Dewomen ,

WORDS : JESSICA HOEPER GRAPHIC : freepik.com

How many times have you heard “knowing why never solves anything”? Oh mercy, I have heard this multiple times throughout my life. And although I agree that the “knowing” doesn’t really solve anything, the wondering can be so powerful. The power of why is in the wonder.

I’m not talking about the judgmental “why.” Example: (insert teenage voice) “Oh my gosh Jess, why is she wearing that?” I am talking about the ever-curious wondering why. Example: (insert woman’s voice) “I wonder what life experiences have brought her to have that view?” This is the deep considering of a why. Curiosity can build empathy. When I deeply consider why you believe, think or act a certain way, I get much closer to understanding your point of view and become less judgmental of the fact that your view is di erent. By di erent I don’t have to mean wrong, I just simply mean di erent.

The biggest “wondering why” for me lately has been around the conditions of love. We say unconditional love, but do we really mean unconditional? What does unconditional even mean? By de nition, unconditional is absolute, without conditions, limitations, reservation or quali cations. And if we do mean unconditional, then I “wonder why” we put so many conditions on love. The conditions of “I love you, but rst: What is your religion? What are your political views? Are you a parent? Do you choose not to be a parent? Are you a grandparent? What job do you have? Where do you live? Do you run? Etc.” You can see how this list could go on and on. We all condition our love for each other. But why? Let’s “wonder why”!

If someone is di erent than us, do we love them less? Yes, sometimes. Why? Well, the honest answer is likely because of the conditions we put on love! Can our conditions be changed? Yes. First, we have to see them to change them. Self-awareness is the rst building block of emotional intelligence. The best tool I know to build our own self-awareness is self-re ection. Let’s carve out time to spend with ourselves so we can deeply get to know ourselves. When in self-re ection ask yourself, “What conditions do I put on love?” When we get to deeply know ourselves, lets agree to break down the barriers of our own conditions.

JESSICA HOEPER

If we deeply value each other as unique, then we value di erences. We all need to get out of our own way and “uncondition” our love for each other. Then we can share ourselves whole heartedly with others … no conditions!

I am certainly not here to pretend that I have all the answers, because I do not. But I am here with a hope to unite women and encourage conversations around our “wondering whys.” It is hard to judge that which you are curious about. Let’s get curious together. We as women are a strong collective, capable of spreading light, love and hope. I would love to facilitate a “Dear Wondering Women” space through writing, in Area Woman, where we can join in honest, real and love-filled conversations around our shared wonderings. Write to me with your “wondering whys.” Let’s collectively, as women, share this wonder- lled journey of life together. I plan to respond to a reader’s “wondering why” in each issue. My contact information is below. I can’t wait to connect!

is a mother of five kids and resides with her family on her husband’s family farm in central Minnesota. Hoeper grew up in the Fargo area before relocating to Minnesota. She is a licensed independent social worker with 15 years of human service experience, specializing in child welfare. Hoeper runs her own human service consulting and training company. Contact Hoeper at wonderingwhywithjess@outlook.com. [ aw ]