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"LONDE !MBITION WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A BRUNETTE TURNS BLONDE $ETOX OR 2ETOX (OW TO COPE WITH THE POST #HRISTMAS GLUT
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)NTERVIEW WITH A 2ABBI UP CLOSE PERSONAL WITH ,IONEL "LUE ! PREVIEW OF THEATRE ARTS AND BOOKS OF
46
5GLY "ETTY 3UPERMAN AND $RACULA REVIEWED /UR HIGHLIGHTS OF S 46 LISTINGS
! SELECTION OF POETRY AND PROSE FROM THIS ISSUE S CONTRIBUTORS
#ENTRE &EATURE
7HEN YOU RE NOT TURNING TO 4HE %VENT FOR REVIEWS AND SUCH WHERE ELSE CAN YOU GO 7E SUGGEST THE BEST WEBSITES ON T INTERNET
!LBUMS "LOC 0ARTY SPEND A WEEKEND IN THE CITY PLUS 4HE "EATLES 'OLDEN 3OUNDS OF /UR FOUR FAVOURITE ALBUMS OF LAST YEAR .EW BANDS TO LOOK OUT FOR THIS YEAR ,IVE 2EVIEWS 4HE +OOKS AND WHO TO EXPECT AT 5%! THIS TERM
&ILM
,ISTINGS
#OMPUTING
"RAIN 4RAINING ON THE $3 REVIEWED AS WELL AS FOND REMINISCING 3MASH 46 AND WONDERMENT AT 7IKIPEDIA
THE EVENT
#HRIS %DITORIAL 7ELL HERE WE GO AGAIN !NOTHER TERM AT 5%! ONLY THIS TIME WE RE ALL FEELING THAT LITTLE BIT CHUBBIER AND BLOATED DUE TO THE ANNUAL #HRISTMAS GLUT OF ROAST TURKEY 1UALITY 3TREET AND #HRISTMAS PUDDING WITH CUSTARD 3O IF YOU RE ALREADY SICK OF WADDLING AROUND CAMPUS LIKE 2IK 7ALLER TURN TO THE FASHION PAGES IMMEDIATELY FOR TOP TIPS ON POST #HRISTMAS DETOX /R ALTERNATIVELY JOIN THE GYM AND START PUMPING SOME IRON /NE OR THE OTHER 4HE SPRING TERM IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE FOR A LOT OF US &OR THE FRESHERS YOU VE NOW SETTLED IN TO 5%! LIFE AND IT PROVIDES AN OPPORTUNITY FOR RESTING ON YOUR LAURELS AS WELL AS THE FUN AND FROLICS OF lNDING A HOUSE LATER IN THE TERM &OR THE SECOND YEARS IT MEANS ANOTHER TERM OF WORK THAT ACTUALLY COUNTS TOWARDS SOMETHING AT THE END !ND FOR THIRD YEARS LIKE ME THIS IS THE LAST TERM SPENT AT THE GLORIOUS INSTITUTE THAT IS 5%! )T S A LAST CHANCE TO DRINK YOUR FRIENDS UNDER THE TABLE IN PUBS A LAST BID TO SCRAPE A MAYBE THE LAST TIME YOU LL SEE SOME OF THE FRIENDS ON YOUR COURSE $EPRESS ING EH /H WELL AT LEAST WE HAVE &ACEBOOK TO CARRY ON COMMUNI CATING AFTER GRADUATION UNTIL THE INEVITABLE HAPPENS AND YOU SLOWLY DRIFT APART FROM THEM 3O ENOUGH OF MOROSE
!POCALYPTO AND THE CLASSIC (AIRSPRAY REVIEWED 7E LOOKED AT -ISS 0OTTER 0ERFUME AND 3MOKIN !CES #HILDREN OF -EN AND ,ITTLE -ISS 3UNSHINE ON $6$ 7HAT S HOT AND WHAT S NOT ON THE SILVER SCREEN IN
#REATIVE 7RITING
The!NNA 3TEWARD %DITOR IN #HIEF %DITOR #HRIS (YDE $EPUTY %DITOR &IONA "ILLINGS !RTS %DITORS 2OANNA "OND AND -IRANDA "RYANT #ONTRIBUTORS
-ATT 2AMSEY
#OMPUTING %DITOR 0HIL 2OBINSON #ONTRIBUTORS #HRIS (YDE 2OBERT *ACKMAN
THOUGHTS 7HAT ELSE IS IN THE NEW YEAR S EDITION OF 4HE %VENT 7ELL AS OUR FRONT COVER SUGGESTS WE RE FOCUSSING MAINLY ON WHAT TO EXPECT IN BE IT lLMS 46 SHOWS #$S OR THEATRE 4HERE S A LOT COMING UP THIS YEAR AND WE VE GOT THE lNEST 5%! JOURNALISTS COVERING IT ALL FOR YOU 4HIS IS OF COURSE ON TOP OF THE USUAL SLEW OF QUALITY REVIEWS AND WRITING 7HAT ELSE WOULD YOU EXPECT 3EE YOU IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS FOR THE NEXT EXCIT ING ISSUE
#HRIS
TWO COPIES OF THEIR NEW INTERACTIVE $6$ QUIZ TO GIVE AWAY 4O WIN ANSWER THIS VERY SIMPLE QUESTION )N THE 3PICE 'IRLS WHAT WAS 6ICTO RIA S NICKNAME A 0OSH 3PICE B 3COWLY 3PICE C 3KANKY 3PICE )N OUR SECOND COMPETITION WE HAVE A COPY OF THE $RACULA $6$ THAT WAS SHOWN ON ""# OVER THE FESTIVE PERIOD 4O BE IN WITH A CHANCE OF WINNING ANSWER THE FOLLOWING
#REATIVE 7RITING %DITOR )MAN 3ID
#ONTRIBUTORS .ATALIE "LACKMAN %DMUND 'ILLINGWATER 3TEPHEN (ALL &AY 3TRANG
&ASHION %DITOR 5MAY +ALSOOM $EPUTY &ASHION %DITOR #ARINA 2IZVI
&ILM %DITOR !NDY *UDSON
#ONTRIBUTORS (OLLY #URTIS *AMES $UFFY 2OBERT *ACKMAN !NTHONY *ACKSON #HARLOTTE +IMBLEY .ATASHA +UNDAIKER %STHER -ARTIN .ICK -ELLISH ,IAM / "RIEN
,ISTINGS #OMPETITIONS %DITOR *EMMA 4HAKE
-USIC %DITOR 'REG 3ULLIVAN #ONTRIBUTOR #HRIS (YDE
#/-0%4)4)/.3 4HIS WEEK WE HAVE NOT ONE BUT TWO COMPETITIONS FOR YOU LUCKY READERS $ON T WE SPOIL YOU /UR lRST COMPETITION COMES COUR TESY OF THE GLORIOUS INSTITUTE THAT IS THE -INISTRY OF 3OUND 7E HAVE
7HO WROTE THE ORIGINAL $RACULA NOVEL A "RAM 3TOKER B "RAN 6AN C "RAN &LAKES
46 %DITOR .ATASHA +UNDAIKER
#ONTRIBUTORS .EIL (UITSON .IKKI *ONES ,UCY 0URCELL
!NSWERS MUST BE SENT TO CONCRETE COMPETITIONS UEA AC UK BY 4HURSDAY TH *ANUARY 'OOD LUCK
THE EVENT
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"LONDE "OMBSHELL
)T IS THE NEW YEAR AND FOR SOME THIS MEANS MAK ING RESOLUTIONS TO BE GOOD &OR OTH ERS IT IS A TIME TO START LOOKING GOOD &ASHION (EADQUAR TERS SET BRUNETTE !NNA THE CHALLENGE TO GO BLONDE (ERE SHE SHARES HER THOUGHTS ON THE BEFORE AND AF TER OF TRANSFORMING HER LOCKS /VER THE YEARS MY HAIR HAS BEEN RED GREEN AND GREY BY ACCIDENT ) DID THE SUN IN THING WHEN ) WAS AND EVEN HAD A BLONDE QUIFF WHEN ) WAS @COOL "UT NEVER HAVE ) VENTURED TO THE LIGHT SIDE AND GONE UNNATURALLY BLONDE .OT UNTIL NOW THAT IS ) WAS SENT ON A MISSION BY &ASHION (EAD 1UARTERS TO TRANSFORM MYSELF FROM A BUBBLY BRUNETTE TO A BLONDE BOMBSHELL ) HAD MY DOUBTS BUT WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM THE +INKI TEAM A MAGICAL TRANSFORMATION TOOK PLACE )T WAS TIME TO SEE IF BLONDES REALLY DO HAVE MORE FUN "" "EFORE "LONDE ) ASKED MY LOVED ONES FOR THEIR THOUGHTS "ROTHER (A 7HAT ABOUT YOUR BROWS #IGARETTE ALLY !RE YOU JOKING ) DON T BELIEVE YOU &ACEBOOK (USBAND 7HAT THE F K DO YOU WANT TO DO THAT FOR #OLLEAGUE !S A BRUNETTE !NNA TURNED HEADS FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS DEBAUCHERY IN THE ,#2 DRUNKEN SLURS FROM THE TOP OF THE STAIRS POM POM HURLING BAD KARAOKE STEALING STAGE PROPS AND HAVING TO BE ESCORTED OFF THE STAGE BY BOUNCERS (OPEFULLY ONCE BLONDE SHE WILL TURN HEADS FOR ALL THE RIGHT REASONSxLIKE MULTIPLE SEXUAL PARTNERS &LATMATE ) THINK YOU LL LOOK LIKE .ICKY (AMBLETON *ONES OFF THE PROGRAMME 9EARS 9OUNGER !" !FTER "LONDE &LATMATES ) DON T RECOGNISE YOU ) KEEP ON GLIMPSING YOU AND THINKING WE VE GOT
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. Before.. ’s former a n n A Mary y r i e t a H et . a Brun self as
A DIFFERENT HOUSEMATE &ACEBOOK HUSBAND -MMM IT LOOKS LIKE MARSHMALLOWS -OTHER ) WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU BEING MORE CONSPICIOUS AT NIGHT 7ELL IT WORRIES ME YOUR SECURITY 3O ) AM BLONDE AND THE BUTT OF JOKES THAT ) LAUGHED AT BEFORE -Y TIREDNESS IS MISTAKEN FOR BEING DITZY AND ) AM LESS RESPECTED BY COLLEAGUES 9ET DESPITE THIS ) LOVE IT &OR SOMEONE WHOSE BEAUTY REGIME USUALLY CONSISTS OF HAVING A BATH SOMETIMES ) AM ALMOST CONVERTED 7ITH A MAKEOVER NEW HAIR CUT NEW COLOUR AND A SPRINKLING OF PAMPERING ) AM A NEW ME FOR THE NEW YEAR &ASHION (1 DIDNgT JUST STOP AT THAT 7E WANTED TO lND OUT IF THE AGE OLD MYTH ABOUT BLONDES BEING DITZY AND mIRTY IS TRUE )TgS THE ULTIMATE QUESTION DO BLONDES HAVE MORE FUN 7E SET "LONDE !NNA lVE CHALLENGES TO BE FULlLLED AT THE LOCAL DISCOTEQUE THE ,#2 4O OBTAIN THREE FREE DRINKS 4O OBTAIN THREE PHONE NUMBERS FROM MEN SHE HAS NEVER MET BEFORE 4O CONVINCE SOMEONE THAT HAS SEEN HER AS A NATURAL BRUNETTE THAT SHE IS IN FACT A NATURAL BLONDE 4O TALK AND WALK LIKE -ARILYN -ONROE ALL NIGHT 4O GET OFF WITH THREE RANDOM MEN 3O HOW DID !NNA DO (EREgS THE LOWDOWN 4WO FREE DRINKS 7E ASKED FOR THREE
(AIR -AKE UP BY +INKI 7ITH SPECIAL THANKS TO 3ARAH *ANE FOR HER MAGICIANS COLOUR CHANGE "RIANY FOR SPARKLY SHAM POO -ARIA FOR -AKE UP AND *ASON FOR HIS FANTASTIC HAIR CUT AND STYLING 0HOTGRAPHERS +IRSTY %NNEW 2UTH #LENNELL 'RAINGER !MY 7ILLIAMS
Ê ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ During... After a trim and a wardrobe change...
THE EVENT
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ÊÊÊ A c After blon omplet ... e prof de high make o essio l nal ights a ver- A And s at K nd to full he n t i pict his div nki... ers from ad of a ure sh the ! “T a is so o hat v ’s h er us t ot.” aki ng h er
4HREE PHONE NUMBERS OBTAINED !NNA FAILED TO CONVINCE SOMEONE THAT KNEW HER AS A BRUNETTE THAT SHE IS A NATURAL BLONDE BECAUSE SHE FORGOT ! BIG TICK HERE FOR DITZYNESS !NNA TRIED HER BEST TO TALK AND WALK LIKE -ARILYN -ONROE BUT THEN GOT TIPSY ON HER FREE DRINKS 3HE GOT OFF WITH FOUR RANDOM MEN 5HUMM NO COMMENT 3O DO BLONDES HAVE MORE FUN !NNA 9ES YES YES "LONDES DElNITELY HAVE MORE FUN (EREgS WHAT OTHERS HAD TO SAY 2ANDOM .ORMALLY ) NEED AT LEAST THREE PINTS BEFORE ) CAN SLEEP WITH HER 4ONIGHT )gLL SLEEP WITH HER COMPLETELY SOBER 2ANDOM 3HEgS A LOT MORE CONlDENT AS A BLONDE 2ANDOM !NNAgS )1 HAS DROPPED ALMOST AS FAST AS HER KNICKERS 7E PUT SOME TIPS TOGETHER ON HOW TO MAINTAIN YOUR BLONDE LOCKS .EW MAKEUP 7HEN YOU lRST ADD LIGHTER HIGHLIGHTS TO YOUR HAIR YOU MAY NOTICE THAT YOUR OLD MAKEUP DOESN T COMPLIMENT YOUR NEW HAIR COLOUR 4HE COLOUR OF YOUR HAIR CHANGES THE COLOUR OF YOUR COMPLEXION SO YOUR FAVOURITE MAKEUP MIGHT NO LONGER BE SO mATTERING 7HICHEVER BLONDE YOU GO FOR YOU WILL ALSO NEED TO LIGHTEN YOUR MAKEUP AS DARK SHADES CONTRAST TOO HARSHLY -AKEUP ARTIST "OBBI "ROWN SUGGESTS THAT ADDING A FEW BLONDE HIGHLIGHTS GIVES YOUR SKIN A LIFT SO SOFTEN UP YOUR REGULAR MAKEUP PALETTE WITH
PASTELS &OR YOUR CHEEKS TRY PALE PINK OR PEACHY PINK SHADES OF BLUSH /N YOUR LIPS GO FOR LIGHT TO MEDIUM TONES OF PINK PEACH OR ROSE /N YOUR EYELIDS PICK BONE ASH OR PALE PINK EYE SHADOWS AND DARK BROWN LINER AND MASCARA ( O W TO MAINTAIN DYED HAIR 2EGARDLESS OF HAIR COLOUR OR TEXTURE DYED HAIR SHOULD BE DEEP CONDITIONED ESPECIALLY IF YOUR HAIR IS BLEACHED /NLY USE HEATED STYLING TOOLS nYOUR STRAIGHTENERS HAIRDRYER AND CURLING TONGS OCCASIONALLY AS THEY CAN WORSEN DAMAGE )F YOU BLEACH YOUR HAIR ON A REGULAR BASIS YOUR HAIR CAN DRY FRIZZ BREAK OFF AND FEEL LIKE STRAW IT CAN ALSO BE A WHOLE PROCESS TO CHANGE THE COLOUR AND THEN A WHOLE PROC ESS TO G O
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CHANGE T H E COLOUR AND THEN A WHOLE PROCESS TO GO BACK 4O RE DUCE FADING USE COLOUR CONSERV ING SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONERS WITH 56 PROTECTANTS !FTER ALL YOU SPEND SO MUCH ON CHANGING THE COLOUR THAT IT ONLY COSTS A LITTLE EXTRA TO MAINTAIN IT /N AVERAGE HAIR GROWS HALF AN INCH EVERY MONTH SO TOUCH UP TINTS EVERY FOUR TO SIX WEEKS AS HIGHLIGHTS LAST LONGER AT AL MOST EIGHT TO TWELVE WEEKS 3HOULD 9OU #OLOUR 9OUR %YE BROWS )F YOU VE MADE A SUBTLE CHANGE IN HAIR COLOUR SIMPLY CHANGE THE SHADE OF POWDER SHADOW OR BROW PENCIL THAT YOU NORMALLY USE )F YOU VE MADE A REALLY DRAMATIC CHANGE SUCH AS GOING FROM DARK BROWN TO LIGHT BLONDE ASK A COLOURIST AT YOUR SALON TO DYE YOUR BROWS TO MATCH -ORE OFTEN THAN NOT THERE WILL BE NO CHARGE )N MOST CASES EYEBROWS DON T NEED TO BE ALTERED TO MATCH A NEW HAIR COLOUR AS MANY PEOPLE BORN WITH BLONDE HAIR HAVE NATURALLY DARKER BROWS "Y 5MAY +ALSOOM
&ASHION
4O $ETOX OR 2ETOX 4HAT IS THE 1UESTION "UY IT OR "IN IT )NTOXICATE DETOXIFY AND RETOX )T IS NOW OFlCIALLY THE END OF THE FESTIVE SEA SON !S MANY STUDENTS GET BACK INTO THE WORKING LIBRARY LIFE
ONE CAN T HELP
NOTICING THE INmUX OF ADVERTS ON THE TELEVISION THAT ARE HYPNOTISING VIEW
&LORAL &LORAL IS LOOK ING GOOD ON ALMOST EVERYTHING &ROM BAGS TO SHOES AND DRESSES
ERS TO @GET UNHOOKED FROM SMOKING @CHANGE ONE THING OR BUY HALF PRICE %VIAN
3
O THE QUESTION BEING ASKED AT &ASHION (EAD QUARTERS THIS WEEK IS SHOULD WE BE DETOXIFY ING AND HOW DO WE DO IT 3HOULD WE GIVE UP THE BOOZE CIGARETTES AND CHOCOLATE IN PURSUIT OF A CLEANER BODY /R SHOULD WE RE TOXIFY !FTER ALL IT HAS FAST BECOME A MARKETING VENTURE THAT CASHES IN ON INNOCENT HUMAN GUILT AFTER THE COMPULSORY #HRISTMAS DINNER AND A SIMPLE GLASS OR OF WINE "UT lRST OF ALL LET US GET SOME DEl NITIONS STRAIGHT )NTOXICATE )NTOXICATION THE STU DENT FAVOURITE OUT OF THE DETOX RANGE !CTUALLY NOT A DETOX AT ALL BUT A RETOX OF SORTS SEE DElNITION BELOW 4HIS IS WHAT STUDENTS ARE INFAMOUS FOR DOING ON A REGULAR BASIS OFTEN THE MEANS FOR BRAIN FUEL IN THE NIGHT FOR PARTIES AND MOVE HIPS IN CERTAIN WAYS TO AW FUL MUSIC /R JUST GET IN TROUBLE WITH THE POLICE )T IS ALCOHOL AND DRUGS !LSO KNOWN AS GETTING SLASHED HAMMERED OR F CKED ! WORD REGULARLY USED TO DESCRIBE ROCKER 0ETE $OHERTY S SHENANIGANS $ETOX $ETOXIFY $ETOXIFICATION THE SHORTENED FORM OF DETOXIl CATION OR DETOXIFY DETOX IS THE EQUIVALENT OF A SPRING CLEAN OF YOUR HOUSE YOUR BODY IS A TEMPLE BE GOOD TO IT &ILL IT WITH SPRING WATER HERBAL TEAS AND ROCKET SALAD $E TOXIFYING ALSO MEANS RETURNING THE BODY TO ITS NATURAL ALKALINE STATE AND REDUCING THE AMOUNT OF ACID BASED FOODS SUCH AS DAIRY PRODUCTS ALCOHOL AND RED MEAT THAT YOU EAT 2ETOX 2ETOXIFY 4HE GROWING TREND HEADED PRESENTLY BY 2ADIO /NE S HAPPY PRESENTER 3COTT -ILLS IS ACTU ALLY NOT A WORD OR AT LEAST IT S NOT IN DICTIONARIES YET 2ETOX ANTONYM OF DETOX )T IS INTOXICATION AT ITS BEST ALSO KNOWN AS BODY EUPHORIA ALCOHOL DRUGS CHOCOLATE BISCUITS CRISPS ALL PACKAGED AND FROZEN FOODS 0URE INDULGENCE OR GLUT TONY ONE OF THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS 2EBELLING AGAINST THE SOCIAL CONFORM OF DETOXIlCATION AFTER THE FESTIVE PERIOD WHO SAYS A NEW YEAR HAS TO MEAN A @NEW YOU 3O THE POINT OF THIS IS TO STOP FEELING GUILTY AND FORCING YOURSELF TO EAT A PIECE OF LETTUCE INSTEAD JUST HAVE A
,ONGER LIFE EXPECTANCY !ND YOU WON T HAVE AS MANY WRINKLES ,AST BUT NOT LEAST WHO DOESN T WANT GORGEOUS SHINY SILKY HAIR ) KNOW ) DO
0ICTURE 2USTEX
BAR OF CHOCOLATE !S FASHIONISTAS YOGA TEACHER OFTEN REMIND THERE S ENOUGH PUSH AND PULL TO OUR BOD IES ON A DAILY BASIS AND WE NEED BALANCE !PPLYING THIS PHILOSOPHY TO RETOXIFYING A COCKTAIL AT THE BAR AF TER A STRESSFUL DAY AT WORK IS THE ULTIMATE BALANCE AND IS SURE TO PUT A SMILE ON YOUR PALE WINTER FACE (OWEVER MUCH YOU WANT TO DO YOUR OWN THING IT IS VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR A FASHIONISTA NOT TO GIVE THEMSELF HUNGER PANGS AF TER A BIT OF OVER CONSUMP TION DURING THE FESTIVE PERIOD 4HE BENElTS OF BEING HEALTHY ARE ENDLESS -ORE ENERGY AND ALERT NESS TO GET STUCK INTO THOSE BOOKS AND MAGAZINES .OT FORGETTING THE GYM ,OSING WEIGHT BY CUTTING OUT JUNK MEANS THAT YOU CAN lT INTO YOUR TIGHTER WARDROBE AND LOOK HOT #LEARER SKIN IF YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT THEN IF YOU EAT PIZZA YOU LL LOOK LIKE A PIZZA ,ESS PRONE TO ILLNESSES IF PEOPLE AROUND YOU ARE SNIFlNG FEAR NOT AS YOUR IMMUNE SYS TEM IS A LOT STRONGER
4OP 4EN 4IPS $RINK LOTS OF WATER !LWAYS WASH MAKEUP OFF BEFORE BED 'ET AT LEAST HOURS OF SLEEP %XERCISE REGULARLY !LWAYS USE SUN LOTION WHEN OUTDOORS AND IT S SUNNY %AT LOTS OF FRUITS AND VEGETABLES #UT DOWN ON CAFFEINE AND ALCO HOL CONSUMPTION !PPLY MOISURIZERS AFTER A SHOWER #LEANSE TONE AND MOISTURIZE YOUR FACE TWICE A DAY %XFOLIATE YOUR SKIN ONCE A WEEK 3TAR TIP 2ELAX TAKE TIME OUT FOR YOURSELF AND BREATHE
3HORT HEMLINES -INI DRESSES ARE ALL OVER THE CATWALKS AND WE LIKE IT %S PECIALLY IN CUTE S STYLE /VERSIZED BAGS 4HERE S NOTHING BETTER THAN A -ARY 0OPPINS BAG THAT A GIRL CAN POUR HER WHOLE BEDROOM INTO )T S PRACTICAL FOR UNI TOO
0UFF BALL SKIRTS )T S TIME TO SAY GOODBYE TO THESE ODDITIES !ND WE ARE GLAD TOO
THE EVENT
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4HE 6ERY "EST OF "LUE 4HE %VENT S -ATT 2AMSEY MEETS THE ILLUSTRIOUS AND CELEBRATED 2ABBI ,IONEL "LUE AND DIS CUSSES FAITH HOPE AND RELIGION AS THEY GET DOWN AND DIRTY DEBATING POLITICS (ITLER AND ALL THINGS SPIRITUAL *OURNALIST COOK AND AUTHOR IS THERE ANYTHING "LUE CAN T DO
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S ,IONEL "LUE MAKES HIS WAY DOWN THE STAIRS TO MEET 4HE %VENT AT A SMALL .ORWICH HOTEL HE CASTS A FRAIL lGURE !T HIS HEALTHIER YEARS ARE BEHIND HIM PHYSICALLY BUT AS HE DEMONSTRATES DURING THE COURSE OF OUR INTERVIEW IT BECOMES APPARENT THAT HE IS STILL AS MENTALLY ASTUTE AS EVER "ETTER KNOWN BY MOST FOR HIS ROLE IN ""# 2ADIO S 4HOUGHT FOR THE $AY "LUE HAS ALSO WRITTEN A LARGE COLLECTION OF BOOKS WHICH CULMINATED IN HIS AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN 4HE BEST SELLING OF THESE BOOKS WAS -Y !FFAIR WITH #HRISTIANITY !S A *EWISH 2ABBI THIS LEADS US TO WONDER WHAT HE MEANS BY AN AFFAIR h7ELL ) NEVER BECAME A #HRISTIAN SO IT NEVER BECAME A MARRIAGE v HE REPLIES QUICKLY &ACING A SET OF QUESTIONS THAT MANY COULD lND CHALLENGING "LUE BARELY LEAVES SPACES AFTER MOST QUESTIONS BEFORE PRESSING ON WITH CONVINCING AND HIGHLY PERSONAL ANSWERS %DUCATED AT /XFORD 5NIVERSITY SOON AFTER THE CONCLUSION OF THE 3ECOND 7ORLD 7AR HE WAS NOT IN THE COMPANY OF MANY WHO SHARED HIS BELIEFS INSTEAD WITH A GREAT MAJORITY OF #HRISTIAN COUNTERPARTS /N lNDING HIMSELF IN A 1UAKER MEETING HE COMMENTS h) THINK ) ADDED A LITTLE EXCITEMENT TO THE MEETINGSv 4HIS POSES THE QUESTION OF WHETHER HE HAD ALWAYS HELD HIS *EWISH FAITH OR WHETHER IT WAS SOMETHING HE CHOSE HIMSELF 4HE ANSWER IS RATHER SETTLED WHEN 4HE %VENT IS INFORMED THAT HE HAD 2USSIAN *EWISH GRANDPARENTS ON BOTH SIDES OF HIS FAMILY )N AN ATTEMPT TO MAKE IT FROM 2USSIA TO !MERICA THEY GOT STUCK HALFWAY IN "RITAIN hRATHER LIKED ITv AND ENDED UP STAYING $ESPITE HIS PARENTS AND GRANDPARENTS HOLDING THE SAME RELIGION *UDAISM WAS NOT THRUST UPON THE YOUNG "LUE BUT HE CHOSE TO FOLLOW IT AS hTHERE WAS A LOT OF KINDNESS IN ITv 4HIS IS NOT TO SAY HE HAS ALWAYS FOLLOWED THIS PATH AS "LUE HIMSELF EXPLAINS h) LOST MY RELIGION FOR A TIME WHEN ) WAS lVE -Y GRANDMOTHER INFORMED ME THAT @)F YOU REALLY WANT SOMETHING IF IT BENElTS EVERYBODY AND IS NOT SELlSH THEN IT WILL HAPPEN 3O ) PRAYED FOR THE SPEEDY DEATH OF /SWALD -OSLEY AND !DOLF
h) PRAYED FOR THE DEATH OF (ITLER .EXT WEEK ) READ HE WAS mOURISHING v
THE EVENT
(ITLER 4HE NEXT WEEK ) READ IN THE NEWSPAPER THAT BOTH WERE mOURISHING v $URING THE COURSE OF THE MINUTE INTERVIEW "LUE COMMENTS ON SOME MAJOR TOPICS SUCH AS LOVE AND HATE IN RELIGION THE RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN RELIGIONS AND ALSO BETWEEN RELIGION AND SCIENCE 3O WHEN RELIGIONS ARE ALWAYS ATTEMPTING TO CREATE LOVE WHY IS IT THAT IT SO OFTEN BRINGS HATE IN ITS SHADOW h/H YES v "LUE REPLIES NONCHALANTLY h)T S BECAUSE THE HIGHER YOU CAN AIM FOR THE FARTHER YOU CAN FALLv )F 4HE %VENT S QUESTION LIST CONTAINED A @BIG ONE THEN THAT WAS IT AND IT RECEIVED AN INSTANTANEOUS AND CONVINCING
RESPONSE !CTING AS PHILOSOPHER EXTRAORDINAIRE "LUE CONTINUES h)F 'OD IS SO HIGH YOU CANNOT REACH HIM YOU CHEAT A BIT AND BRING 'OD DOWN TO YOU v )T APPEARS THAT THERE IS VERY LITTLE THAT THIS MAN DOES NOT KNOW ABOUT THE PROBLEMS THAT OCCUR IN THE MODERN DAY WORLD 4HE SCRIPTURES ARE SOMETHING THAT FEATURES HIGHLY IN "LUE S ANSWERS AND IT IS REVEALED THAT THIS IS WHY HE WROTE HIS AUTOBIOGRAPHY 7HEN DISCUSSING HOW THE ANCIENT SCRIPTURES TALK hABOUT THEM THENv IT BECOMES OBVIOUS THAT THE SITUATIONS ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NOW TO THE ANCIENT TIMES IN WHICH THEY WERE WRITTEN )N A PASSAGE THAT ANY READER COULD TAKE TO HEART "LUE EXPLAINS THAT EVERY PERSON MUST
DEVELOP THEIR OWN MEANING FOR EXISTENCE h7HAT IS YOUR OWN LIFE SAYING TO YOU 7HAT IS HAPPENING TO YOU 7HAT IS IT THAT YOU REALLY WORSHIP 9OU WANT SOMETHING FOR YOU NOW 7HICH IS WHY ) WROTE THIS BOOK TO UNDERSTAND MY OWN SITUATION v 7HILE SUGGESTING THAT RELIGIONS CAN GO HAND IN HAND 4HE %VENT ASKS HOW FAR IN "LUE S LIFE THIS HAS OCCURRED AND WHETHER IT IS ALWAYS EASY TO KEEP ON BELIEVING &OR ONCE "LUE lNDS HIMSELF FACING A QUESTION HE CANNOT GIVE AN ANSWER TO AND OUR CONVERSATION IS ON TERRITORY THAT IS hTOO HOT TO HANDLEv (E ADMITS THAT FAITH MUST BE CALLED INTO QUESTION ON OCCASIONS ESPECIALLY AS A *EW IN THE TIME OF HIS UPBRINGING /N THE WAY TO CONCENTRATION CAMPS MANY PRAYERS REMAINED UNANSWERED FOR MILLIONS hSO THEREFORE WHY PRAY 7HERE WAS 'OD IN ALL THIS BUSINESS v "LUE ADDRESSES THE ISSUES DIRECTLY AND WITH GREAT HONESTY BUT ADMITS THAT OVER TIME THE QUESTIONS ARE MORE EASILY HANDLED !NOTHER QUESTION THAT CAN THEN BE POSED IS THE CLASSIC @7HAT IF /NCE MORE "LUE IS FULL OF IDEAS BUT UNABLE TO OFFER AN ANSWER TO SUCH A QUESTION h7HAT WOULD ) HAVE DONE IF ) WERE A 2ABBI IN "ERLIN AND THE .AZIS HAD NOT GONE AFTER *EWS -ERELY HOMOS OR GYPSIES /NE DOESN T KNOW )T S NOT A SITUATION ANY *EW HAS EVER HAD TO FACE BEFORE /NE DOESN T KNOW ONESELF UNTIL THEY ARE PUT TO THE TEST v !S 4HE %VENT ESCORTS "LUE BACK TO THE UNIVERSITY HIS PERSONA CHANGES COMPLETELY .O LONGER IS HE THE SOFTLY SPOKEN INTERVIEWEE OF JUST MINUTES AGO .O LONGER IS HIS WALKING STICK A MEANS OF ASSISTING HIS WALKING IT BECOMES A PROP TO HELP DEMONSTRATE HIS STORIES )T WAVES ABOUT THE AIR AS HE THRILLS #HRISTOPHER "IGSBY AND ENTHRALS A PACKED OUT ,ECTURE 4HEATRE AUDIENCE IN THE lNALE OF THE AUTUMN ,ITERARY &ESTIVAL 7HEN DISCUSSING THE HALLMARKS OF HIS FAITH AND RETURNING TO EVENTS OF 7ORLD 7AR 4WO "LUE MAINTAINS HIS DEEP AND PHILOSOPHICAL VIEW BY COMMENTING h7HEN ALL THE HORRORS ARE LOST IN MEMORY ) THINK THINGS LIKE !NNE &RANK WILL STILL CARRY ONv 7ITH THE EVIDENCE HEARD BY 4HE %VENT AND THE ,ITERARY &ESTIVAL AUDIENCE IT MUST BE SAID THAT THE VOICE OF ,IONEL "LUE WILL ALSO CARRY ON LONG INTO THE FUTURE NEVER TO BE FORGOTTEN
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7ITH THE GLUT OF PANTO SEASON lNALLY DONE AND DUSTED IS OUT 4HE ERA OF BEGINS BUT WHAT ARTISTIC DELIGHTS WILL IT BRING WITH IT WAS THE YEAR OF THE MUSICAL LAST YEAR SAW THE LAUNCH OF SUCH VARIED DELIGHTS AS 7ICKED %VITA AND 4HE 3OUND OF -USIC IN THE 7EST %ND IT S TIME FOR US TO INSPECT THIS YEAR S CASKET OF WONDERS AND DISCOVER WHAT LIES IN STORE FOR ARTY FOLK IN THE NEXT MONTHS 3O SIT YOUR EXHAUSTED MINCE PIE AND CHAMPAGNE lLLED SELVES DOWN COMFORTABLY AND RELAX AS 2OANNA "OND PERUSES THE OFFERINGS THAT LIE IN STORE
4HEATRE &IRST UP IS -R 3HAKESPEARE HIMSELF AS THE 23# CONTINUES ITS AMBITIOUS 3TRATFORD RUN OF THE #OMPLETE 7ORKS 4HE SPRING LINE UP PROMISES TO BE PARTICULARLY ENCHANTING WITH 3IR )AN -C+ELLEN PLAYING +ING ,EAR IN -ARCH !LSO ON THEIR WAY ARE -ICHAEL "OYD S 2ICHARD ))) AND TWO ALL MALE PRODUCTIONS OF THE BARD S WORK AT THE /LD 6IC 4HE 4AMING OF THE 3HREW AND 4WELFTH .IGHT #URRENTLY BEING PERFORMED AT 4HE .ATIONAL IS THE 7EST %ND TRANSFER OF !LAN "ENNETT S 4HE (ISTORY "OYS WHICH HAS BEEN REVIVED ONCE MORE &ROM *ANUARY TH %THERIDGE S -AN OF -ODE BEGINS WHICH IS AN INTENSE EXPLORATION OF GREED WEALTH AND DESIRE IN MODERN ,ONDON STARRING 4OM (ARD &ROM *ANUARY TH &IONA 3HAW STARS IN ONE OF "ECKETT S lNEST PLAYS (APPY $AYS DIRECTED BY $EBORAH 7ARNER
2ECENTLY PREMIERED AT 4HE !LMEIDA 4HEATRE &RANK -C'UINESS 4HERE #AME A 'YPSY 2IDING STARRING )MELDA 3TAUNTON PLAYS UNTIL -ARCH RD AND PROMISES TO BE AS FUNNY AND HEART WARMING AS EVER 4HE PLAY EXPLORES THE GRIEF OF A FAMILY WHO COME TOGETHER IN )RELAND TO MARK THE ST BIRTHDAY OF A DEAD SON UNTIL EVENTS ARE DISRUPTED BY AN UNWELCOME VISITOR 4HE 2OYAL #OURT OFFERS EQUALLY EXCITING FODDER WITH NEW ARTISTIC DIRECTOR $OMINIC #OOKE BEHIND THE WHEEL AS +RISTIN 3COTT 4HOMAS OPENS IN #HEKHOV S 4HE 3EAGULL FROM *ANUARY TH WHILE *ESSICA ,ANGE COMPETES FOR AUDIENCES IN 4HE 'LASS -ENAGERIE AT THE !POLLO FROM *ANUARY ST )F CLASSICS SIMPLY AIN T YOUR THING THEN FOR A MORE CONTEMPORARY EVENING OF THEATRE
!RT
WAS PARTICULARLY RICH IN PICKINGS WHEN IT CAME TO ART EXHIBITIONS WHETHER THIS YEAR WILL PROVE AS FRUITFUL OR FULlLLING REMAINS TO BE SEEN BUT THE GOING CERTAINLY LOOKS PRETTY GOOD SO FAR WITH 4HE 2OYAL !CADEMY DISPLAYING A SELECTION OF -ONET S PASTELS FROM -ARCH TH FOLLOWED BY )MPRESSIONISTS BY THE 3EA FROM *ULY TH -EANWHILE THE .ATIONAL 'ALLERY IS STAGING A SURVEY OF 2ENOIR S ,ANDSCAPES THAT BEGINS &EBRUARY ST AND HAS ALREADY RECEIVED MUCH CRITICAL INTEREST 4HE 4ATE "RITAIN ON THE OTHER HAND CONTINUES ITS EXPLORATION OF "RITAIN S lNEST ARTISTS WITH ITS (OGARTH EXHIBITION FROM &EBRUARY TH &OR A SLICE OF SOMETHING A LITTLE LESS MAINSTREAM MAKE SURE YOU GO AND INVESTIGATE THE 2AYMOND 0ETTIBON EXHIBITION AT THE 3ADIE #OLES (1 IN ,ONDON FROM *ANUARY TH TO &EBRUARY TH #YNICAL AND POETIC 0ETTIBON SATIRISES THE 53 CARTOON CULTURE AND CREATES A DARK AND TERRIFYING TOPSY TURVY LANDSCAPE WITH HIS INK SKETCHES
TRY 4HE "USH 4HEATRE FOR -ARK 2AVENHILL S NEW PLAY A MONOLOGUE ENTITLED 0RODUCT 7ORLD 2EMIX IN WHICH HE HIMSELF PERFORMS 0REMIERED AT LAST YEAR S %DINBURGH &ESTIVAL THE PIECE IS A SATIRE ON THE lLM INDUSTRY IN WHICH HE PLAYS A PRODUCER PITCHING AN ACTION ADVENTURE ROMANCE ABOUT TERRORISM TO A POTENTIAL LEADING LADY 4HE PRODUCTION IS BEING PERFORMED IN TANDEM WITH 3TEWART ,EE S NEW PIECE CALLED 7HAT 7OULD *UDAS $O IN WHICH ,EE PLAYS *UDAS AS A DISGRUNTLED FAILED REVOLUTIONARY JUSTIFYING HIS ACTIONS IN THE LAST WEEK OF #HRIST S LIFE &INALLY AS OUR THEATRICAL ROUND UP COMES TO A CLOSE WE COME FULL CIRCLE AND LOOK FAR INTO THE FUTURE WITH THIS YEAR S BIGGEST MUSICAL OFFERING BEING THE POTENTIALLY DISASTROUS ADAPTATION OF 4HE ,ORD
OF THE 2INGS WHICH OPENS AT THE 4HEATRE 2OYAL $RURY ,ANE FROM -AY TH ,ET S HOPE THE FELLOWSHIP CAN DANCE 3PEAKING OF DANCE IF BALLET IS MORE YOUR THING THEN CHECK OUT THE %NGLISH .ATIONAL "ALLET S PRODUCTION OF 'ISELLE AT THE ,ONDON #OLISEUM THIS *ANUARY OR IF THEIR BIGGEST RIVALS THE 2OYAL "ALLET ARE MORE TO YOUR TASTE THEN *OHAN +OBBORG STAGES "OURNONVILLE S .APOLI $IVERTISSEMENTS AS A COMPANION TO HIS ,A 3YLPHDE FROM *ANUARY TH AT #OVENT 'ARDEN )F YOU RE LOOKING FOR A MORE MODERN TOUCH THEN POP ALONG TO THE 2OYAL !LBERT (ALL FOR #IRQUE $U 3OLEIL S !LEGRIA A SHOW WHICH CELEBRATES THE SOCIALLY DISPOSSESSED AND SHOWCASES CLOWNS ARTISTS AND THE RIGHT ROYALLY MAD /THER MODERN MASTERPIECES ON OFFER LATER IN THE
YEAR INCLUDE -ATTHEW "OURNE S CRITICS FAVOURITE THE POPULAR DANCE THRILLER 4HE #AR -AN WHICH BEGINS AT 3ADLERS 7ELLS FROM *ULY TH
PUNCTUATED BY SHARP WITTY COMMENTARIES PARTICULARLY ENTRANCING IS THE PROM QUEEN WHO HE DEPICTS DROWNING IN HER OWN SHALLOW EXISTENCE -ISS IT AT YOUR PERIL ,ASTLY *ACCO /LIVIER IS BACK IN TOWN AT THE 6ICTORIA -IRO UNTIL TH &EBRUARY WITH A BIZARRE NEW ANIMATION lLM 7HALE WHICH DEPICTS HIS IMPRESSIONS OF A WHALE S MOVEMENTS mOATING IN AND OUT OF FOCUS %ACH FRAME IS PAINSTAKINGLY PAINTED AND PHOTOGRAPHED TO CREATE SEVEN MINUTE THREE SCREEN ANIMATIONS DISPLAYING VILLAGES OF mOATING PINK HOUSES IN THIS SURREAL CHILDLIKE UNIVERSE OF THE IMAGINATION
"OOKS )F IT S A MORE RELAXED AFTERNOON S ENTERTAINMENT THAT YOU RE AFTER IN THE COMING COLD DREARY DAYS WHY NOT TRY CURLING UP IN AN ARMCHAIR WITH ONE OF THIS YEAR S NEWEST PUBLICATIONS MANY OF WHICH HAVE ALREADY GRABBED THE NATION AND REFUSED TO LET GO (OT ON THE HEELS OF THE RECENT CINEMATIC RELEASE OF -ISS 0OTTER IS ,INDA ,EAR S "EATRIX 0OTTER ! ,IFE IN .ATURE WHICH PROMISES TO BE AN AUTHORITATIVE BIOGRAPHY OF 0OTTER S FASCINATING LIFE PROVIDING A DETAILED ACCOUNT OF HOW SHE WAS IN FACT A SERIOUS NATURALIST BEFORE SHE BECAME A CHILDREN S AUTHOR AND HOW SHE PAVED THE WAY FOR MANY OF THE SCIENTIlC DISCOVERIES THAT WERE MADE BY MEN IN LATER YEARS )F YOU RE AFTER SOMETHING
A LITTLE LESS COSY AND HEART WARMING THEN WHY NOT TRY $IRT FOR !RT S 3AKE "OOKS ON 4RIAL FROM -ADAME "OVARY TO ,OLITA BY %LISABETH ,ADENSON 4HIS IS A WITTY DECONSTRUCTION OF CENSORSHIP FOCUSING ON LITERARY OBSCENITY TRIALS AND PROMISES TO BE THOROUGHLY INSIGHTFUL AND ENTERTAINING %QUALLY SORDID IS THE RECENTLY PUBLISHED ,OLA -ONTEZ (ER ,IFE AND #ONQUESTS WHICH IS A COLOURFULLY DESCRIBED ACCOUNT OF THE VIBRANT LIFE OF A COURTESAN BY *AMES -ORTON )F POETRY IS MORE YOUR THING THEN DElNITELY LOOK UP THE NEW BIOGRAPHY OF 43 %LIOT BY #RAIG 2AINE WHICH PROVIDES A CLEAR INSIGHTFUL AND HIGHLY THOUGHT PROVOKING CRITICAL ANALYSIS OF HIS LIFE AND WORK
&INALLY IF IN DARKER WINTER MOMENTS YOU NEED A LITTLE CHEERING UP TREAT
YOURSELF TO A TICKET TO SEE 2ICKY 'ERVAIS NEW STAND UP TOUR &AME )F HIS PREVIOUS ONE MAN SHOWS !NIMALS AND 0OLITICS ARE ANYTHING TO GO BY THIS ONE WILL BE WELL WORTH THE ENTRY PRICE 7ITH ONE LINERS LIKE h.ELSON -ANDELA INCARCERATED FOR YEARS OUT YEARS AND HE HASN T RE OFFENDED *UST GOES TO SHOW THAT PRISON WORKSv HOW COULD YOU MISS IT
THE EVENT
46
0RIMETIME
5GLY "ETTY # &RIDAYS
7HEN THE #OLOMBIAN TELENOVELA 9O SOY "ETTY LA FEA @) AM "ETTY THE 5GLY AIRED IN IT SENT SHOCK WAVES ACROSS THE GLOBE PROMPTING WORLDWIDE RELEASE AND EVEN SUC CESSFUL REMAKES IN -EXICO 'ER MANY 2USSIA AND )NDIA .OW IT IS QUITE LITERALLY !MERICA S TURN "ETTY 3UAREZ PLAYED BY !MER ICA &ERRERA IS A BUDDING WRITER BUT DESPITE BEING SMART AND HARD WORKING HER DREAM HAS ALWAYS BEEN SHADOWED BY THE FACT THAT SHE ISN T THE MOST ATTRACTIVE YOUNG WOMAN )RONICALLY WHEN SHE l NALLY GETS A JOB AT THE GLOSSY .EW 9ORK FASHION MAGAZINE -ODE SHE IS HIRED FOR HER LOOKS 0UBLISHING MAGNATE "RADFORD -EADE !LAN $ALE HAS SPECIlCALLY EMPLOYED THE UNATTRACTIVE "ETTY TO PUT A STOP TO THE PLAYBOY WAYS OF HIS -ODE
EDITOR SON $ANIEL %RIC -ABIUS "ETTY IS AN ENDEARING AND LOVE ABLE CHARACTER AND EVEN THOUGH HER NAIVETY IS SOMETIMES TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF WE STILL SEE HER AS A SHINING EXAMPLE OF WHAT A GOOD PERSON SHOULD BE IRRESPECTIVE OF THEIR APPEARANCE 4HOUGH SHE EVEN TUALLY lNDS OUT WHY SHE REALLY GOT THE JOB IT DOESN T DISHEARTEN HER AND SHE STRIVES TO BE THE BEST SHE CAN BE WHICH MAKES HER ALL THE MORE LIKEABLE 4HE 3UAREZ FAMILY OFFERS A GLIMPSE TO THE HARDENED BUT HAPPY LIFE OF A WORKING FAM ILY AND THEY ARE JUST AS ENTERTAIN ING AND CHARMING AS "ETTY HERSELF !S WITH ALL THE OTHER VERSIONS OF THE SHOW THERE IS NO DOUBT THAT EVENTUALLY OUR "ETTY WILL UN DERGO A MAKE OVER TRANSFORMING HER FROM AN UGLY DUCKLING INTO A
BEAUTIFUL SWAN (OPEFULLY INSTEAD OF FALLING FOR HER BOSS $ANIEL OR SET TLING FOR EX BOYFRIEND 7ALTER "ETTY MANAGES TO MAKE A BETTER CHOICE n HOPEFULLY IN THE FORM OF ACCOUNT ANT (ENRY #HRISTOPHER 'ORHAM WHO APPEARS LATER IN THE SERIES 6ANESSA 7ILLIAMS STANDS OUT AS 7ILHELMINA 3LATER THE HIGHLY ENTERTAINING #RUELLA $E 6IL ESQUE VILLAIN WHO SEEKS TO DRIVE A WEDGE BETWEEN $ANIEL AND "RADFORD AND TO SABOTAGE $ANIEL S NEWFOUND JOB SO SHE CAN MOVE UP THE CAREER LADDER !S THE EMBODIMENT OF ALL THAT IS CYNICAL AND MANIPULATIVE ABOUT THE BUSINESS OF APPEARANCES STRIVING FOR BEAUTY AND GREED SHE MAKES THE PERFECT OPPOSITE TO "ETTY "UT IT IS NOT ALL FUN AND GAMES "EHIND ALL THE COSY COMEDY LIES A SINISTER BACK STORY FOCUSING ON
THE MYSTERIOUS DEATH OF THE MUCH REVERED PREVIOUS EDITOR OF -ODE &EY 3OMMERS AND A BEHIND THE SCENES SCHEME INVOLVING A HOSTILE TAKEOVER OF -EADE 0UBLICATIONS 4HOUGH IT IS A TAD MELODRAMATIC IT ADDS MORE DEPTH TO THE PLOT IN A BID TO KEEP VIEWERS WATCH ING WEEK AFTER WEEK AND THE STYLE ECHOES THE NIGGLING MYSTERY THAT KEPT AUDIENCES HOOKED ON $ESPER ATE (OUSEWIVES IN ITS lRST SEASON $ON T HOLD THE FACT THAT IT STARS
*IM 2OBINSON FROM .EIGHBOURS AGAINST IT 5GLY "ETTY IS A WARM HEARTED TOUCHING AND ENTERTAIN ING COMEDY %VEN IF YOU HAVE NO INTEREST IN THE FASHION INDUSTRY OR SOAP OPERAS IT STILL MANAGES TO DRAW YOU IN WITH GUSHES OF CHARM WIT AND FAMILY APPEAL THAT WILL HAVE YOU BEAMING FROM EAR TO EAR !ND WITH %XTRAS STAR !SHLEY *ENSEN AND 3ALMA (AYEK ON THE CAST 5GLY "ETTY IS DElNITELY THE ONE TO WATCH .ATASHA +UNDAIKER
.EIGHBOURS 46 #LASSICS 7ELL IT HASN T BEEN A HAPPY HOLIDAY FOR THE 4IMMONSES AS 3KY S REVELATION THAT 3TINGRAY IS IN FACT THE FATHER OF HER BABY BREAKS THE FAMILY APART $YLAN DISOWNS 3TINGRAY AS A BROTHER *ANELLE CHUCKS HIM OUT OF THE HOUSE AND 2ACHEL ENDS THEIR RELATIONSHIP *UST WHAT A RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC NEEDS IT S NOT LONG BEFORE HE RAIDS THE MINI BAR (E AND 3KY VOW TO SUPPORT EACH OTHER AT LEAST (OWEVER CRAZY NEW CHARACTER 4ERESA lXATED WITH 3KY AND HER BABY BECOMES ALL TERRITORIAL AND TELLS HIM 3KY DOESN T WANT HIM &URTHER DOWN THE WARD -AX S MENTAL HEALTH STARTS TO DETERIORATE FOR REAL AND HE RUNS AWAY 4OADIE mIES BACK FROM 3YDNEY TO HELP 3TEPH IN HER ANGUISH SUBTLE AND WE SEE THE RETURN OF @!NGRY "OYD AS HE BECOMES AGGRESSIVE IN THE SEARCH FOR -AX %LLE GUILTY FOR HER PART IN -AX S DOWNFALL AND GRIEVING $YLAN lND COMFORT IN EACH OTHER S ARMS -EANWHILE .ED AND +ATYA S RELATIONSHIP BECOMES MORE SERIOUS BUT SHE HAS A lGHT ON HER HANDS IN THE FORM OF #ARMELLA &OUR NEWBIES MOVE INTO .UMBER LAID BACK 7ILL #ARMELLA S SISTER 2OSETTA AND FAKE COUPLE 0EPPER AND &RAZER )S NOTHING LEFT SACRED IN THIS SOAP THAT THEY NEED A FAKE COUPLE !ND JUST AS THINGS ARE GOING WELL BETWEEN ,OU AND *ANELLE -ISHKA MAKES A DRAMATIC RETURN ,UCY 0URCELL
4OP
46 TREATS ON # THIS FORTNIGHT
.IKKI *ONES 5GLY "ETTY &RI n )N THE FASHIONABLE STICK THIN WORLD OF -ODE MAGAZINE HOW WILL THE GEEKY 1UEEN S GIRL "ETTY 3UAREZ lT IN #ELEBRITY "IG "ROTHER 7EEKDAYS n ,IKE -ARMITE YOU EITHER LOVE IT OR YOU HATE IT BUT IT S BACK AND SO IS *ADE $ESPERATE (OUSEWIVES 7ED n 4HE HIT 53 COMIC DRAMA RETURNS FOR A THIRD SERIES AND AS USUAL THINGS AREN T ALWAYS WHAT THEY SEEM 4HE /# 3UN n %VERYBODY S FAVOURITE TEEN DRAMA ENTERS ITS FOURTH AND lNAL SEASON "UT AS THE GANG STRUGGLE TO ADJUST TO LIFE WITHOUT -ARISSA WILL THEIR FRIENDSHIPS SURVIVE THESE TROUBLED TIMES %2 -ON n 7E lNALLY RETURN TO THE HALLS OF #HICAGO S #OUNTY 'ENERAL HOSPITAL "UT WILL !BBEY AND +OVAC S BABY BOY SURVIVE
THE EVENT
,OIS #LARK 4HE .EW !DVENTURES /F 3UPERMAN )F 3MALLVILLE IS 3UPERMAN FOR TEENS THEN ,OIS #LARK WAS 3UPERMAN FOR THE LADIES 3PECIlCALLY CONCEIVED FOR THE FEMALE DEMOGRAPHIC THE SHOW S FOCUS WAS ON THE ROMANCE OF THE EPONYMOUS COUPLE WITH THE INEVITABLE YET PROTRACTED RESOLUTION OF THEIR mIRTATIONS SETTING THE BAR FOR WILL THEY WON T THEY TELEVISION ROMANCE WHEN 2OSS AND 2ACHEL WERE BUT A TWINKLE IN THE EYE %VERYTHING FROM THE TEMPERING OF #LARK +ENT S TRADITIONAL BUMBLING TO PUBLICITY SHOTS OF THE STARS WRAPPED NAKED IN 3UPERMAN S RED CAPE SCREAMED ONE THING THE BRAND
MIGHT BE 3UPERMAN BUT THE HEART IS ,OIS AND #LARK 4HIS DICHOTOMY WAS SO IMPORTANT TO THE CONCEPTION OF THE SHOW THAT $# #OMICS WERE PRESSURED INTO POSTPONING THE PLANNED MARRIAGE OF THE COUPLE IN THE COMICS FOR FEARS IT MAY COMPROMISE THE ROMANTIC TENSION 4HOUGH UNASHAMEDLY COURTING THE FEMALE AUDIENCE THERE WAS PLENTY HERE FOR THE GUYS TO ENJOY TOO )F THE WEEKLY THIRD ACT ACTION SET PIECE COMPLETE WITH THE TIGHTS AND mIGHTS OUTLAWED ON 3MALLVILLE WASN T ENOUGH TO KEEP THE LESS SENTIMENTAL VIEWER
FROM WANDERING THERE WAS ALWAYS &(- S SEXIEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD TO HOLD THEIR ATTENTION .EIL (UITSON
$6$ #ORNER $RACULA a /UT .OW "RAM 3TOKER S $RACULA IS ONE OF THE MOST FAMOUS NOVELS FROM THE LAST YEARS AND THIS NEW ADAPTATION STARRING (USTLE S -ARC 7ARREN AS THE #OUNT AND 3OPHIA -YLES AS ,UCY 7ESTENRA TAKES A STAB AT BRINGING A RAUNCHIER AND MORE MODERN TAKE ON IT 3UFlCE TO SAY IT IS SUCCESSFUL IN PORTRAYING THE UNDERLYING EROTICISM AND THE SEXUAL REPRESSION OF 6ICTORIAN LIFE PRESENT IN THE NOVEL (OWEVER SOME OF IT S PLOT DEVELOPMENTS ARE TRULY A STAB IN THE DARK 6IEWERS NOT FAMILIAR WITH 3TOKER S NOVEL WILL PROBABLY lND THIS VERSION ENTERTAINING AND BETTER
THAN MOST OF THE $RACULA lLMS AND 46 ADAPTATIONS THAT HAVE COME BEFORE IT "UT FOR THIS REVIEWER THE LIBERTIES TAKEN WITH THE PLOT ARE TOO MUCH OF A CHANGE &IRST OF ALL *ONATHAN (ARKER IS SIDELINED AND KILLED OFF 6AN (ELSING IS PORTRAYED AS A SNIVELLING WRECK AND THE VILLAIN $RACULA IS FAR AND AWAY FROM STRIKING FEAR INTO THE HEARTS OF MEN /NE WOULD THINK THAT WITH $AVID 3UCHET UNDER ITS WING THEY WOULD USE HIM MORE WISELY 4HE WRITERS TAKE THE THEME OF IMMORTALITY FROM THE NOVEL AND RUN WITH IT 4HE MINOR CHARACTER !RTHUR (OLMWOOD $AN 3TEVENS
IS MADE THE PROTAGONIST AND BY GIVING HIM SYPHILIS THEY SEEK MAKE $RACULA S ARRIVAL TO %NGLAND ALL PART OF (OLMWOOD S SEARCH FOR A CURE TO HIS DISEASE )T WOULD BE A DECENT PIECE OF TELEVISION WERE IT NOT FOR THE SHOCKINGLY BAD EDITING AND CONSTANT PLOT JUMPS !N INTRICATE PLOT OF SUCH MAGNITUDE FEELS RUSHED IN THE MINUTES IT RUNS FOR $RACULA IS A DISAPPOINTMENT TO SAY THE LEAST CONSIDERING THE HYPE 4HE ONLY COMFORT ONE CAN lND IN THIS VERSION IS THAT IT WAS PRODUCED BY 'RANADA AND NOT THE ""# .ATASHA +UNDAIKER
46
TH (EAVEN &ROM
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.ATASHA +UNDAIKER TAKES A LOOK AT RETURN
ING FAVOURITES AND THE NEW SHOWS SET TO TAKE THE COUNTRY BY STORM IN
.
OW THAT IS FIRMLY BEHIND US IT S OUT WITH THE OLD AND IN WITH THE NEW !S WE WAVE GOODBYE TO THE LIKES OF 2OBIN (OOD AND #3) -IAMI THE NEW YEAR BRINGS IN A TIDE OF SHOWS TO KEEP US ENTERTAINED SEES IN TWO NEW SHOWS FROM THE 53 ONE FEATURING AN AP PARENTLY UGLY FASHION MAGAZINE SECRETARY AND THE OTHER A BAND OF GENETICALLY MUTATED MISlTS #HANNEL LEADS THE WAY WITH THE QUIRKY COMEDY 5GLY "ETTY )T HAS WON AUDIENCES STATESIDE AND IS NOW DOING THE SAME IN THE 5+ WITH THE lRST EPISODE DRAWING IN OVER MIL LION VIEWERS )F 5GLY "ETTY PROVES A SUBSTANTIAL HIT #HANNEL MAY JUST HAVE FOUND THAT CROWD PLEASING SHOW TO lLL THE GAPING HOLE LEFT IN ITS &RIDAY NIGHT SCHEDULE BY THE END OF &RIENDS 4HE DIGITAL CHANNEL 3CI &I BRINGS US THE OTHER SMASH HIT FROM THE 53 (EROES (ITTING OUR SHORES ON &EBRU ARY TH (EROES FOLLOWS A GROUP OF PEOPLE WHOSE $.! HAS MUTATED TO GIVE THEM DIFFERENT AND UNIQUE POW ERS 4HE CHARACTERS ARE ALL LINKED AND EVEN IF THEY DON T KNOW IT THEIR FATES ARE TIED TOGETHER 4HEIR ULTIMATE DES TINY .OTHING LESS THAN SAVING THE WORLD OF COURSE 9OU LL HEAR NO END OF HYPE FOR THE SHOW EVEN IF IT S JUST US WRITERS AT 4HE %VENT CONSTANTLY CHIRPING ON ABOUT HOW WONDER FUL IT IS )T S A FANTASTIC SHOW AND WE JUST CAN T SEEM TO GET ENOUGH ESPE CIALLY NOW THAT EX $OCTOR #HRISTO PHER %CCLESTON IS JOINING THE CAST 7ITH A KILLER STORYLINE ENGAGING CHARACTERS CREEPY SE RIAL KILLER VILLAIN 3YLAR AND THE GREAT TAG LINE OF @3AVE THE CHEER
LEADER 3AVE THE WORLD n WHAT S NOT TO LOVE )F YOU DON T HAVE 3CI &I FEAR NOT ""# HAS ALSO PICKED UP THE SHOW FOR AIRING IN *UNE %VEN THOUGH IT S SIX MONTHS AWAY IT S WELL WORTH THE WAIT AND IF IT GETS A RESPONSE ANYWHERE NEAR THAT IN THE 53 (E ROES WILL BE A SURE lRE HIT IN THE 5+ % BRINGS US ANOTHER NEW SHOW BUT THIS TIME IT S HOME GROWN "RIT DRAMA 3KINS AN OFF BEAT SERIES FROM THE MAKERS OF 3HAMELESS FOCUSES ON A GROUP OF YEAR OLDS THOUGH IT S WORLDS AWAY FROM THE mOWERY IDEALS OF 'RANGE (ILL AND EVEN 4HE /# 3KINS IS OSTENSIBLY MORE ADULT IN NATURE WITH ITS CHARACTERS POPPING PILLS IN THEIR SPARE TIME PARTYING ALL NIGHT AND PUSHING BOUNDARIES LIKE ONLY TEENAG ERS CAN 4HE NINE PART DRAMA STARTS ON *ANUARY TH AND STARS .ICHOLAS (OLT BEST KNOWN FOR HIS ROLE IN !BOUT ! "OY 4HIS SEASON S TERRESTRIAL 46 AP PEARS TO BE IN THE THRALL OF #HAN NEL !LONGSIDE 5GLY "ETTY WE HAVE THE RETURN OF SOME OLD FAVOURITES LIKE 3HAMELESS AND 3HIPWRECKED 7E LL lNALLY lND OUT WHAT HAP PENED TO -IKE AS $ESPERATE (OUSEWIVES RETURNS TO THE 7EDNESDAY NIGHT SLOT WITHITSTHIRDSEASONFOLLOWINGTHEHIGH JINKS OF THE RESIDENTS OF 7ISTERIA ,ANE 0REPARE FOR A STRONG DOSE OF DRAMA ON -ONDAY NIGHTS AS THE %MMY !WARD WINNING %2 IS BACK ON #HANNEL IN ITS TH SEASON !FTER THE TUMULTUOUS AND SHOCKING MO MENTS OF THE PREVIOUS lNALE WE GET THROWN STRAIGHT BACK INTO THE ACTION TO DEAL WITH THE AFTERMATH OF THE SHOOTING 4HOUGH IT HAS LOST MOST OF ITS ORIGINAL CAST %2 IS STILL PROVING IT CAN PULL THE PUNCHES DELIVERING ONE GRIPPING STORYLINE AFTER ANOTHER %VERYONE MUST HAVE HEARD BY NOW THAT #HANNEL WILL NO LONGER BE SHOWING ,OST )F THAT NEWS IS TOO MUCH FOR ANYONE TO BEAR UNFORTUNATELY YOU ,OST A HOLICS WILL HAVE TO SHELL OUT FOR 3KY /NE OR WATCH ONLINE )F YOU DO NOT ONLY WILL YOU GET ,OST BUT YOU LL ALSO HAVE THE 'OLDEN 'LOBE WIN NING .IP 4UCK TO ADD TO YOUR TELEVI
SION REPERTOIRE FOR -ONDAY NIGHTS 9ES THE GORGEOUS BUT DEADLY $R #HRISTIAN 4ROY AND THE TROUBLED $R 3EAN -C.A MARA ARE BACK )F YOU RE THE STAR SPOT TING TYPE LOOK OUT FOR +ATHLEEN 4URN ER AND "ROOKE 3HIELDS BOTH OF WHOM WILL GUEST STAR IN THIS FOURTH SEASON #HANNEL WILL SUFFER ANOTHER BLOW THIS YEAR WITH THE RECENT AN NOUNCEMENT THAT POP CULTURE PHE NOMENON 4HE /# WILL END IN ONLY ITS FOURTH SEASON $ECLINING RATINGS HAVE CAUSED NETWORKS TO PULL THE PLUG DESPITE FAN PROTESTS WITH THE LAST EPI SODE AIRING IN LATE &EBRUARY IN THE 53 .EVER FEAR YOU *OSH 3CHWARTZ FANS AS 4HE /# CREATOR HAS TWO NEW SHOWS UP HIS SLEEVES WITH THE PILOT EPISODES FOR 'OSSIP 'IRL AND #RUMBS BOTH HAVING BEEN PICKED UP BY MAJOR 53 NETWORKS 4HE "EEB ARE BRINGING BACK THE @ORIGINAL REALITY 46 SHOW #AST AWAY AFTER A lVE YEAR ABSENCE FROM OUR SCREENS )NSTEAD OF A COLD WET 3COT TISH ISLAND THE CONTESTANTS WILL BE SHIPPED TO AN UNDISCLOSED BUT EX OTIC LOCATION 4HIS SPRING WE ALSO SEE THE RETURN OF THE GREAT SCI l
CLASSIC $OCTOR 7HO !FTER THE TANTALIS ING #HRISTMAS SPECIAL AND A HOST OF 7HO THEMED SHOWS OVER THE HOLIDAYS NOT TO MENTION THE #YBERMEN DANC ERS AT THE +YLIE 3HOWGIRL TOUR WE CAN BARELY WAIT FOR THE WONDERS IN THE THIRD SERIES 7ITH THE INTRODUCTION OF THE NEW COMPANION -ARTHA *ONES AN APPEARANCE BY 7ILLIAM 3HAKE SPEARE AND OF COURSE THE $ALEKS THE NEW SERIES LOOKS SET TO BE A WINNER 0RISON "REAK ALSO MAKES ITS LONG AWAITED COMEBACK ON *ANUARY TH WITH &IVE SPARING NO EXPENSE TO AD VERTISE IT ANYWHERE THEY CAN 4HE IM PERCEPTIVE VIEWER MIGHT HAVE THOUGHT THAT ONCE THE &OX 2IVER %IGHT HAD AC TUALLY BROKEN OUT OF THE PRISON THAT D BE THE END OF THE SERIES BECAUSE OF COURSE ONCE THEY ESCAPE NO ONE WILL EVER THINK OF LOOKING FOR THEM (OWEVER IT IS ONLY THE START OF THE LONG JOURNEY AHEAD OF BROTHERS ,INCOLN "UR ROWS AND
-ICHAEL 3COlELD 4HE SHOW MANAGES TO MAINTAIN ITS GRASP IN THE SECOND SERIES WITH THE MANHUNT PROVIDING GRIPPING DRAMA AND EVEN COMEDIC TOUCHES )T IS BETTER THAN EVER PROVING THE SECOND AND HOPEFULLY A THIRD SERIES CAN BE JUST AS GOOD AS THE lRST !T THE OTHER END OF THE SPECTRUM OF BROTHERLY LOVE )46 BRINGS THOSE SEXY 7INCHESTER BROTHERS BACK TO OUR SCREENS FROM *ANUARY TH IN 3UPER NATURAL 4HE SECOND SEASON IS MORE EMOTIONALLY CHARGED DARKER AND EVEN BETTER THAN THE lRST !LAS THEY DO HAVE A CLOWN EPISODE SO STEER CLEAR OF THAT ONE IF YOU ARE FAINT HEARTED OR PRONE TO NIGHTMARE INDUCED SLEEPLESS NIGHTS )T LOOKS SET TO BE A STELLAR YEAR FOR TELEVISION LETS JUST HOPE THEY DON T DO A 4ORCHWOOD AND RUIN IT ALL AT THE lNAL MOMENT
&OR MORE REVIEWS THE LATEST 46 GOSSIP VISIT WWW UEACONCRETETV BLOGSPOT COM
THE EVENT
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#AN T FORGET A LEGEND OF ENDINGS KISS FUCKING KITCHENS WRAP YOUR LEGS AROUND ME THE BARE TREES PLAY VIBRATING lLMS YOUR SILLY THINGS HIT ME IN THE DANCE ROOMS LEFT TO RIGHT MY MEMORIES OF YOU AND BLINK LIKE GEMS IN SUGAR IN DARK TEA
4HE DULL THUDDING SHOOK ME VIGOUROUSLY FROM MY UNCON SCIOUS DELIRIUM LIKE A COLD HARD SLAP TO THE FACE ) STUM BLED TO MY FEET KNOCKING THE POT OF INK OVER MY PAPERS -Y HEAD SWAM AND MY LEGS FELT WEAK AND UNDERUSED )T HURT TO LOOK AT BRIGHT LIGHT -Y RETINAS SLOWLY CAME INTO FOCUS ON THE INK SOAKED PAPERS IN FRONT OF ME 4HE 5NlNISHED 3TORY (OW LONG HAD IT BEEN NOW MONTHS !ND NOT A WORD MORE WRITTEN THE EASE OF THE SUCCESS OF MY EARLIER PUBLICATIONS WAS LONG FORGOTTEN 7ITH A MUFmED GROAN ) LURCHED AWAY FROM THE BUREAU AND STAGGERED OVER TO THE DRINKS CABINET WITH A VAIN HOPE DULLING THE ACHING THROB IN MY HEAD -Y EYE CAUGHT THE EMERALD GLINT OF THE ABSINTHE TWINKLING IN THE mICKER OF THE CANDLELIGHT AND MY STOMACH LURCHED )T REPRESENTED LIFE AFTER THE INCIDENT MY !CHILLES HEEL MY SOLE REASON FOR LIVING ) WORKED MY WAY TO THE TABLE GRABBING THE BOTTLE AND PROCEEDED TO METICULOUSLY POUR IT OVER SOME SUGAR AND INTO THE DIRTY OLD GLASS BELOW ) TILTED A CANDLE OVER THE MIXTURE MAKING SURE NOT TO SPILL ANY WAX INTO THE GLASS AND WATCHED IN BORED AMAZEMENT AS THE CUBE IGNITED AND TH DEEP BLUE mAMES ROAR DOWN INTO THE LIQUID ) LET THEM DANCE BRIEmY FOR A MOMENT BE FORE GENTLY POURING WATER OVER THE TOP OF THE BLAZE AND LET THE TRANSLUCENT GREEN ABSINTHE TURN A MILKY HUE ) CRADLED THE GLASS IN BOTH HANDS AND TOOK A LONG DRAUGHT 4HE DULL ACHING IN MY CRANIUM BEGAN MELTING AWAY ALMOST AT ONCE SUBLIMING OFF INTO THE EVENING AIR ) PAUSED BRIEmY ENJOY ING THIS MOMENTARY ECSTASY THEN SLOWLY MADE MY WAY TO THE GREAT RED VELVET ARMCHAIR IN THE CENTRE OF THE ROOM AND CAREFULLY PLACED THE DRINK DOWN ON THE SIDE TABLE ) GLANCED UP NOW AT THE GREAT PORTRAIT WHICH HUNG ABOVE THE GREAT lRE PLACE -Y CHILD AND WIFE 3HE LOOKED MORE BEAU TIFUL NOW THAN EVER (ER LIPS SEEMED STERN AND SOFT AND HER WONDERFUL WARM BROWN EYES mICKERED IN THE SOFT lRELIGHT -Y HEART ACHED A LITTLE AND ) SAT DOWN
7HOLE lLMS SPAT IN SILENCE AQUARIUMS SILENT THE POWER TO KNOCK KNEES THE THINGS YOU DONE ARE TOLD THE TALLEST 9OUR lNGERPRINTS WHISTLE IN THE WATERPIPES ) GET THINGS DONE BETWEEN POCKETS AND EYELASHES THE SMALLEST THINGS YOU DONE CRASH BUTTERmIES 2OSES AREN T SACRED JUST BLUSHING ! WEEPER DREAM ON YOUR SIDE THE SMALLEST THINGS ROOM HERO WHO DOES BOXER SHORT SONGS BEHIND WINDOW PAINS TWISTING THE KNICKER HITS THE TWITS THE MISS THE PAST TENSES &UCKING KISSES MY FRIENDS MY DAYS COME DOWN MEMORY LANE THE ONES YOU KISSED TWICE TEEN FAIR IN FUN YOU VOICE RARE THE BOYS WHO CUMMING IN THEIR JEANS MILES ) LIKE YOU 2EGRETS WE LL FUCK ALL DAY ) LL VISIT YOUR GRANDFATHER
0,!93 )F 9OU #AN T "E 'OOD ; = #OME UP ON ,UCY IN HER BEDROOM 4HERE IS NOW A NOTICEABLE BULGE AROUND HER ABDOMEN -ORNING 4HEY VE FORBIDDEN ME TO LEAVE THE HOUSE ) CAN T GO ANY WHERE .OT EVEN SCHOOL ) CAN STILL HEAR MY $AD S VOICE h7HO S THE FATHER 7ELL WHO IS HE v ) DIDN T TELL !S MUCH AS ) HATE 7ILL FOR DOING THIS ) DON T WANT HIM TO GET HIS LEGS BROKEN !ND DAD WOULD DElNITELY BREAK HIS LEGS 4HEY BOTH CAME WITH ME TO THE DOCTORS THIS TIME ROUND (E DIDN T LET ON THAT HE D SEEN ME BEFORE AND ) DIDN T TELL THEM -Y DAD HATES DOCTORS ENOUGH AS IT IS HE DOESN T NEED TO KNOW THAT OUR FAMILY '0 WAS KEEPING MY SECRET (E RANTED AND RAVED -Y DAD THAT IS NOT THE DOCTOR 7ENT ON AND ON ABOUT HOW STUPID ) WAS h3HE S ONLY YEARS OLD FOR GOD S SAKE v -Y MOTHER WAS QUICK TO JUMP IN HERE h3HE MAY BE BUT SHE S JOLLY WELL BETTER GROW UP FAST NOW v 3HE WAS BARELY MAKING SENSE 3HE KEEPS ALTERNATING BE TWEEN lERY WRATH AND DESPERATE SOBBING ) VE ONLY GOT A WEEK BEFORE MY OPTIONS RUN OUT BUT ) VE ALREADY DECIDED ) M KEEPING THIS KID ) M WEEKS GONE ACCORDING TO THE DOCTOR AND THAT MEANS THIS LITTLE KID CAN FEEL !ND ) CAN FEEL THE BABY ) DIDN T TELL MY PARENTS BUT LYING IN BED A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO ) FELT IT KICKING )T WAS LIKE LITTLE BUTTERmIES DANCING IN MY TUMMY 4HE KID HAS BEEN DOING IT EVER SINCE ONLY NOW IT S REALLY KICKING !ND ) KNOW THAT THERE S A LITTLE PERSON IN THERE NOT JUST A THING ! REAL LIVE PERSON !ND SOMEONE THAT ) M GOING TO HAVE TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR -UM S RIGHT ) AM GOING TO HAVE TO GROW UP FAST &ADE TO BLACK #OME UP ON ,UCY SITTING IN A DOCTOR S WAITING ROOM (ER TUMMY IS NOW MUCH BIGGER -IDDAY
"Y 3TEPHEN (ALL 5NKNOWN "UT IF YOU ARE THE WRITER PLEASE LET ME KNOW AND YOU WILL BE CREDITED
,IAR (E WEARS HIS STRAIGHTNESS ROUND HIS NECK "AM 4HE DICTIONARY BLINDS US WORDS mYING MY HEART SKIPS SIX BEATS $UMBFOUNDED 4HE LIES ,IAR ,IAR ,IAR "UZZING IN THE BLISTERING HEAT ) D ALLOW HIM TO FOLLOW ME DEEP WITHIN THE THESAURUS /UR FELLOWS MOCK
3USTAINED $ISTURBANCE ) WAS ON A COACH WITH ABOUT EIGHT BOTTLES OF MILK AT MY FEET &OUR OF THEM HAD NO FOIL TOPS (E WAS GOING VERY FAST AROUND CORNERS TO WARN ME /UT THE WINDOW THERE WAS SOME LAKE THAT WAS REALLY MUDDY AND CLOGGED UP ) SAY SOMETHING TO SOMEONE ABOUT THE PRODUCTION OF PLASTICS 4HE ANIMALS COULDN T GET BACK TO THE SEA 4HEY THE BAD PEOPLE HAD *ER EMY 0AXMAN ON 46 TRYING TO EXPLAIN THE INCIDENT "UT EVEN HE COULDN T HIDE THE TRUTH HE COULN T ANSWER THE QUESTIONS SO HE STORMED OFF SET ) WAS WATCHING THIS AT HOME SAYING IT WAS ALL LIES ) WENT MENTAL DANCING AROUND AND SCREAMING LIKE A TORTURED CHIMP ) WENT TO THE KITCHEN AND WITH MY HANDS SIEVED OUT SOME VEGETABLES FROM THE BOWL OF SOUP RUNNING THEM UNDER COLD WATER SO THEY COULD GET BACK TO THE SEA "Y %DMUND 'ILLINGWATER
3NORT WE SNORT 4HE NIGHT ENDS #OCOON ME ) BEG )T SEEMS LIKE A MINUTE AND ) AM LEFT LEFT WITH INCHES AND CENTIMETRES "Y &AY 3TRANG
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/NLY FOUR MORE WEEKS TO GO THEY RE SAYING )T S SCARY BUT THERE S NOTHING WRONG WITH THE BABY THANK 'OD ) VE JUST GOT TO GO IN FOR REGULAR CHECK UPS 4HEY SAID THEY COULD TELL ME IF IT WAS A BOY OR A GIRL BUT ) SAID ) D RATHER NOT KNOW 7HICHEVER IT IS THIS KID HAS ONE MEAN KICK $AD HAS COME OVER ALL PATERNAL (E ALWAYS WANTS ME TO FEEL THE BABY KICKING (E SITS AND TALKS TO ME FOR HOURS ABOUT HOW IT WAS WHEN ) WAS A BABY 4HEN WHEN ) GO UP TO BED HE CRIES -UM IS JUST BECOMING MORE DISTANT 3OMETIMES ) FEEL LIKE SHE DOESN T EVEN WANT TO LOOK AT ME THAT EVERY TIME SHE DOES SHE S REMINDED ABOUT WHAT A DISAPPOINTMENT ) AM ) CRY TOO SOMETIMES "UT WHEN THE KID S BORN WHEN IT S JUST THE BABY AND ME THEN IT WILL BE ALL RIGHT 7E LL ALL BE A FAMILY ) M NOT GIVING IT UP FOR ADOPTION NO WAY -UM CAME INTO MY ROOM TO TRY AND PERSUADE ME TO 3HE SAT ON THE END OF THE BED AND SHE STILL WOULDN T LOOK AT ME 3HE SAID THAT ) WAS RUINING MY LIFE AND THE CHILD S 3HE SAID THAT IF ) GAVE THE BABY UP IT WOULD GO TO A GOOD HOME A HAPPY HOME 7HERE IT COULD HAVE TWO LOVING PARENTS A MOTHER AND A FATHER "UT ) PUT HER STRAIGHT 4HE BABY WOULD HAVE ME AND $AD AND IF SHE WANTED TO BE THEN SHE COULD BE A PART OF MY BABY S LIFE TOO "UT IT WAS MY BABY AND NO ONE WOULD BE TAKING IT AWAY FROM ME &ADE TO BLACK ; = "Y .ATALIE "LACKMAN
3END IN YOUR 0S 0OETRY 0ROSE AND 0LAYS %MAIL YOUR STUFF TO )MAN 3ID AT I SID UEA AC UK OR CONCRETE CREATIVEWRITING UEA AC UK
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9OUR ONE STOP SOURCE FOR EVERYTHING RELATED TO ANYTHING MUSICAL 4HE WEALTH OF INFORMATION ABOUT BANDS AND MUSICIANS ON HERE IS STAGGER ING WITH EVERYTHING FROM -ORRISSEY TO !LANIS -ORISSETTE AND THE PAGE FOR EACH ARTIST IS TRULY EXHAUSTIVE 4AKE THE PAGE ABOUT -ORRISSEY FOR EXAMPLE 4HE OPENING PAGE FOR HIS SECTION CONTAINS A RELATIVELY DETAILED BIOGRAPHY ADJEC TIVES TO DESCRIBE HIS MUSIC MOST UNSURPRIS INGLY RELATED TO HOW MISERABLE HE IS ARTISTS THAT INmUENCED HIM AND ARTISTS THAT ARE INmU ENCED BY HIM !CROSS THE TOP IS A SERIES OF TABS TO MORE INFORMATION ABOUT HIGHLIGHTS FROM HIS BACK CATALOGUE WHAT AWARDS HE S WON AND n PERHAPS MOST IMPORTANTLY n HIS DISCOGRAPHY !GAIN QUITE DETAILED EACH ALBUM IS RE VIEWED BY SEEMINGLY LITERATE AND KNOWLEDGE ABLE REVIEWERS AND IT S OFTEN INTERESTING TO READ
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!LBUM 2EVIEWS "LOC 0ARTY ! 7EEKEND )N 4HE #ITY 0OST 3ILENT !LARM "LOC 0ARTY HAVE BECOME SYNONYMOUS WITH THE TYPE OF ROCK AND OR ROLL THAT ECHOES SPIKY &RANZ &ERDINAND ESQUE ANGULAR GUITAR POP 0OST PUNK GUITAR HOOKS AND AN IMMEDIACY IN SONG CRAFT WERE DElNING CHARACTERISTICS OF THEIR DEBUT 3ILENT !LARM !S SOON AS IT TOUCHED DOWN THREE AND HALF MINUTE %PWORTH TINGED MASTERPIECES ROCKETED THROUGH EVERY INDIE KID S STEREO THIS SIDE OF THE !TLANTIC 3HE S (EARING 6OICES "ANQUET 0IONEERS AND ,UNO TO NAME BUT A FEW 4HEIR LIVE SHOWS WERE NOT TO DISAPPOINT FRANTIC EDGY AND RELENTLESS THEY NOT ONLY DElNED "LOC 0ARTY S EXISTENCE BUT SHOW CASED DRUMMER -ATT 4ONG AND GUITARIST 2USSELL ,ISSACK AS TWO OF THE BEST ROCK MUSICIANS OF THEIR GENERATION $EVOTEES WILL APPROACH ! 7EEKEND )N 4HE #ITY WITH UN PARALLELED EXPECTATION AND RIGHTLY SO #OLLAPSED LUNGS A CANCELLED 53 TOUR AND AN INTER NET LEAK ENOUGH TO MAKE ANYONE FORGET THAT THIS BAND ARE ABOUT TO MOUNT A DARING CONQUEST OF THE MAIN STREAM MINDS OF "RITAIN AND !MERICA SO BRINGING US BACK TO THE POINT IS 7EEKEND IN THE #ITY ANY GOOD &EL LOW "LOC 0ARTIERS JEEZEx THE ANSWER S MORE COMPLI CATED THAN AN OUTRIGHT YES OR NO )F YOU RE EXPECTING 3ILENT !LARM VERSION WELL YOU RE GOING TO BE SUR PRISED !T lRST LISTEN THE ALBUM DOESN T CAPTURE YOU THE WAY THE BRILLIANT 3ILENT !LARM DID *ACKNIFE ,EE S 5 %DITORS 0INK PRODUCTION CERTAINLY UPS THE ANTE BEAT WISE AND NO DOUBT BUILDS ON THE ATMOSPHERE BUT THESE ARE OBVIOUS PROGRESSIONS 4HE OPENER DOESN T VEER FROM EXPECTATIONS 3ONG &OR #LAY IS PROMISING AND INTENSE WITH SINGER +ELE /KEREKE LAYING DOWN THE TONE FOR THE ALBUM IN CONCRETE h%AST ,ONDON IS A VAMPIRE IT SUCKS
THE BLOOD RIGHT OUT OF MEv 4HE PURITY AND INNOCENCE OF 3ILENT !LARM IMMEDIATELY FEELS LIKE DISTANT REALM /KEREKE S INSPIRATION IS WHAT HE CALLS hTHE LIVING NOISE OF A METROPOLISv THE HIGHS AND LOWS OF CITY LIFE 3ATURDAY NIGHTS LOVE CASUAL SEX HOMOSEXUAL CURIOSITY COMMUTING ESCAPES TO THE COUNTRY AND PERHAPS MOST POIGNANTLY THE FEAR AND PARANOIA CLAWING AT THE HEARTS OF EVERY ,ONDONER POST h4HE $AILY -AIL SAYS THE ENEMY S AMONG US TAKING OUR WOMEN TAKING OUR JOBSv YELPS /KEREKE DURING (UNTING FOR 7ITCHES h&EAR WILL KEEP US ALL IN PLACEv -ATT 4ONG S SUBLIME DRUM PATTERNS YET AGAIN FEEL LIKE THE ENIGMA COMPLIMENTING THE GIDDY ELECTRONICA ABUNDANT IN TRACKS LIKE 7AITING FOR THE AND 4HE 0RAYER (OWEVER IT S THE MAJESTIC /N THAT REALLY STANDS AS THE CENTREPIECE FAR SURPASSING THE PAST GLORIES AND DIZZY HEIGHTS OF 3O (ERE 7E !RE 4RIPPY STRINGS AND TRADEMARK DRUMS ARE THE BACKDROP FOR +ELE S TALES OF CRACK COCAINE HIGH S CULMINATING IN THE STANDOUT LYRIC h) CAN CHARM THEM ALLv IT S A CAREER MOMENT AND A MOVING REMINDER OF WHY WE INITIALLY FELL IN LOVE WITH THE BAND 0URISTS WILL ARGUE THAT THE LATTER THIRD IS FULL OF OVER INDULGENT SENTIMENT AND BLEEDING HEARTS TOO MANY 4HIS -ODERN ,OVES IN TOO SHORT A TIME $ON T BE PUT OFF AS /KEREKE WALKS THROUGH THE COUNTRYSIDE IN CLOSER 3824 YOU RE BESIDE HIM 3URELY ONE OF MUSIC S FUNDAMEN TAL DESIRES IS TO PROVIDE SOME SORT OF ESCAPE AND WITH TRACKS LIKE /N AND 3824 "LOC 0ARTY SUCCEED IN TAKING US TO PLACES WE HAVEN T VISITED IN A LONG LONG TIME (ARSH PARANOID SHARP WITTY ATMOSPHERIC BEAUTI FUL "LOC 0ARTY S NEW EFFORT IS A SPARSE YET BOLD REmECTION
OF OUR EVERYDAY LIVES AND AN HONEST DARING AND SCATH ING ATTACK ON "LAIR S "RITAIN )F YOU VE ANY SENSE YOU LL BUY THIS ALBUM YOU LL PUT DOWN THOSE LECTURE NOTES YOU LL SWITCH YOURSELF OFF AND YOU LL PREPARE FOR ! 7EEK END )N 4HE #ITY IT REALLY IS WORTH A VISIT 'REG 3ULLIVAN
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#ANDYLION
)T S NOT UNCANNY THAT THE lRST THING THAT SPRINGS TO MIND ON LISTENING TO THIS RECORD IS .IRVANA S SEMINAL 5NPLUGGED ALBUM AN ALBUM THAT STOOD ON ITS OWN AS DARING INSIGHT AND EXPLORATION INTO THE POTENTIAL FUTURE OF A GREAT ROCK BAND $AVE S DECISION TO INCLUDE -ARIGOLD IN THE SET NOT ONLY LINKS THE TWO INDElNITELY BUT IT S ALSO INSIGHTFUL AS TO WHERE THE &OO S ARE CURRENTLY HEADING 'ONE IS EARTH SHATTERING ANTHEMIC MUSCLE OF &OO &IGHTERS PRE )N 9OUR (ONOUR AND IN ITS PLACE STANDS HEART AND MELODY REMINISCENT OF +URT COME 'ROHL S DECISION TO PUT OUT AN ACOUSTIC ALBUM BEFORE A PROPER ELECTRIC LIVE ALBUM MUST TO SOME EXTENT ILLUSTRATE THE &OOS CURRENT AIMS AS A ROCK BAND &OR MOST THE SECOND ACOUSTIC DISC OF )N 9OUR (ONOUR DIDN T LIVE UP TO EXPECTATIONS 3KIN AND "ONES HOWEVER CAPTURES 'ROHL S MUSICAL AMBITION AND HEART INSTANTANEOUSLY )N FACT THEY SOUND AS COMFORTABLE STRUMMING THROUGH MONSTERS SUCH AS 4IMES ,IKE 4HESE %VERLONG AND -Y (ERO AS THEY DO WHEN THRASHING THEM TO THE BLEARY EYED AT 2EADING &ESTIVAL 4HE STRENGTH OF EACH TRACK EVEN THE NEW NUMBERS SHOWCASES THE &OOS AS A BAND EVOLVING INTO NOT ONLY A BUNCH OF GREAT MUSICIANS BUT A GROUP OF FANTASTIC SONGWRITERS ! ONE TIME EXPERIMENT /R THE FUTURE OF THE &OOS 7ELL THAT LL BE FOR 'ROHL TO DECIDE BUT FOR THE ACOUSTIC HOUR RECORDED AT ,OS !NGELES THE &OO &IGHTERS THRIVE IN THEIR SURROUNDINGS 'REG 3ULLIVAN
4HIS REVIEWER WOULD BE THE lRST TO ADMIT THAT HE THOUGHT THIS WHOLE IDEA SOUNDED HORRIBLE IT WAS WITH SOME TREPIDATION THAT HE lRST PUT THE #$ IN HIS STEREO (OWEVER AS THE TRACKS WHIRLED PAST THE FROWN AND LOOK OF DISGUST SOON CHANGED TO A CHEERY SMILE AND EVENTUALLY A BROAD GRIN )T S ACTUALLY AMAZING 7HILE THE #$ IS BURSTING WITH ALL THE HITS THAT EVERYONE EXPECTS FROM A "EATLES COMPILATION (EY *UDE 'ET "ACK (ELP (ERE #OMES 4HE 3UN THE SPIN ON THESE TIME HONOURED CLASSICS AND LESS WELL KNOWN SONGS LIKE 4HE 7ORD AND *ULIA BREATHES A WHOLE NEW LEASE OF LIFE INTO THEM 4AKE FOR EXAMPLE TRACK n 7ITHIN 9OU 7ITHOUT 9OU 4OMORROW .EVER +NOWS 4AKING TWO OF THE STRANGEST YET UNDENIABLY BRILLIANT "EATLES SONGS AND MASHING THEM TOGETHER n THE (ARRISON PENNED 7979 SET AGAINST THE DRUM TRACK FROM 4.+ n WORKS SO WELL THAT IT S DIFlCULT TO IMAGINE THEM NOT BEING PAIRED AS OBVIOUSLY AS BANGERS AND MASH 4HE WHOLE THING FADES OUT AND THE WEIRD KEYBOARD BLIPS FROM ,UCY IN THE 3KY WITH $IAMONDS KICK IN AT lRST SLOWLY THEN SPEEDING UP TO THEIR USUAL DREAMY PACE BEFORE THE SONG KICKS IN (EREIN LIES ANOTHER ASPECT OF ,OVE S GENIUS THE SONGS ARE ALL MIXED TOGETHER AS ONE CONTINUOUS EXPERIENCE MUCH LIKE THE SECOND HALF OF !BBEY 2OAD )T S JUST ONE MORE ASPECT OF HOW ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT THE WHOLE AFFAIR IS FROM START TO lNISH 7HETHER YOU RE A "EATLES FAN OR NOT DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR AND BUY THIS YOU LL THANK US ONE DAY #HRIS (YDE
3TEPPING AWAY FROM HIS BANDMATES WITH A THEATRICAL CLOUD OF WEED SMOKE TRAILING BEHIND HIM 'RUFF 2HYS OF 3UPER &URRY !NIMALS HAS THIS WEEK RELEASED HIS SECOND SOLO ALBUM AHEAD OF THE EIGHTH 3&! ALBUM DUE IN LATE SPRING !ND WHAT A TYPICALLY lNE SLICE OF PSYCHEDELIC POP IT IS CREATING A PERFECT STOP GAP BETWEEN S 0HANTOM 0OWER AND S ,OVE +RAFT IN MIXING THE POP SENSIBILITIES OF THE FORMER WITH THE DREAMY AMBIENCE OF THE LATTER -UCH OF THE ALBUM FOLLOWS THE TEMPLATE LAID OUT BY lRST SINGLE #ANDYLION WISTFUL PSYCHEDELIA WITH SENTIMENTAL YET CHARACTERISTICALLY NONSENSICAL LYRICS SUCH AS #ANDYLION S GEM ABOUT hTHE PENGUIN AND CARNATION THE LEMON AND $ALMATIANv "EYOND THIS THERE ARE SONGS SUNG ENTIRELY IN 0ATAGONIAN 3PANISH A WILD DEPARTURE FROM HIS PREVIOUS SOLO ALBUM SUNG ENTIRELY IN 7ELSH PEDAL STEEL POP THAT HARKS BACK TO 3&! S TECHO ELECTRO HYBRID 'UERILLA AND AN EPIC MINUTE CLOSER THAT MIXES LYRICS ABOUT TERRORISM ROMANCE AND MEDIA SATIRE .OT EXACTLY SOMETHING THAT S GOING TO APPEAR ON THE NEXT !RCTIC -ONKEYS ALBUM EH 4HIS IS 2HYS DOING WHAT HE DOES BEST n DECEPTIVELY SIMPLE SONGS THAT UNVEIL THEIR ECLECTICISM AND DEPTH ON REPEATED LISTENINGS n AND IT S ALL THE BETTER FOR BEING SO
THE EVENT
#HRIS (YDE
-USIC
'OLDEN 3OUNDS @ %DITION 46 /N 4HE 2ADIO
2ETURN 4O #OOKIE -OUNTAIN )F PEOPLE WERE TO PUT THIS ALBUM IN ONE OF THOSE "LUE 0ETER TIME CAPSULES AND THE EARTH S NEW RACE DISCOVERED IT YEARS LATER THEY D BE PRETTY IMPRESSED 7E IM AGINE THEIR lRST REACTION WOULD BE AN EX CITABLE h7HAT THE & CK IS THISv FOLLOWED BY h/H MY GOD THAT S $AVID "OWIE v THEY D OBVIOUSLY BE FAMILIAR WITH $AVID "OWIE FOLLOWED BYx PUT SIMPLY THIS ALBUM WAR RANTS A MULTITUDE OF REACTIONS 7HY "E CAUSE ITS SOUNDS LIKE NO OTHER ALBUM EVER MADE EVER )TS SUCH A BRILLIANTLY ECLECTIC MESS THERE S SO MUCH STUFF GOING ON IN EVERY TRACK BUT YOU DON T KNOW WHY 4UNDE !DEBIMPE S LYRICS ARE FAILED ROMANTIC GEN IUS BUT ON YOUR TENTH LISTEN YOU STILL DON T KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN -USIC IS BEST WHEN AMBIGUOUS 46 /N 4HE 2ADIO ARE PROOF OF THATxTHE ALBUMS CALLED 2ETURN 4O #OOKIE -OUNTAIN FOR F CK S SAKEx 46 HIT THE MONEY ON EVERY NOTE ) 7AS ! ,OVER MOVING BEAUTIFUL SAD 7OLF ,IKE -E ANGRY INTENSE HOPEFUL 0ROVINCE COU RAGEOUS BOLD AMBITIOUS 4HEY RE NEVER @ROCKING OUT THEIR REPETITIVE DRUM LOOPS DON T ALLOW THEM TO INSTEAD THEY EXPLORE THE MUSIC DUB OVER DUB FUSE ACOUSTIC WITH ELECTRONIC AND LET THEIR MINDS TAKE YOU TO PLACES WHERE YOU WOULDN T BE WITH
2INGLEADER /F 4HE 4OR MENTERS
YOUR AVERAGE INDIE COLLECTIVE 9OU RE NOT THE SPECTATOR YOU RE IN 4UNDE !DEBIMPE S HEAD WITNESSING EVERYTHING HE WITNESSES SEEING EVERYTHING HE SEES THE DRUGGIES THE SYCOPHANTS THE LOVERS 46 /N 4HE 2ADIO CREATE A SPACE FOR YOU TO LIVE IN TO EXPLORE YOU SELDOM LEAVE IT &OR MANY IT WAS THE SURPRISE OF THE YEAR NOBODY SAW IT COMING )GNORED BY THE GENERAL PUBLIC BUT MET WITH OPEN ARMS FROM IMPULSE BUYERS AND DEVOTED FOLLOW ERS 3O WHY DIDN T IT DO BETTER )F YOU ASK ANY ONE PERSON TO ATTEMPT TO DESCRIBE 46 /N 4HE 2ADIO THEY RE NEVER GOING TO SUC CEED IN PAINTING A VERY GOOD PICTURE (OW DO YOU RECOMMEND SOMETHING WHEN YOU DON@T REALLY KNOW WHAT YOU RE RECOMMEND ING 'REG 3ULLIVAN
!RCTIC -ONKEYS
-ORRISSEY THE MOST DOUR AND PITHY "RITISH ICON SINCE "ASIL &AWLTY ENTERED THE ST CENTURY IN SOMETHING OF A SLUMP 7ITH INTEREST IN HIM DWINDLING FASTER THAN 0ETE $OHERTY S SMACK SUPPLY HE SURPRISED EVERYBODY WITH S AMAZING COMEBACK 9OU !RE 4HE 1UARRY 7ITH ITS MIXTURE OF STRAIGHT UP 3MITHS ESQUE ROCK AND THE TRADEMARK WIT THAT HE S BEEN PEDDLING FOR TWENTY YEARS IT WAS UTTERLY AMAZING YET HIS STUBBORN REFUSAL TO MOVE ON FROM WHAT HE KNOWS BEST LET THE ALBUM DOWN IN PLACES AND WHERE HE D NEXT GO WITH HIS MUSIC SEEMED INEVITABLE ,AST YEAR S 2INGLEADER OF THE 4ORMENTORS HOWEVER SOON LAID SUCH CRITICISMS TO REST 7HILE MORE OF THE SAME WAS INDEED UNSURPRISINGLY PRESENT WHAT LAID MOST OF -ORRISSEY S PERSONAL TORMENTORS TO REST WAS THE OTHER ASPECTS OF THE RECORD 7HAT OTHER "RITISH MUSICIAN LIVING TODAY COULD PERSUADE COMPOSER %NNIO -ORRICONE TO COMPOSE A PIECE OF MUSIC TO BE SUNG OVER 4HE DELICATE STRINGS OF THAT EPIC SONG ARE SANDWICHED BETWEEN THE ROCK OF 9OU (AVE +ILLED -E AND THE ALL GUNS BLAZING !RABIC THEMED ) 7ILL 3EE 9OU IN &AR /FF 0LACES THINK !LADDIN SPOUTING SUCH LYRICS AS h)F YOUR GOD BESTOWS PROTECTION UPON YOU !ND IF THE 53! DOESN T BOMB YOU )
BELIEVE ) WILL SEE YOU SOMEWHERE SAFEv LEAVING US IN NO DOUBT AS TO -OZ S STANCE ON THE )RAQ WAR SHOWING THE BREADTH OF STYLES THAT -ORRISSEY HAS NOW EMBRACED 4HE ALBUM S CENTREPIECE HOWEVER IS THE SEVEN MINUTE EPIC ,IFE IS A 0IGSTY $EMONSTRATING HOW TO LAYER DIFFERENT INSTRUMENTS WITHIN A SONG WITHOUT SOUNDING CLUTTERED THE SONG GRADUALLY BUILDS AND THEN DECONSTRUCTS BEFORE IT S EXTRO WHERE -ORRISSEY VIRTUALLY WEEPS LYRICS ABOUT BEING IN LOVE BUT NOT BEING ABLE TO BE WITH THAT PERSON DUE TO DYING n NICE TO SEE THAT HIS CHEERY SUBJECT MATTER HASN T CHANGED AT LEAST 4HE -OZFATHER HAS MANAGED TO MAKE THE ALBUM OF HIS CAREER 7HERE HE GOES NEXT IS ANYONE S GUESS BUT WITH RUMOURS CIRCULATING THAT HE S WRITING AND PERFORMING THIS YEAR S 5+ ENTRY FOR %UROVISION IT SOUNDS LIKE WE LL BE HEARING MORE FROM HIM IN THE NEAR FUTURE WHICH CAN ONLY BE A GOOD THING #HRIS (YDE
,ILY !LLEN
7HATEVER 0EOPLE 3AY ) !M 4HAT S 7HAT ) M .OT .O MATTER HOW SCENE HOW ALTERNATIVE HOW COOL YOU ARE WHETHER YOU JUST PICKED #33 S RECORD JUST DISCOVERED 4HE 4WANG ON -Y3PACE OR YOU JUST BOUGHT TICKETS FOR 4HE ,ONG "LONDES AT THE 7ATERFRONT WE BET THAT THIS TIME LAST YEAR THERE WAS ONLY ONE BAND ON YOUR MIND AND NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU DENY IT YOU LL ALWAYS REMEMBER THE lRST TIME YOU GOT ON YOUR DANCING SHOES AND PRANCED AROUND LIKE A GIDDY YEAR OLD ON -$-! TO ) "ET 9OU ,OOK 'OOD /N 4HE $ANCEmOOR AT 0ONANA S OR THE ,#2 9OU KNOW ITxITS UNQUESTIONABLY TRUE )T WAS ONE OF THOSE RARE OCCASIONS WHERE IT SEEMED THE WHOLE WORLD WAS UNITED IN EXCITEMENT ABOUT THE RELEASE OF ONE RECORD 9OUR BEST MATE YOUR DAD *ACK 7HITE EVEN THE LITTLE CHAV FELLA IN THE CORNER FOR ONCE SEEMED ON THE SAME WAVELENGTH AND NO MATTER HOW ECLECTIC THE AUDIENCE WAS AS SOON AS !LEX 4URNER GENTLY SPOKE hSO WHO S THAT GIRL THERE v DOWN THE MIC PEOPLE GAL LANTLY RAISED THEIR ARMS AND SANG THEIR HEARTS OUT FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO HEAR 7HATEVER 0EOPLE 3AY ) !M 4HAT S 7HAT ) M .OT IS KITCHEN SINK DRAMA PROJECTED WITH A RARE ARTICULATE WIT EXPERT MELODY AND RUNAWAY CHORUSES 4URNER S LINES ARE FUNNY CHARMING AND MOVING BACKED UP WITH ENOUGH INTELLIGENCE TO TURN EVEN THE MOST CYNICAL OF HEADS FROM &AKE 4ALES OF 3AN &RANCISCO S h9OU RE NOT FROM .EW 9ORK CITY YOUR FROM 2OTHERHAMv TO ) "ET 9OU ,OOK 'OOD /N 4HE $ANCEmOOR S h4HERE AIN T NO LOVE
-ORRISEY
!LRIGHT 3TILL
NO -ONTAGUES OR #APULETS JUST BANGIN TUNES AND $* SETSv )T HAD BEEN A WHILE SINCE WE D HEARD LYRICAL POETRY OF SUCH RELEVANCE !RCTIC -ONKEYS WERE A NEW TYPE OF ROCK BAND A BREATH OF FRESH AIR THEIR BRILLIANTLY TIGHT YET RELENTLESS LIVE PERFORMANCES SET A NEW BENCHMARK FOR BANDS THEY PRACTICALLY REINVENTED FANDOM BY SHUNNING JOURNAL ISTS AROUND THE COUNTRY BUT INTERACTING WITH CROWDS UNLIKE ANY ACT HAD BEFORE THEM )T WAS NEVER THEIR AIM TO REACH THESE ALL CON QUERING HEIGHTS THEIR RECENT % 0 7HO 4HE & CK !RE 4HE !RCTIC - ONKEYS SUMMED THAT UP IN A TEE ! MIDDLE lNGER TO THE SCENESTERS WHO SEE !RCTIC -ONKEYS AS YESTERDAY S NEWS h"RING ON THE "ACKLASHv BELLOWS !LEX 4URNER FOR ALL THOSE NON BELIEVERS WE RE AFRAID THESE KIDS ARE GONNA BE AROUND FOR A LONG TIME YET 'REG 3ULLIVAN
2EWIND BACK TO EARLY AND THE RELATIVELY STALE STATE OF POP MUSIC THAT WAS STINKING UP THE CHARTS 4HIS CARRIED ON UNTIL THE SUMMER SAVED BRIEmY BY 'NARLS "ARKLEY S #RAZY WHEN ,ILY !LLEN STEPPED FORWARD FROM HER -Y3PACE PROlLE AND GATECRASHED THE CHARTS WITH HER BEING DUMPED ANTHEM 3MILE 4HE SONG S BLEND OF CALYPSO POP AND WITTY LYRICS COUPLED WITH ITS LAUGH OUT LOUD VIDEO SEEMED TO STRIKE A CHORD IN THE NATION S CONSCIOUSNESS AND THE CHORUS BECAME THE SOUND OF THE SUMMER "UT WAS ,ILY A ONE TRICK PONY 7OULD SHE RELEASE ONE MASSIVE SONG AND THEN FADE INTO OBSCURITY LIKE SAY 4HE +NACK 7ITH THE RELEASE OF DEBUT ALBUM !LRIGHT 3TILL SHE PROVED THAT THERE WAS MUCH MORE TO HER THAN lRST MET THE EYE 3MILE AND THE TWO OTHER SINGLES THE KNOCKABOUT SKA OF ,$. AND THE TOKEN BALLAD ,ITTLEST 4HINGS SET AGAINST PIANOS LIFTED FROM S SKIN mICK %MMANUELLE ARE THE MOST RADIO FRIENDLY AND ACCESSIBLE SONGS PRESENT BUT THERE ARE OTHER @TUNES TO BE FOUND 4HE KARAOKE ESQUE SYNTHS AND KEYBOARDS OF %VERYTHING S *UST 7ONDERFUL MASK A SONG ABOUT NOT MUCH IN PARTICULAR BUT ONE THAT SOUNDS FANTASTIC TAKE THE LYRICS h) WANT TO BE ABLE TO EAT SPAGHETTI BOLOGNAISE AND NOT FEEL BAD ABOUT IT FOR DAYSv .OT "IG IS A 3MILE A LIKE DIG AT AN EX BOYFRIEND ABOUT HIS POOR PERFORMANCE IN THE SACK WHILE THE TRIPPY DUB SKA OF 3HAME FOR 9OU PROVIDES A SLOWER MOMENT ON THE ALBUM WHILE STILL BEING AN AURAL TREAT 0ERHAPS THE ONLY SHAME IS THAT AT MINUTES IT S QUITE A SHORT ALBUM " SIDE AND FAN FAVOURITE #HERYL 4WEEDY AND HER LUDICROUSLY AMAZING COVER OF /H -Y 'OD
WOULD HAVE PADDED IT OUT AND ADDED THAT LITTLE BIT EXTRA "UT ALAS 7HILE DETRACTORS MAY HAVE DISMISSED HER IMAGE AND #OCK ER NEE SINGING VOICE AS CONTRIVED CALCULATING AND SIMPLY ANNOYING THEY RE AN ESSENTIAL PART OF WHAT MAKES HER SO UNIQUE !NOTHER ASPECT OF THIS IS HER -Y3PACE PAGE HER INTERACTION WITH HER FANS VIA IT IS COMMENDABLE AND HER REGULAR BLOGS HAVE GAINED NOTORIETY IN THEMSELVES LAMBASTING EVERYONE FROM THE +OOKS SINGER h4HERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR WEARING BROKEN STRAW HATS AND DARK SUNGLASSES INDOORS WHILE STRUMMING YOUR GUITAR LIKE YOU RE TREATING EVERYONE TO AN EXCLUSIVE SHOWCASE FOR YOUR NEXT ALBUMv TO #ARL "ARAT h(E OBVIOUSLY THINKS HE S 'OD OR SOMETHINGv /F COURSE THIS WOULD BE NOTHING WITHOUT THE MUSIC BUT WITH ONE OF S BEST ALBUMS UNDER HER BELT ALREADY THIS ALL ADDS UP TO MAKE ,ILY ONE OF THE MOST INTERESTING AND UNFORGETTABLE POP STARS OF THE LAST FEW YEARS ,OUDMOUTH CHAV UNIQUE PSEUDO RAPPER POP PHENOMENON WHICHEVER OF THESE YOU THINK ,ILY IS SHE IS ULTIMATELY ALL THREE AND THEY COMBINE INTO ONE FANTASTIC PACKAGE 7ITH THE CROWN OF "RITISH RAP NESTLING ON HER HEAD LONG MAY SHE BE AROUND TO MAKE POP MUSIC INTERESTING AGAIN #HRIS (YDE
THE EVENT
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9OUR SOUNDTRACK TO DIDN T TICKLE YOUR FANCY 7AIT @TIL YOU EXPERIENCE TRANCECORE ANTI "LUNT SINGER SONGWRITERS 2EAGAN BABIES AND A .ORWICH MUSIC SCENE GASP 'REG 3ULLIVAN BETS THAT IS NOT GOING TO BE AN AVERAGE YEAR FOR NEW MUSIC
3
O YOU RE BACK AT 5NI NOW 9OUR /ASIS 3TOP 4HE #LOCKS #$ IS REACHING ITS ST LISTEN 9OUR OVER DRAFT IS INx WELL AND YOU RE IN NEED OF SOME BRAND SPANKING NEW MUSIC TO SOUNDTRACK YOUR SHINY NEW EXISTENCE $O NOT FEAR 4HE %VENT IS AT HAND TO SORT OUT YOUR LIFE THE MUSIC PART ANYWAY )F YOU RE ITCHING TO KNOW WHAT TUNES ARE GOING TO COME BANGING OUT OF THE ,#2 SOUND SYSTEM COME 4UES DAY EVENINGS OR YOU RE EAGER TO DISCOVER THE UNHEARD ARTISTS READY ING THEMSELVES TO SOUNDTRACK EVERY UP AND EVERY DOWN OF LIFE THIS YEAR THEN SIT BACK AND RELAX LET THE NEXT ISH WORDS EASE YOUR PAIN 7E ASSURE YOU 7ONDERWALL WILL FEEL LIKE A DISTANT MEMORY ONCE YOU VE READ WHAT YOU RE ABOUT TO READx 4HE 4WANG 7E D BET OUR STU DENT LOANS THAT 4HE 4WANG ARE A PURE AS GOLD .-% LOVE IN IN THE WAITING 4HINK 3TONE 2OSES THINK (APPY -ONDAY S THINK THE BRIT FUNK THAT DElNED THE EARLY S COUPLED WITH SHARP VOCALS THAT ECHO -IKE 3KIN NER AT HIS GRITTY PEAK 3OUND GOOD 7ELL IF YOU END UP BUMPING INTO %DITH "OWMAN ROUND THESE PARTS WE RE SURE SHE D GIVE YOU A GOOD RECOMMENDATION 4HE WORD IS SHE TURNED UP TO ONE OF THEIR GIGS UP IN "IRMINGHAM AND SHE WAS mAB BERGASTED JOYOUSLY mABBERGASTED #HECK THEM OUT AT WWW MYSPACE COM THETWANG AND LOSE YOURSELF IN THEIR FOUR TRACK BLUEPRINT FOR "RIT ISH DOMINATION .EVER HAS A BAND SOUNDED SO BRILLIANTLY CONlDENT AND SURE OF THEMSELVES COME lRST LISTEN WITH 7IDE !WAKE %ITHER 7AY PROVING A STAND OUT TRACK ALREADY 2EMEMBER THE NAME WHILE THEY RE STILL UNDERGROUND HEROES YOU LL THANK US COME THE SUMMER +LAXONS 3HALL WE 3HAN T WE 7E DIDN T HAVE TO PUT THESE GUYS IN WAS REALLY THEIR YEAR &ROM THE SPINE TINGLING HYSTERIA THAT SUR ROUNDED THEIR SPECTACULAR SHOWS AT ,EEDS AND 2EADING TO THEIR GLOW STICK mAILING PSYCHO MEGA GOB SMACKING APPEARANCE AT THE 7ATER FRONT LATE MOST PEOPLE WERE CALLING +LAXONS THEIR NEW FAVOURITE BAND BEFORE ANYONE COULD SCREAM h!TLANTIS TO )NTERZONEv AT THE VERY
TOP OF THEIR LUNGS .EW 2AVE 4HEIR DEBUT ,0 -YTHS OF THE .EAR &UTURE WILL DECIDE THAT OUT ON *ANUARY TH IT LOOKS LIKE IT LL SEE IN IN STYLE AND lNALLY CEMENT +LAXONS AS ONE OF THE 5+ S PREMIER ACTS +EY TRACKS ARE !TLANTIS TO )NTERZONE AND 'RAVITY S 2AINBOW AND JUST WAIT @TIL YOU HEAR THEIR COVER OF .OT /VER 9ET BY MID S POP OUTlT 'RACE )T LL BLOW YOUR MIND AND CONSEQUENTLY FORCE YOU TO DON A RAVE PILL ESQUE SMILEY FACE AS BRIGHT AS THE SUN 7E ASSURE YOU *ACK 0ENATE )F HIS DEBUT SINGLE 3ECOND -INUTE OR (OUR IS ANYTHING TO GO BY -R 0ENATE MEANS BIG BUSI NESS 4UNEFUL BOUNCY ROCKABILLY WITH THE CHIEF LYRIC h) LOST MY HEAD WHEN ) FOUND MY HEARTv 4HINK *EFF "UCKLEY WITH A SKA PUNK BACK ING THE TRACK FEELS LIKE AN INDIE CLUB CLASSIC IN THE MAKING 3ECOND -INUTE OR (OUR HAS ALREADY BEEN HAILED AS ONE OF :ANE ,OWE S h(OT TEST 2ECORDS )N 4HE 7ORLD 4ODAYv FOR THE MOMENT IT SEEMS 0ENATE IS A TIME BOMB WAITING TO EXPLODE 4HERE S LITTLE ELSE LIKE HIM ABUNDANT ON OUR SHORES A SINGER SONGWRITER CAPABLE OF WIT CHARM AND MOST IMPORTANTLY A KNACK FOR A CATCHY TUNE WHICH IS OFTEN HARD TO COME BY THESE DAYS (OPEFULLY JUST HOPE FULLY THE RISE AND RISE OF lGURES LIKE 0ENATE AND *AMIE 4 WILL WORK TO BE GIN THE "LUNT -ORRISON DETOX WE RE ALL DYING FOR WWW MYSPACE COM JACKPENATE WILL GIVE YOU A HEALTHY TASTER OF WHAT S TO COME FROM *ACKY BOY +EY TRACKS ARE 4ORN /N 4HE 0LAT FORM AND 3ECOND -INUTE OR (OUR
THE EVENT
%NTER 3HIKARI 4HIS ONE WILL @AV YAx7HAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU FUSE TRANCE BEATS THAT SHOULD lND THEIR PLACE ON NUMEROUS #LUB BERS 'UIDES 4O WITH HARDCORE ROCK REMINISCENT OF ALEXISONlRE 7ELL YOU GET TRANCECORE THAT S WHAT #OURTESY OF 3T !LBANS REVEL LERS %NTER 3HIKARI THAT S WHO )F THE +LAXONS LIVE HYSTERIA ISN T QUITE THE DOSE YOU RE LONGING FOR 3HIKARI S LIVE SHOWS HAVE BECOME THE STUFF OF ROCK LEGENDxAND YOU THOUGHT THE !RTIC -ONKEY S WERE THE ONLY ONES CAPABLE OF SELLING OUT THE !S TORIA ON TOP OF ONE SINGLE !LREADY WORSHIPPED BY HARDCORE KIDS METAL HEADS AND EMOS %NTER 3HIKARI ARE THE BONA lDE MUSIC PHENOMENON OF THE MOMENT 7ITH A STRING OF GIGS LINED UP FOR THE NEAR FUTURE CULMI NATING WITH WHAT S SET TO BE A GLORI OUS MUSICAL MASSACRE AT ,ONDON S (AMMERSMITH 0ALAIS %NTER 3HIKARI LOOK READY TO TEAR APART THE 5+ IN A TRANCECORE WHIRLWIND OF DEVASTA TION ,OVE THEM OR HATE THEM THIS WON T BE THE LAST YOU LL HEAR OF THIS LOT #HECK OUT WWW MYSPACE COM ENTERSHIKARI FOR THEIR KEY TRACK -OTHERSHIP ,IVE *UST *ACK .OT TO BE CONFUSED WITH 0ENATE *ACK !LLSOP S TALES OF A WORKING CLASS BLEARY EYED "RI TIAN HAVE BEEN GARNERING MORE THAN THE RECOMMENDED SHARE OF PRAISE !LTHOUGH HIS INESCAPABLE COCKNEY UNDERTONES WILL NO DOUBT SPARK EPIPHANIES OF /RIGINAL 0IRATE -ATERIAL *UST *ACK SHOULDN T BE TYPECAST AS YOUR AVERAGE -IKE 3KIN
NER MIMIC THERE S MUCH MORE TO HIM THAN THAT 4AKE DEBUT SINGLE TWO STEP 3TARZ )N 4HEIR %YES )T S A TALE OF PASSING CELEBRITIES ALREADY ACCLAIMED BY RADIO BROADSHEETS AND THE MUSIC PRESS IT S *ACK S ONE WAY TICKET TO GUARANTEED SUCCESS !N ALBUM THAT DUCKS AND WEAVES THROUGH SKA ELECTRONICA POP RAP AND EVEN SWING *ACK S MAGICIAN LIKE GENRE HOPPING SHOULD ENSURE A MAHUSIVE FAN BASE 1UESTION ING HIS ABILITY ,EGEND HAS IT HE WAS DISCOVERED BY -ADNESS #HAS 3MASH 4O BE HONEST THAT S ALL THE PROOF YOU LL NEED #HECK OUT WWW MYSPACE COM JUSTJACKUK FOR KEY TRACKS 3TARZ )N 4HEIR %YES $ISCO &RIENDS AND 7RITERS "LOCK #OLD 7AR +IDS 4HIS LOT ARE FOR ANYONE WHO LOVES THEIR ROCK TINGED WITH BLUES AND SOUL 3EE ING AS *ACK 7HITE S BUGGERED OFF
h4HESE KIDS MIGHT NOT COME ACROSS AS YOUR AVERAGE TROUBA DOURS v WITH "RENDAN "ENSON AND LEFT -EG ON HER OWN A CURRENT VOID REMAINS THAT DESPERATELY NEEDS TO BE lLLED #ITING THEIR INmUENCES AS 2EAGAN "ABY S -ISSILE &EARS
AND )NTERNATIONAL "LUES THESE KIDS MIGHT NOT COME ACROSS AS YOUR AV ERAGE TROUBADOURS BECAUSE THEY RE NOT AT ALL %MBODYING A SOUND THAT IMMEDIATELY KNOCKS YOU AS FRESH ORIGINAL AND TO A CERTAIN EXTENT TIMELESS #OLD 7AR +IDS ARE SEEN BY SOME AS ONE OF THE SEMINAL BANDS OF THE LAST lVE YEARS 5SING ARTISTS SUCH AS $YLAN 4OM 7AITS 4HE 6EL VET 5NDERGROUND AND 4HE 0OGUES AS A ROADMAP AND BLUEPRINT #OLD 7AR +IDS CONSTRUCT WEARILY SUNG VOCAL HEAVY TRACKS ACCENTUATED BY MARCH ING BASS LINES UNFORGIVING DRUM RAT TLES AND GORGEOUSLY ORIGINAL GUITAR STROKES #HECK OUT WWW MYSPACE COM COLDWARKIDS AND EXPERIENCE THEIR UNIQUELY CAPTIVATING SOUND 3O WHAT ABOUT OUR CURRENT FA VOURITE CROP OF BANDS AND ARTISTS %X PECT NEW ,0S FROM !RCADE &IRE FROM WHAT WE@VE HEARD ITS GOING TO BE SPECTACULAR 4HE 3HINS WHOOP %DITORS &ALL /UT "OY +AISER #HIEFS "RIGHT %YES 4HE 6IEW "ABYSHAM BLES .OISETTES *AMIE 4 !SH -AXI MO 0ARK AND ,#$ 3OUND SYSTEM 7ORD IS THAT .OEL MIGHT EVEN HAVE A NEW /ASIS ALBUM READY FOR YOU BY THE SUMMERxTIMED TO PERFECTLY CO INCIDE WITH YOUR IMMINENT DISPOSAL OF 3TOP THE #LOCKSxHOORAH /N TOP OF ALL OF THAT !RCTIC -ONKEYS ARE BUSY PUTTING THE lNISHING TOUCHES ON ALBUM NUMBER TWO THE MOST GREATLY ANTICIPATED ALBUM THE WORLD HAS EVER WITNESSED SINCE THE LAST ONE 4HAT LL GET YOU SALIVATINGx !ND IF ALL OF THE ABOVE ISN T ENOUGH TO RE MOTELY WHET YOUR APPETITE WATCH OUT FOR !LAN -C'EE S BET OF THE BEST !MERICAN ARTIST SINCE #OBAIN 6I KING -OSES THE NEXT SURE lRE HOUSE HOLD NAME IN -IKA 4HERE S GOING TO BE GARGANTUAN HAIR AND HORROR FROM NONE OTHER THANx4HE (ORRORS ANGULAR POP COURTESY OF 4HE -AC CABEES ,ENNON ESQUE BEAUTY IN THE FORM OF 4HE $RAYTONES MIDDLE AGED !MERICA POP ROCK IN THE SHAPE OF 4HE (OLD 3TEADY AND THE lNEST THING TO COME OUT OF .ORWICH 3T !LBANS ,INCOLNSHIRE )PSWICH SINCExWELL ANYTHING *IM $ANDY 7AGONS IS GOING TO BE AN UNBE LIEVABLE YEAR FOR MUSIC 4HE %VENT WILL BE HERE TO GIVE YOU ALL THE HELP YOU NEED WHEN IT COMES TO THE BEST IN NEW SOUNDS AND IF NONE OF THE ABOVE CAUSE ANY FUSS WHATSOEVER ) WILL CONSEQUENTLY EAT MY HAT #HRIS (YDE PROMISES YOU THIS
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,IVE 4HE +OOKS
3UNDAY TH $ECEMBER 5%!
4HE +OOKS ASCENSION FROM FRIZZY HAIRED NOBODIES IN STRAW HATS TO INDIE ROCK DARLINGS WASN T THE PATH WE D ALL IMAG INED h!YYEE KNOOW THAT SHEEEE KNOWS AYYEE M NOT FONND OF ASKEEINGv WASN T ALWAYS FOR EVERYBODY S TASTE COME THE UMPTEENTH LISTEN YOU FELT IT WAS ABOUT TIME TO BEAT THE WIRELESS TO UNADULTER ATED PULP "ANDS SHOULDN T BE JUDGED ON ONE SONG AND ONE SONG ONLY HOW EVER AND WHAT THESE GUYS MANAGED TO PROVE THROUGHOUT WAS THAT THERE WAS MUCH MORE TO THEM THAN NAÕVE GIRL FRIENDS GRANDDAD VESTS AND STRAW HATS ! BARREL OF CONSISTENTLY WELL CRAFTED POP
TUNES SPARKED +OOKS MANIA AND IT WAS AT THE HEIGHT OF SUCH MADNESS THAT 4HE +OOKS WERE SET TO TURN UP AT 5%!xWELL THEY WERE SET TOxBUT THE 0RITCHARD KID HAD A COLD &AST FORWARD THREE MONTHS #HRIST MAS TIME IS UPON US AND THE 5%! FOLK LOOK ALL SET TO FORGIVE FORGET AND EMBRACE +OOKS MANIA AS IF IT WAS SUMMER ALL OVER AGAIN !N EXCITABLE AUDIENCE WELCOME SUPPORT (ERMAN $UNE WITH OPEN ARMS THEIR TWO MAN BAND PUNCH THROUGH A WEALTH OF SOLID COUNTRY POP TRACKS WITH EASE 4HE LEAD SINGER S BEARD ALONE MAKES UP FOR THE LACK OF ,ARRIKIN ,OVE BUT ITS
THEIR BONGO 3PANISH 3HINS ESQUE MU SICAL AMALGAMATION THAT SURPRISES AND MOVES ONE AND ALL AND THUS WE FORGET THE REASON WE ARE ACTUALLY HERE 7ELL ) DOxTHE REST OF THE CROWD HOWEVER ARE EA GER AND INTENT JUDGING FROM FORMER ,#2 MEGA INDIE NIGHTS !RCTIC -ONKEYS 4HE +ILLERS THE ATMOSPHERE ALONE FEELS LIKE IT S GONNA BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF 5%! h$O YOU WANT TO GO TO THE SEASIDE v OPENS THE GIG AND THE ,#2 GOES PSYCHO MENTAL IT FEELS AS IF WE@RE WITNESSING POS SIBLY ONE OF THE GREATEST RESPONSES TO A BAND WE@VE SEEN AT THE 5%! 9OU WOULDN T EXPECT LESS )T S THE RELENTLESS YES REAL
LYx OPENING RIFF THAT INTRODUCES 3EE 4HE 7ORLD THAT UNDOUBTEDLY UPS THE ANTE AS SWEATY INDIES AND SOME CHILDREN COME TOGETHER IN A CROWD SURlNG ARMS mAILING WORSHIP TO THEIR HEROES ,UKE LOOK HE REALLY DOES WEAR THAT HAT AND VEST IN REAL LIFE 0RITCHARD IS NO DOUBT THE ULTIMATE RINGLEADER OF THE BAND IN FACT YOU D BET YOUR BEER MONEY THE GIRLS DON T EVEN KNOW THE NAME OF THE OTHER GUITARIST 9OU VE GOT TO HAND IT TO THE LADS THOUGH A TIGHT UNFORGIVING SET REALLY SHOWS THEY KNOW HOW TO TREAT AND MAKE FANS A SING ALONG CHORUS EVERY MINUTES ENSURING NO ONE NODS OFF THE BIGGEST BEING SAVED FOR h) LOVE HER BECAUSE SHE MOVES IN HER OWN WAYvxBLESS 4HE +OOKS SKA RAG STRAW HAT WHITE BOY REGGAE PUNK FUNK EXTRAVAGANZA HAS lNALLY HIT THE 5%! 4HE FANS HAVE lNALLY HAD THEIR TASTE OF +OOKSMANIA AND FOR A SHORT HOUR AND HALF THE ,#2 IS A VERY HAPPY PLACE )T S SATISFACTION GUARANTEED WITH AN ENCORE THAT GIVES US hSHE S SO NAIIEEEVEv AND AS THE FANS SAVOUR EVERY SECOND THERE S NO POINT TRYING TO PICK OUT mAWS 4HE CROWD HAVE TRANSFORMED A PLAIN AVERAGE NIGHT INTO A GREAT ONE 7E HATE TO ADMIT IT BUT THE BOYS HAVE DONE GOOD 'REG 3ULLIVAN
5%! ,IVE 0REVIEW *UST AS YOU THOUGHT THE NEW YEAR S MUSIC SECTION OF 4HE %VENT COULDN T GET ANY MORE INTRO RETROSPECTIVE WE RE GIVING YOU AN ESSENTIAL PREVIEW OF THE MOST IMPORTANT BANDS TOUCHING DOWN AT 5%! DURING THE FOLLOWING MONTHSx #OULDN T YOU THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE 'REG x7HY NOT A REVIEW OF 2ALF ,ITTLE S SPECTACULAR 5%! SHINDIG !LTHOUGH DANGEROUS LEVELS OF FUN WERE HAD 2UFmES YOU DANCE LIKE NO OTHER .ORWICH DOESN T REALLY DO MUSIC OVER #HRISTMASx APPARENTLYx "LOC 0ARTY TH *ANUARY 5%! 4HE ANGULAR ART ROCK ANTI HEROES RETURN WITH A NEW ALBUM AND A NEW TOUR %XPECT A RELENTLESS SET THAT LL INCLUDE CLASSICS "ANQUET (ELICOPTER AND NEWBIES 4HE 0RAYER AND /N )F THEIR LAST TOUR WAS ANYTHING TO GO BY FANS SHOULDN T EXPECT LESS THAN AN EXTRAORDINARY PERFORMANCE BY THE MOST UN EXTRAORDINARY OF CHARACTERS AND THE EARLY MASTERPIECES ,ITTLE 4HOUGHTS AND 4HE !NSWER COULD MAKE FASCINATING RETURNS TO THE FRAY 4HIS TOUR ALONE WILL BE ENOUGH TO DECLARE "LOC 0ARTY ONE OF THE BANDS OF THE MOMENT .-% 4OUR TH &EBRUARY 5%! 3UBJECT TO AN INTENSE BATTERING FOLLOWING THE LINE UP RELEASE THIS YEAR S .-% TOUR HAS BEEN SHUNNED BY MANY FORMER DEVOTEES .EVERTHELESS BEING THE BENIGN YOUNG FOLK WE ARE HERE AT 4HE %VENT WE BELIEVE OTHERWISE -UMM 2A AN EXCITING FOUR PIECE CAPABLE OF HUGE POP ROCK ANTHEMS KICK OFF THE SHOW 4HE (ORRORS RETURN TO 5%! AFTER THEIR FRANTIC YET MESMERIZING PERFORMANCE AT THE 2OCK @N 2OLL 2IOT TOUR EXPECT BIG HAIR POWERHOUSE ROCK @N ROLL AND A FUTURE CLASSIC IN THE MAKING #OUNT )N &IVES &OR MANY 4HE 6IEW LIKE THE !RCTIC -ONKEYS OF YESTERYEAR ARE THE
MAIN EVENT &OUR BRIGHT YOUNG THINGS HAILING FROM $RYBURGH $UNDEE EXPECT 4HE 6IEW TO BRING DOWN THE HOUSE WITH RAMSHACKLE POP ANTHEMS LIKE 3UPERSTAR 4RADESMAN 3AME *EANS AND 7ASTED ,ITTLE $*S 4RUST US IT S GOING TO BE SPECIAL 4HE !UTOMATIC WILL THEN ROUND THINGS OFF IN A SING ALONG TO RIVAL ALL SING ALONGS h7HAT S THAT COMING OVER THE HILLx v $ON T WORRY YOU LL BE TOO PISSED TO REMEMBER ANYTHING BY THEN 'ET #APE 7EAR #APE &LY TH -ARCH 5%! 3AM $UCKWORTH lNALLY ARRIVES AT 5%! ARMED WITH A GUITAR MAYBE SOME BACKING BUT MAINLY JUST A GUITAR 'ORGEOUS ACOUSTIC EMO MONSTERS 7AR OF 4HE 7ORLDS AND #ALL -E )SHMAEL WILL NO DOUBT BE ABUNDANT BUT THEN BE SMASHED APART BY #HRONICLES OF ! "OHEMIAN 4EENAGER 0ART h"A BA BA BA BAAvx 9OU CAN ALREADY PICTURE THE GLORIOUS MASSACRE OF CROWD SURlNG WONDERx 'UILLEMOTS TH &EBRUARY 5%! /NE OF THE HIGHLIGHTS OF MAKE A BRIEF PIT STOP AT THE 5%! TO BESTOW THEIR BEAUTIFUL MELODIES CAPTIVATING CHORUSES BIG FAT PIANOS AND CHARMING BOW TIES UPON US %XPECT SPELLBINDING TRACKS 4RAINS TO "RAZIL AND -ADE 5P ,OVE 3ONG TO SWALLOW UP THE ,#2 AND THEN SPIT US BACK OUT ALL WARM AND FUZZY INSIDE +INGS OF ,EON RD &EBRUARY 5%! 7HAT THE F CK 3ERIOUSLY WHO DECIDED THAT +INGS OF ,EON WOULD PLAY AT 5%! AND WHY DIDN T YOU TELL US EARLIER "EWARE COME LATE &EBRUARY THE MANIC EXCITEMENT THAT SURROUNDS THE ARRIVAL OF ONE OF ROCK S BIGGEST AND MOST LOVED CONTEMPORARY BANDS OF MODERN TIMES WILL HAVE REACHED FEVER PITCH AND SPONTANEOUS RENDITIONS OF &OUR +ICKS h(50 $%% -/ 4%# ,/ &!+xv MAY BREAK OUT AROUND CAMPUS %XPECT A PSYCHOTIC RESPONSE OF GARGANTUAN PROPORTIONS AS +/, DROP TUNES 7ASTED 4IME #ALIFORNIA 7AITING AND 4HE "UCKET 3PARE TICKETS THIS WAY PLEASEx 'REG 3ULLIVAN
THE EVENT
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-AIN &EATURE !POCALYPTO $IR -EL 'IBSON
2ELEASE $ATE
!POCALYPTO -EL 'IBSON S !POCALYPTO IS SET IN TH CENTURY -AYAN SOCIETY AND TO CREATE AN AUTHENTIC CINEMATIC EXPERIENCE 'IBSON HAS CHOSEN TO EXCLUSIVELY USE THE -AYAN LANGUAGE THROUGHOUT THE lLM 4HE NARRATIVE FOLLOWS THE PRINCIPAL CHARACTER *AGUAR 0AW A YOUNG -AYAN TRIBES MAN PLAYED SUPERBLY BY NEWCOMER 2UDY 9OUNGBLOOD AS HE CONFRONTS
HIS ADOLESCENT FEARS TO lNALLY BE COME A GREAT WARRIOR 4HE lLM CAPTURES HIS GROWTH INTO MANHOOD THROUGH PATHOLOGICAL VIOLENCE THAT INCORPORATES BLOODY SCENES OF WAR FARE HUMAN SACRIlCE AND TORTURE 4HE NARRATIVE ITSELF BEGINS BY FOCUSSING AROUND *AGUAR 0AW S IDYLLIC -AYAN COMMUNITY THE SMALL SOCIETY LIVING A PROSPEROUS
#INEFILE 7HY WOULD ANYONE MAKE A lLM ABOUT HAIRSPRAY )T S NOT ACTUALLY ABOUT HAIRSPRAY ALTHOUGH THAT CERTAINLY FEATURES 4HE lLM IS SET IN S "ALTIMORE WHERE TEENAGER 4RACY 4URNBLAD 2ICKI ,AKE IS ON A MISSION TO IN TEGRATE BLACKS AND WHITES WIN THE GUY FROM NEMESIS !MBER VON 4US SLE #OLLEEN &ITZPATRICK AND PROVE THAT @BIG IS BEAUTIFUL 3O WHY S IT CALLED (AIRSPRAY 7ELL THE S WERE FAIRLY HEAV ILY HAIRSPRAYED AND THE lLM IS ALL ABOUT THE OBSESSION WITH APPEAR ANCES AND WHAT THE CONCEPT OF PER FECTION ACTUALLY ENTAILS ALTHOUGH THE ACCENT IS lRMLY ON THE COMEDY 4HE OPENING TITLE SEQUENCE IS FULL OF TEENAGERS SPRUCING THEMSELVES UP TO ACHIEVE MAXIMUM HAIR HEIGHT BEFORE THEY DANCE ON THE #ORNY #OLLINS SHOW HOPING TO GET THE CLOSE UPS WIN THE DANCE
COMPETITIONS AND BE THE STAR OF THE SHOW WHICH CULMINATES IN THE STATUS OF TEEN QUEEN -ISS !UTO FOR THE GIRLS 7HAT S SO GOOD ABOUT IT 4HE HUGE HAIR FOR ONE THING !ND THE COMEDY WHICH IS PROBABLY BEST DESCRIBED AS BIZARRE )T S FULL OF DELIBERATELY HAMMY ACTING AND RIDICULOUSLY OVER THE TOP STERE OTYPES *OAN (AVRILLA IS DELIGHTFUL AS NUTTY 0RUDENCE 0INGLETON WHO FREAKS OUT IN THE GHETTO AND WHO S LITERALLY HER DAUGHTER S JAILOR WITH BARS AND A BIG BUNCH OF KEYS $EBBIE (ARRY AND 3ONNY "ONO AS !MBER S PARENTS ARE GREAT SCHEM ERS LIVING VICARIOUSLY THROUGH HER TO ACHIEVE FAME !ND $IVINE DELIV ERS A GREAT PORTRAYAL OF -RS 4URN BLAD AS A 7IDOW 4WANKEY lGURE *OHN 7ATERS THE DIRECTOR MAKES A GREAT CAMEO APPEARANCE AS THE PSYCHIATRIST WITH A SWIRLY THING
THE EVENT
EXISTENCE AMONGST THE RAINFOREST (OWEVER THEIR HARMONIOUS WAY OF LIFE IS ROBBED FROM THEM BY A GANG OF VICIOUS AND SAVAGE -AYAN S WHO DESTROY AND BURN DOWN THE VILLAGE SLAUGHTERING WOMEN AND CHILDREN IN A RANGE OF DISTURBINGLY VIOLENT AND TORTUROUS WAYS 4HE SURVIVORS OF THE VILLAGE MASSACRE ARE TIED UP AND PLACED IN CHAINS BEHIND ONE
ANOTHER 4HEY THEN START A TREACHER OUS JOURNEY THROUGH THE !MAZON LED THROUGH THE HOSTILE TERRAIN OF 3OUTH !MERICA BY THEIR CAPTORS %VENTUALLY THE HOSTAGES ARE TAKEN TO THEIR lNAL DESTINATION A GRAND AND VIBRANT -AYAN CITY /N THEIR ARRIVAL THEY ARE SMEARED WITH BODY PAINT AND IT GRADUALLY BE COMES APPARENT THAT THEY ARE BEING PREPARED FOR SACRIlCE TO THE -AY AN S BLOODTHIRSTY GODS 4HE SURVI VORS INCLUDING *AGUAR 0AW ARE LED THROUGH A DELIRIOUS MOB TOWARDS THE TEMPLE WHERE THEY ARE ONE BY ONE PLACED UPON AN ALTER TO HAVE THEIR HEARTS REMOVED BY THE TRIBAL PRIEST BEFORE BEING BEHEADED *AG UAR 0AW IS CHOSEN AS THE NEXT HU MAN SACRIlCE BUT AS HE IS PLACED ON THE ALTER THERE IS A SUDDEN LUNAR ECLIPSE WHICH THE -AYANS INTERPRET AS A SIGN THAT THEIR GOD IS FULL AND WISHES FOR NO MORE SACRIlCES 4HIS IDEA OF A CONNECTION BETWEEN META PHYSICAL FATE AND *AGUAR 0AW S OWN -AYAN DESTINY FEATURES THROUGHOUT THE lLM S PLOT 4HE CAPTORS lNDING THAT THEIR HUMAN TROPHIES NO LONGER HAVE ANY USE DECIDE TO TAUNT THEIR PRIS ONERS WITH A SINISTER GAME OF CAT AND MOUSE 4HEY TAKE THE SURVIV ING CAPTIVES TO A DESERTED ARENA
WHERE THEY CAN BUY BACK THEIR FREEDOM BUT IN ORDER TO ACHIEVE THIS THEY MUST OUTRUN A DEADLY PASSAGE OF SPEARS AND ARROWS BE FORE RETURNING TO THE FOREST *AGUAR 0AW THROUGH SKILL AND ENDURANCE REACHES THE END OF THE ARENA CIR CUIT AND ALTHOUGH HE IS BADLY IN JURED BY A SPEAR HE CONTINUES TO RUN FROM HIS CAPTORS 7HAT ENSUES FROM THIS SMALL VICTORY IS A DEADLY AND VIOLENT CHASE BETWEEN CAPTIVE AND CAPTORS AS THEY RACE THROUGH THE UNDERGROWTH OF THE !MAZONI AN RAINFOREST )GNORING ANY OPINIONS ON -EL 'IBSON AS A PERSON AS A lLMMAKER HE IS AT THE TOP OF HIS GAME 'IBSON USES THE (OLLYWOOD STUDIO SYSTEM NOT TO CREATE A CONVENTIONAL HERO BUT INSTEAD TO CREATE A LEAD CHARAC TER WHO SUBVERTS EVERYTHING THAT A (OLLYWOOD ACTION ADVENTURE PRO TAGONIST SHOULD BE (E HAS ALSO MANAGED TO COMPLETE THE IMPOS SIBLE TASK OF CONVEYING A BARBARIC SOCIETY IN A WAY THAT TODAY S LIBERAL AUDIENCE CAN RELATE TO (OWEVER THE lLM S DESERVED SUCCESS BOTH l NANCIALLY AND DURING AWARD SEASON WILL SUFFER DUE TO 'IBSON S OWN PRIMITIVE OPINIONS AND BEHAVIOUR #HARLOTTE +IMBLEY
(AIRSPRAY (AIRSPRAY
AND A CATTLE PROD TO GET 0ENNY 0IN GLETON ,ESLIE !NN 0OWERS TO DATE WHITE BOYS NOT BLACK 4HERE S ALSO A BRIEF MEETING OF THE BEATNIKS AND
A PIMPLE SQUEEZING MOMENT COM PLETE WITH SOUND EFFECTS TO ENTER TAIN !ND WHO DOESN T APPRECIATE A lLM FEATURING A SHOP CALLED @(EFTY
(IDEAWAY AND A SCHOOL THAT EN FORCES @HAIRDO DETENTIONS (OLLY #URTIS
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/THER 3CREENS
-ISS 0OTTER $IR #HRIS .OONAN 2ELEASED -ISS 0OTTER IS A BIOPIC OF CHILDREN S AUTHOR "EATRIX 0OTTER )T TELLS OF THE PUBLICATION OF 4HE 4ALE OF 0ETER 2ABBIT HER SUBSEQUENT RELATIONSHIP WITH HER PUBLISHER .ORMAN 7ARNE AND THE EVENTS WHICH FOLLOWED BOTH HAPPY AND UNHAPPY 7E FEARED THE SCRIPT WOULD
IGNORE THE SADDER ASPECTS OF 0OTTER S LIFE OR ALTER HER CHARACTER FOR ART S SAKE BUT THIS IS NOT THE CASE &OR THE MOST PART IT STAYS FAITHFUL TO WHAT IS KNOWN OF 0OTTER S REAL LIFE STRAYING ONLY OCCASIONALLY -ISS 0OTTER IS PRETTY QUAINT AND ROMANTIC WITH A CAPITAL @2 )T BENElTS FROM SOME BEAUTIFUL PHOTOGRAPHY WITH THE ,AKE $ISTRICT PERFECTLY COMPLEMENTING THE PASTEL COLOURED TONE OF THE lLM AND IT HAS A MUSICAL SCORE EVERY BIT AS WHIMSICAL AND
HEART WARMING AS THE SCRIPT WHICH AFTER A SHAKY START IMPROVES GREATLY WITH LITTLE PARTS THAT JAR AT lRST "EATRIX S DRAWINGS COMING TO LIFE FOR EXAMPLE EVENTUALLY WORKING WELL AS THE lLM PROGRESSES 3OME PARTS DON T WORK THOUGH %WAN -C'REGOR S LINES SEEM TO BE COMPRISED ENTIRELY OUT OF CLICHÏS AND THE YOUNG "EATRIX 0OTTER PORTRAYED IN THE lLM COMES ACROSS AS PRECOCIOUS AND RUDE RATHER THAN ENDEARING /N THE ACTING FRONT IT IS %MILY 7ATSON WHO REALLY STEALS THE SHOW WITH 2ENÏE :ELLWEGER AND %WAN -C'REGOR BEING COMPETENT BUT NEVER OUTSTANDING (OWEVER THE OVERALL AMBIENCE IS RATHER WONDERFUL !S WE GOT UP TO LEAVE THE CINEMA A MAN BEHIND REMARKED hTHAT WAS CHARMING 3LIGHT PERHAPS BUT CHARMING v 7E COULDN T HAVE SAID IT BETTER OURSELVES .ICK -ELLISH
DIRECTION ATTEMPTING TO BOTTLE THE SCENT OF PRETTY YOUNG WOMEN 0ERFUME ORIGINALLY A NOVEL BY 0ATRICK 3àSKIND NOTORIOUS FOR ITS EXTENSIVE DESCRIPTION OF THE WORLD OF SCENT WAS LEGENDARILY DENOUNCED BY 3TANLEY +UBRICK AS @UNlLMABLE "UT 4OM 4YKWER S ADAPTATION DESERVES PARTICULAR PRAISE FOR ITS VIVID AND TECHNICALLY CANNY HANDLING OF THE PROBLEM SERVING UP A GLISTENING SMORGASBORD OF SLIPPERY SOFT FOCUS CLOSE UPS THAT CAPTURE THE ESSENCE
OF THE NARRATIVE IN A WAY THAT S NOT DISSIMILAR TO 'RENOUILLE S CREEPY PERFUMING METHODS 4HE EFFECT IS AT ONCE HYPNOTIC AND UNNERVING AND HELPS TO DISGUISE WHAT IS AN ULTIMATE LACK OF STORYTELLING DEPTH AND A NON COMMITTAL PERFORMANCE FROM 7HISHAW AS THE lLM S SINGULARLY UNLOVABLE LEAD !LTHOUGH THE STORY TENDS TO KEEP ITS AUDIENCE AT ARM S LENGTH 0ERFUME IS MORBID PERVERSE AND SEDUCTIVE STORYTELLING *AMES $UFFY
RELATIONSHIP WITH DICTATOR )DI !MIN &OREST 7HITAKER THE 0RESIDENT BY COUP D ETAT OF 5GANDA IN THE S -C!VOY PORTRAYS 'ARRIGAN S MOVE FROM NAIVITY TO BRUTAL REALISATION SUPERBLY LIVING UP TO HIS TITLE OF @THE NEXT BIG THING (IS CHARACTER IS IGNORANT ABOUT !FRICA SHOWN BY HIS LACK OF KNOWLEDGE OF THE SOCIAL AND POLITICAL SITUATION OF 5GANDA 4HE AUDIENCE WITH THE BENElT OF HINDSIGHT KNOW HOW RISKY HIS ACTIONS AND SUGGESTIONS
TO !MIN ARE AND IT IS NOT UNTIL 'ARRIGAN IS THROWN INTO THE lRE THAT HE AWAKENS TO !MIN S BARBARITY AND HIS OWN COMPLICITY IN IT !S THE lLM IS TOLD FROM THE PERSPECITIVE OF 'ARRIGAN WE ARE ONLY PRIVVY TO WHAT HE SEES AND HEARS WHICH IS ONLY THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG (OWEVER IT IS &OREST 7HITAKER WHO STEALS THE SHOW MAKING !MIN SEEM AT lRST APPEALING POIGNANT AND EVEN FUNNY WHILE NEVER LETTING THE AUDIENCE FORGET HIS BRUDAL NATURE 7HITAKER MANAGES TO SHOW THE DEVIL HIDING BEHIND A MASK THROUGHOUT EVEN WHEN 'ARRIGAN REMAINS FOOLED AND CREATES A REALISTIC AND CHILLING PORTRAIT OF ONE OF HISTORY S MOST NOTORIUS TYRANTS 4HE ,AST +ING OF 3COTLAND IS A THOUGHT PROVOKING AND COMPELLING MOVIE AND WITH 7HITAKER S PERFORMANCE BEING TIPPED FOR AN /SCAR NOMINATION IT IS A MUST SEE .ATASHA +UNDAIKER
0ERFUME $IR 4OM 4YKWER 2ELEASED )N A WAY 0ERFUME 4HE 3TORY OF A -URDERER THE SUPERmUOUS SUBTITLE SEEMS AN EFFORT TO DISTANCE ITSELF FROM THE LESS SINISTER #HOCOLAT IS ALMOST A SUPERHERO MOVIE )TS UNSAVOURY PROTAGONIST *EAN "APTISTE 'RENOUILLE "EN 7HISHAW HAS AN EXTRAORDINARILY POWERFUL NOSE LIVING IN AN ORPHANAGE HE IS ABLE TO DODGE A HURLED PROJECTILE BECAUSE HE MANAGES TO SMELL IT SECONDS BEFOREHAND &OR 'RENOUILLE THE PATCHWORK ODOURS OF 0ARIS FORM A DAZZLING SPECTRUM OF TASTE AND COLOUR AND AFTER LEARNING THE SECRETS OF THE SCENT TRADE FROM MASTER PERFUMER "ALDINI $USTIN (OFFMAN IN A WELCOME COMIC ROLE HE TURNS HIS NOSE IN A RATHER DARKER
4HE ,AST +ING /F 3COTLAND $IR +EVIN -ACDONALD 2ELEASED "ASED ON THE CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED 'ILES &ORDEN NOVEL OF THE SAME NAME 4HE ,AST +ING OF 3COTLAND IS TOLD FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF YOUNG 3COTTISH DOCTOR .ICHOLAS 'ARRIGAN *AMES -C!VOY AND FOCUSES ON HIS
4HE 0URSUIT OF (APPYNESS $IR 'ABRIELE -UCCINO 2ELEASED 4HE 0URSUIT OF (APPYNESS FOLLOWS THE STORY OF A SINGLE FATHER RAISING HIS CHILD IN S 3AN &RANCISCO AS HE ATTEMPTS TO BATTLE AGAINST lNANCIAL RUIN AND LAUNCH A NEW CAREER AS A STOCK BROKER )T IS BASED ON THE TRUE STORY OF #HRIS 'ARDNER PLAYED BY 7ILL 3MITH AND HOW HE OVERCAME MANY OBSTACLES TO NURTURE A LOVING RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS SON AND BECOME A HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL STOCK BROKER LOOK OUT FOR THE REAL #HRIS 'ARDNER AT THE VERY END OF THE lLM AS HE WALKS ACROSS 7ILL 3MITH S PATH 4HIS lLM IS NOT ABOUT SURPRISES OR CINEMATOGRAPHY )NSTEAD IT INVITES YOU TO SLOWLY EXPERIENCE
3MOKIN !CES $IR *OE #ARNAHAN 2ELEASED )N WHAT IS EFFECTIVELY A LOVE LETTER TO S BLACK COMEDIC CRIME lLMS *OE #ARNAHAN GIVES US THE CRAZY STORY OF "UDDY @!CES )SRAEL AS VARIOUS ASSASSINS CONVERGE ON HIM TO BAG THE MOB S BOUNTY ON HIS HEAD WHILST 2AY ,IOTTA AND 2YAN 2EYNOLDS WHO PROVES HE IS CAPABLE OF MORE THAN JUST BLAND JUVENILE HUMOUR IN THE LIKES OF 7AITING ARE THE FEDS WHO HAVE TO PROTECT HIM SO HE CAN TESTIFY FOR THEM /F COURSE IN THE TRADITION OF ALL GOOD CRIME lLMS THERE IS FAR MORE TO THE PLOT THAN THAT AND THE CONVOLUTED PLOT LINES CREATE A COMPLEX BUT SUSPENSEFUL MESH THAT DRAWS US IN )T CAN BE A BIT TOO CONVOLUTED THOUGH ESPECIALLY
ONE MANS DETERMINATION TO BE A GOOD PROVIDER AND A GOOD FATHER AGAINST ALL ODDS 4HE OUTLINE OF THE STORY MAY APPEAR A LITTLE BORING OR UNORIGINAL AND IN TRUTH THERE ARE NO SPECTACULAR TWISTS OR REVELATIONS THAT SET IT APART FROM SIMILAR lLMS (OWEVER WHAT DOES MAKE IT UNIQUE AND EMOTIONALLY ENGAGING ARE THE PERFORMANCES OF 7ILL 3MITH AND HIS REAL LIFE SON *ADEN 4HEY DEPICT THE STRUGGLES TRAUMA AND ULTIMATE REWARDS OF 'ARDNER S REAL LIFE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS 4HE FATHER SON INTERACTION AND 7ILL 3MITH S POWERFUL PORTRAYAL OF A MAN ON THE EDGE PROVIDES HUMOUR ACTION AND TEARS 'ARDNER APPEARS TO HAVE LEAD A TRULY INTERESTING LIFE AND WITH THE MANY LITTLE STORIES OF VICTORIES AND SET BACKS THAT MAKE UP THE WHOLE NARRATIVE 4HE 0URSUIT OF (APPYNESS CONTAINS THE ULTIMATE FEEL GOOD FACTOR !NTHONY *ACKSON
AT THE BEGINNING WHEN THE VARIOUS CHARACTERS ARE INTRODUCED FRANKLY WE RE STILL NOT ENTIRELY SURE WHAT THE MOTIVES OF "EN !FmECK S @BAIL BONDSMAN WERE "UT THE ECLECTIC MIX OF CHARACTERS INCLUDING A MAN WITH A PENCHANT FOR RIPPING PEOPLES FACES OFF AND WEARING THEM FEMME FATALE SNIPERS AND NEO .AZI PSYCHOS MAKES THE ENSUING GUNlGHTS AND CRAZINESS ALL THE BETTER WITH FAST EDITING AND COPIOUS BLOOD MAKING THEM ALL SO MUCH MORE GRATUITOUS 4HE ONLY DOWNSIDE IS THAT THE MIXTURE OF COMEDY AND DRAMA GOES TOO FAR THE WRONG WAY AT THE END WITH A MELODRAMATIC lNALE THAT LEAVES A RATHER BITTER AND UNWANTED AFTERTASTE "UT THE JOURNEY TO THIS END IS STILL WORTH IT AND AS VARIOUS HITMEN WOMEN GET BUMPED OFF IN INTENSE lRElGHTS YOU CAN T HELP BUT BE ENTERTAINED !NDY *UDSON
THE EVENT
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$6$ &EATURE
#HILDREN /F -EN
$IR !LFONSO #UARØN
2ELEASED 5NIVERSAL 0ICTURES 6IDEO
#HILDREN OF -EN @7HAT WILL SURVIVE OF US IS LOVE PREDICTED THE EVER MOROSE POET 0HILIP ,ARKIN !LFONSO #UARØN IT SEEMS HAS DIFFERENT IDEAS ABOUT THE END OF IT ALL !ND WITH HIS SPLENDID lLM ADAPTATION OF 0 $ *AMES
APOCALYPTIC ALLEGORY #HILDREN /F -EN THE ACCLAIMED DIRECTOR OFFERS A LESS FUZZY PICTURE OF THE DEMISE OF MANKIND /R TO BE MORE PRECISE THE DEMISE OF "RITAIN n THE ONLY NATION WHICH @SOLDIERS ON IN A
GRISLY AGE OF CHEMICAL CONmICT AND CLIMATE CHAOS !ND IT WAS NOT JUST LOVE WHICH SURVIVED THE NUCLEAR ONSLAUGHT BUT THE VERY THINGS THAT WE LOVED 9ES AS THE WAR SCARRED PLANET WEEPS
!LBION IN APOCALYPSE SPENDS ITS MISERABLE SPLUTTERING HOURS IN GROTTY BOOZERS OR AT THE DOG RACES &ORGET BIOLOGICAL PROTECTION SUITS THE ESSENTIAL WEAR FOR THE AGE OF WAR IS THE "RITISH STIFF UPPER LIP "UT AS THE lLM OPENS WITH A TERRIFYING TOUR OF THE PANIC STRICKEN CAPITAL SUCH EMOTIONAL RESTRAINT PROVES IMPOSSIBLE #UARØN TAUNTS US BY SKIPPING BETWEEN NIGHTMARISH SCENES OF TERRORIST TURMOIL AND SHOTS OF ,ONDON LANDMARKS )T IS HIDEOUSLY DISORIENTATING n ONE MINUTE YOU RE STRUGGLING TO GET YOUR BEARINGS THE NEXT MINUTE THE WHOLE STREET IS ENGULFED IN EXPLOSIONS 4HE BIGGEST SHOCKS HOWEVER COME WHEN WE RE INTRODUCED TO ONE OF THE lLM S CENTRAL CHARACTERS +EE n A FOUL MOUTHED AND SWELLING BELLIED ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT %IGHT MONTHS PREGNANT AND THE SURLY TEENAGER REMAINS CLUELESS TO THE PARENTAGE OF THE BABY n @) DON T EVEN REMEMBER HALF OF THE
WANKERS NAMES SHE SPITS 3O HOW DOES "RITAIN RESPOND TO THIS ADOLESCENT SINGLE MOTHER TO BE 7ITH THAT ALL TOO FAMILIAR SNOOTY LOATHING .O n IT WELCOMES HER AS A MESSIAH &OR AFTER YEARS OF CONmICT AND RECKLESS POLLUTION EARTH S ENTIRE FEMALE POPULATION IS NOW INFERTILE +EE IS THE WORLD S ONLY HOPE 3O NOW IT S UP TO SPIRIT SWIGGING PEN PUSHER 4HEO &ARON #LIVE /WEN TO SMUGGLE THE TEENAGER FROM THE GRASP OF "RITAIN S TOTALITARIAN GOVERNMENT IN TO THE SANCTUARY OF THE MYTHICAL (UMAN 0ROJECT 7ITH BOTH SUPERB ACTING AND HARROWING DIALOGUE AS WELL AS EXCEPTIONAL CINEMATOGRAPHY EVERY MOMENT OF THIS HELLISH PROPHECY IS DEPICTED PERFECTLY )T IS A FANTASTIC PARADOX WHEN IT COMES TO GLOBAL POLITICS #HILDREN /F -EN CASTS A BRUTALLY BLEAK FORECAST BUT WHEN IT COMES TO "RITISH CINEMA IT SUGGESTS A VERY ROSY FUTURE INDEED 2OBERT *ACKMAN
$6$ 2ELEASES ,ITTLE -ISS 3UNSHINE $IR *ONATHAN $AYTON 6ALERIE &ARIS 2ELEASED &OX )NTERNATIONAL 3EVEN YEAR OLD /LIVE (OOVER IS DETERMINED TO WIN THE ,ITTLE -ISS 3UNSHINE BEAUTY PAGEANT (ER FA THER 'REG +INNEAR IS A MAN WHO KNOWS A LOT ABOUT DETERMINATION 4HE PSEUDO SCIENTIlC MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER LONGS TO BECOME RICH BY SELLING HIS SECRETS OF SUCCESS "UT HIS PLAN IS FAILING n AND THE IRONY
TORTURES HIM /LIVE S GRANDFATHER !LAN !R KIN HAS JUST AS MANY PROBLEMS (IS LECHEROUS WAYS AND DABBLES WITH CLASS ! DRUGS SAW HIM EX PELLED FROM A TOP OF THE RANGE RE TIREMENT HOME !ND /LIVE S BROTH ER $WAYNE 0AUL $ENO IS THE SORT OF BOY WHO CONSIDERS &RIEDRICH .I ETZSCHE THE PERFECT BEDSIDE READ "LENDING SCATHING SATIRE AND SLAPSTICK SILLINESS THIS QUIRKY COM EDY UNFOLDS LIKE AN EPISODE OF 4HE 3IMPSONS SCRIPTED BY "RET %ASTON %LLIS )T S A DELICIOUSLY DEVIANT TREAT WHICH IS NOT TO BE MISSED 2OBERT *ACKMAN
,ITTLE -ISS 3UNSHINE
THE EVENT
2IGHT AT 9OUR $OOR $IR #HRIS 'ORAK 2ELEASED ,IONS 'ATE (OME %NTERTAINMENT 5+ ,TD 2IGHT AT 9OUR $OOR WAS A VERY DIFFERENT DISASTER lLM FROM THE USUAL FARE THROWN AT US BY (OLLYWOOD !S A TERRORIST BOMB UNLEASHES A STRANGE TOXIN UPON ,OS !NGELES RATHER THAN GIGANTIC SET PIECES WITH SOLDIERS CROWDS AND RIOTS WE GET STUCK IN WITH THE PERSPECTIVE OF ONE COUPLE IN THE DISASTER PLAYED BY -ARY -C#ORMACK AND 2ORY #OCHRANE 4HE TWO ARE EXCELLENT AND THROUGH THEM WE WITNESS THE PARANOIA UNCERTAINTY AND FEAR THAT WOULD GRIP ANYONE IN THIS SITUATION 2ADIO BROADCASTS ARE USED TO EXCELLENT EFFECT TO GIVE A TANTALISING VIEW OF THE WHOLE PROBLEM WITH THE AUTHORITIES SHOWN TO BE AS CLUELESS AND SCARED AS THE PEOPLE 2IGHT AT 9OUR $OOR IS DIFlCULT TO WATCH AT TIMES AND CAN GET UNDER YOUR SKIN BUT IT IS SUPERBLY PRODUCED AND GIVES A MUCH MORE REALISTIC AND ORIGINAL SCENARIO OF WHAT REALLY HAPPENS IN A CRISIS %STHER -ARTIN
4HE $A 6INCI #ODE
4HE $A 6INCI #ODE $IR 2ON (OWARD 2ELEASED 3ONY 0ICTURES (OME %NTERTAINMENT 5+ )T S VERY DIFlCULT WHEN TALKING ABOUT 4HE $A 6INCI #ODE TO IM PROVE UPON 3TEPHEN &RY S DESCRIP TION OF IT AS hARSE GRAVY OF THE WORST KINDv 7ITH RIDICULOUS DIALOGUE AND PLOTHOLES THE SIZE OF 0OLAND YOU HAVE TO ASK HOW SUCH AN IM PRESSIVE TEAM OF ACTORS LED BY 2ON (OWARD MANAGED TO COME UP WITH THIS 0AUL "ETTANY AND 3IR )AN -C+EL LEN JUST ABOUT MANAGE TO GET SOME
THING OUT OF THE SCRIPT AND ESCAPE WITH SOME SHREDS OF DIGNITY 4OM (ANKS SPENDS HIS TIME BEING THE LEAST CONVINCING PROFESSOR SINCE 0AUL -C+ENNA BOUGHT HIS DEGREE WHILE !UDREY 4AUTOU IS CRIMINALLY UNDERUSED 5LTIMATELY THESE PROBLEMS STEM FROM THE SOURCE MATERIAL 7E ARE REMINDED OF THE FAMOUS PHRASE hYOU CAN TYPE THIS SHIT BUT YOU SURE CAN T SAY ITv 4HE $A 6INCI #ODE IS AN INSULT TO HUMAN INTEL LIGENCE MADE ALL THE WORSE BY $AN "ROWN S INSISTENCE THAT IT IS TRUE )T S DIFlCULT TO SEE WHY ANYONE THOUGHT THE lLM WOULD BE ANY BET TER 4HERE IS VERY LITTLE REASON WHY YOU SHOULD PAY MONEY FOR THIS SO PLEASE FORGET IT AND MOVE ON !NDY *UDSON
&ILM
/N 4HE (ORIZON
4HIS YEAR SEES A LARGE INmUX OF NEW MOVIES AND THUS VISITS TO THE CINEMA ,OOK ING FAR INTO THE FUTURE ,IAM / "RIEN SEPARATES THE WHEAT FROM THE CHAFF AND WONDERS IF THE AGE OLD PROBLEM OF @SEQUELITIS IS STARTING TO GET OUT OF HAND
#
HRISTMAS AND THE .EW 9EAR ARE NOW WELL AND TRULY DONE WITH 4HE PRESENTS HAVE BEEN OPENED BROKEN AND FORGOTTEN THE FAMILY ARGUMENT HAS DIED DOWN AND THE IDENTS ON THE ""# HAVE GONE BACK TO PEOPLE PLAYING WITH KITES AND RIDING BIKES HAS NOT ONLY BROUGHT WITH IT THE CHANCE TO BREAK SOME .EW 9EAR S RESOLUTIONS BUT A HUGE SELECTION OF NEW FILMS VYING FOR YOUR ATTENTION AT THE MULTIPLEX 4HE YEAR OPENS AT LEAST AS FAR AS NOSTALGIA FIENDS ARE CONCERNED WITH 2OCKY "ALBOA THE SIXTH AND APPARENTLY FINAL ENTRY IN 3YLVESTER 3TALLONE S BOXING SAGA .OT TOO LONG AFTERWARDS ON &EBRUARY TH COMES (OT &UZZ THE TERRIFICALLY TITLED FOLLOW UP TO S 3HAUN OF THE $EAD FROM 3IMON 0EGG AND DIRECTOR %DGAR 7RIGHT 4HE FILM WHICH SATIRISES ACTION MOVIES IS CHOCK FULL OF TOP "RITISH THESPS AND LOOKS SET TO BE VERY VERY FUNNY INDEED -ARCH BRINGS 'HOST 2IDER AN ADAPTATION OF A LESSER KNOWN -ARVEL COMIC BOOK STARRING .ICHOLAS #AGE n EXPECT IT TO BE SIMILAR TO +EANU 2EEVES UNDERRATED #ONSTANTINE WITH MORE BIKE CHASES ! FEW WEEKS AFTERWARDS IT S THE TURN OF ANOTHER FLICK BASED ON A COMIC BOOK THIS TIME 4HE STORY TAKEN FROM &RANK @) WROTE 3IN #ITY
4HE 3IMPSONS -OVIE
/NCE IN A WHILE IT MIGHT BE NICE TO LET SOME FRESH MINDS TACKLE A BIG BUDGET AND SEE WHAT COMES OF IT
-ILLER S ORIGINAL GRAPHIC NOVEL DEPICTS THE BATTLE BETWEEN AN ARMY OF HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF 0ERSIANS AND TOUGH NUT 3PARTANS INTENT ON HOLDING THE ENEMY BACK &ILMED AGAINST GREEN SCREEN IN A SIMILAR WAY TO 3IN #ITY SHOULD AT THE VERY LEAST BE A VISUAL TREAT !LSO WORTH NOTING IS 4EENAGE -UTANT .INJA 4URTLES RELEASED ON THE SAME DAY ! #' RENDERING OF THE ORIGINAL HEROES IN A HALF SHELL WHETHER THE FILM IS BAD OR NOT IS IRRELEVANT n ITS THE TURTLES FOR GOODNESS SAKE !PRIL OFFERS "LADES OF 'LORY STARRING 7ILL &ERRELL AND .APOLEON $YNAMITE S *ON (EDER AS RIVAL FIGURE SKATERS FORCED TO WORK TOGETHER TO GET THE GOLD &RANKLY ANYTHING WITH 7ILL &ERRELL IN IT IS WORTH GOING TO SEE )N THE SAME MONTH $ANNY "OYLE DIRECTOR OF $AYS ,ATER GIVES THE WORLD 3UNSHINE A TAUT PSYCHOLOGICAL THRILLER BASED AROUND A SPACE MISSION TO REIGNITE THE DYING HEART OF THE SUN 7HILST CATERING TO THE SCI FI CROWD THE MOVIE ALSO PROMISES TO HAVE ITS SHARE OF CLEVER SCARES -AY IS WHEN THE SUMMER SEASON TRULY KICKS OFF WITH 3PIDER -AN AND 0IRATES OF THE #ARIBBEAN !T 7ORLD S %ND ARRIVING AT THE BEGINNING AND END OF THE MONTH RESPECTIVELY !T 7ORLD S %ND SHOULD BE PULLING OUT ALL THE STOPS FOR AN EPIC FINALE TO THE 0IRATES SERIES WHILST 3PIDER -AN FEATURES THE TRIPLE THREAT OF THE 3ANDMAN THE SECOND 'REEN 'OBLIN AND FAN
FAVE 6ENOM PLAYED BY 4HAT S 3HOW STAR 4OPHER 'RACE ,IKELY TO BREAK BOX OFFICE RECORDS /H YES !LSO ARRIVING AROUND THIS TIME IS 'RINDHOUSE FROM 1UENTIN 4ARANTINO AND 2OBERT 2ODRIGUEZ 4HE PREMISE IS SIMPLE n BOTH DIRECTORS HAVE MADE A TWO HOUR MOVIE EACH 0LANET 4ERROR FROM 2ODRIGUEZ AND $EATH 0ROOF FROM 4ARANTINO WHICH THEY ARE PACKAGING AS ONE MASSIVE FOUR HOUR EXPERIENCE WITH FAUX AD BREAKS IN BETWEEN 7HETHER THE FILM S WILL BE BRILLIANT OR ONE HUGE VANITY PROJECT REMAINS TO BE SEENx *UNE AND *ULY BRING A STAGGERING NUMBER OF MOVIES THE LIST OF WHICH INCLUDES &ANTASTIC &OUR 4HE 2ISE OF THE 3ILVER 3URFER 3HREK THE 4HIRD /CEANS (ARRY 0OTTER AND THE /RDER OF THE 0HOENIX 2ATATOUILLE THE NEW 0IXAR MOVIE ABOUT A 0ARISIAN RAT WITH A LOVE FOR HIGH CLASS FOOD %VAN !LMIGHTY FOLLOW UP TO "RUCE !LMIGHTY STARRING 3TEVE #ARRELL AND ,IVE &REE OR $IE (ARD (OWEVER TWO OF THE BIGGEST MOVIES AROUND THIS CRAMMED TIME OF YEAR HAVE TO BE 4HE 3IMPSONS -OVIE AND 4RANSFORMERS $ESPITE THE FACT THAT 4HE 3IMPSONS MIGHT NOT BE AS GREAT AS IT ONCE WAS THE MOVIE IS STILL GOING TO BE ESSENTIAL VIEWING AND COULD POSSIBLY n ALMOST n MAYBE n GO ON TO BECOME ONE OF THE BIGGEST FILMS OF ALL TIME 4RANSFORMERS COULD BE DIABOLICAL OR BRILLIANT AND GIVEN DIRECTOR -ICHAEL "AY S TRACK RECORD ITS AN EVEN CHANCE OF EITHER (OWEVER THE SHEER SIZE OF THE MOVIE CANNOT AND SHOULD NOT BE IGNORED $ETAILS ON THE REST OF GET HAZIER AS #ONCRETE GOES TO PRESS BUT !UGUST BRINGS -ATT $AMON IN 4HE "ORNE 5LTIMATUM WHILST THE REST OF THE YEAR INCLUDES COMEDY IN THE SHAPE OF 2USH (OUR AND &RED #LAUS IN WHICH 6INCE 6AUGHN STARS AS 3ANTA S GROUCHY BROTHER ACTION WITH 7ILL 3MITH IN ) AM ,EGEND AND EPIC (ARRY 0OTTER STYLE THRILLS IN (IS $ARK -ATERIALS 4HE 'OLDEN #OMPASS THE FIRST IN A POSSIBLE SERIES OF ADAPTATIONS OF THE 0HILLIP 0ULLMAN NOVELS $ESPITE ALL THIS PROMISE LOOKING AT THE SLATE OF FILMS LINED UP FOR RELEASE IN @ ONE RATHER WORRYING TREND APPEARS THERE ARE A HELL OF A LOT OF SEQUELS .OW IF HISTORY HAS TAUGHT US ANYTHING
IT IS THAT SEQUELS CAN AND HAVE BEEN BRILLIANT n 4HE %MPIRE 3TRIKES "ACK AND 4HE 'ODFATHER 0ART )) PROVE THIS "UT ORIGINALITY IS A PRICELESS AND UTTERLY VITAL COMPONENT OF CINEMA 'ENRE CLASSICS LIKE 4HE -ATRIX ARE ONLY MADE WHEN PEOPLE TAKE RISKS AND THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX )N WITH BUDGETS EVER RISING FILM STUDIOS OBVIOUSLY WANT TO ENSURE A CERTAIN LEVEL OF RETURN ON THEIR INVESTMENT IN A MOTION PICTURE !S SUCH STUDIOS STICK WITH WHAT WORKS n EITHER BY ADAPTING A MUCH LOVED PROPERTY WITH BIG BUDGET 3&8 4RANSFORMERS OR MAKING A FOLLOW UP TO AN ALREADY SUCCESSFUL VENTURE 0IRATES OF THE #ARIBBEAN 7HILST THIS IS HOW BIG FILMS HAVE WORKED FOR SOME TIME SEEMS PARTICULARLY DRY OF ORIGINAL THOUGHTS IN THE BIG BUDGET ARENA /F COURSE CRITICISING BLOCKBUSTERS FOR NOT BEING ORIGINAL IS A TOUCH HIGH MINDED n AFTER ALL WHAT ELSE IS A GOOD POPCORN FLICK FOR 0ART OF THEIR APPEAL COMES FROM SWITCHING OFF FOR A FEW HOURS 7E LL ALL GO AND SEE 3PIDERMAN WHEN IT COMES OUT AND 3HREK THE 4HIRD WILL BREAK ALL SORTS OF RECORDS n BIG MOVIES ARE UNDENIABLY POPULAR 4HE POINT IS WHILST THIS IS ALL WELL AND GOOD SOME DIVERSITY AND ORIGINALITY WOULD BE WELCOME FROM THE BIGGER STUDIOS #ONSTANTLY PRODUCING SEQUELS IS IN MANY WAYS LAZY FILM MAKING MORE CONCERNED WITH PROFIT THAN PLOT $ID THE WORLD REALLY NEED 2USH (OUR &OR THAT MATTER DID IT NEED 2USH (OUR 0LACING FAITH IN SOMETHING UNTESTED ENABLING LESS COMMERCIAL FILM MAKERS TO PUT THEIR VISION ON THE SCREEN WITH THE CAPITAL OF A BIG STUDIO BEHIND THEM IS AN INCREASINGLY MORE RARE PHENOMENON TODAY 3TUDIOS ARE CONTENT TO PLAY IT SAFE AND WITH THE ALMOST GUARANTEED REVENUE A NEW 3HREK MOVIE OFFERS WHY NOT "UT ONCE IN A WHILE IT MIGHT BE NICE TO LET SOME FRESH MINDS TACKLE A BIG BUDGET AND SEE WHAT COMES OF IT !LLOWING A TALENTED INDIE DIRECTOR THE SAME FINANCIAL BACKING AS -ICHAEL "AY COULD YIELD EXCITING AND ALL IMPORTANTLY ORIGINAL RESULTS &OR CINEMA TO MOVE ONWARDS FILM MAKERS MUST CONTINUE TO INNOVATE AND STUDIOS MUST BE PREPARED TO GAMBLE
THE EVENT
,ISTINGS
7HAT S /N
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4HE $IRECTORY 5%! "OX /FlCE HTTPS SECURE UEATICKETBOOKINGS CO UK 4HE &ORUM -ILLENIUM 0LAIN WWW THEFORUMNORWICH CO UK
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3AINSBURY #ENTRE FOR 6ISUAL !RTS !RT FOR ,UNCH 4ALK ON A SPECIlC ARTIST TH *AN &REE
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7HY 5%! .EIL CHOSE 5%! BECAUSE OF IT S ONE OF THE BEST PLACES FOR STUDYING CLIMATE CHANGE IN THE 5+ (E LOVES THE FRIENDLY ATMOSPHERE AND PEOPLE OF BOTH 5%! AND .ORWICH AND THE ANTICS ON AND OFF THE TRACK WITH THE 5%! ATHLETICS TEAM
#INDERELLA
7EDNESDAY
THE EVENT
4HE ,OW $OWN .EIL IS A THIRD YEAR 0H$ STUDENT STUDYING CLIMATE CHANGE IN THE 4YNDALL #ENTRE %.6 3INCE BEING AT 5%! HIS CONCERN WITH CLIMATE CHANGE HAS LED HIM TO SET UP THE 3TUDENT 3WITCH /FF WHICH HAS ALREADY HAD A SIGNIlCANT EFFECT IN REDUCING THE EN ERGY USED IN (ALLS OF 2ESIDENCE (E WAS RECENTLY MADE ONE OF "EN *ERRY S #LIMATE #HANGE !M BASSADORS FOR THE 5+ AND HE IS !SSISTANT %DITOR FOR THE JOURNAL 'LOBAL %NVIRONMENTAL #HANGE
.ORWICH 4HEATRE 2OYAL 4HEATRE 3TREET WWW THEATREROYALNORWICH CO UK .ORWICH 0UPPET 4HEATRE 3T *AMES 7HITEFRIARS WWW PUPPETTHEATRE CO UK
7HAT S (OT AND 7HAT S .OT (OT 3TUFF 0AUL $UTNALL ON 7IRED ,IVEWIRE -ONDAYS 5GLY "ETTY &RIDAYS
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#INEMA #ITY 3T 'EORGE S 3TREET WWW CINEMACITY CO UK
!NSWERS FOR PUZZLES 4RIVIAL WORDSEARCH +ING S #ROSS 'ANT S (ILL (AMMERSMITH 3NARESBROOK 2EDBRIDGE 3HEPHERD S "USH !NGEL /VAL #RYPTIC #ROSSWORD !CROSS #ROSSWORD )DYLL 0ATTERN 0AELLA 3TROLL %ARMUFFS !PRES 3KI .UTMEG #AFTAN #OCAINE .ACHO 'OOSESTEP $OWN 2EACT 3ITCOM 7IRELESS $ISARM %YELIFT #LEANSING 3UGARCANE 2AINBOWS 0REFACE 3EADOG 3TEAKS %RNIE
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www.earth.google.com
#OMPUTING
"RAIN 4RAINING !VAILABLE NOW ON .INTENDO $3 7HAT S NEXT FOR .INTENDO S $3 4HE HAND HELD HEAVY WEIGHT HAS ALREADY BECOME THE BEST SELLING CONSOLE OF ALL TIME n AND IT S HARDLY SURPRISING 7ITH IT S STREAM OF IN NOVATIVE AND ENTERTAINING GAMES THE CONSOLE HAS A BEAUTI FULLY WIDE APPEAL &ROM .EW 3UPER -ARIO "ROS FEATURING $ GAMEPLAY RENDERED IN $ GRAPHICS TO 7ARIO 7ARE AND IT S HOST OF BIZARRE MINI GAMES UTILISING THE TOUCH SCREEN TECH NOLOGY LIKE PICKING A MAN S NOSE AND SPINNING PLATES FROM %LECTROPLANKTON S MUSIC VIDEO CREATOR UTILISING THE CONSOLE S MICROPHONE TO FANTASTIC EFFECT TO 4RAUMA #ENTRE S TOUCH SCREEN ALLOWING YOU TO OPERATE ON PATIENTS A LA CLAS SIC BOARD GAME /PERATION NOBODY CAN DENY HOW CREATIVE .INTENDO HAVE BEEN WITH THEIR CONSOLE *UST LOOK AT THE SEASONAL SUCCESS OF THE CONSOLE 7ITH THE RELAUNCH OF .INTENDO S YESTERYEAR GLORIES THE CONSOLE PROVIDED THE IDEAL STOCKING lLLER FOR NOSTALGIC S GAMERS 4HANKS TO THE ADORABLE PRESENCE OF 0IPPA &UNNELL AND .IN TENDOGS THE $3 BECAME #HRISTMAS S OFlCIAL @) KNOW IT S NOT A PONY BUTx GIFT !ND NOW IT S TIME TO TARGET THE ADULT MARKET 9ES n REAL ADULTS .OT THE TESTOSTERONE SODDEN OVERGROWN TEENAGERS WHO HAVE BEEN TARGETED BY .INTENDO S RIVALS FOR THE LAST DECADE )T S TIME TO BRIDGE THAT GAPING GENERATION GAP 3O WHAT S SO GROUND BREAKING ABOUT "RAIN 4RAINING 7ELL VERY LITTLE 3TRIP AWAY THE HYPE AND IT S LITTLE MORE THAN A SIMPLE COLLECTION OF PUZZLES WHICH CLAIM TO EXERCISE
THE MIND 4HE PLAYER RACES THROUGH RAPID lRE @RITHMETIC AND LOGIC LOADED PUZZLES BEFORE BEING TOLD THE @AGE OF THEIR BRAIN 4HE IDEA IS TO PLAY DAILY IN ORDER TO TRAIN AND REJUVENATE YOUR GREY MATTER "UT WILL THIS SIMPLE CONCEPT AP PEAL TO THE ADULT MARKET )T S QUITE POSSIBLE 4HANKS TO A CRAFTY ADVER TISING CAMPAIGN WHICH MAKES A DAI LY BOUT OF "RAIN 4RAINING SEEM MORE IMPORTANT THAN HAVING lVE PORTIONS OF FRUIT AND VEGETABLE S A DAY AND .INTENDO S $3 INTERNET BROWSER THE $3 COULD SOON BECOME AS FAMILIAR A SIGHT ON THE ,ONDON 5NDERGROUND AS A $AN "ROWN NOVEL !ND WHAT ABOUT THE BIG QUES TION DOES IT REALLY SHARPEN THE MIND 7E RE SCEPTICAL ALTHOUGH IT WOULD BE FOOLISH TO FOR GET ABOUT THE PLACEBO EFFECT -ASTERING A MODERN GAMES CONSOLE ALONE WILL BE ENOUGH TO SEND YOUTHFUL WHOOPS OF SATISFACTION THROUGH MOST AGEING BRAINS "UT IF YOU RE NOT PART OF THE BIG CITY BIG BONUS BUNCH THEN MY ADVICE IS TO SAVE YOUR MONEY n JUST BUY A NEWS PAPER 4HERE S PLENTY TO KEEP YOUR CEREBRUM IN SHAPE
'AMING 'REATS 'AME 3MASH 46 #ONSOLE 3.%3 .ES -EGADRIVE -ASTER 3YSTEM !MIGA !TARI 2ELEASED 4HINK BACK TO THE DAYS WHEN VIOLENCE WAS RARELY SEEN IN THE VIDEO GAME WORLD THE PHRASE @ONCE UPON A TIME SEEMS APT #AST YOUR MIND BACK TO THAT "LAKIAN AGE OF INNOCENCE WHEN OUR HEARTS WERE CAPTURED BY THE PLIGHT OF A CHUBBY IMMIGRANT PLUMBER AS HE FOUGHT lENDS APLENTY IN A QUEST TO SAVE THE CHERUBIC 0RINCESS 0EACH !DMITTEDLY IT WAS NEV ER THE CELESTIAL HAVEN WE THOUGHT IT WAS !ND IT DIDN T TAKE THE MOST CYNICAL SQUINT TO SPOT THE DRUG REFERENCES
STREWN ACROSS 3UPER -ARIO S SURREAL LANDSCAPE "UT STILL WE NEVER IMAGINED THAT VIDEO GAMES WOULD END UP WHERE THEY ARE TODAY )T WAS UNTHINKABLE THAT ONE DAY THE DOTING GAMER WOULD GO FROM SAVING PRIN CESSES TO SLAUGHTERING PROSTI TUTES 7E NEVER THOUGHT THAT ONCE WE ARRIVED ON PLANET 0LAYSTATION THE ONLY )TALIAN STEREOTYPE IN TOWN WOULD BE THE SNARLING -AlOSO 7E WOULD HAVE NEVER BELIEVED THAT ONE DAY OUR TRUSTWOR THY MAGICAL MUSHROOMS WOULD BE REPLACED BY WELL MAGIC MUSHROOMS "UT LOOKING BACK WE SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT COMING !ND THE ARRIVAL OF BIT SHOCKER 3MASH 46 SHOULD
HAVE BEEN A WAKE UP CALL (AVING WHETTED THE AP PETITES AND EMPTIED THE POCKETS OF ARCADE GAMERS ITS QUICKlRE CARNAGE MADE THE LEAP TO HOME CONSOLES IN SHOWING THAT TOP DOWN BIRDS EYE VIEW SIM PLICITY AND SENSELESS SLAUGH TER WERE RAMPANT BEDFELLOWS WELL BEFORE 'RAND 4HEFT !UTO EMERGED 4HE PLAYER TAKES ON THE ROLE OF A CONTESTANT IN A LUDICROUSLY VIOLENT GAME SHOW THINK 3TEPHEN +ING S 4HE 2UNNING -AN ARMING THEMSELVES WITH HEAVY WEAP ONS AS THEY SCROLL THROUGH A SERIES OF SINGLE SCREEN ARE NAS ENGAGING IN BLOODY BAT TLES WITH BAT WIELDING THUGS HUMAN TANK HYBRIDS AND SHRAPNEL SPRAYING SUICIDE BOMBERS )T WAS SHOCKING STUFF "UT BACK THEN WE WERE TOO SNARED BY THE DEMENTEDLY ADDICTIVE GAMEPLAY TO FEAR FOR THE FUTURE OF GAMING !ND IT S BECAUSE OF THAT CAPTIVATING GAMEPLAY THAT 3MASH 46 A GAME DEVEL OPED IN AND SET IN THE FUTURE IN THE YEAR REMAINS A HUGE HIT ON E"AY AND 8 "OX ,IVE S DOWNLOAD SERVICE ALMOST TWO DECADES LATER IN 2OBERT *ACKMAN
YOU COULD WRESTLE WITH A CRYPTIC CROSSWORD OR TRY lNDING lVE COLUMNISTS WHO STILL ARGUE THAT THE )RAQ WAR IS A GOOD THING OR YOU COULD SCOUR THE PAPER LOOKING FOR MISPLACED APOSTROPHES ) VE EVEN PLANTED ONE IN THIS REVIEW TO GET YOU STARTED !REN T ) KIND 2OBERT *ACKMAN
7EBSITE OF THE 7EEK 7IKIPEDIA #AN YOU ACTUALLY REMEM BER A TIME BEFORE 7IKIPE DIA EXISTED 'O BACK ONLY A FEW YEARS AND WE UNIVERSITY STUDENTS HAD TO SETTLE FOR USING ENCYCLOPAEDIAS FOR THOSE RUSHED LAST MINUTE ESSAYS (OWEVER IN THESE TIMES WHEN THE MAJORITY OF US HAVE A COMPUTER IN OUR ROOM WITH READY INTERNET ACCESS IT S MUCH EASIER TO SIMPLY LOAD UP 7IKIPEDIA AND TYPE WORDS THAN REACH FOR THAT HEAVY TOME "UT HOW DID 7IKIPE DIA START )T WAS BEGUN JUST OVER YEARS AGO IN AN EFFORT TO hCREATE AND DISTRIBUTE A MULTI LINGUAL FREE ENCYCLO PAEDIA OF THE HIGHEST POS SIBLE QUALITY TO EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON THE PLANET IN THEIR OWN LANGUAGEv 0OSSI BLY THE MOST INTEGRAL ASPECT OF THIS IS THE FACT THAT ANY PAGE CAN BE EDITED BY ANY ONE 3O IF YOU lND A PAGE ABOUT YOUR FAVOURITE BAND AND lND THAT SOMEONE HAS WRONGLY LISTED THE GUITARIST S FAVOURITE FOOD AS CAKE WHEN YOU KNOW FOR A FACT THAT IT S DElNITELY SPROUTS THEN
YOU CAN EDIT IT SO THAT OTHER FANS CAN GLEAN FROM YOUR KNOWLEDGE 5NFORTUNATELY THIS CAN BE ABUSED PAGES HAVE BEEN USED TO ADVERTISE PRODUCTS THE PAGE DEBUNK ING URBAN MYTHS ABOUT -C $ONALDS FOOD HAS CLEARLY BEEN WRITTEN BY A -ACCY$ S EXECUTIVE AND OPINIONS ON ISSUES CAN BE ENFORCED A LIT TLE TOO STRONGLY MAKING IT QUITE BIASED IN CERTAIN AREAS WHICH IS OFTEN WHY LECTURERS WON T ACCEPT 7IKIPEDIA AS A VALID SOURCE FOR ESSAYS 4HE SWINES 4HE SHEER BREADTH OF
INFORMATION ON 7IKIPEDIA BOGGLES THE MIND 7ANT TO KNOW ABOUT STEM CELL RE SEARCH WHAT S BEEN NUMBER EACH WEEK SINCE THE CHARTS BEGAN THE HISTORY OF THE 'ERMAN LANGUAGE CHARAC TERS FROM 4HE &AST 3HOW OR WHAT HAPPENED ON THIS DAY IN )T S ALL ON HERE 1UITE SIMPLY 7IKIPEDIA IS ONE OF THE BEST AND MOST USEFUL WEBSITES AROUND WITH A WEALTH OF INFORMA TION TO BE MINED ,ONG MAY IT REMAIN #HRIS (YDE
THE EVENT
#ONCRETE #ONUNDRUMS
#ONCRETE 0RIZE #ROSSWORD
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