OBITUARIES

BY STAVROS KORONEOS

Slap schtick

CONIFER – Rory Roomer called JCSO on the morning of July 4 to report reworks between himself and Larry Landlord. According to Rory, Larry got mad because “I had a friend stay over last night.” Larry punctuated his pique by “slapping” Rory across the kisser. Before deciding on a charge, deputies asked Rory if the open-handed assault hurt much. “Nah,” shrugged Rory, trotting out a smartphone video of the actual assault. Not perceptibly sorry, Larry didn’t bother denying the deed but did ask o cers for advice on de-tenanting his domicile. Deputies provided Larry with eviction information and a ticket for harassment.

Catch and release

SEDALIA – Taking care of city business on the morning of July 8, the Denver Water employee was chagrined to spy a pair of kayaks upon the reservoir’s placid blue waters. When attempts to hail the forbidden