND FANS ALIKE h4HEY DO ;DIVIDE OPINION= ) THINK THAT S WHY WE LIKE THEM THOUGH THEY RE VERY
.OO 6OCALS
THE EVENT
INTERESTING CHARACTERS VERY INTELLIGENT THEY LOVE MUSIC ) VE GOT A LOT OF RESPECT FOR THEM ) THINK AS A LIVE SHOW IT S SOMETHING YOU SHOULD WATCH v )NDEED .OO SEEMS FULL OF PRAISE FOR HIS BIG HAIRED COHORTS h)T S HARD TO PICK ;WHICH BAND WE VE ENJOYED WATCHING THE MOST= @COS THERE S SUCH A MIX OF STYLES BUT YEAH TO ME PROBABLY THE (ORRORS ) lND IT FASCINATING WATCHING THE AUDIENCES @COS PEOPLE EITHER GET IT OR THEY REALLY DON T v "EING ARGUABLY THE LEAST WELL KNOWN BAND ON THE TOUR -UMM 2A HAVE BEEN THE OPENERS 4HIS IS NO SMALL FEAT AS PRE VIOUS OPENING ACTS HAVE INCLUDED THE LIKES OF #OLDPLAY -YSTERY *ETS AND +AISER #HIEFS h/BVIOUSLY IT S A GREAT TOUR TO BE DOING AND ) THINK WE VE PLAYED ON THIS TOUR SOME OF THE BEST ;SETS= WE VE EVER PLAYED v )N AN ACT OF COMRADESHIP 4HE !UTOMATIC ALLOWED 4HE 6IEW TO HEADLINE FOR THEIR HOME CROWD ON THE WEEK THEIR ALBUM STRADDLED THE TOP OF THE ALBUM CHARTS h4HE SET THEY PLAYED WAS QUITE POSSIBLY ONE OF THE MADDEST THINGS ) HAVE EVER SEEN 3EE ING A BAND AT THEIR PEAK PLAY TO SUCH A DEVOTED AUDIENCE WAS JUST AMAZING v ENTHUSES 4OMMY " -UMM 2A S LIVE KEYBOARD PLAYER $ID .OO SHARE HIS BAND MATE S THOUGHTS h)T WAS MEN TAL EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THE AUDIENCE WAS GOING MAD IT WAS QUITE A GIG v 4HE .-% TOUR ISN T THE lRST TIME -UMM 2A HAVE BROUGHT THEIR INDIE POP SOUND TO .ORWICH HAVING PLAYED THE !RTS #EN TRE IN *ULY %VENTS ASKED .OO HOW HE FELT ABOUT PLAYING THE BIGGEST VENUE IN .ORWICH OR WHETHER HE PREFERRED THE SMALLER SHOWS h)T S A DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE THEY RE GOOD IN DIF FERENT WAYS REALLY )T S NICE PLAYING MORE INTIMATE SHOWS BUT ) THINK WE RE AT OUR BEST PLAYING LIVE AND ) THINK WE PLAY BETTER ON BIGGER STAGES WHICH YOU CAN HAVE A BIT OF FUN ON SO TECHNI CALLY ) GUESS WE PREFER PLAYING BIGGER STAGES v )T IS RARE FOR ANYTHING OF NOTE TO OCCUR IN "EXHILL /N 3EA ! FAVOURITE RESIDENCE OF PENSIONERS EVERYWHERE LET ALONE FOR ONE OF THE MOST EXCITING "RITISH BANDS AT PRESENT TO STUMBLE OUT OF THERE )T S HARDLY A MUSICAL HOTSPOT SO SURELY IT MUST HAVE BEEN DIFlCULT FOR -UMM 2A TO GET NOTICED BY RECORD LA BELS WHEN THEY LIVED IN AN AREA SO DEVOID OF A THRIVING SCENE h) GUESS SO TO AN EXTENT WE DIDN T REALLY TRY FOR A WHILE WE WEREN T TAKING IT SERIOUSLY FOR A WHILE IT WAS JUST SOME FRIENDS PLAYING THE MUSIC WE WERE INTERESTED IN 4HEN THERE CAME A POINT WHERE WE HAD TO CHOOSE TO GO TO UNIVERSITY OR GIVE THIS ;-UMM 2A= A GO ) DON T KNOW ) THINK IT S A BIT OF AN EXCUSE TO SAY WHERE YOU COME FROM IS HOLDING YOU BACK AT THE END OF THE DAY IF A RECORD LABEL IS INTERESTED IN YOUR MUSIC THEY LL COME TO YOU 7E DIDN T PLAY ,ONDON UNTIL AFTER WE GOT SIGNED WE GOT RECORD LABELS TO COME DOWN TO #ROWHURST 6ILLAGE (ALL TO SEE US )T WAS GREAT )T WAS AN AMAZING ATMOSPHERE )T WAS A COMBINATION OF ! 2 GUYS AND ALL OUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY ) THINK IF YOU RE GOOD ENOUGH YOU LL GET A RECORD DEAL v 0ERHAPS HOW THEY GOT SIGNED IS TESTAMENT TO HOW RAW AND EXCITING -UMM 2A ARE THAT THEY HAD THE ABILITY TO LURE RECORD LABELS AWAY FROM THEIR DESKS IN ,ONDON TO SEE THEM PLAY IN A VILLAGE HALL &OR THOSE WHO MIGHT BE UNFAMILIAR WITH -UMM 2A SHAME ON YOU THEY ARE OFTEN DESCRIBED AS HAVING A QUINTESSENTIALLY "RITISH SOUND LIKENED FREQUENTLY TO 4HE +INKS AND IN TURN "LUR (OWEVER .OO REJECTED THAT -UMM 2A SHOULD BE PIGEON HOLED AS @QUINTESSENTIAL ALTHOUGH HE DOES KNOW WHY IT MIGHT BE THE CASE PRE ALBUM RELEASE h) DON T KNOW PEOPLE HAVEN T HEARD THE ALBUM YET ) GUESS THE WAY WE PORTRAY OURSELVES THE WAY WE DRESS AND OUR ARTWORK AND STUFF ;SUGGEST WE MIGHT BE= BUT ESPECIALLY IN THE SINGLES WE RE GOING TO BRING OUT AFTER THIS ;OUR SOUND IS= A LOT MORE UNIVERSAL v 3O WHEN CAN WE EXPECT THE ALBUM h)T S lNISHED NOW SO IT S ALL DONE AND THE PANIC S OVER ON THAT FRONT 7E RE GOING TO PUT ONE MORE SINGLE OUT BEFORE WE PUT THE ALBUM OUT SO THE ALBUM WILL PROBABLY BE OUT IN THE lRST WEEK OF -AY v 0RODUCED BY THE LEGENDARY 9OUTH 4HE 6ERVE 0AUL -C#ARTNEY +ATE "USH 5
*AMES !RGUILE
THE ALBUM PROMISES TO BE ONE OF THE MOST EXCITING OF h(E PRODUCES IN QUITE A BIG WAY (E S ALSO QUITE BOSSY 7HICH TO AN EXTENT WAS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY BECAUSE IT GROUPED US ALL TOGETHER WHERE THERE WERE BITS ;WE ARGUED OVER= 7E VE PLAYED THESE SONGS SO MANY TIMESxv !T THIS POINT IN THE INTERVIEW .OO IS CUT OFF BY THE RINGTONE ON HIS PHONE h3ORRY ABOUT THIS v HE SAYS APOLOGETICALLY h3OMEONE S GOT HOLD OF MY NUMBER THEY WON T LEAVE ME ALONE v 3TALKERS DEALT WITH THE INTERVIEW RESUMES $ID .OO lND IT HELPFUL HAVING AN ESTABLISHED PRO DUCER WHO KNOWS THE INDUSTRY WELL h9EAH TO AN EXTENT ) GUESS THEIR JOB IS TO CREATE A RECORD THAT BOTH THE LABEL AND THE ARTIST ARE HAPPY WITH v !S ANYONE WHO WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO CATCH -UMM 2A PER FORM IN THE #ARLING TENT AT 2EADING AND ,EEDS LAST YEAR WILL KNOW THEY RE DEVELOPING INTO SOMETHING OF A FESTIVAL BAND h2EADING WAS AMAZING )T WAS MIDDAY AND IT WAS FULL )T WAS AMAZING FOR US BECAUSE WE DIDN T EXPECT ANYONE TO BE THERE /UR SET WAS QUITE SCRAPPY BUT THERE WAS A REALLY GOOD ATMOS PHERE v 4HE GOOD NEWS FOR THOSE WHO DIDN T SEE THEM HOW EVER IS THAT MORE OF THE SAME CAN BE EXPECTED IN h7E RE REALLY EXCITED ABOUT PLAYING FESTIVALS WE D LIKE TO PLAY ALL OF THEM ) THINK WE RE PROBABLY DOING 2EADING AND ,EEDS AGAIN IT S JUST A MATTER OF DECIDING WHETHER TO PLAY IN THE #ARLING TENT AGAIN OR PLAY AN EARLIER SLOT ON THE 2ADIO .-% STAGE WE RE JUST WORKING IT ALL OUT NOW v $URING THE TOUR AUDIENCES HAVE BEEN TREATED TO A FEW CHEEKY CAMEOS FROM -UMM 2A S MASCOT h-ATTHEW THE $UCK IS ESSENTIAL 7E PRACTISE IN THIS BARN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE AND LOADS OF THEM ;PLASTIC DUCKS= BUT WE LOST EVERY ONE EXCEPT -ATTHEW 7E VE GOT A BIT PARANOID SOMETIMES WE DID THIS GIG WITHOUT HIM AND WE PLAYED THE WORST GIG ) THINK WE VE EVER PLAYED IN OUR LIVES SO NOW HE S ON THAT BASS DRUM EVERY TIME 4HE DAY HE GOES MISSING IS THE DAY WE SPLIT UP WE VE SAID 7E RE ALL ABSOLUTELY PETRIlED SOMEONE S GOING TO STEAL HIM v -ATTHEW THE $UCK IS PERCHED RATHER MODESTLY ON HIS DRUM AT THIS POINT FOR SOMEONE SO INTEGRAL /F COURSE IT S NOT ALL DUCKS AND MUSIC WITH -UMM 2A $UR ING THE .-% TOUR THEY HAVE ALSO BEATEN THEIR @-UMM 2A KICK UPS RECORD h(OW DID YOU lND OUT THAT /H WOW *IM S SMIL ING AWAY THERE HE S PART OF IT v #AN THEY BEAT IT BEFORE THE lNAL NIGHT IN "RIXTON h4HAT S A CHALLENGE ) THINK IT S DO ABLE IF WE KEEP IT TIGHT KNIT IF WE KEEP THE AWESOME FOURSOME )T S WHEN OTHER PEOPLE GO @ CAN ) PLAY AS WELL AND WE SAY YESx WE END UP GETTING ABOUT 7E NEED TO KEEP IT JUST ME 4ATE 4OMMY " AND *IM !ND MAYBE HAVE -ATTHEW THE $UCK SOMEWHERE v -UMM
GUITARS
2A IT SEEMS DON T THINK MUCH OF THE FOOTBALLING MER ITS OF THE OTHER BANDS 3O 4HE %VENT POSED .OO THE QUES TION OF WHO WOULD WIN A lVE A SIDE TOURNAMENT BETWEEN THE FOUR BANDS h7ELL 4HE !UTOMATIC ARE FAIRLY SORT OFxWE D DESTROY THEM !ND 4HE (ORRORS TROUSERS ARE TOO TIGHT TO GET mUENT MOVEMENT ) THINK 4HE 6IEW WOULD BE THE ONES TO LOOK OUT FOR 7E VE ALREADY BEEN PLAYING 0RO %VO RIVALRY AGAINST THEM v &OR -UMM 2A WITH FESTIVALS LINED UP FOR THIS YEAR AND A NEW ALBUM DUE IN -AY IT S VERY MUCH h4HUNDER 4HUNDER 4HUNDER 4HUNDERCATS (O v
/LI &
ROST
GUITA R
S AND
VOCA LS
S
UM R D INGS N N E TH * 'ARE
THE EVENT
-USIC
!LBUM 2EVIEWS +LAXONS -YTHS /F 4HE .EAR &UTURE .EW 2AVE SEE ALSO .EU 2AVE .U 2AVE .OUN 6ERB .EW 2AV ING 2AVED .OUN 3TYLE OF MUSIC FUSING ELEMENTS OF DANCE AND ROCK MUSIC -OVEMENT INVENTED BY .EW -USIC %XPRESS IN RESPONSE TO AN ADRENALINE FUELLED RAVE ESQUE THREE PIECE NAMED +LAXONS #AN ALSO BE APPLIED TO A BUR GEONING FASHION STYLE WHEREIN @RAVE ELEMENTS SUCH AS NEON CLOTHING GLOW STICKS AND BAGGY T SHIRTS TEAMED WITH LEG GINGS ARE RE APPROPRIATED )T S LIKE A mUORESCENT GREEN PLAGUE SNIPING AT THE HEARTS OF +LAXONS 9OU D BET A HEFTY SUM OF MONEY THAT OF THE PEOPLE WHO RECENTLY PURCHASED THIS RECORD EXPECTED NOTHING MORE THAN REVIVALIST SIRENS AND MEN TALIST DRUM LOOPS 7E RE NOT SAYING THAT THAT WAS +LAX ONS FAULT .-% NAÕVELY COINED NEW RAVE JUST IN THE SAME WAY THAT +EROUAC INSTIGATED THE TERM @BEAT OVER A CUP OF COFFEE HMM A BIT TENUOUSx 7HEN THE TRIO lRST EXPLODED ONTO THE SCENE THE MAG WAS ALL OVER THEM LIKE A RASH hGLOW STICKS v hEXCITEMENT v hRAVE v n AM ) HYPOCRITICAL 9EAH PROBABLY SEE -AGICK REVIEW ISSUE 4HE TRUTH WAS EVERYONE WAS SO WRAPPED UP IN THIS GIDDY EXCITEMENT THEY FORGOT THAT +LAXONS WERE A GENUINE POP BAND WITH GENUINE AIMS NOBODY EVER TOOK A STEP BACK FROM THE HYPERBOLE AND LISTENED 3UBSEQUENT RAVE TOURS ENSUED THE PUBLIC CAUGHT ON AND THUS +LAXONS WERE LEFT DROWNING IN THEIR SHINY mUORESCENT NEW SCENE n HOW THE HELL DO YOU GO ABOUT GETTING OUT OF THAT ONE 9OU GO ABOUT CONSTRUCTING A DEBUT ALBUM THAT RE ALLY ISN T NEW RAVE IN THE SLIGHTEST -YTHS OF THE .EAR &UTURE IS NEW RAVE S DEATH MARCH PISSING ALL OVER THE
SCENE THAT BROUGHT THEM INTO THE LIMELIGHT IN THE lRST PLACE -YTHS ISN T YOUR AVERAGE POP INDIE OR ALTERNA TIVE RECORD YEAH IT S PACKED WITH MELODY AND CATCHY CHORUSES AND EVERY TRACK WILL BE BOUNCING ROUND YOUR BRAIN FOR A GOOD FEW MONTHS AFTER BUT THERE S MUCH MORE TO IT THAN THAT +LAXONS HAVE CONSTRUCTED A POP ALBUM THAT MESSES WITH FORMULA AND RE WRITES THE RULE BOOK WHAT THEY VE FUNDAMENTALLY ACHIEVED IS AN AL BUM THAT RESHAPES POP MUSICx HELL AN ALBUM THAT RESHAPES YOUR CONCEPTIONS AS TO WHAT A RECORD SHOULD REALLY BE 3OME PEOPLE WON T TAKE TO IT 4HEIR MUSIC IS SO REGI MENTED IN THE MOMENT THE @NOW TRACKS COME SUD DENLY UNEXPECTEDLY AND RELENTLESSLY )T S WHAT BANDS LIKE 4HE "EATLES DID SO WELL THEY RE NOT CONCERNED ABOUT BANDS BEFORE THEM THEIR PEERS OR MENTORS F CK THAT IT S THE INSTANTANEITY THE CARELESSNESS AND THE CREATION OF @A SOUND THAT DElNES THEIR EXISTENCE /NE MINUTE YOU RE IN A MIND WARP WITH 4WO 2ECEIV ERS WHERE MELANCHOLY PIANOS UNDERLINING AN INmEXIBLE SCATHING DRUM LOOP AND THE NEXT YOU RE SURROUNDED BY A BILLION SIRENS IT SOUNDS AS IF THE WORLD S ON IT S LAST LEGS BUT YOU RE ALL DANCING LIKE MANIACS AND SCREAM ING !TLANTIS 4O )NTERZONE AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS ,ATER YOU RE HYPNOTISED BY -AGICK OVERWHELMED BY TALES OF BLINDING LIGHTS AT DIZZY NEW HEIGHTS DURING !S !BOVE 3O "ELOW AND CONSEQUENTLY TAKEN ON ONE TRIP YOU RE NOT LIKELY TO FORGET DURING THEIR SEMINAL TAKE ON 'RACE S MID S DANCE ANTHEM .OT /VER 9ET #OME SUMMER +LAXONS WILL TAKE TO THE 0YRAMID 3TAGE THE ,#2 STAGE AND lNALLY FOR THOSE NOT FAMILIAR
ALL WILL MAKE SENSE WE PROMISE YOU 'LOWSTICKS MAY BE YESTERDAYS NEWS BUT THESE BOYS AREN T GONNA BE FADING AWAY ANY TIME SOON THE SCENE IS DEAD LONG LIVE THE +LAXONS 'REG 3ULLIVAN
4HE 3HINS
7ILLY -ASON
*AMIE 4
7INCING 4HE
)F 4HE /CEAN 'ETS
0ANIC 0REVENTION
.IGHT !W{AY
2OUGH
*AMES -ERCER LEAD SINGER OF .EW -EXICO S 4HE 3HINS ONCE LIVED IN %AST !NGLIA )PSWICH TO BE EXACT WHEN HE WAS (E DIDN T LIKE IT MUCH BUT FOUND SALVATION IN THE FORM OF ONE OF %NGLAND S MOST QUINTESSENTIAL ICONS h) BOUGHT 4HE 3MITHS 4HE 1UEEN )S $EAD FROM !NDY S 2ECORDS IN .ORWICH AND IT JUST SAVED ME v )T S NO SURPRISE THEN GIVEN WHO HIS SAVIOUR WAS THAT -ERCER NOW FRONTS ONE OF THE MOST LITERATE OF INDIE POP BANDS 7ITH THIS THEIR THIRD ,0 AND FOLLOW UP TO THE EXCELLENT #HUTES 4OO .ARROW 4HE 3HINS HAVE A FAR MORE CONlDENT AND ALMOST POLISHED SOUND 'ONE IS THE HOMEMADE ETHIC OF PREVIOUS EFFORTS REPLACED WITH A GREATER DEPTH AND VARIETY AND IMPROVED PRODUCTION .EW SINGLE 0HANTOM ,IMB ENCHANTS WITH IT S SHIMMERING ORGANS WHILST 0AM "ERRY SOUNDS LIKE THE 9EAH 9EAH 9EAHS COVERING EARLY ,ED :EPPELIN !USTRALIA IS A HOOK LADEN GEM AND AT TIMES -ERCER RECALLS 3TUART -URDOCH AT HIS MOST MELODIC 4URN /N -E )T S WHERE 4HE 3HINS ENCROACH ON NEW TERRITORY HOWEVER THAT 7INCING 4HE .IGHT !WAY REALLY EXCELS JUST WITNESS THE HAUNTING STRINGS OF "LACK 7AVES OR THE PSYCHEDELIC ACID TRIP THAT IS 2ED 2ABBITS -ERCER TOO HAS DEVELOPED INTO A WORDSMITH AS GREAT AS HIS IDOLS SEE 3PLIT .EEDLES h) VE EARNED MYSELF AN IMPOSSIBLE CRIME HAD TO PAINT MYSELF A HOLE AND FALL INSIDEv 1UITE SIMPLY THIS IS A BREATHTAKING ALBUM SURPASSING EVEN THEIR ILLUSTRIOUS BACK CATALOGUE AND EVERY BIT A MODERN CLASSIC -OZ WOULD BE PROUD ,EWIS -ORTON
7ILLY -ASON SHOCKED MANY WITH HIS DEBUT 7HERE 4HE (UMANS %AT AN YEAR OLD FOLK TROUBADOUR WITH AN EAR FOR A MELODY AND A VOICE WISE BEYOND HIS AGE (OWEVER WITH THIS HIS SECOND ,0 FOLLOWING THE (ARD (AND 4O (OLD %0 THERE WILL BE NO SUCH LUXURY FOR 7ILLY EXPECTATION IS HIGH 4HANKFULLY )F 4HE /CEAN 'ETS 2OUGH DOESN T SUFFER FROM @SECOND ALBUM SYNDROME -ASON HASN T CHANGED HIS DIRECTION MUCH HE STILL DUTIFULLY TREADS THE PATH WELL WORN BY THE LIKES OF $YLAN AND MORE RECENTLY 2YAN !DAMS (OWEVER IF 7HERE 4HE (UMANS %AT WAS FULL OF MELODIC GEMS ABOUT LIFE IN SMALL TOWN !MERICA AND 7ILLY S FRIENDS )F 4HE /CEAN 'ETS 2OUGH IS A FAR LEANER AFFAIR A THUMBED ACOUSTIC GUITAR AND -ASON S WORLD WEARY VOICE ARE THE TWO MOST PROMINENT INSTRUMENTS ON THIS ALBUM 4HE ALBUM IS NOT VERY ACCESSIBLE ON lRST LISTEN 4HIS IS LARGELY BECAUSE IT IS A FAR MORE STRIPPED BACK SOUND TO WHAT ONE MIGHT HAVE EXPECTED BUT LEAD SINGLE 3AVE -YSELF IS FAMILIAR ENOUGH FARE TO FANS )T S A SWIPE AT THE WORLD AROUND -ASON AND IS ONE OF THE MORE INSTANT SONGS ON )F 4HE /CEANx 4HE TITLE TRACK SOUNDS LIKE $YLAN CIRCA WHILST 4HE 7ORLD 4HAT ) 7ANTED DRAWS INSPIRATION FROM 2YAN !DAM S MORE INTROSPECTIVE MOMENTS )T S STILL THE SAME EARTHY FOLK WE GREW TO LOVE HIM FOR lRST TIME AROUND EXCEPT PERHAPS A LITTLE WISER HIS SMALL TOWN NAIVETY REPLACED BY A CAUTIOUSLY MATURE SOUND .OT ONLY HAS HE AVOIDED HIS @DIFlCULT SECOND ALBUM HE S SURPASSED HIS lRST ,EWIS -ORTON
,IKE 0LAN " WITHOUT THE EGO THE 3TREETS WITHOUT THE SWAGGER AND THE !RCTIC -ONKEYS WITHOUT THE .-% ENDORSEMENT *AMIE 4 IS COOL !S AN ACOUSTIC BASS PLAYER THE 7IMBLEDON BASED LAD HAS BUNGED TOGETHER SOME UNPLUGGED INSTRUMENTS SOME SYNTH SOUNDS AND SOME RANDOM STORIES OF WHATEVER THE HELL 7IMBLEDON BASED LADS DO WHEN THEY DO STUFF )T S A CLICHÏ TO CALL THIS REAL MUSIC BUT IT S ABOUT AS REAL AS REAL GETS 4HE TRULY LOW BUDGET APPROACH AND BACK TO BASICS RECORDINGS PROMOTED BY CRAPPY COLLECTIVE LIVE SETS MAKE THIS LITTLE DISC OF TUNES NOT ONLY ENDEARING BUT ALSO ABSOLUTELY ASTONISHING 4HIS IS WHAT ONE RANDOM GUY WITH BUCK TEETH AND A STUPID BLONDE BOUFON CAN DO WITH NO EVIDENT MUSICAL SKILLS YET IT S AMAZING )F YOU VISIT 9OU4UBE TO SAMPLE THE OLD SCHOOL RECORDINGS FROM 0ANIC 0REVENTION YOU WILL NO DOUBT BE SHOCKED 3HEILA WAS A MINIMALIST GUITAR VOCAL RAP WHICH WAS TRANSFORMED INTO A 3ATURDAY NIGHT LADS HIT THE SAME CAN BE SAID FOR BOTH )F 9OU VE 'OT 4HE -ONEY AND THE NEWEST SINGLE #ALM $OWN $EAREST 4HE RISE OF *AMIE 4 HAS TAKEN ONLY A FEW MONTHS BUT HIS REIGN SHOULD LAST ABOUT UNTIL HE IS TOO SUCCESSFUL TO REMEMBER THE COOL STUFF HE USED TO WRITE LYRICS ABOUTx
THE EVENT
#HARLES 2UMSEY
-USIC
'OLDEN 3OUNDS 2AGE !GAINST 4HE -ACHINE
+INGS /F ,EON /N #ALL
2AGE !GAINST 4HE -ACHINE /NE OF THE MOST POLITICAL BANDS OF OUR TIME lGHT ING THE ESTABLISHMENT THROUGH RAP METAL AND SEEING MAINSTREAM SUCCESS THROUGHOUT THE S 2AGE !GAINST 4HE -ACHINE HAVE REFORMED THIS YEAR TO HEADLINE THE #OACHELLA FESTIVAL IN #ALIFORNIA 4HEIR SELF TITLED DEBUT ALBUM FEATURED THE UNDE NIABLE ANTHEM +ILLING )N 4HE .AME WHICH INCLUDED THE ANTI GOVERNMENT OPPRESSION CHANT h) WON T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME v AND ONE OF THE MOST SIMPLE YET CATCHY RIFFS IN RECENT HISTORY 7HEN RELEASED IN IT WENT TRIPLE PLATINUM &OLLOW UP %VIL %MPIRE WAS RELEASED IN AND WENT STRAIGHT TO NUMBER ONE IN THE 53 +NOWN FOR THEIR REVOLUTIONARY LEFT WING VIEWPOINTS THE BAND PARTICIPATED IN PROTESTS AND OTHER FORMS OF POLITICAL ACTIVISM MOST NOTABLY THEIR PERFORMANCE OUTSIDE THE $EMOCRATIC .ATIONAL #ON VENTION EXPRESSING THEIR ANGER AT THE CORRUPTION OF DEMOCRACY IN WAS AN EVENING ENDED BY POLICE lRING RUBBER BULLETS INTO THE CROWD ALBEIT AFTER SOME PROVOCATION AND WAS DESCRIBED BY MEMBERS OF THE PRESS AS hA MÐLÏEv 4HE BAND SPLIT IN LATE WITH LEAD SINGER :ACK $E ,A 2OCHA RELEASING A STATEMENT BLAMING hPROB LEMS IN THE BAND UNDERMINING OUR ARTISTIC AND PO LITICAL IDEALv #RITICS ALSO NOTED THE HYPOCRISY OF BE ING AN ANTI CAPITALIST BAND SIGNED TO %PIC 2ECORDS OWNED BY 3ONY !FTER THE SPLIT THE OTHER MEMBERS OF THE BAND RESPONDED THAT THERE WERE NO HARD FEELINGS BETWEEN THEM AND :ACK WENT ON TO PURSUE A SOLO PROJECT WITH $* 3HADOW 4HE 2OOTS AND 2ONI 3IZE
WHICH STILL HAS NOT SURFACED TO DATE $RUMMER "RAD 7ILK BASSIST 4IM #OMMERFORD AND LEAD GUITARIST 4OM -ORELLO JOINED WITH FORMER 3OUNDGARDEN LEAD SINGER #HRIS #ORNELL TO RELEASE TWO FAIRLY SUCCESSFUL ALBUMS AS !UDIOSLAVE (OWEVER #ORNELL COULD NEVER MATCH THE RAP METAL STYLE OF :ACK AND SO THE 2AGE SOUND DISAPPEARED IN !UDIOSLAVE )N A RECENT INTERVIEW WITH MTV COM -ORELLO STATED THAT THE REUNION S MISSION WAS TO hDELIVER A KNOCKOUT BLOW TO THE "USH ADMINISTRATIONv ADDING hIS IT COINCIDENCE THAT IN THE SEVEN YEARS 2!4- HAS BEEN AWAY THE COUNTRY HAS SLID INTO RIGHT WING PUR GATORYv 7HILE TAKING OUT THE "USH GOVERNMENT WITH ONE GIG IN #ALIFORNIA SOUNDS SLIGHTLY AMBITIOUS 2AGE FANS WILL BE PLEASED AT THE NEWS OF THE REUNION AND BE HOPING THAT IT BECOMES MORE PERMANENT 4IM "RIGGS
/THER 3INGLES GOERS WOULD PROBABLY BOTTLE THEM OFF !LTHOUGH GIFTED AT THE ARTS OF CATCHY MELODIES AND LYRICAL WAXING &ALL /UT "OY HAVE PRODUCED A PARADOX A SONG BEING BASED ON THEIR FRUSTRATIONS OF BEING CLASSED AS MUSIC FOR SHALLOW PETTY !MERICA WHICH WOULD BE PERFECT FOR THE /#@S SOUNDTRACK 4HIS BANDWAGON S FULL PLEASE CATCH ANOTHER #HARLES 2UMSEY
&ALL /UT "OY 4HIS !IN T ! 3CENE @3TUMPISH IS AN ODD KIND OF DIALECT &EW PEOPLE HAVE THE ABILITY TO DECIPHER HIS DELIVERY THINK BACK TO 3UGAR 7E RE 'OIN $A $A 9ES THIS IS ANOTHER ENIGMA OF TEARY EYED ARCHITECTURE A POEM ONCE AGAIN CRAFTED FROM THE 7ENTZIAN ANTHOLOGY OF FEELING AND TUGGING AT YOUR HEARTSTRINGS LIKE AN EMO SURGEON (E SURE IS DEEP SO DEEP THAT &ALL /UT "OY HAVE BECOME A BENCHMARK FOR THE CLICHÏS OF THE EMO GENRE AS A WHOLE STEALING $EEP %LM S THUNDER LIKE THE RICH SUBURBAN TEENAGERS STOLE PUNK 4HIS !IN T A 3CENE )T S ! ;'ODDAMN= !RMS 2ACE DISCREDITS THE VERY EMO SCENE THAT THE BAND RULE OVER 7E CAN EMPATHISE BANDS LOSE CREDIBILITY WHEN THEY GET BIG AND ARE PIGEONHOLED &ALL /UT "OY ARE SO EMO THAT #ARLING &ESTIVAL
"LACK 3ABBATH ESQUE RIFF AND THE OPENING VERSE SOUNDS AS IF &ARIS HAS BEEN REPLACED BY 0AUL "ANKS OF )NTERPOL 9ET HIS LYRICS ARE LARGELY UNINTELLIGIBLE AND THE GUITARS SOUND A LITTLE SLOPPY )F THIS WAS THE ONLY CRITICISM THEN IT COULD BE PASSED ASIDE AS JUST ANOTHER (ORRORS SONG AS IT SOUNDS VIRTUALLY IDENTICAL TO PREVIOUS SINGLES )T IS THE LUDICROUS BRIDGE OF 'LOVES SOUNDING AS IF )AN $URY HAS BEEN RESURRECTED AS A 'OTH hA HAND THROUGH MY RIBCAGE PAST THE CHOKING ) SAW PALMS AND lNGERS GRASPINGv THAT REALLY IRRITATES FEELING GIMMICKY AND EXPOSING &ARIS WHEN HE STOPS SCREAMING TO POSSESS QUITE A WEAK VOICE 4HE (ORRORS ARE FREQUENTLY DISMISSED AS A STYLE OVER SUBSTANCE BAND AND 'LOVES DOES LITTLE TO DISPEL THIS ,EWIS -ORTON
4HE (ORRORS 'LOVES
4HE -ACCABEES !BOUT 9OUR $RESS
2ISING FROM UNDER A CLOUD OF HAIRSPRAY AND HAIR THAT 2USSELL "RAND CAN ONLY DREAM OF COMES THE LATEST EFFORT OF 3OUTHEND 'OTH ROCKERS 4HE (ORRORS 3UCH IS THE HYPE AROUND THIS BAND THAT IT WAS WITH INTRIGUE THAT THIS REVIEWER lRST LISTENED TO 'LOVES (OWEVER IT WAS SOMETHING OF AN ANTI CLIMAX &ARIS HAS BEEN PROMISING hGREAT NEW SONGSv SURELY HE WASN T TALKING ABOUT 'LOVES )T KICKS OFF OVER A
)T S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN 4ACKY WINDOW DISPLAYS INVOLVING CUDDLY TOYS AND HEARTS START TO SPRING UP ALL ALONG THE HIGH STREET AND mORISTS GIFT CARD SHOPS AND CHOCOLATE SHOPS TREBLE THEIR PRICES 4HE -ACCABEES ARE A ROMANTIC BUNCH OF CHAPS THEMSELVES SOME WOULD SAY OVERLY SO AND NEW SINGLE !BOUT 9OUR $RESS COULD BE SEEN TO BE ON THE SOPPY SIDE 4HE SONG COMES HOT ON THE HEELS OF THE PREVIOUS -ACCABEES RE
3OMETHING S BREWING IN !MER ICA S DEEP SOUTH AND FOR ONCE IT S NOT AN ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE CALLED *ACK OR WINDY AND CALLED +ATRINA +INGS OF ,EON ARE GEARING UP TO DISH OUT ANOTHER SERVING OF SOUTH ERN FRIED &OLLOWILL GOODNESS AND BY 'OD IT S lNGER LICKIN GOOD h-AN THIS RECORD IS GOING TO BE SO BIG 3O GOOD IT S GOING TO BE A LOT MORE ANTHEMIC THAN ANY
LEASE &IRST ,OVE AND AGAIN THE THEME OF THE SONG IS ON THE ROMANTIC SIDE THIS TIME DEALING WITH THAT NERVOUS MOMENT WHEN YOU TALK TO A CRUSH FOR THE lRST TIME 4HE SOUND IS NOTH ING NEW EMOTIVE HYPER ARTICULATED VOCALS AND GUITARS MORE JITTERY THAN AN GRANNY IN NEED OF A HIP REPLACE MENT 4HIS SEEMS TO BE THE FOUNDA TION OF MOST -ACCABEES SONGS AND THE FORMULA SHOULDN T WORK )T RE ALLY SHOULDN T !ND YET IT DOES )N !BOUT 9OUR $RESS THE BAND MANAGE SOMETHING VERY RARE COMBINING A CATCHY HOOK WITH LYRICS WHICH REALLY DO CAPTURE ALL THE FRAGILITY AND AWK WARDNESS WHICH COME WITH YOUNG LOVE 4HIS IS TRULY A LOVE SONG FOR THE !3"/ GENERATION 7ILL (OLLOWAY
THING WE VE DONE v *ARED &OLLOWILL CERTAINLY WASN T TELLING PORKY PIES WHEN HE MADE THIS STATEMENT LATE LAST YEAR 0UT ASIDE ANY MEMORIES YOU MAY HAVE OF THE +INGS lRST TWO ALBUMS WITH THEIR HEAVY SOUTH ERN ROCK COUNTRY UNDERTONES AND THINK MORE ALONG THE LINES OF WHAT THE BASTARD LOVECHILD OF )NTERPOL AND 5 WITH TESTICLES OF KRYP TONITE AND VOCALS LIKE A SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED JACKAL MIGHT SOUND LIKE (ONESTLY IT WORKS (EARING SING ER #ALEB S VOICE AGAIN MAKES YOU APPRECIATE JUST HOW UNINSPIRING AND UNIFORM MOST BANDS AROUND AT THE MOMENT REALLY ARE /N #ALL IS THE lRST SINGLE TO BE TAKEN FROM +INGS OF ,EON S NEW ALBUM ENTI TLED "ECAUSE OF THE 4IMES WHICH IS DUE OUT IN THE 5+ ON !PRIL ND )F THE SNEAKY PEEKS THAT ARE CURRENTLY ON 9OU4UBE ARE ANYTHING TO GO BY THE BROTHERS &OLLOWILL ARE LIKELY TO OFFER THE WORLD A GEM OF AN AL BUM &OR NOW THOUGH Y ALL GOTTA GET YOURSELVES A COPY OF THIS TUNE AND WELCOME 4ENNESSEE S lNEST BACK INTO THE CHART
*OSH ,ITTLE
DELVING OUT JUSTICE AND VENGEANCE IN EQUAL PORTIONS TO THOSE WHO BREAK THE LAW 7ELL OKAY SO THE lRST PART MAY NOT BE ENTIRELY TRUE BUT WOULDN T IT BE GREAT IF IT WAS 4OKYO 0OLICE #LUB ACTUALLY HAIL FROM THE RATHER DULL PROVINCE OF /NTARIO IN #ANADA AND HAVE PROBABLY NEVER BEEN INVOLVED IN A HIGH SPEED CHASE INVOLVING A MOTORCYCLE RIDING 4RIAD GANG OR A SHOOT OUT WITH NINJAS (OWEVER THEY HAVE RELEASED A RATHER ACE LITTLE MINI ALBUM CALLED ! ,ESSON IN #RIME FROM WHICH THE SINGLE #HEER )T 5P IS TAKEN 4HE BAND ARE STIRRING UP SOMETHING OF A STORM AMONGST THOSE IN THE KNOW IN !MERICA WITH TICKETS TO THEIR RECENT .EW 9ORK SHOWCASE BEING THE HOTTEST IN TOWN )T S NOT HARD TO SEE WHY AS #HEER )T 5P SOUNDS LIKE THE 3TROKES WOULD IF THEY PLAYED WITH ALL THE lRECRACKERS IN #HINATOWN SHOVED UP THEIR BACKSIDES 4HESE GUYS ARE GOING TO BE BIG THIS YEAR AND IF WE RE WRONG ARREST US 7ILL (OLLOWAY
4OKYO 0OLICE #LUB #HEEER )T 5P 4OKYO 0OLICE #LUB ARE A GROUP OF TOUGH TALKING NO NONSENSE COPS WHO FORM A POWERFUL CRIME lGHTING SUPER SYNDICATE 4HEY ROAM THE (ARAJUKU DISTRICT OF 4OKYO SEARCHING FOR TROUBLE MAKERS AND MALCONTENTS WHILE
THE EVENT
-USIC
4HIS !IN T ! 3CENE
,IVE MUSIC AT 0ONANA S 3HOWCASING THE BEST NEW LOCAL TALENT 9OU RE HAVING US ON YOU SCOUNDRELS 'REG 3ULLIVAN MEETS 0AUL $UTNALL FOUNDER OF 0ONANA S NEW BEST NIGHT
,
OCAL MUSIC SCENES HEYx AS FAR AS CIT IES GO .ORWICH ISN T EXACTLY RIPE WITH THE TYPE OF $)9 SHENANIGANS THAT SWEEP CITIES LIKE ,ONDON 3HEFlELD AND -ANCHESTER OFF THEIR FEET .O SIR FOR THE MOMENT %AST !NGLIA OR AS .-% DUBS IT hTHE ARSEHOLE OF NOWHEREv HAS IT S FEET lRMLY ROOTED TO THE mOOR 4HAT S NOT TO SAY IT S WITHOUT THE TALENT THE FANS THE POTENTIAL WALK AROUND THE UNI OR TAKE A LOOK IN 0ONANA S AND THE -USTARD ,OUNGE AND YOU LL SEE YOU VE GOT THE PEOPLE AND THE BANDS EVEN BUT NO MUSIC SCENE !S FAR AS @SCENE HANG OUTS GO 0ONANA S WOULD PROBABLY BE THE PLACE WHERE SOMETHING @MUSICAL LY IMPORTANT WOULD MORE THAN LIKELY TAKE OFF -ONDAY NIGHTS ARE RAMMED WITH @SCENE AND ALTERNA TIVE KIDS READY TO LEAP ON BOARD THE NEXT BIG BAND BANDWAGON ,ET S FACE IT @THE lNE CITY IS MORE READY THAN IT S EVER BEEN FOR ONE BAND AND MAYBE THERE ARE A FEW BANDS TO REALLY STIR THINGS UP AROUND THE PLACE AS ONE LOCAL MENTIONED THE OTHER DAY h.ORWICH HAS GOT THE PEOPLE THE MUSIC AND THE BANDS JUST NOT THE PLACESv 4HE 2OMA NY S RECENT LOSS OF A LIVE MUSIC LI CENSE MARKED ANOTHER NAIL IN THE COFlN FOR .ORWICH AND IT S LOCAL LIVE OPPORTUNITIES 2EWIND A FEW DAYS )T S PM ON A 4HURSDAY AND THE ,#2 IS GEAR ING UP FOR ANOTHER OF IT S @MEGA GIG NIGHTS $UNDONIAN SUPERSTARS 4HE 6IEW ARE SOUND CHECKING DOWNSTAIRS AND THERE S AN EXCITE MENT IN THE AIR THAT .-% TOURS NEVER FAIL TO PRODUCE 0AUL $UT NALL ONE OF OUR RESIDENT ,IVEWIRE AND 0ONANA S $*S A RD YEAR 5%! STUDENT SITS OPPOSITE ME (IS GLASSES MARK A CHANGE IN APPEAR ANCE h7HY THE GLASSES 0AUL v BELLOWS A FELLOW ,IVEWIRE $* h(A HAx IT S TO HIDE THE mU THAT S BEEN SLOWLY BUILDING UP OVER THE LAST FEW WEEKS v HE RE PLIES VOICING CONCERNS THAT EVERY 5%! STUDENT HAS BEEN THINKING RECENTLY 4HERE S NO SURPRISE THAT THE GUY LOOKS TIRED h)T S BEEN PRETTY MUCH NON STOP RECENTLYx ) VE GOT TO PLAN A BLOODY .-% AFTER SHOW PARTY FOR ABOUT THREE HOURS TIME v ) ASK HIM WHAT HE
THINKS OF THE STEADY INmUX OF HUGE SIGNED BANDS LIKE 4HE 6IEW GRAC ING .ORWICH EVERY OTHER WEEK h)T DOESN T DO THE LOCAL BANDS ANY GOOD 0EOPLE ALWAYS WANT TO GO AND SEE THE NEXT BIGGEST BAND HIT TING .ORWICH )N THEY COME GET HUGE WAGE PACKETS AND THEN OFF THEY GO )T TAKES ALL THE EMPHASIS OFF THE LOCAL GUYS HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO PROMOTE YOUR OWN STUFF WHEN YOU VE GOT BANDS LIKE +INGS OF ,EON AND 4HE +OOKS GAR NERING ALL THE PUBLICITYxv 7EDNESDAY NIGHT SAW THE lRST OF HOPEFULLY MANY @"ANNED NIGHTS TO HIT 0ONANA S h4HE CON CEPT IS GETTING THE BEST IN LOCAL BANDS AND $*S INTO ONE PLACE WITH THE TYPE OF PEOPLE WHO ARE GENUINELY INTERESTED IN MAKING A SCENE WORK THE @GIG GOERS OF .OR WICH v )T S A SIMPLE CONCEPT ONE THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DREAMT UP SOONER BUT AS IT HAPPENED 0AUL $UTNALL 'RAHAM 'ANNON AND #IARAN -C#LELLAN WERE THE lRST TO LATCH ON TO THE CURRENT LOCAL SCENE VOID 3PEAKING TO #IARAN EARLIER IN THE MONTH HE POINTED OUT THAT hCOMPARED TO PLACES LIKE "ELFAST AND $UBLIN THE OPPORTUNITIES OF MUSICIANS ROUND HERE ARE DIREx THERE S VIRTUALLY NOTHINGv &ROM OUR PERSPECTIVE THE NIGHT RAN WITHOUT A HITCH 4HE BANDS SHOWED PROMISE THE
THE EVENT
SOUND WAS GOOD AND THE $*S WERE ROLLING DECENT TUNES !LTHOUGH IT TOOK TIME FOR THE EVENING TO WARM UP $UTNALL LOOKS HAPPY ENOUGH h"OTH THE BANDS IMPRESSED ME 0ARIS 'OT &ASHION ARE GOOD FRIENDS OF MINE AND THEY PLAYED A GOOD SET WITH GOOD SUPPORT 4HE )NCIDENTALS WERE TIGHT AND VERY PROFESSIONAL GUYS )T TOOK TIME TO GET THE SOUND PERFECT BUT HEY THIS ONE WAS RE ALLY JUST A TRIAL RUN FOR US 4HERE LL BE CHANGES IN THE SCHEDULING AND PROBABLY MORE BANDS BUT AS IT STANDS WE WERE PLEASEDv (E S FORWARD IN THE WAY HE ENUNCIATES HIS WORDS AND YOU CAN SEE THAT THERE S A GENUINE PAS SION IN MAKING THIS NIGHT WORK #ONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF IT S NOT JUST A COUPLE OF GUYS IN DES PERATE NEED OF SOME CASHxh7E REALLY WANT TO GIVE BANDS AND MU SICIANS A PLATFORM FOR PERFORMING NOT JUST IN FRONT OF CLOSE FRIENDS BUT IN FRONT OF A LARGER AUDIENCE 4HERE ARE A MILLION DRAWBACKS OF LOCAL BANDS PUTTING ON THEIR OWN GIGS YOU LL GET YOUR FRIENDS YOUR FRIENDS FRIENDS AND A FEW PUNTERS BUT THAT S REALLY AS FAR AS YOUR EVER GOING TO GET @"ANNED GIVES LOCAL TALENT A WIDER SPECTRUM WHETHER THAT S THROUGH GIVING THEM A LARG ER AUDIENCE OR SHOWCASING THEM TO THE LOCAL INDUSTRY MEN v
h!S FAR AS @SCENE HANG OUTS GO 0O NANA S WOULD PROB ABLY BE THE PLACE WHERE SOMETHING @MUSICALLY IMPOR TANT WOULD MORE THAN LIKELY TAKE OFF v
)T S HARSH BUT THE TRUTH IS PEOPLE RARELY BAT AN EYELID AT LOCAL BAND POSTERS THE PUBLIC ARE MUCH MORE INTERESTED IN THE BIG BOYS 9OU WON T BE RECOGNISED UNTIL YOU RE SIGNED TO PUT IT SIMPLY 0AUL SEEMS HAPPY TO PUT THE @"ANNED NAME ON GIGS AROUND .ORWICH h)F PEOPLE BEGIN TO ASSOCIATE THE @"ANNED NAME WITH A GREAT EVENING OF LIVE MUSIC THEN WE LL BE HAPPY TO PUT OUR NAME ON IT 7E DON T WANT TO BE STUCK IN 0O NANA S ALL OUR LIFExv )T S GOING TO TAKE MUCH MORE THAN ONE BAND NIGHT AT 0ONANA S TO GET THE BALL ROLLING IN .ORWICH THOUGH h9OU LOOK AT OTHER CITIES AND EVERY BAND WILL KNOW EVERY OTH ER BAND 4HEY LL GIG WITH EACH OTHER AND PLAY TOGETHER v ) ASK HIM WHY THERE HASN T BEEN A BAND FROM THIS SIDE OF THE COUNTRY TO MAKE THE 5+ SCENE FOR AN AGE AND HE SEEMS SLIGHT LY CAUTIOUS TO ANSWER h) VE LISTENED TO OR SO BANDS AROUND .ORWICH AND IT S ALWAYS HARD TO PUT YOUR lN GER ON A BAND THAT YOU BELIEVE WILL MAKE AN IMPACT 4HE "ROWNIES ARE mYING PRETTY HIGH AT THE MOMENT A COUPLE OF THEIR SONGS HAVE HAD AIR PLAY ON 3TEVE ,AMACQ AND (UW 3TE VENS 2ADIO SHOWS YOU LL PROBABLY BE SEEING THEM AT @"ANNED NIGHT IN A MONTH OR SOxv 7HETHER OR NOT YOU KNOW IT THERE ARE PLENTY OF UNSIGNED BANDS SWARMING .ORWICH IN HOPE THAT SOMEONE S GOING TO TAKE NOTICE 7ITH A NIGHT LIKE @"ANNED THERE S HOPE IN THE AIR THAT THE NEXT !RCTIC -ONKEYS OR "LOC 0ARTY MIGHT lNALLY BE DISCOVEREDx (E APPEARS OPTIMISTIC ABOUT THE FUTURE OF HIS PROJECT h7E VE GOT @"ANNED 2ADIO ON THE HORIZON IT S A BI MONTHLY RADIO SHOW DEDICATED TO PLAYING LOCAL UNSIGNED MUSIC v !ND AS FOR 0O S h)F WE NEVER GET OUT OF PLAYING SHOWS ONCE AT MONTH AT 0ONANA S WE WON T HAVE SUCCEEDED 4HIS TIME NEXT YEAR WE WANT TO BE AT THE ,#2 PLAYING TO A PACKED OUT CROWD AND SHOWCASING THE BRIGHTEST NEW TALENT v 3OUND FARFETCHED 7ELL IT S GOING TO TAKE SOMETHING BIG FOR THE .EW .ORWICH SCENE TO lNALLY ERUPT AND THE WAY THESE GUYS ARE GO ING IT DOESN T SEEM FAR OFF FROM HAP PENING @"ANNED .IGHT n THE TH OF EVERY MONTH AT 0ONANA S "E THERE AND BE PART OF OUR SCENE
-USIC
,IVE .-% )NDIE 2OCK 4OUR 4HURSDAY TH &EBRUARY 5%! !HHH THE .-% TOUR 4HEY NEVER FAIL TO GLORIOUSLY BESOT US WITH THE BEST OF THE BEST NEW 5+ TALENT 2EMEMBER THE &RANZ &ERDINAND ONE 9EAH THAT WAS GREAT AND THE ONE WITH 4HE +ILLERS "LOC 0ARTY AND +AISER #HIEFS YEAH GOOD TIMES WERE HAD THERE AND THOSE -ONKEYS LAST YEAR COR THEY WERE GOOD WEREN T THEY 3O WHEN THE OLD FOLK AT THE .-% PITCHED THIS YEAR S CROP TO US WELL EVERYONE GOT A BIT ANGRY h-UMM WHO v h.OT THOSE GOTHS WITH THE HAIR v h7HAT S THAT COM ING OVER NAH MATE WE DON T CARE WHAT S COMING OVER THE F CKING HILLv DON T TRY AND DENY IT WE HEARD YOU 3O ANYWAY TIMES CHANGE AND PEO PLE CHANGE SO ON AND SO FORTH AND SUD DENLY COME TH &EBRUARY THE LINE UP DOESN T LOOK SO BAD AFTER ALL 4HE CROWDS ARE BUZZING THE BEER IS mOWING AND CHANTS CONCERNING 4HE 6IEW AND THEIR SOMEWHAT mAMMABLE NATURE CIRCULATE AN EXCITEABLE ,#2 -UMM 2A GET THE BALL ROLLING IN A FRENZIED FASHION WITH THEIR SET TIGHTLY PACKED WITH SHOW STEALING TUNES 4HESE 4HINGS -OVE )N 4HREES PROVES TO BE AN EAR LY HIGHLIGHT 4HEIR SET JUMPS FROM ACOU STO STOMPS TO BOUNCY INDIE AT BPM IT S AN INSIGHT INTO A BAND WHO WILL NO DOUBT MOVE OR SHAKE IN THEIR OWN
LITTLE WAY ,OVELY INDIE STOMPALONGS LEAD US GLORIOUSLY INTO ERx 4HE (ORRORS 4HEY TAKE TO THE STAGE AND SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF THE SECURITY GUY STANDING IN FRONT OF US SERIOUSLY VERY FUNNY 3UPER &ARIS NOW COMPLETE WITH CAPE SERENADES THE CROWD THROUGH THE BEAUTIFUL #OUNT )N &IVES AND 3HEENA )S ! 0ARASITEx NAH THAT S NOT WHAT HAPPENED AT ALL BUT IF YOU IMAGINE lVE MENTALIST PUNKS STAGE DIVING AND BEAT ING THE SHIT OUT OF THEIR INSTRUMENTS AND INDEED THE ,#2 WHILE SMASHING THROUGH THEIR PUNK STAPLES THEN YOU RE NOT FAR OFF h4HE 6IEW 4HE 6IEW 4HE 6IEW ARE ON lRE v 4HIS YEAR S UNDISPUTED HIGHLIGHT TAKE TO THE STAGE TO THEIR NOW INFAMOUS CHANT AND CONSEQUENTLY TAKE THE ROOF OFF )T S A GLORIOUS REMINDER OF THE TOUR S POW ER TO SHOWCASE THE BAND OF THE MOMENT ! SET OF DAZZLING EXCITEMENT SEES THE LADS RIP ROAR AND PUNCH THROUGH SOON TO BE CLASSICS 4HE $ON 3AME *EANS AND 3UPER STAR 4RADESMAN IT S A GIDDY HIGHLIGHT THAT PUTS A SMILE ON EACH AND EVERY PERSON IN AND AROUND THE VENUE )N AMONGST THE RAVES AND THE PUNKS THE PUBLIC WERE IN NEED OF A BAND LIKE THIS SO THANK GOD FOR 4HE 6IEW 4HE !UTOMATIC ROUND THINGS OFF IN EX
PECTED FASHION A BOUNCY 0ENNIE A COVER OF 'OLD $IGGER AND A WEALTH OF FAMILIAR POP PUNK GIBLETS DOES ENOUGH TO SATISFY THE 5%! CROWD !NTICLIMACTIC 7ELL PER HAPS A LITTLE BUT A SET ENDING ON THEIR DIA
BOLICALLY CATCHY POP GEM 2ECOVER ENSURES EVERY PUNTER LEAVES ON A HIGH !NOTHER YEAR ANOTHER AMAZING EVENING @4IL NEXT YEAR THEN LADS 'REG 3ULLIVAN
"LOC 0ARTY
@"ANNED .IGHT
3UNDAY TH *ANUARY 5%!
7EDNESDAY TH &EBRUARY 0ONANA S
h) M TRYING TO BE HEROIC IN AN AGE OF MODERNITY ) M TRYING TO BE HEROIC IT S ALL AROUND MExv WHISPERS +ELE ON OPENER 3ONG &OR #LAY $ISAPPEAR (ERE h"UT IN MY HEART ) AM LUKEWARM NOTHING EVER TOUCHES ME v 4ONIGHT "LOC 0ARTY ARE RETURNING TO .ORWICH h)T S GOOD TO BE HOME v JOKES DRUMMER -ATT 4ONG )N THE TIME SINCE THEY LAST VISITED IN &EBRUARY THE BAND HAVE DEVELOPED A NEW DIRECTION OF A SORT NEW ALBUM ! 7EEKEND )N 4HE #ITY IS A DIFFERENT BEAST ENTIRELY TO 3ILENT !LARM
)T S FULL OF DISPARAGING VIEWS OF SOCIETY AND DISILLUSIONMENT WITH MODERN LIFE (OWEVER THE BAND LOOK ANYTHING BUT MELANCHOLY INDIVIDUALS TONIGHT 4HIS EVENING "LOC 0ARTY SHOW JUST WHY THEY HAVE ACQUIRED SUCH A lERCE REPUTATION AS A LIVE BAND QUITE SIMPLY THE SET IS ASTONISHING +ELE S VOICE SOUNDS AS GOOD AS THIS REVIEWER HAS EVER HEARD HIM LIVE WHILST LEAD GUITARIST 2USSELL HAS DEVELOPED INTO ONE OF THE BEST GUITARISTS OF THE CURRENT CROP OF "RITISH ROCK BANDS 7E ARE TREATED TO SOME GEMS FROM THE FORTHCOMING ALBUM TONIGHT (UNTING &OR 7ITCHES AND 4HE 0RAYER IN PARTICULAR GO DOWN WELL ALTHOUGH MOST FANS HERE TONIGHT SEEM TO HAVE ALREADY DOWNLOADED THE ALBUM AS DEMONSTRATED BY THEIR SINGING ALONG A FACT ACKNOWLEDGED BY +ELE AND THE BAND WITH GOOD HUMOUR h4HE NEW ALBUM IS OUT NEXT MONTHx ) THINK MOST OF YOU HAVE IT ALREADY v (OWEVER IT IS THE SONGS TAKEN FROM 3ILENT !LARM THAT REALLY STAND OUT TONIGHT 4HE VENUE COMES ALIVE DURING (ELICOPTER WHILST "ANQUET STEALS THE SHOW )NDEED THE ONLY IMPERFECTION OF TONIGHT S SET WAS THE ABSENCE OF 4WO -ORE 9EARS WHICH MANY HAD EXPECTED AS AN ENCORE 9ET IT S NOT ENOUGH TO DETRACT FROM HOW GOOD "LOC 0ARTY ARE TONIGHT +ELE NEEDN T WORRY HE S NOT ONLY HEROIC BUT THE SPOKESPERSON OF A GENERATION ,EWIS -ORTON
,IVE MUSIC )N 0ONANAgS 9ES INDEEDY EVERYONE S FAVOURITE INDIE CLUB NIGHT VENUE HAS lNALLY GOT HOLD OF ITSELF AND REALISED THAT LIVE MUSIC IS THE WAY FORWARD 7ILL (OLLOWAY PROVIDES US WITH SOME CRAFTY LITTLE ALTERNO POP GEMS TO GET THE BANDWAGON ROLLIN )T S A BREATH OF FRESH AIR HEARING LESS RECOGNISED BANDS LIKE 'OOD 3HOES AND ,ES )NCOMPETENTS TO NAME BUT A FEW BLARING OUT OF THE SOUND SYSTEM 4OM 7AKE IS NEXT UP ON THE LIST lXING US UP WITH REMIXES OOZING WITH QUALITY &OR THE lRST TIME TONIGHT THE PLACE SEEMS TO HAVE A REAL BUZZ ABOUT IT )TgS A SHAME THAT 4OM COULDN T ROUND OFF THE EVENING FOR US AS HIS SET SEEMS THE TYPE TO WARRANT A PLACE AT THE TOP OF ANY $* BILL NO ONE SEEMS TOO FUSSED HOWEVER THE MAJORITY ARE READY FOR g"ANNEDg NIGHTgS lRST LIVE BAND 0ARIS 'OT &ASHION KICK OFF THE LIVE MUSIC WITH THE ROCK AND OR ROLL THAT ECHOES BANDS LIKE *ET AND MOST CERTAINLY 4HE 3UBWAYS )N FACT THESE GUYS ALMOST APPEAR CARBON COPIES OF THE LATTER NOT TO SAY THAT S A TERRIBLE THING AS THEIR TUNES HAVE POTENTIAL AND THE LEAD SINGER S VOICE STANDS UP VERY WELL 4HERE SEEMS TO BE SOMETHING LACKING THOUGH MAYBE LACK OF STAGE PRESENCE CHARISMA FOR 'ODgS SAKE DON@T READ LYRICS OFF THE MIC STAND ON YOUR lRST SONGx AND AT TIMES THE DRUMMER LOOKS LIKE HE@D RATHER BE AT THE
BAR ! SOLID SET PACKED WITH POTENTIAL LEAVES US YEARNING FOR MUCH MORE 4HE )NCIDENTALS PICTURE ABOVE TAKE TO THE STAGE AT A LATE 4HESE GUYS HAVE HAD THEIR NAME ENGRAVED ON THE LOCAL MUSIC SCENE FOR A WHILE NOW SO EXPECTATIONS ARE HIGH &RONT WOMAN -ARIA PACKS CHARISMA AND CHARM WHILE LEADING THE BAND THROUGH A TIGHT SET 4HESE GUYS OBVIOUSLY HAVE A WEALTH OF EXPERIENCE AND IT SHOWS THEY SMASH THROUGH EVERY TUNE PERFECTLY !S FOR THE SONGS NONE OF @EM SEEM TO HAVE AN IDEA AS TO WHERE THEY RE HEADING .OT THAT THE 0O S CROWD NOTICE THEYgRE FAR TOO BUSY GETTING ANNIHILATED IN A mURRY OF BASS AND DRUMS )TgS GOOD BUT AGAIN IT COULD BE A LOT MORE 4HIS NIGHTgS GOING TO CAUSE ONE HELL OF A FUSS THIS YEAR 3AY WHAT YOU WANT ABOUT THE ACTS BUT YOU VE GOT TO GIVE IT TO THE ORGANISERS FOR BEGINNING WHAT S SET TO BE THE PREMIER LOCAL BAND NIGHT IN .ORWICH AND CONSIDERING THIS WAS THE lRST THEY VE DONE A FANTASTIC JOB 'REG 3ULLIVAN
THE EVENT
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-AIN &EATURE $REAMGIRLS $IR "ILL #ONDON
2ELEASE $ATE
$REAMGIRLS
$REAMGIRLS
!DAPTED FROM THE "ROADWAY STAGE SHOW THAT RAN FOR OVER A THOUSAND PERFORMANCES FROM $REAM GIRLS HAS TAKEN YEARS TO MAKE ITS TRANSITION ONTO THE SCREEN "ASED ON THE STORY OF 4HE 3UPREMES THE STORY FOLLOWS THE TRANSFORMATION OF 4HE $REAMETTES INTO 4HE $REAMS THROUGH CHANGING LINE UPS AFFAIRS
AND A CAREER STRETCHING OVER A DEC ADE 4HE lLM S RELATION TO THE FA MOUS GIRL GROUP IS A LOT CLOSER THAN A MERE INSPIRATION BEHIND THE STORY $EENA *ONES "EYONCÏ IS THE lLM S $IANA 2OSS REPLACING THE DISTINC TIVE VOICE OF %FlE 7HITE *ENNIFER (UDSON AS THE LEAD OF THE GROUP IN A BID TO APPEAL TO THE MASS AUDI
#INEFILE 7HAT (OW CAN THIS lLM BE A CLASSIC WHEN IT S ONLY A FEW YEARS OLD .O NOT THE 'EORGE #LOONEY ONE THE CLASSIC S HEIST lLM STAR RING lVE OF THE FAMOUS 2AT 0ACK &RANK 3INATRA $EAN -ARTIN 3AM MY $AVIS *R *OEY "ISHOP AND 0E TER ,AWFORD 4HEY PLAY A BAND OF EX SOLDIERS WHO REGROUP YEARS AFTER THE WAR UNDER THE LEADERSHIP OF GAMBLING MAN $ANNY /CEAN 3INATRA (IS PLAN 4O PULL OFF THE GREATEST HEIST IN HISTORY ROBBING lVE ,AS 6EGAS CASINOS AT ONCE ON .EW 9EAR S %VE 3OUNDS INTERESTING BUT ISN T THE MODERN ONE WAY BETTER -OST WOULD lND IT HARD PRESSED TO SAY WHICH IS BETTER BECAUSE THE lLMS ARE SO VASTLY DIFFERENT 4HE ORIGINAL IS MILES AWAY FROM THE #LOONEY 3ODERBERGH REMAKE WITH ONLY THE PREMISE AND MAIN CHAR
ENCE 4HE lLM FOLLOWS THEIR RISE TO SUCCESS THANKS TO THE HELP OF #URTIS 4AYLOR *R *AMIE &OXX THE EX #A DILLAC SALESMAN TURNED MUSICAL EN TREPRENEUR WHO FORCES BLACK MUSIC TO THE MAINSTREAM THROUGH COM MERCIALISATION AND WHO IS BASED ON THE SUCCESSFUL FOUNDER OF -O TOWN "ERRY 'ORDY *R %FlE IS BASED
ON &LORENCE "ALLARD THE ORIGINAL MEMBER OF 4HE 3UPREMES WHO WAS REPLACED BY $IANA 2OSS A MORE AT TRACTIVE AND FASHIONABLE FRONTWOM AN TO APPEAL TO A MASS AUDIENCE &ROM THE START OF THE lLM IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO DENY *ENNIFER (UD SON S SHOW STEALING PERFORMANCE AS %FlE 7HITE WITH HER PASSIONATE AND POWERFUL SOUL VOICE %ARNING HERSELF AN UNPRECEDENTED 'OLDEN 'LOBE AND /SCAR .OMINATION FOR "EST 3UPPORTING !CTRESS (UDSON MAKES UP FOR COMING NINTH IN THE THIRD SEASON OF !MERICAN )DOL A DE PARTURE THAT SPARKED CONTROVERSY IN THE 53! WHERE THE THREE LOWEST SCOR ERS WERE !FRICAN !MERICAN WOMEN (UDSON S PASSIONATE PORTRAYAL OF THE TRAGIC %FlE OUTSHINES THE SUR PRISINGLY MORE DEMURE PERFORM ANCE BY "EYONCÏ AS $EENA *ONES 4HE MUSICAL PERFORMANCES OF THESE TWO LEADS DRIVE THE lLM THROUGH 4HE $REAMS CAREER SUPPORTED BY THE EXCELLENT ACTING ABILITIES POR TRAYED BY BOTH !NOTHER COMMEND ABLE PERFORMANCE IS %DDIE -URPHY AS THE DESPICABLE *IMMY %ARLY 2AY BASED LOOSELY AROUND A COMBINA TION OF *AMES "ROWN -ARVIN 'AYE AND *ACKIE 7ILSON WHO BECOMES A TRAGIC VICTIM TO THE COMMER CIALISATION OF 2 " IN THE S 4HE
THE EVENT
,YDIA -OSSAHEBI
/CEAN S %LEVEN
ACTER REMAINING THE SAME -ODERN AUDIENCES EXPECT MORE HIGH mYING EXCITEMENT SO IT IS NO SURPRISE THAT MANY GET BORED WITH THE ORIGINAL (OWEVER IT HAS A LOT TO OFFER 4HE 2AT 0ACK VERSION IS LIKE STEPPING INTO A TIME CAPSULE WHERE YOU REAL LY GET A FEEL FOR WHAT 6EGAS WAS LIKE IN THOSE TIMES )T S A GLITZY WORLD FULL OF CODES OF CONDUCT AND DARK SHADY DEALINGS )T IS NOT A PLACE FOR FAMILIES AND CHILDREN IN THE WAY IT S OFTEN VIEWED TODAY "UT THERE ARE NO SPECIAL EFFECTS OR COOL ACROBATICS 2EMEMBER THERE WERE NO HIGH TECH CASINO CAMERAS TO CATCH THEIR EVERY MOVE AND NO MOTION SEN SOR mOOR DETECTORS TO GET ROUND SO THERE WASN T MUCH NEED FOR SCRAMBLING MACHINES OR BALANC ING ACTS "UT WHAT THE lLM LACKS IN MODERN GADETRY IT MAKES UP FOR IN SUAVE AND SOPHISTICATION )T IS
COMPLEX POLITICAL ATMOSPHERE IN S #HICAGO IS BRIEmY REFERENCED IN THE lLM WITH A BIZARRE SCENE IN WHICH 4HE $REAMS ARE RECORDING IN THE STUDIO AND APPEAR STUNNED WHEN THEY NOTICE THE RACE RIOTS ON THE STREETS (OWEVER THE @BLANDI lCATION OF BLACK MUSIC IS REPRE SENTED IN MORE DEPTH SHOWING THE PROBLEMS FACED BY BLACK ARTISTS IN THE S AND THEIR MUSIC WHICH WAS OFTEN ADOPTED BY WHITE ART ISTS TO MAKE THE MUSIC SUCCESSFUL 4HE PROBLEM WITH THE lLM IS AN ISSUE THAT AFFECTS MANY MODERN MUSICALS THAT THE NARRATIVE SONGS DRIVING THE STORY FEEL RIDICULOUS AND DISTRACTING $IRECTOR #ONDON WAS THE MAN ALSO RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ADAPTATION OF #HICAGO WHICH CAME ACROSS THE SAME PROBLEM OF HOW TO CREATE THE MODERN MUSICAL 5NFORTUNATELY $REAMGIRLS FAILS TO MAKE THIS TRANSITION 7HERE -OU LIN 2OUGE SHOWED HOW IT COULD BE DONE $REAMGIRLS IS FAR TOO REAL ISTIC AND NOT STYLISED ENOUGH TO MAKE THESE MOMENTS SEAMLESS 4HESE SONGS SPOIL THE lLM WHICH COULD HAVE WORKED SO MUCH BET TER AS A BIOPIC IN THE STYLE OF THE SUCCESSFUL 2AY OR 7ALK THE ,INE
/CEAN S
SOMETHING AMAZING TO SEE THESE GUYS TOGETHER EVEN IF LARGELY FOR NOSTALGIA REASONS -UCH LIKE HOW #LOONEY $AMON AND 0ITT INTER ACT IT IS THE CHEMISTRY WHICH MAKE /CEAN S %LEVEN A GREAT lLM 4HERE IS A BIT OF GADGETRY WHEN THE GUYS USE
INFRA RED PAINT TRAILS TO LEAD THEM TO THE CASH BUT LARGELY THE MEN RELY ON WITS AND CHARISMA TO GET TO THEIR GOAL )T S EASY TO SEE WHY THESE GUYS HAD SUCH AN IMPACT AND INmUENCE IN THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY SINCE THEY OOZE CHARM
7ITH A SERIOUS PLOT DASHED WITH SMALL GEMS OF HUMOUR AND A LITTLE BIT OF SINGING FROM 3AMMY $AVIS *R IT IS UNDOUBTEDLY ONE OF THE COOLEST lLMS OF THE 6EGAS GOLDEN AGE .ATASHA +UNDAIKER
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/THER 3CREENS
'RIDIRON 'ANG $IR 0HIL *OANOU 2ELEASED $WAYNE h4HE 2OCKv *OHNSON IS TRYING HIS HAND AT @REAL ACTING THIS REQUIRES HIM TO BE ON SCREEN FOR MORE THAN lVE MINUTES WITHOUT TOMAHAWKING SOMEONE AND HE S NOT TOO BAD AT ALL (E STARS AS 3EAN
0ORTER COUNSELLOR OF A JUVENILE DETENTION CENTRE TRYING TO KEEP KIDS OFF THE STREET .OT THE MOST ORIGINAL PLOT BUT GIVEN A FASCINATING EDGE BY THE FACT THAT THE INMATES ARE AND YEAR OLD MURDERERS RAPISTS AND ROBBERS )T S BASED ON A TRUE STORY IN WHICH 0ORTER TRIES TO INSTALL A SENSE OF BELONGING AND MERIT BY FORMING AN !MERICAN FOOTBALL TEAM WITH THE KIDS )T S A TIMELY RELEASE
WITH THE RECENT 3UPERBOWL BUT NO UNDERSTANDING OF THE SPORT IS REQUIRED TO ENJOY AND REmECT UPON THE CONTENT 4HE lLM STARTS OUT AS A HARD HITTING DRAMA IN WHICH *OANOU PROBES THE AUDIENCE INTO DECIDING WHETHER OR NOT THEY SHOULD BE EMPATHISING WITH CRIMINALS AND DELINQUENTS BUT IN EQUAL MEASURE SUGGESTING THAT EVERYONE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE 5NFORTUNATELY THIS GRIPPING lRST HOUR SLIDES AWAY INTO JUST ANOTHER SPORTS lLM WHERE MANY OF THE INDIVIDUAL AND LARGELY TOUCHING STORIES OF KEY MEMBERS OF THE CENTRE ARE PASSED OVER TO CONCENTRATE ON THE TEAM S EXPLOITS 4HE ENDING IS UNREALISTIC AND PREDICTABLE BUT SAVED BY A lNE PERFORMANCE FROM *OHNSON THAT ADDS ENOUGH CREDIBILITY TO MAINTAIN INTEREST THROUGHOUT ! PROMISING TURN IN HIS lLM CAREER LET S JUST HOPE HE DOESN T GO ALL (ULK (OGAN +IERAN #ORNWELL
CHILDREN AND WITH A @BOURGEOIS BOHEMIAN SENSE OF PRIVILEGE "AR BARA S OPPORTUNITY COMES AFTER SHE ACCIDENTALLY WITNESSES 3HEBA WITH 9EAR BOY 3TEVEN #ONNOLLY !N DREW 3IMPSON AND SHE REALISES SHE CAN NOW COMPLETELY CONTROL 3HEBA S AFFECTIONS EMOTIONALLY BLACKMAIL ING HER INTO SPENDING EVERY SECOND WITH HER ALL THE TIME WRITING IN HER DIARY ABOUT HER FANTASIES OF A LIFE ALONE WITH HER 4HE STORY IS NEVER PREDICTABLE AND IS CONSISTENTLY DARKLY COMIC
AND CREEPY AT THE SAME TIME WHILE THE PERFORMANCES ARE STUNNINGLY ACCURATE AND DISTURBING #ATE "LAN CHETT IS AMAZING AND "ILL .IGHY AS 3HEBA S MUCH OLDER HUSBAND IS ON FORM AS WELL ESPECIALLY WHEN HE CONFRONTS 3HEBA ON "ARBARA S CON STANT PRESENCE IN THEIR HOME OR ON FAMILY OUTINGS "UT *UDI $ENCH IS THE REAL STAR MANAGING TO BE EFFEC TIVELY ACID TONGUED AND EVEN SLIGHT LY SYMPATHETIC AS THE DANGEROUSLY POSSESSIVE "ARBARA +IERA / "RIEN
.OTES ON A 3CANDAL $IR 2ICHARD %YRE 2ELEASED "ASED ON THE AWARD WINNING NOVEL BY :OÑ (ELLER .OTES ON A 3CANDAL IS ABOUT A TEACHER S ILLICIT AFFAIR WITH ONE OF HER lFTEEN YEAR OLD PUPILS AND IS SHOWN FROM AN OUTSIDER S VIEW THROUGH HER DIARY ENTRIES )T THEN BECOMES A STUDY OF TRUST AND OBSSESSIVENESS IN FEMALE FRIEND SHIPS AND THE POWER OF INFORMATION SOMEONE CAN HOLD OVER ANOTHER "ARBARA #OVETT *UDI $ENCH IS IN HER EARLY SIXTIES AND TEACHES AT A ,ONDON SECONDARY SCHOOL WHERE SHE BEFRIENDS mIGHTY ART TEACHER 3HEBA (ART #ATE "LANCHETT AND QUICKLY BECOMES DESPERATE TO BE COME HER ONLY CONlDANTE 3HEBA IS EVERYTHING "ARBARA ISN T YOUNG BLONDE HAPPILY MARRIED WITH TWO
(ANNIBAL 2ISING $IR 0ETER 7EBBER 2ELEASED !S A STANDALONE lLM (ANNIBAL 2ISING IS NOTHING SPECIAL )T S ENTERTAINING WITHOUT REALLY ASKING MUCH OF THE VIEWER )N THE CONTEXT OF THE FRANCHISE HOWEVER THIS PRE PREQUEL SETS OUT TO hSEE HOW IT ALL BEGANv AND IT MAKES A DECENT ENOUGH EFFORT 'ASPARD 5LLIEL GIVES
AN ENTHRALLING PERFORMANCE AS (ANNIBAL ,ECTER IN HIS LATE TEENS APTLY MIMICKING THE UNBLINKING (OPKINS STARE FROM 4HE 3ILENCE OF 4HE ,AMBS !LTHOUGH THE lLM OPENS WITH A GOOD SENSE OF MOMENTUM WHERE THE CLIMACTIC ATROCITY AGAINST ,ECTER S YOUNGER SISTER COALESCES HIS MOTIVES INTO AN ALBEIT HACKNEYED REVENGE TRAJECTORY THERE IS A SENSE THAT IT STAGNATES SOMEWHAT ONCE HIS VICTIMS HAVE BEEN IDENTIlED AND HIS SEARCH FOR THEM BEGINS !LONG WITH
THIS SENSE OF LAZY WRITING MANY OF THE CHARACTERS SEEM SUPERmUOUS AND DISTINCTLY ONE DIMENSIONAL 5NLIKE 3ILENCE (ANNIBAL 2ISING LACKS A FOIL TO ,ECTER S MADNESS A #LARICE 3TARLING TO THE ENIGMA OF THE PSYCHOPATH )NSTEAD WE ARE PRESENTED WITH A RATHER ANAEMIC &RENCH INSPECTOR AS WELL AS AN ARRAY OF CARTOONISH @BAD GUYS 4HE PSYCHOLOGICAL MIND GAMES AND CONCEITS OF 3ILENCE ARE NONEXISTENT YET DESPITE THESE DRAWBACKS AND EVEN WITH THE MASTER WORK IN MIND (ANNIBAL 2ISING STILL MANAGES TO SATISFY A VOYEURISTIC DESIRE TO ENTER THE MIND OF (OLLYWOOD S MOST SINISTER ANTI HERO 9ES IT LACKS THE lNESSE AND COMPELLING TWISTS OF 3ILENCE BUT IT IS NONETHELESS AN ENJOYABLE MOVIE WITH A CHARISMATIC LEAD ROLE AND A SENSE OF IRONY THAT IS THE DElNITION OF (ANNIBAL ,ECTER "RENDAN !PPLETON
-USIC AND ,YRICS $IR -ARC ,AWRENCE 2ELEASED !ROUND THIS TIME OF YEAR THERE ARE USUALLY TWO TYPES OF lLMS OUT IN THE CINEMAS THE /SCAR NOMS LIKE "LOOD $IAMOND AND "ABEL AND THE ROM COMS -USIC AND ,YRICS IS AN EXAMPLE OF THE LATTER CATEGORY !LEX &LETCHER (UGH 'RANT IS A WASHED UP POP STAR WHO S BEEN REDUCED TO WORKING THE NOSTALGIA CIRCUIT AT FAIRS AND AMUSEMENT PARKS !S A WAY TO MAKE A COMEBACK INTO THE MUSIC INDUSTRY !LEX IS INVITED BY REIGNING TEEN DIVA #ORA #ORMAN TO WRITE AND RECORD A DUET WITH HER 4HERE S JUST ONE PROBLEM !LEX HASN T WRITTEN IN YEARS AND HE HAS TO COME UP WITH A SMASH HIT SONG IN A FEW DAYS "Y CHANCE !LEX lNDS OUT HIS QUIRKY PLANT LADY 3OPHIE &ISHER PLAYED BY THE CHARISMATIC $REW "ARRYMORE HAS A HIDDEN TALENT FOR
#OMING OUT ON THE ND OF -ARCH 4HE )LLUSIONIST IS IS AN !CADEMY !WARD NOMINATED DRAMA STARRING %D .ORTON *ESSICA "IEL AND 0AUL 'IAMATTI )T FOLLOWS THE EFFORTS OF MAGICIAN %ISENHEIM AS HE ATTEMPTS TO FREE HIS SECRET LOVER FROM HER ENGAGEMENT TO THE JEALOUS #ROWN 0RINCE OF !USTRIA 4HE %VENT HAS BEEN FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO RECEIVE FREE TICKETS TO A PREVIEW SCREENING FROM THE DISTRIBUTOR -OMENTUM 0ICTURES 4HIS SHOWING WILL BE AT THE .ORWICH /DEON ON 4UESDAY TH &EBRUARY AT PM 'ETTING THESE TICKETS IS SIMPLE ,OG ON TO WWW
SONG WRITING AND HE ENDEAVOURS TO GET HER HELP IN WRITING THE SONG THAT WILL MAKE HIM FAMOUS ONCE MORE -USIC AND ,YRICS lTS WELL INTO THE FORMULAIC STORY THAT IS THE ROM COM 4HERE ARE SOME TOUCHING MOMENTS FOLLOWED BY THE WILL THEY WON T THEY QUESTIONING AND THEN THE EVENTUAL RESOLUTION WHEREBY OUR COUPLE END UP TOGETHER AT LAST &OR THOSE WHO DESPISE THE GENRE -USIC AND ,YRICS WOULD BE LIKE A TRIP TO THE DENTIST UNCOMFORTABLE AND HOPEFULLY BRIEF "UT IF YOU LIKE THE ROM COM IT IS A PLEASANT MOVIE THAT WILL HAVE YOU LOVED UP AND SMILING INTENTLY BY THE END )T COULD HAVE BEEN A LOT WORSE 3OMETHING S 'OTTA 'IVE SPRINGS TO MIND (OWEVER THE PLOT ISN T TOO FAR FETCHED AND 'RANT AND "ARRYMORE MANAGE TO HOLD THE AUDIENCE IN THEIR GRASP AS LIKEABLE CHARACTERS WHOM YOU CANNOT HELP BUT ROOT FOR ! HEART WARMING TALE OF ROMANCE IN THE MODERN AGE THAT IS PERFECT FOR ANY 6ALENTINES COUPLES .ATASHA +UNDAIKER
MOMENTUMSCREENINGS CO UK AND FOLLOW THE ON SCREEN INSTRUCTIONS BY ENTERING YOUR DETAILS AND THE PROMOTIONAL CODE -%$), 3ELECT YOUR CHOSEN CINEMA AND IF TICKETS ARE AVAILABLE YOU WILL RECEIVE A CONlRMATION EMAIL WITHIN HOURS PRINT THIS OUT AND BRING IT ALONG WITH YOU TO THE SCREENING 4HIS lLM IS A 0' AND HAS A RUNNING TIME OF MINUTES 4HERE ARE ONLY TICKETS AVAILABLE SO BE QUICK OR THEY MAY DISAPPEAR IN FRONT OF YOUR VERY EYES
THE EVENT
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$6$ &EATURE
4HE $EPARTED
$IR -ARTIN 3CORSESE
2ELEASED %NTERTAINMENT )N 6IDEO 4HE $EPARTED
4HE $EPARTED PROMISES SOME TENSE AND DEVASTATING SCENES WITH ,EONARDO $I#APRIO AND -ATT $AMON FRONTING A CAST OF STAR PERFORMERS ALL FAMILIAR TO THE GANGSTER GENRE AND DIRECTED BY THE EQUALLY EXPERIENCED -ARTIN 3CORSESE 4HE lLM IS BASED AROUND
THE PARALLEL WORLDS OF AN )RISH !MERICAN -AlA GANG AND A CORRUPT -ASSACHUSETTS STATE POLICE 3USPENSE BUILDS AS THE OPPOSING CHARACTERS OF #OSTIGAN $I#APRIO AND 3ULLIVAN $AMON FACE THEIR TRUE IDENTITIES BEING REVEALED #OSTIGAN A NEWLY
GRADUATED RECRUIT OF THE @3TATIES@ WITH A CRIMINAL BACKGROUND IN HIS FAMILY IS ASSIGNED BY HIS CHIEF -ARTIN 3HEEN TO CREATE AN UNDERWORLD IDENTITY FOR HIMSELF &IRST CONVICTED OF ASSAULT HE THEN BECOMES INVOLVED WITH HIS COUSIN S DRUG DEALING IN ORDER TO
BE RECRUITED INTO THE INNER CIRCLE OF GANG LEADER #OSTELLO *ACK .ICHOLSON 3ULLIVAN HAVING BEEN GROOMED FOR #OSTELLO S GANG ALL HIS LIFE ALSO GRADUATES FROM THE 3TATE POLICE AND RISES IN THE RANKS GAINING POWER AND INFORMATION FOR HIS ROLE AS #OSTELLO S INSIDE INFORMER 4HE PATHS OF THE TWO OPPOSING MOLES BECOME MORE AND MORE ENTANGLED CREATING AN INTERESTING IRONY AS THE DISTINCTION BETWEEN CRIMINAL AND POLICE OFlCER IS INCREASINGLY BLURRED "OTH CHARACTERS LATCH ONTO THEIR RESPECTIVE FATHER lGURES TO PROVIDE THEMSELVES WITH A SENSE OF BELONGING YET THE AUDIENCE SYMPATHY BELONGS TO #OSTIGAN WHO CHOOSES A RESPECTABLE LIFE IN THE POLICE BUT FACES THE HARDER CHALLENGE HAVING TO PROVE HIS TRUE DEDICATION TO THE FORCE WHILE ENDURING THE THREATS AND VIOLENCE OF THE MAlA LIFE -EANWHILE 3ULLIVAN IS GIVEN HIS BREAKS EASILY GAINING THE POWER AND WEALTH OF
A HIGH POSITION ON THE FORCE YET MAINTAINING THE STATUS OF #OSTELLO S ALLEGIANCE ! RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN 3ULLIVAN AND CRIMINAL PSYCHIATRIST -ADOLYN -ADDEN 6ERA &ORMIGA IS COMPLICATED BY HER AFFAIR WITH #OSTIGAN WHICH IN THEIR SHARED VULNERABILITY THAT $I#APRIO PLAYS SO WELL BRINGS A SMALL WINDOW OF COMPASSION TO THE BRUTALITY OF THIS CRIMINAL WORLD 4HE CONCLUSION MAKES A DILUTED IMPRESSION OVERALL OTHER THAN PERHAPS A REALISTICALLY BLEAK VIEW OF THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN CRIME AND THE FORCES COMBATING IT 4HE AUDIENCE FEELS DETACHED WITH AN OVERWHELMING EXCHANGE OF GUN VIOLENCE IN THE lNAL SCENES MEANING THE GREATEST IMPACT COMES FROM 7AHLBERG S /SCAR NOMINATED PERFORMANCE AS THE UNSYMPATHETIC CHARACTER OF 3ERGEANT $IGNAM WHO IS REVEALED AS AN UNLIKELY SAVIOUR DEALING A RARE AND FORCEFUL SENSE OF JUSTICE TO THE STORY %MMA &EATHERSTONE
$6$ 2ELEASES 4HE $EVIL 7EARS 0RADA $IR $AVID &RANKEL 2ELEASED TH #ENTURY &OX (OME %NTERTAINMENT 4HE $EVIL 7EARS 0RADA RECREATES ,AU REN 7EISBERGER S NOVEL BASED UPON HER EARLY EXPERIENCE OF WORKING AT 6OGUE 0SEUDO !NNA 7INTOUR -ER YL 3TREEP PLAYS THE CAREER DRIVEN AND SEEMINGLY RUTHLESS EDITOR OF 2UNWAY MAGAZINE -IRANDA 0RIESTLY (ER PERFORMANCE IS COMMENDABLE AND IS SUPPORTED WELL BY 3TANLEY 4UCCI AS HER DEDICATED EMPLOYEE
.IGEL !NNE (ATHAWAY IS 0RIESTLY S MISlT ASSISTANT !NDY 3ACHS A GRAD UATE WITH AN INTEREST IN JOURNALISM YET NONE IN FASHION 4HE CONmICT BETWEEN PERSONAL AND PROFESSIONAL OBLIGATIONS IS PORTRAYED AS 3ACHS EXTERNAL RELATIONSHIPS BEGIN TO SUF FER (ER INEVITABLE TRANSFORMATION IS REMINISCENT OF (ATHAWAY S LESS MATURE ROLE IN 4HE 0RINCESS $IARIES $ESPITE DIRECTOR $AVID &RANKEL S MORALISTIC AND ADMITTEDLY PRE DICTABLE CONCLUSION THE lLM HAS ENOUGH REDEEMING FEATURES TO BE AN OVERALL SUCCESS )T IS SHREWDLY SATIRICAL OFTEN ENTERTAINING AND ONLY IN PARTS FORMULAIC 6IMBAI -UKWENHA
4HE $EVIL 7EARS 0RADA
THE EVENT
6OLVER
6OLVER
$IR 0EDRO !LMODOVAR 2ELEASED TH #ENTURY &OX (OME %NTERTAINMENT )N 6OLVER WE FOLLOW THE INTERLINKED LIVES OF SEVERAL WOMEN IN DIFFERENT GENERATIONS CREATING A VERY FEMININE STORY THAT IS BOTH TOUCHING AND GENUINELY INTERESTING !S 0ENÏLOPE #RUZ S 2AIMUNDA DEALS WITH THE PROBLEMS OF HER UNAPPRECIATIVE AND LAZY HUSBAND WHILST BRINGING HOME THE BACON WE LOOK AT OTHER GENERATIONS OF HER FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND THEIR OWN COMPLEX PROBLEMS 3ET IN ANYTOWN IN 3PAIN THERE ARE HEAVY MOMENTS WHICH CAN GET DEPRESSING DEALING WITH SEXUAL ASSAULTS AND LONELY WOMEN BUT ULTIMATELY THE lLM HAS AN UPLIFTING MESSAGE OF FREEDOM REINFORCED BY #ARMEN -AURA S )RENE A SURPRISINGLY INNOCENT AND CHEERFUL CHARACTER AMONGST ALL THIS MESS 4HIS SENSE OF HOPE THAT THE lLM MANAGES TO CREATE OUT OF SUCH A BLEAK SITUATION MAKES 6OLVER THOROUGHLY ENJOYABLE !NDY *UDSON
#LERKS )) $IR +EVIN 3MITH 2ELEASED 0ARAMOUNT (OME %NTERTAINMENT 4WELVE YEARS AFTER THE RELEASE OF THE ORIGINAL #LERKS +EVIN 3MITH lNALLY GETS ROUND TO MAKING A SEQUEL TO SHOW US WHAT HAPPENED TO 2ANDAL AND $ANTE IN THE LAST DECADE 4HE ANSWER .OT A LOT 4HE lLM OPENS WITH THE BELOVED 1UICK 3TOP STORE THE CENTRE OF THE ORIGINAL BURNING DOWN MEANING THE PAIR HAVE TO lND NEW JOBS #UE THEIR GETTING A JOB AT -C$ONALDS A LIKE -OOBY S THUS TRANSFERRING PRETTY MUCH ALL THE SAME JOKES AND SET
UP TO A DIFFERENT ENVIRONMENT !ND THEREIN PERHAPS LIES THE PROBLEM IT S SIMPLY MORE OF THE SAME 7HILE THIS MAY NOT BE A BAD THING AS NOBODY CAN DENY #LERKS BRILLIANCE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE INTERESTING TO SEE SOMETHING ELSE HAPPEN TO THE CHARACTERS )T S ALSO NOTEWORTHY THAT 3MITH HAS MADE THE lLM IN COLOUR THIS TIME AROUND AND MADE THE SCRIPT MORE MASS AUDIENCE FRIENDLY SELLING HIS ONCE PRECIOUS SOUL TO THE CORPORATE (OLLYWOOD MACHINE SURELY UNDERMINES THE CONCEPTS OF STICKING IT TO THE MAN THAT #LERKS EXPLORES .EVERTHELESS IT S ALL GOOD FUN HARDCORE 6IEW !SKEWNIVERSE FANS MIGHT BE BETTER OFF WITH THEIR #LERKS TH ANNIVERSARY $6$S HOWEVER #HRIS (YDE
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HEN IT COMES TO (OLLYWOOD OR POLITICS FOR THAT MATTER THERE ARE FEW CHARACTERS AS INTERESTING AS !RNOLD 3CHWARZENEGGER )NDEED THERE ARE FEW CHARACTERS WHO CAN BOAST HAVING ACHIEVED WORLDWIDE RECOGNITION IN THREE VERY DIFFERENT CAREERS n AS A BODY BUILDER AN ACTOR AND MOST RECENTLY THE GOVERNOR OF #ALIFORNIA #ONSTANTLY SLATED FOR HIS OUTRAGEOUSLY RIGHT WING VIEWS AS 'OVERNOR AS WELL AS HIS SHALLOW AND MONOTONE ACTING ROLES !RNIE HAS RARELY BEEN PRAISED IN THE PRESS (IS BACKGROUND LIKEWISE HAS DONE NOTHING TO HELP HIS PROGRESSION &INDING HIS FIRST ACTING ROLES BECAUSE OF HIS BODY BUILDING FAME !RNIE HAS NEVER RECOVERED FROM THE TOUGH MAN PERSONA HE BECAME ASSOCIATED WITH ,IKEWISE WHILE RUNNING FOR 'OVERNOR OF #ALIFORNIA !RNIE FOUND HIMSELF UNABLE TO ESCAPE FROM HIS PAST n TO THIS DAY HIS VICTORY IS STILL CREDITED TO HIS MOVIE STAR FAME "UT !RNIE HAS NEVER LET HIS BACKGROUND GET IN HIS WAY $ESPITE HAVING DIFFICULTIES BREAKING INTO ACTING BECAUSE OF HIS STRONG ACCENT AND LONG SURNAME 3CHWARZENEGGER BROKE INTO (OLLYWOOD IN THE PRODUCTION (ERCULES IN .EW 9ORK #REDITED AS !RNOLD 3TRONG WITH ALL HIS LINES DUBBED !RNIE MADE HIS FIRST STEP TOWARDS A LONG AND
!RNIE HAS BROUGHT WITH HIM A GOVERNING STYLE HEAVILY INmUENCED BY HIS (OLLYWOOD DAYS
COMMERCIALLY SUCCESSFUL ACTING CAREER !RNOLD HAS SINCE PUT HIS FAME TO GOOD USE $URING HIS CAMPAIGN TO BECOME 'OVERNOR HIS EXPLOITATION OF HIS MOVIE STAR BACKGROUND h) WILL TERMINATE THE OPPOSITIONv MEANT HE DOMINATED NEWS COVERAGE OVER HIS RIVALS !RRIVING IN !MERICA IN AGED JUST BARELY ABLE TO SPEAK %NGLISH AND WITH LITTLE TO HIS NAME 3CHWARZENEGGER SET ABOUT FORGING A BODY BUILDING CAREER 3IX YEARS LATER !RNIE HAD BEEN CROWNED -R 5NIVERSE IN BOTH .EW 9ORK AND -IAMI -R /LYMPIA ON THREE OCCASIONS IN .EW 9ORK AND -R 7ORLD IN /HIO 4HE MODEL OF THE !MERICAN $REAM AND A PEOPLE S HERO !RNIE SUCCEEDED IN CONQUERING !MERICA DESPITE HAVING STARTED WITH SO LITTLE (AVING BROKEN INTO (OLLYWOOD 3CHWARZENEGGER WAS PROLIFIC IN THE ACTION GENRE ESTABLISHING HIMSELF AS ONE OF THE MOST SOUGHT AFTER TALENTS IN (OLLYWOOD "UT AS HE BECAME MORE AND MORE TYPE CAST !RNIE DECIDED HE WOULD TRY AND MAKE THE TRANSITION INTO OTHER GENRES IN A BID TO BE TAKEN AS A SERIOUS AND WELL RESPECTED ACTOR 5NFORTUNATELY SOME OF THE ALTERNATIVE FILMS HE STARRED IN WERE 4WINS AND +INDERGARTEN #OP (IS UNSUCCESSFUL ATTEMPT TO ADD ANOTHER DIMENSION TO HIMSELF DID NOT HOWEVER TAINT HIS REPUTATION AS A LEADING ACTION FRONT MAN 4HERE IS MUCH MORE DEPTH TO
!RNOLD 3CHWARZENEGGER THAN THE FIGURE CONCEIVED IN THE MEDIA (E MAY HAVE BEEN FORTUNATE TO ACHIEVE SO MUCH WITH HIS QUESTIONABLE ACTING SKILLS BUT CREDIT TO !RNIE &EW PEOPLE CAN FORGE A CAREER WITH APPARENTLY SO LITTLE RELEVANT QUALITIES BUT HE DID JUST THAT 5NKNOWN TO MOST IS THAT !RNIE WAS A MILLIONAIRE BEFORE HE EVEN BROKE INTO ACTING "EHIND HIS CHISELED FEATURES AND OFTEN BLANK EXPRESSION LIES A CALCULATING BUSINESS MIND (AVING AMASSED CAPITAL FROM HIS BODYBUILDING COMPETITIONS 3CHWARZENEGGER INVESTED HEAVILY IN DEVELOPING ENTERPRISE AND MADE A FORTUNE (E HAS CONTINUED TO PUMP HIS EARNINGS INTO UPCOMING BUSINESSES OVER HIS CAREER AND HAS DONE SO SUCCESSFULLY FOR THE MOST PART 4AKING INTO ACCOUNT HIS FINANCIAL ASSETS HIS ESTIMATED NET WORTH TODAY IS AN ASTONISHING MILLION "OASTING BUSINESS MUSCLE AS WELL AS HIS AWARD WINNING POSTERIOR !RNIE CONTINUES TO PROVE HE IS MORE THAN YOUR AVERAGE DUMB ACTOR -ANY BELIEVED HE WOULDN T LAST IN POLITICS BUT OTHER THAN OCCASIONALLY SHOCKING THE PUBLIC WITH HIS RIGHT WING OFTEN SEXIST COMMENTS h OF THE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD NEED TO BE TOLD WHAT TO DO AND HOW TO BEHAVEv HE HAS REMAINED EVER POPULAR (OLDING AN UNUSUAL OUTLOOK n RIGHT WING BUT WITH LIBERAL VIEWS ON GAY RIGHTS GUNS AND THE ENVIRONMENT HE HAS EVEN SUCCEEDED IN WORKING WITH 4ONY "LAIR TO COMBAT GLOBAL WARMING 7ITH HIS PRESENCE IN !MERICAN POLITICS !RNIE HAS BROUGHT WITH HIM A GOVERNING STYLE HEAVILY INFLUENCED BY HIS (OLLYWOOD DAYS (AVING NOTORIOUSLY LABELED HIS $EMOCRAT OPPOSITION AS hGIRLIE MENv HE HAS INEVITABLY BEEN CONDEMNED FOR NOT TAKING HIS ROLE ENTIRELY SERIOUSLY (IS FLAMBOYANCE AND ECCENTRICITY IS NO FAIR REFLECTION UPON HIS ABILITY TO GOVERN THE STATE HOWEVER $ISTANCING HIMSELF FROM THE DIMINISHING RIGHT WING "USH ADMINISTRATION !RNIE HAS NOW FIRMLY ESTABLISHED HIMSELF WITHIN HIS POST n A POST MOST THOUGHT HE WOULD DEPART FROM HAVING SERVED HIS ONE TERM (OWEVER 3CHWARZENEGGER IS NOT THE SAINT HE PROJECTS %SPECIALLY DURING HIS RUN FOR 'OVERNOR NUMEROUS SCANDALOUS STORIES OF HIS PAST CAME BACK TO
HAUNT HIM /NE OF WHICH WAS A STORY IN ADULT MAGAZINE /UI IN WHICH HE FREELY ADMITS HAVING TAKEN STEROIDS SMOKED DOPE AND ENGAGED IN GROUP SEX WITH OTHER BODY BUILDERS /N THE SURFACE AT LEAST 3CHWARZENEGGER TODAY SEEMS REFORMED n HIS CLEAN CUT LOOK AND DEVOTION TO #HRISTIANITY MAY BE AN IMAGE BUT HE HAS DONE WELL TO CONVINCE THE PUBLIC THAT HE IS A NEW AND RESPECTABLE MAN ,IFE DOESN T END WITH BEING 'OVERNOR FOR !RNIE n THE BIG MAN WANTS THE WORLD 7HEN #"3 .EWS ASKED IF HE WANTED TO BE 0RESIDENT !RNIE REPLIED h9ES ABSOLUTELY 7ITH MY WAY OF THINKING YOU ALWAYS SHOOT FOR THE TOPv %X PRESIDENT 'EORGE "USH 3ENIOR HAS RECOGNIZED !RNIE S AMBITION h)N REGARD TO HIM EVER BEING 0RESIDENT OF THE 5NITED 3TATES DON T BET AGAINST !RNOLD 3CHWARZENEGGERv !LTHOUGH THE CONSTITUTION FORBIDS ANYONE NOT BORN ON !MERICAN SOIL FROM BECOMING 0RESIDENT RUMOURS ARE RIPE ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF AN AMENDMENT INDEED IN POLLS ON THIS ISSUE SOME OF !MERICANS WERE IN FAVOR OF SUCH A MOVE 3O WITH ALL OF !RNIE S POLITICAL ASPIRATIONS IS THERE ANY CHANCE OF HIM DITCHING THE SUIT AND AUTOCUE AND RETURNING TO THE BIG SCREEN !T THE MOMENT THE IDEA OF THE GOVERNOR OF #ALIFORNIA TAKING TIME OUT OF WORK TO APPEAR IN A BLOCKBUSTER WOULD BE TOO MUCH (AVING TROUNCED HIS RECENT OPPOSITION !RNIE HAS CLAIMED A SECOND TERM AND WILL REMAIN IN OFFICE TILL n SO IT LOOKS UNLIKELY THAT WE LL BE SEEING HIS RETURN TO ACTING ANY TIME SOON (OWEVER PLANS ARE WELL UNDERWAY FOR 4ERMINATOR !CCORDING TO PRODUCER -ARIO +ASSAR h4 HAS A SCRIPT AND ALL WE NEED IS !RNIE TO FINISH HIS TERM AND RETURN TO THE CAMERAv .O ONE WOULD BLAME !RNIE FOR TAKING A BREAK FROM HIS POLITICAL REIGN TO RETURN TO THE LAVISH RICH AND EASY LIFESTYLE OF THE MOVIE STAR ESPECIALLY GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO SEE THE KING OF ACTION IN HIS ELEMENT #URRENTLY THOUGH !RNIE REMAINS FOCUSED ON ONE THING h(E WAS JUST RE ELECTED HE HAS FOUR YEARS OF GOVERNING AHEAD OF HIM AND HE HASN T THOUGHT OF THE NEXT STEP YETv SAYS THE 'OVERNOR S /FFICE 3POKESMAN ,ETS HOPE HIS NEXT STEP IS EITHER PRESIDENCY OR A RETURN TO THE SCREEN AS EITHER WILL DO
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www.earth.google.com 7ARIO 7ARE 3MOOTH -OVES !VAILABLE NOW ON .INTENDO 7II ,ET S FACE IT THE 7II HASN T REALLY HAD A SMOOTH LANDING .INTENDO PROMISED THAT THEY D MAKE VIDEO GAMING FUN AGAIN n BUT HOW FUN WAS IT FOR THOSE WHO SPENT AN ARCTIC $ECEMBER NIGHT QUEUING UP IN THE HOPE OF GETTING THEIR HANDS ON ONE 4HE GAMES WE WERE ASSURED WOULD BE EASY TO PICK UP BUT IMPOSSIBLE TO PUT DOWN "UT WHAT GOOD WAS THAT WHEN THE MACHINE WAS JUST IMPOSSIBLE TO GET HOLD OF 4HE CONSOLE THEY SAID WOULD SPREAD SMILES THROUGHOUT THE LAND "UT TRY GETTING A LAUGH OUT OF THE POOR PUNTER WHO S JUST LAUNCHED HIS 7II REMOTE INTO HIS WIDESCREEN TELEVISION 3O THANK 'OD THEREFORE FOR 7ARIO 7ARE 3MOOTH -OVES /R TO MORE PRECISE THANK .INTENDO S MAVERICK GAMES GURU 3HIGERU -IYAMOTO n THE VIDEO GAMING WORLD S ANSWER TO 'OD 7HEN IT COMES TO GAMES THEY SAY THAT THE MAN HAS A -IDAS TOUCH 7HICH ISN T QUITE ACCURATE -IDAS COULD TURN THINGS INTO GOLD BUT WHAT USE IS THAT 2ICHES DON T BRING YOU HAPPINESS n BUT -IYAMOTO S TREASURES CERTAINLY DO !ND 3MOOTH -OVES IS A FANTASTIC EXAMPLE OF THIS !T ITS MOST BASIC IT S A DELICIOUSLY ENJOYABLE BUNDLE OF MINI GAMES %ACH GAME MAKES GREAT USE OF THE 7II 2EMOTE n THEY LL HAVE YOU SPINNING IT WAVING IT AND SHAKING IT
4HEY RE ECCENTRIC THEY RE ENCHANTING AT TIMES THEY RE A LITTLE DEHUMANISING h0LACE THE 7II 2EMOTE ON YOUR FOREHEAD LIKE AN ELEPHANT S TRUNK v "UT THEY RE GUARANTEED TO HAVE YOU SMILING "UT THE WIDEST SMILES OF ALL WILL BELONG TO THE .INTENDO FAITHFUL n THE GAME IS RICH WITH SPECIAL TREATS JUST FOR THEM -ANY OF THE MINI GAMES FEATURE CAMEO APPEARANCES FROM .INTENDO S YESTERYEAR DARLINGS 4HERE ARE LEVELS BASED ON -ARIO -ETROID AND :ELDA 4HERE REALLY ARE MORE APPEARANCES THAN YOU CAN SHAKE A STICK AT n QUITE LITERALLY IN SOME GAMES 4HERE ARE A FEW mAWS BUT THE REST OF THE GAME IS SO WONDERFULLY ENDEARING THAT YOU FEEL LIKE A SOUR FACED 3CROOGE FOR POINTING THEM OUT "UT HERE THEY ARE ANYWAY &OR A START THE MULTIPLAYER IS FAR FROM PERFECT )T S NOT AVAILABLE STRAIGHT AWAY n YOU HAVE TO SPEND TIME UNLOCKING IT WHICH IS A PAIN FOR WHAT IS ESSENTIALLY A PARTY GAME !ND WHEN YOU DO EACH PLAYER TAKES TURN TO USE A SINGLE 2EMOTE n AND THINGS GET A LITTLE lDDLY WITH THE WRIST STRAP )T WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER TO ACTUALLY LET INDIVIDUAL PLAYERS USE INDIVIDUAL 2EMOTES BUT ALAS "UT OVERALL 3MOOTH -OVES SHOWS JUST HOW GREAT THE 7II CAN AND WILL BE ONCE DEVELOPERS REALISE IT S FULL POTENTIAL )T MAY TAKE A WHILE FOR DEVELOPERS TO HARNESS
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WOULD APPEAL TO THE INNER HERO OF EVERY GAMER !S HE SIGNS UP FOR THE lGHT THE PLAYER MUST CHOOSE ONE OF THE TWO CHARACTERS 4HERE S HAIRGELLED HARD MAN #ODY n THE BASTARD LOVECHILD OF BEAUTY AND THE BEAST (E MAY LOOK LIKE A "ACKSTREET "OYS THROWBACK BUT HE lGHTS LIKE A 3AMURAI (IS CHARM IS INTOXICATING HIS AGILITY ASTOUNDING AND HIS POWER DEVASTATING /R FOR THOSE WHO PREFER A MORE HEAVYWEIGHT lGHTER THERE S (AGGAR n A (ERCULEAN HUNK WHOSE BACK STORY READS STRANGELY LIKE A PROPHETIC FORETELLING OF !RNOLD 3CHWARZENEGGER (E S A PRO WRESTLER TURNED POLITICIAN n A BRUTAL FORCE FOR JUSTICE /R THERE S SUPPORTING CHARACTER 'UY WHO ALSO
WHORES HIMSELF OUT FOR APPEARANCES IN THE 3TREET &IGHTER GAMES 7ITH SOME SORT OF STORY INVOLVING HIM BEING RELATED TO A *APANESE NINJA IT PROVIDED AN EXCUSE FOR #APCOM TO CRAM AS MANY NINJA CLICHÏS INTO THE GAME AS POSSIBLE !ND THE VILLAINS ARE JUST AS ENTERTAINING 4HERE IS A TRUNCHEON WIELDING CORRUPT COP WHO CHARTED LEVELS OF POLICE BRUTALITY THAT EVEN 2ICHARD ,ITTLEJOHN COULDN T CONDONE !ND A SCHIZOPHRENIC *AMAICAN GANGSTER WITH A mAMBOYANT DRESS SENSE A PERPETUAL SMILE AND A VOLCANIC TEMPER 5PON ITS CONSOLE RELEASE &INAL &IGHT HAD TO BATTLE TWO OTHER SCROLLING BEAT @EM UPS 4HERE WAS THE RELENTLESSLY REPETITIVE 3TREETS /F 2AGE n A GAME OFTEN WRONGLY IDENTIlED AS THE BEST OF THE THREE !ND $OUBLE $RAGON n A MADDENINGLY DIFlCULT BRUISER WHICH SPAWNED AN INlNITE NUMBER OF SEQUELS "UT &INAL &IGHT ALWAYS COMES OUT ON TOP 4HERE IS SOMETHING EXCEPTIONAL ABOUT IT !ND &INAL &IGHT LIKE ALL OF ITS CHARACTERS IS BRIMMING WITH PERSONALITY $ESPITE ITS TITLE THIS IS ONE GAME WHICH WILL NEVER THROW IN THE TOWEL
2OBERT *ACKMAN
THE FULL POTENTIAL OF THE 7II 2EMOTE BUT AS THIS CHARMING EFFORT SHOWS THEY RE GETTING THERE PRETTY QUICKLY !ND AS -IYAMOTO ONCE SAID @! DELAYED GAME IS EVENTUALLY GOOD BUT A BAD GAME IS BAD FOREVER 3O STAY PATIENT 2OBERT *ACKMAN
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4HERE S A a "ORDERS VOUCHER IN IT FOR YOU IF YOU CAN GET YOUR HEAD AROUND THESE PUZZLES "RING YOUR COMPLETED 3UDOKUS BE IT ONE OR MORE TO THE #ONCRETE OFlCE BY .AME %MAIL
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