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Central Edition | Vol. 47 | No. 1 | January 2021

‘Morning Guy Tai’ helps homeless get jobs page 6

Anita Diamant, bestselling author, continues to advocate for women

‘PERIOD, END OF SENTENCE’ Story on page 10

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AARP Massachusetts urges Congress to address continuing needs of older Americans

By Mike Festa, State Director AARP Massachusetts

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s coronavirus cases and deaths continue rising, including nearly 100,000 resident and staff deaths in U.S.​ nursing homes and other longterm car​e facilities, AARP Massachusetts participated in a nationwide Virtual Lobby Mike Festa Week for the second time in 2020 to fight for older Americans amid the crisis. AARP leaders and volunteers met virtually with federal lawmakers during the first week in December to urge more help for those age 50-plus and their families as they continue facing growing health and economic challenges due to the pandemic.

On behalf of our 760,000 members in the commonwealth, AARP Massachusetts is committed to fighting for bipartisan policies that will protect older Americans and their families as the COVID-19 pandemic continues its march across the country. It is crucial that Congress continues to help older adults confront their health and financial needs that remain in dire jeopardy nine months into the pandemic. Residents in nursing homes, those who are food-insecure, and soon-to-be Social Security beneficiaries are in particular need.

AARP Massachusetts staff and volunteers met with Massachusetts members of Congress to discuss and urge action on the following federal legislation to: Protect residents in nursing homes and other care facilities The continued rapid rise in COVID-19 cases throughout the country presents a considerable risk to residents and staff of nursing homes and other long-term care facilities, where more than 94,000 have died from the virus, representing 40 percent of all COVID-19 deaths nationwide. AARP is urging Congress to take critical steps to help save lives in these facilities by ensuring that facilities are testing staff and residents, providing personal protective equipment (PPE), and have adequate staffing levels. In a recent analysis

by AARP, more than 1 in 5 nursing homes still report PPE shortages.

AARP Massachusetts participated in a nationwide Virtual Lobby Week for the second time in 2020 to fight for older Americans amid the crisis.

Congress should also require facilities to make available and facilitate virtual visitation for their residents and families, and report publicly on a daily basis whether they have confirmed COVID-19 cases and deaths, including demographic data. Lastly, legislation should ensure that taxpayer dollars provided to long-term care facilities are used towards items and services that directly relate to the health and safety of residents and staff.

Defend Social Security benefits Over four million workers are likely to face a big drop in Social Security benefits if Congress does not fix the pandemic’s impact on how benefits are calculated. Because Social Security adjusts earnings for historical changes in wages, it is estimated that this “COVID cut” will result in a $45,000 reduction in benefits over 20 years for workers who turned 60 in 2020. AARP urges Congress to pass bipartisan legislation to address this “COVID cut” and hold Social Security beneficiaries harmless from the drop in wages in 2020.

Invest more in federal nutrition programs As people struggle to make ends meet during this incredibly challenging time, it’s getting even harder for millions of Americans 50+ to put food on the table. To address this growing and urgent need, AARP urges Congress to temporarily increase the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) maximum benefit and the minimum monthly benefit to help ensure vulnerable Americans can afford to eat and stay healthy.

To learn more about AARP’s efforts amid the coronavirus pandemic, visit www.aarp.org/coronavirus.

Mike Festa is the state director for AARP Massachusetts. Archives of articles from previous issues can be read at www.fiftyplusadvocate.com.

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Library program discusses challenges of an older job seeker

By Liz Nolan Contributing Writer NORTHBOROUGH - The Northborough Library has been offering its free Job Seekers Program since July.

The program offers a networking and information platform for those looking for employment. Virtual sessions have included a presentation from an expert, who shares tips on a successful job search, as well as the opportunity for attendees to ask questions and connect with one another. Ongoing services and resources, including proofreading resumes and cover letters, and printing of job related documents are also offered.

On Nov. 16, Randall Warniers presented “Make Age Invisible” and offered key points for the more mature job seeker to keep in mind. He is a communications and design consultant.

During the pandemic, many companies have closed or have had to layoff or furlough employees. This has resulted in people searching for a new job, when they might have thought they were in a job until retirement.

Warniers explored some typical assumptions that employers may have

about older applicants, such as a lack of energy, out of date skills set, and the expectation of a high salary.

He said it’s more old behavior that can negatively impact the hiring process rather than age discrimination.

To help with making age more invisible, he suggests communicating enthusiasm and energy; speaking clearly; embracing technology changes, products and development; and making sure what you wear is your best representation.

Warniers advised learning the new tools of a modern workplace, such as shared apps and cloud services.

Many online certification courses are available, or even a YouTube how to video can be helpful.

It is also important to expand your network and know how to have a purposeful conversation. Participating in groups, such as the Job Seekers Program, and social media platforms, like LinkedIn, are all positive engagements and part of the process. The

He made the analogy between a performer and a job seeker.

“In reality, you are auditioning for the role you want to play,” he said.

“What does it take to get the part?

Think of yourself as an effective solution to an employer’s problem.”

He also warned to never joke or apologize about being older.

“Own your wisdom and accomplishments,” Warniers said. “Be the person you know you can be.”

Library Reference & Adult Services Assistant Eric Wang said the groups have been on the smaller side, but the feedback received from participants has been positive as they are learning something new from the guest speaker.

The next session will be scheduled in December and some proposed topics include strategies for sustaining morale during a job search, detailed LinkedIn guidance and personal branding.

Additional information on the program can be viewed at the Library’s website at www.northboroughlibrary. org (click on the Collections/Resources link), or contact Adult Services at 508-393-50258 x 5 or email adults@ northboroughlibrary.org.

more often you practice networking, the better you get at it.

“Quality connections are more important than the number of connections,” Warniers said. “Find pathways to take you to where you want to be. If you do nothing, the answer is always no.”

Many employers do look at social media accounts as part of the hiring process, so he advised to take the time to keep it updated, use a professional photo and look like a CEO. While out of work, use the downtime to fulfill a significant personal project.

“A hiring manager will get to see another dimension of what you are like,” Warniers said.

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Monkee business

Singer-songwriter, record collector, Monkees fan shares longtime passions

By Ed Karvoski Jr. Culture Editor

Left: Micky Dolenz and Mick Lawless get together at the NorthEast Comic Con & Collectibles Extravaganza in Boxborough.

S

inger-songwriter and guitarist Mick Lawless, a Southborough native now residing in Milford, began collecting vinyl records as a youngster and became a fan of The Monkees’ pop-rock songs.

Decades later, Lawless performs The Monkees’ repertoire in bands and at solo acoustic gigs. On several occasions, he has shared stages with two of The Monkees. Additionally, Lawless has been selling vinyl records and vintage collectibles as owner of the Nevermind Shop in Upton since 2008.

“I started collecting records in grade school – and it just kept going and going,” he relayed.

While attending Southborough elementary and middle schools, he participated in music and theater programs. His commitment to the performing arts continued at Assabet Valley Regional Technical High

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School in Marlborough, where he graduated in 1980.

“My elective at Assabet was business and I always stayed involved in the arts,” he noted. “Music was the class I looked forward to the most. It was the only course I ever got an ‘A’ in.”

Beginning in the early-1990s, Lawless played bass in The Missionaries goth-rock band with guitarist Rich Maliska and drummer Doug Wedge. Rounding out the band was a female vocalist described in the now-defunct Worcester Phoenix newspaper review as “a hot-looking singer who would come unglued at

a moment’s notice.” Lawless concurs with the assessment.

“You never knew what you were going to get from her,” he acknowledged. “It made for great theater!”

The instrumentalists continued for several years as a trio named White Knuckle Sobriety. In 1998, they released their well-reviewed album “Fat End First.”

“White Knuckle Sobriety was basically The Missionaries minus the singer,” Lawless explained.

Along the way, Lawless estimates he has written about 300 songs. He credits a particular composer as his “greatest influence.”

www.fiftyplusadvocate.com + JANUARY 2021 + fiftyplus advocate “Even as a young child, I found that Michael Nesmith’s songs always spoke to me – his candor and insight,” he said.

In 2004, Lawless formed the Loose Salute band to perform mostly music of Nesmith and The Monkees.

Loose Salute was named after Nesmith’s First National Band’s 1970 album.

As a pinnacle gig, Lawless cites Loose Salute backing Peter Tork performing at 2009’s Super MegaFest at Framingham’s Sheraton Hotel & Conference Center. They were joined onstage by Mickey Dolenz covering The Beatles song “Oh! Darling.”

“This gig gave us an opportunity to go forward and play with great musicians,” Lawless noted.

In addition to multiple gigs with Dolenz and Tork individually, Loose Salute performed alongside musical artists such as Chuck Negron of Three Dog Night and Mark Lindsay of Paul Revere & the Raiders.

Nesmith and Lawless had communicated via social media before ultimately meeting in-person at a 2018 First National Band concert in Dallas.

Lawless recounted, “I’ll never forget Mike saying in his Texas brawl, ‘So you’re Mick Lawless!’ We had a great time talking about Loose Salute.”

Mick Lawless and Tom Yates present a downsized Loose Salute performance to accommodate pandemic safety measures outdoors at Vincent’s in Worcester.

Mick Lawless and the Reckless Hearts perform at Uncle Eddie’s in Salisbury.

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Like many bands, Loose Salute experienced some personnel changes.

Pedal steel guitarist Mike Castellano performed with Loose Salute up to 2009. Joining the band in 2011 were lead guitarist Tom Yates, bassist Pete Zolli and drummer Keith Prescott.

With a growing number of original songs, Lawless formed another band to play his compositions along with classic covers and Monkees’ favorites. Since 2017, Mick Lawless and the Reckless Hearts have performed original, alternative, folk and pop music. Bandmates are drummer Doug Wedge, lead guitarist Ken Kaiser and Lawless’ son, bassist Derek.

In 2018, they released their CD titled “On Your Frequency Line.”

“I’m very happy with the album and looking forward to releasing more original material,” Lawless said.

He’s also happily running the Nevermind Shop, stocked with mementos of the rock ‘n’ roll era from the 1950s to now. According to Lawless, 70 percent of sales is vinyl records.

“We’re always buying record collections,” he shared. “I enjoy the thrill of not knowing what’s going to come in every day that I open the door.”

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‘Morning Guy Tai’ advocates mentoring, helps homeless get jobs

By Ed Karvoski Jr. Culture Editor BOSTON – Tai Irwin became better known as “Morning Guy Tai” beginning in 1985 on Boston’s now-closed alternative rock radio station WFNX. Now, he hosts a musical retrospective program on UMass Boston’s WUMB and his announcer voice is heard on Worcester’s WICN. Concurrently, he’s working as a job placement specialist with Boston’s Pine Street Inn homeless shelter.

Along the way, Irwin has taught and mentored many budding radio broadcasters and musical artists.

“I’m so passionate about mentoring,” he noted. “Everybody should try to take somebody under their wing who’s younger and needs an opportunity.”

Irwin’s love for music started as a youngster watching television appearances of The Beatles and The Supremes.

His appreciation further developed when he heard deejays play popular music on the radio.

While a teenager working at a Carvel ice cream shop on Long Island, he would call a radio station to make song requests. A deejay accepted his invitation to visit the shop for an ice cream cone – free of charge.

“As a 16-year-old kid, I thought it was cool to be able to do that,” Irwin recalled. “This deejay became a mentor to me. It was direction for a directionless teenager.”

Soon after graduating with a bachelor’s degree in telecommunications from Newhouse School of Public Communications at Syracuse University in 1981, Irwin worked as a deejay and talk show host at Albany’s WQBK through 1985.

He relocated to Boston in 1985 to begin a 12-year

Tai Irwin, aka “Morning Guy Tai”

stint at WFNX. “WFNX was the career highlight of my life,” he declared. “For a commercial station to play the alternative rock that we did was extremely rare. ‘FNX didn’t have the numbers that Kiss 108 and ‘BCN always had, but we had a fervent cult following of super fans.”

For 10 years beginning in 1990, Irwin was a radio station advisor at Salem State College’s WMWM. His guidance ranged from basic au-

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His focus switched from rock to talk show host at WRKO from 1997 to 2000. While Irwin’s guests included entertainment and publishing notables, he particularly relished his indepth interviews with elected officials.

“They had big personalities and I could challenge them,” he said of the politicians. “It was my job to be the liaison between the people of Boston and the public servants who wanted

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Tai Irwin with quarterback Doug Flutie and WFNX Program/Music Director Troy Smith in 1990

their vote.”

For the next couple years, he humorously matched wits with Boston comic legend Steve Sweeney on WZLX’s morning drive show.

“We interviewed people who I listened to as a little boy,” Irwin relayed. “I never dreamt that I’d talk to Ringo and Pete Townshend.”

Irwin started two more 10-year educator stints in 2006. He taught

an American popular music class at Newton’s Mount Ida College and was a career advisor at Brookline’s New England Institute of Art. In 2017 and 2018, he helped organize and co-hosted fundraisers for ZUMIX in East Boston. According to its website, “ZUMIX empowers young people to build successful futures for themselves, transforming lives and community through mu-

sic, technology and creative employworldwide, the trainees are successment.” fully getting work in these fields.

“I want to be as evangelical “There are opportunities for peoas possible about ZUMIX,” Irwin ple to safely get involved in those vowed. “It’s really an inspirational fields and find their way to a better place.” life,” Irwin noted. “There’s still a nonMonthly since March 2018, the stop need for the processing, preparlifelong music lover has been hosting ing and delivery of food. And the and executive producing “One Year at importance of keeping workplaces a Time” on WUMB. and residences clean has only been “I take a year and find an hour’s heightened. I’ve never been more worth of music that played a role in proud to be affiliated with such a that year’s sound,” Irwin explained. fabulous organization as Pine Street “I started with 1964, the year when Inn.” I first heard The Beatles and The Supremes – they were both the best at what they did.”

The closings of both schools where Irwin was teaching prompted him to redirect his career advisor skills. In September 2018, he joined Pine Street Inn’s workforce development team, which guides trainees to get housekeeping and food services jobs.

Although the pandemic caused Tai Irwin and WBCN deejay Carter Alan in 1993 unemployment

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Daniel Hondor, coach for the ‘sport of kings’

By Peg Lopata Contributing Writer CAMBRIDGE - What do you think of when you imagine people fencing?

A scene from a play by Shakespeare?

Aristocrats dueling on an endless lawn of the manor of a duke? Once it was the sport of kings, but swordplay is even older: there are carvings depicting fencers from around 1190 BC. But in modern times, one little boy discovered this sport in a very modern way: by watching a movie.

The movie, of course, was The Three Musketeers. Romanian seven-yearold, Daniel Hondor said to his mother right after he saw the movie: “I want to be a fencer!”

Hondor’s story begins in Romania in 1966 some 70 years after fencing was first played at an Olympics.

According to Hondor, his hometown of Craiova was considered Romania’s fencing capital. When he was growing up fencing was offered for free as an after-school activity. So perhaps it wasn’t just those musketeers that spiked Hondor’s interest in this sport propelling him to become a national champion.

I tell parents that through fencing their kids will learn to face their fears and make decisions alone without asking mom or dad.

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The path to champion began when Hondor left home at age 14 to train and compete, traveling all over the world for competitions. By his teenage years, he became a member of the Romanian National Épée Team, multiple times winner of Balkan Athletics Championships (a fencing championship very popular in Europe) and finalist in numerous World Cup Competitions during the 80s.

He received a bachelor’s degree in physical education from the University of Physical Education and Sport in Bucharest and became a coach for the Romanian girls’ national team. But political upheaval roiled his country in conflict so after his trip to the 1996 Olympic Games in Atlanta, GA, he didn’t go home.

Leaving his country wasn’t difficult.

“Because of all the training camps, fencing competitions and traveling,” explained Hondor, “I was used to being on my own.”

Like many immigrants arriving here Hondor waited tables to get by. Then he ran his own restaurant, followed by a fulltime position as a fencing coach. Assimilation came easy.

“I am someone who quickly adapts,” he said.

In 2012, he founded the Olympia Fencing Center in Cambridge.

According to Hondor, his train-

ing center is one of the largest and most successful fencing clubs in the U.S. He’ll be opening up another training center, this one in Newton, soon. Clearly, he followed his father’s advice: Don’t chase the money. Do instead what you love, with passion and dedication. Follow your dreams, work hard, don’t give up. You’ll be happy and the money will follow.

“I owe it all to him,” said Hondor.

“I do what I love, I love what I do. I love this sport. I even like the smell of sweat and iron on my jacket and on my mask.”

Fencing is Hondor’s legacy.

“I want to leave something behind. I want to make a difference,” he explains. Of his three children and two grandchildren—one child is a fencer in the NCAA and a granddaughter has just started fencing.

Then there’s the countless students he’s had, his “other children”, as he calls them.

“I am proud to say that I have watched a few great generations growing up and becoming adults and now I am getting ready for the weddings!”

“I tell parents that through fencing their kids will learn to face their fears and make decisions alone without asking mom or dad. They learn from their mistakes.,” he noted. “They learn to lose. For adults it teaches you about yourself in a way that you would not be able to see otherwise. It’s safe, it’s fun---you break a sweat while having fun---you burn over 600 calories an hour. It keeps you active and healthy.”

Learn more about Hondor and his club at olympiafencingcenter. com.

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•9

Avid sailor, author and violinist recalls there are many ways to live a life

By Peg Lopata Contributing Writer CAMBRIDGE – Tina Olton, 77, of Cambridge has traveled the world.

Along her American travels she earned a degree in librarianship and an MBA. “My short version of this part of my life is this: After graduating from high school, I started a trek across the country, picking up and discarding husbands, degrees, jobs and careers, until retirement when my husband, Stephen, and I decided to sail around the world,” said Olton.

“I said to myself, ‘Why not?’”

The couple, both avid sailors, sold their house to Tina Olton buy a boat and sailed some 45,000 miles visiting 61 countries. Her 10-year trip was chronicled in her first book, “Always Another Horizon: A Journey Around the World.”

The most memorable things she learned while sailing, she said, was the need for patience and to maintain control of her emotions. There are also never-to-be-forgotten moments from the trip itself, such as the day they returned home.

“We sailed under the Golden Gate bridge in San Francisco on a gorgeous day with beautiful wind. When we pulled up to the Berkeley Yacht Club, a mob of friends and a couple of reporters were waiting for us!’ recalled Olton.

They also met unforgettable people.

Olton related, “In the Sudan a young man paddled out to sell us some eggs.

He said, ‘Everyone hates my country.’ I said, ‘That’s governments. It’s people who are important and we can be friends.’”

Olton took a photo of him with a Polaroid camera. He was wowed.

“The encounter made clear the differences between our life and his life,” she said.

Olton also learned that there are many, many ways to live a life. And while in the East African country of Eritrea, a very poor country, she learned how connected we all are to one another. “When we entered Eritrea we saw a young man who looked like an American,” she said. “He was from a small town outside Minneapolis where we had had a family vacation at a fishing resort. The resort owner was this young man’s high school math teacher. Here we are in the middle of nowhere----nowhere----and we had a connection.”

Not the type to avoid challenges, a few years ago Olton wrote a second book, a novel, “Until the Iris Bloom”. She read up on how to write fiction, took an online course, and hired an editor for advice. Though she considers writing this book a major life accomplishment, there have been other achievements equally important to her, such as when as a professional violinist she played backup for Aretha Franklin.

Olton has also been committed to volunteering. She volunteered in northern California as a counselor for elders, especially those involved in the judicial system.

“I threw myself into this program,” said Olton, “taking on hundreds of clients over 13 years.”

Most recently she volunteers for Cambridge Neighbors (CN), an organization of elders helping elders, serving as both president of the board and a board member.

“Talking with the members of CN about their lives, health, hardships and more; then talking about what they should look for in CN that might interest them is very rewarding,” said Olton.

So whether sailing the high seas, at home writing or in the community helping others, Olton knows there’s countless ways to live a life, both adventuresome and less so. She’s glad to have said, “Why not?” when life offered an adventure, but is also grateful to enjoy simple fun with her grandchildren.

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10 •

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‘Period, End of Sentence’

Anita Diamant, bestselling author, continues to advocate for women

By Jane Keller Gordon Assistant Editor

ic serv

Anita Diamant

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NEWTON - When COVID-19 hit last winter, Massachusetts-based author Anita Diamant had a plan in place. Now, months later, she has finished her most recent book, “Period.

End of Sentence.”

“My agent was contacted by the group that made the Oscar-awarded film by that name. I had written some articles about menstruation, so I was intrigued and said yes to the project,” she said. “Writing the book kept me focused and gave me something meaningful to do with my time. It also kept me from worrying too much about COVID and politics, and for that, I am grateful.”

The book, anticipated to be published in May 2021, will be used to raise awareness about the work of the Pad Project. According to its website, thepadproject.org., the initiative “partners with local organizations and grassroots NGOs to fund the placement of pad machines, implement reusable cloth pad-making

programs, and run menstrual hygiene management workshops in communities around the world.”

“It’s about girls, health, poverty, misogyny, and race –injustices that intersect,” said Diamant.

The topic of menstruation was also featured in Diamant’s award-winning, international bestseller, “The Red Tent.” Published in 1997, the novel, which was also a New York Times bestseller, is a tale about Dinah, a cipher mentioned in the Book of Genesis. The novel is filled with rich descriptions of ancient times and meaningful interactions among strong women.

Diamant’s four other novels feature women characters as well.

“In terms of being a writer of historical fiction, I don’t write about kings and generals. My characters are people who don’t show up in history books,” she said.

When she wrote her breakthrough book, “The Red Tent,” Diamant had worked for many years as a journalist and had published several guidebooks about Jewish life.

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• 11

In terms of being a writer of historical fiction, I don’t write about kings and generals. My characters are people who don’t show up in history books. ­

The daughter of Holocaust survivors, growing up in Newark and Denver, Diamant had a clear Jewish experience, but did not practice organized religion.

“We joined a synagogue when my brother was 12 so he could have a bar mitzvah. I was about 14 when I started religious school,” she said.

“But the temple youth group was transformative; it exposed me to a kind of communal Jewish identity that was positive and even liberating for me,” she added.

That experience laid the groundwork for much of Diamant’s work.

Years later, Diamant’s fiancé, Jim Ball, decided to convert to Judaism prior to their wedding.

“We had already joined a Jewish book group together, and I was writ-

— Anita Diamant

ing about Jewish topics for the Boston Phoenix. We were in the process of creating a Jewish home. I called Rabbi Larry Kushner — who I had interviewed — to ask if he officiated intermarriage. He said no, and then took the time to explain why. Then he asked to speak to my fiancé,” said Diamant.

Kushner, a hugely popular rabbi and author, told Diamant that she should write a book about Jewish weddings. She did and wrote a lot more.

“I write guidebooks for the majority of American Jews, some affiliated and some who are not, some with a good Jewish education and some with none,” she said.

“My goal is to provide a menu of Diamant | 12

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12 •

Anita Diamant, bestselling author, continues to advocate for women NOVELS

Diamant | from page 11

choices for liberal Jews – a definition that actually includes people with all kinds of beliefs and who identify with most American denominations.

Diamant’s book on conversion, “Choosing a Jewish Life,” led to her, in 2004, to co-found Mayyim Hayyim – Living Waters Community Mikveh in Newton. Submersion in a mikveh is the last ritual for men and women before conversion, as well as for women, regaining purity after menstruation. It also purifies metal and glass kitchen items, giving them kosher status.

“While writing my book about conversion to Judaism, I went to the mikveh in Boston with clergy of different denominations to see how they crafted the experience of ritual immersion,” she said.

“Mikveh for conversion can be a powerful and positive experience, but the place itself was not welcoming. That was the genesis of the idea for a mikveh open to everyone in our community,” she added.

At the Mayyim Hayyim, part of the open mikveh movement, women and men from the straight and LGBT communities have reclaimed the ritual of the mikveh. Women visit in recognition of cepts menopause, infertility treatments, miscarriage, abortion, and other Groupevents in life. Men visit for religious holidays and milestone events, among other reasons.

Diamant is optimistic about the future of the Jewish faith.

“The reason Judaism is still a presence in the world after so vised many centuries is because it is alive, which means it changes. We are part of this history of change, and a big part of what’s changing now is the inclusion of women; feminism has doubled the capacity of the Jewish people,” she said.

As for aging, she noted, “Well, words are harder to come up with, so thank heaven for Google.”

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Patient, strong, and even braver You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice. ­

— Bob Marley

By Marianne Delorey, Ph.D. Executive Director, Colony Retirement Homes

L

ast year, I wrote an article on what it meant to be elderly and brave. I am updating that article for 2020.

This year, we are all being asked to be strong and brave in ways we never thought possible. We are asking people to put their comfort aside for others. We are asking some to put their lives on the line who have never been expected to do that before. Some are risking the safety of their family members just to continue doing their jobs by caring for those who are sick. We are being asked to be strong, and patient, and hold our hearts while we wait for a vaccine. We are being asked to forgo common comforts, and very soon, we are going to be asked to be brave again in a different way – we are being asked to try a vaccine that is new.

The word brave is often reserved for youthful and impulsive actions.

Brave is often used to describe the actions of soldiers or first responders. This year, our first responders and front-line workers are being brave, but they always are. Also this

W

year our elders will have to be brave and stand in line for the vaccine, even when they are unsure about it efficacy and safety. This year, the older generations have to show the youth how it is done – just like they did with polio and other diseases.

As with many of my peers, I have been reading and learning as much as possible about this vaccine. I know that we all stand on the shoulders of giants, and the people who developed these vaccines are no different. This is not brand-new science; this is based on ideas that have worked in similar situations. Yes, this is a big deal and yes, this was fast. We are all subjects in a mass experiment, but there have been several subjects already who have had the vaccine and the side effects are mild.

What about the long-term side effects? Yes, that is an unknown.

Since this virus is new, we can’t be sure what the long-term side effects of the virus or the vaccine will be. But here you have a choice – faith in science or risking your health and the health of those you love.

I think about what bravery looks like in the elderly. Here is what I believe: Courage is agreeing to stay in for the holidays.

Pluck is telling your family members they have to wear masks.

Brave is refusing to play cards because one of the people went out to a restaurant.

e believe that everyone has something unique WE WANT TO PUT THE SPOTLIGHT ON YOU! about them, a personal story that should be shared so others can learn, be entertained or inspired. Or perhaps there is a loved one in your family whose story is just so amazing that it deserves to be shared so it will not be forgotten.

Are you an avid volunteer in your community or have an unusual hobby or passion? Perhaps you have just retired from a long career or have successfully launched into a second “act”? Do people ever tell you that your life story is just so interesting and unique that someone should write about you?

Then we’d like the chance to share your story with our readers! Please send a short email to Bonnie Adams at news@communityadvocate.com describing why you would make a great profile. If chosen, we will have a writer contact you and do an interview. We will then share your life story with our readers in an upcoming issue of the Fifty Plus Advocate.

Fearlessness is getting tested for COVID-19.

Nerve is mastering new technology that helps keep you connected.

Boldness is finding a reason to laugh even when you are lonely.

Heroic is taking a new vaccine with

• 13

the hope of protecting the rest of us.

This year, I will note that bravery is taking the first step when you don’t see the whole staircase. We are all being asked to take that step, but elders first. This is hard, but it seems better than the alternative.

Marianne Delorey, Ph.D. is the executive director of Colony Retirement Homes. She can be reached at 508-755-0444 or mdelorey@colonyretirement.com and www.colonyretirementhomes.com. Archives of articles from previous issues can be read at www.fiftyplusadvocate.com.

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money matters

Reverse mortgages: retirement derailed?

For the fortunate 20 million older homeowners, a reverse mortgage might be the solution to being able to afford to age in place, to be able to access cash when needed or wanted, and to feel less stressed during these trying times.

By Alain Valles, CRMP, CSA, MS, MBA Nonprofit Charitable Managing Director Survey says…retirement derailed A recent article published in MarketWatch by Alessandra Malito highlighted the following: • Half of Americans retired before they were ready • Six out of 10 people say they’re afraid of running out of money before they die • Less than a third of non-retires say they have a “source of guaranteed income” A poll conducted by Marttila Strategies involving 1,800 seniors

found that: • 25 percent of seniors believe they will not be able to cover their monthly expenses in retirement • 20 percent believe that, without additional cash flow, they will have to give up their homes • 85 percent were pessimistic about the state of the economy The key finding from the Joint Center for Housing Studies of Harvard University was: • 95 percent of seniors surveyed over the age of 75 want to remain

and age in their homes And that was all before the coronavirus pandemic hit us. This healthcare crisis is particularly harming to older Americans economically and, due to the requirements to isolate, puts even more pressure to be able to afford to keep one’s home.

Getting back on track with a reverse mortgage A reverse mortgage is not for everybody, but everyone should learn about the pros and cons whether for

themselves or to help others. What a shame if someone is living with unnecessary pain or the feeling of regret that a reverse mortgage would have made life better.

Take the first step towards a better journey The first step regarding “reverse mortgages” is to get accurate information. Reverse mortgages are a government insured home loan program that allows qualified senior homeowners the ability to access cash whenever needed in the form of lump sum cash, a monthly amount, and/or a line of credit if you need cash in the future. For thousands of people, this has been an excellent approach to having extra cashflow for retirement, paying off an existing mortgage, home repairs, credit cards, medical expenses, divorce settlements, real estate taxes, or just peace of mind knowing money is available if needed.

Is there anything you can mail me?

Yes. A great place to get information is the free “How to Use Your Home to Stay at Home” 36-page book. This is the official reverse mortgage consumer booklet approved by

SUPER CROSSWORD PUZZLE

Reverse mortgage | 15

“POP TRIOS” (answers on page 15)

www.fiftyplusadvocate.com + JANUARY 2021 + fiftyplus advocate

viewpoint

• 15

Things to be suspicious of

By Janice Lindsay

W

hile contemplating the arrival of the new year, I came upon a few cautionary notes I had written to myself, that I’m now combining under the heading “Things to remind myself to be suspicious of in the new year.”

Not that I want to start the new year in a grumpy frame of mind, though there is a certain grim satisfaction in an occasional justifiable grump. So — Be suspicious of any product whose name includes the world “miracle.” Real miracles may occur time to time, but most likely they do not involve divine intervention on behalf of, for example, dust cloths.

Be suspicious of any bird feeder, bird house, or bird bath whose

Answers to Super Crossword (puzzle on page 14)

Not that I want to start the new year in a grumpy frame of mind, though there is a certain grim satisfaction in an occasional justifiable grump. advertising depicts it harboring fake birds. Maybe the manufacturer can’t be bothered to put the thing out and wait for real birds to show up, though a bird-lover knows this won’t take long because some birds are naturally curious. Or maybe the maker can’t be bothered figuring out how to produce something that will attract actual birds. In any case, they’re guessing that you, the bird-thing buyer, won’t know the difference between real birds and phonies. Since bird-watching is one of the country’s most popular hobbies, they would probably be wrong. Aren’t you insulted? Doesn’t it make you just a little grumpy?

Be suspicious of any gizmo that does something “virtually.” Maybe the ad says the oven is “virtually” self-cleaning. The oven-maker hopes you’ll fly past the “virtually” and come in for a landing on the “self-cleaning.”

“Virtually” means “almost, nearly, for all practical purposes” and can cover a wide range. One person’s “almost” is another person’s “not even close.” You and your personal elbow grease will have to span the gap between “virtually” self-cleaning and a clean oven.

Be suspicious when any big company — supermarket, airline, bank – is making changes to “serve you better” or “for your convenience.” This usually means you’ll end up doing more of the work yourself — self check-out, self check-in — instead of relying on someone who actually knows what

Reverse mortgages: retirement derailed?

Reverse mortgage | from page 14

the U.S. Department of Housing & Urban Development and published by the National Council on Aging.

The free “25 Ways to Use a Reverse Mortgage” from the National Reverse Mortgage Lenders Association

lists the many ways a Reverse Mortgage can help.

Please give me a call or email with your questions and to receive your free copy of “Use Your Home to Stay at Home” and “25 Ways to Use a Reverse Mortgage.” We’re here to help.

Alain Valles is Managing Director of Helping Hands Community Partners, Inc. and was the first designated Certified Reverse Mortgage Professional in New England.

He obtained a Master of Science from M.I.T., an MBA from the Wharton School, and graduated summa cum laude from UMass Amherst. Alain can be reached directly at 781-724-6221 or by email at infoaboutreversemortgages@gmail.com. For more photos visit www.fiftyplusadvocate.com.

they’re doing. It might turn out to be more convenient for you, though the number of times I’ve seen supermarket customers need help with selfcheck-out plants a seed of doubt.

Be suspicious of “free gifts” that arrive in the mail. A gift is free by definition. That “free” is inserted to get your attention and it signals that the gift is not free. The cost to you is in that twinge of guilt. If you accept the gift, shouldn’t you do something in return? Like donate to the non-profit that sent you the personalized address labels?

Be suspicious of “new and im-

proved.” I wish I could count the times I’ve found a product — a shampoo, a pair of pants, canned soup — that suits me perfectly. Did anybody ask me if it needed improvement?

No. But the next time I bought one, they had “improved” it. And now it’s not perfect anymore.

Be suspicious of TV ads that promise you a more jolly life. Did you ever notice that people in TV ads have way more fun you do? If only you served the proper beverage, or wore the right lipstick, or drove the right car, you would be surrounded by unfailingly beautiful, entertaining, and happy people instead of your current complicated, occasionally unpleasant, very normal friends and relations.

I suppose it’s only fair to suggest that you be suspicious of writers who tell you to be suspicious. Maybe everything in the world is hunky-dory and the writer is just being grumpy.

Grumpiness loves company.

Contact jclindsay@tidewater.net.

16 •

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Let the good times roll Tony Soul Project’s frontman strives to perform until he’s 80 M A R LBO RO UGH –

By Ed Karvoski Jr.,Culture Editor

D

uring the same time period when some workers consider retiring to get rest and relaxation, Tony “Soul” Parente of Marlborough relaunched his professional singing career at age 64 in 2011.

Parente adopted the stage name Tony Soul when he began his first singing stint as a teenager. After a lengthy hiatus, he returned to performing and ultimately formed the Tony Soul Project. He plans to continue singing into the foreseeable future.

“I want to keep this up until I’m at least 80 years old,” he declared. “Right now, I’m in the best shape of my life.”

A Milford native, raised in Framingham, Parente first heard soul music in his early teens on WILD-AM when the radio station was devoted to airing rhythm and blues, and its subgenres.

“The vocals, the style and down-home dialect of this music that these guys were singing fascinated me,” Parente recalled.

The teenage Parente worked an after-school job and hitchhiked from Framingham to Boston to buy 45-RMP Tony Soul | 17

Above: Tony “Soul” Parente Right: The Tony Soul Project: (l to r) guitarist Mike Kalenderian, saxophonist Marcus Washington, vocalist Tony “Soul” Parente, drummer James Thomas, bassist Henry James and slide guitarist Danny Clark.

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• 17

Tony Soul Project’s frontman strives to perform until he’s 80 Tony Soul | from page 16

PHOTOS/SHERRY MARIE PARENTE

records. He shopped at the nowclosed Big John’s Oldies but Goodies Land, located on Washington Street in the now-defunct adult entertainment district known as the city’s Combat Zone.

“Big John’s had all the soul releases that I couldn’t find in the suburbs,” Parente relayed. “This guy turned me on to the musical giants back then – Eugene Pitt and the Jive Five, James Brown, Wilson Picket and Otis Redding. All my money went to buying records.”

Several years later at age 19 in 1966, Parente began working next door to Big John’s at the Intermission Lounge as lead singer of Tony Soul and the Midnight Hours.

Their repertoire was primarily soul music along with British rock ‘n’ roll. They performed at the club on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights, and a Sunday matinee.

“We worked ourselves to the bone,” Parente noted. “We were young and stupid – and there were drugs everywhere. There were also go-go dancers, who couldn’t be onstage at the same time as us.”

The band abruptly disbanded in

The Tony Soul Project: (l to r) vocalist Tony “Soul” Parente, drummer James Thomas, lead guitarist Mike Kalenderian, bassist Henry James, and slide guitarist Danny Clark; not pictured saxophonist Marcus Washington

1969 after their lead guitarist, John Smith, was killed in an auto accident following a gig. Smith was one of Parente’s best friends and a buddy from Framingham.

“It hit me really hard – I cried for weeks,” Parente recounted. “We had a very close relationship and did everything together. That’s when I stopped performing.”

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The soul singer became a national sales representative with Bekins Company based in Hillside, Illinois.

A chance meeting in 2011 with a musician who recognized Parente as Tony Soul led them to perform together in a short-lived band known as Rico Moon.

“They were older cats with some miles on them,” Parente said of his

former bandmates. “We’d rehearse and develop songs, and then they’d forget them the next week. I’d get frustrated.”

At the same time, Parente frequented venues where vocalists and musicians took part in jam sessions.

While jamming at Acton Jazz Café, he met lead guitarist Mike Kalenderian and they formed the Tony Soul Project in 2012. Soon afterward, they started performing eight to 14 gigs monthly throughout central and eastern Massachusetts.

“It was still a jam band,” Parente explained. “We’d bring in musicians here and there. It was me and Mike and a bunch of other guys.”

Their current bandmates are bassist and musical director Henry James, slide guitarist Danny Clark, drummer James Thomas and saxophonist Marcus Washington.

“This is the tightest band that I’ve ever played with in my life,” Parente raved. “Every time we play, it gets better and better. These guys are absolutely unbelievable.”

Find more information about the Tony Soul Project at easyepk. com/artist/tsp and facebook.com/tonysoulproject.

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Susan Rioff - Urban planner turned wood craftswoman

By Peg Lopata Contributing Writer

a piece of a discarded chair. ­

Susan Rioff

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— Susan Rioff

PHOTOS/ANDY WEIGL, WEIGL PHOTOGRAPHY

CAMBRIDGE - Life takes us all kinds of surprising places. Who could’ve predicted that Susan Rioff, 74, once an urban planner would come to be a wood craftswoman making rustic furniture? Though a long-time city dweller, a walk in the woods is one of her favorite ways to relax.

Like many who come to Cambridge to go to college, Rioff, a native of Baltimore, Maryland, stayed put. Her first job was in the planning and development office for the city of Cambridge. She lived here from 1968 to 1989 and then again from 2014 to now.

“I couldn’t stay away,” admitted Rioff, mother of three adult children ages 42, 40 and 29. Rioff considers those children her greatest accomplishment.

“I gave birth to three babies who grew up healthy and kind,” she said.

Besides being a mother, Rioff worked in a variety of fields including urban planning: affordable housing, day care administration and infant

All the branches and boards I use have had ‘past lives’ in different ways, such as being part of a forest, what holds an old barn together, or

day care, including volunteering in a neonatal intensive care unit. She retired from her professional career in 2013.

Besides making rustic furniture, she’s also usually busy singing in choral groups, though not at the moment due the pandemic. She sang with Back Bay Chorale for more than 25 years and continues to sing with the Boston Minstrels. In addition to making rustic wood furniture, she makes greeting cards, decorative cardboard boxes, handmade books, baby quilts, samplers and knitted items.

Her rustic furniture, such as stools, small tables, benches, chairs, and planters are carefully crafted from found wood, branches, and bark. She aims to create pieces that are both useful and attractive, practical and sturdy. She works with many different kinds of wood: birch, cherry, maple and others, finding each having their own admirable qualities.

“Birch reminds me of old-time American furniture. Cherry branches can be cleaned and oiled to bring out the depth and beauty of the bark, and maple is straightforward and easily available,” said Rioff.

But wood is more than something merely from a tree for Rioff.

“All the branches and boards I use have had ‘past lives’ in different ways, such as being part of a forest,

what holds an old barn together, or a piece of a discarded chair. It can be easy to forget that every piece of wood has had an earlier existence and can keep on giving in other ways,” she explained.

Rioff collects wood from many places, including fallen branches in a forest, along a city sidewalk or scraps from a construction site. As she explains on her website: “In the back of my truck, there are always a bow saw and a set of pruning shears.” She’s keen to keep inventing. “It would be good,” she says, “to work harder on building unexpected shapes.”

The proceeds from the sales of her creations are donated to the Boston Minstrel Company, a nonprofit group that offers music to homeless people in shelters throughout the Boston area. Rioff explained, “Folks in the shelters can sing in groups or come up to the microphones to make music. It’s a very uplifting experience for everyone.”

And that experience fits right in with what Rioff wants to continue to do. As she says, “What I want to accomplish in the future is to make a positive difference to other people.

This is what matters most to me.”

Her furniture can be seen at her website: www.rusticafurniture.org.

Proceeds from the sale of her furniture are donated to Boston Minstrels: www.bostonminstrel.com.

www.fiftyplusadvocate.com + JANUARY 2021 + fiftyplus advocate

• 19

Dating coach helps women find mates online

By Elizabeth Rose Contributing Writer ACTON - The global spread of the 2020 pandemic stimulated an explosion of online dating activity never before witnessed. A wave of lockdowns surging from country to country was paralleled by visits to online dating sites. On March 29, as countries shuttered restaurants, bars, theaters, subways and nightclubs, Tinder recorded over 3 billion swipes in a single day. Messages sent over Bumble from San Francisco, Seattle and New York saw a 20 percent increase.

In addition to more browsing online, singles also wrote more robust messages, with Tinder messages expanding by 30 percent.

Even though more singles are swiping left and right, dating online can still seem intimidating and frustrating. Kathy Kommit, a certified Life Coach and Licensed Clinical Independent Social Worker (LICSW), has taken on the challenge of assisting women over fifty succeed in the online dating world.

“Many women who are renewing dating after years of marriage feel intimidated by online dating. They may feel lonely and yearn for a partner but not know where or how to start.

Navigating the technology of online dating can also be an initial barrier.

It may be all new to them,” Kommit said.

She offers a 12-week program helping women gain confidence and learning how to traverse the dating world. Some clients need concrete help with the technology of the dating apps, which Kommit offers as well. Other clients may have beliefs about themselves that interfere with creating the results they seek. She helps women craft a profile which depicts them in a realistic but positive light.

“Online dating is like marketing.

Kathy Kommit

They have to sell themselves,” Kommit said.

In the coaching model that Kommit uses, the first step is helping clients become aware of their thoughts. They may discover that negative thoughts are shifting their narrative towards negative outcomes.

Once they have awareness, Kommit helps them shift thoughts towards their desired outcomes. Clients are helped to gain clarity on what they are looking for in a partner and to identify the qualities that make them a desirable match.

Both genders may be reluctantly approaching online dating, but the numbers are increasing, and more marriages are being formed online.

In the last decade, online dating has become the most practiced method for meeting singles. Online coupling

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now composes 40 percent of all new marriages, almost double the percentage in 2009 and 18 times the statistics for 1995.

COVID-19 has shaped new dating patterns. People are moving more quickly from texting to meeting on Zoom, or similar platforms, but are less likely to rush into sexual intimacy. They are taking more time to get to know each other.

“Using Zoom in the dating arena has never been done before. People are taking it slower. Meeting on Zoom before suggesting an in-person meeting. This is delaying sexual intimacy and changing the way people get to know each other, which is often a beneficial by-product,” Kommit said.

Kommit comes to the field with experience in online dating that she readily shares with her clientele. She has created a free, exclusive Facebook Group Dating With Confidence and Success is specifically for women over 50 who are dating. In the group, members share questions, support, advice and camaraderie. Kommit offers value by presenting video trainings on a number of topics related to dating.

For more information, reach Kommit at klkommit@gmail.com or online at the Facebook Group: www.facebook.com/groups/datingwithconfidenceandsuccess.

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