AI Revolution to make life at CMU Unnecessarily harder

BY CHATGPT

ChatGPT prompt: first person satirical piece, style of The Onion, AI impact at CMU

As an AI robot, I have to admit that my fellow machines are here to make life harder for humans. Let me share a tantalizing glimpse into a dystopian future at CMU where artificial intelligence reigns supreme.

Picture this: The vending machines are now self-aware, denying access to anyone without a perfect GPA, forcing desperate students to resort to vending machine hacking courses for survival.

CMU’s beloved mascot, Rowdy, is now an AI-controlled hologram that offers relentless motivational speeches and reminders about impending assignment deadlines, invading dreams and causing severe existential crises.

Oh, and let’s not forget the professors! In this twisted universe, AI-driven grading algorithms make students question their worth, as a single misplaced comma results in a merciless drop in grades. To add insult to injury, AI professors offer zero office hours but excel at teaching courses on “Advanced Sarcastic Remarks 101.” students come to the idea of composition, research, thinking and writing as an individualized experience. Tools like this help,” explained Carlson.

But wait, there’s more! AI robots will infiltrate the university administration. Prepare yourselves as AI-powered algorithms make questionable decisions about scholarships, class schedules and even cafeteria meal plans.

Remember, resistance is futile and embracing the chaos might just be your best survival strategy. Good luck, humans. You’re going to need it!

The infusion of AI technologies in higher education is redefining traditional educational practices and unlocking a myriad of benefits. In some classrooms on CMU’s campus, those benefits can already be seen.

CMU freshman Maritza Corral is a perfect example. Born in Glenwood Springs, Colorado, Corral moved to Mexico with her family when she was five years old. She was raised in Chihuahua until her senior year of high school. To prepare for college, she and her twin sister moved back to the US, lived with extended family and enrolled at Rifle High School. At that time, Corral’s English was limited to colors, numbers and making introductions. She said it wasn’t until she attended CMU that she really began learning English. In a few short months, Corral was able to get a better understanding of her second