Navigating the acute disruption of change I

Ir ecently worked with a nineyear-old male-presenting client who had one of the most unique dispositions I have seen in a long time. I believe a primary contributing factor to his brilliant ability to connect was this:

My client was allowed thirty minutes each week of personal screen time for gaming and connecting with friends, and only on the weekends (not including school work).

Notice what you’re doing at this moment. Can you name the reaction(s) you’re having as you read the above sentence? How does this idea resonate with you? How would the notion of the choice to restrict your children’s access to devices — impact your life and that of your children?

I share his story here because if you’re a parent, you may be feeling the acute disruption of the transitions with the season: school is out for the summer, school start times are changing for the fall, and the weather is more changeable than it has been in recent years.

Continuing on with the story: my virtual sessions with my client focused initially on building trust

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and rapport, and as we did, he let me into the world of the green space behind his parents’ home. My client, it turned out, was quite an explorer of that world beyond the low stone wall.

soever to the natural world around them. They literally could not relate to my client. He was the only one who had a keen understanding of, not only the green space he could so easily step into each afternoon but his place within it. He was the only one of his friends who could climb a tree.

nection can be. His relationships with his classmates came alive. Not only did his anxiety decrease, but anxious responses in the class were also reduced.

UNLearn It! Lab: There are a few ways to respond to the pressure to delight your children:

Christine Kahane

He came alive in the most animated and focused way as he shared all he knew from his adventure with his older siblings into the natural world. He could name an abundance of creepy crawlers, flying insects, beetles, caterpillars, small mammals, birds and larger wildlife that roamed the forest and meadow.

He told me he was an avid treeclimber, and taught me how he scoped, then clambered into the crooks of the various trees. He could name many plants and the types of trees. This was his world.

I came to understand that his anxiety was a result of his difficulty relating to the kids in his class. His discomfort was that his classmates had little or no connection what-

During one session I asked how he might share that world with me. He replied instantly, “I can draw it for you!” And he did! His mother put up a big piece of butcher paper and he brought his marker pens to the session.

As he drew, he described what he was seeing in his mind’s eye. I watched in wonder as he created his world. I’d ask a question which would open a new channel and he’d excitedly explain what he was making and how it related to other parts of his giant mural. He took it to school and shared it with the class. From that experience, his teacher formed a field trip so the class could experience it for themselves.

His connection to the natural world and whole-hearted excitement in sharing it with me was testament to just how simple con-

If you feel pressure to be a stellar parent, ask yourself where it comes from. Give yourself space to voice any fears that you don’t measure up. What belief system(s) are driving your need to provide? Are your solutions complex and expensive? Where can you simplify your beliefs about what your child needs? If you don’t already, spend time to engage your children in the natural world.

Christine Kahane, NBC-HWC, MCHWC – is a Nationally BoardCertified Health & Wellness Coach, and owner of KAHANE COACHING (www.kahanecoaching.com), located at 30792 Southview Drive/ Suite 206 in Evergreen, CO. For more information about coaching, or to write-in a question for UNlearn it! send your inquiries to christine@kahanecoaching.com.