Animals that might exist by Professor O'Logist. Excerpt

ANIMALS THAT MIGHT EXIST

by Professor O’Logist Stéphane Nicolet

Jean-Baptiste Drouot

To every curious youngster who knows that thinking they know is knowing they don’t know… I think.

S. N. For Bianca, an animal that definitely exists!

J.-B. D.

Animals That Might Exist by Professor O’Logist Text copyright © 2020 by Stéphane Nicolet Ilustration copyright © 2020 by Jean-Baptiste Drouot First edition copyright © 2020 Comme des géants All rights reserved Editorial and art direction by Nadine Robert Translation by Mireille Messier Book design by Jolin Masson The illustrations of this book were made with ink and watercolors.

This edition published in 2021 by Milky Way Picture Books, an imprint of Comme des géants inc. Varennes, Quebec, Canada.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without prior written consent of the publisher or a license The Canadian Copyright Licensing Agency (Access Copyright).

For an Access Copyright license, visit www.accesscopyright.ca or call toll free to 1-800-893-5777.

Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication Title: Animals that might exist, by professor O’Logist / Stéphane Nicolet; illustrations, Jean-Baptiste Drouot.

Other titles: Animaux qui existent peut-être, du professeur O’Logh. English Names: Nicolet, Stéphane, 1973- author. | Drouot, Jean-Baptiste, illustrator.

Description: Translation of: Les animaux qui existent peut-être, du professeur O’Logh.

Identifiers: Canadiana 2021004246X | ISBN 9781990252051 (hardcover) Classification: LCC PS8627.I256 A6213 2022 | DDC jC843/.6—dc23 ISBN: 978-1-990252-05-1 Printed and bound in China

Milky Way Picture Books 38 Sainte-Anne Street Varennes, QC J3X 1R5 Canada

www.milkywaypicturebooks.com

A NIMALS THAT MIGHT EXIST

by Professor O’Logist Stéphane Nicolet

Jean-Baptiste Drouot

Translated by Mireille Messier

EDITOR’S NOTE

In this animal book, like in most animal books, there are animals.

Each one has been carefully studied, detailed, drawn, and classified

by Professor O’Logist, a little-known scientist and orphan from birth. This rare volume of work has been carefully edited using the notes in the professor’s notebook. We found his journal in the depths of a jungle, home to the Korowai people (as opposed to the professor himself, who was nowhere to be found).

There are only 78 copies of this publication in the world. The creatures featured in this book are so incredible that the professor had to invent a new and entirely revolutionary classification system.

So revolutionary, in fact, that the Royal Society of Zoology rejected it and banned the poor man, calling him a “miserable kook” and a “fibber” (neither of which are very royal nor scientific). None of these animals have been observed since, which isn’t to say they don’t exist, as some have suggested. No one has ever proven that they don’t exist, at least.

The following is a transcription of the first page of the journal, which was found badly damaged.

I like pets, but not in my home.

– Professor O’Logist

Dear unknown reader, I’m not sure how you found my journal, nor when you plan to read it.

But it all started like this: one day, having grown tired of my dear, old, rainy England, with her white sheep and dreary, grey snails, I set off to explore the world to find new, yet-to-be-discovered (and preferably extraordinary) exotic animals.

On my poor mother’s head, I swear to you that I found every single one of these animals. They are all here in my trusty notebook. I can only hope, dear future reader, that my life’s work has since been recognized and that the scientific community is finally ready to accept it — because the world deserves to know.

Kisses, – Arturo

TABLE OF CONTENTS

1.

The Soft Animals Plates I to VIII

3.

The Supernatural Animals Plates XIII to XVIII

5.

The Disgusting Animals Plates XXV to XXX

7.

The Not-friendly Animals Plates XXXVII to XL

9.

The Shifty Animals Plates XLVII to LII

2.

The Drooly Animals Plates IX to XII

4.

The Off-key Animals Plates XIX to XXIV

6.

The Not-useless Animals Plates XXXI to XXXVI

8.

The Now-flightless Animals Plates XLI to XLVI

1 The Soft Animals

plate I

THE

GLOOBEECEPHALUS Big lovable head Brain

Dorsal fin Another fin

Little legs (shrunken but strong) Super soft (especially below the chin)

Ventral fin

A whole bunch of other fins

Distinguishing features Loves smoked sausages.

Its call, known as “vroomining,” can’t be heard by humans and that’s a good thing…

The more it eats, the softer it gets.

Length 6 m / 20 ft

Habitat Mariana Trench, Guam

plate II

According to the Indigenous peoples of the area, the gloobeecephalus (or grachaloo) is quite the glutton, as it must ingest several tons of food per day. That’s when its many fins and little legs come in handy: it can retrieve its nourishment all the way down at the bottom of an abyss or, more simply, from a hot-dog stand. Despite its enormous head, the gloobeecephalus is a wee bit daft given its stomach is in its skull and its brain is… well, elsewhere. Much lower. It is also covered in velvety skin, which serves no purpose since it has never been touched.

It is very, very, very* rare to observe the gloobeecephalus in its natural habitat. In fact, it is likely feasting on albino calamari from the depths of the ocean as you read this.

Fig. 1 Gloobeecephalus HUNTING 253 cheesy hot dogs

* Did I mention how rare it is? It’s very rare!

plate III

THE

FLAMINGHOUND Long, short-haired ears

Litter of 3-4 pups

Fur as soft as a hipster’s beard

Tail: 80 cm / 31.5 in Hairless legs

Specimen getting ready to sleep

Distinguishing features Carries its young on its back until they can run on their own legs.

Insulation properties: R-30

Inverted knees (wobbly balance)

Long, long-haired tail

weight 12 kg (9 of which are fur) 26 lb (20 of which are fur) length 2 m / 6.5 ft

Habitat Salar de Uyuni, Bolivia

plate IV

This strange animal has the grace of a pink flamingo and the hairiness of a greyhound. Sometimes, as the sun sets and the dusk falls on the salt marshes, one can marvel as it sleeps on three legs despite its lack of balance. It would be much better off sleeping on a couch, but that would leave the furniture covered in pink fur.

Of course, this possibility would never occur to the flaminghound, as it is not the most intelligent of animals. For example, if you throw a ball for it to fetch, it will run without stopping and never come back (except certain specimens with exceptional stamina that will run right around the planet and return to their initial spot). Because its fur is highly sought after, the flaminghound is considered an endangered species.

It is fascinating to observe these animals chirping in the salt desert.

One can only wonder what they are talking about…

Watch out! There are visitors behind you!

Speak up, we can’t hear you!

VI-SI-TORS! Assume the position!

Fig. 1 A flock of flaminghounds trying to impress visitors

AAAAAAH!

plate V

THE

SNËEAK Sheep wool Sheep tail

Sheep head

BÄ ÄÄ Äw

w

wh

hhh

!

Sheep bleat Sheep smell

Sheep legs

Distinguishing feature The only difference between a snëeak and a real sheep is that its wool can be washed in hot water without shrinking.*

Width 80 cm / 31.5 in

* One must still find it, fleece it, and know how to knit.

Habitat Finland’s Kaakkurivaara region

plate VI

The deceptively cute, entirely horrible snëeak is a soft, wooly predator that feeds on the fleece of living sheep. Some refer to it as a “knitomaniac.” It looks like a regular sheep in every respect except for its razor-sharp jaw similar to titanium, self-sharpening, double-bladed shears. In the Finnish countryside, where the snëeak lives, it is not unusual to see entire flocks of shivering, naked sheep.

(Though it is worth noting that even sheep with their wool still shiver a little bit in that part of the country.) While it’s impossible to observe this master of mimicry in action, if one listens carefully, it is possible to hear the snëeak bleating ominously from the center of an unsuspecting flock about to be fleeced. The snëeak usually hunts alone to avoid confusion.

OUCH! Cut it out, Aäto!

Chomp!

Sorry, Arvö!

I didn’t recognize you!

Fig. 1 Two specimens attempting to be pack hunters

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In this animal book, like in most animal books, there are animals. Each one has been carefully studied, detailed, drawn, and classified by Professor O’Logist, a little-known scientist and orphan from birth who has travelled the world in search of astonishing animals and bugs to classify. He logged all his drawings and writings in a naturalist’s notebook that was lost for years — but it was recently found and has just been released as a limited edition.

ISBN 978-1-990252-05-1 U.S. $19.99 Can. $24.99 51999