9 THE EVENT THE
!RT #OMPUTING #REATIVE 7RITING &ASHION &ILM -USIC 4ELEVISION
"/.$ IS BACK
)SSUE 0,53
4HE &RATELLIS 2OBERT 7EBB 4HE 0LAYHOUSE
#ONTENTS &ASHION
-USIC
! CLASSY VINTAGE WE LOOK AT THE LATEST FASHION TREND ,OVE FOOLS CARDIGANS MAKE A COMEBACK
!RTS
&ILM
'ORDON 2AMSAY RETURNS TO 46 #HANNEL S FALL FROM GRACE EXAMINED
! SELECTION OF POETRY AND PROSE FROM THIS WEEK S CONTRIBUTORS
#ENTRE &EATURE
,ISTINGS
#OMPUTING
'EARS OF 7AR GETS UNLEASHED ON 8BOX WAS IT WORTH THE WAIT 0LUS A LOOK BACK AT 03 CLASSIC &INAL &ANTASY 6))
7E MEET 2OBERT 7EBB AND lND OUT HIS THOUGHTS ON 0EEP 3HOW S SUC CESS AND HIS PENIS AMONG OTHER THINGS
PROlLE ONCE 4HAT SITE S A BLIGHT ON HUMANITY /NE DAY ) LL STOP CHECK ING IT LONG ENOUGH TO WRITE A COHER ENT EDITORIAL THAT S ACTUALLY RELEVANT TO CURRENT AFFAIRS AND MAKES SENSE /NE DAY
#HRIS
#/-0%4)4)/.
#HRIS %DITORIAL 7EEK NINE IS UPON US AND THE NIGHTS ARE DRAWING IN EVER EARLIER 4HE THOUGHT OF ALL THOSE GOODIES UNDER THE TREE COME THE TH OF NEXT MONTH IS AT THE FOREFRONT OF MOST STUDENTS MINDS AT THE MO MENT 5NFORTUNATELY WE VE GOT ALL THOSE RUDDY END OF TERM ASSIGN MENTS TO DO BEFOREHAND ) VE GOT AN ESSAY DUE IN FOR WEEK AND ) VE BARELY STARTED IT YET CRUMBS *AMES "OND HIT OUR SCREENS AGAIN LAST WEEK FOR THE lRST TIME SINCE THE TERRIBLE $IE !NOTHER $AY 4O CELEBRATE THE SUPER SPY S RETURN WE VE GOT MORE SPY RELATED STUFF THAN YOU COULD SHAKE ONE OF 1 S GADGETS AT 7E VE GOT A REVIEW OF THE lLM ITSELF ON PAGE A LOOK BACK AT "ONDS PAST AND PRESENT TO SEE WHO ACTUALLY IS THE BEST "OND A REVIEW OF THE *AMES "OND FOR KIDS ESCAPADE THAT IS 3TORMBREAKER AND 4HE 3IX -ILLION $OLLAR -AN REVIEWED ON $6$ ON PAGE !LRIGHT SO PER HAPS THAT ONE ISN T SO RELATED BUT IT S KINDA SIMILAR 2IGHT !ND WHAT ELSE HAVE WE GOT FOR YOU IN THIS WEEK S ISSUE OF 4HE
#ASINO 2OYALE REVIEWED PLUS A LOOK BACK AT 7ONDERLAND 4HE 0RESTIGE 3TARTER FOR 4EN AND ,ITTLE #HILDREN AT THE CINEMA 3TORMBREAKER #ARS 2ENAISSANCE AND -IAMI 6ICE ON $6$ "OND *AMES "OND WHO MADE THE BEST "OND
#REATIVE 7RITING
!LBUMS -Y #HEMICAL 2OMANCE AND *AMIROQUAI S HITS 3INGLES 'REEN $AY AND 5 S JOINT EFFORT WORTH THE FUSS 7HISTLE FOR THE "AND WE MEET THE &RATELLIS ,IVE 2EVIEWS h&AMILYv *OOLS (OLLAND AND 3PARKLEHORSE
0LAYHOUSE ROCKS AN INTRODUCTION TO .ORWICH S lNEST 2UPERT %VERETT S BIOGRAPHY AND -INOTAUR &ESTIVAL REVIEWED
46
%VENT /UR CENTRE PAGE SPREAD STARS THE LOVELY 2OBERT 7EBB WHO ) WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO INTERVIEW A FEW WEEKS AGO )N THE FEATURES WITHIN EACH SECTION WE HAVE ANOTHER INTER VIEW THIS TIME WITH -INCE THE &R ATELLIS DRUMMER A LOOK AT #HAN NEL S RECENT NOTICEABLE BARREL SCRAPING IN TERMS OF PROGRAMMES A SHOW ) HAPPENED TO CATCH A FEW MINUTES OF LAST WEEKEND ABOUT RO BOT SEX WAS ENOUGH TO CONlRM THE CHANNEL S NEW LOWS AND A DISCUS SION OF OUR lNE CITY S 0LAYHOUSE WHICH OFFERS A LOT MORE THAN MOST STUDENTS REALISE /N TOP OF ALL THAT WE HAVE OUR USUAL SLEW OF REVIEWS WRITTEN BY 5%! S lNEST JOURNALISTS (OPEFULLY THAT SHOULD WHET YOUR APPETITES UNTIL NEXT ISSUE WHICH WILL BE THE LAST OF THE TERM 4HANKS AGAIN TO EVERY SINGLE PERSON MENTIONED TO THE RIGHT OF THIS WAFmE THEY RE WHAT MAKE 4HE %VENT WHAT IT IS AND ALL DESERVE A MASSIVE PAT ON THE BACK !T THE VERY LEAST 7OW ) VE MANAGED TO WRITE ALL THAT WITHOUT CHECKING MY &ACEBOOK
!FTER THE RESOUNDING SUCCESS OF LAST WEEK S COMPETITIONS IN WHICH WE GAVE AWAY -ALIBU PRIZES AND A LOVELY "ORAT TABLE TENNIS SET TO A FEW LUCKY READERS OF 4HE %VENT WE VE MANAGED TO WANGLE ANOTHER GIVEAWAY FOR YOU LOT %XCITING EH -ARY !NNE (OBBS AKA HER WOT PLAYS ELECTRO MUSIC ON 2ADIO IS COMING TO 3ONIC ON 4HURSDAY RD WITH HER ROADSHOW PROMIS ING THE BEST IN ELECTRO HIPHOP AND DUB FROM A WHOLE HOST OF $*S WHO ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT THE MUSIC /NE READER IS IN WITH A CHANCE OF WINNING A PAIR OF TICKETS TO THIS EVENT WHICH LOOKS SET TO BE ONE TO REMEMBER FOR QUITE A WHILE &OR YOUR CHANCE TO WIN JUST ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION 7HAT S THE NAME OF -ARY !NNE (OBBS 2ADIO SHOW A "REEZEBLOCK B ,EGOBLOCK C "LOCK 0ARTY !LL ANSWERS MUST BE SENT TO CONCRETE COMPETITIONS UEA AC UK BY 7EDNESDAY TH .OV 'OOD LUCK
THE EVENT The !NNA 3TEWARD %DITOR IN #HIEF %DITOR AND $ESIGNER #HRIS (YDE $EPUTY %VENT %DITOR &IONA "ILLINGS !RTS %DITORS 2OANNA "OND AND -IRANDA "RYANT #ONTRIBUTORS *ACK #LARK $AVID 'ROWCOTT +ELVIN +NIGHT -ATT 2AMSEY
#OMPUTING %DITOR 0HIL 2OBINSON #ONTRIBUTORS #HRIS (YDE !NDY *UDSON
#REATIVE 7RITING %DITOR )MAN 3ID
#ONTRIBUTORS % - #RISP %DMUND 'ILLINGWATER *ACOB 2OLLINSON 2 3 4HANATOS 2YAN 7HATLEY
&ASHION %DITOR 5MAY +ALSOOM $EPUTY &ASHION %DITOR #ARINA 2IZVI
#ONTRIBUTORS .ICK "ROOKES .ICOLA *ONES *AMES 0ARTRIDGE !LANNAH 7ELLS
&ILM %DITOR !NDY *UDSON
#ONTRIBUTORS *AMES "ILLINGS 0AUL "OND +IERAN #ORNWELL (OLLY #URTIS 2YAN 'RANT #HRIS (YDE %STHER -ARTIN ,YDIA -OSSAHEBI *OHN -UTCH ,IAM / "RIEN (ELEN 3CARLETT
,ISTINGS #OMPETITIONS %DITOR *EMMA 4HAKE
-USIC %DITOR 'REG 3ULLIVAN
#ONTRIBUTORS .ICHOLAS "ROOKES +IERAN #ORNWELL .ICHOLA $AVISON -ATT (IMSWORTH *OSH ,ITTLE %MILY -ASON ,EWIS -ORTON -ATT 2AMSAY
46 %DITOR .ATASHA +UNDAIKER
#ONTRIBUTORS
2OBERT *ACKMAN +IERA / "RIEN !NDREW 3TAFFORD
THE EVENT
&ASHION
%XCLUSIVE AND !UTHENTIC 6INTAGE CLOTHING IS ORIGINAL AND ALWAYS HIGHLY DESIRED DUE TO ITS EXCLUSIVITY AND UNIQUE CHARM 3HOULD THE STUDENT FASH IONISTA BE RAIDING THE CHARITY SHOPS HIGH STREET CHAINS OR THE BOUTIQUES FOR THOSE SPECIAL ONE OFF ITEMS
&
ASHION HAS BECOME SO DISPOSABLE THAT ONCE A CERTAIN TREND HAS LEFT THE SHOPS IT S NEARLY IMPOS SIBLE TO RETRIEVE IT 4HAT IS UNTIL IT COMES BACK AROUND AS @VINTAGE ERGO EIGHTIES LEGGINGS !S WELL AS REPRESENTING THE ERA THAT THEY ARE FROM THROUGH THEIR DESIGN REAL ITEMS LIKE THE SIXTIES SUNGLASS ES ARE VALUED FOR THEIR AGE AND AU THENTICITY )TEMS ARE ORIGINAL AND HIGHLY DESIRABLE BECAUSE OF THEIR UNIQUE PERIOD CHARM 7E ARE CON STANTLY INUNDATED WITH IMAGES AND IMITATIONS OF CLOTHING FROM THE PAST AND THE STYLE OF ICONIC lGURES SUCH AS !UDREY (EPBURN 4WIGGY AND 3OPHIA ,AUREN BECOME TIME LESS WHILE THEIR FASHIONS BECOME VINTAGE LOOKS THAT NEVER LEAVE THE CLASSICAL FASHION ARENA )T WASN T LONG AGO THAT PEOPLE STEERED CLEAR OF OLD FASHIONED AND DATED LOOKING CLOTHING NOW EVERY ONE IS PRAISING PAISLEY AND RAIDING THEIR LOCAL CHARITY SHOPS FOR THOSE VINTAGE HIDDEN TREASURES ! VIN TAGE PIECE CUSTOMIZES YOUR LOOK AND ADDS A CERTAIN TWIST TO MODERN FASHION GIVING A UNIQUE AND IN DIVIDUAL STYLE #ELEBRITIES SUCH AS +YLIE -INOGUE FOREVER @STEP BACK IN TIME AND +YLIE S REDESIGNED COSTUMES FOR HER 3HOWGIRLS TOUR ALSO HAVE A VINTAGE EDGE TO THEM 6INTAGE DEPARTMENTS ARE AP PEARING IN MANY OF THE BIG HIGH STREET STORES SUCH AS 4OPSHOP AND -ISS 3ELFRIDGE WHO ARE CASHING IN ON THE CRAZE BY OFFERING THEIR OWN SELECTION OF VINTAGE CLOTHING AND ACCESSORIES IT SEEMS THAT DISCOVER ING SNAZZY SECOND TIME AROUND CLOTHING IS BECOMING FAR MORE COMPETITIVE 3O WITH HIGH STREET PRICES IN CREASING YEAR BY YEAR WE DECIDED TO TAKE TO THE STREETS OF .ORWICH IN SEARCH OF A VINTAGE HAVEN TO SATISFY OUR DIMINISHING BANK BALANCES SO
CLOSE TO THE END OF TERMx ,UCKILY .ORWICH HAS ITS FAIR SHARE OF CHARITY SHOPS AND IF YOU CAN TEAR YOURSELF AWAY FROM THE HIGH STREET STORES THERE ARE SOME REAL GEMS OF SHOPS TO BE EXPLORED FROM /XFAM TO 4HE 3ALVATION !RMY 4HE MAGIC OF CHARITY SHOPS IS THAT FACT THAT NINETY NINE PER CENT OF THE TIME ITEMS WON T COST YOU MORE THAN A CHEAP BOTTLE OF 2OSÏ 4HIS MEANS THAT YOU CAN QUITE HAPPILY CUSTOMISE TO YOUR HEART S CONTENT SWAPPING BUT TONS FOR GLASS BEADS OR CUTTING OFF T SHIRT SLEEVES IN SEARCH OF THE PERFECT lT WITHOUT THE WORRY OF RUINING SOMETHING WHICH NEARLY COST A WEEK S WORTH OF YOUR STU DENT LOAN (OWEVER BE PREPARED TO ROLL UP YOUR SLEEVES AND RUM MAGE THE CLOTHING MAY NEED SOME REPAIRS AND A QUICK WASH TO GET THAT UNAVOIDABLE MUSTY SMELL OUT $ON T BE DISCOURAGED BY THIS CHARITY SHOPS ARE OFTEN !LADDIN S CAVES OF QUIRKY INDI VIDUAL CLOTHING GEMS 4HE CLOSURE OF @4HE $USTBIN LAST $ECEMBER HAS RESULTED IN A SHOCKING LACK OF VINTAGE STORES IN .ORWICH WHICH IS WHY WHEN NOTICING AN ADVERTISEMENT FOR A NEW VINTAGE STORE IN 4OMBLAND 4HE /NLY ,OULOUBELLE WE PAID A VISIT TO IT THE VERY NEXT DAY IN HOPE THAT OUR PRAYERS HAD BEEN ANSWERED 4HE /NLY ,OULOUBELLE CAN BE FOUND AT THE BACK OF 4OMBLAND !NTIQUE #ENTRE AND CONTAINS BALL GOWNS WEDDING DRESSES CASUAL WEAR LINEN LACE GLOVES BAGS SHOES AND ACCESSO RIES AS WELL AS A SMALL SECTION FOR MEN !CCORDING TO STORE OWNER ,OUISE (ARROLD @%VERYTHING IS HERE FROM 6ICTORIAN STYLES TO THE S -ANY OF THE CLOTHES WERE DISCOVERED IN &RANCE AND "EL
GIUM 0RICES RANGE BETWEEN lVE TO ONE HUNDRED POUNDS DEPEND ING ON THE ERA AND CRAFTSMANSHIP OF THE GARMENT )T HAS TO BE SAID THAT WE WERE REALLY IMPRESSED AND RELIEVED THAT lNALLY SOMEONE HAS NOTICED THE VINTAGE GAP IN STU
DENTVILLE .ORWICH 6INTAGE LOVING FASHIONISTAS WILL ALSO BE HAPPY TO HEAR THAT THERE IS A SECOND HAND CLOTHES SALE EVERY 7EDNESDAY IN 3T !NDREW S (ALL AT 3T !NDREW S 0LAIN 4HERE IS ALSO A MONTHLY VINTAGE CLOTH
ING SALE ABOVE 4AKE A PUB IN 4OMBLAND ON THE lRST 3ATURDAY OF EACH MONTH WITH KITSCH STALLS BY 2UBY 2UMBA -EGA -ARGOT AND "ERTHA AND "ETTY /RGANIZERS HAVE ALSO STARTED TO DO PREVIEWS ON A &RIDAY SO KEEP YOUR EYES OUT FOR mYERS )F LIKE MOST OF THE ASPIRING STUDENT POPULATION YOU ARE A BIT OF A DESIGNER lEND THEN TAKING A DAY TRIP TO ,ONDON TO TRY AND SNIFF OUT SOME BARGAINS IS PROBA BLY ON YOUR TO DO LIST #HELSEA OR +ENSINGTON HAVE CHARITY SHOPS BUT THE TYPE OF CLIENTELE DONAT ING WON T BE THROWING OUT AN OLD PAIR OF - 3 LEGGINGS RATHER LAST SEASON S "ALENCIAGA BAG OR A TWEED JACKET WHICH WAS PICKED UP IN A LITTLE 0ARISIAN BOUTIQUE )T S NO SURPRISE THE PRICE TAG WON T BE AS CREDIT CARD FRIENDLY AS THE .OR WICH CHARITY SHOP (OWEVER YOU WILL BE GUARANTEED TO BAG SOME REAL DESIGNER BARGAINS WHICH YOU MAY OTHERWISE lND YOURSELF SHELLING OUT MORE THAN ENOUGH TO KEEP A SMALL THIRD WORLD VIL LAGE HAPPY FOR A YEAR 2EMEMBER NOT TO GET TOO HOOKED UP ON THE SIZE OR SEX OF THE CLOTHES YOU lND AFTER ALL AN 8, WOOL CARDIE THAT WOULDN T LOOK OUT OF PLACE ON YOUR GRAND DAD CAN BE TRANSFORMED TO A FRESH VINTAGE NUMBER WITH A CHUNKY WAIST BELT AND WORN WITH SOME SKINNY JEANS 4HE SECRET TO lND ING GOOD VALUE RIGHT SIZED ITEMS IS TO VISIT CHARITY SHOPS REGULARLY 4HIS WILL AID YOUR SEARCH FOR THE UNIQUE HANDBAG SCARF OR NECK LACE RATHER THAN A CHEAP PLASTIC KNOCK OFF FOUND IN HIGH STREET CHAINS 4HE TURN OVER OF GOODS IS ALWAYS FAST WITH PEOPLE LEAVING GARMENTS IN CHARITY SHOP DOOR WAYS ALL OF THE TIME 0ICTURE 6OGUE #OVER
&!3()/. .%73 4HE "RAZILIAN FT IN MODEL !NA #AROLINA 2ESTON DIED ON .OVEMBER TH FROM ANOREXIA AT THE AGE OF &OR THE MONTH PRECEDING HER DEATH SHE WAS LIVING ON A DIET OF APPLES AND TOMATOES AND WEIGHED ONLY SIX STONE 2ESTON IS THE SECOND SUPERMODEL TO DIE FROM STARVING HERSELF THIS YEAR )N 3EPTEMBER FOLLOWING ,UISEL 2AMOS DEATH THE -ADRID &ASHION 7EEK BANNED MODELS FROM TAKING TO THE RUNWAY IF THEIR BODY MASS INDEX FELL BELOW THE REQUIRED !T THE TIME OF DEATH 2ESTON S "-) WAS JUST (ER DEATH HAS BEEN DESCRIBED AS A hWAKE UP CALLv TO THE INDUSTRY AND HAS RE OPENED THE CONTROVERSY OVER MODELS BEING TOO SKINNY AND THE INFAMOUS SIZE ZERO TREND 7HILE THE INDUSTRY DOES APPEAR IN MOURNING FOR ITS LATEST CASU ALTY IT REMAINS UNCERTAIN WHETHER THIS TRAGEDY WILL CHANGE ANYTHING 4HE 5 3 BRANDS "ANANA 2EPUBLIC AND .ICOLE -ILLER ARE SET TO INTRODUCE @SUB ZERO SIZES THIS FALL 7HEN APPROACHED ON THE SUBJECT OF @TOO SKINNY +ARL ,AGERFELD COMMENTED h7HAT ) REALLY DIDN T LIKE WAS THAT CERTAIN FASHION SIZES WERE MADE BIGGER 7HAT ) CREATED WAS FOR SLIM SLENDER PEOPLEv n THANKS +ARL YOU RE ALL HEART
!NA #AROLINA 2ESTON
THE EVENT
)F YOU RE A ,ONDON #HRISTMAS SHOPPER MARK OFF $ECEMBER ND IN YOUR DIARY AS /XFORD 3TREET GETS PEDESTRIANISED &OR THOSE OF YOU LESS FAMILIAR WITH ,ONDON GEOGRAPHY /XFORD 3TREET ATTRACTS OVER MILLION SHOPPERS OVER #HRISTMAS AND IT S HOME TO 3ELFRIDGES THE mAGSHIP 4OPSHOP (OUSE OF &RASER AND MANY MORE ! WORD OF WARNING BRACE YOURSELF ON A GOOD DAY YOU ARE LIKELY TO BE MOWN DOWN WHEN TAKING TO THIS STREET DURING THE FESTIVE SEASON !DD TO THIS THE POSSIBILITY OF FREE MULLED WINE PERHAPS A MINCE PIE AND THE ABSENCE OF ANY OBSTACLES IN THE FORM OF VEHICLES AND YOU LITERALLY HAVE MAYHEM )F YOU RE GAME WE WISH YOU ALL THE BESTxYOU WERE WARNED
&ASHION
6INTAGE IS BACK
“The same costume will be indecent 10 years before its time... [and] beautiful 150 years after...” - James Laver
"OYS !NSWER TO 6INTAGE 4HE #ARDIGAN 4
HIS WEEK THE #ONCRETE FASHION OFlCE HAS GONE ALL VINTAGE SO HERE AT THE &ASHION #ONSCIOUS -EN S HEADQUARTERS WE WERE BEDAZZLED WHEN WE RECEIVED THE FAX )T HAS ALWAYS BEEN OUR MANTRA THAT FROM DAPPER TO DASHING MEN THROUGHOUT THE AGES HAVE CONTINUED TO EXPRESS THEIR INDIVIDUALITY THROUGH STYLE 7HETHER IN mUENCED BY #ALVIN +LEIN BOXERS OR 4OP MAN DISCOUNT DAYS MEN S FASHIONS HAVE BECOME TIMELESS STATEMENTS WITH A PER SONALITY ALL OF THEIR OWN $ESPITE OUR TIRE LESS CAMPAIGN TO INCREASE OUR WORD LIMIT UNFORTUNATELY THIS WEEK WE HAVE STILL BEEN FORCED TO CONCENTRATE OUR EFFORTS UPON ONLY ONE VINTAGE THROWBACK THE CARDIGAN 4HE FASHION COMEBACK KING IS CUR RENTLY RIDING HIGH INDEED NO FASHION FRONTIERS SEEM UNCROSSED AS THE CARDI GAN APPEARS IN ALL MUST HAVE 7INTER COL LECTIONS AND ON THE BACKS OF EVERYONE FROM STYLE GURUS +ANYE 7EST AND +ASA BIAN TO THE CHAVVY 0AUL 7ELLER RIP OFF AND BIG BROTHER LOSING WANKER 0RESTON 3O WHERE WHERE IN THIS TINY BACK WARDS CITY THAT WE HAVE BEEN DOOMED TO SPEND THREE YEARS OF OUR LIFE UNLESS YOU RE A MEDIC GUTTED CAN ) COMPLETE MY WARD
#VZ JU PS #JO JU "RITNEY DUMPING +EVIN WORD ON THE STREET IS VIA TEXT BEST NEWS %6%2 HE WAS TOXIC
7HY WEAR A SKIRT WHEN YOU CAN WEAR A DRESS 4HE 7INTER COLLEC TIONS ADORE THEM AND WE DO TOO
,EOPARD PRINT )T COMES IT GOES $ISGUSTED OR DE LIGHTED 3OMEONE NEEDS TO CONVINCE US
ROBE WITH THIS WILD RESURGENCE 7ELL DON T DESPAIR THERE IS NOW (OUSE OF &RASER TO BRING MODERNITY AND DEBT TO .ORWICH 4HIS PALATIAL STORE OFFERS A STAGGERING ARRAY OF KNITWEAR THAT WILL SET YOU SALIVATING AND YOUR POOR LITTLE STUDENT WALLET LAGGING IF YOU DON T HAVE THE ADVENTUROUS DEDICATION TOWARDS MEN S FASHION THERE IS ALWAYS OUR PERENNIAL FAVOURITE TO HELP YOU THROUGH YOU GUESSED IT 4OPMAN 7ITH ITS STUDENT DISCOUNT AND ECLECTIC SELECTION THEIR LETS FACE IT MEDIOCRE CARDIGANS WON T EAT UP YOUR OVERDRAFT 9ET WON T DO YOUR SUPER SKINNY JEANS THE JUSTICE THEY MOST CERTAINLY DESERVE 4HE CARDIGAN THAT THE 4WO &ASHION #ONSCIOUS -EN HOLD IN THE HIGHEST ESTEEM HAS TO BE THE QUITE STAGGERINGLY BEAUTIFUL ANGELI CALLY TAILORED &RENCH #ONNECTION RANGE 4WO
&ASHION
#ONSCIOUS
-EN
XXX
0 3 3OME OF YOU MAY FEEL THAT THE CARDIGAN IS NOT THE ULTIMATE VINTAGE PIECE /F COURSE YOU WOULD MOST CERTAINLY BE WRONG BUT FEEL FREE TO DISCUSS THIS AT LENGTH AND THEN E MAIL US NON CRITICAL LAVISHING PRAISE TO FASHIONCONSCIOUSMEN GMAIL COM
Greta Garbo and Monroe, Deitrich and DiMaggio, Marlon Brando, Jimmy Dean, On the cover of a magazine... Don’t just stand there, lets get to it, strike a pose, there’s nothing to it...Vogue, Vogue.... THIS WEEK: LAURA, SECOND YEAR, PSI. JACKET: "/22/7%$ &2/- ! &2)%.$ CARDIGAN: 02)-!2+ TOP: 02)-!2+ JEANS: 4/03(/0 FINGERLESS GLOVES: 4/03(/0 SHOES: #/.6%23%
4OM+AT S WED DING .OW YOU VE DONE IT JUST STOP TALKING ABOUT IT
BAG: 7!2%(/53% EARRINGS: !##%3 3/2):%
THE EVENT
!RTS
,ESS 7ORK
-ORE 0LAY
5%! "OX /FlCE AND .ORWICH 0LAYHOUSE HAVE JOINED FORCES &IRST YEAR +ELVIN +NIGHT VENTURES OFF CAMPUS WITH A MAP AND COMPASS INTO THE WILDS OF .ORWICH TO INVESTI GATE WHAT S NEW AT THE 0LAYHOUSE A POPULAR HAUNT FOR THE ARTY AND BOHEMIAN
&
OR THE lRST YEAR 5%! STUDENT .ORWICH CAN BE A CULTURAL MINE lELD 4HE CITY OFFERS A MYRIAD OF ENTERTAIN MENT THERE S MUSIC TO SUIT ALL TASTES PLAYS APLENTY AND A MUL TITUDE OF CINEMA (OWEVER WHILE LIVING ON CAMPUS THE TEMPTATION IS TO MAKE THE MOST OF THE ARRAY OF EVENTS OFFERED ON SITE WITHOUT VEN TURING INTO TOWN TO EXPERIENCE THE JOYS OF THE !RTS #ENTRE THE 4HEATRE 2OYAL EVEN THE 7ATERFRONT .ORWICH 0LAYHOUSE PRIDES IT SELF ON OFFERING AN ALTERNATIVE AS SORTMENT OF INTERESTING INNOVATIVE SHOWS WHICH INCORPORATE COMEDY DRAMA AND MUSIC IN A WARM AND WELCOMING ENVIRONMENT 4HE THE ATRE IS SITUATED JUST A lVE MINUTE STROLL FROM THE BUS STATION ON 3T 'EORGE S 3TREET OVER THE BRIDGE FROM .ORWICH !RT 3CHOOL )T BOASTS EXCELLENT FRONT OF HOUSE FACILITIES INCLUDING A BAR DESCRIBED IN THE LOCAL PRESS AS HAVING hTHE SPLENDID INTIMACY OF A DOWN TOWN .EW 9ORK CAFE v WHICH LEADS OUT INTO A RIVER SIDE TERRACE AND GARDEN 4HE AUDI TORIUM ITSELF IS COMFORTABLE WITH EXCELLENT ACOUSTICS SIGHTLINES AND LEGROOM MAKING EVERY EVENING S VIEWING EVEN MORE ENJOYABLE 4HE VENUE ALSO BOASTS AN IMPRESSIVE CINEMA SCHEDULE NOW SHOWING 3O lA #OPPOLA S -ARIE !NTOINETTE AND 4HE (ISTORY "OYS BASED ON !LAN "ENNETT S PLAY 3INCE 3EPTEMBER IN AN ATTEMPT TO ATTRACT A WIDER STUDENT AUDI ENCE THE 5%! BOX OFlCE HAS BEEN SELLING TICKETS FOR THE 0LAYHOUSE S EVENTS !LREADY THIS TERM THE VENUE HAS HOSTED THE COMEDIC TAL ENTS OF -ARCUS "RIGSTOCKE AND %D "YRNE AND SEEN INVENTIVE ADAPTA TIONS OF WORKS BY 3HAKESPEARE AND 3OPHOCLES "UT RATHER THAN SIGHING IN DESPAIR AND MUTTERING hIF ONLY ) D KNOWNv TO YOURSELF WHY NOT HAVE A LOOK AT WHAT IS COMING UP IN THE NOT SO DISTANT FUTURE 7HAT FOLLOWS IS A WHISTLE STOP PREVIEW OF THE 0LAYHOUSE S PACKED SCHEDULE BETWEEN NOW AND #HRISTMAS 7HILE FOR MANY THEATRES $E CEMBER MEANS PANTOMIME THE 0LAYHOUSE IS KEEN TO OFFER AN ALTER NATIVE FOR CUSTOMERS WITH A MORE SOPHISTICATED IDEA OF FUN /N &RI
'LOBAL "EATS
h.ORWICH PLAY HOUSE PRIDES ITSELF ON OFFERING AN ALTERNATIVE ASSORMENT OF IN NOVATIVE SHOWS IN A WARM ENVI RONMENT v
THE EVENT
DAY ST $ECEMBER THE 0LAYHOUSE WELCOMES #ANTABILE A FOUR PIECE OF SWEET CLOSE HARMONY AND "RIT ISH SENSE OF HUMOUR FOR THEIR #HRISTMAS WITH #ANTABILE SHOW 4HE COMBINATION OF PURE CHORAL SOUND AND HILARIOUS MUSICAL COMEDY HAS TAKEN THE QUARTET TO GREAT HEIGHTS THEY VE PERFORMED ALL AROUND THE WORLD HEADLINING THE CABARET BILL ON THE 1% AND ALSO PERFORMING AT THE 1UEEN S 'OLDEN *UBILEE CONCERT AT "UCKINGHAM 0ALACE 4HE SHOW DESCRIBED AS hTHE DElNITIVE SOUND OF #HRISTMAS v PROMISES TO BE THE PERFECT CURTAIN RAISER TO THE ADVENT PERIOD 4HE FOLLOWING NIGHT SEES THE RE TURN OF A 0LAYHOUSE FAVOURITE *AZZ MUSICIANS 'EORGE -ELLY $IGBY &AIRWEATHER AND (IS (ALF $OZEN COME TO .ORWICH FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY BEFORE THEIR ANNUAL STINT AT THE RENOWNED 2ONNIE 3COTT #LUB IN ,ONDON
!T THE HEART OF THE PRE #HRIST MAS SCHEDULE IS #IRCUS OF (ORRORS A SHOW THAT COMBINES ACROBATICS TER RIFYING CHARACTERS COMEDY AND ROCK AND ROLL 4HIS YEAR S SHOW ENTITLED 4HE %VILUTION IS AS THE PUNN SUG GESTS BETTER THAN EVERYTHING THAT CAME BEFORE IT BOASTING hODDITIES FAKIRS DEATH DEFYING CIRCUS ARTISTS WITCHDOCTORS VOODOO ACROBATS A PICKLED PERSON BENDY BODIES DE MON DWARFS BLOOD CURDLING STUNTS AND mYING VAMPIRES v 4HERE ARE NINE OPPORTUNITIES TO WITNESS THE 5NDEAD 2INGMASTER $OKTOR (AZE DRAGGING CIRCUS KICKING AND SCREAM ING INTO THE ST #ENTURY BETWEEN 4UESDAY TH AND 3ATURDAY TH OF $ECEMBER )T WILL HAVE YOU ON THE EDGE OF YOUR SEAT WITH AMAZEMENT AND HORROR AND THEN FALLING OFF IT WITH LAUGHTER "REATHTAKINGLY INVENTIVE SATI RIST %NNIO -ARCHETTO KNOWN AS THE @HUMAN CARTOON WILL BE SHOWCAS ING THE LATEST VICTIMS OF HIS PHYSI CALLY COMEDIC IMPERSONATION STYLE AT THE 0LAYHOUSE FOR TWO NIGHTS IN $ECEMBER $ISPLAYING A MIXTURE OF ORIGAMI QUICK CHANGE MIME DANCE AND MUSIC THROUGH APPROXI MATELY DIFFERENT CHARACTERS HIS SHOW PROMISES TO BE THE MOST CREA TIVE THING YOU LL EVER SEE USING ONLY A CAT SUIT AND A FEW BITS OF PAPER 4HE FOLLOWING TWO NIGHTS FRESH FROM A SELL OUT 7EST %ND RUN THE 6AGINA -ONOLOGUES COME TO THE 0LAYHOUSE %VE %NSLER S WITTY AND MOVING BLEND OF OUTRAGEOUS POIGNANT BRAVE AND THOROUGHLY HUMAN STORIES IS THE REASON WHY SO MANY OF THE WORLD S MOST TALENTED AND FAMOUS WOMEN HAVE CHOSEN TO TAKE PART IN THE SHOW ! REMINDER THAT #HRISTMAS IS NOT A CELEBRATORY TIME FOR EVERYONE COMES ON 3ATURDAY TH IN THE FORM OF A SPIRITED EVENING OF JAZZ WHICH HAS AS ITS AIM THE RAISING OF FUNDS FOR TWO EXTREMELY GOOD LOCAL CAUSES .ORWICH 9-#! WHICH IS CELEBRATING YEARS OF PROVIDING REFUGE FOR THOSE WITHOUT THE BASIC NEEDS OF LIFE AND 3T -ARTIN S (OUS ING 4RUST A CHARITY THAT STRIVES TO ADDRESS THE NEEDS OF SINGLE HOME LESS PEOPLE IN .ORWICH !N %VENING WITH &REDDIE 'AVITA +IT $OWNES AND &RIENDS SHOWCASES A NEW GENERATION OF LOCAL JAZZ MUSICIANS IN WHAT PROMISES TO BE A REAL COMMUNITY AFFAIR OF hHOT JAMS AND COOL VIBES v 3TAND UP COMIC 'INA 9ASHERE
TAKES TO THE STAGE ON THE EVENINGS OF 7EDNESDAY TH AND 4HURSDAY ST OF $ECEMBER IN HER NEW SHOW ) $ON T 4HINK 3O 3INCE HER MOST RE CENT TOUR IN 'INA HAS FOUND FAME WORKING WITH ,ENNY (ENRY AND IN A NUMBER OF OTHER TELEVI SION AND RADIO ROLES (OWEVER SHE HAS MANAGED TO RETAIN WHAT THE %VENING 3TANDARD DESCRIBED AS THE hSHRAPNEL SHARP GAGS v THAT YOU WOULD EXPECT FROM A WOMAN THAT THE 'UARDIAN INSISTED WAS hONE OF THE BEST COMICS IN THE LAND v )N HER NEW SHOW 'INA EXPLORES THE MEAN INGS OF BEING BOTH A CULTURAL OUT SIDER AND INSIDER IN HER TRADEMARK ENERGETIC RAZOR SHARP STYLE 4HE lNAL SHOWS BEFORE #HRIST MAS COME COURTESY OF 'LOBALBEAT ON &RIDAY THE ND AND 3ATURDAY THE RD 4HE SHOW COMBINES LOCAL REPUTE WITH INTERNATIONAL RENOWN TO BRING THE AUDIENCE A WARMING EVENING OF WORLD MUSIC AND DANCE GUARANTEED TO hDRIVE AWAY THE CHILL OF $ECEMBER v 4HE LINE UP DISPLAYS A VASTLY ECLECTIC AND EXCITING FUSION OF CULTURAL INmUENCES INCLUDING "RAZILIAN FOUNDER AND LEADER OF .ORWICH 3AMBA -ARCUS 0ATTESON THE 0LAYHOUSE S OWN !NNA -UDE KA ORIGINALLY OF :IMBABWE AS WELL AS REPRESENTATIVES OF BOTH )NDIAN AND #UBAN NATIONALITY 4HE 0LAYHOUSE S SCHEDULE IN THE LEAD UP TO #HRISTMAS IS OVERmOWING WITH AN ECLECTIC ARRAY OF ALTERNATIVE AND INVENTIVE PERFORMANCES AND PROMISES TO BE AS UPLIFTING AND ENERGETIC AS ANY PANTOMIME ONLY WITHOUT THE CRINGE WORTHY JOKES AND AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION 4ICK ETS FOR ALL THESE EVENTS ARE AVAILABLE AT THE 5%! "OX /FlCE IN 5NION (OUSE OR ONLINE AT WWW UEATICKET BOOKINGS CO UK !LTERNATIVELY THEY CAN BE BOUGHT AT THE MAIN 0LAY HOUSE BOX OFlCE BASED AT .ORWICH 4HEATRE 2OYAL WHICH CAN BE CON TACTED ON 4HE .ORWICH 0LAYHOUSE S NEW BROCHURE IS AVAILABLE NOW AND HAS DETAILS OF ALL THE PRODUCTIONS COM ING UP UNTIL -AY WITH MANY SEASON HIGHLIGHTS INCLUDING AWARD WINNING COMEDY AND DRAMA FROM THIS YEAR S %DINBURGH &RINGE &ESTIVAL !S ALWAYS DETAILS ABOUT THE 0LAY HOUSE AND UPCOMING EVENTS CAN BE FOUND ON THE NEW AND IMPROVED WEBSITE WHICH IS NOW UP AND RUN NING AT WWW NORWICHPLAYHOUSE ORG UK
!RTS
4HEATRE -INOTAUR 3HORTS &ESTIVAL 5%! $RAMA 3TUDIO BER
TH /CTOBER
ST .OVEM
ND .OVEMBER
4WO S #OMPANY 4HE #ARPENTER AND ,EFT (OLDING 4HE "ABY 4HIS YEAR S -INOTAUR 3HORTS KICKED OFF WITH AN OVERSIZED PAIR OF BREASTS SO YES IF YOU DIDN T GO YOU DID MISS OUT .UDITY WASN T THE ONLY DISH BE ING SERVED AS MURDER AND MENTAL ILL NESS WERE BOTH SLAPPED UP ON THE AU DIENCE S PROVERBIAL PLATE 0ERHAPS FOR ITS PURE VISUAL IMPACT 4WO S #OMPANY OPENED THE EVENING THRUSTING THE AU DIENCE INTO lFTEEN MINUTES OF HILARITY AND HORMONES %XCELLENT ACTING FROM @TITS 4ABITHA 0EARSON -OORE AND 2OSE 4OMASZEWSKA CARRIED THE FAST PACED SCRIPT WELL WHILE AN ACT OF COSTUME DEPARTMENT GENIUS LEFT THE PLAY lRMLY BRANDED IN THE MEMORY 7ITH ITS QUICK WITTY SCRIPT AND SHARP WELL TIMED HU MOUR 4WO S #OMPANY REALLY RAISED THE BAR FOR THE EVENING )T HAS TO BE SAID THE BAR THEN HAD A COU PLE OF INCHES SAWN OFF IT BY 4HE #ARPEN TER ,ESS OF A SHORT MORE OF A STUNTED LONG IT LEFT THIS WRITER WISHING HE COULD HAVE ALL EVENING TO EXPLORE THE BACK
GROUNDS AND COMPLEXITIES OF THE PLAY S CHARACTERS $ESPITE THIS COMPLAINT THE PLAY WAS CHARACTERISED BY STRONG ACT ING WITH 2OANNA "OND AND -ATT (AS SALL PUTTING IN PARTICULARLY NOTABLE PER FORMANCES WHILE #HARLOTTE "ROADBENT SUCCESSFULLY PORTRAYED A DISTURBINGLY REALISTIC TODDLER !DDRESSING THE TOPIC OF MENTAL ILLNESS IN TWENTY MINUTES WAS AMBITIOUS TO SAY THE LEAST BUT WHAT 4HE #ARPENTER LACKED IN DEPTH IT MORE THAN MADE UP FOR IN ACTING ABILITY )F 4WO S #OMPANY AND 4HE #ARPENTER HAD A BABY THE lNAL PLAY OF THE NIGHT IS EX ACTLY WHAT YOU WOULD BE LEFT HOLDING ! MIXTURE OF RAUCOUS HUMOUR AND AN OVERLY COMPRESSED STORYLINE ,EFT (OLD ING THE "ABY PROVIDED A HIGHLY ENTER TAINING CLIMAX TO THE EVENING THAT FELT LIKE IT COULD HAVE BENElTED FROM DOU BLE ITS TIME SLOT /NCE AGAIN THE ACTING RATHER THAN THE SCRIPT WAS THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE PIECE WITH #HARLOTTE "ROADBENT DEMONSTRATED HER ASTOUNDING VERSATIL ITY AGING YEARS IN THE SPACE OF TWO PLAYS 2ICHARD !LLAN AND #HARLOTTE
+ING BROUGHT THEIR CHARACTERS SUPERB LY TO LIFE DISPLAYING A BEAUTIFULLY DRY SENSE OF HUMOUR AND AN EQUALLY EXCEL LENT PORTRAYAL OF SLEAZE AND BOHEMIA RESPECTIVELY $ESPITE A TENDENCY TOWARDS CRUSHED STORYLINES IN PLACE OF ACTUAL @SHORTS THE EVENING WAS THOROUGHLY ENJOYABLE DEMONSTRATING THE HUGE ACTING TALENT THAT 5%! BOASTS /F COURSE FOR ME THE OVERSIZED BREASTS CHAMPIONED THE EVENING BUT THEN WHAT MORE CAN YOU EXPECT FROM AN ADOLESCENT MALE $AVID 'ROWCOTT
'UILTY 5NTIL 0ROVEN )NNCOCENT 4OM THE (UMAN #HEQUE AND ,OVE IS A .UMBER (ARKENING BACK TO 0INTER 'UILTY 5NTIL 0ROVEN )NNOCENT OPENS WITH A PRISONER DESULTORILY WATCHING TV ! GUARD ARRIVES #UE CONVERSATION !N GERED BODY LANGUAGE $EBATES ABOUT LIFE AND DEATH AND THE PROS AND CONS OF CARING FOR A DYING WOMAN WHO USED TO BE YOUR -UM 4ENSE AND EDGY 4HIS
SHORT WOUND THE TENSION TIGHT ENOUGH SO THAT THE AUDITORIUM WALLS BEGAN TO CLOSE IN AND THE PRISONER -ARC 'ROV ER USED BODY LANGUAGE TO GREAT EFFECT !LONG WITH THIS THE OFlCERS WALKY TALKY ADDED A CONSTANT STATIC HISS TO THE PER FORMANCE WHICH MADE YOU STRAIGHTEN UP IN YOUR SEAT AND PAY ATTENTION TO THE MEN BEFORE YOU ! KNOCKOUT PER FORMANCE h(ELLO ) M A TELEVISION v 3O OPENS THE SILLIEST AND FUNNIEST SHORT OF THE NIGHT 4OM THE (UMAN #HEQUE WHICH TAKES A SATIRICAL LOOK AT MONEY CLASS AND MEN WITH MOUSTACHES WHILST CONTAINING ENOUGH SCRIPTED CHOPS TO MAKE YOU GENUINELY CARE ABOUT THE CHARACTERS 4HE USE OF BARE STAGING AND LIGHTING HELPS THE CHARACTERS STAND OUT TO THE EXTENT THAT BY THE END OF THE PLAY THEY SEEM MORE LIKE CARTOON CHARACTERS THAN PEOPLE (OWEVER THE PLAY S RIDICULOUS NESS DOESN T WEIGH IT DOWN AND AT THE END WHEN A BANK ROBBER STUMBLES ACROSS 4OM IN A BANK VAULT THE REFRAIN OF @7HAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ) M A
BILLION POUNDS IS BOTH FUNNY AND SAD 4OP MARKS FOR STYLE DELIVERY AND A LIVE LY AND ENGAGING SCRIPT ,OVE IS A .UMBER IS AN /#$ STORY RE VOLVING AROUND A SEMI /#$ COUPLE IN A STAGE POPULATED BY OTHER WALK ON CASES 4HE PLAY IS EFFECTIVE AND CONTAINS SOME BRILLIANT BIT PARTS SUCH AS THE BRAIN OF THE PRINCIPLE /#$ CHARACTER WHO STUMBLES AROUND TALKING ABOUT NUMBERS WITH A FERVOUR THAT VERGES ON THE RELIGIOUS 4HE PLOT IS A SIMPLE STORY OF RECONCILIATION OVER DIFFERENCES HOW EVER DURING SCENE CHANGES THE STAGE IS POPULATED WITH OTHER CHARACTERS ONE OF WHICH A HYPOCHONDRIAC PROUDLY ANNOUNCES TO THE AUDIENCE THAT @THE HOUSE IS VACUUM PADDED TO THE NINES 4HIS AND OTHER WALK ONS SUCH AS THE GIRL WHO DRINKS BLEACH TO ESCAPE FROM GERMS ARE BOTH BELIEVABLE AND HARROW ING ! GOOD LITTLE PLAY ALBEIT INVOLVING A RATHER SIMPLISTIC PLOT LINE
"OOKS
2ED #ARPETS AND /THER "ANANA 3KINS 4HE !UTOBIOGRAPHY
2UPERT %VERETT
4HERE ARE MANY WORLD RENOWNED STARS WHO SPEND THEIR LIVES IN THE SPOTLIGHT ASSOCIATE THEMSELVES WITH FELLOW CELEB RITIES AND ARE ADORED THE WORLD OVER BY THEIR FANS /NE THING THAT IS OFTEN LACKING HOWEVER IS THE ABILITY TO BE HONEST OR IN TERESTING IN ANY WRITING THEY CREATE ABOUT THEMSELVES 2UPERT %VERETT HAS BEEN IN THE SPOTLIGHT FOR MOST OF HIS LIFE (E CAN COUNT HIS IDOL *ULIE !NDREWS AS WELL AS $ONATELLA 6ER SACE 2EESE 7ITHERSPOON AND #OLIN &IRTH AMONG HIS COUNTERPARTS (E IS ADORED BY HIS COUNTLESS FANS HOWVER THERE IS ONE THING THAT BREAKS THE STEREOTYPE HE IS CA PABLE OF RELATING TO HIS LIFE IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE )N 2ED #ARPETS AND /THER "ANANA 3KINS %VERETT LOOKS BACK UPON HIS LIFE IN AN HONEST AND WITTY MANNER &ROM HIS BIRTH IN hSOMETIME BEFORE TEAv HIS lRST VISIT TO THE CINEMA IN HIS YOUTH TO SEE
-ARY 0OPPINS TO DISRUPTING HIS NANNY S MARRIAGE TO THE PRESENT DAY !LONG THE WAY THE READER IS BROUGHT UP CLOSE WITH EXPERIENCES INVOLVED WITH THE WORK THAT MADE HIM FAMOUS LIFE ON SET OF SMASH HITS SUCH AS 3HAKESPEARE IN ,OVE 4HE -AD NESS OF +ING 'EORGE 4HE )MPORTANCE OF "EING %ARNEST AND -Y "EST &RIEND S 7EDDING )T ISN T JUST THE EVENTS THAT THE WORLDWIDE AUDIENCE WOULD KNOW ABOUT THAT MAKES IT INTO PRINT 4AKE FOR EXAMPLE AN %ASTER EGG HUNT IN THE GARDEN OF %LIZABETH 4AYLOR %VERETT DESCRIBES HIS MEMORIES IN A HIGHLY PERSONAL STYLE WHICH HE SHARES INTIMATELY WITH HIS READER #OMBINING WELL KNOWN EVENTS WITH THE LESSER KNOWN ONES CON SEQUENTLY MAKES %VERETT S AUTOBIOGRAPHY THE HONEST AND INTERESTING BOOK THAT (OL LYWOOD IS SO OFTEN LACKING -ATT 2AMSEY
“What’s this? What’s this? Is it her fault or mine?
The tempter, or the tempted, who sins most?” Shakespeare’s Measure for Measure, UEA Studio week 11
THE EVENT
*ACK #LARK
46
0RIMETIME
2AMSAY S +ITCHEN .IGHTMARES # 4UESDAYS 4HE FOUL MOUTHED CHEF IS BACK AGAIN IN THE THIRD INSTALMENT OF 2AMSAY S +ITCHEN .IGHTMARES )N EACH EPISODE 'ORDON 2AMSAY VISITS A FAILING RESTAURANT AND ATTEMPTS TO HELP IMPROVE THE ESTABLISHMENT IN JUST ONE WEEK 7ITH HIS PASSION FOR FOOD AND INFAMOUS LACK OF PATIENCE FOR SLOPPY STANDARDS IN THE KITCHEN HE SPARES NO ONE IN HIS PUR SUIT OF RESTAURANT EXCELLENCE 7HAT IS AMAZING IS THE LACK OF COMMON SENSE MOSTLY IN TERMS OF HYGIENE THAT THE RESTAURANTEURS HAVE WHEN IT COMES TO COOKING AND GOOD SERVICE )T IS BEYOND BELIEF THAT SUCH PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED TO GO NEAR FOOD LET ALONE SERVE IT TO THE HUMAN POPULATION )T S
NO SURPRISE THAT 2AMSAY LETS RIP AT THE BUNCH OF IMBECILES 4HE FIRST EPISODE FEATURES ,A 0ARRA A FAILING RESTAURANT IN THE #OSTA DEL 3OL WHICH HAS DISHES ON THE MENU YET ONLY ONE COOK AN AVERAGE WAITING TIME OF ONE HOUR IF YOU RE LUCKY AND SERVES RAW MEAT COOKED BY TORCHLIGHT AS WELL AS HANGING KE BABS WHICH AS 2AMSAY REMARKS LOOK LIKE hDONKEY S DICKSv 4HE CHEF S SIGNATURE DISHES INCLUDE CHICKEN STUFFED WITH BANANA AND PRAWNS IN GARLIC WITH A CHOCOLATE SAUCE 4HE THOUGHT IS ENOUGH TO TURN YOUR STOMACH 4HEY EVEN SERVE LEFTO VER COOKED MEAT THE NEXT DAY MOST LIKELY UNREFRIGERATED .O WONDER HOLIDAY MAKERS COME
BACK WITH RAGING TUMMY ACHES AND HOSPITALISING DIARRHOEA !ND THAT S IGNORING THE SHEER AMOUNT OF GRIME IN THE KITCHEN AND THE NUMBER OF DOG POOS ON THE FLOOR OF THE DINING AREA )T S A SIGHT THAT WOULD KNOCK +IM AND !GGIE INTO COMAS 4HERE IS A BIT OF VERBAL ABUSE ON 2AMSAY S PART AS ONE WOULD EXPECT BUT IT S ENTERTAINING TO SEE THE RESTAURANTEURS FINALLY GETTING THEIR COMEUPPANCE HIS BLUNT AND SCATHING ATTACKS NEARLY REDUCE THE MALE OWNER TO TEARS 4HESE PEOPLE NEED SOME SENSE BATTERED INTO THEM AND 2AMSAY IS DEFINITELY THE MAN TO DO IT !FTER ALL HE KNOWS WHAT HE S TALKING ABOUT HE IS A MULTI AWARD WINNING CHEF AND ALL OF
HIS RESTAURANTS HOLD -ICHELIN STARS %UROPE S HIGHEST AND MOST COVETED RESTAURANT ACCOLADE 2AMSAY IS LIKE -ARMITE YOU EITHER LOVE HIM OR YOU HATE HIM
"UT AS THE SERIES GOES ON HE WILL MAKE FOR SOME ENTERTAINING TEL EVISION ESPECIALLY WITH SOME OF THE TRIPE THAT IS ON NOWADAYS .ATASHA +UNDAIKER
.EIGHBOURS 46 $6$ 4HE 2OBINSON FAMILY TRULY OUT DO THEMSELVES THIS WEEK RESULTING IN EVEN #AMERON REJECTING THEM FOR BEING TOO TWISTED 0AUL STILL CARRYING ON A CRINGE INDUCING AFFAIR WITH ,YN 3CULLY YEAR OLDS CUDDLING IN THEIR DRESSING GOWNS IS ENOUGH TO PUT YOU RIGHT OFF YOUR LUNCH FORCES #ARMELLA THE NUN INTO A NIGHT OF PASSION WITH HIM IN EXCHANGE FOR KEEPING A CHILDREN S SHELTER OPEN FOR ANOTHER YEAR (OWEVER SHE BRINGS TWO OTHER NUNS ALONG WITH HER -EANWHILE 0AUL S DAUGHTER %LLE IN THE MIDST OF A SERIOUS ILLNESS SCAM TO DISTRACT $YLAN AWAY FROM PREGNANT 3KYE SWALLOWS A CHEMO TABLET AND HAS TO BE RUSHED TO HOSPITAL WHICH KIND OF GIVES THE GAME AWAY !FTER CONFESSING TO 3USAN THAT SHE AND +ARL SPENT THE NIGHT TOGETHER )ZZY LEARNS SOME LIFE CHANGING NEWS FROM A DOCTOR !ND !NNE THE CREEPY BLIND GIRL INTERFERES WITH "REE S LOVE LIFE BY WRITING :EKE A LETTER 2OBERT THE CRAZY 2OBINSON TWIN ESCAPES FROM JAIL $ESPITE INSISTING THAT HIS FEELINGS FOR HER ARE PURELY PLATONIC -AX HUNTS HIM DOWN TO PROTECT +ATYA FROM HIS EVIL GRASP "UT IT S NOT 2OBERT WHO ENDS UP LYING ON HIS DEATHBED IT S ACTUALLY #AMERON ! DEVASTATED 0AUL VOWS TO GET REVENGE ON -AX WHILE 3TEPH SEEKS SOLACE IN 4OADIE S FRIENDSHIP +IERA / "RIEN
7ANT MORE REVIEWS 3ATISFY YOUR SOAP lX BY GOING TO WWW UEACONCRETETV BLOGSPOT COM
4OP
3HOWS TO 7ATCH THIS &ORTNIGHT
7ITHOUT A 4RACE # -ON n *ACK AND THE TEAM SEARCH FOR A MISSING AGORAPHOBIC AGONY AUNT *AM AND *ERUSALEM ""# &RI n "RAND SPANKING NEW KOOKY COMEDY PENNED BY *ENNIFER 3AUNDERS 4ORCHWOOD ""# 7ED $ISAPPOINTING THOUGH IT MAY BE WE CAN T HELP BUT LOVE IT ,ATER WITH *OOLS ""# &RI (EADLINING THIS WEEK IS ,AS 6EGAS lNEST THE +ILLERS &ROM (ELL &IVE &RI n *OHNNY $EPP AN INTRIGUING "RITISH ACCENT AND *ACK THE 2IPPER 7HAT S NOT TO LOVE ! DARK AND CREEPY THRILLER
THE EVENT
4HE 3IX -ILLION $OLLAR -AN 3EASON a /UT .OW 4HE 3IX -ILLION $OLLAR -AN IS A SHOW THAT PUTS THE CHEESE BACK INTO CHEESY PUFFS 3TEVE !USTIN PLAYED BY THE S POP CULTURE ICON ,EE -AJORS IS AN !STRONAUT FOR THE 53 !IR &ORCE WHO IS ALMOST FATALLY INJURED WHEN HIS PLANE UNEXPECTEDLY CRASHES )N ORDER TO RESTORE !USTIN TO SOME KIND OF NORMALITY THE GOVERNMENT DECIDES TO REPLACE THE DAMAGED BODILY PARTS WITH EXPERIMENTAL BI ONIC LIMBS THAT EFFECTIVELY GIVE HIM SUPERPOWERS HEIGHTENED EYE SIGHT AND SPEED AMPLIlED AGILITY AND STRENGTH !S PAYMENT FOR THE MIL LION THAT THE GOVERNMENT SPENT ON RECREATING HIM !USTIN lNDS HIM SELF WORKING FOR THE /FlCE OF 3CI ENTIlC )NTELLIGENCE AS A SECRET AGENT 7HAT S NOT TO LOVE ABOUT THIS CHEESY S SERIES 7ITH ITS BAD HAIR
DOS DATED CLOTHING AND NAFF ACTING STYLES IT S ENOUGH TO HAVE A GOOD LAUGH ABOUT !USTIN S BIONIC ORGANS ENABLE HIM TO BEND METAL WITH HIS BARE HANDS AND RUN FASTER THAN A CAR NOT TO MENTION WHAT HE CAN DO WITH HIS 4ERMINATOR LIKE EYE GADGET &OR VIEWERS OF ITS TIME IT WAS ALL VERY EXCITING BUT IT MAY FEEL SOMEWHAT DATED TO A MORE MODERN AUDIENCE /NE CAN SEE THE HEAVY INmUENCE OF THE EARLY *AMES "OND lLMS WITH A SIMILAR ARRAY OF GADGETS AND CHARAC TERISTICS COMPARABLE WITH "OND !US TIN IS NOT QUITE AS SMOOTH WITH THE LADIES BUT UNLIKE HIS COUNTERPART HE IS ABLE TO HOLD DOWN A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP (IS RELATIONSHIP WITH *AMIE 3OMMERS CAUSES CONTROVERSY WHEN SHE GETS INJURED IN A SKY DIVING ACCIDENT AND HE BEGS THE GOVERNMENT
TO REBUILD HER WITH BIONIC LIMBS WHICH CONVENIENTLY LED TO A SPIN OFF SHOW CALLED 4HE "IONIC 7OMAN )F YOU RE A FAN OF THE #HARLIE@S !NGELS SERIES THEN YOU WILL DElNITELY APPRECIATE THIS SHOW WITH ITS SIMI LAR CONTENT KITSCH STYLE FUNKY MUSIC AND COLOURFUL SETTINGS 7HY WATCH 4HE 3IX -ILLION $OLLAR -AN )T CAN BE VERY INTELLIGENT WHEN IT WANTS TO BE HUMOUROUS WHEN IT NEEDS TO BE AND IT MAINTAINS A LEVEL OF EXCITE MENT AND FUN )T OFFERS A POSSIBLY IN SIGHTFUL WAY TO SPEND AN AFTERNOON AS WE THINK BACK TO A TIME WHEN MILLION WAS A HUGE AMOUNT OF MON EY AND IMAGINE WHEN !MERICAN TECHNOLOGY WILL BE ABLE TO PRODUCE WONDERS LIKE A FUNCTIONAL CYBORG !NDREW 3TAFFORD
46 #LASSICS #OUNTDOWN 0RESENT )T S A LITTLE KNOWN FACT THAT THE lRST EVER PROGRAMME TO BE BROADCAST ON #HANNEL WAS #OUNTDOWN )T SEEMS BIZARRE THAT A CHANNEL REGARDED AS BEING CUTTING EDGE STARTED WITH A MODEST 3CRABBLE BASED GAME SHOW 4HE PHENOMENON THAT IS #OUNTDOWN MAKES FOR ONE OF THE MOST INTERESTING STORIES IN "RITISH TELEVISION &OR INSTANCE DID YOU KNOW THAT A ,ABOUR -0 WAS SO IMPRESSED WITH THE EDUCATIONAL
BENElT OF THE SHOW THAT HE TABLED A MOTION TO HAVE IT MOVED TO AN AFTER SCHOOL SLOT $ID YOU KNOW THAT THE PRIZE FOR THE SERIES WINNER IS A LEATHER BOUND /XFORD %NGLISH $ICTIONARY WORTH A STAGGERING a !ND THAT ONE CONTESTANT ONCE DECLINED IT ON ACCOUNT OF HIS STRICT VEGANISM 7ITH OVER EPISODES IT IS ONE OF THE LONGEST RUNNING GAME SHOWS IN THE WORLD "ACK THEN VIEWERS QUESTIONED
WHAT ON EARTH COMPELLED # TO CHOOSE #OUNTDOWN AS THEIR lRST OFFERING 7HATEVER STRANGE AFFECTION IT WAS NOWADAYS WE ALL SHARE IT #OUNTDOWN HAS MADE "RITAIN THINK IT HAS MADE "RITAIN LAUGH AND LAST YEAR IT MADE "RITAIN MOURN /VER YEARS AFTER IT STARTED #OUNTDOWN IS STILL EDUCATING "RITONS IN THE JOY OF LEX AND HAS RISEN TO CULT STATUS (ERE S TO MORE YEARS 2OBERT *ACKMAN
46
4ELEVISION 8 ,AST WEEK ITS FORMER #HIEF %XECUTIVE CLAIMED IT HAD BECOME A QUAGMIRE OF TITILLATION AND TRANSGRESSION )S THE ONCE INNOVATIVE AND SERIOUS CHANNEL TAKING IT TOO FAR &ROM CYBERSEX TO @COCKUMENTARIES 2OBERT *ACKMAN CHARTS THE DECLINE OF #HANNEL
4
OSSERS ARE APLENTY ON #HANNEL &IRST UP THERE S SLACK JAWED PRANKSTER *USTIN ,EE #OLLINS WHOSE INANE LAUGH ING HAS BECOME A STAPLE OF THEIR &RIDAY NIGHT SCHEDULE 4HEN THERE S SILLY SUBURBAN CONTORTIONIST $AVID "LAINE WHOSE DEATH DEFYING STUNTS ATTRACT THOUSANDS OF VIEWERS IN THE VAIN HOPE THAT THIS LATEST ONE MAY BE THE ONE WHERE IT ALL GOES WRONG %VEN THEIR LATEST GAME SHOW HOST REFUSES TO APPEAR IN FRONT OF A CAM ERA WITHOUT COSMIC ETCHINGS ON HIS HAND "UT THIS WINTER AS #HANNEL TELEVISES THE 5+ S lRST MASTURBATE A THON THE QUESTION WILL BE MORE RES ONANT THAN EVER JUST WHY ARE THERE SO MANY WANKERS ON #HANNEL 4HE -ASTURBATE A THON IN QUES TION OCCURRED THIS SUMMER WHEN IT INVITED THOUSANDS OF PARTICIPANTS TO SPILL THEIR SPERM FOR SPONSOR SHIP MONEY 4HE EVENT RAISED THOU SANDS OF POUNDS FOR SAFE SEX AND ()6 CHARITIES WHILST HELPING BREAK DOWN THE STIGMA SURROUNDING MAS TURBATION AND #HANNEL CLAIMS THEIR TELEVISING OF A DOCUMENTARY OF THE EVENT WILL FURTHER SPREAD THE
SAFE SEX MESSAGE (OW ALTRUISTIC OF THEM YOU MAY THINK )NDEED THEY MUST FEEL VERY PASSIONATE ABOUT SAFE SEX n THEY VE COMMISSIONED A WHOLE WANK WEEK WINTER 4HERE S EVEN SOME EDUCATIONAL STUFF -ASTURBATION FOR 'IRLS PROMISES TO TAKE FEMALES FROM CLUMSY FUMBLING TO NIMBLE lNGER mURRIES WHICH WOULD IMPRESS 2ACH MANINOFF "UT IF 3IR *EREMY )SAACS
IS TO BE BELIEVED THE CHANNEL HAS LESS HONOURABLE DIFFERENT MOTIVES 3IR )SAACS THE FOUNDING CHIEF EX ECUTIVE OF THE FOURTH CHANNEL CON DEMNS THE CHANNEL FOR ITS OBSESSION WITH SEX (E CLAIMS THAT THEIR DESPER ATE PURSUIT OF THE TEENAGE AND TWEN TY SOMETHING AUDIENCE HAS MEANT THAT THE CHANNEL HAS DISSOLVED INTO A CARNAL SMUTFEST 4HE COMMISSION ERS AREN T CONCERNED WHETHER IT S SAFE SEX OR NOT THEY KNOW IT S A SAFE BET IT WILL BRING IN THE VIEWERS 2ATHER THAN CHALLENGING TABOOS THE CHAN NEL IS DESPERATE TO lND NEW ONES AND EXPLOIT THEM AND THERE S NO SHORTAGE OF AMMUNITION FOR HIS ARGUMENT 4AKE RECENT EXPLOITATION EXTRAOR DINAIRE 4HE (OLY (OTTIE IN WHICH THE CAMERAS FOLLOW EX STRIPPER COME #HRISTIAN (EATHER 6EITCH (AVING FOUND THE (OLY 3PIRIT AFTER A DE GRADING FEW YEARS IN THE BOWELS OF !MERICA S SEX INDUSTRY (EATHER HAS STARTED A MINISTRY AIMING TO TAKE THE "IBLE MESSAGE TO GIRLS LIKE HER "UT THE X RATED EVANGELICAL HAS ANOTHER GOAL TO SPICE UP #HRISTIAN MAR RIAGES .OW (EATHER SPENDS HER DAYS PREACHING #HRIST TO THE LAP DANCERS AND LAP DANCING TO THE #HRISTIANS @/F COURSE 'OD WANTS US TO HAVE FUN IN OUR MARRIAGES SHE GIGGLES AS SHE JIGGLES ON THE LAP OF A GIRLFRIEND 2ELIGION CROPS UP AGAIN IN 'OD S .UDISTS A SHOW WHICH DOCUMENTS A CREW OF NUDISTS WHO BELIEVE THAT COV ERING UP IS SINFUL n WE SHOULD LOVE WHAT THE ,ORD GAVE US )T S A SHAME THAT THE SAME CAN T BE SAID ABOUT THE WOMEN WHO FEATURE IN $ESIGNER 6A GINAS AS lLTHY &OUR QUIZ THEM OVER WHY THEY D DECIDED TO HAVE SURGERY TO ENHANCE THEIR GENITALS /F COURSE IT S NORMALLY BEEN BREASTS WHICH GET CAUGHT IN THE COSMETIC SURGERY CY CLONE n AND THIS PHENOMENON GETS ITS TURN IN -Y "REASTS !RE 4OO "IG 4HE LATTER MAY NOT HAVE RAISED MANY EYEBROWS BREASTS ARE EVERY WHERE IN OUR MEDIA "UT IT WASN T ALWAYS LIKE THIS THE FEMALE BODY CREPT IN ON THE BACK OF A TIDE OF LEWD ADVERTISING WITH BREASTS BEING USED TO PUSH EVERYTHING FROM CARS TO ALCO POPS 4HE PENIS HOWEVER NOT ENJOY ING THE SAME MARKETING ALLURE WAS LARGELY ABSENT FROM TELEVISION 4HIS SUMMER #HANNEL CHANGED ALL THAT !ND WHILE BREASTS HAD SLOWLY WADED ONTOOURSCREENS THEPENISTHRUSTITSELF IN FRONT OF THE CAMERAS LIKE A SCREAM ING WARHEAD IN @COCKUMENTARY 4HE 7ORLD S "IGGEST 0ENIS &ORGET &REUD
IAN AMBIGUITIES n IT WAS PRETTY HARD NOT TO BE CONSCIOUS OF THIS MONSTER .OT DISTURBED YET 4HERE S A LOT WORSEIN&OUR SAPPALLINGARCHIVES LIKE /BSCENE -ACHINES 4HE PROGRAMME CHARTS THE MARRIAGE OF SEX AND TECH NOLOGY ENDING UP IN THE DARKER REALMS WHERE FANTASIES ARE MORE #Y BERMAN THAN CYBERSEX /NE SUBJECT DESCRIBES HIS IDEAL WOMAN AS AN @AT TRACTIVE FEMALExWITH A SILVERY METAL LIC BIKINI AND A KEY IN HER BACK (E TELLS US THAT @TECHNOSEXUAL IS THE @PO LITICALLY CORRECT WAY TO DESCRIBE HIM 9ES IT MAY WELL BRING IN THE RAT INGS BUT IS THIS THE ONLY WAY #HAN NEL CAN DO THAT 7HEN IT COMES TO TELEVISION THERE S NO SHORTAGE OF IN NOVATIVE IDEAS 4HINK OF "IG "ROTHER n A SHOW BUILT ON A SICKENINGLY SIMPLE YET DEVASTATING EFFECTIVE FOR MULA AND -46 ORIGINALLY DISMISSED AS @RADIO ON THE TELLY THE CHANNEL HAS SNARED THE ATTENTION OF TEENAG ERS WORLDWIDE 4HE PHENOMENAL GROWTH OF WEBSITES SUCH AS @YOUTUBE SHOWS A DEMAND FOR INTERACTIVE EN TERTAINMENT WHICH COULD PROVE A GOLDMINE FOR TELEVISION CHANNELS n BUT #HANNEL PREFERS TO OPT FOR THE LOWEST COMMON DENOMINATOR )NDEED #HANNEL S ORGIASTIC OFFERINGS CONSCIOUSLY AIM TO BE PORNOGRAPHY /FTEN IT S ONLY THE SOUNDTRACK WITH SEPARATES THESE DOCUMENTARIES FROM BEING @SOFT POR
#HANNEL DELIGHTS IN THE DISTASTEFUL TWENTY YEARS SINCE ITS BIRTH THE CHANNEL IS STUCK IN A FUMBLING ADOLESCENCE OFFERING CRASS AND CRUDE EXCUSES FOR ENTERTAINMENT
NOGRAPHY 7HAT BETTER EXAMPLE THAN ,AP $ANCE 7AR A SHOW WHICH FOL LOWS THE FEUD BETWEEN STRIP CLUB EN TREPRENEURS IN S ,ONDON 7HILE THE PROGRAMME MAINLY CONSISTS OF TITILLATING FOOTAGE OF NAKED WOM EN DANCING IT IS STRANGELY DUBBED OVER WITH FOOTAGE OF ACADEMICS DISCUSSING THE EFFECT OF 7ESTMIN STER #OUNCIL LAWS ON LAP DANCING 4HEN THERE S #ELEBRITY 3EX 4APES WHERE THE VOICE OVER OFFERS A SINCERE APOLOGY THAT THEY CAN T SHOW THE MORE EXPLICIT MOMENTS OF !BI 4IT MUSS S COKE EYED ROMP FOR LEGAL REA SONS /H WELL LOOKS LIKE THE LEERING VIEWERS WILL HAVE TO MAKE DO WITH 0ARIS (ILTON AND 0AMELA !NDERSON !ND BACK TO /BSCENE -ACHINES ONCE MORE WHERE THE PROGRAMME MAKERS CHOOSE CREATIVE CAMERAWORK RATHER THAN DISAPPOINT THEIR VIEWERS WITH CLUSTERS OF BLOCKY PIXELS )SAACS IS RIGHT #HANNEL IS A CHANNEL WHICH DELIGHTS IN THE DIS TASTEFUL 4WENTY YEARS SINCE ITS BIRTH THE CHANNEL IS STUCK IN A FUMBLING ADOLESCENCE OFFERING CRASS AND CRUDE EXCUSES FOR ENTERTAINMENT 4ODAY THEY MAY NOT STRUGGLE TO COMPILE A SEX SODDEN SCHEDULE BUT ONE HAS TO WONDER WHAT LL HAPPEN ONCE THEY VE EXHAUSTED ALL TABOOS 5NTIL THEN ANYONE WITH MORE SENSE THAN HOR MONES WILL SURELY BE REACHING FOR THE REMOTE RATHER THAN THE TISSUES
!GREE $ISAGREE (AVE YOUR SAY AT W W W U E A C O N C R E T E T V B L O G S P O T C O M
THE EVENT
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0/%429 )RIS OF AN /CEAN 4HE GENTLE SWAY OF THE WHISTLE WIND B R E A T H E S CALMLY THROUGH YOUR COLOURED TRESSES CARESSING THE LONELY CRY OF A HUSHED SLUMBER !S HER EYES BEGIN TO BLEED WEEP YOUR FRESH lNGERS CRYSTALISE EVERY DROP THE PULSE OF YOUR THUMBS LICK HER UNDER EYE WAVES 3O SMOOTH AND SILKY 9OUR PUPILS MEET AS IF FOR THE lRST TIME THIRSTY FOR EACH OTHER IN THE IRIS OF AN OCEAN
02/3% )N AN !MERICAN 0INE 7OOD &OREST
4HE 3OUL THE $EVIL 2ETURNED
) AM CLEANING OFF THE STICKY LABELS THAT COMPLETELY COVER THE WINDOWS OF MY -UM S BLACK BY ) AM DOING THIS WITH A GIANT GREEN WASHING UP SPONGE CLIMBING ON THE ROOF PEELING THE LABELS OFF HAVING TO SCRAPE THE GLUE OFF WITH MY NAILS LEAV ING SCRATCHES -Y -UM IS WALKING AROUND THE VEHICLE SAYING THAT $AD REALLY ISN T WELL (E COUGHS AND A DOCTOR COMES OUT NEARLY EVERY NIGHT SO IF ) SEE HIM SLEEPING ) M NOT TO DISTURB HIM 4EARS WELL IN MY EYES WARM WATER SOAKING MY GREEN WASHING UP SPONGE ) CONCENTRATE ON GETTING RID OF THE WARM AND WET PAPER SLOWLY CARFULLY RUBBING IT THEN ROLLING IT UNDER MY THUMB AND PALM INTO MOUSTACHE SHAPED LINES LONG THICK lSHING BOBBERS OF WHITE PAPER PULP COMPRESSED AND DRY POINTED AT THE ENDS ) DISCARD THEM ONTO THE PINE NEEDLE mOOR LEAVING COUNTRIES OF TORN PAPER GREY AND lBROUS
! lNE DINING RESTAURANT 4HE $%6), SILENTLY APPROACHES THE -!)42% $ SHOWING OBVIOUS SIGNS OF DISSATISFACTION (IS PODIUM OVERLOOKS A CURVED STAIRCASE THAT SEPARATES THE CONVERSATION FROM THE DINERS )N THE BACKGROUND IS THE MURMUR OF POLITE CONVERSATION CUTLERY AND CROCKERY AND VIOLIN MUSIC
"Y %DMUND 'ILLINGWATER
0UNCTUALITY
"Y )MAN 3ID
"ECALMED SUN WARMS WINTER WINDS !ND SCREENS THE LINE IN THE SAND 1UIET MIDDAY LIGHT BEGINS !ND BARES YOU AT EASE IN HER HAND (EED THE BAG OF MARBLES SOUNDS )N JAZZ UNDERFOOT -ULISH STONES mOUTING SUN DRENCHED 3CENERY HOARY VENEER ALOOF IN NATURE "UT IN HER BAG PUT -ONUMENTS ! TRIBUTE TO THE DAYS OF DISCOVERING 3TARRY EYED 4HAT EACH GREY SUIT IS HARBOURING ! JOVIAL SIDE 3OME SECRETLY SMILING AT THIS UNEARTHING THEMSELVES !ND LOOKED TO BE NOTICED !S SHE CANDIDILY DELVED #HARMING WARMED WINTER ,IFTING HEAD SUN TIGERING IN HER EYES ! LOOK OF ENCHANTMENT %ASILY READ PIECED TOGETHER NOVEL TIES
; = 7ELL -RS 4ANNER HAD TO HAVE A TOOTH DRILLED BECAUSE OF A CAVITY THAT WAS CAUSING NO END OF TROUBLE 7HILE SHE WAS UNDER THE GAS SHE DIDN T NOTICE THE PAIN UNTIL THE DRILL GOT TO A SPOT WHERE THERE WAS A NERVE ENDING /NLY SHE DIDN T FEEL IT AS PAIN EXACTLY MORE LIKE A HISS LIKE SOMETHING WAS COM ING OUT OF HER AND SHE WAS DEmATING ALMOST 7ELL IT DIDN T TAKE HER LONG TO REALISE SOMETHING WAS WRONG SOON AS SHE WAS SIGNING THE DENTIST S DOCUMENTS SHE FOUND HER HAND WAS SHAKING AND SHE WAS TALKING ALL SLOW %VERYBODY KNEW ABOUT ACUPUNCTURE EXCEPT MAYBE THIS DENTIST )T WAS HER SOUL YOU SEE 4HE DENTIST HAD DRILLED A HOLE IN THE WRONG PLACE AND HER SOUL HAD COME OUT *UDITH REMEMBERED -RS 4ANNER HOW SHE USED TO BE SMART AS A WHIP 9ES YES -ARY REMEMBERED TOO 7ELL NOW SHE WAS KIND OF DULL AND HER ENERGY WAS GONE 3HE WAS LESS ENTHUSED NOW TOO AND WHEN SHE TALKED n WELL YOU COULD ALMOST AL WAYS PREDICT WHAT SHE WAS GOING TO SAY -ARY SUGGESTED THAT SHE TOO HAD NOTICED A DIFFERENCE ALTHOUGH SHE HELD LITTLE TRUCK WITH THAT HOCUS POCUS MALARKEY 4RUE IT SOUNDED UNFEASIBLE *UDITH AGREED "UT -ARY SHOULD LOOK AT THE WAY SHE WALKED NOW LIKE SHE WAS PARALYSED ,IKE SHE WAS LIMPING ALONG "EFORE -ARY LEFT *UDITH COPIED HER OUT A RECIPE FOR NUT BURG ERS *ONATHON WOULD REALLY ENJOY THEM WHEN HE CAME HOME 'OOD FOR THE PROSTATE *UDITH TOLD HER BUT THERE WAS NO NEED TO TELL HIM THAT 4HE NEIGHBOURS CAT WAS IN -ARY S GARDEN WHEN SHE GOT BACK DOING ITS BUSINESS AGAINST HER GERANIUMS 3HE SHOOED IT OVER THE WALL CLUCKING AND HISSING AND INVESTIGATED THE MESS 4HIS WOULD NEED A TROWEL 7ITH THE SHOPPING STILL WAITING ON THE STEP SHE TEASED AWAY AT THE EARTH AROUND THE MESS WITH THE BLADE OF THE TROWEL SEVERAL THIN GERANIUM ROOTS WERE SEV ERED IN THE PROCESS /NCE SHE HAD DUG THE THING UP SHE FELT FRUSTRATED ENOUGH TO CARRY IT INTO THE NEIGHBOURS GARDEN AND GIVE IT BACK -ARY DID NOT STEP UP THE PATH WITHOUT SOME TREPIDATION SHE KNEW THAT THE COUNCIL HOUSED THE RESIDENTS n TWO YOUNG MOTHERS n AND THAT THEY TOOK NO END OF VISITORS 9OUNG MALE VISITORS .OT THAT IT WAS ANYBODY S BUSINESS BUT PEOPLE NO TICED THESE THINGS ; =
"Y 2YAN 7HATLEY
"Y *ACOB 2OLLINSON
2OMANCE IS $EAD WALKING BACK FROM THE NIGHT THE 7OMAN WITH THE IMPOSSIBLY DEEP JASPER LINED EYES STOPS BESIDE THE ROADSIDE TO LET THE YOUNG IMPERFECT POET KISS HER LIPS WITH HIS CLEARLY SHE HAS HAD TOO MUCH CHERRY WINE "Y 23 4HANATOS
3HE 3EES 3MILES IN 3TONES
THE EVENT
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-!)42% $ ! VERY GOOD EVENING TO YOU AGAIN SIR ) MUST SAY IT IS A VERY SPECIAL TREAT TO SEE YOU HERE AGAIN SO SOON 4HE $%6), HOLDS HIS TONGUE LIFTS AND DROPS HIS SHOULDERS IN A SUGGESTION OF FURIOUS PATIENCE ) DO WONDER WHAT WE CAN DO FOR YOU THIS EVENING 7E ARE AWFULLY OVERBOOKED YOU MUST KNOW $%6), ) D LIKE TO COMPLAIN (IS VOICE ELICITS GAG REmEXES IN A LARGE PERCENTAGE OF THE DINERS -!)42% $ #OMPLAIN 3IR (E RAISES A SOLITARY EYEBROW "UT SIR ) M AFRAID SEVERAL WEEKS HAVE PASSED SINCE YOU DINED WITH US 7HY EVER DID YOU NEGLECT TO MENTION ANYTHING DISAGREEABLE AT THE TIME /R PERHAPS THE FOLLOWING DAY SIR IF THERE WAS SOME HOW SHALL WE SAY UPSET 4HE $%6), SIGHS AGAIN A GURGLE IN HIS THROAT CAUSES SOME DINERS TO GAG ONCE MORE !N ELDERLY MAN WIPES A MORSEL OF CLOTTED BLOOD ON HIS NAPKIN ) AM AFRAID THAT UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES CAN WE CONSIDER REFUNDS 4HE -!)42% $ WIPES AN UNWANTED DRY SMILE FROM HIS FACE $%6), 9OU KNOW WHAT ) AM TALKING ABOUT !ND YOU WILL GIVE ME A REFUND 4HIS TIME THE VOICE CAUSES THE ELDERLY MAN TO FALL FACE FORWARDS ONTO HIS TABLE /THER DINERS LEAVE THEIR SEATS NAPKINS OVER THEIR MOUTHS AND HANDS OVER THEIR STOMACHS 4HE -!)42% $ IS MOMENTARILY DISTRACTED BY THE DISTURBANCE BELOW !T THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS THE HEAD WAITER BEGINS TO RECEIVE COMPLAINTS -!)42% $ 7E LL HAVE TO DO THIS SOME OTHER TIME AND MOST CERTAINLY SOME OTHER PLACE 4HE TRANSACTION THAT TOOK PLACE BETWEEN US WAS MY OWN PERSONAL BUSINESS AND ) AM AFRAID ) AM ABSOLUTELY PROHIBITED FROM DISCUSSING SUCH MATTERS ON THE RESTAURANT S TIME $%6), (IS VOICE SUPERCEDES DEMONIC PANDEMONIUM BREAKS OUT BELOW 9OU WILL GIVE ME A REFUND -!)42% $ ,OOKING AGAIN FROM UNDER ONE RAISED EYEBROW 9OUR DEVIL MIND TRICKS WON T WORK WITH ME )F YOU COULD RETURN MY SOUL TO THIS BODY ) AM QUITE SURE YOU WOULDN T THINK TO HESITATE 3O IF YOU DON T MIND "Y % - #RISP
3END IN YOUR 0S 0OETRY 0ROSE AND 0LAYS %MAIL YOUR STUFF TO )MAN 3ID AT I SID UEA AC UK OR CONCRETE CREATIVEWRITING UEA AC UK
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&EATURE
&EATURE
7EBB OF )NTRIGUE 3TAR OF 0EEP 3HOW AND 4HAT -ITCHELL AND 7EBB ,OOK 2OBERT 7EBB IS FAST ON HIS WAY TO BECOMING ONE OF THE 5+ S BIGGEST COMEDIANS "UT HOW IS HE COPING WITH HIS NEW FOUND FAME AND RECOGNITION #HRIS (YDE HAS A CHAT WITH THE MAN HIMSELF
4
HINK OF THE GREATEST COMEDY DOUBLE ACTS OF THE LAST FEW DECADES 4HEY FOLLOW THE SAME BASIC PATTERN DON T THEY /NE S THICK AND ONE S CLEVER /NE S FAT AND ONE S THIN /NE S TALL AND ONE S SHORT /NE S GOT BLONDE HAIR AND ONE S GOT BLACK HAIR !LRIGHT MAYBE THEY DON T ALL SHARE THESE CHARACTERISTICS BUT THERE ARE ALWAYS DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE BEST DOUBLE ACTS THAT THE 5+ HAS PRO DUCED 4HE 4WO 2ONNIES -ORECAMBE AND 7ISE &RENCH AND 3AUNDERS &RY AND ,AURIEx NOW $AVID -ITCHELL AND 2OBERT 7EBB STEP INTO THE FRAY 4HE PAIR ARE PERHAPS BEST KNOWN FOR THE FANTASTIC SITCOM 0EEP 3HOW BUT ALSO RECENTLY STARRED IN THEIR OWN SKETCH SHOW ON ""# 4HEY RE CUR RENTLY TOURING THE COUNTRY WITH THEIR 4HE 4WO &ACES OF -ITCHELL AND 7EBB TOUR AND WITH A SHOW IN )PSWICH APPROACHING 2OBERT 7EBB TOOK TIME OUT FROM THEIR BUSY SCHEDULE TO TALK TO 4HE %VENT ABOUT THE NEXT SERIES OF 0EEP 3HOW 3NAKES ON A 0LANE AND REACTIONS TO HIS PENIS APPEARING ON THE SILVER SCREEN IN #ONFETTIx h0EEP 3HOW IS DElNITELY ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR SITCOMS OF THE LAST FEW YEARS BECAUSE PEOPLE CAN IDENTIFY WITH THE SITUATIONS THAT -ARK AND *EZ GET THEMSELVES INTO v 7EBB COM MENTS h!NYONE CAN EMPATHISE WITH THEIR LOT IN LIFE AND HOW THEY RE AT A COMPLETE LOSS FOR WHAT TO DO HALF THE TIME AND THAT S WHERE A LOT OF THE COMEDY AND DRAMA OF THE SHOW COMES INTO PLAY 4HEY BOTH lND SANC TUARY IN THEIR OWN GODS n FOR -ARK
IT S A 6OLVO AND *EZ S IS HIS PURSUIT OF FAME n BUT THERE IS NO OTHER GOD FOR THEM OTHER THAN THAT 3OMEWHERE IN THE BACK OF THEIR MINDS THEY WORRY ABOUT BEHAVING BADLY BUT THEN THEY GO AHEAD AND DO IT ANYWAY v 4HERE WERE RUMOURS FOR A TIME THAT THERE WASN T GOING TO BE A FOURTH SERIES OF THE SHOW WHICH CAME AS A SURPRISE TO MANY DUE TO IT S RESOUND ING SUCCESS AND POPULARITY h9EAH THOSE RUMOURS CAME FROM A TRADE MAGAZINE THAT MISQUOTED SOMEONE FROM #HANNEL )T S A LOAD OF COB BLERS THOUGH ) THINK THEY MISUN DERSTOOD ME AND $AVID SAYING WE WANTED TIME OUT TO CONCENTRATE ON OTHER THINGS (OWEVER THE NEXT SERIES SHOULD BE AIRED IN SPRING AT THE RATE WE RE GOING "UT THESE DECISIONS SEEM TO BE MADE BY A LITTLE GROUP OF -EXI CANS PLAYING SPIN THE BOTTLE IN A BASE MENT SOMEWHERE SO WHO KNOWS v 7E THEN MOVED ON TO TALK ABOUT THE SERIES ON $6$ AND ITS FUTURE h$6$ SALES ARE HEALTHY BUT NOT SPECTACULAR 4HEY RE KEEPING US BOTH IN CLEAN CLOTHES AT LEAST 0EOPLE ARE MAD FOR THE SHOW BACK WHEN IT WAS A CULT THING IN ITS lRST SERIES THERE WAS AN ONLINE PETITION WITH NEARLY A THOUSAND SIGNATURES TO GET IT ON $6$ 4HAT WAS MENTAL FOR US WE THOUGHT WE D MADE THIS LITTLE THING THAT D SINK WITHOUT A TRACE AND THEN SUDDENLY IT BECAME POPULAR "UT AS LONG AS -ARK AND *EREMY ARE WELCOME THEN WE LL KEEP MAKING EPI SODES )T S RARE FOR A SITCOM TO WORK AT THE MOMENT SO WE RE MILKING IT FOR EVERYTHING WE CAN GET v !FTER THE SUCCESS OF THE !MERICAN
THE EVENT
h)T S LIKE A GROUP OF -EXICANS PLAYING SPIN THE BOTTLE IN A BASEMENTv
VERSION OF 4HE /FlCE DOES 2OBERT THINK THAT AN !MERICANISED 0EEP 3HOW WOULD WORK h7ELL AN !MERICAN PILOT WAS ACTUALLY lLMED (OWEVER THEY CHANGED SO MANY FACETS OF THE SHOW n THERE WERE NO 0/6 MONOLOGUES OR INNER THOUGHTS AND -ARK WAS AND *EZ WAS A SURFER DUDE TYPE PERSON 4HEY COMPLETELY CHANGED EVERYTHING THAT S INTEGRAL TO MAKING IT WHAT IT IS 4HEY BASED IT ON THE EPISODE IN SERIES WHERE *EZ GOES TO A JOB INTERVIEW BUT THEY ONLY TOOK SCENES FROM OUR VERSION AND MADE THE REST UP ) CAN T EVEN REMEMBER WHO WAS IN IT AS ME ) D LIKE TO HAVE BEEN IN IT MYSELF IT WOULD BE FUN BUT THEN IT D JUST BE EASIER TO SHOW @OUR SHOW v -OVING ON FROM 0EEP 3HOW WE BE GAN TO TALK ABOUT #ONFETTI THE WEDDING THEMED 3PINAL 4AP STYLE @MOCKUMEN TARY THAT FEATURES THE CREAM OF CURRENT "RITISH COMEDY TALENT )N IT 7EBB PLAYED A NATURIST ALONG WITH /LIVIA #OLEMAN AKA 3OPHIE FROM 0EEP 3HOW MEANING A LOT OF SHOTS OF HIS MEMBER 7ITH IT S RECENT RELEASE IN !MERICA AND BEARING IN MIND THE NATION S UNEASE AROUND NUDITY STEP FORWARD *ANET *ACKSON AND HER @WARDROBE MALFUNC TION WE ASKED HIM WHAT HE THOUGHT OF !MERICANS GETTING AN EYEFUL h) THINK THEY RE IN FOR A BIT OF A FRIGHT !MERI CANS SEEM TO BE A BUNCH OF CHARMING !NGLOPHILES FOR THE MOST PART RAISED ON A DIET OF -ONTY 0YTHON AS QUINTES SENTIAL "RITISH HUMOUR SO ) THINK MY PENIS WILL ALARM THEM )T S A BIT LIKE MEDICINE IT S NOT NICE WHEN TAKING IT BUT IT ULTIMATELY DOES YOU A LOT OF GOOD )T S UNUSUAL FOR FULL FRONTAL NUDITY TO BE IN A lLM ESPECIALLY A "RITISH COMEDY BUT ) THINK THAT S A GOOD THING v
3URPRISINGLY WE LEARNT THAT THE ENTIRE lLM IS IMPROVISED (OWEVER 2OBERT HAS SOME MISGIVINGS ABOUT THIS h)T DOESN T HANG TOGETHER WELL AS A lLM 7E DID AROUND HOURS OF IMPROVISING WHICH OBVIOUSLY HAD TO BE CUT DOWN DRASTICALLY "UT ) THINK SOME IMPORTANT AND FUNNY SCENES WERE TAKEN OUT ) WAS WORKING WITH A GREAT CAST OF PEOPLE n ALTHOUGH WE ALL WORKED SEPARATELY SO WE DIDN T KNOW WHAT EACH OTHER S WEDDINGS WOULD BE LIKE n AND WE REALLY PUT A LOT INTO IT BUT THE END RESULT DOESN T WORK WELL AS A lLM IN MY OPINION v 7E THEN BEGAN TO TALK ABOUT 4HAT -ITCHELL AND 7EBB ,OOK THE PAIR S SKETCH SHOW THAT ENJOYED A SUCCESS FUL RUN IN ""# S 4HURSDAY NIGHT LINE UP LAST MONTH )N THE VEIN OF "IG 4RAIN WHICH THE DUO WROTE FOR IT MIXED A WIDE VARIETY OF SKETCHES FROM VISUAL TO LINGUISTIC TO SUBTLE TO THE DOWNRIGHT SURREAL )T ORIGINALLY BEGAN LIFE AS A RADIO SHOW BEFORE MAKING THE LEAP TO 46 MUCH LIKE 4HE ,EAGUE OF 'ENTLEMEN AND $EAD 2INGERS 3O DOES HE THINK THAT THE LACK OF RADIO CONSTRAINT MEANT THAT THEY COULD BE AS VISUAL AND BOLD AS POSSIBLE h3OMETIMES WE TOOK ADVANTAGE AND WERE BRASH BUT IT S SOMETIMES THE OTHER WAY ROUND AND WERE MORE LIKELY TO BE CONSTRAINED &OR EXAMPLE A SPACESHIP CRASHING ONTO AN ALIEN PLANET CAN BE DONE ON RADIO WITH A SIMPLE SOUND EFFECT BUT A 46 SHOW MEANS THAT THE CRASH HAS TO BE SHOWN TO GIVE THE LADIES AND GENTLEMEN AT HOME SOMETHING TO LOOK AT 7E OFTEN WROTE SKETCHES WITH OUR RADIO HAT ON AND THEN TO MAKE THEM MORE
ORIENTED FOR 46 PUT OUR 46 HATS ON INSTEAD v (OW ARE SUCH SKETCHES WRITTEN h5SUALLY IN THE PUB 7E DON T LIKE WATCHING COMEDIES SPECIlCALLY TO INSPIRE US IT MAKES WHAT WE DO MUCH MORE LIKE A JOB THAN JUST A BIT OF FUN 7E LIKE A WHOLE LOT OF THINGS n #HRIS -ORRIS STUFF LIKE "RASS %YE AND 4HE $AY 4ODAY S COMEDIES LIKE 4HE 9OUNG /NES AND &RY AND ,AURIE AND THE CLASSICS LIKE &AWLTY 4OWERS AND 4HE 'OODIES v 7HATEVER IT IS THAT INmUENCES THE SHOW THOSE THAT WATCHED IT SOON FELL IN LOVE WITH THEIR UNIQUE BRAND OF HUMOUR AND A NEW SERIES WILL HOPEFULLY BE ALONG SOON /R WILL IT h) VE GOT A LOT ON AT THE MOMENT ) JUST GOT MARRIED AND HAD A LOVELY WEDDING AND RELAXED HONEYMOON 4HERE S THE FOURTH SERIES OF 0EEP 3HOW ANOTHER RADIO SERIES AND n IF THE GODS THAT ARE THE ""# PROGRAMMING EXECUTIVES LIKED THE SHOW n ANOTHER 46 SERIES 7E VE GOT A lLM IN THE BAG WHICH SHOULD BE ALONG IN THE SPRING (AVING WORKED ON THAT AND THOROUGHLY ENJOYED IT ) NOW KNOW WHAT A GENUINELY FUN "RITISH lLM IS ALL ABOUT v 4HAT lLM CALLED -AGICIANS IS DUE FOR RELEASE IN !PRIL AND MOVIEGOERS CAN VIEW A TRAILER ALONGSIDE CURRENT MAGIC THEMED lLM 4HE 0RESTIGE )N IT -ITCHELL AND 7EBB STAR AS A DOUBLE ACT THAT FALL OUT SPECTACULARLY OVER A GUILLOTINE MISHAP AND THEN MEET AGAIN AT A MAGIC COMPETITION WHERE THEY RE PITTED AGAINST EACH OTHER )T WILL BE A MORE MAINSTREAM COMEDY THAN 0EEP 3HOW AND WILL ALSO STAR 4HE 4HICK /F )T S 0ETER #APALDI 3PACED S *ESSICA 3TEVENSON AND 3MACK THE 0ONY S $ARREN "OYD PROCLAIMED BY 7EBB AS hTHE FUN NIEST MAN IN "RITAINv 4O WRAP THE INTERVIEW UP WE ASK 2OBERT WHAT VIEWERS CAN EXPECT FROM THE NEXT SERIES OF 0EEP 3HOW h2ACHEL "LANCHARD WHO PLAYED .ANCY IN THE SECOND SERIES WILL DElNITELY BE BACK TO MAKE *EZ SUFFER 3HE WAS ORIGINALLY WRITTEN INTO THE THIRD SERIES BUT SHE COULDN T
h3EEING NUDITY ON TELLY IS A BIT LIKE MEDICINE IT S NOT NICE WHEN TAKING IT
MAKE IT DUE TO lLMING 3NAKES ON A 0LANE v "UT DID 7EBB SEE THE CINEMATIC GENIUS THAT WAS 3NAKES ON A 0LANE h) NEVER GOT ROUND TO IT ) M AFRAID v /N HEARING THAT "LANCHARD S CHARACTER COULD HAVE WALTZED STRAIGHT OUT OF #LUELESS AND THAT HER FASHIONABLE LITTLE DOG GETS EATEN BY A SNAKE 7EBB WAS REDUCED TO lTS OF HYSTERICS SAYING THAT HE COULD IMAGINE HER PLAYING SUCH A CHARACTER PERFECTLY 3O AS WELL AS THE RETURN OF .ANCY WHAT ELSE CAN VIEWERS EXPECT h4HE STORY WILL FOCUS ON THE IMPENDING MARRIAGE BETWEEN -ARK AND 3OPHIE AND WE LL SEE -ARK GET INCREAS INGLY NERVOUS ABOUT IT v !NY INSIDER GOSSIP OR TITBITS OF PLOT FOR US LOYAL %VENT READERS h!T RISK OF SOUNDING CLICHÏD YOU RE GOING TO HAVE TO TUNE IN TO lND OUT ) M AFRAID ) CAN T GIVE ANYTHING AWAY AT ALL v 7E THINK THAT 2OBERT S GOT NO WORRIES THERE AS WE RE SURE THAT MANY READERS WILL BE TURNING ON IN A FEW MONTHS TIME TO lND
OUT WHAT HAPPENS )F YOU WANT A DOSE OF -ITCHELL AND 7EBB IN THE MEANTIME THEY RE BRINGING THEIR LIVE SHOW TO THE )PSWICH 2EGENT 4HEATRE ON THE TH OF THIS MONTH WHICH PROMISES TO BE HIGHLY ENTERTAINING 7HETHER IT S ON STAGE RADIO TELEVISION OR lLM THE PAIR SEEM TO HAVE AN ABILITY TO CHURN OUT COMEDY WITH AS MUCH EASE AS 2IK 7ALLER DEVOURING A +&# FAMILY FEAST AND TO PARAPHRASE ONE OF THEIR SHOW S MOST POPU LAR CREATIONS THERE NEVER IS A hBAD MISSv 4HEY RE DElNITELY TWO OF THE MOST TALENTED COMEDIANS TO EMERGE FROM THIS ISLAND FOR QUITE SOME TIME AND LIKE THEM OR LOATHE THEM THEY RE GOING TO BE AROUND FOR A WHILE LONGER -ITCHELL AND 7EBB PLAY )PSWICH 2EGENT ON 7ED .OVEMBER 4HEIR LIVE $6$ IS RELEASED ON .OVEMBER &OR MORE INFO GO TO WWW -ITCHELLAND7EBB,IVE COM
BUT IT ULTIMATELY DOES YOU A LOT OF GOODv
THE EVENT
-USIC
!LBUM 2EVIEWS -Y #HEMICAL 2OMANCE 4HE "LACK 0ARADE -Y #HEMICAL 2OMANCE FANS ARE GOING TO BE BAFmED ,ETS FACE IT -#2 HAVE NEVER BEEN @COOL@ THEIR PALE SKIN AND EYE LINER LEFT MORE THAN SOMETHING TO BE DESIRED AND THEIR SONGS (ELENA AND ) M .OT /KAY ) 0ROMISE SENT A SHUDDER DOWN THE SPINE OF EVERY OTHER EMO BAIT ING MUSIC FAN 7ELL TIMES HAVE CHANGED PEOPLE -#2 HAVE JUST PRODUCED HANDS DOWN THE BEST ROCK ALBUM OF THE YEAR 7E 3HIT 9OU .OT 3OMETHING DRASTIC HAS HAPPENED TO THIS BAND THEY VE FORGOTTEN THEY RE SUPPOSED TO BE EMOxTHIS IS MID S !LICE #OOPER BACK FROM WHEN ROCK WAS AN INESCAPABLE BOMBAST THIS IS ARENA PUNK AND GLORIlED POP ALL ROLLED IN TO ONE A ROLLERCOASTER RIDE STRAIGHT OUT OF EMO LAND AND RIGHT INTOxCREDIBLE ERRx ROCK LAND !NY HOW THIS IS FASCINATING STUFF THEIR AMBITIONS HAVE CATAPULTED IN LIGHT YEARS GONE ARE THE WHINES AND MOANS WE KNOW YOU RE FRIGGIN NOT OKAY AND IN THEIR PLACE STAND LYRICS WITH A GENUINE MORAL IDENTITY AND CERTAINTY 4HE "LACK 0ARADE CONCERNS THE PREMATURE DEATH OF A MAN LOOSELY BASED ON LEAD SINGER 'ERARD 7AY 4HE PROTAGONIST IS MERELY REFERRED TO AS @4HE 0ATIENT IT FOL LOWS HIM AS HE EXPERIENCES LIFE DEATH AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN "ITTER TWISTED AND EMO IT MAY SOUND BUT IF YOU RE WISE ENOUGH TO LOOK PAST THE EMO SHACKLES THAT FOLLOW -#2 AROUND LIKE A PLAGUE THEN 4HE "LACK 0ARADE WILL HIT YOU AS HARD AS ALBUMS LIKE -ELLIN #OL LIE AND THE )NlNITE 3ADNESS .EVERMIND AND $OOKIE HAVE DONE IN THE PAST !LTHOUGH THE TITLE TRACK ECHOES PAST GLORIES AND WILL UNQUESTIONABLY DETER THE DOUBTERS AS SOON AS -#2 HIT
TRACK NUMBER TWO $EAD THEY CATAPULT US TO THOSE UNEX PECTED DIZZY HEIGHTS AND THWART ALL EXPECTATIONS 3OLOS GALORE AND SMILES ALL ROUND IT S A BELTER OF A TRACK hAND IF YOU GET TO HEAVEN ) LL BE THERE WAITING BABY v YELPS 'ERARD FROM THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS AS YOU SIT THE QUES TIONING IN DISMAY h) THOUGHT ) HATED THIS BAND v )T S THE INCREDIBLE ARRAY OF INmUENCE ABUNDANT THAT REALLY GETS THE BLOOD mOWING TRACKS LIKE (OUSE OF 7OLVES HARK BACK TO DAYS OF THE 2EFUSED AND !T 4HE $RIVE )N "RIAN -AY MAY AS WELL BE SOLOING HIS HEART OUT IN TRACKS LIKE &AMOUS ,AST 7ORDS AND 3LEEP COMPARISONS TO 3MASHING 0UMPKINS ARE READILY AVAILABLE AND THE 2OB #AVALLO PRODUCTION ECHOES 'REEN $AY AT THEIR RECENT PEAK !LL THIS ASIDE IT S THE STUPENDOUSLY RIDICULOUS -AMA THAT REALLY STANDS OUT AS A ROCK AND OR ROLL INNO VATION !N INSANITY DWELLING STOMP ALONG MASTERPIECE THAT FEATURES A CAMEO FROM THE ONE AND ONLY ,IZA -IN
NELLI SERIOUSLY IT S AS BIZARRE AS IT SOUNDS IT EVEN GIVES +NIGHTS OF #YDONIA A RUN FOR ITS MONEY AS THE MOST MIND BOGGLING ROCK TRACK OF THE YEAR )T S TOO EASY TO THROW AROUND THE @CONCEPT ALBUM TAG 4HE "LACK 0ARADE IS MUCH MORE THAN THAT &ROM 4HE 3HARPEST ,IVES hGIVE ME A SHOT TO REMEMBER AND YOU CAN TAKE ALL THE PAIN AWAY FROM ME v SHEDS LIGHT ON PAST DISMAY NOTABLY 'ERARD S DRUG ADDICTION AND SHOWCASES THEIR HARDSHIP WITH WILLINGLY PASSIONATE YET EMOTIONAL NOSTALGIA 4HE "LACK 0ARADE IS A HUGE MIDDLE lNGER TO ANYONE WHO HAS EVER DOUBTED -Y #HEMICAL 2OMANCE AS A SERI OUS ROCK OUTlT )T WON T CONVERT EVERYONE BUT HEY LIFE S ALL ABOUT TAKING CHANCES -Y #HEMICAL 2OMANCE HAVE DONE IT THERE S NO REASON WHY YOU SHOULDN T TOO
*AMIROQUAI
-AGIC .UMBERS
!LL 3AINTS
(IGH 4IMES
4HOSE THE "ROKES
3TUDIO
4HERE ARE DECORATIONS SPRUCING UP OUR lNE CITY S CENTRE AND THE USUAL MEDLEY OF #HRISTMAS HITS FROM 3LADE TO 7HAM IS BLARING OUT OF 7OOLY S 0! SYSTEM IT S OBVIOUS THAT #HRIMBO S HERE 4HAT CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING THE ANNUAL GLUT OF DREADED "EST /F ALBUMS 3TEP FORWARD *AMIROQUAI WHO ARE lRST OFF THE STARTING BLOCK THIS YEAR WITH THEIR SINGLES COLLECTION (IGH 4IMES 3PANNING THEIR CAREER FROM TO THE PRESENT DAY IT S A SURPRISINGLY IMPRESSIVE COMPILATION AND REMINDS YOU OF JUST HOW MANY GOOD SONGS THE BAND THAT REFUSE TO BE PIGEONHOLED HAVE ACTUALLY MADE &ROM #OSMIC 'IRL AND 6IRTUAL )NSANITY BOTH FROM S 4RAVELLING 7ITHOUT -OVING ARGUABLY THE GROUP S CAREER HIGH TO THAT SONG FROM THAT 'ODZILLA lLM $EEPER 5NDERGROUND AND THEIR LATER STUFF WHEN THEY BEGAN TO BECOME A PARODY OF THEMSELVES STEP FORWARD ,ITTLE , AND &EELS *UST ,IKE )T 3HOULD THERE S NOT A DUD ON HERE %VEN THE TOKEN NEW SONGS THAT CROP UP ON EVERY ANTHOLOGY ARE IMPRESSIVE $ESPITE THE GLARING FACT THAT THE EMBARRASSMENT IN OWNING A *AMIROQUAI #$ IS AKIN TO ADMITTING TO A PARTNER THAT YOU RE RIDDLED WITH 34$S THIS IS A GREAT COMPILATION AND WOULD LOOK GOOD NESTLING BETWEEN THE *AM AND *OY $IVISON IN ANY STUDENT S COLLECTION *UST DON T START WEARING BIG HATS OR ANYTHING #HRIS (YDE
)F YOU DIDN T LIKE THEM lRST TIME AROUND THEN THIS CERTAINLY ISN T GOING TO CHANGE YOUR MIND 4HE FOLLOW UP TO THEIR DEBUT DOUBLE PLATINUM SOUND OF SUMMER ALBUM IS AN EXASPERATING LISTEN 2UNNING AT OVER AN HOUR LONG THE TALENT TO FASHION ANOTHER GOOD RECORD IS CLEARLY LYING IN HERE SOMEWHERE BUT NEVER REALISED (OW COULD SUCH A GIFTED FOURSOME AS THE .UMBERS LET US DOWN 7ELL QUITE EASILY BY BEING BONE IDLE 4HE OPTIMISTIC SOUND OF THE SELF TITLED DEBUT CLEARLY RUBBED OFF ON THEIR OWN SPIRITS IN HOPING NO ONE WOULD NOTICE THEM TRY IT ALL OVER AGAIN 4HE BEAUTIFUL THREE PART HARMONIES AND FEEL GOOD LYRICS ARE STILL A PLEASANT LISTEN JUST NOT FOR ANOTHER BLOODY ALBUM S WORTH 3HOWING SIGNS OF SPREADING THEIR WINGS THE BAND INCORPORATE ELEMENTS OF JAZZ AND FOLK PROVIDING GLIMPSES OF HOPE THAT IT S ALL GOING SOMEWHERE ELSE BUT THE POP ROCK MELODIES ALL TOO SOON REAR THEIR OVER USED THOUGH GORGEOUS HEADS 4HE BIGGEST MISTAKE IS THE SELF PRODUCTION THAT CAUSES SONG AFTER SONG TO DRAG OVER THE THREE MINUTES OF REAL MATERIAL PRESENT -OST FRUSTRATING IS THAT THERE ARE lVE DECENT TRACKS HERE THAT WOULD MAKE A GREAT %0 INCLUDING CURRENT SINGLE 4AKE A #HANCE AND OPENER 4HIS IS A 3ONG 3TILL AT LEAST YOU CAN HAVE A LISTEN WHEN YOU GIVE IT TO -UM FOR #HRISTMAS +IERAN #ORNWELL
(AVING THOUGHT THAT !LL 3AINTS CAREER HAD GONE UNDER THE BRIDGE WITH THEIR !LL (ITS COLLECTION IN THEY HAVE RESURFACED JUST IN TIME TO JOIN THE EVER GROWING RANKS OF REFORMED S POP BANDS !LTHOUGH IT S FAIR TO SAY 2OCK 3TEADY IS ACTUALLY A PRETTY DECENT COMEBACK SINGLE SADLY AS THIS IS THE lRST SONG ON THE ALBUM IT REALLY DOES GO DOWNHILL FROM THERE AND RATHER STEEPLY AT THAT #HICK &IT HAS VERSES SUNG IN THE STYLE OF -)! BUT WORSE )T ALSO GIVES US A GLIMPSE OF THE GHETTO GLAM SOUND THAT RUNS THROUGH MUCH OF THE ALBUM &INE LYRICAL GENIUS SUCH AS h/H WHAT YOU DONE TO MEx#HECK ME ) M ACTING ALL WEIRDv 9ES YOU REALLY ARE ACTING WEIRD 4HIS ISN T !LL 3AINTS THIS IS SOME RECORD COMPANY STYLE SOUND MAKE OVER GONE HORRIBLY WRONG THE ALBUM COVER SEES THEM DOLLED UP LIKE GRANNIES PUTTING ON A PERFORMANCE OF THE 0USSYCAT $OLLS AT THEIR RETIREMENT HOME &OR A BAND OF MUMS ALL HAPPILY MARRIED EXCEPT -EL "LATT THEY HAVE A LOVE FOR SINGING SONGS ABOUT FAILED RELATIONSHIPS AND MESSIN UP BLOKES h4ELL ME WHO S THAT BITCH ) SEE CLIMBING OUT YOUR WINDOWx$ON T SAY ANOTHER WORD BEFORE ) MESS YOU UP v ON (ELL .O IS ONE EXAMPLE OF MANY 4HERE ARE A COUPLE OF HALF DECENT SONGS HERE BUT IF THIS IS THE BEST THEY HAVE TO OFFER THEN THE GIRLS SHOULD KNOW WHERE IT S AT HAVE ONE LAST BLACK COFFEE AND NEVER EVER RETURN -ATT (IMSWORTH
THE EVENT
'REG 3ULLIVAN
-USIC
'OLDEN 3OUNDS 0ULP
$IFFERENT #LASS
&OR THIS WEEK S 'OLDEN 3OUNDS WE DECIDED TO REVIEW 0ULP S CLASSIC $IFFERENT #LASS h&OR WHY v WE HEAR YOU SHOUT &OR ONE THING THE ALBUM ITSELF HAS BEEN REISSUED WITH AN EXTRA #$ CHOCK FULL OF " SIDES DEMOS AND STUFF &OR ANOTHER THE LEGEND THAT IS *ARVIS #OCKER RELEASED HIS lRST SOLO ALBUM LAST WEEK &OR A THIRD REASON THE AFTERSHOCKS OF 0ULP S IMPACT ON THE "RITPOP SCENE IS STILL BEING FELT TODAY IF IT WEREN T FOR THEIR EMERGENCE FROM 3HEFlELD IN THE MID S DE SPITE MAKING MUSIC THERE FOR A GOOD YEARS PREVI OUSLY THEN CURRENT INDIE DARLINGS THE ,ONG "LONDES HEIRS TO 0ULP S MUSICAL THRONE WOULD STILL BE WORKING IN LIBRARIES TO MAKE ENDS MEET 3O IN SHORT THERE S NEVER BEEN A BETTER TIME TO LOOK BACK AT THE BAND S MAGNUM OPUS 0ULP ALWAYS STOOD APART FROM THE OTHER BANDS THAT FORMED THE BACKBONE OF "RITPOP 7HILE OTHERS MADE SWAGGERING PUB ROCK 3TATUS 1UO ASIS AND SOME MADE INTELLIGENT POP "LUR *ARVIS AND HIS BAND OF OUTSIDERS FROM THE 3TEEL #ITY MADE ELECTRO TINGED ROCK THAT WAS AS INDEBTED TO 2OXY -USIC AS THE OTHERS WERE TO S "RITISH ROCK 4HERE S NO lNER MOMENT THAT THIS WAS EXHIBITED THAN ON THE TWO
BIGGEST SINGLES FROM THE ALBUM AND ARGUABLY THEIR ENTIRE CAREER $ISCO AND #OMMON 0EOPLE &ROM THE BRASH RIFF OF THE FORMER TO THE SYNTHESIZER LEAD OF THE LATTER THEY STOOD PROUDLY FROM THE OTHER ANTHEMS OF THE ERA IN THAT THEY WERE A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT A LITTLE BIT KOOKY AND HAPPY TO BE SO /F COURSE THE LYRICS OF #OCKER BOOSTED THEIR SUCCESS CONSIDERABLY THE LANKY ONE S ALMOST SPOKEN LINES SUCH AS #OMMON 0EOPLE S GEM h) TOOK HER TO A SUPERMARKETx) DON T KNOW WHY BUT ) HAD TO START IT SOMEWHERE 3O IT STARTEDxTHEREv ARE LAUGH OUT LOUD FUNNY AND BRILLIANTLY ORIGINAL NOT JUST ON THESE TWO SONGS BUT THROUGHOUT THE ALBUM /THER ALBUM HIGHLIGHTS INCLUDE THE SUBDUED AND ORCHESTRAL ) 3PY HINTING AT THE MUCH DARKER APPROACH THE BAND WOULD PURSUE WITH S FOLLOW UP 4HIS )S (ARDCORE AND FEATURING AN INCREDIBLY SINISTER SPOKEN WORD PASSAGE FROM #OCKER AN ODE TO THE ETERNAL TEEN AGE STRUGGLE OF AWKWARD SEX 5NDERWEAR THE TRIBUTE TO GETTING MASHED OFF YOUR FACE AT A RAVE hSOMEWHERE IN A lELD IN (AMPSHIREv THAT GOT -0S IN AN UNEASY TIZZ 3ORTED FOR % S AND 7HIZZ AND -IS SHAPES CALL TO ARMS FOR FREAKS AND GEEKS THROUGHOUT THE WORLD )T S CONSISTENTLY BRILLIANT AND A GREAT STARTING PLACE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT 0ULP )F YOU RE INTERESTED IN "RITISH MUSIC OF THE S n OR IN GENERAL n THEN IT S A MUST HAVE ALONG WITH $ElNITELY -AYBE AND 0ARKLIFE !ND WITH IT BEING A lVER IN MOST .ORWICH MUSIC SHOPS YOU DON T HAVE ANY EXCUSE NOT TO OWN IT QUITE FRANKLY $O YOURSELF A FAVOUR AND BUY IT NOW YOU LL THANK US ONE DAY #HRIS (YDE
/THER 3INGLES
"ABYSHAMBLES 4HE "LINDING %0 7HAT S HAPPENED TO 0ETE &RESH OUT OF THE PRIORY HE HAS GASP BEEN TURNING UP TO SHOWS AND BIGGER GASP HAS RELEASED TWO SINGLES IN A MONTH 4HE "LINDING THE SECOND OF THESE IS A lVE TRACK %0 WHICH ACTS AS AN APPETISER FOR THEIR NEXT ALBUM DUE NEXT YEAR #OULD IT BE THAT 0ETE HAS AT LAST TURNED THE CORNER 4HE ANSWER OF COURSE DEPENDS ON THE STRENGTH OF THESE SONGS 4ITLE TRACK 4HE "LINDING IS A REF ERENCE TO THE mASH OF PAPARAZZI CAMERAS h"LINDING IT S SO BLINDING IT S THE LAST THING THAT YOU LL EVER SEE v 3ET OVER A PUNCHY GUITAR RIFF $OHERTY APPEARS BOTH ANGRY AND NONCHALANT TOWARD THE MEDIA AT TENTION h7HAT WILL YOU DO WHEN THEY DON T HAVE TIME FOR YOU /N WITH THE SHOW v %LSEWHERE ON ) 7ISH $OHERTY
IS BRUTALLY HONEST IN HIS LYRICS h) M PIPING ALMOST EVERY NIGHT 7ATCH MY DREAMS GO BY v -EANWHILE "EG 3TEAL OR "ORROW SHOWS 0ETE S NOSTAL GIC ROMANTICISM REMAINS $ETRACTORS WILL ARGUE THIS IS A STOP GAP TO APPEASE FANS BUT THAT WOULD BE SAID REGARDLESS )T DOESN T MATCH $OHERTY S BEST BUT IT DOES COME CLOSE AND IS THE BEST THING HE S DONE FOR A WHILE WHICH SUGGESTS HE MIGHT BE SOON READY TO PROVE ALL THE DOUBTERS WRONG ,EWIS -ORTON
STUDIO ALBUM SINCE HIS SPLIT WITH @!RT 'ARFUNKEL BACK IN AND /UTRAGEOUS IS THE SECOND SINGLE TO COME FROM IT .OT ONE TO SHY AWAY FROM CONTROVERSY 3IMON UPHOLDS HIS TRADITION OF TACKLING THE KEY ISSUES OF THE DAY IN THIS TRACK h)T S OUTRAGEOUS TO LINE YOUR POCKETS OFF THE MISERY OF THE POOR /UTRAGEOUS THE CRIME SOME HUMAN BEINGS MUST ENDURE v /NLY ON THIS OCCASION IT IS PLAYED TO A POSITIVE TUNE THAT THE LISTENER CAN T HELP BUT ENJOY 3IMON IS NOT AN ARTIST TO HAVE GREAT SUCCESS WITH GAINING A LARGE FOLLOWING FROM THE MAINSTREAM AUDIENCE OF TODAY #ONSIDERING THE lVE STAR RATED 5+ TOUR HE S CURRENTLY EMBARKING UPON AND THE UPBEAT NATURE OF THIS TRACK THERE S PROOF THAT THIS IS ONE ARTIST WHO STILL HAS NO PLANS OF LEAVING THE LIMELIGHT JUST YET -ATT 2AMSAY
4HE &LAMING ,IPS )T /VERTAKES -E %0 0AUL 3IMON /UTRAGEOUS &OLLOWING ON FROM THE IMMENSE SUCCESS OF 3IMON AND 'ARFUNKEL MANY ARTISTS WOULD WALK AWAY FROM THE LIMELIGHT WITH THEIR AMASSED FORTUNE AND NEVER BE HEARD OF AGAIN .OT 0AUL 3IMON 2ELEASED IN -AY 3URPRISE REPRESENTS HIS TH
4HE &LAMING ,IPS HAVE BEEN THE PURVEYORS OF lNE MUSIC FOR SOME TIME NOW AND THEIR LAST ALBUM !T 7AR WITH THE -YSTICS WAS NO EXCEPTION AS 7AYNE #OYNE AND CO YET AGAIN TRIUMPHED WITH THEIR UNIQUE BRAND OF BRILLIANT ECCENTRICITY 9ET )T /VERTAKES -E IS PERHAPS AN ODD CHOICE FOR RELEASE FROM THE ALBUM )T DOESN T HAVE THE SAME APPEAL FOR THOSE WHO MIGHT ONLY
'REEN $AY AND 5 4HE 3AINTS ARE #OMING
"ACK IN (URRICANE +ATRINA DEVASTATED !MERICA S GULF COAST AND BANISHED .EW /RLEANS TO A WEEPING PILE OF RUBBLE -ILLIONS WERE LEFT HOMELESS IN NEED OF HELP WHILE INCOMPETENCE KEPT THE "USH ADMINISTRATION FROM AIDING THEIR OWN COUNTRY )T S NOW LATE AND TWO OF THE MOST POLITICALLY CHARGED BANDS OF RECENT TIMES HAVE JOINED FORCES TO PROVIDE THEIR OWN AID THROUGH A COVER OF PUNK OUTlT THE 3KIDS 4HE 3AINTS ARE #OMING )N A RECENT INTERVIEW "ILLIE *OE STATED hTHERE S NOTHING BETTER TO RALLY PEOPLE THAN A GOOD SONG v 4HIS IS A SONG THAT LIVES UP TO ALL THOSE EXPECTATIONS "ONO THE MO
HAVE HEARD SUMMER HIT 4HE 9EAH 9EAH 9EAH 3ONG FOR EXAMPLE ,ED BY A DRIVING BASS RIFF AND WITH A CHORUS THAT WILL STAY IN YOUR HEAD LONG AFTER THE SONG REQUIRES A FEW LISTENS TO ASSIMILATE IT FULLY NOT THAT THIS IS NECESSARILY A BAD THING &OR FANS OF THE BAND THIS IS AN ESSENTIAL PURCHASE WITH 4IME 4RAVEL 9ES AMONG THEIR BEST WORK AND AN INTRIGUING REMIX OF &REE 2ADICALS 9ET FOR THOSE NEW TO THE &LAMING ,IPS THIS %0 IS PERHAPS NOT THE BEST PLACE TO START )T IS BRILLIANT BUT BAFmING AND NOT PARTICULARLY ACCESSIBLE (OWEVER THE &LAMING ,IPS ARE WITHOUT A DOUBT ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT BANDS IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW AND IT S IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO RECOMMEND THIS
TOR MOUTH MAY OUT DO "IL LIE IN THE VOCAL RANKS BUT THE GENUINE ELECTRICITY AND CHEMISTRY GENERATED BE TWEEN BOTH BANDS IS FELT RIGHT FROM THE MOMENT -R %DGE STARTS STRUMMING HIS ,ES 0AUL THE WAY WE ALL LOVE HIM TO )T S A BEHE MOTH BACKED BY MONSTER RIFFS AND EARTH SHATTERING DRUMS AN EPIC IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD )T COULD HAVE BEEN A HUGE UNDENIABLE SHAM OF A RECORD BUT THE VERY FACT THAT THESE TWO BANDS ARE STILL PERFORMING AT THE PEAK OF THEIR GAMES SAVES THE TRACK FROM DWINDLING INTO A DARK BACK CATALOGUE OF CRAPPY CHARITY RECORDS 4HESE GUYS HAVE NEVER BEEN ONES TO SHY AWAY FROM SHOWING THEIR TRUE COLOURS WHEN IT COMES TO THE IM PORTANT STUFF AND IF IT S "ONO AT THE HELM YOU CAN BET YOUR MONEY IT S NOT GOING TO BE HALF ARSED 4HE 3AINTS ARE #OMING IS A MUSICAL TREAS URE AND A HIGHLIGHT OF 2EALLY WAS THERE ANY NEED TO DOUBT 'REG 3ULLIVAN
UNSIGNED BANDS COMPETITION AND ARE ATTRACTING MAJOR LABEL INTEREST 4HEIR DEBUT %0 'OTTERDAMMERUNG IS A FOUR TRACK BAND MANIFESTO !LTHOUGH IT S EASY TO LIKEN THEM TO -USE A PROGRESSIVE THREE PIECE 3UB ARE TOO COMPLEX TO PIGEONHOLE )F YOU IMAGINE THAT )AN #URTIS FRONTED 2ADIOHEAD AND "RIAN %NO PRODUCED IT THEN YOU RE COMING SOMEWHERE CLOSE TO THEIR SOUND 4HE HIGHLIGHT OF THE %0 IS &EEDING 4IME AN ELECTRO MELANCHOLY GEM THAT WOULD SIT COMFORTABLY ALONGSIDE THE WORKS OF THEIR INmUENCES 'OTTERDAMMERUNG IS AVAILABLE FROM THE 3UB S WEBSITE WWW SUB BAND COM AND FROM 2EVOLUTION IN THE CITY CENTRE 2UMOUR HAS IT THAT AT LEAST TWO MAJOR LABELS HAVE ASKED FOR COPIES OF 'OTTERDAMMERUNG ) SUGGEST YOU JOIN THEM .ICHOLAS "ROOKES
,EWIS -ORTON
3UB 'OTTERDAMMERUNG .ORWICH PROG ROCK THREE PIECE 3UB HAVE BEEN MAKING WAVES IN THE MUSIC WORLD RECENTLY THEY ARE CURRENTLY IN THE TOP OF THE .-%
THE EVENT
-USIC
%XTRA 3TRONG -INCE 4HE .-% 2OCK @N 2OLL 2IOT 4OUR SHOWCASED THE &RATELLIS AS ONE OF THE HOTTEST BANDS OF THE MOMENT 4HE %VENT S ,EWIS -ORTON AND 'REG 3ULLIVAN TOOK TIME OUT WITH -INCE THE DRUMMER TO TALK FESTIVALS THE (ORRORS AND !LAN 0ARTRIDGE
2
EWIND TO /CTOBER RD IT S A -ONDAY AND TONIGHT THE &R ATELLIS ARE HEADLIN ING THE .ORWICH LEG OF THE .-% 2OCK @N 2OLL 2IOT 4OUR 7HILE THE (ORRORS ARE mAUNTING THEIR GOTHIC GRANDEUR AND GIVING BACKSTAGE PASSES TO SEEMINGLY EVERYONE THEY CAN THE &RATELLIS ARE PROVING RATHER MORE DIF lCULT TO COME BY !FTER MINUTES OF KNOCKING ON DOORS AND RINGING VARIOUS MANAGERS AND 02 PEOPLE WE ARE lNALLY PUT THROUGH TO THEIR TOUR MANAGER WHO RATHER THAN APOLO GISING FOR THE INTERVIEW BEING LATE SEEMS ANNOYED IT S BEING SCHEDULED AT ALL 'RUDGINGLY HE ALLOWS US ONTO THE TOUR BUS STATING THAT ONLY -INCE IS WELL ENOUGH TO TALK WITH US *OHN AND "ARRY ARE BOTH SUFFERING BADLY WITH THE mU )T WAS THEN WITH A DEGREE OF HESITANCE THAT 4HE %VENT SAT DOWN TO TALK WITH THE DRUMMER (OWEVER IT WASN T LONG BEFORE WE WERE PUT AT EASE -INCE APPEARS A VERY GREGARI OUS MAN DRESSED CASUALLY IN A RETRO TRACKSUIT TOP AND CLUTCHING A BOTTLE OF )RN "RU (E SEEMS EQUALLY UNEASY AT lRST h)T S NORMALLY *OHN WHO DOES ALL THIS STUFF v HE SAYS APOLOGISING FOR THE ABSENCE OF THE REST OF THE BAND (E HIMSELF IS JUST OVER THE WORST OF THE ILLNESS h!BOUT MINUTES AFTER LAST NIGHT S GIG ) JUST HAD TO GO AND LIE DOWN v !S SOON AS WE TALK MUSIC HOW EVER -INCE SEEMS TO RELAX (E TALKS ENTHUSIASTICALLY ABOUT THE TOUR SO FAR h)T S BEEN GOING REALLY WELLxWE VE HAD A SHOCKINGLY GOOD RESPONSE ES PECIALLY WITH #HELSEA $AGGER v !T THIS POINT THE RUMOURED FEUD WITH THE (ORRORS HADN T COME TO LIGHT AND -INCE DOESN T SEEM AWARE OF IT SUG GESTING IT WAS MORE A STIRRING BY THE AFORE MENTIONED (ORRORS h4HEY RE ;THE OTHER BANDS ON THE TOUR= ALL GOOD GUYS MAN %VERYONE S BEEN EN JOYING THEMSELVES v -INCE SEEMS A MAN WHO LOVES PLAYING MUSIC BEST GIG SO FAR h,OADS OF THEM !LL OF THEM v AND AS HE SETTLES DOWN HE STARTS TO REGALE US WITH STORIES AND DIGRESS FROM OUR QUESTIONS h/N THE lRST NIGHT OUR AMP BLEW UP AND WE HAD TO GO OFF FOR MINUTES WE WERE JUST HOPING THE CROWD WOULD STAY CALM v 4HE &RATELLIS RECEIVED RAPTUROUS RESPONSES TO THEIR FESTIVAL SETS OVER THE SUMMER h,EEDS AND 2EADING
WERE AMAZING MAN 4 IN THE 0ARK WAS DEAD GOOD v AND -INCE HAS HIS OWN THEORY AS TO WHY THEIR SONGS #HELSEA $AGGER IN PARTICULAR HAVE BECOME SO POPULAR h%VERYONE CAN SING DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DOES MELODY TO #HELSEA $AGGER SO YOU START TO ROUND UP MORE FOLK v 'IVEN THAT #HELSEA $AGGER HAS BECOME SO BIG IS THERE A FEAR IT COULD BECOME SOMETHING OF AN ALBATROSS FOR THE BAND h) DON T THINK SO ) THINK THERE S MORE WORRY WITH #REEPING UP THE "ACKSTAIRS )T S FUN TO PLAY WHEN YOU RE FEELING FRESH BUT WHEN WE RE KNACKERED AND WE RE MAYBE NOT GOING TO WANT TO PLAY IT v -INCE SEEMS TO THRIVE OFF PLAYING LIVE AT THE MOMENT THOUGH AND IT FEELS LIKE THE BAND ARE HAPPY JUST TO PLAY THEIR SONGS REGARDLESS OF WHERE h) LIKE PLAYING LIVE BUT SOMETIMES IT S NOT GREAT ON TOUR IF YOU RE NOT FEEL ING WELL BUT THE REACTION WHEN YOU PLAY LIVE IS AMAZING ) DON T EVEN CARE MAN ;ABOUT PLAYING TO LARGE OR SMALL CROWDS= ) M JUST HAPPY TO PLAY TO CROWDS WHO LIKE US AND WANT TO
THE EVENT
HEAR US v %NJOYING TOP SUCCESS WITH BOTH #HELSEA $AGGER AND THE ALBUM #OSTELLO -USIC THE &RATELLIS hCOULDN T WISH OF ANYTHING BETTER v )T COULD BE A WORRY THAT A BAND SO DEVOTED TO JUST PLAYING MUSIC WILL END UP SELL ING OUT TO MAINTAIN THEIR POPULARITY (OWEVER -INCE DOESN T THINK SUC CESS WILL CHANGE THEM h7E RE A BAND THAT S ALL ABOUT SONGS AND NOT REALLY GIMMICKS SO WE RE PRETTY RELAXED 7E JUST HOPE THE ALBUM KEEPS DOING WELL AND PEOPLE KEEP ENJOYING IT AND THEN THE NEXT ONE WILL BE EVEN BETTER v 7ITH #OSTELLO -USIC SOUNDING SO MUCH LIKE BANDS SUCH AS ,ED :EP PELIN AND 4 2EX IT S NOT SURPRISING TO lND OUT THAT THIS RETRO FEEL COMES FROM LOVE SHARED BETWEEN THE TRIO h;$URING WRITING THE ALBUM= 7E WERE ALL LISTENING TO A LOT OF THE #LASH AND WE ALL LOVE THE @:EP )T S NOT IMMEDI ATE BUT IF THAT S WHAT YOU JAM A LOT IT COMES OUT IN YOUR MUSIC v )N FACT IT WAS THIS SHARED LOVE OF ,ED :EPPELIN THAT FORMED THE BAND ALL THREE MEM
h%VERYONE CAN SING DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH SO YOU START TO ROUND UP MORE FOLK v
BERS WERE WORKING ON A FAIR AND BY CHANCE WERE ALL WEARING THE BAND S T SHIRTS h7E ALL HAD ,ED :EP T SHIRTS ON AND WE JUST ENDED UP PLAYING TO GETHER v "UT FOR A BAND SO INmUENCED BY ,ED :EPPELIN WHY NOT REFERENCE THEM IN THE ALBUM TITLE 7HY CALL IT #OSTELLO -USIC WHEN IT WAS :EPPELIN WHO HELPED THEM TO FORM h#OSTELLO -USIC WAS A WEE BUSI NESS THAT "AZ THE &RATELLIS BASSIST OPENED JUST BEFORE WE GOT SIGNED WHERE HE WAS GIVING GUITAR AND DRUM LESSONS IN THIS LITTLE PLACE )T MEANT THAT WE COULD PRACTISE THERE WHEN EVER WE WANTED )T WAS CALLED #OSTEL LO -USIC 4HAT WAS WHAT WE ALWAYS WANTED TO CALL THE ALBUM v )T WAS AN ALBUM THAT IF THE &RATELLIS HAD BEEN ABLE TO HAVE THEIR OWN WAY WOULD HAVE BEEN COLOSSAL MAYBE EVEN A DOUBLE ALBUM h4HE COMPANY MADE US SHORTEN IT PROBABLY BECAUSE IT S OUR lRST ALBUM v "Y THIS POINT IN THE INTERVIEW -INCE SEEMS TO HAVE REALLY WARMED TO US OFTEN JUST TALKING FREELY AND MAKING US LAUGH BUT NOT EVEN IN THIS SCENARIO COULD WE HAVE EVER BEEN PREPARED FOR HIS NEXT CONTRIBU TION 4HE &RATELLIS HAD NEVER PLAYED .ORWICH BEFORE WHICH IS LESS SUR PRISING WHEN WE CONSIDER THAT -INCE HAD ONLY REALLY KNOWN ABOUT THE CITY THROUGH ITS lNEST EXPORT !LAN 0AR TRIDGE h!YE IT S FUNNY ;THAT WE RE IN .ORWICH= @COS ) M A BIG FAN OF !LAN 0ARTRIDGE v &AIR ENOUGH THAT IS HOW MANY KNOW OF .ORWICH BUT THEN -INCE CARRIES ON PLEASED TO HAVE THE CHANCE TO TALK ABOUT ANOTHER OF HIS PASSIONS h) M GOING TO GO AND CHECK OUT THE PEDESTRIANISATION v (E THEN GOES ON TO ACT OUT AN ENTIRE SKETCH FROM 0ARTRIDGE COMPLETE WITH VOICE IMPERSONATIONS 4HE %VENT IS SLIGHTLY STUNNED )T SEEMS THAT IT WILL COME AS NO SHOCK TO THOSE WHO HAVE MET THEM THAT THE &RATELLIS ARE DOING SO WELL THEY ARE EXTREMELY PASSIONATE ABOUT WHAT THEY DO AND THEY CLEARLY THRIVE ON PEOPLE ENJOYING THEIR MUSIC 4HEY ALSO APPEAR TO BE FAR FROM THE ALOOF ROCK BAND THAT ONE MIGHT IM AGINE THEY RE A BAND OF THE PEOPLE AS -INCE HIMSELF ACKNOWLEDGED h7E RE NOT TRYING TO APPEAL TO A MI NORITY GROUP WE DON T WANT TO BE UNDERDOGS v -AYBE IT IS THIS THEN THE PRIORITISATION OF MUSIC OVER IM AGE THAT WILL FOREVER BE THE REASON THEY ARE TRULY ROCK @N ROLL
-USIC
,IVE *OOLS (OLLAND &RIDAY RD .OVEMBER 5%! 3OxDIDN T SEE YOU AT THE ANNUAL *OOLS (OLLAND BASH 4HAT S WHAT IT WAS n A PARTY WE MEAN NOT A PUBLIC BEATING 4HAT WOULD HURT AND WE VE NEVER HEARD OF (OLLAND HURTING ANYONE )NSTEAD HE RELEASES HIS ENERGY THROUGH SONG !ND WHAT ENERGY IT IS 3UPPORTED BY HIS DASH ING BROTHER #HRIS (OLLAND GIGGEDY *OOLS AND HIS MERRY BAND OF JAZZICIANS DELIGHTED AN AUDIENCE OF RANGING SENIOR ITY FROM THE SMALL AND GREY TO THE TALLER AND SLIGHTLY LESS GREYxAND US OF COURSE 4HE SET THOUGH FAMILIAR AS IT WAS UNCHANGED FROM LAST YEAR STILL HAD THOSE TOES A TAPPIN AND HANDS A CLAP PIN (OLLAND S SWEATY BUT WHOLESOME VIBRANCY SUCCESSFULLY ERADICATED ANY LAST TRACE OF THE MUCUS lLLED SHENANIGANS OF 0ETE $OHERTY 4HE VIVACIOUS VETERAN CERTAINLY KNEW HOW TO PLEASE THE CROWD "OUNDING AROUND THE STAGE (OLLAND WAS A VERITABLE PUPPET MASTER GETTING US TO SING ALONG IN HARMONY WHICH DESPITE HIS EFFORTS DIDN T REALLY GO TO PLAN (OLLAND AND FRIENDS BELTED OUT CLAS SICS OLD AND NEW COVERING THE LIKES OF 2AY #HARLES AND PERFORMING CROWD PLEAS ERS SUCH AS 4UXEDO *UNCTION WITH HIS TRADE MARK PASSION AND EXUBERANCE 7E WERE TREATED TO THE TUNEFUL WARBLINGS OF ,OUISE -ARSHALL AND OLD FAVOURITE 2UBY 4URNER
THOUGH ENTERTAINING MADE US FEEL SOME WHAT UNEASY WHENEVER HER QUESTIONABLY BOTOXED FACE CONTORTED ITSELF INTO A SNARL RATHER THAN A SMILE -EMBERS OF THE ORCHESTRA HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO STRUT THEIR STUFF INDIVIDU ALLY DURING THE LONGER DITTIES %ACH ARTIST BOUGHT THEIR OWN mAVOUR TO THE TRACKS AND EACH ONE WAS REMARKABLE 7E RE TALKING THE KIND OF REMARKABLE THAT MAKES YOU FORGET THE STATE OF THE KITCHEN AWAITING YOU AT HOME 4HERE COULD HAVE BEEN BADGERS USING YOUR EMPTY BEAN CANS AS ROLLER SKATES IN THERE BUT AS LONG AS THESE CRAZY CATS WERE STRUTTING THEIR STUFF IT RE ALLY DIDN T MATTER 4HE ORCHESTRA ITSELF AN ECLECTIC MIX OF MUSICIANS FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE WAS JUST AS ENTHUSIASTIC AS (OLLAND IN GETTING THE AUDIENCE INVOLVED IN THE ACTION 4HEY FELT LIKE OLD FRIENDSxNOT THE TYPE OF FRIENDS THAT YOU KNOW THE NAMES OF OR ANYTHING BUT YOU KNOW WHAT WE MEAN 4HERE WASN T A DISAPPOINTED FACE IN THE HOUSE %VERYBODY LEFT BUZZING 3O NEXT YEAR WHY NOT TAKE A CHANCE AND BUY A TICKET 'O ON IT CAN T HURTx AND UNEXPECTEDLY THE VOCAL STYLINGS OF ,ULU WHO STILL HASN T LEARNED ANYTHING OTHER THAN HER INFAMOUS 3HOUT OF #APTIVATING THE CROWD WITH HER PERSISTENT
GYRATING SHE PROBABLY WORE HER LITTLE SELF OUT EARLY ON INDICATED BY HER ABSENCE FROM ANY OF THE MANY LIVELY ENCORES THE ORCHESTRA AND GUESTS DISHED UP ,ULU AL
%MILY -ASON .ICOLA $AVISON
4HE (OLLOWAYS
3PARKLEHORSE
-ONDAY TH .OVEMBER ,AVA )GNITE
4UESDAY TH .OVEMBER 7ATERFRONT
3OMETHING BIZARRE HAPPENED ON THE TH OF .OVEMBER 4HE (OLLOWAYS WHO .-% HAVE TIPPED TO BE hTHE BIGGEST BAND IN THE COUNTRY IN v PLAYED AN INTIMATE GIG TO A CROWD OF FEWER THAN PEOPLE "UT THIS ISN T QUITE HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPENx ,AVA )GNITE A 3ATURDAY NIGHT FAVOURITE FOR 2 " LOVING LOCAL FOLK HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A BIT MORE @STUDENT FRIENDLY TAKING THE )BIZA 2OCKS CONCEPT IN WHICH BANDS SUCH AS THE 9OUNG +NIVES PLAYED TO )BIZA CLUBBERS OVER THE SUMMER AND BRINGING IT TO THE PEOPLE OF .ORWICH (OWEVER THE RESULT SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN LESS THAN FRUITFUL WITH ,AVA S NORMAL CROWD ALIENATED BY THE INmUX OF INDIE MUSIC AND NO SELF RESPECTING MUSIC FAN KEEN TO ENTER THE VENUE !ND SO IT WAS THAT THE (OLLOWAYS PLAYED WHAT MUST BE THEIR MOST UNUSUAL GIG SINCE BEING SIGNED 4HE 5NREMARKABLES GAVE SUPPORT AND PROVED THAT THEIR NAME WAS SOMEWHAT APT THEIR DREARY ,ONGVIEW ESQUE SNIVELLING TAKE ON SOFT INDIE ROCK HOLDING THE ATTENTION OF NO ONE FOR LONGER THAN SECONDS 4HEY LOOKED AWKWARD DURING THEIR SET AND WHENEVER THEY REACHED A MELODY VERGING ON CATCHY THE SINGER UNDERMINED IT WITH HIS APOLOGETIC VOCALS 3O ON COME THE (OLLOWAYS TO RESCUE THE GIG %XCEPT TUCKED AWAY IN A CORNER OF SUCH A LARGE VENUE AND A CROWD NO MORE THAN FOUR LINES OF PEOPLE DEEP THEY SEEM
ALMOST EMBARRASSED TO BE HERE 4HEY SOUND TIGHT PLAYING TOGETHER AND THEIR CATCHY FEEL GOOD SONGS ARE lRST CLASS BUT THERE JUST ISN T AN ATMOSPHERE IN SUCH A SOULLESS A VENUE DESPITE THE EFFORTS OF A SMALL GROUP WHO POGO TO EVERY SONG AND EVEN CROWD SURF DURING 'ENERATOR )NDEED IT IS ONLY DURING 'ENERATOR THAT THE SURROUNDINGS BECOME IRRELEVANT AS ALL THE CROWD SING ALONG 9ET LIKE THE (OLLOWAYS VIRTUALLY FAULTLESS PERFORMANCE IT ISN T ENOUGH TO SALVAGE THE NIGHT 'O AND SEE THEM AT THE 7ATERFRONT LATER THIS MONTH INSTEAD ,EWIS -ORTON
6ERY RARELY HAS A BEARDED HOBBIT LIKE MAN ARMED WITH A GUITAR AND A VIOLIN BOW SPARKED MUCH INTEREST AMONG THE MASSES "ILL /DDIE ASIDE @SHOP DOORWAY CHIC HAS NEVER REALLY SET PULSES RACING (OW STRANGE THEN THAT THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE .ORWICH LEG OF 3PARKLEHORSE S @COMEBACK TOUR WAS A SUPPORT ACT STRAIGHT OUT OF (OBBITON GO ING BY THE NAME OF 4HE $IAMOND &AMILY !RCHIVE &OR INSTANCE THE SHEER ABSURDITY OF A SONG CONTAINING THE LYRICS h) WILL BREAK EVERY BONE IN YOUR BODY ) KNOW AND HURT ALL YOUR FRIENDS @TILL THEY FEEL THE SAME PAINv IS SURELY EVIDENCE OF TORTURED GENIUS 3PARKLEHORSE ON THE OTHER HAND PUT ON A SLIGHTLY LESS ENTERTAINING SHOW -ARK ,INK OUS AND CO APPEAR ON STAGE SOMEWHAT SOL EMNLY AND PROCEED TO DELIVER A PERFECTLY COMPETENT IF RATHER LACKLUSTRE RENDITION OF THEIR BACK CATALOGUE #LAD SMARTLY IN SUITS THERE REALLY WAS THE FEELING THAT 3PARKLE HORSE WERE ONLY IN TOWN AS A FORMALITY IN ORDER TO PROMOTE THEIR LATEST ALBUM ,INK OUS FAILED TO REALLY COMMUNICATE WITH THE CROWD IN FACT THE ONLY THING HE SAID TO THE FAIRLY SIZEABLE TROUPE OF FAITHFUL SOME THINGS IN THE TIME THAT HE WAS ONSTAGE WAS h4HANK YOUv 4HERE WAS JUST ABOUT ENOUGH IN THE PER FORMANCE TO SATISFY (AMMERING 4HE #RAMPS %YE 0ENNIES AND $ON T 4AKE -Y 3UNSHINE !WAY
IMAGE COURTESY OF 3TEVEN * "URCH WERE ALL PERFORMED mAWLESSLY 4HE DRUMMER DID A BRILLIANT IMPRESSION OF +RYTEN FROM 2ED $WARF AND WE WERE EVEN TREATED TO TWO ENCORES 0ERHAPS THE RESERVED ROUTINE WAS A CLEVERLY CRAFTED IMAGE CONSCIOUS DECISION WHICH HARD CORE FANS ARE ACCUSTOMED TO AND RECIPROCATE IN THEIR WELL MANNERED AND PO LITE APPLAUSE "EING A 3PARKLEHORSE VIRGIN ) MAY HAVE TOTALLY MISSED THE POINT 0ERHAPS THE WORLD OF EXPERIMENTAL FOLK ROCK IS CON CEPTUALLY TOO ADVANCED FOR MY MUSICAL PAL ATE %ITHER WAY IT WOULD BE HARD TO SAY THAT THOSE WHO WEREN T AT THE 7ATERFRONT ON THE TH OF .OVEMBER MISSED ONE OF .ORWICH S GIGS OF THE YEAR 0HOTO #OUTESY OF 3TEVEN J "URCH *OSH ,ITTLE
THE EVENT
&ILM
-AIN &EATURE #ASINO 2OYALE $IR -ARTIN #AMPBELL
2ELEASE $ATE
#ASINO 2OYALE 4HROUGH HIS YEARS ON THE BIG SCREEN *AMES "OND HAS BEEN A CIN EMATIC FORCE WITHOUT EQUAL (OW EVER FOLLOWING S $IE !NOTHER $AY IT SEEMED THAT MAY HAVE LOST HIS WAY 4HE lLM WANDERED SO FAR ACROSS THE CREDIBILITY LINE THAT
WITH A FEW TWEAKS THE MOVIE COULD WELL HAVE BEEN !USTIN 0OWERS 0ART &OUR )T IS AMAZING TO THINK THAT #A SINO 2OYALE IS IN ANY WAY RELATED TO $IE !NOTHER $AY LET ALONE THE lLM THAT FOLLOWS IT IN THE OFlCIAL "OND SERIES 2OYALE IS A VERY DIFFERENT
#INEFILE 3O IT S ABOUT A PORN STAR .OT JUST ANY PORN STAR BUT THE LEG ENDARY *OHN (OLMES PLAYED BY 6AL +ILMER WHO APPEARED IN AROUND ADULT PRODUCTIONS AND HAD SEX WITH OVER WOMEN BEFORE HE DIED OF AIDS IN +NOWN AS THE @0ORN +ING (OLMES REMAINS THE MOST NOTORIOUS PORN STAR OF ALL TIME 7HY MAKE A lLM ABOUT HIM 7ONDERLAND IS NO BIOPIC IN FACT VERY LITTLE OF (OLMES CAREER IS EXPLORED IN THE lLM )NSTEAD WE FOLLOW A PO LICE INVESTIGATION INTO A QUADRUPLE HOMICIDE IN 7ONDERLAND !VENUE (OLMES AND HIS GROUP OF DRUG DEAL ING FRIENDS ARE SUSPECTS THE ATTACK APPARENTLY THE CLIMAX OF A BATTLE BETWEEN GANGS "Y (OLMES CAREER IS OVER PENNILESS AND BAT TLING WITH A HEROINE ADDICTION HE IS A SORRY CHARACTER (OLMES REPRE SENTS THE DARK SIDE OF THE ADULT IN
BEAST FROM ITS PREDECESSOR AND IT S ALL THE BETTER FOR IT !CTION PACKED FAST PACED AND UTTERLY GRIPPING THE NEW lLM IS NOT ONLY BETTER THAN WHAT WE SAW IN IT S A REAL CONTENDER FOR THE TITLE OF "EST "OND -OVIE %VER )T S THAT GOOD
/PENING IN MOODY NOIR ISH BLACK AND WHITE #ASINO 2OY ALE SETS OUT ITS STALL EARLY ON AS A COMPREHENSIVE SHAKE UP OF THE ESTABLISHED "OND FORMULA .EW $ANIEL #RAIG QUICKLY PROVES HIMSELF TO BE A FANTASTIC CHOICE IN THE LEAD ROLE SATISFYINGLY PROVING THE @#RAIG IS NOT "OND CAMPAIGN ERS VERY VERY WRONG "Y THE TIME #HRIS #ORNELL S THEME SONG IS OVER #RAIG HAS WELL AND TRULY BANISHED ANY THOUGHTS THAT 0IERCE "ROSNAN MIGHT BE MISSED 7HAT FOLLOWS IS TRULY PULSE POUNDING ENTERTAIN MENT WITH SEVERAL EXTENDED ACTION SEQUENCES UPPING THE ANTE FOR FU TURE INSTALMENTS ! PARTICULAR HIGH LIGHT IS A CHASE UP OVER AND DOWN A CRANE IN A CONSTRUCTION YARD THAT IS NOT ONLY STRIKINGLY BELIEVABLE AND HAPPILY #') FREE BUT ALSO A CHANCE FOR #RAIG TO SHOW THE AUDI ENCE HIS IMPRESSIVELY PHYSICAL TAKE ON "OND )NDEED WHEN IT COMES TO VIO LENCE THIS IS A lLM THAT IS FAR GRIT TIER THAN IS USUAL FOR A "OND MOVIE $EATH COMES QUICKLY AND DEVAS TATINGLY WHETHER AT "OND S HANDS OR THOSE OF HIS NEMESIS THE MAR VELLOUSLY CREEPY ,E #HIFFRE -ADS -IKKELSEN 4HIS IS A "OND THAT BLEEDS SWEATS AND IN ONE SCENE
THE MALE MEMBERS OF THE AUDIENCE WILL NOT FORGET IN A HURRY GETS TOR TURED -AKE NO MISTAKE AS MUCH AS HE IS EVER LIKELY TO *AMES "OND HAS ENTERED THE REAL WORLD $ESPITE THE QUALITY OF THE SET PIECES THE lLM WOULD AMOUNT TO LITTLE WITHOUT THE STRONG SCRIPT AND CAST IT HAS THANKFULLY BEEN ABLE TO BRING TOGETHER 6ETERAN "OND SCRIBES .EIL 0URVIS AND 2OBERT 7ADE ALONG WITH 0AUL @#RASH (AG GIS HAVE CONSTRUCTED A SCRIPT THAT NOT ONLY DELIVERS IN ACTION TERMS BUT IN A DRAMATIC SENSE TOO "OND AND THOSE AROUND HIM PARTICULARLY FELLOW AGENT AND LOVE INTEREST 6ES PER ,YND %VA 'REEN ARE mESHED OUT ENGAGING CHARACTERS THAT ARE EXCEPTIONALLY ACTED BY THE TALENTED %UROPEAN CAST #ASINO 2OYALE IS SIMPLY TERRIlC ENTERTAINMENT IN ITS OWN RIGHT AND A FANTASTIC "OND lLM 4HE RETURN TO A GRIM AND GRITTY "OND IS UNQUES TIONABLY A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIREC TION "Y THE TIME THE CREDITS ROLL TO THE CLASSIC *AMES "OND THEME THE FRANCHISE IS ONCE AGAIN IN RUDE HEALTH AND ONE THING ABOVE ALL ELSE IS CERTAIN $ANIEL #RAIG IS *AMES "OND ,IAM / "RIEN
7ONDERLAND
DUSTRY DESPITE HIS PROLIlCACY IN THE ADULT GENRE HE HAS DESCENDED INTO THE SEEDY ,! UNDERWORLD OF DRUGS AND GANG VIOLENCE (IS CHARACTER PROVIDES AN INTRIGUING INSIGHT INTO A WORLD LARGELY UNKNOWN TO US AND ONE WHICH WE HAVE DIFlCULTY IN COMPREHENDING !NY DIFFERENT FROM YOUR AVERAGE GANGSTER CRIME lLM 7ONDERLAND EMPLOYS AN INTEREST ING NARRATIVE STRUCTURE INCORPORAT ING VARIOUS DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES AND mASHBACKS IN THE TELLING OF THE STORY )T IS NOT ENTIRELY LINEAR AND WORKS TO CHALLENGE THE AUDIENCE S PERCEPTION OF THE UNFOLDING EVENTS 7E ALSO HAVE THE PLEASURE OF SEEING ,ISA +UDROW UNDERTAKE A SERIOUS ROLE AS (OLMES ESTRANGED WIFE WHO REJECTS HIM DESPITE HIS PLEAS AND AS SURANCES THAT HE IS A REFORMED MAN 0ERHAPS +UDROW S MOST COMPLICAT ED ON SCREEN CHARACTER TO DATE SHE
THE EVENT
7ONDERLAND IS CONVINCING AND SUCCEEDS IN EVOK ING SYMPATHY FOR HER LOST LOVE AND RESPECT FOR REFUSING TO GIVE IN TO HER
HUSBAND $ESPITE THESE POSITIVES 7ONDERLAND DOES LITTLE TO CHALLENGE THE CONVENTIONS OF THE GENRE AND
FAILS TO COMPETE WITH THE GIANTS SUCH AS 'OODFELLAS AND (EAT *OHN -UTCH
&ILM
/THER 3CREENS
4HE 0RESTIGE $IR #HRISTOPHER .OLAN 2ELEASED -ICHAEL #AINE S #UTTER OPENS THE lLM BY EXPLAINING THE THREE PART PROCESS OF THE MAGIC TRICK THE 0LEDGE WHERE AN ORDINARY SPECTACLE IS PRESENTED THE 4URN WHERE IT BECOMES EXTRAORDINARY AND THE 0RESTIGE WHERE SURPRISE DEVELOPS INTO SHOCK #HRISTOPHER .OLAN S
WONDERFUL DRAMA IS SIMILARLY ASSEMBLED IN THREE ACTS FOCUSING ON MAGICIANS !NGIER (UGH *ACKMAN AND "ORDEN #HRISTIAN "ALE AT THE TURN OF THE TWENTIETH CENTURY AND THE BITTER RIVALRY THAT DRIVES THEM BOTH TO IMMORAL AND INHUMANE DEEDS CONCLUDING IN THE GREATEST TRICK KNOWN 4HE 4RANSPORTED -AN 4HE (OLLYWOOD HEAVYWEIGHTS ARE JOINED BY A VERY TIDY CAST INCLUDING #AINE $AVID "OWIE AND THE EVER MAGNETIC !NDY 3ERKIS
!LL TRICKS ASIDE THIS IS A VERY ODD lLM )T FEELS BOTH BIG AND YET INTIMATE 4HE CONTINUAL USE OF HANDHELD CAMERAS TIGHTLY DRAWS IN THE AUDIENCE TO A STORY WHERE THERE ARE NO HEROES OR VILLAINS SO WE AT ONCE DEEPLY SYMPATHISE WITH ALL INVOLVED AS ALL ARE CONVEYED SO SUPERBLY -AGIC IS THE BIGGEST CROWD PLEASER OF THE LATE 6ICTORIAN AGE AND THE ELABORATE WAY ITS TWO MAIN STARS ARE CONVEYED BLENDS BOTH THE GLAMOUR AND GHASTLY OF THEIR PROFESSION 4HE NARRATIVE IS COMPLICATED BUT ULTIMATELY UNTANGLES ITSELF THROUGH AN ENTHRALLING lNALE THAT WILL DElNITELY SHOCK WITH AS MANY TWISTS AND TURNS AS ALL THE TRICKS BEFORE IT 9ET THIS IS ALL OUTDONE BY .OLAN S MASTERFUL HANDLING OF A TOUGH ADAPTATION AND THE CINEMATOGRAPHY WHICH REMAINS BOTH RICH AND COMPELLING TO THE END ENSURING THE AUDIENCE IS LIKEWISE GLUED TO THE SCREEN +IERAN #ORNWELL
FROM THE "OSNIAN SINGLE MUM AND WAYWARD SON TO 7ILL S TROUBLED RELATIONSHIP WITH DEPRESSIVE ,IV AND HER AUTISTIC DAUGHTER (OWEVER THERE ARE TOUCHES OF BELIEVABILITY "INOCHE AND 'AVRON S MOTHER SON RELATIONSHIP AND ,AW S BID FOR REDEMPTION AT THE END %NJOYABLE COMIC MOMENTS COME FROM -ARTIN &REEMAN 7ILL S BUSINESS PARTNER WITH A CRUSH ON A CLEANER AND 2AY 7INSTONE AS
THE FAIR MINDED POLICE OFlCER 2EGRETTABLY THERE ISN T MORE OF THIS /VERALL THE lLM IS TOO SELF CONSCIOUS 4HE ENDING WALLOWS IN SENTIMENTALITY BUT THE WHOLE ISN T EMOTIVE ENOUGH ENGENDERING INDIFFERENCE RATHER THAN EMPATHY 5NNECESSARY SHOTS OF +INGS #ROSS AND AN UNINSPIRING SOUNDTRACK DO NOTHING TO RELIEVE THE lLM 3ADLY IT S NOT A WORTH WHILE WATCH (OLLY #URTIS
"REAKING %NTERING $IR !NTHONY -INGHELLA 2ELEASED )N -INGHELLA S LATEST RELEASE ARCHITECT 7ILL *UDE ,AW STRUGGLES WITH THE EMOTIONAL DISTANCE BETWEEN HIMSELF AND HIS PARTNER OF TEN YEARS ,IV 2OBIN 7RIGHT 0ENN ! SERIES OF BREAK INS AT HIS OFlCE LEADS HIM TO TEENAGE THIEF -IRO S 2Al 'AVRON APARTMENT WHERE HE MEETS !MIRA *ULIETTE "INOCHE -IRO S MOTHER LEADING TO AN AFFAIR (OWEVER THERE IS NO CHEMISTRY BETWEEN ,AW AND EITHER 7RIGHT 0ENN OR "INOCHE RENDERING MANY OF THE LINES UNBELIEVABLE ,AW S PORTRAYAL OF A STEP FATHER IS PARTICULARLY GRATING AND HIS UNCERTAINTY IN THE ROLE IS OBVIOUS "ESIDES THIS THE CHARACTERS LIVES ARE TOO JAM PACKED WITH HARDSHIPS
,ITTLE #HILDREN $IR 4ODD &IELD 2ELEASED )T S THE CURRENT TREND TO CREATE CHARACTER OVERLAPPING lLMS WHERE WE SEE THE EFFECT EVERYONE HAS ON EVERYONE ELSE ,ITTLE #HILDREN IS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF HOW TO DO IT RIGHT WHILST STILL MOVING AT A NATURAL PACE PROVING WORTHY OF ITS /SCAR BUZZ
$IRECTOR 4ODD &IELD HAS GIVEN YET ANOTHER WONDERFULLY SCRIPTED CHARACTERISED AND EMOTION lLLED STORY ABOUT RECKLESSNESS "ASED ON THE BOOK THE lLM LOOKS BEHIND THE DOORS OF SUBURBIA AT PEOPLE S GREATEST WANTS AND FAULTS 4HE lLM IS ANCHORED BY TWO CHARACTERS 3ARAH +ATE 7INSLET AND "RAD 0ATRICK 7ILSON PARENTS WHO lND HAPPINESS TOGETHER LOOKING AFTER THEIR CHILDREN 9ET
THE lLM S OTHER CHARACTERS ARE EACH GIVEN IDEAL AMOUNTS OF ATTENTION "RAD S CONTROLLING WIFE 3ARAH S PORN ADDICTED HUSBAND 2ONNIE A PAEDOPHILE FRESH OUT OF PRISON AND ,ARRY EX COP TURNED VIGILANTE 4HE lLM MOVES US FROM EMOTION TO EMOTION ONE MEMORABLE SCENE SUBVERTING RAW PASSION BY THEN FOCUSING ON THE CONTROLLED STATE OF PERVERTED 2ONNIE 4HE lLM BECOMES UNNERVING WITH 2ONNIE IN MANY PLACES IN VERY EFFECTIVE WAYS IT PULLS US TO THE EDGE OF THE SEAT ANTICIPATING HIS NEXT MOVE 4HE MOST STRIKING ASPECT OF THE lLM IS ITS USE OF NARRATION NEVER INSULTING THE VIEWER BUT ENRICHING OUR LOOK INTO THE CHARACTER S MINDS !N AMAZING lLM ABOUT DISCOVERING YOURSELF ,ITTLE #HILDREN COULD BE THIS YEARS !MERICAN "EAUTY 2YAN 'RANT
3TARTER &OR 4EN $IR 4OM 6AUGHAN 2ELEASED *AMES -C!VOY IS A PRETTY LUCKY GUY .OT ONLY IS HE CURRENTLY BEING OFFERED CHOICE ROLES IN A NUMBER OF UP AND COMING MOVIES BUT IN THIS lLM HE HAS THE CHANCE TO PLAY lRST YEAR STUDENT "RIAN *ACKSON WHO NOT ONLY @KNOWS EVERYTHING BUT ALSO HAS TO FEND OFF THE ADVANCES OF TWO VERY ATTRACTIVE YOUNG WOMEN )T S A TOUGH LIFE FOR SOME )N THIS LIGHT HEARTED "RITISH COMEDY SET IN WE FOLLOW "RIAN AS HE NAVIGATES THE PITFALLS AND NEW EXPERIENCES OF UNIVERSITY LIFE AND ) GUARANTEE YOU LL RECOGNISE MOMENTS THROUGHOUT THAT REMIND YOU OF YOUR OWN lRST YEAR PUTTING UP #HE 'UEVARA POSTERS DRINKING TOO MUCH BEING LATE FOR EVERYTHING AND FEELING SLIGHTLY UNCOMFORTABLE
4HE (OST $IR *OON HO "ONG 2ELEASED !S THE HIGHEST GROSSING lLM OF ALL TIME IN 3OUTH +OREA *OON HO "ONG S lLM IS GIVEN A WIDE 5+ RELEASE AND SUBSEQUENTLY UPSETTING RUMORS OF AN !MERICAN REMAKE 4HE lLM BEGINS WITH THE ILLEGAL DISPOSAL OF FORMALDEHYDE INTO THE (AN 2IVER BASED ON A TRUE INCIDENT AND COURT CASE IN 3EVERAL YEARS LATER A MUTANT SEA CREATURE WREAKS HAVOC ON THE (AN 2IVERSIDE KIDNAPPING SCHOOLGIRL (UNG SEO 4HE lLM FOLLOWS HER DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY AS THEY TRY TO RESCUE (UNG SEO FROM THE THE HOST OF A NEW 3!23 TYPE KILLER VIRUS 4HE lLM IS A WINNING BALANCE BETWEEN BLACK HUMOR " -OVIE HORROR AND DOMESTIC DRAMA 4HE CREATURE IN HOMAGE TO THE FAMOUS
AT FANCY DRESS PARTIES IT S ALL HERE 4HE STORY STARTS OFF QUITE SLOWLY AND IT TAKES A WHILE BEFORE THE JOKES START TO lND THEIR MARKS BUT AFTER THAT THE lLM IS ENJOYABLE THROUGHOUT AND -C!VOY IS RIGHTLY BEING TOUTED AS THE NEXT (UGH 'RANT (E USES THE SAME FOPPISH MUMBLING %NGLISH CHARM BUT IS MORE DOWN TO EARTH AND A LOT LESS SLIMY SORRY (UGH 4HE BELTING SOUNDTRACK IS ALSO ANOTHER GREAT REASON TO SEE THE MOVIE AND INCLUDES MANY CLASSIC S TRACKS FROM THE #URE THE *AM AND THE 5NDERTONES )F THE lLM HAS A FAILING IT IS THAT THE STORY IS A LITTLE PREDICTABLE AND THE ACTUAL MOMENTS ON 5NIVERSITY #HALLENGE ARE NOT PARTICULARLY DRAMATIC !N ENJOYABLE NOSTALGIC LOOK AT 5NI LIFE 3TARTER FOR 4EN IS A WELCOME ADDITION TO THE RECENT TREND IN GOOD "RITISH COMEDIES 0AUL "OND
" -OVIES OF THE S IS ALMOST CAMP YET FEARSOME MAKING ITS APPEARANCE EARLY ON IN THE lLM 4HE CAST ARE SUPERB CLEVERLY ADAPTING TO BOTH THE lLM S HUMOR AND DRAMA PARTICULARLY 3ONG +ANG HO WHO PLAYS THE RIDICULED FAILURE 'ANG DU PROVIDING A LOT OF THE lLM S DARKLY COMIC MOMENTS AS WELL AS ITS MOST TRAUMATIC 4HE lLM IS UNUSUAL IN THIS CAREFUL JUXTAPOSITION OF BLACK HUMOR AND EMOTIONAL INTENSITY 7ITH THE FAMILY DILEMMA AS THE CENTRAL CONCERN AND POLITICAL UNDERCURRENTS THAT CRITICISE !MERICA S STYLE OF CRISIS MANAGEMENT THE lLM IS GIVEN DEPTH AND CREDIBILITY OVER THE USUAL HORROR BLOCKBUSTERS 4HE RESULT IS AN ENDEARING lLM THAT CLEVERLY MAKES A DISTURBING FAMILY DRAMA OUT OF A RUN OF THE MILL MONSTER lLM WITH BOTH ENJOYABLE AND DISTRESSING RESULTS AND IS HIGHLY RECOMMENDED ,YDIA -OSSAHEBI
THE EVENT
&ILM
$6$ &EATURE
3TORMBREAKER
$IR 'EOFFREY 3AX
2ELEASED %NTERTAINMENT )N 6IDEO
3TORMBREAKER *AMES "OND FOR KIDS IS A FORMULA THAT S BEEN TRIED AND TESTED WITH MIXED RESULTS OVER THE YEARS &ROM *AMES "OND *R A TERRIBLE ANIMATION OF THE EARLY S TO THE 9OUNG "OND BOOKS THAT FOLLOW "OND S SCHOOL
DAYS IN THE S THE CONCEPT OF THE GENTLEMAN SPY HAS NEVER REALLY BEEN ONE THAT CHILDREN HAVE LAPPED UP WITH THEIR "ERNARD -ATTHEWS TURKEY DINOSAURS AND 2IBENA 0ERHAPS IT HASN T WORKED
FOR "OND DUE TO HIS ADULTHOOD +NOCKING BACK MARTINIS AND SMOKING SEDUCING ALL MANNER OF WOMEN AND PERFORMING CRAZY STUNTS IN VEHICLES THEY RE ALL THINGS THAT CHILDREN CAN T REALLY DO
IN OUR COUNTRY AT LEAST AND THIS UNPOLISHED MASCULINITY CANNOT REALLY TRANSLATE WELL TO A YOUNGER HERO 5NTIL NOW THAT IS 7ITH HIS IMMENSELY POPULAR CHILDREN S NOVELS !NTHONY (OROWITZ HAS CREATED A "OND A LIKE FOR THE ST #ENTURY IN THE FORM OF ONE !LEX 2IDER 3TORMBREAKER IS THE lRST STORY ABOUT 2IDER AND WHILE FUNCTIONING AS A GREAT SPY STORY FOR KIDS IT S A FANTASTIC lLM FOR GROWN UPS TOO 4HE FAIRLY TERRIBLE PLOT VILLAIN INSTALLS COMPUTER SYSTEM IN ALL "RITAIN S SCHOOLS THAT WILL RELEASE A VIRUS TO KILL THEM BECAUSE HE WAS BULLIED AS A CHILDx2IGHT SERVES AS NOTHING MORE THAN A PLATFORM FOR THE CONSTANT STREAM OF CARTOONISH ACTION THAT FOLLOWS SUCH AS CHASING BADDIES THROUGH THE STREETS OF ,ONDON ON A BIKE NATURALLY 4HESE MEMORABLE SEQUENCES ARE HELPED GREATLY BY THE STELLAR CAST OF ACTORS SUCH AS THE ALWAYS SUPERB "ILL .IGHY
%WAN -C'REGOR -ICKEY 2OURKE 3TEPHEN &RY AND ER *IMMY #ARR !LEX 0ETTYFER AS THE TITULAR 2IDER PLAYS THE ROLE WITH ENOUGH WIDE EYED BEWILDERMENT AT THE SPY LIFESTYLE HE S THROWN INTO TO BE BELIEVABLE AND ATTEMPTS TO MAKE HIS CHARACTER RESONATE WITH THE YOUNGER AUDIENCE 4HE REFERENCES TO "OND HIMSELF ARE FAIRLY FUN AS ARE THE COMPULSORY GADGETS WHICH ARE GIVEN A KID FRIENDLY TWIST 2IDER CAN lRE SMOKE BOMBS OR TAP PHONES BY INSERTING THE RELEVANT CARTRIDGE INTO HIS .INTENDO $3 4HE WHOLE PACKAGE IS PERFECT FOR A BIT OF MINDLESS ENJOYMENT ON A COLD WINTER S NIGHT )T MIGHT NOT BE THE BEST SPY lLM OF THE YEAR OR EVEN THE BEST KID S lLM OF THE YEAR BUT IT S SO ENTERTAINING THAT YOU REALLY WON T CARE )T S A DARN SIGHT BETTER THAN THOSE TERRIBLE 3PY +IDS lLMS AT LEAST #HRIS (YDE
$6$ 2ELEASES 2ENAISSANCE $IR #HRISTIAN 6OLCKMAN 2ELEASED TH #ENTURY &OX (OME %NTERTAINMENT (ERE IS AN ANIMATED PICTURE FOR PURIST FANS OF GRAPHIC NOVELS MADE IN THE SPIRIT OF PANEL COMPOSITION FRAME TO FRAME ELLIPSIS GRAPHICAL STYLISATION AND EXPRESSIONIST INK lLLING 4HE ANIMATION TECHNIQUE IS REVOLUTIONARY WITH THE USE OF $ MOTION CAPTURE COMBINED WITH THE BLACK AND WHITE CONCEPT ADD ING TO THE lLM S GRITTY REALISM 4HE PLOT IS COMPLEX OCCASIONALY EXCES
SIVELY SO BUT STILL MANAGES TO BIND THE ACTION MYSTERY AND LOVE STORY SUCCESSFULLY 4HIS PIECE BORROWS HEAV ILY FROM "LADE 2UNNER ITS OBVIOUS FOREBEARER (OWEVER THERE ARE IN mUENCES FROM A VARIETY OF OTHER lLMS APPARENT HERE TOO WITH TRACES OF ANIME CLASSICS !KIRA AND 'HOST IN THE 3HELL NOT TO MENTION &RENCH NOIR lLMS LIKE ,A "ALANCE AND ,E 3AMOURAI WITH THEIR EDGY SEEDY WORLD OF GANGS 4HE (OLLYWOOD ISED VIEWER WILL DRAW COMPARISONS IN THE lLM S VISUAL STYLE WITH 3IN #ITY AND THE HIGH TECH WORLD PER HAPS INEVITABLY HAS A DASH OF 4HE -ATRIX )F YOU LIKE THESE lLMS THIS IS WORTH A LOOK 3OMETHING OF AN AQUIRED TASTE PERPHAPS YET AN EN JOYABLE lLM NOIR DESPITE ITS CLICHES *AMES "ILLINGS
#ARS
THE EVENT
#ARS $IR *OHN ,ASSETER 2ELEASED 7ALT $ISNEY (OME 6IDEO /NCE AGAIN 0IXAR HAVE MANAGED TO CREATE A CHARMING WORLD COMBINING THE FANTASTICAL WITH THE MUNDANE AS LIVING CARS GO ABOUT THEIR DAILY LIVES #ENTERING ON THE QUINTESSENTIALLY MIDDLE !MERICAN SPORT OF .ASCAR RACING THE lLM FOLLOWS THE ADVENTURES OF ,IGHTNING -C1UEEN 7E ARE ASKED TO CONSIDER THAT THE JET SETTING LIFE IS NOT ALWAYS THE BEST SOMETIMES IT S NICE JUST TO BE CONTENT RELAXING VERY RELEVANT IN OUR HECTIC LIVES 4HIS TIME 0IXAR HAVEN T EXCELLED THEMSELVES BUT THEY COULDN T KEEP THAT AMAZING MOMENTUM FOREVER %VEN SO DESPITE THE FACT THAT #ARS STUMBLES SOMEWHAT IN THE MIDDLE THIRD THIS lLM IS DELIGHTFUL WHEN TAKEN TOGETHER #OMBINING BREAKNECK RACING SCENES WITH GORGEOUS -ID 7ESTERN BACKDROPS AND OF COURSE THE TRADEMARK STYLE OF 0IXAR COMEDY ANY FAN OF THEIR PREVIOUS WORK IS SURE TO ENJOY THIS
-IAMI 6ICE
-IAMI 6ICE $IR -ICHAEL -ANN 2ELEASED 5NIVERSAL 0ICTURES 6IDEO 4HE BEST THING THE PRODUCERS OF -IAMI 6ICE DID WAS TO LET -ICHAEL -ANN BE IN CHARGE OF THE lLM VERSION OF THE SERIES 4HE SLICK PACED DAZZLING STYLE AND COM PLETE ABSENCE OF CAMP CREATE AN EXCELLENT POLICE DRAMA -AKE NO MISTAKE THIS IS NO SILLY S COP SHOW BUT RATHER A SERIOUS ACTION PACKED DRAMA !ND GREAT FOR THAT #OLIN &ARRELL AND *AMIE &OXX AS #ROCKETT AND 4UBBS ARE AN EXCEL LENT CHOICE 4HERE IS VERY LITTLE BAN TER BETWEEN THE TWO INSTEAD THERE S
A SENSE OF GENUINE TRUST AND CONl DENCE IN EACH OTHER 7E ARE SHOWN TWO OBVIOUSLY PROFESSIONAL INDI VIDUALS WHO DON T NEED TO SPEND ALL DAY ON COMICAL BICKERINGS 4HE PLOT DOES GET SOMEWHAT CONVOLUTED AT A FEW POINTS AS SOME COP DRAMAS ARE WONT TO DO BUT ULTIMATELY -IAMI 6ICE IS A SAT ISFYING EXPERIENCE PROVIDING ALL OF THE CLICHES YOU D EXPECT 3OMEHOW THOUGH THEY RE PRESENTED IN A FRESH WAY THIS INCLUDES SUCH STAPLES SUCH AS HOSTAGE SCENES AND DRUG PARTIES "EAUTIFUL NIGHTIME URBAN SHOTS HELP TO SET THE SCENE AND THOUGH IT MAY ALL SEEM SLIGHTLY DETACHED FROM EMOTIONAL FEELING THERE IS CERTAINLY ENTERTAINMENT TO BE HAD FROM THIS GRIPPING lLM !NDY *UDSON
&ILM
4HE 3PIES 7HO 4HRILLED -E 4HE LATEST *AMES "OND lLM IS NOW UPON US COMPLETE WITH A NEW ACTOR TO STEP INTO THE TUXEDO (ELEN 3CARLETT LOOKS BACK AT THE PREVIOUS "OND MEN TO SEE WHAT EACH OF THEM BROUGHT TO THE ROLE AND WHICH OF THEM WEREN T REALLY UP TO THE TASK
4 $R .O
HE *AMES "OND FILM FRANCHISE IS CURRENTLY ONE OF THE HIGHEST GROSSING IN HISTORY SECOND ONLY TO THE 3TAR 7ARS SERIES 3PANNING ALMOST YEARS AND PRODUCING AN IMPRESSIVE FILMS )AN &LEMING S CREATION -) S BEST AGENT SHOWS NO SIGNS OF SLOWING DOWN 4HE SERIES CONTINUES TO GAIN MOMENTUM WITH $IE !NOTHER $AY THE MOST RECENT OF THE FILMS TO BE RELEASED ON $6$ HAVING GROSSED JUST OVER MILLION IN ITS OPENING WEEKEND AT THE BOX OFFICE IN "EFORE LAST WEEK S RELEASE OF THE LATEST ADDITION TO THE *AMES "OND FAMILY #ASINO 2OYALE MANY DEVOUT FANS WERE WONDERING WHETHER $ANIEL #RAIG COULD SUCCESSFULLY EMBODY THE LUCRATIVE *AMES "OND CHARACTER WITH THE DEGREE OF CLASS AND FINESSE THAT A NUMBER OF HIS PREDECESSORS DID 4O DATE ONLY SIX ACTORS HAVE ATTEMPTED THE ARDUOUS TASK OF BECOMING ONE OF THE WORLD S MOST DISTINGUISHED SECRET AGENTS 3OME HAVE RISEN TO THE CHALLENGE
#ONNERY S PERFORMANCES ARE NOT MERELY ADEQUATE THEY ARE ICONIC
ADMIRABLY PORTRAYING "OND WITH THE ELEGANCE AND SOPHISTICATION THAT &LEMING ARGUABLY INTENDED )N CONTRAST OTHERS SEEM TO FALL SHORT OF THE MARK THEIR INTERPRETATIONS OF THE NOTABLY SUAVE SECRET AGENT BEING FLAT AND DULL (OWEVER WHETHER POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE EACH OF THE ACTORS WHO HAVE EMBODIED HAVE BROUGHT SOMETHING DIFFERENT TO THE ROLE 'OOD OR BAD THEY HAVE ALL CONTRIBUTED TO A REMARKABLE FRANCHISE THAT HAS MADE ITS MARK IN MOVIE HISTORY 3EAN #ONNERY S PORTRAYAL OF "OND IS NO DOUBT A KEY REASON FOR THE EXTRAORDINARY SUCCESS AND ACCLAIM OF THE FRANCHISE !S THE FIRST ACTOR TO FILL THE SHOES OF THE DYNAMIC #ONNERY WAS BOUND TO ACQUIRE A FAIRLY SIGNIFICANT FAN BASE AND IN A SENSE BECOME SYNONYMOUS WITH THE CHARACTER (OWEVER WHAT THE 3COTTISH BORN ACTOR BROUGHT TO THE TABLE WAS MUCH MORE THAN JUST BEING THE ORIGINAL *AMES "OND 4HE CALIBRE OF HIS SIX STARRING PERFORMANCES GAVE THE FRANCHISE A CERTAIN LEVEL OF CREDIBILITY WHICH WAS ESSENTIAL IN GAINING APPROVAL FROM FILM BUFFS AND CRITICS ALIKE
WHEN THE FIRST "OND MOVIE $R .O WAS RELEASED IN #ONNERY S PERFORMANCES ARE NOT MERELY ADEQUATE (IS PORTRAYAL OF "OND IS MORE APTLY DESCRIBED AS ICONIC .OT ONLY IS #ONNERY MESMERISING AS BUT HE IS ALSO INVOLVED IN MANY OF THE SCENES THAT HAVE BECOME SYNONYMOUS WITH THE "OND SERIES AND HAVE SOLIDIFIED ITS STATUS AS A FIGUREHEAD IN "RITISH CINEMA 4HERE ARE FEW FILM FANS WHO HAVE FAILED TO COME ACROSS THE CAPTIVATING MOMENT IN $R .O WHEN "OND WITNESSES 5RSULA !NDRESS CHARACTER (ONEY 2YDER EMERGE FROM THE *AMAICAN SEA CLAD ONLY IN A BIKINI (OWEVER SOME OF THE PORTRAYALS OF "OND SINCE #ONNERY HAVE ACHIEVED FAR LESS SUCCESSFUL RESULTS 'EORGE ,AZENBY SERVES AS A GOOD EXAMPLE OF THIS )T IS TRUE TO SAY THAT HAVING ONLY STARRED IN ONE OF THE FILMS /N HER -AJESTY S 3ECRET 3ERVICE HE WASN T GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO SHOWCASE HIS ACTING ABILITIES )T IS ALSO FAIR TO ASSUME THAT SCEPTICISM REGARDING A SECOND ACTOR BEING RECRUITED FOR THE ROLE OF "OND MEANT THAT FANS HARBOURED AN INITIAL HOSTILITY TOWARDS ,AZENBY THAT WOULD PROVE DIFFICULT TO REVERSE 9ET THE FACT REMAINS THAT HIS PORTRAYAL OF "OND WAS DULL AND LIFELESS TO SAY THE LEAST ,AZENBY WAS NOT THE ONLY "OND ACTOR WHOSE PORTRAYAL OF THE ROLE PRODUCED UNSATISFACTORY RESULTS THOUGH 4IMOTHY $ALTON LIKE ,AZENBY ONLY PLAYED *AMES "OND FOR A SHORT TIME STARRING IN JUST TWO OF THE FILMS 4HE ,IVING $AYLIGHTS AND ,ICENSE TO +ILL 5NLIKE ,AZENBY S EXCEEDINGLY DULL PERFORMANCE $ALTON AS "OND ACTUALLY HAS A DYNAMIC QUALITY WHICH CAN BE ATTRIBUTED TO HIS ABILITIES AS AN ACTOR 7HAT $ALTON LACKS IS THE CHEEKY HUMOUR THAT #ONNERY INCORPORATES INTO HIS INTERPRETATION OF THE ROLE MAKING $ALTON S "OND RELENTLESSLY AND UNCHARACTERISTICALLY SERIOUS )T MAY BE SAID THAT 2OGER -OORE S *AMES "OND WAS INHERENTLY FLAWED 7HERE $ALTON S PORTRAYAL OF IS TOO SERIOUS -OORE S SEEMS CONSTANTLY AND OFTEN UNNECESSARILY JOVIAL #ONNERY ON THE OTHER HAND STRIKES A GOOD BALANCE BETWEEN THE TWO ATTRIBUTES SERIOUSNESS AND HUMOUR (IS PERFORMANCES
ARE MULTI LAYERED DYNAMIC AND MORE PENSIVE WHEN APPROPRIATE YET HE IS OFTEN ALSO WITTY WITHOUT INCORPORATING HUMOUR GRATUITOUSLY AS -OORE DOES (AVING SAID THIS IT IS IMPORTANT TO RECOGNISE THE POSITIVE CONTRIBUTIONS THAT -OORE MAKES TO THE FRANCHISE !S THE LONGEST SERVING "OND HE PLAYED THE ROLE FOR OVER A DECADE AND STARRED IN SEVEN OF THE FILMS ONE MORE THAN #ONNERY /N THIS BASIS IT IS DIFFICULT TO SEE HOW HE WAS SO OVER SHADOWED BY #ONNERY AND WHY HE RECEIVED ONLY A FRACTION OF HIS PREDECESSOR S ACCLAIM 7HETHER THIS IS A TRIBUTE TO #ONNERY S PERFORMANCES OR A CRITICISM OF -OORE S IS DEBATEABLE &INALLY WE COME TO 0IERE "ROSNAN !LTHOUGH HIS TIME AS THE SUAVE AND CHARISMATIC -) AGENT WAS FAIRLY SHORT LIVED AND WASN T NECESSARILY AS MEMORABLE AS -OORE S HIS PORTRAYAL OF "OND SEEMS TO WORK PERFECTLY FOR A CONTEMPORARY AUDIENCE !FTER A SIX YEAR ABSENCE "OND RETURNED IN 'OLDENEYE IN PLAYED BY "ROSNAN WHO RE INVENTS THE CHARACTER TO SUIT THE EXPECTATIONS OF A MORE MODERN AUDIENCE WHILE KEEPING THE GENERAL SPIRIT OF "OND ALIVE (E IS UNDOUBTEDLY HELPED IN THIS BY THE PERFORMANCES OF ! LIST ACTORS SUCH AS 3EAN "EAN IN 'OLDENEYE WHO ENSURE THAT THE FILMS APPEAL TO PEOPLE IN GENERAL AS OPPOSED TO SIMPLY DIE HARD *AMES "OND FANS &OR THE FIRST TIME SINCE #ONNERY S LAST APPEARANCE AS IN $IAMONDS ARE &OREVER THE SPARK AND ENERGY THAT ATTRACTED MANY TO THE FRANCHISE IN THE FIRST PLACE IS RE INSTATED COURTESY OF "ROSNAN (IS PORTRAYAL OF "OND SEEMS TO WORK PERFECTLY 7HETHER $ANIEL #RAIG BRINGS TO THE "OND OF #ASINO 2OYALE THE DEGREE OF SOPHISTICATION AND CLASS THAT #ONNERY DID OR THE CONTEMPORARY APPEAL OF "ROSNAN IS UP FOR DEBATE "OND FANS WILL DOUBTLESS HAVE MADE UP THEIR MINDS BY NOW HAVING SAT DOWN WITH THEIR POPCORN IN CINEMAS ACROSS THE COUNTRY TO DISCOVER HOW THE NEW ADVENTURE PORTRAYS THEIR HUMOROUS YET OFTEN CONTEMPLATIVE FAVOURITE SECRET AGENT &OR OUR REVIEWER S TAKE ON THE NEW TURN TO PAGE
THE EVENT
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#OMPUTING
'EARS OF 7AR 2ELEASED ON 8BOX
!S THE 03 AND 7II LOOM ON THE HORIZON -ICROSOFT BEGIN THEIR COUNTER ATTACK HEADED BY THIS FANTASTIC SHOOTER #ER TAINLY IF THIS IS THE COMPETITION 3ONY AND .INTENDO WILL HAVE THEIR WORK CUT OUT FOR THEM 'EARS OF 7AR FOLLOWS THE ADVENTURES OF ONE -ARCUS &E NIX A STEREOTYPICALLY BADASS SOLDIER WHO SHOOTS lRST ANDx YEAH YOU VE HEARD IT ALL BEFORE 0LOT AND STORYLINE ARE NOT THICK ON THE GROUND BASICALLY YOU FOLLOW &ENIX AND HIS SQUAD AS THEY TAKE PART IN A WAR AGAINST A TWISTED ALIEN RACE KNOWN AS THE ,OCUST /F COURSE IT MAY WELL BE THAT ALL YOU WANT IS TO GET INTO THE ACTION WITH NO INTERRUPTIONS BUT IT S WORTH BEARING IN MIND THAT YOU CAN T EXPECT ANYTHING MORE THAN THE MOST SIMPLISTIC OF STORYLINES 4HE ,OCUST AT LEAST PROVIDE A GREAT OPPOSITION WITH A VARIETY OF TROOPS THAT ALL LOOK SUITABLY UGLY AND EVIL PLUS SOME OF THE BOSSES ARE TRULY ENORMOUS 4HE !) IS PRETTY GOOD ALTHOUGH SOME TIMES PROVES UNWILLING TO MOVE FROM INADEQUATE COVER THAT LEAVES IT EXPOSED 3O YOU BEGIN PLAYING AND QUICKLY REALISE JUST HOW THE GAMEPLAY WORKS #OVER IS ABSOLUTELY VITAL A FEW BULLETS CAN BE ENOUGH TO FELL YOU SO IT IS CRUCIAL TO TAKE ADVAN TAGE OF THE WELL DESIGNED AND RUBBLE STREWN URBAN BAT TLElELDS 7HILE HIDING YOU CAN SPRAY RANDOMLY AT OPPO NENTS OR PEEK OUT AND TAKE CAREFUL AIM RISKING VULNERABLE BODYPARTS )T S A SYSTEM THAT S AKIN TO A 03 GAME KNOWN TO CRIMINALLY FEW +ILLSWITCH (OWEVER IT EXPANDS HUGELY ON THIS TO CREATE A TRULY TENSE AND NERVE WRACKING SCENARIO
IN WHICH YOU lND YOURSELF CONSTANTLY DUCKING FROM COV ER TO COVER TAKING OUT TARGETS BEFORE DASHING FOR THE NEXT PIECE WITH GUNlRE FROM ENEMIES AND ALLIES ALIKE WHIPPING AROUND ALL THE WHILE 4HE HAIL OF SHOTS THAT GREETS YOU EVEN WHEN YOU POP YOUR HEAD OUT FOR A MERE SECOND REALLY HELPS TO CREATE A TRULY WARLIKE SETTING /N OCCASION YOU WILL ALSO HAVE TO ENGAGE IN HAND TO HAND COMBAT WITH A PARTICULARLY QUICK OPPONENT AT WHICH POINT YOUR CHAINSAW BAYONET COMES INTO PLAY WITH BRUTAL RESULTS AND COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF BLOOD SPLATTER THE CAMERA !LL OF THIS WORKS VERY SIMPLY AND THE CONTROLS ARE mUID SO IT S VERY QUICK AND EASY TO GET INTO THE SWING OF THINGS )N SINGLE PLAYER MODE YOU RE ASSISTED BY !) SQUAD MATES WHO ARE MUCH BETTER AT RECEIVING lRE THAN GIVING IT 7HEN THEY RE DOWNED THOUGH THEY ARE EASY TO REVIVE SIMPLY BY REACHING THEIR POSITION SO FORTUNATELY IT DOESN T DISTRACT FROM THE FAST PACE 4HE GUN SELECTION OFFERS EXCEL LENT CHOICE WITH EACH ONE FEELING SATISFYINGLY POWERFUL AND MEATY ! PARTICULAR FAVOURITE ALLOWS YOU TO CALL IN AN ORBITAL LASER CANNON ALTHOUGH IT IS UNFORTUNATELY ONLY AVAILABLE IN CERTAIN SITUATIONS )NTERESTINGLY YOU CAN USE TIMED BUTTON PRESSES TO RELOAD GUNS FASTER BUT IN A NEAT TWIST THERE S A CHANCE YOU LL SCREW UP AND JAM THE WEAPON )T HAS TO BE SAID THAT THE QUALITY OF 'EARS OF 7AR THAT STANDS OUT IS ITS PRESENTATION 4HE 8BOX SHOWS ITS REAL POWER TO CREATE SOMETHING STUNNING &ROM THE GRAND LEVEL OF THE SMOKE RIDDEN RUINS AND LARGE BATTLES TO THE INTRICATE
'AMING 'REATS 'AME &INAL &ANTASY 6)) #ONSOLE 0LAY3TATION 2ELEASED 20'S ARE ONE OF THE GEEKIEST GENRES IN GAMING WHICH IS ALREADY HARDLY THE MOST GLAM OROUS OF HOBBIES 0ICKING A CHARACTER AND LIVING OUT THEIR LIVES THROUGH ADVENTURES THAT USUALLY LAST AROUND HOURS n WHAT S THE POINT EH 9OU COULD SPEND THAT TIME DOING SOMETHING MORE CONSTRUCTIVE LIKE JOGGING OR KNITTING (OW EVER IN ALONG CAME &INAL &ANTASY 6)) TO SHAKE PEOPLE S PERCEPTIONS OF ROLEPLAYING GAMES FOREVER 9OU BEGIN THE GAME IN THE CHARACTER OF #LOUD 3TRIFE A MERCENARY CURRENTLY EMPLOYED BY !VALANCHE A GROUP TRYING TO TAKE DOWN 3HINRA AN EVIL CORPORATION THAT HAS BECOME THE PLANET S GOVERNMENT 9OU HAVE LITTLE TIME TO GET USED TO
THE GAME S TURN BASED BAT TLE SYSTEM BEFORE BEING THRUST HEAD lRST INTO THE PLOT !VA LANCHE SET A BOMB UP YOU DEFEAT A HUGE ROBOT AND THEN #LOUD MEETS !ERIS THE LOVE IN TEREST OF THE GAME ALL WITHIN THE lRST HALF HOUR OR SO 0RETTY HEADY STUFF 4HE lRST FEW HOURS OF && ARE SET WITHIN -IDGAR THE PLANET S LARGEST CITY BUT YOU SOON ESCAPE ITS CONlNES AND THE REST OF THE GAME IS SPENT TROTTING AROUND THE PLANET VISITING VARIOUS EXOTIC LOCALES 4HE VASTNESS OF THE GAME WORLD PROVIDES CONSTANT VARIETY MAK ING IT THE lRST GAME THAT FORCED PEOPLE TO REALISE WHAT COULD BE DONE WITH A 0LAY3TATION /F COURSE THIS WOULD BE NOTHING WITHOUT A FANTASTIC PLOT AND REALISTIC CHARACTERS BOTH OF WHICH ARE HERE 4HE PLOT MAY BE CONFUSING IN PLACES BUT IT IS INVOLVING AND ALSO PROVIDES
ONE OF GAMING HISTORY S lNEST MOMENTS !ERIS WHO PLAYERS SPEND THE lRST HOURS GETTING CLOSE TO OR AT LEAST AS CLOSE AS ONE CAN GET TO A COMPUTERISED CHARACTER IS KILLED OFF BY 3E PHIROTH THE GAME S VILLAIN IN THE lRST DISC S DRAMATIC CONCLU SION (OW MANY PLAYERS CAN HONESTLY SAY THEY DIDN T SHED A TEAR WHEN !ERIS LITTLE #') FACE REGISTERED THAT 3EPHIROTH S HUGE SWORD WAS PROTRUDING FROM BETWEEN HER SHOULDER BLADES 4HIS GAME WAS RESPONSI BLE FOR TRANSFORMING THE 20' FROM BEING RESTRICTED TO HEAVILY SPECTACLED ADOLESCENTS IN $UN GEONS AND $RAGONS T SHIRTS INTO SOMETHING MUCH MORE MAINSTREAM AS SHOWN BY THE WIDE RANGE OF 20'S AVAILABLE FOR MODERN CONSOLES .EARLY A DECADE ON && S EFFECT IS STILL BEING FELT A THIRD PERSON SHOOTER STARRING SECRET CHARACTER 6INCENT WAS RELEASED LAST WEEK A #') lLM CAME OUT LAST YEAR TO EXPLAIN WHAT HAP PENED TO THE CHARACTERS AFTER THE GAME S EVENTS AND RUMOURS ABOUND OF A 03 REMAKE 2E GARDLESS OF WHAT HAPPENS TO THE FRANCHISE && WILL REMAIN ONE OF THE BEST 20'S EVER AND IS DElNITELY A 'AMING 'REAT #HRIS (YDE
DETAIL IN FACIAL MODELS AND SHAKY CAMERAS EVERYTHING LOOKS GREAT #OUPLED WITH THE GOOD MUSIC AND SUITABLY VIOLENT AND SQUISHY SOUND EFFECTS THIS REALLY IS WHAT MAKES 'EARS OF 7AR SUCH A JOY TO PLAY 4HE CAMPAIGN IS SHORT BUT THERE IS A MULTIPLAYER OPTION WITH VARIOUS MAPS AND SETTINGS TO OFFER IMPROVED REPLAY VALUE 4HE CAMPAIGN IS SOMEWHAT IRRITATING IN THAT IT IS ALWAYS EITHER A BIT TOO EASY OR TOO HARD BUT OVERALL IT IS DIFlCULT TO lND A REASON NOT TO OWN THIS GAME !NDY *UDSON
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THE EVENT
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#ONCRETE &ACTS #OMPILED BY &ACTY -C&ACT s !LL OF (ENRY 6))) S WIVES WERE RELATED TO EACH OTHER s )N TH CENTURY #HINA PEOPLE COMMIT TED SUICIDE BY EATING A POUND OF SALT s 4HE PLASTIC BITS ON THE END OF SHOELACES ARE CALLED @AGLETS s .O WHERE IN "RITAIN IS MORE THAN MILES FROM THE SEA s #ORNISH 9ARG CHEESE IS SERVED COATED IN NETTLES
.UMPTY AN UNWISE PERSON h#LEARLY YOU ARE A NUMPTY PLEASE DON T TALK TO MEv
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Old Wives’ Tales....
1 7HERE WAS THIS PICTURE TAKEN !
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