Opinion

OPINION The Hit Man

Lee Pitts Opinion Columnist

I've always enjoyed shipping cattle, even better than branding or preg-checking cows, and there are many reasons why. Being the son of a long-haul trucker, I liked the smell of diesel before sunup, and I liked talking to the truckers who were always from exotic locales like Iowa and Nebraska. (The truckers hauled hogs out to California and backhauled California calves.) I also enjoyed shipping day because it gave me a chance to use my collegiate livestock judging team skills by sorting off calves in the sorting alley. I've also always had a secret desire to be a rodeo clown (I certainly have the clothes for it) and by dodging cows, bulls and calves and diving over fences head first in the sorting alley, I was sharpening my bullfighting skills.

Because most of my friends are auction yard owners or video sale reps and because they knew I liked to ship cattle, I was asked numerous times over the years to ship cattle for them. Mostly this happened when my friends had another shipping scheduled that day, because they lived eight hours away while I may have been right next door, or maybe they wanted to watch their kid play soccer or a Little League game. While I've seen photos and dreamed of one day being asked to load 18 trucks all in a row, that never happened to me. Mostly I got to ship a lot of mixed-load, one-truck deals where the seller was a cantankerous old coot.

Because the buyer wasn't going to spend a fortune in plane tickets, motels or speeding tickets just to have a rep there on weigh-up day that meant I had to represent both buyer and seller. I also got asked to ship a lot of cattle when the cattle I'd be shipping were sold three months prior on the video and the cash market was now a lot lower. In that case, my instructions from the buyer were always the same. "Put a hard sort on them." This is order-buying speak for, "I want as few of those high-dollar calves as possible because I can buy them a lot cheaper now."

This meant I had to be very creative in coming up with excuses to sort calves off. Of course, I sorted off all the gimps, muddy, off-colored, horned calves, or those still wearing an eye patch, but I also sorted off calves because they may have had an ingrown nose hair, a rat tail, dilated pupils, carpal tunnel syndrome, poor angle of the dewclaw, a "type A" personality, two white hairs on the belly, a high tail set, a rash I interpreted to be a precursor to a wheat allergy, hemorrhoids, or just because a calf walked a little funny.

Of course, the opposite was true and if the price of cash cattle was a lot higher on delivery day than the price agreed to three months prior, the buyer wanted as many of the cheaper cattle that could fit on the truck even if it meant an overweight ticket for the driver. The buyer's instructions in this case were always the same: "Put every calf on the truck that can walk up the chute."

Needless to say, this type of behavior did not endear me to the ranchers whose cattle I shipped and I got a nagging feeling the only conflict the buyer really had that day was what ball game to watch on television.

I stopped shipping cattle for my "friends" after I secretly overheard a conversation between an order buyer I'd just shipped a load of cattle for and the very angry seller. Neither knew I was listening in. The order buyer had the call on speaker and after listening to the rancher call me a long list of expletives my order buying "friend" said, "Sorry Joe. It sounds like Lee really screwed up. He considers himself quite the cattle judge which is funny because you ought to see his cattle. If he applied the same set of criteria to them they'd all be sorted off."

Ha, ha, ha. So the next time I got a call from my "friend" to ship some cattle, I replied, "I'm on to your game. From now on do your own dirty work because I refuse to be your 'hit man' anymore."

Lee Pitts is an independent columnist for the Santa Ynez Valley Star; you can email him at leepitts@leepittsbooks.com.

Letter to the Editor

Letters to the Editor may not reflect the view, opinion and/or ethics of the Santa Ynez Valey Star. They are however, lettersfrom the people of Santa Ynez Valley. We support your right to express your opinion. Read " "Write to Us" to submit your letter today.

Los Olivos board seeks grandiose solutions to undefined problems

Dear Editor,

Los Olivos is a small, dusty, western town, while Washington, D.C., is a former swamp in north Virginia. Unlike Washington, Los Olivos neither needs nor wants a big government “solution” in search of a problem.

The Los Olivos Community Services District Board is ignoring its original plan, endorsed by voters and county regulators, for a small-scale, phased, sewage treatment solution serving and located in downtown Los Olivos. Instead, the board has been pursuing a sewage plant that can process two and one-half times more effluent on a site three times as large as the original plan. In violation of state law and county planning requirements, the large, centralized plant would be located outside the district’s boundaries on scenic, protected, agricultural land at the gateway to Los Olivos, and that land would be seized from its long-time owner through eminent domain.

This is a big government “solution” to a problem that might not exist or might be the responsibility of someone other than District residents. Despite having spent more than four years and well over a million dollars, the board has no idea as to the existence, extent, or source of our groundwater problem.

Relentlessly pursuing the largest possible system, the district has done no groundwater testing and has relied on a single problematic result from one test well drilled nearly 50 years ago. That report stated that activities north of the district could be impairing the groundwater quality, which would make it the responsibility of someone other than district taxpayers! Even with this knowledge, the board ignored the advice of its engineering firm and decided not to drill the advised test wells.

Spending tens of millions of dollars, seizing property, tearing up the downtown business district, building a large-scale system that will require an expensive, permanent bureaucracy to operate and maintain makes absolutely no sense. As President Reagan, a man who knew and loved this Valley, warned us: “Government is not the solution; Government is the problem.”

The board must stop wasting limited resources on grandiose solutions to undefined problems. Los Olivos needs to be the priority, not big-government South County elites. Write to Us Have an opinion? Write a Letter to the Editor Write to us online at news@santaynezvalleystar.com Letters to the editor should not exceed 300 words in length. Mailed letters can be sent to: PO Box 1594, Solvang, CA 93464: Please include your name, address, and phone number. Anonymous letters will not be considered.

GOLETA NORTH NEW LISTING | SANTA YNEZ SAN LUIS OBISPO BALLARD

Paradiso Del Mare

142+/- ACRES | $25,000,000

Rancho Cielo Vista

6BD | 6BA/1PBA | $6,295,000

Chic Contemporary

4BD | 4BA/1PBA | $5,998,900

Ballard Cottage Retreat

2BD | 2BA | $4,095,000

9525CalleReal.com PATTY MURPHY 805.680.8571 3570Woodstock.com PATTY MURPHY 805.680.8571 4340PrefumoCanyon.com PATTY CASTILLO 805.570.6593 2505SchoolSt.com PATTY MURPHY 805.680.8571

SOLVANG NEW CUYAMA SOLVANG NEW LISTING | SOLVANG

Elegant Alisal Ranch

4BD | 4BA/1PBA | $2,275,000 38+/- ACRES | $1,500,000

Mission Oaks Living

3BD | 2BA/1PBA | $765,000 2BD | 2BA | $559,000

811RanchoAlisalDr.com SUSAN BECKMANN 805.245.8141 2001AlisoPark.com

FRANK ABATEMARCO 805.450.7477 724HillsideDr.com BRADY GROUP 805.331.3053 2655thStreet.com SUSAN BECKMANN 805.245.8141

SANTA YNEZ VALLEY BROKERAGE | 2900 NOJOQUI AVE, LOS OLIVOS | 805.688.4200

© 2022 Sotheby’s International Realty. All Rights Reserved. The Sotheby’s International Realty trademark is licensed and used w independently owned and operated, except those operated by Sotheby’s International Realty, Inc. The Sotheby’s International Realty network fully supports the principles of the Fair Housing Act and