Sheri ’s calls

ing his electrical meter, providing for him an inexhaustible source of free energy. Corky told deputies that the co-op wasn’t considering theft charges, but it did want to know who re-routed Pennypincher’s power and when so it could invoice the unpaid electricity. Asked to elucidate, Pennypincher pleaded ignorance, saying he’d owned the place for less than two years and it must have been some previous occupant who’d strung the o ending wires. In fact, Pennypincher purred, he was delighted the dastardly diversion had been discovered, and he hoped it would be corrected quickly so he could start paying his fair share. Whether or not deputies bought Pennypincher’s performance, it was not immediately clear exactly when the illicit adjustment occurred, or who made it, and the case remains open pending supplementary intel.

And good luck on that test

SOUTH JEFFCO – Tan Toyota was ticked. Roaring down the canyon, he suddenly found himself poking along behind a black Ford Explorer that was hogging the fast lane at a glacial 70 mph. Always one for positive measures, Toyota rst tried tailgating the Explorer for a few miles, then shifted to making exaggerated “move right, moron!” motions through the windshield. When neither tactic produced results, Toyota rapped it up to 80, blew past the creeping Explorer in the slow emony is conducted in which a table for one is set to signify those who never come home. e ceremony talks about the fragility of a prisoner alone, and the families who continue to hope their loved one will return home. e post commemorated fallen lane, and marked his victory over the sluggish SUV by thrusting his left arm out the window and letting y the Great Bird of Rebuke. It was a masterful maneuver that might have been savored in memory ever after had not the black Explorer been an unmarked sheri ’s department vehicle occupied by a deputy and two investigators on their way to the South Precinct. Seeing the nondescript car suddenly light up blue and red, Toyota slammed it down to 60, but it was already far too late for such hollow gestures. He didn’t improve his bargaining position by coming to a stop in the center median instead of on the right shoulder, or by telling the deputy he hadn’t the faintest idea why he’d been pulled over. Indeed, he told the o cer, his seemingly rude hand signal had, in fact, been his safe and responsible way of indicating to adjacent motorists his intention to change lanes. e deputy wasn’t buying it, of course, and young Toyota’s “hands started shaking” so violently that “he was having di culty getting the documents out of his glove box.” Possibly visualizing the inside of a Golden holding cell, Toyota became pitifully contrite and pathetically apologetic, saying he’d panicked because he was late for an exam at Red Rocks Community College. In a splendid display of o cial clemency, the deputy merely read the quaking scholar the riot act and let him o with a warning. soldiers with two battle eld crosses: symbolic replacements for crosses where service members had been killed. e crosses consist of a soldier’s ri e stuck into the ground with the soldier’s boots in front and a helmet on top.

Mary Clark, regent for the Mountain Rendezvous chapter of the Daughters of the American Revolution, laid a wreath at the veterans memorial, saying it was to honor those who served but did not return home.

Temple talked about the brave men and women, using the Memorial Day phrase, “While all gave some, some gave all.”

“Our country is free because of their sacri ces,” he said. “Let us never forget.”

Friends in high places

EVERGREEN – Tobey and Leonardo are the best of friends. ey’re such good friends that they moved into the same house and started a business together. But even fast friendships can be sorely tested, as they were on the night of May 7 when Tobey decided he’d heard his ll of the racket coming from the Leonardo family’s upstairs apartments and felt compelled to say something. Leonardo didn’t like what Tobey had to say and felt compelled to threaten his best-est buddy with a knuckle sandwich. Naturally punch-averse, Tobey felt compelled to call JCSO and ask deputies to remove the Family Leonardo from the premises. Deputies explained that they couldn’t evict Leonardo without a heap o’ due process, but that if the two besties were willing to engage in a little o cer-assisted fence mending it might save everybody a heap o’ hassles. In the end, the battling bros agreed that they’d “blown the situation out of proportion,” exchanged heartfelt apologies, and “gave each other a hug.”

Sheri ’s Calls is intended as a humorous take on some of the incident call records of the Je erson County Sheri ’s O ce for the mountain communities. Names and identifying details have been changed, including the writer’s name, which is a pseudonym. All individuals are innocent until proven guilty.

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