VOLUME 119 ISSUE

Do you remember the time?

Last week a good friend of mine and former neighbor, Steve, posted something on his Facebook page. It was a story of road trips he would take with his family and all the sights, sounds and feelings that were shared along the way. And more importantly his message was about the memories that were created and how looking back on them now, they held even deeper meaning.

Having grown up with grandparents who liked to take long road trips too, his story inspired me to refl ect on some of those trips. And it also gave me a reason to ask my own children what they remembered and enjoyed the most about our own cross-country trips each year. I wondered and hoped that one day that they would also look back on our many journeys with happy memories. Memories that perhaps shaped their lives today.

And it’s more than road trips, isn’t it? Doesn’t it just feel incredible when we can refl ect on life’s experiences that we enjoyed with our family and friends? Isn’t it wonderful when a sound, sight, or even smell brings us back to a place and time that fi lls us with joy? Or an old photograph we fi nd while cleaning out our desk, basement, offi ce, or attic. This happened to me recently as I was reorganizing my offi ce. I would pause as I found photos of friends and family and explore the picture and the scenery and remember exactly what was happening when the picture was taken.

Recently I was spending time with a friend who was grieving the loss of a loved one. Their family member had lived a full and good life. As we talked, cried and laughed, I asked them what they remembered most about the family member who had passed away. My friend refl ected for a moment and then started rattling off all the best and funniest memories that they had had together. Tears welled up in their eyes when they remembered the sweetest moments, and even the most diffi cult seasons of life.

Do you remember the times that you have experienced with your family and friends? Do you allow yourself the time to revisit and refl ect on your good and happy memories? I share this with you because at a time where many are feeling the stresses of the past two years, we need to remember that even during these trying times, we have plenty of opportunities to create new, happy and lasting memories. And one day, we will all look back on this season of life and ask the person sitting with us, “Do you remember the time when during the pandemic we…?”

The choices we make today will be the events we remember tomorrow and in the years that follow. The life and the trips and the stories we write today will be told amongst our family and friends in the future. And one day when we are all sitting around the table or in the car on a road trip, we will be asking that same question, “Do you remember the time when we…?”

What would you like those conversations to feel like and sound like? What do you hope your family members and friends will remember most about your time together? I love this quote by Maya Angelou that underscores this point, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” How do you want people to feel when they remember their time spent with you?

Road trips, vacations, conferences, Sunday family dinner, game night, movie night, church, dinner out with friends, birthday parties, weddings, anniversary celebrations, funerals and memorial services, and just life in general give us so many opportunities to create and capture so many beautiful and wonderful memories. What are your favorite memories? I would love to hear all about them at mnorton@tramazing. com, and when we take the time to focus on those beautiful memories, it really will be a better than good year.

WINNING WORDS

Michael Norton

Michael Norton is the grateful CEO of Tramazing.com, a personal and professional coach, and a consultant, trainer, encourager and motivator to businesses of all sizes.

A crisis in the world of the American male

Erstwhile Presidential candidate Andrew Yang put an important and fascinating thread up last week on Twitter related to… (What? I Twitter. I’m old, but, I can Twit.)

This thread of Mr. Yang’s highlit several points, some of which you’ve seen in this space before: only 40% of college enrollees are male only 30% of high school valedictorians are male boys are 2-3x more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD boys are 5x more likely to spend time in juvenile detention more men age 18-34 live with their parents than with romantic partners

There is a crisis in the world of the American male, and it’s not getting any better.

Now, before I go too far down this road, let me be clear—crystal clear— that this is in no way an attempt to denigrate the gains that women have made in the culture. More women are getting better educated, more women are populating the C-suites of major corporations and more women are achieving political power in this country. As a father of daughters, I see all of this as a GREAT development. But, also, as a father of daughters (Abu al-Banat, for fans of West Wing), I have seen the struggles my daughters have gone through trying to fi nd boyfriends who are their equals and peers, who are worthy of respect and who give respect and who are capable of managing “adult” responsibilities and being real partners. Fortunately, right now, they are both in excellent relationships, but it’s taken a while.

I also see this in the schools. As a retired teacher who occasionally substitute teaches, I can say that the boys struggle. Most of them are torn between trying to meet expectations in a system that is designed away from their strengths and trying to fi t into a social hierarchy that resembles a pack of stray dogs and a culture that seems to value clown behavior above achievement.

One thing Mr. Yang did not point out in his thread was the absurdly high number of boys who have to grow up in this day and age without a father in the home. By some estimates, fewer than a third of all boys live in the same household as their biological father; in some communities about half live in households with no adult male at all. And while it’s true that some fathers are toxic, I would say the street pack is almost always toxic.

And before anybody goes off about how “chauvinistic” it is for me to think that only a man can teach a boy to be a man, let me state this: I had no idea how to be a man until I had children, but I was raised by a great role model. My parents held me accountable and made me act the part; but, until I held my own child, it was just an act. Becoming a dad made everything my dad ever did, instantaneously, make sense. It’s different.

Also, it’s not just men in the homes—think about the cultural portrayal of man and dads. Disney and Nickelodeon are populated by dads who are buffoons, “Cobra Kai” is mostly absentee dads, “Stranger Things” has an absentee dad, “Friends” has two dads who are divorced and one who’s cheating on his wife, “Married with Children,” “The Simpsons”… you get the picture. I think, realistically, the last popular culture dad who was a good, respectable and strong fi gure was Heathcliff Huxtable. The models are broken, too.

Think I’m overreacting? Look at the statistics from the last 22 months on boys, drug overdoses and suicides. They will depress you.

I’m glad Andrew Yang is talking about this—he seems to be the only one. It’s all well and good that our state reps want to help us clean out our junk drawers, but really important and catastrophic things are bubbling beneath the surface of our society. And I think we need to start talking about it.

HITTING HOME

Michael Alcorn

Michael Alcorn is a former teacher and current writer who lives in Arvada with his wife and three children. His new novel, “Valkyrie’s Kiss,” a fi nalist in the ScreenCraft Book Competition, is available now at mjalcorn@comcast.net. His opinions are not necessarily those of Colorado Community Media.

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