sonder edition

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Table of Contents 36

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I WATCH AN OLD MAN WATCHING OTHER PEOPLE IN A CAFE Poem

by

Gabrielle

Manzana

THIRD PLACES A FIRST PRIORITY Sonder’s highlight article by Alyssa Fong

34 ONE HUNDRED FACES Poem

by

Kira

Hum

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MOTION

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NOURISHMENT

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FRESHEN UP!

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BODY IMAGE

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LA MODE

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SPIRITUALITY

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RECORD KEEPERS

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SYNESTHESIA

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MENTAL HEALTH

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MOSH PIT

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THE UNSEEN CONSEQUENCES OF OVERWATERING AN INDOOR PLANT

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WHERE WILL I GO?

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Welcome to Sonder

S

onder is an elusive feeling that we all experience, yet find challenging to articulate. It's the instant when we recognize that individuals we encounter daily share similar life occurrences to our own. This realization provides solace that we are not alone in our struggles, fears, and daily challenges. As humans, we are designed to withstand adversity and emerge as stronger and more resilient individuals. As we begin this new year, it's essential to bear in mind that you have a support system behind you. The Common Joie team is here to support and encourage your well-being.

We are delighted to share with you the remarkable and personal stories from our talented group of writers. Their contributions are the foundation of this project, and without them, Common Joie would not exist. Our objective is to inspire, motivate, and encourage accessible forms of wellness, whether it's through writing, photography, exercise, or cooking, our mission is to help you lead a healthier lifestyle. We hope you enjoy this edition as much as we enjoyed putting it together.

With Joie, CJ. Andrew Balayan Editor You are worthy. You are strong. You are loved.

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"In the rhythm of each breath lies the heartbeat of understanding," imparts the profound insight of Viola Davis, a force in the world of theater. As we step onto the sacred stage of empathy, guided by Davis's wisdom, we find that the art of breathing becomes a transformative conduit for connecting with the diverse narratives that enrich our collective human experience.

culture, and identity. Each performance becomes an invitation to traverse the emotional spectrum, offering the audience a collective experience that transcends individual differences.

On stage, we become conduits of empathy, channeling the richness of emotions that courses through the veins of humanity. The shared silences, the gasps of revelation, and the harmonious laughter echo as testament to the empathic exchange transpiring on stage.

Theater, with its breathing techniques and empathic exercises, emerges as a sanctuary for diversity and inclusion—a space where empathy is not merely witnessed but actively cultivated.

The power of breath, as illuminated by Viola Davis's perspective, resonates within the silence and cadence of the theatrical experience. Each inhalation and exhalation, like a poignant verse in a living poem, allows actors to sculpt worlds within their grasp. The palpable connection between breath Breathing techniques lead us to the and emotion draws the audience into transformative power of empathy an intimate communion with the in dismantling barriers. Through characters unfolding before them. the unique synergy of breath and Theater, as Viola Davis beautifully storytelling, the stage becomes a articulates, is an exploration of the reminder that, fundamentally, we are human soul — a sacred journey into all integral players in the rich and the labyrinth of emotions, histories, ever-evolving narrative of existence. and cultural nuances. Through a As an Asian-American, theater has mosaic of exercises, actors traverse the been a form of self-expression by way landscapes of their own experiences, of inward reflection. The increasing unlocking the doorways to empathy. representation of diverse narratives Theater, as a transformative act of on stage has played a pivotal role in storytelling, challenges stereotypes fueling this journey. Through preparing and biases, fostering an understanding for roles that are rich and cathartic, that transcends the boundaries of race, I've discovered the profound impact of

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promotes body awareness and spontaneity.

stepping into different characters' shoes and into an internal universe that is familiar. The process is not merely an act; it's a mindful exploration that allows me to connect with my authentic self. This daily practice has become a ritual of stepping into the person I aspire to be—embracing happiness and striving to be the best version of myself. In the theater, I found not just a stage, but a sanctuary for personal growth and the art of becoming.

But I also found that the theater follows you everywhere and so can these sanctifying rituals.

Mindful

Walking:

Take a slow, deliberate walk, focusing on each step and coordinating it with your breath. Inhale for a few steps, exhale for the next. This mindful walking exercise not only promotes relaxation but also connects breath with movement in a simple yet profound way.

Chakra

Balancing

Breathwork:

Begin with deep, intentional breaths, focusing on each chakra sequentially. Inhale and visualize energy rising from the base of your spine (root chakra) to the crown of your head (crown chakra). As you exhale, imagine releasing any blockages or tension associated with each chakra. This breathwork helps balance and align the energy centers. To learn more about this particular type of exercise and what exactly each ‘chakra’ is, I recommend visiting this link, which provides instructions on practicing the Journaling: Osho Chakra Breathing Meditation techniques!

Now, how about exploring a few of my cherished theater practices, be it engaging in writing exercises or diving into acting warmups?

Additionally, consider incorporating simple yet effective mindfulness techniques that center around breath and focused awareness—activities that require minimal movement. The essence of these exercises lies in elevating your spiritual energy, serving as a powerful catalyst to kickstart your day and embrace the best version of yourself!

Character

(or

Self)

Dedicate a few minutes each day to journaling from the perspective of a character you're working on or a fictional character. Explore their thoughts, emotions, and experiences. This exercise deepens your connection to characters and fosters creativity.

I hope that as you tune into your body during these breath and mind-focused exercises, that you find what makes your heart beat. And with each breath and small motion, you understand that your body wants this for you. And perhaps it’s only been waiting for you to notice. Sending Similarly, journal about the person you want you my well wishes for the new year, CoJoies! to become. What do you want to tell them?

And what do you think they want to tell you?

Body

Scan

Improv:

Close your eyes and mentally scan your body from head to toe. As you do this, exaggerate any tension or relaxation you notice. Use these physical sensations to inspire improvised movement or a short scene. This exercise 8

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As winter's icy grasp envelops us, venturing forth into the tempestuous winds, rains, and snows seems an insurmountable feat. Why should we leave the sanctuary of our warm beds to brave the elements? For me, there is no question of starting the day with a run, but for others, it's a constant battle of indecision. Yet, within the crucible of discomfort, something magical occurs. We emerge stronger, more resolute, and more capable. Our spirits, like steel tempered in fire, grow in resilience, granting us the fortitude to overcome challenges both physical and mental. This is not about mere motivation, but finding your "why." So as you embark on this quest, know that you are a being of strength and

worth, with the power to endure and conquer.

As I prepare for my run, I hold fast to the sacred rituals that keep my body and mind in harmony. With each sunrise, I immerse myself in dynamic stretches, ensuring my muscles and joints are primed for the arduous journey ahead, warding off any unwanted injuries. To fuel my body, I tailor my nourishment to the distance and intensity of the impending run. For longer expeditions, I savor the sweetness of oats with nut butter, honey, and a banana, while for shorter jaunts, the tangy zest of an apple and orange is sufficient. When I return, my post-run routine transforms into a joyous celebration. Basking in the endorphin rush, I indulge in static stretches, 12

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followed by a refreshing cold brew with oatmeal and my favorite playlist serving as an harmonious accompaniment. When the time arrives to "Freshen Up!" after a sweaty expedition, my routine remains unchanged; a revitalizing shower, a gentle cleansing of my face, and the application of moisturizer and sunscreen. For the winter months, I also find that a touch of medicated chapstick adds an extra layer of protection.

The elation that running has brought into my life is beyond measure. I often ponder upon the time before I laced up my shoes and took to the road and trails. I can say without a doubt that my existence has been enriched in countless ways. It is an enigmatic enchantment, one that fills the soul with pure, unbridled bliss. Grant yourself permission to lean into the process. to trust in your journey. Keep running, dear friend, for you are destined for greatness.

Don’t let the fear of the unknown hold sway over your dreams. I hope this article allows you to embrace the fight, to trust in your abilities, and to know deep in your heart that you are capable of crossing the finish line.

Even if self-doubt shadows your every step, believe this: I have faith in you.

I stand in your corner and cheer you on.

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As the cold winds blow, it is time to awaken the woolen wonders, shawls, and puffers, from their slumber within storage chambers. The frosty season demands resilience and fortitude, not just to brave the elements, but to do so with style and grace. Embrace each garment as a reflection of your identity, a testament to your love for fashion. Let your winter wardrobe be a manifestation of your intent, a celebration of your uniqueness.

Cherish each piece, nurturing them to last for a lifetime.

Remember, the clothes are but an extension of you, not the other way around. So, whether you choose to don a

cozy heather-gray sweater with vintage blue jeans and converse, or opt for a timeless trench with silk trousers and square-toed boots, let the season be your playground. Allow the frosty winds to awaken your inner fashionista, to inspire you to explore the unknown and try something new. Winter is a season of intention, a time to listen to your inner voice and let it guide your style.

When the winter's chill sets in, our hearts turn to Aykush Tonyan, a beacon of warmth and radiance. With a heart overflowing with kindness and a style that echoes the ethereal, she has inspired us to weave tales of winter best. Tonyan's signature look, a trench coupled with trousers and boots, captures the essence of classic elegance, yet each iteration is a masterpiece of reinvention. Her scarves, not just a shield from the elements, add an air of nonchalant grace, a carefree spirit that is intentional in its expression. Tucked into her trench, her hair epitomizes chic effortlessness, evoking a vision of a girl striding down a bustling New York street, clutching a latte, en route to her class on the Business of 16

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The hair tucked into the trench symbolizes a sense of chic effortlessness.

You exude unparalleled confidence as you stride down the street.

becomes a magical expression of your inner self. on daring fashion ventures. Embrace the spirit of Reach into the depths of your wardrobe, draw adventure and let your winter fashion flag fly high. forth your garments with purpose and mindfulness.

Seek to weave an ensemble that exudes ease and yet radiates intentionality. Let the winter wardrobe be your muse, igniting your inner spark to take

Fashion. Tonyan personifies the very essence of winter: a warm and welcoming demeanor that shines through her smile. To encounter her is to bask in the embrace of a soulful hug, the very embodiment of winter's muse.

As we delved into the realm of fashion, we sought the wisdom of Tonyan, an oracle of style. Her musings on the enchantments of this winter sparked our curiosity. Drawing from the cinematic magic of the 80s and 90s, she wove her inspiration into her style, curating a wardrobe

that evokes nostalgia and timeless elegance.

Her palette is an enchanting blend of neutrals, pastels, grays, and the warmth of a gentle white, avoiding the harshness of bright hues.

On a Saturday night, her attire is a bewitching ensemble - a dark brown, long-sleeve dress with a gold belt, paired with a favorite trench and comfortable yet casual heels. In the realm of style, Tonyan's spell of wisdom is to focus on the season's trends, take risks, but most importantly, feel comfortable in your attire. For when you radiate comfort and confidence, your style

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Set the scene: it’s a dimly-lit dinner party. Inspo is hanging, candle-lit chandeliers from Harry Potter. You are surrounded by those you love, and love you back.

You glance outside as the snow falls, taking a breath and remembering that you will be okay.

Aubrey and I went to college together. She’s a year younger than me, so we didn’t really cross paths until the beginning of my junior (her sophomore) year, when she moved into the intentional housing community I had been living in. It was a small house on campus full of books, art, femininity, respect for nature, and delicious smells wafting from the kitchen at all hours. That first year of living together, both Aubrey and I had a lot going on, so we only barely got to know each other.

Nevertheless, we were part of something beautiful.

Then, in the spring of that school year, the college, along with our little community, shut down.

In the fall, many people came back to campus with a new abundance of caution. Through a series of events, I found out Aubrey was living in our old beautiful little house alone! I moved back in, and we found a new community with just our two-person household and the few friends in our COVID bubble. We read out loud to each other.

We sat in silence together and did our classwork.

We made some of our favorite recipes for each other. We memorized each other’s class schedules.

We were often each others’ first “good morning” and last “good night.” We put our hammocks in the front yard and a couch in the kitchen.

In the winter, Aubrey and I went on a life changing, three week long road trip to 28 of the continental United States. Food and company were two of the most integral parts of the whole trip.

Spring semester brought new joys and new challenges. I completed my thesis and graduated, then, with no plans, I decided to come home with Aubrey for the summer. I became good 24

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friends with her sister, got a job, and fell in love with one of her childhood best friends.

Making and keeping friends as an adult is difficult. At this time, Aubrey, our other friends, and I all had pretty busy and complicated schedules. We started doing trivia together once a week, but the real connection came from the times before and after, when we giggled around Aubrey’s patio table and played Phase 10 in front of the TV. For that reason, we instated a weekly dinner.

Every Sunday evening, Aubrey and I get together with a rotating cast of friends and loved ones to (usually) cook and eat a meal. We often get vegetables from the farm where Aubrey works, which is an extra special element for our meals. Aubrey is vegan, I’m vegetarian, and we’re both pretty culinarily adventurous. We both love an involved meal process, but we’re also dedicated to our jobs, and often burnt out. Most often, our Sunday Dinners are relatively simple, but hearty. Some of our favorites include: West African inspired peanut and chickpea stew over rice, spaghetti with cashew sauce, roasted broccoli, and fake chicken, along with along with garlic bread and a side salad with vegan caesar dressing, vegan eggplant parmesan lasagna, build-your-own sushi rolls, pho, fried rice with scallion pancakes, homemade spring rolls, and build-your-own heart-shaped pizzas.

Sunday Dinner is one of my favorite traditions I’ve ever started, and I love sharing it with one of my favorite people ever. I hope this encourages someone to make conscious plans with their best friends. Cooking with good company is almost like magic.

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We are one, yet we are different - a moment diverse in our stories and backgrounds, yet, at of reflection, awareness, and noticing. the end of the day, we all want the same things.

In my 40 years of existing, I’ve loved witnessing and observing high growth situations and environments in myself and with others. It fascinates me to observe how different we may all seem on the outside, 28

When I seek inspiration, and moments of magic and sparkle, I am often the most awestruck when I turn inwards and towards spirit. To the unseen forces and divine nature that I can only believe in what bonds us to

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the universe. And it’s as simple as noticing.

emotionally, mentally, spiritually, sexually, sensually, and environmentally can experience And you can do it too. Feel into this moment. the depths and dimensions of life, the Right now, take a few deep breaths, and full capacity of the human experience. imagine yourself in a moment of time, sitting in your favorite place in nature. Then zoom But how do we even tune in to the wonders of out. Imagining the earth being held by the sky. our body when there can be so many distractions Now zoom out again to the vision of the galaxy and objectifications often demanding and floating across the universe. Now breathe. And opinionating on how we should appear to others? just let your visions of the universe move in and out with the pace of your breath. Ahhh. Try this embodiment exercise: pick a body part, We are all connected. Just by breathing. We any body part. Mindfully massage, touch and are here. You are reading these words on this look at it. Give it your full attention. Feel the page, and it is moving through your brain and bumps and curves and textures of your skin. body through deep inhales and exhales in an Gaze at the nooks and crannies of the shapes energetic exchange with the life force from and shadows. Notice any sensations that may the environment all around you. To quote Carl arise. What does the texture feel like? Where is Sagan, “The cosmos is within us. We are made the light hitting the curvature of a joint? What of star-stuff. We are a way for the universe to temperature is your skin? Imagine the layers of know itself.” and like the colloquial saying in skin, fascia, muscle, tendons, blood vessels, cells, Thai – everything is “Same same, but different.” nerves beneath your skin. Imagine the messages your brain sends through neurons to make that We all have multitudes and layers upon layers of body part move. Marvel at the life force, oxygen, what makes us unique, yet as a human species and breath that is keeping you conscious and and collective, we are all made up of the same alive. You are a walking, divine miracle of life. ‘star stuff’ and designed to want the same You are true beauty in its many exquisite forms. things: We all want to be seen and heard. We all want to be honored and celebrated. We all Do this with each body part. Pick a new body want to feel loved and supported. We all want part to marvel at every day. Ask yourself what to feel belonging and acceptance. We all want function or process does this body part serve. the freedom to 'be' whatever we are or identify Send love into that body part. Imagine sending with. We all want to matter. We all want to make heat, warmth, coolness, colors, sparkles or an impact, to move through adventure, and joy into that body part. Thank that body part tell great stories. We all want to live through a for doing what it does, each and every day, in multitude of experiences: to grow, transform, and service to you, for you. In service to the rest of stretch into unlimited potential and possibilites. your body, coregulating and moving and shaking We all want to feel alive. Well, at least I do. and co-collaborating with the universe to make sh-t happen in the world. In service of your Then, what makes you feel the most alive? wonder and curiosity and growth and impact to the world at large. Your body was designed What makes me feel the most alive is breathing to move you from point A to B. To dance in through my body. Sweating, moving, shaking. between the lines of A to B. To discover the growling, hissing. Feeling into the sensations millions of unique ways you can transfer energy and emotions. Feeling the joy of release and from A to B. So how do you want to move expression. Visceral. Sensory. Bodily things. from A to B with full agency and awareness?

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How do we rewrite the stories that hold us back, in order to celebrate and honor and marvel at all the wonders our bodies can and do for us daily?

How do we flip the script in our critical minds to learn to see our own beauty?

How do we dance, integrate and move between the outer experiences of our lives with the inner experience of our lives?

How do we move from one realm into the other, through creative portals and energetic space travel?

Take a moment with all of that. Take many moments. That’s all there for you to explore in your own unique creative way. To get to know yourself is to get to know your own boundaries, energetic and physical, emotional and mental capacities to hold space for whatever life may throw at you or challenge you to grow with.

What is yours and what isn’t yours to take on?

If we are all the same, where do we start and where do we end?

With that, we all have a body, and through this body is the only way we physically,

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how do you take your coffee?

the couple on my right seems to be on their second or third date. the light familiarity between them gives it away. on my left, a lady with two open laptops. she is mostly calm. you can tell if you listen closely to the way she types. the family seated at the long bar is respectfully in charge of the buzz, the ambiance. a mother and daughter laugh on the opposite end. an old friend from high school is across the room. we used to ride the bus together. she said we should catch up soon. the old man pulls out his phone, see something that makes him smile. i smile with him. we are both alone in this busy place, with busy people. i wonder if he visits this place to feel less lonely. i wonder if i am here for the same reason.

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I hold a flower in my hand; The one that blooms on the side of your yard And makes you cough and sneeze.

You never liked the smell of poppies, But this is the only flower that brings me memories.

The room is webbed with silent hugs And years of greetings that I cannot discern.

I keep my hands inside of my pockets And choose to stand behind the man From the photo that never left your wallet.

The speaker sings a different song For every soul revealing.

I wanted – I loved – I miss – I remember – Recycles in every tone of your voice That sounds just shy of familiar.

When the words fade into stillness, I recite our own stories inside of my head, Inviting all of your people to know; Comfortable, without acknowledgment; Because somehow, I don’t feel alone.

I savor my steps at line’s end And wish once more to show you what I see — How every person that had the chance to experience you Will remain connected, through your love, In every capacity.

We long for answers. We play a final scenario in our head. “What if?” we ask ourselves.

Savor each moment with those you love.

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But for now, I lay this flower over you And smile at the stranger next to me Who shares the same feeling.

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When was the you went to a

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last third

time didn’t try to sell me something or ask place? for my number, and we parted ways amicably an hour later. In that moment, The “third place,” a term coined by neither of us had any expectations, sociologist Ray Oldenburg in the 1980s, soaking in the early-morning joy is a physical location other than home of being part of a third place. (the “first place”) and work (the “second place”) where there’s little to no financial But in this day and age, third places are barrier to entry and conversation is getting increasingly rare. Our capitalist, the primary activity. Places like this alienated American society demands we are fantastic if you happen to stumble all be motivated by profit – producing upon them – but increasingly hard to community-suckers like digitalization, find in a society that needs them most. gentrification, and car culture. While well-meaning third spaces pop up, I’ve been solo traveling this summer, they’re not profitable – and those spaces spending ample time in search of these will lose out economically if they don’t obligation-less, no-strings-attached try to compete. But with Americans spaces. During a morning stroll in experiencing loneliness at higher rates Beaches, a quiet neighborhood in offthan ever before, the need for third places the-beaten-path Toronto, I wandered is piercing and tangible. Our weekend onto a dock to take pictures of the plans center around spending money – yellow-orange Atlantic sunrise. Just restaurants, bars, movies, concerts, and as I had taken a few, a lanky, softother activities that seem to cost more spoken Torontonian asked if I could as they provide less and less enjoyment. take some shots of him out on the We resort to water and bathroom breaks waterfront. Soon we were engaged in at McDonald’s, and can’t even for the conversation, bantering about travel life of us find a nice spot to just sit down. and fashion and anything else that happened to come to mind. I learned Thankfully, as people start to that he’s visited the waterfront every learn about third places, more of morning for a year, without fail, to do them have persisted despite all of a polar plunge – extolling the health the forces working against them. benefits and mental clarity this practice provides. To my utmost surprise, he 36

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People are beginning to be intentional about them – from the booksellers who let people sit and read without buying anything, to the local governments dedicating more resources to greenspace. Third places face an enormous uphill battle, but it’s possible to find them if you know where to look. And it’s important now more than ever that we seek them out – not just for our own well-being, but so that they can thrive and persist for others.

I took the liberty of asking people in my networks what some of their favorite third places are. Check out the list below: •

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Coffee Shops: 20-somethings on the hunt for their next meet-cute, look no further! Coffee shops are great ways to get to know your community in a chill, low-stakes setting.

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Sports: Tennis courts, football fields, and basketball hoops are free, low-barrier public places that welcome almost anyone to show off their skills. (For some reason, all young adults are really, really into pickleball – and my networks are no exception.)

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Bookstores: I know what you’re thinking, books are expensive – and you’re not wrong. But the burgeoning nationwide network of very kind booksellers have created bookstore culture, the idea that you can frequent these places with very little drain on your budget – through author events, book clubs, and other free events.

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Church: This recommendation might not be for everyone, but regardless of what you think of them, churches are great ways to build community among like-minded individuals. If you’ve been on the fence about going to church, give it a try!

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Hiking Trails: If you’re lucky enough to live near a trail, take advantage of it – hiking culture is welcoming and often open to newcomers. You may even be able to find a hiking group in your area where you can meet like-minded people!

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Food Trucks/Stands: Unlike restaurants, the food truck scene is typically vibrant and full of conversation with strangers, welcome even to those who didn’t break the bank on their orders.

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Virtual Chat-rooms: While not technically a *place,* per se, virtual chat-rooms are pandemic-proof community spaces to engage in fruitful conversation. These third places can often be found on Discord or other gaming and social media platforms.

Beach: For those lucky enough to live beside the water, the beach is an excellent third place to visit. Pop by to wade in the ocean during the warm season, or join a game of beach volleyball with local strangers.

Piers: These go hand in hand with beaches! Piers are an awesome way to take in beautiful scenery while engaging with your community. Some piers in big cities even offer concerts, themed events, and other interesting happenings, so look online to see if there’s anything you’d want to attend.

Bars and Breweries: Your neighborhood bar is likely abound with regulars galore, and might even have a trivia or karaoke night that regularly welcomes newcomers. People also pointed out that bars can unite communities in fellowship and solidarity – such as the LGBTQ+ community at the bar scene in West Hollywood, CA.

Parks: Thankfully for all of us, parks are a beloved and well-protected part of American society. No matter where you live, you probably have one near you – so this is your sign to check it out.

Gym: The world of the gym isn’t just for fitness bros and yogis-in-training – it’s a common third place and great way to get to know new people. Try attending a new class or working out at the same time every week – you never know who you might meet.

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Libraries: You know what they say… if libraries hadn’t been invented and were to be proposed today in our capitalist society, there’s no way they’d be allowed to exist. But they do! Take advantage of them!

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Lolo Tony died. The living room grew dark as our grandfather took his last breath. My father wept for his father, my mother sat with my father, and I in the stillness of grief. Then Lola Beth died, finding us in grief again.

Through our tears, I saw how people came together to comfort each other. It was a space where compassion stripped every fiber of anger to let out the human experience of sadness. It relieved people of their brave faces to share the space of togetherness. It was in that space where I realized that to love is to fear grief, but to grieve is to love. In the darkness of sadness, therein stands a torch where people come together: the common joy of comfort. Under this light, we are united in our anger or sadness as we welcome in the softness of grace against the harsh and lonesome experience. Navigating through life with the thought that those around us are as afraid and vulnerable makes space for genuine connection, which in turn, waters the kindness and love in us.

you tripped and fell flat on your face, as the way your voice cracked while belting Celine Dion’s “It’s All Coming Back to Me.” It is too big for us to think that it only has room for one: So many of our choices have been chosen for us from experiencing the world. We are never really alone even through heartbreak and grief. I share the space with Frank Sinatra because his voice reminds me of Lolo Tony singing “My Way” on the karaoke machine. “April Love” by Pat Boone brings Lola Beth back to me for as long as it plays because that was her favorite song.

Nourish your soul with comfort in knowing that we all share this imperfect lifetime, being human and laughing and smiling in the togetherness that we hold onto dearly. You will fail sometimes, but so will I. Your outfits will not always be on-point, but so will mine (sometimes, you will find a hole in your cardigan after you have already worn it for the whole day.) There will be times when you will get rejected after telling someone you like them, but so will I. You will always have your Paris, and so will I (for those who do not have an old soul like I do, this reference is from the 1942 movie Casablanca.)

Life is too complex to treat it as if it was perfect: It is as perfect as the bland macaroni and cheese you made after putting too small of an amount of salt, as the mud stain on your jeans after

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The "somethings" that had to happen happened as the somethings that are better than those somethings that are waiting for us, so take care of your being: a being in this time and space.

Your breath and heartbeat are as alive as you are with the world, but should you break down, give us your kind hands, and we will pick you up. Persevere through the troubles that brought you to the dark, we will walk together as we protect each other’s light in that space of togetherness. The seasons will change, you will change, and I will change; one thing is for sure, though, is that so long as we see the same sun and moon, we will always find comfort in this generous gift of life.

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It’s in our nature to forget.

Our lifespans are short and fast, Just sweet enough to grasp a feeling.

I get so caught up in this time we’re in, & I wonder if that’s normal. & I know, of course, it is.

I am not the first nor the only.

But, at times, I forget how to move When everything & everyone Is in constant flux.

Do you really want to know me? Memories are fickle and funny & it’s yours to tinker with.

I’ve long let go of The desire to be remembered.

But, I do hope.

Our memory lingers for a moment Like the faded scars at my hips, Tape gripping the corners of your frames, The tips of our fingers Before your shift.

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when your eyes lock into mine i wonder what kind of colors pass by i think in pinks, blues, yellows, you must dream of reds, purples, greens we are not alike yet hold a similar goal looking for the silver lining i share with you what goes on in my life the way how simple things make me delusional and i wonder if you think the same as me or if you think i’m delusional i must tell you the truth that i think about you all the time you live rent free in my mind i think about the dreams you have at night the way you love your cat to death how the creases of your dimples move when you smile i think about all those kinds of things for i am a dreamer, of all possibilities cannot last a minute in mindless solitude racing like a mini grand prix but there is no way i can possibly tell you how i feel because i think of how you will feel from how i feel so considerate, it ruins my day for now, i’ll keep this to myself one day, you will get to know how i live my life and how it intertwines into yours

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Two winters ago, it was time to return home from an independent life I held very close. It was time to leave the city and go to the people who’ve known me in every stage of my life. To face the past versions and perceptions of myself when I had done so much growing out in the world, on my own, seemed daunting. It felt impossible to transfer this personal evolution – to communicate who I’d become with the people I would like to know me.

has done so much for the sake of my growth and, though I try everyday to ingrain myself further into the city, I continue to sit still in the cold, writing her letters, 341 miles from home.

The

first

was

to

my

next

was

to

my

dad.

It’s in the car that we seem to have our best conversations. Maybe it’s because locations passing by so quickly brings nostalgia or fear of time passing by – I’m not sure. But it gives me the drive to ask about his life and I’ve come to learn that I had the wrong perception. All my life, I’ve seen my father as someone who works and comes home, living in a repetition that I struggle to see the fulfillment in. But I’ve come to learn in these car rides that my dad is a person as well who has a life full of meaningful experiences – (shocking) and I am only witness to this one section. He followed opportunities that led him to different states and people and challenges. While I wish I were there to observe the life my dad lived before mine, I see it through the stories from the passenger seat.

So, two winters ago, I remember sitting in a cold reflection, writing three letters.

The

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mom.

The writing begins as an analysis of LadyBird – the mother and daughter relationship that is captured in moments of trying our best at love. There is resentment and coldness, but we grow and consider and realize. In the end of the movie, Christine calls her mom from New York and we can see how there’s a part of her that belongs in the city among the liveliness that creates quiet, sacred spots. Though, it’s evident she feels a piece of herself in connection The third, and last, was to the consistently still – the suburbs for the love of friendship. of California where her childhood This letter begins with a friend and how and past selves came to life. My mom 52

they have changed my perspective on the word friendship. I suppose I never put much weight behind that word. I’ve used it in passing, perhaps speaking it too often because it was simply a concept existing that didn’t need to be thought of too deeply – simply an identifier.

Though, what else is friendship but the most wonderful kind of love?

still have more to notice, learn, and say about these people who I’ve spent so much, and still not enough, time with.

I go home in the winter – in my writing or to the suburbs. I encourage anyone reading to appreciate and welcome the people who are present in your life, support you, change your perspectives, and redefine concepts you thought you I see my closest friends most often knew in the most beautiful of ways. during winter when we reconvene to the place we met – where family is.

We grow and change and share our most personal feelings as we help and uplift and challenge one another.

I’ve never sent these letters. Though, I suppose my point in speaking, or, writing about them is to vocalize how much I didn’t realize and take the time to truly appreciate the place and people that shaped me. I became so focused on the idea of independence as growth that I became scared of letting the people who’ve seen me over time back in again. But independence is not the only mark of personal evolution. Everyone is experiencing and moving and I find the best parts of life and love when we find home in doing that together.

I was 21 when I wrote these letters and I

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Sometimes it happens slowly, sometimes all at once, and sometimes never at all, yet the weight of it is always felt.

The irony of gravity is the neverending dance of bodies, ancient and new, pushing and pulling at each other, reaching across the inky ether long after they have forgotten the reason why.

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Small wings buzz, make up for size with persistence lift the heavy bodies and make a home inside of my living room I marvel at their resolve, the unbridled audacity the will to make themselves known in spite of the giants and I am reduced a guest in my own home.

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I run to seek answers To realize my existence To realize my potential Who am I? How far can I go?

How far will my mind take me?

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