ADVOCATING TO SCATTER ASHES ON THE GRAND

VACCINATED AND VERY PREGNANT

For pregnant people, getting vaccinated has been a maze of confusion. HILARY GAULD PHOTO

OPINION

CARE LUCAS PUBLISHER

On Apr. 28, I received my first dose of the COVID-19 vaccine.

It was a milestone that I had been eagerly anticipating for months — with any luck, the first step towards a return to normal life, whatever that may look like. Admittedly, it was also met with a lot of uncertainty and anxiety because I was also 19 weeks pregnant.

After suffering a miscarriage my first pregnancy, then enduring highrisk complications throughout the time I carried my son, pregnancy had already become an anxiety inducing experience for me. Toss in a global pandemic and misinformation surrounding the vaccine and well, let’s just say I know my way around Google.

There was very little, if any resources available regarding the long-term effects on pregnancy or the fetus. Pregnant people were not included in the initial trials, which is not at all uncommon. But we are living this in real-time.

The information was simply not available because the data did not exist yet.

“Ultimately, what we want is for people to make informed choices, and do what works best for them, right? But the information has been so confusing...And [it’s] not always really clear about what the actual recommendation is,” TK Pritchard, executive director of SHORE Centre said.

When I logged on to book an appointment through the Region of Waterloo, I was immediately prompted to speak with my health-care provider about the risks of the vaccine. I have a great relationship with my family doctor and an exceptional OBGYN who both provided as much information about the vaccine as they had available. But not everyone has that privilege.

Pritchard said that for those who don’t have access to healthcare, consulting a doctor can be challenging. Additionally, healthcare providers themselves have a wide variety of thoughts, feelings and opinions on the vaccines.

Seeking clarity on the issue can be a maze of confusion.

Not having access to the everchanging information around COVID-19 and the vaccine provides an additional barrier.

“It’s also really difficult if English is not your primary language,” Pritchard said.

“The resources are not being translated, in many cases.”

I am lucky enough to have access to an abundance of information, a solid support network and compassionate health-care providers. Still, it felt like I was being faced with an impossible choice. There were real risks associated with injecting the vaccine but as I “did my own research” more and more pregnant people were ending up in the ICU.

“Pregnant people had almost no guidance, no information. And then suddenly... [pregnancy] was just listed in the highest risk category.” Pritchard said.

It was a recommendation that was made quite literally overnight.

“And it suddenly was urgent, right? And so that’s really difficult. Again, at a time when...you’re also trying to navigate a lot of other pieces around pregnancy,” they said.

My impossible decision now seemed obvious. I decided to opt for the vaccine. My son needs his mother and frankly, at just 34-yearsold, I didn’t want to die.

My decision to get vaccinated was met with objection and opinion from those with conflicting views in my own community. I have been deemed a “bad mom” for injecting “poison” into my pregnant body.

“Something that people do a lot in conversations around pregnancy, is totally disregard the health of the pregnant person,” Pritchard said.

“People are, are not actually focusing on the health of the pregnant person, which also is ... a symptom of a much broader conversation around how pregnant people do lose autonomy, and people only see the pregnancy and not them as a person.”

As if carrying a child during a pandemic wasn’t scary enough, my own community, other parents that I have known throughout my life, were making the experience harder. And I knew, I wasn’t alone.

Pregnant people are subjected to a daily sea of posts on the internet filled with fearmongering and misinformation, around the vaccine and COVID-19.

“Even without a pandemic, pregnant people are faced with ... a lot of misinformation about pregnancy and difficulty in accessing that information,” Pritchard said.

“There are a lot of folks who hold complicated opinions around vaccinations and about COVID-19. And at the end of the day, it is a person who’s pregnant’s choice in terms of how they navigate their pregnancy and their body.”

The controversy surrounding the vaccination is just one way the pandemic has exasperated existing pressures on pregnant people.

In addition to the increased health risk posed by COVID-19, Pritchard said pregnant people and new parents did not expect to be navigating this experience on their own. The social distancing measures have meant there is a lack of in-person support from family and friends. Valuable resources like prenatal classes are only being held in a virtual setting. Support partners are often being turned away from ultrasounds and appointments.

Navigating the system has become increasingly difficult.

“We don’t generally prioritize the needs of women and trans people, which also then includes pregnancy,” Pritchard said. “Then, when we find ourselves in a pandemic situation, that is only made worse.”

I am now fully vaccinated. The experience was smooth and uneventful for me. I am confident I made the best decision for myself and my body—a personal choice that Pritchard feels all pregnant people are entitled to.

“Extend more kindness to one another and recognize that a pregnant person is ... doing their best with the information that they have.”

LOCAL MAMAS SHINE DURING THE PANDEMIC

OPINION

SARAH BESTER CONTRIBUTOR

I started the Shine Mama! podcast a few months before the pandemic hit. My goal was to interview amazing local mamas in the region about balancing parenthood, work and dream-chasing—including the truth behind the struggle.

What I didn’t anticipate was how big the struggle would become.

Immediately after the pandemic hit, I did a series of six interviews focusing on the effect of the pandemic on mothers. When the series was over, the pandemic was not. And so, the virus has become an important part of every conversation I’ve had.

And the virus hit mamas hard.

One example is the prevalence of mental health struggles, particularly during the early days. I went through my own period of anxiety and depression, as did many other moms and it was important to me to shine a light on this so other moms felt less alone.

Dr. Melissa Bingeman, a local naturopathic doctor, suffered from postpartum depression because of the isolation brought on by the pandemic.

“[With quarantine] I lost my social support, I lost all of my contacts… and help with the kids, and I was no longer coping,” she said.

Along with stories of mental health challenges, I spoke with mothers dealing with job loss, keeping businesses alive, the stress of working on the front lines, and balancing work and home life. Every single mom, regardless of their circumstance, had struggled in some way over the past year and a half.

Yet despite the struggles, the local mothers I’ve interviewed have shown strength, resilience and creativity in dealing with everything life has thrown at them during this pandemic. They’ve had to learn to set boundaries and prioritize their well-being more than ever before. They’ve been inspired to make changes in their own lives and to help change the lives of others.

For one, they have learned to let go of control. Something that has been difficult but necessary for moms.

Kitchener Centre MP Laura-Mae Lindo says that we must let go of perfection—for example, eating fruit roll ups for breakfast is perfectly valid when you’re juggling back to back meetings and homeschooling three kids.

“I keep reminding people, it’s a global pandemic…none of us are thriving. These will be write-off years at some point, so just try to keep it easy.”

The truth is, when we let go of things that don’t matter, we create room for the things that do. Loosening the reins on perfectionism has allowed moms to carve out a bit of space for themselves at a time where self-care is harder than ever.

In fact, the topic of boundaries came up again and again in the interviews, with many moms learning to set them for the first time in their lives.

The pandemic also helped moms learn to be more present, more grateful and more socially aware. Slowing down and taking a break from over-scheduled lives has given many of the mothers I interviewed the opportunity to recognize how stressed and disconnected they really were. And they’re making permanent changes to their lives because of it.

Kate McCrea Bristol, dean of students at Wilfrid Laurier University, admits that life before COVID-19 was jam-packed with social obligations, but that she plans to carve out more space in her postpandemic life.

“I really cherish the time with the kids that allows me to have those moments where it feels like time is standing still a little bit. And I find that those really happen at home,” she said.

For Martha Linkletter, a doctor and front-line worker, the pandemic made her more aware of her privilege.

“I’m not that worried about my own kids…I feel very strongly that I need to be advocating for those without a significant voice...the marginalized people and the racialized people who have been most affected by this virus,” she said.

So how has this pandemic, and its challenges, changed motherhood forever? Not only are the mothers I spoke to making their way successfully to the other side, but they’re emerging with a little more grit and a lesson or two in tow.

And if there’s one thing that stood out over the past two seasons of the podcast, it’s that mothers in the region have realized we are much stronger than we thought.

And that’s something that will outlast this virus.

The challenges posed by the pandemic have tested the resiliency of mothers. MARIANA BILBAO PHOTO

GRIEVING FREELY ON THE GRAND RIVER

cambridge resident faces bureaucracy as he advocates for a designated place along the grand river for scattering ashes

The Grand River apparently falls under no one’s jurisdiction and neither the municipalities nor the GRCA have the authority to permit or prohibit the scattering of ashes into its waters. NICK STANLEY PHOTO

HARLEEN KAUR DHILLON

EDITOR IN CHIEF

When a friend lost his child to a car accident, Prakash Venkatramanan was one of the few family friends enlisted to help with funeral arrangements. As the funeral progressed, he found another obstacle causing grief: they had nowhere to scatter the ashes for the boy’s final rites.

“[The issue is] people are doing it quietly...You don’t need to have any guilt or fear when you do the rituals,” Venkatramanan said. “[The] initiative is to make sure [it] is allowed so nobody needs to have that fear and [can] do the rituals peacefully.”

Since then, Venkatramanan has advocated for the establishment of a designated area for scattering ashes on the Grand River. He took his request to the Grand River Conservation Authority and was told their jurisdiction was monitoring the flow of the water and he had better take his request to the municipalities. Then, he presented it to all 38 municipalities along the river.

“So basically, all levels of government washed their hands [of responsibility and are] saying, ‘it is not our jurisdiction’. So I was thinking, you know, if that is the case, I’m going to put a stake [in it],” Venkatramanan said.

While people are allowed to scatter ashes Crown lands and waters in Ontario, none of the explicitly permitted bodies of water coincide within Waterloo Region. As immigrant populations grow, the need for such a space grows as well. Even now, many South Asian people were unable to complete their traditions surrounding funerals without significant feelings of guilt, as if they were committing a crime.

“I got like hundreds of calls since this initiative has taken [off], thanking and appreciating and saying...’you’re right, because for the last 20 years or 40 years whatever death happened in our family or in the community, this is what we do. [We] just want to make sure nobody sees us, you know, nobody [is] going to call us out’,” he said.

“It’s not a crime, for crying out loud! This is a ritual we are doing so we should not feel the fear, we should not have any guilt or whatsoever, we need to do that from the heart. That’s what the deceased person deserved.”

Ajmer Mandur, secretary at the Golden Triangle Sikh Association and Waterloo Region resident since the 1980s, has watched the South Asian community grow from the 100s to the 1000s in the region.

While many people would save the ashes of their loved ones for long periods until they could go back to the homeland to scatter them in rivers, this was not a feasible option for all. Travel is not cheap and a family’s financial situation could delay their trip. However, it also does not make sense for people that are a part of this community, who have built their lives in the region, to be forced to have their remains transported to a foreign place. This is their home as well.

Jaspal Bal, a volunteer with the Ontario Khalsa Darbar committee, also shared the memory of his sister’s funeral in Mississauga. Bal played a role in helping set up a memorial place called Kiratpur Park where the Etobicoke Creek flows through the Ontario Khalsa Darbar grounds. They worked with the Toronto and Region Conservation Authority (TRCA) and the space will be open to people of all faith backgrounds. Although it is not yet built, the site has seen the final rites of hundreds of people in the last few months.

“All those memories come back [when I’m there]. Even though we’re living in this rat race, materialistic world...we know [that space] is where our sister’s resting place is. So it means a lot,” he said.

“If that service was not available... my sister’s ashes would have gone to India, or as a family we would have sneaked in middle of the night to Credit River or [stood] on some bridge and quickly looked around, ‘oh nobody’s there okay let’s just throw’. Now, there we took our time or we sat down, we laughed, we cried...It was our private moment. It was our place, our Gurudwara,” Bal said.

While Sikh funerals are minimalist, other faiths have more rituals and different traditions. Hindu traditions, for example, include many more artefacts being immersed in the water, such as flowers.

There has been some resistance from the community to scattering ashes in the Grand River, including some concern on the environmental impact they may have. Kamal Bhardwaj, managing funeral director and partner of the Kitchener Funeral Home and Crematorium, said ashes are among the least harmful substances to enter the water. They are simply the carbon left after a body is cremated and pose little environmental risk and crematoriums are also regulated by the Ministry of Environment.

“That’s what that is: our actual bones going back to the environment. The question that you have is: do you consider that pollution? Remember the Ministry of Environment has already approved these kinds of things,” Bhardwaj said. “I’m more concerned with garbage like the boxes they can carry or the containers they bring in that’s left around, it’s not the ash.”

In Pickering, the city and the mourners worked together to keep the river clean as there were also concerns about erosion unrelated to the ashes. Bhardwaj donated $20,000 to help clean the river. He says the donation allowed the city to clean up. They are currently working to establish land where the spreading of ashes can take place. ”Once you designate an area and people understand that, then there’s going to be a responsibility to make sure that you put the garbage where it needs to go,” Bhardwaj said.

Mandur, however, is largely unconcerned about the resistance. He said there will always be people resistant to change, but change will happen nonetheless.

“You will see some resistance but [to] the overall average person who lives here, it won’t make any any difference...when these things happen, there’s always going to be opposition, and I think the relationship overall will not change much. But you will see some people will make a comment one way or the other,” he said.

Venkatramanan has received a little success from his advocacy. Last month, Cambridge City Council approved a portion of Parklawn Cemetery for scattering ashes.

“That’s good, but ... the tradition is the scattering of ashes [needs] to happen in a water body, it is not in the land, it is in the water body. So even though they are recommending something in a cemetery. Yes, that’s a great initiative, but not everybody [is] going to use that. So, whether they allocate it or not, it will continue in [the] Grand River.” Venkatramanan said.

“The City of Cambridge is not the owner of the Grand River and it does not have the authority or jurisdiction to permit or prohibit the request to scatter cremated remains in the Grand River,” Michael Hausser, director of operations at the City of Cambridge, stated in the Agenda for the Apr. 13, 2021 city council meeting.

Having faced disappointment from the municipalities along the river, Venkatramanan has now approached the Six Nations of the Grand River.

“This is their land, and anything we do, we need to have the blessings to make sure [that] it is inclusive, and that they are respected, and given the deal. You know consideration in anything and everything like we do... It is a no brainer. This is an initiative because birth and death happens in every living being,” Venkatramanan said.

The councillors from the Six Nations were unable to comment and Chief Mark Hill was unavailable for an interview.

TCE’S ROAD TO SOLIDARITY AND ALLYSHIP

1. ARE YOU WORKING FROM A PLACE OF PITY, DISCOMFORT, GUILT OR SHAME?

Nobody wants any of that. There is privilege in your pity, your guilt and your shame. When you need to move something that's too heavy for you to move on your own, do you want people to feel bad for you because you'll never move it on your own or do you want someone to help you move it? Recognize that your feelings take up much needed space. Are you challenging your comfort zone when it comes to confronting injustice, or are you upholding the status quo by defining yourself as a 'safe person' without doing anything to make your society safer. Are you expecting to be taught? To have your hand held? For there to be space for your tears?

JUNE IS A BIG MONTH FOR PERFORMATIVE ALLYSHIP. EVERY YEAR WE SEE COMPANIES DISPLAYING PRIDE FLAGS IN THEIR LOGOS, DESPITE THE FACT THAT THEY HAVE DONE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO SUPPORT THE COMMUNITY ALL YEAR LONG. SO, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU ASKED YOURSELF IF YOUR ALLYSHIP IS CAUSING MORE HARM THAN GOOD? IF YOUR SOLIDARITY WITH COMMUNITIES WORKING FOR JUSTICE IS WORTH ANYTHING TO ANYONE, THEN IT SHOULD BE CONSTANTLY CHECKED AND REFLECTED UPON TO FLESH OUT AREAS IN NEED OF CHANGE. BELOW ARE SOME POINTS TO REFLECT UPON WHEN DOING A SOLIDARITY CHECK ON YOUR ALLYSHIP PRACTICES.

WORDS BY TANYA O’CONNELL

ILLUSTRATION BY ELFIE KALFAKIS

3. ARE YOU CENTERING THE WORK AND THE COMMUNITY?

If you are here because you want social gratification and something to post, then you are doing allyship wrong and you're probably hurting the cause you claim to care about. Ask yourself, who am I trying to make feel good with what I'm doing? Who am I empowering? Are these acts for me? For my pride? You can identify performative allyship by asking yourself if you would be doing the same thing if nobody were to see or hear about what you're doing. You can flesh out whether you are centering the work by examining whether you are leveraging resources or being selective with who you pull in. Centering the community means what you're doing isn't creating dependency on your support or "professionalizing" activism. Creating dependency is harmful and occurs when you're offering a service that makes you the gatekeeper of the service instead of the community. Professionalizing activism occurs when you reinforce or promote the idea that paternalistic knowledge is needed to help people. Deeply reflect on how much of your work is motivated by funding and ask yourself whether you have compromised radical work because it may affect funding elsewhere. Finally, ask yourself if you are willing to betray your organization to further struggles for justice. But if you are, are you aware of the immense privilege you have to not be completely financially dependent on your job?

2. ARE YOU LISTENING TO THE COMMUNITY?

Are you listening to folks with lived experience? To the folks that identify themselves as being part of a marginalized community? Or are you listening to the 'experts' of these topics? If you can't understand why it would be necessary to listen to folks with lived experience, ask yourself why we still have racial discrimination occurring in places of employment when we have known it to be an issue for more than 50 years. It's certainly not because we're unaware that unconscious bias exists. These injustices are still occurring because in most organizations the folks coming up with the policies and procedures for dealing with racial discrimination have no lived experience and don't identify as racialized. If the people at the top of your organization are asked to identify policies and procedures that exclude people, ask yourself: how they are supposed to do that if they've never been excluded? You can have an awareness about how the health-care system excludes Indigenous folks from care but if you don't work in the field and have lived experience, the likelihood of you being able to identify the policies and procedures that are resulting in exclusions is going to be very low. You'd be guessing. I work for an organization that provides emergency shelter to folks experiencing homelesness and yet I see an organization staffed with people who have absolutely no understanding of what it means to be poor or experience being excluded because they are poor. The fact that nobody at my place of employment identified a policy that prohibits folks from working at another shelter, while only being assigned a few shifts per month, as being exclusive may be because those creating policy have never needed to make career decisions based on a lack of economic privilege. A fundamental part of meaningful allyship is shelving your ego and making the focal point the communities' perception of the work. Only the community can make strategy for change, define someone as an ally, decide whom they wish to align with, and who they trust. Performative allyship is putting on display some sort of symbol or marker that makes claims about your allyship that aren't supported by your actions.

4. ARE YOU CHECKING YOUR PRIVILEGE AND ACKNOWLEDGING YOUR POSITIONALITY?

The vulnerability that comes with confronting privilege is incredibly uncomfortable. Are you actively rejecting the benefits that come with your privilege? If you come to the work or the community as an expert, are you acknowledging the fact that your awareness comes from a paternalistic institution and is therefore rooted in eurocentric knowledge? If you're not attacking colonial structures, systems, perceptions and ideas then you are upholding systems of oppression.